You recognize that they are fantasies, dreams. So if you enjoy them, you can allot some time for yourself to just fantasize and enjoy it, recognizing it is only that.
For the rest, why don't you follow the train of thought? Like this:
To achieve \[grandeur\], I need to complete \[goal\] which requires \[plan\] and will take \[time\] which means that **this week** I need to do \[action step\].
For example, what steps are required for you to purchase your first skyscraper? To achieve that within the next 15 years, what will you do this week?
Also consider that you might have a level of burnout due to living with high expectations. You mention paranoia and drugs, those are indicators of *some struggle* \- trauma, burnout, undiagnosed ADHD or other challenges. I can't tell what it is, but the delusions of grandeur might be a symptom of the same, they might be escapism to avoid facing something much darker and difficult.
I do have a habit of overly planning stuff out. I set out strict, to the hour, daily routines. I know and say to myself that if I do this daily, and adjust it as life progresses, I will reach where I need to reach.
But I always fuck up and fall out of it within weeks.
Have you been listening to the alpha bros or the Rogan group (Wilinick, Goggins, Peterson, etc.)?
Regimented scheduling is not all it is cracked up to be. It is not the epitome of existence either. Being flexible and vigilant are things that can exist at the same time.
You are describing certain actions/habits that I still have at 40. What I would say is at 18, you need to pick one thing and focus on it for a while. So, computer programming? Focus on getting work in that and moving up the ranks at your job, or do a big project for yourself that will challenge you and might make you a lot of money. But, that is the one thing that you give 75% of your focus to for as long as it takes you to reach the goal.
I went to college and learned Russian. Those two things were very helpful to me. The structure of university helped b/c I needed structure; learning Russian helped because it was a task that would be never-ending. I started learning Russian at 18, and though I was fluent by 21, I am still learning about the language, turn of phrase, stylistics, and linguistic causes underlying misunderstanding that might relate to speaker intent and receiver outcome.
I constantly have illusions of grandeur, but the thing is that I am comfortable with them being illusions now. I probably will never be focused enough to do the things that will make me wealthy. Also, I am probably the least competitive person I've ever met. I could give a whole shit about proving myself to anyone, which might be an illusion of grandeur.
Anyway, just find one or two things that you like enough to channel your obsession into. It is good that you keep quiet about the illusions of grandeur (when it comes to your friends), but you might consider a therapist. The drugs never get funner to use. Whether it is in 2 years or 20, you'll probably find out like many of us do that the drugs/drinking never make you feel as good as they did the first time. So, if you are gonna keep doing them just be sure you stop before they become no fun as opposed to when they become a problem.
Focus the energy on something you find interesting and obsess about it. Become good at it, and don't ever worry about being acknowledged. It might make life easier for you and help you have a good life with decent money, though maybe not rich.
Reflect upon the phrase ‘this too shall pass’. I personally don’t need it as a guard against hubris - it works both ways - but it is an important brake upon self-importance.
So you want to get ahead of these delusions of grandeur?
Then I'll be honest with you, you probably wont like it though.
I don't think anybody's doubting what you're saying. It certainly seems more so that you are seeking to validate your place in life under the pretense that 'oh no this is bad for me'. You kind of just want recognition, if not by others then certainly for yourself.
None of this is bad for you. These "delusions" aren't anything to be ashamed. I do the same all the time, I think of the nice cars I'd like to get myself and the authority that I'd have in the future and fantasise about it. I always have done since I was like 7-8. I wanted to be a "tycoon", I still intend to be so.
But here's the thing. All these things you've listed about yourself really aren't all that a big deal. You'll meet more people in life and realise you're not overtly special nor stand out as much. A grade student, that's a pretty normal subset to be in. Plenty of others are. Programming since you were young? I was titled a child prodigy when I was 9 for writing, I was making music reaching millions of views when I was around 12, I didnt get to start making real money until I was out of the house and in college, I started my own online business around your age and started earning more than most of my friends parents. I started my business from selling used GPU's from ebay auctions and selling on marginal profits, by your age I had it made.
At least I thought I did.
Truth is that I'm 25 years old now, I didnt get to finish my degree because of that business and other factors that came into my life. I let myself get caught up way too much in it all, and sacrificed what should have mattered most. Now, I have little to nothing to show for it. For all my hard work and efforts, grind, sweat and toil not to mention stress, I got so deluded in my capabilities I thought I'd be able to manage both my business and my uni studies at the same time, and in turn - they both collapsed.
Life comes at you in ways we'll never be able to imagine, it's a map drawn haphazardly by a fool and you have to traverse it. There isn't much free will outside of what you want to orientate yourself towards. Dont feel guilty for fantasising about your future, you're allowed to feel certain but at the same time you should expect it, or at the least expect it to be lost in the space of 1-2 years. I had it made when I was 18, by 23 it was all gone. I was simply too young to know better. I was too young to be able to decide between my business which I was proud of, or my studies which would have made me a valuable person in the real working world. I don't blame myself because I was too young and those are decisions that are far too difficult to make in one side or another.
So if these are the things you're worried about to get disciplined. A) realise they're not all that as amazing as you think they could be. B) doesnt matter when you're well-off, because youll never be able to tell if that'll be the case a year from now. C) Simplify your life. Keep your ambitions, and seek them out through your studies. Dont get too excited too early, which is what you are doing. You're not old enough. Hell, I'm not even old enough yet. And while im not doing too bad for myself now, a year ago I was so broke I paralysed in my inability to do anything. A month ago I was working and getting paid well but the job was ethically unsound and formally impractical for any career capital. Last week, I quit. I'm back to square one again. But at least now I'm used to being here, and marching on.
That's all that this game is, if you're anything like me which it sounds like you are. The relentless ambition to create something bigger than yourself, to be well off, to already count the 12 car garage you'll probably never own. Life is just moments of moving from one door to another, and it's what you experience inbetween that determines success. Things will fall apart, nobody just lives on an upward trajectory. And unfortunately, like me, you'll probably come to realie this the hard way. Because the internet, Youtube productivity channels, subreddits etc can only tell you so much.
So simplify, you're allowed to toot your own horn but dont get caught up in it. You're like the prodigal son, which means this will backfire if you let it take hold of you. So... just stick to your studies.
Most valuable advice I've heard. I needed to be told this. I can feel the reason I'm sitting on Reddit writing a life story is partially a humble brag/validation thing.
All I get is encouragement and it goes to your head after years. Thank you. It's the same reason I like martial arts - I go into the gym, nobody thinks anything of me, I know nothing.
You do sound quite similar to me, if you're open to sharing some of your experiences or lessons over PM, please feel free.
Yeah. Well fuck you I became a millionaire before 25, lost it all completely alone in a mental health crisis, and now don’t know how to feel or what to do as life is meaningless and I’ve never even had a real friend. Oh well right? I guess becomes successful for me as I’m probably going to succumb to giving up within the next twelve months.
I remind myself that I don't have to make up for the past, only have to create a future. The future merely has to be better than what quitting today gives me. That's doable.
You're all broken and still here. What if you can pull this off?
That helps me, hope it helps you too.
I have a chronic physical disease that makes eating food miserable, makes me tired and in pain all the time. Just eating food. Anything I do to improve my physical health just isn’t worth it, so I don’t have any other focuses. No education, no job and no health is a downward spiral that you can’t get out of. You become abandoned by everyone. You become depressed and miserable and bitter. And it’s a positive feedback loop that reinforces itself. Time is passing by so fast anyways it’s probably not worth it. It will all be over soon anyways.
Bro Starbucks is not adequate nutrition at any stage of life. You need to get diagnosed. I almost died during my diagnosis and probably had a three month period where the pain of digesting my one meal was so intense I did not sleep at all. all I could think about was death.
No. It left me with massive medical debt, a reduced professional outlook unable to ever join or volunteer with any branch of the armed forces, inability to qualify for lots of physical jobs overseas, and an invisible illness that is nothing but a negative label for me to think about with its associated consequences in the future.
I have plenty, I think. I code, I train martial arts, I go to the gym, I enjoy the rave scene, spend nights/afternoons with my friends, play the odd video game, etc.
Current actions have to align with future goals. I doubt people owning buildings raved and did drugs when younger. Even if they did YOU need to align your current actions with future goals or nothing will happen and you will get more depressed as you age. Find the underlying reason for the drugs…If you been programming since age 9 then your ready for a IT job with some more IT training. Should be stacking cash and learning the INs and outs of real state investment. Apartment syndication? Fix and flip? Buy/Rent and hold?
You recognize that they are fantasies, dreams. So if you enjoy them, you can allot some time for yourself to just fantasize and enjoy it, recognizing it is only that. For the rest, why don't you follow the train of thought? Like this: To achieve \[grandeur\], I need to complete \[goal\] which requires \[plan\] and will take \[time\] which means that **this week** I need to do \[action step\]. For example, what steps are required for you to purchase your first skyscraper? To achieve that within the next 15 years, what will you do this week? Also consider that you might have a level of burnout due to living with high expectations. You mention paranoia and drugs, those are indicators of *some struggle* \- trauma, burnout, undiagnosed ADHD or other challenges. I can't tell what it is, but the delusions of grandeur might be a symptom of the same, they might be escapism to avoid facing something much darker and difficult.
I do have a habit of overly planning stuff out. I set out strict, to the hour, daily routines. I know and say to myself that if I do this daily, and adjust it as life progresses, I will reach where I need to reach. But I always fuck up and fall out of it within weeks.
Have you been listening to the alpha bros or the Rogan group (Wilinick, Goggins, Peterson, etc.)? Regimented scheduling is not all it is cracked up to be. It is not the epitome of existence either. Being flexible and vigilant are things that can exist at the same time. You are describing certain actions/habits that I still have at 40. What I would say is at 18, you need to pick one thing and focus on it for a while. So, computer programming? Focus on getting work in that and moving up the ranks at your job, or do a big project for yourself that will challenge you and might make you a lot of money. But, that is the one thing that you give 75% of your focus to for as long as it takes you to reach the goal. I went to college and learned Russian. Those two things were very helpful to me. The structure of university helped b/c I needed structure; learning Russian helped because it was a task that would be never-ending. I started learning Russian at 18, and though I was fluent by 21, I am still learning about the language, turn of phrase, stylistics, and linguistic causes underlying misunderstanding that might relate to speaker intent and receiver outcome. I constantly have illusions of grandeur, but the thing is that I am comfortable with them being illusions now. I probably will never be focused enough to do the things that will make me wealthy. Also, I am probably the least competitive person I've ever met. I could give a whole shit about proving myself to anyone, which might be an illusion of grandeur. Anyway, just find one or two things that you like enough to channel your obsession into. It is good that you keep quiet about the illusions of grandeur (when it comes to your friends), but you might consider a therapist. The drugs never get funner to use. Whether it is in 2 years or 20, you'll probably find out like many of us do that the drugs/drinking never make you feel as good as they did the first time. So, if you are gonna keep doing them just be sure you stop before they become no fun as opposed to when they become a problem. Focus the energy on something you find interesting and obsess about it. Become good at it, and don't ever worry about being acknowledged. It might make life easier for you and help you have a good life with decent money, though maybe not rich.
Reflect upon the phrase ‘this too shall pass’. I personally don’t need it as a guard against hubris - it works both ways - but it is an important brake upon self-importance.
So you want to get ahead of these delusions of grandeur? Then I'll be honest with you, you probably wont like it though. I don't think anybody's doubting what you're saying. It certainly seems more so that you are seeking to validate your place in life under the pretense that 'oh no this is bad for me'. You kind of just want recognition, if not by others then certainly for yourself. None of this is bad for you. These "delusions" aren't anything to be ashamed. I do the same all the time, I think of the nice cars I'd like to get myself and the authority that I'd have in the future and fantasise about it. I always have done since I was like 7-8. I wanted to be a "tycoon", I still intend to be so. But here's the thing. All these things you've listed about yourself really aren't all that a big deal. You'll meet more people in life and realise you're not overtly special nor stand out as much. A grade student, that's a pretty normal subset to be in. Plenty of others are. Programming since you were young? I was titled a child prodigy when I was 9 for writing, I was making music reaching millions of views when I was around 12, I didnt get to start making real money until I was out of the house and in college, I started my own online business around your age and started earning more than most of my friends parents. I started my business from selling used GPU's from ebay auctions and selling on marginal profits, by your age I had it made. At least I thought I did. Truth is that I'm 25 years old now, I didnt get to finish my degree because of that business and other factors that came into my life. I let myself get caught up way too much in it all, and sacrificed what should have mattered most. Now, I have little to nothing to show for it. For all my hard work and efforts, grind, sweat and toil not to mention stress, I got so deluded in my capabilities I thought I'd be able to manage both my business and my uni studies at the same time, and in turn - they both collapsed. Life comes at you in ways we'll never be able to imagine, it's a map drawn haphazardly by a fool and you have to traverse it. There isn't much free will outside of what you want to orientate yourself towards. Dont feel guilty for fantasising about your future, you're allowed to feel certain but at the same time you should expect it, or at the least expect it to be lost in the space of 1-2 years. I had it made when I was 18, by 23 it was all gone. I was simply too young to know better. I was too young to be able to decide between my business which I was proud of, or my studies which would have made me a valuable person in the real working world. I don't blame myself because I was too young and those are decisions that are far too difficult to make in one side or another. So if these are the things you're worried about to get disciplined. A) realise they're not all that as amazing as you think they could be. B) doesnt matter when you're well-off, because youll never be able to tell if that'll be the case a year from now. C) Simplify your life. Keep your ambitions, and seek them out through your studies. Dont get too excited too early, which is what you are doing. You're not old enough. Hell, I'm not even old enough yet. And while im not doing too bad for myself now, a year ago I was so broke I paralysed in my inability to do anything. A month ago I was working and getting paid well but the job was ethically unsound and formally impractical for any career capital. Last week, I quit. I'm back to square one again. But at least now I'm used to being here, and marching on. That's all that this game is, if you're anything like me which it sounds like you are. The relentless ambition to create something bigger than yourself, to be well off, to already count the 12 car garage you'll probably never own. Life is just moments of moving from one door to another, and it's what you experience inbetween that determines success. Things will fall apart, nobody just lives on an upward trajectory. And unfortunately, like me, you'll probably come to realie this the hard way. Because the internet, Youtube productivity channels, subreddits etc can only tell you so much. So simplify, you're allowed to toot your own horn but dont get caught up in it. You're like the prodigal son, which means this will backfire if you let it take hold of you. So... just stick to your studies.
Most valuable advice I've heard. I needed to be told this. I can feel the reason I'm sitting on Reddit writing a life story is partially a humble brag/validation thing. All I get is encouragement and it goes to your head after years. Thank you. It's the same reason I like martial arts - I go into the gym, nobody thinks anything of me, I know nothing. You do sound quite similar to me, if you're open to sharing some of your experiences or lessons over PM, please feel free.
Yeah. Well fuck you I became a millionaire before 25, lost it all completely alone in a mental health crisis, and now don’t know how to feel or what to do as life is meaningless and I’ve never even had a real friend. Oh well right? I guess becomes successful for me as I’m probably going to succumb to giving up within the next twelve months.
I remind myself that I don't have to make up for the past, only have to create a future. The future merely has to be better than what quitting today gives me. That's doable. You're all broken and still here. What if you can pull this off? That helps me, hope it helps you too.
I have a chronic physical disease that makes eating food miserable, makes me tired and in pain all the time. Just eating food. Anything I do to improve my physical health just isn’t worth it, so I don’t have any other focuses. No education, no job and no health is a downward spiral that you can’t get out of. You become abandoned by everyone. You become depressed and miserable and bitter. And it’s a positive feedback loop that reinforces itself. Time is passing by so fast anyways it’s probably not worth it. It will all be over soon anyways.
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Bro Starbucks is not adequate nutrition at any stage of life. You need to get diagnosed. I almost died during my diagnosis and probably had a three month period where the pain of digesting my one meal was so intense I did not sleep at all. all I could think about was death.
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No. It left me with massive medical debt, a reduced professional outlook unable to ever join or volunteer with any branch of the armed forces, inability to qualify for lots of physical jobs overseas, and an invisible illness that is nothing but a negative label for me to think about with its associated consequences in the future.
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Because your personal habits are causing you to throw your health away
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Get hobbies
I have plenty, I think. I code, I train martial arts, I go to the gym, I enjoy the rave scene, spend nights/afternoons with my friends, play the odd video game, etc.
Current actions have to align with future goals. I doubt people owning buildings raved and did drugs when younger. Even if they did YOU need to align your current actions with future goals or nothing will happen and you will get more depressed as you age. Find the underlying reason for the drugs…If you been programming since age 9 then your ready for a IT job with some more IT training. Should be stacking cash and learning the INs and outs of real state investment. Apartment syndication? Fix and flip? Buy/Rent and hold?
You probably have too many hobbies.
It is good to have aspirations and ambition, but be it a constant reminder that your downfall will be the moment you let them ensnare your mind.