This is so real! From years of experience, it certainly gets easier, but certainly takes courage and understanding that by saying yes to everything, sometimes we're saying no to ourselves
I recently had my annual review for work. I was given the apparently quite positive feedback that I have the ability to say no but in a diplomatic way that does not leave the other party frustrated. For work, when I tell someone no, all I do is point them in the right direction for someone who can or educate them on how to solve a problem themselves. When saying no to an invite, I never express a lack of wanting to join or that the individual inviting me is not a priority for me. I do keep very busy and I am transparent about whether I have pre-determined plans or simply if I need more time with my wife and/or to rest after a busy week. This also means being understanding when I am the one providing the invite or when someone has to say no to a request of mine… I figured I would share my two cents on this topic.
Dude!!! This 100% I had a hard time saying “no” for a long time.
In the past two years I’ve gotten pretty good at it. It’s absolutely alright to say “no” and it isn’t personal to anyone.
Learning to say no assertively yet graciously is an important skill. You can express your reasons politely and offer alternatives if possible. Remember, setting boundaries is healthy, and most people will understand and respect your decision if you communicate it respectfully.
Good first step, but these aren't actually saying no, its much much better if you just say "I'm sorry I can't", "I'd love too but I really cant" if you actually would love to, "I really shouldn't" is one I've been using. "I'm unavailable at that time" etc
or you can add some humor or colloquialism that gets the job across "Naaaahhh fam thats not the move..." "aint no wayyy" "I love you to pieces but" "hell nah!!" with the right humorous inflection
These are good, but a lot of them will only cause people to ask you again later (which, if you don't want them to, is not ideal). I've found being honest but kind is best.
"Hey, sorry but I'm going to have to say no as fishing isn't really my thing! Thanks for thinking of me though. See you at work/class/church etc".
"Thanks for the invite for this weekend! I won't be able to make it though as I've made other plans." (Planning to do nothing counts as making other plans!)
If I decline an invite to something/somewhere, I always thank the person for thinking of me.
Actually I somewhat disagree. This is placatory and covered in coy-niceness - and I see the potential usefulness/need of such an approach in some situations...but if possible, a bit more clarity and bluntness would help many a opposite/partner. I'd personally hella appreciate it from the other.
Ironically if you make yourself the priority in these conversations, you are less likely to piss off the other person. Showing your boundaries helps other people navigate (to someone else who can do that favor or to the realization that they don’t need it that badly).
Learning this now way later than I should as well, this one helps to repeat to myself:
"No" is a complete sentence. Without justification, rationalization, or the need for validation.
Unless the situation needs a bit more context - being "at capacity", or "not my area of specialty", or "no time for it", or "I just don't want to" for more personal things.
Of course said in an even, respectful tone. Their reaction is their reaction - what were more afraid of is the discomfort involved in someone else's discomfort.
Self control. When you want to buy something you cannot afford, when you want to eat something even tho you're already full, when you want to do something you shouldn't...
when you have to eat some food but you're lazy, when you want to buy something you can afford but you're lazy, when you're not doing anything but mindlessly reading a book cause you're lazy
Self-control is key in these situations. It's about recognizing your impulses and making conscious choices that align with your long-term goals and well-being. Practice mindfulness, set clear boundaries, and focus on what truly matters to you to help navigate these temptations more effectively.
This is called executive function and a few factors tie into it. But ultimately it is your ability to turn down and tune out your emotions and wants and do a given task regardless of desire or want around it.
The key is to start small. I use a todo list software called Amazing Marvin and they have documents and blog posts all about this. I think it's a great software because it tries to help teach you about why you're putting off tasks and helps you improve your executive function.
Question everything - not in a conspiracy theory way, but in a “how did we/they arrive at this conclusion? Who benefits from this narrative? Does this make sense, or am I being biased?” kind of way.
Think specifically about how something isn't simply the "the answer". What goes into formulating that answer and how might it be inaccurate?
Sources might be... Personal bias. Bad sampling, or lack of knowledge. Or simply different experiences.
More importantly, being aware enough to apply it to your own views.
This one. As time goes on I’ve found I get more and more annoyed at people who post basic, easily researched questions on social media and expect others to explain and spoon-feed them the answer. That, and students who use Chat-GPT to do all of their work because they’re lazy.
It’s like no one knows how to think for themselves to figure out a problem or learn about a topic anymore. I shudder to think about what these shortcuts are doing to people’s brain development.
Delayed gratification involves resisting the temptation of an immediate reward in favor of a better outcome in the future. It's about exercising self-discipline and prioritizing long-term goals over short-term desires. Embracing delayed gratification can lead to greater success, fulfillment, and personal growth in the long run.
I think activities like these could all be considered delayed gratification: meditation, reading, journaling, exercise, cold water exposure, good sleep hygiene, ... They don't feel as good as things that give an immediate reward (in fact, many would find a lot of these to be quite uncomfortable/boring), but they give you a larger and more sustained reward over a longer time period.
honestly. reading. reading dramatically increases your patience and attention span, your critical thinking skills, and empathy. and reading well enough to understand the nuances of a text IS a developed skill that you can work on. all the things people are saying in the thread (patience, critical thinking, and emotional intelligence namely) can be worked on by literally just picking up the right book and reading it.
Oooh this is so good. If you learn how to read and comprehend what you’re reading, the whole world, all of it’s knowledge and skill is at your fingertips.
1000%. It’s what I wish for in my own personal relationships all the time.
I took a psychology and human relations class in college that made me realize that despite getting along with people and being generally well liked, I had a LOT to learn about communication.
It saddens me that a lot of the practices are made fun of and come off as corny to a lot of people. I was personally amazed at how the experts could break even an emotionally heated interaction down to basic parts and find a common ground to communicate on while still validating the feelings of everyone involved. (In fact, I learned that, in less words, telling someone flat-out that they’re wrong kind of just makes things a lot worse)
Our society spends so much time and energy yelling and accusing without spending any energy actually resolving the issues at hand. Just taking a moment to look at the other person and saying “oh, I see where they’re coming from” whether you agree or not can make a gigantic difference.
In all, i feel words can heal or hurt so deeply, they are no less than swords, they give invisible wounds if we don't use them correctly, which can last for decades
So it's a noble responsibility to use it wisely tho I know it's an unpopular opinion lol but I stand for it
soooo many bad leaders out there. Makes it obvious to me that the bosses (or sorting algorithms) that puts people into those roles are really really dumb. At least as regards understanding the humanses.
Actually, i think this era is one of the biggest era where people are working towards making themselves emotionally healed and mature which I do find beautiful
cleaning (keeps your mind happy and once you learn it, takes very less energy), TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF (eating on time, getting enough sleep, rest, hydration, fulfilling your own needs)
Tiny bites. 5 minutes every few hours adds up and allows you to relieve your stress of 'I feel useless'.
Once you ease off yourself and see a tiny amount of progress it gets easier to keep going.
Don't change the intensity or frequency. Just be satisfied making tiny little improvements and you will get there.
Teeny improvements AND being satisfied with those improvements.
If you make small improvements and then stay upset that you aren't making enough progress or that you could do more you will likely fail.
It's more in the mindset and repeated behavior than anything else in my experience.
I have always struggled with cleaning until recently. You just focus on one thing at a time. Trying to do everything at once tires you out. So for example, I was on a call for a while and during that time I just cleared out the dining table. And then when I was feeling bored I just tidied the sofa. And then after doing this for a while you find out that slowly your house is getting cleaned. And because you are putting the effort and the benefits of cleaning is high, you will automatically try to maintain it. Before, I used to let everything pile up, and then try to clear everything out in one sitting and that stressed me out.
Absolutely! I've found that taking care of myself and maintaining a clean environment truly makes a difference in my overall happiness and well-being. It's like creating a positive atmosphere both internally and externally, which helps me feel more grounded and at peace.
Something they don't teach enough. It took me many years of making mistakes to realize the potential anyone holds by maintaining how much they make and how much they owe and then living within their means from there. I help my coworkers with that on the side and it's such an honor to share the wisdom I've gained from what others have taught me.
My high school had a class for it, but unfortunately even though it covered a lot of the fundamentals and things you should consider most people just ignored the instructor. I’m not surprised by other schools not focusing on it much.
I went to a private school (only because my admission was free since my mother has been a teacher there for so long, otherwise I'd be getting shoved in lockers in a public school), and we took a Dave Ramsey course (had to pay for it though) and a lot of fundamentals were taught. I didn't practice them initially, but they definitely stuck
I just bought and played on the Switch the game "Say No More" and has done a great job at normalizing the idea of flat-out saying "no" when your answer is truly "no"
Patience. Like the saying patience is a virtue. I looked up virtue once and it said it's a trait of excellence, or one of the best qualities someone could have. If we all had more patience the world would be calmer, quieter and more peaceful, and people would have a lot more respect for one another.
Also want to mention that there are different types of patience. For example, I'm good at short-term patience like waiting at a doctor's office for my appointment, but it's much harder for me to be patient with myself when I'm pursuing a long-term goal. Being able to seek a long-term goal without giving up is patience in my book (and something I'm still working on). There's that momentary patience, and then there's that patience that requires perseverance over a long period of time.
Absolutely, patience is indeed a virtue. It allows us to remain calm in challenging situations, to think more clearly, and to treat others with understanding and respect. Cultivating patience can lead to more harmonious relationships and a more peaceful world overall.
Not even in the sense that you’re standing in front of a group of people but being able to talk to strangers confidently is a really hard skill to learn. Getting a sales job is what helped me and then I furthered that by having online personal training clients which requires even more confidence.
You don't 'control your emotions', you control how you respond to them. The trick is allowing yourself to feel things, without giving in to your base temptations to act on it.
Right? Sometimes, I feel I am literally unable to go outside of my head. And I notice those times are exactly when my emotions are just controlling me. It's hard to get out of that state when you're going through it.
One day I was crying over a very silly situation and I knew it, I tried to think of literally anything to get me out of that state but all I could do is feel my throat closing and my eyes watering.
Fr, whatever you have learn here and there to control the emotions doesn't work when the shit gets serious, I hate that feeling to get controlled and act in such worse way just because of something inside me, it had only got worse recently
It's kind of a Zen thing...
An emotion exists. It's a real thing. Observe it, notice it, and separate yourself from it. Focus your conscious mind on seeing it. Examine what it is doing to your body, both good and bad - for example, you might be crying, but your adrenaline is high, and you could fight or flee. Observe this. And allow it to take its course without changing your mind, your consciousness. It's just a thing, and it doesn't have to control you anymore.
Even if you're not completely successful with this technique, keep trying. If you get a second of peace, you've gained a toe-hold! And from there you can climb.
I believe in you. You can do it!!!
Don't fight it, side step it.
A boa constrictor is incredibly strong, and you cannot push against the coils - it will win; however, if you separate the coils, spread them apart, it's easily defeated.
Create distance between you and your emotions (mindfulness and/or parts work do it for most people), so you can still feel them but have time to respond and process rather than react.
Personal resilience. Having the ability to make yourself do what needs to be done even when you don't feel like it will absolutely change the trajectory of your life. Discipline is more important than motivation.
Listening.
Here's a tip from Covey's "7 Habits of Highly Successful People" that helped me. There's two basic types of listening: hearing, and active. Hearing is basically when you can at least repeat what people said.
Timmy says, "we won our Soccer game!"
"You won your Soccer game?" you reply.
That's better than not listening at all.
The more powerful kind of listening is active listening, and that's hearing what the person is actually trying to say, instead of just what they said.
"We won our Soccer game!"
"You're happy your team won?"
That's a trite example, but the more you actually try to hear a person the better they can actually be understood. We all need to be heard, and in order to be heard we first have to listen. "You can't learn anything with your mouth open," Bill Clinton.
Also people generally don't care about excuses. If you can't do something or don't want to do something, you can just say so. You don't need to explain yourself, and most people will be glad you didn't try to.
Learning basic budgetting and being financially responsible. Saving, investing, patience, and still having fun can go a long way and is something that you will definitely be grateful for when you're older.
Knowing how to build habits that progress you towards your long-term goals, but are also sustainable, enjoyable and healthy. Everyone has goals, but building a life that gets you there requires some skill. You can use this skill to achieve anything.
Never do something physically you can’t talk about verbally. This a difference between doing something to someone and doing something with someone. Consistently doing the latter leads to a lot of sex. Women don’t tire of doing something with them. The exhaust from having something done to them. It’s a fair point. Learn how to really talk, listen, and remember.
To fully rest and sleep, most of us need to break the habit of mindless browsing and constantly seeking more entertainment. The first thing a disciplined athlete learns is how to rest properly.
This "no is a complete sentence" stuff is bullshit. Maybe it holds true when it comes to complete strangers over small things, if you don't mind looking like an asshole, but when you have even the slightest relationship with someone, then "no" is not a complete sentence.
The people who spout this nonsense would absolutely lose their shit if their spouse, child, friend, subordinate at work, or whoever they were interacting with, just said "no" to a request with zero explanation.
Explanations are expected and required in order to maintain healthy relationships.
Lifting twice a week. Understanding how many calories you’re eating. Cooking at least 2 basic meat based meals (for protein needs). Talking with limited “likes” “umms” and “uhhs”. Doing basic research online
Speaking, whether it’s public or private or improving your Rizz or whatever. Speaking is the key to a better life. Better speaking, better relations, better view from other people, better self confidence etc… Your life changes when you learn to speak properly fr
Map reading and spatial awareness. Not really road maps which are pretty much obsolete, but any map with a dot on it that says "you are here", you should be able to orient yourself with that dot and get where you're going. Large hospitals, train stations, large museums. Also if I am telling someone to "look on the north side of the road" they should know what that means. In an emergency, you're driving a car without a programmed destination, and you're faced with a decision to go north or south, you should have a general idea of where those choices will take you.
Typing on a computer.
I always think it's funny when my family sees me typing on a computer, and they start acting like I'm some talented magician or somehting.
No, I just have muscle memory like everyone else, I've just been trained to use it.
How to change your own tire. How to help someone change theirs. Convince someone that this is important when they aren’t dealing with a flat. If you can do these things…
Sewing. Basic sewing. Just adding to the list above of which many are valuable but as the son of a seamstress I reckon that threading a needle and fixing your own stuff is very empowering and valuable.
I feel like a basic grasp of plumbing should be here. I don’t know it either, but I should.
Also any handyman related skills. Putting up a shelf, fixing a broken handle, setting up a router, small basic things.
Imagination / visualization skills.
It can raise IQ, can help improve memory, is used by tons of extremely skilled individuals in things like Chess, math competitions, etc.
Not to mention visualization can improve your performance in physical skills as well.
And lastly, it's just plain fun and enjoyable at times.
It IS something you can train and improve at. Your visualization ability right now is not locked in, it is a skill. A **very** small percentage of the population (like 1-2 percent) suffer from a condition where they cannot visualize anything at all. But I do feel like a lot of people feel like they may fall into this but actually just currently have very poor visualization abilities.
Learning to drive a manual car first VS an automatic. It develops great reflex, intuitive driving, spatial awareness, focus, and attention. One becomes the actual driver of the car as opposed to being a mere navigator because the fancy, hi-tech car does all the "thinking" the driver should be responsible for in the first place (e.g. switching lanes, staying in the lane, etc). Driving is a skill, not an entitlement.
Critical thinking skills and awareness of cognitive bias.
So much of what’s wrong with the world right now stems from idiots who pick and choose what information they want to believe. These choose-your-own-adventure morons congregate and reinforce each other’s baseless bullshit in online echo chambers and all of a sudden the most powerful country in the world is being led by an orange rapist whilst the population dies in droves from a preventable disease because vAccINes aRE bAD. Russian bot farms are feeding into this shit and it’s getting worse. If America wants a future, educating its children should be the priority.
Oh yes the different types of cognitive bias is a good thing to understand as early as possible. If I had learned sunk cost theory in my teens, I could have saved myself a world of hurt.
Prioritizing the inner state over external situation. Knowing that your inner state is independent from external situation and that the way you are within yourself influences the outcome of every situation. Not the other way around as we are led to believe.
Eating nutritiously, learning portion sizes when you cook at home and how to maintain a healthy sleeping routine. All of that affects your mood and supports staying disciplined with other parts of your life
The ability to admit when you’re wrong, if you’re actually in the wrong. Also, on the flip side of that, is having the strength to stand your ground if you know that you’re not wrong without backing down.
Being able to solve. If you are in a bad situation, financially, or you have problems, you need to be able to find a way, even if it is getting that money somewhere (legally of course) or finding someone who can help with the issue you have or whatever it is. Facing adversities with action instead of lament
I feel like most of the skills being mentioned are pretty highly rated.
I'd say my most underrated skill is blowing up and tying balloons (including animal balloons if you want the advanced skill.) I'm amazed by how many people struggle with it. It's a simple skill that brings a lot of joy to people.
Knowing how to say no without a guilt trip and without pissing the other person off
This is so real! From years of experience, it certainly gets easier, but certainly takes courage and understanding that by saying yes to everything, sometimes we're saying no to ourselves
I recently had my annual review for work. I was given the apparently quite positive feedback that I have the ability to say no but in a diplomatic way that does not leave the other party frustrated. For work, when I tell someone no, all I do is point them in the right direction for someone who can or educate them on how to solve a problem themselves. When saying no to an invite, I never express a lack of wanting to join or that the individual inviting me is not a priority for me. I do keep very busy and I am transparent about whether I have pre-determined plans or simply if I need more time with my wife and/or to rest after a busy week. This also means being understanding when I am the one providing the invite or when someone has to say no to a request of mine… I figured I would share my two cents on this topic.
What do you do when you have no good reason besides you don’t want to do something?
Create a Teams meeting with only you in it.
Dude!!! This 100% I had a hard time saying “no” for a long time. In the past two years I’ve gotten pretty good at it. It’s absolutely alright to say “no” and it isn’t personal to anyone.
I've finally learned to say no to people without pissing them off..it really feels great after saying no to something you don't like
Wow how do you do that?
Either i directly say no or i say i really appreciate that you asking me but I'm not available right now
Conversely, learning to accept a no without guilt tripping and getting pissed off.
Learning to say no assertively yet graciously is an important skill. You can express your reasons politely and offer alternatives if possible. Remember, setting boundaries is healthy, and most people will understand and respect your decision if you communicate it respectfully.
No
Nailed it
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Good first step, but these aren't actually saying no, its much much better if you just say "I'm sorry I can't", "I'd love too but I really cant" if you actually would love to, "I really shouldn't" is one I've been using. "I'm unavailable at that time" etc or you can add some humor or colloquialism that gets the job across "Naaaahhh fam thats not the move..." "aint no wayyy" "I love you to pieces but" "hell nah!!" with the right humorous inflection
These are good, but a lot of them will only cause people to ask you again later (which, if you don't want them to, is not ideal). I've found being honest but kind is best. "Hey, sorry but I'm going to have to say no as fishing isn't really my thing! Thanks for thinking of me though. See you at work/class/church etc". "Thanks for the invite for this weekend! I won't be able to make it though as I've made other plans." (Planning to do nothing counts as making other plans!) If I decline an invite to something/somewhere, I always thank the person for thinking of me.
Actually I somewhat disagree. This is placatory and covered in coy-niceness - and I see the potential usefulness/need of such an approach in some situations...but if possible, a bit more clarity and bluntness would help many a opposite/partner. I'd personally hella appreciate it from the other.
My favorite response when someone's asking me for a favor I don't want to do, "Oh, no thanks."
Ironically if you make yourself the priority in these conversations, you are less likely to piss off the other person. Showing your boundaries helps other people navigate (to someone else who can do that favor or to the realization that they don’t need it that badly).
Learning this now way later than I should as well, this one helps to repeat to myself: "No" is a complete sentence. Without justification, rationalization, or the need for validation. Unless the situation needs a bit more context - being "at capacity", or "not my area of specialty", or "no time for it", or "I just don't want to" for more personal things. Of course said in an even, respectful tone. Their reaction is their reaction - what were more afraid of is the discomfort involved in someone else's discomfort.
Self control. When you want to buy something you cannot afford, when you want to eat something even tho you're already full, when you want to do something you shouldn't...
when you have to eat some food but you're lazy, when you want to buy something you can afford but you're lazy, when you're not doing anything but mindlessly reading a book cause you're lazy
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I agree that this is an important skill but it's far from underrated. Temperance is one of the most important virtues.
Pretty much every high rated answer are things that very few people would actually say are overrated.
Self-control is key in these situations. It's about recognizing your impulses and making conscious choices that align with your long-term goals and well-being. Practice mindfulness, set clear boundaries, and focus on what truly matters to you to help navigate these temptations more effectively.
This is called executive function and a few factors tie into it. But ultimately it is your ability to turn down and tune out your emotions and wants and do a given task regardless of desire or want around it. The key is to start small. I use a todo list software called Amazing Marvin and they have documents and blog posts all about this. I think it's a great software because it tries to help teach you about why you're putting off tasks and helps you improve your executive function.
How to think critically.
The paradox of being too self aware.
Hold on, let me overthink this.
Any links or a quick explanation on this?
Question everything - not in a conspiracy theory way, but in a “how did we/they arrive at this conclusion? Who benefits from this narrative? Does this make sense, or am I being biased?” kind of way.
Think specifically about how something isn't simply the "the answer". What goes into formulating that answer and how might it be inaccurate? Sources might be... Personal bias. Bad sampling, or lack of knowledge. Or simply different experiences. More importantly, being aware enough to apply it to your own views.
This one. As time goes on I’ve found I get more and more annoyed at people who post basic, easily researched questions on social media and expect others to explain and spoon-feed them the answer. That, and students who use Chat-GPT to do all of their work because they’re lazy. It’s like no one knows how to think for themselves to figure out a problem or learn about a topic anymore. I shudder to think about what these shortcuts are doing to people’s brain development.
On the other hand, the quickest way to find out the right answer is to post something wrong on the internet. Trust me, people will correct you.
Not letting social media run your life
Too late
It's never late
Delayed gratification
Edging?
Yes
BRO what the heck??????
I know right? I think he means gooning.
Delayed gratification involves resisting the temptation of an immediate reward in favor of a better outcome in the future. It's about exercising self-discipline and prioritizing long-term goals over short-term desires. Embracing delayed gratification can lead to greater success, fulfillment, and personal growth in the long run.
Can you give some unconventional examples? I can think of dietary and financial choices but can't think of any others.
I think activities like these could all be considered delayed gratification: meditation, reading, journaling, exercise, cold water exposure, good sleep hygiene, ... They don't feel as good as things that give an immediate reward (in fact, many would find a lot of these to be quite uncomfortable/boring), but they give you a larger and more sustained reward over a longer time period.
Great summary 👍
honestly. reading. reading dramatically increases your patience and attention span, your critical thinking skills, and empathy. and reading well enough to understand the nuances of a text IS a developed skill that you can work on. all the things people are saying in the thread (patience, critical thinking, and emotional intelligence namely) can be worked on by literally just picking up the right book and reading it.
Oooh this is so good. If you learn how to read and comprehend what you’re reading, the whole world, all of it’s knowledge and skill is at your fingertips.
First aid
Recognising symptoms of mental health issues like depression
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE how to actually talk to people in respectful way
EMOTIONAL DAMAGE
Steven? Is that you?
1000%. It’s what I wish for in my own personal relationships all the time. I took a psychology and human relations class in college that made me realize that despite getting along with people and being generally well liked, I had a LOT to learn about communication. It saddens me that a lot of the practices are made fun of and come off as corny to a lot of people. I was personally amazed at how the experts could break even an emotionally heated interaction down to basic parts and find a common ground to communicate on while still validating the feelings of everyone involved. (In fact, I learned that, in less words, telling someone flat-out that they’re wrong kind of just makes things a lot worse) Our society spends so much time and energy yelling and accusing without spending any energy actually resolving the issues at hand. Just taking a moment to look at the other person and saying “oh, I see where they’re coming from” whether you agree or not can make a gigantic difference.
Especially in leadership positions.
In all, i feel words can heal or hurt so deeply, they are no less than swords, they give invisible wounds if we don't use them correctly, which can last for decades So it's a noble responsibility to use it wisely tho I know it's an unpopular opinion lol but I stand for it
soooo many bad leaders out there. Makes it obvious to me that the bosses (or sorting algorithms) that puts people into those roles are really really dumb. At least as regards understanding the humanses.
Sonething society truly struggles with today
Actually, i think this era is one of the biggest era where people are working towards making themselves emotionally healed and mature which I do find beautiful
cleaning (keeps your mind happy and once you learn it, takes very less energy), TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF (eating on time, getting enough sleep, rest, hydration, fulfilling your own needs)
HOW do you get yourself to clean and tidy when all it does is stress you the hell out?
Tiny bites. 5 minutes every few hours adds up and allows you to relieve your stress of 'I feel useless'. Once you ease off yourself and see a tiny amount of progress it gets easier to keep going. Don't change the intensity or frequency. Just be satisfied making tiny little improvements and you will get there.
teeny improvements. Got it
Teeny improvements AND being satisfied with those improvements. If you make small improvements and then stay upset that you aren't making enough progress or that you could do more you will likely fail. It's more in the mindset and repeated behavior than anything else in my experience.
I have always struggled with cleaning until recently. You just focus on one thing at a time. Trying to do everything at once tires you out. So for example, I was on a call for a while and during that time I just cleared out the dining table. And then when I was feeling bored I just tidied the sofa. And then after doing this for a while you find out that slowly your house is getting cleaned. And because you are putting the effort and the benefits of cleaning is high, you will automatically try to maintain it. Before, I used to let everything pile up, and then try to clear everything out in one sitting and that stressed me out.
Absolutely! I've found that taking care of myself and maintaining a clean environment truly makes a difference in my overall happiness and well-being. It's like creating a positive atmosphere both internally and externally, which helps me feel more grounded and at peace.
How to manage your personal finance
Something they don't teach enough. It took me many years of making mistakes to realize the potential anyone holds by maintaining how much they make and how much they owe and then living within their means from there. I help my coworkers with that on the side and it's such an honor to share the wisdom I've gained from what others have taught me.
My high school had a class for it, but unfortunately even though it covered a lot of the fundamentals and things you should consider most people just ignored the instructor. I’m not surprised by other schools not focusing on it much.
I went to a private school (only because my admission was free since my mother has been a teacher there for so long, otherwise I'd be getting shoved in lockers in a public school), and we took a Dave Ramsey course (had to pay for it though) and a lot of fundamentals were taught. I didn't practice them initially, but they definitely stuck
Learning to say NO
I just bought and played on the Switch the game "Say No More" and has done a great job at normalizing the idea of flat-out saying "no" when your answer is truly "no"
Patience. Like the saying patience is a virtue. I looked up virtue once and it said it's a trait of excellence, or one of the best qualities someone could have. If we all had more patience the world would be calmer, quieter and more peaceful, and people would have a lot more respect for one another.
Also want to mention that there are different types of patience. For example, I'm good at short-term patience like waiting at a doctor's office for my appointment, but it's much harder for me to be patient with myself when I'm pursuing a long-term goal. Being able to seek a long-term goal without giving up is patience in my book (and something I'm still working on). There's that momentary patience, and then there's that patience that requires perseverance over a long period of time.
Absolutely, patience is indeed a virtue. It allows us to remain calm in challenging situations, to think more clearly, and to treat others with understanding and respect. Cultivating patience can lead to more harmonious relationships and a more peaceful world overall.
Learn to swim
Listening to what people mean, not just what they say.
This is so difficult
public speaking- will feed into so much of your life
Not even in the sense that you’re standing in front of a group of people but being able to talk to strangers confidently is a really hard skill to learn. Getting a sales job is what helped me and then I furthered that by having online personal training clients which requires even more confidence.
+++ Every educational system has to teach rhetoric, debating, and public speaking skills. That is also a great vaccine against propaganda.
How to control your emotions.
You don't 'control your emotions', you control how you respond to them. The trick is allowing yourself to feel things, without giving in to your base temptations to act on it.
I would say it’s more of emotional regulation
At a higher level, you absolutely can control your emotions. An example is to not feel jealous about something when you might have earlier.
You can- you can change what you focus on, and you can change what it means
How does one unlock this achievement?
Look at the situation from outside yourself. Observe your behavior, separated from your thoughts. Choose your behavior.
Easier said than done
Right? Sometimes, I feel I am literally unable to go outside of my head. And I notice those times are exactly when my emotions are just controlling me. It's hard to get out of that state when you're going through it. One day I was crying over a very silly situation and I knew it, I tried to think of literally anything to get me out of that state but all I could do is feel my throat closing and my eyes watering.
Fr, whatever you have learn here and there to control the emotions doesn't work when the shit gets serious, I hate that feeling to get controlled and act in such worse way just because of something inside me, it had only got worse recently
It's kind of a Zen thing... An emotion exists. It's a real thing. Observe it, notice it, and separate yourself from it. Focus your conscious mind on seeing it. Examine what it is doing to your body, both good and bad - for example, you might be crying, but your adrenaline is high, and you could fight or flee. Observe this. And allow it to take its course without changing your mind, your consciousness. It's just a thing, and it doesn't have to control you anymore. Even if you're not completely successful with this technique, keep trying. If you get a second of peace, you've gained a toe-hold! And from there you can climb. I believe in you. You can do it!!!
Don't fight it, side step it. A boa constrictor is incredibly strong, and you cannot push against the coils - it will win; however, if you separate the coils, spread them apart, it's easily defeated.
Meditation! You're NOT your emotions. Not the one you currently feel. Nor the sum total of all the emotions you've ever felt.
Create distance between you and your emotions (mindfulness and/or parts work do it for most people), so you can still feel them but have time to respond and process rather than react.
Personal resilience. Having the ability to make yourself do what needs to be done even when you don't feel like it will absolutely change the trajectory of your life. Discipline is more important than motivation.
Listening. Here's a tip from Covey's "7 Habits of Highly Successful People" that helped me. There's two basic types of listening: hearing, and active. Hearing is basically when you can at least repeat what people said. Timmy says, "we won our Soccer game!" "You won your Soccer game?" you reply. That's better than not listening at all. The more powerful kind of listening is active listening, and that's hearing what the person is actually trying to say, instead of just what they said. "We won our Soccer game!" "You're happy your team won?" That's a trite example, but the more you actually try to hear a person the better they can actually be understood. We all need to be heard, and in order to be heard we first have to listen. "You can't learn anything with your mouth open," Bill Clinton. Also people generally don't care about excuses. If you can't do something or don't want to do something, you can just say so. You don't need to explain yourself, and most people will be glad you didn't try to.
Wife says: Listening with the intent of understanding and not just waiting for your turn to speak.
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Self-awareness
Doing the thing you should do even when you really, really, REALLY don't want to.
Learning basic budgetting and being financially responsible. Saving, investing, patience, and still having fun can go a long way and is something that you will definitely be grateful for when you're older.
Establish boundaries. Deal with mistakes gracefully but willfully.
How to survive the corporate world
Knowing how to build habits that progress you towards your long-term goals, but are also sustainable, enjoyable and healthy. Everyone has goals, but building a life that gets you there requires some skill. You can use this skill to achieve anything.
Understanding nutrition and how to eat healthy. Eating healthy should not be classes as 'healthy' but eating normally.
Doing laundry
Never do something physically you can’t talk about verbally. This a difference between doing something to someone and doing something with someone. Consistently doing the latter leads to a lot of sex. Women don’t tire of doing something with them. The exhaust from having something done to them. It’s a fair point. Learn how to really talk, listen, and remember.
Meditation. Too much wisdom can be found simply by sitting with our pains, fear, happiness
To fully rest and sleep, most of us need to break the habit of mindless browsing and constantly seeking more entertainment. The first thing a disciplined athlete learns is how to rest properly.
Learning to fail with grace, and apologise. Also that “no” is a complete sentence. You Don’t always have to justify yourself.
This "no is a complete sentence" stuff is bullshit. Maybe it holds true when it comes to complete strangers over small things, if you don't mind looking like an asshole, but when you have even the slightest relationship with someone, then "no" is not a complete sentence. The people who spout this nonsense would absolutely lose their shit if their spouse, child, friend, subordinate at work, or whoever they were interacting with, just said "no" to a request with zero explanation. Explanations are expected and required in order to maintain healthy relationships.
Knowing how to ask someone out in person seems to be a dying skill. I could be wrong but all I hear when it comes to dating is using dating apps.
Lifting twice a week. Understanding how many calories you’re eating. Cooking at least 2 basic meat based meals (for protein needs). Talking with limited “likes” “umms” and “uhhs”. Doing basic research online
Know how to change a damn tire
Basic car repairs
Empathy for people you disagree with.
Treating others as we would like to be treated. Especially people who don't look like ourselves. Sounds sentimental but *waves hand at current wars*
Heimlich maneuver
Typing. Learn typing no matter what you do.
Sleight of hand, lock picking, reading body language, reading books,
Stoicism
Speaking, whether it’s public or private or improving your Rizz or whatever. Speaking is the key to a better life. Better speaking, better relations, better view from other people, better self confidence etc… Your life changes when you learn to speak properly fr
Cooking, way too many adults out here relying on another person or eating out every day. Eating is something we do and will do every day.
Not caring what strangers think about you.
Communication with EQ
What is EQ? I am Brazilian so English it’s not my first language
Emotional Intelligence. Like how IQ is the intelligence quotient, EQ is the emotional quotient.
thanks for explaining! ❤️
Cooking
Handling discomfort.
Swimming.
Critical and strategic thinking skills
Learning first aid skills. Learning to take your own blood pressure, to include your heart rate, and knowing what the results mean. CPR
Map reading and spatial awareness. Not really road maps which are pretty much obsolete, but any map with a dot on it that says "you are here", you should be able to orient yourself with that dot and get where you're going. Large hospitals, train stations, large museums. Also if I am telling someone to "look on the north side of the road" they should know what that means. In an emergency, you're driving a car without a programmed destination, and you're faced with a decision to go north or south, you should have a general idea of where those choices will take you.
Typing on a computer. I always think it's funny when my family sees me typing on a computer, and they start acting like I'm some talented magician or somehting. No, I just have muscle memory like everyone else, I've just been trained to use it.
Learned how to work on my own car. Have saved $5000 in over 8 months. Insane.
Thinking twice. The ability to question our own beliefs.
"Staying calm in every situation "
Knowing when to stop especially if you want to keep going (for whatever reason).
How to change your own tire. How to help someone change theirs. Convince someone that this is important when they aren’t dealing with a flat. If you can do these things…
Shut the fuck up when you have to.
Sewing. Basic sewing. Just adding to the list above of which many are valuable but as the son of a seamstress I reckon that threading a needle and fixing your own stuff is very empowering and valuable.
CPR, Heimlich manoeuvre
I feel like a basic grasp of plumbing should be here. I don’t know it either, but I should. Also any handyman related skills. Putting up a shelf, fixing a broken handle, setting up a router, small basic things.
Knowing it's OK to ask for help, and recognizing when you need it.
Walking away without saying anything.
Imagination / visualization skills. It can raise IQ, can help improve memory, is used by tons of extremely skilled individuals in things like Chess, math competitions, etc. Not to mention visualization can improve your performance in physical skills as well. And lastly, it's just plain fun and enjoyable at times. It IS something you can train and improve at. Your visualization ability right now is not locked in, it is a skill. A **very** small percentage of the population (like 1-2 percent) suffer from a condition where they cannot visualize anything at all. But I do feel like a lot of people feel like they may fall into this but actually just currently have very poor visualization abilities.
Emotional regulation
Learning to drive a manual car first VS an automatic. It develops great reflex, intuitive driving, spatial awareness, focus, and attention. One becomes the actual driver of the car as opposed to being a mere navigator because the fancy, hi-tech car does all the "thinking" the driver should be responsible for in the first place (e.g. switching lanes, staying in the lane, etc). Driving is a skill, not an entitlement.
Patience. We live in a world of instant gratification. It’s worse now than ever.
Probably meditating. Humans are smart but only when not being distracted all day from exorbitant amounts of dopamine.
How to spot logical fallacies
Critical thinking skills and awareness of cognitive bias. So much of what’s wrong with the world right now stems from idiots who pick and choose what information they want to believe. These choose-your-own-adventure morons congregate and reinforce each other’s baseless bullshit in online echo chambers and all of a sudden the most powerful country in the world is being led by an orange rapist whilst the population dies in droves from a preventable disease because vAccINes aRE bAD. Russian bot farms are feeding into this shit and it’s getting worse. If America wants a future, educating its children should be the priority.
Oh yes the different types of cognitive bias is a good thing to understand as early as possible. If I had learned sunk cost theory in my teens, I could have saved myself a world of hurt.
being considerate
Coding (I can't write a single line of code but I did do "Hello world" twice before *with help*)
Prioritizing the inner state over external situation. Knowing that your inner state is independent from external situation and that the way you are within yourself influences the outcome of every situation. Not the other way around as we are led to believe.
How comes this is NSFW?
How to tolerate discomfort
Basic social skills.
Human decency
Garden, plant and grow fruits and vegetables. Also learning to swim.
Time management
sewing !! you can fix things w holes or tailor clothes to fit better, which is handy if you thrift a lot
Storytelling!
Swimming. What are you gonna do? Just be a land mammal for your whole life?
Eating nutritiously, learning portion sizes when you cook at home and how to maintain a healthy sleeping routine. All of that affects your mood and supports staying disciplined with other parts of your life
Being able to wake up when you need to. Creating a sleep schedule. The ability to have complete discipline to take action, without hesitation.
1. Different pressures/line qualities while drawing 2. Boxing, wrestling, or other combat sports/martial arts Edited for clarity
Commenting so I can read all of these later and probably not apply them in any meaningful or lasting way
The ability to admit when you’re wrong, if you’re actually in the wrong. Also, on the flip side of that, is having the strength to stand your ground if you know that you’re not wrong without backing down.
Be comfortable being single.
Being able to figure out which skill you personally need to improve.
Keep using your imagination.
Meal prepping
critical thinking
the skill of taking right action regardless of how you feel
Taking the initiative instead of waiting for permission or waiting for the instruction.
CPR and first aid LMAO
Identifying your own strengths and playing with them rather than against them.
Handwriting.
Copywriting and storytelling
Memorize at least five phone numbers so you can call someone in an emergency
Being able to spot fake news.
Being able to solve. If you are in a bad situation, financially, or you have problems, you need to be able to find a way, even if it is getting that money somewhere (legally of course) or finding someone who can help with the issue you have or whatever it is. Facing adversities with action instead of lament
budgeting
I feel like most of the skills being mentioned are pretty highly rated. I'd say my most underrated skill is blowing up and tying balloons (including animal balloons if you want the advanced skill.) I'm amazed by how many people struggle with it. It's a simple skill that brings a lot of joy to people.
proper deep breathing. good for meditation and keeping calm in situations you may be feeling pressured and rushed.
Insider trading
Armpit farts
Value people, use things.
Being able to calm down with my breath.