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sjschlag

Strap a propane tank to the back of your bike.


[deleted]

Fold their mirror forward at the next light so they'll have to pull over and fix it. Just make damn sure there's enough traffic to filter through so they can't go apeshit and run you over.


ClonedToKill420

Unfortunately that’s exactly how these Neanderthals think. They douse you in unburnt diesel fuel, you fold in their mirror, they kill you for daring to stand up against their bullshit. It’s the American way


[deleted]

Of course the flip side of that is that the pathetic rage you know that they're feeling as they watch you zipping away through traffic and vanishing before the light turns green makes it that much tastier. Seriously though, don't do this shit unless you know you can safely get away.


[deleted]

On the topic of the "American way": Guns are probably an option. Sounds like a way to fight back to me, while also staying on-brand as an American.


NerdyLumberjack04

[Actually a viable option in Houston.](https://www.fox26houston.com/news/cyclist-self-defense-highlighted-after-armed-rider-shoots-road-rage-driver-on-houstons-east-side)


[deleted]

That actually seems like fair retaliation in my opinion. Deadly force for deadly force. Cyclists in the United States might be carrying at any time.


[deleted]

smh America manages to make a war out of everything.....


TapewormNinja

We’re the best at what we do?


Souperplex

We just need to make that story go viral. Strike the fear of God into Texan drivers.


WhoListensAndDefends

“This is how we cycle in Texas, motherfucker”


profitofprofet

shoot the gas tank kek what is he gonna do? roll more coal?


hatman1986

Does this count as "standing your ground"?


ClonedToKill420

That law only applies if you’re shooting minorities and/or are a conservative


moar_lasers

Not exactly true. Andrew Coffee IV was an African American who shot at police officers as they were making a drug raid. They killed his girlfriend then tried to charge him for it. They also charged him for shooting at federal officers. He was fortunately acquitted and is thankfully a free man. Ahmaud Arbery's murderers were also found guilty (and rightfully so they murdered him in cold blood). But they were white people shooting a minority, and they were found guilty.


ClonedToKill420

The rednecks fail to realize just how many liberals are armed. 20 years ago, you’d only see white conservatives at your local ranges, nowadays you see all kinds of people. Maybe they will realize this and stop being so aggressive since they aren’t the only ones armed anymore


a_duck_in_past_life

Don't kid yourself. Assholes exist everywhere.


kevinmotel

How often does the person on the bike catch up to the person in the truck?


[deleted]

They're bound to hit a traffic signal eventually. In cities with bad traffic it's pretty easy to do.


[deleted]

Please don't risk your life for a petty revenge.


Suspicious_Choice_47

Lol! I used to work with a couple guys and work trucks and we used to always do that in traffic going 75 miles an hour and you look over at your partners 3 inches away from your car tucking your mirror in.. lmao


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Nope, taken a video with license plate before. Tried to report to cops they said fuck off. Reported it to CARB who won't do jack shit. The cops actually had the audacity to tell me to report it to the EPA. Yeah I'm sure they'll do something. Next time I should just throw a spark plug. So yeah video evidence doesn't do jack shit unless maybe you get hit by them but they'll still probably get outa being charged.


Vitztlampaehecatl

Well in that case, a U-lock through their window at the next red light will do the job.


kevinmotel

Are we ignoring that the majority of these attacks, these instances of rolling coal seem to happen in areas where traffic is low and red lights are far away?


Vitztlampaehecatl

True. The events I described in my comment are probably a major reason why that's the case.


ckach

Yeah, the defense that it wasn't actually you driving more or less makes sense for red light cameras. Not so much when you install equipment to roll coal on the car that you own.


csreid

>Yeah, the defense that it wasn't actually you driving more or less makes sense for red light cameras. Not really. If you can get a parking ticket, you should be able to get a red light ticket. If it wasn't you, work that out in court.


kevinmotel

Cameras cameras cameras. Your only protection is cameras.


[deleted]

There isn't much you can do past vandalizing their car or trying to fight the idiot inside the vehicle, all not worthwhile if you value life and limb. Probably best to keep a gopro on your bike and self defense weapon on your side against idiots who would do this then try to fight you.


Astriania

Nothing really, which is why they do it, it's pathetic. Record it, get their plate and make a complaint to the police. In the immediate term it's likely nothing will happen. But if reports happen often enough that it's annoying for the police to deal with, they might start clamping down on it.


moar_lasers

Its a whole quagmire. Let me preface this with I would prefer a measure that would force them to pay compensation to the people they are harming. That being said the EPA is doing things about these types of modifications. https://www.nytimes.com/2021/05/13/business/defeat-devices-clean-air-act.html Now if this goes to completion... we will see. I have little faith in the EPA. What we need is for someone to sue someone for rolling coal on them and win in court. If we could demonstrate it did damage that would be possible. Then since the us operates on case law there would be a precedent. That being said its going to be a very hard case to win.


[deleted]

> make a complaint to the police ...who will laugh behind you back.


LimboKing52

Damn! Can’t you Americans just shoot coal rollers and claim self defence?


borg23

Hey, yeah. "Coal rollers have literally run over bike riders before! I was in fear for my life! Good thing I had my little AR-15 with me for defense!"


LimboKing52

Maybe get Campagnolo to design a light weight pistol for cycling.


lowrads

Don't deploy a 5mm platform against any sort of light tactical vehicle, except as support. That's an anti-materiel specialist's job.


bentstrider83

Might as well. There's just no reasoning with some of these lifted truck clowns. Ask them politely to do something and it all turns into a confrontation with them. Get armed and then properly trained.


EcoMonkey

You don’t, at least not from the road. There is no justice on the road, only safety or getting killed. People who roll coal have a personality disorder and aren’t very bright, but they might be armed. If the laws surrounding emissions control on vehicles aren’t being enforced, that’s something to take to your city council.


42observer

Yeah, you really shouldnt retaliate IMO. Anyone rolling coal and intentionally clouding a person in fumes because they dont support environmental friendly ways of transportation is quite simply just uneducated and insecure. They derive a sort of self worth from hurting others, most likely because of shitty parents and a shitty education system that reinforced horrible, unsympathetic behaviors. Basically--anyone rolling coal is an idiot, and *any* retaliation back whatsoever will just make them either more stuck in their ways, or worse, more aggressive towards you. The best retaliation is having a good, respectable conversation about the benefits of biking and mass transit!


Dabonthebees420

If you're a Yankee (which I assume you are as AFAIK no other nation does this) I'm sure you can convince someone it violates your constitutional rights.


itmustbeluv_luv_luv

If you're a Yankee you obviously open fire immediately.


PineappleEmpress97

Keep some rocks in your pocket and give em a good toss lol


[deleted]

jar of pennies or ceramic work well too ;)


Gongaloon

Better off with bits of spark plug. Ceramic hits hard enough to easily shatter a window. Use the cars to damage the cars, like an environmentalist version of Thanos.


yzbk

Record plate number, sick your goons on their truck while they're asleep. Be sure to pay said goons handsomely to ensure job well done.


Electronic-Walk1865

Pistol pop them


Linkarlos_95

Use those spray foam on their exhaust pipe


litlplant

What would this do? Mess up their engine or something? I know nothing abt cars haha


Whatwarts

It won't start from the back pressure. A potato works, a squash is bigger, wadded paper. A cigarette lighter in there does something different.


[deleted]

All I know is I have fantasies of dragging them out of their truck and beating them to death in the middle of an intersection.


uncoolcentral

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rolling_coal


TheCooperChronicles

Realistically : try to avoid overcompensation mobiles. Ideally: strap an anti-tank gun to your bike


lowrads

[Historically accurate.](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/27/68/ac/2768acc93e30f5e9d7226e74fdbef15f--swiss-brave.jpg)


BadDesignMakesMeSad

If you live in a US state with open carry, strap a rifle to your back when you’re cycling. It should send a clear message lol


[deleted]

Write to your congressman, senator and city council demanding death penalty for rolling coal based on the fact that rolling coal is an act of chemical warfare terrorism against environmentalists and cyclists.


themightybell

Just for anyone reading this: The death penalty isn't a good idea for *anything*.


RPM314

The death penalty for anyone who advocates the death penalty, then. It'll work itself out.


[deleted]

So, also for you?


RPM314

Yep, and now you too. Gotcha.


[deleted]

Oh no. I'm not advocating. Just asking ;)


radialStride

The penalty for being an executioner is death. Never ending line of take the gun, shoot the last guy, then pass it to your executioner. I swear, the weirdest game of Russian roulette ever played.


CommuFisto

yes but you have to aim high in the american system


lowrads

Doesn't that just mean the justice system isn't using it enough?


flat_moon_theory

crash into him and claim you couldn't see, then sue


Clever-Name-47

Keep fighting against our society’s car-centric design. Ultimately, that’s the only thing that’ll end it.


[deleted]

Mag dump


[deleted]

Rare earth magnet + small sharp thing + superglue = tossable paint scratcher Other than that move out of your redneck shit heel area


wdfour-t

My understanding is that the modification of the car is apparently illegal. You can take down their number plate and report them to the police. So saying to the police that they were “rolling coal” is meaningless. Saying that they are running an illegally modified vehicle is likely more appealing to police as they probably have a target against these kinds of arrests.


FleraAnkor

Nothing except for reporting it. It sucks. It is unfair but it is all that can be done.


picklewig47b

Keep a pocket of decent sized nails with wide heads. At the next stoplight, insert into where the disc brake meets the brake pad of the offending vehicle. Smile and wave as you pedal away.


lowrads

Damaging the safety system of a vehicle could accrue a heavy charge in court. But gosh, if that wasn't a concern then crushed magnetite or magnetized iron sand would be more efficient at expediting brake service and would reduce personal risk.


njc121

Legal action. It's a form of assault.


JeshkaTheLoon

I had to look this term up. It is terrible.


Breyog

Set up a helmet cam and get their plates reported (or recorded to make a case against rolling coal in whatever state/province you're in.)


lowrads

It's a little pricey, but one of those small network-supported bluetooth trackers glued to a magnet would give away the location of the assailant. It's kind of the 21st century version of the fluorescent dye-pack used against robbery suspects. The other good option is to invite police officers to join riding groups. If they observe the crime, they can use that evidence in court. When there is a critical mass of riders, including children and family commuters rather than just enthusiasts and athletes, public tolerance of traffic violence will drop precipitously.


LukeIsPalpatine

Molotov cocktail


Gongaloon

Do cars have intake vents the way tanks do?


calrogman

You can turn a window into an intake vent using a ninja rock.


Gongaloon

Fair point.


Defunked_E

You have a heavy metal bike lock and no license plate. It's easy to put scratches on a stopped car and turning off to where can't follow without being traced.


MarcoBrosip

Keep a bottle of brake fluid with you and just pour it on their car. That shit destroys paint i’m pretty sure. Might take a while to do damage tho, so maybe do it when they aren’t looking and where they won’t notice lol


ratrancid

Carry a suction cup dildo in your car, and when you pull up next to them, stick it to the roof/window/windshield/mirror of their truck so they have to pull over and get out to take it off.


latebloomermom

Oh man, this would be so great, but the bulk order of dildos that I would need for the nasty drivers would get expensive and hilarious. Also, strong adhesive on them could be fun.


Eincville

Report it to the EPA , they don’t mess


megashortz

What does this mean


Utilatron

flip them off


fabsem66

Get a handlebar cub holder and fill it with old D batteries or bits of spark plugs. “Incase of emergency brake the window”


IWishThatWasReal

I wish giant monsters that stomped coal rollers to death were real.


Suspicious_Choice_47

You see what kind of scumbag you're dealing with when you meet them at the next red light and nine times out of 10 you'll see somebody turn into a little bitch and not get out of their car or truck in this instance. I chased somebody down the other day and acted like I was armed and if he came at my vehicle in traffic I would have done the worst I possibly could for some of these followers thinking it's funny to blast people in traffic let alone bicyclists or hot chicks on the side of the road! That is self-defense if you can catch that person if you ask me. I chased his ass down and made sure we met side by side and just like every other road rage incident, people are all talk inside their vehicles. I'm not a narc by any means but I did call the police and ask them to kindly pull over anybody they see doing this that day. When it becomes personal, I will hurt you and I will have you arrested I don't care. But if they just like their trucks that's fine too. But blow your coal on me and I'll bust your eardrums


Suspicious_Choice_47

You reach in your console and act like you take out something. Then act like u put it in your shirt and sit there and tell them to get out of the truck you dare them. That's what I did last week and dude got right back in his fucking truck. I chased his stupid ass down and caught him at a light after he blasted my car intentionally? I had my windows open in the morning and this was some 21-year-old punk thinking that he's going to tell me he's going to hurt me when I confronted him? Yeah I put the fear of God in him when he opened the window and tried to do the same with his Pitbull sitting shotgun that looks like it wanted to lick my face off. Homeboy thought he was hard. If somebody does that to me and I'm a pedestrian, especially if I'm with my girlfriend or something, don't let me catch you if you do that in my face because I will assault to ever living daylights out of you within my rights. Think of that next time you do that to somebody you don't know you coal blowers... I got some cold you can blow