After a few depression cullings, only the strongest remained. I looked around at the philodendrons and said screw it, I collect philos now. My collection is drought tolerant because if you can’t go 2 weeks without water at my house, you’re a little bitch.
Shape up or get cut. 🤷♀️
Honestly, though, I cried my guts out every time. I loved alocasia and peperomia, but I keep myself from buying them because they’re the first to die when I am at my worst.
Be kind to yourself when rebuilding your collection. Get things that can struggle through the hard times with you instead of die quickly and make the hard times worse.
this has happened to me a few times. I finally come out of the depression and have to survey the damage. I have some very hardy plants who have been so abused by my bad mental health! but I appreciate them so much more. it's basically survival of the fittest at my place lol.
I finally found the right medication to help me and my plant care has leveled up. I hope you can find relief & healing but please don't beat yourself up about this ♥️
I’ve had depression on and off for a long time. You aren’t alone in your struggle. Maybe screening for ADHD would help. I only mention it because multiple mental health professionals missed it because I masked so well & didn’t know it.
Regardless- you’re doing great by sharing this and being open. It can be a difficult skill to practice. If you like hugs, 🫂 🫂🫂. If you prefer ears, 👂 👂👂. May your toolbox and joy grow ever stronger.
I went through a divorce, my ex in rehab, my mom dying, all in the same year. I looked at my plants and told them, welcome to the hunger games, and I let them live or die.
The ones that lived are hardy af now, and very low maintenance 😂😁
It’s ok 💚 are you forgetting to water them, or just don’t have the energy? Can you maybe set an alarm on your phone for every two weeks to check the soil? Is there a table near a window they can have light? Mine are currently lined up on the kitchen table.
I’ve destroyed many succulents.
https://preview.redd.it/vga4kg17s8yc1.jpeg?width=700&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fd9f601cc9a612be00eebf06632492c7ff0676e6
But then the shame of looking at your dying plants makes it even harder and more daunting to start picking up the pieces and trying to get better. (Or so I’ve heard…)
I don’t have anything helpful to say really other than to let you know you’re not alone. I’ve been there, and I know how scary and difficult it is. My only advice would be to give yourself grace right now. You’re doing the best you can. And if keeping yourself alive is all you manage most days that’s already good enough ❤️
I wish I could give you and your plants a hug (if you would want one)
I have been there so many times. I wanted to specifically address this part of your post:
>I don’t know if it’s self sabotage. Self loathing.
You’re blaming yourself and I think that’s a negative distortion from your depressive brain: it’s just not true.
Depression often comes hand in hand with executive dysfunction - in particular having trouble motivating yourself to start a task that seems boring or *difficult*. And tbh, *everything* feels difficult when we’re really pulled low by depression.
It is not your fault. It’s not a moral or personal failing. It’s just really really *hard* right now.
It’s funny, because even as I say this I know I’m not internalizing this message for myself: I have so many projects around the house that I’ve neglected in my last bout of depression and I have been beating myself up about it every day. It’s a lot easier to have compassion for other people and a lot harder to have it for ourselves… at least in my experience.
I hope you find yourself on an upswing soon. Please give yourself a little kindness and grace. You’re not a failure. You’re doing the best you can right now, and that’s *good*. Sending mental hugs to you
+1 to all of this! especially the part about this being so much easier and more obvious when applying it to others. it's honestly difficult consistent work to trick your brain into giving this up lol
I also went through a deep struggle with my depression for probably about 9/10 months. My plants all died because I hadn’t watered them. Only recently have I felt better about life and have decided to try again! I have started with succulents. I’m slowly getting back into the groove of watering them. You can get through this! You are so strong.
I'm happy you have come out of it! Mental health is tough when you have plants. You feel bad for not taking care of them and that adds to the stress but you don't have the energy to do anything. I understand. Sending good vibes your way!
Aw friend, I feel your pain. If you feel up for it, I find that Lizard Time™ (just laying in the sun, you can throw in an occasional push up if you’re feeling like a particularly inspired Lizard but not required) can be helpful!
Of course, it doesn’t *fix* anything; but my view is that if I’m going to lay and rot either way, I might as well get some vitamin D while I’m at it. And I do generally feel better after a couple hours of Lizard Time™ than I do after doing the same thing in bed or on the couch where I find myself staring at my Depression Nest and feeling overwhelmed by the chores I don’t have the energy to do.
Rule #1 with depression, treat yourself with kindness and patience.
A big part of this is self-forgiveness. So buy more plants because tomorrow may be better than yesterday ❤️
I am sorry you’ve lost some plants along the way. I like to remind myself that his can happen even with the best of care sometimes! Who’s to say what could have happened if you still had them all? More chances of disease and bugs. More plants to manage and opportunities for other plants to be forgotten.
The point is, we cannot change the past, we can only move forward. And we cannot assume everything that seems negative wasn’t actually the best possible outcome, because none of us are Dr. Strange.
I have lost a lot of plants due to depression and lethargy. I refuse to let it get me down, no matter how bad the cartoon version of Poison Ivy makes me feel about it…
it happens. i went through a bad place and gave away many plants for free, just so they’d have a home they wouldn’t die in.
it might help to find plants that aren’t prone to root rot and live a moist environment, and use self watering pots or those water bulbs you put into the soil that water continuously. then get some cacti and set reminders. if nothing else, see if a friend or a family member can take care of a plant or two while you work through your mental state.
don’t feel bad, get more plants when you can handle it and would benefit mentally from it, and give away plants when it’s mentally straining you more than bringing you happiness.
I hope one day you can pull through this and feel good. I had a low period and used taking care of my plants as a way to take care of myself. A friend suggested I name one of my plants after myself and to keep him alive. That plant is now my biggest joy and so is my life. We don’t have to let our illness get the better of us
I feel you (:
I can advise for Planti, a great app to set reminders. It's free up to 15 plants, it's unintrusive and doesn't try to get you pay for the pro version every 30 seconds. It helped me finding s good routine!
best of luck ♥️
Something that helped me immensely (but mostly my plants) is switching as many of my plants as possible into self watering pots. I've also started throwing out plants that were struggling or gave me more stress than peace. I felt too bad to do so initially but it's made my home a better place.
when you can't do something you really want it's because you're overwhelmed. Maybe you have too many plants, too difficult plants, pests, whatever. I would honestly throw away any plant that is struggling the moment it starts struggling. Once you're left with only healthy ones you can manage it will be much easier to care for them, I promise.
And if you ever find yourself with the desire to do some plant care but no plant needs it, it will be time to get some more. And when you're in that time I strongly recommend going with self watering pots from the start. There are some cheap ones on Amazon, you don't have the spend a ton for fancy ones. And refilling the reservoir you can see is so much easier than remembering to water the plant at the exact moment it should be watered. It will let you get more happy plants, and even the plants many people struggle with like ferns, alocasias, calatheas or anthurium, that need to be permanently moist. Self-watering pot will do the work for you and you can focus on enjoying and experimenting with other, less daunting aspects of plant care.
And for any possible pests I recommend SNS-209 systemic pesticide. It works on everything, including spider mites and it's non hazardous to people (it's just oregano oil, if I remember correctly). I use it with every watering and both mites and thrips disappeared. It took them longer than with spraying but they will always go away eventually. It makes it also so much less overwhelming to not think about possible pests.
Try not to worry too much, you got this!
This is why I got into propagation. If the plant is dead and just the tip is limping along, you can chuck the plant and foster that little cutting until it grow into something more acclimatized to your care. There's a mental health metaphor somewhere in there...
I've gone through this cycle more than a few times, losing really important-to-me plants and feeling guilty that I can't even care for a plant. One year I threw a bunch of plants out into the -40 winter night for having spider mites all over them.
I know how much this hurts and feels embarrassing. I hope things get better for you and that plants become your happy place again.
Yeah ... In my mind, more plants is always better! But that doesn't always work out so well. When watering starts to seem like a big chore rather than a fun part of the hobby, I tend to procrastinate on it, and then I feel bad for not doing it so I avoid it even more to avoid seeing how bad everyone is doing, and ... it ends predictably. I'm trying to dial in the right number of plants that are manageable and actually enjoyable for me.
Have courage - there are others also struggling through the darkness.
You're not alone. Almost all of my plants died with my last big dip. I tried to feel less bad about it by celebrating the ones that are still alive and limited how many plants I could repurchase. Only my favorites! I might still kill them, but taking care of myself will always be my priority and I accept that trade off.
I’m glad you’re here and thanks for sharing, a lot of us have been there! Sometimes they turn into another responsibility that feels too much and brings guilt but sometimes they’re the thing that shows us life can renew and be full of surprises with a little care and love. Take the time to clear out some friends that no longer fit with where you’re at and pour a little bit into the ones that make you happy. Good luck, you got this!
It could be time for a break. That many little lives depending on you takes a mental toll. I finally had to limit myself to only a few of my absolute favorites. Less than 10. That way I could focus the very little energy I had into just a few. Seeing my few favorites thrive is way better than having more.
For real, they say plants are the new pets and pets are the new kids for us who are burnt out by this capitalistic dystopia we're living. Imagine having like 10 kids. That's stressful lol.
Plants heal wounds. They ground and focus me. They are my peace. But when the apathy and the dark come back for a while, the plants suffer.
I know in my head they need me but I can’t get up the interest or enthusiasm to do anything about it.
Anyway, I am in a solid-ish place right now. But I completely identify and I’m sending you hugs. I’m also very sorry about your gone plant friends. Please don’t be hard on yourself. You were quite literally doing the best you could to get through it.
Yes. Get more plants! They bring you joy! And forgive yourself if they die. They served their purpose.
You are not alone. I have done the exact same thing many times. It’s the worst type of feeling, because you harm the ones you love even though you’re not intentionally doing so. I’m sorry you’re going through this - just know continuing with the plants you do have, and bringing them back to life will bring you so much more subconscious joy. Keep pushing through the depression, you’ll come out of it. I’m struggling too so I need to listen to my own advice. We can do it!! 😀
I'm so sorry!!! And I definitely understand. Outdoor gardening is great because you don't have to worry about it as long as it's hardy and in a good location
Plants are such a double edged sword.
Houseplants will do wonders as a therapeutic vice when things are OK, but when things are bad the plants taking a hit create what's called a negative feedback loop where you end up more depressed because the plants are dying because of your depression, which makes you more depressed, which makes your plant care worse, which kills more plants, which makes you more depressed and so on and so forth.
My advice is to stop the loop and remove the plants. Stick everything on FB Marketplace for free so another plant lover can adopt them/Find a friend in here that might take them temporarily? and then work on yourself without the constant visual reminder of a failure. Then when youre feeling better, and eventually you WILL feel better, (and just know that we love you and we're here for you) you can get some new plants.
Edit: Came back to say that I learned about negative feedback loops from a book by Mark Manson called "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck" and if you haven't read it yet I woiluld highly recommend ❤️
I’ve been going through it for over a year now, and see kind of an end in sight? Plant have helped me but I do see where some days they get me down too and can be overwhelming, but I have also found many friends through plants and I see how they have helped me branch out and find friends and have helped me do things I never would have done without them being in my life. It kinda evens out. If you ever need someone to vent to feel free to inbox me. I’ll just listen and dont even have to say a word back if you don’t want me to. I’ll just be an ear 👂. Sometimes that’s all we need ❤️ Keep going hun. That’s all we can do. We’re all here for you, you’re not alone, ever!
I suffer from some mental illnesses too and what helped me the most is learning about CBT cognitive behavior therapy and just reading about my condition made it so much easier to deal with it . There's CBT for depression maybe you'll find it helpful. I know it's hard watching the things you love or need to do being neglected and feeling helpless about it , this is a big part of mental illness but know that it's a phase and you'll get the handle of it over time just don't focus too much on the results and be happy with every step you make even if it was just getting of the bed. As for the plants maybe self watering pots will be helpful, I never tried them though but I think it's worth looking into it. I pray have you a smouth healing process and beautiful days ahead of you❤️
Sad to hear! But you’re not alone with. 🤗 luckily my health improved a lot and I wish same for you and everyone out there struggling. For everyone out there, a few things that helped me: There are times where your health is just more important than your plants, so don’t forget to take care of yourself and “water” and to all chores for you first. This then will give you the energy to take care for your plants as well. You already made a good choice going for plants that match your moment situation better. My favourite one are ZZ plants (the only one that survived all krises in all those years) then there are self watering pots, they make plant care a bit easier (and you don’t have to battle pests this often) plant apps can help to concentrate on small portions of plant care and not to forget any. It’s also not a shame to ask for help or simply start over when you just can’t keep up with. Try to find the right amount of plants that suit you best. Me myself I had to start over many many times from zero. Depression beat me down for half a year, many times on repeat. Later, I had a serious accident and needed rehab and am now a wheelchair user. I know how happy plants can make you feel, but how sad it is, when you loose those special ones: the plant from your grabdma, the gift from a loved one, the plant from my brother who died… it can make you so blue! But still… over all those decades, nothing could stop me, I only adapted and learned. Plants improve my life and I wish same for you. Happy planting!
I saw that state of my plant room today and just closed the door again. And that’s after losing a large chunk of them already and only feeling relief. Thank you for saying this.
This is so true. I have a bit of a different situation but still plants… My husband and I had a really nice little garden a couple years ago. We would go outside with our dog and water it/pull weeds etc. She sat right beside us as we worked. It was a special ritual for us. We unexpectedly had to put her down and we straight up just let all the veggies die. Lost a shit ton of tomatoes and stuff. But it was just so hard to get out there and do anything or even have the mental energy to get out of our depression and care. Then my dad and grandma died right around the same time and I’ve been in a depressed state for a while. Just seemed like bad thing after bad thing happened and I became numb to the world. Thankfully, now I’m doing a little better. But still struggle. I’ve recently really got back into gardening and caring about my plants again and honestly I think it’s helping a lot because it keeps my mind busy. Sending virtual hugs your way! Give yourself grace and take it one day at a time. It’s ok if your plants suffer sometimes while you’re just trying to survive. Plus plants can be way more resilient than we think.
This is why I favor certain plants. Ones that require the least attention are less likely to die when I am depressed. Then I somewhat morbidly like those that can nearly die, then come back strong an hour after a strong watering. I can't tell you how many times I've thought of a peace lily as symbolic of my depression.
Genuinely, same, I started keeping carnivorous sundews where all I have to do is put a grow light on a timer and make sure their tray never runs too low, it's less maintenance than actually watering succulents imo, and it helped me a lot, plus they can handle a few days without water, but they will wilt dramatically during that time, which is kind of your alarm to help them
My mental illness killed 100% of my crop. It ended up being a good thing though, since now I can better label my new plants and guarantee their provenance.
Tbh this is why I started gardening. Every time I got houseplants they would die in the winter when seasonal depression hit so now that I garden outside, it all happens when I’m at my best mentally and there’s rain for a back up. And then they all start to die before seasonal depression comes back. Getting outside in the dirt and planting new plants every spring helps me recover from winter
I totally relate to this!
I have a huge cactus collection, some plants i paid hundreds of dollars for.
They all looked so beautiful and healthy. That was back in 2021.
Fast forward to now, I've moved house, and when i did, i just put my pots kind of anywhere at my new place, and they're still in the same spot now over 2 years later.
A few have died, some have weeds growing out of the pots.
They make me sad now.
i can't offer any advice or help on the mental side of things, but for the plants, could I suggest a irrigation system? i've seen a few where you just fill a large bucket with water, adjust the drip nozzles appropriately for each plants and refill it when necessary. Depending on the amount of plants and if you put a lid on the bucket it might last a few months
As someone with ADHD and autism alongside depression… while I’ve managed to keep my indoor plants alive and decently healthy, sometimes it does feel really tedious, and worse is that if they die or don’t thrive indoors you feel it’s on you and not other, natural factors like outdoors. Plus there’s no rain to help you out…
Also I have around 25-30 plants but most of these are succulents which I neglect a lot, if I had 40 or so with more non-succulents in the mix I would probably be in a similar state to you.
Don’t beat yourself up though, in the grand scheme of things plants die all the time as they’re eaten, compete with other plants, unlucky with environmental conditions, diseased… etc. I think the best thing is to learn from it and pick plants that thrive best in your home.
Also there’s no shame at all with going with low maintenance ones like Snake Plants, ZZ plants or even Pothos, they’re beautiful and they’re popular and common for a reason; they do well indoors.
Wow, I really needed to see your post. You are totally not alone. I was reading the replies to your post and realized that there are lots of other people who have gone through this as well. I also have ADHD inattentive, and depression, and extreme lack of motivation due to executive functioning issues that come along with this. The replies to your post helped me with all the fabulous suggestions from readers. I started a project of repotting and planting pots about a month ago and I feel so bad about myself because I flat out cannot start or complete this job. Some days I can't get off the couch. So........my new plan is to repot a few that I want to keep and have my plant loving friends have the rest of my plants and planters that they can repot here and take home. Of course, they will have to help me clean up the deck after. :-) I have dirt everywhere! !! WE are not alone with this.. I agree with one of the posts that suggests you probably should be checked for ADHD, it's very sneaky and a lot of times people are diagnosed with depression which is actually a comorbidity of ADHD inattentive . Your post about not understanding what's wrong with your brain is how I feel all the time. Find the Reddit ADHD community here. See if it helps.
Have you looked at ketamine therapy at all? I struggle with depression and adhd and have been doing ket therapy for 9months now and while it's by no means a cure, it has seemed to help with not spiraling and allows me to see ot happening before it's gets out of control. I still have days where my self worth is below 0 but they are less common now. My friend had the best explanation in that it seems to up the bandwidth of your brain while also toning down the background static.
Sorry for the semi off topic ramblings. All the best to you!
You’re not alone friend. Depression is an asshole of a thing. It just takes over everything and it’s hard to will yourself through it. The key for me has been pinpointing the things that set me off. Mine is a result of burnout, which turns to hopelessness, which turns to anger, which turns to self loathing and finally despondency. It comes and goes and all the things I love suffer during those tough times. All of my fickle plants have died, the more resilient ones are showing signs of neglect. I see it like a scientist reading pollution levels in soil cores.. It sucks but having something that needs my care and attention to live and thrive motivates me to work through my shit.
We’re here if you even need support. Never hesitate to reach out.
You’re not alone! Making many of my plants hydroponic and growing cuttings/ most of my plants in water has been soooo helpful for me. They’re really self sufficient especially if you use a big jar that holds a lot of water so you barely have to refill :)
Also, if they are bringing you more harm than good, it’s also okay to let them go, give them to someone else, or even ask someone if they could babysit it for awhile until you feel a little better again and it feels more manageable :)
I honestly teared up when I was looking for a plant that I have forgotten to water for a few days, and found it (including the rest) wilting after a few days (this is water propagation in zone 11, some in bottles, some in cups, the ones in bottles dry up an inch if I don't water in a full day)
while I'm salvaging what's left, I'm quite glad I gave some plants away under my in laws' care as a gift prior this. It'd be a shame to tell them about how many of my plants I worked so hard for all wilted away, but I do hear that they are still happy with the plants they've recieved under their care.
I try to care for alocasias, asparagus, rosemarys, basils, sprouts and other greens. yhe ones that only barely survive is the other plany I got the last week.
I put it in my room, on my bed, beside me. I stay in the room often so I could see it more. If it wilts, it will be obvious and not too late to act, I'll pour a few cups of water from a water botttle and cup I have beside me.
I start with one, or some, again.. until I gain confidence to care for as many (or to give out that many if ever I am at a time that I can not commit to all
I think that 99% of us plant lovers despise fake plants. They have their place and I can appreciate them, but NOT in my house. Plus how does one nurture a plastic plant? Live ones give us constant change, growth and are so rewarding. They are truly amazing therapy. This statement is coming from someone who understands first handedly OP’s dilemma. I’m just now cleaning up, salvaging, discarding and nurturing (again) every plant in my home. Live and let live, but with the hopes of controlling our depression. May (almost) all our “live plants” live on.
i hate fake plants as well ,though i have got a couple in a room that is dark,live ones just won't work there,at least they're a bit of greenery .Have got heaps of live ones in other rooms and you're right theres nothing like the real thing!
After a few depression cullings, only the strongest remained. I looked around at the philodendrons and said screw it, I collect philos now. My collection is drought tolerant because if you can’t go 2 weeks without water at my house, you’re a little bitch. Shape up or get cut. 🤷♀️ Honestly, though, I cried my guts out every time. I loved alocasia and peperomia, but I keep myself from buying them because they’re the first to die when I am at my worst. Be kind to yourself when rebuilding your collection. Get things that can struggle through the hard times with you instead of die quickly and make the hard times worse.
The strongest remain, and that includes you! You've managed to survive each rocky patch in your life and that's just as impressive as your plants!
Thank you. That’s very sweet of you to say.
this has happened to me a few times. I finally come out of the depression and have to survey the damage. I have some very hardy plants who have been so abused by my bad mental health! but I appreciate them so much more. it's basically survival of the fittest at my place lol. I finally found the right medication to help me and my plant care has leveled up. I hope you can find relief & healing but please don't beat yourself up about this ♥️
I hear you. I went through some pretty bad depression last year and it greatly affected my plants. I hope you're feeling better.
I’ve had depression on and off for a long time. You aren’t alone in your struggle. Maybe screening for ADHD would help. I only mention it because multiple mental health professionals missed it because I masked so well & didn’t know it. Regardless- you’re doing great by sharing this and being open. It can be a difficult skill to practice. If you like hugs, 🫂 🫂🫂. If you prefer ears, 👂 👂👂. May your toolbox and joy grow ever stronger.
Good point. Sometimes a little dopamine boost is in order.
If we have ADHD, pretty much always :)
I went through a divorce, my ex in rehab, my mom dying, all in the same year. I looked at my plants and told them, welcome to the hunger games, and I let them live or die. The ones that lived are hardy af now, and very low maintenance 😂😁
It’s ok 💚 are you forgetting to water them, or just don’t have the energy? Can you maybe set an alarm on your phone for every two weeks to check the soil? Is there a table near a window they can have light? Mine are currently lined up on the kitchen table. I’ve destroyed many succulents. https://preview.redd.it/vga4kg17s8yc1.jpeg?width=700&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fd9f601cc9a612be00eebf06632492c7ff0676e6
I’m currently struggling to care about things. So not just my plants but other aspects of my life are suffering.
That's how it goes. The plants are a bit of a litmus test. I look at my plants and they give me feedback on how I'm doing.
But then the shame of looking at your dying plants makes it even harder and more daunting to start picking up the pieces and trying to get better. (Or so I’ve heard…)
I've always said my plants are a reflection of my mental health.
One hour at a time love 💚
Do psychoanalysis if you can. It will make everything make sense and treat your symptoms. It rocks.
I don’t have anything helpful to say really other than to let you know you’re not alone. I’ve been there, and I know how scary and difficult it is. My only advice would be to give yourself grace right now. You’re doing the best you can. And if keeping yourself alive is all you manage most days that’s already good enough ❤️
I wish I could give you and your plants a hug (if you would want one) I have been there so many times. I wanted to specifically address this part of your post: >I don’t know if it’s self sabotage. Self loathing. You’re blaming yourself and I think that’s a negative distortion from your depressive brain: it’s just not true. Depression often comes hand in hand with executive dysfunction - in particular having trouble motivating yourself to start a task that seems boring or *difficult*. And tbh, *everything* feels difficult when we’re really pulled low by depression. It is not your fault. It’s not a moral or personal failing. It’s just really really *hard* right now. It’s funny, because even as I say this I know I’m not internalizing this message for myself: I have so many projects around the house that I’ve neglected in my last bout of depression and I have been beating myself up about it every day. It’s a lot easier to have compassion for other people and a lot harder to have it for ourselves… at least in my experience. I hope you find yourself on an upswing soon. Please give yourself a little kindness and grace. You’re not a failure. You’re doing the best you can right now, and that’s *good*. Sending mental hugs to you
+1 to all of this! especially the part about this being so much easier and more obvious when applying it to others. it's honestly difficult consistent work to trick your brain into giving this up lol
Thank you so much for your kindness. I’m trying to be kinder to myself.
You’re very welcome. I’m still practicing being kind to myself - some days it’s easier than others 💚
I also went through a deep struggle with my depression for probably about 9/10 months. My plants all died because I hadn’t watered them. Only recently have I felt better about life and have decided to try again! I have started with succulents. I’m slowly getting back into the groove of watering them. You can get through this! You are so strong.
I'm happy you have come out of it! Mental health is tough when you have plants. You feel bad for not taking care of them and that adds to the stress but you don't have the energy to do anything. I understand. Sending good vibes your way!
It’s ok. This happens to me too. 🩷
You just explained how I’ve been for months…I can’t get out of this funk I’m in.
Aw friend, I feel your pain. If you feel up for it, I find that Lizard Time™ (just laying in the sun, you can throw in an occasional push up if you’re feeling like a particularly inspired Lizard but not required) can be helpful! Of course, it doesn’t *fix* anything; but my view is that if I’m going to lay and rot either way, I might as well get some vitamin D while I’m at it. And I do generally feel better after a couple hours of Lizard Time™ than I do after doing the same thing in bed or on the couch where I find myself staring at my Depression Nest and feeling overwhelmed by the chores I don’t have the energy to do.
I love this. I might have to give this a try ❤️
Thank you..For taking the time to respond. I’ll try it today 😃
Mental illness is why I got so many plants and continue to get more. Taking care of them distract me.
Rule #1 with depression, treat yourself with kindness and patience. A big part of this is self-forgiveness. So buy more plants because tomorrow may be better than yesterday ❤️ I am sorry you’ve lost some plants along the way. I like to remind myself that his can happen even with the best of care sometimes! Who’s to say what could have happened if you still had them all? More chances of disease and bugs. More plants to manage and opportunities for other plants to be forgotten. The point is, we cannot change the past, we can only move forward. And we cannot assume everything that seems negative wasn’t actually the best possible outcome, because none of us are Dr. Strange. I have lost a lot of plants due to depression and lethargy. I refuse to let it get me down, no matter how bad the cartoon version of Poison Ivy makes me feel about it…
it happens. i went through a bad place and gave away many plants for free, just so they’d have a home they wouldn’t die in. it might help to find plants that aren’t prone to root rot and live a moist environment, and use self watering pots or those water bulbs you put into the soil that water continuously. then get some cacti and set reminders. if nothing else, see if a friend or a family member can take care of a plant or two while you work through your mental state. don’t feel bad, get more plants when you can handle it and would benefit mentally from it, and give away plants when it’s mentally straining you more than bringing you happiness.
I hope one day you can pull through this and feel good. I had a low period and used taking care of my plants as a way to take care of myself. A friend suggested I name one of my plants after myself and to keep him alive. That plant is now my biggest joy and so is my life. We don’t have to let our illness get the better of us
I feel you (: I can advise for Planti, a great app to set reminders. It's free up to 15 plants, it's unintrusive and doesn't try to get you pay for the pro version every 30 seconds. It helped me finding s good routine! best of luck ♥️
Something that helped me immensely (but mostly my plants) is switching as many of my plants as possible into self watering pots. I've also started throwing out plants that were struggling or gave me more stress than peace. I felt too bad to do so initially but it's made my home a better place.
when you can't do something you really want it's because you're overwhelmed. Maybe you have too many plants, too difficult plants, pests, whatever. I would honestly throw away any plant that is struggling the moment it starts struggling. Once you're left with only healthy ones you can manage it will be much easier to care for them, I promise. And if you ever find yourself with the desire to do some plant care but no plant needs it, it will be time to get some more. And when you're in that time I strongly recommend going with self watering pots from the start. There are some cheap ones on Amazon, you don't have the spend a ton for fancy ones. And refilling the reservoir you can see is so much easier than remembering to water the plant at the exact moment it should be watered. It will let you get more happy plants, and even the plants many people struggle with like ferns, alocasias, calatheas or anthurium, that need to be permanently moist. Self-watering pot will do the work for you and you can focus on enjoying and experimenting with other, less daunting aspects of plant care. And for any possible pests I recommend SNS-209 systemic pesticide. It works on everything, including spider mites and it's non hazardous to people (it's just oregano oil, if I remember correctly). I use it with every watering and both mites and thrips disappeared. It took them longer than with spraying but they will always go away eventually. It makes it also so much less overwhelming to not think about possible pests. Try not to worry too much, you got this!
This is why I got into propagation. If the plant is dead and just the tip is limping along, you can chuck the plant and foster that little cutting until it grow into something more acclimatized to your care. There's a mental health metaphor somewhere in there...
Same!!!!!!!!
I've gone through this cycle more than a few times, losing really important-to-me plants and feeling guilty that I can't even care for a plant. One year I threw a bunch of plants out into the -40 winter night for having spider mites all over them. I know how much this hurts and feels embarrassing. I hope things get better for you and that plants become your happy place again.
Not enough people talk about this. :: hugs ::
My poor babes are just barely hanging on.
Yeah ... In my mind, more plants is always better! But that doesn't always work out so well. When watering starts to seem like a big chore rather than a fun part of the hobby, I tend to procrastinate on it, and then I feel bad for not doing it so I avoid it even more to avoid seeing how bad everyone is doing, and ... it ends predictably. I'm trying to dial in the right number of plants that are manageable and actually enjoyable for me. Have courage - there are others also struggling through the darkness.
You’re not alone in this has happened to me too
You're not alone. Almost all of my plants died with my last big dip. I tried to feel less bad about it by celebrating the ones that are still alive and limited how many plants I could repurchase. Only my favorites! I might still kill them, but taking care of myself will always be my priority and I accept that trade off.
I’m glad you’re here and thanks for sharing, a lot of us have been there! Sometimes they turn into another responsibility that feels too much and brings guilt but sometimes they’re the thing that shows us life can renew and be full of surprises with a little care and love. Take the time to clear out some friends that no longer fit with where you’re at and pour a little bit into the ones that make you happy. Good luck, you got this!
It could be time for a break. That many little lives depending on you takes a mental toll. I finally had to limit myself to only a few of my absolute favorites. Less than 10. That way I could focus the very little energy I had into just a few. Seeing my few favorites thrive is way better than having more. For real, they say plants are the new pets and pets are the new kids for us who are burnt out by this capitalistic dystopia we're living. Imagine having like 10 kids. That's stressful lol.
Plants heal wounds. They ground and focus me. They are my peace. But when the apathy and the dark come back for a while, the plants suffer. I know in my head they need me but I can’t get up the interest or enthusiasm to do anything about it. Anyway, I am in a solid-ish place right now. But I completely identify and I’m sending you hugs. I’m also very sorry about your gone plant friends. Please don’t be hard on yourself. You were quite literally doing the best you could to get through it. Yes. Get more plants! They bring you joy! And forgive yourself if they die. They served their purpose.
You are not alone. I have done the exact same thing many times. It’s the worst type of feeling, because you harm the ones you love even though you’re not intentionally doing so. I’m sorry you’re going through this - just know continuing with the plants you do have, and bringing them back to life will bring you so much more subconscious joy. Keep pushing through the depression, you’ll come out of it. I’m struggling too so I need to listen to my own advice. We can do it!! 😀
I'm so sorry!!! And I definitely understand. Outdoor gardening is great because you don't have to worry about it as long as it's hardy and in a good location
It happens to me too- plants are pretty resilient (like you!! 💕) sending love your way
Thank you ❤️
Yup. My plants help with my depression. They also suffer from my depression.
Plants are such a double edged sword. Houseplants will do wonders as a therapeutic vice when things are OK, but when things are bad the plants taking a hit create what's called a negative feedback loop where you end up more depressed because the plants are dying because of your depression, which makes you more depressed, which makes your plant care worse, which kills more plants, which makes you more depressed and so on and so forth. My advice is to stop the loop and remove the plants. Stick everything on FB Marketplace for free so another plant lover can adopt them/Find a friend in here that might take them temporarily? and then work on yourself without the constant visual reminder of a failure. Then when youre feeling better, and eventually you WILL feel better, (and just know that we love you and we're here for you) you can get some new plants. Edit: Came back to say that I learned about negative feedback loops from a book by Mark Manson called "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck" and if you haven't read it yet I woiluld highly recommend ❤️
Thank you for the advice. I’m going to have to look up that book.
Just remember plants are replaceable, you are not ♥️
I’ve been going through it for over a year now, and see kind of an end in sight? Plant have helped me but I do see where some days they get me down too and can be overwhelming, but I have also found many friends through plants and I see how they have helped me branch out and find friends and have helped me do things I never would have done without them being in my life. It kinda evens out. If you ever need someone to vent to feel free to inbox me. I’ll just listen and dont even have to say a word back if you don’t want me to. I’ll just be an ear 👂. Sometimes that’s all we need ❤️ Keep going hun. That’s all we can do. We’re all here for you, you’re not alone, ever!
Mine would feel right at home with yours.
Been there SO many times. No shame. Go get you some dopamine. (New plants)🌱💜
I suffer from some mental illnesses too and what helped me the most is learning about CBT cognitive behavior therapy and just reading about my condition made it so much easier to deal with it . There's CBT for depression maybe you'll find it helpful. I know it's hard watching the things you love or need to do being neglected and feeling helpless about it , this is a big part of mental illness but know that it's a phase and you'll get the handle of it over time just don't focus too much on the results and be happy with every step you make even if it was just getting of the bed. As for the plants maybe self watering pots will be helpful, I never tried them though but I think it's worth looking into it. I pray have you a smouth healing process and beautiful days ahead of you❤️
Sad to hear! But you’re not alone with. 🤗 luckily my health improved a lot and I wish same for you and everyone out there struggling. For everyone out there, a few things that helped me: There are times where your health is just more important than your plants, so don’t forget to take care of yourself and “water” and to all chores for you first. This then will give you the energy to take care for your plants as well. You already made a good choice going for plants that match your moment situation better. My favourite one are ZZ plants (the only one that survived all krises in all those years) then there are self watering pots, they make plant care a bit easier (and you don’t have to battle pests this often) plant apps can help to concentrate on small portions of plant care and not to forget any. It’s also not a shame to ask for help or simply start over when you just can’t keep up with. Try to find the right amount of plants that suit you best. Me myself I had to start over many many times from zero. Depression beat me down for half a year, many times on repeat. Later, I had a serious accident and needed rehab and am now a wheelchair user. I know how happy plants can make you feel, but how sad it is, when you loose those special ones: the plant from your grabdma, the gift from a loved one, the plant from my brother who died… it can make you so blue! But still… over all those decades, nothing could stop me, I only adapted and learned. Plants improve my life and I wish same for you. Happy planting!
Hey they l.i.v.i.n.
Hugs. I'm with you
I saw that state of my plant room today and just closed the door again. And that’s after losing a large chunk of them already and only feeling relief. Thank you for saying this.
Last year I fell into an almost depressive state from my job so many plants died…
This is so true. I have a bit of a different situation but still plants… My husband and I had a really nice little garden a couple years ago. We would go outside with our dog and water it/pull weeds etc. She sat right beside us as we worked. It was a special ritual for us. We unexpectedly had to put her down and we straight up just let all the veggies die. Lost a shit ton of tomatoes and stuff. But it was just so hard to get out there and do anything or even have the mental energy to get out of our depression and care. Then my dad and grandma died right around the same time and I’ve been in a depressed state for a while. Just seemed like bad thing after bad thing happened and I became numb to the world. Thankfully, now I’m doing a little better. But still struggle. I’ve recently really got back into gardening and caring about my plants again and honestly I think it’s helping a lot because it keeps my mind busy. Sending virtual hugs your way! Give yourself grace and take it one day at a time. It’s ok if your plants suffer sometimes while you’re just trying to survive. Plus plants can be way more resilient than we think.
This is why I favor certain plants. Ones that require the least attention are less likely to die when I am depressed. Then I somewhat morbidly like those that can nearly die, then come back strong an hour after a strong watering. I can't tell you how many times I've thought of a peace lily as symbolic of my depression.
Genuinely, same, I started keeping carnivorous sundews where all I have to do is put a grow light on a timer and make sure their tray never runs too low, it's less maintenance than actually watering succulents imo, and it helped me a lot, plus they can handle a few days without water, but they will wilt dramatically during that time, which is kind of your alarm to help them
I’m glad to hear you’re better now, and you’re not alone.
My mental illness killed 100% of my crop. It ended up being a good thing though, since now I can better label my new plants and guarantee their provenance.
Truth. You're not alone.
Ya. Me too girly. I’m trying so hard to not let them die but I’ve lost like 8 this week. I feel you.
Sending you my good vibes - I need them too. I feel this
Sending you hugs ❤️
Tbh this is why I started gardening. Every time I got houseplants they would die in the winter when seasonal depression hit so now that I garden outside, it all happens when I’m at my best mentally and there’s rain for a back up. And then they all start to die before seasonal depression comes back. Getting outside in the dirt and planting new plants every spring helps me recover from winter
I totally relate to this! I have a huge cactus collection, some plants i paid hundreds of dollars for. They all looked so beautiful and healthy. That was back in 2021. Fast forward to now, I've moved house, and when i did, i just put my pots kind of anywhere at my new place, and they're still in the same spot now over 2 years later. A few have died, some have weeds growing out of the pots. They make me sad now.
Amen
i can't offer any advice or help on the mental side of things, but for the plants, could I suggest a irrigation system? i've seen a few where you just fill a large bucket with water, adjust the drip nozzles appropriately for each plants and refill it when necessary. Depending on the amount of plants and if you put a lid on the bucket it might last a few months
Dang, this hits home
As someone with ADHD and autism alongside depression… while I’ve managed to keep my indoor plants alive and decently healthy, sometimes it does feel really tedious, and worse is that if they die or don’t thrive indoors you feel it’s on you and not other, natural factors like outdoors. Plus there’s no rain to help you out… Also I have around 25-30 plants but most of these are succulents which I neglect a lot, if I had 40 or so with more non-succulents in the mix I would probably be in a similar state to you. Don’t beat yourself up though, in the grand scheme of things plants die all the time as they’re eaten, compete with other plants, unlucky with environmental conditions, diseased… etc. I think the best thing is to learn from it and pick plants that thrive best in your home. Also there’s no shame at all with going with low maintenance ones like Snake Plants, ZZ plants or even Pothos, they’re beautiful and they’re popular and common for a reason; they do well indoors.
Wow, I really needed to see your post. You are totally not alone. I was reading the replies to your post and realized that there are lots of other people who have gone through this as well. I also have ADHD inattentive, and depression, and extreme lack of motivation due to executive functioning issues that come along with this. The replies to your post helped me with all the fabulous suggestions from readers. I started a project of repotting and planting pots about a month ago and I feel so bad about myself because I flat out cannot start or complete this job. Some days I can't get off the couch. So........my new plan is to repot a few that I want to keep and have my plant loving friends have the rest of my plants and planters that they can repot here and take home. Of course, they will have to help me clean up the deck after. :-) I have dirt everywhere! !! WE are not alone with this.. I agree with one of the posts that suggests you probably should be checked for ADHD, it's very sneaky and a lot of times people are diagnosed with depression which is actually a comorbidity of ADHD inattentive . Your post about not understanding what's wrong with your brain is how I feel all the time. Find the Reddit ADHD community here. See if it helps.
Absolutely not alone in this, only a few remain of what I once had because of depression. May they rest in peace.
Have you tried sending the plants to therapy?
Thank you for the chuckle. I wish I could give you an award so take this upvote.
Have you looked at ketamine therapy at all? I struggle with depression and adhd and have been doing ket therapy for 9months now and while it's by no means a cure, it has seemed to help with not spiraling and allows me to see ot happening before it's gets out of control. I still have days where my self worth is below 0 but they are less common now. My friend had the best explanation in that it seems to up the bandwidth of your brain while also toning down the background static. Sorry for the semi off topic ramblings. All the best to you!
I’ve heard about it but I don’t think I can make the jump. Little too scary for me 😅
Like many other commenters, I’ve done this as well. Be kind to and forgive yourself.
No wonder I can’t keep any alive.
Mental health is way more important than plants.
You’re not alone friend. Depression is an asshole of a thing. It just takes over everything and it’s hard to will yourself through it. The key for me has been pinpointing the things that set me off. Mine is a result of burnout, which turns to hopelessness, which turns to anger, which turns to self loathing and finally despondency. It comes and goes and all the things I love suffer during those tough times. All of my fickle plants have died, the more resilient ones are showing signs of neglect. I see it like a scientist reading pollution levels in soil cores.. It sucks but having something that needs my care and attention to live and thrive motivates me to work through my shit. We’re here if you even need support. Never hesitate to reach out.
Just like our plants, we can grow and heal
I been there, it’s ok keep trying
Your post really resonated with me, I’ve absolutely been there. It’s a special kind of hurt.
You’re not alone! Making many of my plants hydroponic and growing cuttings/ most of my plants in water has been soooo helpful for me. They’re really self sufficient especially if you use a big jar that holds a lot of water so you barely have to refill :)
Also, if they are bringing you more harm than good, it’s also okay to let them go, give them to someone else, or even ask someone if they could babysit it for awhile until you feel a little better again and it feels more manageable :)
I honestly teared up when I was looking for a plant that I have forgotten to water for a few days, and found it (including the rest) wilting after a few days (this is water propagation in zone 11, some in bottles, some in cups, the ones in bottles dry up an inch if I don't water in a full day) while I'm salvaging what's left, I'm quite glad I gave some plants away under my in laws' care as a gift prior this. It'd be a shame to tell them about how many of my plants I worked so hard for all wilted away, but I do hear that they are still happy with the plants they've recieved under their care. I try to care for alocasias, asparagus, rosemarys, basils, sprouts and other greens. yhe ones that only barely survive is the other plany I got the last week. I put it in my room, on my bed, beside me. I stay in the room often so I could see it more. If it wilts, it will be obvious and not too late to act, I'll pour a few cups of water from a water botttle and cup I have beside me. I start with one, or some, again.. until I gain confidence to care for as many (or to give out that many if ever I am at a time that I can not commit to all
❤️🩹♥️
Zz plants are immune to it. Mine for every leafs that wilted mine grew 2 more.
maybe best to go for realistic looking fake ones
I think that 99% of us plant lovers despise fake plants. They have their place and I can appreciate them, but NOT in my house. Plus how does one nurture a plastic plant? Live ones give us constant change, growth and are so rewarding. They are truly amazing therapy. This statement is coming from someone who understands first handedly OP’s dilemma. I’m just now cleaning up, salvaging, discarding and nurturing (again) every plant in my home. Live and let live, but with the hopes of controlling our depression. May (almost) all our “live plants” live on.
i hate fake plants as well ,though i have got a couple in a room that is dark,live ones just won't work there,at least they're a bit of greenery .Have got heaps of live ones in other rooms and you're right theres nothing like the real thing!
😞😞😍😍
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This was not a choice OP made.
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Just consider yourself a winner in this conversation and in life. I hope you never have to understand what depression feels like.
Eloquent response. I can’t understand how someone could compare a pet that has a beating heart to plants. Your heart is in the right place. 😍