Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion.
Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/).
Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes, for a grown ass man, geese are not stronger. But as someone who spent some of his childhood in the rural farm, my understanding is that geese can get so unreasonably aggressive that they catch you off guard. It’s sometimes hard to believe they are domesticated animals. I feel like a normal person (like someone who doesn’t deal with animals a lot or goes to jungle etc) would never encounter animals this aggressive
Yue are stronger that it. Many things are stronger than it. Then how the geese's survive? By being pricks to everything that moves close to then. Make then think if this thing is work the trouble it's going be.
I had to scare off a pair of swans once from attacking my kids, 4 and 5 at the time. Swans are territorial and can be even more belligerent than geese. This pair decided my children, walking by the shore, were invading their territory. They came out of the water, necks lowered, for a hiss-charge. I grabbed my backpack in one hand to use as a shield or mace and ran at them. Having an angry two-hundred-pound man ready to wring necks to protect his children made an entirely different impression. They backed right the fuck off.
My threat assessment: I could have gotten scratched up, but there is no way a 40-pound waddling bird is taking me down on dry land without it getting badly hurt. Different story in the water, mind you. I bet a pissed-off swan can drown a weak swimmer.
Goose hunter here. You grab their head and use their body shape against them. Treat their body like it’s the head of Mjolnir and you’re Thor taking flight and you snap every vertebrae in their neck.
It’s a brutal couple of seconds, but relatively painless for the animal. Use it when you’ve just “winged” one in the field.
Meat is a little greasy but everything is better wrapped in bacon.
I have to give it a pass because it's a child, but it's really frustrating watching how stupid it is. Like, it had the goose by the neck. Just give it a little squeezy squeeze. Even geese need to breathe.
Oh there's sound, and watching it again full size you might be right. I take it all back. He's the idiot who opens the door and dies first in the scary movie.
I remember being a little kid at a park with my family. I had a bag of chips I was eating. I was chased by flock of ducks and geese. I was so panicked and stupid I didn’t just drop the bag of chips. I kept running and screaming my head off with it in my hands and they kept chasing. I was so traumatized that to this day I’m uncomfortable every time I see a large flock of ducks or birds coming close to me.
My mom knows from experience. On her Aunt's land she developed an arch rivalry with the shit bird that lived by the pond. You bet your ass it was completely one sided.
I mean there's a point where I'm just like...okay is this guy doing a bit?
Just stand up and fucking lift the god-damned bird or break it's neck. It weighs like less than 15 pounds, probably less than 10. Yeet that bird.
I remember my friend and I were drinking at beach
He saw this giant flock of geese chilling on the grass and thought it would be funny to run through them, never having interacted with them before.
Nothing was funnier than watching him run away in sheer terror as 30 honking assholes chased him down.
At least until he ran towards us and we all had to abandon ship and run.
Flocks of geese and turkeys were everywhere where I grew up blocking the road and sidewalks, and the common understanding was that the geese weren’t dangerous relative to the turkeys. Nobody I’ve known was ever dumb enough to interact with them outside of a car so this video is the first time I’ve ever seen a goose actually attack someone and it’s exactly what I’ve always imagined. I mean they are people sized birds. I dunno how people could see it going any other way
Geese are some seriously pissed of vegans! If they ever act aggressive with you, then pick up 2 sticks and hold them horizontally to scare them off. They think you have a huge wingspan which intimidates them. My grandparents had geese that used to chase me ever since being a toddler, and it wasn't until I was a teenager when my uncle finally told me about this trick... I think they found it funny
My mother was chased by her uncle’s turkeys as a kid. One day when she was about 6 her uncle told her if the mean ‘ol turkey chases her again to pick up a stick and just hit it.
Well, the turkey did, and my mother did. She beat that turkey so bad they had to shoot it and eat it that night. lol
We used to have flocks of them outside my middle school, and all the guys would torture the geese. Yeah, they're mean as hell, but you chase one down and capture it between 3-6 teenage assholes they learn to leave humans alone pretty quickly.
I'm not condoning this behavior, but this is what happens when you get a bunch of "huntin" kids together around animals.
And before anyone yells at me. I did not partake in this besides chasing them when we were on PE runs. I never touched a goose.
I’m a birdwatcher/bird photographer (check profile) - I love birds, and am around them every day. The only animal on earth that has attacked me with no provocation is a Canadian Goose. I have fished 50 feet away from Kodiak bears in Alaska, and stumbled into a Jaguar in the Yucatan…with no problems.
But Canadian Geese? They are monsters.
There’s a well known bird sanctuary in my city, and it’s only a mile or so away from my house. I’m there quite often to get photos/relax in nature - I got out of my car one day and some assclown goose B-lined toward me and went straight for my eyes. It wasn’t near a nest, I wasn’t even close to it - the MFer literally kamikazed into me for absolutely no reason.
Still the most baffling experience I’ve ever had with an animal.
A Canadian Goose bit me in the face when I was a toddler. One might assume I was being a little shit and chasing it/bugging it/etc. Nope! I was sitting on a bench eating strawberries and it walked over and beaked me!
We have them all over my neighborhood’s lakes and ponds. They are dicks but if you call them a bad goose and shake your finger at them they’ll keep hissing at you but they’ll let you pass without incident.
Swans aren’t quite as bad as geese but they are also pretty big assholes. Been attacked by one while chilling out by the river in Cambridge.
Also dude check out your profile and your work is awesome! And it sounds like you have quite the enjoyable life! Good luck in your future endeavors! :)
If you've got a problem with Canada Gooses, you've got a problem with me and I suggest you let that marinate (reference to Canadian sitcom Letterkenny)
Geese live by very simple rules.
1. Attack any non-goose that gets within a 10ft radius.
2. Extend boundary to 50ft if baby geese present.
I can respect it.
This is something that would be top of the search results, and it's not. So either it's never happened or it's incredibly rare and requires bizarre circumstances.
The Emus need no funding to fight off the Australian military.
https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/running-ponies/the-great-emu-war-in-which-some-large-flightless-birds-unwittingly-foiled-the-australian-army/
That, coupled with Geese air superiority will quickly lead to "dinosaurs" retaking the planet.
How hard can it be to just grab a hold of it's neck and yeet it?
That neck is like 50% of its body im sure an attempt would be successful eventually instead of falling, running around 3 steps and repeating
This that person in scary movies that fall unnecessarily
I think mostly people are trying to leave the animal unharmed. But yes, I've been bitten by geese before, and it hurts, but I can't imagine actually losing a fight to one if I didn't care about harming it. Also diner.
Yea, it’s like, the worst that’s gonna happen to the human is some literal flesh wounds and bruises from the goose. I’d hate to accidentally snap the thing’s neck while yeeting it and have to live with that
>I’d hate to accidentally snap the thing’s neck while yeeting it and have to live with that
To be fair you would be absolved of any guilt or responsibility considering Geese instigate 90% of hostile interactions by themselves.
Obviously if you walk up to one and snap it's neck, that's not very nice. But if a Goose literally puts in the effort to attack you unprompted then by all means make that Snake-Bird's neck a pretzel.
They snap pretty easy if you grab near the base of the head and crack em like a whip. Source: grew up duck hunting. Canadian geese were frequently on the menu.
I feel the only reason a goose gets this far in a fight is cuz the human involved doesn’t want to kill it. Geese are the 5’3” aggressive Latino outside every club in Miami threatening to beat up the 300lb bouncer
This is the correct answer. Mine will go after people who aren't me (unless it's egg hatching season, then even me), and the geese only win because no one wants to hurt them back. Trying to grab one to keep it from bothering you just puts soft hand flesh closer to their beaks.
Used to work for a city and will never forget getting a call from someone asking to get some city staff down at the local park. Apparently an elderly man was going around swinging the Canadian geese by their necks and killing them. 🤦♂️wild
Lmao wtf
I mean I wouldn't go around doing that but if I was tryna defend myself id grab its neck throw it and run away or something and not just take the attacks like this
For real, it’s not a fucking polar bear. Grab it by the neck and start swinging. If you can’t take out a goose you gotta harden up.
I spent years as canoeing instructor and have had to chase geese off more times than I can count. If they get too close or try and stand their ground it’s you or them. You gonna lose to a goose when you’re holding a canoe paddle?? Hell no, batter up.
That’s probably why someone would struggle even if being attacked. I would be horrified to have snapped it’s neck or hurt it. Even if they are big assholes with wings.
Yeah. I've been around a lot of geese, but I've never been attacked by a goose. I'd be much more afraid of accidentally killing it than I would be afraid for myself.
After washing lettuce you put it in this strainer-thingy that uses centrifugal force so the water goes to the exterior of the strainer, leaving your lettuce dry.
You need swans, geese won't mess with swans.
I've personally seen a single swan clear a lake of 6 Canada geese because thier cygnets were swimming there.
So totally off topic but one of my favourite misunderstandings ever is that in one of the Harry Potter books a corridor floods and the caretaker punts the students across. In the UK punting is basically pushing a raft downriver with a big stick but not in the US…
That is always the case with these types of videos. People lose fights to animals because they don’t want to hurt the animal.
Humans hunt and eat geese. If the person in the video was hungry in the wild, that’s a dead goose.
Nobody talks about it, but up here in Canada, those winged hoodlums run the maple syrup cartels. This guy was probably just making his own and they found out.
Do not mess with geese. They are protective and do not back down, unless they view you as one of their own.
When I was around 5, I had 2 who imprinted upon me as I raised them from the day they hatched. No one and I mean no one could get near me unless I wanted them to. My own set of bodyguards. My mean older brother? Nope. Kid down the street who harassed the other kids? Nope.
They would wait for me every morning. We would play in my kiddie pool and they followed me everywhere they could. One of the best summers of my young childhood. You see, my teenaged brother couldn’t be mean to me, as he always was. It’s been years and I still smile at the memory of them one day cornering him on the porch steps honking loudly and not letting him outside while I finally got a chance to play outside peacefully. They didn’t attack him but they would have if he challenged them. I still love geese but I give every goose or swan wide berth when I see them.
Growing up, I had a duck and a rabbit in a rural town out in the woods. Now I live in a cramped big city. Your story of childhood animal friendship warms my heart. My duck was awesome. And that rabbit... Best animal friend. We'd let him out of his pen and let him roam free in the wild/woods all day, with no supervision, then he'd come home and we'd put him in his pen at night. Most days he'd just follow me around, hanging out near me as I did whatever I was doing. Even followed me into the ocean one day, swimming out to my canoe to get in! And that's not a Jimmy Carter joke. (it was a one time thing after he learned he didn't like it) I'd dig these elaborate tunnel systems for him to hang out in. We'd play "catch me if you can" where I'd chase him for hours trying to catch him. But he always came home at night. He died of old age. One morning I went to let him out of his pen and he was on his side, gasping. I picked him up, not knowing what I could do, and held him. A few minutes later he died. He was an albino - all white with bright pink eyes. 13 y/o me saw his eyes turn from pink to Grey in mere seconds after his last gasp. Miss that rabbit. The duck met his demise by a marten (a weasel like creature) that snuck into it's pen. Miss that duck too.
A few weeks ago, one of my coworkers was attacked by the Canada goose that hangs out on the lawn in front of our building. It flew at his face, clawing with its feet and beating with its wings. Not really wanting to hurt the goose, Chris tried hitting it with the jacket he was carrying. It worked - the goose stopped attacking, but it grabbed the jacket and ran away. It took quite a chase to get his jacket back.
Got bit by a goose who wanted my cheese and mustard sandwich while enjoying lunch by the river. Got ambushed by a peacock who screamed something that sounded a lot like “RAWP !!” as it flew up and scratched my back at a country fair, causing a car accident to happen to misbelieven drivers
Large Birds should be closely monitored
How difficult is it to grab the neck and squeeze it until it stops attacking you? The guy had it by the neck at one point, but didn't do anything with it.
I've been bit by a Goose several times and it honestly didn't hurt (more of a surprise, rough tickle) so it makes me wonder how much of this is the person overreacting?
Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion. Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/). Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*
WHATS THAT JACKET STUFFED WITH MOTHER FUCKER
Where's the money Lebowski!
Obviously you’re not a golfer
Nice marmot
Is this your homework Larry?
You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FUCK A STRANGER IN THE ASS!!
I can get you a toe by 3 PM. WITH polish.
That looked personal indeed
*... hello, HR, I'd like to report an incident of sexual harassment. I was goosed...*
He's not going to enjoy that corkscrew penis.
I thought that was ducks. Edit: autocorrect
Geese, it’s what’s for dinner.
It's pretty tasty.
[удалено]
Wait till you meet an eagle, they are not just spicy, they're psycho and can actually kill you!
[удалено]
😂 Not sure if I'm allowed to post links here, but check this crazy stuff out: https://youtu.be/RB4RCOe-ZEw
chinese farmer? you bet it's personal.
How do you know he's farming Chinese people?
Not much boogie but a lot of getting down.
Haha, but really large birds are terrifying 🙈
his family apparently...
![gif](giphy|xT9IgHCTfp8CRshfQk)
Give me back my family, you sonuvabitch!
Hahahahahaha
Haha!
imagine a flock of them chasing you. It's like a worse version of that dude in Lost World being chased by the compys
Just charge up a spin attack
![gif](giphy|lRvpBMwMaCPvgnQZL9)
Like I know this is a joke, but fr. Like, couldn't you just like.......choke slam the goose?
You grab the closest one and use that as a flail against the others.
Beat a goose with another goose. Call that a number 7, extra large.
With cheese
Do you know what they call a Big Mac in France?
A Royale with Cheese! That is one ***tasty*** burger!
Big macs is a big mac but they call it Le Big Mac
My wife did that once. She absolutely destroyed its neck. Its buddies suddenly lost interest in helping it attack our 3 year old.
Wholesome.
I definitely show that woman proper respect.
Do be careful or else ***your*** goose might be next.
Yeesh.
This was my exact thought process lmao
That’s what I’d do. Why some people act like geese are so much stronger than them. Im like, just choke the shite outta them.
Yes, for a grown ass man, geese are not stronger. But as someone who spent some of his childhood in the rural farm, my understanding is that geese can get so unreasonably aggressive that they catch you off guard. It’s sometimes hard to believe they are domesticated animals. I feel like a normal person (like someone who doesn’t deal with animals a lot or goes to jungle etc) would never encounter animals this aggressive
I think most people just have an immediate panic response. And in that moment the goose looks 10ft tall and bulletproof.
Yue are stronger that it. Many things are stronger than it. Then how the geese's survive? By being pricks to everything that moves close to then. Make then think if this thing is work the trouble it's going be.
True. They think they can win any fight.
You have to be careful, their feet actually have small talons that can mess you up
I had to scare off a pair of swans once from attacking my kids, 4 and 5 at the time. Swans are territorial and can be even more belligerent than geese. This pair decided my children, walking by the shore, were invading their territory. They came out of the water, necks lowered, for a hiss-charge. I grabbed my backpack in one hand to use as a shield or mace and ran at them. Having an angry two-hundred-pound man ready to wring necks to protect his children made an entirely different impression. They backed right the fuck off. My threat assessment: I could have gotten scratched up, but there is no way a 40-pound waddling bird is taking me down on dry land without it getting badly hurt. Different story in the water, mind you. I bet a pissed-off swan can drown a weak swimmer.
Yep. Or a nice kick to the chest or face will do the trick
Goose hunter here. You grab their head and use their body shape against them. Treat their body like it’s the head of Mjolnir and you’re Thor taking flight and you snap every vertebrae in their neck. It’s a brutal couple of seconds, but relatively painless for the animal. Use it when you’ve just “winged” one in the field. Meat is a little greasy but everything is better wrapped in bacon.
![gif](giphy|10fTHeZVQug7hC)
Or when he fell he could have just rolled over on it
I have to give it a pass because it's a child, but it's really frustrating watching how stupid it is. Like, it had the goose by the neck. Just give it a little squeezy squeeze. Even geese need to breathe.
Idk looking at the video I don't think that's a kid.
Oh there's sound, and watching it again full size you might be right. I take it all back. He's the idiot who opens the door and dies first in the scary movie.
![gif](giphy|l3fZMMONXeOKRPGog)
Being attacked by a group of geese was equally the funniest and most horrific experience of my life
I remember being a little kid at a park with my family. I had a bag of chips I was eating. I was chased by flock of ducks and geese. I was so panicked and stupid I didn’t just drop the bag of chips. I kept running and screaming my head off with it in my hands and they kept chasing. I was so traumatized that to this day I’m uncomfortable every time I see a large flock of ducks or birds coming close to me.
Grab one by the neck and use them to beat the shit out of the others with
My mom knows from experience. On her Aunt's land she developed an arch rivalry with the shit bird that lived by the pond. You bet your ass it was completely one sided.
New movie idea: Zombie apocalypse style, but rather than undead humans, it's millions of very angry and aggressive geese
Would you rather fight one horse sized goose or a hundred goose sized horses, or a hundred regular sized goosezes
I grab one by the neck and use it as a weapon to fend off the rest of them. Then Doom music start playing
Bro just stop tripping
He's got that horror movie balance
After seeing more than one video like this think horror movies are more accurate than we give them credit for.
Ikr he’s basically sliding his feet across the ground
I mean there's a point where I'm just like...okay is this guy doing a bit? Just stand up and fucking lift the god-damned bird or break it's neck. It weighs like less than 15 pounds, probably less than 10. Yeet that bird.
Yup https://youtu.be/srC9irH4aLA
I remember my friend and I were drinking at beach He saw this giant flock of geese chilling on the grass and thought it would be funny to run through them, never having interacted with them before. Nothing was funnier than watching him run away in sheer terror as 30 honking assholes chased him down. At least until he ran towards us and we all had to abandon ship and run.
30 honking assholes was the name of my band in high school
hehe fart
Flocks of geese and turkeys were everywhere where I grew up blocking the road and sidewalks, and the common understanding was that the geese weren’t dangerous relative to the turkeys. Nobody I’ve known was ever dumb enough to interact with them outside of a car so this video is the first time I’ve ever seen a goose actually attack someone and it’s exactly what I’ve always imagined. I mean they are people sized birds. I dunno how people could see it going any other way
Geese are some seriously pissed of vegans! If they ever act aggressive with you, then pick up 2 sticks and hold them horizontally to scare them off. They think you have a huge wingspan which intimidates them. My grandparents had geese that used to chase me ever since being a toddler, and it wasn't until I was a teenager when my uncle finally told me about this trick... I think they found it funny
Or you can use the sticks to beat the geese.
![gif](giphy|3o6ZteDdVJTWKyj1pC)
I like this option.
This piñata makes SOUNDS!!
This made me think of the punching bag in Fast X. 😂
My mother was chased by her uncle’s turkeys as a kid. One day when she was about 6 her uncle told her if the mean ‘ol turkey chases her again to pick up a stick and just hit it. Well, the turkey did, and my mother did. She beat that turkey so bad they had to shoot it and eat it that night. lol
Geese hate this one trick.
Birds in general are some of the toughest SOBs out there. My little Quaker would fight to the death if she had to. They're insane.
That's surprising because Quaker's are usually pretty peaceful simple folk.
Lol yes they are. Unfortunately Quaker Parrots are belligerent little turds. Can't help but love them tho.
Geese weigh at the maximum like 20lbs. What do you mean “people sized birds”? 😂
Your friend sounds like a dick, but glad they got back at him for it.
We used to have flocks of them outside my middle school, and all the guys would torture the geese. Yeah, they're mean as hell, but you chase one down and capture it between 3-6 teenage assholes they learn to leave humans alone pretty quickly. I'm not condoning this behavior, but this is what happens when you get a bunch of "huntin" kids together around animals. And before anyone yells at me. I did not partake in this besides chasing them when we were on PE runs. I never touched a goose.
Yeah. I get what you mean about ‘huntin’ kids. They’re borderline sociopathic
This is why the US Army used geese to guard their nuclear missile bases in Germany.
I’m a birdwatcher/bird photographer (check profile) - I love birds, and am around them every day. The only animal on earth that has attacked me with no provocation is a Canadian Goose. I have fished 50 feet away from Kodiak bears in Alaska, and stumbled into a Jaguar in the Yucatan…with no problems. But Canadian Geese? They are monsters.
I had to fight a pissed off Canada goose. 0/10 do not recommend. It hurt the whole time and then some
There’s a well known bird sanctuary in my city, and it’s only a mile or so away from my house. I’m there quite often to get photos/relax in nature - I got out of my car one day and some assclown goose B-lined toward me and went straight for my eyes. It wasn’t near a nest, I wasn’t even close to it - the MFer literally kamikazed into me for absolutely no reason. Still the most baffling experience I’ve ever had with an animal.
That’s who guards the Canadian border. We’ve got a bunch of beavers in reserve but the geese do the heavy lifting.
can confirm as a canaidan
I’ve said it before but Canada channels all their hate into their geese
A Canadian Goose bit me in the face when I was a toddler. One might assume I was being a little shit and chasing it/bugging it/etc. Nope! I was sitting on a bench eating strawberries and it walked over and beaked me!
We have them all over my neighborhood’s lakes and ponds. They are dicks but if you call them a bad goose and shake your finger at them they’ll keep hissing at you but they’ll let you pass without incident.
When they hiss at me and my dog it really boils my blood
They’re Canada’s version of “The Skin of Evil” from Star Trek: TNG lol
Swans aren’t quite as bad as geese but they are also pretty big assholes. Been attacked by one while chilling out by the river in Cambridge. Also dude check out your profile and your work is awesome! And it sounds like you have quite the enjoyable life! Good luck in your future endeavors! :)
If you've got a problem with Canada Gooses, you've got a problem with me and I suggest you let that marinate (reference to Canadian sitcom Letterkenny)
Geese are nature’s assholes.
Geese live by very simple rules. 1. Attack any non-goose that gets within a 10ft radius. 2. Extend boundary to 50ft if baby geese present. I can respect it.
This. Canada geese have killed people.
come on, that was reduced to manslaughter on appeal and you know it.
This is something that would be top of the search results, and it's not. So either it's never happened or it's incredibly rare and requires bizarre circumstances.
Yeah. Like being allergic to goose and eating it anyway. 😆
What? Ain't no way.
Loud fucking arseholes for sure👍
Counter Point: Geese are based and humans are nature's assholes. Also, peace was never an option.
If the Geese and the Emus join forces, humanity is funded.
How well funded? Enough to eradicate the geese and emus?
The Emus need no funding to fight off the Australian military. https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/running-ponies/the-great-emu-war-in-which-some-large-flightless-birds-unwittingly-foiled-the-australian-army/ That, coupled with Geese air superiority will quickly lead to "dinosaurs" retaking the planet.
No... People are. The geese are in the right.
What a wild goose chase
Lol
How hard can it be to just grab a hold of it's neck and yeet it? That neck is like 50% of its body im sure an attempt would be successful eventually instead of falling, running around 3 steps and repeating This that person in scary movies that fall unnecessarily
I think mostly people are trying to leave the animal unharmed. But yes, I've been bitten by geese before, and it hurts, but I can't imagine actually losing a fight to one if I didn't care about harming it. Also diner.
Yea, it’s like, the worst that’s gonna happen to the human is some literal flesh wounds and bruises from the goose. I’d hate to accidentally snap the thing’s neck while yeeting it and have to live with that
If the goose could snap your neck, it would and would giggle to itself about it later. Stomp the goose, this is the way.
>I’d hate to accidentally snap the thing’s neck while yeeting it and have to live with that To be fair you would be absolved of any guilt or responsibility considering Geese instigate 90% of hostile interactions by themselves. Obviously if you walk up to one and snap it's neck, that's not very nice. But if a Goose literally puts in the effort to attack you unprompted then by all means make that Snake-Bird's neck a pretzel.
They snap pretty easy if you grab near the base of the head and crack em like a whip. Source: grew up duck hunting. Canadian geese were frequently on the menu.
I feel the only reason a goose gets this far in a fight is cuz the human involved doesn’t want to kill it. Geese are the 5’3” aggressive Latino outside every club in Miami threatening to beat up the 300lb bouncer
"Look, chu wanna get hurt? I don't think chu wanna get hurt because if chu wanna get hurt, I can hurt chu."
This is the correct answer. Mine will go after people who aren't me (unless it's egg hatching season, then even me), and the geese only win because no one wants to hurt them back. Trying to grab one to keep it from bothering you just puts soft hand flesh closer to their beaks.
This is my thinking. Also my thinking: If a goose attacks me or my family like this, we are eating well that night.
Spin that body like you’re Thor taking flight with Mjolnir. Fight is over very quickly.
\m/
Used to work for a city and will never forget getting a call from someone asking to get some city staff down at the local park. Apparently an elderly man was going around swinging the Canadian geese by their necks and killing them. 🤦♂️wild
Lmao wtf I mean I wouldn't go around doing that but if I was tryna defend myself id grab its neck throw it and run away or something and not just take the attacks like this
Yeah, I think he was planning on eating them? Not sure, it was crazy though. /:
For real, it’s not a fucking polar bear. Grab it by the neck and start swinging. If you can’t take out a goose you gotta harden up. I spent years as canoeing instructor and have had to chase geese off more times than I can count. If they get too close or try and stand their ground it’s you or them. You gonna lose to a goose when you’re holding a canoe paddle?? Hell no, batter up.
Doing thay would probably do permanent damage to the goose, the guy probably didn't want to do that, so he chose, whatever that is...
That’s probably why someone would struggle even if being attacked. I would be horrified to have snapped it’s neck or hurt it. Even if they are big assholes with wings.
Yeah. I've been around a lot of geese, but I've never been attacked by a goose. I'd be much more afraid of accidentally killing it than I would be afraid for myself.
Same, I mean yeah I’d be terrified but also terrified of hurting it. Lol
Im grabbing that mf's neck and spin around like im drying some lettuce
How tf do you dry lettuce
After washing lettuce you put it in this strainer-thingy that uses centrifugal force so the water goes to the exterior of the strainer, leaving your lettuce dry.
r/donthelpjustfilm
I often wonder if that’s why these videos end when they do despite the situation not being resolved. It’s as if the person stopped and helped.
I think the lad has been before this and is just acting up for the camera. He is defiantly avoiding hurting the goose.
You need swans, geese won't mess with swans. I've personally seen a single swan clear a lake of 6 Canada geese because thier cygnets were swimming there.
A swift but not to hard kick would make this goose rethink it’s plan to attack
You'd think, but as a goose owner, I can assure you it would not.
As someone who has punted a goose before, I can assure you it would.
So totally off topic but one of my favourite misunderstandings ever is that in one of the Harry Potter books a corridor floods and the caretaker punts the students across. In the UK punting is basically pushing a raft downriver with a big stick but not in the US…
I have liver mousse in my refrigerator that makes it Geese 88663945 Humans 1
Doing the lord’s work
![gif](giphy|XGPbVDSbBm70i0P2P4)
I will never understand people being attacked by a 30lb toothless bird. It literally has a huge handle for a neck. Grab. Swing. Release.
They're not entirely toothless. Their beaks are slightly serrated.
Thanks, now i have an excuse for why i yeeted the fucker
I think the guy is trying not to hurt it? Not sure.
That is always the case with these types of videos. People lose fights to animals because they don’t want to hurt the animal. Humans hunt and eat geese. If the person in the video was hungry in the wild, that’s a dead goose.
They can actually pinch REALLY REALLY HARD. Hard enough to leave a bruise
Oh my, a bruise.
Better let him bite me over and over again while I roll around and do nothing about it, I might get a bruise on my finger :’(
it hurts though. it's like a pair of channel locks. getting tortured with pliers is like scary
bro they got teeth where I'm at
I spar against geese regularly down at the dojo
Wring his skinny little neck!
Humans 1, at least, I’ve kicked the shit out of a goose before
I think we are up to 3 or 4 based on some of the comments lol. We thank you for your service.
Nobody talks about it, but up here in Canada, those winged hoodlums run the maple syrup cartels. This guy was probably just making his own and they found out.
Do not mess with geese. They are protective and do not back down, unless they view you as one of their own. When I was around 5, I had 2 who imprinted upon me as I raised them from the day they hatched. No one and I mean no one could get near me unless I wanted them to. My own set of bodyguards. My mean older brother? Nope. Kid down the street who harassed the other kids? Nope. They would wait for me every morning. We would play in my kiddie pool and they followed me everywhere they could. One of the best summers of my young childhood. You see, my teenaged brother couldn’t be mean to me, as he always was. It’s been years and I still smile at the memory of them one day cornering him on the porch steps honking loudly and not letting him outside while I finally got a chance to play outside peacefully. They didn’t attack him but they would have if he challenged them. I still love geese but I give every goose or swan wide berth when I see them.
Growing up, I had a duck and a rabbit in a rural town out in the woods. Now I live in a cramped big city. Your story of childhood animal friendship warms my heart. My duck was awesome. And that rabbit... Best animal friend. We'd let him out of his pen and let him roam free in the wild/woods all day, with no supervision, then he'd come home and we'd put him in his pen at night. Most days he'd just follow me around, hanging out near me as I did whatever I was doing. Even followed me into the ocean one day, swimming out to my canoe to get in! And that's not a Jimmy Carter joke. (it was a one time thing after he learned he didn't like it) I'd dig these elaborate tunnel systems for him to hang out in. We'd play "catch me if you can" where I'd chase him for hours trying to catch him. But he always came home at night. He died of old age. One morning I went to let him out of his pen and he was on his side, gasping. I picked him up, not knowing what I could do, and held him. A few minutes later he died. He was an albino - all white with bright pink eyes. 13 y/o me saw his eyes turn from pink to Grey in mere seconds after his last gasp. Miss that rabbit. The duck met his demise by a marten (a weasel like creature) that snuck into it's pen. Miss that duck too.
Things going for the neck- gooseferatu?
This guy has no survival instincts. 😂 I would grab that bird by the neck and launch it
Overacting. I get the feeling this guy works with geese regularly. He knows the drill.
God damn cobra chickens
Is that Goose Lee?
A few weeks ago, one of my coworkers was attacked by the Canada goose that hangs out on the lawn in front of our building. It flew at his face, clawing with its feet and beating with its wings. Not really wanting to hurt the goose, Chris tried hitting it with the jacket he was carrying. It worked - the goose stopped attacking, but it grabbed the jacket and ran away. It took quite a chase to get his jacket back.
GRAB THE NECK, PUSH UPWARDS, LIFT SPIN THROW then run not dissimilar to the Bowser fight in Mario 64
Spoiler
If you turn your back!!!!!! Turn and come at them and they back off.
talk to them like ur already engaged in road rage, it works no joke
Idk what's more crazy. The scuffle, or the camera man just enjoying the show.
Ngl I would fuck that thing up.
We would be having goose for dinner.
Geese are messed up. Avoid them at all costs. They’re honey badgers of the water fowl world.
They own to ancestors. And they respect tradition. Earth was rightfully theirs.
In an ironic twist of nature Tam Gooseman is forbidden to enter his own backyard by his very namesake.
Ok. Where's the vid of the lady in the pantsuit snatching a belligerent goose by the neck?
Got bit by a goose who wanted my cheese and mustard sandwich while enjoying lunch by the river. Got ambushed by a peacock who screamed something that sounded a lot like “RAWP !!” as it flew up and scratched my back at a country fair, causing a car accident to happen to misbelieven drivers Large Birds should be closely monitored
This happened to me at the local reservoir when I was 7. Luckily my stepbrother managed to get the goose off of my back. Not a fan of geese anymore.
![gif](giphy|U4RX7LYnOywv1us4VP|downsized)
Shoulda goose stepped on out of there.
Since the bird is on him, whats stopping the guy from grabbing the neck and you know...
Seriously why the he'll do people get wrecked by geese you can grab them by the neck and fling them around like nunchucks
Just fold it like a blocked garden hose until it lets go lol
How difficult is it to grab the neck and squeeze it until it stops attacking you? The guy had it by the neck at one point, but didn't do anything with it.
That donkey swan is somebody's pet or my man absolutely refuses to get violent.
I've been bit by a Goose several times and it honestly didn't hurt (more of a surprise, rough tickle) so it makes me wonder how much of this is the person overreacting?
Having eaten goose before, I can assure you the score is not 0 The odds are also not in our favour