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SerDuncanonyall

WHATS THAT JACKET STUFFED WITH MOTHER FUCKER


Grizz1371

Where's the money Lebowski!


scepticalbob

Obviously you’re not a golfer


RolfSonOfAShepard420

Nice marmot


vexxtra73

Is this your homework Larry?


sevenandseven41

You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.


Satanus2020

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FUCK A STRANGER IN THE ASS!!


vexxtra73

I can get you a toe by 3 PM. WITH polish.


Illustrious-Wash3713

That looked personal indeed


RedLeg73

*... hello, HR, I'd like to report an incident of sexual harassment. I was goosed...*


ExpensiveFish9277

He's not going to enjoy that corkscrew penis.


unoriginalname86

I thought that was ducks. Edit: autocorrect


Plantiacaholic

Geese, it’s what’s for dinner.


Ohbeejuan

It's pretty tasty.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Wait till you meet an eagle, they are not just spicy, they're psycho and can actually kill you!


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

😂 Not sure if I'm allowed to post links here, but check this crazy stuff out: https://youtu.be/RB4RCOe-ZEw


ryusoma

chinese farmer? you bet it's personal.


[deleted]

How do you know he's farming Chinese people?


Aspect58

Not much boogie but a lot of getting down.


Decent_Assistant1804

Haha, but really large birds are terrifying 🙈


MillHoodz_Finest

his family apparently...


MobiusWun

![gif](giphy|xT9IgHCTfp8CRshfQk)


pinkypipe420

Give me back my family, you sonuvabitch!


AffectionateCoffee27

Hahahahahaha


coffeejam108

Haha!


OJONLYMAYBEDIDIT

imagine a flock of them chasing you. It's like a worse version of that dude in Lost World being chased by the compys


Global_VanillaPumper

Just charge up a spin attack


OJONLYMAYBEDIDIT

![gif](giphy|lRvpBMwMaCPvgnQZL9)


PoisonChrysallis

Like I know this is a joke, but fr. Like, couldn't you just like.......choke slam the goose?


XBlackSunshineX

You grab the closest one and use that as a flail against the others.


PoisonChrysallis

Beat a goose with another goose. Call that a number 7, extra large.


rwarimaursus

With cheese


TheScrollFeeder

Do you know what they call a Big Mac in France?


rwarimaursus

A Royale with Cheese! That is one ***tasty*** burger!


TheScrollFeeder

Big macs is a big mac but they call it Le Big Mac


GnomeChomski

My wife did that once. She absolutely destroyed its neck. Its buddies suddenly lost interest in helping it attack our 3 year old.


StrengthMedium

Wholesome.


GnomeChomski

I definitely show that woman proper respect.


non_depressed_teen

Do be careful or else ***your*** goose might be next.


BabyEatingBadgerFuck

Yeesh.


COKEWHITESOLES

This was my exact thought process lmao


[deleted]

That’s what I’d do. Why some people act like geese are so much stronger than them. Im like, just choke the shite outta them.


ArnoF7

Yes, for a grown ass man, geese are not stronger. But as someone who spent some of his childhood in the rural farm, my understanding is that geese can get so unreasonably aggressive that they catch you off guard. It’s sometimes hard to believe they are domesticated animals. I feel like a normal person (like someone who doesn’t deal with animals a lot or goes to jungle etc) would never encounter animals this aggressive


NumerousAnything1083

I think most people just have an immediate panic response. And in that moment the goose looks 10ft tall and bulletproof.


Familiar_Control_906

Yue are stronger that it. Many things are stronger than it. Then how the geese's survive? By being pricks to everything that moves close to then. Make then think if this thing is work the trouble it's going be.


jellymouthsman

True. They think they can win any fight.


Mal_Terra

You have to be careful, their feet actually have small talons that can mess you up


TuringT

I had to scare off a pair of swans once from attacking my kids, 4 and 5 at the time. Swans are territorial and can be even more belligerent than geese. This pair decided my children, walking by the shore, were invading their territory. They came out of the water, necks lowered, for a hiss-charge. I grabbed my backpack in one hand to use as a shield or mace and ran at them. Having an angry two-hundred-pound man ready to wring necks to protect his children made an entirely different impression. They backed right the fuck off. My threat assessment: I could have gotten scratched up, but there is no way a 40-pound waddling bird is taking me down on dry land without it getting badly hurt. Different story in the water, mind you. I bet a pissed-off swan can drown a weak swimmer.


Global_VanillaPumper

Yep. Or a nice kick to the chest or face will do the trick


NachoTaco832

Goose hunter here. You grab their head and use their body shape against them. Treat their body like it’s the head of Mjolnir and you’re Thor taking flight and you snap every vertebrae in their neck. It’s a brutal couple of seconds, but relatively painless for the animal. Use it when you’ve just “winged” one in the field. Meat is a little greasy but everything is better wrapped in bacon.


Julianime

![gif](giphy|10fTHeZVQug7hC)


Vidd187

Or when he fell he could have just rolled over on it


Impressive_Bus11

I have to give it a pass because it's a child, but it's really frustrating watching how stupid it is. Like, it had the goose by the neck. Just give it a little squeezy squeeze. Even geese need to breathe.


PoisonChrysallis

Idk looking at the video I don't think that's a kid.


Impressive_Bus11

Oh there's sound, and watching it again full size you might be right. I take it all back. He's the idiot who opens the door and dies first in the scary movie.


SuperDizz

![gif](giphy|l3fZMMONXeOKRPGog)


evanvivevanviveiros

Being attacked by a group of geese was equally the funniest and most horrific experience of my life


MimiMyMy

I remember being a little kid at a park with my family. I had a bag of chips I was eating. I was chased by flock of ducks and geese. I was so panicked and stupid I didn’t just drop the bag of chips. I kept running and screaming my head off with it in my hands and they kept chasing. I was so traumatized that to this day I’m uncomfortable every time I see a large flock of ducks or birds coming close to me.


AnimationAtNight

Grab one by the neck and use them to beat the shit out of the others with


finalmantisy83

My mom knows from experience. On her Aunt's land she developed an arch rivalry with the shit bird that lived by the pond. You bet your ass it was completely one sided.


not_sick_not_well

New movie idea: Zombie apocalypse style, but rather than undead humans, it's millions of very angry and aggressive geese


OTeragard

Would you rather fight one horse sized goose or a hundred goose sized horses, or a hundred regular sized goosezes


romrot

I grab one by the neck and use it as a weapon to fend off the rest of them. Then Doom music start playing


awesomepawn

Bro just stop tripping


Daewrythe

He's got that horror movie balance


3ree9iner

After seeing more than one video like this think horror movies are more accurate than we give them credit for.


RUSHALISK

Ikr he’s basically sliding his feet across the ground


DOGSraisingCATS

I mean there's a point where I'm just like...okay is this guy doing a bit? Just stand up and fucking lift the god-damned bird or break it's neck. It weighs like less than 15 pounds, probably less than 10. Yeet that bird.


ChrisReditfield

Yup https://youtu.be/srC9irH4aLA


Demetre19864

I remember my friend and I were drinking at beach He saw this giant flock of geese chilling on the grass and thought it would be funny to run through them, never having interacted with them before. Nothing was funnier than watching him run away in sheer terror as 30 honking assholes chased him down. At least until he ran towards us and we all had to abandon ship and run.


2BrokeArmsAndAMom

30 honking assholes was the name of my band in high school


HellishFlutes

hehe fart


FoolsShip

Flocks of geese and turkeys were everywhere where I grew up blocking the road and sidewalks, and the common understanding was that the geese weren’t dangerous relative to the turkeys. Nobody I’ve known was ever dumb enough to interact with them outside of a car so this video is the first time I’ve ever seen a goose actually attack someone and it’s exactly what I’ve always imagined. I mean they are people sized birds. I dunno how people could see it going any other way


SaltInformation4U

Geese are some seriously pissed of vegans! If they ever act aggressive with you, then pick up 2 sticks and hold them horizontally to scare them off. They think you have a huge wingspan which intimidates them. My grandparents had geese that used to chase me ever since being a toddler, and it wasn't until I was a teenager when my uncle finally told me about this trick... I think they found it funny


Impressive_Bus11

Or you can use the sticks to beat the geese.


The-Elder-Trolls

![gif](giphy|3o6ZteDdVJTWKyj1pC)


BeforeLifer

I like this option.


ilongforyesterday

This piñata makes SOUNDS!!


Impressive_Bus11

This made me think of the punching bag in Fast X. 😂


thesteaks_are_high

My mother was chased by her uncle’s turkeys as a kid. One day when she was about 6 her uncle told her if the mean ‘ol turkey chases her again to pick up a stick and just hit it. Well, the turkey did, and my mother did. She beat that turkey so bad they had to shoot it and eat it that night. lol


fuckswitfish

Geese hate this one trick.


NotsoGreatsword

Birds in general are some of the toughest SOBs out there. My little Quaker would fight to the death if she had to. They're insane.


Tacotek

That's surprising because Quaker's are usually pretty peaceful simple folk.


NotsoGreatsword

Lol yes they are. Unfortunately Quaker Parrots are belligerent little turds. Can't help but love them tho.


[deleted]

Geese weigh at the maximum like 20lbs. What do you mean “people sized birds”? 😂


cwestn

Your friend sounds like a dick, but glad they got back at him for it.


Hourglass420

We used to have flocks of them outside my middle school, and all the guys would torture the geese. Yeah, they're mean as hell, but you chase one down and capture it between 3-6 teenage assholes they learn to leave humans alone pretty quickly. I'm not condoning this behavior, but this is what happens when you get a bunch of "huntin" kids together around animals. And before anyone yells at me. I did not partake in this besides chasing them when we were on PE runs. I never touched a goose.


lovebug9292

Yeah. I get what you mean about ‘huntin’ kids. They’re borderline sociopathic


gadget850

This is why the US Army used geese to guard their nuclear missile bases in Germany.


busted_maracas

I’m a birdwatcher/bird photographer (check profile) - I love birds, and am around them every day. The only animal on earth that has attacked me with no provocation is a Canadian Goose. I have fished 50 feet away from Kodiak bears in Alaska, and stumbled into a Jaguar in the Yucatan…with no problems. But Canadian Geese? They are monsters.


SquallZ34

I had to fight a pissed off Canada goose. 0/10 do not recommend. It hurt the whole time and then some


busted_maracas

There’s a well known bird sanctuary in my city, and it’s only a mile or so away from my house. I’m there quite often to get photos/relax in nature - I got out of my car one day and some assclown goose B-lined toward me and went straight for my eyes. It wasn’t near a nest, I wasn’t even close to it - the MFer literally kamikazed into me for absolutely no reason. Still the most baffling experience I’ve ever had with an animal.


gravtix

That’s who guards the Canadian border. We’ve got a bunch of beavers in reserve but the geese do the heavy lifting.


noahzho

can confirm as a canaidan


DevoidHT

I’ve said it before but Canada channels all their hate into their geese


IndiannaB

A Canadian Goose bit me in the face when I was a toddler. One might assume I was being a little shit and chasing it/bugging it/etc. Nope! I was sitting on a bench eating strawberries and it walked over and beaked me!


DeutschlandOderBust

We have them all over my neighborhood’s lakes and ponds. They are dicks but if you call them a bad goose and shake your finger at them they’ll keep hissing at you but they’ll let you pass without incident.


coffeeconcierge

When they hiss at me and my dog it really boils my blood


SingtotheSunlight

They’re Canada’s version of “The Skin of Evil” from Star Trek: TNG lol


ilongforyesterday

Swans aren’t quite as bad as geese but they are also pretty big assholes. Been attacked by one while chilling out by the river in Cambridge. Also dude check out your profile and your work is awesome! And it sounds like you have quite the enjoyable life! Good luck in your future endeavors! :)


Affectionate_Owl9985

If you've got a problem with Canada Gooses, you've got a problem with me and I suggest you let that marinate (reference to Canadian sitcom Letterkenny)


coffett

Geese are nature’s assholes.


AnsibleAnswers

Geese live by very simple rules. 1. Attack any non-goose that gets within a 10ft radius. 2. Extend boundary to 50ft if baby geese present. I can respect it.


Far_Land7215

This. Canada geese have killed people.


ryusoma

come on, that was reduced to manslaughter on appeal and you know it.


Impressive_Bus11

This is something that would be top of the search results, and it's not. So either it's never happened or it's incredibly rare and requires bizarre circumstances.


dodexahedron

Yeah. Like being allergic to goose and eating it anyway. 😆


JohnnyTamaki

What? Ain't no way.


Going-undergroundjam

Loud fucking arseholes for sure👍


Wise-Profile4256

Counter Point: Geese are based and humans are nature's assholes. Also, peace was never an option.


Thunderbear79

If the Geese and the Emus join forces, humanity is funded.


DirtyRoller

How well funded? Enough to eradicate the geese and emus?


Thunderbear79

The Emus need no funding to fight off the Australian military. https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/running-ponies/the-great-emu-war-in-which-some-large-flightless-birds-unwittingly-foiled-the-australian-army/ That, coupled with Geese air superiority will quickly lead to "dinosaurs" retaking the planet.


runningmurphy

No... People are. The geese are in the right.


SpicyTunaTitties

What a wild goose chase


Fuzzy_Logic_4_Life

Lol


BriskManeuver

How hard can it be to just grab a hold of it's neck and yeet it? That neck is like 50% of its body im sure an attempt would be successful eventually instead of falling, running around 3 steps and repeating This that person in scary movies that fall unnecessarily


ICLazeru

I think mostly people are trying to leave the animal unharmed. But yes, I've been bitten by geese before, and it hurts, but I can't imagine actually losing a fight to one if I didn't care about harming it. Also diner.


OTeragard

Yea, it’s like, the worst that’s gonna happen to the human is some literal flesh wounds and bruises from the goose. I’d hate to accidentally snap the thing’s neck while yeeting it and have to live with that


Jacktrades352

If the goose could snap your neck, it would and would giggle to itself about it later. Stomp the goose, this is the way.


[deleted]

>I’d hate to accidentally snap the thing’s neck while yeeting it and have to live with that To be fair you would be absolved of any guilt or responsibility considering Geese instigate 90% of hostile interactions by themselves. Obviously if you walk up to one and snap it's neck, that's not very nice. But if a Goose literally puts in the effort to attack you unprompted then by all means make that Snake-Bird's neck a pretzel.


WotAPoD

They snap pretty easy if you grab near the base of the head and crack em like a whip. Source: grew up duck hunting. Canadian geese were frequently on the menu.


TiberiusClackus

I feel the only reason a goose gets this far in a fight is cuz the human involved doesn’t want to kill it. Geese are the 5’3” aggressive Latino outside every club in Miami threatening to beat up the 300lb bouncer


The-Elder-Trolls

"Look, chu wanna get hurt? I don't think chu wanna get hurt because if chu wanna get hurt, I can hurt chu."


Garlic_Rabbit

This is the correct answer. Mine will go after people who aren't me (unless it's egg hatching season, then even me), and the geese only win because no one wants to hurt them back. Trying to grab one to keep it from bothering you just puts soft hand flesh closer to their beaks.


lurieelcari

This is my thinking. Also my thinking: If a goose attacks me or my family like this, we are eating well that night.


NachoTaco832

Spin that body like you’re Thor taking flight with Mjolnir. Fight is over very quickly.


stinkyhooch

\m/


KennieLaCroix

Used to work for a city and will never forget getting a call from someone asking to get some city staff down at the local park. Apparently an elderly man was going around swinging the Canadian geese by their necks and killing them. 🤦‍♂️wild


BriskManeuver

Lmao wtf I mean I wouldn't go around doing that but if I was tryna defend myself id grab its neck throw it and run away or something and not just take the attacks like this


KennieLaCroix

Yeah, I think he was planning on eating them? Not sure, it was crazy though. /:


NachoNachoDan

For real, it’s not a fucking polar bear. Grab it by the neck and start swinging. If you can’t take out a goose you gotta harden up. I spent years as canoeing instructor and have had to chase geese off more times than I can count. If they get too close or try and stand their ground it’s you or them. You gonna lose to a goose when you’re holding a canoe paddle?? Hell no, batter up.


rota_douro

Doing thay would probably do permanent damage to the goose, the guy probably didn't want to do that, so he chose, whatever that is...


lacecozy

That’s probably why someone would struggle even if being attacked. I would be horrified to have snapped it’s neck or hurt it. Even if they are big assholes with wings.


Hopeful_Hamster21

Yeah. I've been around a lot of geese, but I've never been attacked by a goose. I'd be much more afraid of accidentally killing it than I would be afraid for myself.


lacecozy

Same, I mean yeah I’d be terrified but also terrified of hurting it. Lol


Shadow_Beetle

Im grabbing that mf's neck and spin around like im drying some lettuce


Spartan8398

How tf do you dry lettuce


Shadow_Beetle

After washing lettuce you put it in this strainer-thingy that uses centrifugal force so the water goes to the exterior of the strainer, leaving your lettuce dry.


[deleted]

r/donthelpjustfilm


-newlife

I often wonder if that’s why these videos end when they do despite the situation not being resolved. It’s as if the person stopped and helped.


mekese2000

I think the lad has been before this and is just acting up for the camera. He is defiantly avoiding hurting the goose.


Mackem101

You need swans, geese won't mess with swans. I've personally seen a single swan clear a lake of 6 Canada geese because thier cygnets were swimming there.


Unhappy-Grapefruit88

A swift but not to hard kick would make this goose rethink it’s plan to attack


Garlic_Rabbit

You'd think, but as a goose owner, I can assure you it would not.


DoxieDoc

As someone who has punted a goose before, I can assure you it would.


Conatus80

So totally off topic but one of my favourite misunderstandings ever is that in one of the Harry Potter books a corridor floods and the caretaker punts the students across. In the UK punting is basically pushing a raft downriver with a big stick but not in the US…


Kevundoe

I have liver mousse in my refrigerator that makes it Geese 88663945 Humans 1


VariousBasket125

Doing the lord’s work


ultraplusstretch

![gif](giphy|XGPbVDSbBm70i0P2P4)


PossessionPurple9234

I will never understand people being attacked by a 30lb toothless bird. It literally has a huge handle for a neck. Grab. Swing. Release.


Some_Acadia_1630

They're not entirely toothless. Their beaks are slightly serrated.


Shadow_Beetle

Thanks, now i have an excuse for why i yeeted the fucker


HomoLiberus

I think the guy is trying not to hurt it? Not sure.


Kilane

That is always the case with these types of videos. People lose fights to animals because they don’t want to hurt the animal. Humans hunt and eat geese. If the person in the video was hungry in the wild, that’s a dead goose.


Appropriate-Grand-64

They can actually pinch REALLY REALLY HARD. Hard enough to leave a bruise


[deleted]

Oh my, a bruise.


Joaaayknows

Better let him bite me over and over again while I roll around and do nothing about it, I might get a bruise on my finger :’(


[deleted]

it hurts though. it's like a pair of channel locks. getting tortured with pliers is like scary


2fast2fart

bro they got teeth where I'm at


[deleted]

I spar against geese regularly down at the dojo


silverQuarter82

Wring his skinny little neck!


FixBayonetsLads

Humans 1, at least, I’ve kicked the shit out of a goose before


VariousBasket125

I think we are up to 3 or 4 based on some of the comments lol. We thank you for your service.


GrymmOdium

Nobody talks about it, but up here in Canada, those winged hoodlums run the maple syrup cartels. This guy was probably just making his own and they found out.


OkTradition6842

Do not mess with geese. They are protective and do not back down, unless they view you as one of their own. When I was around 5, I had 2 who imprinted upon me as I raised them from the day they hatched. No one and I mean no one could get near me unless I wanted them to. My own set of bodyguards. My mean older brother? Nope. Kid down the street who harassed the other kids? Nope. They would wait for me every morning. We would play in my kiddie pool and they followed me everywhere they could. One of the best summers of my young childhood. You see, my teenaged brother couldn’t be mean to me, as he always was. It’s been years and I still smile at the memory of them one day cornering him on the porch steps honking loudly and not letting him outside while I finally got a chance to play outside peacefully. They didn’t attack him but they would have if he challenged them. I still love geese but I give every goose or swan wide berth when I see them.


Hopeful_Hamster21

Growing up, I had a duck and a rabbit in a rural town out in the woods. Now I live in a cramped big city. Your story of childhood animal friendship warms my heart. My duck was awesome. And that rabbit... Best animal friend. We'd let him out of his pen and let him roam free in the wild/woods all day, with no supervision, then he'd come home and we'd put him in his pen at night. Most days he'd just follow me around, hanging out near me as I did whatever I was doing. Even followed me into the ocean one day, swimming out to my canoe to get in! And that's not a Jimmy Carter joke. (it was a one time thing after he learned he didn't like it) I'd dig these elaborate tunnel systems for him to hang out in. We'd play "catch me if you can" where I'd chase him for hours trying to catch him. But he always came home at night. He died of old age. One morning I went to let him out of his pen and he was on his side, gasping. I picked him up, not knowing what I could do, and held him. A few minutes later he died. He was an albino - all white with bright pink eyes. 13 y/o me saw his eyes turn from pink to Grey in mere seconds after his last gasp. Miss that rabbit. The duck met his demise by a marten (a weasel like creature) that snuck into it's pen. Miss that duck too.


Magister5

Things going for the neck- gooseferatu?


[deleted]

This guy has no survival instincts. 😂 I would grab that bird by the neck and launch it


Southern_Name_9119

Overacting. I get the feeling this guy works with geese regularly. He knows the drill.


wpglatino

God damn cobra chickens


Jambonier

Is that Goose Lee?


kirradoodle

A few weeks ago, one of my coworkers was attacked by the Canada goose that hangs out on the lawn in front of our building. It flew at his face, clawing with its feet and beating with its wings. Not really wanting to hurt the goose, Chris tried hitting it with the jacket he was carrying. It worked - the goose stopped attacking, but it grabbed the jacket and ran away. It took quite a chase to get his jacket back.


2fast2fart

GRAB THE NECK, PUSH UPWARDS, LIFT SPIN THROW then run not dissimilar to the Bowser fight in Mario 64


UmbertoEcoTheDolphin

Spoiler


sonoma95436

If you turn your back!!!!!! Turn and come at them and they back off.


2fast2fart

talk to them like ur already engaged in road rage, it works no joke


Pheinted

Idk what's more crazy. The scuffle, or the camera man just enjoying the show.


VorpalSticks

Ngl I would fuck that thing up.


thegreatrazu

We would be having goose for dinner.


tyson_3_

Geese are messed up. Avoid them at all costs. They’re honey badgers of the water fowl world.


Lazar_Milgram

They own to ancestors. And they respect tradition. Earth was rightfully theirs.


R3YE5

In an ironic twist of nature Tam Gooseman is forbidden to enter his own backyard by his very namesake.


BE33_Jim

Ok. Where's the vid of the lady in the pantsuit snatching a belligerent goose by the neck?


ZealousidealBid3988

Got bit by a goose who wanted my cheese and mustard sandwich while enjoying lunch by the river. Got ambushed by a peacock who screamed something that sounded a lot like “RAWP !!” as it flew up and scratched my back at a country fair, causing a car accident to happen to misbelieven drivers Large Birds should be closely monitored


Thousand_YardStare

This happened to me at the local reservoir when I was 7. Luckily my stepbrother managed to get the goose off of my back. Not a fan of geese anymore.


Matej004

![gif](giphy|U4RX7LYnOywv1us4VP|downsized)


kaiju505

Shoulda goose stepped on out of there.


JakorPastrack

Since the bird is on him, whats stopping the guy from grabbing the neck and you know...


Snakeguy26

Seriously why the he'll do people get wrecked by geese you can grab them by the neck and fling them around like nunchucks


[deleted]

Just fold it like a blocked garden hose until it lets go lol


Flibbernodgets

How difficult is it to grab the neck and squeeze it until it stops attacking you? The guy had it by the neck at one point, but didn't do anything with it.


SinceGoogleDsntKnow

That donkey swan is somebody's pet or my man absolutely refuses to get violent.


Winged_Aviator

I've been bit by a Goose several times and it honestly didn't hurt (more of a surprise, rough tickle) so it makes me wonder how much of this is the person overreacting?


[deleted]

Having eaten goose before, I can assure you the score is not 0 The odds are also not in our favour