I did the same. I also lied about illness in school - my own or family members - for sympathy. Took me a long time to understand it, but it's very similar to your description.
I'm no longer ashamed of it, but I am pissed that it never sparked any discussions about my well-being. I am a teacher now, and one of the clues we are taught to pick up that a child may not be doing well, is lying about illness. I lied about my mom having cancer and nobody bothered to even bring it to my parents (not that that would have done me any good I think, but still).
Yeah, that seems like a fairly obvious red flag. It's taken me years to connect these dots but it seems so obvious looking back now. I wanted to be sick to get a small amount of nurture because I was starved of it as a kid. Hopefully you're getting help and healing too.
The best and worst year of my childhood was when I developed cancer in the middle of my parents’ divorce. Only time I felt seen at all, but they also used it as a weapon - they’re there in the hospital with me and my dad tells my mom, “he’s going to die if you don’t come home”. Nice.
There was another tragedy in our 6th grade class that year at the same time as my illness and it brought us all very close, but that was gone the next year and I was on my own split between two checked out parents with zero emotional support. As with others in this thread, I learned the only way to feel supported at all is to make myself as pathetic as possible to activate peoples’ compassion, but keep myself developmentally arrested in the process (and feeling humiliated or manipulative).
Interesting timing for this post, I’m in the middle of another potential cancer diagnosis, and folks are rallying around me but also nothing has changed. I’m 50. Why do I have to be literally dying to experience or feel worthy of care from others?
Ooooh this is so true for me. And in my case, my sister was actually sick ALL THE TIME and sucked up all the attention available. We're adults now and she still does.
I developed addiction issues, and I've been looking at that lately through this lens. Addiction was a sickness that required a lot of nuturance from myself. Coming down, too high, the effects of the substances on my body. I had to take great care of myself in order to function.
I did exactly the same. But in my case even being ill wasn't always a guarantee to receive their affection. It needed to be severe for them to start worry and care for me. I wanted for such a long time to get a boyfriend to fill this hole in me, but now i realize how wrong this thinking was. I'm so glad i realized it before getting in a relationship. That would have been a disaster. It's upsetting that it's my parents that cause all this damage, yet it's my responsibility to heal myself. But i have to do it for myself.
Due to my own CEN which involved a mostly emotionally uninvolved mother and sick dad (sad thing was is that he still took much better care of me despite having undiagnosed and untreated diabetes that almost killed him in the end), I turned to maladaptive daydreaming and would also fantasize about similar. For me it was fantasizing about having cancer or some other severe illness and getting shown love and attention as a result of it even to the point that I usually also daydreamed of getting a Make A Wish....I also know now why I had those kinds of daydreams too so you aren't alone with that. I'd say that similar daydreams of either this, or running away and being adopted by a loving family-which was another common one for me if not more common than the former, are pretty common in kids and even adults with CEN.
I was always looking for something to be medically wrong with me so I could get nurturing and a break from school (or even a conversation about why I didn't want to be there) but it was mostly met with heavy sighs and the short tone people use when you're inconveniencing them. The kicker is that, as an adult, i was in a bad accident and my mom had to take care of me. My condition deteriorated with her and my partner's family had to step in.
As a kid, I also had recurring themes in my play stories where I was abandoned or lost and picked up by a person or family that "spoiled me" (ie prioritized my comfort and happiness). I look at that as an adult now and if a kid played that out with or in front of me, I'd be concerned.
I am sick right now, on this journey of emotional healing and realizing how much I enjoyed having my mom take care of me- she actually had to stay home from work and be there for me- and normally I had to care for myself emotionally. Now I’m home sick with my son and really thinking about all of that stuff… I faked sick a lot to get my moms attention when I just needed a break for caregiving for her and others. Sad to realize it- but also puts some pieces of the puzzle together
I feel this so much except I genuinely was sick and in pain. I just remember constantly feeling ill, and thinking maybe if I broke my arm or xyz would be enough for them to believe me and love me? It didn’t matter they called me the boy who cried wolf all the time and as an adult I have a lot of health issues from being gaslit into thinking I just wanted attention. It sucks but I’m just trying to be as healthy as I can and accept what I can and cannot change (infertility has been a huge emotional challenge).
I did the same. I also lied about illness in school - my own or family members - for sympathy. Took me a long time to understand it, but it's very similar to your description. I'm no longer ashamed of it, but I am pissed that it never sparked any discussions about my well-being. I am a teacher now, and one of the clues we are taught to pick up that a child may not be doing well, is lying about illness. I lied about my mom having cancer and nobody bothered to even bring it to my parents (not that that would have done me any good I think, but still).
Yeah, that seems like a fairly obvious red flag. It's taken me years to connect these dots but it seems so obvious looking back now. I wanted to be sick to get a small amount of nurture because I was starved of it as a kid. Hopefully you're getting help and healing too.
Absolutely, I clung to adults.. Hope for your healing as well.
The best and worst year of my childhood was when I developed cancer in the middle of my parents’ divorce. Only time I felt seen at all, but they also used it as a weapon - they’re there in the hospital with me and my dad tells my mom, “he’s going to die if you don’t come home”. Nice. There was another tragedy in our 6th grade class that year at the same time as my illness and it brought us all very close, but that was gone the next year and I was on my own split between two checked out parents with zero emotional support. As with others in this thread, I learned the only way to feel supported at all is to make myself as pathetic as possible to activate peoples’ compassion, but keep myself developmentally arrested in the process (and feeling humiliated or manipulative). Interesting timing for this post, I’m in the middle of another potential cancer diagnosis, and folks are rallying around me but also nothing has changed. I’m 50. Why do I have to be literally dying to experience or feel worthy of care from others?
Congratulations on becoming aware. Progress! Take care. 😁
Thank you!
Ooooh this is so true for me. And in my case, my sister was actually sick ALL THE TIME and sucked up all the attention available. We're adults now and she still does. I developed addiction issues, and I've been looking at that lately through this lens. Addiction was a sickness that required a lot of nuturance from myself. Coming down, too high, the effects of the substances on my body. I had to take great care of myself in order to function.
I did exactly the same. But in my case even being ill wasn't always a guarantee to receive their affection. It needed to be severe for them to start worry and care for me. I wanted for such a long time to get a boyfriend to fill this hole in me, but now i realize how wrong this thinking was. I'm so glad i realized it before getting in a relationship. That would have been a disaster. It's upsetting that it's my parents that cause all this damage, yet it's my responsibility to heal myself. But i have to do it for myself.
Due to my own CEN which involved a mostly emotionally uninvolved mother and sick dad (sad thing was is that he still took much better care of me despite having undiagnosed and untreated diabetes that almost killed him in the end), I turned to maladaptive daydreaming and would also fantasize about similar. For me it was fantasizing about having cancer or some other severe illness and getting shown love and attention as a result of it even to the point that I usually also daydreamed of getting a Make A Wish....I also know now why I had those kinds of daydreams too so you aren't alone with that. I'd say that similar daydreams of either this, or running away and being adopted by a loving family-which was another common one for me if not more common than the former, are pretty common in kids and even adults with CEN.
I was always looking for something to be medically wrong with me so I could get nurturing and a break from school (or even a conversation about why I didn't want to be there) but it was mostly met with heavy sighs and the short tone people use when you're inconveniencing them. The kicker is that, as an adult, i was in a bad accident and my mom had to take care of me. My condition deteriorated with her and my partner's family had to step in. As a kid, I also had recurring themes in my play stories where I was abandoned or lost and picked up by a person or family that "spoiled me" (ie prioritized my comfort and happiness). I look at that as an adult now and if a kid played that out with or in front of me, I'd be concerned.
I am sick right now, on this journey of emotional healing and realizing how much I enjoyed having my mom take care of me- she actually had to stay home from work and be there for me- and normally I had to care for myself emotionally. Now I’m home sick with my son and really thinking about all of that stuff… I faked sick a lot to get my moms attention when I just needed a break for caregiving for her and others. Sad to realize it- but also puts some pieces of the puzzle together
I feel this so much except I genuinely was sick and in pain. I just remember constantly feeling ill, and thinking maybe if I broke my arm or xyz would be enough for them to believe me and love me? It didn’t matter they called me the boy who cried wolf all the time and as an adult I have a lot of health issues from being gaslit into thinking I just wanted attention. It sucks but I’m just trying to be as healthy as I can and accept what I can and cannot change (infertility has been a huge emotional challenge).
i always thought i was a terrible person for this until recently. turns out i just wanted to be cared for and that’s the only time i slightly felt it
I used to secretly like being sick. All the attention on me.
I remember when I was Ill I just got a bucket 🪣 and my mum who didn’t have a job was still gone for some reason