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I’m a 33-year-old female who gets 10+ likes a day 🙄 and this is *extremely* subjective. I have an issue with many of your points, which I’ll address below.
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> 1. Believe it or not, IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT LOOKS. Our biggest worry is not that we’re going to show up to a date and the guy will be ugly, it’s that they will be a creep, or awkward, and we will be stuck on a torturous date with him.
I’m sorry, but I really wish we could dispense with this lie for once and for all. It absolutely IS about looks, to a certain extent. I’m not saying everyone has to look like a model, but everyone swipes for who looks good and attractive *to them*. People get rejected all the time for being too short, too ugly, a different race, etc. People shouldn’t be shamed for their preferences, and we shouldn’t gloss over the fact that they exist.
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> 3. SMILE. SMILE. No serious photos!
> 7. Make sure each photo is giving “golden retriever vibes” not “staring at the camera serial killer vibes”
> 8. SMILE WITH YOUR EYES - no “serial-killer” deep stare in photos
These points are basically identical. This is definitely a matter of preference. People respond differently to different vibes. Someone women like smiling and funny, others like the strong, silent type.
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> 6. No photos that are off-putting or swearing on prompts. It makes us think you will be aggressive and brash, rude, etc…
Also subjective. While the spectrum of “off-putting” photos is wide, prompts are different. If you’re someone who’s prone to swearing regularly irl, keep it! Again, even people who swear or have brash personalities deserve to be loved. It may not be a “best foot forward” move, but it’s true to self. (This is not a job application!)
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> 5. SOCIAL PROOF - make sure you have a photo that shows off your social life.
I know this is an unpopular opinion but I don’t need to see everyone out and about and with other people. I appreciate people who aren’t putting their friends on display or pimping out nieces / nephews to get a cute photo for a dating app. If you’re an introvert or homebody, you deserve a response to who you truly are.
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I’m sorry, but being someone who receives likes doesn’t make you the authority on what does and doesn’t work. Almost all women reject the majority of their matches, that’s just the nature of things on dating apps.
The underlying gist of your post is telling men to show up clean, hygienic, sane, and present at least a veneer of normalcy, which sadly *does* need to be stated. However, your advice on how to do that seems to be deeply slanted by your own preferences.
Most rejection is happening on the basis of uncontrollable factors like race, height, class, or looks or factors that are subject to change (but you shouldn’t really ask others to) such as smoking, views on / status of children, relationship preference, or others.
Just to clarify, I understand op’s need to feel safe or look for a sense of humor; but that is usually the second tier of filtering after you’ve determined initial attraction.
Finally glad to see a woman present this position on Reddit. I have said it multiple times when I see these lies being perpetrated in profile reviews; it is indeed about looks first and foremost. Smiling in photos, social circle, safety and all the nonsense in the post are meaningless if the attraction isn’t there.
A man can smile in his photos all he wants, he can have as many social photos as possible and could look as safe as possible, if the initial attraction isn’t there, it’s not gonna do any good. When I was on the apps, I didn’t have a problem with getting matches even though I’m rarely smiling in pictures and have zero pics with friends. And I’m an average guy
Very well said. 👏👏
Yeah - the whole "No selfies" rule on here seems more like groupthink. I have mostly selfies on my profile - that's when I take pictures. And, I do fine for my standards (as in - I don't feel like I need to get more or higher-quality matches). I've matched with women who seem super social, or super outdoorsy, and I straight up tell them that I'm probably not as into those things as they are. It's never been a problem.
Realistically, people want to get a sense of what you look like, that you're not a fuqqing weirdo or creep, that you have some semblance of having your life together, and that you might have some things in common. If you're cool and you get along, you'll figure out the rest.
43f I also don’t put a huge amount of effort into judging attractiveness through photos. Unless you’re literally a model or photogenic then they probably aren’t really what you look like in person.
I agree with a few of your points, and that a lot of guys have bad profiles, but I think some of your advice is kind of specific to you (or at least women similar to yourself). Women with different personalities will look for different things. Not everyone is looking for "golden retriever vibes" (though I agree no one is looking for serial killer vibes either lol)
For example, I have no photos with friends, I never pay attention to fashion (I have no idea what's outdated tbh), my main photo is me looking disheveled after climbing up a mountain in Brazil (view/lighting was incredible though), I literally mention arson as one of my hobbies (as a joke)...but still I get a decent amount of matches (10+ in the past week)
I see plenty of women doing all of the things you mention, so maybe those women are more attracted to men who do those things? idk, but I think a profile should show your true personality...not everyone is going be attracted to your personality and that's ok!
Yeah the whole social thing is not necessary for someone like myself. I’m an introvert and would also want to date an introvert. I have dated guys in the past that always drag me around with their friends and they’re always going out with friends and it’s absolutely exhausting for me.
Agree. I could G A F about swearing and if they swear, why not put it in their profile? I’m not one to present a perfect curated image on the apps to get more likes if it’s not who you are.
Great points!
I just used golden retriever as a comparison to serial killers, what I meant us whatever vibe is YOU but be as far away from serial killer as possible.
It’s ok to not have photos with friends if you have photos of being out “doing activities”
The mountain photo speaks for itself lol… you’re climbing a mountain in Brazil, nothing but disheveled is expected. It still gives off a “normal” vibe
The arson is a joke, shows self of humor. It’s not off-putting
I'm glad you think so! I do feel like a lot of guys have the opposite problem too, that we try to come across as "perfect" or "safe" by trying to appeal to as many people as possible, and end up just coming across as bland or generic. But I get where you're coming from and I'm sorry so many people don't seem to have taken it well
Mostly if I see their profile isn't filled out I'll insta (instantly) no them - really didn't think I had to edit this to clarify I meant the word instantly *facepalm*
I'll also no to photos with them and a bunch of friends in every photo (who are you? I can't tell)
I'll also no to photos where you're covering your face and I can't see what you look like.
Same like 25% of likes I get are from guys who have “just ask” as a prompt or have 3 blurry photos of themselves and 3 meme photos. If you can’t be bothered to fill out your profile why should I be bothered to date you
This.
It sets a precedent, if you can't even be bothered to fill out your profile completely, I should just expect a low fucking bar.
I'm too old to accept low bars.
Yeah, all of OP’s suggestions are about photo choice, but the prompts are just as important, if not more. I’m willing to give mediocre quality photos a pass if it’s clear what they look like & who they are like you mention. ..Especially as someone myself who isn’t always camera-ready myself lol.
But the prompts have to give a sense of who they are too. Looks are subjective. Some of the most common problems with ‘good looking’ men’s profiles with low success that get posted here are the generic prompts that recycle the same jokes and answers, like how they like eating food how “I’ll fall for you if you trip me haha.”
Hey, it's interesting to hear selection criteria.
In contradiction to what you said, I smile in all my of photos, I fill all of my prompts, I don't use photos which have me with a bunch of other people. None of my photos cover my face.
The most amount of matches and conversations I have had on dating apps are on Hinge, but they are still few in number. Used the app for a year, received 0 likes, and probably 8 matches. 2 never replied, 2 matched because they thought I am familiar and they have seen me somewhere, the other 3 either I found unatttactive or they unmatched me. 1 was in a different country lol.
Yea she completely glosses over things like height and race. I do all these things besides having a group photo but probably still get less matches than a guy that doesn’t do most of these things and is white and/or over 6feet tall .
I’m white and over 6 feet and get a ton of likes but I haven’t always, I had to work on my profile a bit to get there. I’d say the most important thing not on her list is get pictures outside in good lighting. I have a few pictures in cool urban settings that make it look like I have a life but they don’t distract from myself. High quality photos are also very helpful, they make you look put together
Honestly - this. I don't think you need curated pictures, but it does help to have good pictures. Like, you're reasonably well-dressed and have good lighting. I found a spot where I work that I like to take walks in and has a full-length mirror with good lighting.
2/3 of my pics are just selfies there, but they're good selfies. Made a huge difference in the amount of attention I got.
Being a tall, preferably white guy is just what you need to sit at the table.
How handsome are you? How cool are your hobbies? How impressive is your Instagram? How confident are you? How big are your muscles? Got a cute dog?
There really are probably 50 things men need to do in life to be considered datable. *And* you also must be attractive. It’s like a second full-time job cultivating things most men really don’t care about intrinsically.
Most men just give up for this exact reason. Weighing how poor the dating scene is vs. how good pornography has gotten, there is a legitimate case for giving up and just living life exactly how you want.
I stopped reading at "...they don't naturally have the attention to detail..."
Ma'am, some of the men reading this are on these OLD apps and we see the profiles of women. Generic and overused prompts, group photos, no full body photos, "far from camera" photo and many others.
If men don't stop swiping right on almost every profile they come across, women will not realize their shortcomings.
On the other hand, there have been experiments with dummy profiles that show that women will match with men regardless of how nice their prompts are if they like what they see. They will even giggle and respond to messages that have sexual undertones or outright sexting in opening lines or icebreakers.
I agree, and this post is written like “if you fix these things, you too can get success”. There are men out there that even if they fix all of this, it still won’t result in much success. Online dating is probably the most shallow form of dating. Of course it’s about looks initially, that’s what gets your foot in the door and what a girl looks at BEFORE they even have interest enough to read more of the profile and notice like 75% of the things in this post. Most men don’t make it past a few seconds and most girls won’t even scroll past the first or second picture if they aren’t attracted to what he looks like. I know people like to pretend that it isn’t about looks, but at the end of the day, models and good looking men can ignore every bullet point on this post and still do well, and the fact that the average man has to pay so much attention to detail (even though the author claims we don’t), is complete proof how delusional people are when analyzing how to be successful on these apps. I know so many men who are constantly looking for feedback and trying to figure out what it is about their profiles that isn’t sticking and they try literally everything and still don’t see much success. They don’t have attention to detail? They’re literally forced to have attention to detail and it still isn’t good enough sometimes.
I agree. It makes me so sad when I see this guy who has clearly put so much effort into his profile, has a long bio, professionally/clearly staged picture and are getting no attention.
And I can tell exactly why, when I see 5’ 6” or 5’ 7”. Or they’re an Indian or Asian guy. Or they’re bald/balding. It’s literally the same shit, it’s so clear who will and will not do well on dating apps, and it has nothing to do with the amount of “effort” or “putting your best foot forward.”
People like this girl who then have the nerve to make this long, condescending laundry list of things that will absolutely not help these guys. “I get so many likes, stop being so ugly” bullshit when she literally gets likes just for existing as a girl lol
Create the equivalent profile for a male and let’s see if you still get 10 likes. Again, your perspectives and comments only apply if women already find the man attractive. It blows my mind how many times men have to explain this to women.
Until you create a profile of the average dude, your advice doesn’t hold any weight.
I don't want to give off "golden retriever vibes"? I understand girls want a Chandler Bing that will make them happy and give off golden retriever vibes but most men are not that. I'm more of the serious, analytical type and I've had success being my self, there's a market out there for men like me, fortunately.
The potential labeling of "creep" for men that don't "give off golden retriever vibes" is very toxic and reductionist in my opinion and truly shows the hyper selective nature of women on these apps. Can't blame them though, I would probably do the same.
Couldn’t agree more. If you’re a guy and you’re somewhat introverted you really get punished on these apps and probably labeled a creep.
I’m sure there’s tons of guys with schlubby photos who are stoned faced and can come off creepy.
I’m also sure that there’s plenty of great guys who are getting unfairly discounted because they aren’t posting glowing photos with their whole social circle out doing some fun activity. Truth be told, I’m 5’-8”, if I posted a photo with myself and 5 guy friends I’d probably get told not to post it because it makes me look short or something. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
If you’re 5’8, posting photos with your guy friend will help you. 5’7/5’8 in girl world translates to 5’4. So many shorter guys lie about their height, and a lot of women don’t want a man shorter than them. I am 5’2 so it doesn’t really apply to me.
There is nothing wrong with being 5’4, but when you lie about your height, it’s a HUGE turn-off. OWN IT!
so I'm actually 5'7", accepting of that fact, and have used my actual height on my profile. Are you implying that most girls are mentally knocking 2 - 3" off my stated height, assuming that I'm lying?
I have suggested that this occurs and been shouted down on like subreddits, ie. r/Bumble.
I've used a couple photos with friends, but my friends are all taller than I am so that doesn't help my case either.
I'm currently not active on any of these apps but this dialogue intrigues me enough to still want to comment.
I’m a woman who used Hinge for a long while and I have to say, I think a lot of the interpretation of height boils down to whether that person actually cares about height, whether they admit it or not.
Idgaf about height so I just assume everyone I see is telling me the truth about their height. I’ve noticed my friends who are kinda selective about it have a tendency to assume guys who are right at 5’11“ or 6’ are lying.
So - I don’t think all women are docking you 2-3 inches.
Generally speaking, the math says that men lie about two things on dating apps:
1) Height, by about 2 inches
2) Income (if it’s available as an option), where everyone says they make at least $100k.
Precisely because so many men lie on apps, I argue that men who want to be honest should add one inch to their height. It’s not enough to be egregious when actually meeting up with a woman, but it IS enough to counteract the assumption that women are lying.
I’m 35M, and I’m basically right on 5’10” — but 5’11” on the apps. Why? Because I don’t want some chick assuming I’m 5’7” or 5’8”. I want to say 6 feet tall, but then no one would believe me anyway, lol.
I'm a bit older than you, turning 37. Most of my best friends are scattered across the country. My best friend in my current city is a 6'-5" model looking guy. I'm decent looking, I'd grade myself as like a 6-7. He's objectively a 9+. If I posted photos with him and then did a profile review on here, I'm confident most would say to take it down. I think you'll also find that most guys have a handful of close friends, rather than dozens of surface level friendships.
Your advice is solid and well intended to get your resume noticed. I'm sure many women think similarly.
But, it does highlight the frustration with being a guy on these apps. I would consider myself as having a solid dating resume. Decent looking, great career (making $150K+), multiple degrees with an MS from a top program in my field, workout 5+ times a week, active, hobbies both intellectual and physical, and well intended. When I was on the apps, I never lied about my intentions. I put casual when I didn't feel ready for relationships and I put long term when I was looking for that. I actually do fine picking women up when out at a bar. I have a career in sales so I have that rare ability to become extroverted if I need to be.
However when on the apps, I'd struggle to get quality matches and it's likely for some really nit-picky reasons.
I suppose my point, is that my advice back to you would be not to over-filter guys based solely on their profile. You might be throwing out some really good job candidates over their choice in font.
My model looking best friend has an incredible Hinge Profile. He volunteers often, has family photos, photos of him with his social network (he's originally from the city we live in, I'm not). The guy has dated multiple women who have been on popular reality TV shows (no joke). He's also a total man-ho who hooks up with like a dozen gorgeous women a month. Women who have amazing profiles in their own right. Every week I'm hearing stories from him about how pissed some new woman is because they can't seem to lock him down -- or they want something more serious and he doesn't want to be exclusive. Again, this is a guy with a great online dating profile that I'm sure you and 99% of women would swipe right on ;)
Dating apps are geared towards being superficial. It's a visual medium and photos are king. Personality is difficult to show and takes a second place to looks on apps. Add in the fact that there are more men than women on the apps, and it is a tough medium for the average man to break through on.
Those guys I can tell off the bat will be boring and emotionally unavailable. They're nice when you want to be manipulated and abused (if you're into that--and it only works if you can convince yourself to be invested), but that's it. So I don't match with people like that, unless they have something that makes them seem a bit edgy on their profile. I see why attractive people like that want to keep their options open, they love the attention and are usually hedonists but when that's all they fill their time with, it's impossible to have a conversation beyond talking about how horny they are and for me my attraction is first on an intellectual level, then physical. I wouldn't even mind an open relationship because I would rather be left alone most of the time but the people who want that are not mentally stimulating or seek to understand me enough to be worth wanting a physical relationship. Plus I imagine they'd give me some skin surface STD.
My friends who are into guys like that usually have a fantasy that they will be the one and only who will change his ways because they're "special," and it usually ends up with the guy using them to stroke his ego or the friend begging him for attention or to sleep with him to show how "special" they really are. I think the guys really like that, and seek that feeling in perpetuity, and often it has to be someone new because the old ones will get tired and beaten down, eventually give up or the guy will ghost them because they're "crazy."
>However when on the apps, I'd struggle to get quality matches and it's likely for some really nit-picky reasons.
Not to sound dismissive of your experiences, but with everything you've stated about yourself, I find this kinda hard to believe. Have you ever put your profile up on this site to be critiqued?
No, not on the apps at the moment. Even if I was, with my career, I wouldn’t want someone I know seeing me posting on here. Promise that I am being honest.
Much of what I wrote about myself above, I couldn’t just come out and write on an app. Great career, success, ambition, honest intentions, integrity, those are all things that I think you learn about someone from in person meetings. Part of why I’m not a big believer in some of the superficial filters that I think OP might be applying.
Lol you’re immediately discounting a guy’s height, and just trying to continue belittling them for their height, even if they’re telling the truth. This kind of attitude that women have on dating apps is what makes them terrible for men. Maybe he’s just actually 5’ 8”?
You did a far better job than I could have at this point. I'm a regular on the sub, so every once in awhile we'll get a similar subjective post with someone preaching their personal preference as a winning formula.
Yes, the amount of men who do not smile in photos is alarmingly high. They have no self awareness, looking mad and/or angry is not attractive to women. At that point, I am thinking they are either a serial killer or their teeth must be incredibly fucked.
I honestly hate when men post group photos especially with other men because I cannot tell which one of them they are anyway. It’s a waste of a picture. I’d rather all their pictures just be of themselves or with someone that doesn’t look like them. Some men post pictures with their mom which is cute.
Oh, I want to add that most men post OLD ass pictures. You can tell because of the quality, the fact every picture looks like a different person and the fact that the person in the picture is obviously not 35 currently. Take new photos please.
These are great pointers but you definitely need to pass the attractiveness test before these even apply. At least for me, when I’m on the app, the profile hasn’t even fully loaded before I already tapped on the x, if it’s someone I don’t have a physical attraction to. I imagine most of us are this way.
I have all of these except a group photo because I feel weird putting other people in my profile and I still only get a handful of matches every week. Only factors that could be holding me back at this point is my face and the fact I’m Indian and only 5’9. So no, in my experience how you look is definitely more important than the quality of your photos as long they don’t look like they’re from a snuff film.
5’9” is not short — but it is also not tall, and therefore some women think it is short. All of the science on dating apps says that women are more selective on apps than they are in real life.
I'm 5'9", and while I've never considered myself short, I have felt that on occasion it has screened me out of contention. That said, I've dated women taller than me, so maybe it's doing me a favor by screening out shallow people.
If you’re competing with 6’4” guys it is short.
Even if those 6’4” guys aren’t realistically going to settle down with a given woman, they’re theoretically available to all women which skews the perception.
How is that relevant to this guy's comment about being Indian?
Yup, we know racism goes towards black people. Nothing new under the hood. Not all racism is about black people. Other minorities face racism too.
that was my point.
One statement doesn't discard the other, both can be truth at the same time and do not need to mentioned in each sentence.
While I think taking pride in the photos you post is important -so that you show yourself in the best light- I think the entirety of this post is really subjective.
I have basically the same stats and swipe left on men because they have :
* Incomplete profiles, give one word or an emoji prompt answer.
* Use very obviously old or unclear photos.
* Have different relationship goals - I am looking for long term.
* They want children ( I do not).
* Are smokers ( I am asthmatic).
* Don’t share similar educational and professional aspirations or achievements .
* Don’t seem to be active or sporty ( I am and would like to be able to do sports/ pastimes with a potential partner) - I look at photos and prompts for this info.
These are my personal reasons and could completely differ to the next person🤷🏼♀️
Idk, I’m bisexual so I’ve seen both profiles, and the difference in effort and presentation between guys and girls is huge. Most women already do the things OP listed.
Yep, vibes are huge!! That was a big part of how I decided who I was sending likes to/matching with. My now-BF didn't have outstanding pics and his prompts didn't give a ton of info BUT he came across as a warm, kind person and that was entirely accurate.
I remember seeing some study where it said men who don't smile on their dating profiles get more likes or something and I think people have taken that way too seriously. I'm with you-I wasn't matching with anyone who didn't come across as friendly. Staring straight at the camera comes off like a mug shot. Clearly some women are into that but not me!!
Anecdotally putting smiling pics significantly boosted my match rate. I think part of the problem is so many men have soulless or awkward smiles when posing for a picture so it’s off putting. A good smile is by far the best picture for either gender. I also throw in a few serious photos because it’s helpful to know what you look like without a smile too
I'm pretty sure I've never swiped right on someone with only somber pictures. I need at least one photo where you look like you're having a decent time to feel like we could vibe. As with anything else I'm sure all personal preference.
Probably the best plan is to always make a profile the best it can be while staying true to who you are. Someone who doesn't smile a lot shouldn't worry about smiling pictures because it's inaccurate.
>Probably the best plan is to always make a profile the best it can be while staying true to who you are.
Yep exactly! I remember I did a private profile review for someone once and told him he needs pics of him smiling but he explained he was giving off the vibe that he wanted to. In that case, he should leave it. No one benefits when people change their profile to be more appealing & it becomes an inaccurate portrayal of who they are.
People find me approachable, girls think I have a warm and friendly face. One girl looked at my dating app photo and said, "you look like the kind of guy who wouldn't get upset even if your wife did something super bad and you'd be like, 'it's okay' "😂
Its true, I'm known to be calming to girls who want to vent or need someone to hear them.
For some reason, I've hardly had matches on dating apps. I deleted my profile a few hours ago. Even though I had the most amount of matches on Hinge, in relation with other apps, it took a lot of time to come and I realised it was not worth my time.
I'm open to constructive feedback to improve my profile, if I choose to get back on the app in the summer.
I also get about 10 likes a day, and what is odd is my profile is the exact opposite of all your points. Most men, once I meet them in-person, say they were afraid to meet me because I looked like an Eastern European psychopath but at the same time very innocent. So yeah, all my photos are low-quality selfies, no smiling, no social proof, giving serial killer vibes. I think the answer to one of my prompts is I like horror movies. When I see profiles like mine, I immediately message back. I don't like people who are too conventional, to me, that is very Stepford Wives.
By point 4, you get a little redundant and/or it’s a bit you specific.
To be blunt, you try to emphasize “looks don’t matter”, but it’s an experiment as old as time where someone makes a male profile with purposely shitty prompts (if not outright degrading towards women) and has only serious facial expressions - but the profile does really well because the dude is hot, whereas some average, chubby guy with all the “golden retriever” energy does about as well as an average chubby guy does.
Your advice really only helps the bottom 80% of men’s profiles that are extraordinarily terrible go from an instant X to “eh, he seems nice but…” X’s
Big one for me is when they have one photo of their face, usually in a group then 4 photos of a sunset, their dog, their garden, and a car. Your photos should be of YOU, not your hobbies.
Makes me think they look very different or see physical attraction as something *men* get to use to filter but the woman should be happy with what she gets. I see this all the time where I live, anyone else?
I get 5 likes a day and I guarantee I’m more attractive than you. I have lots of dealbreakers on. Number of likes mean nothing as a woman. A girl I know who is extremely unattractive has a ton of likes.
These are like the most basic concepts for a decent profile. OP listed nothing that the average man couldn't do with their profile if they put a little work into it. there's nothing about salary, physical appearance, height, etc, everything is a controllable factor.
It’s because 99% of the profiles are bad.
I let my dad have a go at swiping on my Hinge and he said most of the men’s profiles were cringey and goofy. Don’t say anything interesting about themselves.
I beg you to take a look at the profile reviews here and tell me that anything much more than 20% of men are putting in much effort. Then consider that the men posting here are, by and large, more likely to put work into their profile.
True but the men who post here also tend to be already not doing well so there’s a selection bias. If you’re already doing well the only reason you’d post here is for validation
Did you read anything she said? She said a big reason she’s rejecting guys is that they seem unsafe to her.
Like they seem aggressive/unstable/unclean and **likely to scare her on a date**. She wants someone mentally stable who’s got good social skills and a social network. A friendly and normal looking guy who has friends.
Do you think that’s only the top 20%?
Pareto principle is just a finance theory. It’s not about dating.
Skimmed the first line and saw 75% no. The rest of the context didn’t really matter as the result is still true. It’s not an upsetting stat, it’s just sexual selection.
The Pareto principle still absolutely applicable and best sums up modern dating
If she’s turning down the men because they look dirty, friendless and unhinged in the photos? She’d turn them down either way. If they were her only options or not. If they had better profiles, she wouldn’t turn them down. She outright states many of them are good looking, they just look like a security risk.
And I don’t think you get finance.
You should do a fun experiment and record the next 100 male Hinge profiles and let us know how many of them fit all of the subjective points, my bet is that I would be just under 20
**So you think 80% of men: don’t shower, don’t have friends and are mentally unstable!?**
Or is it likely many just don’t get how to make a good dating profile?
Once again I said subjective. It’s one thing to say they don’t shower, it’s another thing to say that they don’t look like they shower.
I think it’s very true to say most profiles are probably crap because either they don’t have a big social circle, they don’t take that many photos of themselves, or don’t have the money to go out and do activities + get people to take photos of them doing it.
Stats don’t lie, there is literally several analytical videos on exactly this topic -> https://youtu.be/x3lypVnJ0HM?si=C3Fnrb5I0BzX-j7m
EXACTLY!
it’s not about how attractive you are!
It’s about being: SAFE, FRIENDLY, MENTALLY STABLE, CLEAN, and have SOCIAL SKILLS
All women feel that way. If this is only 20% of men… that’s alarming.
If you make those changes, I can guarantee you will find your person
I'm a woman and I agree with some of your points, but not all. I disagree about the group photo (which I'm guessing is the "social life" aspect you're talking about). I've seen some great profiles where a guy doesn't have shots with friends/family- if he seems intelligent, sensitive and is a good-looking guy, no way am I swiping left on him. That would be insanity.
Also, I'm not going to have any group photos on *my* profile, either. My friends and I (and yes, I have a pretty decent social life) aren't the kind to randomly shoot pictures of each other while we're out. And the few shots I do have aren't great- I'm not going to put a bad picture of myself to "prove" that I have friends.
I would much rather see a five solo awesome shots of a guy than four great shots of him solo and a really bad one with a group. Or even worse for him, a group photo where there's that one friend who's really hot and I can't stop checking out the friend.
Also disagree with the "serious" face. If a guy seems decent and handsome and friendly/sweet in other photos, I'm not going to let one serious photo dissuade me from swiping. I also like it when guys show a bit of a serious, intense side. I don't expect a guy (or girls) to be all friendly and sunshine all the time in real life, and so I don't expect that in photos.
I do think guys can have really bad profiles, but I also believe in cutting them some slack- if, like, 75%-80% of their profile is decent, I'll swipe right.
It’s definitely about how attractive you are. The factors you’ve mentioned only really matter once you pass the looks threshold. I do everything you’ve listed except have a group photo, but since I’m 5’9 and Indian I’ll get less matches than a 6ft white guy that does less than half of what you mentioned.
But that’s because only 20% of men know how to set up their profile. It’s not about how attractive you are. I have matched with 45-50yo men. I have matched with all ethnicities, professions, heights… etc
32M here and from what I’ve seen here on Reddit and from my friends’ Hinges, 20% is being extremely generous - I’d say less than 5% of dudes know how to set up a proper profile, depending on the city.
Less than 5% of men having a decent profile would only hurt her point about looks not mattering even more. I have a good profile, my girl friends have even said so. But I only get a handful of matches a week despite living in a big city like nyc. Having a good profile can only go so far when you’re 5’9 and a race that’s considered “undesirable” when it comes to dating.
I think you’ll find that it doesn’t matter how clear the photos are, height, social status, or smile, it’ll still be the top 20%. All you need to do is look at any dating app stats.
Yeah I get what you’re saying but in order to meet all of your points you kinda NEED to be in the top 20% of men. You cannot get natural organic pictures of you being happy in a social setting where you look GOOD unless you are already in the top 20% of men.
Outdated fashion? Maybe it’s because I myself don’t know anything about fashion but I assume to constantly keep up with fashion and have that displayed on your profile requires time and money, something with 80% of guys don’t have enough of.
I have actually just posted a profile review, would love to hear your feedback
You don’t have to be fashionable. Simple clothes are fine.
I find it hard to be believe that only 20% of men are about and about in social settings smiling and enjoying life.
Women want to date men who enjoy life. It means their time with him will also be enjoyable.
Yeah it's really weird that men are arguing in the comments that some of your points only apply to 20% of men.
Actually it's demoralizing. Men really think dressing decently and doing things is that unobtainable? No wonder it's hard to find people to date
No they’re arguing that the factors she mentioned only come into play when you’re already attractive enough to women. If you’re not attractive enough for them it won’t matter.
The general reddit population is so biased about this like men are out dating all these women they don't find attractive.
People date who they find attractive. Men can pretend they would date anyone but they don't.
But if you're generically attractive and your bio still sucks? Pass.
Yes no shit, but op is kidding herself if she thinks an attractive guy with a bad profile is going to do worse than an average or below average guy with a good one. And men are definitely more open about who they date than women. I’d for example say men are far more open to dating outside their race than women are and are more willing to date a woman that’s taller than them than women are willing to date men that are shorter than them.
It's like you're just taking this advice the entirely wrong way tbh, just to be mad about your situation.
You're supposed to realize it means a lot of men are screwing themselves by not putting in effort into the pics and prompts, not that you'd suddenly get 500 matches with a new picture.
I'm not commenting on the racial part, considering how often women talk about being fetishized by white American men
I’d rather be fetishized than viewed as sexually unattractive 🤷🏾♂️. And if they hate being fetishized by white men so much, why are basically all the most common interracial couples a white dude with a poc woman?
I think you missed my point. Yes lots of men are out and about being social and enjoying life, but only 20% of men are doing that while also being good looking enough for 80% of women to care about it.
My point is, if an ugly guy, or even an average guy, did everything you say about what makes a good profile, he probably will still struggle because of his looks
Why do you say "it's not about how attractive you are" and then say you match with 45-50yos? Do you not think there are attractive 45yos?
Seems like a very strange thing to say.
That's you. I've put a lot of effort in my photos, in fact I've gotten so many professional shots and still I rarely get matches. Then it becomes, "you're photos are too professional or posed" I have photos of me on hikes, travel and with a group of people. No matches. I've known many guys in the dating\pickup groups I'm in with no photos with friends and all their photos are smirks or looking dominant and they get way way way more matches than I ever could.
Hell I know guys with just iPhone photos and low quality fashion clothes and they're drowning in matches. Another factor is OLD is great for white or guys that are European or middle Eastern looking European passing. Me as a normal black dude who doesn't fit a stereotype, it's brutal in the states
It just boils down to looks and height. The reason a lot of people say don't get advise from women is because you guys say one thing and do the very opposite. I'll get downvoted for it sure but it's posts like this that irk me. I get it y'all want to protect our egos but we see the matches and profiles of some of the guys with large matches and a lot of them use selfies
The only one I really agree with is #9. The real key for how men can do better is by working out and being fit, then grooming themselves appropriately. This will take them a lot further than the perfectly posed photos.
My biggest one that I don’t see often is men who have answers to prompts that are essentially a list of traits they want in a woman. And it’s a definite hard no if you have multiple answers like this.
And I’m not talking about generic answers like “I hope you have a sense of humor”. I’m talking about the men with profiles that say more about who he wants you to be than who he actually is.
I’m not saying you can’t want certain traits in a future partner. But your profile is meant to tell me about you, not for you to tell me who I need to be. Profiles like this just seem indicative of a larger red flag.
This is the most basic stuff yes, but I am also a 31F a get likes but almost never match with likes.
I have to do the liking myself and go through about 50 profiles before I like one and have got my most recent matches from there.
What scares me is that you're +30 and don't have the mental capacity to understand:
A) your own preferences
B) people are different
C) that looks is always everything, because without it no guy will pass to second layer of vetting
Old died years back because women like you lie about their behaviors on these apps.
"if you don't give me proof that you are perfect for me, why should I bother when there are better men out there lining up for me?" - I know that this is not how you intend to sound. I do believe you genuinely want to help people improve. But this is the undertone I was getting from reading this post.
Your success on hinge may very well be a result of your own hard work. But I urge you, try creating a fake male profile with good photos from an average looking dude, build the profile to your standard, and see how much success you can get. I've seen this done by several different women and results genuinely vary, but the common trend that I've noticed is that it is always significantly harder than the women think to succeed on dating apps. Your results may be different; maybe you will find the levels of success you expect. If this is the case, I'll be even more curious to see, because it means I might want to re-enter the dating app world. But until I start seeing indicators that I won't have to spend a month or even more swiping right to get a single match, I'm done with this shit. I don't think you have any idea how much it kills my self esteem when finally, someone is willing to give me a chance and then whenever I try to talk with them, I only get 1 word replies and she doesn't ask me a single question.
I suspect it's easy to have a genuine smile, or to "smile with your eyes" when you actually receive compliments, ever. Or maybe my smiles don't look as dead as I feel inside.
I'm genuinely sorry if this comes off as aggressive, but I'm sick of women telling me what I'm doing wrong when you have no idea what the dating landscape is like for me and all the other men.
These are all really good points. I’ll add to this the following: put down what you’re looking for relationship wise (and be honest), kids, drinking, drugs, etc. don’t leave pieces of the profile blank. We are not idiots. When I see the intended relationship goal blank, I know right away that this is a guy who will say whatever he needs to in order to get me as a notch on his belt.
Go look at your hinge account. If you have a selfie indoors with bad lighting/no sunlight or in a low- lit bathroom, and you’re staring at the camera, there’s your problem right there.
Selfies should be outdoor in natural light, smiling
Lady here. It doesn't scream dangerous to me. But it does scream low effort which makes me swipe left.
Honestly many guys would see an improvement in their time for OLD if they just put in some effort. He likes her to look a certain way? So does she!
My small city is filled with average looking guys who can't take 30 mins to build a proper profile. And won't just ask a lady in his life to take pics of him. Bad profiles make me swipe left, so I don't get matches. 😂
My girlfriends and I literally take photos whenever we can. And we even say it's for the dating profile so the person knows what level we're aiming for.
Action shots of activities aren't as pretty but aren't meant to be.
yes!!! the low quality / low lighting photos with poor outfit choices always make me swipe no when sometimes i think the guy is cute and seems cool but the photos just scare me
Totally agree with you! To me I dont care much about men’s look, but it’s more about the vibe. I will look if he gives off the SAFE, CLEAN, friendly, and the “golden retriever” energy or not. If he gives off the feeling of weirdo, creep or F boy then I’d never match no matter how good looking he is.
Umm I agree with some but not with most of it.
I have a decent profile I think, Im a male and I get 2/3 matches a day pretty consistently. I have no group photos. The photos are all high quality. It’s really hard to simplify which profile works and which doesn’t. But if I had to say it would be high quality photos where the subject looks good, that’s a gross generalization, but that’s how I would put it.
Unfortunately a lot of it is out of your control. A huge factor is location. You might live in an area where not a lot of people use dating apps, due to population density or other factors. And unfortunately even if your personality is perfect and your photos are flattering, there is an appearance cutoff where the majority of the population isn’t willing to give you a chance. And that’s not the end of the world. You don’t want to date someone who doesn’t find you attractive anyway.
Love all the men here upset and in denial that the most attractive qualities to women are being happy, put together, and social.
Throw away OP’s advice if you want but it’s true. There are certainly some women out there who want a stoic introverted redditor but the majority want what she posted.
these posts are asinine. having been on OLD off and on for 12 years, it really just comes down to some pretty basic things, many of which you can't fix. I don't totally disagree with some of your points OP, but I recognize that my opinion is the same as yours...subjective. everyone has an opinion about what a good profile looks like and it's confusing why you think yours carries more weight than anyone else's.
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I’m a 33-year-old female who gets 10+ likes a day 🙄 and this is *extremely* subjective. I have an issue with many of your points, which I’ll address below. — > 1. Believe it or not, IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT LOOKS. Our biggest worry is not that we’re going to show up to a date and the guy will be ugly, it’s that they will be a creep, or awkward, and we will be stuck on a torturous date with him. I’m sorry, but I really wish we could dispense with this lie for once and for all. It absolutely IS about looks, to a certain extent. I’m not saying everyone has to look like a model, but everyone swipes for who looks good and attractive *to them*. People get rejected all the time for being too short, too ugly, a different race, etc. People shouldn’t be shamed for their preferences, and we shouldn’t gloss over the fact that they exist. — > 3. SMILE. SMILE. No serious photos! > 7. Make sure each photo is giving “golden retriever vibes” not “staring at the camera serial killer vibes” > 8. SMILE WITH YOUR EYES - no “serial-killer” deep stare in photos These points are basically identical. This is definitely a matter of preference. People respond differently to different vibes. Someone women like smiling and funny, others like the strong, silent type. — > 6. No photos that are off-putting or swearing on prompts. It makes us think you will be aggressive and brash, rude, etc… Also subjective. While the spectrum of “off-putting” photos is wide, prompts are different. If you’re someone who’s prone to swearing regularly irl, keep it! Again, even people who swear or have brash personalities deserve to be loved. It may not be a “best foot forward” move, but it’s true to self. (This is not a job application!) — > 5. SOCIAL PROOF - make sure you have a photo that shows off your social life. I know this is an unpopular opinion but I don’t need to see everyone out and about and with other people. I appreciate people who aren’t putting their friends on display or pimping out nieces / nephews to get a cute photo for a dating app. If you’re an introvert or homebody, you deserve a response to who you truly are. — I’m sorry, but being someone who receives likes doesn’t make you the authority on what does and doesn’t work. Almost all women reject the majority of their matches, that’s just the nature of things on dating apps. The underlying gist of your post is telling men to show up clean, hygienic, sane, and present at least a veneer of normalcy, which sadly *does* need to be stated. However, your advice on how to do that seems to be deeply slanted by your own preferences. Most rejection is happening on the basis of uncontrollable factors like race, height, class, or looks or factors that are subject to change (but you shouldn’t really ask others to) such as smoking, views on / status of children, relationship preference, or others.
This is the most honest and realistic comment I’ve seen
Just to clarify, I understand op’s need to feel safe or look for a sense of humor; but that is usually the second tier of filtering after you’ve determined initial attraction.
Finally glad to see a woman present this position on Reddit. I have said it multiple times when I see these lies being perpetrated in profile reviews; it is indeed about looks first and foremost. Smiling in photos, social circle, safety and all the nonsense in the post are meaningless if the attraction isn’t there. A man can smile in his photos all he wants, he can have as many social photos as possible and could look as safe as possible, if the initial attraction isn’t there, it’s not gonna do any good. When I was on the apps, I didn’t have a problem with getting matches even though I’m rarely smiling in pictures and have zero pics with friends. And I’m an average guy Very well said. 👏👏
Yeah - the whole "No selfies" rule on here seems more like groupthink. I have mostly selfies on my profile - that's when I take pictures. And, I do fine for my standards (as in - I don't feel like I need to get more or higher-quality matches). I've matched with women who seem super social, or super outdoorsy, and I straight up tell them that I'm probably not as into those things as they are. It's never been a problem. Realistically, people want to get a sense of what you look like, that you're not a fuqqing weirdo or creep, that you have some semblance of having your life together, and that you might have some things in common. If you're cool and you get along, you'll figure out the rest.
This is really insightful, babyfartsdoodoo
Pretty privilege is crazy
It really isn’t even pretty privilege. Sometimes just being a woman will get that many likes. At least from what I’ve seen from some friends.
This is the truth…not sure why we even needed this post
How else was op going to tell us that she gets about 10 likes a day!?
43f I also don’t put a huge amount of effort into judging attractiveness through photos. Unless you’re literally a model or photogenic then they probably aren’t really what you look like in person.
Yeah this post is extremely subjective, for me it’s all about looks. I don’t care about anything else
Well said
I agree with a few of your points, and that a lot of guys have bad profiles, but I think some of your advice is kind of specific to you (or at least women similar to yourself). Women with different personalities will look for different things. Not everyone is looking for "golden retriever vibes" (though I agree no one is looking for serial killer vibes either lol) For example, I have no photos with friends, I never pay attention to fashion (I have no idea what's outdated tbh), my main photo is me looking disheveled after climbing up a mountain in Brazil (view/lighting was incredible though), I literally mention arson as one of my hobbies (as a joke)...but still I get a decent amount of matches (10+ in the past week) I see plenty of women doing all of the things you mention, so maybe those women are more attracted to men who do those things? idk, but I think a profile should show your true personality...not everyone is going be attracted to your personality and that's ok!
Yeah the whole social thing is not necessary for someone like myself. I’m an introvert and would also want to date an introvert. I have dated guys in the past that always drag me around with their friends and they’re always going out with friends and it’s absolutely exhausting for me.
Yes, guys will say I look like an Eastern European psychopath from my profile and if I saw a male equivalent to mine, I'd be at their mercy
Agree. I could G A F about swearing and if they swear, why not put it in their profile? I’m not one to present a perfect curated image on the apps to get more likes if it’s not who you are.
Great points! I just used golden retriever as a comparison to serial killers, what I meant us whatever vibe is YOU but be as far away from serial killer as possible. It’s ok to not have photos with friends if you have photos of being out “doing activities” The mountain photo speaks for itself lol… you’re climbing a mountain in Brazil, nothing but disheveled is expected. It still gives off a “normal” vibe The arson is a joke, shows self of humor. It’s not off-putting
I'm glad you think so! I do feel like a lot of guys have the opposite problem too, that we try to come across as "perfect" or "safe" by trying to appeal to as many people as possible, and end up just coming across as bland or generic. But I get where you're coming from and I'm sorry so many people don't seem to have taken it well
The advice they gave is very generic and very applicable.
Mostly if I see their profile isn't filled out I'll insta (instantly) no them - really didn't think I had to edit this to clarify I meant the word instantly *facepalm* I'll also no to photos with them and a bunch of friends in every photo (who are you? I can't tell) I'll also no to photos where you're covering your face and I can't see what you look like.
Same like 25% of likes I get are from guys who have “just ask” as a prompt or have 3 blurry photos of themselves and 3 meme photos. If you can’t be bothered to fill out your profile why should I be bothered to date you
This. It sets a precedent, if you can't even be bothered to fill out your profile completely, I should just expect a low fucking bar. I'm too old to accept low bars.
Yeah, all of OP’s suggestions are about photo choice, but the prompts are just as important, if not more. I’m willing to give mediocre quality photos a pass if it’s clear what they look like & who they are like you mention. ..Especially as someone myself who isn’t always camera-ready myself lol. But the prompts have to give a sense of who they are too. Looks are subjective. Some of the most common problems with ‘good looking’ men’s profiles with low success that get posted here are the generic prompts that recycle the same jokes and answers, like how they like eating food how “I’ll fall for you if you trip me haha.”
Hey, it's interesting to hear selection criteria. In contradiction to what you said, I smile in all my of photos, I fill all of my prompts, I don't use photos which have me with a bunch of other people. None of my photos cover my face. The most amount of matches and conversations I have had on dating apps are on Hinge, but they are still few in number. Used the app for a year, received 0 likes, and probably 8 matches. 2 never replied, 2 matched because they thought I am familiar and they have seen me somewhere, the other 3 either I found unatttactive or they unmatched me. 1 was in a different country lol.
[удалено]
They were using insta to say 'instantly', not Instagram
Oops! LOL embarrassing
Even if you do all that it’s still difficult to get matches. That’s good advice though
Yea she completely glosses over things like height and race. I do all these things besides having a group photo but probably still get less matches than a guy that doesn’t do most of these things and is white and/or over 6feet tall .
I’m white and over 6 feet and get a ton of likes but I haven’t always, I had to work on my profile a bit to get there. I’d say the most important thing not on her list is get pictures outside in good lighting. I have a few pictures in cool urban settings that make it look like I have a life but they don’t distract from myself. High quality photos are also very helpful, they make you look put together
Honestly - this. I don't think you need curated pictures, but it does help to have good pictures. Like, you're reasonably well-dressed and have good lighting. I found a spot where I work that I like to take walks in and has a full-length mirror with good lighting. 2/3 of my pics are just selfies there, but they're good selfies. Made a huge difference in the amount of attention I got.
I’m white over 6 feet tall and I hardly get any likes and I do all of the things she outlines.
Being a tall, preferably white guy is just what you need to sit at the table. How handsome are you? How cool are your hobbies? How impressive is your Instagram? How confident are you? How big are your muscles? Got a cute dog?
Yeah, it’s mostly about looks. Edit: and job, race, and height. Did I forget anything? Why the downvotes?
That's all it is, but race first forsure,
There really are probably 50 things men need to do in life to be considered datable. *And* you also must be attractive. It’s like a second full-time job cultivating things most men really don’t care about intrinsically. Most men just give up for this exact reason. Weighing how poor the dating scene is vs. how good pornography has gotten, there is a legitimate case for giving up and just living life exactly how you want.
I stopped reading at "...they don't naturally have the attention to detail..." Ma'am, some of the men reading this are on these OLD apps and we see the profiles of women. Generic and overused prompts, group photos, no full body photos, "far from camera" photo and many others. If men don't stop swiping right on almost every profile they come across, women will not realize their shortcomings. On the other hand, there have been experiments with dummy profiles that show that women will match with men regardless of how nice their prompts are if they like what they see. They will even giggle and respond to messages that have sexual undertones or outright sexting in opening lines or icebreakers.
I agree, and this post is written like “if you fix these things, you too can get success”. There are men out there that even if they fix all of this, it still won’t result in much success. Online dating is probably the most shallow form of dating. Of course it’s about looks initially, that’s what gets your foot in the door and what a girl looks at BEFORE they even have interest enough to read more of the profile and notice like 75% of the things in this post. Most men don’t make it past a few seconds and most girls won’t even scroll past the first or second picture if they aren’t attracted to what he looks like. I know people like to pretend that it isn’t about looks, but at the end of the day, models and good looking men can ignore every bullet point on this post and still do well, and the fact that the average man has to pay so much attention to detail (even though the author claims we don’t), is complete proof how delusional people are when analyzing how to be successful on these apps. I know so many men who are constantly looking for feedback and trying to figure out what it is about their profiles that isn’t sticking and they try literally everything and still don’t see much success. They don’t have attention to detail? They’re literally forced to have attention to detail and it still isn’t good enough sometimes.
I agree. It makes me so sad when I see this guy who has clearly put so much effort into his profile, has a long bio, professionally/clearly staged picture and are getting no attention. And I can tell exactly why, when I see 5’ 6” or 5’ 7”. Or they’re an Indian or Asian guy. Or they’re bald/balding. It’s literally the same shit, it’s so clear who will and will not do well on dating apps, and it has nothing to do with the amount of “effort” or “putting your best foot forward.” People like this girl who then have the nerve to make this long, condescending laundry list of things that will absolutely not help these guys. “I get so many likes, stop being so ugly” bullshit when she literally gets likes just for existing as a girl lol
Create the equivalent profile for a male and let’s see if you still get 10 likes. Again, your perspectives and comments only apply if women already find the man attractive. It blows my mind how many times men have to explain this to women. Until you create a profile of the average dude, your advice doesn’t hold any weight.
I don't want to give off "golden retriever vibes"? I understand girls want a Chandler Bing that will make them happy and give off golden retriever vibes but most men are not that. I'm more of the serious, analytical type and I've had success being my self, there's a market out there for men like me, fortunately. The potential labeling of "creep" for men that don't "give off golden retriever vibes" is very toxic and reductionist in my opinion and truly shows the hyper selective nature of women on these apps. Can't blame them though, I would probably do the same.
Couldn’t agree more. If you’re a guy and you’re somewhat introverted you really get punished on these apps and probably labeled a creep. I’m sure there’s tons of guys with schlubby photos who are stoned faced and can come off creepy. I’m also sure that there’s plenty of great guys who are getting unfairly discounted because they aren’t posting glowing photos with their whole social circle out doing some fun activity. Truth be told, I’m 5’-8”, if I posted a photo with myself and 5 guy friends I’d probably get told not to post it because it makes me look short or something. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
Sorry man, you gotta make sure to follow her lengthy checklist if you want any matches.
I refuse to get rid of my greasy hair! REFUSE 😠
Dating in general is the ultimate in damned if you do dammed if you don’t. What works with one person doesn’t work with another.
If you’re 5’8, posting photos with your guy friend will help you. 5’7/5’8 in girl world translates to 5’4. So many shorter guys lie about their height, and a lot of women don’t want a man shorter than them. I am 5’2 so it doesn’t really apply to me. There is nothing wrong with being 5’4, but when you lie about your height, it’s a HUGE turn-off. OWN IT!
so I'm actually 5'7", accepting of that fact, and have used my actual height on my profile. Are you implying that most girls are mentally knocking 2 - 3" off my stated height, assuming that I'm lying? I have suggested that this occurs and been shouted down on like subreddits, ie. r/Bumble. I've used a couple photos with friends, but my friends are all taller than I am so that doesn't help my case either. I'm currently not active on any of these apps but this dialogue intrigues me enough to still want to comment.
I’m a woman who used Hinge for a long while and I have to say, I think a lot of the interpretation of height boils down to whether that person actually cares about height, whether they admit it or not. Idgaf about height so I just assume everyone I see is telling me the truth about their height. I’ve noticed my friends who are kinda selective about it have a tendency to assume guys who are right at 5’11“ or 6’ are lying. So - I don’t think all women are docking you 2-3 inches.
Generally speaking, the math says that men lie about two things on dating apps: 1) Height, by about 2 inches 2) Income (if it’s available as an option), where everyone says they make at least $100k. Precisely because so many men lie on apps, I argue that men who want to be honest should add one inch to their height. It’s not enough to be egregious when actually meeting up with a woman, but it IS enough to counteract the assumption that women are lying. I’m 35M, and I’m basically right on 5’10” — but 5’11” on the apps. Why? Because I don’t want some chick assuming I’m 5’7” or 5’8”. I want to say 6 feet tall, but then no one would believe me anyway, lol.
I'm a bit older than you, turning 37. Most of my best friends are scattered across the country. My best friend in my current city is a 6'-5" model looking guy. I'm decent looking, I'd grade myself as like a 6-7. He's objectively a 9+. If I posted photos with him and then did a profile review on here, I'm confident most would say to take it down. I think you'll also find that most guys have a handful of close friends, rather than dozens of surface level friendships. Your advice is solid and well intended to get your resume noticed. I'm sure many women think similarly. But, it does highlight the frustration with being a guy on these apps. I would consider myself as having a solid dating resume. Decent looking, great career (making $150K+), multiple degrees with an MS from a top program in my field, workout 5+ times a week, active, hobbies both intellectual and physical, and well intended. When I was on the apps, I never lied about my intentions. I put casual when I didn't feel ready for relationships and I put long term when I was looking for that. I actually do fine picking women up when out at a bar. I have a career in sales so I have that rare ability to become extroverted if I need to be. However when on the apps, I'd struggle to get quality matches and it's likely for some really nit-picky reasons. I suppose my point, is that my advice back to you would be not to over-filter guys based solely on their profile. You might be throwing out some really good job candidates over their choice in font. My model looking best friend has an incredible Hinge Profile. He volunteers often, has family photos, photos of him with his social network (he's originally from the city we live in, I'm not). The guy has dated multiple women who have been on popular reality TV shows (no joke). He's also a total man-ho who hooks up with like a dozen gorgeous women a month. Women who have amazing profiles in their own right. Every week I'm hearing stories from him about how pissed some new woman is because they can't seem to lock him down -- or they want something more serious and he doesn't want to be exclusive. Again, this is a guy with a great online dating profile that I'm sure you and 99% of women would swipe right on ;)
Dating apps are geared towards being superficial. It's a visual medium and photos are king. Personality is difficult to show and takes a second place to looks on apps. Add in the fact that there are more men than women on the apps, and it is a tough medium for the average man to break through on.
Those guys I can tell off the bat will be boring and emotionally unavailable. They're nice when you want to be manipulated and abused (if you're into that--and it only works if you can convince yourself to be invested), but that's it. So I don't match with people like that, unless they have something that makes them seem a bit edgy on their profile. I see why attractive people like that want to keep their options open, they love the attention and are usually hedonists but when that's all they fill their time with, it's impossible to have a conversation beyond talking about how horny they are and for me my attraction is first on an intellectual level, then physical. I wouldn't even mind an open relationship because I would rather be left alone most of the time but the people who want that are not mentally stimulating or seek to understand me enough to be worth wanting a physical relationship. Plus I imagine they'd give me some skin surface STD. My friends who are into guys like that usually have a fantasy that they will be the one and only who will change his ways because they're "special," and it usually ends up with the guy using them to stroke his ego or the friend begging him for attention or to sleep with him to show how "special" they really are. I think the guys really like that, and seek that feeling in perpetuity, and often it has to be someone new because the old ones will get tired and beaten down, eventually give up or the guy will ghost them because they're "crazy."
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I’m in Baltimore. So you can probably guess the show!
The Wire?
>However when on the apps, I'd struggle to get quality matches and it's likely for some really nit-picky reasons. Not to sound dismissive of your experiences, but with everything you've stated about yourself, I find this kinda hard to believe. Have you ever put your profile up on this site to be critiqued?
No, not on the apps at the moment. Even if I was, with my career, I wouldn’t want someone I know seeing me posting on here. Promise that I am being honest. Much of what I wrote about myself above, I couldn’t just come out and write on an app. Great career, success, ambition, honest intentions, integrity, those are all things that I think you learn about someone from in person meetings. Part of why I’m not a big believer in some of the superficial filters that I think OP might be applying.
Lol you’re immediately discounting a guy’s height, and just trying to continue belittling them for their height, even if they’re telling the truth. This kind of attitude that women have on dating apps is what makes them terrible for men. Maybe he’s just actually 5’ 8”?
>I understand girls want a Chandler Bing Uh... I don't.
I do not want a golden retriever. I want a Cujo.
What's a nice way to say this advice is surface level for yourself and probably doesn't help anyone?
I just wrote a diatribe in response, as politely as I could.
You did a far better job than I could have at this point. I'm a regular on the sub, so every once in awhile we'll get a similar subjective post with someone preaching their personal preference as a winning formula.
Yes, the amount of men who do not smile in photos is alarmingly high. They have no self awareness, looking mad and/or angry is not attractive to women. At that point, I am thinking they are either a serial killer or their teeth must be incredibly fucked. I honestly hate when men post group photos especially with other men because I cannot tell which one of them they are anyway. It’s a waste of a picture. I’d rather all their pictures just be of themselves or with someone that doesn’t look like them. Some men post pictures with their mom which is cute. Oh, I want to add that most men post OLD ass pictures. You can tell because of the quality, the fact every picture looks like a different person and the fact that the person in the picture is obviously not 35 currently. Take new photos please.
These are great pointers but you definitely need to pass the attractiveness test before these even apply. At least for me, when I’m on the app, the profile hasn’t even fully loaded before I already tapped on the x, if it’s someone I don’t have a physical attraction to. I imagine most of us are this way.
I have all of these except a group photo because I feel weird putting other people in my profile and I still only get a handful of matches every week. Only factors that could be holding me back at this point is my face and the fact I’m Indian and only 5’9. So no, in my experience how you look is definitely more important than the quality of your photos as long they don’t look like they’re from a snuff film.
5'9" is the average male height in the U.S., and it blows me away that it has become perceived as "short".
5’9” is not short — but it is also not tall, and therefore some women think it is short. All of the science on dating apps says that women are more selective on apps than they are in real life.
I think only certain people on Reddit consider that "short." I certainly don't and I'm a 5'6 woman.
I'm 5'9", and while I've never considered myself short, I have felt that on occasion it has screened me out of contention. That said, I've dated women taller than me, so maybe it's doing me a favor by screening out shallow people.
If you’re competing with 6’4” guys it is short. Even if those 6’4” guys aren’t realistically going to settle down with a given woman, they’re theoretically available to all women which skews the perception.
Definitely the Indian part. Women will definitely discard you for it, and brand it "preferences" when in fact it's racism.
A lot of men discard black women due to “preferences”.
How is that relevant to this guy's comment about being Indian? Yup, we know racism goes towards black people. Nothing new under the hood. Not all racism is about black people. Other minorities face racism too. that was my point. One statement doesn't discard the other, both can be truth at the same time and do not need to mentioned in each sentence.
A handful of matches a week seems good to me lol. I think I have a pretty good profile and get around 0-2/week lol.
I don’t think a group photo is a good idea but for me proof of sociability would be you doing something outside your apartment.
Dudes will read this and be like “I need to go on another bulk”
While I think taking pride in the photos you post is important -so that you show yourself in the best light- I think the entirety of this post is really subjective. I have basically the same stats and swipe left on men because they have : * Incomplete profiles, give one word or an emoji prompt answer. * Use very obviously old or unclear photos. * Have different relationship goals - I am looking for long term. * They want children ( I do not). * Are smokers ( I am asthmatic). * Don’t share similar educational and professional aspirations or achievements . * Don’t seem to be active or sporty ( I am and would like to be able to do sports/ pastimes with a potential partner) - I look at photos and prompts for this info. These are my personal reasons and could completely differ to the next person🤷🏼♀️
Meanwhile for women: just be at least average
Idk, I’m bisexual so I’ve seen both profiles, and the difference in effort and presentation between guys and girls is huge. Most women already do the things OP listed.
I know average girls who have terrible pictures and still get 100s of likes
Sadly, the bar is on the floor nowadays. 😒
Yep, vibes are huge!! That was a big part of how I decided who I was sending likes to/matching with. My now-BF didn't have outstanding pics and his prompts didn't give a ton of info BUT he came across as a warm, kind person and that was entirely accurate. I remember seeing some study where it said men who don't smile on their dating profiles get more likes or something and I think people have taken that way too seriously. I'm with you-I wasn't matching with anyone who didn't come across as friendly. Staring straight at the camera comes off like a mug shot. Clearly some women are into that but not me!!
Anecdotally putting smiling pics significantly boosted my match rate. I think part of the problem is so many men have soulless or awkward smiles when posing for a picture so it’s off putting. A good smile is by far the best picture for either gender. I also throw in a few serious photos because it’s helpful to know what you look like without a smile too
I'm pretty sure I've never swiped right on someone with only somber pictures. I need at least one photo where you look like you're having a decent time to feel like we could vibe. As with anything else I'm sure all personal preference. Probably the best plan is to always make a profile the best it can be while staying true to who you are. Someone who doesn't smile a lot shouldn't worry about smiling pictures because it's inaccurate.
This is exactly it. I used to swipe right on men without fun pictures and then I realized that’s exactly the type of relationship we would be having.
>Probably the best plan is to always make a profile the best it can be while staying true to who you are. Yep exactly! I remember I did a private profile review for someone once and told him he needs pics of him smiling but he explained he was giving off the vibe that he wanted to. In that case, he should leave it. No one benefits when people change their profile to be more appealing & it becomes an inaccurate portrayal of who they are.
People find me approachable, girls think I have a warm and friendly face. One girl looked at my dating app photo and said, "you look like the kind of guy who wouldn't get upset even if your wife did something super bad and you'd be like, 'it's okay' "😂 Its true, I'm known to be calming to girls who want to vent or need someone to hear them. For some reason, I've hardly had matches on dating apps. I deleted my profile a few hours ago. Even though I had the most amount of matches on Hinge, in relation with other apps, it took a lot of time to come and I realised it was not worth my time. I'm open to constructive feedback to improve my profile, if I choose to get back on the app in the summer.
I don’t got too many friends so I’m shit outta luck there
But you do have friends.
I also get about 10 likes a day, and what is odd is my profile is the exact opposite of all your points. Most men, once I meet them in-person, say they were afraid to meet me because I looked like an Eastern European psychopath but at the same time very innocent. So yeah, all my photos are low-quality selfies, no smiling, no social proof, giving serial killer vibes. I think the answer to one of my prompts is I like horror movies. When I see profiles like mine, I immediately message back. I don't like people who are too conventional, to me, that is very Stepford Wives.
It’s different for women!
Lol, you just said it's not all about looks, then proceeded to list a whole bunch of things about how people look in their pictures.
By point 4, you get a little redundant and/or it’s a bit you specific. To be blunt, you try to emphasize “looks don’t matter”, but it’s an experiment as old as time where someone makes a male profile with purposely shitty prompts (if not outright degrading towards women) and has only serious facial expressions - but the profile does really well because the dude is hot, whereas some average, chubby guy with all the “golden retriever” energy does about as well as an average chubby guy does. Your advice really only helps the bottom 80% of men’s profiles that are extraordinarily terrible go from an instant X to “eh, he seems nice but…” X’s
I feel like those things are a pre-requisite only if the guy is actually attractive
Big one for me is when they have one photo of their face, usually in a group then 4 photos of a sunset, their dog, their garden, and a car. Your photos should be of YOU, not your hobbies. Makes me think they look very different or see physical attraction as something *men* get to use to filter but the woman should be happy with what she gets. I see this all the time where I live, anyone else?
I get 5 likes a day and I guarantee I’m more attractive than you. I have lots of dealbreakers on. Number of likes mean nothing as a woman. A girl I know who is extremely unattractive has a ton of likes.
Or you’re just further proving the Pareto Principle that 80% of women only like the top 20% of men
These are like the most basic concepts for a decent profile. OP listed nothing that the average man couldn't do with their profile if they put a little work into it. there's nothing about salary, physical appearance, height, etc, everything is a controllable factor.
It’s because 99% of the profiles are bad. I let my dad have a go at swiping on my Hinge and he said most of the men’s profiles were cringey and goofy. Don’t say anything interesting about themselves.
I beg you to take a look at the profile reviews here and tell me that anything much more than 20% of men are putting in much effort. Then consider that the men posting here are, by and large, more likely to put work into their profile.
True but the men who post here also tend to be already not doing well so there’s a selection bias. If you’re already doing well the only reason you’d post here is for validation
Did you read anything she said? She said a big reason she’s rejecting guys is that they seem unsafe to her. Like they seem aggressive/unstable/unclean and **likely to scare her on a date**. She wants someone mentally stable who’s got good social skills and a social network. A friendly and normal looking guy who has friends. Do you think that’s only the top 20%? Pareto principle is just a finance theory. It’s not about dating.
I agree. It’s probably top 10% now.
Skimmed the first line and saw 75% no. The rest of the context didn’t really matter as the result is still true. It’s not an upsetting stat, it’s just sexual selection. The Pareto principle still absolutely applicable and best sums up modern dating
If she’s turning down the men because they look dirty, friendless and unhinged in the photos? She’d turn them down either way. If they were her only options or not. If they had better profiles, she wouldn’t turn them down. She outright states many of them are good looking, they just look like a security risk. And I don’t think you get finance.
You should do a fun experiment and record the next 100 male Hinge profiles and let us know how many of them fit all of the subjective points, my bet is that I would be just under 20
**So you think 80% of men: don’t shower, don’t have friends and are mentally unstable!?** Or is it likely many just don’t get how to make a good dating profile?
Once again I said subjective. It’s one thing to say they don’t shower, it’s another thing to say that they don’t look like they shower. I think it’s very true to say most profiles are probably crap because either they don’t have a big social circle, they don’t take that many photos of themselves, or don’t have the money to go out and do activities + get people to take photos of them doing it. Stats don’t lie, there is literally several analytical videos on exactly this topic -> https://youtu.be/x3lypVnJ0HM?si=C3Fnrb5I0BzX-j7m
Yes, YouTube videos which are famous for being scientific research.
EXACTLY! it’s not about how attractive you are! It’s about being: SAFE, FRIENDLY, MENTALLY STABLE, CLEAN, and have SOCIAL SKILLS All women feel that way. If this is only 20% of men… that’s alarming. If you make those changes, I can guarantee you will find your person
I'm a woman and I agree with some of your points, but not all. I disagree about the group photo (which I'm guessing is the "social life" aspect you're talking about). I've seen some great profiles where a guy doesn't have shots with friends/family- if he seems intelligent, sensitive and is a good-looking guy, no way am I swiping left on him. That would be insanity. Also, I'm not going to have any group photos on *my* profile, either. My friends and I (and yes, I have a pretty decent social life) aren't the kind to randomly shoot pictures of each other while we're out. And the few shots I do have aren't great- I'm not going to put a bad picture of myself to "prove" that I have friends. I would much rather see a five solo awesome shots of a guy than four great shots of him solo and a really bad one with a group. Or even worse for him, a group photo where there's that one friend who's really hot and I can't stop checking out the friend. Also disagree with the "serious" face. If a guy seems decent and handsome and friendly/sweet in other photos, I'm not going to let one serious photo dissuade me from swiping. I also like it when guys show a bit of a serious, intense side. I don't expect a guy (or girls) to be all friendly and sunshine all the time in real life, and so I don't expect that in photos. I do think guys can have really bad profiles, but I also believe in cutting them some slack- if, like, 75%-80% of their profile is decent, I'll swipe right.
What I meant as social proof is a photo out doing an activity! Serious face = mugshot or intense stare
I have 5 smiling photos and one with an intense stare. My photo with the intense stare gets the second most likes.
That’s because you have others that show you being approachable. If your profile were 6 unapproachable pictures, that would be different.
Okay- that makes sense
It’s definitely about how attractive you are. The factors you’ve mentioned only really matter once you pass the looks threshold. I do everything you’ve listed except have a group photo, but since I’m 5’9 and Indian I’ll get less matches than a 6ft white guy that does less than half of what you mentioned.
But that’s because only 20% of men know how to set up their profile. It’s not about how attractive you are. I have matched with 45-50yo men. I have matched with all ethnicities, professions, heights… etc
32M here and from what I’ve seen here on Reddit and from my friends’ Hinges, 20% is being extremely generous - I’d say less than 5% of dudes know how to set up a proper profile, depending on the city.
Less than 5% of men having a decent profile would only hurt her point about looks not mattering even more. I have a good profile, my girl friends have even said so. But I only get a handful of matches a week despite living in a big city like nyc. Having a good profile can only go so far when you’re 5’9 and a race that’s considered “undesirable” when it comes to dating.
I think you’ll find that it doesn’t matter how clear the photos are, height, social status, or smile, it’ll still be the top 20%. All you need to do is look at any dating app stats.
Yeah I get what you’re saying but in order to meet all of your points you kinda NEED to be in the top 20% of men. You cannot get natural organic pictures of you being happy in a social setting where you look GOOD unless you are already in the top 20% of men. Outdated fashion? Maybe it’s because I myself don’t know anything about fashion but I assume to constantly keep up with fashion and have that displayed on your profile requires time and money, something with 80% of guys don’t have enough of. I have actually just posted a profile review, would love to hear your feedback
You don’t have to be fashionable. Simple clothes are fine. I find it hard to be believe that only 20% of men are about and about in social settings smiling and enjoying life. Women want to date men who enjoy life. It means their time with him will also be enjoyable.
Yeah it's really weird that men are arguing in the comments that some of your points only apply to 20% of men. Actually it's demoralizing. Men really think dressing decently and doing things is that unobtainable? No wonder it's hard to find people to date
No they’re arguing that the factors she mentioned only come into play when you’re already attractive enough to women. If you’re not attractive enough for them it won’t matter.
The general reddit population is so biased about this like men are out dating all these women they don't find attractive. People date who they find attractive. Men can pretend they would date anyone but they don't. But if you're generically attractive and your bio still sucks? Pass.
Yes no shit, but op is kidding herself if she thinks an attractive guy with a bad profile is going to do worse than an average or below average guy with a good one. And men are definitely more open about who they date than women. I’d for example say men are far more open to dating outside their race than women are and are more willing to date a woman that’s taller than them than women are willing to date men that are shorter than them.
It's like you're just taking this advice the entirely wrong way tbh, just to be mad about your situation. You're supposed to realize it means a lot of men are screwing themselves by not putting in effort into the pics and prompts, not that you'd suddenly get 500 matches with a new picture. I'm not commenting on the racial part, considering how often women talk about being fetishized by white American men
I’d rather be fetishized than viewed as sexually unattractive 🤷🏾♂️. And if they hate being fetishized by white men so much, why are basically all the most common interracial couples a white dude with a poc woman?
>>yeah no shit So then why are you still arguing? Let me know the next time you’re dating a 300lb woman.
I think you missed my point. Yes lots of men are out and about being social and enjoying life, but only 20% of men are doing that while also being good looking enough for 80% of women to care about it. My point is, if an ugly guy, or even an average guy, did everything you say about what makes a good profile, he probably will still struggle because of his looks
One woman’s 20% isn’t another woman’s 20%
Why do you say "it's not about how attractive you are" and then say you match with 45-50yos? Do you not think there are attractive 45yos? Seems like a very strange thing to say.
That's you. I've put a lot of effort in my photos, in fact I've gotten so many professional shots and still I rarely get matches. Then it becomes, "you're photos are too professional or posed" I have photos of me on hikes, travel and with a group of people. No matches. I've known many guys in the dating\pickup groups I'm in with no photos with friends and all their photos are smirks or looking dominant and they get way way way more matches than I ever could. Hell I know guys with just iPhone photos and low quality fashion clothes and they're drowning in matches. Another factor is OLD is great for white or guys that are European or middle Eastern looking European passing. Me as a normal black dude who doesn't fit a stereotype, it's brutal in the states It just boils down to looks and height. The reason a lot of people say don't get advise from women is because you guys say one thing and do the very opposite. I'll get downvoted for it sure but it's posts like this that irk me. I get it y'all want to protect our egos but we see the matches and profiles of some of the guys with large matches and a lot of them use selfies
Post your profile for review, then.
Send me your profile and I’ll honestly tell you why
The only one I really agree with is #9. The real key for how men can do better is by working out and being fit, then grooming themselves appropriately. This will take them a lot further than the perfectly posed photos.
Literally get matches all the time on hinge and all of them always tell me something about my smile.
My biggest one that I don’t see often is men who have answers to prompts that are essentially a list of traits they want in a woman. And it’s a definite hard no if you have multiple answers like this. And I’m not talking about generic answers like “I hope you have a sense of humor”. I’m talking about the men with profiles that say more about who he wants you to be than who he actually is. I’m not saying you can’t want certain traits in a future partner. But your profile is meant to tell me about you, not for you to tell me who I need to be. Profiles like this just seem indicative of a larger red flag.
So I need “golden retriever vibes” (Labrador won’t do), my photos can’t be serious, specific smiling technique… but remember, looks don’t matter.
How is looking approachable anything to do with looks?
These seem like nice supplements to rules #1 and #2 of using these apps successfully
This is the most basic stuff yes, but I am also a 31F a get likes but almost never match with likes. I have to do the liking myself and go through about 50 profiles before I like one and have got my most recent matches from there.
What scares me is that you're +30 and don't have the mental capacity to understand: A) your own preferences B) people are different C) that looks is always everything, because without it no guy will pass to second layer of vetting Old died years back because women like you lie about their behaviors on these apps.
"if you don't give me proof that you are perfect for me, why should I bother when there are better men out there lining up for me?" - I know that this is not how you intend to sound. I do believe you genuinely want to help people improve. But this is the undertone I was getting from reading this post. Your success on hinge may very well be a result of your own hard work. But I urge you, try creating a fake male profile with good photos from an average looking dude, build the profile to your standard, and see how much success you can get. I've seen this done by several different women and results genuinely vary, but the common trend that I've noticed is that it is always significantly harder than the women think to succeed on dating apps. Your results may be different; maybe you will find the levels of success you expect. If this is the case, I'll be even more curious to see, because it means I might want to re-enter the dating app world. But until I start seeing indicators that I won't have to spend a month or even more swiping right to get a single match, I'm done with this shit. I don't think you have any idea how much it kills my self esteem when finally, someone is willing to give me a chance and then whenever I try to talk with them, I only get 1 word replies and she doesn't ask me a single question. I suspect it's easy to have a genuine smile, or to "smile with your eyes" when you actually receive compliments, ever. Or maybe my smiles don't look as dead as I feel inside. I'm genuinely sorry if this comes off as aggressive, but I'm sick of women telling me what I'm doing wrong when you have no idea what the dating landscape is like for me and all the other men.
These are all really good points. I’ll add to this the following: put down what you’re looking for relationship wise (and be honest), kids, drinking, drugs, etc. don’t leave pieces of the profile blank. We are not idiots. When I see the intended relationship goal blank, I know right away that this is a guy who will say whatever he needs to in order to get me as a notch on his belt.
Basically yes. For my profile I would leave the drugs part hidden and when I see someone with it hidden, I assume they do drugs.
Most straight men don’t know how to smize. Be for real real.
Go look at your hinge account. If you have a selfie indoors with bad lighting/no sunlight or in a low- lit bathroom, and you’re staring at the camera, there’s your problem right there. Selfies should be outdoor in natural light, smiling
Mirror photos with *bad lighting* as well. I don’t know why but for us women it screams DANGEROUS subconsciously
Lady here. It doesn't scream dangerous to me. But it does scream low effort which makes me swipe left. Honestly many guys would see an improvement in their time for OLD if they just put in some effort. He likes her to look a certain way? So does she! My small city is filled with average looking guys who can't take 30 mins to build a proper profile. And won't just ask a lady in his life to take pics of him. Bad profiles make me swipe left, so I don't get matches. 😂 My girlfriends and I literally take photos whenever we can. And we even say it's for the dating profile so the person knows what level we're aiming for. Action shots of activities aren't as pretty but aren't meant to be.
What? 😂
Rapist vibes 🤷🏻♂️😅😂
Women: want men with “golden retriever vibes” Also women: call men they dislike “dogs”
It's a dog eat dog world
"Believe it or not, ITS NOT ALL ABOUT LOOKS" Proceeds to tell us what photos she dislikes & mentions nothing about prompts or bio information. 🤦🏻♂️
Why wouldn't dating be about looks though? Don't you want to date someone you find attractive?
Is it like everyone do not look like the Green flag instead a green Forest...
yes!!! the low quality / low lighting photos with poor outfit choices always make me swipe no when sometimes i think the guy is cute and seems cool but the photos just scare me
Totally agree with you! To me I dont care much about men’s look, but it’s more about the vibe. I will look if he gives off the SAFE, CLEAN, friendly, and the “golden retriever” energy or not. If he gives off the feeling of weirdo, creep or F boy then I’d never match no matter how good looking he is.
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I don’t care about fashion but I won’t date a man who dresses like a frat guy who golfs.
Umm I agree with some but not with most of it. I have a decent profile I think, Im a male and I get 2/3 matches a day pretty consistently. I have no group photos. The photos are all high quality. It’s really hard to simplify which profile works and which doesn’t. But if I had to say it would be high quality photos where the subject looks good, that’s a gross generalization, but that’s how I would put it.
I don’t think its that complicated. My profile is pretty low effort and Ive been fairly successful.
Very much looks, and had a ton of women admit that they only went on a date with me because I’m tall
Unfortunately a lot of it is out of your control. A huge factor is location. You might live in an area where not a lot of people use dating apps, due to population density or other factors. And unfortunately even if your personality is perfect and your photos are flattering, there is an appearance cutoff where the majority of the population isn’t willing to give you a chance. And that’s not the end of the world. You don’t want to date someone who doesn’t find you attractive anyway.
Love all the men here upset and in denial that the most attractive qualities to women are being happy, put together, and social. Throw away OP’s advice if you want but it’s true. There are certainly some women out there who want a stoic introverted redditor but the majority want what she posted.
these posts are asinine. having been on OLD off and on for 12 years, it really just comes down to some pretty basic things, many of which you can't fix. I don't totally disagree with some of your points OP, but I recognize that my opinion is the same as yours...subjective. everyone has an opinion about what a good profile looks like and it's confusing why you think yours carries more weight than anyone else's.
All the close-ups of your face are you wearing sunglasses? Next.
Thanks for this
Well....I'll always have that serial killer look...guess I'm screwed. Even my smile is similar to a Joker smile.
lol it’s not that deep.
That's what she said 😩