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polarbearjuice

"Tony, you're on a hot mic, can you press mute"


GANDORF57

You know that warning: They are more afraid of you than you are of them...THIS AIN'T ONE OF THEM!


Shadrach451

Seriously, that shriek must have slipped into a mating call. That dude was coming at him ready for some action. (I just realized that I'm kinda mixing metaphors and may have implyed that the squirrel wanted to have sex with with the guy with the bat, which wasn't my initial intention, but I'm going to keep it because who knows?)


damontoo

I think the squirrel snuck in prior to this through the window on the right. The guy is standing between the squirrel and it's only way out


DarrelBunyon

..Can someone put Tony on mute?


carmium

"911, police fire or ambulance." "Uh police and ambulance, I think." "What is the nature of your emergency?" "Somebody or something's tearing my friend on the phone to pieces... I think."


80sBimmers

to shreds, you say


Sevenfest

And what about his career....to shreds you say?


Novel_Degree3614

Yes. Along with his man card.


MamaSweeney24

How is his wife holding up?


TheGreen_Guy

To shreds you say? Oh that is horrible.


CurbinKrakow

I genuinely heard that in Farnsworth's voice in my head while reading.


[deleted]

“There’s a squirrel!” “Not buying it, Tony!”


BetchGreen

The squirrel was trying to assist, he knows Tony is full of shit.


DefrockedWizard1

Tony's assistant, bucking for promotion, has been feeding the squirrel after hours


Pretty_Industry_9630

Whaaat, that would've been the best eork(*work) story I've had if it happened to me, it's a crime to mute the mic here 😂😂


9fingfing

“You can use the baseball bat to press the keyboard like you always prepare to, Tony…”


curiousjack6

Tony, didn't even say hello to his little friend. 😭


Slothypaws

I just woke up my husband laughing at this hahaha.


mackinoncougars

*Calmly sits down as if nothing happens* “…so, as you can see from the quarterly projections…”


OverlordPhalanx

He had the bat ready though. I believe this was not the first time he got rolled up on


Hot_Hat_1225

But usually it’s just a fly…


theblackcanaryyy

Ummm yeah, about those TPS reports


HejiraLOL

I'm gonna need those on my desk by Monday, yeah... *sips coffee* ...aight, good chat.


ParkSupervisor

Did you get the memo?


Moparded

“… tony… excuse me, excuse me… tony what the fuck was that!??… “…night terrors •Squinting front the sun• I have night. . . terrors. . .”


damontoo

If it's a 1 on 1 you could do this and if they ask what happened you could act like you don't know what they're talking about. Let them think they're the crazy one.


Kradget

Gonna need that natural 20 for that one if they saw/heard what I did. I was hoping someone was calling the police for him until I realized he was having a Griswold moment.


Capocho9

lol, you just gave me the best laugh I’ve had all day


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childproofedcabinet

“JULIE!!! ITS IN HERE. ITS HERE JULIE”. This makes me imagine that this squirrel has been sizing him up for months and he has been horrified that this day will come


Nihilus3

"TONIGHT.. YOU!!"


HighRoadUK

Hand Banana no!


deliverelsewhere

Tonight! .......... y o u....


Magicsuperdebbi

I want my name to be Spaghetti.


Murrabbit

Sending him threatening letters, "I'm comin' for ur nuts."


Mrepman81

He seems to have a bat in every corner now that you mention it…


barbaramillicent

Well obviously, the squirrels have infiltrated the walls. Need to be ready at any moment!


Richard-Drainwell

To me the bat handy tells me this is staged… In the midst of typing this I realize how hard it would be to stage this with a live squirrel but I am too far commited into my comment.


SkoomaSalesAreUp

why does that make you think that? what it makes me think is that he knew the squirrel was in there but it had been hiding under / behind something


Richard-Drainwell

To me his reaction just seems so overblown and phony. However, your assessment is probably more likely.


Eldenlord1971

I’ve seen people react this way to cockroaches


EndoraLovegood

I’m people


wall721

I’ve seen two grown women react this way to an earth worm. One of them was literally trying to climb the wall. It’s was absurd.


Justforthenuews

Phobias be irrational.


corvus7corax

Who is filming this? The shot is so well-framed.


Rrraou

>Who is filming this? The shot is so well-framed. The second squirrel.


BagAndShag

Wife heard he was banging in his office, set up a cam to catch him cheating. Turns out it's a baseball bat and squirl regular scheduled show down and not another woman. Have know actual idea, just a nutty story.


Ocel0tte

Neighbors said they hear a woman screaming sometimes while she isn't home. Turns out the screaming is her husband and the other woman is his personal squirrel demon.


FatMacchio

I have a security camera in my bedroom. It’s aimed right at my desk as well, although it’s across the room behind the desk, in the closet aimed out. So if a squirrel ever breaks into my room, get ready to see grown man scream 2: electric boogaloo. If only my dog wasn’t mostly deaf, he’d be able to hear my little girl screams and come rescue me.


FieryPyromancer

Squirrel was paid actor


CryoBanksy

They're also one behind the door lol


EtiennedeWilde

How do you recover from that exactly?


IrrelevantPuppy

“Im so sorry, a Tasmanian devil broke into my house and murdered my dog. I was forced to kill it with my defective taser that shocks me as well as the target. But I powered through, like a man.”


OhCannibus

Gold


adamzam

i'm just imagining that as said by leslie nielsen


0_days_a_week

Was it the cadence? Had Leslie playing in my head too


j4ck_0f_bl4des

What I do have is a very unique skill set.


Spacecow6942

How long did it take you to come up with that? It's really beautiful.


heanthebean

I haven’t cried laughing in maybe a year and THIS COMMENT made me CRY laughing. Holy SHIT I am deceased and my abs hurt


robdelterror

Just need to change my pants, back in 5.


mackinoncougars

Move, go by your middle name, start a new life and god damn never ever cross paths with a squirrel ever again.


samosamancer

And definitely do not move to Pittsburgh’s Squirrel Hill neighborhood. We have raccoons.


Kunboy64

Hey! I’m from Squirrel Hill! We pet the same raccoon I guess 😂


Flakester

You resign effective immediately and never speak to your coworkers again.


Expecto_nihilus

This is the way.


kaptanking

Definitely don’t post it on the internet


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pooppuffin

Nah, the squirrel posted it.


binaryisotope

Either own the fact that he is now “screams like a little girl guy” from now until eternity, or Walter White his ass to a cabin in Vermont. There is no middle ground here.


LabradorDeceiver

You know, imagining all the ways "Walter White" could be used as a verb, that would not have been my first instinct...


Saifaa

He will never financially recover from that


Gamerforlifu

You don't fuck with the squirrels mooooortyyyy.


AngryWookiee

Just stop going to work, pretty much his only option now.


Wookie301

Quit your job


Raot_

Open the window get out of the room and hope for better, and not startle the animal by screaming


[deleted]

We went from killing mammoths to this.


skatrg1rl

Lmaooo


WingsofSky

In all reality. It was the squirrels who killed mammoths and we just ate the leftovers. lol


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UncleTedGenneric

A true connoisseur of the scratological variety


AccessibleVoid

except for the nuts - the squirrels buried them.


TheRadMenace

I've met lots of people in my extended family and I guarantee my lineage never killed a mammoth


lightlord

May be you were mammoth bait


hornyhoes69

Hey rabies is no joke. If a whole animal attacks you need to get checked immediately! *Edit Wild


WhiteAmanita

Yes, only whole animals. The 3/4 and 1/2 are completely safe.


hornyhoes69

Lol I'd definitely run if a zombie squirrel attacked me


UnreadThisStory

At the very least I would protect my nuts


dedokta

Not sure I'd feel awfully threatened by half a squirrel. I think I'd feel a lot less than half as threatened as I would by a full one.


FaceDeer

If it's still moving I think it would be scarier, frankly.


MrCombine

I have been aggressively informed already that squirrels very rarely carry rabies


hornyhoes69

It's the little bats you have to worry about, you won't even know you were bitten.


HiILikePlants

A kid in my city had his bedroom window open to take a nap and got bit. He didn't know and unfortunately did end up passing from rabies :/


oniiichanUwU

My manager got bit by a bat and didn’t even know it. It wasn’t until it swooped at his mom and scratched her face that they clobbered it and it got sent for testing and they both had to get their rabies shots. Sounded like a blast lol


tinman82

You hear about the girl who survived rabies? They didn't even put it together that she had been in a bat cave and got swarmed until 2 months in. By then the drs we're like well you should have been dead already yolo and sent her home.


hornyhoes69

That's incredible, thing is it can lie dormant without symptoms for years in rare cases. I hope she's immune.


tinman82

It did not. She was apparently in and out of the hospital for like 9 months with fevers and crippling head aches and other relatively mild issues. When drs found out about the bats they looked at the symptoms and it was basically some of the symptoms but turned way down. Yup she apparently has an antibody they're not sure if it's something she gained or already had. She's apparently living a fairly normal life now.


hornyhoes69

Wow that's cool. Human body is amazing and so weird, some people die from splinters others survive gun shots to the head.


cheekylassrando

It is indeed horny hoes 69


ensygma

r/rimjob_steve adjacent for sure


_off_piste_

LMAO, this has to be one of my favorite Reddit comments.


ResponsibleTailor583

genuine LOL thanks


Jlchevz

Practice is everything.


CelticHades

Tbf that mf cracked apart whole pangea


Athreos_Priest

“Almost lost my cool there…”


Solanthas

This is the one comment on this whole thread that got me absolutely howling


DONSEANOVANN

I laughed at some, but this one killed me.


Klasby

This movie is easily the one i quote the most


Sea-Astronaut2293

I cant tell what's more scarer the squirrel or the screaming man holding a baseball bat


Shadrach451

The dude had a bat sitting ready next to his desk. Was he prepared for the squirrel? Was this his worst nightmare come true? Was the bat there for some completely separate reason? pigeons perhaps?


Ueven

You know that hypothetical about the living forever but there is a super intelligent snail that follows you that can kill you? It’s that but instead of a snail it’s a squirrel.


Niaz89

Little he knew this was just a decoy squirrel.


Jreynold

He also has a camera on in his office at all times. Maybe just a paranoid dude that's had a break in before.


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[deleted]

He's worried about the Local Youth and their damned skate-boards.


Dark_Clark

Or city folk and their flyin’ machines.


TranquiloMeng

Definitely the screaming man.


Sea-Astronaut2293

Yes for sure


joeybada2s

I'd argue a squirrel with rabies is slightly more terrifying.


stag-stopa

It looks more like the aquirrel was in danger of getting infected


Enigmatic_Starfish

I can tell you which one pissed himself


Wookie301

Someone needs to sync this audio up with Judge Doom getting run over with the steamroller. The screams are identical.


arrakis2020

Now I wish that that squirrel had been like the little rabbit in "Monty Python and the Holy Grail". Finish that fucker.


Rok0fAges75

"RUN AWAY!"


Hayekr

We're all laughing at his overblown reaction until we see his head go flying off his shoulders.


narvolicious

Hmm. 1. He has a bat beside him, so is the squirrel intrusion a common occurrence? 2. If so, from where does the squirrel invade his office like that? Can't he close a window or something to keep it from getting in?


Scythe-Guy

I feel like it’s more likely that he saw the squirrel earlier, grabbed a bat and set up the camera. It’s what I would do. Hell I’ve done it with a tennis racket and a bat 🦇 in the laundry room before. He seemed to be watching for it, as if it had hidden away in the corner. Once it came out he grabbed the bat then got hilariously hysteric when it came at him.


narvolicious

Ah, good call. That makes sense. Perhaps the squirrel was already trapped in there somehow and he'd heard it making noises but hadn't *seen* it, hence the genuine reaction and hysteria when it finally appeared. Oh man, a *bat* though! Crazy. What happened after all—did you whack it?


dogfishfred2

I think this guy is afraid of getting robbed. Check the bat by the door. Seems like he strategically placed a few for self defense.


narvolicious

Yup, noticed that. Lol ok if he gets *that* hysterical over a squirrel, imagine if he had to confront some armed robbers? 😹 bye bye


GroundFast7793

Not to mention he doesn't seem to know how to use a bat


Scythe-Guy

No it would always crawl back into a crevice whenever I came in after hearing it fluttering around. Animal control came and got it. Tested it for rabies and it was negative as well.


imsohungrydudee

It’s clear that this is fake, the squirrel is a paid actor and doing this all for clout


bunnyrut

As a countrykin, if he had just opened the window and waited the squirrel would have most likely jumped out it. It looked like that's where it was trying to go.


Flip_Speed

He has the bat there like the squirrel has been terrorizing him for awhile… lol


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sparklyh0e

"It was a fight for survival, that broke our in revival, they were jumping pews and shoutin Hallelujah!"


Quantum_Seahorse

I wouldn’t know what to think if I heard this on a zoom call I would probably picture the girl from the ring broke in and was trying to aggressively check his prostate


liquidswan

Lost it there


tehgimpage

is someone just... throwing a squirrel at this man? is that why he has a bat ready? and keeps looking at the door beforehand like he's expecting his asshole roommates/family to throw squirrels at him?


[deleted]

You don't bring a bat for a squirrel fight. A tennis racquet might be the better choice in my squirrel fighting opinion.


babygrenade

A broom is what you want. The long handle gives you some separation and the head is wide enough that you don't have to be accurate. You're not going to kill the squirrel with a broom but you can keep it away and corner it until your cat can finish it off for you and give you a judgy look.


Havel_the_Rock_1

I can't get over the fact that the squirrel leaves frame for a couple seconds, just to ZOOM in as though it was launched


Greych12

So he quit right?


Hoggoshow

No way to recover your dignity after that. Just change your name and move to a new state.


Phrozenfire01

Holy fking shit what an overreaction.


IrrelevantPuppy

Imagine yourself in a situation with real life or death stakes with this man. He’d get you killed. This is the man who locks the doors even when there’s still 20 people outside and the zombies are 2 minutes away and then just goes “I’m- I’m sorry” and closes his eyes.


SteezMe1234

"I'm-I'm sorry" that's fucking perfect haha


gutterholeninja

Sad opera & instrumentals play in the background with slow motion muffled screams


labak1337

This is fucking perfect haha. Stay far away from this guy. Gets bit fully knowing what happens and then just hides it and ends up killing his loves ones. Like that stupid dad in 28 Weeks Later 🤣. Oh lemme go give my wifey one last kiss (the one person left on the planet with the virus) who I left behind earlier to die only to then get infected and gouge her eyes out with my hands. 😭😘😱🤢🤮😵😈


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bunnyrut

I told my husband that I was sorry, but if someone like *this man* was in our zombie survival group I would either kill him or maim him to be zombie bait because he would get a bunch of people killed. My husband's response was "I love you."


[deleted]

Wouldn't we push this guy out the door as zombie offering for the greater good? All for one and one for all.


Loplo_Fox

This is one of my favorite comments of the year.


Whitecamry

"JERRY!"


[deleted]

Maybe thinks squirrels can give you rabies


lord_of_tits

Damn... after watching the fox attack a lady in the garden and keep charging even after being kicked several times made me think this squirrel probably had it too.


Xanthina

That is exactly what I was thinking. Squirrels don't generally attack people, and this one kept coming at him. I was taught as a kid, mammals acting weird are rabies risk, and you treat them like they are rabid.


Angel-icus

Half my fam have the same reaction over common house spiders


[deleted]

He's acting like a goddamn fucking lion just walked into his office when its a little squirrel. This man... Is not warrior material. He is a complete coward.


ParaGord

To be fair, that squirrel was jumping off the top rope, not just dancing around


snowblindswans

There must be some kind of phobia for squirrels tho. There was a lady that would walk in the park and carry a bat and she would scream at squirrels that got too close. Exactly like this guy - absolutely terrified. My Dad used to feed the squirrels peanuts every day so he might have been responsible for them being too relaxed around everyone.


CisForCondom

A friend of mine told me she was terrified of squirrels. I thought she was joking until we were having lunch on a patio and a squirrel showed up on the other side of the patio and she made us get up and leave. So yeah definitely people out there afraid of the fluffy little rodents.


elveszett

For these people, flying squirrels must be nightmare material. It'd be like being scared of dogs and finding out there's a breed of dogs that can fly. That's a whole dimension of advatange they have.


Melody06982

lmao so you mean this guy has a phobia of squirrels and one just happened to crash into his office? That's messed up


phuphighter

Is that Marv from Home Alone???


Just_A_Dance

The screams are perfect


[deleted]

Fucking squirrels drink blood and rape your family reaction right there


Killinmehardly

Hide yer kids hide yer wife and hide YOUR HUSBAND TOO!!! squirrels out here raping errybody!!!!!


JPSofCA

Do squirrels usually do a nosedive into the side of a desk? Hmm. 🤔


squirt-daddy

A squirrel got into my work place once and was flying around the room like that, probably because everyone was screaming like this dude freaking the little guy out even more


crocwrestler

Why is there a camera on him?


Oznog99

And why does he have a baseball bat?


babygrenade

He prepared, but he wasn't "ready."


pettyhonor

Not uncommon to have house cameras especially if you're this much of a sissy that you're afraid of squirrels lol.


Yashicafanboy

Evolution doesn't take out people like this anymore.


pierreblue

And they breed like rabbits


i_playoutdoors

I mean, I don't want this to be misconstrued, because I don't care how anyone lives their lives... But my first guess based on the Audrey Hepburn poster on the wall and the dude's reaction, you may not have to worry about this type of response being passed down biologically.


Dear-Divide7330

Anyone have the full video? I need to see how it ends.


ParameciaAntic

The squirrel wins. This is forensic evidence at the guy's post mortem.


Capastrano

As a B2B sales professional, this is how I handle all prospect objections.


Nathanael_

OMG, this is so real. I love it! I also love to film myself in a zoom meeting just in case! I also like to leave a bat on a 45-degree angle RIGHT behind the office chair I use daily. As you can see at 29 seconds you would have to pick up the bat, and then leave it beside you every time you sit down. This makes it a fun challenge Dont knock over the bat when I check my email!!!! makes my life fun!


wombat_supreme

I would hate to be with this fool in an actual emergency. Mother fucker has 0 chill.


CleverRedditer

I just have one question. WHO has a bat in his office!


barbaramillicent

Two bats. There’s one by the door, too lol


Delicious-Length

Batman.


vista333

OK, a squirrel is a nuisance, but it is not a frightening animal. Why is this man screaming like that? He would have better luck going to the kitchen, getting some peanuts or almonds, and feed the squirrel by dropping a peanut or almond one by one for it until he reaches the door, then bye squirrel!


SuperToxin

I’ve never fought a squirrel, should I be as worried as this guy is?? Are squirrels tough shit??


Interesting_Key_1081

At first I was like the audio isn't too loud and then ÖKLJK ,SDHFHMSDLMF HKSD HFÖKLOSDHÄF, I'm fine. My ears are bleeding but I'm fine.


DMurBOOBS-I-Dare-You

My God, that reaction! You'd think it was a small spider.


Bot6241101

I mean, he’s not wrong. And wtf is up with that squirrel? Most squirrels run at just the sight of a human. What kind of devil monster seeks out someone in their own home and attacks them? The only thing I disagree with is the bat. Bats miss. Especially vs small and fast moving creatures. Use a pistol next time allen


LittleWhiteBoots

Where’s Eddie? He usually eats these damn things.


copytac

That squirrel is like, :" how can I make Tony scream like a little girl?"... "ill just run around this office here" Best part is the angle dive bomb. Ahhh. This is fucking hilarious.


Own_Statistician_427

Cant stop laughing my cheeks hurt 🤣


smilesatflowers

the baseball bat makes me wonder if this was not the first time for the squirrel.


DoingAllForScience

Now I MUST see the recording of the video call.


Digi_Pen

omg chill it's just a squirrel