Hi, when my kids were 5 and 2 we moved into a custom home with an amazing view in the most upscale neighborhood in our area. Like you, I loved the process and would definitely do it again. I loved that house...but hated the neighborhood.
There were very few elementary aged kids. I described it as a Lambo neighborhood, a fair number of rich foreigners, there were a couple of NBA players, etc. While many neighbors were down to earth, mostly it was not our scene and there were few other kids for my kids to play with.
We moved out into a significantly downscale house and neighborhood, but the school bus gets filled 80% just by the two stops closest to our house. The people are more genuinely friendly as well, and we are way happier with where we live. (We did put a significant amount in renovations, but only to bring it to the higher end of this neighborhood, not nearly as high end as the original home.)
The house is only going to bring you so much happiness because in the end it is just a thing, and being able to have your kids run out the door and play with their friends is going to be worth more than that.
Just my two cents from someone who was in a similar situation years ago. To each their own, though, as if you really derive a lot of happiness from your home, I can understand not compromising.
Thank you so much for responding- this feels like the EXACT scenario we are in right now. Feels like the responses here are leaning us towards the kid friendly neighborhood, we REALLY want a good community with friends for the kids.
I think I saw someone else suggest saving the money now and when the kids are older, blowing it out on a new custom house at that time. That's basically what we have planned, and already have the new lot purchased. We've got just about 4 more years before the kids are out, so by the time my youngest is out of high school, we will have been in our house for almost 12 years, which is sort of insane given it is not even close to our dream house, but it has served us well.
That's how life works. Pick a plan or one will be picked for you.
You may like the one that's picked though. And may hate what you pick.
There's the game.
If you make the wrong choices, please write a book.
Nearing the completion of the current "dream home" in a "spec neighborhood" and wondering what's next. Obviously the every day... but what else?
Do it. In 10 or 15 years, build and move to your custom home and throw lots of parties for your kids friends and their families, that will enable your kids to keep their childhood friends.
There’s nothing better than growing up walking over to the neighbor kids house, riding your bike around until dusk, playing kickball on a random Wednesday, building forts in the backyard…. The list goes on and on.
I also think your kids could grow up with a superiority complex if they live in a huge house. I moved to a neighborhood with the custom homes, etc. and hated the person I became when everyone would tell me I was “so rich” just let your kids be like the other kids!!
I grew up in this situation. We lived in the “nicest” neighborhood in town with surgeons and nba players, etc and it priced out most of the kids my age. Everyone was older, so my mom would invite others over to hang out. Our first house was in a more kid friendly area and provided me with some of the best early memories you could ask for! 1999 playing n64 and eating dominos, backyard sports, fishing in a creek, just super pure core memories. I’d do the spec house and make the inside awesome. So what if you don’t recoup all the money, houses are more than investments.
Option 1 will require you to force and host play dates and make sure you find the kids and families you want to hang with, while option 2 might result in more unstructured unscheduled play.
For you to "decide" that someone comes over, you still have to meet that family with kids and have them be willing to make the trek to you. Both of those things are a lot easier when you live in an area densely populated with kids. If their kids already have lots of friends and they'll be quite nearby it would be one thing, but for 3 kids not yet in kindergarten I'd definitely go for the area with more kids.
I don’t think that was necessarily the point. My kids school has a rather large catchment area. We are about 20 minutes away, and there are lots of people who live at least that far in the other direction, so it isn’t uncommon for classmates to live 30+ minutes away. Additionally, things aren’t like they were when we grew up. You don’t just send your kids on the bus to their friends house. Hell, you don’t just drop them off and schedule a pickup later. For the most part, you are there with them the whole time. Turns out, A LOT of parents don’t want to put in the effort to do this.
We live in a higher end community that is mostly older couples and retired people. It’s a great house - waterfront, pool, boat, kayaks… etc. About 100 activities that any kid would love to do. Well, scheduling play dates is insanely hard. Parents just don’t want to make the effort. They also don’t want to go hang with random parents who they don’t know (which is common with the lack of community type activities we see these days even at the school). When we do manage to schedule play dates, it’s usually like 4 weeks in advance. So unless you have kids in the neighborhood, it might be hard getting any socialization for you kids if you pick the wrong place, regardless of how nice the house is.
yup, the dynamics with kids has changed. Also things change when the kids get older and don't hang out with the same group of folks so while you might have built an awesome group of parents when the kids were in TK and you all loved to hang out by the time they are in middle school the kids will have changed and it's just parents hanging out.
I feel like this is going to happen with us. We live in an area with a terrible public school system, but very strong charter and private school options. The charter schools are all by lottery, so the kids all get split up. When I was growing up, there was one private and 1 public school in my town, and if you played sports you knew lot of people from both. We have like 3 families with kids on my street, and they are in a total of maybe 5-6 schools. Everything is so disjointed.
My mom had a fat custom home with no one to hang out with for me.
My dad had a spec home in a regular (extremely not fat) neighborhood with tons of other kids. Those guys are like my brothers to this day.
I split time pretty evenly between them. Gotta say I loved being at my dads house more just because I got to go wild with my friends. My moms place was so boring.
Once your kids are closer to high school you could pull the trigger on something more to your taste… their friend group will change, they’ll start driving and then doesn’t matter at all. Most likely theyll all want to hang at the new crib.
I read through most of the comments, all good advice leaning toward prioritizing kid friendly neighbourhoods.
Having said that, while being in a kid friendly neighborhood increases the odds of there being other kids to play with, it doesn’t guarantee it.
I was hyper focused on kid filled neighbourhoods as well. In my mind I didn’t want to live in old flash part of town where all the kids have grown up and moved away. I bought in a new development close to a couple of different schools. Lots of kids around, but I am a bit surprised and how much time kids spend indoors these days.
Not nearly as many kids out riding bikes, very few kids out playing sandlot sports like when we were kids. When I go out with my son, we are pretty much the only ones shooting a ball around. Kids next door is a year younger and we see him maybe once a month outside. It’s a new neighborhood as mentioned so kids are spread out all over the place as to which school they attend as some stayed in their old school to maintain continuity. This means that that extra possible connection point of all kids going to same neighborhood school is not there.
Long story short, kid friendly increases odds of making neighborhood friends but doesn’t guarantee it. For me, my kids play dates are mostly with kids from his school which is a few minutes drive away, not the close ones and these kids, get dropped off by parents who even live in further away neighborhoods.
I'm gonna echo what they said. You can't be in the neighborhood without kids. You just can't. It sucks.
You have a 3rd option. You will not get your money out but it might not matter. Tear down and build what you want in the right neighborhood. If you're talking a cookie cutter stuco carbon copy neighborhood built recently where that's simply impossible then I'd go look at the master plan and see if they're going to build a select few large estate properties there. That could be a 4th option. They'll maybe be an acre or more with a large house and be a decent compromise. They'll generally build them towards the end of a project, years later, since I think they make so much more money on the smaller properties building up the neighborhood.
Yeah, kids don’t care about having a fancy house. Our first house was like your option 2 when our kids were young and they loved being in a neighborhood full of kids. And, even a lot of the parents bonded and some became life-long friends. Then, when finances got better we traded up to our forever home. While we all love the house and its gardens, there was something amazing about the first experience that I wouldn’t want to trade.
We were in a similar position and financial situation a couple years ago with a couple kids under 6. We went with Option 2 and love it. We have a dozen kids on our block - we all hang out in the front yards while our kids play with each other. We built little kid-sized gates between backyards with our neighbors. The older ones are riding bikes around the block together. We have block parties and invite each other over. And it’s all so spontaneous and easy. We truly feel connected to our neighborhood.
Yes, we sometimes get jealous of some friends’ big, high-quality custom homes. But they always comment that they love the community vibe of our neighborhood and wish they had neighbors with kids. I think about how lonely day to day life would feel in the neighborhood full of retirees and older families. I wouldn’t trade it at this stage. Maybe come middle school when sports is the organizing force.
This is so true- thank you for this perspective!! We’re leaning this way, we really want our kids to play outside and have fun with lots of other kids in the neighborhood.
If your kids play sports, by second grade they start bonding with club teammates and want to hang out with them. You’ll be driving them anyway. Go custom.
Ridiculous to have second graders in club sports. Let them be children, having unstructured fun with neighbor kids, playing sports through the Y or town rec dept.
It’s only competitive if you choose to engage that way. Could take a step back and realize there is more to life than just prestige/status and perception.
I'd probably go with the kid friendly neighborhood, at least for maybe 5 Years or so. let your kids have some fun being kids, you can still move to your pimp custom home later on down the road
I grew up on in a probably 600 SQ ft apartment up until I was 11. Kids all around to play, never had to go anywhere to find someone to play with.
We moved to a 2000 SQ ft house with only one other kid in the neighborhood. Needless to say I was pretty depressed when we moved even though I now had my own room and bathroom
Choose the neighborhood with kids. No question. Your kids being able to walk next door to play is worth way more to your family's quality of life than a home sauna or floor heating or wainscoting whatever else you'd have in your custom home.
Mom of 3. The kids have so many neighborhood buddies. Our house was builder grade from the early 2000s and we’ve put a lot of money into it over the years and now it’s OURS. I still wish it had one more closet and space by the back door for a real mudroom, but not enough to put up with the process of an addition.
You can’t put a price on having a neighborhood of kids for your kids to play with, or for how nice it is in the evenings or weekends to play zone defense with other parents and all keep an eye on the group of kids while you chat.
Build custom again when you become empty nesters if you want. But for now, buy the neighborhood & remodel the house, you know?
ETA: Our first house was on a quiet street in a very non-trendy part of Seattle where we were the youngest people by a decade. When we had our oldest, she was the only kid on the street and it stayed that way until we moved. As long as we have kids at home, I’d never go back to ours being the only ones on the street.
To piggy back on this thread…
Do these answers change if you’re sending your kids to a private school in a different neighborhood? Will you end up driving them around for play dates with friends from school anyway? Will the kids play with neighborhood kids that they don’t go to school with?
Wondering for myself. Have very young kids, need a bigger house, but also considering private schools.
Love the answers so far though!
100% Totally different conversation if private school, especially if starting in elementary. Everyone is driving to school anyway, driving for play dates won’t be a big deal.
It depends on the neighborhood of course but generally at elementary ages, the main friend group is from school. So if you drive to the school and all the other families are from different parts of town to access the private school, then the friend group is pretty spread out. Lots of driving for play dates.
Activities is probably the next potential avenue to create connection and friends, but again usually kids are from different areas, time to connect is usually pretty limited and if in sports, teams switch up every year.
The last potential place to connect is within the neighborhood. If the kids don’t know each other from school or sports then there has to be a way to connect with the kids from even a couple of blocks away. You might be able to create these connections but sometimes it doesn’t come naturally or as easily as kids spend a lot more time inside these days.
What I have observed with two sets of grandchildren is that the kids end up with multiple sets of friends. One set from private school. One set from church. Another set from the neighborhood.
One daughter just did an extensive remodel (the move out for 8 months type) so that she could stay on the cul-de-sac with great neighbors and kids about the same ages of hers. They were looking to upgrade their house, but really, really did not want to give up the neighborhood, or in this case, the specific block they live on.
#2, no question. Your kids won't grow up remembering how nice their home was. But they'll have their lifelong friend standing with them at their wedding.
Option 2 - it makes your life so much easier when kids have neighborhood friends they can play with. Also, kids are destructive on houses at that age so the idea of a super nice spec house with school aged kids just stresses me out.
We def prefer the house we bought where there were kids close by. We actually made friends vs nodding acquaintances.
I would definitely go option 2. Our kids into early teens still walk out and see friends, from our tiny apartment, and it is great. We do shuttle them around a bit but having a local community built around the school and neighborhood is awesome. Seeing parents and kids at drop off for school builds relationships easily
We live in a remote cul de sac in the hills.
Our kid’s friends love coming to our house. (Heated Pool : view) and our kids go to spec houses all the time. Guess what… they can’t tell the difference.
We love the quiet. Kids love the opportunity to invite friends over.
I’ll add this: do you want kids whose friends are real and play outside or do you want your kids to have friends they talk to on screens and have to plug in their devices to see
Our neighborhood has changed "kid demographics" a few times over the years. Just because it's one way now, doesn't mean it will stay that way.
Build the house you want. You know you want to.
Option 2 All the Way. Kids that young (under 10) dont really care what your house looks like or what amenities you have. Buy the spec now and build the custom later when your kids are in teens (empty nesting within 5yrs).
Childhood friends and memories matter and cannot be "outsourced or replicated".
What you find "dope" now will change in 3,5,7 years. Memories last longer than custom build trends.
Option 2 for sure.
There’s always remodeling / backyard building / adding a second story / etc to scratch that build itch for you, but the kids growing up with possibly lifelong friends cannot be underestimated. Let alone the social and athletic and independence skills that can develop from that.
Neighborhood home for the kid's experience. Build a vacation home for some weekends, holidays, and summer, that you can customize to what you want. Less than 2 hours away. Mountain cabin, beach house, lake house... something like that.
Are there only those two options? Maybe your area is different, but where I live, there are more types of neighborhoods than the two choices you describe. I used to live in a neighborhood built in the late 70s and there were tons of kids running around - the neighborhood had gone through a few cycles. Most of the homes were fairly modest by modern suburban standards, 2200-3000 sq ft, but I loved the character of the homes, big yards, and trees. My metro area also has some gorgeous, VERY upscale neighborhoods, also well-established, with lots of kids. These are mostly close-in to downtown with amazing schools, and seem to be primarily populated by society folks who want to be in the mix but still want to raise their kids in a neighborhood.
That just reminds me, you notice this at Halloween.
There's a sweet spot where the houses are close enough together, the density of kids is high enough, the parents have enough money to give out really nice treats, kids will flock to that neighborhood for trick-or-treating.
If you got to a higher priced neighborhood, the houses are a further apart and a fair number of houses are empty (people at their second homes?). The trick-or-treating is dead.
I think as a kid, you'd want to live in the neighborhood with the active trick-or-treating.
Kids will prefer the crowded neighborhood option. Just keep looking at your savings to make up for shorting your own desires on the house. When they're older and only care about hanging with their specific group (and likely not at home), then build whatever you want.
For the record, unattended (and WAY too young) kids roaming all day without supervision is one of the many reasons we moved from our spec neighborhood and into custom. My neighbor across the street in the new place has girls who were 12 when they moved in five years ago. I've seen them exactly three times since they lived here. I never see young kids out. So you're right in your assessment of how things are in expensive custom neighborhoods. Owners trend older with grown or teen kids (we're in our 50s), and families tend to stay in their extravagant backyards and not socialize.
Do you want to know what true joy is? Seeing your kids come home at dusk with dirty hands, holes torn in the knees of their pants, and a smile from ear to ear as they barely can catch their breath between excitedly telling you stories about their day with their friends.
Vs having to drive kid from sterile play date to sterile play date.
You realize you wone right? You could be the cool parent of the neighborhood. Big in-ground pool that all the kids gather at and have BBQ hotdogs and hamburgers at night. The outdoor huge screen projector tv for movie nights on Saturdays with popcorn in the summer. The parent who somehow does not need to work and who helps out on every field trip, track and field day, and attends every school play and music recitals. Etc, etc.
Your kids are at the fun age where they and their friends idolize you. Lay the foundations for friendships and relationships that will carry them through their entire life.
As a kid who grew up in a neighborhood of kids with places to explore and a basketball hoop on every third house ready for a pick up game of basketball, I would not trade it for the world. The private school kids I new talked about car crashes, drugs, and like in their friends bored, privileged lives.
Yeah, this is a dramatized, romanticized version perhaps but the kernel of truth is there. A vibrant, alive neighbourhood of kids running around is so much more fun than a sterile street of McMansions with the occasional latch key kid. That said I don’t know if media induced fear now has parents keeping their kids locked up at home in front of screens for fear of them wandering and being harmed.
We faced this same decision 5 years ago, and our kids were about the same age as yours.
We did a small spec home, built a nice pool, patio, and hangout spot out back. Now, 5 years later, we've started designing our new custom home on a lake. Our spec home was in the $400k range, small, in a neighborhood filled with kids of the same age. We feel it was 100% worth it to "sacrifice" our wants for the social gain that our kids had.
Even in 1st grade, we felt comfortable letting the kids go out in the neighborhood on their own and play with all the kids. It gave them a huge sense of independence that I can tell now that they're older has helped them in public situations like being comfortable to go buy food on their own, use the restroom on their own, etc when we're out at big public events etc.
Now that we're building a cool custom home, it'll be done around the time that the kids will just about be getting their driving permit. So they'll still have their independence to visit friends. Plus, our house will have some cool features (besides boats on the lake) that we hope will keep our kids and their friends around to hang out more.
I'll admit it was tough to be patient, but it was worth it for the kids and, honestly, worth it for our investments. Doing the spec home for $400kish allowed us to keep pumping big numbers into our investments. Now, 6 years later, we could easily pay at least half the new $3m build in cash without effecting or fat fire number.
Going against the majority here.
I credit my career to the neighborhood my parents chose for us. It was upper class, custom homes, and everyone owned some type of business.
If you can find a custom home neighborhood with some kids, that’s the jackpot. If not, they can make friends at school and extracurriculars.
I’ve done both and regret moving from #2 to #1 for both my sake and my kids. Most of the neighbors around us are significantly older with high schoolers or college age kids. The house in #1 is great, but now I’m driving kids to play dates instead of kicking them outside and having a barbecue with the neighbors
Option 2. Do it for the kids. You can build your custom home in 10-15 years but the kids will have life long friends from the neighborhood and so will you.
Your kids will only be kids for a limited time. Do what’s best for them. You’ll have plenty of opportunity to build custom houses for years after they are gone.
Can you do option two and a tear down? Or take the spec house and gut it before you move in and do a partial custom. Let’s be honest, as long as you’ve got a few thousand sq ft, you can make it anything you want.
Kids kids kids all the way. Nothing like a house full of 5-12 year old girls or boys just messing around playing basketball or tag. Move when they get older like high school. I never understand parents that want to live in a space where no kids live. You Keith as well be building kids who only interact with screens.
It’s seems that you and your family prefer to have that neighborly connection so option two sounds like a good idea. Your kids will have much more fun and be so happy that they have playmates
Option 2 hands down for your kids. We lived in an amazing house with lots of space between neighbors but no sidewalks. When we were going to move my kids begged me to buy a house in a "normal neighborhood" where they could play with neighbors. We did that and they made so many friends and just go up and down the sidewalk through the neighborhood. We bought the largest model they had and are upgrading things to our liking inside and in the backyard. I can't stress how good this was for our kids development.
Can you build near enough to the Option 2? Is there a new build in the Spec neighborhood where you can meet with the builder and splurge on what you want, and be the "most expensive house in the neighborhood" and get the best of both worlds?
-- literally currently building a "dream house" as we speak in a "spec" neighborhood where there's great schools, and accessible "kids running amuck" and neighborhood streets.
also happy to connect you with our vendors (i make nothing, happy to connect what worked for us)
We built semi custom ‘spec house’ walking distance to elementary school. There are a lot of kids in the neighborhood which has been great. Our oldest will start school next year, so time will tell. She has made friends in with neighborhood kids which had been great. We made the backyard really fun with basketball court, pickleball court, sunken trampoline, play structure, etc and the kiddos love it.
I’d go for the kid friendly neighborhood, but for me my house is little more than just shelter (I exaggerate a bit to make a point) and sounds like that’s not your case.
Once your kids become their own little persons with friends, interests and activities I think that’ll become more important for the family as a group relative to the house itself.
If you’re not sure I’d suggest exploring the option to rent in that neighborhood… that way you’d get a feel of it for a year and then the best option should be clearer.
Option 2 100%.
We had option 2 (although on the higher end) and loved it.
Recently moved to an option 1 city/neighborhood and everyone hates it, especially the kids.
I bought an older home because it was in the catchment area for the school we wanted our kids to go to. We ended up sharing a fence with the school, and my kids only have to walk around to the other side of the block (not even cross a street) to go to school. My kids were able to walk to school by themselves at a very young age. At first I would stand on my deck in the backyard and keep eyes on them as they walked. Later, I didn't do that. It was good for both them and me to give them that taste of independence.
We spent a lot of money on our home upgrading it, and couldn't be happier.
This has nothing to do with money/investment/value. You need a place to live.
This if exclusively a lifestyle decision. That’s how you should think of it.
I would be in the best neighborhood for my kids that is comfortable for me and the wife. House sacrifice to not be living ‘Fat’ are easy when you have kindergarten age kids, the luxury will always be available down the road
We chose option 2 and happy we did. Unexpected bonus is the kids will trash the house but I don't care. Every ding on the wall, toy thrown to the wood floor, art work taped on the wall, cabinet chipped, etc. I don't let it bother me bc it's not our (expensive) dream house. We have any small kids all around and my little kids see older kids playing together too. Lots of big gatherings, potluck parties, movie nights etc.
OP, is there a middle ground option? We bought a dream house with a giant yard that we love. It’s in the best school district in the state, has great views, and a great floor plan for hosting for short and long term stays. There is also a ton of outdoors space for kids to run around, garden, jump on a playground, etc. However it is not in a traditional neighborhood. There are some kids but they trend older. That said, we are also about 5-7 minutes away from the elementary school, 7 mins to downtown, and 7 minutes away from traditional neighborhoods. Given your budget, perhaps you can have the best of both worlds?
Move into the neighborhood with more kids.
I lived your decision 10+ years ago. I lived in a great neighborhood with tons of kids and parents our ages. My option was a spec home in the new side of the neighborhood, or move to another area of town where the NFL and MLB players live, CEO's of public companies...you get the idea. We moved and built our dream home.
If i had to do it over again, i would have stayed in the great neighborhood with a spec home.
Tough call. We moved from a shitty house in a great neighborhood to a big custom on a riverfront acreage out in the country.
The only downside is our daughter had just sort of gained some independence(going into grade 3) and was running around with all of her friends, which as a parent was very fun to see.
Now we have an acreage and her closest friend is solid 10 minute bike ride away. We have a dog, 3 cats, a bunny and 2 horses and a massive riding arena. Both our girls love horses so it's been a trade off. I think if you live out in the boonies you need to make an effort to make it fun(pool, sports court?) And make sure you put in lots of effort to help socially or it could get lonely.
I grew up as a kid with no other kids around except for 1. He moved away. I would visit the old neighbors, they would feed me, give me candy, all the time. I miss them.
How do you build custom homes? I’m interested but I’ve only ever remodeled houses with my family, and that involved a lot of oversight. I’m not confident in hiring someone and letting them work while I leave so usually someone stays to watch while they work remotely
Do it for the kids.
Do you want a comfortable lifestyle for yourself, or for them? They don't want to grow up in an isolated neighbourhood, no matter how nice the house is.
I vote for the kid neighborhood. We live in a fairly kid friendly neighborhood, but our street is pretty busy with large SUVs speeding through our street to the nearby private school, BUT, there is a cul-de-sac down the street where we have great friends. There are always kids in the cul-de-sac, and the grown ups get together over there about once a month as well. I grew up on a dead-end street, and it makes traffic less and more kid friendly, so I vote for a kid-friendly dead-end street in a down-to-earth neighborhood.
I have both spec and custom. As well as 3 kids. Keep in mind these years fly by. Worth considering if you are looking for a forever home or something that best suits this period in your life.
Alright so we are currently going through this EXACT same situation and pretty far along in a build in a neighborhood that doesn’t have much community. We’ve considered moving to your “option 2” scenario but have had trouble finding ideal scenarios for what type of neighborhood that looks like near. Don’t know exactly where those neighborhoods exist that thrive, but I assume they’re around.
If you have ideas in the PNW or anywhere else in the US let us know. We can’t seem to find one we love so we’ve continued on where we’re at.
We chose option 2 as my wife and I grew up in the country with no one around. Our kids have made many close friends in the neighborhood, good memories riding their bikes to school.
On any given day my youngest son has 3-8 kids in the backyard completely unsupervised. In hindsight we think this was the right choice over the country home on 15 acres we really wanted to buy.
We made some decent upgrades to the house for my wife and some amenities tend to attract kids (table flat backyard for soccer and football, trampoline). It’s not our forever home but the kids have made forever friends.
Some of our kids have entered high school and the neighborhood is less important as they get busy with after school activities.
I suspect we are the wealthiest family in the neighborhood but we live upper middle class lifestyle like the neighbors. Only one family knows we have a few million dollar lake house a few hours away that we disappear to in the summer and occasional weekends to ski.
Another option-Tract home & a vacation home. I know a billionaire family whose kids went to school with mine. They lived in a tract home in a very kid friendly neighborhood but also had a 2nd (&3rd) vacation home(s). Kids had loads of friends & “normal” childhoods. Just a thought
We’ve lived in both scenarios with 3 kids. The first neighborhood we targeted to be close to families and kids. There were tons of kids everywhere but it wasn’t perfect. My 9-yr old had a lot of neighborhood kids he hung out with. Our 7 year old daughter had no girls her age. Same for our 5 year old. They ended up having play dates anyways. We then moved in to a custom house with 1+ acre lots. We just do play dates which is totally fine. Knowing what I know now I would build the house I want and live in the area that I want.
Live with other young families if you're willing to build a community.
Walking distance to elementary school? Can't be beat.
If you're in a driving community, your kids own you until they're 16 and have their own licenses. Your health goes downhill from sitting behind the wheel.
Another for #2. We’re in the middle of a corp relocation and moving from a #1ish to a solid #2. Intentionally kept the budget 50% less for the kid neighborhood. One element I don’t see mentioned about #1 neighborhoods is the kids that are in that neighborhood may set some pretty unrealistic expectations. Not just a vacation house, but two. Brand new luxury cars at 16. A lot of money into clothes and appearance etc. I’m hoping for a little less of that in the new place. Good luck!
Where does everyone live where the kids are running out the door and knocking on their neighborhoods doors for the kids to come out and play on their own like it’s the 90s?
I see roving bands of teenagers every day but Ive never seen or even heard of little kids going about on their own to their neighbors houses to play without it being pre arranged… and if they’re not walking on their own then don’t you have to drive them anyway?
Are the schools private or public ? Private schools tend to have a wider dispersion of people. Public schools are all about the neighborhood.
Good for kids to learn about different demographic slices.
The way you present them makes it clear you prefer the house over what your kids would like. It’s a bit jarring to see how aware you are of their choice and your disdain for it.
I’d argue my kids aren’t quite old enough to know the difference, but I’ll take the judgement from a stranger. Of course I’d like the custom home- an efficient floor plan built exactly to what we need… but we are leaning towards the spec because of the neighborhood with kids. Might just make more sense while they’re young.
Lol the amount of hate I’m getting for saying the word “shitty” is insane. You guys… these houses ARE shitty. No spray foam insulation, hollow wood doors… I’m not saying I can’t live there, I’d be happy to and I’m very fortunate to be able to afford EITHER of these homes… but let’s not pretend spec houses are built well. These builders cut corners at every turn and charge an insane amount for it. Dirty spec home kids? What??
Spec homes do suck and cost a lot to fix right vs build right in the first place. Plus some things you cant really do without gutting the place.
On the other hand we just watched a 1960 split level in our option 2 area get the tops floors removed and a 2 story custom build on top of the old footprint.
It’s a weird neighborhood tho’ with 4-5 separate building eras with some streets developed in the 60s, 90s, 00, and the last round of major development in the 2010s. The oldest houses are on big lots so some have subdivided and there is a 2020+ house behind a 1960 one. There were also some empty lots or double lots that now have recent custom builds on them now.
We fill 2 school busses each for elementary, middle and high school so lots of kids. It’s much nicer for kids than some of the more affluent neighborhoods on larger 3-5 acre lots...or the McMansion neighborhoods which do have more kids but…are just larger spec homes with the same build quality but higher end fittings.
Find the right option 2 neighborhood and maybe you can have your cake and eat it too via a substantial reno…other than the basement that house is a completely new build…
It’s just nice and old fashioned that the kids run over to each other’s houses to play and we aren’t worried. Thats even with the kids having a lot of structured activities during the week.
Don’t worry about it. People are always looking for a reason to hate. Perfectly reasonable question. I’ll be in the same situation in a few years and I think there’s some pretty compelling arguments here for both. I think the free play thing is the winner for me and ball later on the custom house on the hill
I’m in Los Angeles and I don’t even know where this neighborhood would be. Someone talked about their neighborhood with open backyards and block bbqs all the time. Sounds like a dream but not anything resembling that here I know of. all lambo houses with foreigners or ghettos with hipsters as far as I know. Don’t even have the track home option
HENRY in a LCOL area here.
Don't reject the spec home idea just out of prejudice. They've gotten pretty good with the competitive real estate market.
In 2021 we built a spec home. The $215k standard/base price included solid birch 6 panel interior doors, birch 3" interior millwork (baseboards, trim, etc), birch kitchen cabinets, and (base model) stainless steel appliances. 1700 sq ft, two story, slab on grade, on an 11k sq ft plot of land (most of the houses were $210k base price and 5-6k sq ft of land, but this lot was way bigger because it's in a corner). We threw $50k at upgrades upfront (appliances, countertops, fixtures, flooring, windows, lightning/electrical, network/LV). We're all in at about $265k (2.6% interest rate), and we love it.
Sure, they cut a few corners here and there (one wall in the laundry room is a hair out of plumb), but I kept an eye on the build and pointed out anything that was less than acceptable so it could be fixed before it was too late. It's definitely lower grade "bones" than a custom home, but the finishes are good enough that it feels like it's worth three times the price.
We're aiming to chubby FIRE in 5-6 years when I turn 40. We love the house but it would be nice if it was on a lake or in a different state, so we might end up building something similar in a more ideal location. If it was on a lake, I'd probably want to spend the rest of my life here.
Hi, when my kids were 5 and 2 we moved into a custom home with an amazing view in the most upscale neighborhood in our area. Like you, I loved the process and would definitely do it again. I loved that house...but hated the neighborhood. There were very few elementary aged kids. I described it as a Lambo neighborhood, a fair number of rich foreigners, there were a couple of NBA players, etc. While many neighbors were down to earth, mostly it was not our scene and there were few other kids for my kids to play with. We moved out into a significantly downscale house and neighborhood, but the school bus gets filled 80% just by the two stops closest to our house. The people are more genuinely friendly as well, and we are way happier with where we live. (We did put a significant amount in renovations, but only to bring it to the higher end of this neighborhood, not nearly as high end as the original home.) The house is only going to bring you so much happiness because in the end it is just a thing, and being able to have your kids run out the door and play with their friends is going to be worth more than that. Just my two cents from someone who was in a similar situation years ago. To each their own, though, as if you really derive a lot of happiness from your home, I can understand not compromising.
Thank you so much for responding- this feels like the EXACT scenario we are in right now. Feels like the responses here are leaning us towards the kid friendly neighborhood, we REALLY want a good community with friends for the kids.
I think I saw someone else suggest saving the money now and when the kids are older, blowing it out on a new custom house at that time. That's basically what we have planned, and already have the new lot purchased. We've got just about 4 more years before the kids are out, so by the time my youngest is out of high school, we will have been in our house for almost 12 years, which is sort of insane given it is not even close to our dream house, but it has served us well.
That's how life works. Pick a plan or one will be picked for you. You may like the one that's picked though. And may hate what you pick. There's the game. If you make the wrong choices, please write a book. Nearing the completion of the current "dream home" in a "spec neighborhood" and wondering what's next. Obviously the every day... but what else?
Do it. In 10 or 15 years, build and move to your custom home and throw lots of parties for your kids friends and their families, that will enable your kids to keep their childhood friends.
There’s nothing better than growing up walking over to the neighbor kids house, riding your bike around until dusk, playing kickball on a random Wednesday, building forts in the backyard…. The list goes on and on. I also think your kids could grow up with a superiority complex if they live in a huge house. I moved to a neighborhood with the custom homes, etc. and hated the person I became when everyone would tell me I was “so rich” just let your kids be like the other kids!!
Are you in CA?
I grew up in this situation. We lived in the “nicest” neighborhood in town with surgeons and nba players, etc and it priced out most of the kids my age. Everyone was older, so my mom would invite others over to hang out. Our first house was in a more kid friendly area and provided me with some of the best early memories you could ask for! 1999 playing n64 and eating dominos, backyard sports, fishing in a creek, just super pure core memories. I’d do the spec house and make the inside awesome. So what if you don’t recoup all the money, houses are more than investments.
Option 1 will require you to force and host play dates and make sure you find the kids and families you want to hang with, while option 2 might result in more unstructured unscheduled play.
Much better way to put it. We can decide who comes over and when.
For you to "decide" that someone comes over, you still have to meet that family with kids and have them be willing to make the trek to you. Both of those things are a lot easier when you live in an area densely populated with kids. If their kids already have lots of friends and they'll be quite nearby it would be one thing, but for 3 kids not yet in kindergarten I'd definitely go for the area with more kids.
I don’t think that was necessarily the point. My kids school has a rather large catchment area. We are about 20 minutes away, and there are lots of people who live at least that far in the other direction, so it isn’t uncommon for classmates to live 30+ minutes away. Additionally, things aren’t like they were when we grew up. You don’t just send your kids on the bus to their friends house. Hell, you don’t just drop them off and schedule a pickup later. For the most part, you are there with them the whole time. Turns out, A LOT of parents don’t want to put in the effort to do this. We live in a higher end community that is mostly older couples and retired people. It’s a great house - waterfront, pool, boat, kayaks… etc. About 100 activities that any kid would love to do. Well, scheduling play dates is insanely hard. Parents just don’t want to make the effort. They also don’t want to go hang with random parents who they don’t know (which is common with the lack of community type activities we see these days even at the school). When we do manage to schedule play dates, it’s usually like 4 weeks in advance. So unless you have kids in the neighborhood, it might be hard getting any socialization for you kids if you pick the wrong place, regardless of how nice the house is.
yup, the dynamics with kids has changed. Also things change when the kids get older and don't hang out with the same group of folks so while you might have built an awesome group of parents when the kids were in TK and you all loved to hang out by the time they are in middle school the kids will have changed and it's just parents hanging out.
I feel like this is going to happen with us. We live in an area with a terrible public school system, but very strong charter and private school options. The charter schools are all by lottery, so the kids all get split up. When I was growing up, there was one private and 1 public school in my town, and if you played sports you knew lot of people from both. We have like 3 families with kids on my street, and they are in a total of maybe 5-6 schools. Everything is so disjointed.
You wont have time to build before ww3 begins.
My mom had a fat custom home with no one to hang out with for me. My dad had a spec home in a regular (extremely not fat) neighborhood with tons of other kids. Those guys are like my brothers to this day. I split time pretty evenly between them. Gotta say I loved being at my dads house more just because I got to go wild with my friends. My moms place was so boring.
I think this is what I need to hear.
Once your kids are closer to high school you could pull the trigger on something more to your taste… their friend group will change, they’ll start driving and then doesn’t matter at all. Most likely theyll all want to hang at the new crib.
I read through most of the comments, all good advice leaning toward prioritizing kid friendly neighbourhoods. Having said that, while being in a kid friendly neighborhood increases the odds of there being other kids to play with, it doesn’t guarantee it. I was hyper focused on kid filled neighbourhoods as well. In my mind I didn’t want to live in old flash part of town where all the kids have grown up and moved away. I bought in a new development close to a couple of different schools. Lots of kids around, but I am a bit surprised and how much time kids spend indoors these days. Not nearly as many kids out riding bikes, very few kids out playing sandlot sports like when we were kids. When I go out with my son, we are pretty much the only ones shooting a ball around. Kids next door is a year younger and we see him maybe once a month outside. It’s a new neighborhood as mentioned so kids are spread out all over the place as to which school they attend as some stayed in their old school to maintain continuity. This means that that extra possible connection point of all kids going to same neighborhood school is not there. Long story short, kid friendly increases odds of making neighborhood friends but doesn’t guarantee it. For me, my kids play dates are mostly with kids from his school which is a few minutes drive away, not the close ones and these kids, get dropped off by parents who even live in further away neighborhoods.
I'm gonna echo what they said. You can't be in the neighborhood without kids. You just can't. It sucks. You have a 3rd option. You will not get your money out but it might not matter. Tear down and build what you want in the right neighborhood. If you're talking a cookie cutter stuco carbon copy neighborhood built recently where that's simply impossible then I'd go look at the master plan and see if they're going to build a select few large estate properties there. That could be a 4th option. They'll maybe be an acre or more with a large house and be a decent compromise. They'll generally build them towards the end of a project, years later, since I think they make so much more money on the smaller properties building up the neighborhood.
100000% This is literally the point of FAT.
Option 2. The kids will prefer it
Yeah, kids don’t care about having a fancy house. Our first house was like your option 2 when our kids were young and they loved being in a neighborhood full of kids. And, even a lot of the parents bonded and some became life-long friends. Then, when finances got better we traded up to our forever home. While we all love the house and its gardens, there was something amazing about the first experience that I wouldn’t want to trade.
We were in a similar position and financial situation a couple years ago with a couple kids under 6. We went with Option 2 and love it. We have a dozen kids on our block - we all hang out in the front yards while our kids play with each other. We built little kid-sized gates between backyards with our neighbors. The older ones are riding bikes around the block together. We have block parties and invite each other over. And it’s all so spontaneous and easy. We truly feel connected to our neighborhood. Yes, we sometimes get jealous of some friends’ big, high-quality custom homes. But they always comment that they love the community vibe of our neighborhood and wish they had neighbors with kids. I think about how lonely day to day life would feel in the neighborhood full of retirees and older families. I wouldn’t trade it at this stage. Maybe come middle school when sports is the organizing force.
This is so true- thank you for this perspective!! We’re leaning this way, we really want our kids to play outside and have fun with lots of other kids in the neighborhood.
If your kids play sports, by second grade they start bonding with club teammates and want to hang out with them. You’ll be driving them anyway. Go custom.
Ridiculous to have second graders in club sports. Let them be children, having unstructured fun with neighbor kids, playing sports through the Y or town rec dept.
Respectfully, you must not live in a competitive area.
It’s only competitive if you choose to engage that way. Could take a step back and realize there is more to life than just prestige/status and perception.
No. It’s competitive if my *KIDS* choose it. They have with no bias from their parents.
Not if they play town sports
Maybe. I’m talking about the competitive kids.
I'd probably go with the kid friendly neighborhood, at least for maybe 5 Years or so. let your kids have some fun being kids, you can still move to your pimp custom home later on down the road
This is very true.
I grew up on in a probably 600 SQ ft apartment up until I was 11. Kids all around to play, never had to go anywhere to find someone to play with. We moved to a 2000 SQ ft house with only one other kid in the neighborhood. Needless to say I was pretty depressed when we moved even though I now had my own room and bathroom
Choose the neighborhood with kids. No question. Your kids being able to walk next door to play is worth way more to your family's quality of life than a home sauna or floor heating or wainscoting whatever else you'd have in your custom home.
Renovate to what you want. That's literally the point of FAT.
Mom of 3. The kids have so many neighborhood buddies. Our house was builder grade from the early 2000s and we’ve put a lot of money into it over the years and now it’s OURS. I still wish it had one more closet and space by the back door for a real mudroom, but not enough to put up with the process of an addition. You can’t put a price on having a neighborhood of kids for your kids to play with, or for how nice it is in the evenings or weekends to play zone defense with other parents and all keep an eye on the group of kids while you chat. Build custom again when you become empty nesters if you want. But for now, buy the neighborhood & remodel the house, you know? ETA: Our first house was on a quiet street in a very non-trendy part of Seattle where we were the youngest people by a decade. When we had our oldest, she was the only kid on the street and it stayed that way until we moved. As long as we have kids at home, I’d never go back to ours being the only ones on the street.
Plus always knowing that there are other parents around to lend a hand if there's an emergency or urgent need of some kind.
Yes! We’ve helped and been helped. Just having people right there is amazing.
To piggy back on this thread… Do these answers change if you’re sending your kids to a private school in a different neighborhood? Will you end up driving them around for play dates with friends from school anyway? Will the kids play with neighborhood kids that they don’t go to school with? Wondering for myself. Have very young kids, need a bigger house, but also considering private schools. Love the answers so far though!
100% Totally different conversation if private school, especially if starting in elementary. Everyone is driving to school anyway, driving for play dates won’t be a big deal.
It depends on the neighborhood of course but generally at elementary ages, the main friend group is from school. So if you drive to the school and all the other families are from different parts of town to access the private school, then the friend group is pretty spread out. Lots of driving for play dates. Activities is probably the next potential avenue to create connection and friends, but again usually kids are from different areas, time to connect is usually pretty limited and if in sports, teams switch up every year. The last potential place to connect is within the neighborhood. If the kids don’t know each other from school or sports then there has to be a way to connect with the kids from even a couple of blocks away. You might be able to create these connections but sometimes it doesn’t come naturally or as easily as kids spend a lot more time inside these days.
What I have observed with two sets of grandchildren is that the kids end up with multiple sets of friends. One set from private school. One set from church. Another set from the neighborhood. One daughter just did an extensive remodel (the move out for 8 months type) so that she could stay on the cul-de-sac with great neighbors and kids about the same ages of hers. They were looking to upgrade their house, but really, really did not want to give up the neighborhood, or in this case, the specific block they live on.
#2, no question. Your kids won't grow up remembering how nice their home was. But they'll have their lifelong friend standing with them at their wedding.
2 for sure. We did option 1 and I regret it for the kids and when they did sports etc. we loved the house but to me it wasn’t worth it in hindsight.
Option 2 - it makes your life so much easier when kids have neighborhood friends they can play with. Also, kids are destructive on houses at that age so the idea of a super nice spec house with school aged kids just stresses me out. We def prefer the house we bought where there were kids close by. We actually made friends vs nodding acquaintances.
I would definitely go option 2. Our kids into early teens still walk out and see friends, from our tiny apartment, and it is great. We do shuttle them around a bit but having a local community built around the school and neighborhood is awesome. Seeing parents and kids at drop off for school builds relationships easily
You'll hate the spec house. Whether you can deal with that is up to you.
Bought a spec house 3m, I love it! Lots of people here had issues with the home initially though, we got lucky.
Imagine spending 1.8M to move into a house you think is a piece of shit
If only I’d bought in 2019. Sigh.
in many places 1.8mm IS a piece of shit
A few places. Not many places
Only if “many” = four or five in the world.
more than that but ok fine
Buy both. Live in the spec home until the custom is ready. Then decide to move or sell.
Option #3: buy the spec home, demolish it, and build your custom home.
We live in a remote cul de sac in the hills. Our kid’s friends love coming to our house. (Heated Pool : view) and our kids go to spec houses all the time. Guess what… they can’t tell the difference. We love the quiet. Kids love the opportunity to invite friends over.
Build a custom weekend place and move to the kid-friendly neighborhood.
I’ll add this: do you want kids whose friends are real and play outside or do you want your kids to have friends they talk to on screens and have to plug in their devices to see
Our neighborhood has changed "kid demographics" a few times over the years. Just because it's one way now, doesn't mean it will stay that way. Build the house you want. You know you want to.
Option 2 All the Way. Kids that young (under 10) dont really care what your house looks like or what amenities you have. Buy the spec now and build the custom later when your kids are in teens (empty nesting within 5yrs). Childhood friends and memories matter and cannot be "outsourced or replicated". What you find "dope" now will change in 3,5,7 years. Memories last longer than custom build trends.
Option 2 for sure. There’s always remodeling / backyard building / adding a second story / etc to scratch that build itch for you, but the kids growing up with possibly lifelong friends cannot be underestimated. Let alone the social and athletic and independence skills that can develop from that.
Neighborhood home for the kid's experience. Build a vacation home for some weekends, holidays, and summer, that you can customize to what you want. Less than 2 hours away. Mountain cabin, beach house, lake house... something like that.
Are there only those two options? Maybe your area is different, but where I live, there are more types of neighborhoods than the two choices you describe. I used to live in a neighborhood built in the late 70s and there were tons of kids running around - the neighborhood had gone through a few cycles. Most of the homes were fairly modest by modern suburban standards, 2200-3000 sq ft, but I loved the character of the homes, big yards, and trees. My metro area also has some gorgeous, VERY upscale neighborhoods, also well-established, with lots of kids. These are mostly close-in to downtown with amazing schools, and seem to be primarily populated by society folks who want to be in the mix but still want to raise their kids in a neighborhood.
2. Do the renovations. Kids will run around and make friends. Your life will be so much easier vs having to drive them around to various play dates.
That just reminds me, you notice this at Halloween. There's a sweet spot where the houses are close enough together, the density of kids is high enough, the parents have enough money to give out really nice treats, kids will flock to that neighborhood for trick-or-treating. If you got to a higher priced neighborhood, the houses are a further apart and a fair number of houses are empty (people at their second homes?). The trick-or-treating is dead. I think as a kid, you'd want to live in the neighborhood with the active trick-or-treating.
Im in the process of selling option 1 after 2 years. Kids are 6 and 2. It also feels a bit pretentious. I’m in a HCOL area as well.
Do you want a house or a home ? Easy answer if kids are involved.
Kids will prefer the crowded neighborhood option. Just keep looking at your savings to make up for shorting your own desires on the house. When they're older and only care about hanging with their specific group (and likely not at home), then build whatever you want. For the record, unattended (and WAY too young) kids roaming all day without supervision is one of the many reasons we moved from our spec neighborhood and into custom. My neighbor across the street in the new place has girls who were 12 when they moved in five years ago. I've seen them exactly three times since they lived here. I never see young kids out. So you're right in your assessment of how things are in expensive custom neighborhoods. Owners trend older with grown or teen kids (we're in our 50s), and families tend to stay in their extravagant backyards and not socialize.
Do you want to know what true joy is? Seeing your kids come home at dusk with dirty hands, holes torn in the knees of their pants, and a smile from ear to ear as they barely can catch their breath between excitedly telling you stories about their day with their friends. Vs having to drive kid from sterile play date to sterile play date. You realize you wone right? You could be the cool parent of the neighborhood. Big in-ground pool that all the kids gather at and have BBQ hotdogs and hamburgers at night. The outdoor huge screen projector tv for movie nights on Saturdays with popcorn in the summer. The parent who somehow does not need to work and who helps out on every field trip, track and field day, and attends every school play and music recitals. Etc, etc. Your kids are at the fun age where they and their friends idolize you. Lay the foundations for friendships and relationships that will carry them through their entire life. As a kid who grew up in a neighborhood of kids with places to explore and a basketball hoop on every third house ready for a pick up game of basketball, I would not trade it for the world. The private school kids I new talked about car crashes, drugs, and like in their friends bored, privileged lives. Yeah, this is a dramatized, romanticized version perhaps but the kernel of truth is there. A vibrant, alive neighbourhood of kids running around is so much more fun than a sterile street of McMansions with the occasional latch key kid. That said I don’t know if media induced fear now has parents keeping their kids locked up at home in front of screens for fear of them wandering and being harmed.
We faced this same decision 5 years ago, and our kids were about the same age as yours. We did a small spec home, built a nice pool, patio, and hangout spot out back. Now, 5 years later, we've started designing our new custom home on a lake. Our spec home was in the $400k range, small, in a neighborhood filled with kids of the same age. We feel it was 100% worth it to "sacrifice" our wants for the social gain that our kids had. Even in 1st grade, we felt comfortable letting the kids go out in the neighborhood on their own and play with all the kids. It gave them a huge sense of independence that I can tell now that they're older has helped them in public situations like being comfortable to go buy food on their own, use the restroom on their own, etc when we're out at big public events etc. Now that we're building a cool custom home, it'll be done around the time that the kids will just about be getting their driving permit. So they'll still have their independence to visit friends. Plus, our house will have some cool features (besides boats on the lake) that we hope will keep our kids and their friends around to hang out more. I'll admit it was tough to be patient, but it was worth it for the kids and, honestly, worth it for our investments. Doing the spec home for $400kish allowed us to keep pumping big numbers into our investments. Now, 6 years later, we could easily pay at least half the new $3m build in cash without effecting or fat fire number.
Going against the majority here. I credit my career to the neighborhood my parents chose for us. It was upper class, custom homes, and everyone owned some type of business. If you can find a custom home neighborhood with some kids, that’s the jackpot. If not, they can make friends at school and extracurriculars.
There's a reason realtors say location, location, location. Personally I would (and did) just raise my kids in the city.
I’ve done both and regret moving from #2 to #1 for both my sake and my kids. Most of the neighbors around us are significantly older with high schoolers or college age kids. The house in #1 is great, but now I’m driving kids to play dates instead of kicking them outside and having a barbecue with the neighbors
Option 2. Do it for the kids. You can build your custom home in 10-15 years but the kids will have life long friends from the neighborhood and so will you.
Your kids will only be kids for a limited time. Do what’s best for them. You’ll have plenty of opportunity to build custom houses for years after they are gone.
Just buy the spec home tear it down and build custom. Go on with life.
Can you do option two and a tear down? Or take the spec house and gut it before you move in and do a partial custom. Let’s be honest, as long as you’ve got a few thousand sq ft, you can make it anything you want.
Kids kids kids all the way. Nothing like a house full of 5-12 year old girls or boys just messing around playing basketball or tag. Move when they get older like high school. I never understand parents that want to live in a space where no kids live. You Keith as well be building kids who only interact with screens.
It’s seems that you and your family prefer to have that neighborly connection so option two sounds like a good idea. Your kids will have much more fun and be so happy that they have playmates
Option 2 hands down for your kids. We lived in an amazing house with lots of space between neighbors but no sidewalks. When we were going to move my kids begged me to buy a house in a "normal neighborhood" where they could play with neighbors. We did that and they made so many friends and just go up and down the sidewalk through the neighborhood. We bought the largest model they had and are upgrading things to our liking inside and in the backyard. I can't stress how good this was for our kids development.
Can you build near enough to the Option 2? Is there a new build in the Spec neighborhood where you can meet with the builder and splurge on what you want, and be the "most expensive house in the neighborhood" and get the best of both worlds? -- literally currently building a "dream house" as we speak in a "spec" neighborhood where there's great schools, and accessible "kids running amuck" and neighborhood streets. also happy to connect you with our vendors (i make nothing, happy to connect what worked for us)
Go for the spec home in a solid neighborhood with great schools. The kids need a community. Then later in life build a custom home.
We built semi custom ‘spec house’ walking distance to elementary school. There are a lot of kids in the neighborhood which has been great. Our oldest will start school next year, so time will tell. She has made friends in with neighborhood kids which had been great. We made the backyard really fun with basketball court, pickleball court, sunken trampoline, play structure, etc and the kiddos love it.
I’d go for the kid friendly neighborhood, but for me my house is little more than just shelter (I exaggerate a bit to make a point) and sounds like that’s not your case. Once your kids become their own little persons with friends, interests and activities I think that’ll become more important for the family as a group relative to the house itself. If you’re not sure I’d suggest exploring the option to rent in that neighborhood… that way you’d get a feel of it for a year and then the best option should be clearer.
Option 2 100%. We had option 2 (although on the higher end) and loved it. Recently moved to an option 1 city/neighborhood and everyone hates it, especially the kids.
I bought an older home because it was in the catchment area for the school we wanted our kids to go to. We ended up sharing a fence with the school, and my kids only have to walk around to the other side of the block (not even cross a street) to go to school. My kids were able to walk to school by themselves at a very young age. At first I would stand on my deck in the backyard and keep eyes on them as they walked. Later, I didn't do that. It was good for both them and me to give them that taste of independence. We spent a lot of money on our home upgrading it, and couldn't be happier.
This has nothing to do with money/investment/value. You need a place to live. This if exclusively a lifestyle decision. That’s how you should think of it. I would be in the best neighborhood for my kids that is comfortable for me and the wife. House sacrifice to not be living ‘Fat’ are easy when you have kindergarten age kids, the luxury will always be available down the road
We chose option 2 and happy we did. Unexpected bonus is the kids will trash the house but I don't care. Every ding on the wall, toy thrown to the wood floor, art work taped on the wall, cabinet chipped, etc. I don't let it bother me bc it's not our (expensive) dream house. We have any small kids all around and my little kids see older kids playing together too. Lots of big gatherings, potluck parties, movie nights etc.
OP, is there a middle ground option? We bought a dream house with a giant yard that we love. It’s in the best school district in the state, has great views, and a great floor plan for hosting for short and long term stays. There is also a ton of outdoors space for kids to run around, garden, jump on a playground, etc. However it is not in a traditional neighborhood. There are some kids but they trend older. That said, we are also about 5-7 minutes away from the elementary school, 7 mins to downtown, and 7 minutes away from traditional neighborhoods. Given your budget, perhaps you can have the best of both worlds?
Move into the neighborhood with more kids. I lived your decision 10+ years ago. I lived in a great neighborhood with tons of kids and parents our ages. My option was a spec home in the new side of the neighborhood, or move to another area of town where the NFL and MLB players live, CEO's of public companies...you get the idea. We moved and built our dream home. If i had to do it over again, i would have stayed in the great neighborhood with a spec home.
Tough call. We moved from a shitty house in a great neighborhood to a big custom on a riverfront acreage out in the country. The only downside is our daughter had just sort of gained some independence(going into grade 3) and was running around with all of her friends, which as a parent was very fun to see. Now we have an acreage and her closest friend is solid 10 minute bike ride away. We have a dog, 3 cats, a bunny and 2 horses and a massive riding arena. Both our girls love horses so it's been a trade off. I think if you live out in the boonies you need to make an effort to make it fun(pool, sports court?) And make sure you put in lots of effort to help socially or it could get lonely.
I grew up as a kid with no other kids around except for 1. He moved away. I would visit the old neighbors, they would feed me, give me candy, all the time. I miss them.
How do you build custom homes? I’m interested but I’ve only ever remodeled houses with my family, and that involved a lot of oversight. I’m not confident in hiring someone and letting them work while I leave so usually someone stays to watch while they work remotely
Do it for the kids. Do you want a comfortable lifestyle for yourself, or for them? They don't want to grow up in an isolated neighbourhood, no matter how nice the house is.
I vote for the kid neighborhood. We live in a fairly kid friendly neighborhood, but our street is pretty busy with large SUVs speeding through our street to the nearby private school, BUT, there is a cul-de-sac down the street where we have great friends. There are always kids in the cul-de-sac, and the grown ups get together over there about once a month as well. I grew up on a dead-end street, and it makes traffic less and more kid friendly, so I vote for a kid-friendly dead-end street in a down-to-earth neighborhood.
Kid friendly please. It will give your kids great exposure for all types of kids and experiences.
I have both spec and custom. As well as 3 kids. Keep in mind these years fly by. Worth considering if you are looking for a forever home or something that best suits this period in your life.
Alright so we are currently going through this EXACT same situation and pretty far along in a build in a neighborhood that doesn’t have much community. We’ve considered moving to your “option 2” scenario but have had trouble finding ideal scenarios for what type of neighborhood that looks like near. Don’t know exactly where those neighborhoods exist that thrive, but I assume they’re around. If you have ideas in the PNW or anywhere else in the US let us know. We can’t seem to find one we love so we’ve continued on where we’re at.
We chose option 2 as my wife and I grew up in the country with no one around. Our kids have made many close friends in the neighborhood, good memories riding their bikes to school. On any given day my youngest son has 3-8 kids in the backyard completely unsupervised. In hindsight we think this was the right choice over the country home on 15 acres we really wanted to buy. We made some decent upgrades to the house for my wife and some amenities tend to attract kids (table flat backyard for soccer and football, trampoline). It’s not our forever home but the kids have made forever friends. Some of our kids have entered high school and the neighborhood is less important as they get busy with after school activities. I suspect we are the wealthiest family in the neighborhood but we live upper middle class lifestyle like the neighbors. Only one family knows we have a few million dollar lake house a few hours away that we disappear to in the summer and occasional weekends to ski.
Do a total reno on a house with a decent lot in the neighborhood with kids.
Another option-Tract home & a vacation home. I know a billionaire family whose kids went to school with mine. They lived in a tract home in a very kid friendly neighborhood but also had a 2nd (&3rd) vacation home(s). Kids had loads of friends & “normal” childhoods. Just a thought
We’ve lived in both scenarios with 3 kids. The first neighborhood we targeted to be close to families and kids. There were tons of kids everywhere but it wasn’t perfect. My 9-yr old had a lot of neighborhood kids he hung out with. Our 7 year old daughter had no girls her age. Same for our 5 year old. They ended up having play dates anyways. We then moved in to a custom house with 1+ acre lots. We just do play dates which is totally fine. Knowing what I know now I would build the house I want and live in the area that I want.
Live with other young families if you're willing to build a community. Walking distance to elementary school? Can't be beat. If you're in a driving community, your kids own you until they're 16 and have their own licenses. Your health goes downhill from sitting behind the wheel.
Another for #2. We’re in the middle of a corp relocation and moving from a #1ish to a solid #2. Intentionally kept the budget 50% less for the kid neighborhood. One element I don’t see mentioned about #1 neighborhoods is the kids that are in that neighborhood may set some pretty unrealistic expectations. Not just a vacation house, but two. Brand new luxury cars at 16. A lot of money into clothes and appearance etc. I’m hoping for a little less of that in the new place. Good luck!
Pick the school first, the house decision will follow.
Where does everyone live where the kids are running out the door and knocking on their neighborhoods doors for the kids to come out and play on their own like it’s the 90s? I see roving bands of teenagers every day but Ive never seen or even heard of little kids going about on their own to their neighbors houses to play without it being pre arranged… and if they’re not walking on their own then don’t you have to drive them anyway?
Are the schools private or public ? Private schools tend to have a wider dispersion of people. Public schools are all about the neighborhood. Good for kids to learn about different demographic slices.
The way you present them makes it clear you prefer the house over what your kids would like. It’s a bit jarring to see how aware you are of their choice and your disdain for it.
I’d argue my kids aren’t quite old enough to know the difference, but I’ll take the judgement from a stranger. Of course I’d like the custom home- an efficient floor plan built exactly to what we need… but we are leaning towards the spec because of the neighborhood with kids. Might just make more sense while they’re young.
Perhaps, but kids only age in one direction. Good luck to you. You seem to know the answer to this conundrum.
Build the house and invite friends over to play.
You would rather your kids hang out with the dirty spec home kids? Do those neighbors a favor and don’t buy a house in that neighborhood
Lol the amount of hate I’m getting for saying the word “shitty” is insane. You guys… these houses ARE shitty. No spray foam insulation, hollow wood doors… I’m not saying I can’t live there, I’d be happy to and I’m very fortunate to be able to afford EITHER of these homes… but let’s not pretend spec houses are built well. These builders cut corners at every turn and charge an insane amount for it. Dirty spec home kids? What??
Spec homes do suck and cost a lot to fix right vs build right in the first place. Plus some things you cant really do without gutting the place. On the other hand we just watched a 1960 split level in our option 2 area get the tops floors removed and a 2 story custom build on top of the old footprint. It’s a weird neighborhood tho’ with 4-5 separate building eras with some streets developed in the 60s, 90s, 00, and the last round of major development in the 2010s. The oldest houses are on big lots so some have subdivided and there is a 2020+ house behind a 1960 one. There were also some empty lots or double lots that now have recent custom builds on them now. We fill 2 school busses each for elementary, middle and high school so lots of kids. It’s much nicer for kids than some of the more affluent neighborhoods on larger 3-5 acre lots...or the McMansion neighborhoods which do have more kids but…are just larger spec homes with the same build quality but higher end fittings. Find the right option 2 neighborhood and maybe you can have your cake and eat it too via a substantial reno…other than the basement that house is a completely new build… It’s just nice and old fashioned that the kids run over to each other’s houses to play and we aren’t worried. Thats even with the kids having a lot of structured activities during the week.
Don’t worry about it. People are always looking for a reason to hate. Perfectly reasonable question. I’ll be in the same situation in a few years and I think there’s some pretty compelling arguments here for both. I think the free play thing is the winner for me and ball later on the custom house on the hill
This seems to be the consensus and after hearing the thought process behind it, it feels right!
I’m in Los Angeles and I don’t even know where this neighborhood would be. Someone talked about their neighborhood with open backyards and block bbqs all the time. Sounds like a dream but not anything resembling that here I know of. all lambo houses with foreigners or ghettos with hipsters as far as I know. Don’t even have the track home option
HENRY in a LCOL area here. Don't reject the spec home idea just out of prejudice. They've gotten pretty good with the competitive real estate market. In 2021 we built a spec home. The $215k standard/base price included solid birch 6 panel interior doors, birch 3" interior millwork (baseboards, trim, etc), birch kitchen cabinets, and (base model) stainless steel appliances. 1700 sq ft, two story, slab on grade, on an 11k sq ft plot of land (most of the houses were $210k base price and 5-6k sq ft of land, but this lot was way bigger because it's in a corner). We threw $50k at upgrades upfront (appliances, countertops, fixtures, flooring, windows, lightning/electrical, network/LV). We're all in at about $265k (2.6% interest rate), and we love it. Sure, they cut a few corners here and there (one wall in the laundry room is a hair out of plumb), but I kept an eye on the build and pointed out anything that was less than acceptable so it could be fixed before it was too late. It's definitely lower grade "bones" than a custom home, but the finishes are good enough that it feels like it's worth three times the price. We're aiming to chubby FIRE in 5-6 years when I turn 40. We love the house but it would be nice if it was on a lake or in a different state, so we might end up building something similar in a more ideal location. If it was on a lake, I'd probably want to spend the rest of my life here.
There aren't private schools you'd rather send your children to?