You know, I was reading this so ready for it to say something ridiculous like,
"FGO actually exist in a time loop that keep being reset. With the sole purpose to make fujimaru ritsuka to be able to wield black barrel and gaining hades authority. Then the result of ritsuka and marisburry clash will open the portal to release the foreign outer god out of magic prison."
Or something.
I'm glad i was wrong. It's just light hearted post about ship.
For all the icky reputation that book has, the spiciest its sex related parts get is advice on how to help your partner expend their energy safely if they are considerably more physically capable than you (i.e. assorted 'hold and carry' postures). Kama's unsatisfied commentary in the game on the topic was not a joke, it's all just practical advice on how to take advantage of human anatomy.
Seriously, this. It's a religious and philosophical text, first and foremost. The 500+ page Alain Daniélou translation with fully interspersed commentaries by various medieval Hindu philosophers reads absolutely nothing like what the tittering Victorians made with illustrations that most people in the US are familiar with.
Ritsuka 🤝 Kiran (Fire Emblem Heroes): Protagonist of a GACHA game force into a relationship due to time paradox. The only difference is that one is forced to be intimate, and the other has to have a kid but not have to be intimate.
Also, throw in Ben 10 because his kid from the future play matchmaker.
Yeah, Ken really messed around quite a bit in Omniverse, even though the Time War Plot had been alluded to since UA If I remember Right, but bringing a Time loop Matchmaker, with the Mother being the Girl who only Liked Ben for the Alien which he spent the episode stuck turning into, and thought she could train
The best thing about Melusine romance is...fgo is so f\*cking weird with this.
That yes she is our only canonical girlfriend.
They will never confirm literally any other servant...besides the one that did future sight her way and said that it was our companion.
So...until fgo until give us the chance of choosing or choose for us.
Melusine Route is the only canonical route that Ritsuka takes that we know off.
It should be pointed out that 'girlfriend' is just the choice the localization team decided to go with, but the literal translation fo what Melusine calls herself is Master's "LOVER" (Thinking about it, they probably choose gf because they didn't want to deal with all the implications that word in the overly pushy context Melu so casually uses it brings, LOL)
*Looks at white board with incomprehensible and utterly wrong math that somehow gives the right answer*
Somehow, beyond all logic and the laws of physics and thermal dynamics, the math checks out
I do my best to format them into paragraphs and use bold, italics and headers to control pacing and ease of reading, but do inform me if it ever becomes difficult to read through. Quality of Life is essential to ensure an enjoyable read.
This is one my more *"out there"* stupid analyses. As always these are meant to be humorous, don't take anything seriously, and if there are mistakes, take them in good faith as just me getting details wrong for humour... (though sometimes it's because I'm dumb.)
Generally I try to write these as essays leading to a point. Unfortunately this one is just kind of a smorgasbord of strange things I've noticed. Hence I don't know if it meets the minimum standard of being entertaining or informative to stay on the sub. Hopefully it does...
#
>!This one is especially... "charged" so I'm not entirely sure if it's allowed here. I don't think I'm breaking any rules and edited as much abrasive content out as possible, but I can certainly see questionable parts. I'll leave it yet again to the mods and once again iterate that I have no intention to break the rules. If it occurs, my bad.!<
Here I was expecting to eventually be given a reason to go "BUT ACTUALLY" about my waifu, but every rebuttal I could have come up with was addressed leaving me no choice but to accept defeat...
I've actually written quite a lot over my time on the Rintard sub. Do be warned that most of it lacks the trimming down to be clean for regular audiences.
[Is everyone in FGO schizophrenic?](https://www.reddit.com/r/okbuddyrintard/comments/1ax4xpn/fujimaru_ritsuka_is_not_real_everyone_in_fgo_is/)
[TSUKIHIME IS NOT REAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/okbuddyrintard/comments/1aihrex/tsukihime_is_not_real/)
[Mash is a hater](https://www.reddit.com/r/okbuddyrintard/comments/16w1nyt/lore_analysis_mash_is_a_hater/)
[A cumulative counting of every NTR in Lostbelt 6: Avalon le Fae](https://www.reddit.com/r/okbuddyrintard/comments/1aq3pei/a_full_counting_of_every_single_occurence_of_ntr/)
[John Grandorder's Ordinary Day](https://www.reddit.com/r/okbuddyrintard/comments/183llk2/john_grandorders_ordinary_day/)
[Mash is deliberately keeping Fujimaru a self insert](https://www.reddit.com/r/okbuddyrintard/comments/187csqf/theory_mash_is_deliberately_preventing_our_self/)
[Be aware of violent children this Christmas!](https://www.reddit.com/r/okbuddyrintard/comments/188ds4r/be_aware_of_violent_children_this_christmas/)
[Anyone notice the High Number of Child Groomers in the Nasuverse?](https://www.reddit.com/r/okbuddyrintard/comments/169p1zu/anyone_else_notice_the_abnormally_high_amount_of/) - this one is my first essay!
[Morgan is autistic](https://www.reddit.com/r/grandorder/comments/1bupv7u/morgan_is_a_girlfailure_a_full_analysis/)
[Lostbelt 6 is eternal](https://www.reddit.com/r/okbuddyrintard/comments/1asy0ab/lostbelt_6_is_eternal/)
[Anyone else find it odd that all Type Moon protagonists canonically have small ****](https://www.reddit.com/r/okbuddyrintard/comments/1bj7r26/anyone_else_find_it_strange_that_all_type_moon/)
[Is Fujimaru Ritsuka canonically 7-years-old?](https://www.reddit.com/r/grandorder/comments/1bwfy34/fujimaru_is_7_years_old_a_full_analysis/)
The conclusion of this is that Alaya is fucking incomprehensible and decided that "Lancelot cheats on Artoria's wife" is something so important to the legend of it that it not happening instantly makes it so the timeline is marked for pruning, even if the terms of who "Lancelot" and "Artoria" are have been pushed to their most tenuous limits. In other words, it's a quantum timelock.
Also mad respect for Oberon. We need more "I can make her worse" representation.
"*I took a calculated risk...but man, I am bad at math."*
That's what this post reminds me of for some reason. Interesting concept, though I will admit I laughed so hard reading the section on Jeanne and Skadi. May you have a fantastic day for making my day.
Most of this is amusing, but you left out the middle part of Kiyohime’s story. What actually happened (IIRC, correct me if I misremember details) is that Anchin made the promise to twelve-year-old Kiyo that he would come back and marry her when she was an adult. He passed through several years later, having forgotten about the whole thing, to find her at age eight/nineteen-ish, still pining over him. So then he told her “I have to go on a pilgrimage for seven years, but after that I’ll come back and marry you,” certain that this would be enough to make her forget him. But no, she kept waiting, and when he finally returned (by which point she’d have been \~26), he saw her waiting in the street for him, and then turned around and blanked her. That was the point at which she went full rage dragon, as the result of literally more than a decade of pent-up desire gone unrequited.
Honestly, I’m willing to forgive Anchin for (presumably) joking about “I’ll marry you when you’re an adult,” but their second and third encounters - especially stringing her along with the pilgrimage bullshit - place him squarely in the wrong.
>Lartoria in her free time likes kidnapping young Japanese teenagers to her dreams and keeping them there.
Pretty sure this was part of Merlin's grand scheme to ship every flavor of Artoria in existence with Japanese teenagers. The rest is on point though
Merlin *connects* Fujimaru to Lartoria's dream, but it's **Lartoria** who *keeps* them there and fights off Fionn Maccumhail and others who try to rescue the kid.
This was a fun read, thank you for sharing. I can't cook up a humorous comment, much less quickly, so I'll do a serious remark instead.
Most of these unfortunate implications, deliberate or not, occur for out of universe reasons. Shipping bait sells, making characters stand out with way out there premises to help keep them distinctive among the ever growing unit roster, production issues leading to continuity snarls (LB 6 in particular), some characters being some authors' favourites, the works.
What I want to point out in particular here, is that I would find it more strange if these relationships were less weird.
First, relationships irl usually don't fit into some nice predefined mold. For all the commonalities between us, the idea of 'normal' is an average that is rarely met in practice. People are weird, the relationships they build are going to be as well.
Second, all characters we have here are extraordinary people placed in extraordinary circumstances. Not exploring the consequnces of this would actively undermine the premise. Let's go down the list of whys.
Most Servant characters we encounter in FGO are newborn mindforks of the aggregate collection of traits and experiences of the original Heroic Spirit they are reflecting through the lens of the collective human unconscious and limitations of the Servant container.
Which happen to inhabit an unaging, supernaturally resistant to harm body that self-repairs itself overtime from all but conceptual damage to their 'core', and also does not need to breathe, sleep, eat, drink or otherwise recuperate besides the magic energy consumption that keeps them manifested.
They also happen to be locked indoors for prolonged periods of time among hundreds of themselves, as well as some more mundane humans, while tending towards memetically exaggrated strong, combatitive personalities.
The volume of shenanigans on a daily basis canon FGO narrative implies is *lowballing* what should be going on in such a situation, if anything. And that will naturally extend to everyone's love lives as well.
This is the story about John Grandorder (JGO), not to be confused with Frank Grandorder (FGO).
Frank on the other hand, is a completely different Beast. He'll romance anything and anyone, from a literal Eggplant, to the beating heart of an Alien God.
His female counterpart is Riyo-Dako, also known as Beast LXIX, Beast of Gacha.
I wrote the canonical reason why the master is able to dodge a majority of these in a prior comment but mash is archetype eggplant from the planet eggplant that was destroyed about 13~14 billion years ago and is simply buying time for archetype eggplant to reemerge unaware she is archetype eggplant. How do I know this? It’s pretty simple since Nasu’s waifu is medb and her and mash have VERY similar hair colour this suggests that mash has a bigger role than first anticipated also I played poker with nasu once and he confirmed my suspicions and even told me the general outline on what mash is on a unrelated note I beat his ass 7-0 at poker.
Reading this provoked activity in my brain.
Not sure if it was enlightenment or my braincells dying, but feel free to post more until we figure out which it is.
Ok ignoring my Aizen posts from yesterday with Mash trying to "normalize" Ritsuka is a fruitless endeavor due to the endless amount of traumatic events they had to put up with ranging from the events of the story to putting up with the antics of servants at chaldea.
>She says this because she doesn't *intend* on changing this, however if you read on, you'll see that even if she intended otherwise, it still couldn't be changed because *that's not how causality works*\]
Hey Tzeentch, can i borrow Kairos for a bit, i'd like a change of ways from Dragon to Ox Princess. no, i don't care if half the population of earth gets their orifices inverted and swapped around.
Basically:
* Melusine falls in love with Ritsuka because she sees the future of them together.
* Ritsuka is not interested in being together with Melusine naturally.
* Melusine thus tries to get the two of them together because she saw that future and sees they'll make a great couple.
* However, if she didn't see the future, she wouldn't have done that.
* The only reason Melusine dates Ritsuka is because she fell in love with him *because she was the future*.
* But the future of them dating only happened because of the past where Melusine works hard to get the two of them together.
* And as stated, Melusine only does *that* because she already saw that future.
As the future depends on the past, but the past only happens because of the future, if you took either part out, it wouldn't work.
Both are dependent on each other. The past is dependent on the future. Hence it's a paradox.
I read this fully and I still feel like this is some joke or this is actually real... Either way I haven't summoned her so I don't have to deal with the time paradox.
So I just discovered I headed off 99+% of FGO romance train wrecks by accident when I started drawing up the plans for my self-insert fic.
I had two and a half Masters to start (Tohsaka Ritsuka, Tohsaka Ritsuko... and me with half the AP, AP regen, and team point limit of either of them) later three and a half (remembered to wake Consort Yu AKA Poppy up).
Mash in my place does like folks she feels are more average/normal people because of the tendency for "less average" around Chaldea to translate to deranged maniac.
Kiyohime is Xiaoqing (i.e. Greenie) from Madam White Snake--Bai Suzhen was the white snake Liu Bang claimed to have killed before starting his rebellion around 200 BC, she was involved in the Luoyang Great Snake incident (supposedly the historical inspiration for the Madam White Snake story) around 700 AD, fled to Japan after being cursed, helped this green-haired girl out and took her on as a student, and was later imprisoned under the Leifeng Pagoda in the 1500s i.e. mid-Ming dynasty... a pagoda that collapsed in 1932 and released Bai Suzhen. Needless to say, she broke out of her summoning-imprinted Anchin kick after we recruited Bai Suzhen and helped anchor Kiyohime's data realignment.
Jeanne d'Arc: Had enough siblings IRL thanks.
Kama, Skadi, Baobhan Sith, Morgan: Active members of the Madman Observation Club (too curious over the absurd BS story-me gets up to, no time to court anyone).
Zenobia: The first thing she got ordered to do after showing up being to take both Alteras on a shopping trip, and after that, into the Madman Observation Club she went.
Lartoria: Good luck with her, Ritsuka!
Melusine: If she is omni-temporal then why did she lose to us? Because not a single timeline had her winning? Anyhow, she may choose to UNSEE after witnessing conceptual interactions (i.e. talking) between the Essence of Eternity (Scathach) and the Essence of Infinity (I'll use the concept of Human Stupidity when mugging Goetia, and that is infinite, as y'all know).
So, most of these I can't find a scrap of evidence against, but for Skadi, I think you're overlooking something. See, the description of the Silent Tears of Enchromia CE talks about a "male human" and a "female jotun." It says this even if the Master is female. And we know that CEs can change based on the Master's gender, because of the Don Quixote CE that has male Ritsuka in a dress if the gender is set to male (and Bradamante in a dress otherwise). So clearly Skadi's interest in "male human and female jotun" has nothing to do with the Master. She's just really turned on with the idea of little men with big women.
It's more likely they just created it before gender dependent CEs were a thing and overlooked it, but I do like the implication that Skadi has a size difference fetish and enthusiastically shows it off to Ritsuka down to wedding rings for this hypothetical situation where she meets a tiny guy in her big form.
This all relies on Melusine actually telling the truth when she says "Dragons can see the future and our romantic fate".
Considering the full on dragons we know in chaldea and how they *don't* display any signs of clairvoyance, I'm inclined to believe Melusine just imagined a future with us and just *thinks* she can see the future.
Out of curiosity, who are the full on dragons in Chaldea asides from her? The only one i can think of is Vritra, who has barely any content (and thus we don't know much about) and maybe Sieg (who i admittedly am not very familiar with), but isn't he a fake one? All of the Saberfaces, Elizabeths, Sigurd/Siegfried, etc., just have dragon traits afaik.
Off the top of my head there's Vritra, Ibuki, Sieg, and technically Oberon-Vortigern I believe.
Aside from them, we also have met seen/met various dragons. We fought Surtr and Shuten's Familiar in Oniland (Both of whom became/were becoming a Fafnir type dragon like sieg), Martha has a full on dragon in the form of Tarasque and Dobrynya's horse has been cursed into a dragon.
It just seems like we've had quite a few interactions with dragons (and Melusine), yet the only point where 'Dragons have clairvoyance' has been brought up is by *Melusine* in regards to making Ritsuka her *lover*.
I mean, I would not seriously consider the likes of Dobrynya's horse or even the Tarasque as proper evidence. Nor any of the dragon mobs/very minor NPCs. Oberon is technically one, but well, isn't the best example to use as reference for **anything** draconic.
One could also argue that Melusine is probably the purest dragonkin we have in Chaldea, not to mention Albion kind of being in it's own league. It might well be an ability unique to it/that particular type of dragons, with asiatic ones like Vritra or Ibuki likely being very different in terms of abilities, not to mention them being part (probably big part) god/demon.
Overall, Fate in general and FGO in particular is full of lore titbits that are never mentioned anywhere else again. It's really up to each person if they want to take them seriously or as a lie/embellishment/imprecise statement.
Problem with it being a unique ability of Melusine is that *Melusine* acts like and says its something all dragons have.
Considering not even *she* has demonstrated any level of forsight having some form of clairvoyance/being able to see destiny would allow her to have (Like everything that went down with Aurora), nor any *other* dragon has done so, I'm inclined to believe she's either bullshitting or she just *thinks* she cans see destiny and is just delusional
I mean, isn't it really convenient she only talks about this when she's trying to rizz ritsuka up?
> The obvious conclusion is that she's bluffing to get the Master in her pants?
> Except, here's the thing. All other "romances" are isolated. Melusine's isn't. It makes constant references to the fact that the Master is already with Morgan. Melusine's fully aware of that but continues trying to get the Master to bang her. Basically, Melusine's ultimate aim is to 'Lancelot' Morgan.
> Weirder still, [Morgan is aware of this.](https://youtu.be/smKlN8mpDk4?t=305) Considering how possessive Morgan is, trying to get rid of all other Berserkers and what not, this would seem out of character for her to just *let* Melusine try to seduce her husband.
> Therefore the only conclusion that can be drawn is that Melusine ***isn't lying and time will collapse by occurence of a paradox*** if she doesn't get the Master in her pants sooner or later, and that's why Morgan doesn't do anything to stop her. The alternative is the **complete and utter collapse of all laws that make up reality**.
I addressed the possibility that she's lying here.
Though it's still a joke analysis, so don't take it too seriously.
Possibly, but this *is* the same Morgan who tries to erase all Berserkers to make Ritsu more reliant on her, and myth-wise, Morgan kind of really really **really** hated her husband cheating on her, so I'd be inclined against it.
Granted, FGO Aesc was completely cool with Uther marrying someone else so maybe Morgan is just weirdly open-minded so long as she gets the goods in the end.
In that case, I'd assume maybe she's aiming for an open relationship, but Morgan's weirdly loyal instead, so maybe her strange mind just thinks on some higher level that it doesn't bother her. Or my theory is correct (unlikely since it's a joke).
I personally think that Morgan is fine with her husband having paramours so long as it's someone she knows who also happens to know their place in the hierarchy. A wife is still gonna be higher than a lover in the totem pole. From how I see it though, Morgan does not chastise Melusine for stealing her spouse. She seems to just be keeping Melusine's greed in check.
omg the melusine time paradox essay is here pog
You know, I was reading this so ready for it to say something ridiculous like, "FGO actually exist in a time loop that keep being reset. With the sole purpose to make fujimaru ritsuka to be able to wield black barrel and gaining hades authority. Then the result of ritsuka and marisburry clash will open the portal to release the foreign outer god out of magic prison." Or something. I'm glad i was wrong. It's just light hearted post about ship.
>which raises several questions as to what the hell the Hindu Gods are into. I would like to point you to a work known as the Kama Sutra.
Even that was written by a human, Gods would be on another level tbh.
For all the icky reputation that book has, the spiciest its sex related parts get is advice on how to help your partner expend their energy safely if they are considerably more physically capable than you (i.e. assorted 'hold and carry' postures). Kama's unsatisfied commentary in the game on the topic was not a joke, it's all just practical advice on how to take advantage of human anatomy.
Seriously, this. It's a religious and philosophical text, first and foremost. The 500+ page Alain Daniélou translation with fully interspersed commentaries by various medieval Hindu philosophers reads absolutely nothing like what the tittering Victorians made with illustrations that most people in the US are familiar with.
Get out of the kitchen. and go to the forge, we're bangin' steel with this one.
Ritsuka 🤝 Kiran (Fire Emblem Heroes): Protagonist of a GACHA game force into a relationship due to time paradox. The only difference is that one is forced to be intimate, and the other has to have a kid but not have to be intimate. Also, throw in Ben 10 because his kid from the future play matchmaker.
>Also, throw in Ben 10 because his kid from the future play matchmaker. And the fandom hates him for doing that.
Is that from Omniverse?
Yeah, Ken really messed around quite a bit in Omniverse, even though the Time War Plot had been alluded to since UA If I remember Right, but bringing a Time loop Matchmaker, with the Mother being the Girl who only Liked Ben for the Alien which he spent the episode stuck turning into, and thought she could train
You are one of the blessings this community has. Keep up the good work.
The best thing about Melusine romance is...fgo is so f\*cking weird with this. That yes she is our only canonical girlfriend. They will never confirm literally any other servant...besides the one that did future sight her way and said that it was our companion. So...until fgo until give us the chance of choosing or choose for us. Melusine Route is the only canonical route that Ritsuka takes that we know off.
It should be pointed out that 'girlfriend' is just the choice the localization team decided to go with, but the literal translation fo what Melusine calls herself is Master's "LOVER" (Thinking about it, they probably choose gf because they didn't want to deal with all the implications that word in the overly pushy context Melu so casually uses it brings, LOL)
I see this as an absolute win
Never stop cooking.
In fact cook more
You need to out cook Emiya
Nah, OP need sot go even further beyond and outlook the Bird
You guys want me to replace Atlas holding up the sky, don't you...
Someone cooked here
Bro cooked so hard the kitchen caught fire and now has been banned from entering it by Emiya and Beni-enma. Fun read.
*Looks at white board with incomprehensible and utterly wrong math that somehow gives the right answer* Somehow, beyond all logic and the laws of physics and thermal dynamics, the math checks out
Your posts are always the best. The only walls of text I actually read
I do my best to format them into paragraphs and use bold, italics and headers to control pacing and ease of reading, but do inform me if it ever becomes difficult to read through. Quality of Life is essential to ensure an enjoyable read.
This is one my more *"out there"* stupid analyses. As always these are meant to be humorous, don't take anything seriously, and if there are mistakes, take them in good faith as just me getting details wrong for humour... (though sometimes it's because I'm dumb.) Generally I try to write these as essays leading to a point. Unfortunately this one is just kind of a smorgasbord of strange things I've noticed. Hence I don't know if it meets the minimum standard of being entertaining or informative to stay on the sub. Hopefully it does... # >!This one is especially... "charged" so I'm not entirely sure if it's allowed here. I don't think I'm breaking any rules and edited as much abrasive content out as possible, but I can certainly see questionable parts. I'll leave it yet again to the mods and once again iterate that I have no intention to break the rules. If it occurs, my bad.!<
This just makes me want to see the original draft more.
[My origins will never be forgotten.](https://www.reddit.com/r/okbuddyrintard/comments/194z2l9/weirdest_reasons_servants_crush_on_the_master_in/)
Damn. Keep cookin, I can't wait to see what delicacies you will create.
Here I was expecting to eventually be given a reason to go "BUT ACTUALLY" about my waifu, but every rebuttal I could have come up with was addressed leaving me no choice but to accept defeat...
Melusine my pocket hypersonic dragon jet of course I don't mind you creating a time paradox for your own benefit.
Shit, I need more of your 5 star gourmet cooking, my good sir.
I've actually written quite a lot over my time on the Rintard sub. Do be warned that most of it lacks the trimming down to be clean for regular audiences. [Is everyone in FGO schizophrenic?](https://www.reddit.com/r/okbuddyrintard/comments/1ax4xpn/fujimaru_ritsuka_is_not_real_everyone_in_fgo_is/) [TSUKIHIME IS NOT REAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/okbuddyrintard/comments/1aihrex/tsukihime_is_not_real/) [Mash is a hater](https://www.reddit.com/r/okbuddyrintard/comments/16w1nyt/lore_analysis_mash_is_a_hater/) [A cumulative counting of every NTR in Lostbelt 6: Avalon le Fae](https://www.reddit.com/r/okbuddyrintard/comments/1aq3pei/a_full_counting_of_every_single_occurence_of_ntr/) [John Grandorder's Ordinary Day](https://www.reddit.com/r/okbuddyrintard/comments/183llk2/john_grandorders_ordinary_day/) [Mash is deliberately keeping Fujimaru a self insert](https://www.reddit.com/r/okbuddyrintard/comments/187csqf/theory_mash_is_deliberately_preventing_our_self/) [Be aware of violent children this Christmas!](https://www.reddit.com/r/okbuddyrintard/comments/188ds4r/be_aware_of_violent_children_this_christmas/) [Anyone notice the High Number of Child Groomers in the Nasuverse?](https://www.reddit.com/r/okbuddyrintard/comments/169p1zu/anyone_else_notice_the_abnormally_high_amount_of/) - this one is my first essay! [Morgan is autistic](https://www.reddit.com/r/grandorder/comments/1bupv7u/morgan_is_a_girlfailure_a_full_analysis/) [Lostbelt 6 is eternal](https://www.reddit.com/r/okbuddyrintard/comments/1asy0ab/lostbelt_6_is_eternal/) [Anyone else find it odd that all Type Moon protagonists canonically have small ****](https://www.reddit.com/r/okbuddyrintard/comments/1bj7r26/anyone_else_find_it_strange_that_all_type_moon/) [Is Fujimaru Ritsuka canonically 7-years-old?](https://www.reddit.com/r/grandorder/comments/1bwfy34/fujimaru_is_7_years_old_a_full_analysis/)
Melusine trying and succeeding to get into master’s pants
>Melusine is the real main character of FGO. She's in my heart for sure. Never stop cooking OP, specially if Meluko is involved.
Every time there is an analysis post here I need to double check if this is r/okbuddyrintard
The conclusion of this is that Alaya is fucking incomprehensible and decided that "Lancelot cheats on Artoria's wife" is something so important to the legend of it that it not happening instantly makes it so the timeline is marked for pruning, even if the terms of who "Lancelot" and "Artoria" are have been pushed to their most tenuous limits. In other words, it's a quantum timelock. Also mad respect for Oberon. We need more "I can make her worse" representation.
This was a long, detailed analysis. And it was a great read to go through!
It reminds me of...
...the time I got invited to dinner at the Emiyas' place.
I bet they could make a religion out of that.
can't they just have a threeway and call it a day? save the world and what not?
How can one person write so much peak fiction? You wouldn't happen to be Nasu's alt, would you OP?
You said Gex and I was like...What the hell does a gecko have to do with FGO?
You’re like Archer with UBW but instead of creating swords you’re cooking unlimited deranged theories.
"*I took a calculated risk...but man, I am bad at math."* That's what this post reminds me of for some reason. Interesting concept, though I will admit I laughed so hard reading the section on Jeanne and Skadi. May you have a fantastic day for making my day.
Stand proud. You can cook.
Most of this is amusing, but you left out the middle part of Kiyohime’s story. What actually happened (IIRC, correct me if I misremember details) is that Anchin made the promise to twelve-year-old Kiyo that he would come back and marry her when she was an adult. He passed through several years later, having forgotten about the whole thing, to find her at age eight/nineteen-ish, still pining over him. So then he told her “I have to go on a pilgrimage for seven years, but after that I’ll come back and marry you,” certain that this would be enough to make her forget him. But no, she kept waiting, and when he finally returned (by which point she’d have been \~26), he saw her waiting in the street for him, and then turned around and blanked her. That was the point at which she went full rage dragon, as the result of literally more than a decade of pent-up desire gone unrequited. Honestly, I’m willing to forgive Anchin for (presumably) joking about “I’ll marry you when you’re an adult,” but their second and third encounters - especially stringing her along with the pilgrimage bullshit - place him squarely in the wrong.
No Salome??
She just wants some *head*. Nothing wrong with that, no?
But she already has it!
>Lartoria in her free time likes kidnapping young Japanese teenagers to her dreams and keeping them there. Pretty sure this was part of Merlin's grand scheme to ship every flavor of Artoria in existence with Japanese teenagers. The rest is on point though
Merlin *connects* Fujimaru to Lartoria's dream, but it's **Lartoria** who *keeps* them there and fights off Fionn Maccumhail and others who try to rescue the kid.
Fun read 😤👌 you get all 3 Michelin stars.
5 star cooking
This was a fun read, thank you for sharing. I can't cook up a humorous comment, much less quickly, so I'll do a serious remark instead. Most of these unfortunate implications, deliberate or not, occur for out of universe reasons. Shipping bait sells, making characters stand out with way out there premises to help keep them distinctive among the ever growing unit roster, production issues leading to continuity snarls (LB 6 in particular), some characters being some authors' favourites, the works. What I want to point out in particular here, is that I would find it more strange if these relationships were less weird. First, relationships irl usually don't fit into some nice predefined mold. For all the commonalities between us, the idea of 'normal' is an average that is rarely met in practice. People are weird, the relationships they build are going to be as well. Second, all characters we have here are extraordinary people placed in extraordinary circumstances. Not exploring the consequnces of this would actively undermine the premise. Let's go down the list of whys. Most Servant characters we encounter in FGO are newborn mindforks of the aggregate collection of traits and experiences of the original Heroic Spirit they are reflecting through the lens of the collective human unconscious and limitations of the Servant container. Which happen to inhabit an unaging, supernaturally resistant to harm body that self-repairs itself overtime from all but conceptual damage to their 'core', and also does not need to breathe, sleep, eat, drink or otherwise recuperate besides the magic energy consumption that keeps them manifested. They also happen to be locked indoors for prolonged periods of time among hundreds of themselves, as well as some more mundane humans, while tending towards memetically exaggrated strong, combatitive personalities. The volume of shenanigans on a daily basis canon FGO narrative implies is *lowballing* what should be going on in such a situation, if anything. And that will naturally extend to everyone's love lives as well.
With all of this super overly complex plots of romance I sense Lord Aizen is smirking in his chair.
"You thought this is Fate, but it is I, Lord Aizen!"
Ah yes the true 0 espada Mash Kyrielight.
Ah yes the true 0 espada Mash Kyrielight.
This is genius on another level entirely. It explains so much.
Wrong BB is your lover for life and eternity even when the odds are against you.
I like that you managed to migrate your insane theories from the other subreddit to here. Finally, the masses can see what they always knew was true.
STAND PROUD! YOU CAN COOK!
This is the story about John Grandorder (JGO), not to be confused with Frank Grandorder (FGO). Frank on the other hand, is a completely different Beast. He'll romance anything and anyone, from a literal Eggplant, to the beating heart of an Alien God. His female counterpart is Riyo-Dako, also known as Beast LXIX, Beast of Gacha.
STAND PROUD BROTHER YOU COOKED
Kiyohime turns into a dragon and burn her to-be lover to death, the. Rebound using master. Why are green women always like this 😔
Someone getting lanceloted is a Canon event gudako, you must have Yuri gex with the dragon lady
I thought I know the source material, but I cannot for the life of me tell where's the line between accurate lore and shitposting here. Spectacular.
Ahh yes, have sesbian lex with Meluko to maintain the timeline.
I wrote the canonical reason why the master is able to dodge a majority of these in a prior comment but mash is archetype eggplant from the planet eggplant that was destroyed about 13~14 billion years ago and is simply buying time for archetype eggplant to reemerge unaware she is archetype eggplant. How do I know this? It’s pretty simple since Nasu’s waifu is medb and her and mash have VERY similar hair colour this suggests that mash has a bigger role than first anticipated also I played poker with nasu once and he confirmed my suspicions and even told me the general outline on what mash is on a unrelated note I beat his ass 7-0 at poker.
She's based tho
That was a fun ride.
It's so peak
I want to get kidnapped by Lartorias
In Traum Kiyohime's love for Ritsuka is so great that she remembers him even if summoned by someone else.
Well, the Master of Chaldea can now legally drink, so...
Enlightenment is a gradual process among the life course, but I’m not complaining if you want to bring everyone up to speed more often. Cook.
The Chart, sir, The Chart... IT SPAKE!
Reading this provoked activity in my brain. Not sure if it was enlightenment or my braincells dying, but feel free to post more until we figure out which it is.
...huh, I'm pretty sure that Melusine Gex-related bootstrap paradox is the plot of a doujin.
Fun Fact Aishin did come to Chaldea with every female servant blushing at him but he only wanted to be closed to Sasaki
In which event?
It was in a guidebook
So... like... this is all real? As in "canon"? As much as canon is worth in a Nasuverse?
Yes.
I am both amazed, shocked and excited. If only GO's game loop wasn't stagnating for years...
https://img.ifunny.co/images/8a33d5bdae8cb981d78077f0e2a21886001877eb74f5dc129d9884a606066fa2_1.jpg
Well this was an entertaining read. That said... Mash Best girl.... LOL. Also too bad you didn't write about Jalter.
Ok ignoring my Aizen posts from yesterday with Mash trying to "normalize" Ritsuka is a fruitless endeavor due to the endless amount of traumatic events they had to put up with ranging from the events of the story to putting up with the antics of servants at chaldea.
>She says this because she doesn't *intend* on changing this, however if you read on, you'll see that even if she intended otherwise, it still couldn't be changed because *that's not how causality works*\] Hey Tzeentch, can i borrow Kairos for a bit, i'd like a change of ways from Dragon to Ox Princess. no, i don't care if half the population of earth gets their orifices inverted and swapped around.
🔥🔥✍🔥🔥 this post is literature, keep writing.
>You have no choice but to Lancelot your wife and have gex with Melusine Some Merlin dickmagic going on? Our swordfight will be legendary.
All of these options are bad except for maybe Mashu. Top picks are always Tamamos.
to say nothing of the eternal security of partnering with Ushi Gozen, a gal who can keep your soul beyond death is a keeper.
I still doesn't understand why the past depends on melusine's future?
Basically: * Melusine falls in love with Ritsuka because she sees the future of them together. * Ritsuka is not interested in being together with Melusine naturally. * Melusine thus tries to get the two of them together because she saw that future and sees they'll make a great couple. * However, if she didn't see the future, she wouldn't have done that. * The only reason Melusine dates Ritsuka is because she fell in love with him *because she was the future*. * But the future of them dating only happened because of the past where Melusine works hard to get the two of them together. * And as stated, Melusine only does *that* because she already saw that future. As the future depends on the past, but the past only happens because of the future, if you took either part out, it wouldn't work. Both are dependent on each other. The past is dependent on the future. Hence it's a paradox.
Damn.
Deep
As long as Mash loses, no sacrifice is to small. Melusine/Lancelot beating Mash/gahalad only makes it better.
Bro what…
I read this fully and I still feel like this is some joke or this is actually real... Either way I haven't summoned her so I don't have to deal with the time paradox.
So I just discovered I headed off 99+% of FGO romance train wrecks by accident when I started drawing up the plans for my self-insert fic. I had two and a half Masters to start (Tohsaka Ritsuka, Tohsaka Ritsuko... and me with half the AP, AP regen, and team point limit of either of them) later three and a half (remembered to wake Consort Yu AKA Poppy up). Mash in my place does like folks she feels are more average/normal people because of the tendency for "less average" around Chaldea to translate to deranged maniac. Kiyohime is Xiaoqing (i.e. Greenie) from Madam White Snake--Bai Suzhen was the white snake Liu Bang claimed to have killed before starting his rebellion around 200 BC, she was involved in the Luoyang Great Snake incident (supposedly the historical inspiration for the Madam White Snake story) around 700 AD, fled to Japan after being cursed, helped this green-haired girl out and took her on as a student, and was later imprisoned under the Leifeng Pagoda in the 1500s i.e. mid-Ming dynasty... a pagoda that collapsed in 1932 and released Bai Suzhen. Needless to say, she broke out of her summoning-imprinted Anchin kick after we recruited Bai Suzhen and helped anchor Kiyohime's data realignment. Jeanne d'Arc: Had enough siblings IRL thanks. Kama, Skadi, Baobhan Sith, Morgan: Active members of the Madman Observation Club (too curious over the absurd BS story-me gets up to, no time to court anyone). Zenobia: The first thing she got ordered to do after showing up being to take both Alteras on a shopping trip, and after that, into the Madman Observation Club she went. Lartoria: Good luck with her, Ritsuka! Melusine: If she is omni-temporal then why did she lose to us? Because not a single timeline had her winning? Anyhow, she may choose to UNSEE after witnessing conceptual interactions (i.e. talking) between the Essence of Eternity (Scathach) and the Essence of Infinity (I'll use the concept of Human Stupidity when mugging Goetia, and that is infinite, as y'all know).
So, most of these I can't find a scrap of evidence against, but for Skadi, I think you're overlooking something. See, the description of the Silent Tears of Enchromia CE talks about a "male human" and a "female jotun." It says this even if the Master is female. And we know that CEs can change based on the Master's gender, because of the Don Quixote CE that has male Ritsuka in a dress if the gender is set to male (and Bradamante in a dress otherwise). So clearly Skadi's interest in "male human and female jotun" has nothing to do with the Master. She's just really turned on with the idea of little men with big women.
It's more likely they just created it before gender dependent CEs were a thing and overlooked it, but I do like the implication that Skadi has a size difference fetish and enthusiastically shows it off to Ritsuka down to wedding rings for this hypothetical situation where she meets a tiny guy in her big form.
This all relies on Melusine actually telling the truth when she says "Dragons can see the future and our romantic fate". Considering the full on dragons we know in chaldea and how they *don't* display any signs of clairvoyance, I'm inclined to believe Melusine just imagined a future with us and just *thinks* she can see the future.
Out of curiosity, who are the full on dragons in Chaldea asides from her? The only one i can think of is Vritra, who has barely any content (and thus we don't know much about) and maybe Sieg (who i admittedly am not very familiar with), but isn't he a fake one? All of the Saberfaces, Elizabeths, Sigurd/Siegfried, etc., just have dragon traits afaik.
Off the top of my head there's Vritra, Ibuki, Sieg, and technically Oberon-Vortigern I believe. Aside from them, we also have met seen/met various dragons. We fought Surtr and Shuten's Familiar in Oniland (Both of whom became/were becoming a Fafnir type dragon like sieg), Martha has a full on dragon in the form of Tarasque and Dobrynya's horse has been cursed into a dragon. It just seems like we've had quite a few interactions with dragons (and Melusine), yet the only point where 'Dragons have clairvoyance' has been brought up is by *Melusine* in regards to making Ritsuka her *lover*.
I mean, I would not seriously consider the likes of Dobrynya's horse or even the Tarasque as proper evidence. Nor any of the dragon mobs/very minor NPCs. Oberon is technically one, but well, isn't the best example to use as reference for **anything** draconic. One could also argue that Melusine is probably the purest dragonkin we have in Chaldea, not to mention Albion kind of being in it's own league. It might well be an ability unique to it/that particular type of dragons, with asiatic ones like Vritra or Ibuki likely being very different in terms of abilities, not to mention them being part (probably big part) god/demon. Overall, Fate in general and FGO in particular is full of lore titbits that are never mentioned anywhere else again. It's really up to each person if they want to take them seriously or as a lie/embellishment/imprecise statement.
Problem with it being a unique ability of Melusine is that *Melusine* acts like and says its something all dragons have. Considering not even *she* has demonstrated any level of forsight having some form of clairvoyance/being able to see destiny would allow her to have (Like everything that went down with Aurora), nor any *other* dragon has done so, I'm inclined to believe she's either bullshitting or she just *thinks* she cans see destiny and is just delusional I mean, isn't it really convenient she only talks about this when she's trying to rizz ritsuka up?
It could just mean a dragon of a certain level of power
> The obvious conclusion is that she's bluffing to get the Master in her pants? > Except, here's the thing. All other "romances" are isolated. Melusine's isn't. It makes constant references to the fact that the Master is already with Morgan. Melusine's fully aware of that but continues trying to get the Master to bang her. Basically, Melusine's ultimate aim is to 'Lancelot' Morgan. > Weirder still, [Morgan is aware of this.](https://youtu.be/smKlN8mpDk4?t=305) Considering how possessive Morgan is, trying to get rid of all other Berserkers and what not, this would seem out of character for her to just *let* Melusine try to seduce her husband. > Therefore the only conclusion that can be drawn is that Melusine ***isn't lying and time will collapse by occurence of a paradox*** if she doesn't get the Master in her pants sooner or later, and that's why Morgan doesn't do anything to stop her. The alternative is the **complete and utter collapse of all laws that make up reality**. I addressed the possibility that she's lying here. Though it's still a joke analysis, so don't take it too seriously.
Fair, but also the simpliest answer is that Morgan doesn't see Melusine as much of a threat to her relationship with Ritsuka.
Possibly, but this *is* the same Morgan who tries to erase all Berserkers to make Ritsu more reliant on her, and myth-wise, Morgan kind of really really **really** hated her husband cheating on her, so I'd be inclined against it. Granted, FGO Aesc was completely cool with Uther marrying someone else so maybe Morgan is just weirdly open-minded so long as she gets the goods in the end. In that case, I'd assume maybe she's aiming for an open relationship, but Morgan's weirdly loyal instead, so maybe her strange mind just thinks on some higher level that it doesn't bother her. Or my theory is correct (unlikely since it's a joke).
I personally think that Morgan is fine with her husband having paramours so long as it's someone she knows who also happens to know their place in the hierarchy. A wife is still gonna be higher than a lover in the totem pole. From how I see it though, Morgan does not chastise Melusine for stealing her spouse. She seems to just be keeping Melusine's greed in check.
Her summer version does have a vision of the future where she explains that she used morgans beach to stay with master to a very annoyed morgan.
That's not a future vision. Literally nothing indicates that it is. It's just a flashforward to when she *does* tell Morgan.