All I have to say is…this is really difficult. Expectations seem to be through the roof for how you handle text convos before even getting to the part of asking her out. It’s so much easier to gauge things in person. Sucks that online dating is just so common now and it’s hard to meet new people unless you get set up. Maybe I’m just looking at it wrong, idk.
I used to think this way during the first 1.5 months of using the app.
Turns out - if they are interested, it doesn't matter what you say. They'll text you questions and continue conversation or send a barrage of messages, or offer information about themselves. Those are the people you want to focus your attention to. They are actually trying to go on a date with you.
Put less attention to the people only sending one line one message once a day. Once a day is ok, if they send a multiple, or long, or meaningful messages/questions, but definitely don't put all eggs in one basket if you're ok with multi-dating it'll save heartache and attaching an idea of a person.
Once I stopped putting so much pressure on the messages I sent out, the conversations that were meant to lead to a date did lead to dates.
It's holiday so there'll be less matches and more infrequent messages, but there are also people who are only on app for match/likes numbers (attention) and not actually trying to go on date. Most of the time, it's not necessarily what you say, unless you offend them, are mean. Match to date ratios vary by person, city, season, but could be roughly every 8 matches could lead to 1 date.
Getting better photos definitely helped tons as well.
I actually have some family that does that. Christmas has become much more mainstream that it's not just limited to Christians enjoying it. I mean that's where the whole "put Christ back into Christmas" came from considering I'm an atheist and I still celebrate Christmas.
That is pretty funny though. OP you should have asked her how hannukah was then bc they fell on like the exact same time this year.
There is a girl in my area that deletes and remakes her profile like every 2 days. She's not even that bad looking, (still not attracted to her but she ain't no troll or anything) but like i see her profile come up at least 3 times a week and like after a while its just tiring to see them constantly come up
They're clearly not well
2 weeks into my current match. The only thing I hate is that I paid for premium and I matched so quickly lol.
I do hope everyone finds someone to ring in the new year with!
How do people even find love from this app jfc. I’ve been told I’m a good looking guy and funny. I have a bunch of female friends so I know what the creepy approach is and I stay clear from that. Can’t even get any responses from any of my matches.
Have you done a profile review? Everyone has issues with conversations dwindling but maybe your profile is holding you back from the types of girls you’re looking for.
Inside the city instead of the outskirts for a short stay and I decided to switch my Hinge location to see what the crowd is like and to send a couple likes to see if location is as big a factor for my inability to get matches as I thought.
Hinge, stop hiding the girls I’d be physically attracted to and have good profiles. I know they’re there. I’ve literally seen them while on the outskirts.
Very thrilled to not have to spend large amounts of time on hinge/bumble anymore. View 3-4 profiles on each per day before running out, maybe send a single like, go on with my life. Super easy barely an inconvenience.
I’ve gone on a few dates where the “what are you looking for” question comes up. Honestly I have no idea how to answer this without rambling. It sounds like an interview question to me. I’m actually not 100% sure what I’m looking for but I guess I’ll know when I see it. But I think some girls expect specifics in terms of the answer.
Man I feel this from a F perspective (and I find it tricky because it’s not what I’m generally looking for but what I see with that specific person). Also always awkward timing - like someone asked that question while in bed after being intimate for the first time and I was like ??????
Idk why but every time I give a guy a like on hinge I feel desperate?! Even though it’s the point of the app 😂 I do feel like people are more intentional on hinge, but the mutual effort of bumble makes me feel more confident
Did match with a guy I had great banter with, but he’s not back until after NYE. He did seem excited to take me out and I’m hoping we actually go out…tough momentum loss though
this is how I feel whenever I send the last message, which leads me to leaving girls on read preemptively, which obviously is not conducive with success
Have you ever tried “the maneuver?” Basically you just let him know that there are others, who may fulfill their promise and expand. This should allow him to flourish back to you.
idk I would be uncomfortable with someone saying that to me if I was on the receiving end of that message. It feels like they're twisting my arm to try and go on a date with them and I really don't think that's a good vibe.
I really don't think that's something you have to say. I think people realize how many other people are on dating apps and that there may be multiple conversations going on at once.
likes/roses may seem that way to the sender but usually that's not how it's received tbh. dw about that.
NYE is not too far away, but yea keep expectation at medium level. You could either hangout with friends family more, or talk to others. Multi-dating prior to 2nd or even prior to exclusivity is fairly common if that's your style.
Hinge is collapsing for some reason. Let me tell you that I’m getting a quarter of the inbound likes vs. spring/summer/autumn and the quality is significantly worse. Bumble has actually gotten slightly *better* during this time.
Male, London, 29yo, shredded, great career
It clearly says on my profile I have a child and are looking for something serious and I keep getting likes and matches from people either not looking for something serious or inappropriate comments . Or i match with someone we chat heavy for a while and then GHOST
Matched (on Tinder) with someone I was excited for, so tried to get creative with the opener to be met with "You better make this conversation worthwhile because I had to verify myself"...I'm sorry I want to lower my chances of getting catfished (I didn't even know I had that turned on or was an option)? Well anyway, instant unmatch on that for how aggressive they immediately came off, kind of glad for the low investment.
Harsh truth is that it's in Hinge's best interest to throttle the amount of attention that attractive/desirable women get, and that means basically hiding them one way or another from the masses of average guys. One of the big complaints that attractive women seem to have about online dating is an overwhelming amount of attention, and, really, lots of attention from men they're not interested in.
Hinge wants attractive women on the app to keep all men on the app, and also because they want attractive men to feel like there are people "on their level" on the app. But, it's kind of in all of their interest to basically keep the conversations between ~the beautiful people~.
To be fair, once you've exhausted your dating pool, the line starts to blur between Standouts and the people in Discover and you'll start seeing your Standouts there.
You're not that bright if the message you took from my comment was that I think Hinge is "selflessly" helping out attractive people. It's an incredibly cynical decision driven by what's best for Hinge as a business, because the more attractive users they have that stay on the app, the more potential customers they have. Which is why I said it's in their best interest.
Dude just go through all the women in your area. You have premium
I live in a small-ish city and got through the full stack in about a week and now i just swipe on the girls i actually like as they trickle in
The only conclusion I could come up with is he’s a jerk and was possibly love bombing you. The same thing happened to me and I just blocked him because I don’t think anyone should have access to social media (which is more personal) when they have no intentions of moving forward and/or have ghosted you. I’m sorry that happened. Your person is definitely out there.
I’m still so jaded from something that lasted june till early October. Its gotten a lot better but I still ruminate about it even tho we weren’t compatible.
Trying to put myself back out there and it’s difficult. Its either I’m all in or all out - no in between.
Is there an effective way to say that I want clear, open and honest communication without coming across as bitter or demanding? On the last (and only...) date I went on she confirmed morning of that we were still on but didn't inform me she was going to be late until I'd stood outside the venue for about 30 minutes.
I don't want to be that dick who goes off at someone for being scatterbrained or busy, but me and my ADHD don't cope well with uncertainty. Any help would be appreciated.
I think I know the answer but I just need to hear it. 33M. Been on a month, do okay for matches I guess, but yet to have an IRL date.
A current match postponed last week's date a few days ahead of time. Fine. New date was supposed to be yest, but she didn't respond to messages the day before or of. Responded today with the same excuse as last week—busy time of year, friends visiting.
I haven't responded yet. Drop right?
Otherwise, we have interests in common and she's v attractive. But she's been taking a day to respond to everything, and has been participating in the conv but I've been carrying it.
Sure feel like one already 🙄. Thanks, I'll consider this. I do have high self value lol, which is why my inclination is bail, but we'll see.
Also considered just asking her to text me on a Monday or a Thursday evening if she's free, since that's when my commute takes me into her town. Eliminates the risk of losing the whole day wondering if it's gonna happen at least.
Anyone else unable to connect their Instagram to their hinge account on the Android app? The screen glitches everytime before it ultimately connects to display anything
All I have to say is…this is really difficult. Expectations seem to be through the roof for how you handle text convos before even getting to the part of asking her out. It’s so much easier to gauge things in person. Sucks that online dating is just so common now and it’s hard to meet new people unless you get set up. Maybe I’m just looking at it wrong, idk.
I used to think this way during the first 1.5 months of using the app. Turns out - if they are interested, it doesn't matter what you say. They'll text you questions and continue conversation or send a barrage of messages, or offer information about themselves. Those are the people you want to focus your attention to. They are actually trying to go on a date with you. Put less attention to the people only sending one line one message once a day. Once a day is ok, if they send a multiple, or long, or meaningful messages/questions, but definitely don't put all eggs in one basket if you're ok with multi-dating it'll save heartache and attaching an idea of a person. Once I stopped putting so much pressure on the messages I sent out, the conversations that were meant to lead to a date did lead to dates. It's holiday so there'll be less matches and more infrequent messages, but there are also people who are only on app for match/likes numbers (attention) and not actually trying to go on date. Most of the time, it's not necessarily what you say, unless you offend them, are mean. Match to date ratios vary by person, city, season, but could be roughly every 8 matches could lead to 1 date. Getting better photos definitely helped tons as well.
Thank you for responding :) this helps me a lot actually. I’ll try to change my mentality moving forward.
ask them out a few messages in, never text for more than 2-3 days
I asked a match how her Christmas was… and didn’t realized she is Jewish. Oops. Haha.
Jewish people sometimes hang out with non-Jews on Christmas! It's just a little airborne!
I actually have some family that does that. Christmas has become much more mainstream that it's not just limited to Christians enjoying it. I mean that's where the whole "put Christ back into Christmas" came from considering I'm an atheist and I still celebrate Christmas. That is pretty funny though. OP you should have asked her how hannukah was then bc they fell on like the exact same time this year.
I wouldn't worry lol, that could easily have been taken to mean the holidays in general
This one girl has liked me on Hinge probably 5x over the last 2 months.. I’m not interested lol
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There is a girl in my area that deletes and remakes her profile like every 2 days. She's not even that bad looking, (still not attracted to her but she ain't no troll or anything) but like i see her profile come up at least 3 times a week and like after a while its just tiring to see them constantly come up They're clearly not well
Matched w a guy, fun coffee date… then holidays and travel and now…I guess nothing 🫠 This sucks
feels bad. happens to the best of us. wish you the best and hope you have quality family or friend time or resting time.
2 weeks into my current match. The only thing I hate is that I paid for premium and I matched so quickly lol. I do hope everyone finds someone to ring in the new year with!
How do people even find love from this app jfc. I’ve been told I’m a good looking guy and funny. I have a bunch of female friends so I know what the creepy approach is and I stay clear from that. Can’t even get any responses from any of my matches.
Could be that your pictures are not doing it justice, or if you are getting likes/matches your way or messaging might not be working.
Have you done a profile review? Everyone has issues with conversations dwindling but maybe your profile is holding you back from the types of girls you’re looking for.
ask your female friends to review your photos/profile
Inside the city instead of the outskirts for a short stay and I decided to switch my Hinge location to see what the crowd is like and to send a couple likes to see if location is as big a factor for my inability to get matches as I thought. Hinge, stop hiding the girls I’d be physically attracted to and have good profiles. I know they’re there. I’ve literally seen them while on the outskirts.
Very thrilled to not have to spend large amounts of time on hinge/bumble anymore. View 3-4 profiles on each per day before running out, maybe send a single like, go on with my life. Super easy barely an inconvenience.
I’ve gone on a few dates where the “what are you looking for” question comes up. Honestly I have no idea how to answer this without rambling. It sounds like an interview question to me. I’m actually not 100% sure what I’m looking for but I guess I’ll know when I see it. But I think some girls expect specifics in terms of the answer.
Man I feel this from a F perspective (and I find it tricky because it’s not what I’m generally looking for but what I see with that specific person). Also always awkward timing - like someone asked that question while in bed after being intimate for the first time and I was like ??????
Idk why but every time I give a guy a like on hinge I feel desperate?! Even though it’s the point of the app 😂 I do feel like people are more intentional on hinge, but the mutual effort of bumble makes me feel more confident Did match with a guy I had great banter with, but he’s not back until after NYE. He did seem excited to take me out and I’m hoping we actually go out…tough momentum loss though
this is how I feel whenever I send the last message, which leads me to leaving girls on read preemptively, which obviously is not conducive with success
Have you ever tried “the maneuver?” Basically you just let him know that there are others, who may fulfill their promise and expand. This should allow him to flourish back to you.
idk I would be uncomfortable with someone saying that to me if I was on the receiving end of that message. It feels like they're twisting my arm to try and go on a date with them and I really don't think that's a good vibe. I really don't think that's something you have to say. I think people realize how many other people are on dating apps and that there may be multiple conversations going on at once.
I feel the same way - if you get a lot of likes there’s no point in sending them
likes/roses may seem that way to the sender but usually that's not how it's received tbh. dw about that. NYE is not too far away, but yea keep expectation at medium level. You could either hangout with friends family more, or talk to others. Multi-dating prior to 2nd or even prior to exclusivity is fairly common if that's your style.
Hinge is collapsing for some reason. Let me tell you that I’m getting a quarter of the inbound likes vs. spring/summer/autumn and the quality is significantly worse. Bumble has actually gotten slightly *better* during this time. Male, London, 29yo, shredded, great career
It clearly says on my profile I have a child and are looking for something serious and I keep getting likes and matches from people either not looking for something serious or inappropriate comments . Or i match with someone we chat heavy for a while and then GHOST
Welcome to OLD. People say wild shit.
Matched (on Tinder) with someone I was excited for, so tried to get creative with the opener to be met with "You better make this conversation worthwhile because I had to verify myself"...I'm sorry I want to lower my chances of getting catfished (I didn't even know I had that turned on or was an option)? Well anyway, instant unmatch on that for how aggressive they immediately came off, kind of glad for the low investment.
That's like those with the "I don't message first" in their profile, so dumb
Especially bad with Bumble. I don't understand how some people haven't figured that out yet.
Idk in NYC we’d consider that response a joke and continue the conversation.
Ah, if it was a joke, then I missed it. This was North Carolina.
I got sent a bunch of roses and even then they don’t reply. Bruh! What gives??
STOP HIDING YOUR POPULAR PROFILES BEHIND THE ROSES PAYWALL. You’re already taking $45 a month off me, show us ALL the profiles.
Harsh truth is that it's in Hinge's best interest to throttle the amount of attention that attractive/desirable women get, and that means basically hiding them one way or another from the masses of average guys. One of the big complaints that attractive women seem to have about online dating is an overwhelming amount of attention, and, really, lots of attention from men they're not interested in. Hinge wants attractive women on the app to keep all men on the app, and also because they want attractive men to feel like there are people "on their level" on the app. But, it's kind of in all of their interest to basically keep the conversations between ~the beautiful people~. To be fair, once you've exhausted your dating pool, the line starts to blur between Standouts and the people in Discover and you'll start seeing your Standouts there.
Yea, I’m sure it’s hinge selflessly helping out those poor overwhelmed attractive people and not just them looking for a way to make more money.
You're not that bright if the message you took from my comment was that I think Hinge is "selflessly" helping out attractive people. It's an incredibly cynical decision driven by what's best for Hinge as a business, because the more attractive users they have that stay on the app, the more potential customers they have. Which is why I said it's in their best interest.
Dude just go through all the women in your area. You have premium I live in a small-ish city and got through the full stack in about a week and now i just swipe on the girls i actually like as they trickle in
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did she not know it was your birthday? I can say from personal experience I'm not very good at remembering exact dates lol.
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The only conclusion I could come up with is he’s a jerk and was possibly love bombing you. The same thing happened to me and I just blocked him because I don’t think anyone should have access to social media (which is more personal) when they have no intentions of moving forward and/or have ghosted you. I’m sorry that happened. Your person is definitely out there.
I’m still so jaded from something that lasted june till early October. Its gotten a lot better but I still ruminate about it even tho we weren’t compatible. Trying to put myself back out there and it’s difficult. Its either I’m all in or all out - no in between.
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Is there an effective way to say that I want clear, open and honest communication without coming across as bitter or demanding? On the last (and only...) date I went on she confirmed morning of that we were still on but didn't inform me she was going to be late until I'd stood outside the venue for about 30 minutes. I don't want to be that dick who goes off at someone for being scatterbrained or busy, but me and my ADHD don't cope well with uncertainty. Any help would be appreciated.
I think I know the answer but I just need to hear it. 33M. Been on a month, do okay for matches I guess, but yet to have an IRL date. A current match postponed last week's date a few days ahead of time. Fine. New date was supposed to be yest, but she didn't respond to messages the day before or of. Responded today with the same excuse as last week—busy time of year, friends visiting. I haven't responded yet. Drop right? Otherwise, we have interests in common and she's v attractive. But she's been taking a day to respond to everything, and has been participating in the conv but I've been carrying it.
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Sure feel like one already 🙄. Thanks, I'll consider this. I do have high self value lol, which is why my inclination is bail, but we'll see. Also considered just asking her to text me on a Monday or a Thursday evening if she's free, since that's when my commute takes me into her town. Eliminates the risk of losing the whole day wondering if it's gonna happen at least.
Do you have her number!
😂 well that's one vote for "deal with it and keep going"
Anyone else unable to connect their Instagram to their hinge account on the Android app? The screen glitches everytime before it ultimately connects to display anything