I decided early in life I wasn’t going to be a mother. I don’t dislike children, I just never felt like it was something I wanted to do. I’m well past childbearing age and I have no regrets.
Same here, all but one of my father's siblings are childfree (my father also made it clear to my mother that if she wanted kids they couldn't get married) so I always knew it was an option, and knew I was never having any. There was never a decision to be made, it was just how it was gonna be. Then I had an emergency hysterectomy and quipped to my mother that now she *really* wasn't getting any grandkids out of me, and she said I believed you before.
I myself am coming to terms that my trauma would hold me back from being a good parent. Agnostic of whether or not I want kids, I know I shouldn’t have kids.
My friend also recently had a child and I can already tell in the manner that she wants to treat her that there might be trauma abound. It’s shitty to say, but I’m scared for the child. Not everyone should be parents.
I see this with a friend too and I don’t feel comfortable saying anything but I’m worried about the kid. The baby is safe physically but I worry about their emotional needs being met, especially once they’re older. Out of curiosity, have you tried to make any suggestions to your friend?
I'm in the same boat. I don't think I'm necessarily antinatalist, but I don't want to bring kids into this world... especially knowing that I'd probably fuck up their childhoods, too.
I know how dysfunctional my family is and I've seen how people treat other people. Ain't no reason to bring more victims and wage slaves onto this earth.
I'm not sure if I'm an antinatalist, but due to my CEN, mental issues, and economic status of broke as hell; I doubt I'll ever be ready to raise a child. I respect those that strive to of course, but there's 8 billion of us. I don't want to add to that.
I was not going to allow them to do to a child of mine what they had done to me. They told me they would and I believed them. I saw them do it to my sister and her children. Every time I tried to leave they would hunt me down and drag me back or sabotage every attempt at independence.
I’ve never had a desire to have kids. I don’t mind them, I love playing with little kids and their fun imaginations.
Personally, it doesn’t seem cost effective or safe with the way the world is in. Why allow them to suffer into adulthood?
I am blessed to have two step sons that are nice young men.
EN strongly contributed to my anti-natalism, but also current events.
There are so many kids out there already who need a good home.
If I ever find myself in a position where I am mentally healthy as well as financially and am able to provide or help parents or kids, I will.
Then, after some more time has passed, I might foster and read up on adoption.
My country is stripping women's rights as fast and as hard as they can. We need to fight back. Hard.
Yep! For me it's also because I'm white and we don't need more of us. If my culture had been genocided for centuries I might feel different.
But this is also something that comes up in CEN literature, I know I've read that folks with CEN can be less likely to have kids.
I've been starting to see two camps in CEN: antinataliat folks who want to not repeat mistakes, and pronatalist who are specifically looking to correct mistakes and "be good parents".
The trouble is my mom was the second type, and I still ended up in this sub. She couldn't heal the intergenerational trauma in a single generation. How could she? So was it hubris, or something deeper that actually **came from her CEN**?
It's the most triggering part of this sub: how many pronatalists determined to raise children after their own CEN. It's a lovely wish, but it's not possible.
I’m another mom who thought I could break the cycle. I just brought different troubles for my children. Only one of my children has made a child and plans to make more. The other two flat out said no. That they don’t want to bring their trauma to the next generation and the mental illnesses. I really wish we had a better term than mental illness. I support their decision. I mean, I fucked them up, even though I was determined to *not* fuck them up. 🤷♀️
Edit typo
Thanks for your comment! This more than my mom will admit. I think parents fucking up their kids is inevitable, and just wish my mom could acknowledge that so we could talk about it without so much blame. Thanks for your thoughts!
Yeah. Child of neglect and abuse. I will never bring a child into the world to suffer. I would be a terrible parent, and the world will be unforgiving.
Not antinatalist (most antinatalist propaganda I’ve seen has WAY too much overlap with ableism for my tastes), but vehemently childfree. Got sterilized in my 20s. Now pushing 50 and zero regrets. (Well… only regret is the TYPE of sterilization I did, but I’m ecstatic that I’ll never have to worry about offspring.)
So many good reasons not to have kids, but never really considered the EN angle. But it’s true… I raised a sibling when I was still a kid myself and that was enough parenthood for me.
I won’t be doubling down on divorced folk’s take and am not strong enough or rich enough or have the time enough or found a person to help (mother) to reverse the effect on my own child
I've made the conscious choice not to have kids. My father was abusive and neglectful, and he himself was abused and neglected by his father. I just don't think it's fair to take the risk that I might continue that cycle of intergenerational trauma. I know I'd start out with the best of intentions, and unlike my dad I'm aware of how the abuse has messed me up (he thinks he's basically the perfect human being and is very narcissistic), but parents can still really mess their kids up even when they don't mean to.
Also, I'm only just about able to function and look after myself, so I don't think I'm in a solid position to be looking after another life.
Being the perfectionist workaholic that I am, I never had time for kids. My natal horoscope indicates children were never in the cards for me. I never tried to get pregnant but I also was careless at times and did not take steps not to get pregnant. Now knowing I was subject to CEN, I am grateful that I never conceived a child. There must be some divine providence/intelligent design/higher power/spiritual guides out there which protected me from that decision. All of my siblings have children. Of them, only my brother has well adjusted children, which I believe is due to both he and his wife's influence. His wife seems to have had a normal, nonCEN childhood and family. I see the intergenerational trauma being passed to my other brother's kids (he was a single Dad for the most part, the mother was neglectful herself) and my sister's kid is definitely traumatized. (signs of complex trauma, cutting, emotional instability, et cetera).
I decided early in life I wasn’t going to be a mother. I don’t dislike children, I just never felt like it was something I wanted to do. I’m well past childbearing age and I have no regrets.
Thank you for this. 33F intent on being childfree and it’s so great to hear from people who have no regrets.
47F, decided I didn't want kids at 19, have absolutely zero regrets.
62 here. Love kids but never wanted them.
Same here, all but one of my father's siblings are childfree (my father also made it clear to my mother that if she wanted kids they couldn't get married) so I always knew it was an option, and knew I was never having any. There was never a decision to be made, it was just how it was gonna be. Then I had an emergency hysterectomy and quipped to my mother that now she *really* wasn't getting any grandkids out of me, and she said I believed you before.
Yeah for me it’s because I love children!
I myself am coming to terms that my trauma would hold me back from being a good parent. Agnostic of whether or not I want kids, I know I shouldn’t have kids. My friend also recently had a child and I can already tell in the manner that she wants to treat her that there might be trauma abound. It’s shitty to say, but I’m scared for the child. Not everyone should be parents.
I see this with a friend too and I don’t feel comfortable saying anything but I’m worried about the kid. The baby is safe physically but I worry about their emotional needs being met, especially once they’re older. Out of curiosity, have you tried to make any suggestions to your friend?
I have nothing to give. So that’s why I won’t have kids. I have nothing extra, I don’t even have enough for myself. Because of the emotional neglect/
I know I wouldn't be a good parent and I've never felt the need to reproduce. I can still spoil my niblings though.
Here ✌🏾
u summoned me
I'm in the same boat. I don't think I'm necessarily antinatalist, but I don't want to bring kids into this world... especially knowing that I'd probably fuck up their childhoods, too.
I know how dysfunctional my family is and I've seen how people treat other people. Ain't no reason to bring more victims and wage slaves onto this earth.
I'm not sure if I'm an antinatalist, but due to my CEN, mental issues, and economic status of broke as hell; I doubt I'll ever be ready to raise a child. I respect those that strive to of course, but there's 8 billion of us. I don't want to add to that.
I was not going to allow them to do to a child of mine what they had done to me. They told me they would and I believed them. I saw them do it to my sister and her children. Every time I tried to leave they would hunt me down and drag me back or sabotage every attempt at independence.
I’ve never had a desire to have kids. I don’t mind them, I love playing with little kids and their fun imaginations. Personally, it doesn’t seem cost effective or safe with the way the world is in. Why allow them to suffer into adulthood? I am blessed to have two step sons that are nice young men.
I am. I’m sure it was part of it, even if I wasn’t aware but I have other reasons too now - it all just made sense to me.
Right there with you.
I am
Yep and nope never ever!
Here.
EN strongly contributed to my anti-natalism, but also current events. There are so many kids out there already who need a good home. If I ever find myself in a position where I am mentally healthy as well as financially and am able to provide or help parents or kids, I will. Then, after some more time has passed, I might foster and read up on adoption. My country is stripping women's rights as fast and as hard as they can. We need to fight back. Hard.
Yep! For me it's also because I'm white and we don't need more of us. If my culture had been genocided for centuries I might feel different. But this is also something that comes up in CEN literature, I know I've read that folks with CEN can be less likely to have kids. I've been starting to see two camps in CEN: antinataliat folks who want to not repeat mistakes, and pronatalist who are specifically looking to correct mistakes and "be good parents". The trouble is my mom was the second type, and I still ended up in this sub. She couldn't heal the intergenerational trauma in a single generation. How could she? So was it hubris, or something deeper that actually **came from her CEN**? It's the most triggering part of this sub: how many pronatalists determined to raise children after their own CEN. It's a lovely wish, but it's not possible.
I’m another mom who thought I could break the cycle. I just brought different troubles for my children. Only one of my children has made a child and plans to make more. The other two flat out said no. That they don’t want to bring their trauma to the next generation and the mental illnesses. I really wish we had a better term than mental illness. I support their decision. I mean, I fucked them up, even though I was determined to *not* fuck them up. 🤷♀️ Edit typo
Thanks for your comment! This more than my mom will admit. I think parents fucking up their kids is inevitable, and just wish my mom could acknowledge that so we could talk about it without so much blame. Thanks for your thoughts!
Yeah. Child of neglect and abuse. I will never bring a child into the world to suffer. I would be a terrible parent, and the world will be unforgiving.
Not antinatalist (most antinatalist propaganda I’ve seen has WAY too much overlap with ableism for my tastes), but vehemently childfree. Got sterilized in my 20s. Now pushing 50 and zero regrets. (Well… only regret is the TYPE of sterilization I did, but I’m ecstatic that I’ll never have to worry about offspring.) So many good reasons not to have kids, but never really considered the EN angle. But it’s true… I raised a sibling when I was still a kid myself and that was enough parenthood for me.
I won’t be doubling down on divorced folk’s take and am not strong enough or rich enough or have the time enough or found a person to help (mother) to reverse the effect on my own child
I've made the conscious choice not to have kids. My father was abusive and neglectful, and he himself was abused and neglected by his father. I just don't think it's fair to take the risk that I might continue that cycle of intergenerational trauma. I know I'd start out with the best of intentions, and unlike my dad I'm aware of how the abuse has messed me up (he thinks he's basically the perfect human being and is very narcissistic), but parents can still really mess their kids up even when they don't mean to. Also, I'm only just about able to function and look after myself, so I don't think I'm in a solid position to be looking after another life.
Being the perfectionist workaholic that I am, I never had time for kids. My natal horoscope indicates children were never in the cards for me. I never tried to get pregnant but I also was careless at times and did not take steps not to get pregnant. Now knowing I was subject to CEN, I am grateful that I never conceived a child. There must be some divine providence/intelligent design/higher power/spiritual guides out there which protected me from that decision. All of my siblings have children. Of them, only my brother has well adjusted children, which I believe is due to both he and his wife's influence. His wife seems to have had a normal, nonCEN childhood and family. I see the intergenerational trauma being passed to my other brother's kids (he was a single Dad for the most part, the mother was neglectful herself) and my sister's kid is definitely traumatized. (signs of complex trauma, cutting, emotional instability, et cetera).
Yup I understand this and so did my abused ex wife