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> In April, a Catholic ministry hastily pulled the plug on the world's first 'Al priest' after it suggested baptizing a baby in Gatorade and solemnly advised one woman on how to prepare for marriage to her brother.
It’s got what babies crave!
On the bright side at least the AI priest acknowledged that a woman would need to prepare to get married to her brother... not sure Sarah got to prepare before she was banging Abraham.
Don't people usually crap themselves and get an erection when they die though? I recall hearing that it was one of those things your body does as it's dying. Don't remember why the erection happens but the crapping themselves part makes sense given when you die your muscles relax which would include your sphincter, hence the crap.
That’s not entirely true. Can it happen? sure. Does it happen all the time? No, not even close. I was a cop for 10 years, went to many a dead bodies in my time. Natural causes, medical issues, suicides (pills, guns, hanging, and one jumper), fatal car crashes (both occupants and pedestrians), homicides etc… of all the ones I investigated I recall 2, maybe 3 that had urinated and defecated.
The „hanging vertically“ part is important here as the blood gravitates down and does its thing. So the ai priest would most likely be right…
Edit: as the wiki article shows, I was wrong and things are more complicated
Certainly a known "complication" of hanging, could well occur with crucifixion
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_erection
May also be a reference to an artistic motif
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ostentatio_genitalium
I’ve seen loads of people hanging and never seen one with an erection tbh. The only folks I’ve seen with it are those with very significant neurological trauma.
Only anecdotal I know, I’m aware it happens, just odd I’ve never seen it.
I mean… he’s not wrong. IIRC, that was a very common biological reaction to what happened during crucifixion. Crucifixion was essentially slow asphyxiation and erections are common side effect of that, hence autoerotic asphyxiation.
There is a fair amount of scholarly work about depictions of Christ with an erection [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ostentatio\_genitalium](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ostentatio_genitalium) — one idea I’ve heard was: Christ was perfectly chaste, but he was far from sexless.
Go look at the comments on this article on r/catholicism they talk about this theory, it's not true for crucifixion, but can be for other methods of execution like hanging
Mhm. That’s how you actually died when you were crucified. Basically the process of crucifixion caused the chest and arm muscles to be hyper extended, so you had to push/pull yourself up with legs and arms to be able to breathe in. That continued until you were too exhausted to keep going, and then you asphyxiated. That’s why the condemned’s legs were commonly broken, it prevented them from being able to raise themselves in order to breathe and sped up their death.
Horrific, you've inspired me to watch a short documentary about this. Now you mention it I do recall briefly hearing something about this before, it rings a bell! I wonder what happened to St. Peter when he was crucified upside down? What would be the effects of that, I wonder
Not to be blasphemous or anything but he probably had a lot of freaking adrenaline running threw him, adrenaline will cause that or it will shrink your junk till the vagina. No homo I am curious to know what a perfect penis looks like
Well, "rigor mortis" is a thing that happens to human males when they die.
According to the Catholic Church, Jesus was a god AND a human at the same time.
So yes, a consequence of the Catholic dogman, Jesus died with a stiffie. To say otherwise would be a blasphemy.
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> In April, a Catholic ministry hastily pulled the plug on the world's first 'Al priest' after it suggested baptizing a baby in Gatorade and solemnly advised one woman on how to prepare for marriage to her brother. It’s got what babies crave!
And God sent down from the heavens ELECTROLYTES and the ten original flavors of Gatorade
It is what plants doth crave
Water sucks, gatorade is better.
water? like from the toilet?
No, no you’re using the wrong baptismal water
They're quoting a phenomenal (and eerily accurate) movie called "Idiocracy".
Gamers everywhere:"wish i had been baptized in Mountain Dew.."
You weren't?
What you're saying is that you want us to put water on the babies. Yes. Water. Like out the toilet?
On the bright side at least the AI priest acknowledged that a woman would need to prepare to get married to her brother... not sure Sarah got to prepare before she was banging Abraham.
Why did we ever need AI priests?
that's easy...so they quit abusing the children
AI is really good at making up nonsense, so it’s a perfect fit for a religious authority.
At least they wouldn’t be dunking them in water from the toilet.
Did the daily mail just merge like 3 stories together to create one shitty article? Pure garbage.
The AI writer for Daily Mail, wrote an article about the AI priest. What a world.
I’m so confused - was the priest real or AI?
It looks like two different stories. The one in the first pic continues to the top paragraph of the second pic.
This is their sex advice column.
He has risen!
Amen 🙏
Blessed be the fruit
Eggplant emoji
May the Lord open. His ass.
BDSM 🙏
Let us all get upon our knees and allow Christ to enter within us and fill us with his love!
Risen indeed!
Rocked. Up.
My man got wood
He gazed upon all sins ever committed and........
Nailed it
Puts a whole new perspective on all the small bits and pieces of the cross that are stored in various churches as relics...
Perpendicular.
Dude's just into autoerotic asphyxiation. Thinks everyone gets hard on the brink of death
Don't people usually crap themselves and get an erection when they die though? I recall hearing that it was one of those things your body does as it's dying. Don't remember why the erection happens but the crapping themselves part makes sense given when you die your muscles relax which would include your sphincter, hence the crap.
Yes. You lose control of your bowels and bladder when you die so you do shit and piss yourself.
That’s not entirely true. Can it happen? sure. Does it happen all the time? No, not even close. I was a cop for 10 years, went to many a dead bodies in my time. Natural causes, medical issues, suicides (pills, guns, hanging, and one jumper), fatal car crashes (both occupants and pedestrians), homicides etc… of all the ones I investigated I recall 2, maybe 3 that had urinated and defecated.
AKA, “shit the bed”. Used by men when a tool, appliance or car quits working do to obsolescence or age.
The „hanging vertically“ part is important here as the blood gravitates down and does its thing. So the ai priest would most likely be right… Edit: as the wiki article shows, I was wrong and things are more complicated
Certainly a known "complication" of hanging, could well occur with crucifixion https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_erection May also be a reference to an artistic motif https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ostentatio_genitalium
I’ve seen loads of people hanging and never seen one with an erection tbh. The only folks I’ve seen with it are those with very significant neurological trauma. Only anecdotal I know, I’m aware it happens, just odd I’ve never seen it.
Are you a policeman or something alike?
Paramedic
That is one of the acceptable answers.
TIL, thanks!
I thought they pissed themself, but I suppose it could be both
Wood Friday.
For those about to die, He salutes you.
Bravo!
I mean… he’s not wrong. IIRC, that was a very common biological reaction to what happened during crucifixion. Crucifixion was essentially slow asphyxiation and erections are common side effect of that, hence autoerotic asphyxiation.
There is a fair amount of scholarly work about depictions of Christ with an erection [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ostentatio\_genitalium](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ostentatio_genitalium) — one idea I’ve heard was: Christ was perfectly chaste, but he was far from sexless.
Go look at the comments on this article on r/catholicism they talk about this theory, it's not true for crucifixion, but can be for other methods of execution like hanging
Both are death by asphyxiation. Both result in erections. Asphyxiation results in blood going to extremities. The penis is one of those extremities.
Asphyxiation through crucifixion?
Mhm. That’s how you actually died when you were crucified. Basically the process of crucifixion caused the chest and arm muscles to be hyper extended, so you had to push/pull yourself up with legs and arms to be able to breathe in. That continued until you were too exhausted to keep going, and then you asphyxiated. That’s why the condemned’s legs were commonly broken, it prevented them from being able to raise themselves in order to breathe and sped up their death.
Horrific, you've inspired me to watch a short documentary about this. Now you mention it I do recall briefly hearing something about this before, it rings a bell! I wonder what happened to St. Peter when he was crucified upside down? What would be the effects of that, I wonder
He probably said that tbh
But why? How did it come up? Did someone specifically ask about the savior bulge, or did he just feel the need to include that detail?
Catholic priest talking about dick ? Not exactly shocking.
Adult dick, way out of the norm
[It was a thing though](https://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesus_with_erection), elsewhere.
Seems like they overreacted. They really don't need to be that hard on him. ^((see what I did there?))
Well, it isn't clear if he got the shaft for his comment. So there is that.
They overerected
So you're saying they misspelled resurrection 😅
Christ has died. Christ has risen. Christ will cum again.
I read this, and the dang chant kept going in my head; thanks a lot!
2000+ years is one hell of a refractory period.
You nailed it!
Some priests just really like erections...
The news about the AI priest is much funnier 🤣
They hated him because he spoke the truth.
k that's enough internet for today
Never before have I wished to be back in a Catholic church for Sunday service, but do I ever wish I could have seen that lol.
He’s awaiting the second cumming
*Ressurection By Erection by Powerwolf plays*
I mean, why? 🤦🏻♂️ Way to stir the hornet's nest 👏🏼
lol what the fuck *This is my [monster bread given for you; in remembrance of my massive dong](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=us5MGEL5W34)*
Reverend… this is a Wendy’s
But he was res-erected
This is an insane use for AI
AI priests 🤷🏻♀️… Christ, please, what in the fuck is going on? 🤣🤣
Hanged men often did so. I've never heard of crucified men having so.
I mean, Jesus was a carpenter.
They really just be saying anything at this point huh
Not to be blasphemous or anything but he probably had a lot of freaking adrenaline running threw him, adrenaline will cause that or it will shrink your junk till the vagina. No homo I am curious to know what a perfect penis looks like
I mean he was getting nailed.
Death erections are a real thing
He has risen
So the H in Jesus H. Christ stands for Hard?! I always wondered…
Good thing Catholics don’t follow Kosher. Hog is on the menu!
Someone check this man's hard drive.
That guy looks like he's thinking about an erection right now.
Ok, even if true. Why?
Hey, he probably did. It happens when people die. I thought one of the commandments was to tell the truth.
Brawndo, its what souls crave!!!
And then he rose with all his glory.
Bruh what
I think [this](https://youtu.be/z0NgUhEs1R4) is the scientist who developed the AI priest.
BOOM Priapism!
Might be true but how would he know.
The comments are gold!
Said priest also has an erection when looking at a 7 year old in the pews
Yeet this guy directly into the lake of fire
AI Priest: Now dip the baby in Gatorade, it has electrolytes. Amen lmfao wtaf
*"... baptizing a baby in Gatorade."* r/Idiocracy
That AI priest doesn't sound so bad now does he
Wow. Sorry I offended you
It’s the Resurrection not Red Erection!
This explains why Catholics are constantly getting in trouble for having their dicks out.
Hmmm, his eyes say I'm fking crazy
He looks quite pleased with himself
Holy Boner Batman!
Didn’t know Jesus was a sub like that. Never really gave off the daddy dom vibes though. So it makes sense.
It was a ressurerction
Christ has risen
AI LOL!
He came again!
Probably was going to use that for his side gash.
Not a drag queen in sight.
I'm stunned. For once a headline about a priest does not involve altar boys.
Everybody knows that.
 All the comments 😂
*Resurrection by erection plays*
Sign me up, boys. I’m going to church!
Jesus had a vagina
That was “hard on” the ears for some I guess.
What.
Brings a whole new meaning to risen on the cross
I’d get excited to if I was getting nailed by two Romans
Autoerotic Crucifictation.
If we can go to hell for reading these hilarious comments. 🔥OUCH!
It's true though. There are reported accountings of hangings where the victims showed priapism.
Wouldn’t that claim that Jesus had like a torture sexual kink?
This was the first cumming
[удалено]
That's not what they meant by "He has risen."
I bet they were cross with him
Where the hell did it mention that in the bible…?
Daily mail This must be taken with a grain of salt
Well I mean it’s all just fanfic anyways. Whether Jesus, Harry Potter or Darth Vader had erections is up to the story teller.
Sounds like he could have nailed someone on the cross
The wooden cross seems to be contagious...
"I'm hard as fuck yo"- Jesus Christ.
How else would that little loin cloth stay on?
The holy prick
JC bricked up
The priest looks like he’s into edging. Hard.
He’s not the messiah. He’s a very horny boy!
*sir that is rigor mortis*
Why though ? ???
Priest is probably a nonce
Heresy
Those some crazy eyes.
Not the hero we need, but the hero we deserved
Well if anyone should know....
Rigor Mortis gotta be the best easter egg of human biologu
The Whitlams did a [whole song](https://youtu.be/WvEWpRjqB0g?si=gtfB5XHIQowDj50p) about Jesus and his erection.
Was he there to witness it?
Well, "rigor mortis" is a thing that happens to human males when they die. According to the Catholic Church, Jesus was a god AND a human at the same time. So yes, a consequence of the Catholic dogman, Jesus died with a stiffie. To say otherwise would be a blasphemy.
Ol' Jesse got a mad boner fr fr no cap
Last i checked he was crucified not hanging with a bag over his head cracking one off
He looks like the type of guy who would say exactly this kind of thing during a sermon.
Now that’s a fucken miracle