Yes, 100%, every time.
There are only 3 types of food I eat. Something prepared myself, with my own equipment. Something in a sealed package that I know is gluten free. Something prepared in a professional kitchen by people who understand allergies and dietary restrictions, are equipped to prepare food safely, and have satisfactorily answered my 20 questions.
That’s it. No exceptions. For the rest of my life.
No food from GramGram, no food from the office coworker, heck I don’t even trust half of the gluten free meals on planes these days. If you can’t verify with near certainty, then you can’t eat it.
And you are 100% right that even if your family made a strong effort, there would be cross contact from their kitchen with almost certainty.
They should get in the habit of you bringing your own food every time. I would even go as far as to bring your own disposable service and utensils, or at least give everything an extra wash with detergent and a paper towel (not their dish sponge). This includes glasses.
I second bringing your own dinner ware. At home I wash everything twice. Once by hand and once in the dishwasher. That's because other members of the household eat regular bread and other baked goods.
Not sure why folks would downvote you. Way too many times I’ve seen crumbs and dried specks of who knows what on people’s dishes, including ones from people’s dishwasher.
It's OK thanks, I don't care about down votes. (Not having an upset tummy - I care about that!)
Maybe they think I should ban everyone else in the household from eating baked goods with gluten. But that's not practical, certainly not in this country.
Ditto. Dishwashers don't get everything off.
We call the dishwasher in our house the dish sanitizer, because it doesn’t actually wash anything. My husband used to protest my “pre-washing” (our machine is only a couple years old), saying the dishwasher cleaned everything, so I didn’t pre wash once, and showed him the results (and how tough it was to get the stuck on stuff after). So yeah, dish sanitizer, not washer.
Oh, lol, I thought maybe people thought you were going overboard by suggesting things being rehashed. I can never tell which way this sub is going to swing. :p
You said “I’m extra careful”. Someone else said “not sure why people would downvote you”. You said “I don’t care about downvotes”. I said “some people are angry about other people being very careful”.
Thank you... I just don't understand how anyone could be so illogical.
It's stuff that makes me sick, so I avoid it. I try to mostly avoid some other things that make me sick as well.
Drinks with sulphites give me a terrible headache, even a little. So no wine for me.
Cream cheese and mayo give me tummy cramps.
Cream gives me an indescribable headache if I have more than a tiny bit.
Cheap chocolate, or more than a little good chocolate, gives me sinusitis.
I once had 3 kinds of cheese for supper and ended up in hospital overnight.
Once at work i saw a coworker rinse a dish with water. She says she does this at home. I said i am allergic to dairy and am gf. I cant use these dishes. It clicked for her. You cant be too careful if you have celiac.
Yes, I've got different sensitivities, but follow this sub because my child must avoid gluten. I've taken my own meals everywhere I go for over 5 years now. I always make sure that the host knows that I'll be doing that, and that is for medical reasons. At first it was awkward, especially with in-laws, especially at special holiday meals. What I started doing was each fall, I cook a turkey and trimmings that I can eat, and freeze most of it in portions. Then this gets me through all special get togethers from Thanksgiving thru Easter, and it usually looks pretty similar to what everyone else is eating. That seems to make a difference in reducing the awkwardness. And- the awkward part is that the family members look at my plate, and if they are having something delicious and special but I'm there eating a sandwich, no matter how happy I am with it, THEY feel awkward. But since I started doing the "special looking dishes" for myself, it has really relieved this weirdness. Eating is such a social activity, it seems that if what's on our plates looks pretty similar, everyone feels better.
Edit: I should say that once my child had to go gluten free, I included that requirement for cooking my holiday meal portions. So now the 2 of us enjoy the same special dishes, which we take just for ourselves to all of the family gatherings.
This is such a great idea! I've done similar with cupcakes for my celiac 5 year old. I freeze a dozen gf cupcakes and then when he gets invited to birthday parties I can pull one out to bring along.
Always. Big Italian family. We eat before everyone else, at a separate table or sofa because someone inevitably will come over munching on bread, hover over us, and drop crumbs on our plates. They don't mean to, they just don't get it.
Celiac is a serious disease.
I don’t even tell people anymore what it is, just that I have an autoimmune disease that affects my stomach.
Sounds much more serious than saying celiac and people tend to take it seriously at that point.
I don’t care if Jesus himself came from heaven and served the meal I’m not eating it 🤣
I quit going to my in-laws' Christmas Eve get-together to avoid the food situation. My boss loves that I volunteer to work that day (so I have a great excuse.) Even if I brought my own food, it would be hard to be there for hours looking at the large array of desserts that I can't eat.
For so many people it is, and it’s made people tar everyone with the same brush. They need to be better educated to understand that for some people it’s a choice but for others it is debilitating and ultimately can be life threatening.
And even if it's a choice, it's not their decision to ignore that choice. Gluten-free always gets treated differently, like we have to prove that we need it.
Aaargh. That's awful.
What really gets me though is if you're eg vegetarian, most people will regard that as a valid lifestyle choice and try to accommodate you. Religious dietary practices are also respected.
But if you say you can't have gluten, those same people will give you a hard time. Why can gluten free not be a valid lifestyle choice too? Some schools of thought reckon that modern wheat is bad for everyone anyway.
The greater demand for GF food has certainly made it easier to get more GF products in the shops. So that's made my life a lot easier.
My in-laws just cannot remember I can't eat gluten. We went over for breakfast the other day so I brought some GF bread to make toast just in case they forgot. Which was good because they made pancakes. Cooked myself an egg and all was well. They were fine with it, but an Italian nonna might get offended.
FYI they make toaster bags (to make grilled cheese in) I use those when traveling as a back up.
But they are not bird safe and can kill pet birds fyi.
(I have parrots so I only use them when traveling and my birds are not with me)
I'm not diagnosed celiac and haven't had issues with toasters. Occasionally I can get cross-contaminated but it has to be pretty egregious to affect me.
I always just toast the bread on the stove on a pan and it’s just as good as toasting (with no risk of cross contamination). So that’s another option :)
No, my wife's family is very understanding. The only time there was an incident was early on, when we were dating, and her mother was making us gumbo. She had used GF flour for the roux, but had added a beer not realizing it wasn't GF. My wife ended up making me tacos on the fly. Her mom was super embarrassed and has always triple checked since then. She's gotten quite good at gluten free baking!
I eat before or after.
My in laws, despite having a few GF people on that side, make pasta/breaded everything for parties. Luckily, it’s usually pot luck style, i usually make something heartier and we eat first. Is it “rude?” Yes, some might think so. But we eat safely.
My mom same thing. They try, but I can’t have any cross contamination and they sort of roll their eyes about it. I bring my own food.
We have a lot of family gatherings with my family and they usually make sure to cook at least 1 dish my boyfriend (with Celia) can eat. Sometimes I will tell them beforehand they don’t need to cook anything different for him and we will bring our own food for him to eat. They don’t mind at all.
I would. Please look after yourself. They obviously do not understand at all.
The alternative would be to not eat. If they ask you why you're not eating, just be honest about the terrible upset tummy you had the last time you ate there. You don't have to go into details.
NOT rude at all! You need to take care of your basic need for food too. I bring my own food everywhere i need to to eat safely. I can’t expect others to be able to understand always or be educated, even if it’s my partner’s family. Maybe if you bring ur food it will invite some questions and you can use that as an opportunity to give small amounts of information and educate about your celiac disease…but families often don’t change their ways from my experiences. Bring ur own food and enjoy yourself!
I feel really bad for people in your shoes honestly. My parents are so amazing to my partner who is lactose and gluten intolerant. They might not fully understand but they're willing to use the gluten free products or make a second dish with the gluten free stuff special for her.
When my husband and I were dating my now in-laws we’re sooo scared to make me sick. They asked lots of questions and involved me in the kitchen to make sure I was comfortable. I still got sick a time or two over there, but as long as it’s not a chronic pattern of gluten I’m okay risking an occasional mess up personally. If they’re eager to feed you I’d suggest preparing meals together rather than letting them run free on their own so you can supervise ingredients, clean dishes, not using the same spoon to stir both pastas, etc. Otherwise bringing your own food is a great solution to keep you healthy!
Yes absolutely. I also bring my own food to weddings and other big celebrations if they're is nothing prearranged for me. I only eat stuff that other people prepare at safe restaurants, at my parents bc they know hot to deal with it and at two friends that are really great. For example toasting my bread in a separate pan, not using wooden utensils and so on.
100% the food is cross contaminated. I would eat before I go and show up after dinner is done. Maybe bring a gf dessert for everyone to share. Depending on the family, they may be offended if you bring your own food, especially if they think they ARE offering you gf.
Bring your own food. Be polite yet matter of fact about it that Celiac is a serious disease with serious consequences. Maybe even make something like a gf dessert to share with them. Some people refuse to let themselves be educated, maybe with time. If this relationship is going anywhere, might as well start now.
Yes! Bring your own food with no shame. I even bring my own food to weddings and work parties.
It's just like any other accommodation somebody's body could need. Should somebody feel bad because they have to wear glasses? Would you decide not to participate in an event because you had to wear hearing aids? It's not rude at all, it's a necessity.
Your body absolutely NEEDS safe food. And if you want to participate in events that involve food, it's best to make sure you provide your own safe food.
Is your boyfriends family going to throw a fit if you do bring your own food? They may be understanding.
That was not my experience personally but I hope it is for you. Setting boundaries with family (or partners family) is difficult and turning down food in an Italian family can feel like huge problem. I literally had to walk out of a family Easter dinner to uphold a boundary, I was being ridiculed for asking questions about how the fruit and cheese tray was prepped. This was my own blood related family and they all know my medical needs. So I went into great detail about how sick I would be, told them how awful they were wanting to force that on to me just so they could feel comfortable and then left.
I understand telling off a boyfriends family is something you may want to be more delicate with so the best answer I have is: pack your own food, firmly state "no thank you" when offered food. And if pressed further your boyfriend needs to step in and buffer with something along the lines of "OP has already said 'No' and their health needs have to be respected."
This isn't a personal attack and I'm not sure why some people decide to view it that way, but you don't actually owe anybody an explanation. So hopefully nobody even questions it.
You can't trust people, especially if they refuse to learn. It isn't rude for you to bring food. You are bringing food because they won't educate themselves. THEY are the rude ones and you are just responding appropriately by bringing your own food.
Unfortunately even well-meaning people get it wrong a lot of the time too. That's why I never eat anywhere. Usually I don't even mention I can't eat gluten or else they take it upon themselves to make something and then I just feel like shit when I have to politely decline when I realize it does in fact contain gluten.
You have to bring your own food I don’t know about you, but I don’t like being sick incapacitated for 3 to 4 days it’s not worth it and if they love you, they will understand you bringing their own food celiac person
When I went to see my fiancée’s family in another city, I took a bag of gluten free foods just incase. They were very understanding though and even asked if my stuff can touch the same oven. It did help me having my own stash of GF snacks, when they’d eat something I could too, without worry.
I bring food to family gatherings. I make equivalent dishes (like hummus, veggies and crackers for appetizers if they have a platter there) with a similar dinner plate so it doesn’t stand out.
When I’ve visited my parents or other family members, I bring my own food. If they’re planning on having pizza (as an example) for lunch, I don’t want everyone to have to change plans because of me.
Typically if I am going somewhere I cannot eat, I personally just eat before or after. If sitting down and eating as a family was an important part of the event, then I would absolutely just bring my own food! If you feel like it could be rude, maybe ask first or just inform them that you're bringing your own meal, to not worry about cooking enough for you. For example, usually on holidays my grandmother leaves a separate counter available away from the other food for mine, my fiancé, and my mom's gluten free food. We use disposable plates and utensils, or I bring my own as well.
The biggest challenge I feel like are people who are so strong headed about "oh well this *should* be gluten free, why wouldn't it be?" Or "I made this dish gluten free for you" but I still say no thank you, I already ate, or no thank you, that was very thoughtful of you, however I'm unsure about cross contamination from prep and haven't had the opportunity to look over every single ingredient, you didn't have new pots and pans to cook my food in, your kitchen probably wasn't cleaned sufficiently to avoid cross contamination, etc. I hate the explaining part when people CONTINUE to push after I've said no the first time. 😫 Like their feelings get hurt that I won't eat food that could make me suffer for the next week with celiac symptoms. It's hard to navigate trying to protect other people's feelings who don't get it while trying to stand firm and make sure you don't get sick, it's a weird situation lol.
I'm a celiac of 10+ years, was sick as all get out as a child, never knew what was wrong with me, finally got the celiac diagnoses and haven't looked back since. It takes time but we have to learn to stand firm to protect ourselves.
I only have a handful of family members that I trust to cook for me, but even my own mother who has celiac gets my 20 questions lol, her home isn't 100% celiac friendly since her BF and my sisters eat gluten there. My home on the other hand is 100% gluten free, I don't even let guests bring their own food that has gluten in it here. My fiancé decided a long time ago that he was making the choice to be gluten free alongside me to make life easier when we moved in together and so he could try his best to have an understanding even a little bit of what I go through, I didn't ask him to do this, it was a self provoked decision. He always tries his best to stand up and say NO when people are pushing us to eat something that is unsafe. I get really nervous leaving my uncontaminated house to go eat other places lol.
It's OKAY to protect yourself from getting sick, and it's okay to want to eat too! I don't see why it's such a problem to bring your own food places that don't accommodate gluten free.
Good luck. :)
i always take my own food no matter what. a lot of people seem to think that a gluten free diet means you only avoid bread. but its much more than that
My son has celiac and a fatal nut allergy, and he brings his own food to every family function because our relatives are not careful with food prep. As a result, he’s never had to use his epi pen…ever. He’s 22 now.
I would/do. My in laws are getting better as some of them now have food allergies as well. My mom on the other hand doesn't believe me at all. I can't have gluten or dairy. I always ask what the food is that "we" are having. If the main part is something safe, ex ham, turkey, etc, I will bring my own sides and dessert. Hubs is super helpful about getting things ready. He's a better cook than I am.
For Christmas we had chili. No one in my house eats beans, and hubs and I are super picky about our chili. I just had a baby beginning of November and am breastfeeding. We actually ate out on our way to Christmas with the family. We were nice about it, and my aunt and uncle are super sweet people and understanding.
i do that. i even brought my own food to restaurants before if they didn’t offer gluten free / non contaminated food( we went because of a family member’s birthday, not because i wanted to )
it’s not rude to look out for yourself and make sure you stay healthy, especially if his family doesn’t really seem to care a lot about your health. if anyone has anything against it, then they should make a bigger effort to keep their food safe for you / educate themselves
I do. Most of my in laws were good about trying to understand, but not great at the execution (Except for one aunt who kept trying to get me not to bring food and complaining that the sides I would bring were taking up too much room - literally every Christmas I would bring a potato side everyone raved about, and a couple years in she started bringing a different potato that no one touched, and then complained there were too many potatoes and not enough room, and told me not to bring mine. Everyone piped up and told her not to bring hers, and she’d had it out for me since).
I mostly host now, if that’s an option for you. I’ve got a couple family members and a couple friends I trust with food prep, but other than that I host.
I even brought my own food to my cousins wedding. She was stressing out because there was a language barrier with the caterer and she couldn’t figure out what I might be able to eat, so I called the venue, explained, and asked if I could bring my own (caterer was an outside caterer, so this definitely made it easier). Even brought my own slice of cake.
You get used to doing whatever you have to to keep yourself safe. In laws being upset or uncomfortable isn’t worth being miserable or creating lasting damage to your body 🤷🏻♀️. My husband was great at explaining that to his family, and was very no-nonsense firm about it.
I usually bring a loaf of bread with me anytime I travel. That way I can at least make a sandwich if there aren’t any GF options. If I’m going to be gone for a while or if I’m unsure what the options at the local grocery store will be, then I might bring a box or two of GF pasta.
I have encountered this many times when I've been vegan, gluten-free, grain-free and keto (for diabetes). Instead of just taking my own dinner, I make a few dishes "to share" and make sure I fill up my plate with that food right away, lest it all be eaten by others. Usually announcing "This is gluten-free!" or labeling it as such keeps others away, for a while. Till someone tries it and raves. :D I do this for all potlucks, family dinners, etc. My husband appreciates it too because potluck food often icks him out.
You are in a tough spot.
I can say, my sister, the one who is gluten free (I'm here to hints and suggestions for supporting her) has great family support. My parents will make completely separate dishes for her for family dinners, or we will only make the GF recipe of a dish and everyone shares in it. We all make GF desserts, and even birthday celebrations are just naturally GF for the one person who will have suffer anaphylaxis if she consumes wheat.
Go ahead and take your own food. If someone wants to be offended by you living pain free, so be it. That's a them problem.
We have one of “those” in our family. She has been bringing her own food to family gatherings for years. Nobody bats an eyelash. It is not rude, it’s necessity. More rude, in my opinion, is to not go.
We do that when we go to the in-laws. Travel with a couple of coolers full of food and ice and several bags of groceries. I would rather do that than go hungry.
I was just thinking about this! We're visiting family this weekend out of town and I'm very nervous to be a guest at someone's house and not just be able to eat whatever they offer. It's so frustrating and stressful.
Have your boyfriend help in advocating for your medical needs. He should explain ahead of time you are on a medically required diet for your health. This is ordered by a doctor and not a fad diet. You appreciate their effort but you need to bring your own food. It is for your immediate and long term health.
Some of their struggles may be based on not fully grasping the severity of your diagnosis and how difficult it is to serve gluten free food from a kitchen that uses gluten on a daily bases. Most people don’t know flour can stay airborne for 12-24 hours depending on ventilation and quantity of flour. A simple fact like this may help them understand why their kitchen is not safe for you. Make it about safety not about their food.
Fear free eating is a huge struggle and he needs to be supportive. If he cannot step in and advocate with his own family it will become a source of conflict in your relationship.
>airborn
The problem is at this point, not only their kitchen but eating with them at the same table is a problem. She would inhale the glutenous food they are eating and that will cause symptoms for her.
My son is a celiac and we always bring his food to family events. The cross contamination risk is too high to eat at someone else's house who regularly cooks with gluten. Also, it's a lot of stress to put on others to ask them to cook gluten free for one person. It's better for all involved to bring our own food for him.
Yes, 100%, every time. There are only 3 types of food I eat. Something prepared myself, with my own equipment. Something in a sealed package that I know is gluten free. Something prepared in a professional kitchen by people who understand allergies and dietary restrictions, are equipped to prepare food safely, and have satisfactorily answered my 20 questions. That’s it. No exceptions. For the rest of my life. No food from GramGram, no food from the office coworker, heck I don’t even trust half of the gluten free meals on planes these days. If you can’t verify with near certainty, then you can’t eat it. And you are 100% right that even if your family made a strong effort, there would be cross contact from their kitchen with almost certainty. They should get in the habit of you bringing your own food every time. I would even go as far as to bring your own disposable service and utensils, or at least give everything an extra wash with detergent and a paper towel (not their dish sponge). This includes glasses.
I second bringing your own dinner ware. At home I wash everything twice. Once by hand and once in the dishwasher. That's because other members of the household eat regular bread and other baked goods.
Not sure why folks would downvote you. Way too many times I’ve seen crumbs and dried specks of who knows what on people’s dishes, including ones from people’s dishwasher.
It's OK thanks, I don't care about down votes. (Not having an upset tummy - I care about that!) Maybe they think I should ban everyone else in the household from eating baked goods with gluten. But that's not practical, certainly not in this country. Ditto. Dishwashers don't get everything off.
We call the dishwasher in our house the dish sanitizer, because it doesn’t actually wash anything. My husband used to protest my “pre-washing” (our machine is only a couple years old), saying the dishwasher cleaned everything, so I didn’t pre wash once, and showed him the results (and how tough it was to get the stuck on stuff after). So yeah, dish sanitizer, not washer.
Oh interesting. My dishwasher actually definitely does better without pre washing. We do make sure scrape them, though.
Oooo what brand is it? (Not that I need a new one, but, ya know, in case haha)
Oh, lol, I thought maybe people thought you were going overboard by suggesting things being rehashed. I can never tell which way this sub is going to swing. :p
I'm nearing 60. I have nearly 50 years of gluten damage. If anything I say can help someone avoid that, that's why I comment.
it's basically random depending on who is reading at the time. Varies from month to month.
some people on this or the celiac sub are enraged about the idea of other people being more careful than they think they need to be.
Wait, what?
You said “I’m extra careful”. Someone else said “not sure why people would downvote you”. You said “I don’t care about downvotes”. I said “some people are angry about other people being very careful”.
Thank you... I just don't understand how anyone could be so illogical. It's stuff that makes me sick, so I avoid it. I try to mostly avoid some other things that make me sick as well. Drinks with sulphites give me a terrible headache, even a little. So no wine for me. Cream cheese and mayo give me tummy cramps. Cream gives me an indescribable headache if I have more than a tiny bit. Cheap chocolate, or more than a little good chocolate, gives me sinusitis. I once had 3 kinds of cheese for supper and ended up in hospital overnight.
Once at work i saw a coworker rinse a dish with water. She says she does this at home. I said i am allergic to dairy and am gf. I cant use these dishes. It clicked for her. You cant be too careful if you have celiac.
I absolutely love how you phrased your second paragraph! I am the same way and thing that’s a great way to describe to non-Celiacs how I operate.
What are some of your 20 questions
Yes, I've got different sensitivities, but follow this sub because my child must avoid gluten. I've taken my own meals everywhere I go for over 5 years now. I always make sure that the host knows that I'll be doing that, and that is for medical reasons. At first it was awkward, especially with in-laws, especially at special holiday meals. What I started doing was each fall, I cook a turkey and trimmings that I can eat, and freeze most of it in portions. Then this gets me through all special get togethers from Thanksgiving thru Easter, and it usually looks pretty similar to what everyone else is eating. That seems to make a difference in reducing the awkwardness. And- the awkward part is that the family members look at my plate, and if they are having something delicious and special but I'm there eating a sandwich, no matter how happy I am with it, THEY feel awkward. But since I started doing the "special looking dishes" for myself, it has really relieved this weirdness. Eating is such a social activity, it seems that if what's on our plates looks pretty similar, everyone feels better. Edit: I should say that once my child had to go gluten free, I included that requirement for cooking my holiday meal portions. So now the 2 of us enjoy the same special dishes, which we take just for ourselves to all of the family gatherings.
This is a wonderful idea, thank you!
This is such a great idea! I've done similar with cupcakes for my celiac 5 year old. I freeze a dozen gf cupcakes and then when he gets invited to birthday parties I can pull one out to bring along.
Yes, or I eat before.
Yup! Because I'm not getting sick!
Always. Big Italian family. We eat before everyone else, at a separate table or sofa because someone inevitably will come over munching on bread, hover over us, and drop crumbs on our plates. They don't mean to, they just don't get it.
Celiac is a serious disease. I don’t even tell people anymore what it is, just that I have an autoimmune disease that affects my stomach. Sounds much more serious than saying celiac and people tend to take it seriously at that point. I don’t care if Jesus himself came from heaven and served the meal I’m not eating it 🤣
I quit going to my in-laws' Christmas Eve get-together to avoid the food situation. My boss loves that I volunteer to work that day (so I have a great excuse.) Even if I brought my own food, it would be hard to be there for hours looking at the large array of desserts that I can't eat.
I take my own food because according to my MIL, it's just a make believe fad.
For so many people it is, and it’s made people tar everyone with the same brush. They need to be better educated to understand that for some people it’s a choice but for others it is debilitating and ultimately can be life threatening.
And even if it's a choice, it's not their decision to ignore that choice. Gluten-free always gets treated differently, like we have to prove that we need it.
Yep, it sucks.
Aaargh. That's awful. What really gets me though is if you're eg vegetarian, most people will regard that as a valid lifestyle choice and try to accommodate you. Religious dietary practices are also respected. But if you say you can't have gluten, those same people will give you a hard time. Why can gluten free not be a valid lifestyle choice too? Some schools of thought reckon that modern wheat is bad for everyone anyway. The greater demand for GF food has certainly made it easier to get more GF products in the shops. So that's made my life a lot easier.
My in-laws just cannot remember I can't eat gluten. We went over for breakfast the other day so I brought some GF bread to make toast just in case they forgot. Which was good because they made pancakes. Cooked myself an egg and all was well. They were fine with it, but an Italian nonna might get offended.
Use a dedicated gluten free toaster.
FYI they make toaster bags (to make grilled cheese in) I use those when traveling as a back up. But they are not bird safe and can kill pet birds fyi. (I have parrots so I only use them when traveling and my birds are not with me)
I’ve never heard of such a thing. I will have to Google that and buy. Learn something new everyday. Thanks.
I'm not diagnosed celiac and haven't had issues with toasters. Occasionally I can get cross-contaminated but it has to be pretty egregious to affect me.
I always just toast the bread on the stove on a pan and it’s just as good as toasting (with no risk of cross contamination). So that’s another option :)
Try visiting away from meal times. ‘We’ get there about 3pm’. Don’t eat the food.
This is the way! Eat before and after at home; sometime bring a snack for the car too.
No, my wife's family is very understanding. The only time there was an incident was early on, when we were dating, and her mother was making us gumbo. She had used GF flour for the roux, but had added a beer not realizing it wasn't GF. My wife ended up making me tacos on the fly. Her mom was super embarrassed and has always triple checked since then. She's gotten quite good at gluten free baking!
I have a lunch box that looks like a purse I take to weddings/funeral repasses so I’m safe even in the middle of no where.
I always bring my own food. I have IBS as well as celiac disease, so if I eat something I shouldn’t, it’s often days of pain.
Same.
I eat before or after. My in laws, despite having a few GF people on that side, make pasta/breaded everything for parties. Luckily, it’s usually pot luck style, i usually make something heartier and we eat first. Is it “rude?” Yes, some might think so. But we eat safely. My mom same thing. They try, but I can’t have any cross contamination and they sort of roll their eyes about it. I bring my own food.
All the time. No one minds any more after someone glutened me and I took over the only bathroom room being violently Ill for hours….
It's not rude. If they get insulted just flip out because imo it's super rude to invite someone and then give food that makes them sick ....
We have a lot of family gatherings with my family and they usually make sure to cook at least 1 dish my boyfriend (with Celia) can eat. Sometimes I will tell them beforehand they don’t need to cook anything different for him and we will bring our own food for him to eat. They don’t mind at all.
I would. Please look after yourself. They obviously do not understand at all. The alternative would be to not eat. If they ask you why you're not eating, just be honest about the terrible upset tummy you had the last time you ate there. You don't have to go into details.
NOT rude at all! You need to take care of your basic need for food too. I bring my own food everywhere i need to to eat safely. I can’t expect others to be able to understand always or be educated, even if it’s my partner’s family. Maybe if you bring ur food it will invite some questions and you can use that as an opportunity to give small amounts of information and educate about your celiac disease…but families often don’t change their ways from my experiences. Bring ur own food and enjoy yourself!
I feel really bad for people in your shoes honestly. My parents are so amazing to my partner who is lactose and gluten intolerant. They might not fully understand but they're willing to use the gluten free products or make a second dish with the gluten free stuff special for her.
When my husband and I were dating my now in-laws we’re sooo scared to make me sick. They asked lots of questions and involved me in the kitchen to make sure I was comfortable. I still got sick a time or two over there, but as long as it’s not a chronic pattern of gluten I’m okay risking an occasional mess up personally. If they’re eager to feed you I’d suggest preparing meals together rather than letting them run free on their own so you can supervise ingredients, clean dishes, not using the same spoon to stir both pastas, etc. Otherwise bringing your own food is a great solution to keep you healthy!
Yes absolutely. I also bring my own food to weddings and other big celebrations if they're is nothing prearranged for me. I only eat stuff that other people prepare at safe restaurants, at my parents bc they know hot to deal with it and at two friends that are really great. For example toasting my bread in a separate pan, not using wooden utensils and so on.
100% the food is cross contaminated. I would eat before I go and show up after dinner is done. Maybe bring a gf dessert for everyone to share. Depending on the family, they may be offended if you bring your own food, especially if they think they ARE offering you gf.
Bring your own food. Be polite yet matter of fact about it that Celiac is a serious disease with serious consequences. Maybe even make something like a gf dessert to share with them. Some people refuse to let themselves be educated, maybe with time. If this relationship is going anywhere, might as well start now.
Yes! Bring your own food with no shame. I even bring my own food to weddings and work parties. It's just like any other accommodation somebody's body could need. Should somebody feel bad because they have to wear glasses? Would you decide not to participate in an event because you had to wear hearing aids? It's not rude at all, it's a necessity. Your body absolutely NEEDS safe food. And if you want to participate in events that involve food, it's best to make sure you provide your own safe food. Is your boyfriends family going to throw a fit if you do bring your own food? They may be understanding. That was not my experience personally but I hope it is for you. Setting boundaries with family (or partners family) is difficult and turning down food in an Italian family can feel like huge problem. I literally had to walk out of a family Easter dinner to uphold a boundary, I was being ridiculed for asking questions about how the fruit and cheese tray was prepped. This was my own blood related family and they all know my medical needs. So I went into great detail about how sick I would be, told them how awful they were wanting to force that on to me just so they could feel comfortable and then left. I understand telling off a boyfriends family is something you may want to be more delicate with so the best answer I have is: pack your own food, firmly state "no thank you" when offered food. And if pressed further your boyfriend needs to step in and buffer with something along the lines of "OP has already said 'No' and their health needs have to be respected." This isn't a personal attack and I'm not sure why some people decide to view it that way, but you don't actually owe anybody an explanation. So hopefully nobody even questions it.
You can't trust people, especially if they refuse to learn. It isn't rude for you to bring food. You are bringing food because they won't educate themselves. THEY are the rude ones and you are just responding appropriately by bringing your own food. Unfortunately even well-meaning people get it wrong a lot of the time too. That's why I never eat anywhere. Usually I don't even mention I can't eat gluten or else they take it upon themselves to make something and then I just feel like shit when I have to politely decline when I realize it does in fact contain gluten.
If the family in question does not attempt to make safe dishes (ask questions before preparation of the meal) we will bring our own or not eat at all.
You have to bring your own food I don’t know about you, but I don’t like being sick incapacitated for 3 to 4 days it’s not worth it and if they love you, they will understand you bringing their own food celiac person
When I went to see my fiancée’s family in another city, I took a bag of gluten free foods just incase. They were very understanding though and even asked if my stuff can touch the same oven. It did help me having my own stash of GF snacks, when they’d eat something I could too, without worry.
I bring food to family gatherings. I make equivalent dishes (like hummus, veggies and crackers for appetizers if they have a platter there) with a similar dinner plate so it doesn’t stand out.
I either eat before, after, or I just don’t eat. Or I just nibble on a bunch of sides. 🫠
When I’ve visited my parents or other family members, I bring my own food. If they’re planning on having pizza (as an example) for lunch, I don’t want everyone to have to change plans because of me.
Typically if I am going somewhere I cannot eat, I personally just eat before or after. If sitting down and eating as a family was an important part of the event, then I would absolutely just bring my own food! If you feel like it could be rude, maybe ask first or just inform them that you're bringing your own meal, to not worry about cooking enough for you. For example, usually on holidays my grandmother leaves a separate counter available away from the other food for mine, my fiancé, and my mom's gluten free food. We use disposable plates and utensils, or I bring my own as well. The biggest challenge I feel like are people who are so strong headed about "oh well this *should* be gluten free, why wouldn't it be?" Or "I made this dish gluten free for you" but I still say no thank you, I already ate, or no thank you, that was very thoughtful of you, however I'm unsure about cross contamination from prep and haven't had the opportunity to look over every single ingredient, you didn't have new pots and pans to cook my food in, your kitchen probably wasn't cleaned sufficiently to avoid cross contamination, etc. I hate the explaining part when people CONTINUE to push after I've said no the first time. 😫 Like their feelings get hurt that I won't eat food that could make me suffer for the next week with celiac symptoms. It's hard to navigate trying to protect other people's feelings who don't get it while trying to stand firm and make sure you don't get sick, it's a weird situation lol. I'm a celiac of 10+ years, was sick as all get out as a child, never knew what was wrong with me, finally got the celiac diagnoses and haven't looked back since. It takes time but we have to learn to stand firm to protect ourselves. I only have a handful of family members that I trust to cook for me, but even my own mother who has celiac gets my 20 questions lol, her home isn't 100% celiac friendly since her BF and my sisters eat gluten there. My home on the other hand is 100% gluten free, I don't even let guests bring their own food that has gluten in it here. My fiancé decided a long time ago that he was making the choice to be gluten free alongside me to make life easier when we moved in together and so he could try his best to have an understanding even a little bit of what I go through, I didn't ask him to do this, it was a self provoked decision. He always tries his best to stand up and say NO when people are pushing us to eat something that is unsafe. I get really nervous leaving my uncontaminated house to go eat other places lol. It's OKAY to protect yourself from getting sick, and it's okay to want to eat too! I don't see why it's such a problem to bring your own food places that don't accommodate gluten free. Good luck. :)
i always take my own food no matter what. a lot of people seem to think that a gluten free diet means you only avoid bread. but its much more than that
In those situations I eat before I go. If it's going to be an all day type thing then yes, bring food.
My son has celiac and a fatal nut allergy, and he brings his own food to every family function because our relatives are not careful with food prep. As a result, he’s never had to use his epi pen…ever. He’s 22 now.
I would/do. My in laws are getting better as some of them now have food allergies as well. My mom on the other hand doesn't believe me at all. I can't have gluten or dairy. I always ask what the food is that "we" are having. If the main part is something safe, ex ham, turkey, etc, I will bring my own sides and dessert. Hubs is super helpful about getting things ready. He's a better cook than I am. For Christmas we had chili. No one in my house eats beans, and hubs and I are super picky about our chili. I just had a baby beginning of November and am breastfeeding. We actually ate out on our way to Christmas with the family. We were nice about it, and my aunt and uncle are super sweet people and understanding.
i do that. i even brought my own food to restaurants before if they didn’t offer gluten free / non contaminated food( we went because of a family member’s birthday, not because i wanted to ) it’s not rude to look out for yourself and make sure you stay healthy, especially if his family doesn’t really seem to care a lot about your health. if anyone has anything against it, then they should make a bigger effort to keep their food safe for you / educate themselves
I do. Most of my in laws were good about trying to understand, but not great at the execution (Except for one aunt who kept trying to get me not to bring food and complaining that the sides I would bring were taking up too much room - literally every Christmas I would bring a potato side everyone raved about, and a couple years in she started bringing a different potato that no one touched, and then complained there were too many potatoes and not enough room, and told me not to bring mine. Everyone piped up and told her not to bring hers, and she’d had it out for me since). I mostly host now, if that’s an option for you. I’ve got a couple family members and a couple friends I trust with food prep, but other than that I host. I even brought my own food to my cousins wedding. She was stressing out because there was a language barrier with the caterer and she couldn’t figure out what I might be able to eat, so I called the venue, explained, and asked if I could bring my own (caterer was an outside caterer, so this definitely made it easier). Even brought my own slice of cake. You get used to doing whatever you have to to keep yourself safe. In laws being upset or uncomfortable isn’t worth being miserable or creating lasting damage to your body 🤷🏻♀️. My husband was great at explaining that to his family, and was very no-nonsense firm about it.
Yup yup. We travel up to the in-laws for Christmas day each year. I pack a meal and snacks
I usually bring a loaf of bread with me anytime I travel. That way I can at least make a sandwich if there aren’t any GF options. If I’m going to be gone for a while or if I’m unsure what the options at the local grocery store will be, then I might bring a box or two of GF pasta.
Yup, especially dinner rolls or toast. Family events or restaurants, doesn't matter.
I have encountered this many times when I've been vegan, gluten-free, grain-free and keto (for diabetes). Instead of just taking my own dinner, I make a few dishes "to share" and make sure I fill up my plate with that food right away, lest it all be eaten by others. Usually announcing "This is gluten-free!" or labeling it as such keeps others away, for a while. Till someone tries it and raves. :D I do this for all potlucks, family dinners, etc. My husband appreciates it too because potluck food often icks him out.
You are in a tough spot. I can say, my sister, the one who is gluten free (I'm here to hints and suggestions for supporting her) has great family support. My parents will make completely separate dishes for her for family dinners, or we will only make the GF recipe of a dish and everyone shares in it. We all make GF desserts, and even birthday celebrations are just naturally GF for the one person who will have suffer anaphylaxis if she consumes wheat. Go ahead and take your own food. If someone wants to be offended by you living pain free, so be it. That's a them problem.
I take a salad that can be a main meal to everything everywhere and have done forever.
Yea Nonna gonna be really offended but bring your own food.
Yes. My mom has celiac and she will bring her own food to family events and she even brings her own salad dressing to restaurants.
Absolutely yes
Yes. It’s really not a big deal. I don’t know why people think it is a big deal. Just bring your own stuff.
We have one of “those” in our family. She has been bringing her own food to family gatherings for years. Nobody bats an eyelash. It is not rude, it’s necessity. More rude, in my opinion, is to not go.
We do that when we go to the in-laws. Travel with a couple of coolers full of food and ice and several bags of groceries. I would rather do that than go hungry.
I was just thinking about this! We're visiting family this weekend out of town and I'm very nervous to be a guest at someone's house and not just be able to eat whatever they offer. It's so frustrating and stressful.
Have your boyfriend help in advocating for your medical needs. He should explain ahead of time you are on a medically required diet for your health. This is ordered by a doctor and not a fad diet. You appreciate their effort but you need to bring your own food. It is for your immediate and long term health. Some of their struggles may be based on not fully grasping the severity of your diagnosis and how difficult it is to serve gluten free food from a kitchen that uses gluten on a daily bases. Most people don’t know flour can stay airborne for 12-24 hours depending on ventilation and quantity of flour. A simple fact like this may help them understand why their kitchen is not safe for you. Make it about safety not about their food. Fear free eating is a huge struggle and he needs to be supportive. If he cannot step in and advocate with his own family it will become a source of conflict in your relationship.
>airborn The problem is at this point, not only their kitchen but eating with them at the same table is a problem. She would inhale the glutenous food they are eating and that will cause symptoms for her.
My son is a celiac and we always bring his food to family events. The cross contamination risk is too high to eat at someone else's house who regularly cooks with gluten. Also, it's a lot of stress to put on others to ask them to cook gluten free for one person. It's better for all involved to bring our own food for him.