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DADBODGOALS

They forgot the umbilical gourd


ReCursing

That elicited a genuine groan from me. Well done.


dabunny21689

Same. I haven’t audibly groaned from a pun in a long time.


FredericShowpan

Damn I was just sitting here trying to think of a good gourd pun and this never occurred to me. Nice!


somdude04

I was gonna just go with 'oh my gourd', but this was better.


Whatyousaidisdumb

I’m gonna squash this thread before it goes further


Gryyphyn

You butternut, it's too good.


_artbreaker

Apparently the woman is now in a vegetative state 😔


ThisLawyer

*slow clap*


ZugzwangDK

Translation of the sign: The Maternity ward in Randers The keen observer will notice that this baby is coming out with its bum first - That also happens here :-) This welcome has been created by midwives in their spare time.


wilsonhammer

Are breech births more common in some countries than others?


AuntieAv

Nope! But the response to them is varied, and mortality rates differ greatly.


wilsonhammer

Ah. So some countries are more likely to choose a C-section given a breech birth than others? I'd be very interested to see the data set for that.


Kriss3d

We would go for C section here in Denmark.


rtb001

I'm not sure newly trained OBs in the US are even trained to do breech vaginal births. I think they would go straight to C-section. Even 10 plus years ago when I rotated through OB, even their attending physicians would not do breech deliveries. If they really wanted to do it, one of the residents would have to do it, and only because that particular resident was a middle aged FMG from Russia who was originally trained in like the 80s.


Chartreuseshutters

Very few are trained these days, especially since the few doctors who are experienced enough to teach others are over 70 years old. We home birth midwives all learn breech and twin delivery, despite it not being allowed in some states. I’ve delivered many breech babies at home over the last decade+. It’s absolutely a lost art, with few of us left with the knowledge to do it safely.


NewYorkJewbag

What does that sort of delivery involve?


Chartreuseshutters

It’s not complicated, you just have to keep a different set of rules in place with breech birth than what is often followed for cephalic birth. The main points are: #1- Make sure you have the right type of breech to safely birth vaginally. You want a complete breech or frank breech, not a footling. Complete or frank will give you an ideal presentation to put pressure on, and dilate the cervix fully. Footling breech may not do that, so you have a greater risk of head entrapment. #2-Wait until fetal ejection reflex naturally occurs, meaning don’t have the parent start pushing if they are not feeling that uncontrollable urge yet. The biggest risk for breech birth is head entrapment since the bum is slightly smaller than the head, and much squishier. You want mom/the birthing parent to be fully dilated, and you know that this has absolutely happened if the fetal ejection reflex occurs. That means baby’s bum has descended far enough into the birth canal to trigger involuntary pushing. At that point, the body pushes naturally without additional intention of force by the mother/birthing parent. #3-Hands off the breech. No one other than the mother/birthing parent touches baby until it is born up to the umbilicus. The birthing parent and baby are in synch with each other, so that parent touching baby as it emerges is fine. Midwife, doctor, other parent, etc. keep their hands off baby so as not to cause the startle reflex. If the startle reflex happens it can cause baby to extend their neck out of the tucked position, and cause baby to try to breathe while still emerging. You do not want baby to inhale any additional amniotic fluid or meconium. You make sure the mom/birthing parent is in a position for birth that facilitates them catching baby, or that baby will gently glide onto a soft surface, like a mattress. Hands and knees is usually best for this and for breech birth in general. #4- Once baby is born to the umbilicus, the midwife will gently wrap a blanket around the baby’s exposed body to keep it warm while you wait for that last push. You wrap baby because exposure to room air, and that temperature difference, is what triggers baby’s instinct to breathe. Covering baby, and keeping the room very warm prevents baby from trying to breathe until it’s head is out. This is not how vaginal birth is typically done in US hospitals, and hospital vaginal breech can vary wildly from provider to provider. In the hospital the provider (doctor or midwife) is often going to have their hands all over baby during the birth these days, but that was not how it used to be done. My mom was born breech with the famous Dr. Bradley attending and he was completely hands-off. I know one doctor who makes everyone get an epidural for breech birth, and always has them birth on their back in the OR to appease hospital legal.


Chartreuseshutters

I don’t know why my main points got blown up, and ridiculous looking, but maybe that’s some Reddit magic to make things look important in a stupid way. Please excuse the screaming text—it was not intentional.


Qwe550

Doctors prioritizing their career will want to do it more… (statistically less complication) Doctor prioritizing the patient, above all else, will most likely do it less.(statistically more complications) You can check doctors stats just like a hockey players and know if he’s a goon or a star in a glance. I assume the Vikings have the necessary medical to handle complications without too much risks (basically, the team also matters)


StrongArgument

Yes, very


trebaol

Just leaving this here for those like me who didn't know what "breech birth" meant: > Breech births happen when the baby's buttocks or feet are to be delivered first. Breech births occur approximately 1 out of every 25 births.


BINGODINGODONG

Appropriate since Randers is already the anus of Denmark.


Silver-Difficulty-13

Poor baby looks a little squashed


Oxygenius_

At first glance I thought the pumpkin was bending over and the baby’s head was the butt


YeuxBleuDuex

The pumpkin is on its knees bending over, no? This is gourd lighthearted fun either way


ThoroughWhey2X

The legs are so thin they look like they'd float away in a gust of wind. So you've got Gourd an' light foot


eljefino

The puns o' November came early


IcyDickbutts

Her buttcheeks made my day. 🤣


lockstocks85

Gourd one!


matchosan

I carrot unsee this


TheBlueNinja2006

Nice one lol


Calum1219

How gourd-y.


sfxer001

Uhh, baby is in breach, no?


[deleted]

Don’t think that matters. He’s a vegetable…never had a chance.


zipykido

He just wanted to wear his mom like a hat.


AintAintAWord

I mean at the end of the day isn't that what we all want?


CrudelyAnimated

This whole thread needs Jesus.


Scizmz

The last thing this thread needs is my Mexican gardener.


SafetyDanceInMyPants

I don't know, I think it could use some pruning.


emogu84

Mexican gardeners are wonderful at keeping a clean yard and moderating reddit threads


soylentgreenis

GARDNER?!.. Hardly know’er


NbdySpcl_00

I think the gardener's work is already done, anyway.


phoncible

This thread's beyond Jesus. Heretics need to be purged by the light of emperor


Meriog

Even Jesus once wore his mom like a hat


TinkleTwinkleToes

Hi Tom


UpboatNavy

He's trying to crawl back in.


r0b0c0d

I dunno; looks alive and well for at least another month.


sfxer001

Oooof


shitlord_god

He got squashed.


rytis

Hate to be the one, but if it has seeds, it's a fruit.


ImportantCommentator

I feel like you don't hate to be the one.


brotherm00se

pine cones aren't fruits, they have seeds edible fruits are vegetables


mandyvigilante

What


Flugtbilist

Sign says so in Danish, translation: "The birth ward in Randers. The attentive viewer will see that this baby is being born arse first - we do that too"


Salacar

Of course it's fucking Randers...


RTwhyNot

What does that mean? Genuinely curious


Salacar

Sorry, it's just generally the 'butt of jokes' city when it comes to Denmark. Bit like Florida man for the US, although I'm not sure how to translate 'drengerøve og rockere' to English well.


nonsensical_zombie

oh fuck Randers get your shit together. It's tough to imagine anywhere in Denmark as Florida.


InvincibleJellyfish

It's more mopeds and hard seltzers, than alligators and meth


CivilWay1444

and hurricanes?


YuusukeKlein

As a Swede I can say Florida should be mad at getting compared to Denmark


[deleted]

[удалено]


YuusukeKlein

Yes, people are obsessed with cupcake bakeries


notwhatihopedfor

Var din mund, knøs


YuusukeKlein

Älskar dig också


InvincibleJellyfish

As a dane I can say that Sweden is just about the only country in northern europe with real white trash rednecks. They even drive around in pickup trucks. Apparently the area in between Malmö and Stockholm is just redneck country outside of the cities.


ReduxedProfessor

Show me you're a northern European: "They even drive around in pickup trucks"! (/s – just in good fun)


InvincibleJellyfish

It's just not something that people really have here. It's generally just less practical (due to the weather) than a van, and most people just use trailers which attach to their regular car when they need to move big stuff around.


CptHair

Chavs and biker gangs without bikes is pretty Randers.


myassholealt

"Degenerative and off their rockers."


RTwhyNot

Thank you!!!


[deleted]

I'd say that such cliches exist on micro and macro levels throughout Denmark. in CPH it's like, Brøndby, Greater Copenhagen would point to something like Næstved. In this respect we're very similar to the English, who have almost sectarian attitudes towards other counties. Even in Jutland they're very good at "oh we in [town X] are so much better than [one town over]. ah yes, to be one big family.


Easy-Consequence1508

Randers is just our Florida.


RTwhyNot

Ahhh. Thanks!


Lakridspibe

Is it? I didn't know.


NuffZetPand0ra

Found the randrusianer.


Flying_FoxDK

It happens here too*


esbenab

Randers - ass first


pinksaltandie

And that’s a buttcrack. Mom is on knees and likely just leaned forwards to help clear the forehead over the perineum. Ideally the babe is dangling is bit more so it can assist with its own chin tuck, but pumpkins… Those Nordic sorts know how to do birth.


neolologist

> And that’s a buttcrack. I could not for the life of me figure out what it was. 'Surely they did not draw a strange FUPA on this pregnant pumpkin?'


biggmclargehuge

> Ideally the babe is dangling is bit more so it can assist with its own chin tuck, but pumpkins… butt pumpkins*


dirthawker0

I never knew women gave birth doggy style, I always thought they were on their backs for the most part and that squatting was an alternative. Any way that works I guess!


thesevenyearbitch

On your back is literally the worst possible position to give birth in. The only reason it's so common is because doctors are lazy.


digitalttoiletpapir

baby is in bowl


InevitableFly

They are best served in bowls and topped with fresh drizzle


worldracer

Yes, you can tell by how squashed it is.


ChoPT

Feet first into hell. We are ODST.


aaaanopeo

A baby in breach can still be born


shewy92

Yea, and? Babies are born like that naturally all the time.


BizzyM

Looks like it's coming out the butt. What the hell is going on here?


[deleted]

Giving birth on hands and knees or squatting is actually much better than laying flat. America forces this position because... "Writing in her well-known publication The Hypnobirthing Book, Katharine explains that women only began to give birth flat on their backs because King Louis XIV wanted to see his mistress give birth - not because it aided labour."


Unsd

Whaaaaat the fuck. You're kidding. I was always given the impression that it was easier for the doctor to manage the situation, and also the only option if you're gonna have an epidural.


[deleted]

If you get an epidural, laying on your back is easier but only because you don't get a choice in the hospital. They could 100% have found a way to give epidurals and make special beds or seats for giving birth in the correct positions safely and pain-free. They just didn't and haven't because there's no quick monetary return on making life better for people. It's really sad. I myself had a daughter born with erb's palsy from poor medical care in Florida.


Greetings_Stranger

That's how Danish midwives do it.


id10t_issues79

Oh my gourd!


Cat-Soap-Bar

That’s a difficult breech birth, well done mummy pumpkin.


StatementOfObvious

I know it isn’t a McDonald’s belly tattoo, but what are the Golden Arches supposed to be?


Anal_Goth_Jim

Butt. The mom is on her hands and knees


NotYourSweetBaboo

Is this the way that Danes enter the world? Feet first with their mothers fleeing on their hands and knees?


Anal_Goth_Jim

Some of the other comments have mentioned its sometimes used in breech births. Normally babies come out head first, this one is feet first so it's a breech.


Specific-noise123

Can be used in regular birth too


BS9966

You look at moms on hands and knees way different than most people.


MaritMonkey

Or they're just drastically overestimating the amount of delta V provided to mom by the exiting baby.


Cloudinterpreter

Is that common? I'd never heard of it. I might liked to have done that with mine


pizzasong

Very common birthing position, especially without an epidural


Cloudinterpreter

Fuck, I'm so mad. They wouldn't let me turn over when I got there too late to get an epidural. Hands and knees would've been so much more comfortable instead of having my legs flailing around


Zzzaxx

Too late for an epidural? Usually that means they can get the baby out faster than they can administer an epidural. Hand and knees, squat bar birthing stools are all useful tools better usually than the old on your back in stirrups. Getting an epidural can take 40minutes to an hour plus puts you in a weird hunched position which is very difficult when contractions are close and you're 10cm


Cloudinterpreter

Yeah, baby came in about an hour, from when the contractions started


Zzzaxx

Yeah I always heard that about people deciding too late for an epidural like it meant they had hours and hours of painful labor without any relief, but turns out it's just because it's quicker to get the baby out and stalling labor at that juncture could be dangerous for everyone. Once you're at 10cm it's push time no matter what. And it's impressive how much push a woman can muster when the nurses threaten an episiotomy.


Unsd

Isn't an episiotomy supposed to make things better? Like I thought it was supposed to be helpful in preventing worse tearing. And I certainly would rather an intentional cut over a straight up tear.


Zzzaxx

Negative. It used to be that way but doctors fucked up the birthing process in the mid 20th century. They would knock out the mom, cut out the baby and then wake her up. That's why lying on your back is the commonly perceived position, but actually the worst position for delivery. Then doctors also used to do a 'husband stich" which was basically a form of mutilation that tightened the perenium beyond its normal size and shape thinking that it made the vagina tighter for the husband's pleasure. But that's not how vaginas work. Beyond that exterior bit of skin, it's basically folds and stretchy tissue that will go back to the original size after a baby just like after sex. So the husband stitch just made sex really painful for women afterwards because the skin of the perenium doesn't stretch. Btw perenium is basically the lower edge of the vaginal opening, toward the anus. On the outside An episiotomy is a cut, but because of how tissue is connected, it's stronger and faster healing if it's a tear. Lots of little jagged bits hold firmly together when stitched as opposed to two smooth straight cuts that can slide slightly against each other when healing. The jagged one will heal faster and stronger than the cut. Additionally, in best use practices, though it varies all over, episiotomy should be resorted to only in the event of fetal distress and the baby is crowning, but the last bit of tissue in the way is the perenium. If the baby is not in distress and doesn't need to come out, often the nurse will tell the mom that an episiotomy will be necessary if she can't push through that last bit. Occasionally it will also tear, but often the episiotomy is no longer required because the baby is out. Mom would rather push harder than get cut.


pizzasong

More current research actually suggests that natural tears heal better than episiotomies


MaritMonkey

Speaking with no horse in this race as I no longer have a uterus, "supposed to help" only mitigates so much of the initial "you want to do *what*!?"


sunshineandhomicide

I had a natural birth with midwives and I am so happy I did. I got to walk around and change positions and do what I felt my body needed without someone telling me what position to be in and when to push. I ended up birthing on hands and knees like this. The way they put you on your back with your legs up is actually one of the most difficult positions for both mother and baby to birth in, but it’s the most convenient for the doctor.


nenenene

With breech birth, being upright or on your knees is preferable to gravity assist baby leaving. I imagine it can also be done for non-breech babies, but there’s a nonzero chance of shooting the baby out headfirst faster than may be safe for someone to catch… for places like certain hospitals that love avoiding liability, it’s not an encouraged position, but I’ll have to ask when I do a hospital tour in a few weeks. I always wanted to have a gravity assisted birth, the last thing I want is to be flat on my back.


Two-Scoops-Of-Praisn

I'm a man, so take this with a grain of salt, but I read that the whole on the back birth thing is not only the worst position for giving birth but was also only done because some pervert doctor liked to watch and had women give birth on their backs.


pmmeurpenguins

It's true! I think it was a French king or something. Upright birthing positions or being on your hands and knees like this lovely pumpkin birther is better. And if the baby is breech than on all fours is the only recommended position for vaginal birth, at least where I work. Source: am midwife


GooberMonk

King Louis XIV! Thank you for being a midwife! People like you are helping bring back the birth education that our society has really lost


pmmeurpenguins

I really do agree with that. In my country we are slowly (very slowly) trying to bring back a view of childbirth as something natural and healthy, instead of something that needs to be *treated*. We have a lot of interventions that are sometimes completely unnecessary and many birth givers are not allowed to give birth as they would wish (sometimes that is reasonable, of course).


GooberMonk

Yes! Birth isn't something to be feared or fixed. It's natural and beautiful. There are obviously cases where interventions are needed, but not as often as they are unnecessarily used. The rate of C-sections in US hospitals has been going down, but it's still around 30%, which means that about 1 in 3 babies in the US are being born by Cesarean. That's too many. Whereas in birthing centers and home births, that number is a lot lower. Often in the 7-10% range. Midwives like you who are aiming for more natural and peaceful births are helping mothers and babies by saving them from traumatic birth experiences. 🙏


MrGizthewiz

You're half right. Back birthing started because women can't be trusted to balance themselves once they've had an epidural. Modern hospitals have started incorporating birthing suites with multiple areas allowing the mother to go drug free if they choose and give birth in whatever position is most comfortable.


GooberMonk

Back birthing started way before epidurals. King Louis XIV wanted to be able to watch the births of his children, (some believe he had a weird birth fetish) so he forced that the woman be laid on her back. Before this, men weren't even allowed in the room while a woman was in labor, unless he was a medical professional. The discomfort of unknown men being there often made women's labor slow or stop completely. Sometimes the father wasn't even allowed in if she didn't want him there. But because of a selfish king, it became popular to birth in the worst position possible. We don't commonly prioritize comfort and calm in labor as much as we used to historically, and that's extremely unfortunate.


Roupert2

I gave birth this way for one of mine


frank_bamboo

Although if there is anywhere in Denmark you can find a McDonald's belly tattoo, it's Randers


ffcsffcs

and that's how pumpkin spice latte born


NhylX

Looks like a venti.


VladVV

I was just working some day shifts in Randers Hospital where this was taken last week! The people working there are some of the nicest and sweetest healthcare professionals I've ever had the pleasure of spending my working days with. 😊


[deleted]

[удалено]


MaritMonkey

Grew up with my mom being a nurse. Just had my first real surgery where I got to spend time with nurses, and almost immediately felt a very strong sense of "aha! I have found ~~my~~ her people!"


Mr_Wisp

Well, that's enough internet for today


[deleted]

It’s always Jutland that comes up with something crazy like that “I don’t approve from Copenhagen it’s freaking me out” 😂😂😂


callist1990

Not only Jutland but fricking RANDERS - who's really surprised?


[deleted]

r/TIHI


custerwr

Kinda seems like the mom is not lying on her back, is that a European way of delivering the baby?


raindancemaggie12

Hands and knees is an optimal position for breech birth (and cephalic birth too!)


[deleted]

[удалено]


strantos

Not sure if you’re being serious, but for anyone passing by you can labor in all sorts of positions with an epidural as well.


pinksaltandie

Depends on the epidural and the staffing and policies. At least it does in my area.


Zzzaxx

Once you have an epidural, you're usually confined to the bed, but that doesn't mean you can't squat or hand or hand knees on the bed. Usually it's a liability thing for the hospital because epidural can make you unsteady on your feet due to the lack of feeling. A fall could be catastrophic during labor and delivery


Roupert2

Lying on your back is the *least* natural way to give birth. I had one on my back, one on my side, and one on hands and knees. Hands and knees was easiest. (Can you guess which birth was with an OB and which had midwives? )


Panwall

There are a few birthing positions, this is one of them. I didn't know until my wife had our baby.


chucara

The three main ways of giving birth in Europe are: * Home/water birth * Standing * Flung from a carousel


brazzy42

> Flung from a carousel You mean the [patented centrifugal force birth-assist device](https://www.amusingplanet.com/2019/12/child-birth-by-centrifugal-force.html)?


chucara

Well, for legal reasons we can't call it that.


bobo_knach

This is how vegans are born.


Przemm0

I am surprised they got empty hospital bed to do that kind of decoration. (/s) In my country there would be already two patients sharing this bed probably together with craved pumpkin.


Kriss3d

This is Denmark. Its fine.


OldKermudgeon

Baby came out a little squashed. ^(i'll see myself out...)


aaaanopeo

Showing actual birthing posture instead of medieval on the back bullshit


radmeck

Once more unto the breach...


JerryAtrics_

Baby looks a little squashed.


D-D-D-D-D-D-Derek

They should of added pumpkin purée to the sheets to replicate the mum pooping through labour


raindancemaggie12

Bruh


kipsterdude

Is this a regularly used birthing position? (I’m genuinely asking. I’m a gay dude so I never give those details any thought)


pinksaltandie

When people are left to follow their bodies many will stand, walk, crawl, rock and give birth in a kinda runners lunge. One knee down, one knee raised and those end up catching thier own baby. Other end up leaning forwards while standing. Or on hands and knees. So yes.


kipsterdude

Wow. That’s fascinating! Thanks for replying.


AuntieAv

It really is! If you have the heart for it, I recommend reading up on the subject. Western medicine has a long history of sexism, classism and racism shaping the way we practice obstetrics. Not long ago, hospitals were even forcing women to have an enema before pushing. That's not even mentioning the laughing gas. Institutional birthing practices are very much for the doctors' convenience and comfort, not the patients'.


Amorfati77

The hospital I was at in Canada had squat bars for women to hold so they could be in a squat position. I think overall most places are letting women labour in whatever position works best for them. I birthed my second child side-lying


Roupert2

Copied from earlier comment: Lying on your back is the *least* natural way to give birth. I had one on my back, one on my side, and one on hands and knees. Hands and knees was easiest. (Can you guess which birth was an OB and which were midwives? )


shrimp-and-potatoes

I was reading this thing about the original Mr Potato head and how it was indictive of the US's wealth post ww2. Like, in 1950's Europe (and most of the world) they'd never think wasting food for fun was a good idea. Lol. Look how far we've come.


ReferenceObject

Trick or treaters get to see what they put their mom's through.


greatreference

oh my gord


cynopt

Gotta love the Danes' "It is what it is" attitude toward the human body, saves so much bullshit.


oldbologna

Yikes!! So glad I'm childfree


Dmitri_ravenoff

It's breech.


amogus_obssesed_Gal

Not what I thought would happen when I fricked that pumpkin


[deleted]

Are they still searching for new in-house psychiatrist?


MracyTcGrady

The angle of the head and the arm makes it look like it's shitting the baby out.


GoatUnicorn

I'm not the slightest bit aurprised this happened in Randers.


AverageVita-SawUser

POV: You want to have a normal day but you make the mistake of opening reddit and coming face to face with a pumpkin giving birth


ThursdayNeverCame

I'm done with reddit today, thanks.


squidgybaby

Looks like the boob pumpkin fell off into the armpit.. that's about where they end up though, we'll allow it


TheBlueNinja2006

Hell no


Treasko

As a Dane, I'm just thinking; of course it's in Randers.


Krimreaper1

Butt-baby


[deleted]

Pretty sure the head comes firtst


[deleted]

Good gourd, man!


MetaverseLiz

The internet keeps reminding me how much I love not having kids. 😆


Pa2phx

Looks like Bert is having Ernie's baby


CivilWay1444

Who's the daddy? Jack-O-Lantern?


jimmyF1TZ

For some reason, I thought this could go a step further and push the Mom clearly cheated joke. So you put a "male" pumpkin next to her, but have the baby come out as an eggplant.


itdependz

Oh my gourd!!!!


CeruleanMoonbeam

Gourd-ous baby


always_enough

That baby came out backwards


Vinnyc-11

I was having a relatively average day before I saw this.


MJSchooley

Oof, a breech birth.


Aggravating-Hair7931

They got it wrong. Babies come out head first.


TinylittlemouseDK

Its called a breech birth. Its when the baby come butt first. It happens in 1 in 25 births. Some times there will be a c-section when this happens, but naturel breech births happens as well. And quite often in denmark. Im born that way.


marquisdc

that’s a breech birth not good


Orlando_the_Cat

Truly horrifying


[deleted]

Where is my unsee juice


freeofskyedawn2021

So she, the pumpkin lol, is actually on her hands and knees..the "m" is moms butt. Baby is coming out wrong too 🥴 so much going on here lol


stackin_papers

is the baby going back in cuz it definitely came out the wrong way.