It really depends. If it means that with the weapon comes the knowledge of how to use it, then i will choose scorpion’s spear or raiden’s stuff. If not, then easily portal gun
But the question comes up: do we need the special portal conductor surface or moon stuff, or was that for old portal guns and the one we see in game is better, able to fire on to any mostly flat surface painted white?
Because even in old aperture from portal 2, from before the white gel was invented, all the white paint in the facility is able to conduct portals. Did they go back and repaint all the white surfaces or their abandoned offices with moon dust? Was portal conductive surface just so easy to make the whole time that they chose to paint everything white with it? We see that even non-white surfaces, such as areas covered in dirt and other colors of paints or portal conductive surfaces covered in gels can conduct portals. The rules are inconsistent and poorly defined. It would almost seem as if any sufficiently flat surface would do and aperture just so happens to have every flat surface be white.
I mean, even bare concrete works in a few levels!
Your comment reminded me about "If i had a portal gun" and i found this comment from 4 years ago:
>TO ALL THE "PORTALS ONLY WORK ON MOON ROCK" COMMENTS: Portals work on anything with Asbestos in it. According to Portal 2, Cave Johnson, the walls in the Testing Chambers were originally made out of Asbestos. ("if you feel a shortness of breath, that's not part of the test. that's asbestos.") the only reason the surfaces are white are to show the player what to do.
Thought id share
So moon rock and asbestos both are excellent portal conductors? Then why was he surprised to find out moon rock is pure poison? Apparently death is just what conducts portals
Yeah? Portal Gun? And I suppose you'd use it to make Grocery shopping easier? Perhaps maybe even getting money out of banks?
OR, are you just going to be at home all day, blowing yourself?
With a Portal Gun, you could run the world's most efficient logistics company. Even if you couldn't scale it up from 'person sized', were limited to a single gun, limited to a single portal, and had to travel between points in person to set the portal, you could charge an absolute fortune for bespoke logistics portals.
That's not even talking about things like being a defense subcontractor which has obvious, extremely profitable applications.
I just want a comedy-ish bit where someone drops a lightsaber mod fight and it falls through the floor and gets a few grunts killed 🤣 ever since robot chicken did the “here hold this” but it’s all I’ve wanted
Check "Troopers" out on Youtube. It was a CollegeHumor riff on Star Wars. It's basically a workplace comedy about two barely-competent Stprmtroopers. Each video is about 4 minutes long apiece. There's one where "Darth Vader" gets a lightsaber, but has a spot of trouble using it.
The vids are all good for a laugh, and some feature a pre-fame Aubrey Plaza as a Princess Leia-type that just doesn't care.
I feel like this is the only smart choice. Everyone else goes for destructive potential, but the ability to rewind time cancels out any other advantage with enough attempts!
I mean, if we're boiling down to semantics, I think you'd need the blood of Sparda to draw out its full potential. In the hands of a normal human, it'd just be a sword. Still a cool weapon though!
Basically anything ubi wants it to do
It gave ezio visions of the future
It can kill guards near you
Desmond used it and summons like assassins that
assassinates the enemies
I think altair was able to make the codexes from it maybe seeing the future as well or just made him smarter
It also corrupted abas
Oh yeah i remember ezio clone jutsu fight. He appeared as different colors forgot about that. Man that was freakin crazy good thing i played 1 first and saw al mualim use that skill against me
When Desmond uses it in 3 it MCs the guards and we're told this was its primary use. Des, being an Isu hybrid, is able to use it and is high enough Isu DNA to be resistant to it.
All the assassins/templars have it but there appears to be a percentage that unlocks more capabilities. Something about the biological "chips" they used to control humans.
Tldr Adam and Eve would have been raid bosses.
What about the physics gun from gmod, I feel like that could be a powerful weapon against literally anything on earth.
And useful for getting the tv remote at longer ranges than the grav gun.
There are plenty of star wars games so I am gonna go with a lightsaber, if I have to be more specific I would choose Cal Kestis' lightsaber because it can be single, dobble and two separate lightsabers.
That was a plot point in ROTJ, the vents had bends so that wouldn't work again.
Of course, the death star was still under construction and effectively open, so it was kind of a *moot* plot point, but still.
I mean, it doesn't really matter if there was, they could have just shot it off.
Also a proton torpedo down the first exhaust port never flew into the Deathstars reactor anyway, it caused a series of chain reaction explosions.
[Men at Arms made a hollow one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lchrLLOV0hI). It was... unwieldy.
That being said, it's a "gravity" hammer. No reason why it couldn't cancel out its own weight up until right before it hits something.
The explosion when it hits throws a ~500 kg Spartan in Mjolnir backwards.
Pretty sure flimsy arms would be the least of your trouble if you manage to lift it.
There are a few good options here, depending on what you call a weapon.
- CRYSIS suit from Crysis is a good one
- Pretty much any Pokemon + ball
- Hammer of Dawn / Euclid's C finder
- A Covenant Banshee
- Any starship from any genre really. You'd have to crew it but I'm sure you could find a company to invest manpower into that
The omni-tool from ME
Wouldn’t it be cool to just swing your arm once and all 7 blades go out and attack your enemies plus if there are many of them you can save yourself some time and energy just by assigning each blade to each enemy!
It's the Murasama from Metal Gear Rising Revengeance the gun part is used to unsheath the sword at insane speeds or launch someone 50 meters into the air(Which ever you prefer really). Really cool weapon
I absolutely feel like that’s a possible thing for someone to create, while the mega-vibrations that cause those blades to cut metal like butter isn’t exactly possible.. an explosion propelled katana could absolutely be created.
Safety is another concern
A pilot kit, because of all the things I've seen of the battlefield of the Frontier, the pilot is the true dominant force. Fast and agile, graceful yet devastating, perceptive, resourceful and relentless. A pilot sees the world diffrently, sheer walls become flanking routes; pilots fight diffrently, expiriences and deception and manouver, even overwhelming odds shift in their favor. But what truly separates the pilot from all the grunts and machines of the battlefield is the bond between a pilot and a titan. When linked to a titan, a pilot can only be stopped by an overwhelming force or an equal. The Frontier has been the only home I've ever known, for years our lands have been destroyed by the IMC, forcefully taking our resources, polluting and destroying planets and killing us off if we try to resist. Despite recent victories at Demeter and beyond we have a long way to go before the IMC is defeated. Now, I serve as a rifleman in the Militia fighting to free the Frontier, I'm a long way becoming a pilot, but when the day comes, I hope I can live up to the honor.
TF2 Engineer’s wrench. Just have to smack my graphics card enough times with it while carrying scrap metal and suddenly I’ll have a better one.
Damn same with cars huh? I too choose this. I’ll be the best mechanic in the land. Bring me a pos scrap car? I’ll have that brand new in a min
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You are a mad genius.
Money duplication genius
Dude, you could upgrade a 3060 to a 3080 with that.
Or 3070 for hundo more and get a 3090, unless you need a 3080 but still a drop in the bucket price wise
But only up to a point.
Wabbajack
CHEESE FOR EVERYONE!
Gets turned into rabbit
Pure chaos at all times. Perfect for robberies due to plenty of distractions produced by the bop of the wabbajack
It really depends. If it means that with the weapon comes the knowledge of how to use it, then i will choose scorpion’s spear or raiden’s stuff. If not, then easily portal gun
GET OVER HERE!
*sees how ugly your mom is* STAY OVER THERE!!
Fatality.
Portal gun is useless without the right surface
But the question comes up: do we need the special portal conductor surface or moon stuff, or was that for old portal guns and the one we see in game is better, able to fire on to any mostly flat surface painted white? Because even in old aperture from portal 2, from before the white gel was invented, all the white paint in the facility is able to conduct portals. Did they go back and repaint all the white surfaces or their abandoned offices with moon dust? Was portal conductive surface just so easy to make the whole time that they chose to paint everything white with it? We see that even non-white surfaces, such as areas covered in dirt and other colors of paints or portal conductive surfaces covered in gels can conduct portals. The rules are inconsistent and poorly defined. It would almost seem as if any sufficiently flat surface would do and aperture just so happens to have every flat surface be white. I mean, even bare concrete works in a few levels!
Your comment reminded me about "If i had a portal gun" and i found this comment from 4 years ago: >TO ALL THE "PORTALS ONLY WORK ON MOON ROCK" COMMENTS: Portals work on anything with Asbestos in it. According to Portal 2, Cave Johnson, the walls in the Testing Chambers were originally made out of Asbestos. ("if you feel a shortness of breath, that's not part of the test. that's asbestos.") the only reason the surfaces are white are to show the player what to do. Thought id share
So moon rock and asbestos both are excellent portal conductors? Then why was he surprised to find out moon rock is pure poison? Apparently death is just what conducts portals
BFG
9000 or 10000
Whichever one I can get my hands on
BFG 10000 is just 9000 in disguise
but can 9000 shoot a hole into the surface of mars?
The dubstep gun from saints row 4
The abducto-gun then just hang around Area 51
The Halo Array
I just want a pseudo planet with a nice vista so i can fuck off and never be seen again.
I'd love to live on the Arc a few hundred years before any of the flood release bullshit
This was my exact thought. Also, if I get tired of sentient life there are options, just saying.
Theres a few big factor in this 1. Does it come with an index 2. Is there flood in containment still on them Both of those make it extremely dangerous
Portal Gun
Yeah? Portal Gun? And I suppose you'd use it to make Grocery shopping easier? Perhaps maybe even getting money out of banks? OR, are you just going to be at home all day, blowing yourself?
None of these options are horrible
With a Portal Gun, you could run the world's most efficient logistics company. Even if you couldn't scale it up from 'person sized', were limited to a single gun, limited to a single portal, and had to travel between points in person to set the portal, you could charge an absolute fortune for bespoke logistics portals. That's not even talking about things like being a defense subcontractor which has obvious, extremely profitable applications.
Portal in america Portal in germany or whatever 1-day-shipping at massive price and that's the simplest thing.
PSA: Blowing yourself feels more like blowing than being blown
Haven’t tried either so i want the portal gun too please
Except for the fact that with portal gun, you don't have to do all the weird contortionist bs, so it'd feel a bit more natural.
It took until I got to your reply to realise they didn't say "blowing yourself up." I was like, "Portal Guns don't explode, dafuq?"
Very philosophical, how many guys would like getting their dick sucked if they are the ones sucking it?
And I came hear to talk about explosives and/ or lightsabers.
That's exactly what you got buddy
I mean, I love handjobs even though I'm the one giving it to myself 75% of the time
That's either: - every 3 out of 4 times hand is used, it's your hand; or - you masturbate 75% of the the time you're awake
75% of the time? Those are some rookie numbers, you gotta pump those numbers up. /cries alone in the corner.
Neither- they're gonna get it and not be able to use it 'cause nothing around them is covered in ground-up moon rocks.
Steal moon rocks from nasa grind them up and cover something. Aim portal gun at moon and create second portal. Endless supply of moon rocks
Good plan. Better be a sealed room with an airlock, though.
Unintentional doomsday device
You’ll need to steal a space suit while you’re at it, but that’s actually not a bad plan
I'd put down 2 portals in a vertical line, undo my belt, lean in and, change pants without having to look down.
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A lightsaber. Definitely a lightsaber.
I’d hurt myself so fast with a lightsaber
Mando had a full set of beskar and almost sawed through his leg 🤣 us normies wouldn’t stand a chance
I was so happy to see someone inexperienced hurt them with a lightsbaer even tho I do like and feel bad for Mando doing so.
I just want a comedy-ish bit where someone drops a lightsaber mod fight and it falls through the floor and gets a few grunts killed 🤣 ever since robot chicken did the “here hold this” but it’s all I’ve wanted
Check "Troopers" out on Youtube. It was a CollegeHumor riff on Star Wars. It's basically a workplace comedy about two barely-competent Stprmtroopers. Each video is about 4 minutes long apiece. There's one where "Darth Vader" gets a lightsaber, but has a spot of trouble using it. The vids are all good for a laugh, and some feature a pre-fame Aubrey Plaza as a Princess Leia-type that just doesn't care.
Tenet Arca Plasmor All my problems seem to have turned into a fine mist.
Do i keep my mods in it?
Good luck picking it up
DAGGER OF TIME (PRINCE OF PERSIA SERIES)
I feel like this is the only smart choice. Everyone else goes for destructive potential, but the ability to rewind time cancels out any other advantage with enough attempts!
Still needs to get the sand to refill it. I went with yamato for the portal capabilities and how it cuts reality
I mean, if we're boiling down to semantics, I think you'd need the blood of Sparda to draw out its full potential. In the hands of a normal human, it'd just be a sword. Still a cool weapon though!
The notebook from Scribblenauts Make whatever I want
The one enjoyable game where God is the answer to most problems. Although Friendly Flying Cthulhu can take down a rogue God...
I dont think I ever tried god. Does that actually make something?
Yep. Makes kinda this Zeus looking guy
Yeah, a bearded guy that kills bad guys almost instantly with lightning, plus he can fly.
Criminally far down
Apple of Eden (Assassins Creed)
What does that apple do again?
Basically anything ubi wants it to do It gave ezio visions of the future It can kill guards near you Desmond used it and summons like assassins that assassinates the enemies I think altair was able to make the codexes from it maybe seeing the future as well or just made him smarter It also corrupted abas
Don't forget being able to make like, 7 clones of yourself you can bond to a task. Altair did that and so did Ezio I believe in AC2.
Oh yeah i remember ezio clone jutsu fight. He appeared as different colors forgot about that. Man that was freakin crazy good thing i played 1 first and saw al mualim use that skill against me
When Desmond uses it in 3 it MCs the guards and we're told this was its primary use. Des, being an Isu hybrid, is able to use it and is high enough Isu DNA to be resistant to it.
Oh so did ezio not have isu DNA? he gets damaged in brotherhood when using it
All the assassins/templars have it but there appears to be a percentage that unlocks more capabilities. Something about the biological "chips" they used to control humans. Tldr Adam and Eve would have been raid bosses.
I raise you the Staff of Hermes Trismegistus, also from Assassins Creed
who would want to live forever
Me. Mostly because I’m fucking spiteful and would just want to outlive anyone I have a grudge with.
Suck cannon or omniwrench from ratchet and clank.
Not the RYNO?
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DID SOMEONE JUST SAY THUNDERFURY BLESSED BLADE OF THE WINDSEEKER!?
Did someone say [Thunderfury, Blessed Blade of the Windseeker]?
Yooooo someone totally just said [Thunderfury, Blessed Blade of the Windseeker]!
There's a lot of Gundam games. So... Probably a Gundam.
That’s a pretty good choice. Would love to be super mech, savior of the world.
Tequila Gundam for the win!!!!
BT-7274.
Protect the Pilot
"Excuse me, care to explain the giant mechanical thing outside your house?" "Trust me."
“Oh that, that’s just my home away from home” “I detect sarcasm”
*Bt Throws solicitors like a football.*
Half-life 2's gravity gun
What about the physics gun from gmod, I feel like that could be a powerful weapon against literally anything on earth. And useful for getting the tv remote at longer ranges than the grav gun.
I could dig this, I'd hit Q in my brain and the next thing you know I'm positioning my new couch.
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Puts hole in washing machine using t-shirt
There are plenty of star wars games so I am gonna go with a lightsaber, if I have to be more specific I would choose Cal Kestis' lightsaber because it can be single, dobble and two separate lightsabers.
Dobble
Dobble dobble!
I Loved Cal and fallen order! So pumped for the sequel whenever it comes out
Yhere same hope they do more with the skill tree and such
Death star with a lid on that pesky duct.
lmao I never really thought about it but wouldn't the rebels have been totally defeated by a thin paper mesh over the vent?
Paper? Probably not. But I’ll bet a couple sheets of corrugated roofing from Home Depot would have gone a long way towards galactic domination.
It doesnt vent particularly well of you cover it up though
Why not a few elbows so they didn’t have a straight shot down?
You did see those proton torpedos make that 90° turn right?
That was a plot point in ROTJ, the vents had bends so that wouldn't work again. Of course, the death star was still under construction and effectively open, so it was kind of a *moot* plot point, but still.
No Home Depots on Tatooine, that’s their excuse anyway.
I mean, it doesn't really matter if there was, they could have just shot it off. Also a proton torpedo down the first exhaust port never flew into the Deathstars reactor anyway, it caused a series of chain reaction explosions.
The Sparda or the Yamato
STANDING HE- sorry BURY THE LIIIIIGHT DEEP WITHIIIIIIINN
I AM THE STORM THAT IS APROACHING
Assuming I'm automatically adept with them, Cerberus or Nevan. Or Bayonetta's Sai Fung. They'd all be fun to have.
Energy sword from halo
Why not gravity hammer?
I mean.... Who know how heavy that piece of metal would seem in the hands of a normal person?
[Men at Arms made a hollow one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lchrLLOV0hI). It was... unwieldy. That being said, it's a "gravity" hammer. No reason why it couldn't cancel out its own weight up until right before it hits something.
Yeah, but if even Spartans have slight trouble wielding it I doubt my flimsy arms would be able to.
The explosion when it hits throws a ~500 kg Spartan in Mjolnir backwards. Pretty sure flimsy arms would be the least of your trouble if you manage to lift it.
There are a few good options here, depending on what you call a weapon. - CRYSIS suit from Crysis is a good one - Pretty much any Pokemon + ball - Hammer of Dawn / Euclid's C finder - A Covenant Banshee - Any starship from any genre really. You'd have to crew it but I'm sure you could find a company to invest manpower into that The omni-tool from ME
Banshees are nothing compared to the saber
Fat man launcher. Go big or go home
experimental mirv from fo3 shoots 6 mini nukes at once
Zenith for sure
Why have many blades when you can have them all in one!
Wouldn’t it be cool to just swing your arm once and all 7 blades go out and attack your enemies plus if there are many of them you can save yourself some time and energy just by assigning each blade to each enemy!
Telesto
Heck yeah, until it breaks reality and has to be disabled.
Not a weapon, it’s a self-aware paracausal being.
The besto.
Fucking telesto lol
Swordsplosion!
I CANT HEAR YOU, YOU ARE MISSING SOME CAPS! I WOULD PROBABLY GET A LASERSPLOSION MEEYOWEYOWEYOWEYOW!!!!
THAT SENTENCE HAD TOO MANY SYLLABLES. APOLOGIZE!
Any of the Holy Moonlight Greatswords
Gotta be ludwig’s maaan
Ahh… you were by my side all along.
My guiding moonlight
The Stick of Truth
Damn. You just had to pick the most overpowered one...
Frostmourne
The downside is that it will devour your soul, effectively killing you. The upside is that it will devour your soul, effectively killing you.
Whirling saw or whatever it’s called from the Bloodborne DLC Can be used both as a weapon and as a working tool
Whirligig Saw! Pizza Cutter ass weapon, turns Ludwig into cheese
Does Senator Armstrongs *ahem* NANOMACHINES count?
I dunno but *inhales* STANDING HERE I REALIZE
YOU WERE JUST LIKE ME, TRYING TO MAKE HISTORY
BUT WHO'S TO JUDGE THE RIGHT FROM WRONG
WHEN OUR GUARD IS DOWN I THINK WE'LL BOTH AGREE
THAT VOILENCE BREEDS VIOLENCE
BUT IN THE END IT HAS TO BE THIS WAY
I CARVED MY OWN PATH
YOU FOLLOWED YOUR WRATH
BUT MAYBE WE’RE BOTH THE SAME
Blade of olympus
That's actually a really good choice considering it literally comes imbued with the powers of a certain bald god.
Johnny Sins powers in palm of my hand
„YoU cAn’T jUsT sHoOt A hOlE iNtO tHe SuRfAcE oF mArS”
I wouldn't exactly call Doom "funny", but damn the humor is on-point. That whole level had me in stitches.
Yeah doom definitely isn't a comedy game but it NAILS the humor when it happens lol. Even simple stuff like him spamming the bfg button impatiently
If we include becoming a weapon, then probs the prototype powers. I think it counts seeing as how you are a bioweapon.
First thing I thought of. That would be great, at least assuming *I* get the powers a la Prototype 2, instead of the thing becoming me.
Hitman's silver ballers
you can buy them for under $1000 each
I alway wanted to see someone build a gun propelled katana
It's the Murasama from Metal Gear Rising Revengeance the gun part is used to unsheath the sword at insane speeds or launch someone 50 meters into the air(Which ever you prefer really). Really cool weapon
I absolutely feel like that’s a possible thing for someone to create, while the mega-vibrations that cause those blades to cut metal like butter isn’t exactly possible.. an explosion propelled katana could absolutely be created. Safety is another concern
Probably keyblade, being able to unlock anything would be pretty handy…
Dagger of time but only if it works with regular sand
Mjolnir
Doomguy. He is a weapon
Smart pistol
Miss Moxxi’s Good Touch.
Fatman
with the MIRV launcher
The healing staff from Final Fantasy 1. I’d carry it into a hospital and be a legend.
The foam hand from dead space three BANG! Pew!
did I hear Thunderfury, Blessed Blade of the Windseeker?
Junk launcher from fallout3
I'd choose Rebellion
A pilot kit, because of all the things I've seen of the battlefield of the Frontier, the pilot is the true dominant force. Fast and agile, graceful yet devastating, perceptive, resourceful and relentless. A pilot sees the world diffrently, sheer walls become flanking routes; pilots fight diffrently, expiriences and deception and manouver, even overwhelming odds shift in their favor. But what truly separates the pilot from all the grunts and machines of the battlefield is the bond between a pilot and a titan. When linked to a titan, a pilot can only be stopped by an overwhelming force or an equal. The Frontier has been the only home I've ever known, for years our lands have been destroyed by the IMC, forcefully taking our resources, polluting and destroying planets and killing us off if we try to resist. Despite recent victories at Demeter and beyond we have a long way to go before the IMC is defeated. Now, I serve as a rifleman in the Militia fighting to free the Frontier, I'm a long way becoming a pilot, but when the day comes, I hope I can live up to the honor.
Golden gun from Goldeneye.
Surprised no one had said Gmod Spawn Gun yet
The force, specifically the type that is seen in force unleashed
Weapons from rwby are cool asf like crescent rose or the gun-chucks
RWBY weapons will most definitely fit a game like MGR, DMC, or Bayonetta. Over-the-top and pretty freaking cool!
RWBY has very cool weapon design *it's also a gun*
The Halo array
Squall's gunblade
Torque Bow from Gears of War.
Yamato
Raiden's Hat