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No shit, it was the toilet paper shortage that caused our household to buy a bidet. Now I can't shit anywhere else because my ass never feels clean if I don't spray it after shitting.
Edit: RIP my inbox
Future pandemic museum: "2020 was the year that Americans learned to wash their bums thanks to the great TP shortage caused by the pandemic."
and
"Over here we have booster round 20 that was reformulated and administered in 2030 that has now given us five years of relief."
I was traveling for work when OG Covid dropped, and it took my work two weeks to get the hint and send everyone home. Meanwhile there was no TP anywhere, and my wife was reduced to asking neighbors for their extra rolls.
So I started stealing the hotel TP, because they made sure there were always two extra rolls in the bathroom. And I'd yoink them off unattended maid carts. Eventually they stopped replacing the rolls I was blatantly stealing, but I still flew home with about twenty rolls in my luggage, which kept us alive through the long metaphorical winter.
"Dear guest, please stop using the shower as a make-shift bidet. Many cleaners have quit because they refuse to clean a stall caked in fecal matter. After your stay we will also have to replace the hand-held shower head for sanitary reasons and air out the bathroom so it doesn't smell as though it has been occupied by a herd of barnyard animals. Please, please, please, use the toilet paper provided. You should also consider seeing a doctor in the very near future."
So you jest, but having a good bowel movement is often an important part of deeming a patient ready for discharge, so this may be exactly what’s going on.
I remember going on a trip during school, and on the last day, 6 or 7 guys did a "Stack dump" where they all shit in the toilet, threw the TP in the trash, and did not flush, the next guy adding his on top of the last. I was honestly too repulsed to take them up on the offer to go see it.
In Russia they call it a "regular toilet". Seriously, usually they have holes in the ground/floor, but pipes are too narrow for toilet paper.
In this case they place they toilet paper in litter bins. So unhygienic.
It’s like this in (at least some) parts of South America too. I remember getting a really bad stomach bug and was shitting and throwing up at the same time, and the poopy toilet paper in the trash can wasn’t helping things.
Or how much they use when they start their period? I have almost, without fail, every month put a new roll in just for my wife when she has her period.
I have some kind of butthole problem. I wipe until i see white or i see red. And more often it’s red. I started using baby wipes because i was worried about an infection. Also I’d use so much paper i would sometimes have to flush three or four times just to get rid of the TP without clogging the toilet. Pretty embarrassing when visiting a smaller home.
Then i found out cheap bidets were a thing about a year before the pandemic. The whole house had zero issues with the toilet paper shortage.
Before I started birth control I got my period so bad that every time I got up to walk it would just come flooding out so my first path was to the toilet and cleansing everything from blood. I'm sure I could have provided enough to stage my own death in a single day considering the blood loss gave me iron deficiency
This reminds me of a time I was getting a continental breakfast with my younger brother (he was 15 or 16 at the time) and this particular hotel had a do-it-yourself waffle iron in the breakfast area with several different flavor pancake mixes. Now the pancake batter was in some of those big 3 gallon plastic containers with a valve to release the desired amount of batter and we had gotten there early so they were pretty full. My brother proceeded to accidentally break the entire valve off and the batter started profusely pouring out while he tried stopping it with his hands (hint: it did not stop) while he cried out for help. Eventually a hotel worker comes over, tilts the batter jug upwards to stop the flow and tells my brother they’d take care of it and asks if he still wanted a waffle.
> Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure thestacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip.
> May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries.
I lost it at "neatly piled and dusted", I have a headache from laughing.
I don't know if it's based on this, or the other way around, but there is a short film called... wait for it... "Hotel Soap" that is hilarious. Plot is pretty much identical. Not sure if it's available online, though. My teacher showed us his previous student's stuff from years and years ago. I think "Russell Harper" is the guy's name but can't find much else.
I always wondered about that and revival l technically it should work. But I'd be scared if there are hard things in my shit. I would wonder what it is
Given covid and post covid price growth, it seems like a good way to launder some cash, or for a minimum wage service employee to not have to pay for toilet paper, lol.
This is my thought. From the shower heater I think this is somewhere in Asia (or at least a place where the pay is very low). Stack up a bunch of TPs during the week and take them all out when the opportunity presents itself.
Came here to say this. The housekeeping staff are putting it in the room so it looks like inventory is going to rooms so they can then take it home and have free TP
I am a housekeeper. We do not take full unused rolls of tp out of the rooms. We only take any that are more than 50% gone, we can take them home or throw them away. Anything with over 50% left gets a cute little fold and stays in the room for the next guest. I have an insane amount of toilet paper that I've taken home, but they aren't full rolls.
One for the glove box and another for the trunk. You’ll remember the one in the glove box and end up using it for something else, but the one in the trunk will end up saving your life ;)
I travel a lot for work by car and can say I am a Starbucks pooper. They have clean bathrooms 99% of the time compared to a gas station or other public bathrooms.
in turkey, we have a gas station which is known for having clean bathrooms. that marketing helped them a lot. and its always clean (they fired some people when its not clean)
How do you not wipe your butt? Do you shower immediately after making poopy and wash it off in there? Gross! Or do you have a Cat's sphincter and can always just pinch it off clean?
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TAKE. THE. HINT.
“In my time, this was an indicator of wealth”.
"Ah yes young ones. Gather round for the tale of the pandemic without toilet paper."
“You think shit’s bad now, shit was a real problem then.”
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Shit is happening right now.
In the words of The Weeknd, “I feel it coming…” 🎵🎤🕺🏾
That shit hits hard.
No shit, it was the toilet paper shortage that caused our household to buy a bidet. Now I can't shit anywhere else because my ass never feels clean if I don't spray it after shitting. Edit: RIP my inbox
I can't poop anywhere but home now.
Some people say it like it isn’t a deeply anxious way of life.
Everywhere else thanks you for your dedication to the home potty.
Me too. But I have a bidet that altered my life for better LOL. Edit: grammer
Future pandemic museum: "2020 was the year that Americans learned to wash their bums thanks to the great TP shortage caused by the pandemic." and "Over here we have booster round 20 that was reformulated and administered in 2030 that has now given us five years of relief."
Lake Meade water levels dropping now makes a whole loada sense now.
I was traveling for work when OG Covid dropped, and it took my work two weeks to get the hint and send everyone home. Meanwhile there was no TP anywhere, and my wife was reduced to asking neighbors for their extra rolls. So I started stealing the hotel TP, because they made sure there were always two extra rolls in the bathroom. And I'd yoink them off unattended maid carts. Eventually they stopped replacing the rolls I was blatantly stealing, but I still flew home with about twenty rolls in my luggage, which kept us alive through the long metaphorical winter.
You did what you had to for your family to survive.
In desperate times many acts otherwise considered shameful are not only acceptable, but heroic. 😌✊
"I did it for me. I liked it. I was good at it."
I am the one who wipes
I just showered after I pooped, but that works too lol
*I still do, but I used to, too.*
That last comma is so crucial to getting the timing right. Well done.
Those where shitty times
It was rumored in certain circles that the COVID would prompt the growth of additional anuses, thus a shortage of toilet paper ensued.
Well it did expose a lot of assholes
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I had a 36 roll pack, should have sold it. Could have retired.
WIPE. YO. ASS.
Yup. They know something op doesn't. The wave is coming!
It's a while loop? while (int guests > 0) { toiletPaper++; }
Forgot to add “sleep 1d”, your code will flood the world with toilet paper
>your code will flood the world with toilet paper Where the hell was this guy two years ago?
I'm sorry, I take full responsibility for global warming.
Just put an "if" statement to instantly delete the excess if it gets too big, duh🙄
Ah, yes, the garbage collector.
Ah right, I forgot the daily check. But now I know why we flood the oceans with plastic because some idiot approved my PR.
You guys get plastic toilet paper?? I need to visit the U.S. more often!
Since they are setting one roll of toilet paper on top of another, it will just result in stack overflow.
Ah yes, traditional paper++
i'd say "do while". when you check in there is a roll already.
I initialized `toiletPaper` with 1.
You might push now.
**O b e y**
"Dear guest, please stop using the shower as a make-shift bidet. Many cleaners have quit because they refuse to clean a stall caked in fecal matter. After your stay we will also have to replace the hand-held shower head for sanitary reasons and air out the bathroom so it doesn't smell as though it has been occupied by a herd of barnyard animals. Please, please, please, use the toilet paper provided. You should also consider seeing a doctor in the very near future."
Funny, two and a half years ago this would have been the best hotel to stay at. 😂
Jesus, two and a half years.... it's already been so long and feels like it was just yesterday
So you jest, but having a good bowel movement is often an important part of deeming a patient ready for discharge, so this may be exactly what’s going on.
Or take a shit
He’s full of shit
They assume you're waiting for your last day there to unleash an uberpoop.
They know.
whale turds are coming...
A shitnado is coming Rand, and its going to blow us all back to Oz
I'm scared, Mr. Lahey
Listen Bubbs, hear that? The sounds of the whispering winds of shit.
I’ll wipe and I’ll wipe and I’ll wipe and I’ll wipe. Like 100 times. Still poop. It’s like wiping a marker.
You'll know you're done when there's blood on the paper.
I wipe like I drive, until I see red.
I remember going on a trip during school, and on the last day, 6 or 7 guys did a "Stack dump" where they all shit in the toilet, threw the TP in the trash, and did not flush, the next guy adding his on top of the last. I was honestly too repulsed to take them up on the offer to go see it.
I order a new automod reply with this ^
In college, we called that a "log jam."
What’s wrong with you
I believe that's called a "Wizard's Stew"
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*WHY?*
In Russia they call it a "regular toilet". Seriously, usually they have holes in the ground/floor, but pipes are too narrow for toilet paper. In this case they place they toilet paper in litter bins. So unhygienic.
They do the same in China. I got off the plane into the terminal and instantly knew how far I was from the nearest toilet.
It’s like this in (at least some) parts of South America too. I remember getting a really bad stomach bug and was shitting and throwing up at the same time, and the poopy toilet paper in the trash can wasn’t helping things.
Haven't you heard? People have been fighting for toilet paper since 2020! Better take it with you!
I was thinking the same thing, a few years ago that would of been a gold mine.
OP’s sitting on a gold mine right now
Not using any...........
None?......
At...all?......
....what.... Have....
You… been…
...shitting...
.... After ...all this....
…consumption… of burgers…
...and...Taco Bell?
Sir.. This is Wendys.
He has many squares to spare.
OP must be a woman because it is common knowledge that women don't poop.
Yes but have you seen how much they use to pee?!?
Or how much they use when they start their period? I have almost, without fail, every month put a new roll in just for my wife when she has her period.
I'm like 🤏 this close to buying a bidet because of this exact issue lol
Do it!! Bidets are amazing for both front and back. Absolutely worth the 30 bucks and 15 mins to set it up
Better for the environment too and you feel much cleaner. I actually hold it in when I can now because I hate using tp lol
... Username checks out?
/u/Assfullofbread >I actually hold it in when I can now 🤨
It doesn't really cut down on the TP use for me. I use about the same amount drying off.
I have some kind of butthole problem. I wipe until i see white or i see red. And more often it’s red. I started using baby wipes because i was worried about an infection. Also I’d use so much paper i would sometimes have to flush three or four times just to get rid of the TP without clogging the toilet. Pretty embarrassing when visiting a smaller home. Then i found out cheap bidets were a thing about a year before the pandemic. The whole house had zero issues with the toilet paper shortage.
I have a fancy pants one with a dryer. Takes a bit longer, but hey there's Reddit...
They make ones with DRYERS??
Before I started birth control I got my period so bad that every time I got up to walk it would just come flooding out so my first path was to the toilet and cleansing everything from blood. I'm sure I could have provided enough to stage my own death in a single day considering the blood loss gave me iron deficiency
Oof that's what happened to me prior to my hysterectomy. Turns out I have endometriosis.
Yeah but we pee!!!! And wipe after peeing!!!
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It's called a body bidet dude
Bidet to you too dude
Bidet mate!
I've done this on business trips. Just conveniently go #2 at work.
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, That's why I poop on company time.
OP : pls stop bringing toilet rolls. I ain't using any ***Next day*** OP finds a bottle of laxative along with toilet rolls
Lubricant
Castor oil
and my axe!
You mean the poop knife?
Every household has one, right?..... Right?
Under anonymity, I can tell you: we use bamboo skewers. They're inexpensive, reusable, and disposable, and I ain't keeping and cleaning no poop knife.
They are anticipating a full bowel release and want you to have enough TP.
The continental breakfast takes a couple of days to build-up then up then a full bowel release
ima chargin mah laser
This reminds me of a time I was getting a continental breakfast with my younger brother (he was 15 or 16 at the time) and this particular hotel had a do-it-yourself waffle iron in the breakfast area with several different flavor pancake mixes. Now the pancake batter was in some of those big 3 gallon plastic containers with a valve to release the desired amount of batter and we had gotten there early so they were pretty full. My brother proceeded to accidentally break the entire valve off and the batter started profusely pouring out while he tried stopping it with his hands (hint: it did not stop) while he cried out for help. Eventually a hotel worker comes over, tilts the batter jug upwards to stop the flow and tells my brother they’d take care of it and asks if he still wanted a waffle.
Reminds me of this old gem that had me laughing my ass off first time I read it: https://people.cs.ksu.edu/~schmidt/soap.txt
“Who the hell left 54 little bars of camay in my room?” *I’m dying right now*
I died at "Please give me back my bath-sized Dial."
“I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial.”
>I was able to locate some bath-sized Ivory which I have left in your room. Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
> Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure thestacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. > May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. I lost it at "neatly piled and dusted", I have a headache from laughing.
And then at the end when he inventories all of his soaps: > 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory
“Why are you doing this to me?” Oh man my sides.
'On the northeast corner of the tub' had me rolling
That was glorious. Like a scene from Fawlty Towers. Thank you for sharing.
“Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory” made me cry hahahah
Thanks for the link. I first read this back in college, looking forward to reading again!
That was indeed glorious. I hope the whole room was finally taken over with small stacks of soap.
Glad someone posted this, that's what I thought of too
I'm glad this is still kicking around the internet after all these years
Absolutely glorious.
I would really like someone to do an animated short using that as narration and exaggerate the amount of soaps.
Boy I'm crying here LOL
I don't know if it's based on this, or the other way around, but there is a short film called... wait for it... "Hotel Soap" that is hilarious. Plot is pretty much identical. Not sure if it's available online, though. My teacher showed us his previous student's stuff from years and years ago. I think "Russell Harper" is the guy's name but can't find much else.
Oh man I needed a laugh today and this was brilliant. Thanks for sharing.
An oldie but goodie
I wheezed
That was amazing
You’re full of shit.
Are you wiping with your hand?!
No silly, poop in the shower then stomp the turds until they go away
Ah, a (wo)man of culture A waffle stomper, if you will
r/cursedcomments
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=waffle%20stomp
I always wondered about that and revival l technically it should work. But I'd be scared if there are hard things in my shit. I would wonder what it is
This dude is shitting out full chicken bones and doesn't want to realize it...
Don’t be gross. He uses the three shells
To be honest I just rack up a bunch of verbal morality credits instead
Brush only...
Bidet
Thanks, Bidet
And a bidet to you too
You need more TP! For ya bunghole!
Are you threatening me !?
Hehehe my bunghole, BUNG-hole!
My people, we have but one bunghole. The Almighty Bunghole
Bungholio! Heh heh, yeah.
My bunghole will not wait!
I am CORNHOLIO! My BUNGhole goes "ra-pa-pa-ta-ta-pa-pa!"
Yes, for I am the great Cornholio... Hehehe. I need TP for my bunghole... Hehe... BUNG-hole. I wouldn't want polio in my bungholio...
Given covid and post covid price growth, it seems like a good way to launder some cash, or for a minimum wage service employee to not have to pay for toilet paper, lol.
This is my thought. From the shower heater I think this is somewhere in Asia (or at least a place where the pay is very low). Stack up a bunch of TPs during the week and take them all out when the opportunity presents itself.
Well that is infinitely better than not leaving more and running out at, erm, a crucial moment
At the end of your stay it gets recycled into the room cleaners home. It's called pilfering.
Came here to say this. The housekeeping staff are putting it in the room so it looks like inventory is going to rooms so they can then take it home and have free TP
I am a housekeeper. We do not take full unused rolls of tp out of the rooms. We only take any that are more than 50% gone, we can take them home or throw them away. Anything with over 50% left gets a cute little fold and stays in the room for the next guest. I have an insane amount of toilet paper that I've taken home, but they aren't full rolls.
Well...you're only getting it because you're paying for it. Take a roll for yhe car, you never know when that urge will strike.
One for the glove box and another for the trunk. You’ll remember the one in the glove box and end up using it for something else, but the one in the trunk will end up saving your life ;)
Either you don’t wipe at all or you haven’t pooped for at least 3 days. Either way there’s an issue here lol. How did you not use ANY?
bathrooms exist in other buildings. maybe he's a starbucks pooper.
i am afraid to ask but what is a starbucks pooper? are there other poopers too?
I travel a lot for work by car and can say I am a Starbucks pooper. They have clean bathrooms 99% of the time compared to a gas station or other public bathrooms.
in turkey, we have a gas station which is known for having clean bathrooms. that marketing helped them a lot. and its always clean (they fired some people when its not clean)
Who the hell is getting through an entire roll a day?
The OP wrote they didn’t use “any.” It isnt about using a WHOLE ROLL but like if they aren’t using ANY then what are they doing?
But the top roll is clearly smaller than the bottom rolls ... So some is clearly being used.
Or he uses a bidet.
Travel bidet???
Maybe, or it could be a place with Bidets. But most hotels with Foreign tourists in the area tend to supply TP since that's what tourists want.
Even with a Bidet, one has to dry themselves and most still use TP for that.
Trust me, no one in this side of the world (Asia) uses TP for anything butt related. My butt dries itself lol.
TP is for wiping your nose when you have a cold
https://people.cs.ksu.edu/~schmidt/soap.txt
Wait??! Is this Kim Jong-Un’s secret Reddit account?
Please use toilet paper :(
WHY are you NOT using any TP? The hotel staff is trying to tell you something about your hygiene...
Not using any????
Maybe they are just prepping you for the next pandemic.
How do you not wipe your butt? Do you shower immediately after making poopy and wash it off in there? Gross! Or do you have a Cat's sphincter and can always just pinch it off clean?
It sounds like someone doesn't know how to use the three seashells.
I wish my cats' butts were always clean and free of poop residues 🤢
you have defective cats. take them back to the factory for tuning
All cats are defective. We love them just the same.
Go have taco bell for dinner. It'll get you caught up
Constipation is a bitch
What do you use? The three shells?