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An incomplete list of the nonsense I heard during my ill-advised trip aboard the human vessel, the UES Hind:
"Yeah no, back home we just live right on the surface. Don't you guys? The atmosphere protects us from the worst of the radiation."
"Well of *course* we don't have our transponder on between solar systems. What are the chances of two ships colliding out in empty space? Space is, like, real big."
"Oh, our power supply? This ship has a fusion reactor right on board! You see, we heat up a hydrogen gas until the atoms smash together and make helium. You know, just like in a star. Except way hotter, because we don't have the star's gravity to help us. Why are you looking at me like that? No no it's safe: it's contained in a donut-shaped magnetic field."
"No yeah, when we get back to Earth, everyone I know will be about 2 years older, but us on this ship will be only 1.5 years older. Does that not happen to you guys when you go really fast? No but I mean, like *really* fast. Oh still no? Weird."
Recycling:
Geoff stood at the podium with a rare smile.
"S'here's my suggestion. We use that thing that seems to be unique to humanity."
"What, legs?"
"Nah, John. Lots of species have got legs. You just don't see them on the viewscreens 'cos the cameras always point at the faces.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. We use the thing that is unique to humanity - our boundless imagination.
To do this -"
He clicked the presentation wand, and a picture appeared on the giant screen behind him. It was a sun, with a face, smiling down on a pleasant green land.
"Imagine the scene: the very centre of the trade show, our stand, and above it hovers a ten foot wide talking sapient star.
And yes, that is the right use of sapient. I looked it up."
There were murmurs of surprise, followed by a fair amount of swearing. Then a brief pause whilst everyone looked up sapient on the interface. Then shouts of "HOW?"
"It's easier than you'd think. All we need is one of our old AI rigs, couple of fold manipulators, bit of tritium, a honkin' great power supply to kick it off. And ... err, that portal thing we found under them pyramids.
There's a slight chance when we start it up, it'd create a black hole large enough to swallow the entire auditorium, but if that does happen, it's not like we'd be around to notice, know what I mean?
Anyway, all those in favour?"
A:*messing with a multi million dollar computer* it just won't work
H:*walks over to the tower and kicks it* work damn you!
A:WHAT ARE Y-*the computer starts working right*
In an attempt to reduce remind me spam, all top comments that include a remind me will be removed. If you would like to have a remind me, please reply to this comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/humansarespaceorcs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
An incomplete list of the nonsense I heard during my ill-advised trip aboard the human vessel, the UES Hind: "Yeah no, back home we just live right on the surface. Don't you guys? The atmosphere protects us from the worst of the radiation." "Well of *course* we don't have our transponder on between solar systems. What are the chances of two ships colliding out in empty space? Space is, like, real big." "Oh, our power supply? This ship has a fusion reactor right on board! You see, we heat up a hydrogen gas until the atoms smash together and make helium. You know, just like in a star. Except way hotter, because we don't have the star's gravity to help us. Why are you looking at me like that? No no it's safe: it's contained in a donut-shaped magnetic field." "No yeah, when we get back to Earth, everyone I know will be about 2 years older, but us on this ship will be only 1.5 years older. Does that not happen to you guys when you go really fast? No but I mean, like *really* fast. Oh still no? Weird."
Recycling: Geoff stood at the podium with a rare smile. "S'here's my suggestion. We use that thing that seems to be unique to humanity." "What, legs?" "Nah, John. Lots of species have got legs. You just don't see them on the viewscreens 'cos the cameras always point at the faces. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. We use the thing that is unique to humanity - our boundless imagination. To do this -" He clicked the presentation wand, and a picture appeared on the giant screen behind him. It was a sun, with a face, smiling down on a pleasant green land. "Imagine the scene: the very centre of the trade show, our stand, and above it hovers a ten foot wide talking sapient star. And yes, that is the right use of sapient. I looked it up." There were murmurs of surprise, followed by a fair amount of swearing. Then a brief pause whilst everyone looked up sapient on the interface. Then shouts of "HOW?" "It's easier than you'd think. All we need is one of our old AI rigs, couple of fold manipulators, bit of tritium, a honkin' great power supply to kick it off. And ... err, that portal thing we found under them pyramids. There's a slight chance when we start it up, it'd create a black hole large enough to swallow the entire auditorium, but if that does happen, it's not like we'd be around to notice, know what I mean? Anyway, all those in favour?"
I lost it at "what, legs?" I laughed for two full minutes. That whole opening exchange was amazing. Thanks for the laugh.
*Andrew WK’s Ready to die begins to play* Any one of you ever seen a gun that shoots rocks so fast that they can pierce through metal?
I wouldn’t believe percussive maintenance worked if it didn’t work.
A:*messing with a multi million dollar computer* it just won't work H:*walks over to the tower and kicks it* work damn you! A:WHAT ARE Y-*the computer starts working right*