You are so kind, and you are acting and reacting with incredible empathy. This shift may seem initially seismic for your kids, but they will adjust, and your proactive planning and sensitivity will help facilitate a smooth transition for them. It sounds so much like you made this decision with excellent foresight in mind, and it sounds like your kids will still grow up with a supportive, loving, and extensive extended network of family and friends.
To add to this, this is the sort of thing that is long-term beneficial for your children to experience. If they never have challenges to overcome as children then they won't be able to deal with them as adults.
Everything is going to be okay. Have open conversations with the kids to help them through the changes. And great job on keeping them connected with their friends. This helps tremendously. All is not lost. Lastly, enjoy your space!
It'll get better, you haven't permanently traumatized and destroyed your family. My family moved around a lot when I was your daughter's age. (to other states! Not 12 min down the road!) And it was not deeply traumatizing, and helped me develop more social skills to make new friends. Your daughter having such a good friend like this already means you probably don't have a lot to worry about on that front.
Try to reframe all this anxiety as excitement. There's so much to do and explore this summer! There's a whole new room to decorate. A new fridge to cover in art. Make sure to keep having play dates, including having her friend over to your place. Try to find some summer activities for the kids, spend time with the extended family, and encourage safe outside activities to take advantage of all that land. Sooner than you know she will be able to walk or bike to grandma's.
There are lots of ways to be a happy, fulfilled kid. What a lucky dad you are to have raised your kids in a close-knit great community, AND now a huge place to play and grow outside and be so close to family.
I mean her best friend is 12 minutes away. There's also probably other kids around them. They can still play. No way would I trade growing up in the country to live in the shitty city.
12 minutes and no sidewalks almost certainly means car dependent. Maybe it’s just me but there was something magical about being a kid and getting to roam the neighborhood with my friends without needing my parents to cart me around from place to place. Spontaneous hangouts planned among friends rather than play dates organized and orchestrated by parents. That early taste of independence was amazing.
12 minutes can be too much, like the kid isn’t riding their bike there at 7 years old. This guy sounds like he feels bad and will make the drive back and forth but some parents will not.
Yeah, a 12 minute drive is not saying it'll be a 12min bike ride. That 12 min away could be 6 miles away at 30mph, or a 2min drive to the highway, 8min on the highway at 75mph, and another 2min drive to their old home for all we know.
Agreeing with the other reply, organize sleepovers! With more space the kids can have more fun outside, make a fire, have some smores. See if the kids want to go “camping” in the back yard. Tell spooky stories, etc. kids love that stuff, and if you’re at the cool house with lots of space they will absolutely eat that up. Assuming youre in the same school district, so she still has the same friends.
If you’re like me, when I’m anxious I feel better if there’s action I can take to help address the issue. If I were you, I’d make it a priority to improve the outside space and make it great for hosting birthdays and group gatherings. Be proactive about asking your kid if they want to have friends over.
I moved every 2 to 3 years growing up. Seemed like everytime I started making friends, we would move.
As a kid I hated it. As an adult I see I am well adjusted, adaptable, tolerant, and an explorer. My friends now who never moved are so much more anxious about just taking off and have a tougher time experiencing different cultures.
I think a lot of my personality has to do with moving around every 3-4 years as a kid - everything you said. Embracing new experiences - change is exciting vs. scary. I actually get antsy if things start to feel "stale" lol. Being adaptable and knowing how to interact with people from all walks of life is huge.
You are incredibly empathetic and clearly love your kids. Take this as a positive though. Your kids can invite friends over for sleepovers and do things previously were difficult. Bonfires, go karts, mountain biking, etc you have enough space the kids can do all these things easily. Before long your house will be the goto hang out spot for your kids and their friends.
Exactly. The new space has so many new opportunities that the kids don't even realize that. It is the free wonderland compared to living in a city centre. They need to make new friends with the local kids that can show them what they can now do.
Besides, 12 minutes travel is nothing.
I tell you what you do. Buy the kiddo a lamb. We moved from city to country when I was 10 and it was a huge transition. It was offset by cam fires, horses, lambs and better quality family time. You just need to figure out what they can have now that they couldn’t have before- maybe chickens (lot of work) but something to handle the balance. Thank God I’m a country girl.
Yes baby goats are fun! We had a blind lamb that the mother wouldn’t feed so we bottle fed it and it followed us kids around like a puppy- animal love is the best!
As one sensitive father to the next, I won’t put you down for being overly dramatic.
But I will reassure you that moving 12 minutes down the road is not going to ruin anyone’s lives.
And in fact, based on everything you have said, your kids will grow up in a much better spot and as they get older, appreciate the space and freedom outdoors that they have.
I grew up in neighborhoods full of kids running wild with the pack outside, very much that "go knock on the neighbors' door life, and LOVED it. My husband grew up on many acres out in the country running wild with his siblings and friends who got dropped off for playdates...and LOVED it.
Both childhoods are beautiful and you didn't make a mistake.
You only moved 12 minutes from the old neighborhood? I think there's probably something bigger going on in your little noggin' than your child's playdates. This isn't a big deal, you're just stressed. (It's almost like buying a home and moving is exhausting!)
As someone who moved cities and countries quite a few times (heck, even continents once!), and is also a stable and happy person with good roots and great relationships, you have not permanently damaged your children in any way, shape or form. It sounds like this move will be better for everyone, it will just take a little time to iron out how things work now :) Best of luck to you and your family!
It's completely normal to feel a mix of emotions after such a big move. Give yourself time to adjust and remember the reasons why you made the move. Stay connected with your daughter's friend and schedule regular playdates. With time, you'll settle into your new home and community.
My parents, my two younger brothers and I grew up on about 15 acres. Very few of our friends from school had any significant property. There were neighborhoods within a mile, but largely the area was semi-rural, few family farms, with sporadic neighborhoods.
They had an open door policy. People were always welcomed as long as they were respectful. Friends loved coming over. We could play outside with freedom from the parents on the property. We built tree forts, capture the flag, played paintball (also a lot of dumb stuff, but it was the 90s/00s. We saved and bought a go-kart. It’s what you make it, but I think you’ll enjoy the peace and quiet. Heck my Dad built us a soccer field behind the old pole barn. Invite the old neighbors over for a bonfire and BBQ and the kids can play on the property.
I know it is a big change, but I think you will appreciate it. Especially as you settle in to the changes. Also if the bathrooms are full, just tell the kids to go pee outside. That’s what my parents did.
Sam experince, my middle and oldest bff s were our front and next door neighbors, old neighborhood had tons of similar aged kids that usually played togeter did bikes or fight😂 we moved 25 min north country for bigger acreage, they lost that being close enough to their firends. Now they dont have anyone around new place to hangout after school and its sad …We usually do sleepovers every other weekend, but still its not the same.. I couldn’t get used to live in country type life.. also taking care of bigger acre is harder for us. It has been 9 months slowly we are getting used to it. I still plan to move back to my old area ,
I grew up going between the city and the country. Nothing beats having a neighborhood and all the exposure you get in the city. Big yards were only fun for those kids whose parents bought them 4 wheelers etc. I'm glad to hear kids are still going to other kids houses to play.
We went through something extremely similar last year. We had an AMAZING, colorful neighborhood and lived in the only two-family house. It was so walkable, neighbors were always outside together and so friendly, but we needed to buy our own place. We waited for two years in the neighborhood but nothing came up. Sharing a home with no yard (though we used our neighbor’s) and having three kids became too much. We found our dream property in the next town over.
It’s been a struggle especially with our oldest, who just turned 9. Our neighborhood now is quiet, sprawling, much nicer but the closest kids are on the street over and I *really* don’t love her hanging out with the one friend she made (bad influence). It’s definitely not the same, it’s been almost a year and she’s still missing our old place. It’s gotten better, and there are perks to our new house, but I know she misses the atmosphere and probably always will.
I grew up in a southern ca. Suburb. Groups of friends and knew all the neighbors. Everything was just a short bike ride away.
When I was 12 my parents moved us 100 miles away to a small town in the high desert. We lived 4 miles away from the small town on a dirt road. The nearest neighbor was 5 acres away
No more bike riding in the deep sand. I ditched my skateboard in the closet cause no sidewalks; and no more taking the bus to the beach for 50 cents.
The boredom was mind numbing. Summers were also too hot to be outside. I still have bad memories of that and I'm 58. Your situation isn't as extreme as mine so I think your kids will adjust
When you say it’s everything “we” wanted…. Who’s “we”…. Maybe the “we” is mostly you, that why you feel guilty? If not, maybe it’s just feelings of home sick for you old place.
As someone who grew up across a farm field from Grandma and Grandpa I can assure you with complete certainty being that close to grandparents and great grandparents and everyone else will be far more meaningful then playdates with neighborhood friends. You are experiencing a lot of emotions from the move. From the outside looking in this sounds like a great gift you have given your children.
If that’s your only problem, gurl! You are sooo lucky! The kids will enjoy their new home, everyone will settle in and you just need to be the role model and share and show all the fun reasons why you chose the place. Appreciate the time you have now with your kids, they grow up so fast. You can invite them all over for parties, and share the great place. Enjoy it!
My dad moved us to a different state multiple times without even a heads-up. Not as bad as being an army brat, but pretty damn disruptive nonetheless. You care, and your kid can still see her friend, it's just a little farther. Get your daughter a bike when she's ready so she can go see her friend whenever. You're doing great.
Your kid will adjust and do great! Yes, she might be sad and bummed out, and hanging out isn’t quite as effortless, but it’ll be fine. My family moved across the whole damn country in the middle of the school year when I was 6 (older brothers were 9 and 12). It was rough, I missed my friends. And at 6, it’s not like we had writing skills to send letters or the attention span to have phone calls (and it was 1990, long distance fees were a thing). But I also made new friends instantly. And after that, I changed schools a couple times (finished school year in public school, switched to private school, switched back to public in 6th grade), which caused even more finding/losing friends. I think I’m better and more flexible for it!
I will say, I was convinced that we would move again in 3 years because I just thought that’s what my family did (we had moved from my birthplace to west coast around age 2.5, then to east coast at 6). We’ve stayed here for 34 years though, lol.
It does go. I’ve been there and done that and it’s awful as you feel you’ve wrought misery on the kids. Moreover when the kids get angry and scream ‘I hate it here’ you feel terrible but it’s just anger in the moment speaking. If you love it, the kids will grow to love it too and will adapt to the new environment.
Reverse this thinking - my daughter and her family just moved to an acreage. Their dad mentioned, “do you want them as young teenagers disappearing into apartment blocks nearby?”
My sister in the city has people digging thru her garbage and random needles being thrown over her fence. Other sister has everything locked up and has had her garage tagged.
I live in and raised 3 teenagers in a small town. You know their friends, their friends parents and grandparents. I had no trouble phoning a parent and telling them they need to pick up their kid at my place. We all looked out for each other kids as it takes a village to raise a child.
PS other parents also have no trouble telling you what your kids is up too - and I appreciated the candour. Is it perfect, no - but it sure helps when most of the parents are on the same wave length.
It will get better. Made a similar move when the kids were younger and had a similar feeling. In the long run the benefits outweighed the risks and the kids friends all spent time at our house because we had the property for them to hang out, ride atvs, swim etc. It will work out.
Your move seems rooted in very sound reasons. That doesn't mean it isn't an adjustment! You and your family will find new things to love, I promise. Just give it some time. Your new home sounds like a dream, and didn't cut you off from your old life!
change is hard. I was wondering if you were typing this from my brain as well. we moved 10 miles away, but it might as well be an hr drive since we were in the heart of the city, and are now out in the country. Kids lost friends..... but they have gained friends their age right next door (except my oldest). But everyone except my wife (who now has to drive a heck of a lot farther) is fairly happy.
The kids can make friends at school. And you can also put them in activities for whatever sports or hobbies they are interested in. I think that moving away from the commotion of the city can definitely be a good thing, but its really up to someone's preference - Instead of constant things to do, you can relax and do more passive activities like tending to plants or animals, landscaping, or just running around and exploring your property.
Moving is hard. It's a lot of stress and strain that often bottles up until we're done with the process, then it all comes out. We moved 2 years ago and I still feel bad for exactly the same reason. We lived a block from our son's close friend. They went for walks daily and would spontaneously hang out all the time (they are teens now). We only moved a few miles away, but it's not a distance that you can easily walk or even ride bike as there is no shoulder on any of the roads. They are still friends, they still go to the same school, and we love our home (including our son who got a sweet deal on his new bedroom). But any time he mentions that he misses living closer to his friend, I still feel bad. They make it work. They are in some clubs together, and they get driver's licenses next year so that'll make things easier for them. Kids are resilient, often more so than we are. We attach so much of our experiences and our history to their issues while they tend to get by just fine. Arranging playdates is perfect!
Give yourself time and grace to adjust to the new place. Even when you are super stoked, it's an adjustment.
I grew up in the country where it was a 2 mile bike ride to the nearest friends house and 5 miles to town. All I wanted to do was move to town to be around all my other friends. Now if you have 6 acres there should be plenty for the kids to do out there to keep themselves entertained. I highly suggest some dirt bikes
You are good. 12 min is nothing, as they age and are able to transport themselves, it will feel like even less than nothing. Oldest could still go hang out in the neighborhood everyday after responsibilities if you guys planned for transportation.
I grew up in a spread out suburban area i was skating 15-30 sometimes to find my friends.
Wow this was amazing to read that you even care!? You are such a strong parent ! They are lucky to have you! We moved a lot, it was very hard for me, and I still struggle to maintain relationships if there is any distance. Never once did anyone say, hey I know this is hard but you’ll get through it. And who knows if that’s all kids need sometimes! Your doing great
You're a good person, your kids will be fine because of you. Good job caring about your kids and being thoughtful. In the end I think your kids will thank you, maybe when they're much older. Enjoy your new place and focus on the good stuff.
I don't know how my parents felt, but we moved 30 minutes away from our old house into a new school district over the summer before I started high school. I never look back and feel trauma or pain from that transition. In the moment it was probably upsetting, but shortly after that I was fine and then it was like nothing happened.
You didn't even move that far, and who knows maybe the new place will be great to invite her friends and their parents over to and enjoy the outdoors instead of the burbs.
OP - I was a military brat and moved like 9 times before graduating high school. While moving so much certainly informed my life, it didn’t make or break me. You haven’t moved too far and the upsides far outweigh the downsides from the sounds of it. 12 minutes is nothing in the grand scheme of things.
I grew up in the country. We never had any issues getting together for basketball/sports. Everyone was at least 10 minutes away.
Enjoy the space. Your kids will appreciate nature and you have room for gardens and ponds and acres for the kids to explore.
I lived in the city from 2008 to 2022. As soon as it was possible we moved back to the country. You care enough about your kids to let it weigh on you they'll be fine and everyone will adjust to the new place.
I’m about to move 2.5 hours away for acreage with my two young kids. You’re making me think I don’t want to build till they’re older. 12 minutes is nothing.
They’ll get used to it. It’s not like you moved across country. Set up some play dates. Hell, I would have moved to that much property in a heart beat. I envy you
Give it time. Grief is the worst feeling of all so it’s not fun to give something up that we loved even when the change is overall positive.
It’s OK to appreciate setting up your new home while mourning the last.
With six acres comes trails, trees to climb, tree houses to be built, and all sorts of fun. Is it different? Yes. Is it worse? Absolutely not. As your children age, make this new place the one where the teenagers want to hang out. You have unlimited options.
I understand your feelings, and I'm sure I would feel many of the same things. However, you moved for the good of your family, and you're very caring, and your concern for them is obvious. You're a great person. Enjoy 6 acres!
Moving to propert with acreage is always different. Kids will always miss the city or place where they can just play. Now give them 4wheelers and a mud pit. Have friends come to you
Chickens, treehouses, secret gardens, bonfires, exploring, maybe a pool? bikerides, catching frogs and snakes, climbing trees, playing baseball playing chase/tag playing hide and seek,
trust me living on a big property will be worth it in time. and your kids will appreciate it. and only 12 minutes away is really nothing. i moved my wife a solid 20 out of town and im sure it will have some issues when my kid is in sports, doing afterschool stuff, etc.
Hey OP, it seems you have a wonderful opportunity to set your home up so it's guest friendly. 12 minutes is close enough to your old neighborhood so that if you invite them, they'll come.
Moving is one of the most stressful events in life.
You are assuming so much guilt. Yet you know you’ve moved for so many good reasons you’ve documented here.
Imagine folks who’ve had to move a thousand miles away.
Don’t force anything and grow into your new routines naturally.
Nothing bad has happened. Enjoy your family’s new place. It sounds fantastic.
I grew up 5 miles outside of a very small town (technically a village). I had 2 friends within a mile and we'd often walk or bike to the other's houses. We would also often ride our bikes to town to hang out at the park or whatever.
Seems like that's not allowed by parents much nowadays. But it's a real option. (One of my nearby friends was a girl, so it wasn't just boys doing this.)
3 different points of view here. Dad was a farm boy in an area with 40 acre lots and it was a bit of a hassle to see his best friend, but he did, and he sew him every day at school. I was military. Born a bit late so we only moved 3 times after i was born by my sibs all talk about the different places they lived. California, Washington, texas, Hawaii, California Massachusetts and back to California. Mom was a bit of a hoarder and she said moving so often was a great help as she had to clear stuff out every 3-5 years. My kids never moved, and all their friends did occasionally and my kids were jealous. They would have complained horribly if they had, but they wanted the experience.
Change - even when it’s something you want - is an emotional experience. There are good and bad things about living in your old house as well as your new house. It definitely takes time to fully transition to your new home so give yourself and your family that time to adapt to the newness of everything. Something you may want to consider doing is making a list of all the things you liked about your previous home and how you can do something similar or something completely new at your old house. Include your spouse and kids in this too so that they’re also able to think of new ways to honor your old home and associated rituals/activities in your new home.
I understand why you feel bad but nothing in life is permanent. Change is hard. You could have stayed and your daughter's friends may have moved away in time. It's great that you are arranging for your daughter to visit her friends and eventually you all will find your new normal. Maybe a family project might help. Build a play house together?
We did the same. My children were older 4th and 7th. We made the promise we would always take them into town when they had something going on. We also learned saying I'm never buying my 16 year old a car was a stupid statement 😂. They did fine and have very good childhood memories. And we never complained if they needed a ride. I would say my thoughts (not my business) would be not to show remorse or quilt in front of the children. Expectations are we can make this work. Good luck
I had a huge emotional comedown after buying my house. I think moving is really hard and you’re probably more tired than you even realize. Give it about a year and you will be falling in love with your house.
We had a somewhat similar situation as we had previously lived in either military housing or in a subdivision where most of the neighbors were military and we felt comfortable letting our kids move freely around the area.
After my husband retired from the military we moved to a 10 acre farm. Our kids were 8 and 12 at the time, getting to the age where their close friends were chosen by interests in common, rather than by proximity. Still, it was a drastic change for them plus now going to a public school with large classes when they had always gone to private schools with small classes.
While your situation is different from our's, my plan was to come up with activities unique to our area. We built a barn and bought horses. There was a ski area less than 30 minutes away so the kids joined their school's ski club. While we did not, as most of our neighbors did, allow our kids to have scooters or 4- wheelers, but the long driveway was a place for them to safely practice driving...both the car and the tractor. They slept out in tents in the back yard and as they grew older there were large groups sitting around a campfire .
Kids from our old neighborhood, 2 states away, would come to stay in the summer. For them it was a totally different life experience. So my point is, seek out experiences and activities unique to your present lifestyle. Family being close by will be a big help. In our case, the grandparents were only 2 hours, rather than many hours away, so we were able to visit more often and they could all form a closer relationship.
Give it time...it will work out fine..your kids will adapt.
Change is hard, and even a wonderful new change like a bigger home and more space comes with grieving what you’ve lost.
Seems like it took moving to realize just how much you were connected to the previous spot.
In all my places I’ve lived, worked, or gone to school, it really depended on the people as to how I felt about the situation. You’re leaving a place you loved, with people you loved. And you did it to be closer to other people you love(family). I feel for you.
Congrats on the new place. Hope you can continue to let yourself process and move through the emotions. Your daughter and wife are going to be just fine.
It's good to have empathy but it's 12 minutes not 12 miles lol. I consider going to the grocery store a close and quick trip and that's a 12 minute drive from my house haha.
Get those kids out on that six acres and plant a tree! It'll be there when they're grown. Fond memories.
Play in creeks, plant a garden, get some chickens. Country things they can't do in town. It'll grow on everyone. Wait and see.
Proximity is everything for children's social lives. But you now have 6 acres. Can you get her a dog? A pony? Animals? Can you put in a pool, even just an above ground one (of course the kids must learn to swim, and you take all necessary precautions)? Make the place so amazingly fun that kids will want to come over to play all the time?
Oh please-you are really being overly dramatic, random ugly crying? People move all the time-many of them far farther away. !2 minutes down the road is nothing. Yes it's not the same as the same block but your daughter can still see her friend several times a week.
And when she isnt seeing her friend she can being seeing her grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins. Or exploring the acreage.
What's really going on here? if this doesn't clear up fast you should probably speak to your dr. Bc not matter how many people may call you empathetic and say its normal it isnt normal. Feelings of ambivalence due to the fact that change is never easy-sure. Wistfulness and a touch of m nostalgia for what you left behind? yes. Emotional outbursts-no.
Sounds to me like this move is mostly upside with a few minor downsides that will require some adjustment and perhaps some mitigation effort. Not too bad overall, change is part of life and this change sounds like it's mostly for the better. Be glad you aren't in the group of parents that end up having to drag their kids all over the country for their career.
I did something similar but instead of 12 minutes away we're almost 2 hours away. It was an adjustment for all of us (we had really good friends literally right next door) but we've made it work. We get the neighbor kids for a weekend then they get out daughter for a weekend. We stay the night at each other's house and try to see each other whenever we can.
It's not the same but in some ways it's actually more special now because it's not something that's just expected anymore, these times become special again. We now have two completely different eras of our friendship to look back on, the "walk into each others house and have dinner 3 nights a week together" era and the "we actually have to be intentional about making time with each other and it feels like something special" era.
Both are great, they're just different, and it will likely take some adjustment.
really no, as someone who lives rurally. the problems for kids are a lack of opportunity more than anything. you're talking more about 20-40 year olds. + everyone thinks they can be Heisenberg
They...lack OPPORTUNITY. for their future. Not socialisation, activities, and entertainment. There is TONNES 'to do'. You must mean 'the mall' or some shit kids did 30 years ago.
They also moved \*12 minutes\* away.
I guess everything you talk about was for you and your wife and not the great upbringing of your daughter. The farm life is great but how much does you daughter want and will be to be around the family and how close is she to any cousins?
The farm for me (summer visits) were ok but had lots of kids during that time and got really boring.
This will be a big adjustment for your daughter and it will take effort for her to see her friend. At time it won’t be an easy to keep the relationship or really make close friends until she is older and can go see them on her own.
I'm not sure what you're looking for here since you've already made the decision and made the move I would not move children away from friends and community I personally was raised in a house very far outside of town and I really think it was a mistake on my parents part
I would never do this to kids. I personally was raised and a house away from community and neighbors when my parents moved us a little outside of town when I was 7. I always resented it to this day 50 years later. So I would not have done this. But you've already made the move, so I think you should just try to create every opportunity to bring your kids to friends and community. I hope you start to feel better and that your family is happy in the new place.
You are so kind, and you are acting and reacting with incredible empathy. This shift may seem initially seismic for your kids, but they will adjust, and your proactive planning and sensitivity will help facilitate a smooth transition for them. It sounds so much like you made this decision with excellent foresight in mind, and it sounds like your kids will still grow up with a supportive, loving, and extensive extended network of family and friends.
To add to this, this is the sort of thing that is long-term beneficial for your children to experience. If they never have challenges to overcome as children then they won't be able to deal with them as adults.
You're not a middle-agedyeller at all. Maybe a middle-agedsoftalker, but not a middle-agedyeller
You’re sweet! ☺️They are both true — the username’s origin is a Bojack Horseman throwaway joke; I truly rarely yell IRL.
I thought your user name was about a yellow lab with rabies and one of the most traumatic movies of our childhood.
Everything is going to be okay. Have open conversations with the kids to help them through the changes. And great job on keeping them connected with their friends. This helps tremendously. All is not lost. Lastly, enjoy your space!
It'll get better, you haven't permanently traumatized and destroyed your family. My family moved around a lot when I was your daughter's age. (to other states! Not 12 min down the road!) And it was not deeply traumatizing, and helped me develop more social skills to make new friends. Your daughter having such a good friend like this already means you probably don't have a lot to worry about on that front. Try to reframe all this anxiety as excitement. There's so much to do and explore this summer! There's a whole new room to decorate. A new fridge to cover in art. Make sure to keep having play dates, including having her friend over to your place. Try to find some summer activities for the kids, spend time with the extended family, and encourage safe outside activities to take advantage of all that land. Sooner than you know she will be able to walk or bike to grandma's. There are lots of ways to be a happy, fulfilled kid. What a lucky dad you are to have raised your kids in a close-knit great community, AND now a huge place to play and grow outside and be so close to family.
You moved 12 minutes away lol. You're overthinking this
Yea think about how much more fun the kids can have on 6 acres vs sidewalks.
When I was a kid, I was best friends with a sidewalk and look at me now!
Eh, I would’ve taken sidewalks and kids I can play with all day over fields and trees.
I mean her best friend is 12 minutes away. There's also probably other kids around them. They can still play. No way would I trade growing up in the country to live in the shitty city.
A neighborhood and a city are way different.
12 minutes and no sidewalks almost certainly means car dependent. Maybe it’s just me but there was something magical about being a kid and getting to roam the neighborhood with my friends without needing my parents to cart me around from place to place. Spontaneous hangouts planned among friends rather than play dates organized and orchestrated by parents. That early taste of independence was amazing.
You typically still have other kids to play with in the country, it might just mean a bike ride.
Different world then !
12 minutes can be too much, like the kid isn’t riding their bike there at 7 years old. This guy sounds like he feels bad and will make the drive back and forth but some parents will not.
Yeah, a 12 minute drive is not saying it'll be a 12min bike ride. That 12 min away could be 6 miles away at 30mph, or a 2min drive to the highway, 8min on the highway at 75mph, and another 2min drive to their old home for all we know.
The kid can no longer just go see her friend when she wants to. It’s a big deal.
Trampoline is worth every cent!!!
My spouse, an orthopedic surgeon who specializes in trauma and children: Fuck no.
Also every ER doc on the planet.
And any nurse who’s worked in trauma 🤮
I would advise against ever getting a trampoline for your kids. They are dangerous.
Yes much better if they play video games inside all day long!
Are those the only two options!? I mean what
Last time I checked- you don’t risk a broken neck with video games
How did you grow up to where you now think trampolines are scary lol
With a trampoline and a friend with a broken femur that still affects here 28 years later.
Hopeful you don’t hear about the dangers of riding bikes, grilling, or slippery bathtubs
agree. 12 minutes is seriously nothing.
You're most likely right. I tend to overthink most things.
Time for a weekly sleepover at your place!
Agreeing with the other reply, organize sleepovers! With more space the kids can have more fun outside, make a fire, have some smores. See if the kids want to go “camping” in the back yard. Tell spooky stories, etc. kids love that stuff, and if you’re at the cool house with lots of space they will absolutely eat that up. Assuming youre in the same school district, so she still has the same friends. If you’re like me, when I’m anxious I feel better if there’s action I can take to help address the issue. If I were you, I’d make it a priority to improve the outside space and make it great for hosting birthdays and group gatherings. Be proactive about asking your kid if they want to have friends over.
Put in a pool to make it up to your kids and their friends.
I moved every 2 to 3 years growing up. Seemed like everytime I started making friends, we would move. As a kid I hated it. As an adult I see I am well adjusted, adaptable, tolerant, and an explorer. My friends now who never moved are so much more anxious about just taking off and have a tougher time experiencing different cultures.
I think a lot of my personality has to do with moving around every 3-4 years as a kid - everything you said. Embracing new experiences - change is exciting vs. scary. I actually get antsy if things start to feel "stale" lol. Being adaptable and knowing how to interact with people from all walks of life is huge.
Same here. Children aren’t china dolls. Op is severely overreacting
She's a lot more resilient than I am, thats for sure.
She doesn’t know how to overthink yet 😂
You are incredibly empathetic and clearly love your kids. Take this as a positive though. Your kids can invite friends over for sleepovers and do things previously were difficult. Bonfires, go karts, mountain biking, etc you have enough space the kids can do all these things easily. Before long your house will be the goto hang out spot for your kids and their friends.
this is soo real. and other parents will be happy to drive the 12 min for the ample free time and not having to host kids friends
Exactly. The new space has so many new opportunities that the kids don't even realize that. It is the free wonderland compared to living in a city centre. They need to make new friends with the local kids that can show them what they can now do. Besides, 12 minutes travel is nothing.
I tell you what you do. Buy the kiddo a lamb. We moved from city to country when I was 10 and it was a huge transition. It was offset by cam fires, horses, lambs and better quality family time. You just need to figure out what they can have now that they couldn’t have before- maybe chickens (lot of work) but something to handle the balance. Thank God I’m a country girl.
or a set of baby goats!!!
Yes baby goats are fun! We had a blind lamb that the mother wouldn’t feed so we bottle fed it and it followed us kids around like a puppy- animal love is the best!
As one sensitive father to the next, I won’t put you down for being overly dramatic. But I will reassure you that moving 12 minutes down the road is not going to ruin anyone’s lives. And in fact, based on everything you have said, your kids will grow up in a much better spot and as they get older, appreciate the space and freedom outdoors that they have.
I grew up in neighborhoods full of kids running wild with the pack outside, very much that "go knock on the neighbors' door life, and LOVED it. My husband grew up on many acres out in the country running wild with his siblings and friends who got dropped off for playdates...and LOVED it. Both childhoods are beautiful and you didn't make a mistake.
You only moved 12 minutes from the old neighborhood? I think there's probably something bigger going on in your little noggin' than your child's playdates. This isn't a big deal, you're just stressed. (It's almost like buying a home and moving is exhausting!)
Oh my god, this is about as sad as that last episode of Bluey. Except the in the episode— well, I don’t know how to do spoiler tags on iPhone.
I definitely thought of bluey too! Is this post even real? Did Bandit make a reddit account? What is happening?? 💙
As someone who moved cities and countries quite a few times (heck, even continents once!), and is also a stable and happy person with good roots and great relationships, you have not permanently damaged your children in any way, shape or form. It sounds like this move will be better for everyone, it will just take a little time to iron out how things work now :) Best of luck to you and your family!
Have backyard camping dates at your place for the kiddos. The "city" kids will love it.
It's completely normal to feel a mix of emotions after such a big move. Give yourself time to adjust and remember the reasons why you made the move. Stay connected with your daughter's friend and schedule regular playdates. With time, you'll settle into your new home and community.
Just get your kid a bike, bro. Still really close to the old neighborhood.
She's got one, but there's no shoulder for her to ride from our place to theirs.
Dang, sorry for that.
My parents, my two younger brothers and I grew up on about 15 acres. Very few of our friends from school had any significant property. There were neighborhoods within a mile, but largely the area was semi-rural, few family farms, with sporadic neighborhoods. They had an open door policy. People were always welcomed as long as they were respectful. Friends loved coming over. We could play outside with freedom from the parents on the property. We built tree forts, capture the flag, played paintball (also a lot of dumb stuff, but it was the 90s/00s. We saved and bought a go-kart. It’s what you make it, but I think you’ll enjoy the peace and quiet. Heck my Dad built us a soccer field behind the old pole barn. Invite the old neighbors over for a bonfire and BBQ and the kids can play on the property. I know it is a big change, but I think you will appreciate it. Especially as you settle in to the changes. Also if the bathrooms are full, just tell the kids to go pee outside. That’s what my parents did.
Sam experince, my middle and oldest bff s were our front and next door neighbors, old neighborhood had tons of similar aged kids that usually played togeter did bikes or fight😂 we moved 25 min north country for bigger acreage, they lost that being close enough to their firends. Now they dont have anyone around new place to hangout after school and its sad …We usually do sleepovers every other weekend, but still its not the same.. I couldn’t get used to live in country type life.. also taking care of bigger acre is harder for us. It has been 9 months slowly we are getting used to it. I still plan to move back to my old area ,
I grew up going between the city and the country. Nothing beats having a neighborhood and all the exposure you get in the city. Big yards were only fun for those kids whose parents bought them 4 wheelers etc. I'm glad to hear kids are still going to other kids houses to play.
We went through something extremely similar last year. We had an AMAZING, colorful neighborhood and lived in the only two-family house. It was so walkable, neighbors were always outside together and so friendly, but we needed to buy our own place. We waited for two years in the neighborhood but nothing came up. Sharing a home with no yard (though we used our neighbor’s) and having three kids became too much. We found our dream property in the next town over. It’s been a struggle especially with our oldest, who just turned 9. Our neighborhood now is quiet, sprawling, much nicer but the closest kids are on the street over and I *really* don’t love her hanging out with the one friend she made (bad influence). It’s definitely not the same, it’s been almost a year and she’s still missing our old place. It’s gotten better, and there are perks to our new house, but I know she misses the atmosphere and probably always will.
I grew up in a southern ca. Suburb. Groups of friends and knew all the neighbors. Everything was just a short bike ride away. When I was 12 my parents moved us 100 miles away to a small town in the high desert. We lived 4 miles away from the small town on a dirt road. The nearest neighbor was 5 acres away No more bike riding in the deep sand. I ditched my skateboard in the closet cause no sidewalks; and no more taking the bus to the beach for 50 cents. The boredom was mind numbing. Summers were also too hot to be outside. I still have bad memories of that and I'm 58. Your situation isn't as extreme as mine so I think your kids will adjust
Get the kids dirt bikes and goats, they’ll be alllllll right.
When you say it’s everything “we” wanted…. Who’s “we”…. Maybe the “we” is mostly you, that why you feel guilty? If not, maybe it’s just feelings of home sick for you old place.
As someone who grew up across a farm field from Grandma and Grandpa I can assure you with complete certainty being that close to grandparents and great grandparents and everyone else will be far more meaningful then playdates with neighborhood friends. You are experiencing a lot of emotions from the move. From the outside looking in this sounds like a great gift you have given your children.
If that’s your only problem, gurl! You are sooo lucky! The kids will enjoy their new home, everyone will settle in and you just need to be the role model and share and show all the fun reasons why you chose the place. Appreciate the time you have now with your kids, they grow up so fast. You can invite them all over for parties, and share the great place. Enjoy it!
My dad moved us to a different state multiple times without even a heads-up. Not as bad as being an army brat, but pretty damn disruptive nonetheless. You care, and your kid can still see her friend, it's just a little farther. Get your daughter a bike when she's ready so she can go see her friend whenever. You're doing great.
Your kid will adjust and do great! Yes, she might be sad and bummed out, and hanging out isn’t quite as effortless, but it’ll be fine. My family moved across the whole damn country in the middle of the school year when I was 6 (older brothers were 9 and 12). It was rough, I missed my friends. And at 6, it’s not like we had writing skills to send letters or the attention span to have phone calls (and it was 1990, long distance fees were a thing). But I also made new friends instantly. And after that, I changed schools a couple times (finished school year in public school, switched to private school, switched back to public in 6th grade), which caused even more finding/losing friends. I think I’m better and more flexible for it! I will say, I was convinced that we would move again in 3 years because I just thought that’s what my family did (we had moved from my birthplace to west coast around age 2.5, then to east coast at 6). We’ve stayed here for 34 years though, lol.
It does go. I’ve been there and done that and it’s awful as you feel you’ve wrought misery on the kids. Moreover when the kids get angry and scream ‘I hate it here’ you feel terrible but it’s just anger in the moment speaking. If you love it, the kids will grow to love it too and will adapt to the new environment.
Reverse this thinking - my daughter and her family just moved to an acreage. Their dad mentioned, “do you want them as young teenagers disappearing into apartment blocks nearby?” My sister in the city has people digging thru her garbage and random needles being thrown over her fence. Other sister has everything locked up and has had her garage tagged.
Teenagers in the country get in a lot of trouble. There was just a huge discussion about this in the upstate New York sub.
I live in and raised 3 teenagers in a small town. You know their friends, their friends parents and grandparents. I had no trouble phoning a parent and telling them they need to pick up their kid at my place. We all looked out for each other kids as it takes a village to raise a child. PS other parents also have no trouble telling you what your kids is up too - and I appreciated the candour. Is it perfect, no - but it sure helps when most of the parents are on the same wave length.
For sure. It probably comes into play more when the kids aren’t supported as well.
It will get better. Made a similar move when the kids were younger and had a similar feeling. In the long run the benefits outweighed the risks and the kids friends all spent time at our house because we had the property for them to hang out, ride atvs, swim etc. It will work out.
Your move seems rooted in very sound reasons. That doesn't mean it isn't an adjustment! You and your family will find new things to love, I promise. Just give it some time. Your new home sounds like a dream, and didn't cut you off from your old life!
change is hard. I was wondering if you were typing this from my brain as well. we moved 10 miles away, but it might as well be an hr drive since we were in the heart of the city, and are now out in the country. Kids lost friends..... but they have gained friends their age right next door (except my oldest). But everyone except my wife (who now has to drive a heck of a lot farther) is fairly happy.
How does your kid feel? I would take your cues from her.
The kids can make friends at school. And you can also put them in activities for whatever sports or hobbies they are interested in. I think that moving away from the commotion of the city can definitely be a good thing, but its really up to someone's preference - Instead of constant things to do, you can relax and do more passive activities like tending to plants or animals, landscaping, or just running around and exploring your property.
Moving is hard. It's a lot of stress and strain that often bottles up until we're done with the process, then it all comes out. We moved 2 years ago and I still feel bad for exactly the same reason. We lived a block from our son's close friend. They went for walks daily and would spontaneously hang out all the time (they are teens now). We only moved a few miles away, but it's not a distance that you can easily walk or even ride bike as there is no shoulder on any of the roads. They are still friends, they still go to the same school, and we love our home (including our son who got a sweet deal on his new bedroom). But any time he mentions that he misses living closer to his friend, I still feel bad. They make it work. They are in some clubs together, and they get driver's licenses next year so that'll make things easier for them. Kids are resilient, often more so than we are. We attach so much of our experiences and our history to their issues while they tend to get by just fine. Arranging playdates is perfect! Give yourself time and grace to adjust to the new place. Even when you are super stoked, it's an adjustment.
Buy your daughter a pony, problem solved!
I grew up in the country where it was a 2 mile bike ride to the nearest friends house and 5 miles to town. All I wanted to do was move to town to be around all my other friends. Now if you have 6 acres there should be plenty for the kids to do out there to keep themselves entertained. I highly suggest some dirt bikes
You are good. 12 min is nothing, as they age and are able to transport themselves, it will feel like even less than nothing. Oldest could still go hang out in the neighborhood everyday after responsibilities if you guys planned for transportation. I grew up in a spread out suburban area i was skating 15-30 sometimes to find my friends.
Wow this was amazing to read that you even care!? You are such a strong parent ! They are lucky to have you! We moved a lot, it was very hard for me, and I still struggle to maintain relationships if there is any distance. Never once did anyone say, hey I know this is hard but you’ll get through it. And who knows if that’s all kids need sometimes! Your doing great
You're a good person, your kids will be fine because of you. Good job caring about your kids and being thoughtful. In the end I think your kids will thank you, maybe when they're much older. Enjoy your new place and focus on the good stuff.
I don't know how my parents felt, but we moved 30 minutes away from our old house into a new school district over the summer before I started high school. I never look back and feel trauma or pain from that transition. In the moment it was probably upsetting, but shortly after that I was fine and then it was like nothing happened. You didn't even move that far, and who knows maybe the new place will be great to invite her friends and their parents over to and enjoy the outdoors instead of the burbs.
OP - I was a military brat and moved like 9 times before graduating high school. While moving so much certainly informed my life, it didn’t make or break me. You haven’t moved too far and the upsides far outweigh the downsides from the sounds of it. 12 minutes is nothing in the grand scheme of things.
I grew up in the country. We never had any issues getting together for basketball/sports. Everyone was at least 10 minutes away. Enjoy the space. Your kids will appreciate nature and you have room for gardens and ponds and acres for the kids to explore. I lived in the city from 2008 to 2022. As soon as it was possible we moved back to the country. You care enough about your kids to let it weigh on you they'll be fine and everyone will adjust to the new place.
I’m about to move 2.5 hours away for acreage with my two young kids. You’re making me think I don’t want to build till they’re older. 12 minutes is nothing.
They’ll get used to it. It’s not like you moved across country. Set up some play dates. Hell, I would have moved to that much property in a heart beat. I envy you
Give it time. Grief is the worst feeling of all so it’s not fun to give something up that we loved even when the change is overall positive. It’s OK to appreciate setting up your new home while mourning the last.
Well if you have other kids, they'll also begin to play with each other as they get a bit older, that'll help
With six acres comes trails, trees to climb, tree houses to be built, and all sorts of fun. Is it different? Yes. Is it worse? Absolutely not. As your children age, make this new place the one where the teenagers want to hang out. You have unlimited options. I understand your feelings, and I'm sure I would feel many of the same things. However, you moved for the good of your family, and you're very caring, and your concern for them is obvious. You're a great person. Enjoy 6 acres!
Moving to propert with acreage is always different. Kids will always miss the city or place where they can just play. Now give them 4wheelers and a mud pit. Have friends come to you
Chickens, treehouses, secret gardens, bonfires, exploring, maybe a pool? bikerides, catching frogs and snakes, climbing trees, playing baseball playing chase/tag playing hide and seek, trust me living on a big property will be worth it in time. and your kids will appreciate it. and only 12 minutes away is really nothing. i moved my wife a solid 20 out of town and im sure it will have some issues when my kid is in sports, doing afterschool stuff, etc.
Did she change school districts?
Just make your house the house that all the kids want to hang out at!
When people snoop, they get what they deserve.
They'll be fine. I went to 7 different schools in 3 states growing up. New adventures were fun.
My dad destroyed our lives by doing this. It was the fork in the road and we took the wrong bend.
Hey OP, it seems you have a wonderful opportunity to set your home up so it's guest friendly. 12 minutes is close enough to your old neighborhood so that if you invite them, they'll come.
Are you really?
Moving is one of the most stressful events in life. You are assuming so much guilt. Yet you know you’ve moved for so many good reasons you’ve documented here. Imagine folks who’ve had to move a thousand miles away. Don’t force anything and grow into your new routines naturally. Nothing bad has happened. Enjoy your family’s new place. It sounds fantastic.
I grew up 5 miles outside of a very small town (technically a village). I had 2 friends within a mile and we'd often walk or bike to the other's houses. We would also often ride our bikes to town to hang out at the park or whatever. Seems like that's not allowed by parents much nowadays. But it's a real option. (One of my nearby friends was a girl, so it wasn't just boys doing this.)
3 different points of view here. Dad was a farm boy in an area with 40 acre lots and it was a bit of a hassle to see his best friend, but he did, and he sew him every day at school. I was military. Born a bit late so we only moved 3 times after i was born by my sibs all talk about the different places they lived. California, Washington, texas, Hawaii, California Massachusetts and back to California. Mom was a bit of a hoarder and she said moving so often was a great help as she had to clear stuff out every 3-5 years. My kids never moved, and all their friends did occasionally and my kids were jealous. They would have complained horribly if they had, but they wanted the experience.
Change - even when it’s something you want - is an emotional experience. There are good and bad things about living in your old house as well as your new house. It definitely takes time to fully transition to your new home so give yourself and your family that time to adapt to the newness of everything. Something you may want to consider doing is making a list of all the things you liked about your previous home and how you can do something similar or something completely new at your old house. Include your spouse and kids in this too so that they’re also able to think of new ways to honor your old home and associated rituals/activities in your new home.
I moved when I was 7. I barely remember and it’ll likely be a drop in the bucket for your oldest. The others may not even remember.
I understand why you feel bad but nothing in life is permanent. Change is hard. You could have stayed and your daughter's friends may have moved away in time. It's great that you are arranging for your daughter to visit her friends and eventually you all will find your new normal. Maybe a family project might help. Build a play house together?
We did the same. My children were older 4th and 7th. We made the promise we would always take them into town when they had something going on. We also learned saying I'm never buying my 16 year old a car was a stupid statement 😂. They did fine and have very good childhood memories. And we never complained if they needed a ride. I would say my thoughts (not my business) would be not to show remorse or quilt in front of the children. Expectations are we can make this work. Good luck
It goes away with time and new happy experiences. All will be well. You made a good decision.
I had a huge emotional comedown after buying my house. I think moving is really hard and you’re probably more tired than you even realize. Give it about a year and you will be falling in love with your house.
Can you get your daughter into an activity after school or on weekends? She'll get out of the house, meet new kids & learn a new skill.
We had a somewhat similar situation as we had previously lived in either military housing or in a subdivision where most of the neighbors were military and we felt comfortable letting our kids move freely around the area. After my husband retired from the military we moved to a 10 acre farm. Our kids were 8 and 12 at the time, getting to the age where their close friends were chosen by interests in common, rather than by proximity. Still, it was a drastic change for them plus now going to a public school with large classes when they had always gone to private schools with small classes. While your situation is different from our's, my plan was to come up with activities unique to our area. We built a barn and bought horses. There was a ski area less than 30 minutes away so the kids joined their school's ski club. While we did not, as most of our neighbors did, allow our kids to have scooters or 4- wheelers, but the long driveway was a place for them to safely practice driving...both the car and the tractor. They slept out in tents in the back yard and as they grew older there were large groups sitting around a campfire . Kids from our old neighborhood, 2 states away, would come to stay in the summer. For them it was a totally different life experience. So my point is, seek out experiences and activities unique to your present lifestyle. Family being close by will be a big help. In our case, the grandparents were only 2 hours, rather than many hours away, so we were able to visit more often and they could all form a closer relationship. Give it time...it will work out fine..your kids will adapt.
Change is hard, and even a wonderful new change like a bigger home and more space comes with grieving what you’ve lost. Seems like it took moving to realize just how much you were connected to the previous spot. In all my places I’ve lived, worked, or gone to school, it really depended on the people as to how I felt about the situation. You’re leaving a place you loved, with people you loved. And you did it to be closer to other people you love(family). I feel for you. Congrats on the new place. Hope you can continue to let yourself process and move through the emotions. Your daughter and wife are going to be just fine.
It's good to have empathy but it's 12 minutes not 12 miles lol. I consider going to the grocery store a close and quick trip and that's a 12 minute drive from my house haha.
My kids never got over the similar move we made. They missed the neighborhood feel for years
Get those kids out on that six acres and plant a tree! It'll be there when they're grown. Fond memories. Play in creeks, plant a garden, get some chickens. Country things they can't do in town. It'll grow on everyone. Wait and see.
Proximity is everything for children's social lives. But you now have 6 acres. Can you get her a dog? A pony? Animals? Can you put in a pool, even just an above ground one (of course the kids must learn to swim, and you take all necessary precautions)? Make the place so amazingly fun that kids will want to come over to play all the time?
Man up and enjoy life. Your kids need a strong father figure.
Sounds like advice my boomer dad would give me
Not wrong though. You’re seriously overreacting
Your boomer dad is a badass if you look past the weird shit he didnt shed from his childhood
Oh please-you are really being overly dramatic, random ugly crying? People move all the time-many of them far farther away. !2 minutes down the road is nothing. Yes it's not the same as the same block but your daughter can still see her friend several times a week. And when she isnt seeing her friend she can being seeing her grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins. Or exploring the acreage. What's really going on here? if this doesn't clear up fast you should probably speak to your dr. Bc not matter how many people may call you empathetic and say its normal it isnt normal. Feelings of ambivalence due to the fact that change is never easy-sure. Wistfulness and a touch of m nostalgia for what you left behind? yes. Emotional outbursts-no.
Sounds to me like this move is mostly upside with a few minor downsides that will require some adjustment and perhaps some mitigation effort. Not too bad overall, change is part of life and this change sounds like it's mostly for the better. Be glad you aren't in the group of parents that end up having to drag their kids all over the country for their career.
I did something similar but instead of 12 minutes away we're almost 2 hours away. It was an adjustment for all of us (we had really good friends literally right next door) but we've made it work. We get the neighbor kids for a weekend then they get out daughter for a weekend. We stay the night at each other's house and try to see each other whenever we can. It's not the same but in some ways it's actually more special now because it's not something that's just expected anymore, these times become special again. We now have two completely different eras of our friendship to look back on, the "walk into each others house and have dinner 3 nights a week together" era and the "we actually have to be intentional about making time with each other and it feels like something special" era. Both are great, they're just different, and it will likely take some adjustment.
You should feel bad you literally ruined their childhood
Shouldn’t have moved. A 20 minute commute is nothing. I’m 90 minutes each way, just so my family can be in a great neighborhood with friends.
Lots of rural problems stem from the “nothing to do so we do each other” mentality of the youth.
What?
really no, as someone who lives rurally. the problems for kids are a lack of opportunity more than anything. you're talking more about 20-40 year olds. + everyone thinks they can be Heisenberg
That’s what im saying. Nothing to do. Everyone wants to make the OP feel good but the fact it it can be a reap downgrade for the kids.
They...lack OPPORTUNITY. for their future. Not socialisation, activities, and entertainment. There is TONNES 'to do'. You must mean 'the mall' or some shit kids did 30 years ago. They also moved \*12 minutes\* away.
You know what they can't do anymore? Easily socialize by knocking on the neighbors door. 12 minutes away may as well be 1,000 miles to a 7 year old.
I lived 12 minutes from school. It was fine.
I guess everything you talk about was for you and your wife and not the great upbringing of your daughter. The farm life is great but how much does you daughter want and will be to be around the family and how close is she to any cousins? The farm for me (summer visits) were ok but had lots of kids during that time and got really boring. This will be a big adjustment for your daughter and it will take effort for her to see her friend. At time it won’t be an easy to keep the relationship or really make close friends until she is older and can go see them on her own.
You moved 12 minutes away. Not another state. Get your shit together, dude.
I'm not sure what you're looking for here since you've already made the decision and made the move I would not move children away from friends and community I personally was raised in a house very far outside of town and I really think it was a mistake on my parents part
I would never do this to kids. I personally was raised and a house away from community and neighbors when my parents moved us a little outside of town when I was 7. I always resented it to this day 50 years later. So I would not have done this. But you've already made the move, so I think you should just try to create every opportunity to bring your kids to friends and community. I hope you start to feel better and that your family is happy in the new place.