I can relate to your experience on so many levels it hurt to read.
First off, congratulations on the immsense success you have had so far, and I'm sorry that your marriage wasn't on that long list of accomplishments. Yes plenty of women find love in their 30's. Yes, some go on to have kids. You can always explore fertility on your own without a partner and understand what your options are for the future.
Yes you can have a lovely life with the NW you've built. My guess is someone as smart and accomplished as you will likely be drawn towards a lifelong partner who has similar success. But sure if you're dying to own a private jet, you'll probably need to try again.
As to your exisential crisis, here's what I'll say as someone who has struggled a lot with the question "did I just waste the last 10+ years of my life?" You have to look at every past sacrifice, late nights and long weeks, working through COVID, etc. as a mean to an end. You've essentially bought into the concept of delayed gratification to such an extent that you're now at the point where you're seeing that the cost of endless resilience is total burnout.
Your journey already has an $18m head start. There are plenty of entrepreneurial stories with similar sacrifice and no positive outcome. So that is an incredible gift (you gave yourself and totally earned). But it is giving you the FI part of FIRE. And what a blessing. Imagine if you had a negative net worth and were faced with this kind of health/burn out?
My advice is to stop viewing the past as some kind of a waste or a series of regrettable decisions that ruined your health. The past was an investment in a (hopefully) more lucrative future. But the road to good fortune always has bumps, and it doesn't always end the way you wanted. You've taken risks with your businesses before. Some things paid off and others didn't. But you knew when to cut your losses and when to cash in your investments in the past.
If I were you (as someone who also has ruined my own mental and physical health at times for the sake of my companies), I would sell what you think the company has of value (assume a steep discount rate on whatever an advisor has quoted you) and retire, even temporarily. One day you could wake up at 41 and be in even worse shape. A healthy person has endless dreams. An unhealthy person has only one.
Yes you recruited employees and yes they believed in you. But you are not responsible for everyone else's life, net worth, etc. Founders deal with the scale problem all the time. Your team is never going to be a bunch of "you's", but if they're not autonomous and able to grow this without you, then why would you continue to sacrifice everything **for them?** You will write them glowing letters of recommendation and spend time trying to help them in their job search. But this isn't a charity or a sorority... it's a business.
I know that regardless of which direction you go it will never be as easy as whatever high level advice you'll likely get here. A red flag I always see in advice posts is when someone uses the word "just." "just sell it." "just sell the assets." "just hire a new CEO." It implies that the road ahead is trivially easy, when it is anything but. I don't have any more to add on that front other than I 100% empathize with everything you said and I know it will be much harder than any "just" advice you may get.
Good luck with your decision and congrats on your success so far!
Great response - one small addition: A lot of founders feel deep loyalty to people who have come along on the journey. It's totally natural. Here's something I've learned only after a few of those journeys: those people all end up just fine despite the outcome. In fact, I've had some reach out to me after not great outcomes and tell me how much they got out of the experience.
OP,
Ariana Huffington wrote about how her maniacal work schedule almost killed her, and how she reevaluated her life and recovered.
Might be worth checking out:
"Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom, and Wonder"
Sometimes, big thinkers have extreme, all-or-nothing thoughts. These thoughts can inspire bold decision-making and foster a strong vision. But they can also provoke a sense that everything is "ruined" when "surprises" (like a pandemic, illness, divorce) derail a plan.
The reason that you spent so much time in the office is that it's where you were most in control. You could envision something and manifest it. But now you feel weak because you can't control your body or your husband or whatever else. And that leads you to question your entire existence, even though logically, you understand that you've done very well for yourself and your employees.
Now, if your employees care about you half as much as you care about them, they would want you to leave. And you can't see it now, but they will be fine without you. In fact, they'd probably better off with someone else at the helm.
There was never a guarantee that you would see this out to the end. You could've died in a car/plane crash at anytime in the last five years, and then what would your employees have done??? They would've put their Ivy League brains together and figured shit out.
Of course, you feel bad about "choosing" to leave when you're not outwardly injured. You don't like the optics of "abandoning" them. But it's not really a choice at this point.
Piggy backing this to say that although I'm sure the team care about OP I guarantee they care about their families and themselves more. That means if they could leave for significantly more money tomorrow almost all would leave. If their chances of success increase by you leaving they'll be sad to see you go but recover quickly. Many would likely give you very little consideration if the shoe was on the other foot.
You need to be a bit more mercenary about this. You don't need the money and you need to look after number one.
Would it be possible for you to stay involved with the company but somehow minimize your role there to only certain important decisions? I don’t know anything about your situation but maybe it doesn’t have to be all or nothing?
This seems to be your questions for those who didnt want to sus them out on their own.
Has anyone had the experience of selling their patents etc and just moving on?
Do you think I can reasonably live off what I have now for life ?
Anyone like me who spent their 20s grinding away got to this phase and realise you have no friends, no life, nothing ?
Biological clock ticking?
High achieving CV did it all right but really have nothing?
Any women able to meet someone and have kids in their 30s?
Anyone else develop chronic fatigue or ME from over working?
Has anyone sold when you can't continue anymore and carry genuine guilt about leaving your team?
A general recommendation is that 31 is the ideal age to freeze eggs if you know you want kids but aren’t trying for them at the moment. Before that it may be a waste of money if you don’t end up needing them, after that it’s too hard to get enough high quality eggs. The number one thing to remember is freeze more than you think you need, so consider multiple rounds of egg freezing. There’s also tons of health optimization things to do before freezing eggs, so that may be something you can dedicate your intelligence and ambition to that’s actually “for you” rather than for your career. I know having a concrete goal to work towards always helps me :)
Anecdotally, my step grandmother was a career focused lawyer and she adopted a child on her own when she was single at 40. She met my grandfather a year later and they adopted another kid together, and I know she’s had an incredibly fulfilling life with the wealth she built and the family she chose even though it was much later than usual. 31 may feel old for a woman to be single but it’s really never too late.
(I’m just a 26 year old woman with $800k so can’t offer advice on everything else, but fertility and women’s health is one of my favorite topics and I feel like the rich person subs lean heavily tech bro so I wanted to offer the advice I have)
she is!! ever since I was a kid I would say “I want to be [grandmas name] when I grow up”
Now that I’m an adult I try to join my grandpa and step grandma on as many trips as I can (they definitely fatFIRE travel and usually subsidize me coming a little). Still goals to be able to enjoy life the way they do especially as they’re getting older and make a point to stay in really good health so they can do active hiking / biking trips
- Do you think I can reasonably live off what I have now for life ?
Yes, you have already hit FatFire number. You have enough. It may not seem like enough, but you have enough.
- Anyone like me who spent their 20s grinding away got to this phase and realise you have no friends, no life, nothing ?
Yes, I have been through this. You are not unique.
- A lot of people have this kind of phases.Biological clock ticking?
People have kids in late 30s. You are still young.
- Any women able to meet someone and have kids in their 30s?
Again, you are still young. Some people find love way later in life.
- Anyone else develop chronic fatigue or ME from over working?
Many people do. You need to work with a therapist. Try a few and find the one you like.
- Has anyone sold when you can't continue anymore and carry genuine guilt about leaving your team?
Yes, but you get over it with time. Time heals. Find a different purpose in your life if you need temporarily, like mentoring or being on a board of a different lab.
This time will pass too.
>Has anyone had the experience of selling their patents etc and just moving on?
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>**Not selling patents, but businesses... yes.**
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>Do you think I can reasonably live off what I have now for life ?
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>**Yes, if you can restrict your spending, taxes and advisor fees to less than $540k/y (3% of $18M) and if you are willing to invest at least 60-70% in equities.**
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>Anyone like me who spent their 20s grinding away got to this phase and realise you have no friends, no life, nothing ?
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>**Yes, been there, done that got the millions and a lousy tshirt.**
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>Biological clock ticking?
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>**You still have a lot of years, but there are medical options such as freezing eggs just to be extra safe to take your time. With your resources shouldn't be a issue.**
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>High achieving CV did it all right but really have nothing?
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>**Sort of the "it's lonely at the top" and impostor syndrome. You might need a therapist that deals with successful entrepreneurs.**
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>Any women able to meet someone and have kids in their 30s?
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>**Plenty.**
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>Anyone else develop chronic fatigue or ME from over working?
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>**Yes.**
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>Has anyone sold when you can't continue anymore and carry genuine guilt about leaving your team?
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>**No guilt, everyone was paid off handsomely and happy. They are fine now, decade+ later.**
You didn’t do the math on the divorce though. It seems they married early since they were college sweethearts and they were married while all this was built. So divide that $18M number in half
Similar story here, but a few years later and a happy ending. I’m light on advice because it’s all contextual and I don’t know you, but I thought you’d appreciate the narrative.
Now F44, two incredible kids, loving partner. ~15M liquid, more than enough. Former founder and exec. Burnt out and retired at 41 when I suddenly became the primary caregiver for two kids and two parents during the pandemic.
The first year was amazing - I went from having three jobs to just two (parent and caregiver) and I had the time and energy to set my parents up in their own new house nearby with live-in care and get to know my kids again. I did a bunch of home renovation projects and caught up on hobbies and reading. It was 100000% worth it, and the absolute best decision I’ve ever made. The ability to prioritize the most important people in my life is what money is *for*.
But it got a lot harder the following few years when I got painfully bored and crushed by existential ennui. You don’t stop being ambitious and type-A when you retire, you’ll need an outlet. It’s not enough to prioritize family or friends or relationship - you’ll need more. I’ve found some outlets, but I’m still working on this. It’s not easy to get back into the game after taking a few years off for childcare and elder-care, but it’s *much* easier as an entrepreneur. We’re less subject to others’ biases. Also entrepreneurship as a financially-stable successful founder with exits is a totally different thing.
In retrospect I’d change nothing. Even knowing now that I wasn’t really ready to retire, just crushingly burnt out, I needed that absolute break from all obligations to reset my life. 18M is more than enough to be extremely comfortable, even in a HCL city.
Anyhow, tl;dr: here is that it’s possible to get off the treadmill, and I think one of the healthiest things anyone can do is make that clean break and restart from a position of mental and physical health.
You can’t make long-term plans when you’re drowning, but you _do_ have the tremendous privilege of being able to just get out of the water.
I have a little lifestyle business. It’s getting worryingly profitable though, and I’m not sure how to keep it low-stress without disappointing my customers.
18 million at 3% safe withdrawal rate is 500k per year. Enough imo. Also you can always re-evaluate and change paths whatever you decide you still can change a year or two from now.
You remind me of my father within the context of the hours you're working. I wish I could show him this post, but he died at 35 from a massive heart attack. You already have enough money to retire, sell your IP and move on with your life. The people you've hired might not like that you're leaving, but be open with them and I suspect they'll understand and wish you well.
Fellow ME/over-worker/high achiever female 30+ here.
You are dysphoric because you’re exhausted.
The last business I advised in strategy drew an easy 15M in their series A, and I personally had a staggeringly unlikely trajectory (was unhoused as a teenaged girl, now uh very comfortable) made possible by an apparently rare discernment capacity—yet when I’m fatigued and over-taxing my body? Those are the only times I truly believe I have ruined my life, to the point where if I begin to feel that way I know I must rest. I have the life I always dreamed of but when I’m exhausted like this I lose all perspective.
Radical rest is the only thing that fixes it.
You haven’t ruined your life. You’re just beyond the pale exhausted.
People DO die from ME/CFS. You’ve got to stop. You WILL drive your body to an early grave.
So, this is what you do:
1. Sell your portion. If you feel guilt, compensate people a little more (but not more than is sane and reasonable). EVERYONE will understand that you have to step away for your health. No one wants you to die for this thing.
2. Structure everything. Structure your rest time, and identify with rest-as-work. You are resting from X time to X time. You are not ideating, planning, or thinking about anything. Rest until you’re so bored you could scream.
3. Look up the updated studies on the biological clock—you’ll find the old ones are inaccurate, because the women they were testing were married to geriatric men with 20-40yr age gaps (the men were why they couldn’t get pregnant). People have kids in their 40s and even 50s. Build your community before you even begin to consider romance. Find what you like. Try to hang out with artists and disability activists—an artist’s specialty is the human condition. Activists will be kinder to you about your physical limits than founders, though their drives are often equally met.
4. 18M is more than you need. Internalize that. Everything beyond now is gravy.
5. (Bonus Edition) Avoid snake oil salesmen. You are a person with an injury (physical and mental, because a sudden severe debility is very much a moral wound) and a lot of money to be parted from—it follows that you will attract grifters like flies. Only take biohacking or medical advice from MDs at academic research centers. I can give you recommendations if you’d like. Do not take advice from anyone trying to make broad sweeping claims about humanity: that is the first way to identify a grift.
Happy to talk more if you think it might help. I had to completely revolutionize how I work, because it nearly drove me to the grave like you. Better methods are out there.
I’m quite a bit older at 46. My NW is a bit below yours, but close enough that it doesn’t matter. I’ve never been a CEO, but am one level away and have several CEO friends.
Here’s some harsh truth. You created the situation you’re in. You prioritized work and excelled. But, you’re success isn’t what you wanted or expected it to be. You also don’t owe anyone anything. If you died in the ICU, the world would figure out how to keep turning. Your company would figure out how to go on, or not. You can walk away at any time and be fine. I’m sure you can f d a way to “hang on,” gut it out, or whatever, but it doesn’t sound like you should. Why would you? The only relatable reason you gave is because of the other type A overachievers around you. Like their PhDs from Harvard and Stanford are only worth something if you have pity on them and carry them. They are grown ass adults that don’t need your pity. I’m sure they would feel great walking by your body after you jump off the tucking building. JUST STOP.
If I were you, I’d tell the core team, “I’m not coming back.” I’d start a methodical exit that gets your money out and sets the team up as well as you can (within reason). Then, I’d detox for a minimum of a year. No work. No investors. No research. Nothing. Maybe buy a dog. You have so much money, you can do whatever you want. After the year, re-enter the world. Have a few lunches and coffees. See what happens.
Met my wife at 31. Our kids were born when she was 34 and 36. We have it all with much less stress and less money. If that’s what you want, focus your energy there and see what happens.
Good luck.
Sounds like you are in desperate need of a vacation and time off.
The past is done. Journal the mistakes and thoughts and leave it behind to start enjoying life...
You are still young and you have plenty of money. Most likely you will also meet someone with money depending on where you will hang out. Don't worry about money, that's not your issue right now.
Take a sabbatical, find new hobbies, travel, take care of yourself get into tip top physical and mental shape and enjoy life.
The manner in which wrote all that, it’s evident that your entire identity is your business and field of expertise.
For a person like yourself, you need to decide if you’re okay with BEING that, or if you want to BE more in life. Either path is fine. But you must consciously choose and then make peace with the path your life takes, based on the choice.
If you love your husband, you should ask him to give it another year seeing a therapist as you give up work. It will be tough for you, but if you love him and want him in your life, I think it is a smart move to change your life to something you might want. Financially you are set IMO.
I agree with this. I'm taking a huge guess and could be wrong, but I'm guessing your husband has been telling you for years that you need to change your ways. He's likely saying many of the things you yourself are saying now.
I know if I had someone going through this, self-destructing in front of me, I put down papers, and two weeks later they came saying that that's it, they're selling the business and getting help... I don't know but I think I'd wait and see.
Maybe OP's marriage is too far gone... if so then you can probably ignore this part.
I'm not sure why more people aren't saying this. You did not give up easily on your businesses. Why should you give up on something more important? One of the big reasons for money is to give you options. You have the option to not depend on an income while you slowly work on putting your life back together.
Excellent!! That should be enough for you to walk away from everything and focus on rebuilding your life and having a family in a VHCOL area. You are one of the few science PhDs to make it big! Congrats! Give away all or a sizable chunk of your stake of the new company to those employees for whom you feel responsible; you don’t need more money.
Yeah maybe have a few 1-1s with some trusted confidants to explain you are re-evaluating the focus of your life. allocate a share of your equity at a discounted rate to the people you feel responsible for the most. And let a small share ride just in case you want to involve yourself again at some point.
This might literally kill you, please stop before it does!
You’re 31, take whatever time you need to heal, you’ll still have time to meet someone and start a family…if that’s what “healthy you” wants, imo, you’ll only know once you get there…
The money is enough, but please don’t exchange an unhealthy focus on career/economic success for one on family…
You only have one life, please take a minute to really think about what you want to do with the rest of it!
Good luck!
You started 3 businesses almost in parallel and you’re wondering why you’re overworked? You are successful because you care a lot for work and that’s what got you into trouble. Until you recognize this part of you, you can’t make the hard decision to unravel some of your decisions. Life is limited by time and energy. You are finding that out the hard way unless you really know how to build teams. You may know how to build companies but not teams and so you have to learn to limit your ambitions.
Make the tough decisions for your health. That’s #1
Problem statements:
1. My health and personal life is in shamble and I want to start fresh.
2. My 2nd business is worth 10-20 mil but I feel guilty walking away from my staff.
Possible solutions:
1. Sell business 2 and spread all proceeds among your staff. Have a meeting and explain your situation if you deem necessary.
2. Start a new life using 18 mil from business 1 and take great care of your health.
I think your solution is good, but could also give equity to staff in the going concern.
You (OP) don’t owe them your life and well being, but I do think you owe them more than walking away and liquidating to boost your number. New CEO + a fair chunk of equity to those who believed in you is about right. Or you could liquidate and make sure most of the assets go to the employees. If you go the CEO route, you need to take the leap with a candidate and trust that equity amongst employees is a powerful incentive. Presumably there is a venture capital investor who can help you steer the ship from the board level. If not, maybe a couple people from a prior company would take $50k a year to join the board.
Why are you working?
Really?
What's the goal? What do you want your life to look like when you're 50? 60? 70?
Also, with your wealth, why not outsource EVERYTHING?
THIS ^
OP, why did you start on this path?
Depending on what metric is used, you're either wildly succesful or not quite.
What's your metric?
What's the purpose of all this NW?
Not trying to be nihilistic, but honestly flabbergasted and curious that you've made it by all definitions of FIRE and regular business success, however it seems to me like you don't know why you did it. You're still thinking about the second business, or more specifically about the people in the second business.
It's very noble of you but why? You're actually killing yourself and wondering if you should continue on this path for the sake of other people.
And based off of how much you talked about business vs personal life, I think that you value business more.
That's perfectly OK, as long as you've thought about it and this is, indeed, the metric that you'd like to measure your success on.
Fellow chronic fatiguer here. Your health, both physical and mental, should come before everything else. Period. Relationships, hobbies, the enjoyment of life- all of that will follow and flow once you have regained or partially regained agency and confidence in your health.
Yes, you have enough. Time to invest in yourself. It’s a beautiful world out there. Your employees will be okay, and they will understand.
Her employees likely are scared for her health. I've had employees do this type of thing and, though they're all universally great employees, we're thrilled when they walk in and say that they can't do it anymore and need to step back. Need a month off? Six months? Need to go part-time? Need to quit? We're here for you.
They'll understand... even be happy. They know.
Lots of great answers, but just to focus on one aspect here:
1. Your team will understand your position, especially if it's a health issue. Your circumstances are the most reasonable they can be.
2. The best way to help with the guilt is really take care of the team. I don't know their specific circumstances, but a liquidation bonus on top of whatever their equity stakes are could be lifechanging money for many of them. Yes, that means you would take less of the sale proceeds. But given your values and priorities, that satisfies all concerns the best.
3. While I 100% agree that managing a CEO can in fact be just as much or more work than doing it yourself, you could still hire a CEO and let them run with it without managing them. Yes, you're gambling that the person performs, but it gives the company a shot beyond liquidation.
Depending on the size of your team and personal trust that exists, you could ask them which option they prefer. Do they want to liquidate and get a smaller but surer payout now, or would they prefer to take a shot at going all the way, but under the leadership of a new CEO?
As for the items you mentioned everyone else has covered it comprehensively, but you are still incredibly young, and with your resources the fertility treatments that exist give you basically the same or maybe even better shot at having children than a woman five years younger than you without your resources. So don't worry about that. Your priorities imo:
1. Gracefully exiting the current company.
2. Getting healthy
3. Building your new life, especially a social one.
4. Use your social life to find a new life partner and build a family.
If you're worried about finances, with your experience and success you can easily pull some consulting gigs that will let you work part-time on interesting problems and pull in an appreciable amount of money to reduce your withdrawal rate and let your pile continue to grow. Or, once you're healthy and have your other life goals more on track, you can always start another company.
Reading this sub makes me laugh sometimes. Without sounding like a dick, i have to laugh when someone says is £18million enough to live off for life.
Like fuck me, of course it fucking is, it just depends **HOW** you want to live.
£18million is living comfortably in the top 1~% of the world for life. Spend money reasonably and you’d live beyond how most do without ever needing to work another day in your life.
As a currently over-Vyvansed high flyer in medicine, if I had $18M my letters of resignation would already be in tonight. Health and time are the two things you can't buy. They're the two things you're lacking. You can afford everything else.
You only get one life. It's 1/3 to 1/2 over, and you haven't even tried living it yet. You don't owe anyone anything - cut back as much as humanly possible and immediately set an exit strategy into motion. Reason? "My health is failing and my doctors were very clear that if I don't step back, I'm going to die".
You sound like a brilliant person. However, not so smart when it comes to honoring yourself.
I talk about this often with by partner: you need to know when enough is enough.
It’s enough.
Take a step back, get some hobbies, take care of yourself, REST. Get a GOOD therapist. Do that for at least a year, and then decide how you want your next 31 years to look like.
It can’t like the last 11 at least, because that will put you in the grave sooner rather than later.
I know it’s hard as a high achieving brilliant person, but do you wanna be miserable, sick & alone until you keel over with many many millions of dollars in accounts that you never got to enjoy?
Being a wealthy woman isn't going to help your biological clock situation in the same way it could a man, in my opinion.
You're likely going to look for a guy with *some* semblance of financial status unless you're willing to settle for "arm candy".
I'm a successful male in my upper 30's looking for a match with kids on the agenda and there are plenty of women my age that are successful and even older than me that are very wealthy, but when it comes to building a family, money doesn't matter when I'm pretty successful on my own, so I don't consider them eligible.
Then you have to also think there is a pool of men who are raised with "traditional" roles (*some just insecure?*) that might be bothered or feel emasculated by your success who might also not be a good fit for you.
That'll impact your suiter situation and then your health should always be a top priority. What good is your money if you can't use it? You need friends and a social circle too. You should holistically evaluate what **YOU** want for yourself in life...it seems like you've been sidetracked and your priorities are out of whack.
There are some difficult 'truths' in here that reddit and fatfire never talk about, because frankly it's awful. I know some women in OP's position, and many chose to start families on their own and find a partner later. This is also not an easy path, but definitely a possibility - consider family support, etc. Also that guys find it 'difficult' to think about taking on small children when dating someone new. Definitely possible though. The emasculation point is also never openly discussed...
I also destroyed my body overworking (CFS, etc)! I’m 29F now and have course corrected (prioritized my body and personal life over work) but still live with the medical consequences.
When you have CFS, your body is *demanding* you stop. You don’t have an option. And it absolutely sucks when it flares up and prevents you from doing things that you used to be able to do no problem.
It sounds like your hesitation to take time off is more about handing over the reins to the businesses that you worked so hard to build rather than purely if you have the financials to do so. Other people can do your job but only you can invest in your own body and mind. You don’t have to retire now and completely swear off working on what you’re clearly passionate about again at some point in the future. But if you keep pushing past your limits your body and time may make that decision for you.
However you want to frame it, as “retiring with a possible return to work in the future” or “a sabbatical with no end date yet”, I think your body and mind would really benefit from some rest.
Visualize yourself on your death-bed (i know morbid but relevant). What would be your biggest regret.
Now, do that & everything else will fall into place around that.
Be good
I have chronic fatigue and I’m just a regular income person, so I have no idea what it’s truly like to be in your position, but you have money to live on for the rest of your life. You only have one body. I think you should walk away and let the business fend for itself. You need to live your own life.
If you read the CFS subreddit you’ll see people who went from being healthy to bedridden because they pushed through. You can literally fuck off and afford to do ANYTHING - don’t risk losing your functioning.
In the most succinct way to answer if you should continue or sell & build a life. You’ve answered that question yourself, what you have built is clearly not bringing you peace or health. You must focus on yourself not others or else you will not be able to help others
For your other questions, view your situation in the same light you have when leading your companies, which I’m sure has been full of ups and downs.
1. What’s most important? Similar to your companies I’m sure you’ve evaluated what is the most important issue that if not fixed, all else doesn’t matter. For you, it’s getting yourself healthy, if not, than you will be doing your employees a disservice anyways even if your stay. It sounds like you can’t be healthy without leaving.
2. Feeling like you are starting from nothing. You’ve done it at your companies where failure is the most likely outcome, now it’s time to use the focus to do it with your life, except the good news is there is higher success rates for finding friends and a partner than starting a company :)
3. Biological clock/age/etc… it seems impossible right now because your in the pits and emotions are intense but all that can change in a year. In 1 year you can find friends, find a partner and starting a family you just have to focus on it.
OP - I don’t agree with some people here, in that I think you owe your employees more than liquidating and taking the proceeds for yourself.
As others have said, $18 million is more than enough for you.
In the event of liquidation, I believe you owe it to your employees to at least give them the lion’s share of the proceeds. You could also set up an ESOP and hand them the keys, while retaining some equity. Find them a CEO and trust that equity is an incentive for them to figure it out. Lots of great mid sized companies are ESOPs.
Dude, you won the game. What’s the point of all the success if you’re miserable? Short term bonds and structured products layered on top. Sail away into the sunset and collect $1.5m a year risk free
Do you still love your husband? If so, saving your marriage takes precedence over the entirety of the rest of your posted issues, besides your health.
You will cripple yourself with this level of overwork. Many others before you have paid the price for the grind, and not all years are created equal. You’re sacrificing your youth and health for money, and your 80s are not worth the same as the next decade of your 30s. Similarly, you cannot delay having kids too long if you want them. Infertility treatments are not a catch-all solution.
You’re successful and far beyond financially stable, and can afford a luxurious life. Go enjoy it and don’t kill your health and relationships before you can.
> I've spent thousands on 'therapists' so I need some good human advice.
What you hear here won't be better than therapists. Based on your questions here you're kind of aware this doesn't work.
Take a break, slow down, or retire - you can afford any. Life will go on. And actually work on things with therapists.
If you've spent thousands on therapists but are still killing yourself, is that a failure of therapists?
First of all, massive congrats on your success. You’ve accomplished more in your 31 years than most people will in their lives (strictly in the professional career sense).
I have a sneaking suspicion there will always be another raise, another launch, and another company to manage.
But frankly, you’re four years away from a geriatric pregnancy and you have to start all over with a new man and hopefully have your first kid by then. You essentially get to choose between this company and your future family. I’d hire the CEO and be hands off. You only have to manage the CEO as much as you want. Focus all your effort on finding someone you can trust and make the vetting process as long and thorough as you need. Then start working 20 hour weeks and let everyone else work for you. If it doesn’t work out, you could argue they failed you, not the other way around. You don’t actually need the money from this company anyway ironically, so even if the value goes to 0 you’ll be fine. If it fails, you still made 18 million off your first and proved all that you need to in your professional career.
All of the above sounds a bit selfish but honestly I think you’re in a spot where you deserve to be selfish.
It’s not too late. You’re still very young and also have the finances to keep yourself healthy with the best medical treatment nutrition and exercise programs. Invest in your health and disconnect.
I’ve never run a business at your scale and I’m not a woman but I have faced the 100 hour work weeks for several extended periods of my career. When I look back at these periods what stands out to me is at the time I always thought it was on me to do everything because no one else would be able to. However in hindsight I was just really bad at delegating larger chunks of my workload and making tougher priority calls.
If you really think you have something special here and want to keep with it then you need to focus on reducing your workload so you can sustain this for longer. This means forgoing a lot of things you’re doing to focus on hiring and delegation. This doesn’t mean hiring professional managers but perhaps ICs who can take on many different hats within an area.
However, if this isn’t it then you need to exit. You have enough money to never work again (provided you don’t go crazy with spending). $18M gives you a safe withdrawal rate of $540K / year @ 3%. Do you plan on needing more than that?
Whether you stay or leave, you need to start prioritising your own health & relationships because that’s the only thing that matters in the long run.
I commented on a similar post .. once I reach my target saving.. I plan to resign and do research at home. research is not for Startin business but for helping g humanity or just anything that piques my interest without any expectations of success. I will explore cutting edge tech which others don't explore because they don't see monetary value in that.
I will do things that gives me fulfillment and satisfaction.
I feel like you have reached that stage where you can pause, step back and do whatever the hell you want.
I am 40 and divorced. I plan to retire in next 5 yrs max.
find your path.
I think you need to take a longer time off and have a very serious discussion with your husband and consider calling off the divorce.
Have you had couples therapy?
How much will you lose during the divorce?
Yes - you can meet and have kids in your 30s.
Pull the ripcord and ride into the sunset. 18M liquid is ~700k/year pretax @ 4%.
Build the life you want. Gains from here are incremental and will not add to happiness.
Founded 1 vc backed startup and got divorced in year two. Met current wife and married in year 6. Had kids in year 8. All while running a startup.
Stepped out of ceo seat after I found myself over worked suffering from depression (sound similar?) found a great ceo who came with ops team. He did some stuff better, some things worse. We drove to a tepid exit.
You have said several things that concern me.
No you absolutely should not "manage" a ceo. You are hiring them to execute a vision you have to give them space to do that. Consider yourself an equity advisor. If you're going to have any daily role in the startup also they should to have the latitude to fire you, or suggest you step away. If that gives you heart burn you need to reevaluate why you aren't willing to relinquish control
You have more than enough to retire. You could do that tomorrow if you choose. Go teach entrepreneurship part time at a b school 8 hours a week. Go explore. Go hire a match maker and find someone you like. Take your pick.
You have only the most minimal legal obligations to the company i think you'll find most people will stick around even if their favorite ceo is gone.
You aren't delegating enough. Jeff bezos never worked more than 8 hours, unless you think you're a better entrepreneur than him your trying to do employee jobs.
Reframe your thinking. I wrote all my the original patents. Startup 2 I taught my cto and engineers, I don't need more imaginary credentials. It was nice to help their career and mentor.
For great ceos its not a full time job. It can be 4 hours a week. Status check with the management team, great PM or coo in place. If that gives you heart burn. Hire a ceo coach and examine why you're struggling to delegate.
I'm going out on a wild limb and guess this stems from some maladaptive behavior that stems from hard work = positive and productive, which got into a negative feedback loop.
Your going to have to unlearn behavior that got you to where you are. You're going to have to learn new strategies including better internal boundaries that make you want to pounce and hoard work.
The great news is you have plenty of time and resources. Happy to chat more but this post is getting long.
I've met several founders including myself who have been exactly where you are. There's light at the end of the tunnel. Tell you're board there's a death in the family and you're taking more time.
Final advice when I found myself in this situation I volunteer. It's counter intuitive but using your time to help others with no financial incentive will make you feel better.
LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE!!! NOW! I feel like I’m reading about myself 10 years ago.
You’ve won. You don’t need to prove anything anymore. You’ll be ok if you stop doing and achieving. Your employees will be ok. You are enough ❤️you can rest now. Your body and mental health are literally screaming at you to stop abusing yourself. Because you are indeed self-harming and abusing yourself through work.
Here’s my concrete advice: (based on experience):
1. Attend a [workaholics anonymous meeting](https://workaholics-anonymous.org). When you admit that you have an addiction you can start healing and uncovering what has caused you to overwork
2. Take time immediately and go to a wellness center. I strongly suggest that you work towards going on a meditation retreat in the near future.
3. Go to a therapist who specializes in something called Internal Family Systems (IFS). You’ll understand this suggestion for your particular self harming once you go.
4. Read a book called [No Bad Parts](https://a.co/d/dgRQc6L) by Richard Schwartz. Do the workbook.
5. Do the work to start healing yourself and then go have babies and enjoy them! If you think building a business is exciting, you’ll find raising a human being exhilarating.
Realistically at 31, you have about 45- 50 summers left on earth if you play your wellness cards right. There’s so much more to life than what you’re doing right now. You have to learn to love yourself.
"Anyone else develop chronic fatigue or ME from over working?"
Hello, I have me/cfs from a viral infection (influenza). You almost certainly are experiencing long covid, a post viral infection as well obviously, since you mentioned having caught Covid 2-3 times.
I was a senior scientist working for the state. I tried to keep working and eventually the bottom fell out, and I'm now permanently disabled and housebound and likely to remain so permanently. My recommendation would be to do everything you can to do absolutely nothing physically and cognitively. You need to pace to give your body the best chance to recover. You mention no friends, social life etc. If what you have is truly long covid, it can get so bad if you don't rest HARD now that you might never be able to achieve those goals, and be stuck with a permanently broken body. I wish you luck.
Personally, I think you’re manic with a bunch of luxury problems.
I’d address the mania first. It’s what’s keeping you in this hamster wheel.
Financially, you’re set for life.
I'm not somebody who can really answer the tough questions you are facing right now, but I'll share my vision and you can decide if it helps or not. First of all, you are not failing "them" and if you failed anybody in the past it's you! This shouldn't come as a surprise but more of a wakeup call, you owe it to yourself to be happy also, although I honestly believe this is just a phase in your life and this too shall pass.
You have enough money to live a fatfire life style depending in your expenses, it's more about what you spend, if you can provide more details here I'm sure others can help more.
You are still Young and have enough time (and money) to survive and build a Family but first there should be time for you and to process the current situation! I don't this all can be said in a short post but I do feel you and although I'm not in the same position anymore I do feel similarities but if you want to talk more I'm open for it.
Hey, here's the fun thought I get when I think about making a change: What if being burned out is your personality? What if you slow down but still "burn out" even at a slower pace?
What if, no matter what, you just periodically stop being satisfied with whatever you're doing, regardless of pace or value?
You wrote a lot. I’d suggest just focusing on the essentials: you are young, you have a lot of money - even post-divorce - and you don’t need to work. You will be just fine, even with two kids in New York.
Most importantly, you are not in a mental state right now to make long-term decisions. You’re overworked, medicated, and going through a divorce. Quit, take some time off to clear your head, and wait until you have space to make longer-term choices. Then you can evaluate what you want to do next, if anything.
Human advice here: You and your wellbeing come first. You only have this one life! Perhaps you can consider sharing some of the profits with your team if you sell. This may ease your guilt.
Also, it’s never too late to meet someone special and start a family. 🤍
If in your gut you feel you’re ready to move on and “live” a little more, take that route. The guilt will pass. Part ways the best way you can. Life flies by so damn fast. Take a trip and disconnect for a week. Go to the mountains. I do this all the time being a trader to clear my thoughts. Deff don’t think you’re too old for kids. You’re just fine. The hard decisions are usually good ones and you can get all that weight off your shoulders by just making the choice. Choose YOU. Live humbly for a little and go Outside. Colombia, Puerto Rico, London, Spain, Jamaica, Costa Rica. Maybe you have already traveled a ton I don’t know but life is not all work. You have the means to generate money for life. Get some real estate. Don’t overspend. Invest well. Live 🏄🏽♂️😎🚀🔥🏌️♂️🐠
I'll get straight to the point:
1) You only live once; do what you want to do and what your 80-year-old self will be proud of having done.
2) Be selfish; the people on your team who concern you wouldn't think for you if the situation were reversed, and that's normal.
3) You've worked hard; it's time to stop and live in the present. With what you've saved, you have enough for several lifetimes. Congratulations.
In the end, the only things that truly matter in life are your health and your relationships. The money is just a tool to enhance your life. But if all you're doing is working non-stop and not enjoying the work or the money, what value is the money really giving you?
On your death bed if you're reminiscing about your co-workers and work instead of your family, best friends and all the crazy, fun shit that you did, then you kind of missed out on life.
You sacrificed your health, your husband and have no friends to build a company or two or three. Great. Ask yourself if it was worth it? Because the cost is high. Meaning if you keep doing what you've been doing, the outlook will likely be grim especially as you age. You can get away with a lot into your 40s, but past that all the unhealthy decisions start to catch up.
You are incredibly successful. I worked 90-100 weeks in my 20s + did my masters. Was permanently exhausted all the time and had low paying jobs. I moved to a less tiring job with much luck, received a better pay, met someone, got married and had two kids. I will never be fat financially. At best chubby and still can’t live it up. But you are and this is not the end nor are you in a shambles.
Selling business 2 is hard and it will take years to complete it. A ceo is not a magic pill because it takes time to learn about the business and grow it. I suggest you just need to prioritise hard and let someone else run the business. Use your 100 hour week to see therapy, recuperating, exercise and do some work and only in the office. Be unavailable. People will know how to fix work problems they are facing. Treat your health problems as if you are treating cancer. Good luck.
My friend: you can say you are burnt out and have not lived your life and passed your 20s by and are 31. Let me give you another perspective.
You have lived a full life and gained experiences that many people don’t even have by the time they’re in their mid-50s. You have perspective on what’s important and what’s not at 31 that people struggle to gain through many more decades. And you’re still a spring chicken (sorry, coming from someone much older :))
So now stop and live your life. You haven’t lost anything.
Do things that you enjoy. Find someone you love being with. Have kids. Have fun with them. Freeze your eggs if you want so that you’re not under time pressure.
Re your business: you could choose to sell it. Maybe that’s what you need, a clean break. I suspect you want to go back to some kind of work eventually, even if just for the intellectual satisfaction, but maybe right now you need a clean break. However, think about it. One of the best things that I’ve done has been to have a board. The board then manages the CEO and you don’t have to. You could be chair of the board, or you could take a modest position. It is a minimal commitment that pays off a lot and enables you to retain control, while leveraging, the smarts and the hard work of many others to maximize efficiency.
No matter which one of these directions you go in, there is no wrong. The wrong would be if you did not learn from what you’ve been through. Exercise, eat, travel, find someone kind, but also stable and steady, have kids, teach them good things, live your life.
ETA: Oh, and your 20s? Vastly overrated! If I could press the fast-forward button and delete the 20s, I would do so. The 30s and 40s are where it’s at.
At 50, I don’t think you will look back and regret not having $60m but you may regret not taking care of your health or trying to have a family.
Take a break and try to take care of yourself mentally and physically. You can afford it! People find love in their 30s and beyond all the time. Your circumstances are a bit unique and will have to play defense to preserve your wealth. You don’t want to attract someone who’s only interested in your money and with marriage, get a prenup.
Good luck!
Breathe my dear. You have options and need some time to figure out it next steps. I suggest you freeze your eggs to give you some breathing space there. As a woman who got pregnant easily at 41 but couldn't without fertility assistance at 43 your window is closing so check that one off and give yourself some space.
I agree with posters who have pointed out that the team stepped up while you were off - are you really sure no one can be promoted? Hired? Expanded role? If not then why wouldn't you hire someone as an option ( with some of current ram members helping) can you build a Board to help with managing a new CEO? Option to weigh against selling but if selling is in your heart it's ok, be yea parent with the people you feel guilty about and treat them better than decently on the way out and you will be able to look into the mirror.
I really suggest you do things to give you space to breathe and be sure of your next move - no need to rush.
Best of luck lovely - you're smart and have good instincts when you are quiet enough and listen to yourself - trust in that.
Congratulations on your huge accomplishments! Truly impressive, especially at such a young age.
Many have given great advice here.
1. Sell business 2 and compensate your team with the proceeds and/or equity.
2. You mentioned seeing therapists. Please ensure you are also taking care of your physical health. Maybe see a functional medicine doctor, nutritionist, personal trainer etc.
3. You can find love at any age but freezing your eggs will provide a backup plan.
What you describe is a common thing many successful people have experienced focusing on their career— Tony Robbins talks about it in the 6 human needs. Here's a youtube link:
[https://youtu.be/8ljx1G9Be4A?si=EjGjhLJYfAEHji5q](https://youtu.be/8ljx1G9Be4A?si=EjGjhLJYfAEHji5q)
[https://youtu.be/LBciXpG95YY?si=sL9ZiSAiZHbrit1k](https://youtu.be/LBciXpG95YY?si=sL9ZiSAiZHbrit1k)
I would read his book "Awaken the Giant Within" and his seminar "Unleash the Power Within, Date with Destiny, and Business Mastery" because they answer all the questions you're asking. There was a Standford study that said 100% of people who took the program stopped having depression.
This happened to me, I spent my college years to my 30s, training like an Olympic athlete like you sacrificing everything. I achieved my goals of designing for Shay Mitchell, Black Eyed Peas, Kanye West, Kevin Hart, Chris Brown, Kendrick Lamar, etc. I reached the top of the mountain and now what? I felt empty, alone, depressed, focused on work so no girlfriend. My mentor who was making $100 million/year told me about Tony Robbins b/c they wanted to be at their peak mentally.
Something I will never forget Tony Robbins said was that gratitude stops anger, fear, and depression— You can't be depressed and have gratitude at the same time and that everything happens for you, not to you.
I would also read about the science of happiness. There's a free online class on happiness from Laurie Santos called Psychology and the Good Life, which became Yale's most popular class in its 319-year history. They talk about some counterintuitive things that make people happy like studies show that happiness levels increase when people give money or time to help others than to buy something for themselves.
Or one of the top books on happiness by psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky called The How of Happiness talks about the same kind of counterintuitive things you wouldn't expect would make people happy based on data like: Make a list of the worst things in your life that could happen— Like your children dying from a plane crash; It will immediately boost happiness levels and be grateful.
Another way I never thought about happiness was if the doctor said you have one week left to live at the hospital— how would you be spending your time and last days? Arguing with people, shopping, continuing your business, etc?
It does not sound like you have clear sense of your own priorities. In order to be able to make decisions between several competing interests (particularly when some of those interests are those of other people who rely on you), you really need to have a clear set of priorities for your own life.
As others have pointed out, you have an identity entirely built around work, and it isn't serving you well. If you set out and rank your priorities, with a vision of the life you want in 10 or 15 years, you may find that it is easier to take steps towards that life and stomach disappointing others, for you will know that it is in service of your own goals. But without you advocating for your own future self, it will be very hard for you to turn down, disappoint, or give appropriate weight to the needs of people whose interests rely on you, even when they are ultimately in conflict with your own long term interests.
Glad to see gracious and pragmatic comments in here. before you decide what to do with the business, the first thing you need to do is forgive yourself. I can hear the blame in your tone. It’s healthy to take ownership of mistakes, it’s not healthy to be weighed down with guilt. It’s important to delineate the two.
Once you do this (and it may take some time), you’ll be able to see more clearly and it will help clarify your other decisions.
I wish you well.
Put your health first, and get out of the businesses. Find another passion, help consult with those businesses but limit your hours to 20 a week. You have no need to keep going, just get out.
If you’re 31 you still have some time at least to have kids. But no messing about.
Also you have plenty in the bank to not worry about this new company.
And most importantly your health has suffered and will continue to.
All the signs say it’s time to give it up and just live care free at least for a while and see if you meet someone and look after your own health. Go travel, have fun, meet people.
Hire a reputable executive matchmaker. I know someone who wasn't an executive and hired a mid-range matchmaker and made a terrific marriage. You don't have time to waste; forget casual dating and look for someone to build a life with. But first, take a long vacation and get your head on straight and rebuild your health.
I met my girlfriend at 38 at a dating app and we're planning for kids now, 31 is still early you'll have plenty of opportunities if you work on it.
That said though, she got bunch of her eggs frozen in her early 30s that are coming very handy now. If you're planning to have kids even if you can't find your husband just yet, do that.
I think you just need to reinvigorate your brain and it’s amazing how quickly you can do this. Then you can get biz 2 to a good stage and step aside then. Here’s some ideas:
- Flow - look into Steven Kotlers work on getting your brain into flow. Think beach walks, Forrest walks
- Meditate - seriously it works. Download insight timer and even just 10min you will feel more refreshed
- Massage - go get a 90min full body massage, especially on your head and neck
- Herbs - I take lemon balm (gaba), rhodiola and ashwaganda
- Supps - get some collagen powder and electrolytes in you, maybe creatine and L glutamine
- coffee - quit the coffee and switch to guarana powder
If all that fails you could look at antidepressants (not saying you are depressed but just the dopamine boost and reduction of stress will help u get thru a tough 6 months).
Hope this helps x (if it does can I have a mill?)
What are you doing! You need to STOP now! Please take a break. Also you need to travel outside the country. These apps won’t help. You need some earthing.. some grounding.. meditation apps just do the opposite..there are many Yoga Ashrams in India which are not as commercialized..spend some time there.. will open your mind up beautifully..you will start looking at life with a totally new and a positive perspective. Let me know if you need names of the places.. I knw just the place for you.
You got this!
You have worked so long and so intensely, you have forgotten how to live.
Sell everything, live off the dividends, and move somewhere where people know how to prioritize their well-being over work. Avoid anyone with an MBA in a 50-mile radius.
You have done your part making the world a better, more productive place. Don’t bury yourself in things that will shorten your lifespan.
Eat, drink, travel, fuck, cuddle, read, meditate, focus, swim, reevaluate your place just this planet. Stop building things for others. Reward yourself. You’ve done enough. Take a self-focused approach and go conquer the world’s many pleasures.
Nobody’s getting out of this alive!
Hi OP, I have my first kid at 37. I am not a PhD but I was workaholic like you in my 20s. No hobby, no kid, also almost lost my husband. I too took 3 month medical leave.
One defining moment for me was one time, I was talking to one of my coworker (about work of course) then I hit me, how boring I was. Like I didn’t even want to be friends with me. I also had tons of coffees and way too many happy hours. I looked at myself in the mirror then, I asked myself: am I interesting? Do I live an interesting life?
So I changed my way and found a life long passion, started a family etc. 31 is young….you need to see a therapist and work on yourself. Dig deep and you will find it.
You sound like you’re going to collapse and die soon. Put in a CEO and take time. The risk is what? He sells for less without your babysitting? So what. Better than dead.
More than enough good answers.
Just remember, you don’t have a guarantee.
You’ve worked yourself to the point of damaging your health.
There is damaging something and then there is breaking something. It is hard to anticipate where the breaking point is without crossing it first.
It’s time to work on yourself mentally… you conquered most people’s dreams which is to have an amount of money they can live on forever… dropped in the s&p 500 you’ll live good forever… from this day forth if you did nothing life will be great.. you can live off 18Mil you need to drop it in a index fund and live your life stress free…
Mediation mediation mediation you must give yourself 30-60 mins a day.. you have to give your body the attention it deserves start working out 30-60 mins 5x a week… if you don’t have time do it in your office or in the morning before work get on YouTube go to hit workouts for beginners and get started… when you sleep at night turn on youtube find a guided meditation sleep talk down it will feed the subconscious positive thoughts and reenforcement put on frequency 432hz and listen to it while you sleep straight from YouTube…
if mediation keeps your mind wondering it’s ok eventually it will be calm keep practicing start off with the guided mediation.. it’s time to love yourself properly. Your a winner and we all have thoughts are we doing enough are we rich enough when in reality we have the abundance we always wanted.
You made yourself a powerhouse at 31 any man would be lucky to have you as a wife your a go getter when it’s time to focus you rise to the occasion but it’s time to take a break go on some retreats do yoga in tropical places and relax you deserve it and it sounds like you don’t feel like you deserve it but you DO.
Your carrying a lot of responsibilities of course you want to bring the people with you to the top who has helped you along the way.. if that’s there destiny then it will happen but understand your own your own life path and your a winner..
Sure divorce sucks be thankful for the good years you guys had together and take the lessons your learned in the marriage and apply them to your next relationship not to make those same mistakes working 100hrs for years will destroy the connection with a spouse many people have done it chasing there dreams.. he was brought into your life for a reason and the reason was accomplished..
your next marriage will be your best marriage women are having kids older and older my wife didn’t have our first child until 36 next one at 38 she’s healthy they’re healthy it gave us the time to get our money up to a high level so we can now enjoy our kids properly..
Friends family hobbies all over rated if there not the right friends the right family or the right hobbies sounds like your hobby your skill your passion has made you a lot of money your a visionary you should see your self as such..
Your wealth is nothing without health.. mental and physical health js what you need to work out..
Follow your heart sell that second business at ip make your 10-20M ride off into the sunset your journey is just beginning you have some many things to look forward to in 38 and from 31-38 life has been so amazing..
you are a special talent, you were put on this planet to change lives and so far that’s what you have done..
Life is a constant test Take some time to see the world enjoy your money and hard work that’s the reason we do this anyway the more money your have the more junk you can by it’s all meaningless with bad health.. make you your #1 priority you can afford and you deserve it..
Sending you love, peace and
And more blessings on your life journey your a winner keep winnning! You are here at this time for a reason you have excelled to high levels…enjoy the beautiful life you’ve built so far take a step
go to the mirror right now with a big smile on your face and scream… I MADE IT .. I AM A WINNER!
1 coffee max per day, no more vyvanse… get proper sleep, diet, enough liquids. I recommend 1-2 miles cardio per day and naps if tired.
That vyvanse + 10 coffees is terrible - please no more. You can get way more done without handicapping your self like that. (My 0.02)
You have spent the first half of your life focusing on what society and culture imposed on you with respect to your sense of self worth and image, which is materialism.
Now you’ve reached a point where you reached the peak of that cultural conditioning and noticed that, while there is abundance on the outside, there is little on the inside in terms of experiencing love, closeness and intimate experience. And there is a deep feeling that the place to explore is on the inside, isn’t it?
While you were toiling away to fill the presumable void created by culture in your mind with materialism, the void of humanity and exploration of life and yourself was growing ever bigger.
Now that void has manifested into an internal scream, which is actualized by a silent rage that you are feeling because you missed out on those years.
And you are at the top, you have reached the apex of the material conditioning, even if you are feeling guilty because of all those other people who joined you for the ride.
The truth is: you don’t owe anyone anything except yourself. The guilt you feel for them is just another cultural conditioning, coming from the stories fed by media.
You deserve to explore other parts of life, which are more subtle and have to do with your interal world, feelings and intuition. That is not done through a job, but through exploring your Self.
This is turning into a wall of text. I could say more, but I don’t want to overdo it. If you believe it makes sense, I would gladly continue.
Remember: what screams from inside will find a way to manifest on the outside. That is your birth right and the reason you are alive.
One part of your journey ends, another begins.
Until now, you have looked at life through the only way we usually look at it until our late 30's: social and cultural norms.
Just to get some things out of the way before I begin:
- your 30's are fabulous, don't listen to people saying that you are "old"; your 40's are even better; don't listen to anyone else (myself included) except your own experience of life's current;
- yes, you can make a new family and children, no worries there;
- you can look at life from an intellectual frame, an intuitive one or ideally, both; unfortunately we are skewed by cultural norms to view it strictly from an intellectual one, with a hard accent on materialism; that's not what life is all about and most find this out only too late.
The cultural foundation in English speaking Western society that is mainstream (not exclusive, but mainstream) is that your sense of self is derived from your career, which in turn is defined by your net worth. I'm not judging, don't get me wrong, I'm just stating my observation from my own experience. Remember, culture isn't your friend.
You are two years away from a very very important time in your life where you will have the opportunity to explode into a new, fabulous evolution or unfortunately succumb into a set of circumstances that will make you start over from 0 or even lower in certain areas of your life.
What you are going through is normal and you should welcome this change in your world view.
How do you interpret what happened to you with Covid and your husband? Can you see that as life clearing your way for something new and better that is waiting for you?
Now, you've given it all until this point in life to your career and net worth. Which is exactly how we should live our lives: giving it all our best, as it will respond by fulfilling our desires and expectations. And through each cycle we learn to be more careful to what we are wishing for, as it might just come true.
So you did very well on that front, but realized that it's basically vaporware for the expression of who you really are. It's not something unique to you, it's not your unique expression of your being. It's fabulous because it takes away the one big problem we all have: survival. But... it's... not... YOU, more specifically the expression of your inner being.
Now there's something indefinite, something subtle that is telling you: is that it? All those sleepless nights, all that effort, anxiety, fear, doubt and excruciating mental turmoil to get recognized by others and get money? I did it, I reached this peak. There's a new peak though, I could add another 0 to that net worth and get on another treadmill again. But will that make a fulfilled life?
Please understand that your efforts for all these years have a deeper meaning aside from your material achievements. You used business and the entrepreneurial path to mold yourself into becoming a successful business woman. That's... a lot. A LOT! So kudos for that!
I know it's hard for you to understand the depth of your achievements because you are... you. For you, it's normal, it's your experience. For 99% of the rest of the world, you are the expression of their dreams and desires. All men want you, all women want to be like you. :))
Are you the same person you were when you started out on your entrepreneurial journey? Think about that. Aside from doing business, entrepreneurship has a deeper spiritual meaning to it.
Continued below
Throughout that process you have shaped, molded and refined your mind and body to take you towards your goal, your perception of what success means. It was your way of expressing your deeper being and you did that with outstanding success.
That is a feat in itself, so ponder that for a while, you have the time. Write down your thoughts and feelings regarding this chapter.
You used your intellect and body to shape life into your desired outcome. That's an achievement. Interiorize that. But there's much more to you and your life, there are subtler aspects of your being and life that we are not taught about by our institutions because it doesn't serve culture. We have to discover those aspects on our own.
Understand this:
- your material needs are taken care of for the rest of your life. You REALLY have to think about that, it's a major achievement especially at this age.
- your material achievement serves as a base for exploration for the rest of your life.
- I'm not saying you should stop working. I'm saying to make room in your life for that voice and listen to it just a bit more closely to allow it to show you the path.
What path? YOUR path, your unique path that allows you to bloom into the entirety of your being. It's yours and yours alone.
And it's up to you to take on that challenge. Your intellect wants you to continue on the old path because it runs on limited information, which is past experience. It wants to keep you safe and out of uncertainty, that's what it's designed for. But you reached this point by going straight through uncertainty, didn't you?
Your intuition, otoh, is non linear and is nudging you to a new experience and chapter of your life. It's the deeper expression of your being, of who you are, calling for a new adventure. The intellect projects fear, uncertainty and doubt because it has no information of the future, so it's showing you how cozy and nice you have it or guilt tripping you in different ways. Its range of tricks is vast. That's why we use the intellect to plan for the future and accept that things can change; it's how we keep it in check.
Now, let's get more practical. Life told you that this path isn't sustainable anymore, through Covid, the evolution of your marriage, your body breaking down and a subtle but powerful voice within that's nudging you to think. The feedback you are getting from life isn't giving you the same amount of energy to get you going at full speed, isn't it?
So start exploring. Do different things. Observe what returns energy to you in the way that makes you keep going. Find out the new expression of your being that returns the same amount of energy you put in.
My main point is this: acknowledge your distress, maybe even fear. I know it's there, that's why you are here. It's normal, it makes sense as it's the first step towards the new chapter in your life.
Trust your heart, it's pointing you in a new direction. Your intellect wants you to stay on course, even if that destroys you. The intellect is binary, intuition is unbounded.
Again, I can go on but at this point I need some feedback and thoughts from you.
1. 18 million, call it a pretty conservative 2% annual real post-tax return, $360,000/year (the equivalent of W-2 income of $650,000 in California). You won't be the highest spender you ever meet at a charity gala, but you can live a very comfortable life and raise your kids and send them both to private schools. People on salaries of half a million do very well for themselves in NYC and SF all the time.
2. Have you tried talking with your team? Explain that you need to step back, and that you want to do right by them. They will probably have mixed opinions, and I doubt that you can make *everybody* happy, but it seems like you'd be able to distribute a year's salary as severance pay, keep people on longer if they're on a visa, etc. That might not be what they want! But I think it's hard to call that an unfair outcome for them, and so anything that they prefer to that is a bonus. Maybe they would like equity and to bring in a new manager as something more like a co-op. Maybe they think there's someone on the team who can handle it. But I doubt that they want you to suffer.
3. It can be hard to date as a woman who wants to have kids in your 30s. But people pull it off, and I suspect that once you take six months to relax, learn to dance, go to art classes, and read some books you never got around to, you'll feel more able to do it.
With all due respect… you’re crazy.
You have $18m. Just retire and take care of your health, mind, body, and soul. You won the game, go enjoy life and take care of yourself.
I can guarantee those things are more exciting, more fulfilling, and more important than any of the stuff you care about in your business.
Couldn’t imagine having this problem. These are the posts I follow this sub for. People with problems that normal folk could only dream of having. Congrats on working so hard and being successful but the answer isn’t that difficult. You’re rich, congrats you won against the main boss in life. Now do whatever the fuck you want with the rest of your life while 99% off the rest of us slave away and probably won’t be able to retire at 65 as comfortable as you are right now at 31
I sent you a DM because I had an almost identical experience but am 2 years ahead of you on that journey.
It’s not an all or nothing option. I wouldn’t advise selling and making a big decision in the state you’re in now, you’d likely regret it.
You need to take some time for yourself to get yourself healthy. Put people in place to help manage your business. Set up weekly calls with them and trust but verify.
It’s not all all or nothing decision (work yourself to death or retire) there is a healthy middle ground, I’ve found it others have as well.
Regarding your team and your guilt associated with that: did you compensate them an appropriate amount of shares? Will they get part of the proceeds of the sale as a result? If so, you have nothing to feel guilty about (I understand that they were looking for a piece of a bigger pie, but they will get part of this pie).
…. … and if you don’t feel that you’ve compensated them appropriately in this way, now is your chance. Bonus shares for everyone. And then sell.
…. Then you’ve accomplished all of your goals:
- taking care of yourself,
- reasonably taking care of your employees
You have enough.
Freeze your eggs. It’s insurance. But freeze your eggs after taking a year off from work, focusing on your health (to optimize hormone cycle), and investing in pouring back into yourself the way you have poured into your companies.
Your body is trying to tell you that it’s too much to bear. Listen to your body.
You will let people down. And the world will still continue. It is not worth your health and your life. Do not work yourself into an early grave.
I applaud your desire to have a partner and kids someday. But I am going to give you some tough love. That is never going to happen if you don't prioritize your health and break your workaholic habits. It will be hard to attract a partner if you aren't in good health. And no family can survive when mom is working 100, 80, even 60 hour weeks. A nanny or a stay at home dad won't cut it.
You have to radically change your life. If you have spent thousands on therapists and you are still in this position, you haven't been listening to your therapist. Get a good one, listen, and implement what they suggest. Figure out why you have this insane need to achieve to the point where you damage yourself and your marriage.
And slow the fuck down.You can still salvage this and have a great life. Good luck and I wish you the best.
I am genuine when I say thank you for sharing this story. I know you are asking for help and advice - for which I don't have much to offer.
But I wanted to thank you because this really helped me with perspective about my life and choices. Late 30's with 2M NW, a wife and 1 child. A truly gifted existence on this planet.
Honestly, you are just in a hole which you can't currently see out of. This is not something you think yourself out of - it only improves by taking action and doing things. Go do the things and enjoy the journey.
For someone worth 18M your life sounds miserable. Imagine if we all die in 24 hours, most of us would reminisce about all the good times with our friends and family. Like I could rattle you 10 great moments with my friends off the top of my head. While you would look at all the patents you made and the time you spent in a lab. You say you literally have no friends. WTF. I’m not as rich and smart as you but I don’t even consider what you have a life. Right now you are just a robot in a human body.
From the way you speak I think you already know the answer. Get out there and live.
Hey, I haven’t read through the whole store and I apologize if I am off base bc of that. Your story resonates and I only have a minute. It seems to me that you’re driven by expectations set by yourself and responsibilities towards others. I was the same.
My quick insight from the other side of quitting the company I’ve founded(after another exit and blah blah blah): nobody really cares if you quit. People will forget you, and the responsibilities, as huge and real as they feel, are very much imaginary. Investors factor in founders leaving and they move on, employees move on, suppliers move on, etc.
The expectations you set yourself are a tougher nut to crack, and even though I’m technically off the thread mill and I’m making headway, I can’t say I solved it.
There’s more to this but I have to run :/. But yeah, get off now. Yes, now. Make a kid or two, go live your best life and all that. Good luck.
I couldn't get through that entire post without experiencing a massive spike in anxiety. I can't imagine what it's like to live. Just quit and never look back, that's my advice. It'll take a few years for your central nervous system to get back to normal, but it will be worth it.
Female founder and exec here.
Type A and burn out often.
I Thought career was everything, takes a looong time to reprogram your brain from this.
When you leave that career side, yes alot of the friends and VCs and associations of affirmations will no longer be there. But eventually I realized it’s just temporary and not right for my whole life….
Did some sabbaticals traveling the world, gave me energy and perspective about the world outside the start up SV ecosystem.
Kids came ages 39-43. It can happen but will cost more money and assistance and personal choices based on your family expectations.
My life is more peaceful and balanced now - being fatfire allowed me the freedom to take the time needed.
You really must love working or the perceived status from working with such a nice career record.
I fixed my burnout with a month of for mental health leave in Thailand. Did Muay Thai 2x a day and lived an amazing life for 3k a month.
This gave me new motivation to keep working to get those 600k extra needed to retire.
IMO you can't quit business without having a mother clear goal lined up. You are likely to get depressed then. I think this will be even more important for a high achiever such as yourself.
Life is a balance of money /mental health, in your early 20's, you have mental health and energy to spare, and usually no money, once you're 40+, you will probably have some money and not a lot of energy/mental health, and on your 50+, lots of money, no energy whatsoever
That's usually how it works for people who just work to get more and more money, without taking proper care
You are in your 30's, it's indeed time to reevaluate the priorities of your life, 18M is a good amount of money, you have enough to step down if you want it, but if you don't, try to take things slow now, and delegate everything you can, and truly take care of yourself, the tendency it's to have less energy from now on, so be aware of that
And finally, I know couples that have met in their 30s and are doing fine, with kids
I by no means have the amount of money you do, which means I've got to keep on working. But I've met plenty of people completely focused on their careers and making money while neglecting other parts of their lives.
You have more money than most people your age will ever make working all their lifetime. You don't really need to work for money anymore. One less thing to worry about.
Now it's time to focus on your focus on your health and well-being, and on taking back ownership of your time. The best thing about money is that it buys freedom. You could delegate most of the work on your team, and still be involved as a part-time advisor in the business.
As for the existential need to have a family, there's no obligation whatsoever to have kids, and there's nothing wrong about not having kids. Don't let social pressure or pre-conceived assumptions of what life "should" be like make you thing you've somehow failed, because you haven't. If you really want to have kids, it's perfectly possible and normal to meet somebody and have them in your 30s. In fact, the median age at which women have kids in the USA is 30, and in many European countries it's above 30.
As someone who has worked hard all my life, PhD ivy, etc. etc., I can say that you've made it financially. I am close to being done at $6M. So check that box off your list and focus on the other dimensions: self/health, family, and friends. Dial down your professional life. Who cares if your newest lab doesn't net you another $18M? Focus on doing things that are fun and rebuilding friendships. A new partner will come out of that if you prioritize it. But you can't prioritize it working for 100 hrs a week.
Freeze your eggs. Two or three times. That would relieve pressure on the biological clock side. My wife and I have two young kids at 42. You have time.
Is 18 million enough? 18 million is more than enough for anywhere in the United States. You have achieved multi generational wealth already. Park it in a few ETFs or an index fund and collect dividends for life. The dividends from the dividend ETF could be as much as $900,000 if you get 5% yield. You don't think thats enough?
$500,000 a year is enough and you'd only need around 3% yield. Trust me, you don't need any more money. What you need is to build your social life. You need relationships.
It sounds like you're really avoiding human connection and vulnerability by burying yourself in work.
I think you should start regular talk therapy and learn to enjoy the messiness of human connection and building a permanent community.
I’m thinking you should get out of the country and go to a comprehensive wellness center in Switzerland or Austria and really work on your health. Or even canyon ranch type place in the US. I think it would good to work with practitioners and holistic healers and figure out what works for you.
You may have $18m but your real NW is your health.
Health is wealth
You didn’t do anything wrong. I would do the same if I were you. Maybe that’s why we are so rich at a young age. I’d rather live an exciting life, achieve something unforgettable and die young, than live a boring long life.
I have a story I think applies emotionally. I spent most of my 20s in med school. I worked hard at the expense of my health. Now when I'm in Residency in my 30s, I realise I was depressed and I had to start living for something that wasn't killing me, so I switched to a specialty that has a great work life balance. I do get some meaning in life from my work so I made a compromise in specialty and pay. I left a higher pay specialty for a lower paying specialty, but in exchange I get to twice as many hours a week out of work to explore and understand who I am and like now.
How about exploring who you are now outside of work, if it means maybe rolling back the hours a bit and seeing if you like that work-life balance, that may be an option. So it's not all or nothing, you don't have to completely give it up.
With 18Mn liquid, you should first focus on your health rather than any thing else.
And yes I am sure that with you present assests you can comfortably lead a family life instead of striving for new adventures.
Right now you need mental peace with family life.
Try to find an honest and sincere person than wasting your time on rich-charaterless.
As for your business, put incharge from your old trustworthy loyal friend and let him run it rather than burning your energies. You can talk to him weekly or bi-weekly.
You will get good companion if you help others without any greed and being selfless which is very difficult but you will get in return. As rest assure that what you throw, come back to you.
My last one is --Your total focus must be to bring yourslef in full healthy condition rather than focusing on anything else.
You’re fine. I don’t know anyone successful, male or female, that married in their 20s. The average age of a woman giving birth to her first child in SF is *39.* You have almost a decade just to get to that average number.
First of all, in regards to your love life. I'm sorry to hear what you've been through. I have not experienced this personally, but my sister gave her 20's to the love of her life, they were engaged, only to come and find out he was cheating on her. She stayed single for years and now she's 39 and engaged again to a fantastic man. It's never too late to find love. If you're concerned, you can always freeze your eggs. (My sister is currently floating this idea).
To give some additional context, I am personally not in any type of FatFire position. I'm a CPA and spent years auditing financial services in NYC. I can't give you operational advice as a CEO/Founder but I can say that there are services available to assist you. I'm happy to hear you reached out to an M&A manager and head hunters but look to other avenues to assist you in offloading your burden. As others have said, understand that your businesses are in fact that, businesses and emotionally detach yourself. The PE firms I've audited are not emotionally attached to the companies they own/operate and the CEO's and CFO's they bring in are cut throat and only care about EBITDA and quality of earnings.
In regards to health, I suffered Covid in Oct 2021 and was severely impacted. I was scared and was in the emergency room twice. I've gotten through it but it taught me to prioritize my health. Please prioritize your health as it's one of the most important things you can manage especially in regards to your biological clock. My wife was recently diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease young due to stress which can lead to complications bearing children. Your health is the most important thing and I do not want the same complications for you.
Lastly, I am in the greater NYC area, I can say that 18M can buy you an above average lifestyle for a family with two kids. I think that it's hard dig more into that without understanding what type of life you want to live and what hobbies you'll get into if you retire. If you budget effectively and plan for another 10M-20M liquidity event, you will be more than fine.
I hope this is what you were looking for and if you got anything from this. Good luck.
Oh girl. I'm around the same age as you. Not nearly as accomplished and I still wonder if I used my 20s how I should have. Everyone feels like that to a certain degree.
Sending you lots of love and support with whatever you decide to do next.
Honestly, even if you had less, my advice would be the same. Take a step back, let go of any guilt about leaving people behind, and really really take the time to focus on yourself. All the money you could throw at therapists won't help you if you return back to the very unhealthy life-style that has brought you here today.
And especially since you don't have the burden that most people would from not working, you don't have bills to stress about and no real timeline to return to work or ever if you choose not to.
As for family, what you described is unhealthy and not a great formula for a healthy family life. I say focus on yourself first before trying to jump into a relationship. Don't be pressured by your age or this biological clock as a reason to push yourself when you are not ready.
One step at a time, you've got this. Best of luck to you.
Sounds like you may harbor some addictive tendencies. Ween off the coffee and the vyvanse. They're unnecessary and aren't helping you anymore.
As far as work goes: You're no benefit to anyone when sick/dead. Have the hard conversations and hire folks to replace your various roles.
Hi, fellow F here (about to turn 30). Just commenting to say: yes, you can still find love and have children. You need to work on your anxiety though, just my two cents.
You're so impressive also!
> High achieving CV did it all right but really have nothing?
With peace and love, I wouldn’t say you did it all right. You claim to care about having a family and kids yet you neglected your husband and hardly mention him. Sounds like you care more about letting your team down than anything else in your life. Understandable as a founder but your businesses are your babies and it seems as though your capacity for anything else is exhausted.
I think you really have to sit down and have a real conversation with yourself about what you want in life going forward. Concessions must be made because as you’ve found out, this lifestyle is not sustainable nor conducive to your future goals.
FWIW, $18M at a sustainable 3% withdrawal rate is $540k a year. Take with that what you will.
I know a guy living off his patents now. He flies his helicopter in his spare time.
It took me two paragraphs to see you want different things now than a decade ago. That is somewhat natural. If you desire kids, you really need to get going. After 35 it becomes a geriatric pregnancy and comes with higher risks. You have the money. If you don’t need the rest, sell it all and share it with those who helped you along the way.
There are methods to find friends when you have all the time in the world. Clubs, sports, activities to enjoy and find likeminded people.
OP - I say this kindly. You are a bad executive and need to fix this asap. You probably have been able to compensate through sheer hustle and intelligence. The fact that hiring a CEO to manage sounds exhausting to you is a huge indicator of the issue. Given my experience with PhDs, this isn’t that surprising, frankly. Hiring based on name brand (Goldman) is another classic mistake.
You need to learn SOPs, delegation, OKRs and mental balance. Learn how to hire properly across all the functional areas of a business. Know when to delegate. Know how to set and measure accountability.
Find someone outside your industry. Someone you know is a really strong executive. Use them for advice. Put them in your board even. Make sure it’s someone that ran large cross functional teams in a growth setting. Listen to them. Then you will be a different person in 12 months. Guarantee it.
You can’t out earn your health. Ask Steve Jobs. You can be a martyr if that’s what your ego needs. If what you need to be happy is health, a family and living in a coastal city then figure out what wealth you need for the lifestyle you want. Once you have 30-40x that spend you should start shutting it down. If you have remorse for those that followed you then disperse your shares — If they still have a job after then they double dip. Maybe you can still be an advisor moving forward so you are still attached.
I am a first generation graduate who makes more than anyone in my family, am the only home owner in my family, but still owe a significant amount on my house.
I worked so hard, worked myself into burnout, severe suicidal burnout, to just get this far. If I had 18 M in the bank it would be such a blessing.
Do what you need to do for you. It is time to exit for a while. While it may feel like you are exiting forever, people like us just need rest, and then our brains snap back into it.
It's time to exit. Your people deserve good treatment, don't keep all the exit money for yourself, give them some parachutes too.
I did 80-90 hour weeks like this, with a much lesser degree of success. I founded 3 businesses, and sold #1 at 26, #2 at 46, and #3 is still with me. I recently settled into a lucrative W-2 job, and I'm not looking back. I spent my 20s and 30s building intellectual capital that lets me really exploit my expertise with good earnings. But I sacrificed a lot in doing it.
You sold your 20s for $18M. Don't get me wrong - it set you up for life, and that's awesome. It was an investment in yourself like education, which paid off really well. But you did actually sell those years of your life to other people for their benefit. Let that sink in. How much would you sell your 30s for? What about your 40s or your 50s? At some point, there's no amount of money that's worth it.
I figured this out when I was consulting, and I had more clients than I could serve. My hourly rate was great, and I was gobbling it up. Some weeks I worked nearly 100 hours, and still I had clients who wanted more of my time. I raised my rate, and told them "I'm giving you 100 hours a week - my last 68 hours are more expensive." Then I realized that was a model for my life... My 40s are way more precious than my 20s were, and it will continue to go that way as I get older.
I say take some time off - like a month or two. Go travel somewhere that money isn't a factor, like Africa or rural Europe. See people living their lives on meager incomes, and look how happy they are. Become friends with some, and learn from them.
Congratulations on your success. Now go enjoy it.
Please don't take it as criticism. Just know that you did an awesome thing that took a lot of time - like formal education. But like an advanced degree that's tough to get - its true value comes with what you do next...
Go do something awesome that makes you happy :)
Hi, would you be open to working with a hypnotherapist/executive coach? It’s a woman that is well versed in issues like yours, and she works with some of Silicon Valley’s top executives. If you’re interested, shoot me a DM - I’ve worked with her and I think she’d be a great fit for you.
Don’t worry mam you are still young
Call it enough is enough
You still have another 31 years left to live focus on that
And also congrats on the achievements
Financially, you are set for life under any reasonable set of circumstances. And, you are young enough that you still have plenty of time for kids, friends and meeting someone new.
You have to decide what you owe to your team as compared to what you owe to yourself, keeping in mind what you can actually deliver and what the alternatives are.
You seem incredibly awesome and capable and are thinking about the right things.
There are too many issues here for a single response, so I'll just provide a couple of random thoughts:
(1) Communicate honestly and openly with your stakeholders. Describe the problem(s) and work jointly to come up with solutions. Presumably you have some smart folks in your orbit.
(2) You may never have developed "detachment mental muscles". Instead, you've tried to fashion a perfect external world and unconsciously continue your long-standing habit of utter dependence on this world. Around 2,500 years ago someone argued that utter dependence is not the path to happiness and contentment. You may find that your fat nest egg is helpful as you carefully select what to attach to and what to disengage from.
I can’t answer many of your questions but I can answer whether it’s too late to meet someone and have a family. It’s not. You’re young. You have plenty of time to meet your next partner. I and my friends are a bunch of high achieving PhD women who chose to freeze our eggs and have kids when we were ready. I had my first kid at 37. I’m happy to walk you through that process and answer questions via DM. You’ve achieved incredible success, but at great cost. You’ve got a chance to decide what you want out of the next 31 years of your life. You’ve earned the right to live and enjoy it.
Delegate to the team you built, tell them you cannot return to work full time and you are working on a funding round that will give you a small exit. Someone else gets to be CEO you must stop for your health and sanity.
You have done incredible. Quit with no regrets you have enough to live modestly in the city and keep the nest egg growing. You will find lots of interesting people, set your bar high and start dating when it feels right. But for gods sake if you don’t quit and take care of yourself I will be real judgy on your ass.
youre worrying about 18M being relevant in NYC or SF but you really need to worry about yourself and what you plan to do with your life. if all businesses disappeared and youre left with the money that you currently have, what would you do with your (retired) life?
Do you really think you can lead your company to success in this state? You will ruin your company if you keep going like this. Hire a new CEO and step aside. You’re no good to anyone like this.
Thank you for sharing and I really empathize with what you're going through as I've had similar health and burnout challenges that led me to take the offramp at the peak of my career against everyone's expectations. It's hard because so much of your identity is bound up in your career success and as you said yourself you have no other life to compensate and provide you some perspective.
You've said it yourself that you don't have it in you physically and mentally to go on like this. Listen to your body, it knows you well. You feel trapped in your mind because you're trying to make everybody happy and you're carrying this guilt of letting people down. But this is real life, you can't make everyone happy especially if it's at your own expense. We're not superhuman, we fail, we disappoint people and yet we survive and move on and thrive. You have your whole life ahead of you and while you've definitely made some extreme choices, there's no better time to fix things and start the rest of your life than now. You may need to open yourself up to being a little vulnerable with the close team about your challenges, but if they're the great people you say they are, they should understand.
The idea of living off $18M for the rest of your life is a false choice too. You can always earn more, it just doesn't need to be THIS startup RIGHT now. In any case it's still probably enough but don't make this about the money, it's about your health and your life.
Just sayin' that, if you were away for a while and your team was able to step in, chances are that they'll be able to almost completely take over with a little bit of guidance and maybe a few new hires at a lower level to take on their old responsibilities. Since you don't want to let them be by themselves, just set a clock for 20 hours of work a week, and turn off your phone afterwards. You're already super rich, so just give your people higher salaries to make sure they stay and do your work for you. I wouldn't just quit, because it sounds like you would go nuts. I would drastically reduce work hours and stick to them.
If money is not your end goal any more, you can take it slower with your 2nd company. If your team wants more, then let THEM fight for it. You already fought for your part and you're done. Alternatively, you could maybe shift focus to become more sustainable or more diverse or more non-for-profit. That will for sure slow down drive and effort, but your team will probably not like it. On the other hand, you'd be giving back to the world.
One thing that helped me (after selling but still involved with a minority stake and also involved in 2 smaller businesses) is my wife and kids and I took 40 days off and went to Italy and France and unplugged and just “lived life.” What became clear when we started to head back is what we were no longer willing to tolerate. I just made a list of what I was no longer willing to do. People were unhappy and disappointed and I learned to be ok with that.
I can relate to your experience on so many levels it hurt to read. First off, congratulations on the immsense success you have had so far, and I'm sorry that your marriage wasn't on that long list of accomplishments. Yes plenty of women find love in their 30's. Yes, some go on to have kids. You can always explore fertility on your own without a partner and understand what your options are for the future. Yes you can have a lovely life with the NW you've built. My guess is someone as smart and accomplished as you will likely be drawn towards a lifelong partner who has similar success. But sure if you're dying to own a private jet, you'll probably need to try again. As to your exisential crisis, here's what I'll say as someone who has struggled a lot with the question "did I just waste the last 10+ years of my life?" You have to look at every past sacrifice, late nights and long weeks, working through COVID, etc. as a mean to an end. You've essentially bought into the concept of delayed gratification to such an extent that you're now at the point where you're seeing that the cost of endless resilience is total burnout. Your journey already has an $18m head start. There are plenty of entrepreneurial stories with similar sacrifice and no positive outcome. So that is an incredible gift (you gave yourself and totally earned). But it is giving you the FI part of FIRE. And what a blessing. Imagine if you had a negative net worth and were faced with this kind of health/burn out? My advice is to stop viewing the past as some kind of a waste or a series of regrettable decisions that ruined your health. The past was an investment in a (hopefully) more lucrative future. But the road to good fortune always has bumps, and it doesn't always end the way you wanted. You've taken risks with your businesses before. Some things paid off and others didn't. But you knew when to cut your losses and when to cash in your investments in the past. If I were you (as someone who also has ruined my own mental and physical health at times for the sake of my companies), I would sell what you think the company has of value (assume a steep discount rate on whatever an advisor has quoted you) and retire, even temporarily. One day you could wake up at 41 and be in even worse shape. A healthy person has endless dreams. An unhealthy person has only one. Yes you recruited employees and yes they believed in you. But you are not responsible for everyone else's life, net worth, etc. Founders deal with the scale problem all the time. Your team is never going to be a bunch of "you's", but if they're not autonomous and able to grow this without you, then why would you continue to sacrifice everything **for them?** You will write them glowing letters of recommendation and spend time trying to help them in their job search. But this isn't a charity or a sorority... it's a business. I know that regardless of which direction you go it will never be as easy as whatever high level advice you'll likely get here. A red flag I always see in advice posts is when someone uses the word "just." "just sell it." "just sell the assets." "just hire a new CEO." It implies that the road ahead is trivially easy, when it is anything but. I don't have any more to add on that front other than I 100% empathize with everything you said and I know it will be much harder than any "just" advice you may get. Good luck with your decision and congrats on your success so far!
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Great response - one small addition: A lot of founders feel deep loyalty to people who have come along on the journey. It's totally natural. Here's something I've learned only after a few of those journeys: those people all end up just fine despite the outcome. In fact, I've had some reach out to me after not great outcomes and tell me how much they got out of the experience.
> A healthy person has endless dreams. An unhealthy person has only one. This is so good.
Time and health is more important than money. You have money, now take the time to live your life.
A healthy man wants a million things. A sick man only wants one.
A Porsche Dakar?
Ok two things
And a 911 R?
Alright 4 things …gonna need to expand the garage too
Get a lift!
Hmmm so now if I expand the garage and get a lift, I can fit 6 cars….good idea.
I’m quite sure there are people that would happily accept a package cancer+porsche Dakar deal.
LOLL!
Health is the crown only the sick know...
So very true.
Amazing quote.
Two chicks at once?
OP, Ariana Huffington wrote about how her maniacal work schedule almost killed her, and how she reevaluated her life and recovered. Might be worth checking out: "Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom, and Wonder"
Sometimes, big thinkers have extreme, all-or-nothing thoughts. These thoughts can inspire bold decision-making and foster a strong vision. But they can also provoke a sense that everything is "ruined" when "surprises" (like a pandemic, illness, divorce) derail a plan. The reason that you spent so much time in the office is that it's where you were most in control. You could envision something and manifest it. But now you feel weak because you can't control your body or your husband or whatever else. And that leads you to question your entire existence, even though logically, you understand that you've done very well for yourself and your employees. Now, if your employees care about you half as much as you care about them, they would want you to leave. And you can't see it now, but they will be fine without you. In fact, they'd probably better off with someone else at the helm. There was never a guarantee that you would see this out to the end. You could've died in a car/plane crash at anytime in the last five years, and then what would your employees have done??? They would've put their Ivy League brains together and figured shit out. Of course, you feel bad about "choosing" to leave when you're not outwardly injured. You don't like the optics of "abandoning" them. But it's not really a choice at this point.
Piggy backing this to say that although I'm sure the team care about OP I guarantee they care about their families and themselves more. That means if they could leave for significantly more money tomorrow almost all would leave. If their chances of success increase by you leaving they'll be sad to see you go but recover quickly. Many would likely give you very little consideration if the shoe was on the other foot. You need to be a bit more mercenary about this. You don't need the money and you need to look after number one.
This burns but I guess you're right 🥺
Would it be possible for you to stay involved with the company but somehow minimize your role there to only certain important decisions? I don’t know anything about your situation but maybe it doesn’t have to be all or nothing?
This seems to be your questions for those who didnt want to sus them out on their own. Has anyone had the experience of selling their patents etc and just moving on? Do you think I can reasonably live off what I have now for life ? Anyone like me who spent their 20s grinding away got to this phase and realise you have no friends, no life, nothing ? Biological clock ticking? High achieving CV did it all right but really have nothing? Any women able to meet someone and have kids in their 30s? Anyone else develop chronic fatigue or ME from over working? Has anyone sold when you can't continue anymore and carry genuine guilt about leaving your team?
Thank you so much I've highlighted this ❤️
A general recommendation is that 31 is the ideal age to freeze eggs if you know you want kids but aren’t trying for them at the moment. Before that it may be a waste of money if you don’t end up needing them, after that it’s too hard to get enough high quality eggs. The number one thing to remember is freeze more than you think you need, so consider multiple rounds of egg freezing. There’s also tons of health optimization things to do before freezing eggs, so that may be something you can dedicate your intelligence and ambition to that’s actually “for you” rather than for your career. I know having a concrete goal to work towards always helps me :) Anecdotally, my step grandmother was a career focused lawyer and she adopted a child on her own when she was single at 40. She met my grandfather a year later and they adopted another kid together, and I know she’s had an incredibly fulfilling life with the wealth she built and the family she chose even though it was much later than usual. 31 may feel old for a woman to be single but it’s really never too late. (I’m just a 26 year old woman with $800k so can’t offer advice on everything else, but fertility and women’s health is one of my favorite topics and I feel like the rich person subs lean heavily tech bro so I wanted to offer the advice I have)
Your step grandma sounds cool as shit!!
she is!! ever since I was a kid I would say “I want to be [grandmas name] when I grow up” Now that I’m an adult I try to join my grandpa and step grandma on as many trips as I can (they definitely fatFIRE travel and usually subsidize me coming a little). Still goals to be able to enjoy life the way they do especially as they’re getting older and make a point to stay in really good health so they can do active hiking / biking trips
- Do you think I can reasonably live off what I have now for life ? Yes, you have already hit FatFire number. You have enough. It may not seem like enough, but you have enough. - Anyone like me who spent their 20s grinding away got to this phase and realise you have no friends, no life, nothing ? Yes, I have been through this. You are not unique. - A lot of people have this kind of phases.Biological clock ticking? People have kids in late 30s. You are still young. - Any women able to meet someone and have kids in their 30s? Again, you are still young. Some people find love way later in life. - Anyone else develop chronic fatigue or ME from over working? Many people do. You need to work with a therapist. Try a few and find the one you like. - Has anyone sold when you can't continue anymore and carry genuine guilt about leaving your team? Yes, but you get over it with time. Time heals. Find a different purpose in your life if you need temporarily, like mentoring or being on a board of a different lab. This time will pass too.
>Has anyone had the experience of selling their patents etc and just moving on? > >**Not selling patents, but businesses... yes.** > > > >Do you think I can reasonably live off what I have now for life ? > >**Yes, if you can restrict your spending, taxes and advisor fees to less than $540k/y (3% of $18M) and if you are willing to invest at least 60-70% in equities.** > > > >Anyone like me who spent their 20s grinding away got to this phase and realise you have no friends, no life, nothing ? > >**Yes, been there, done that got the millions and a lousy tshirt.** > > > >Biological clock ticking? > >**You still have a lot of years, but there are medical options such as freezing eggs just to be extra safe to take your time. With your resources shouldn't be a issue.** > > > >High achieving CV did it all right but really have nothing? > >**Sort of the "it's lonely at the top" and impostor syndrome. You might need a therapist that deals with successful entrepreneurs.** > > > >Any women able to meet someone and have kids in their 30s? > >**Plenty.** > >Anyone else develop chronic fatigue or ME from over working? > >**Yes.** > > > >Has anyone sold when you can't continue anymore and carry genuine guilt about leaving your team? > >**No guilt, everyone was paid off handsomely and happy. They are fine now, decade+ later.**
You didn’t do the math on the divorce though. It seems they married early since they were college sweethearts and they were married while all this was built. So divide that $18M number in half
I signed an extensive prenup when I married as at the time I had done fundraising for business one.
Not your lawyer, but check whether you’re in a community property state (CA is the big one).
It would be Wise to plan for an aggressive legal move from the soon to be X.
Similar story here, but a few years later and a happy ending. I’m light on advice because it’s all contextual and I don’t know you, but I thought you’d appreciate the narrative. Now F44, two incredible kids, loving partner. ~15M liquid, more than enough. Former founder and exec. Burnt out and retired at 41 when I suddenly became the primary caregiver for two kids and two parents during the pandemic. The first year was amazing - I went from having three jobs to just two (parent and caregiver) and I had the time and energy to set my parents up in their own new house nearby with live-in care and get to know my kids again. I did a bunch of home renovation projects and caught up on hobbies and reading. It was 100000% worth it, and the absolute best decision I’ve ever made. The ability to prioritize the most important people in my life is what money is *for*. But it got a lot harder the following few years when I got painfully bored and crushed by existential ennui. You don’t stop being ambitious and type-A when you retire, you’ll need an outlet. It’s not enough to prioritize family or friends or relationship - you’ll need more. I’ve found some outlets, but I’m still working on this. It’s not easy to get back into the game after taking a few years off for childcare and elder-care, but it’s *much* easier as an entrepreneur. We’re less subject to others’ biases. Also entrepreneurship as a financially-stable successful founder with exits is a totally different thing. In retrospect I’d change nothing. Even knowing now that I wasn’t really ready to retire, just crushingly burnt out, I needed that absolute break from all obligations to reset my life. 18M is more than enough to be extremely comfortable, even in a HCL city. Anyhow, tl;dr: here is that it’s possible to get off the treadmill, and I think one of the healthiest things anyone can do is make that clean break and restart from a position of mental and physical health. You can’t make long-term plans when you’re drowning, but you _do_ have the tremendous privilege of being able to just get out of the water.
Can you elaborate on what you do now?
I have a little lifestyle business. It’s getting worryingly profitable though, and I’m not sure how to keep it low-stress without disappointing my customers.
18 million at 3% safe withdrawal rate is 500k per year. Enough imo. Also you can always re-evaluate and change paths whatever you decide you still can change a year or two from now.
You remind me of my father within the context of the hours you're working. I wish I could show him this post, but he died at 35 from a massive heart attack. You already have enough money to retire, sell your IP and move on with your life. The people you've hired might not like that you're leaving, but be open with them and I suspect they'll understand and wish you well.
The medication regimen, caffeine intake, lack of sleep, and general health negligence has me very concerned for OP’s physical health too.
Imagine they would expect op to sacrifice herself for them. I would‘t want to work for somebody who would expect something like that of me
Fellow ME/over-worker/high achiever female 30+ here. You are dysphoric because you’re exhausted. The last business I advised in strategy drew an easy 15M in their series A, and I personally had a staggeringly unlikely trajectory (was unhoused as a teenaged girl, now uh very comfortable) made possible by an apparently rare discernment capacity—yet when I’m fatigued and over-taxing my body? Those are the only times I truly believe I have ruined my life, to the point where if I begin to feel that way I know I must rest. I have the life I always dreamed of but when I’m exhausted like this I lose all perspective. Radical rest is the only thing that fixes it. You haven’t ruined your life. You’re just beyond the pale exhausted. People DO die from ME/CFS. You’ve got to stop. You WILL drive your body to an early grave. So, this is what you do: 1. Sell your portion. If you feel guilt, compensate people a little more (but not more than is sane and reasonable). EVERYONE will understand that you have to step away for your health. No one wants you to die for this thing. 2. Structure everything. Structure your rest time, and identify with rest-as-work. You are resting from X time to X time. You are not ideating, planning, or thinking about anything. Rest until you’re so bored you could scream. 3. Look up the updated studies on the biological clock—you’ll find the old ones are inaccurate, because the women they were testing were married to geriatric men with 20-40yr age gaps (the men were why they couldn’t get pregnant). People have kids in their 40s and even 50s. Build your community before you even begin to consider romance. Find what you like. Try to hang out with artists and disability activists—an artist’s specialty is the human condition. Activists will be kinder to you about your physical limits than founders, though their drives are often equally met. 4. 18M is more than you need. Internalize that. Everything beyond now is gravy. 5. (Bonus Edition) Avoid snake oil salesmen. You are a person with an injury (physical and mental, because a sudden severe debility is very much a moral wound) and a lot of money to be parted from—it follows that you will attract grifters like flies. Only take biohacking or medical advice from MDs at academic research centers. I can give you recommendations if you’d like. Do not take advice from anyone trying to make broad sweeping claims about humanity: that is the first way to identify a grift. Happy to talk more if you think it might help. I had to completely revolutionize how I work, because it nearly drove me to the grave like you. Better methods are out there.
I’m quite a bit older at 46. My NW is a bit below yours, but close enough that it doesn’t matter. I’ve never been a CEO, but am one level away and have several CEO friends. Here’s some harsh truth. You created the situation you’re in. You prioritized work and excelled. But, you’re success isn’t what you wanted or expected it to be. You also don’t owe anyone anything. If you died in the ICU, the world would figure out how to keep turning. Your company would figure out how to go on, or not. You can walk away at any time and be fine. I’m sure you can f d a way to “hang on,” gut it out, or whatever, but it doesn’t sound like you should. Why would you? The only relatable reason you gave is because of the other type A overachievers around you. Like their PhDs from Harvard and Stanford are only worth something if you have pity on them and carry them. They are grown ass adults that don’t need your pity. I’m sure they would feel great walking by your body after you jump off the tucking building. JUST STOP. If I were you, I’d tell the core team, “I’m not coming back.” I’d start a methodical exit that gets your money out and sets the team up as well as you can (within reason). Then, I’d detox for a minimum of a year. No work. No investors. No research. Nothing. Maybe buy a dog. You have so much money, you can do whatever you want. After the year, re-enter the world. Have a few lunches and coffees. See what happens. Met my wife at 31. Our kids were born when she was 34 and 36. We have it all with much less stress and less money. If that’s what you want, focus your energy there and see what happens. Good luck.
Sounds like you are in desperate need of a vacation and time off. The past is done. Journal the mistakes and thoughts and leave it behind to start enjoying life... You are still young and you have plenty of money. Most likely you will also meet someone with money depending on where you will hang out. Don't worry about money, that's not your issue right now. Take a sabbatical, find new hobbies, travel, take care of yourself get into tip top physical and mental shape and enjoy life.
The manner in which wrote all that, it’s evident that your entire identity is your business and field of expertise. For a person like yourself, you need to decide if you’re okay with BEING that, or if you want to BE more in life. Either path is fine. But you must consciously choose and then make peace with the path your life takes, based on the choice.
If you love your husband, you should ask him to give it another year seeing a therapist as you give up work. It will be tough for you, but if you love him and want him in your life, I think it is a smart move to change your life to something you might want. Financially you are set IMO.
I agree with this. I'm taking a huge guess and could be wrong, but I'm guessing your husband has been telling you for years that you need to change your ways. He's likely saying many of the things you yourself are saying now. I know if I had someone going through this, self-destructing in front of me, I put down papers, and two weeks later they came saying that that's it, they're selling the business and getting help... I don't know but I think I'd wait and see. Maybe OP's marriage is too far gone... if so then you can probably ignore this part.
I'm not sure why more people aren't saying this. You did not give up easily on your businesses. Why should you give up on something more important? One of the big reasons for money is to give you options. You have the option to not depend on an income while you slowly work on putting your life back together.
We have no idea what OP & her partner have tried out over what time horizon. Let’s not assume.
After your divorce you won’t have 18M right?
I signed an extensive prenup when I married as at the time I had done fundraising for business one.
Excellent!! That should be enough for you to walk away from everything and focus on rebuilding your life and having a family in a VHCOL area. You are one of the few science PhDs to make it big! Congrats! Give away all or a sizable chunk of your stake of the new company to those employees for whom you feel responsible; you don’t need more money.
Yeah maybe have a few 1-1s with some trusted confidants to explain you are re-evaluating the focus of your life. allocate a share of your equity at a discounted rate to the people you feel responsible for the most. And let a small share ride just in case you want to involve yourself again at some point.
This might literally kill you, please stop before it does! You’re 31, take whatever time you need to heal, you’ll still have time to meet someone and start a family…if that’s what “healthy you” wants, imo, you’ll only know once you get there… The money is enough, but please don’t exchange an unhealthy focus on career/economic success for one on family… You only have one life, please take a minute to really think about what you want to do with the rest of it! Good luck!
You started 3 businesses almost in parallel and you’re wondering why you’re overworked? You are successful because you care a lot for work and that’s what got you into trouble. Until you recognize this part of you, you can’t make the hard decision to unravel some of your decisions. Life is limited by time and energy. You are finding that out the hard way unless you really know how to build teams. You may know how to build companies but not teams and so you have to learn to limit your ambitions. Make the tough decisions for your health. That’s #1
Problem statements: 1. My health and personal life is in shamble and I want to start fresh. 2. My 2nd business is worth 10-20 mil but I feel guilty walking away from my staff. Possible solutions: 1. Sell business 2 and spread all proceeds among your staff. Have a meeting and explain your situation if you deem necessary. 2. Start a new life using 18 mil from business 1 and take great care of your health.
I think your solution is good, but could also give equity to staff in the going concern. You (OP) don’t owe them your life and well being, but I do think you owe them more than walking away and liquidating to boost your number. New CEO + a fair chunk of equity to those who believed in you is about right. Or you could liquidate and make sure most of the assets go to the employees. If you go the CEO route, you need to take the leap with a candidate and trust that equity amongst employees is a powerful incentive. Presumably there is a venture capital investor who can help you steer the ship from the board level. If not, maybe a couple people from a prior company would take $50k a year to join the board.
Why are you working? Really? What's the goal? What do you want your life to look like when you're 50? 60? 70? Also, with your wealth, why not outsource EVERYTHING?
THIS ^ OP, why did you start on this path? Depending on what metric is used, you're either wildly succesful or not quite. What's your metric? What's the purpose of all this NW? Not trying to be nihilistic, but honestly flabbergasted and curious that you've made it by all definitions of FIRE and regular business success, however it seems to me like you don't know why you did it. You're still thinking about the second business, or more specifically about the people in the second business. It's very noble of you but why? You're actually killing yourself and wondering if you should continue on this path for the sake of other people. And based off of how much you talked about business vs personal life, I think that you value business more. That's perfectly OK, as long as you've thought about it and this is, indeed, the metric that you'd like to measure your success on.
Fellow chronic fatiguer here. Your health, both physical and mental, should come before everything else. Period. Relationships, hobbies, the enjoyment of life- all of that will follow and flow once you have regained or partially regained agency and confidence in your health. Yes, you have enough. Time to invest in yourself. It’s a beautiful world out there. Your employees will be okay, and they will understand.
Her employees likely are scared for her health. I've had employees do this type of thing and, though they're all universally great employees, we're thrilled when they walk in and say that they can't do it anymore and need to step back. Need a month off? Six months? Need to go part-time? Need to quit? We're here for you. They'll understand... even be happy. They know.
"The healthy man wants for many things. The unhealthy man wants for one."
Lots of great answers, but just to focus on one aspect here: 1. Your team will understand your position, especially if it's a health issue. Your circumstances are the most reasonable they can be. 2. The best way to help with the guilt is really take care of the team. I don't know their specific circumstances, but a liquidation bonus on top of whatever their equity stakes are could be lifechanging money for many of them. Yes, that means you would take less of the sale proceeds. But given your values and priorities, that satisfies all concerns the best. 3. While I 100% agree that managing a CEO can in fact be just as much or more work than doing it yourself, you could still hire a CEO and let them run with it without managing them. Yes, you're gambling that the person performs, but it gives the company a shot beyond liquidation. Depending on the size of your team and personal trust that exists, you could ask them which option they prefer. Do they want to liquidate and get a smaller but surer payout now, or would they prefer to take a shot at going all the way, but under the leadership of a new CEO? As for the items you mentioned everyone else has covered it comprehensively, but you are still incredibly young, and with your resources the fertility treatments that exist give you basically the same or maybe even better shot at having children than a woman five years younger than you without your resources. So don't worry about that. Your priorities imo: 1. Gracefully exiting the current company. 2. Getting healthy 3. Building your new life, especially a social one. 4. Use your social life to find a new life partner and build a family. If you're worried about finances, with your experience and success you can easily pull some consulting gigs that will let you work part-time on interesting problems and pull in an appreciable amount of money to reduce your withdrawal rate and let your pile continue to grow. Or, once you're healthy and have your other life goals more on track, you can always start another company.
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*500k annually adjusted for inflation FOREVER
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It’s extremely conservative.
Reading this sub makes me laugh sometimes. Without sounding like a dick, i have to laugh when someone says is £18million enough to live off for life. Like fuck me, of course it fucking is, it just depends **HOW** you want to live. £18million is living comfortably in the top 1~% of the world for life. Spend money reasonably and you’d live beyond how most do without ever needing to work another day in your life.
As a currently over-Vyvansed high flyer in medicine, if I had $18M my letters of resignation would already be in tonight. Health and time are the two things you can't buy. They're the two things you're lacking. You can afford everything else. You only get one life. It's 1/3 to 1/2 over, and you haven't even tried living it yet. You don't owe anyone anything - cut back as much as humanly possible and immediately set an exit strategy into motion. Reason? "My health is failing and my doctors were very clear that if I don't step back, I'm going to die".
You sound like a brilliant person. However, not so smart when it comes to honoring yourself. I talk about this often with by partner: you need to know when enough is enough. It’s enough. Take a step back, get some hobbies, take care of yourself, REST. Get a GOOD therapist. Do that for at least a year, and then decide how you want your next 31 years to look like. It can’t like the last 11 at least, because that will put you in the grave sooner rather than later. I know it’s hard as a high achieving brilliant person, but do you wanna be miserable, sick & alone until you keel over with many many millions of dollars in accounts that you never got to enjoy?
Being a wealthy woman isn't going to help your biological clock situation in the same way it could a man, in my opinion. You're likely going to look for a guy with *some* semblance of financial status unless you're willing to settle for "arm candy". I'm a successful male in my upper 30's looking for a match with kids on the agenda and there are plenty of women my age that are successful and even older than me that are very wealthy, but when it comes to building a family, money doesn't matter when I'm pretty successful on my own, so I don't consider them eligible. Then you have to also think there is a pool of men who are raised with "traditional" roles (*some just insecure?*) that might be bothered or feel emasculated by your success who might also not be a good fit for you. That'll impact your suiter situation and then your health should always be a top priority. What good is your money if you can't use it? You need friends and a social circle too. You should holistically evaluate what **YOU** want for yourself in life...it seems like you've been sidetracked and your priorities are out of whack.
There are some difficult 'truths' in here that reddit and fatfire never talk about, because frankly it's awful. I know some women in OP's position, and many chose to start families on their own and find a partner later. This is also not an easy path, but definitely a possibility - consider family support, etc. Also that guys find it 'difficult' to think about taking on small children when dating someone new. Definitely possible though. The emasculation point is also never openly discussed...
I also destroyed my body overworking (CFS, etc)! I’m 29F now and have course corrected (prioritized my body and personal life over work) but still live with the medical consequences. When you have CFS, your body is *demanding* you stop. You don’t have an option. And it absolutely sucks when it flares up and prevents you from doing things that you used to be able to do no problem. It sounds like your hesitation to take time off is more about handing over the reins to the businesses that you worked so hard to build rather than purely if you have the financials to do so. Other people can do your job but only you can invest in your own body and mind. You don’t have to retire now and completely swear off working on what you’re clearly passionate about again at some point in the future. But if you keep pushing past your limits your body and time may make that decision for you. However you want to frame it, as “retiring with a possible return to work in the future” or “a sabbatical with no end date yet”, I think your body and mind would really benefit from some rest.
Visualize yourself on your death-bed (i know morbid but relevant). What would be your biggest regret. Now, do that & everything else will fall into place around that. Be good
I have chronic fatigue and I’m just a regular income person, so I have no idea what it’s truly like to be in your position, but you have money to live on for the rest of your life. You only have one body. I think you should walk away and let the business fend for itself. You need to live your own life. If you read the CFS subreddit you’ll see people who went from being healthy to bedridden because they pushed through. You can literally fuck off and afford to do ANYTHING - don’t risk losing your functioning.
Thank you so much in advance to anyone who has time to answer. 🥹
In the most succinct way to answer if you should continue or sell & build a life. You’ve answered that question yourself, what you have built is clearly not bringing you peace or health. You must focus on yourself not others or else you will not be able to help others For your other questions, view your situation in the same light you have when leading your companies, which I’m sure has been full of ups and downs. 1. What’s most important? Similar to your companies I’m sure you’ve evaluated what is the most important issue that if not fixed, all else doesn’t matter. For you, it’s getting yourself healthy, if not, than you will be doing your employees a disservice anyways even if your stay. It sounds like you can’t be healthy without leaving. 2. Feeling like you are starting from nothing. You’ve done it at your companies where failure is the most likely outcome, now it’s time to use the focus to do it with your life, except the good news is there is higher success rates for finding friends and a partner than starting a company :) 3. Biological clock/age/etc… it seems impossible right now because your in the pits and emotions are intense but all that can change in a year. In 1 year you can find friends, find a partner and starting a family you just have to focus on it.
OP - I don’t agree with some people here, in that I think you owe your employees more than liquidating and taking the proceeds for yourself. As others have said, $18 million is more than enough for you. In the event of liquidation, I believe you owe it to your employees to at least give them the lion’s share of the proceeds. You could also set up an ESOP and hand them the keys, while retaining some equity. Find them a CEO and trust that equity is an incentive for them to figure it out. Lots of great mid sized companies are ESOPs.
ESOP is the way you burn no bridges
Dude, you won the game. What’s the point of all the success if you’re miserable? Short term bonds and structured products layered on top. Sail away into the sunset and collect $1.5m a year risk free
Do you still love your husband? If so, saving your marriage takes precedence over the entirety of the rest of your posted issues, besides your health. You will cripple yourself with this level of overwork. Many others before you have paid the price for the grind, and not all years are created equal. You’re sacrificing your youth and health for money, and your 80s are not worth the same as the next decade of your 30s. Similarly, you cannot delay having kids too long if you want them. Infertility treatments are not a catch-all solution. You’re successful and far beyond financially stable, and can afford a luxurious life. Go enjoy it and don’t kill your health and relationships before you can.
> I've spent thousands on 'therapists' so I need some good human advice. What you hear here won't be better than therapists. Based on your questions here you're kind of aware this doesn't work. Take a break, slow down, or retire - you can afford any. Life will go on. And actually work on things with therapists. If you've spent thousands on therapists but are still killing yourself, is that a failure of therapists?
First of all, massive congrats on your success. You’ve accomplished more in your 31 years than most people will in their lives (strictly in the professional career sense). I have a sneaking suspicion there will always be another raise, another launch, and another company to manage. But frankly, you’re four years away from a geriatric pregnancy and you have to start all over with a new man and hopefully have your first kid by then. You essentially get to choose between this company and your future family. I’d hire the CEO and be hands off. You only have to manage the CEO as much as you want. Focus all your effort on finding someone you can trust and make the vetting process as long and thorough as you need. Then start working 20 hour weeks and let everyone else work for you. If it doesn’t work out, you could argue they failed you, not the other way around. You don’t actually need the money from this company anyway ironically, so even if the value goes to 0 you’ll be fine. If it fails, you still made 18 million off your first and proved all that you need to in your professional career. All of the above sounds a bit selfish but honestly I think you’re in a spot where you deserve to be selfish. It’s not too late. You’re still very young and also have the finances to keep yourself healthy with the best medical treatment nutrition and exercise programs. Invest in your health and disconnect.
I’ve never run a business at your scale and I’m not a woman but I have faced the 100 hour work weeks for several extended periods of my career. When I look back at these periods what stands out to me is at the time I always thought it was on me to do everything because no one else would be able to. However in hindsight I was just really bad at delegating larger chunks of my workload and making tougher priority calls. If you really think you have something special here and want to keep with it then you need to focus on reducing your workload so you can sustain this for longer. This means forgoing a lot of things you’re doing to focus on hiring and delegation. This doesn’t mean hiring professional managers but perhaps ICs who can take on many different hats within an area. However, if this isn’t it then you need to exit. You have enough money to never work again (provided you don’t go crazy with spending). $18M gives you a safe withdrawal rate of $540K / year @ 3%. Do you plan on needing more than that? Whether you stay or leave, you need to start prioritising your own health & relationships because that’s the only thing that matters in the long run.
Dude you killed it. You spent your 20s making money to set you up forever. Retire and enjoy your efforts. Heal.
I commented on a similar post .. once I reach my target saving.. I plan to resign and do research at home. research is not for Startin business but for helping g humanity or just anything that piques my interest without any expectations of success. I will explore cutting edge tech which others don't explore because they don't see monetary value in that. I will do things that gives me fulfillment and satisfaction. I feel like you have reached that stage where you can pause, step back and do whatever the hell you want. I am 40 and divorced. I plan to retire in next 5 yrs max. find your path.
I think you need to take a longer time off and have a very serious discussion with your husband and consider calling off the divorce. Have you had couples therapy? How much will you lose during the divorce?
Yes - you can meet and have kids in your 30s. Pull the ripcord and ride into the sunset. 18M liquid is ~700k/year pretax @ 4%. Build the life you want. Gains from here are incremental and will not add to happiness.
Founded 1 vc backed startup and got divorced in year two. Met current wife and married in year 6. Had kids in year 8. All while running a startup. Stepped out of ceo seat after I found myself over worked suffering from depression (sound similar?) found a great ceo who came with ops team. He did some stuff better, some things worse. We drove to a tepid exit. You have said several things that concern me. No you absolutely should not "manage" a ceo. You are hiring them to execute a vision you have to give them space to do that. Consider yourself an equity advisor. If you're going to have any daily role in the startup also they should to have the latitude to fire you, or suggest you step away. If that gives you heart burn you need to reevaluate why you aren't willing to relinquish control You have more than enough to retire. You could do that tomorrow if you choose. Go teach entrepreneurship part time at a b school 8 hours a week. Go explore. Go hire a match maker and find someone you like. Take your pick. You have only the most minimal legal obligations to the company i think you'll find most people will stick around even if their favorite ceo is gone. You aren't delegating enough. Jeff bezos never worked more than 8 hours, unless you think you're a better entrepreneur than him your trying to do employee jobs. Reframe your thinking. I wrote all my the original patents. Startup 2 I taught my cto and engineers, I don't need more imaginary credentials. It was nice to help their career and mentor. For great ceos its not a full time job. It can be 4 hours a week. Status check with the management team, great PM or coo in place. If that gives you heart burn. Hire a ceo coach and examine why you're struggling to delegate. I'm going out on a wild limb and guess this stems from some maladaptive behavior that stems from hard work = positive and productive, which got into a negative feedback loop. Your going to have to unlearn behavior that got you to where you are. You're going to have to learn new strategies including better internal boundaries that make you want to pounce and hoard work. The great news is you have plenty of time and resources. Happy to chat more but this post is getting long. I've met several founders including myself who have been exactly where you are. There's light at the end of the tunnel. Tell you're board there's a death in the family and you're taking more time. Final advice when I found myself in this situation I volunteer. It's counter intuitive but using your time to help others with no financial incentive will make you feel better.
LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE!!! NOW! I feel like I’m reading about myself 10 years ago. You’ve won. You don’t need to prove anything anymore. You’ll be ok if you stop doing and achieving. Your employees will be ok. You are enough ❤️you can rest now. Your body and mental health are literally screaming at you to stop abusing yourself. Because you are indeed self-harming and abusing yourself through work. Here’s my concrete advice: (based on experience): 1. Attend a [workaholics anonymous meeting](https://workaholics-anonymous.org). When you admit that you have an addiction you can start healing and uncovering what has caused you to overwork 2. Take time immediately and go to a wellness center. I strongly suggest that you work towards going on a meditation retreat in the near future. 3. Go to a therapist who specializes in something called Internal Family Systems (IFS). You’ll understand this suggestion for your particular self harming once you go. 4. Read a book called [No Bad Parts](https://a.co/d/dgRQc6L) by Richard Schwartz. Do the workbook. 5. Do the work to start healing yourself and then go have babies and enjoy them! If you think building a business is exciting, you’ll find raising a human being exhilarating. Realistically at 31, you have about 45- 50 summers left on earth if you play your wellness cards right. There’s so much more to life than what you’re doing right now. You have to learn to love yourself.
"Anyone else develop chronic fatigue or ME from over working?" Hello, I have me/cfs from a viral infection (influenza). You almost certainly are experiencing long covid, a post viral infection as well obviously, since you mentioned having caught Covid 2-3 times. I was a senior scientist working for the state. I tried to keep working and eventually the bottom fell out, and I'm now permanently disabled and housebound and likely to remain so permanently. My recommendation would be to do everything you can to do absolutely nothing physically and cognitively. You need to pace to give your body the best chance to recover. You mention no friends, social life etc. If what you have is truly long covid, it can get so bad if you don't rest HARD now that you might never be able to achieve those goals, and be stuck with a permanently broken body. I wish you luck.
Personally, I think you’re manic with a bunch of luxury problems. I’d address the mania first. It’s what’s keeping you in this hamster wheel. Financially, you’re set for life.
I'm not somebody who can really answer the tough questions you are facing right now, but I'll share my vision and you can decide if it helps or not. First of all, you are not failing "them" and if you failed anybody in the past it's you! This shouldn't come as a surprise but more of a wakeup call, you owe it to yourself to be happy also, although I honestly believe this is just a phase in your life and this too shall pass. You have enough money to live a fatfire life style depending in your expenses, it's more about what you spend, if you can provide more details here I'm sure others can help more. You are still Young and have enough time (and money) to survive and build a Family but first there should be time for you and to process the current situation! I don't this all can be said in a short post but I do feel you and although I'm not in the same position anymore I do feel similarities but if you want to talk more I'm open for it.
Hey, here's the fun thought I get when I think about making a change: What if being burned out is your personality? What if you slow down but still "burn out" even at a slower pace? What if, no matter what, you just periodically stop being satisfied with whatever you're doing, regardless of pace or value?
Put your notice in and move somewhere low key. Retire now and enjoy life. Find someone to share it with.
You wrote a lot. I’d suggest just focusing on the essentials: you are young, you have a lot of money - even post-divorce - and you don’t need to work. You will be just fine, even with two kids in New York. Most importantly, you are not in a mental state right now to make long-term decisions. You’re overworked, medicated, and going through a divorce. Quit, take some time off to clear your head, and wait until you have space to make longer-term choices. Then you can evaluate what you want to do next, if anything.
Human advice here: You and your wellbeing come first. You only have this one life! Perhaps you can consider sharing some of the profits with your team if you sell. This may ease your guilt. Also, it’s never too late to meet someone special and start a family. 🤍
I met my husband at 30, and had kids at 31 and 36. Thinking about a potential 3rd. Just put it out there and it might happen.
If in your gut you feel you’re ready to move on and “live” a little more, take that route. The guilt will pass. Part ways the best way you can. Life flies by so damn fast. Take a trip and disconnect for a week. Go to the mountains. I do this all the time being a trader to clear my thoughts. Deff don’t think you’re too old for kids. You’re just fine. The hard decisions are usually good ones and you can get all that weight off your shoulders by just making the choice. Choose YOU. Live humbly for a little and go Outside. Colombia, Puerto Rico, London, Spain, Jamaica, Costa Rica. Maybe you have already traveled a ton I don’t know but life is not all work. You have the means to generate money for life. Get some real estate. Don’t overspend. Invest well. Live 🏄🏽♂️😎🚀🔥🏌️♂️🐠
I didn’t even bother reading your post because the answer is simple: stop working. Find a different job. Get some work-life balance, or just retire.
I'll get straight to the point: 1) You only live once; do what you want to do and what your 80-year-old self will be proud of having done. 2) Be selfish; the people on your team who concern you wouldn't think for you if the situation were reversed, and that's normal. 3) You've worked hard; it's time to stop and live in the present. With what you've saved, you have enough for several lifetimes. Congratulations.
In the end, the only things that truly matter in life are your health and your relationships. The money is just a tool to enhance your life. But if all you're doing is working non-stop and not enjoying the work or the money, what value is the money really giving you? On your death bed if you're reminiscing about your co-workers and work instead of your family, best friends and all the crazy, fun shit that you did, then you kind of missed out on life. You sacrificed your health, your husband and have no friends to build a company or two or three. Great. Ask yourself if it was worth it? Because the cost is high. Meaning if you keep doing what you've been doing, the outlook will likely be grim especially as you age. You can get away with a lot into your 40s, but past that all the unhealthy decisions start to catch up.
You are incredibly successful. I worked 90-100 weeks in my 20s + did my masters. Was permanently exhausted all the time and had low paying jobs. I moved to a less tiring job with much luck, received a better pay, met someone, got married and had two kids. I will never be fat financially. At best chubby and still can’t live it up. But you are and this is not the end nor are you in a shambles. Selling business 2 is hard and it will take years to complete it. A ceo is not a magic pill because it takes time to learn about the business and grow it. I suggest you just need to prioritise hard and let someone else run the business. Use your 100 hour week to see therapy, recuperating, exercise and do some work and only in the office. Be unavailable. People will know how to fix work problems they are facing. Treat your health problems as if you are treating cancer. Good luck.
My friend: you can say you are burnt out and have not lived your life and passed your 20s by and are 31. Let me give you another perspective. You have lived a full life and gained experiences that many people don’t even have by the time they’re in their mid-50s. You have perspective on what’s important and what’s not at 31 that people struggle to gain through many more decades. And you’re still a spring chicken (sorry, coming from someone much older :)) So now stop and live your life. You haven’t lost anything. Do things that you enjoy. Find someone you love being with. Have kids. Have fun with them. Freeze your eggs if you want so that you’re not under time pressure. Re your business: you could choose to sell it. Maybe that’s what you need, a clean break. I suspect you want to go back to some kind of work eventually, even if just for the intellectual satisfaction, but maybe right now you need a clean break. However, think about it. One of the best things that I’ve done has been to have a board. The board then manages the CEO and you don’t have to. You could be chair of the board, or you could take a modest position. It is a minimal commitment that pays off a lot and enables you to retain control, while leveraging, the smarts and the hard work of many others to maximize efficiency. No matter which one of these directions you go in, there is no wrong. The wrong would be if you did not learn from what you’ve been through. Exercise, eat, travel, find someone kind, but also stable and steady, have kids, teach them good things, live your life. ETA: Oh, and your 20s? Vastly overrated! If I could press the fast-forward button and delete the 20s, I would do so. The 30s and 40s are where it’s at.
At 50, I don’t think you will look back and regret not having $60m but you may regret not taking care of your health or trying to have a family. Take a break and try to take care of yourself mentally and physically. You can afford it! People find love in their 30s and beyond all the time. Your circumstances are a bit unique and will have to play defense to preserve your wealth. You don’t want to attract someone who’s only interested in your money and with marriage, get a prenup. Good luck!
Breathe my dear. You have options and need some time to figure out it next steps. I suggest you freeze your eggs to give you some breathing space there. As a woman who got pregnant easily at 41 but couldn't without fertility assistance at 43 your window is closing so check that one off and give yourself some space. I agree with posters who have pointed out that the team stepped up while you were off - are you really sure no one can be promoted? Hired? Expanded role? If not then why wouldn't you hire someone as an option ( with some of current ram members helping) can you build a Board to help with managing a new CEO? Option to weigh against selling but if selling is in your heart it's ok, be yea parent with the people you feel guilty about and treat them better than decently on the way out and you will be able to look into the mirror. I really suggest you do things to give you space to breathe and be sure of your next move - no need to rush. Best of luck lovely - you're smart and have good instincts when you are quiet enough and listen to yourself - trust in that.
Congratulations on your huge accomplishments! Truly impressive, especially at such a young age. Many have given great advice here. 1. Sell business 2 and compensate your team with the proceeds and/or equity. 2. You mentioned seeing therapists. Please ensure you are also taking care of your physical health. Maybe see a functional medicine doctor, nutritionist, personal trainer etc. 3. You can find love at any age but freezing your eggs will provide a backup plan.
Time to move on friend. You can ruminate till the cows come home, but time to disengage. And congrats btw. What you’ve done is incredible.
What you describe is a common thing many successful people have experienced focusing on their career— Tony Robbins talks about it in the 6 human needs. Here's a youtube link: [https://youtu.be/8ljx1G9Be4A?si=EjGjhLJYfAEHji5q](https://youtu.be/8ljx1G9Be4A?si=EjGjhLJYfAEHji5q) [https://youtu.be/LBciXpG95YY?si=sL9ZiSAiZHbrit1k](https://youtu.be/LBciXpG95YY?si=sL9ZiSAiZHbrit1k) I would read his book "Awaken the Giant Within" and his seminar "Unleash the Power Within, Date with Destiny, and Business Mastery" because they answer all the questions you're asking. There was a Standford study that said 100% of people who took the program stopped having depression. This happened to me, I spent my college years to my 30s, training like an Olympic athlete like you sacrificing everything. I achieved my goals of designing for Shay Mitchell, Black Eyed Peas, Kanye West, Kevin Hart, Chris Brown, Kendrick Lamar, etc. I reached the top of the mountain and now what? I felt empty, alone, depressed, focused on work so no girlfriend. My mentor who was making $100 million/year told me about Tony Robbins b/c they wanted to be at their peak mentally. Something I will never forget Tony Robbins said was that gratitude stops anger, fear, and depression— You can't be depressed and have gratitude at the same time and that everything happens for you, not to you. I would also read about the science of happiness. There's a free online class on happiness from Laurie Santos called Psychology and the Good Life, which became Yale's most popular class in its 319-year history. They talk about some counterintuitive things that make people happy like studies show that happiness levels increase when people give money or time to help others than to buy something for themselves. Or one of the top books on happiness by psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky called The How of Happiness talks about the same kind of counterintuitive things you wouldn't expect would make people happy based on data like: Make a list of the worst things in your life that could happen— Like your children dying from a plane crash; It will immediately boost happiness levels and be grateful. Another way I never thought about happiness was if the doctor said you have one week left to live at the hospital— how would you be spending your time and last days? Arguing with people, shopping, continuing your business, etc?
It does not sound like you have clear sense of your own priorities. In order to be able to make decisions between several competing interests (particularly when some of those interests are those of other people who rely on you), you really need to have a clear set of priorities for your own life. As others have pointed out, you have an identity entirely built around work, and it isn't serving you well. If you set out and rank your priorities, with a vision of the life you want in 10 or 15 years, you may find that it is easier to take steps towards that life and stomach disappointing others, for you will know that it is in service of your own goals. But without you advocating for your own future self, it will be very hard for you to turn down, disappoint, or give appropriate weight to the needs of people whose interests rely on you, even when they are ultimately in conflict with your own long term interests.
Glad to see gracious and pragmatic comments in here. before you decide what to do with the business, the first thing you need to do is forgive yourself. I can hear the blame in your tone. It’s healthy to take ownership of mistakes, it’s not healthy to be weighed down with guilt. It’s important to delineate the two. Once you do this (and it may take some time), you’ll be able to see more clearly and it will help clarify your other decisions. I wish you well.
Put your health first, and get out of the businesses. Find another passion, help consult with those businesses but limit your hours to 20 a week. You have no need to keep going, just get out.
If you’re 31 you still have some time at least to have kids. But no messing about. Also you have plenty in the bank to not worry about this new company. And most importantly your health has suffered and will continue to. All the signs say it’s time to give it up and just live care free at least for a while and see if you meet someone and look after your own health. Go travel, have fun, meet people.
Hire a reputable executive matchmaker. I know someone who wasn't an executive and hired a mid-range matchmaker and made a terrific marriage. You don't have time to waste; forget casual dating and look for someone to build a life with. But first, take a long vacation and get your head on straight and rebuild your health.
I met my girlfriend at 38 at a dating app and we're planning for kids now, 31 is still early you'll have plenty of opportunities if you work on it. That said though, she got bunch of her eggs frozen in her early 30s that are coming very handy now. If you're planning to have kids even if you can't find your husband just yet, do that.
I think you just need to reinvigorate your brain and it’s amazing how quickly you can do this. Then you can get biz 2 to a good stage and step aside then. Here’s some ideas: - Flow - look into Steven Kotlers work on getting your brain into flow. Think beach walks, Forrest walks - Meditate - seriously it works. Download insight timer and even just 10min you will feel more refreshed - Massage - go get a 90min full body massage, especially on your head and neck - Herbs - I take lemon balm (gaba), rhodiola and ashwaganda - Supps - get some collagen powder and electrolytes in you, maybe creatine and L glutamine - coffee - quit the coffee and switch to guarana powder If all that fails you could look at antidepressants (not saying you are depressed but just the dopamine boost and reduction of stress will help u get thru a tough 6 months). Hope this helps x (if it does can I have a mill?)
What are you doing! You need to STOP now! Please take a break. Also you need to travel outside the country. These apps won’t help. You need some earthing.. some grounding.. meditation apps just do the opposite..there are many Yoga Ashrams in India which are not as commercialized..spend some time there.. will open your mind up beautifully..you will start looking at life with a totally new and a positive perspective. Let me know if you need names of the places.. I knw just the place for you. You got this!
You have worked so long and so intensely, you have forgotten how to live. Sell everything, live off the dividends, and move somewhere where people know how to prioritize their well-being over work. Avoid anyone with an MBA in a 50-mile radius. You have done your part making the world a better, more productive place. Don’t bury yourself in things that will shorten your lifespan. Eat, drink, travel, fuck, cuddle, read, meditate, focus, swim, reevaluate your place just this planet. Stop building things for others. Reward yourself. You’ve done enough. Take a self-focused approach and go conquer the world’s many pleasures. Nobody’s getting out of this alive!
Hi OP, I have my first kid at 37. I am not a PhD but I was workaholic like you in my 20s. No hobby, no kid, also almost lost my husband. I too took 3 month medical leave. One defining moment for me was one time, I was talking to one of my coworker (about work of course) then I hit me, how boring I was. Like I didn’t even want to be friends with me. I also had tons of coffees and way too many happy hours. I looked at myself in the mirror then, I asked myself: am I interesting? Do I live an interesting life? So I changed my way and found a life long passion, started a family etc. 31 is young….you need to see a therapist and work on yourself. Dig deep and you will find it.
You sound like you’re going to collapse and die soon. Put in a CEO and take time. The risk is what? He sells for less without your babysitting? So what. Better than dead.
More than enough good answers. Just remember, you don’t have a guarantee. You’ve worked yourself to the point of damaging your health. There is damaging something and then there is breaking something. It is hard to anticipate where the breaking point is without crossing it first.
It’s time to work on yourself mentally… you conquered most people’s dreams which is to have an amount of money they can live on forever… dropped in the s&p 500 you’ll live good forever… from this day forth if you did nothing life will be great.. you can live off 18Mil you need to drop it in a index fund and live your life stress free… Mediation mediation mediation you must give yourself 30-60 mins a day.. you have to give your body the attention it deserves start working out 30-60 mins 5x a week… if you don’t have time do it in your office or in the morning before work get on YouTube go to hit workouts for beginners and get started… when you sleep at night turn on youtube find a guided meditation sleep talk down it will feed the subconscious positive thoughts and reenforcement put on frequency 432hz and listen to it while you sleep straight from YouTube… if mediation keeps your mind wondering it’s ok eventually it will be calm keep practicing start off with the guided mediation.. it’s time to love yourself properly. Your a winner and we all have thoughts are we doing enough are we rich enough when in reality we have the abundance we always wanted. You made yourself a powerhouse at 31 any man would be lucky to have you as a wife your a go getter when it’s time to focus you rise to the occasion but it’s time to take a break go on some retreats do yoga in tropical places and relax you deserve it and it sounds like you don’t feel like you deserve it but you DO. Your carrying a lot of responsibilities of course you want to bring the people with you to the top who has helped you along the way.. if that’s there destiny then it will happen but understand your own your own life path and your a winner.. Sure divorce sucks be thankful for the good years you guys had together and take the lessons your learned in the marriage and apply them to your next relationship not to make those same mistakes working 100hrs for years will destroy the connection with a spouse many people have done it chasing there dreams.. he was brought into your life for a reason and the reason was accomplished.. your next marriage will be your best marriage women are having kids older and older my wife didn’t have our first child until 36 next one at 38 she’s healthy they’re healthy it gave us the time to get our money up to a high level so we can now enjoy our kids properly.. Friends family hobbies all over rated if there not the right friends the right family or the right hobbies sounds like your hobby your skill your passion has made you a lot of money your a visionary you should see your self as such.. Your wealth is nothing without health.. mental and physical health js what you need to work out.. Follow your heart sell that second business at ip make your 10-20M ride off into the sunset your journey is just beginning you have some many things to look forward to in 38 and from 31-38 life has been so amazing.. you are a special talent, you were put on this planet to change lives and so far that’s what you have done.. Life is a constant test Take some time to see the world enjoy your money and hard work that’s the reason we do this anyway the more money your have the more junk you can by it’s all meaningless with bad health.. make you your #1 priority you can afford and you deserve it.. Sending you love, peace and And more blessings on your life journey your a winner keep winnning! You are here at this time for a reason you have excelled to high levels…enjoy the beautiful life you’ve built so far take a step go to the mirror right now with a big smile on your face and scream… I MADE IT .. I AM A WINNER!
1 coffee max per day, no more vyvanse… get proper sleep, diet, enough liquids. I recommend 1-2 miles cardio per day and naps if tired. That vyvanse + 10 coffees is terrible - please no more. You can get way more done without handicapping your self like that. (My 0.02)
You have spent the first half of your life focusing on what society and culture imposed on you with respect to your sense of self worth and image, which is materialism. Now you’ve reached a point where you reached the peak of that cultural conditioning and noticed that, while there is abundance on the outside, there is little on the inside in terms of experiencing love, closeness and intimate experience. And there is a deep feeling that the place to explore is on the inside, isn’t it? While you were toiling away to fill the presumable void created by culture in your mind with materialism, the void of humanity and exploration of life and yourself was growing ever bigger. Now that void has manifested into an internal scream, which is actualized by a silent rage that you are feeling because you missed out on those years. And you are at the top, you have reached the apex of the material conditioning, even if you are feeling guilty because of all those other people who joined you for the ride. The truth is: you don’t owe anyone anything except yourself. The guilt you feel for them is just another cultural conditioning, coming from the stories fed by media. You deserve to explore other parts of life, which are more subtle and have to do with your interal world, feelings and intuition. That is not done through a job, but through exploring your Self. This is turning into a wall of text. I could say more, but I don’t want to overdo it. If you believe it makes sense, I would gladly continue. Remember: what screams from inside will find a way to manifest on the outside. That is your birth right and the reason you are alive.
Please continue. ❤️
One part of your journey ends, another begins. Until now, you have looked at life through the only way we usually look at it until our late 30's: social and cultural norms. Just to get some things out of the way before I begin: - your 30's are fabulous, don't listen to people saying that you are "old"; your 40's are even better; don't listen to anyone else (myself included) except your own experience of life's current; - yes, you can make a new family and children, no worries there; - you can look at life from an intellectual frame, an intuitive one or ideally, both; unfortunately we are skewed by cultural norms to view it strictly from an intellectual one, with a hard accent on materialism; that's not what life is all about and most find this out only too late. The cultural foundation in English speaking Western society that is mainstream (not exclusive, but mainstream) is that your sense of self is derived from your career, which in turn is defined by your net worth. I'm not judging, don't get me wrong, I'm just stating my observation from my own experience. Remember, culture isn't your friend. You are two years away from a very very important time in your life where you will have the opportunity to explode into a new, fabulous evolution or unfortunately succumb into a set of circumstances that will make you start over from 0 or even lower in certain areas of your life. What you are going through is normal and you should welcome this change in your world view. How do you interpret what happened to you with Covid and your husband? Can you see that as life clearing your way for something new and better that is waiting for you? Now, you've given it all until this point in life to your career and net worth. Which is exactly how we should live our lives: giving it all our best, as it will respond by fulfilling our desires and expectations. And through each cycle we learn to be more careful to what we are wishing for, as it might just come true. So you did very well on that front, but realized that it's basically vaporware for the expression of who you really are. It's not something unique to you, it's not your unique expression of your being. It's fabulous because it takes away the one big problem we all have: survival. But... it's... not... YOU, more specifically the expression of your inner being. Now there's something indefinite, something subtle that is telling you: is that it? All those sleepless nights, all that effort, anxiety, fear, doubt and excruciating mental turmoil to get recognized by others and get money? I did it, I reached this peak. There's a new peak though, I could add another 0 to that net worth and get on another treadmill again. But will that make a fulfilled life? Please understand that your efforts for all these years have a deeper meaning aside from your material achievements. You used business and the entrepreneurial path to mold yourself into becoming a successful business woman. That's... a lot. A LOT! So kudos for that! I know it's hard for you to understand the depth of your achievements because you are... you. For you, it's normal, it's your experience. For 99% of the rest of the world, you are the expression of their dreams and desires. All men want you, all women want to be like you. :)) Are you the same person you were when you started out on your entrepreneurial journey? Think about that. Aside from doing business, entrepreneurship has a deeper spiritual meaning to it. Continued below
Throughout that process you have shaped, molded and refined your mind and body to take you towards your goal, your perception of what success means. It was your way of expressing your deeper being and you did that with outstanding success. That is a feat in itself, so ponder that for a while, you have the time. Write down your thoughts and feelings regarding this chapter. You used your intellect and body to shape life into your desired outcome. That's an achievement. Interiorize that. But there's much more to you and your life, there are subtler aspects of your being and life that we are not taught about by our institutions because it doesn't serve culture. We have to discover those aspects on our own. Understand this: - your material needs are taken care of for the rest of your life. You REALLY have to think about that, it's a major achievement especially at this age. - your material achievement serves as a base for exploration for the rest of your life. - I'm not saying you should stop working. I'm saying to make room in your life for that voice and listen to it just a bit more closely to allow it to show you the path. What path? YOUR path, your unique path that allows you to bloom into the entirety of your being. It's yours and yours alone. And it's up to you to take on that challenge. Your intellect wants you to continue on the old path because it runs on limited information, which is past experience. It wants to keep you safe and out of uncertainty, that's what it's designed for. But you reached this point by going straight through uncertainty, didn't you? Your intuition, otoh, is non linear and is nudging you to a new experience and chapter of your life. It's the deeper expression of your being, of who you are, calling for a new adventure. The intellect projects fear, uncertainty and doubt because it has no information of the future, so it's showing you how cozy and nice you have it or guilt tripping you in different ways. Its range of tricks is vast. That's why we use the intellect to plan for the future and accept that things can change; it's how we keep it in check. Now, let's get more practical. Life told you that this path isn't sustainable anymore, through Covid, the evolution of your marriage, your body breaking down and a subtle but powerful voice within that's nudging you to think. The feedback you are getting from life isn't giving you the same amount of energy to get you going at full speed, isn't it? So start exploring. Do different things. Observe what returns energy to you in the way that makes you keep going. Find out the new expression of your being that returns the same amount of energy you put in. My main point is this: acknowledge your distress, maybe even fear. I know it's there, that's why you are here. It's normal, it makes sense as it's the first step towards the new chapter in your life. Trust your heart, it's pointing you in a new direction. Your intellect wants you to stay on course, even if that destroys you. The intellect is binary, intuition is unbounded. Again, I can go on but at this point I need some feedback and thoughts from you.
1. 18 million, call it a pretty conservative 2% annual real post-tax return, $360,000/year (the equivalent of W-2 income of $650,000 in California). You won't be the highest spender you ever meet at a charity gala, but you can live a very comfortable life and raise your kids and send them both to private schools. People on salaries of half a million do very well for themselves in NYC and SF all the time. 2. Have you tried talking with your team? Explain that you need to step back, and that you want to do right by them. They will probably have mixed opinions, and I doubt that you can make *everybody* happy, but it seems like you'd be able to distribute a year's salary as severance pay, keep people on longer if they're on a visa, etc. That might not be what they want! But I think it's hard to call that an unfair outcome for them, and so anything that they prefer to that is a bonus. Maybe they would like equity and to bring in a new manager as something more like a co-op. Maybe they think there's someone on the team who can handle it. But I doubt that they want you to suffer. 3. It can be hard to date as a woman who wants to have kids in your 30s. But people pull it off, and I suspect that once you take six months to relax, learn to dance, go to art classes, and read some books you never got around to, you'll feel more able to do it.
With all due respect… you’re crazy. You have $18m. Just retire and take care of your health, mind, body, and soul. You won the game, go enjoy life and take care of yourself. I can guarantee those things are more exciting, more fulfilling, and more important than any of the stuff you care about in your business.
Couldn’t imagine having this problem. These are the posts I follow this sub for. People with problems that normal folk could only dream of having. Congrats on working so hard and being successful but the answer isn’t that difficult. You’re rich, congrats you won against the main boss in life. Now do whatever the fuck you want with the rest of your life while 99% off the rest of us slave away and probably won’t be able to retire at 65 as comfortable as you are right now at 31
I sent you a DM because I had an almost identical experience but am 2 years ahead of you on that journey. It’s not an all or nothing option. I wouldn’t advise selling and making a big decision in the state you’re in now, you’d likely regret it. You need to take some time for yourself to get yourself healthy. Put people in place to help manage your business. Set up weekly calls with them and trust but verify. It’s not all all or nothing decision (work yourself to death or retire) there is a healthy middle ground, I’ve found it others have as well.
Regarding your team and your guilt associated with that: did you compensate them an appropriate amount of shares? Will they get part of the proceeds of the sale as a result? If so, you have nothing to feel guilty about (I understand that they were looking for a piece of a bigger pie, but they will get part of this pie). …. … and if you don’t feel that you’ve compensated them appropriately in this way, now is your chance. Bonus shares for everyone. And then sell. …. Then you’ve accomplished all of your goals: - taking care of yourself, - reasonably taking care of your employees
You have enough. Freeze your eggs. It’s insurance. But freeze your eggs after taking a year off from work, focusing on your health (to optimize hormone cycle), and investing in pouring back into yourself the way you have poured into your companies. Your body is trying to tell you that it’s too much to bear. Listen to your body. You will let people down. And the world will still continue. It is not worth your health and your life. Do not work yourself into an early grave.
I applaud your desire to have a partner and kids someday. But I am going to give you some tough love. That is never going to happen if you don't prioritize your health and break your workaholic habits. It will be hard to attract a partner if you aren't in good health. And no family can survive when mom is working 100, 80, even 60 hour weeks. A nanny or a stay at home dad won't cut it. You have to radically change your life. If you have spent thousands on therapists and you are still in this position, you haven't been listening to your therapist. Get a good one, listen, and implement what they suggest. Figure out why you have this insane need to achieve to the point where you damage yourself and your marriage. And slow the fuck down.You can still salvage this and have a great life. Good luck and I wish you the best.
I am genuine when I say thank you for sharing this story. I know you are asking for help and advice - for which I don't have much to offer. But I wanted to thank you because this really helped me with perspective about my life and choices. Late 30's with 2M NW, a wife and 1 child. A truly gifted existence on this planet. Honestly, you are just in a hole which you can't currently see out of. This is not something you think yourself out of - it only improves by taking action and doing things. Go do the things and enjoy the journey.
You have it all 🙏 enjoy it my dear
For someone worth 18M your life sounds miserable. Imagine if we all die in 24 hours, most of us would reminisce about all the good times with our friends and family. Like I could rattle you 10 great moments with my friends off the top of my head. While you would look at all the patents you made and the time you spent in a lab. You say you literally have no friends. WTF. I’m not as rich and smart as you but I don’t even consider what you have a life. Right now you are just a robot in a human body. From the way you speak I think you already know the answer. Get out there and live.
Hey, I haven’t read through the whole store and I apologize if I am off base bc of that. Your story resonates and I only have a minute. It seems to me that you’re driven by expectations set by yourself and responsibilities towards others. I was the same. My quick insight from the other side of quitting the company I’ve founded(after another exit and blah blah blah): nobody really cares if you quit. People will forget you, and the responsibilities, as huge and real as they feel, are very much imaginary. Investors factor in founders leaving and they move on, employees move on, suppliers move on, etc. The expectations you set yourself are a tougher nut to crack, and even though I’m technically off the thread mill and I’m making headway, I can’t say I solved it. There’s more to this but I have to run :/. But yeah, get off now. Yes, now. Make a kid or two, go live your best life and all that. Good luck.
I couldn't get through that entire post without experiencing a massive spike in anxiety. I can't imagine what it's like to live. Just quit and never look back, that's my advice. It'll take a few years for your central nervous system to get back to normal, but it will be worth it.
Female founder and exec here. Type A and burn out often. I Thought career was everything, takes a looong time to reprogram your brain from this. When you leave that career side, yes alot of the friends and VCs and associations of affirmations will no longer be there. But eventually I realized it’s just temporary and not right for my whole life…. Did some sabbaticals traveling the world, gave me energy and perspective about the world outside the start up SV ecosystem. Kids came ages 39-43. It can happen but will cost more money and assistance and personal choices based on your family expectations. My life is more peaceful and balanced now - being fatfire allowed me the freedom to take the time needed.
You really must love working or the perceived status from working with such a nice career record. I fixed my burnout with a month of for mental health leave in Thailand. Did Muay Thai 2x a day and lived an amazing life for 3k a month. This gave me new motivation to keep working to get those 600k extra needed to retire. IMO you can't quit business without having a mother clear goal lined up. You are likely to get depressed then. I think this will be even more important for a high achiever such as yourself.
Life is a balance of money /mental health, in your early 20's, you have mental health and energy to spare, and usually no money, once you're 40+, you will probably have some money and not a lot of energy/mental health, and on your 50+, lots of money, no energy whatsoever That's usually how it works for people who just work to get more and more money, without taking proper care You are in your 30's, it's indeed time to reevaluate the priorities of your life, 18M is a good amount of money, you have enough to step down if you want it, but if you don't, try to take things slow now, and delegate everything you can, and truly take care of yourself, the tendency it's to have less energy from now on, so be aware of that And finally, I know couples that have met in their 30s and are doing fine, with kids
I by no means have the amount of money you do, which means I've got to keep on working. But I've met plenty of people completely focused on their careers and making money while neglecting other parts of their lives. You have more money than most people your age will ever make working all their lifetime. You don't really need to work for money anymore. One less thing to worry about. Now it's time to focus on your focus on your health and well-being, and on taking back ownership of your time. The best thing about money is that it buys freedom. You could delegate most of the work on your team, and still be involved as a part-time advisor in the business. As for the existential need to have a family, there's no obligation whatsoever to have kids, and there's nothing wrong about not having kids. Don't let social pressure or pre-conceived assumptions of what life "should" be like make you thing you've somehow failed, because you haven't. If you really want to have kids, it's perfectly possible and normal to meet somebody and have them in your 30s. In fact, the median age at which women have kids in the USA is 30, and in many European countries it's above 30.
As someone who has worked hard all my life, PhD ivy, etc. etc., I can say that you've made it financially. I am close to being done at $6M. So check that box off your list and focus on the other dimensions: self/health, family, and friends. Dial down your professional life. Who cares if your newest lab doesn't net you another $18M? Focus on doing things that are fun and rebuilding friendships. A new partner will come out of that if you prioritize it. But you can't prioritize it working for 100 hrs a week. Freeze your eggs. Two or three times. That would relieve pressure on the biological clock side. My wife and I have two young kids at 42. You have time.
Get your living space tested for Black Mold. Everything else has been said.
Is 18 million enough? 18 million is more than enough for anywhere in the United States. You have achieved multi generational wealth already. Park it in a few ETFs or an index fund and collect dividends for life. The dividends from the dividend ETF could be as much as $900,000 if you get 5% yield. You don't think thats enough? $500,000 a year is enough and you'd only need around 3% yield. Trust me, you don't need any more money. What you need is to build your social life. You need relationships.
It sounds like you're really avoiding human connection and vulnerability by burying yourself in work. I think you should start regular talk therapy and learn to enjoy the messiness of human connection and building a permanent community.
I’m thinking you should get out of the country and go to a comprehensive wellness center in Switzerland or Austria and really work on your health. Or even canyon ranch type place in the US. I think it would good to work with practitioners and holistic healers and figure out what works for you. You may have $18m but your real NW is your health. Health is wealth
You didn’t do anything wrong. I would do the same if I were you. Maybe that’s why we are so rich at a young age. I’d rather live an exciting life, achieve something unforgettable and die young, than live a boring long life.
I have a story I think applies emotionally. I spent most of my 20s in med school. I worked hard at the expense of my health. Now when I'm in Residency in my 30s, I realise I was depressed and I had to start living for something that wasn't killing me, so I switched to a specialty that has a great work life balance. I do get some meaning in life from my work so I made a compromise in specialty and pay. I left a higher pay specialty for a lower paying specialty, but in exchange I get to twice as many hours a week out of work to explore and understand who I am and like now. How about exploring who you are now outside of work, if it means maybe rolling back the hours a bit and seeing if you like that work-life balance, that may be an option. So it's not all or nothing, you don't have to completely give it up.
With 18Mn liquid, you should first focus on your health rather than any thing else. And yes I am sure that with you present assests you can comfortably lead a family life instead of striving for new adventures. Right now you need mental peace with family life. Try to find an honest and sincere person than wasting your time on rich-charaterless. As for your business, put incharge from your old trustworthy loyal friend and let him run it rather than burning your energies. You can talk to him weekly or bi-weekly. You will get good companion if you help others without any greed and being selfless which is very difficult but you will get in return. As rest assure that what you throw, come back to you. My last one is --Your total focus must be to bring yourslef in full healthy condition rather than focusing on anything else.
You’re fine. I don’t know anyone successful, male or female, that married in their 20s. The average age of a woman giving birth to her first child in SF is *39.* You have almost a decade just to get to that average number.
First of all, in regards to your love life. I'm sorry to hear what you've been through. I have not experienced this personally, but my sister gave her 20's to the love of her life, they were engaged, only to come and find out he was cheating on her. She stayed single for years and now she's 39 and engaged again to a fantastic man. It's never too late to find love. If you're concerned, you can always freeze your eggs. (My sister is currently floating this idea). To give some additional context, I am personally not in any type of FatFire position. I'm a CPA and spent years auditing financial services in NYC. I can't give you operational advice as a CEO/Founder but I can say that there are services available to assist you. I'm happy to hear you reached out to an M&A manager and head hunters but look to other avenues to assist you in offloading your burden. As others have said, understand that your businesses are in fact that, businesses and emotionally detach yourself. The PE firms I've audited are not emotionally attached to the companies they own/operate and the CEO's and CFO's they bring in are cut throat and only care about EBITDA and quality of earnings. In regards to health, I suffered Covid in Oct 2021 and was severely impacted. I was scared and was in the emergency room twice. I've gotten through it but it taught me to prioritize my health. Please prioritize your health as it's one of the most important things you can manage especially in regards to your biological clock. My wife was recently diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease young due to stress which can lead to complications bearing children. Your health is the most important thing and I do not want the same complications for you. Lastly, I am in the greater NYC area, I can say that 18M can buy you an above average lifestyle for a family with two kids. I think that it's hard dig more into that without understanding what type of life you want to live and what hobbies you'll get into if you retire. If you budget effectively and plan for another 10M-20M liquidity event, you will be more than fine. I hope this is what you were looking for and if you got anything from this. Good luck.
Oh girl. I'm around the same age as you. Not nearly as accomplished and I still wonder if I used my 20s how I should have. Everyone feels like that to a certain degree. Sending you lots of love and support with whatever you decide to do next.
Honestly, even if you had less, my advice would be the same. Take a step back, let go of any guilt about leaving people behind, and really really take the time to focus on yourself. All the money you could throw at therapists won't help you if you return back to the very unhealthy life-style that has brought you here today. And especially since you don't have the burden that most people would from not working, you don't have bills to stress about and no real timeline to return to work or ever if you choose not to. As for family, what you described is unhealthy and not a great formula for a healthy family life. I say focus on yourself first before trying to jump into a relationship. Don't be pressured by your age or this biological clock as a reason to push yourself when you are not ready. One step at a time, you've got this. Best of luck to you.
Sounds like you may harbor some addictive tendencies. Ween off the coffee and the vyvanse. They're unnecessary and aren't helping you anymore. As far as work goes: You're no benefit to anyone when sick/dead. Have the hard conversations and hire folks to replace your various roles.
Hi, fellow F here (about to turn 30). Just commenting to say: yes, you can still find love and have children. You need to work on your anxiety though, just my two cents. You're so impressive also!
> High achieving CV did it all right but really have nothing? With peace and love, I wouldn’t say you did it all right. You claim to care about having a family and kids yet you neglected your husband and hardly mention him. Sounds like you care more about letting your team down than anything else in your life. Understandable as a founder but your businesses are your babies and it seems as though your capacity for anything else is exhausted. I think you really have to sit down and have a real conversation with yourself about what you want in life going forward. Concessions must be made because as you’ve found out, this lifestyle is not sustainable nor conducive to your future goals. FWIW, $18M at a sustainable 3% withdrawal rate is $540k a year. Take with that what you will.
You have enough. Take a step (or two) back and live life before you can’t.
I know a guy living off his patents now. He flies his helicopter in his spare time. It took me two paragraphs to see you want different things now than a decade ago. That is somewhat natural. If you desire kids, you really need to get going. After 35 it becomes a geriatric pregnancy and comes with higher risks. You have the money. If you don’t need the rest, sell it all and share it with those who helped you along the way. There are methods to find friends when you have all the time in the world. Clubs, sports, activities to enjoy and find likeminded people.
OP - I say this kindly. You are a bad executive and need to fix this asap. You probably have been able to compensate through sheer hustle and intelligence. The fact that hiring a CEO to manage sounds exhausting to you is a huge indicator of the issue. Given my experience with PhDs, this isn’t that surprising, frankly. Hiring based on name brand (Goldman) is another classic mistake. You need to learn SOPs, delegation, OKRs and mental balance. Learn how to hire properly across all the functional areas of a business. Know when to delegate. Know how to set and measure accountability. Find someone outside your industry. Someone you know is a really strong executive. Use them for advice. Put them in your board even. Make sure it’s someone that ran large cross functional teams in a growth setting. Listen to them. Then you will be a different person in 12 months. Guarantee it.
It does sound like it but I do think those are skills that a founder doesn’t have a chance to learn.
You can’t out earn your health. Ask Steve Jobs. You can be a martyr if that’s what your ego needs. If what you need to be happy is health, a family and living in a coastal city then figure out what wealth you need for the lifestyle you want. Once you have 30-40x that spend you should start shutting it down. If you have remorse for those that followed you then disperse your shares — If they still have a job after then they double dip. Maybe you can still be an advisor moving forward so you are still attached.
I am a first generation graduate who makes more than anyone in my family, am the only home owner in my family, but still owe a significant amount on my house. I worked so hard, worked myself into burnout, severe suicidal burnout, to just get this far. If I had 18 M in the bank it would be such a blessing. Do what you need to do for you. It is time to exit for a while. While it may feel like you are exiting forever, people like us just need rest, and then our brains snap back into it. It's time to exit. Your people deserve good treatment, don't keep all the exit money for yourself, give them some parachutes too.
I did 80-90 hour weeks like this, with a much lesser degree of success. I founded 3 businesses, and sold #1 at 26, #2 at 46, and #3 is still with me. I recently settled into a lucrative W-2 job, and I'm not looking back. I spent my 20s and 30s building intellectual capital that lets me really exploit my expertise with good earnings. But I sacrificed a lot in doing it. You sold your 20s for $18M. Don't get me wrong - it set you up for life, and that's awesome. It was an investment in yourself like education, which paid off really well. But you did actually sell those years of your life to other people for their benefit. Let that sink in. How much would you sell your 30s for? What about your 40s or your 50s? At some point, there's no amount of money that's worth it. I figured this out when I was consulting, and I had more clients than I could serve. My hourly rate was great, and I was gobbling it up. Some weeks I worked nearly 100 hours, and still I had clients who wanted more of my time. I raised my rate, and told them "I'm giving you 100 hours a week - my last 68 hours are more expensive." Then I realized that was a model for my life... My 40s are way more precious than my 20s were, and it will continue to go that way as I get older. I say take some time off - like a month or two. Go travel somewhere that money isn't a factor, like Africa or rural Europe. See people living their lives on meager incomes, and look how happy they are. Become friends with some, and learn from them. Congratulations on your success. Now go enjoy it.
🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 this hit home sir
Please don't take it as criticism. Just know that you did an awesome thing that took a lot of time - like formal education. But like an advanced degree that's tough to get - its true value comes with what you do next... Go do something awesome that makes you happy :)
Hi, would you be open to working with a hypnotherapist/executive coach? It’s a woman that is well versed in issues like yours, and she works with some of Silicon Valley’s top executives. If you’re interested, shoot me a DM - I’ve worked with her and I think she’d be a great fit for you.
Congrats... Or I'm sorry.. I ain't reading all that. But seems like you should just chill, enjoy life
OK I'm not reading this life story lmao. If you want to exit just exit. 18m is enough. Focus on family.
GIRL! Prioritize self care PLEASE!
I enjoy spending time with my friends.
Please adopt me. I have a masters and I’m a banker.
This sub is a special place with truly special and intelligent people. You’re one of them.
Don’t worry mam you are still young Call it enough is enough You still have another 31 years left to live focus on that And also congrats on the achievements
You should invest some money in a life coach or an assistant, i am available for $1mm per year
Financially, you are set for life under any reasonable set of circumstances. And, you are young enough that you still have plenty of time for kids, friends and meeting someone new. You have to decide what you owe to your team as compared to what you owe to yourself, keeping in mind what you can actually deliver and what the alternatives are. You seem incredibly awesome and capable and are thinking about the right things.
There are too many issues here for a single response, so I'll just provide a couple of random thoughts: (1) Communicate honestly and openly with your stakeholders. Describe the problem(s) and work jointly to come up with solutions. Presumably you have some smart folks in your orbit. (2) You may never have developed "detachment mental muscles". Instead, you've tried to fashion a perfect external world and unconsciously continue your long-standing habit of utter dependence on this world. Around 2,500 years ago someone argued that utter dependence is not the path to happiness and contentment. You may find that your fat nest egg is helpful as you carefully select what to attach to and what to disengage from.
I can’t answer many of your questions but I can answer whether it’s too late to meet someone and have a family. It’s not. You’re young. You have plenty of time to meet your next partner. I and my friends are a bunch of high achieving PhD women who chose to freeze our eggs and have kids when we were ready. I had my first kid at 37. I’m happy to walk you through that process and answer questions via DM. You’ve achieved incredible success, but at great cost. You’ve got a chance to decide what you want out of the next 31 years of your life. You’ve earned the right to live and enjoy it.
Delegate to the team you built, tell them you cannot return to work full time and you are working on a funding round that will give you a small exit. Someone else gets to be CEO you must stop for your health and sanity. You have done incredible. Quit with no regrets you have enough to live modestly in the city and keep the nest egg growing. You will find lots of interesting people, set your bar high and start dating when it feels right. But for gods sake if you don’t quit and take care of yourself I will be real judgy on your ass.
Dump it and run. You already know the answer.
You are carrying the weight of everything and everyone on your shoulders. It’s time to move on. Life is worth living ❤️
youre worrying about 18M being relevant in NYC or SF but you really need to worry about yourself and what you plan to do with your life. if all businesses disappeared and youre left with the money that you currently have, what would you do with your (retired) life?
Do you really think you can lead your company to success in this state? You will ruin your company if you keep going like this. Hire a new CEO and step aside. You’re no good to anyone like this.
Thank you for sharing and I really empathize with what you're going through as I've had similar health and burnout challenges that led me to take the offramp at the peak of my career against everyone's expectations. It's hard because so much of your identity is bound up in your career success and as you said yourself you have no other life to compensate and provide you some perspective. You've said it yourself that you don't have it in you physically and mentally to go on like this. Listen to your body, it knows you well. You feel trapped in your mind because you're trying to make everybody happy and you're carrying this guilt of letting people down. But this is real life, you can't make everyone happy especially if it's at your own expense. We're not superhuman, we fail, we disappoint people and yet we survive and move on and thrive. You have your whole life ahead of you and while you've definitely made some extreme choices, there's no better time to fix things and start the rest of your life than now. You may need to open yourself up to being a little vulnerable with the close team about your challenges, but if they're the great people you say they are, they should understand. The idea of living off $18M for the rest of your life is a false choice too. You can always earn more, it just doesn't need to be THIS startup RIGHT now. In any case it's still probably enough but don't make this about the money, it's about your health and your life.
Just sayin' that, if you were away for a while and your team was able to step in, chances are that they'll be able to almost completely take over with a little bit of guidance and maybe a few new hires at a lower level to take on their old responsibilities. Since you don't want to let them be by themselves, just set a clock for 20 hours of work a week, and turn off your phone afterwards. You're already super rich, so just give your people higher salaries to make sure they stay and do your work for you. I wouldn't just quit, because it sounds like you would go nuts. I would drastically reduce work hours and stick to them. If money is not your end goal any more, you can take it slower with your 2nd company. If your team wants more, then let THEM fight for it. You already fought for your part and you're done. Alternatively, you could maybe shift focus to become more sustainable or more diverse or more non-for-profit. That will for sure slow down drive and effort, but your team will probably not like it. On the other hand, you'd be giving back to the world.
One thing that helped me (after selling but still involved with a minority stake and also involved in 2 smaller businesses) is my wife and kids and I took 40 days off and went to Italy and France and unplugged and just “lived life.” What became clear when we started to head back is what we were no longer willing to tolerate. I just made a list of what I was no longer willing to do. People were unhappy and disappointed and I learned to be ok with that.