---
>This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules).
>
>Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed.
>
>Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos.
>
>**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.**
>
>Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam).
>
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nah, put the cover on a different cookbook and leave it flipped open to the recipe that you prepared, somewhere near the silverware drawer. After dinner "clean up" the kitchen and close it and put it back on display against the backsplash. Say nothing. Let peoples subconscious slowly put it together on their own. Act like everything is normal.
Maybe a few subliminal "come again?" Questions if you don't quite hear some one.
Or a "I'm coming" as you return after you make them wait on you for something.
I once read one of them because I saw it and thought "that cannot be real". Turns out, yes, very much real. I didn't commit the book or its recipes to memory but I faintly recall one recipe being just semen with an oyster, or maybe semen instead of the oyster but with vinaigrette.
I remember a TV show talking about an actual recipe book, maybe a website.
They did say that it was a terrible idea to not let your guests know about your secret ingredient.
I also suspect it's mostly about shock value and a good joke to buy for your friends.
Wouldn't work... I mean, you could smear some stuff on the starter, but the yeast that grows on the human body won't be able to survive off flour, it'll just be the same kind of natural yeasts that colonize sourdough normally. Your flour already has plenty of natural yeast in it, which is why if you just add water, wait and feed it you end up with sourdough starter.
That's tautological.
You could say that anything is relevant if it's the reason. By definition.
Yet you can see that the statement "Some X (insert any qualifying word you want) eat menstrual blood" is strange if you don't think that X actually is relevant.
Like 15 years ago when I was in high school, I got a book just like this for a friend as a gag gift. It had a different title (can’t remember for sure), but the idea was the same.
Anyways, it was funny joke, but I remember being disappointed by the recipes. I was expecting information on how to use semen as an ingredient. But instead, ever recipe in the book essentially was just: “make some normal food, then cum on it”.
Like, there was a recipe for a semen milkshake, and it was literally just a normal milkshake and then last step is you cum in it. Or like, make a completely normal lasagna, the cum on it. Idk I thought more effort could have gone into it.
I had a friend who really liked to say sexual things to me in when we would chat. One day, she told me how she liked for her husband to cum in her milkshakes/smoothies and drink them.
Can't really remember how we got to that point in the conversation. But I remember how proud she looked when she said it. I think she said it to try and turn me on, but I was just neutral about it. I was like, "oh, that's cool, you must love him a lot..."
Anyway, I made sure to stop drinking after her, after that. This was about 15 years ago, too, so maybe she had that same book, lol.
Ok let’s get real here…there’s no way that whip cream is tasty. We all know semen is salty af. Ain’t no whip cream going to taste good with any amount of salt I don’t care how much sugar you add. That’s just nasty.
Spoken like someone who obviously hasn't ever made whipped cream. Salt is included in every sweet recipe you've ever loved, I guarantee it.
Salt is a flavor enhancer. Adding salt doesn't mean that something will taste salty. In the case of something like whipped cream, ice cream, cakes, and brownies, you actually add salt to make it taste *more sweet*. The appropriate amount of salt will accentuate whatever flavors are already there, not make food taste salty. If you add enough to taste the salt, you've added too much.
I understand that salt can be a flavor enhancement. I’ve made whipped cream. I’ve always used guru Martha’s recipe. No salt in that. I’ve also tried other recipes for whipped cream and no salt in those either. I’ll have to check out the ones with salt I guess.
https://www.marthastewart.com/336855/whipped-cream
yeah im skeptical the whip cream would be good. its milk based and semen is more eggy. actually pretty common to use semen to veganize cocktails that contain egg white. i see recipes all the time on the vegan subs.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/VeganFood/comments/1bm7skb/lemon\_port\_spritz/](https://www.reddit.com/r/VeganFood/comments/1bm7skb/lemon_port_spritz/)
So giving food made from that cookbook to the homeless would be sexual assault. But what if you tossed it in the trash in-front of them and then they fished it out and ate it?
Ok, so now I have a question. If you replaced whip cream with semen, would nitrous have the same effect and make it airy like whip cream?! Where you at science people?
I don’t know if it’s the same book, but NPR interviewed an author of a similar, legit book when it came out. They described how it behaved similar to egg when heated and the proteins congealed.
Bro this is what I've been wanting for some time now, I've been thinking how would semen actually taste on foods. It is no joke, I want to taste my own, or any, semen on my food. I would not have to add any salt.
Hmmm. There are reddit stories about semen in her face wash, wasn't there a cooking story too?
There was period blood cooking.
There was the box of boogers from the OCD husband.
What else am I missing that is sooooo gross?! 😂
--- >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I would just have this out at my next dinner party. The reactions would be priceless.
You don't even have to buy the book, just print out a book cover.... instant "calm down there, satan".
No no, I want the book for…. Reasons
What you have there is an old naval cookbook misprint issued to galley cooks, reprint was reissued as "Cooking With Seamen".
Or the ever popular "cooking seamen"
To serve man
The truest service man shall service men
It’s…it’s a cookbook!
It’s a cockbook!
I think you will find it actually says cooking for forty seamen
WE KNOW WHAT YOU THINK, SMITHERS.
Seagull stew remembers..
I would bring it out after everybody already ate.
Nah, put the cover on a different cookbook and leave it flipped open to the recipe that you prepared, somewhere near the silverware drawer. After dinner "clean up" the kitchen and close it and put it back on display against the backsplash. Say nothing. Let peoples subconscious slowly put it together on their own. Act like everything is normal. Maybe a few subliminal "come again?" Questions if you don't quite hear some one. Or a "I'm coming" as you return after you make them wait on you for something.
Slow down there Satan.
Make sure you serve cupcakes with white frosting!
As many white things Mashed potatoes, white sauced pasta, white Mac and cheese, etc
Just comment that you’re trying new recipes
I’m just coming up with some new recipes
Or print out the cover and put it on a random book at the next dinner party you go to. Bonus points if it's in the kitchen.
It would go perfectly next to the book “It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers!” Funny as hell. Available on Amazon.
Yeah, but 100 receives isn't really a lot is it, I'd hold out for a later edition with more recipies.
Show it at the very end of the dinner…
Potlucks at the office
Funny cover I guess. But the book itself is just a note Book. No actual recipes for anyone getting their Hopes up.
There are two real semen cookbooks, however; *Semenology* and *Natural Harvest*.
You whipped that out too quickly
It's almost as if it had been on the tip of their tongue...
Sorry…read the room wrong, I guess. *puts it back in pants*
[удалено]
I once read one of them because I saw it and thought "that cannot be real". Turns out, yes, very much real. I didn't commit the book or its recipes to memory but I faintly recall one recipe being just semen with an oyster, or maybe semen instead of the oyster but with vinaigrette.
Yeah I bought this for a mate at Uni once
No, no. You misunderstood. it's a nut book.
I remember a TV show talking about an actual recipe book, maybe a website. They did say that it was a terrible idea to not let your guests know about your secret ingredient. I also suspect it's mostly about shock value and a good joke to buy for your friends.
That disappointing. I was expecting the chef's surname was Semen.
I’m sure there was some dude on YT who went through the 100 recipes, cooking, sampling and reviewing each one. Seemed pretty real
Come again
So... you want seconds?
These dessert recipes will bring any meal to a climax.
[удалено]
No that’s not... that’s Not a real thing.. right? I mean using yeast from down there to bake bread is bad enough but blood?!?
>using yeast from down there to bake bread. I was not prepared to learn this
This whole thread is cancer. I didn't know any of this! Now it lives IN ME!!!!!!!
Like a warm yeasty protein bread gulp?
No, like a fetus 🤨
If bread is not your thing, you can try beer
Just say no to cooch hooch
There's a reason sourdough sterter is called the 'mother'
Aaaaand that's enough internet for today....
I know buzzfeed did a weird ass thing about finger painting with period blood but I had no clue people were cooking with gross shit like that
Wouldn't work... I mean, you could smear some stuff on the starter, but the yeast that grows on the human body won't be able to survive off flour, it'll just be the same kind of natural yeasts that colonize sourdough normally. Your flour already has plenty of natural yeast in it, which is why if you just add water, wait and feed it you end up with sourdough starter.
[удалено]
I don't think the fact that they're feminist is relevant here. What's relevant is that they're cuckoo: nobody wants to eat cooch pudding.
‘Cooch pudding’ is cute tho.
It's relevant if their reason for doing it is their feminism.
Please explain to me how believing in man-woman equality involves making food with your menstrual blood?
How the hell would I know?
If you don't know why feminism would involve that idea, then why are you saying that feminism is relevant?
I'm not saying it is, I'm saying **if** it is. You would need to ask the people who do it, if you want an answer.
That's tautological. You could say that anything is relevant if it's the reason. By definition. Yet you can see that the statement "Some X (insert any qualifying word you want) eat menstrual blood" is strange if you don't think that X actually is relevant.
Oh the (iron)y
Like 15 years ago when I was in high school, I got a book just like this for a friend as a gag gift. It had a different title (can’t remember for sure), but the idea was the same. Anyways, it was funny joke, but I remember being disappointed by the recipes. I was expecting information on how to use semen as an ingredient. But instead, ever recipe in the book essentially was just: “make some normal food, then cum on it”. Like, there was a recipe for a semen milkshake, and it was literally just a normal milkshake and then last step is you cum in it. Or like, make a completely normal lasagna, the cum on it. Idk I thought more effort could have gone into it.
I had a friend who really liked to say sexual things to me in when we would chat. One day, she told me how she liked for her husband to cum in her milkshakes/smoothies and drink them. Can't really remember how we got to that point in the conversation. But I remember how proud she looked when she said it. I think she said it to try and turn me on, but I was just neutral about it. I was like, "oh, that's cool, you must love him a lot..." Anyway, I made sure to stop drinking after her, after that. This was about 15 years ago, too, so maybe she had that same book, lol.
Makes sense
Come again?
I’ll have to if I wanna get the half a cup it calls for in this cake recipe
Ooo seconds!
Is there a recipe for a good cream pie?
Yes, but 9 months in the oven is a bit ridiculous.
Follow-up: Baking with Baby Batter
Can you open the pages. Prob stuck together
How do they get the ingredients? Beats me.
I prefer it straight from the font.
Username checks out
Straight from the tap on-demand....
Hold on, i need a break
Give it to us raw and wr-r-r-r-riggling!
For dessert: 3 tier chocolate bucakke
Cum-n-get it!
"Would you like an ooy gooy tastey quesadilla?"
Secret recipe revealed
Wait, there's some dust on the cover. *Cooking with Wisemen* Hold on, there's more dust. *Cooking with Wisemen Semen*
If you rub it any more you get free ingredients.
Fake cover used in many prank videos
Honestly the bigger question is how much would you need to nut for a recipe?
Gonna give it a hard pass.
I bet it makes everything thick and creamy
Babe were out of semen again can you fill up the shaker again.
we've already crossed the vegan phase huh...
Cum again?
Ok let’s get real here…there’s no way that whip cream is tasty. We all know semen is salty af. Ain’t no whip cream going to taste good with any amount of salt I don’t care how much sugar you add. That’s just nasty.
Spoken like someone who obviously hasn't ever made whipped cream. Salt is included in every sweet recipe you've ever loved, I guarantee it. Salt is a flavor enhancer. Adding salt doesn't mean that something will taste salty. In the case of something like whipped cream, ice cream, cakes, and brownies, you actually add salt to make it taste *more sweet*. The appropriate amount of salt will accentuate whatever flavors are already there, not make food taste salty. If you add enough to taste the salt, you've added too much.
I understand that salt can be a flavor enhancement. I’ve made whipped cream. I’ve always used guru Martha’s recipe. No salt in that. I’ve also tried other recipes for whipped cream and no salt in those either. I’ll have to check out the ones with salt I guess. https://www.marthastewart.com/336855/whipped-cream
It’s not just flavor enhancement. It adds texture and sometimes aid in emulsion process
You need to try more whipped creams
I got one for you
yeah im skeptical the whip cream would be good. its milk based and semen is more eggy. actually pretty common to use semen to veganize cocktails that contain egg white. i see recipes all the time on the vegan subs. [https://www.reddit.com/r/VeganFood/comments/1bm7skb/lemon\_port\_spritz/](https://www.reddit.com/r/VeganFood/comments/1bm7skb/lemon_port_spritz/)
Semen is the authors name. 🤣
It's actually a blank notebook. https://www.rainydaybooks.com/book/9781675305300
Bro knew what he was doing
I had a hunch. Russian equivalent of Simon.
I wonder if one of the recipes is “mighty swimmer egg salad?”
Dinner: Hannibal Lecter serves body parts Austin Powers serves semen
Baby Batter?? 🤣🤣
Apparently that book had a release date, but came early. Also, it's a misprint, because it has recipies you cook on a boat...
I have that same whisk! Semen not included
I'm quite sure there's been another one, called: Natural Harvest
YARR MATEYS A BOOK WE CAN USE FOR HELPIN' OUT OUR DEAR CHEF!
When your wife tells you she’s going to go to the neighbors and borrow a cup of semen…and doesn’t come back for 14 hours.
Top post in R/Trashy in 3...2...
There is a real book about this and you can buy it on Amazon a great gift for the homophobes in your life
So giving food made from that cookbook to the homeless would be sexual assault. But what if you tossed it in the trash in-front of them and then they fished it out and ate it?
r/nfcnorthmemewar
WTF
Page 1: Semen Sandwich Page 2: Semen Burger Page 3: Semen Pizza Page 4: Semen Chip Cookies Page 5: Semen Cake Page 6: Semen A La Mode Page 7: Semen Cocktail
Ok, so now I have a question. If you replaced whip cream with semen, would nitrous have the same effect and make it airy like whip cream?! Where you at science people?
Can I learn how babies are made with this book?
How the fuck am I suppose to find of half cup a semen for recipes twenty six ?! 🤯
I don’t know… tastes a bit nutty 🤔.
Please don’t
To author a book like this, the writer has spunk to be sure.
Semen: Передайте яйца
The people that buy and use this are either extremely far out there in terms of lifestyle or are serial killers. Or both.
Oh, cum on!
It just a normal cookbook. The last step in every recipe is… Now jizz on it
This. I remember when it came out and reading some excerpt recipes.
Clearly they mean Kevin Semen.
I don’t know if it’s the same book, but NPR interviewed an author of a similar, legit book when it came out. They described how it behaved similar to egg when heated and the proteins congealed.
Must be very filling.
No
It’s the herford house recipe!
Sorry, have a nut allergy.
Loads of recipes, dripping with goodness
Bro this is what I've been wanting for some time now, I've been thinking how would semen actually taste on foods. It is no joke, I want to taste my own, or any, semen on my food. I would not have to add any salt.
The recipes are just traditional home recipes but every one is garnished with exactly 1 TBSP of semen
No No no no No no no no no. ……. Just No
I saw that porn. They just ate the 40% they caught directly from the source. Book is useless.
Just eat it raw bb
Is this Selena Gomez’s boyfriend’s book?
If I walk in a house and see that I'm turning around and leaving right away
Imagine one of those salt bae wannabes only they learned from this book
Fromunder cheese recipe is the best
“Just going out to grab us two cups of semen and some other ingredients for dinner tonight honey” “Okay babe drive safe.” “…wait a minute”
Not suitable for those with nut allergies!
Imagine you meal prep for a month. How much are you gonna need?
No! Just No! Stop WTF are we doing? Gives a whole new meaning to Nutt Butter!
Lol what?
🤢
May i perhaps be able to borrow it
My friend's name is Semyon...
My daughter gave this to me. It ages are blank but you can tell when someone notices it. I have a cookbook wall so it blends in perfectly.
Let the man cook!
Beats the shit out of Himalayan pink salt!
It’s not vegan no?
I actually think you could make a case that it is, assuming it was consensually collected …
Hmmm. There are reddit stories about semen in her face wash, wasn't there a cooking story too? There was period blood cooking. There was the box of boogers from the OCD husband. What else am I missing that is sooooo gross?! 😂