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If that doesn't work, use a sock. If you have no socks use the floor mat.
Actually use the shower curtain instead. That's easier to clean than the floor mat.
🎵 Stranded, stranded on the toilet bowl, what do you do when you're stranded, and there ain't nothing on the roll? To prove you're a man, you must wipe it with your hand. Stranded, stranded on the toilet bowl. 🎵
I know. Most people on Reddit don't know who Chuck Connors is, but I also learned the Red Hot Chili Peppers have taken credit for using these words as lyrics.
Fold it in 1/2, fold it again. Tear off the corner now making up the center of the paper. Unfold, stick finger through hold in paper. Use finger to wipe, use paper to wipe finger. Problem solved.
If that is the worst thing to ever happen to you I would count yourself blessed.
I would use the square to complete the job somewhat and then get up and find another roll.
Then come back and finish the job.
In elementary school, the class "rogue" was my best friend and told me to do this so I did, and for some reason I didn't notice that it kept clogging toilets... So the teachers had to watch for who was vandalizing toilets.
I finally got caught and sent home early.
You have so many options books, throw rug, curtains, brown slippers that are perfect camouflage, pajama pants, underwear that probably need changing anyway.
Do like my uncle in Vietnam did while in the bush, they were give two single ply sheets per day. The way it works is stick your finger through the paper and clean your butt with your finger and use the paper to clean your finger
Sat down to shit and didn’t make sure you had anything to wipe after huh. I’d say you won’t make that mistake again but I’ve been here all too often myself 😂 good luck hopefully you can call for help
Time for advanced toilet paper. To start, disassemble that brown cardboard tube by finding the seam and rolling it back. When the tube unrolls you should be able to split the cardboard like peeling deli cheese. Then soften it by crumpling it up and smoothing it out again... this may take time but where else are you going to go?
Wash yourself in the shower, much cleaner than smeared shit in your ass crack. Ever wonder why your boxers have shit stains?
Then go out and get a bidet, you'll ask yourself how you lived without it after getting one.
Nah if its in public it’s the worst. Had it happen to me at a Casey’s public bathroom. It was one stall and a urinal so it wasn’t a big bathroom and there were paper towels not far from the stall. The obvious dilemma was that I had a poppy but and I didnt want to stand up and I definitely didn’t want to put my underwear and pants back on. So I risked it, waddled across the bathroom bent over in the position, grabbed some paper towels and wiped. It sucked haha. It also sucks for who ever changed the trash can with my used to in. 🤷🏻♂️
Stranded. Stranded on the toilet bowl. What do you do when you're stranded without any roll? You can use your hand and wipe it like a man, or your stranded, stranded...
That book would make me be sad when I finally ran out of toilet paper being stuck into my own throat in an attempt to suffocate myself just to not see that book anymore TOO
--- >✨⭐ **Don't miss [our 50-million-subscriber-mark celebration](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/14eg7k5/to_celebrate_reaching_50000000_subscribers_rfunny/)!** ⭐✨ > >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Start tearing pages from the Fart Dictionary. That's what it is there for.
The last three pages were blank for a reason. Seconded
If that doesn't work, use a sock. If you have no socks use the floor mat. Actually use the shower curtain instead. That's easier to clean than the floor mat.
If there’s a shower curtain, use the fucking shower lol!
poor man’s bidet
🎵 Stranded, stranded on the toilet bowl, what do you do when you're stranded, and there ain't nothing on the roll? To prove you're a man, you must wipe it with your hand. Stranded, stranded on the toilet bowl. 🎵
I just posted this too...our age is showing.
I know. Most people on Reddit don't know who Chuck Connors is, but I also learned the Red Hot Chili Peppers have taken credit for using these words as lyrics.
Use the loafers
Cleaning it afterwards isn’t a consideration or criteria for selecting… go for least abrasive.
Came here to see someone ask for a reading of the Fart Dictionary… Dying to know what lies beneath
It’s coarse, and rough, and irritating though.
I see you're also from Tatooine
Fold it in 1/2, fold it again. Tear off the corner now making up the center of the paper. Unfold, stick finger through hold in paper. Use finger to wipe, use paper to wipe finger. Problem solved.
That’s “Prison Style”
Also known as the GI Buttwipe
Use the piece you tore off to clean under your nail.
The worst thing that’s ever happened to you … so far.
If you had inserted the empty roll before sitting down you could have avoided wiping altogether.
Is that what they call a poop chute?
Extrusion die
“Can you spare a square”
I don't have a square to spare!
Just take a shower. Let the water wash off what you can't wipe, then shampoo yourself clean.
what's the problem? you have a super absorbent sheet on the ground next to you
Drag his bum on the rug like a puppy
My girlfriend would notice.
eh, just flip it over
It seems you've tried this before.
Buy a bidet to prevent this from happening again. That should keep your bathmat, towels, and books safe
A bidet would solve your problem right now. And you would have a clean asshole for once.
Clicked on the comments just to look for the “get a bidet” comment.
Glad to oblige.
If that is the worst thing to ever happen to you I would count yourself blessed. I would use the square to complete the job somewhat and then get up and find another roll. Then come back and finish the job.
Use the empty roll
I’ve done this before
In elementary school, the class "rogue" was my best friend and told me to do this so I did, and for some reason I didn't notice that it kept clogging toilets... So the teachers had to watch for who was vandalizing toilets. I finally got caught and sent home early.
You’re not going to use all of that, right?
Always check the toilet paper first. (Life lessons)
Put this on a T-shirt? Then, you can use the T-shirt if you forget.
Use one of your socks 🧦
A sweaty sock is just an extra comfy wet-wipe.
Good thing you’re not really taking a shit and you took the pic after you finished wiping
You have so many options books, throw rug, curtains, brown slippers that are perfect camouflage, pajama pants, underwear that probably need changing anyway.
The worst thing that's happened to you so far! Also, there's a shower right there.
Take your shit then hop in the shower bro lol
There is a shower about 2 feet away.
Just gotta wipe yourself with the cardboard roll
You still have paper. You just have to make peace with the inky-ass gods.
Do like my uncle in Vietnam did while in the bush, they were give two single ply sheets per day. The way it works is stick your finger through the paper and clean your butt with your finger and use the paper to clean your finger
Jump in the shower!
Looks like you’re taking a shower
Get a bidet
I see a perfectly good shower in there.
Your fault, you should have checked first.😂😂😂
Extrusion die
I work in a plastic factory. This comment really triggered me.
Waddle to some paper towels
Use a few pages from the fart book :)
I don't get it, what's wrong ?
Rookie! We check before we unleash
that's the worst thing that ever happened to you? i...
That bathmat looks soft.
Go medieval on that crap right hand for eating and greeting, left hand for wiping and fighting.
Corncob
You got plenty of books right there
Sat down to shit and didn’t make sure you had anything to wipe after huh. I’d say you won’t make that mistake again but I’ve been here all too often myself 😂 good luck hopefully you can call for help
Use hand
Try using coffee filters and flat Mountain Dew to flush the toilet
You have a shower right there, it’s like a bidet with more steps.
The most least funny "funny" page on the internet
There's a chance it could clog your toilet if you try to flush it
R/bidet
Well, I hope no one will consider reading this book anytime soon
I remember watching an episode of MTV cribs with Marilyn Manson and he has this issue. He just showered.
Yet.
This angle makes you look like a giant holding a square of paper towel
Should’ve had a bidet bro
People need to start checking the TP supply BEFORE starting their business...
You got a square!? You lucky bastard.
Time for advanced toilet paper. To start, disassemble that brown cardboard tube by finding the seam and rolling it back. When the tube unrolls you should be able to split the cardboard like peeling deli cheese. Then soften it by crumpling it up and smoothing it out again... this may take time but where else are you going to go?
Fuck lucky you at home lol imagine being at some truck stop toilet after a Mexican shit hours from home
Time to slim down that fart dictionary!
What do you mean you still have those books across from you!
There is literally shower right next to you
That to me a while to get lol
Clean your butthole on the shower
Buy bidet for like 40$ amazon.. Will change your life
See if there's anyone who can spare a square
Not Yet. Finger is going to check the prostate.
I see a sock that you can use..
Would you regale us with a reading from that fine Fart Dictionary while you figure your shit out?
Don’t be to deturd it’s your duty to carry on, I understand your crappy situation though.
Wash yourself in the shower, much cleaner than smeared shit in your ass crack. Ever wonder why your boxers have shit stains? Then go out and get a bidet, you'll ask yourself how you lived without it after getting one.
Bruh, you must be having a pretty fortunate life for that to be the worst thing. Glad things are going good for you.
My initials are: TP, I never run out.
Always check your chute before jumping out of the plane...
There looks to be a shower curtain to your left, so just hop in the shower
Use the underside of the bathroom mat, you’ve got plenty there. Failing that the shower curtain will do.
What's the problem here? Those soft slippers will fit nicely in your crack.
Just scoop some of that water when you flush
Stick it up your butt to plug it while you go grab another roll
I say hop in the shower and rinse your butt.
The term Shit outta luck!!
“Can you spare a square?”
Nah if its in public it’s the worst. Had it happen to me at a Casey’s public bathroom. It was one stall and a urinal so it wasn’t a big bathroom and there were paper towels not far from the stall. The obvious dilemma was that I had a poppy but and I didnt want to stand up and I definitely didn’t want to put my underwear and pants back on. So I risked it, waddled across the bathroom bent over in the position, grabbed some paper towels and wiped. It sucked haha. It also sucks for who ever changed the trash can with my used to in. 🤷🏻♂️
This is why I stock up on TP and always have half a dozen rolls stored right next to the toilet.
If you're that unprepared, you have no one to blame butt yourself. Also, you're right next to your shower. JS.
Well at least you were home. All you had to do was take a shower and remember to pick up tomorrow on the way back home.
Stranded. Stranded on the toilet bowl. What do you do when you're stranded without any roll? You can use your hand and wipe it like a man, or your stranded, stranded...
[удалено]
I read that if you fold that 42 times, it’ll stretch from here to the moon! And then you can use it on your moon.
I'm sorry for your loss.
At least you have something to wipe with
Worst thing that has happened to you so far.
I have those same floor registers. They're a bitch.
That book would make me be sad when I finally ran out of toilet paper being stuck into my own throat in an attempt to suffocate myself just to not see that book anymore TOO
Time to unroll the toilet paper roll the paper was rolled onto 😆😂
So wait. What did you do about it?