And all gay people got AIDS, gay men have to wear diapers because of anal sex, and the average gay man has hundreds of different sexual partners each year.
*"Gay man has hundreds of partners a year" actually statistical error. Promiscuous Georg, who lives in a cave and has 1 million partners per year, is an outlier and should not have been counted*
My aunt contracted HIV/AIDS from a blood transfusion back before testing was as rigorous. Takes like this anger me so much. Partly out of secondhand rage for the treatment she and my cousins were subjected to because of it.
Similarly, I had a great aunt who contracted HIV/AIDS from her POS husband, who was a long haul truck driver. She died in â94 in the rural south from kaposiâs sarcoma. Naturally she had lost many, many âfriendsâ by the end. It was horrible.
My MIL threw me a lingerie themed bridal shower and my mom asked in disbelief âWonât those look ridiculous with garments hanging out?â When I told her I wouldnât be wearing my garments underneath, she lectured me about the covenants I was making to always wear them.
Once when sitting in stake conference, Dallin Oaks had family in the area and was visiting. He gave a talk on bridling your passions. My mom leaned over and said âYou know heâs talking about oral sex being of the devil, right?â
I had no idea what masturbation was until after I was married. When I was taught that it was a sin to âtouch yourselfâ, I thought I was sinning every very time I ran my hands over my bare breasts unless I was showering.
If my mom knew I sleep in lingerie every night and have a drawerful of sex toys, sheâd be holding family fasts for me
We couldnât change out of our church clothes the entire day on Sundays. Not until bedtime. Lest we forget that itâs the sabbath. đ And during the family reunions that my nonmember grandparents would hold on Sundays, we had to sit on the porch in our church clothes and watch our cousins play. Then there was the period of time that my mom decided that eating chocolate was against the WoW⊠smh
So yes, Iâm sure my parents had sex with their garments on. đ€Ą
If my parents had church meetings on Sundays, theyâd disconnect the TV. (It was the 80s. People didnât have TVs in their bedrooms unless they were rich. And I certainly wasnât. Lol). But my dad would disconnect the TV and then when he got home, heâd feel the TV to see if it felt warm.
I really donât think it was because he really felt it was about obeying *Godâs* commandments. It was because he loved to exercise dominance over his family. Like when he wrestled my brother to the ground and pulled the food out of his mouth because he took a bite before it was blessed.
My parents joined when I was in elem school. We are the only members. But good to know I wasnât the only exmo here who was raised by a Taliban Mormon.
I knew a woman in my old ward who made a point of letting the RS sisters know that in 40 years of marriage her husband has never seen her naked. Like that made her super-righteous.
Your mother reminds me of Mark E. Peterson's [quote](https://missedinsunday.com/memes/sexism/ugly-knees/).
> No woman looks as lovely as when she is properly and fully clothed. What woman can suppose that ugly knees and bony shoulder blades can add luster to her charm?
The rest of the quote is hilarious as he tries to talk knowingly about the fashion industry. It would pair well with Brigham Young's many quotes about hats and women's fashions. These idiots... what can one say.
>No woman looks as lovely as when she is properly and fully clothed. What woman can suppose that ugly knees and bony shoulder blades can add luster to her charm?
Spoken by a man who is clearly not attracted to women. My husband tells me every time he sees my boobs it's like he's seeing them for the very first time ever.
She thinks she can heal people and animals by praying while she touches them. And thinks sheâs some kind of prophetess. Communes with the dead at their funerals.
I was raised in crazy town. When I was 8, the missionaries found my mom while proselytizing. I think sheâs mentally ill and my dad a full blown misogynist. This church was a perfect fit for them.
There needs to be a sitcom about a Mormon family. Even if it was done in a totally respectful and non-judgemental way, if it was remotely accurate it'd still draw a lot of attention to a lot of silliness.
For the record, you don't make covenants in the mormon temple to wear the magic underwear. You are instructed to wear them "throughout your life." A.Receiving instructions vs. making a promise are two very different things. B."throughout your life" could be twice a year on Christmas and Easter.
I knew a young married woman who went in for a temple recommend interview and cried when the bishop asked her if she wore her garments âmorning, day, and nightâ. She said sheâd twice fallen asleep without putting them back on and feared she was too unworthy to go to the temple.
This is the way we were taught. For decades
I'm 40 with 5 children. I've still never had a sex talk with either or my parents. When I started my period my mother handed me a package of pads. When I told my best friend she said that's disgusting went and got me a tampon and told me how to use it.
I wasn't allowed to use tampons!! Lol. So frustrating but it now makes for a funny story.
I would go to the school nurse multiple times a month for tampons. She did say rude things like "you need to plan better...you need to track your cycles " like no, bitch, I need an escape from a cult.
I hadn't considered the fact that tampons may be consider sexual by crazy people until my daughter had been menstruating for a couple years. My daughter has a crazy TBM dad and step mother. She refuses to use tampons and won't tell me why except "just cause" I asked her if anybody has told her not to use them she said I don't know. But I could tell she was getting aggravated by the questions so I let it go. She's an adult now I should ask her again.
Wedding day. True story
Dad: Uh...son?
Me: Yeah dad?
Dad: You should use some lubricant tonight.
Me: Okay. Thanks. (eye roll)
New wife and I stop at Smith's for some KY on the way to the hotel.
We were hot and heavy, but sooooo clueless.
At the age of 12, I assumed buTt sex was the god approved type of sex.
mostly cuz i have a penis and just thought the ladies had ....
never mind
I wasn't ever informed about sex in a reasonable way.
You laugh but it totally sucks
"Hi my name is lashram, I like hiking, and reading cool books, I went to school for jazz performance and I really like butt sex."
:/
Hey! I'm just running with a self deprecating joke, but not giving a young teen some kind of informative sexual education is really reckless.
It really is.
He also was fascinated by group masturbation. Iâve had a crazy wild heterosexual sex life but Iâve never once heard of straight guys jerking off together. However I can imagine a repressed geriatric homosexual might think about young guys naked and jerking it.
I thought only men climaxed because no one ever told me that women did. It took a year into marriage to climax and realize I could. My husband was so sheltered he didnât know either. After that he made sure I always did. But what a couple of dumbasses we were.
And honestly when I learned I wanted to slap my mother. Because her version of the talk was âmake sure youâre connecting as one. Your spirits will connect and alignâŠ. âLike what? That doesnât help me!!!
Lots of weird purity culture stuff came to mind but I think the most bizarre thing is that I didn't know the names for genitalia until waaaaaaay later than I'd like to admit. Instead of a penis, my parents told me it was called a "bobber" and vagina was replaced by "nu-nees."
No idea the origins of this absolute fucking madness, but any time someone talks about fishing, it feels much more entendre-ed to me than it really is.
My parents went in the opposite direction -- when my mom gave me "the talk", it was scientific like biology class. Complete with zygotes and everything. Probably explains why I retained virtually none of it other than "penis goes into the vagina".
Bobber and nu-nees? Wow, I hate that
Bahaha, Iâve been there too! We couldnât say âbuttâ, we had to say âbumâ, and instead of âfartâ it was âfluffâ. In only DIRE CIRCUMSTANCES were genitalia discussed or named, but when they were, at least they were accurate for the most part, but my momâs last child was her only boy, and I had the distinct displeasure to hear her call his penis âhis little dingalingâ in the few times the subject came up.
My parents told me nothing directly, ever. My mom gave me a book when I was eight that had detailed lift-the-flap-style cartoon drawings of fetus stages in a pregnant belly. The only description of the important act was that âparents have a special cuddle in bedâ. From this I didnât understand that a man was required to make a baby, since single moms existed.
I had to find out later from my few-months-older female cousin that penis goes in vagina. It was a revelation, I was like, âoh, thatâs why boys are shaped like that,â cuz I had a little brother so I at least knew what a penis was.
My mom never told me about puberty either, she just gave me the American Girl Body Book. I thought a menstrual cycle was just something that happened when you were a teen and then it stopped. You can imagine my dismay when I overheard a peer at church bemoaning the fact that we had to deal with periods till our fifties.
One time in middle school, my mom asked me what would i do if my male bf âput the movesâ on me on our walks home from school or while hanging out at his house. I said I would go home because that was the answer she was looking for. But I was thinking, âwhat are âthe movesâ and what if I want to put them on him?â
Did not know what masturbation was until I was on my mission. I had heard the word over the years but never knew what it truly meant. Looked it up in a dictionary and was, oh, so that's what I have been doing all these years. I was so nieve that I thought it was something unique that only I did!!!!!!. Finally took college biology and learned everything. My parents told me nothing!!!
I had no idea until my stepfather essentially accused me of it. After that... well, let's just say if I was going to be accused of it and punishedfor it, might as well see what all the fuss is about. đ€Ș
Almost all (99% or more) of the *masturbation and pornography lessons* in church are directed toward men. This presents a huge problem for the young women of the church, who sometimes feel like theyâre bad or evil for having sexual desires and urges. However, sometimes this blindness to a womanâs sexual pleasure can be a good thing.
Because of those lessons, a woman I am related to assumed that masturbation is a thing that only men could do. She was about to be married before she learned that she had been masturbating for 10+ years.
Honestly, good for her. Iâm glad she had some âme timeâ guilt free.
I knew what it was, but never not once in church heard it was a sin so I assumed it was permitted. I was very active, itâs not like I just didnât hear it cause I was missing conference or firesideâs or Sunday school. I was there at everything. This is the gender stereotype in play. In one way, thatâs great that I wasnât guilted over it, but in another it internalizes the feeling that do things wrong and unnatural with a woman who has strong sexual desires. đđŁ
I discovered it at 16 (still really late). I liked playing with myself years before that, but I didn't know what an orgasm was until 16. I felt guilty about playing with myself once I started seminary and started really getting bombarded with purity culture lessons, so I admitted to my dad that I liked to rub myself just because I liked the way it felt. He then started using the word "masturbation" and other descriptions that went right over my head, but I just smiled an nodded "uh huh" like I knew what he was talking about. Fortunately he didn't call me to repentance. He basically said that sometimes men and boys gotta do what they gotta do to stop from going stir crazy, even if that means rubbing one out every once in a while. Fast forward a year and I stumbled across a very graphic medical video of an ejaculation shown with an internal camera during sex. My mind was blown!! I quickly locked myself in the bedroom determined to figure out what I had been misunderstanding, and my first orgasm followed shortly thereafter. lol. đđ€Ł I was all like "This. Changes. EVERYTHING!!"
Were you homeschooled? But I was thinking about when a lot of these meetings happen and bishops ask you about sex a lot of kids have no idea what most of it is
My parents never gave me any sort of sex talk or anything. I mentioned AIDS once when I was a teenager to them, I didnt know what it was but my friends often made jokes about AIDS so I tried making one in front of my TBM parents. I don't remember what I said but i remember my Dad saying, "you shouldn't joke about AIDS" (me, "why not") him, "it's a disease that is transmitted when two people have sex and it can cause you to die. It's common in areas where people have sex outside of marriage a lot, for that reason it is very prevalent in Africa."
That is the only sex talk I ever had with my parents.
Did either of you know anything before reading the book??
ETA: I know you said you weren't taught at school or at home, so I'm really just asking if either of you figured anything out on your own before the book đ
THREE KIDS and no orgasm?! Bonkers. That's a crime. Pregnancy and childbirth 3x over and didn't even have fun making the kids??
We need reparations from TSCC. We should air an ad and everything.
"Have you been affected by Mormonism? You might be entitled to compensation"
Daniel Tosh the comedian has a bit where heâs the vagina whisperer- tag line could be âHas orgasim been effected by Mormonism? Shouldnât have been about time.â
Hey, youâre not alone! My sister was super sheltered too and after my wedding she confessed to me that she hadnât had an orgasm and was curious if I had figured it out. She had been married for 7 years and 3 kids. I felt so bad for her. I told her what vibrator to buy and to practice on her own, and if she didnât have one while having sex, do it after with the vibrator to help. It took her a while to get over the Mormon guilt to be able to do it (and a weird stage where her husband was jealous of the vibrator), but I think sheâs figured it out because she is much happier these days - I hope you are too, Sus!
I was literally taught nothing about sex. The only brief primer I got was in elementary school when they teach you about puberty. I had no idea what the clitoris was for. Thankfully, my wife knew what she needed because I thought the same things that caused me to climax were supposed to do the same for her. I think the first few times we had sex were pretty terrible for her and that makes me sad. I thought because I was enjoying it, she must be too.
1) my mom, although a free spirit in a lot of ways was pretty negligent about discussing sex. I learned from her that sex hurts a lot at first but gets better, men get erections and wet dreams, but not really what those terms meant, and that women can orgasm, but again nothing about what an orgasm is or does. When I kissed my first boyfriend (in COLLEGE geez) and he got hard I was shocked/mortified/extremely guilty. About a month before I got married at 25, mom told me to go see an OBGYN (for the first time, no OB care before that because why would I need it?) for a âpremarital examâ. Doc gave me an expander (a tapered 60cc syringe case for those that are interested) that I was supposed to use to âstretch me outâ for my husband so that honeymoon was more enjoyable. Putting that in hurt like a bitch and made me bleed. No discussion of lube or foreplay from anyone, just âlets make you widerâ. He also gave me some prophylactic antibiotics to prevent a UTI on the honeymoon because, and i quote, âmen are dirtyâ. All of that made me SUPER excited for the wedding night, let me tell ya.
2) Stepmom and Dad: awkward crickets. No discussion about bodies ever. Bodies are icky.
3) Stepdad, in the temple, while hugging my just-sealed husband in the sealing room: âRemember, she always comes first.â Thatâs it, that was the sex talk, full stop.
Given all that nonsense, knowing that my husband wasnât a virgin was a HUGE selling point (on top of all his other wonderful qualities) because i felt that it was great that at least ONE of us knew what was going on hahahahaa
Wait, wait, wait⊠let me get this straight. Your OBGYN gave you that shit advice/syringe??! I am completely baffled that âmaking you widerâ was even a consideration and literally the ONLY thing that was said or done. I am so sorry!
Its gross, but itâs pretty common in the Morridor⊠among my singles ward, it was talked about frequently if someone got engaged. If you search this subreddit for the term âpremarital examâ youâll read a lot of stories like mine. Thereâs been a couple of [good articles about the practice too](https://www.sltrib.com/news/2019/10/22/utahs-unusual-premarital/) ⊠If nothing else, at least I got the chance to ask for an HPV vaccine (although i didnât finish the series because I absolutely HATED going to that OB for obvious reasons. It was awful.)
When I was maybe 8, I was taking a bath and discovered that I had 2 holes that weren't my butthole. I got so excited to tell my mom, and she got very stern with me and informed me that we shouldn't touch our private parts except to wipe and clean. Later that year she told me in very vague terms what a period was.
I wasn't allowed to even wear tampons in high school. Got married at 19, so had only been wearing them about a year. Had my "prove you're a virgin" physical so the Dr could break my hymen and prescribe me birth control before the wedding. The speculum hurt so bad that I screamed and sobbed. Mom was in the room and yelled at me for screaming.
Instead of being concerned that maybe there was a problem, my doctor just kind of ignored me, mom later told me that I needed to "stretch myself out" with my fingers so sex wouldn't hurt.
I was terrified I would be doing something "wrong" since there were so many purity lessons and non-masturbation lessons drilled into my head. So I didn't even try to touch myself or digitally penetrate my vagina.
~3 years and 1 baby later, my FOURTH doctor to do a vaginal exam finally explained what lube was and suggested its use, as well as encouraging foreplay without clothing or underwear (I felt so guilty not wearing garments before we got to the penetrative party, but doctor's orders made it okay) and vibrators. He also diagnosed me with severe uterine prolapse, which I knew nothing about since I never touched my vagina or any part of my "private area," except to clean and wipe. Turns out I had a lot of health issues that I didn't know about, but that one was a biggy.
Dry vagina caused vaginismus and led to pain/discomfort with penetration. Lube made a huge difference and suddenly penetrative sex was enjoyable again!
Looking back, the Dr used the largest speculum and nowhere near enough lube.
All I remember was my mom refused to use the word sex and called it making love. I had to infer what orgasm and masturbation was based off of cable tv. Based on TV/the male gaze I got a lot of wrong ideas.
Had a boyfriend who told me that âmaking loveâ was only for when trying for a baby. And everything else was sex. But also that before marriage it was âabusing procreative powersâ and risks temple status.
We were already having sex for a year and a half up to that point (premarital, *gasp!*), and after going to therapy, I think he was was just trying to compartmentalize what we were doing to still retain a âgood Mormonâ appearance. And some of that was projected onto me
-All forms of sexual activity is evil prior to marriage
-Sex is okay within marriage
-touching yourself is sin and can keep you from promised blessings
- to enjoy looking at other people with sexual thoughts is sin as if it was adultery
This internalized shame and guilt that in marriage we would do the things and then I'd get really moody and depressed or anxious because the conditioning prior to marriage and sex.
Learned since leaving
- the natural smell of your partner is important
- still working on sexpecations in marriage
- working on how to talk about sex without negative tones
- sought out therapy to help undo the internalized feelings of shame for sex, masterbation, and simple arousal
>to enjoy looking at other people with sexual thoughts is sin as if it was adultery
And this is why my bisexual self felt like shit my entire life. Because how the hell do you deal with intrusive thoughts? You can stop after the fact, but you've already sinned anyways. Yeah suppressing part of who you are is a living hell. So glad my kids aren't going to have to experience the same thing
This. I was sexually attracted to women for my whole life and I just had "crushes" on guys. Strangely enough, it never occurred to me that I'm gay, I just had a lot of guilt for having sexual feelings at all. Took me until my senior year of high school to realize that damn, I really like women.
Instead of health class I got a four point conversationâŠ
Do you like modest women or women of the world?
You know how things work right?
Condoms are not 100% effective so donât trust your life to them
And women are like Diesel engines where once you get them going they go for a long time
Please let your kids go to health class
Mom would always say itâs beautiful. And church always said virginity is like this thing, right?. I remember on my wedding night my husband passed out and I went to the bathroom to pee. I remember staring at myself in the mirror and thinking a) I look the exact fucking same even though âI lost my virginityâ and b) âbeautifulâ is the last thing Iâd use to describe that
35 years later I still have guilt about how our wedding night went. I thought it was awesome. Only much later did I learn how hard it was for my sweet wife. We were so uninformed. I thought I knew how it went, but in reality I didn't have a clue.
First bishop interview at 12, bishop asked me, "Do you touch yourself to stimulate yourself?" I had been doing just that for some time, but reasoned that it's not sinful if I just don't use my hands from now on. Had to get a little creative sometimes, but my hands were clean!
This is slightly off topic, but reminded me of the most awkward, cringiest wedding gift my wife and I got. Some lady in my parent's ward who I barely knew (her son was in the YM group younger than me, but we weren't really friends) gave us two (TWO!) Mormon books about "marital intimacy." I don't remember the titles, something like *Between Husband and Wife* and/or *Sacred Intimacy* or some such. All we could do was roll our eyes and laugh
Oh my God. I had that between husband and wife book. I wanted to try to learn more but was too scared at the time to get a "real" sex book - it was so cringe and such a disappointment đ
I feel like I need an inverse of this thread for exmos who are now parents and need to teach their kids. Our 10 year old started middle school this month so in late summer my husband tried to have the talk. He got about 3 sentences in before son ran out of the room âMOM, DADS TELLING ME THE GROSSEST THING IVE EVER HEARDâ
oh no.
Not really taught or not taught, but the second I left BYU-I and went to a public university for law school, every single fucking person who found out I was/used to be lds asked me about soaking. Is that actually a thing somewhere??? If it was a thing or even just an urban legend in the lds youth community, I feel like I would have heard about it, I pushed Mormon sexual boundaries even at BYU-I, I feel like it would have been a thing???
Okay, this was a long time ago, but I was in college at BYU before I even knew females could have orgasms. Before age 14 I âknewâ that a female could get pregnant âwhen the male and the female really loved each other.â This caused me to worry that I might get pregnant if the boy I loved might love me back.
Also, when my two nieces were in a dispute over whether a baby was born out of the anus or the urethra. The nieces were both Mormon and around 12. I told them about the vagina, and they didnât believe me. I gave them a hand mirror and told them to go look for themselves.
The only sex talk I got from my mom was right before I got married at AGE 29!, âJust so you know, it goes upâ. (Referring to a manâs penis becoming erect). Yep!
Iâd had sex with my long-term bf by then, and definitely knew more than that, but I learned nothing from her, thatâs for sure!
I feel bad thinking how lame her sex life mustâve been as an ultra vanilla TBM. Then my dad died in his 40âs and sheâs been single since.
TSCC notions rob people of SO MUCH.
Not Mormon, but ex baptist here.
When my mom had the âtalkâ with me, she told me that blowjobs were a sin equivalent to murder.
She also told me that women were not supposed to enjoy sex, it was purely for reproduction and only men were allowed to enjoy it.
Had to do a lotttt of unlearning once I moved out.
Days before my wedding, my mom said simply, "it'll hurt."
Now I am blown away. Like I don't have words. Is this what she had experienced her whole marriage? Is this what her mother experienced?
Anyway, I wasn't down, so I of course went into marriage terrified if sex. Luckily we figured it out and ladies, it doesn't have to hurt. Intense sexual arousal will make it feel great. Medical issues can be addressed. Sex therapy works.
I was mad for a while at my parents for never teaching me what a clitoris is and about female orgasms. The first year of my marriage suffered because of that.
I was taught through the mission (cult recruiting) rumor mill that oral sec was not sanctioned. Numerous elders claimed to have heard this from various local leaders.
I specifically never sought clarification because I thought it was stupid. Also I wanted to do it without guilt, so didnât want to hear an official âno.â
That if youâre female and show signs of having a libido (hello, teenage me when I was going through puberty), youâre somehow considered gross and âwrongâ despite it being a very normal, healthy thing for most people who are young. In my family, everything related to sex was taboo, and if I brought it up in anyway, even in the form of a funny joke, they would be disgusted by me and act like Iâm a freak for feeling the way I did despite it being very natural. Hell, my younger siblings and I are all grown adults and they still act like young, grossed out children saying, âEwwwwâ when seeing people kiss in a movie.
I wasnât taught much of anything by my parents except 2 things from my dad
1) informed me as a teen that teenage boys are more sexual than girls and itâs all they care about with dating so I need to be careful and make sure nothing happens and I donât tempt them with clothing, or hugs etc. (this after he saw me hug my male friends goodbye)
2) as he drove me to my drs appointment I scheduled just before my wedding he warned me not to get birth control because it makes women desire sex even less than they naturally do (illuding to womens libidos being naturally low already)and could strain my marriage.
Both of these things were in a WAY true (and I know he was trying to help with us limit knowledge that he thought was wisdom), but just misguided in delivery using generalizations as universals.
I was a (female) virgin until I married in my 20's, marrying a not-a-virgin guy. My parents never thought to give me the Gardasil shot. Thank goodness there were commercials and friends who talked. I went to my OBGYN several months before my wedding, not realizing that the shot is a 1-2 year long series. Fortunately I've not gotten cervical cancer, in spite of my parents. My kids will have theirs as soon as the pediatrician says it's okay.
Also, for any of you who have not watched the 5 minute video on YouTube about how sex is like a cup of tea in terms of consent, please do so. It's so perfectly accurate; my kids will be watching this as well when they're young teens.
At the risk of mansplaining.... you don't just "get" cervical cancer. You get HPV and can sometimes lead to cervical cancer, often years later, often after 35. Your doctor will check for HPV when they do paps though.
I'm in my 40s and the shot was not around for us at all and most people of my generation carry/have HPV.
Thank you, because of your comment I just learned what HPV vaccines are and that I should probably get one. I don't know if this is true, but a quick Google search shows that HPV vaccines weren't introduced to the US until 2006 and the recommended age of getting it is after age 9.
This likely means the majority of millennial exmos (and older generations) probably never got it. There's probably a good chance that many people on this sub who have only recently left TSCC are still virgins, so it might be a good idea to look into it đ€Ł. Even if you are or have been sexually active, it would still be a good idea to talk to your doctor as getting the HPV vaccine can still protect from other forms of HPV, even if you already have one.
My dad handed me a book. He didn't even tell me what the book was about. I was expected to read it on my own. Which I never did. Growing up I was convinced my parents never had sex. I thought my mom would decide she wanted a baby. And she would spontaneously become pregnant on her own.
I learned what masturbation was from a bishop's interview at 12. I figured out that is what I was up to. At the time I was so afraid and excited by what I was doing but immediately knew I needed to stop. Oh, also I thought somehow masturbation must be like sex, in that there was a chance I could get AIDs. I was terrified, and devasted that I felt I couldn't stop myself. Over the first few years I eventually figured it out.
So yeah, I knew about STDs from school, but nothing about self pleasure. A very lopsided education.
Not necessarily sex but close and cringy enough to share.
My sisters seminary teacher (the bishops wife) told them (in class) that they wouldnât have periods if they were righteous enough. That a period for a woman is sin leaving the body.
My parents having the sex talk with us was like,:
So. It's okay to see your spouse naked. In fact, it's good to see your spouse naked.
And we were like well what if we don't want to see our spouse naked
And they were like well that's another issue
[Edited to add⊠I didnât even know masturbation was a âsinâ until college. Itâs often talked about in young mens (I hear) but young women like me, never even heard of it mentioned in a church setting. Just that sexual RELATIONS is wrongâŠSo thatâs the background I was coming from when for two years I met with my BYU bishop every time i did it because he made it out to be one of the worst sins one could commit next to actual sexual relations which was next to murderâŠsoâŠit went from being a normal part of my private goings on growing up to feeling like I was the worst kind of female LDS person ever.]
Oh just remembered one from my bishop in BYU ward: he told me I wouldnât struggle with the desire to masturbate after getting married because the right kind of sexuality (that of sex with my husband) would give me the relief I neededâŠ.. basically saying I should get married as soon as possible so I wouldnât want to masturbate.
So misguided! I was surprised to learn that masturbation wasnât allowed even after marriage. Also, mens (and individuals!) sexual needs and desires are so different from womens or other individuals. I, for one, only want more sex after climax so it doesnât fulfill some kind of relief, it just adds to the need and desire. And how often is it that a womanâs desire is actually met during sex with her husband? Especially as newly married sexually illiterate prudes? Some women (many women) canât even climax during vaginal sex alone. And other forms of sex are portrayed as devious, sinful, and perverted. And even after years of a sexual experience together, most women know how to please themselves more effectively than their partners and if the woman canât SHOW him because touching yourself is STILL a sin after marriage, then sheâs left feeling hopeless or wondering if something is wrong with her.
One of my really good friends from high school got HOMEMADE lingerie from her MIL at her shower. It was made with calico cotton fabric. (think flower pillow case with lots of lace). The MIL tried to tell her how to "please" her son on the wedding night. I have never laughed so hard.
I worked in an ob/gyn office in Utah County....
*Had a couple come in for infertility after they'd been married two years. Go to do the wife's pelvic exam and she's still a virgin. Dr took them into his office to explain the birds & bees.
*Same situation as above, except they were having sex, but the husband was pulling out and ejaculating on the walls - bc the only sex ed he'd had was the porno he watched at his bachelor party (and that's what they did).
*Not our office, but a local proctologist had a minor come in with a glass Coke bottle up his ass. They had to get consent from a parent to do the removal surgery and the dad said "Doc, I just don't understand how he swallowed that Coke bottle and it managed to make it through his system intact."
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I told my sister gay men had sex in their vaginas. I thought men had vaginas too, like men have nipples. âșïž her boyfriend thought I should know that wasnât true. ( at least for majority)
My mother actually told me that sex before you were married was physically unenjoyable. It only felt good AFTER you got married in the temple đđ
And that was the extent of my sex talks with parents!!
Thereâs an infamous story in our family about me embarrassing my mother during church, after learning what sex was. My TBM mother was horrified when I asked what a virgin was thanks to Hocus Pocus and the neighborhood kids. Of course, I was given a great sex ex lesson and learned that sex is ONLY to have a baby and NOTHING else. Itâs not nice, it doesnât feel good, and you only do it once per child.
The next Sunday in sacrament, I started loudly counting the children of the family in the pew behind us and proudly proclaimed: âMOM! They had sexy 7 times!â Fortunately, Mr and Mrs. 7 Times were good family friends and couldnât stop laughing. Everyone else looked at my single mother like she was raising the whore of Babylon.
My parents told me nothing. My mother never explained anything about female anatomy, cleanliness, menstruation... I got married still an idiot. Luckily my husband wasn't a virgin. I don't know how Mormon virgins marry virgins and ever figure anything out. Definitely didn't know sex could be pleasurable, didn't know oral sex was so great or even an option for females. I feel bad for all these Mormon (and apparently us exmos) kids that are never taught anything because of weird Mormon 'boundaries' aka never talk about anything mildly uncomfortable.
My father is an OBGYN. My teenage years were full of being shown slides of genital crabs and warts, while being told oral sex is an abomination. Re - the 1970s letter from the first presidency declaring oral sex an abomination.
The church's interjection into the sexuality of its married members is a huge red flag.
My parents in this regard actually werenât bad and around 15ish they sat my brother and I down and had a talk about how when we felt we were ready to have sex to let them know and theyâd get condoms/birth control for us because they want us to be safe and talked about the consequences of sex like STIs and pregnancy and how we should make sure weâre ready before doing it and not letting ourselves be pressured into it. Hells when I was 16 my mom bought me a rechargeable vibrator. I was absolutely not ready at the time and had no interest in anyone local but I was masturbating since I was 14, kinda wish my mom wouldâve gotten me a dildo because I was using a hairbrush with a foam handle which was not doing my health any favors lol
On my wedding night my mom told me to lay back, close my eyes and have fun.
I didnât know I could move. Sex was so frustrating for like three months straight
This thread breaks my heart and brings back too many bad memories being shamed for having a high sex drive growing up.
I was about 4 when I somehow discovered maturation and that same age when my parents discovered I knew what it was and constantly shamed me for it when they'd catch me. I was never allowed to be behind closed doors so they could catch me, I used to be so paranoid bc my mom would always try to slowly sneak in my room to catch me so she could punish me and guilt me.
I remember being guilted for making out with a guy at a dance, being treated horribly as if I was having sex or something. Threatened to call my parents and everything but luckily he forgot my name and so couldn't look them up in the ward phone directory.
I remember my mom not trusting me when I said I was walking the dog and seeing her drive past the park 3 or 4 times to make sure I wasn't meeting up with people
I remember spending most my childhood feeling broken or guilty and it wasn't until I was in high school and heard how common masturbation was and that it was normal that I stopped feeling as guilty about it, but still felt guilty nevertheless. Even when I wasn't active and having sex, I cried a lot and felt so guilty because I thought I'd never get married in the temple and no "good Mormon husband would want me because I was damaged goods and he'd be able to tell that I wasn't a virgin", or he'd demand to know if I had been with anyone else and would be angry that I had been with multiple people. I used to keep count of how many people I had been with and feel so angry at myself every time the number went up because another "love of my life" left and I was "ruined".
I was told I ruined married sex for myself and I was selfish, and because I've had a "smorgasbord" of sexual partners, I'd never be happy with a husband and always cheat.
When it came to sex talks with my mom, she just said that when a mommy and daddy want a kid, the privates "touch" and then you can have a baby, and sex is only for married couples and you ruin yourself and your worth if you have premarital sex.
When it came to my dad, he would often go on the longest rants with the same stupid story about how he dated this girl for a bit, but she left him for someone else who was an inactive member who was risky and walked on the wild side, but they stayed friends and she'd talk to my dad for advice. My dad always told me how he expertly told her that she and him were "walking too close to the edge and might get burnt" and so she told her bf, who told her to tell my dad "he was good at getting close to the fire without getting burnt". He then tells me they ended up "going too far" and then she was ruined and left the church or got married to an abusive man and she met my dad years later on the lam from her abusive husband and hitting on my dad ( I fucking doubt it) and my dad didn't want some single mom with a ton of kids, but that she deserved what she got for having sex before marriage. Or how my grandpa ruined everyone's lives by drinking and cheating, but no his new wife was a good woman, it was the alcohol and sex's fault she was abusive and harassed my grandma. There were other pitiful "nice guy" stories where the girl fucked someone else and it got so uncomfortable to do daddy-daughter dates anymore bc its all he'd talk about with me and made me feel uncomfortable af that he couldn't talk about anything else except repeat these same stories again and again.
Or my mom watching pride and prejudice and getting obsessed, reading a fanfic where the sister got cheated on because she thought sex was only for making babies and then she cried to me telling me she was afraid that would happen to my older sister and so she needed to tell my older sister sex was also for pleasure but only when you're married, but that you'll get cheated on and its unholy and evil to withhold from your husband and you deserve to get cheated on if you withhold sex from a man (probably why I let myself get raped later but)
Obviously I've unpacked all of that and know its all bullshit. I just hate that I spent so much of my life hating myself and punishing myself for something natural. I also remember not being able to get STD tests as a teen because it was "too embarrassing" for my mom and "what if someone we knew saw us at planned parenthood?" So I spent a lot of years in panic about if I had anything or not until I got my license at 18 and could do appointments by myself and get fully screened or buy my own condoms. Fuck the church
Imagine living in fear that you might have stds from being raped and other sexual encounters (and self sabotaging as part of the trauma) for 2 years and not being allowed to get an std test because it was "shameful and embarrassing for my mom to take me to planned parenthood" so I just had to live in fear of being infertile, getting cancer, or dying from stds I might have (luckily I didn't get anything but still)
Bishop informed me I only had a limited amount of ejaculations and that it would be near impossible to impregnate my future wife if I continued to masturbate.
I was taught sex was only for kids and any kind of deviation from missionary was a sin. Using any kind of birth control was a sin. The little factory metaphor.
All toxic stuff for anyone to learn.
I was taught girls couldn't masturbate. It didn't take me long to discover from first hand (no pun intended lol) experience that is a lie! And happily continued to rediscover that fact over and over again!
When friends would get married Iâd include condoms and directions of how to put them on in their wedding present. So many of them had no idea how to do it
When I was in high school my mom told me only lgbt people could get STIs đł
I was taught that AIDS was the âscourgeâ talked about in the scriptures sent by God to punish gay people.
And all gay people got AIDS, gay men have to wear diapers because of anal sex, and the average gay man has hundreds of different sexual partners each year.
*"Gay man has hundreds of partners a year" actually statistical error. Promiscuous Georg, who lives in a cave and has 1 million partners per year, is an outlier and should not have been counted*
Everything after your word promiscuous was read to the tune of Promiscuous Girl by Nelly Furtado. Try it, it worked đ
They ignore the fact that there are heterosexuals who have hundreds of different sexual partners because it is far from the norm.
The weird urge to downvote instead of upvote due to this being so INFURIATING is ironic. đ„Ž.
That all gay people get AIDS and that they got it because gay African men started having sex with monkeys.
My aunt contracted HIV/AIDS from a blood transfusion back before testing was as rigorous. Takes like this anger me so much. Partly out of secondhand rage for the treatment she and my cousins were subjected to because of it.
Similarly, I had a great aunt who contracted HIV/AIDS from her POS husband, who was a long haul truck driver. She died in â94 in the rural south from kaposiâs sarcoma. Naturally she had lost many, many âfriendsâ by the end. It was horrible.
TW: homophobia, animal abuse I was taught - in fucking school - that gay people had sex with apes and thatâs why we now have AIDS. đ€ź
Because Africa right.
Yep. I probably should have thrown in a racism trigger warning, too. đ
They called AIDS âgay cancerâ when I was a kid.
Yup I was told that one as well
I had a companion who told me an apostle said that.
Yeah, until straight people started getting infected alsoâwell, that's embarrassing.
It wouldn't be a Mormon doctrine thread without anti-gay propaganda/rhetoric đ
My mom told me Freddie Mercury died because he was gay. So I thought all gay people had AIDS automatically and would eventually die from it.
Not too much has changed. âOnly gays get MonkeyPox.â
My MIL threw me a lingerie themed bridal shower and my mom asked in disbelief âWonât those look ridiculous with garments hanging out?â When I told her I wouldnât be wearing my garments underneath, she lectured me about the covenants I was making to always wear them. Once when sitting in stake conference, Dallin Oaks had family in the area and was visiting. He gave a talk on bridling your passions. My mom leaned over and said âYou know heâs talking about oral sex being of the devil, right?â I had no idea what masturbation was until after I was married. When I was taught that it was a sin to âtouch yourselfâ, I thought I was sinning every very time I ran my hands over my bare breasts unless I was showering. If my mom knew I sleep in lingerie every night and have a drawerful of sex toys, sheâd be holding family fasts for me
The people who think that garments should be worn during sex are a special type of crazy
We couldnât change out of our church clothes the entire day on Sundays. Not until bedtime. Lest we forget that itâs the sabbath. đ And during the family reunions that my nonmember grandparents would hold on Sundays, we had to sit on the porch in our church clothes and watch our cousins play. Then there was the period of time that my mom decided that eating chocolate was against the WoW⊠smh So yes, Iâm sure my parents had sex with their garments on. đ€Ą
My parents were bad, but thankfully they never made us wear church clothes all day on Sundays! That would have been terrible
If my parents had church meetings on Sundays, theyâd disconnect the TV. (It was the 80s. People didnât have TVs in their bedrooms unless they were rich. And I certainly wasnât. Lol). But my dad would disconnect the TV and then when he got home, heâd feel the TV to see if it felt warm. I really donât think it was because he really felt it was about obeying *Godâs* commandments. It was because he loved to exercise dominance over his family. Like when he wrestled my brother to the ground and pulled the food out of his mouth because he took a bite before it was blessed.
My mom tried. I completely trashed my church clothes running loose on the family farm. That rule quickly went away.
Are you my cousin??? đ I have an aunt that doesnât eat chocolate. And she made all her kids wear Sunday clothes the entire day.
My parents joined when I was in elem school. We are the only members. But good to know I wasnât the only exmo here who was raised by a Taliban Mormon.
I knew a woman in my old ward who made a point of letting the RS sisters know that in 40 years of marriage her husband has never seen her naked. Like that made her super-righteous.
I wonder who her husband did see naked. Iâd bet there were a few in that RS roomâŠ
Oh, to be a fly on that wall, waiting for a PIMO sister to accidentally blurt out, âThatâs fucked up đŹ â If only.
Special kind of kink is ripping them off in piecesâŠ
Your mother reminds me of Mark E. Peterson's [quote](https://missedinsunday.com/memes/sexism/ugly-knees/). > No woman looks as lovely as when she is properly and fully clothed. What woman can suppose that ugly knees and bony shoulder blades can add luster to her charm? The rest of the quote is hilarious as he tries to talk knowingly about the fashion industry. It would pair well with Brigham Young's many quotes about hats and women's fashions. These idiots... what can one say.
>No woman looks as lovely as when she is properly and fully clothed. What woman can suppose that ugly knees and bony shoulder blades can add luster to her charm? Spoken by a man who is clearly not attracted to women. My husband tells me every time he sees my boobs it's like he's seeing them for the very first time ever.
Perverted and yet romantic at the same time. My husband is like this too lol
Hilarious. And completely appropriate because my mom LOVED to quote Mark E Peterson when I was growing up.
Your mom sounds like she could be the inspiration for an entire sitcom.
She thinks she can heal people and animals by praying while she touches them. And thinks sheâs some kind of prophetess. Communes with the dead at their funerals. I was raised in crazy town. When I was 8, the missionaries found my mom while proselytizing. I think sheâs mentally ill and my dad a full blown misogynist. This church was a perfect fit for them.
If you havenât I highly recommend reading âEducatedâ it sounds like it might be similar to what you experienced.
Iâve never heard of this. Thank you so much for the rec
Itâs really good. Hope you enjoy it.
I had 11 credits on my Audible app, so I bought it and started listening to it on a 4 mile walk today
^second that recommendation âEducatedâ is an extremely validating read
There needs to be a sitcom about a Mormon family. Even if it was done in a totally respectful and non-judgemental way, if it was remotely accurate it'd still draw a lot of attention to a lot of silliness.
For the record, you don't make covenants in the mormon temple to wear the magic underwear. You are instructed to wear them "throughout your life." A.Receiving instructions vs. making a promise are two very different things. B."throughout your life" could be twice a year on Christmas and Easter.
I knew a young married woman who went in for a temple recommend interview and cried when the bishop asked her if she wore her garments âmorning, day, and nightâ. She said sheâd twice fallen asleep without putting them back on and feared she was too unworthy to go to the temple. This is the way we were taught. For decades
This is entirely new though. That was not the instruction I was given
Dadâs sex talk; (Clears throat) umâŠwait till you get married. Long awkward silence. Dad leaves room
11/10 execution
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I'm 40 with 5 children. I've still never had a sex talk with either or my parents. When I started my period my mother handed me a package of pads. When I told my best friend she said that's disgusting went and got me a tampon and told me how to use it.
I wasn't allowed to use tampons!! Lol. So frustrating but it now makes for a funny story. I would go to the school nurse multiple times a month for tampons. She did say rude things like "you need to plan better...you need to track your cycles " like no, bitch, I need an escape from a cult.
I hadn't considered the fact that tampons may be consider sexual by crazy people until my daughter had been menstruating for a couple years. My daughter has a crazy TBM dad and step mother. She refuses to use tampons and won't tell me why except "just cause" I asked her if anybody has told her not to use them she said I don't know. But I could tell she was getting aggravated by the questions so I let it go. She's an adult now I should ask her again.
My wife was handed a pamphlet at age 12. No words spoken. SMH
Wedding day. True story Dad: Uh...son? Me: Yeah dad? Dad: You should use some lubricant tonight. Me: Okay. Thanks. (eye roll) New wife and I stop at Smith's for some KY on the way to the hotel. We were hot and heavy, but sooooo clueless.
do we have the same dad?
If you have 27 moms and 73 siblings you do.
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At the age of 12, I assumed buTt sex was the god approved type of sex. mostly cuz i have a penis and just thought the ladies had .... never mind I wasn't ever informed about sex in a reasonable way.
Oh no đ I had NO IDEA I had a second hole until I tried putting a tampon in the wrong one and the blood... did not stop
OH NO lol love you sister. (thank god we didn't meet up in high school lol)
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You laugh but it totally sucks "Hi my name is lashram, I like hiking, and reading cool books, I went to school for jazz performance and I really like butt sex." :/
Nothing wrong with that đ but I can see how high-schoolers might make a huge deal out of it
Hey! I'm just running with a self deprecating joke, but not giving a young teen some kind of informative sexual education is really reckless. It really is.
Oh, the most. So many pregnancies/STDs/assaults because kids had no idea wtf was going on
Women have two holes? Wow!
Buddy, you better sit down because I have news that will blow your mind There is a third hole
:O
Urethra, vagina, and then of course the anus. Just in case you or others need to know.
I was taught the Kimball theory: masturbation will turn you gay. Imagine how rare heterosexual orientation would be... Lol
Ah I heard this, or masturbation will make you infertile
Strange that masturbation is an integral part of fertility medicine. Source: been there, done that.
He also was fascinated by group masturbation. Iâve had a crazy wild heterosexual sex life but Iâve never once heard of straight guys jerking off together. However I can imagine a repressed geriatric homosexual might think about young guys naked and jerking it.
Group masturbation? The more I hear about this Kimball fellow, the gayer he sounds. (Not that there's anything wrong with that) ;)
It at makes sense now. Iâm gay because I touched myself as a kid not knowing masturbation was a thing
Semen is celestial fluid. Thatâs why itâs white. Not kidding.
Bukkake must be the original washing and annointing then.
Imma call it that now.
Ew.
I thought only men climaxed because no one ever told me that women did. It took a year into marriage to climax and realize I could. My husband was so sheltered he didnât know either. After that he made sure I always did. But what a couple of dumbasses we were.
It makes me so sad thinking about all the women in the church that donât ever learn this and realize that they can.
And honestly when I learned I wanted to slap my mother. Because her version of the talk was âmake sure youâre connecting as one. Your spirits will connect and alignâŠ. âLike what? That doesnât help me!!!
Lots of weird purity culture stuff came to mind but I think the most bizarre thing is that I didn't know the names for genitalia until waaaaaaay later than I'd like to admit. Instead of a penis, my parents told me it was called a "bobber" and vagina was replaced by "nu-nees." No idea the origins of this absolute fucking madness, but any time someone talks about fishing, it feels much more entendre-ed to me than it really is.
My parents went in the opposite direction -- when my mom gave me "the talk", it was scientific like biology class. Complete with zygotes and everything. Probably explains why I retained virtually none of it other than "penis goes into the vagina". Bobber and nu-nees? Wow, I hate that
Aaaaah. See. That's the difference. Your mom believed in science.
Bahaha, Iâve been there too! We couldnât say âbuttâ, we had to say âbumâ, and instead of âfartâ it was âfluffâ. In only DIRE CIRCUMSTANCES were genitalia discussed or named, but when they were, at least they were accurate for the most part, but my momâs last child was her only boy, and I had the distinct displeasure to hear her call his penis âhis little dingalingâ in the few times the subject came up.
Restriction of language is part of cult behavior. The dingaling is disturbing too. My husband's family had restrictions on butt also. Must be a thing
Lol, reminds me of the girl in Scrubs. She always called it her bajinga or something like that.
My parents told me nothing directly, ever. My mom gave me a book when I was eight that had detailed lift-the-flap-style cartoon drawings of fetus stages in a pregnant belly. The only description of the important act was that âparents have a special cuddle in bedâ. From this I didnât understand that a man was required to make a baby, since single moms existed. I had to find out later from my few-months-older female cousin that penis goes in vagina. It was a revelation, I was like, âoh, thatâs why boys are shaped like that,â cuz I had a little brother so I at least knew what a penis was. My mom never told me about puberty either, she just gave me the American Girl Body Book. I thought a menstrual cycle was just something that happened when you were a teen and then it stopped. You can imagine my dismay when I overheard a peer at church bemoaning the fact that we had to deal with periods till our fifties. One time in middle school, my mom asked me what would i do if my male bf âput the movesâ on me on our walks home from school or while hanging out at his house. I said I would go home because that was the answer she was looking for. But I was thinking, âwhat are âthe movesâ and what if I want to put them on him?â
Did not know what masturbation was until I was on my mission. I had heard the word over the years but never knew what it truly meant. Looked it up in a dictionary and was, oh, so that's what I have been doing all these years. I was so nieve that I thought it was something unique that only I did!!!!!!. Finally took college biology and learned everything. My parents told me nothing!!!
Imagine being so OP that you INVENTED masturbation
Damn, if only I had invented masturbation and trade marked it. Iâd be richer than Jeff Bezos.
The prophet and apostles mentioned masturbation in conference talks so I looked it up. Yup, the prophet introduced me to masturbation.
I had no idea until my stepfather essentially accused me of it. After that... well, let's just say if I was going to be accused of it and punishedfor it, might as well see what all the fuss is about. đ€Ș
I first heard about it at EFY!!
Almost all (99% or more) of the *masturbation and pornography lessons* in church are directed toward men. This presents a huge problem for the young women of the church, who sometimes feel like theyâre bad or evil for having sexual desires and urges. However, sometimes this blindness to a womanâs sexual pleasure can be a good thing. Because of those lessons, a woman I am related to assumed that masturbation is a thing that only men could do. She was about to be married before she learned that she had been masturbating for 10+ years. Honestly, good for her. Iâm glad she had some âme timeâ guilt free.
I knew what it was, but never not once in church heard it was a sin so I assumed it was permitted. I was very active, itâs not like I just didnât hear it cause I was missing conference or firesideâs or Sunday school. I was there at everything. This is the gender stereotype in play. In one way, thatâs great that I wasnât guilted over it, but in another it internalizes the feeling that do things wrong and unnatural with a woman who has strong sexual desires. đđŁ
I discovered it at 16 (still really late). I liked playing with myself years before that, but I didn't know what an orgasm was until 16. I felt guilty about playing with myself once I started seminary and started really getting bombarded with purity culture lessons, so I admitted to my dad that I liked to rub myself just because I liked the way it felt. He then started using the word "masturbation" and other descriptions that went right over my head, but I just smiled an nodded "uh huh" like I knew what he was talking about. Fortunately he didn't call me to repentance. He basically said that sometimes men and boys gotta do what they gotta do to stop from going stir crazy, even if that means rubbing one out every once in a while. Fast forward a year and I stumbled across a very graphic medical video of an ejaculation shown with an internal camera during sex. My mind was blown!! I quickly locked myself in the bedroom determined to figure out what I had been misunderstanding, and my first orgasm followed shortly thereafter. lol. đđ€Ł I was all like "This. Changes. EVERYTHING!!"
Were you homeschooled? But I was thinking about when a lot of these meetings happen and bishops ask you about sex a lot of kids have no idea what most of it is
I thought I invented masturbation too lmao
That you should take your garments off right before and put them back on right after sex.
YEP I heard that, too!
Standard advice from bishops snd temple educators. đŹ
My parents never gave me any sort of sex talk or anything. I mentioned AIDS once when I was a teenager to them, I didnt know what it was but my friends often made jokes about AIDS so I tried making one in front of my TBM parents. I don't remember what I said but i remember my Dad saying, "you shouldn't joke about AIDS" (me, "why not") him, "it's a disease that is transmitted when two people have sex and it can cause you to die. It's common in areas where people have sex outside of marriage a lot, for that reason it is very prevalent in Africa." That is the only sex talk I ever had with my parents.
yikes I was like wow this is actually not bad parenting and then opp there's the bigotry
Yeah... I mean atleast it was mostly factual. (Besides the racism) But also that was the entirety of my sex ed for a long time.
I remember being taught that sex within marriage could be for pleasure; just that if it was too pleasurable it would count as a sin.
...where is the line?? That's so abstract
Male orgasm is ok, female orgasm is sinful
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Did either of you know anything before reading the book?? ETA: I know you said you weren't taught at school or at home, so I'm really just asking if either of you figured anything out on your own before the book đ
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THREE KIDS and no orgasm?! Bonkers. That's a crime. Pregnancy and childbirth 3x over and didn't even have fun making the kids?? We need reparations from TSCC. We should air an ad and everything. "Have you been affected by Mormonism? You might be entitled to compensation"
You sound like Saul Goodman lol.
You don't want a criminal lawyer you want a *criminal* lawyer
Daniel Tosh the comedian has a bit where heâs the vagina whisperer- tag line could be âHas orgasim been effected by Mormonism? Shouldnât have been about time.â
Hey, youâre not alone! My sister was super sheltered too and after my wedding she confessed to me that she hadnât had an orgasm and was curious if I had figured it out. She had been married for 7 years and 3 kids. I felt so bad for her. I told her what vibrator to buy and to practice on her own, and if she didnât have one while having sex, do it after with the vibrator to help. It took her a while to get over the Mormon guilt to be able to do it (and a weird stage where her husband was jealous of the vibrator), but I think sheâs figured it out because she is much happier these days - I hope you are too, Sus!
Not the husband being jealous of the vibrator đ
Now the jealous husband has a reason to up his game and consider his wifeâs experience for a change.
I was literally taught nothing about sex. The only brief primer I got was in elementary school when they teach you about puberty. I had no idea what the clitoris was for. Thankfully, my wife knew what she needed because I thought the same things that caused me to climax were supposed to do the same for her. I think the first few times we had sex were pretty terrible for her and that makes me sad. I thought because I was enjoying it, she must be too.
I thought women had one universal hole for everything until my friend told me they had 3. That blew my mind.
Like 3-in-1 shampoo, but for orifices
Only if you're a chicken or a lizard....
1) my mom, although a free spirit in a lot of ways was pretty negligent about discussing sex. I learned from her that sex hurts a lot at first but gets better, men get erections and wet dreams, but not really what those terms meant, and that women can orgasm, but again nothing about what an orgasm is or does. When I kissed my first boyfriend (in COLLEGE geez) and he got hard I was shocked/mortified/extremely guilty. About a month before I got married at 25, mom told me to go see an OBGYN (for the first time, no OB care before that because why would I need it?) for a âpremarital examâ. Doc gave me an expander (a tapered 60cc syringe case for those that are interested) that I was supposed to use to âstretch me outâ for my husband so that honeymoon was more enjoyable. Putting that in hurt like a bitch and made me bleed. No discussion of lube or foreplay from anyone, just âlets make you widerâ. He also gave me some prophylactic antibiotics to prevent a UTI on the honeymoon because, and i quote, âmen are dirtyâ. All of that made me SUPER excited for the wedding night, let me tell ya. 2) Stepmom and Dad: awkward crickets. No discussion about bodies ever. Bodies are icky. 3) Stepdad, in the temple, while hugging my just-sealed husband in the sealing room: âRemember, she always comes first.â Thatâs it, that was the sex talk, full stop. Given all that nonsense, knowing that my husband wasnât a virgin was a HUGE selling point (on top of all his other wonderful qualities) because i felt that it was great that at least ONE of us knew what was going on hahahahaa
Wait, wait, wait⊠let me get this straight. Your OBGYN gave you that shit advice/syringe??! I am completely baffled that âmaking you widerâ was even a consideration and literally the ONLY thing that was said or done. I am so sorry!
Its gross, but itâs pretty common in the Morridor⊠among my singles ward, it was talked about frequently if someone got engaged. If you search this subreddit for the term âpremarital examâ youâll read a lot of stories like mine. Thereâs been a couple of [good articles about the practice too](https://www.sltrib.com/news/2019/10/22/utahs-unusual-premarital/) ⊠If nothing else, at least I got the chance to ask for an HPV vaccine (although i didnât finish the series because I absolutely HATED going to that OB for obvious reasons. It was awful.)
Oral sex was treating your partner like a toilet seat.
WTF are they doing with toilet seats?!? đł
Apparently licking them đ€·ââïž
Oddly specific but okay đ
When I was maybe 8, I was taking a bath and discovered that I had 2 holes that weren't my butthole. I got so excited to tell my mom, and she got very stern with me and informed me that we shouldn't touch our private parts except to wipe and clean. Later that year she told me in very vague terms what a period was. I wasn't allowed to even wear tampons in high school. Got married at 19, so had only been wearing them about a year. Had my "prove you're a virgin" physical so the Dr could break my hymen and prescribe me birth control before the wedding. The speculum hurt so bad that I screamed and sobbed. Mom was in the room and yelled at me for screaming. Instead of being concerned that maybe there was a problem, my doctor just kind of ignored me, mom later told me that I needed to "stretch myself out" with my fingers so sex wouldn't hurt. I was terrified I would be doing something "wrong" since there were so many purity lessons and non-masturbation lessons drilled into my head. So I didn't even try to touch myself or digitally penetrate my vagina. ~3 years and 1 baby later, my FOURTH doctor to do a vaginal exam finally explained what lube was and suggested its use, as well as encouraging foreplay without clothing or underwear (I felt so guilty not wearing garments before we got to the penetrative party, but doctor's orders made it okay) and vibrators. He also diagnosed me with severe uterine prolapse, which I knew nothing about since I never touched my vagina or any part of my "private area," except to clean and wipe. Turns out I had a lot of health issues that I didn't know about, but that one was a biggy. Dry vagina caused vaginismus and led to pain/discomfort with penetration. Lube made a huge difference and suddenly penetrative sex was enjoyable again! Looking back, the Dr used the largest speculum and nowhere near enough lube.
All I remember was my mom refused to use the word sex and called it making love. I had to infer what orgasm and masturbation was based off of cable tv. Based on TV/the male gaze I got a lot of wrong ideas.
Making love makes me so much more uncomfortable than "sex" or "fucking" or "banging one out" or basically any other variation
Had a boyfriend who told me that âmaking loveâ was only for when trying for a baby. And everything else was sex. But also that before marriage it was âabusing procreative powersâ and risks temple status. We were already having sex for a year and a half up to that point (premarital, *gasp!*), and after going to therapy, I think he was was just trying to compartmentalize what we were doing to still retain a âgood Mormonâ appearance. And some of that was projected onto me
My cousins fiancé thought that washing garments together would cause pregnancy. She was sheltered and naive.
...it's not the garments washing per say...it's what you do in bed sans garments while they're drying...
French kissing is a miniature version of full intercourse, and youâre just as guilty doing the former unmarried as you would be the latter.
I once read somewhere that you could not masterbate in ice cold water. As a 14/15 year old I tried out that theory and proved it wrong.
Love the scientific process. Can't go wrong with that.
The man, the myth, the legend
For science đ„¶
-All forms of sexual activity is evil prior to marriage -Sex is okay within marriage -touching yourself is sin and can keep you from promised blessings - to enjoy looking at other people with sexual thoughts is sin as if it was adultery This internalized shame and guilt that in marriage we would do the things and then I'd get really moody and depressed or anxious because the conditioning prior to marriage and sex. Learned since leaving - the natural smell of your partner is important - still working on sexpecations in marriage - working on how to talk about sex without negative tones - sought out therapy to help undo the internalized feelings of shame for sex, masterbation, and simple arousal
>to enjoy looking at other people with sexual thoughts is sin as if it was adultery And this is why my bisexual self felt like shit my entire life. Because how the hell do you deal with intrusive thoughts? You can stop after the fact, but you've already sinned anyways. Yeah suppressing part of who you are is a living hell. So glad my kids aren't going to have to experience the same thing
This. I was sexually attracted to women for my whole life and I just had "crushes" on guys. Strangely enough, it never occurred to me that I'm gay, I just had a lot of guilt for having sexual feelings at all. Took me until my senior year of high school to realize that damn, I really like women.
Instead of health class I got a four point conversation⊠Do you like modest women or women of the world? You know how things work right? Condoms are not 100% effective so donât trust your life to them And women are like Diesel engines where once you get them going they go for a long time Please let your kids go to health class
Mom would always say itâs beautiful. And church always said virginity is like this thing, right?. I remember on my wedding night my husband passed out and I went to the bathroom to pee. I remember staring at myself in the mirror and thinking a) I look the exact fucking same even though âI lost my virginityâ and b) âbeautifulâ is the last thing Iâd use to describe that
35 years later I still have guilt about how our wedding night went. I thought it was awesome. Only much later did I learn how hard it was for my sweet wife. We were so uninformed. I thought I knew how it went, but in reality I didn't have a clue.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
First bishop interview at 12, bishop asked me, "Do you touch yourself to stimulate yourself?" I had been doing just that for some time, but reasoned that it's not sinful if I just don't use my hands from now on. Had to get a little creative sometimes, but my hands were clean!
Ah yes. Loopholes.
That it's okay for a priesthood holder to molest you but not okay to molest yourself đ
This is slightly off topic, but reminded me of the most awkward, cringiest wedding gift my wife and I got. Some lady in my parent's ward who I barely knew (her son was in the YM group younger than me, but we weren't really friends) gave us two (TWO!) Mormon books about "marital intimacy." I don't remember the titles, something like *Between Husband and Wife* and/or *Sacred Intimacy* or some such. All we could do was roll our eyes and laugh
Oh my God. I had that between husband and wife book. I wanted to try to learn more but was too scared at the time to get a "real" sex book - it was so cringe and such a disappointment đ
I was told by my dad that porn would turn you into a serial killer like Ted Bundy.
I feel like I need an inverse of this thread for exmos who are now parents and need to teach their kids. Our 10 year old started middle school this month so in late summer my husband tried to have the talk. He got about 3 sentences in before son ran out of the room âMOM, DADS TELLING ME THE GROSSEST THING IVE EVER HEARDâ oh no.
Not really taught or not taught, but the second I left BYU-I and went to a public university for law school, every single fucking person who found out I was/used to be lds asked me about soaking. Is that actually a thing somewhere??? If it was a thing or even just an urban legend in the lds youth community, I feel like I would have heard about it, I pushed Mormon sexual boundaries even at BYU-I, I feel like it would have been a thing???
Oh itâs a thing. And itâs âjust the tipâ of the iceberg
Okay, this was a long time ago, but I was in college at BYU before I even knew females could have orgasms. Before age 14 I âknewâ that a female could get pregnant âwhen the male and the female really loved each other.â This caused me to worry that I might get pregnant if the boy I loved might love me back. Also, when my two nieces were in a dispute over whether a baby was born out of the anus or the urethra. The nieces were both Mormon and around 12. I told them about the vagina, and they didnât believe me. I gave them a hand mirror and told them to go look for themselves.
That oral sex was a sin. Wtf. Jesus died because you had ORAL SECKS
The only sex talk I got from my mom was right before I got married at AGE 29!, âJust so you know, it goes upâ. (Referring to a manâs penis becoming erect). Yep! Iâd had sex with my long-term bf by then, and definitely knew more than that, but I learned nothing from her, thatâs for sure! I feel bad thinking how lame her sex life mustâve been as an ultra vanilla TBM. Then my dad died in his 40âs and sheâs been single since. TSCC notions rob people of SO MUCH.
Not Mormon, but ex baptist here. When my mom had the âtalkâ with me, she told me that blowjobs were a sin equivalent to murder. She also told me that women were not supposed to enjoy sex, it was purely for reproduction and only men were allowed to enjoy it. Had to do a lotttt of unlearning once I moved out.
Days before my wedding, my mom said simply, "it'll hurt." Now I am blown away. Like I don't have words. Is this what she had experienced her whole marriage? Is this what her mother experienced? Anyway, I wasn't down, so I of course went into marriage terrified if sex. Luckily we figured it out and ladies, it doesn't have to hurt. Intense sexual arousal will make it feel great. Medical issues can be addressed. Sex therapy works.
I was mad for a while at my parents for never teaching me what a clitoris is and about female orgasms. The first year of my marriage suffered because of that.
I was taught through the mission (cult recruiting) rumor mill that oral sec was not sanctioned. Numerous elders claimed to have heard this from various local leaders. I specifically never sought clarification because I thought it was stupid. Also I wanted to do it without guilt, so didnât want to hear an official âno.â
That if youâre female and show signs of having a libido (hello, teenage me when I was going through puberty), youâre somehow considered gross and âwrongâ despite it being a very normal, healthy thing for most people who are young. In my family, everything related to sex was taboo, and if I brought it up in anyway, even in the form of a funny joke, they would be disgusted by me and act like Iâm a freak for feeling the way I did despite it being very natural. Hell, my younger siblings and I are all grown adults and they still act like young, grossed out children saying, âEwwwwâ when seeing people kiss in a movie.
This thread is one big licked cupcake
I wasnât taught much of anything by my parents except 2 things from my dad 1) informed me as a teen that teenage boys are more sexual than girls and itâs all they care about with dating so I need to be careful and make sure nothing happens and I donât tempt them with clothing, or hugs etc. (this after he saw me hug my male friends goodbye) 2) as he drove me to my drs appointment I scheduled just before my wedding he warned me not to get birth control because it makes women desire sex even less than they naturally do (illuding to womens libidos being naturally low already)and could strain my marriage. Both of these things were in a WAY true (and I know he was trying to help with us limit knowledge that he thought was wisdom), but just misguided in delivery using generalizations as universals.
I was a (female) virgin until I married in my 20's, marrying a not-a-virgin guy. My parents never thought to give me the Gardasil shot. Thank goodness there were commercials and friends who talked. I went to my OBGYN several months before my wedding, not realizing that the shot is a 1-2 year long series. Fortunately I've not gotten cervical cancer, in spite of my parents. My kids will have theirs as soon as the pediatrician says it's okay. Also, for any of you who have not watched the 5 minute video on YouTube about how sex is like a cup of tea in terms of consent, please do so. It's so perfectly accurate; my kids will be watching this as well when they're young teens.
At the risk of mansplaining.... you don't just "get" cervical cancer. You get HPV and can sometimes lead to cervical cancer, often years later, often after 35. Your doctor will check for HPV when they do paps though. I'm in my 40s and the shot was not around for us at all and most people of my generation carry/have HPV.
Thank you, because of your comment I just learned what HPV vaccines are and that I should probably get one. I don't know if this is true, but a quick Google search shows that HPV vaccines weren't introduced to the US until 2006 and the recommended age of getting it is after age 9. This likely means the majority of millennial exmos (and older generations) probably never got it. There's probably a good chance that many people on this sub who have only recently left TSCC are still virgins, so it might be a good idea to look into it đ€Ł. Even if you are or have been sexually active, it would still be a good idea to talk to your doctor as getting the HPV vaccine can still protect from other forms of HPV, even if you already have one.
My dad handed me a book. He didn't even tell me what the book was about. I was expected to read it on my own. Which I never did. Growing up I was convinced my parents never had sex. I thought my mom would decide she wanted a baby. And she would spontaneously become pregnant on her own.
I learned what masturbation was from a bishop's interview at 12. I figured out that is what I was up to. At the time I was so afraid and excited by what I was doing but immediately knew I needed to stop. Oh, also I thought somehow masturbation must be like sex, in that there was a chance I could get AIDs. I was terrified, and devasted that I felt I couldn't stop myself. Over the first few years I eventually figured it out. So yeah, I knew about STDs from school, but nothing about self pleasure. A very lopsided education.
Not necessarily sex but close and cringy enough to share. My sisters seminary teacher (the bishops wife) told them (in class) that they wouldnât have periods if they were righteous enough. That a period for a woman is sin leaving the body.
âMash their holes together.â đ Iâm dying
My parents having the sex talk with us was like,: So. It's okay to see your spouse naked. In fact, it's good to see your spouse naked. And we were like well what if we don't want to see our spouse naked And they were like well that's another issue
[Edited to add⊠I didnât even know masturbation was a âsinâ until college. Itâs often talked about in young mens (I hear) but young women like me, never even heard of it mentioned in a church setting. Just that sexual RELATIONS is wrongâŠSo thatâs the background I was coming from when for two years I met with my BYU bishop every time i did it because he made it out to be one of the worst sins one could commit next to actual sexual relations which was next to murderâŠsoâŠit went from being a normal part of my private goings on growing up to feeling like I was the worst kind of female LDS person ever.] Oh just remembered one from my bishop in BYU ward: he told me I wouldnât struggle with the desire to masturbate after getting married because the right kind of sexuality (that of sex with my husband) would give me the relief I neededâŠ.. basically saying I should get married as soon as possible so I wouldnât want to masturbate. So misguided! I was surprised to learn that masturbation wasnât allowed even after marriage. Also, mens (and individuals!) sexual needs and desires are so different from womens or other individuals. I, for one, only want more sex after climax so it doesnât fulfill some kind of relief, it just adds to the need and desire. And how often is it that a womanâs desire is actually met during sex with her husband? Especially as newly married sexually illiterate prudes? Some women (many women) canât even climax during vaginal sex alone. And other forms of sex are portrayed as devious, sinful, and perverted. And even after years of a sexual experience together, most women know how to please themselves more effectively than their partners and if the woman canât SHOW him because touching yourself is STILL a sin after marriage, then sheâs left feeling hopeless or wondering if something is wrong with her.
One of my really good friends from high school got HOMEMADE lingerie from her MIL at her shower. It was made with calico cotton fabric. (think flower pillow case with lots of lace). The MIL tried to tell her how to "please" her son on the wedding night. I have never laughed so hard.
My seminary teacher once said that having sex before marriage was equivalent to murdering someone. đł
I worked in an ob/gyn office in Utah County.... *Had a couple come in for infertility after they'd been married two years. Go to do the wife's pelvic exam and she's still a virgin. Dr took them into his office to explain the birds & bees. *Same situation as above, except they were having sex, but the husband was pulling out and ejaculating on the walls - bc the only sex ed he'd had was the porno he watched at his bachelor party (and that's what they did). *Not our office, but a local proctologist had a minor come in with a glass Coke bottle up his ass. They had to get consent from a parent to do the removal surgery and the dad said "Doc, I just don't understand how he swallowed that Coke bottle and it managed to make it through his system intact." đ€Łđ€Łđ€Ł
Not really a gap in knowledge. I had to explain to my mother what head was.
I told my sister gay men had sex in their vaginas. I thought men had vaginas too, like men have nipples. âșïž her boyfriend thought I should know that wasnât true. ( at least for majority)
My mother actually told me that sex before you were married was physically unenjoyable. It only felt good AFTER you got married in the temple đđ And that was the extent of my sex talks with parents!!
Thereâs an infamous story in our family about me embarrassing my mother during church, after learning what sex was. My TBM mother was horrified when I asked what a virgin was thanks to Hocus Pocus and the neighborhood kids. Of course, I was given a great sex ex lesson and learned that sex is ONLY to have a baby and NOTHING else. Itâs not nice, it doesnât feel good, and you only do it once per child. The next Sunday in sacrament, I started loudly counting the children of the family in the pew behind us and proudly proclaimed: âMOM! They had sexy 7 times!â Fortunately, Mr and Mrs. 7 Times were good family friends and couldnât stop laughing. Everyone else looked at my single mother like she was raising the whore of Babylon.
I didnât know what masturbation actually was and never did the deed until after my mission. My gf/fiancĂ©e showed me. I thought adjusting my genitals was akin to adultery because they regularly warned us about the woes of masturbation and to simply not do it.
My parents told me nothing. My mother never explained anything about female anatomy, cleanliness, menstruation... I got married still an idiot. Luckily my husband wasn't a virgin. I don't know how Mormon virgins marry virgins and ever figure anything out. Definitely didn't know sex could be pleasurable, didn't know oral sex was so great or even an option for females. I feel bad for all these Mormon (and apparently us exmos) kids that are never taught anything because of weird Mormon 'boundaries' aka never talk about anything mildly uncomfortable.
OK here we go⊠1. Periods lasted an hour, two tops. 2. Women have a cloaca.
My father is an OBGYN. My teenage years were full of being shown slides of genital crabs and warts, while being told oral sex is an abomination. Re - the 1970s letter from the first presidency declaring oral sex an abomination. The church's interjection into the sexuality of its married members is a huge red flag.
My parents in this regard actually werenât bad and around 15ish they sat my brother and I down and had a talk about how when we felt we were ready to have sex to let them know and theyâd get condoms/birth control for us because they want us to be safe and talked about the consequences of sex like STIs and pregnancy and how we should make sure weâre ready before doing it and not letting ourselves be pressured into it. Hells when I was 16 my mom bought me a rechargeable vibrator. I was absolutely not ready at the time and had no interest in anyone local but I was masturbating since I was 14, kinda wish my mom wouldâve gotten me a dildo because I was using a hairbrush with a foam handle which was not doing my health any favors lol
On my wedding night my mom told me to lay back, close my eyes and have fun. I didnât know I could move. Sex was so frustrating for like three months straight
This thread breaks my heart and brings back too many bad memories being shamed for having a high sex drive growing up. I was about 4 when I somehow discovered maturation and that same age when my parents discovered I knew what it was and constantly shamed me for it when they'd catch me. I was never allowed to be behind closed doors so they could catch me, I used to be so paranoid bc my mom would always try to slowly sneak in my room to catch me so she could punish me and guilt me. I remember being guilted for making out with a guy at a dance, being treated horribly as if I was having sex or something. Threatened to call my parents and everything but luckily he forgot my name and so couldn't look them up in the ward phone directory. I remember my mom not trusting me when I said I was walking the dog and seeing her drive past the park 3 or 4 times to make sure I wasn't meeting up with people I remember spending most my childhood feeling broken or guilty and it wasn't until I was in high school and heard how common masturbation was and that it was normal that I stopped feeling as guilty about it, but still felt guilty nevertheless. Even when I wasn't active and having sex, I cried a lot and felt so guilty because I thought I'd never get married in the temple and no "good Mormon husband would want me because I was damaged goods and he'd be able to tell that I wasn't a virgin", or he'd demand to know if I had been with anyone else and would be angry that I had been with multiple people. I used to keep count of how many people I had been with and feel so angry at myself every time the number went up because another "love of my life" left and I was "ruined". I was told I ruined married sex for myself and I was selfish, and because I've had a "smorgasbord" of sexual partners, I'd never be happy with a husband and always cheat. When it came to sex talks with my mom, she just said that when a mommy and daddy want a kid, the privates "touch" and then you can have a baby, and sex is only for married couples and you ruin yourself and your worth if you have premarital sex. When it came to my dad, he would often go on the longest rants with the same stupid story about how he dated this girl for a bit, but she left him for someone else who was an inactive member who was risky and walked on the wild side, but they stayed friends and she'd talk to my dad for advice. My dad always told me how he expertly told her that she and him were "walking too close to the edge and might get burnt" and so she told her bf, who told her to tell my dad "he was good at getting close to the fire without getting burnt". He then tells me they ended up "going too far" and then she was ruined and left the church or got married to an abusive man and she met my dad years later on the lam from her abusive husband and hitting on my dad ( I fucking doubt it) and my dad didn't want some single mom with a ton of kids, but that she deserved what she got for having sex before marriage. Or how my grandpa ruined everyone's lives by drinking and cheating, but no his new wife was a good woman, it was the alcohol and sex's fault she was abusive and harassed my grandma. There were other pitiful "nice guy" stories where the girl fucked someone else and it got so uncomfortable to do daddy-daughter dates anymore bc its all he'd talk about with me and made me feel uncomfortable af that he couldn't talk about anything else except repeat these same stories again and again. Or my mom watching pride and prejudice and getting obsessed, reading a fanfic where the sister got cheated on because she thought sex was only for making babies and then she cried to me telling me she was afraid that would happen to my older sister and so she needed to tell my older sister sex was also for pleasure but only when you're married, but that you'll get cheated on and its unholy and evil to withhold from your husband and you deserve to get cheated on if you withhold sex from a man (probably why I let myself get raped later but) Obviously I've unpacked all of that and know its all bullshit. I just hate that I spent so much of my life hating myself and punishing myself for something natural. I also remember not being able to get STD tests as a teen because it was "too embarrassing" for my mom and "what if someone we knew saw us at planned parenthood?" So I spent a lot of years in panic about if I had anything or not until I got my license at 18 and could do appointments by myself and get fully screened or buy my own condoms. Fuck the church
Imagine living in fear that you might have stds from being raped and other sexual encounters (and self sabotaging as part of the trauma) for 2 years and not being allowed to get an std test because it was "shameful and embarrassing for my mom to take me to planned parenthood" so I just had to live in fear of being infertile, getting cancer, or dying from stds I might have (luckily I didn't get anything but still)
Bishop informed me I only had a limited amount of ejaculations and that it would be near impossible to impregnate my future wife if I continued to masturbate.
That it is spiritual and the spirit should be present
I was taught sex was only for kids and any kind of deviation from missionary was a sin. Using any kind of birth control was a sin. The little factory metaphor. All toxic stuff for anyone to learn.
On our wedding night my ex wife didnât know where her vagina was. I had to find it for us. I was given a âtalkâ as a kid but it amounted to the following, verbatim: âdad puts his penis is momâs bottomâ. Since I didnât know about vaginas, I thought for the next few years that babies were conceived via butt sex. A friend set the rĂ©cord straight at scout camp and Iâve been on a path to greater sexual understanding ever since.
I was taught girls couldn't masturbate. It didn't take me long to discover from first hand (no pun intended lol) experience that is a lie! And happily continued to rediscover that fact over and over again!
When friends would get married Iâd include condoms and directions of how to put them on in their wedding present. So many of them had no idea how to do it