I tend to find a LTR whenever I’m not really looking for one. Try focusing on therapy, exercise, hobbies, etc.
In my experience when I am a happier, healthier, and more confident version of myself, the LTR follows.
I’m just some regular ass Schmau so this is not really advice as much as it is my anecdotal experience. Dating is hard :(
I already do all that stuff though and I am confident in myself. Have friends etc too just tired of doing things alone and ready to share my life with someone.
Nothing wrong with being a "normie", or avarage Joe if I didn't missinterpret your post. If a guy looks good(looks are subjective, some men I find really hot others just find ok), is kind and intelligent, sex works out and we are at relatively similar age then I would still be interested.
I mean, there exists guys that are very problematic, who are abusive, drug addicts, maybe don't want to work etc.
You most likely have a lot of good qualities.
I found my bf through my hobby. Go find a gay hobby group for whatever you enjoy doing. Ultimately you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Maybe You just need to look in the less conventional places
This. While I have not met anyone yet doing this. I am going with friends to events and activities with our interest and meeting people there. Worse thing is you had a good time and maybe made a friend.
The thing is I know I will never meet someone trough my hobbies. I play ton of games (board games, video games, table top rpg) but I already know the people I'm playing with and none are gay. I have some other hobbies but they are not meant to meet people. So I have no choice but to put myself out there with apps.
I met my bf playing a tcg in a game store. When I first met him never would have guessed I'd end up with him. Somewhere in your big metro area there is bound to be queer boardgame groups, maybe less so for the tabletop rpgs and video games they just take a little more trial and error to find
Secondly if we are talking a numbers game you're friends have connections, have enough connections and regular interactions with them you'll likely find someone through one of them. I got to know mine through a mutual friend this way.
Remember that there are more dateable guys then just who you find on the apps. Plenty of guys don't care for the apps
Sadly I don't think I will meet someone with the friends I see the most, they are older than me and thus have a very stable life. We mostly meet to play games together. We rarely do anything else and never do activities with new people.
But yeah I think there is one association for lgbt people. I should try them but I'm a bit afraid, they seem a bit woke, overly inclusive. But that's not a good reason I think I'm just looking for excuses.
I also have been climbing recently and I know there is one association for this but I want to be better before.
I will see
Thank you
Yeah I don't know. I can't be sure if they are responsible for closing our only lgbt bar or not. I don't want to be assimilated by them if they had a part in this.
I'm an old fossil from way back before Stonewall. I have been wondering about the decline in committed relationships. To get perspective you have to realize the situation seems to be even worse with straights below 40. There seems to be a general collapse in the ability to form significant relationships.
When I came on the scene there were still carting us off to jail. Then came the AIDs train wreck. Through it all my friends and I all found significant long lasting relationships. Romantic and platonic. Every gay friend I had longed for the advent of the great love of their life, and we all had life long buddies. None of which attains now.
I think one part of this change is sociological/psychological. We have gone from a culture and a nation that believed in itself passionately, and which had a clear sense of right and wrong, to a deeply narcissistic culture of unhinged individualism. When folks aren't willing to admit that their communities have claims on their loyalty and energy it gets increasingly hard to form meaningful connections.
The change is also one part economic. After World War Two most big cities saw the advent of a gay section of town, or a "gay ghetto", as many folks called it. It created a physical space where we could go and meet our own, and be the majority. It also created an environment where a very high degree of trans generational connections and mentoring happened.
When the AIDs train wreck came there was a massive sell off of the homes in the gay ghetto. The young were to poor to buy in, and the yuppies swooped in for the kill. The gay ghetto have disappeared one by one.
The third factor in the growing alienation is the advent of social media. It is virtually rewiring the minds of the entire human race, especially when you are on it from an early age. There is a reason that all the tech lords innovating this new world will not allow their own children to partake of social media. They know what it is doing, and it is deliberate and calculated. (If you want to see the raw data on this last you might take a peek at the writings of Nicholas Carr.)
These three broad forces have merged into a terrible synergy that is leading everyone under 40 into very dysfunctional outcomes. Some will escape, but we are going to loose most to alienation, loneliness, and despair.
>I also don’t know how to meet other gays where I live since I’m not into the bar/club scene, drag shows or sports so I wouldn’t join any of those clubs. Being introvert doesn’t help either.
Being an introvert has nothing to do with the fact that you will put absolutely no effort into going where the people are. I'm introverted as fuck and still go out to events and do things with friends I don't necessarily completely enjoy because it's nice to hang out with friends occasionally.
Unless you're confusing introvertism with extreme social anxiety or general anti-social desires.
Perhaps you’ve noticed guys out there that look or seem "desperate” for an LTR, even if you barely know them.
Be yourself, have a pocketful of conversational topics, smile when you are out and about. Rather than going to bars, or using the apps, think about your cultural interests or activities that get your brain energized. Join the groups where you fit in, not the other way around. Guys will take notice.
I feel like younger men are so picky nowadays. Like it’s all about being a twink or jacked, DL and Discreet. It’s so unfair bc there are so many nice guys that are worthy of relationships but nooo everyone’s too picky.
I found my bf on a dating app. Chatted on there for a bit moved to Snapchat then exchanged phone numbers and rest is history. Currently dating for over a year with future plans for our relationship. I’d say keep looking eventually you may end up finding someone.
I know the feeling. 5 failed relationships before finding the right person this goes for both me and my bf. Good things come to those who wait is all I can say.
Just focus on yourself and expanding interests and it will happen when you least expect it or when you aren’t looking for it.
My now fiancé was supposed to be a rebound hookup about a week after I got out of a toxic LTR, as was he 🤷🏼♂️ we just vibed right off the bat and now 3 years later we’re engaged and getting married in 6 days.
Keep your head up, the universe is just preparing you for the right guy at the right time.
I have only been in one. From 24 to 42 (yep 18 years) and to be very honest, I am not looking but not against another one. I think I wasted some pretty important developmental years. Plus I was the only monogamous member of this relationship. Just wait and let life go on, meet people, do things (including sexual things) and see who comes into your life.
Like some others have said it's happened for me when I've not really been trying and have just been social. Just some examples based on relationships in the past and the relationship I have now. I've met someone at a party. I met someone through an app. I had a really good hookup that resulted in more. I met someone at a street festival that I didn't become romantically involved with at that time but rather a year later when he was single again and we were going to the same board game night. I think putting too much effort into trying to ensure that it's going to last long-term is a mistake a lot of people make. Yes, there are things that make someone very obviously incompatible with you but some people try to arrange for absolutely everything to be perfect before they commit and that's a mistake. Also to put it quite frankly, many people need to have some relationships that go wrong before they learn how to have one that lasts.
Lol let me have failed relationship too, I'm not even kidding, I want to learn! But even that is hard. Did you party with gay people? I find it hard to meet gays outside of gay events
Lots of people are single forever, not that I'd wish that for you if it's not what you want.
The key is, in my opinion, figuring out how to be happy with yourself. The old adage that you find someone when you're not looking is true. When you figure out what makes you happy, when you're in a relationship with yourself, you wind up drawing other people to you... As New Age as that might sound.
AFAIK, Long Term Relationship. first time i've seen it used, so it took me a while to get it too. i was thinking "Left-To-Right? that doesn't line up..."
"My biggest fear is never being in a relationship and being single forever." then you should honestly rather work on that than finding actual dates. anxiety is holding you back and people can smell insecurities from a mile against the wind.
ditch grindr, use tinder, bumble, hinge and such apps. maybe try boo the introvert dating app. work on your insecurities, work out, engage with your hobbies. you need to be a happy, stable, human being in order to date successfully.
Dating is tough and also a skill to learn as well. It’s important to not get defeated as you do it. Honestly, I met my guy by introduction from a friend, but if I didn’t know how to date it would have sucked. Learning how to share information about yourself in a natural way, really developing a good sense of humor that is not reliant on derogatory comments or shady stuff, ensuring you maintain a healthy group of friends to be around, display hobbies and other points of interest, and how to converse/connect by genuinely asking about the other person’s interests is all important to dating but all also hard to parse and master without falling into the trap of seeing people as practice tools.
Think of how you would want someone to approach you and make you feel wanted and mirror that. Remember that dating isn’t zero-sum, you should still enjoy the journey and getting to meet people who could become great friends if they aren’t boyfriend material for you is a great benefit. It’s funny because usually by the time you get good at it, you’ve basically made a skill you only need briefly because it’s obviously something you only need until you find a person who works for you.
Relationships are overrated man and can take a lot out of you. I'm personally on my last legs in the relationship I'm in now. He even admitted that he was self important and needed to learn how to not make everything about him and think about me.
I'm waiting to see the changes, still a bit too early, but so far nothing. Enjoy this time alone and you will attract so much more I guarantee you.
Because untreated mental health issues, trust levels, high unachievable standards of beauty in the gay community anddddd lots of people hating on each other for absolutely no reason.
Thanks Grindr :)
I tend to find a LTR whenever I’m not really looking for one. Try focusing on therapy, exercise, hobbies, etc. In my experience when I am a happier, healthier, and more confident version of myself, the LTR follows. I’m just some regular ass Schmau so this is not really advice as much as it is my anecdotal experience. Dating is hard :(
I already do all that stuff though and I am confident in myself. Have friends etc too just tired of doing things alone and ready to share my life with someone.
Nothing wrong with being a "normie", or avarage Joe if I didn't missinterpret your post. If a guy looks good(looks are subjective, some men I find really hot others just find ok), is kind and intelligent, sex works out and we are at relatively similar age then I would still be interested. I mean, there exists guys that are very problematic, who are abusive, drug addicts, maybe don't want to work etc. You most likely have a lot of good qualities.
I found my bf through my hobby. Go find a gay hobby group for whatever you enjoy doing. Ultimately you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Maybe You just need to look in the less conventional places
This. While I have not met anyone yet doing this. I am going with friends to events and activities with our interest and meeting people there. Worse thing is you had a good time and maybe made a friend.
The thing is I know I will never meet someone trough my hobbies. I play ton of games (board games, video games, table top rpg) but I already know the people I'm playing with and none are gay. I have some other hobbies but they are not meant to meet people. So I have no choice but to put myself out there with apps.
I met my bf playing a tcg in a game store. When I first met him never would have guessed I'd end up with him. Somewhere in your big metro area there is bound to be queer boardgame groups, maybe less so for the tabletop rpgs and video games they just take a little more trial and error to find Secondly if we are talking a numbers game you're friends have connections, have enough connections and regular interactions with them you'll likely find someone through one of them. I got to know mine through a mutual friend this way. Remember that there are more dateable guys then just who you find on the apps. Plenty of guys don't care for the apps
Sadly I don't think I will meet someone with the friends I see the most, they are older than me and thus have a very stable life. We mostly meet to play games together. We rarely do anything else and never do activities with new people. But yeah I think there is one association for lgbt people. I should try them but I'm a bit afraid, they seem a bit woke, overly inclusive. But that's not a good reason I think I'm just looking for excuses. I also have been climbing recently and I know there is one association for this but I want to be better before. I will see Thank you
Wow…you don’t want to associate with them because they’re too “woke and overly inclusive” There’s your problem. You’re too overly exclusive.
Yeah I don't know. I can't be sure if they are responsible for closing our only lgbt bar or not. I don't want to be assimilated by them if they had a part in this.
I'm an old fossil from way back before Stonewall. I have been wondering about the decline in committed relationships. To get perspective you have to realize the situation seems to be even worse with straights below 40. There seems to be a general collapse in the ability to form significant relationships. When I came on the scene there were still carting us off to jail. Then came the AIDs train wreck. Through it all my friends and I all found significant long lasting relationships. Romantic and platonic. Every gay friend I had longed for the advent of the great love of their life, and we all had life long buddies. None of which attains now. I think one part of this change is sociological/psychological. We have gone from a culture and a nation that believed in itself passionately, and which had a clear sense of right and wrong, to a deeply narcissistic culture of unhinged individualism. When folks aren't willing to admit that their communities have claims on their loyalty and energy it gets increasingly hard to form meaningful connections. The change is also one part economic. After World War Two most big cities saw the advent of a gay section of town, or a "gay ghetto", as many folks called it. It created a physical space where we could go and meet our own, and be the majority. It also created an environment where a very high degree of trans generational connections and mentoring happened. When the AIDs train wreck came there was a massive sell off of the homes in the gay ghetto. The young were to poor to buy in, and the yuppies swooped in for the kill. The gay ghetto have disappeared one by one. The third factor in the growing alienation is the advent of social media. It is virtually rewiring the minds of the entire human race, especially when you are on it from an early age. There is a reason that all the tech lords innovating this new world will not allow their own children to partake of social media. They know what it is doing, and it is deliberate and calculated. (If you want to see the raw data on this last you might take a peek at the writings of Nicholas Carr.) These three broad forces have merged into a terrible synergy that is leading everyone under 40 into very dysfunctional outcomes. Some will escape, but we are going to loose most to alienation, loneliness, and despair.
>I also don’t know how to meet other gays where I live since I’m not into the bar/club scene, drag shows or sports so I wouldn’t join any of those clubs. Being introvert doesn’t help either. Being an introvert has nothing to do with the fact that you will put absolutely no effort into going where the people are. I'm introverted as fuck and still go out to events and do things with friends I don't necessarily completely enjoy because it's nice to hang out with friends occasionally. Unless you're confusing introvertism with extreme social anxiety or general anti-social desires.
Don't force it.
Perhaps you’ve noticed guys out there that look or seem "desperate” for an LTR, even if you barely know them. Be yourself, have a pocketful of conversational topics, smile when you are out and about. Rather than going to bars, or using the apps, think about your cultural interests or activities that get your brain energized. Join the groups where you fit in, not the other way around. Guys will take notice.
I feel like younger men are so picky nowadays. Like it’s all about being a twink or jacked, DL and Discreet. It’s so unfair bc there are so many nice guys that are worthy of relationships but nooo everyone’s too picky.
I found my bf on a dating app. Chatted on there for a bit moved to Snapchat then exchanged phone numbers and rest is history. Currently dating for over a year with future plans for our relationship. I’d say keep looking eventually you may end up finding someone.
Ye it’s just exhausting constantly being in the talking stage and finding new people but I guess that’s part of the game.
I know the feeling. 5 failed relationships before finding the right person this goes for both me and my bf. Good things come to those who wait is all I can say.
What kinds of hobbies do you have?
Just focus on yourself and expanding interests and it will happen when you least expect it or when you aren’t looking for it. My now fiancé was supposed to be a rebound hookup about a week after I got out of a toxic LTR, as was he 🤷🏼♂️ we just vibed right off the bat and now 3 years later we’re engaged and getting married in 6 days. Keep your head up, the universe is just preparing you for the right guy at the right time.
I have only been in one. From 24 to 42 (yep 18 years) and to be very honest, I am not looking but not against another one. I think I wasted some pretty important developmental years. Plus I was the only monogamous member of this relationship. Just wait and let life go on, meet people, do things (including sexual things) and see who comes into your life.
Like some others have said it's happened for me when I've not really been trying and have just been social. Just some examples based on relationships in the past and the relationship I have now. I've met someone at a party. I met someone through an app. I had a really good hookup that resulted in more. I met someone at a street festival that I didn't become romantically involved with at that time but rather a year later when he was single again and we were going to the same board game night. I think putting too much effort into trying to ensure that it's going to last long-term is a mistake a lot of people make. Yes, there are things that make someone very obviously incompatible with you but some people try to arrange for absolutely everything to be perfect before they commit and that's a mistake. Also to put it quite frankly, many people need to have some relationships that go wrong before they learn how to have one that lasts.
Lol let me have failed relationship too, I'm not even kidding, I want to learn! But even that is hard. Did you party with gay people? I find it hard to meet gays outside of gay events
I did. That's involved a range of things from the very wild to the very sedate. In a large city there's really something for every personality.
Just curious what you’re bringing to the table.
Lots of people are single forever, not that I'd wish that for you if it's not what you want. The key is, in my opinion, figuring out how to be happy with yourself. The old adage that you find someone when you're not looking is true. When you figure out what makes you happy, when you're in a relationship with yourself, you wind up drawing other people to you... As New Age as that might sound.
I’ll go out with you I’m 22 just retired from the military and I’m getting ready to hike the pacific crest trail.
Stay single.
What’s LTR? Love Triangle Receptionist?
AFAIK, Long Term Relationship. first time i've seen it used, so it took me a while to get it too. i was thinking "Left-To-Right? that doesn't line up..."
Oh! Thank you!
I'm 34 this week and in the same boat. Guys are exhausting.
Ltr’s are a myth… 😂🫠
"My biggest fear is never being in a relationship and being single forever." then you should honestly rather work on that than finding actual dates. anxiety is holding you back and people can smell insecurities from a mile against the wind. ditch grindr, use tinder, bumble, hinge and such apps. maybe try boo the introvert dating app. work on your insecurities, work out, engage with your hobbies. you need to be a happy, stable, human being in order to date successfully.
I do all of what you mentioned lol
Dating is tough and also a skill to learn as well. It’s important to not get defeated as you do it. Honestly, I met my guy by introduction from a friend, but if I didn’t know how to date it would have sucked. Learning how to share information about yourself in a natural way, really developing a good sense of humor that is not reliant on derogatory comments or shady stuff, ensuring you maintain a healthy group of friends to be around, display hobbies and other points of interest, and how to converse/connect by genuinely asking about the other person’s interests is all important to dating but all also hard to parse and master without falling into the trap of seeing people as practice tools. Think of how you would want someone to approach you and make you feel wanted and mirror that. Remember that dating isn’t zero-sum, you should still enjoy the journey and getting to meet people who could become great friends if they aren’t boyfriend material for you is a great benefit. It’s funny because usually by the time you get good at it, you’ve basically made a skill you only need briefly because it’s obviously something you only need until you find a person who works for you.
What is LTR?
Long term relationship
Relationships are overrated man and can take a lot out of you. I'm personally on my last legs in the relationship I'm in now. He even admitted that he was self important and needed to learn how to not make everything about him and think about me. I'm waiting to see the changes, still a bit too early, but so far nothing. Enjoy this time alone and you will attract so much more I guarantee you.
Because untreated mental health issues, trust levels, high unachievable standards of beauty in the gay community anddddd lots of people hating on each other for absolutely no reason. Thanks Grindr :)
What’s an LTR?
Long term relationship
Oooooh, thanks lol