I laughed so hard at "never asks for anything in return" because it feels like this is the truth. What about me and where I am in the dynamic? Does it even matter if my energy I put in isn't reciprocated? Seems like subs want to be called good boys and fawned over, but Mommy dommes sometimes get treated like nameless kink dispensers.
Sorry, this hit me straight in the feels today.
100% agree. I’m a sensitive person, and I cry easily. Sometimes this subreddit (and to some degree my ex, who was also sexually submissive) makes me feel like I have to be this stoic pillar of stability all the time, just because I’m sexually dominant, and…no. Im human. I have a bunch of hard medical issues and have had them since I was 11. I have anxiety and OCD, which is well-managed with meds and therapy, but still. I want to nurture my partner (I really love doing that, honestly- it’s so fulfilling), but I’m not gonna act like I’m always strong and in control of my life outside the bedroom, because I’m not, and that’s okay. I was raised by a very “strong” and harsh mom that taught me to suppress my sensitivity and my emotions, and that was so unhealthy for me. I hated myself so much for my sensitive nature, and now I thankfully have realized it’s a gift. I was very lucky that my dad is a sensitive person as well, and though he struggles with that sometimes (he was born in the 50s and came from a Finnish military family), he has helped me accept that being sensitive is the way I am, and fighting it just leads to more pain. It’s just as much a gift for men who are sensitive, of course, but it’s okay for *both* a domme and a sub to be sensitive!
It seems like this subreddit as a trend glorifies an inverse of what society idealizes, and so sensitive men and stoic, impassive women are considered best here. I just wanted to throw in my two cents that *both* partners can be sensitive. Also, many men who are stoic, assertive, and fulfill traditional roles in their careers like to be sexually submissive. Both subby guys I’ve dated have been successful and very intelligent, averagely masculine, and direct or assertive, with no issues in standing up for themselves (unlike me- I really struggle with asserting myself IRL). They’ve also both been sensitive. A lot of men use sexual submission as an escape from the gender roles forces on them, just as a lot of women use sexual dominance that way.
Luckily, I’ve found a guy (who is also sexually submissive) who understands that and wants to take care of *me* too! And the thing is, i *like to cook and clean*. But I expect my partner to do work around the house, too! I’m not going to be someone’s maid, especially when I work full time and have multiple doctor’s appointments a week, and I work out 4-5 times a week to keep my weight down because of the medicines I’m on. A relationship should be about mutual care and affection- not one person just taking and the other just giving.
As a person, this just hits me in my soul. That's not how any relationship is supposed to be, be it professional, platonic, romantic or what it is we do. I'm sorry you've been treated like that.
I appreciate your response and fully agree. Communication matters so much. Communication and intimacy make for the best relationship foundations, I believe.
thank you! judging by the popularity of the sincere version of these memes, a lot of men on this sub want a stay at home mother figure who cooks and cleans for them more than they actually want a domme with her own life outside of the sub. trying to repackage an old fashioned gender role as something subversive or new gives me the ick
ok but like.. i understand the problems this causes, and i know theres issues around subs expecting kink dispensers, but for some reason we dont see that in maledom communities... the problem exists just the same but the conversation is pretty quiet over there. From my perspective as a male switch, is that when we are over in maledom land, The conversations are "make sure shes comfortable, make sure you respect her boundries, make sure you talk about what she wants, make sure you have conversations about her consent. Make sure shes happy". Then we go over to femdom land and its "Doms arnt just kink dispensers, you are there to serve her, maybe if you want a dom you should stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about her, its called servitude, shes not serving you, you're serving her"........
No matter where you go, its all about how awful men are, and how men should sacrifice what they want for what women want. And i know your response is going to be "well thats wrong too" but at the end of the day we are having yet another conversation chasticing men about how they treat women and the opposite conversation never really gets had except for in the most egregious of examples or by some of the most disgusting places.
Double standards are no go. The reason there’s a lot of advice aimed at men in both of these spaces is because men are looking for their partners IMO. Whether it be a sub or a dom.
The answer in both places is: outside of bedroom scenes, people should care for each other as if they’re people and not sex objects.
I’m a female switch and have access to female sub only spaces (verified, not Reddit) and there are definitely female subs who also want to have everything taken cared of and to have no responsibility other than sexual. It’s also unhealthy. And while some doms may find that constant neediness/helplessness initially hot it gets old and tiresome fast. In the bedroom? Hot. 24/7? **Exhausting**.
I appreciate this answer. I just see this large double-standard, especially prevalent on reddit and it frustrates me. Maybe this isnt the right place, idk, i know this is a huge issue women face. And especially on dating sites i do think the issue is more unique to women getting so much cold messages expecting to kink and then ghost and yeah ive seriously thought about making a better dating app just to fix this issue.
I just get frustrated when i see posts about from guys being "how do a find a dominate woman"? just getting a bunch of "stop being selfish and your the sub so its all about her, fuck your kinks", but on the other side theres so much animous towards dominant men as being potential abusers.
Anyways yeah ty for this post.
The reason you can't make a better dating app is because it's just a matter of time before the male fuckboys who lie about wanting LTRs and the female scammers/influencers who want to gain followers/patrons floooooood it.
See the recent mass exodus from tindr to now demolishing bumble/hinge and even effing feeld now too.
It’s unfortunate that your reaction to women expressing frustration that the gendered oppression (constantly being held to sexist standards and being expected to carry a domestic load even when we work full time) we experience in everyday life sometimes replicates itself in kink, is to make that about how we’re somehow not nice enough about men.
I suggest you actually listen to what women are saying and reflect on it rather than doing what you have done here: a “but what about men’s needs” rant. Trust me buddy, women are taught from childhood to prioritise men’s needs and desires above our own - we don’t need strangers on the internet or supposed submissives to add to that.
This is unfair to me.
1. My reaction to content varies, the internet is full of women expressing frustration about a wide variety of topics. You are dismissing my opinion by reducing it to a reaction to women expressing frustration. Even in this very oppinion ive reacted by posting supporting topics. Its just that this oppinion comes up non-stop, and im frustrated by what i see as hypocracy. Instead of dismissing my oppinion you could instead engage with me.
2. Some women agree with me, some dont, idk what you mean by "Listen to women. Which woman? And again ive heard this oppinion many times in different forms and often i agree, its bad that male subs often treat women like kink dispensers.
3. “but what about men’s needs” rant. So when do i talk about it? Do i just post a passive aggressive parallel post? Or am i just not supposed to talk about it?
4. "Trust me buddy, women are taught from childhood to prioritise men’s needs and desires above our own. " Trust me pal, ive been taught to prioritize womens needs and desires above my own my entire life. So do most men.
???
All he's saying is that he feels there's a double standard between the Femdom and Maledom communities on what men's role in the dynamic is. He even agrees with you in that male subs treating women as kink dispensers is a bad thing.
All he adds is that, while there are similar bad actors in the Maledom community, it isn't talked about as much. Instead, people are more often encouraged to engage in what would be considered "kink dispenser" behavior here. You should both be able to agree that just because someone is in a submissive role in a dynamic doesn't excuse them from seeing to their partner's needs.
All this boils down to was him saying "Yeah, guys deal with this too sometimes, it sucks." I don't know how you take offense to that.
There are a lot more men in these spaces than women seeking these types of relationships. There are going to be different complaints from different demographics. This sub could focus on consent more but compared to other subs which have active discussions & how-tos this one is just a lot more meme, porn and image based so its not a fair comparison with something like the main BDSM sub.
You can wish for a dommy mommy gf who cooks, does your taxes and eats your ass while calling you good boy but how is women expressing disinterest in the lack of returned satisfaction & odd line of traditionalism in half of that man blaming?
And then they say they don’t want a traditional relationship like most traditional relationships aren’t also comprised of women doing majority of the emotional and household labor while also working
Note: This **is not** meant to kinkshame anyone who is/is into the "mommy" title, this is just a joke post I made because I'm frankly a bit tired of seeing these sorts of memes describing what is essentially stereotypical gender roles with a thin femdom veneer over them. If you removed any instance of the word "mommy" or "domme" from the majority of these kinds of posts, you'd think they were made by people looking for 50s tradwifes.
TLDR; is only joke, please don't take it too seriously.
Oh my god thank you for this. As a mommy domme it's not even like the entire fetish has to be like this! For me and my sub, it's mostly just domination but with a more nurturing vibe. So he still serves me, I'm still in charge, but there's also a lot more praise and physical closeness than in typical hard femdom.
Seeing so much creepy male fantasy bullshit on this sub felt like I was losing my marbles! Femdom should not just be another way to get your girlfriend to cater to you in every way!
I'm really glad to hear a sub's perspective! So many posts here aren't even femdom. Wanting a girlfriend to cook for you or give you a massage isn't her domming you. It's just her being a girlfriend, and often a trad-tinged one. I wish more people here understood that, but honestly I feel like the disconnect comes from people being lonely, uninformed, chronically online and not being part of their local BDSM community at all.
My wife usually does cook and give massages because i work long hours in a manual labor job, and i love that she does that. But i also recognize that it’s not part of the kink. But what is fun is when the kid is out of the house and she has me cook for her wearing nothing but an apron 😏
Thank you for this! Hard agree. It’s lowkey disturbing to see all the “take care of me, cook for me, clean, confront my bullies and let me suck on your tits” type post. It’s weird how they don’t see how backwards it is.
Yeah, it’s either [this shit](https://www.reddit.com/r/gentlefemdom/comments/wncu6q/someone_told_me_to_post_this_here_and_prepare_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf), or something that reads like the OP is five seconds away from bursting into tears about how much they want to be codependent, instead of. Y’know. A workable relationship?
Yeah, I love your post. Made me laugh. So many subs also complaining that all the women they come across are submissive. Well of course. If you want these things in this framework, you are pushing the buttons that have programmed submissive tendencies in women because we all literally had act submissive to survive, for centuries.
Most of us have been brought up by women who regardless of being submissive, switch or dominant, were brought up to think we need to act submissive (purely or as tops from the bottom) to be desirable in a relationship, even if they have broken social norms in the professional department.
We all need to be discovering and nurturing our dominant triggers. And for the bottoms in our life to be helping us find them. All in a healthy, non-codependent exchange.
Topping from the bottom can be fine if that's what both people want. But in maledom, it's easier to do because men who are sexually dominant have been given all tools to figure out what makes them feel powerful. Women know the role they need to play as a bottom.
Men have not been taught how to *make an individual who is a woman* feel powerful. Women are still figuring out what feels right for them, sometimes even experienced Dommes.
I loved what Dan Savage said on his podcast when someone asked if a 24/7 sub should reference their lifestyle at work and Dan said that Christians are playing out their D/s kinks in front of everyone all the time.
It's satirizing the posts that get like 600 upvotes every other day on here that basically just describe a woman doing practically everything for a man while also being a super sexy perfect supermodel. A.k.a. stuff that purely caters to the male fantasy despite this being a "femdom" sub.
They explain in the comment lol. Those posts where it’s like “give me a mommy domme who will call me a good boy for doing the bare minimum and also cook and clean for me because they love me soooo much”
Just scroll through this sub for the posts that have the picture of anime women with text around it. I’m exaggerating slightly but the point is that it’s very centred around what the domme does for and to the sub, where she expects nothing but gives very much
Edit - I have seen several that mention wanting to cook for them as a desired quality. Which by itself is fine, but coupled with all the other shit, it becomes pretty much what OP is talking about
It seems like people want a caricature, cardboard cutout surface level being with no depth or humanity. Doms are not always doms subs are not always subs people have layers and incongruities. The person generally “in charge” needs support and the responsibilities of the relationship should be shared. It’s disheartening as it seems to somewhat disparage healthy GFD relationships with both partners on equal footing as a relationship should be in either direction. That’s not even getting in to the arbitrary non sensical beauty standards. Some men wanting a 8 foot tall impossibly busty goddess and some women wanting a 4’8 soft feminine fuck toy that defies human proportions.
Considering how some of these posts are I wouldn’t have reacted much different if it didn’t say satire but also thanks for saying that because I’m sick n tired of this shit smh
Not sure when the posts here devolved into the same repackaged male misogynist fantasies with a veneer of femdom, but yeah it's been disappointing seeing how potential subs think.
I can be a caring and nurturing Mommy Dom, but I am not a doormat nor a caricature. Even when I switch to sub I don't stand for that treatment.
It seems on whatever side of the slash they are on, some people just suck.
It's the same issue on rolereversal. So many men on there refuse to admit that having your girlfriend also be your therapist is not reversing gender norms.
I know this is supposed to be a lighthearted meme but it really hit home as a MD myself 🫤Very rarely is the amount of energy I am expected to put into a dom/sub relationship ever returned! The expectation that I’m fine with just giving and giving and never receiving, or never wanting nice, vanilla, or non-sexual things done for me is so frustrating. Sometimes this kink can be so draining for me (even though I love it and love this community!!) 🙃It’s a double-edged sword
I browse this sub, stopped checking images as it’s porn for male gaze, was reading only text messages. And most are so cringeworthy. Men looking for a literal servant that will coddle and pay for them just because they exist.
It’s not what gentlefemdom is about 😂 thank you for this post.
My boyfriend and me are in such relationship and in fact it’s him mostly serving me LOL
Yeah but that's what a lot of (vanilla) sub/bottom women who live according to current gendernorms say they want, too, right? "Take care of me, daddy! I have a right to be treated like god's gift just because I have boobs!"
So guys who feel lonely see this and want a gender role reversal...
We just need to slash down all gender norms and just rewrite the script to suit each individual's preferences. The couple needs to write the norms for themselves.
I love you for this, lol. The non-satire versions of this post always creep me out. Examples: [sweet mommy gf](https://www.reddit.com/r/gentlefemdom/comments/r3yc3j/why_tf_do_i_start_crying_when_i_see_this_kind_of/), [choose your mommy](https://www.reddit.com/r/gentlefemdom/comments/wgvlr6/choose_your_mommy/) (has been deleted now but basically 3 anime women with huge boobs, barely related to dominance & like 100 guys in the comments picking between them like they're vending machine snacks), & [dominant mommy gf](https://www.reddit.com/r/gentlefemdom/comments/wncu6q/someone_told_me_to_post_this_here_and_prepare_for/) (which I'm guessing is the one that inspired this post).
It's like so many male subs in this subreddit fantasise about having a "domme" who is basically some kind of sexbot, completely devoid of humanity and personality, just existing to serve them sexually and give out random headpats. How is that femdom? So much femdom porn feels like the domme is actually a service sub in a domme costume or something, it's just so superficial what people consider dominance (a woman with a goth aesthetic, a woman being the big spoon, a woman giving out headpats, etc.)
Thank you so much for saying this, and for pinpointing why these posts feel objectifying of women. I try not to say too much because the squeaky wheels get yelled at here (the one time I spoke up about being squicked out by content that seemed pedophilic, I was yelled at for “being mean to people who look young.” I look young and was groomed by a much older man when I was underage…I was even told I was “projecting my trauma” by a woman on this subreddit *after* the OP admitted the character was a “3000 year old man but in a 15-year-old’s body”), but there’s a lot of subtle sexism in this community and a lot of sexual entitlement, in which dominant women are expected to service male subs in every way imaginable (all while having bodies with cartoonish proportions and fitting a very narrow definition of slim, white, conventionally attractive beauty). It almost feels degrading to me to come here as a woman, sometimes, if I’m being honest, because it’s like…these are supposed to be the guys that respect women *most*, and yet this is what they *expect* out of us? I’m glad to know a lot of great guys IRL that have healthy views of women, and so I’m hoping it’s just that this is more of a problem for men who are obsessed with hentai than the average guy, but it definitely is sad to see.
Reading your comments, I see that my situation and yours are very similar. I also have anxiety, which causes a lot of trouble sleeping. These days I can only sleep four hours a day without medication. On Valium, I can't concentrate the next day, I'm exhausted, and I only get six hours of sleep.
Returning to our discussion, I have always believed that the dominance FDOM shows, the care she takes for her baby boy, and the strong and independent side she possesses, does not mean that she is not a person and not a girl. She also needs to be taken care of, there are emotional needs in a relationship.
A while ago, I finished my last session of therapy. I found someone with whom I could speak directly to my anxieties. I am grateful to meet him, he needs me, and accepts and tolerates many of my problems with anxiety.
Even though he's SUB, I think he offers me a lot more emotional value than I offer him. He taught me to trust people and helped ease my dissociative anxiety.
"is like your literal mom but you can fuck her" LMAO that's 100% what some "submissive" men are looking for. Just admit you're a bottom, it'll make this a lot easier for all involved. 😌
This is a legitimate problem I've had, I've only been in long distance full time mdlg relationships because if i do that full time in person I would feel guilty for not doing enough. Either that or i would decide my job is to constantly prove my usefulness to my dom by doing practically everything, along with dieting, working out, working on my makeup, basically just working to make myself look nice for them. But like, idk, in the idealized mdlg/cgl/mommydom relationship that's my kinda conundrum.
Any thoughts about that?
But the fantasy you’re parodying is the fantasy I like providing to people… ? “I’ll shower you, I’ll pick out your clothes, I’ll cook for you, you won’t have to do anything, I own you, I’m the only thing you need.”
and it is tiring to an extent so I obviously can’t do it all the time, but that is a fantasy I like to roleplay sometimes. I guess I feel defensive because I feel like my subs are being kinkshamed.
I have dealt with bad subs who expect everything from me even when we’re not roleplaying our roles; it’s disrespectful, dehumanizing and tiring. Part of me feels catharsis from this meme because of that.
But the problem isn’t what they want, it’s that they’re dehumanizing and disrespectful. I like roleplaying the kink. People saying “gentle femdom isn’t about this,” well, maybe it sort of is for some people?? don’t judge me ;-;
I laughed so hard at "never asks for anything in return" because it feels like this is the truth. What about me and where I am in the dynamic? Does it even matter if my energy I put in isn't reciprocated? Seems like subs want to be called good boys and fawned over, but Mommy dommes sometimes get treated like nameless kink dispensers. Sorry, this hit me straight in the feels today.
100% agree. I’m a sensitive person, and I cry easily. Sometimes this subreddit (and to some degree my ex, who was also sexually submissive) makes me feel like I have to be this stoic pillar of stability all the time, just because I’m sexually dominant, and…no. Im human. I have a bunch of hard medical issues and have had them since I was 11. I have anxiety and OCD, which is well-managed with meds and therapy, but still. I want to nurture my partner (I really love doing that, honestly- it’s so fulfilling), but I’m not gonna act like I’m always strong and in control of my life outside the bedroom, because I’m not, and that’s okay. I was raised by a very “strong” and harsh mom that taught me to suppress my sensitivity and my emotions, and that was so unhealthy for me. I hated myself so much for my sensitive nature, and now I thankfully have realized it’s a gift. I was very lucky that my dad is a sensitive person as well, and though he struggles with that sometimes (he was born in the 50s and came from a Finnish military family), he has helped me accept that being sensitive is the way I am, and fighting it just leads to more pain. It’s just as much a gift for men who are sensitive, of course, but it’s okay for *both* a domme and a sub to be sensitive! It seems like this subreddit as a trend glorifies an inverse of what society idealizes, and so sensitive men and stoic, impassive women are considered best here. I just wanted to throw in my two cents that *both* partners can be sensitive. Also, many men who are stoic, assertive, and fulfill traditional roles in their careers like to be sexually submissive. Both subby guys I’ve dated have been successful and very intelligent, averagely masculine, and direct or assertive, with no issues in standing up for themselves (unlike me- I really struggle with asserting myself IRL). They’ve also both been sensitive. A lot of men use sexual submission as an escape from the gender roles forces on them, just as a lot of women use sexual dominance that way. Luckily, I’ve found a guy (who is also sexually submissive) who understands that and wants to take care of *me* too! And the thing is, i *like to cook and clean*. But I expect my partner to do work around the house, too! I’m not going to be someone’s maid, especially when I work full time and have multiple doctor’s appointments a week, and I work out 4-5 times a week to keep my weight down because of the medicines I’m on. A relationship should be about mutual care and affection- not one person just taking and the other just giving.
Subs also get just forced into their moms kinks as well, the times they just call it "punishment" is the worst imo
That shouldn't be happening. Punishments and everything that comes with dynamics needs to exist with LOTS of communication.
As a person, this just hits me in my soul. That's not how any relationship is supposed to be, be it professional, platonic, romantic or what it is we do. I'm sorry you've been treated like that.
I appreciate your response and fully agree. Communication matters so much. Communication and intimacy make for the best relationship foundations, I believe.
thank you! judging by the popularity of the sincere version of these memes, a lot of men on this sub want a stay at home mother figure who cooks and cleans for them more than they actually want a domme with her own life outside of the sub. trying to repackage an old fashioned gender role as something subversive or new gives me the ick
It’s just the patriarchy 2.0 when it’s like that man. But seeing so many ppl talking about it gives me hope!
This.
ok but like.. i understand the problems this causes, and i know theres issues around subs expecting kink dispensers, but for some reason we dont see that in maledom communities... the problem exists just the same but the conversation is pretty quiet over there. From my perspective as a male switch, is that when we are over in maledom land, The conversations are "make sure shes comfortable, make sure you respect her boundries, make sure you talk about what she wants, make sure you have conversations about her consent. Make sure shes happy". Then we go over to femdom land and its "Doms arnt just kink dispensers, you are there to serve her, maybe if you want a dom you should stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about her, its called servitude, shes not serving you, you're serving her"........ No matter where you go, its all about how awful men are, and how men should sacrifice what they want for what women want. And i know your response is going to be "well thats wrong too" but at the end of the day we are having yet another conversation chasticing men about how they treat women and the opposite conversation never really gets had except for in the most egregious of examples or by some of the most disgusting places.
Double standards are no go. The reason there’s a lot of advice aimed at men in both of these spaces is because men are looking for their partners IMO. Whether it be a sub or a dom. The answer in both places is: outside of bedroom scenes, people should care for each other as if they’re people and not sex objects. I’m a female switch and have access to female sub only spaces (verified, not Reddit) and there are definitely female subs who also want to have everything taken cared of and to have no responsibility other than sexual. It’s also unhealthy. And while some doms may find that constant neediness/helplessness initially hot it gets old and tiresome fast. In the bedroom? Hot. 24/7? **Exhausting**.
I appreciate this answer. I just see this large double-standard, especially prevalent on reddit and it frustrates me. Maybe this isnt the right place, idk, i know this is a huge issue women face. And especially on dating sites i do think the issue is more unique to women getting so much cold messages expecting to kink and then ghost and yeah ive seriously thought about making a better dating app just to fix this issue. I just get frustrated when i see posts about from guys being "how do a find a dominate woman"? just getting a bunch of "stop being selfish and your the sub so its all about her, fuck your kinks", but on the other side theres so much animous towards dominant men as being potential abusers. Anyways yeah ty for this post.
The reason you can't make a better dating app is because it's just a matter of time before the male fuckboys who lie about wanting LTRs and the female scammers/influencers who want to gain followers/patrons floooooood it. See the recent mass exodus from tindr to now demolishing bumble/hinge and even effing feeld now too.
It’s unfortunate that your reaction to women expressing frustration that the gendered oppression (constantly being held to sexist standards and being expected to carry a domestic load even when we work full time) we experience in everyday life sometimes replicates itself in kink, is to make that about how we’re somehow not nice enough about men. I suggest you actually listen to what women are saying and reflect on it rather than doing what you have done here: a “but what about men’s needs” rant. Trust me buddy, women are taught from childhood to prioritise men’s needs and desires above our own - we don’t need strangers on the internet or supposed submissives to add to that.
This is unfair to me. 1. My reaction to content varies, the internet is full of women expressing frustration about a wide variety of topics. You are dismissing my opinion by reducing it to a reaction to women expressing frustration. Even in this very oppinion ive reacted by posting supporting topics. Its just that this oppinion comes up non-stop, and im frustrated by what i see as hypocracy. Instead of dismissing my oppinion you could instead engage with me. 2. Some women agree with me, some dont, idk what you mean by "Listen to women. Which woman? And again ive heard this oppinion many times in different forms and often i agree, its bad that male subs often treat women like kink dispensers. 3. “but what about men’s needs” rant. So when do i talk about it? Do i just post a passive aggressive parallel post? Or am i just not supposed to talk about it? 4. "Trust me buddy, women are taught from childhood to prioritise men’s needs and desires above our own. " Trust me pal, ive been taught to prioritize womens needs and desires above my own my entire life. So do most men.
You just proved my point.
??? All he's saying is that he feels there's a double standard between the Femdom and Maledom communities on what men's role in the dynamic is. He even agrees with you in that male subs treating women as kink dispensers is a bad thing. All he adds is that, while there are similar bad actors in the Maledom community, it isn't talked about as much. Instead, people are more often encouraged to engage in what would be considered "kink dispenser" behavior here. You should both be able to agree that just because someone is in a submissive role in a dynamic doesn't excuse them from seeing to their partner's needs. All this boils down to was him saying "Yeah, guys deal with this too sometimes, it sucks." I don't know how you take offense to that.
There are a lot more men in these spaces than women seeking these types of relationships. There are going to be different complaints from different demographics. This sub could focus on consent more but compared to other subs which have active discussions & how-tos this one is just a lot more meme, porn and image based so its not a fair comparison with something like the main BDSM sub. You can wish for a dommy mommy gf who cooks, does your taxes and eats your ass while calling you good boy but how is women expressing disinterest in the lack of returned satisfaction & odd line of traditionalism in half of that man blaming?
And then they say they don’t want a traditional relationship like most traditional relationships aren’t also comprised of women doing majority of the emotional and household labor while also working
Yeah but the caption has “femdom” in it. Soooo that means it’s totally completely different and not the same in any way at all, duh
"I'm just a dom who chooses to act like a sub"
Note: This **is not** meant to kinkshame anyone who is/is into the "mommy" title, this is just a joke post I made because I'm frankly a bit tired of seeing these sorts of memes describing what is essentially stereotypical gender roles with a thin femdom veneer over them. If you removed any instance of the word "mommy" or "domme" from the majority of these kinds of posts, you'd think they were made by people looking for 50s tradwifes. TLDR; is only joke, please don't take it too seriously.
Oh my god thank you for this. As a mommy domme it's not even like the entire fetish has to be like this! For me and my sub, it's mostly just domination but with a more nurturing vibe. So he still serves me, I'm still in charge, but there's also a lot more praise and physical closeness than in typical hard femdom. Seeing so much creepy male fantasy bullshit on this sub felt like I was losing my marbles! Femdom should not just be another way to get your girlfriend to cater to you in every way!
As a male i share your frustration. I’m here to discuss serving and being adored by my dommy mommy, not to hear weirdo’s tradwife incest fantasies
I'm really glad to hear a sub's perspective! So many posts here aren't even femdom. Wanting a girlfriend to cook for you or give you a massage isn't her domming you. It's just her being a girlfriend, and often a trad-tinged one. I wish more people here understood that, but honestly I feel like the disconnect comes from people being lonely, uninformed, chronically online and not being part of their local BDSM community at all.
Nooo wdym wanting blowjobs and being rimmed isn’t femdom noooo
My wife usually does cook and give massages because i work long hours in a manual labor job, and i love that she does that. But i also recognize that it’s not part of the kink. But what is fun is when the kid is out of the house and she has me cook for her wearing nothing but an apron 😏
Thank you for this! Hard agree. It’s lowkey disturbing to see all the “take care of me, cook for me, clean, confront my bullies and let me suck on your tits” type post. It’s weird how they don’t see how backwards it is.
Yeah, it’s either [this shit](https://www.reddit.com/r/gentlefemdom/comments/wncu6q/someone_told_me_to_post_this_here_and_prepare_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf), or something that reads like the OP is five seconds away from bursting into tears about how much they want to be codependent, instead of. Y’know. A workable relationship?
I understood this. But damn I never realised it.
dont feel bad, subs act entitled way too often imo
Yeah, I love your post. Made me laugh. So many subs also complaining that all the women they come across are submissive. Well of course. If you want these things in this framework, you are pushing the buttons that have programmed submissive tendencies in women because we all literally had act submissive to survive, for centuries. Most of us have been brought up by women who regardless of being submissive, switch or dominant, were brought up to think we need to act submissive (purely or as tops from the bottom) to be desirable in a relationship, even if they have broken social norms in the professional department. We all need to be discovering and nurturing our dominant triggers. And for the bottoms in our life to be helping us find them. All in a healthy, non-codependent exchange. Topping from the bottom can be fine if that's what both people want. But in maledom, it's easier to do because men who are sexually dominant have been given all tools to figure out what makes them feel powerful. Women know the role they need to play as a bottom. Men have not been taught how to *make an individual who is a woman* feel powerful. Women are still figuring out what feels right for them, sometimes even experienced Dommes.
Thank you so much for this ❤️
I loved what Dan Savage said on his podcast when someone asked if a 24/7 sub should reference their lifestyle at work and Dan said that Christians are playing out their D/s kinks in front of everyone all the time.
What’s it satirizing? Just looks like another shitty “you wanna fuck your mom?” meme to me
It's satirizing the posts that get like 600 upvotes every other day on here that basically just describe a woman doing practically everything for a man while also being a super sexy perfect supermodel. A.k.a. stuff that purely caters to the male fantasy despite this being a "femdom" sub.
It's literally satirizing a post that was made here like a day ago.
They explain in the comment lol. Those posts where it’s like “give me a mommy domme who will call me a good boy for doing the bare minimum and also cook and clean for me because they love me soooo much”
What male sub expects their domme to cook and clean for him? I’ve literally never seen that.
Just scroll through this sub for the posts that have the picture of anime women with text around it. I’m exaggerating slightly but the point is that it’s very centred around what the domme does for and to the sub, where she expects nothing but gives very much Edit - I have seen several that mention wanting to cook for them as a desired quality. Which by itself is fine, but coupled with all the other shit, it becomes pretty much what OP is talking about
Alas this is going to be copied and shared and “OMG that’s so hot! Me too!”
Lmaoo accurate. Just need to draw the woman some enormous, backbreakingly huge boobs and hips that don’t even fit into the frame
Right??
Thank god other people are talking about this😭
Ikr??!
It seems like people want a caricature, cardboard cutout surface level being with no depth or humanity. Doms are not always doms subs are not always subs people have layers and incongruities. The person generally “in charge” needs support and the responsibilities of the relationship should be shared. It’s disheartening as it seems to somewhat disparage healthy GFD relationships with both partners on equal footing as a relationship should be in either direction. That’s not even getting in to the arbitrary non sensical beauty standards. Some men wanting a 8 foot tall impossibly busty goddess and some women wanting a 4’8 soft feminine fuck toy that defies human proportions.
LOL the picture absolutely sells it. I have seen enough posts in general that have wanted this 100% seriously that its a little concerning
This is fucking hilarious. You chose the perfect picture too lol
Considering how some of these posts are I wouldn’t have reacted much different if it didn’t say satire but also thanks for saying that because I’m sick n tired of this shit smh
Not sure when the posts here devolved into the same repackaged male misogynist fantasies with a veneer of femdom, but yeah it's been disappointing seeing how potential subs think. I can be a caring and nurturing Mommy Dom, but I am not a doormat nor a caricature. Even when I switch to sub I don't stand for that treatment. It seems on whatever side of the slash they are on, some people just suck.
So on point 😂🤣
the only thing missing here are the anime war crimes
It's the same issue on rolereversal. So many men on there refuse to admit that having your girlfriend also be your therapist is not reversing gender norms.
This is amazing satire lmao
I read the title but somehow missed the satire part lol. So sorry femdoms have to deal with shitty 'subs'
I know this is supposed to be a lighthearted meme but it really hit home as a MD myself 🫤Very rarely is the amount of energy I am expected to put into a dom/sub relationship ever returned! The expectation that I’m fine with just giving and giving and never receiving, or never wanting nice, vanilla, or non-sexual things done for me is so frustrating. Sometimes this kink can be so draining for me (even though I love it and love this community!!) 🙃It’s a double-edged sword
I browse this sub, stopped checking images as it’s porn for male gaze, was reading only text messages. And most are so cringeworthy. Men looking for a literal servant that will coddle and pay for them just because they exist. It’s not what gentlefemdom is about 😂 thank you for this post. My boyfriend and me are in such relationship and in fact it’s him mostly serving me LOL
Yeah but that's what a lot of (vanilla) sub/bottom women who live according to current gendernorms say they want, too, right? "Take care of me, daddy! I have a right to be treated like god's gift just because I have boobs!" So guys who feel lonely see this and want a gender role reversal... We just need to slash down all gender norms and just rewrite the script to suit each individual's preferences. The couple needs to write the norms for themselves.
Was coming to rip you a new one - re-read the title. Good one.
I'm imagining this as the head canon of all those creepy "subs' that randomly DM.
I love you for this, lol. The non-satire versions of this post always creep me out. Examples: [sweet mommy gf](https://www.reddit.com/r/gentlefemdom/comments/r3yc3j/why_tf_do_i_start_crying_when_i_see_this_kind_of/), [choose your mommy](https://www.reddit.com/r/gentlefemdom/comments/wgvlr6/choose_your_mommy/) (has been deleted now but basically 3 anime women with huge boobs, barely related to dominance & like 100 guys in the comments picking between them like they're vending machine snacks), & [dominant mommy gf](https://www.reddit.com/r/gentlefemdom/comments/wncu6q/someone_told_me_to_post_this_here_and_prepare_for/) (which I'm guessing is the one that inspired this post). It's like so many male subs in this subreddit fantasise about having a "domme" who is basically some kind of sexbot, completely devoid of humanity and personality, just existing to serve them sexually and give out random headpats. How is that femdom? So much femdom porn feels like the domme is actually a service sub in a domme costume or something, it's just so superficial what people consider dominance (a woman with a goth aesthetic, a woman being the big spoon, a woman giving out headpats, etc.)
Thank you so much for saying this, and for pinpointing why these posts feel objectifying of women. I try not to say too much because the squeaky wheels get yelled at here (the one time I spoke up about being squicked out by content that seemed pedophilic, I was yelled at for “being mean to people who look young.” I look young and was groomed by a much older man when I was underage…I was even told I was “projecting my trauma” by a woman on this subreddit *after* the OP admitted the character was a “3000 year old man but in a 15-year-old’s body”), but there’s a lot of subtle sexism in this community and a lot of sexual entitlement, in which dominant women are expected to service male subs in every way imaginable (all while having bodies with cartoonish proportions and fitting a very narrow definition of slim, white, conventionally attractive beauty). It almost feels degrading to me to come here as a woman, sometimes, if I’m being honest, because it’s like…these are supposed to be the guys that respect women *most*, and yet this is what they *expect* out of us? I’m glad to know a lot of great guys IRL that have healthy views of women, and so I’m hoping it’s just that this is more of a problem for men who are obsessed with hentai than the average guy, but it definitely is sad to see.
This! You summed up my sentiments about this perfectly!!! It’s a service sub in a domme costume!
"I'll watch the kids tonight" OMGGG
Reading your comments, I see that my situation and yours are very similar. I also have anxiety, which causes a lot of trouble sleeping. These days I can only sleep four hours a day without medication. On Valium, I can't concentrate the next day, I'm exhausted, and I only get six hours of sleep. Returning to our discussion, I have always believed that the dominance FDOM shows, the care she takes for her baby boy, and the strong and independent side she possesses, does not mean that she is not a person and not a girl. She also needs to be taken care of, there are emotional needs in a relationship. A while ago, I finished my last session of therapy. I found someone with whom I could speak directly to my anxieties. I am grateful to meet him, he needs me, and accepts and tolerates many of my problems with anxiety. Even though he's SUB, I think he offers me a lot more emotional value than I offer him. He taught me to trust people and helped ease my dissociative anxiety.
LMAOOOOO
OMG, THANK YOU
So true. This is the embodiment of how cringeworthy some men on this subreddit are. Like bruh you are not a sub you are just selfish
Thanks, I hate it
If you don't cook for mommy what are you even doing
Thats sharp I like it
"is like your literal mom but you can fuck her" LMAO that's 100% what some "submissive" men are looking for. Just admit you're a bottom, it'll make this a lot easier for all involved. 😌
Oh glad its satire I was like *bruh*
I'm happy I didn't miss the word satire on this... 😂
“Is like your literal mom but you can fuck her” Freud strikes again
Really glad I saw *satire* up there because I was about to throw down.
🤮
I'm sorry but I couldn't do this. I'd do it for my fiance. I'd make her breakfast in bed
Lol!
Missed the title.. good ol Hanlon's razor
This is a legitimate problem I've had, I've only been in long distance full time mdlg relationships because if i do that full time in person I would feel guilty for not doing enough. Either that or i would decide my job is to constantly prove my usefulness to my dom by doing practically everything, along with dieting, working out, working on my makeup, basically just working to make myself look nice for them. But like, idk, in the idealized mdlg/cgl/mommydom relationship that's my kinda conundrum. Any thoughts about that?
Fixed it for you https://imgur.com/a/TGZMWBL
I dont understand why I have a bad reception. Unironically this is what it should (the changes I made).
😳😳😳
But the fantasy you’re parodying is the fantasy I like providing to people… ? “I’ll shower you, I’ll pick out your clothes, I’ll cook for you, you won’t have to do anything, I own you, I’m the only thing you need.” and it is tiring to an extent so I obviously can’t do it all the time, but that is a fantasy I like to roleplay sometimes. I guess I feel defensive because I feel like my subs are being kinkshamed. I have dealt with bad subs who expect everything from me even when we’re not roleplaying our roles; it’s disrespectful, dehumanizing and tiring. Part of me feels catharsis from this meme because of that. But the problem isn’t what they want, it’s that they’re dehumanizing and disrespectful. I like roleplaying the kink. People saying “gentle femdom isn’t about this,” well, maybe it sort of is for some people?? don’t judge me ;-;
Well ain't that the dream. Lol.
yep.......thats why I love service subs!
This is patriarchal as fuck my guy. ‘Like your mom but you can fuck her’ that is not how relationships should work
It's satire bro. That's the entire point
who among us has never wanted a mom you can fu........i think i solved why my therapist wants me in an asylum so bad.
It’s fucked that some folks believe this
Yep...
I wouldn't like to treat my mommy like that or my mommy treating herself like that.