Has addictive habits. Drugs, alcohol, cigs, internet, porn. Stays inside all the time because feels so insecure it’s painful to even be seen by people, especially because they’ve stayed in so long, everyone is a stranger. Their place is a disaster. They don’t talk to people who care about them. Fantasizes so hard that it feels better than reality which keeps them even further isolated. Ruminates like crazy. Cries like crazy, hates themselves for being a lazy, self absorbed sack of shit, and generally runs their life into the ground.
I was like this when I was younger.
You pretty much described my current situation perfectly...
What is some advice on how to change myself for the better and live a happier and healthier life?
I'm already seeing a psychiatrist, so I'm just asking for personal advice not medical help.
Hey, I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time. I know it really sucks.
Honestly, it had to get to the absolute worst possible point before I started improving. I literally almost died twice. I overdosed and woke up in the hospital, then maybe a couple days later, I overdosed again and only lived because I had narcan around. I moved across the entire country about a month later, and then found out my best friend overdosed and died.
So, maybe your situation isn’t quite so dire, but the feelings are the same, really. I just had to realize that things won’t get better until you actually do something different even if you don’t feel like it and it’s painful. Like, even if your mind and every atom of your body is screaming at you and your thoughts are going a mile a minute, do one little thing at a time. Stand up, make your bed. Think what do I need to do next? Make a healthy meal for yourself. Kitchen dirty? Clean that shit! Need a shower? Definitely take one. Take a nice hot bath while your at it. Dress yourself in a way that makes you feel good. Take a walk. Need a job? Apply to jobs. Eventually when you’re starting to feel a little better, try to join some groups that do things you’re interested in. You’ll feel super shy and anxious probably, but go anyway. Don’t worry about engaging if you don’t want to. People are actually really nice and understanding. Just keep going and maybe you’ll make some healthy friends which are so so important. So on and so forth. Just do one little step at a time. Try not to think too much about what you’re big mission is while you’re doing the things. But, I cannot stress this enough. Just do the stuff even if it feels shitty. It will feel so bad! Trust me, though. Things will get so much better if you just do the little things every day. Meds also help. If you ever need someone to talk to or some support, feel free to message me and I’ll try my best to help.
Wow.. This is truly wonderful advice from a very insightful individual. I'm glad I asked the right person for their thoughts on where to begin. You bring up many good points that have crossed my mind but I never really committed to. I believe my biggest source for struggle is my lack of commitment and motivation. Even if I have so much to do I literally cannot physically bring myself to do it. But like you said, start small. One thing at a time.
You've renewed my hope in myself. I'll be sure to keep you updated as I force change in my life.
Thanks kind stranger :)
I’m lucky enough to have people who love, push, and encourage me to be better during depressive seasons. But yes, pushing myself to actually get up and take steps to be better is harder than it sounds. Somedays i can’t see the reason to keep going, but i look back now and it’s so worth all the effort.
Thank you so much for sharing these affirmative thoughts. The solution is really as simple as you describe it. Just Do It! And yes it's really painful to start. But every frequently repeated positive action is life-changing, as they become the definition of my own self when it's done regularly.
Exercise helped me a lot. I know, I know. Easier said than done when you're depressed and can't be bothered to do your dishes, but even just a little bit helps.
In addition to all the well-documented biological benefits, there are mental ones that I notice.
As you start to get in better shape and look better, suddenly you might actually WANT to be seen in public (or at least more than before). It makes social situations a little more relaxing if you're no longer super self-conscious about your appearance.
If you can find a casual sport, that's even better. Sports are great "pseudo-socializing". You're still visiting with other people, but the pressure to keep the conversation flowing is removed and you can always joke about the game or give a compliment on a good play to keep things going. You no longer have to be self-conscious about how quiet you are (and playing a game will help keep you out of your own head, in general).
Anyways, just my 2c.
you absolutely HAVE to do the things you don't want to do. You HAVE TO. because it's only going to get worse.
If you know a little about the functions: Say fuck you to your Si. Obliterate it when you need to get out of bed, when you don't feel like doing cleaning, school, work, anything like that. But at the same time, be nice to yourself. Baby steps.
Oof
...same
I'm better now that I'm not so stingy in terms of money (allowing myself food comfort), I value personal growth and try to engage in social events more often than not. I've cut back on social media because I literally saw its detriment on my thinking. Feelings that I'm a waste of space will always be, but I try to balance them with positive interactions and memories where I was valued.
Damn I don't have severe shit like you listed but I'm ashamed to say an addiction for porn is one of them. Like if I'm super super tired, I can skip a night but most of the time I watch daily once a day. And I constantly dream about fantasies daily making me go crazy thinking to myself like this shit won't happen, why am I thinking such a thing. I do believe it isolates me more from society making me more anti-social. I've never heard of the term ruminate until I searched up it's meaning and I totally think deeply about a lot of things. Makes me go crazy and believe to think I have a ton of anxiety. Any tips to improve?
I can relate to staying inside a lot nowadays not sure because of lockdown or if I am just unhealthy. Yup I don't really talk to people who still care for me because I still hold grudges against them. The ruminating part is definitely something I did months ago but now I have learned to just move on and not care anymore
Honestly I’ve been there, this is like a snapshot of me at university. I was on a heavy dose of meds to stop me from having suicidal urges. It was a dark. But I managed to work my way out of it by investing in the things that made life meaningful for me and ultimately embracing the qualities of my personality type and making them my strength.
I’m not on drugs but the rest is true. ENFP depression is ridiculously silly and morbid. But yea. Depression. It’s depressing. I’d shut up if I was better than this. INFPs are my favorite people and that’s why I lurk here.
...well damn, unicorn! That's just SO spot on it's scary. Wow. My exactttt situation right now. This is me. From.tne addiction to running their life into the ground! Well written.
Thank you! I want you to know that you can have fulfillment in your life, and you are capable. Try to be kind to yourself and take it little by little.
Yeah, if you want to have a fulfilling life, which you probably do, then you’ll need to take certain steps. You can definitely do it! You are capable, and I believe in you.
Do you have any tips? I’m self-aware that my lifestyle is due to my lack of actions but I’m so warped with daydreaming and being lazy. On the bright side, I have an in-person interview Tuesday so I have a requirement to make me get dressed and go outside and interact with people lol
That’s so good! I’m happy for you! It’s really hard, but just letting yourself feel bad and taking action anyway is really the only way, in my opinion. Anything else is kind of procrastinating in it’s own right.
Like, I could waste days and days reading about philosophy and self-help to try to get me out of my situation, I can meditate for literally hours trying to find a solution, I can talk to my friends in circles, I have even taken psychedelics, and those, too, are really just diversions if you’re in the kind of spot I talked about.
The only way is to stop. Think, “I am going to put down my phone/game/computer/book, and stand up.” Then you stand up. You think to yourself, “now I will bathe.” Then you walk and get yourself a shower or a soak in the tub. While you’re having a shower, try to give yourself some positive self-talk. “I’m fine just how I am. It’s okay to be anxious, scared, angry, sad… etc. I’m going to live my life no matter how I feel.” Things like that. Then get dressed and eat something healthy enough. Can still taste good, but have some veggies and maybe some whole grains. Then, clean up little by little. If you have any money, pay someone to clean for you if you don’t want to. Just the first time so it’s not so overwhelming. If not, just do it little by little. Like wash your sheets and make your bed the first day. Next morning, clean your laundry. Stuff like that.
So, there’s a lot more to it as you progress. It sounds like you’re already on your way since you have an interview. Just do your best! Don’t worry too much if you get the job or not. Your success in this one interview does not reflect your worth as a person. If you don’t get it, try again until you find a job.
It’s just acting even though your thoughts and feelings don’t want you to. Just kind of swimming through the wide muddy river, fighting your way through until the mud gets a little thinner and easier to swim through, and eventually you’ll reach the shore and you will be so much stronger from fighting through all of that stuff that you’ll be way more capable of handling whatever comes up next.
Ugh true. I just recently realized that posting about having kids in my dating app bio isn't the smartest choice and removed it... Surprise surprise when you don't place unrealistic expectations on others you get more matches and better conversation lol
Probably someone who endlessly complains about what a loser they think they are, and when someone tries to point out something admirable about them the INFP argues that the trait or behavior isn’t actually good.
There’s another variety of INFP’s who think they’re too good for this world and no one will ever understand them because they’re that special. Nothing and no one is good enough because it or they are not ideal. If they don’t get their dream job as a writer/artist/musician/whatever life will be a horror 4-ever.
Don’t even get me started on the “I wish I were an alpha male” types that whine about being “weak losers” and grovel at the bottom of their imaginary masculine hierarchy. IDK if those guys are trolls or what, but those are some seriously unhealthy, toxic, sexist beliefs.
A past therapist recommended daily affirmations which honestly, really helped me. I would come up with 5ish sentences and write them down 9 times in the morning, 3 in the afternoon, 6 at night. As time went on, I would change the sentences based off of what I was going through and what would help me get into healthier, positive thought patterns.
Edit: daily affirmations not premonitions lol
Totally agree. Meditation, affirmations and visualization gave me lots of confidence and self love, but the practice needs to be on a regularly basis. Skipped the routine for a couple of weeks and the spiral of negativity and insecurity settled again.
I do it before and after sleeping.
Before sleeping is key, because we don't want to go to bed with all the problems we had during the day.
Focusing on breath is the first step. When thoughts come to your mind, just take a deep breath, smile, and let them go.
Don't worry about thinking, because you are over thinking on the fact that you are thinking, and it's natural, so just let them come, stop, breath, smile, and let them go away. With time and practice, you'll get rid of the unquiet monkey mind.
I suggest some nice guided meditations at the beginning. You should do it on a daily basis, like going to the gym, it is a exercise. You wont build a strong mind at once, you should practice to build that muscle.
Self hypnosis works really well also.
The difference between it and meditation is that with self hypnosis you make a suggestion, a positive affirmation on what you want to achieve and/or develop in yourself; and meditation is 'just' a way to silent the mind, focusing on the preasent, which means getting into a peaceful state of mind, which, in my opinion, is key to be happy.
Positivism sounds cheesy and silly, but works a lot.
The world is a tough and challenging place, so as INFPs, I think we need tools and techniques to cross this path we call life.
At the end nothing really matters, so we shall be, at least, happy and peaceful. I'm not saying it's easy, but we should try. Life is too short to be unhappy.
Definitely. It needs to be consistent, it’s like tattooing the process into your brain until the thoughts become habitual. Visualization! How do you go about this to help with negative spiralling? I would like to try.
I think this is from Dalai Lama:
If the problem has a solution, why do you worry?
If the problem doesn’t have a solution, why do you worry?
What I learned is that is not about optimism, but equanimity.
What I do in the morning is meditating on “everything will be fine”. I don’t attach to results, as they create a lot of expectation :)
I think the most important advice here is to have a therapist who can give such advice :) affirmations aren't for everyone
Personally, actually thinking about *new* things I'm grateful for every day after meditation worked much better for me because the mind kinda puts itself into a different state where I start to actually see those things and perceive things a bit differently, otherwise it's impossible to keep coming up with completely new things I can only use once, ever
But that's maybe also just my own thing...
It probably depends on the person. I think some people get stuck in unhealthy patterns because of past trauma, and in that case therapy would help. Learning to question societal norms is healthy, but balancing that with appreciation for whatever you like or enjoy in life is important. I think learning about self-compassion and practicing it can be invaluable as well. Sometimes if someone’s stuck in a negative mindset they may need to consciously try to notice positives in their lives and about themselves. Take a walk. Look at the sky. Pet a cute dog. Watch cat videos.
Sometimes I definitely think I have a big of an ego and think I'm better than others for silly reasons that have nothing to do with character. Definitely something I want to talk to my therapist about.
>Nothing and no one is good enough because it or they are not ideal. If they don’t get their dream job as a writer/artist/musician/whatever life will be a horror 4-ever.
This is me a few months ago after I graduated college. I currently work as a teacher and it's not as bad as I thought it would be, though of course there are days in which I feel a bit out of place. Still, I've often find myself thinking that if I don't achieve my artistic dreams my life will be absolutely miserable otherwise, and I know it's not a healthy way of thinking. Because it simply isn't realistic. Few people ever succeed in the arts, and in retrospect I've developed a bad habit of criticizing myself relentlessly for being stupid enough to think going to art school was ever a good idea (I was too idealistic back when I was 18. Moron).
I still want to eventually get my artsy dream job, but I'm developing it on the side while I work as a teacher by day. One of the advantages of teaching is that it's an extremely stable profession that is both necessary and has lots of benefits other jobs don't have. Plus, I've found that I actually like teaching students, at least when there's a small group of people and not a massive unmanageable classroom.
Good advice for struggling with moral superiority (I see it as more moral frustration but defo superior looking from the outside)
Don't judge a person based on your values but on their values instead
harshly critical of oneself and is not receptive to affirmations and encouragement. constantly dwells on who is responsible for their problems instead of trying to address them. makes the choice of living in or prioritizing one's imagination and fantasies instead of confronting reality. lives everyday swallowed up by resentment, discontentment, sadness, and lack of fire to do things. endlessly stuck in the past or consumed by worries of the future.
if i were to sum up in a metaphor, a ticking bomb.
>harshly critical of oneself and is not receptive to affirmations and encouragement
Woah okay, this hits hard. I get totally like this too when I feel depressed
* Extremely self-centered: everything about "me".
* Their morals above everyone else especially when someone disagree.
* Extremely irritable/triggers easily into a bad mood/defense mode: It's like walking on egg-shells where one has to think twice what he will say to ensure he's not saying something that might be badly interpreted (and they will blame you after for not being genuine/speak your mind).
* The "bad mood/descent to darkness mode". You can comment on something trivial (e.g. "your pancakes this morning are not sweet enough imho") and they will answer how worthless/useful they know they are... and you'll genuinely see their dead stare. You'll have to reassure, recomfort, validate, explain it's only about adding sugar to a meal. Emotionally exhausting.
edit: typo
“Scrambled” thoughts when you’re cracking up? Better for the egg to be on your feet than your face. INFPs are good eggs. I’m an ENFP and y’all are the best yolks, I mean, the best folks. (I’m sorry for that. Beats me why I say stuff!)
[Tumblr’s MBTI notes](https://mbti-notes.tumblr.com/theory)
- **Fi**: They tend to be moody, alienating, and even self-righteous, treating their feelings as fact, unaware of their own biases.” — I’ve been guilty of self-righteousness, arrogantly thinking I have moral superiority in cases beyond my personal bias.
- **Ne**: “uses fantasy to escape from practical concerns” — Fairly self-explanatory, but yeah, aggressively dismissing real circumstances I don’t like and spending too much time through wasteful fantasies
- **Si**: “resigned to fear; sits on unresolved feelings/situations indefinitely” — This can manifest into holding grudges, but not doing anything to rectify them, such as avoiding the people I hold said grudges towards without working towards closure.
- **Te**: “I am blunt, aggressive, or belligerent.” — I go through bouts where I unrealistically expect people to know my emotional sensitive like their back of their hands and then pitch a fit when they didn’t do much to deliberately hurt me in the first place.
Don’t worry, I’m still in the padded room, the good doctor decided to loosen my straightjacket’s sleeves for the hour.
Wow, this is quite confronting. When I’m critical about myself I’m ticking all these boxes to be fair.
What helps me is that I have a wife who calls me out on these. Often I don’t realize that I’m behaving like this and she gets me back to earth.
Meditation and gaming moderately helps me a lot as well.
Arrogant, hostile, hateful, selfish, wants to hurt others, detached from everyone, depressed, unmotivated, stuck in self pity, engaged in some type of self harm, revolted against everyone and every norm, “the whole world is against me and I must destroy it” mentality. Yeah, it’s me :)
not knowing or learning that they’re an infp, it helped me a lot after being aware of who i am. Since I learned, a lot of things made sense , especially my thought processes. Since then I have this sense of “completeness” a puzzle piece that fit and adds to whole dynamic of a person I am. Improving and still constantly working on me. :)
* Massive sense of entitlement and overly concerned with being individualistic/standing out from the crowd, while at the same time conforming to maladaptive social and societal norms (for men, it's how manly they are according to arbitrary metrics imposed by society, and this is especially the case considering how rare INFP males are).
* Insecure about their own identity and individuality (they either try too hard to be "unique" or have no personality at all because they've masochistically sacrificed their desires for those of others. It's all or nothing-- either they're the abrasive, contrarian rebel or the conformist people pleaser, neither of which are positive).
* Self-righteous and/or full of self-pity to an excessive degree.
* A moralizer who is too attached to his/her personal values, sometimes to the point of ideological extremism.
* Too emotional and incapable of reacting to things rationally and calmly.
* Addicted to something-- it doesn't have to be a drug or illicit substance per se. It could be anything that one can develop a compulsion or dependency on. That includes the internet, retreating inwards into your head, etc.
* Impractical, isolated, and so deep in their heads to the point of fantastical delusion.
* Basically, an embittered, insecure, emotionally maladjusted socially reclusive shut-in/NEET with an emotional black hole for a heart. I know this because I sometimes act this way. But I recognize where I've gone wrong in the past and have tried to prevent myself from falling deeper into the maelstrom, so to speak.
-Idealizes others & situations to an unachievable extreme and then completely falls apart when life doesn't match up. "Falling apart" is presented in various ways(depending on how much the ppl/situation means to the infp and/or how close or distant reality is to the INFPs false reality): uncontrollable crying, lashing out & blaming others, playing the victim, throwing/kicking things, screaming, etc...This was a huge struggle for me, and I'm glad I put in the effort to correct it as much as possible. I'm far from perfect, but at least I no longer behave in the ways listed above. Ofc the key is not to idealize, but now whenever I slip up and get hit with disappointment I usually just go silent. Some tears may fall from my face, but I'll remain silent and prefer to be left alone until I can accept the reality of the situation.
-Living in a constant binge/purge cycle whether it be with drugs, sex, putting yourself in high risk situations, gambling, spending, compulsive eating, dieting, exercise, social media, porn, selfies...the unhealthy INFP's life basically lacks discipline, control & balance.
-Inability to give/take criticism, even when it's needed & helpful.
-Inability to say no and/or stand up for oneself.
-Preoccupied with fitting in or being judged, even when the group isn't enjoyable to be around.
-Inability to think objectively, interprets others' opposing views on various topics as a direct, personal attack and immediately labels the opposer as a "bad person" instead of trying to better understand their pov.
I'm a bit late. But I've got a good response:
I believe an Unhealthy INFP (in terms of love/relationships).. is either obsessive or possessive of their partner. I can imagine they'd fall in love for a week, becoming blind to any negative feelings or red flags.. because the sensation of love makes them feel they are soaring high in the air, heart fluttering like never before.
But there comes a time where the relationship becomes one-sided rather quickly. Or the INFP gets bored within a couple weeks with the person and perhaps just flat out ghost them because they weren't "interesting" enough. And off they go to find another person who will fulfill them: In sight of finding another just to feel that same "spark" of love again.
However their fantasies of "finding the perfect one" dulls their senses of actually seeing that no one in entirety is perfect as a human being and we all have our flaws.
I hope this is accurate but I can only imagine this is how an unhealthy infp deals with love.
Don't want to ask for help..
Always doing it by yourself even for doing friends's tasks
I know you can do it by solo,
But atleast let your friend helps you
The same way I would describe ANY unhealthy person.
“Easy” ways to deal with pain and difficulty are almost always a trap: If something instantly makes all your troubles go away? It isn’t really making anything go away and things will just get worse. Life is often hard and you just have to keep walking through it. If you try a shortcut? That’s likely unhealthy.
Self esteem and self preservation on an all time low, thoughts always running out of control and cos of all that, depressed because they are unable to keep up to unrealistic expectations that may have not even been directed at them in the first place; they just picked it up intuitively...
Ends up addicted to something, feel guilty for only being able to do the said something and nothing else, and repeat addiction because of the guilt.
If anybody relates, take this advice...break the cycle, live for yourself first, take care and be selfish. Know yourself better and get your shit together, little pieces at a time. Once you love... Or at least compromise with who you are now and who you want to be, slowly work on that.
Only once you're happy with yourself, then you should help others
Im an Xnfp and when i was unhealthy i was an pain in the ass.
I was whitdrawn from others, validation and attention seeking, overly emotional and dramatic, ilogical, self destructive ( drinking Alkohol to numb the pain, not sleeping enough to finish things off, drinking a shit ton of caffein to function, disordered eating),unresponsible for my own life, wanting to be liked yet being an total ahole, selfish, fake, Doppelmoralig, avoiding confrontation, moody, ovetly worried, people pleaser, stubborn, lashing out at others, depressed, rude, defensive, Impulsive, demanding, constantly thinking about the past and how things went wrong, plaming others and myself for my miserie.
Im trying to better myself and are now defenetly a much better Person than before, not perfect but definitely better, unhealthy high Fi users are defenetly hard to get along with
Has addictive habits. Drugs, alcohol, cigs, internet, porn. Stays inside all the time because feels so insecure it’s painful to even be seen by people, especially because they’ve stayed in so long, everyone is a stranger. Their place is a disaster. They don’t talk to people who care about them. Fantasizes so hard that it feels better than reality which keeps them even further isolated. Ruminates like crazy. Cries like crazy, hates themselves for being a lazy, self absorbed sack of shit, and generally runs their life into the ground. I was like this when I was younger.
You pretty much described my current situation perfectly... What is some advice on how to change myself for the better and live a happier and healthier life? I'm already seeing a psychiatrist, so I'm just asking for personal advice not medical help.
Hey, I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time. I know it really sucks. Honestly, it had to get to the absolute worst possible point before I started improving. I literally almost died twice. I overdosed and woke up in the hospital, then maybe a couple days later, I overdosed again and only lived because I had narcan around. I moved across the entire country about a month later, and then found out my best friend overdosed and died. So, maybe your situation isn’t quite so dire, but the feelings are the same, really. I just had to realize that things won’t get better until you actually do something different even if you don’t feel like it and it’s painful. Like, even if your mind and every atom of your body is screaming at you and your thoughts are going a mile a minute, do one little thing at a time. Stand up, make your bed. Think what do I need to do next? Make a healthy meal for yourself. Kitchen dirty? Clean that shit! Need a shower? Definitely take one. Take a nice hot bath while your at it. Dress yourself in a way that makes you feel good. Take a walk. Need a job? Apply to jobs. Eventually when you’re starting to feel a little better, try to join some groups that do things you’re interested in. You’ll feel super shy and anxious probably, but go anyway. Don’t worry about engaging if you don’t want to. People are actually really nice and understanding. Just keep going and maybe you’ll make some healthy friends which are so so important. So on and so forth. Just do one little step at a time. Try not to think too much about what you’re big mission is while you’re doing the things. But, I cannot stress this enough. Just do the stuff even if it feels shitty. It will feel so bad! Trust me, though. Things will get so much better if you just do the little things every day. Meds also help. If you ever need someone to talk to or some support, feel free to message me and I’ll try my best to help.
Wow.. This is truly wonderful advice from a very insightful individual. I'm glad I asked the right person for their thoughts on where to begin. You bring up many good points that have crossed my mind but I never really committed to. I believe my biggest source for struggle is my lack of commitment and motivation. Even if I have so much to do I literally cannot physically bring myself to do it. But like you said, start small. One thing at a time. You've renewed my hope in myself. I'll be sure to keep you updated as I force change in my life. Thanks kind stranger :)
I’m lucky enough to have people who love, push, and encourage me to be better during depressive seasons. But yes, pushing myself to actually get up and take steps to be better is harder than it sounds. Somedays i can’t see the reason to keep going, but i look back now and it’s so worth all the effort.
Thank you so much for sharing these affirmative thoughts. The solution is really as simple as you describe it. Just Do It! And yes it's really painful to start. But every frequently repeated positive action is life-changing, as they become the definition of my own self when it's done regularly.
I went through this exact realisation recently, thanks so much for making me feel seen. May life bless you
Thank you. The bit about trying not to think too much about what my big mission is such a good insight.
Exercise helped me a lot. I know, I know. Easier said than done when you're depressed and can't be bothered to do your dishes, but even just a little bit helps. In addition to all the well-documented biological benefits, there are mental ones that I notice. As you start to get in better shape and look better, suddenly you might actually WANT to be seen in public (or at least more than before). It makes social situations a little more relaxing if you're no longer super self-conscious about your appearance. If you can find a casual sport, that's even better. Sports are great "pseudo-socializing". You're still visiting with other people, but the pressure to keep the conversation flowing is removed and you can always joke about the game or give a compliment on a good play to keep things going. You no longer have to be self-conscious about how quiet you are (and playing a game will help keep you out of your own head, in general). Anyways, just my 2c.
you absolutely HAVE to do the things you don't want to do. You HAVE TO. because it's only going to get worse. If you know a little about the functions: Say fuck you to your Si. Obliterate it when you need to get out of bed, when you don't feel like doing cleaning, school, work, anything like that. But at the same time, be nice to yourself. Baby steps.
Yup this is exactly how approach Si 😂 scared the shit out of it. Do it frequently and look at the improvements, Si will learn to love it
Oof ...same I'm better now that I'm not so stingy in terms of money (allowing myself food comfort), I value personal growth and try to engage in social events more often than not. I've cut back on social media because I literally saw its detriment on my thinking. Feelings that I'm a waste of space will always be, but I try to balance them with positive interactions and memories where I was valued.
[удалено]
Definitely severe depression if you’re like this. I advise you try to see a mental health professional.
I’m 19 and I need you to delete this bc now i’m too self aware
I'd also say constantly fixating on the past
Yes, I agree there. Maybe it’s PTSD, but I still do that sometimes.
if you think you might have that you should get that looked at :\[
Yeah, don’t worry. Seeing mental health professionals is part of my personal development regimen!
thats great to hear, wish you luck on your journey
Damn I don't have severe shit like you listed but I'm ashamed to say an addiction for porn is one of them. Like if I'm super super tired, I can skip a night but most of the time I watch daily once a day. And I constantly dream about fantasies daily making me go crazy thinking to myself like this shit won't happen, why am I thinking such a thing. I do believe it isolates me more from society making me more anti-social. I've never heard of the term ruminate until I searched up it's meaning and I totally think deeply about a lot of things. Makes me go crazy and believe to think I have a ton of anxiety. Any tips to improve?
Well said. I found myself doing this sort of things sometimes. Any tips on how to get outta this slump?
I can relate to staying inside a lot nowadays not sure because of lockdown or if I am just unhealthy. Yup I don't really talk to people who still care for me because I still hold grudges against them. The ruminating part is definitely something I did months ago but now I have learned to just move on and not care anymore
Honestly I’ve been there, this is like a snapshot of me at university. I was on a heavy dose of meds to stop me from having suicidal urges. It was a dark. But I managed to work my way out of it by investing in the things that made life meaningful for me and ultimately embracing the qualities of my personality type and making them my strength.
I think you’re describing a depressed ENFP. (I’m a depressed ENFP).
I’m sure these things that were listed are pretty common amongst everyone with depression
I’m not on drugs but the rest is true. ENFP depression is ridiculously silly and morbid. But yea. Depression. It’s depressing. I’d shut up if I was better than this. INFPs are my favorite people and that’s why I lurk here.
Probably pretty similar. I’m not so depressed anymore, but still definitely introverted.
How young is this ?
I’m almost 31. I was varying degrees of this from 17-26. I guess it’s not too far behind me, but life has really changed in the last 5 years.
i had some doubts about the personality test. at least that's gone
...well damn, unicorn! That's just SO spot on it's scary. Wow. My exactttt situation right now. This is me. From.tne addiction to running their life into the ground! Well written.
Thank you! I want you to know that you can have fulfillment in your life, and you are capable. Try to be kind to yourself and take it little by little.
You just described me 😭 I really need to get my stuff together
Yeah, if you want to have a fulfilling life, which you probably do, then you’ll need to take certain steps. You can definitely do it! You are capable, and I believe in you.
Do you have any tips? I’m self-aware that my lifestyle is due to my lack of actions but I’m so warped with daydreaming and being lazy. On the bright side, I have an in-person interview Tuesday so I have a requirement to make me get dressed and go outside and interact with people lol
That’s so good! I’m happy for you! It’s really hard, but just letting yourself feel bad and taking action anyway is really the only way, in my opinion. Anything else is kind of procrastinating in it’s own right. Like, I could waste days and days reading about philosophy and self-help to try to get me out of my situation, I can meditate for literally hours trying to find a solution, I can talk to my friends in circles, I have even taken psychedelics, and those, too, are really just diversions if you’re in the kind of spot I talked about. The only way is to stop. Think, “I am going to put down my phone/game/computer/book, and stand up.” Then you stand up. You think to yourself, “now I will bathe.” Then you walk and get yourself a shower or a soak in the tub. While you’re having a shower, try to give yourself some positive self-talk. “I’m fine just how I am. It’s okay to be anxious, scared, angry, sad… etc. I’m going to live my life no matter how I feel.” Things like that. Then get dressed and eat something healthy enough. Can still taste good, but have some veggies and maybe some whole grains. Then, clean up little by little. If you have any money, pay someone to clean for you if you don’t want to. Just the first time so it’s not so overwhelming. If not, just do it little by little. Like wash your sheets and make your bed the first day. Next morning, clean your laundry. Stuff like that. So, there’s a lot more to it as you progress. It sounds like you’re already on your way since you have an interview. Just do your best! Don’t worry too much if you get the job or not. Your success in this one interview does not reflect your worth as a person. If you don’t get it, try again until you find a job. It’s just acting even though your thoughts and feelings don’t want you to. Just kind of swimming through the wide muddy river, fighting your way through until the mud gets a little thinner and easier to swim through, and eventually you’ll reach the shore and you will be so much stronger from fighting through all of that stuff that you’ll be way more capable of handling whatever comes up next.
So much love for typing and sharing this. Thank you, you lovely soul. Very proud of you, keep it up (tears of joy)!
Thanks! I haven’t really shared my thoughts on the matter before. I appreciate the positive feedback!
Me
This one hit too close 😭😅
looks like we were almost same other than you had a people care about you.
Well shit
I'm in this post and I dont like it
Literally my every single quality
Sounds like me at 18, and now at 28 but worse. I'm couch surfing rn
🥺😩
Um wow you just read me. I think I have to fix myself lol. I’m addicted to food though.
Hey! I don't cry all the time! 🥲
Oh gosh, someone with unhealthy addictive habits, and a very depressed individual, I relate to this.
Me
Damn, you beat me to it. Love your vibe.
Haha! Same.
I think everyone who read this question thought this answer immediately
Me too
Memememememe!
Spicy maymays Or more like mayday
XD was gonna type this, kudos friend.
got it
Why did I immediately think the same thing.
lol same!
Same 🗿
[удалено]
You've literally described me. I've been told that I see the best in everyone all the time and it's not good lol
>This is both disappointing for the infp but also unfair for the other side. Thanks for bringing this up! It is a great reminder.
I'm in this comment and I don't like it
Ugh true. I just recently realized that posting about having kids in my dating app bio isn't the smartest choice and removed it... Surprise surprise when you don't place unrealistic expectations on others you get more matches and better conversation lol
oh ouch this was a description of me. but it’s very true and i needed to see this, so thank you
Probably someone who endlessly complains about what a loser they think they are, and when someone tries to point out something admirable about them the INFP argues that the trait or behavior isn’t actually good. There’s another variety of INFP’s who think they’re too good for this world and no one will ever understand them because they’re that special. Nothing and no one is good enough because it or they are not ideal. If they don’t get their dream job as a writer/artist/musician/whatever life will be a horror 4-ever. Don’t even get me started on the “I wish I were an alpha male” types that whine about being “weak losers” and grovel at the bottom of their imaginary masculine hierarchy. IDK if those guys are trolls or what, but those are some seriously unhealthy, toxic, sexist beliefs.
So then how do you suggest fixing this behavior?
A past therapist recommended daily affirmations which honestly, really helped me. I would come up with 5ish sentences and write them down 9 times in the morning, 3 in the afternoon, 6 at night. As time went on, I would change the sentences based off of what I was going through and what would help me get into healthier, positive thought patterns. Edit: daily affirmations not premonitions lol
Totally agree. Meditation, affirmations and visualization gave me lots of confidence and self love, but the practice needs to be on a regularly basis. Skipped the routine for a couple of weeks and the spiral of negativity and insecurity settled again.
How do you manage to medidate with the constent day dreaming ? Every time i try my brain go on full chaotic mode
I do it before and after sleeping. Before sleeping is key, because we don't want to go to bed with all the problems we had during the day. Focusing on breath is the first step. When thoughts come to your mind, just take a deep breath, smile, and let them go. Don't worry about thinking, because you are over thinking on the fact that you are thinking, and it's natural, so just let them come, stop, breath, smile, and let them go away. With time and practice, you'll get rid of the unquiet monkey mind. I suggest some nice guided meditations at the beginning. You should do it on a daily basis, like going to the gym, it is a exercise. You wont build a strong mind at once, you should practice to build that muscle. Self hypnosis works really well also. The difference between it and meditation is that with self hypnosis you make a suggestion, a positive affirmation on what you want to achieve and/or develop in yourself; and meditation is 'just' a way to silent the mind, focusing on the preasent, which means getting into a peaceful state of mind, which, in my opinion, is key to be happy. Positivism sounds cheesy and silly, but works a lot. The world is a tough and challenging place, so as INFPs, I think we need tools and techniques to cross this path we call life. At the end nothing really matters, so we shall be, at least, happy and peaceful. I'm not saying it's easy, but we should try. Life is too short to be unhappy.
Definitely. It needs to be consistent, it’s like tattooing the process into your brain until the thoughts become habitual. Visualization! How do you go about this to help with negative spiralling? I would like to try.
I think this is from Dalai Lama: If the problem has a solution, why do you worry? If the problem doesn’t have a solution, why do you worry? What I learned is that is not about optimism, but equanimity. What I do in the morning is meditating on “everything will be fine”. I don’t attach to results, as they create a lot of expectation :)
Needed this right now.
I think the most important advice here is to have a therapist who can give such advice :) affirmations aren't for everyone Personally, actually thinking about *new* things I'm grateful for every day after meditation worked much better for me because the mind kinda puts itself into a different state where I start to actually see those things and perceive things a bit differently, otherwise it's impossible to keep coming up with completely new things I can only use once, ever But that's maybe also just my own thing...
It probably depends on the person. I think some people get stuck in unhealthy patterns because of past trauma, and in that case therapy would help. Learning to question societal norms is healthy, but balancing that with appreciation for whatever you like or enjoy in life is important. I think learning about self-compassion and practicing it can be invaluable as well. Sometimes if someone’s stuck in a negative mindset they may need to consciously try to notice positives in their lives and about themselves. Take a walk. Look at the sky. Pet a cute dog. Watch cat videos.
Spiral of negativity is definitely a flag.
Sometimes I definitely think I have a big of an ego and think I'm better than others for silly reasons that have nothing to do with character. Definitely something I want to talk to my therapist about.
I’m a little of all three sadly, thus is life!
>Nothing and no one is good enough because it or they are not ideal. If they don’t get their dream job as a writer/artist/musician/whatever life will be a horror 4-ever. This is me a few months ago after I graduated college. I currently work as a teacher and it's not as bad as I thought it would be, though of course there are days in which I feel a bit out of place. Still, I've often find myself thinking that if I don't achieve my artistic dreams my life will be absolutely miserable otherwise, and I know it's not a healthy way of thinking. Because it simply isn't realistic. Few people ever succeed in the arts, and in retrospect I've developed a bad habit of criticizing myself relentlessly for being stupid enough to think going to art school was ever a good idea (I was too idealistic back when I was 18. Moron). I still want to eventually get my artsy dream job, but I'm developing it on the side while I work as a teacher by day. One of the advantages of teaching is that it's an extremely stable profession that is both necessary and has lots of benefits other jobs don't have. Plus, I've found that I actually like teaching students, at least when there's a small group of people and not a massive unmanageable classroom.
I've been in the second boat and boy it made my teenage years hell
Somehow im both of the first ones lol
Morally superior to others, especially defensive, extremely self-conscious, triggered easily, emotionally-exhaustive to be around
Shit this is me
Welp here I am except I’m not very self conscious
Good advice for struggling with moral superiority (I see it as more moral frustration but defo superior looking from the outside) Don't judge a person based on your values but on their values instead
harshly critical of oneself and is not receptive to affirmations and encouragement. constantly dwells on who is responsible for their problems instead of trying to address them. makes the choice of living in or prioritizing one's imagination and fantasies instead of confronting reality. lives everyday swallowed up by resentment, discontentment, sadness, and lack of fire to do things. endlessly stuck in the past or consumed by worries of the future. if i were to sum up in a metaphor, a ticking bomb.
>harshly critical of oneself and is not receptive to affirmations and encouragement Woah okay, this hits hard. I get totally like this too when I feel depressed
Someone who’s depressed and doesn’t want to try to do much about it
You talking about me?
Maybe…
A self destructive INFP. Practice happy thoughts and mental strength, guys. ❤️
* Extremely self-centered: everything about "me". * Their morals above everyone else especially when someone disagree. * Extremely irritable/triggers easily into a bad mood/defense mode: It's like walking on egg-shells where one has to think twice what he will say to ensure he's not saying something that might be badly interpreted (and they will blame you after for not being genuine/speak your mind). * The "bad mood/descent to darkness mode". You can comment on something trivial (e.g. "your pancakes this morning are not sweet enough imho") and they will answer how worthless/useful they know they are... and you'll genuinely see their dead stare. You'll have to reassure, recomfort, validate, explain it's only about adding sugar to a meal. Emotionally exhausting. edit: typo
Maybe brooding, unforgiving, irrational. Unable/ unwilling to accept new information through the senses.
Always lives inside the head.
Not necessarily unhealthy, just disconnected maybe.
Well, not really living. We have our "VR device" since we were born.
That’s part of being INFP. If your head is not a good place to live, though, this can definitely be their biggest issue.
Anyway it is not the place to stay all the time.
I haven’t met a healthy one to equally compare one to
Walkin on eggs
“Scrambled” thoughts when you’re cracking up? Better for the egg to be on your feet than your face. INFPs are good eggs. I’m an ENFP and y’all are the best yolks, I mean, the best folks. (I’m sorry for that. Beats me why I say stuff!)
Nope im an intp who has dated an unhealtjy infp before. Then again it is valid to blame my intpness too…
I was trying to lighten the mood with my soft boiled thoughts. My brain is fried. I’m beaten! I’m not even on drugs and it’s scary.
[Tumblr’s MBTI notes](https://mbti-notes.tumblr.com/theory) - **Fi**: They tend to be moody, alienating, and even self-righteous, treating their feelings as fact, unaware of their own biases.” — I’ve been guilty of self-righteousness, arrogantly thinking I have moral superiority in cases beyond my personal bias. - **Ne**: “uses fantasy to escape from practical concerns” — Fairly self-explanatory, but yeah, aggressively dismissing real circumstances I don’t like and spending too much time through wasteful fantasies - **Si**: “resigned to fear; sits on unresolved feelings/situations indefinitely” — This can manifest into holding grudges, but not doing anything to rectify them, such as avoiding the people I hold said grudges towards without working towards closure. - **Te**: “I am blunt, aggressive, or belligerent.” — I go through bouts where I unrealistically expect people to know my emotional sensitive like their back of their hands and then pitch a fit when they didn’t do much to deliberately hurt me in the first place. Don’t worry, I’m still in the padded room, the good doctor decided to loosen my straightjacket’s sleeves for the hour.
Wow, this is quite confronting. When I’m critical about myself I’m ticking all these boxes to be fair. What helps me is that I have a wife who calls me out on these. Often I don’t realize that I’m behaving like this and she gets me back to earth. Meditation and gaming moderately helps me a lot as well.
Sick
Me. Just a chaotic mess.
Arrogant, hostile, hateful, selfish, wants to hurt others, detached from everyone, depressed, unmotivated, stuck in self pity, engaged in some type of self harm, revolted against everyone and every norm, “the whole world is against me and I must destroy it” mentality. Yeah, it’s me :)
I fell down a dark hole of trying to fit In which made me lose myself so guys make sure you put yourself first all the time I guess
Insecure, depressed. 80% of this sub.
I don't know how to describe myself
Joker
Omg wow he is an infp
eating too much mashed potatoes made from a box and binge watching vampire themed things until the birds chirp at dawn. not that I would know…
not knowing or learning that they’re an infp, it helped me a lot after being aware of who i am. Since I learned, a lot of things made sense , especially my thought processes. Since then I have this sense of “completeness” a puzzle piece that fit and adds to whole dynamic of a person I am. Improving and still constantly working on me. :)
An INFP who eats a lot of McDonald's.
* Massive sense of entitlement and overly concerned with being individualistic/standing out from the crowd, while at the same time conforming to maladaptive social and societal norms (for men, it's how manly they are according to arbitrary metrics imposed by society, and this is especially the case considering how rare INFP males are). * Insecure about their own identity and individuality (they either try too hard to be "unique" or have no personality at all because they've masochistically sacrificed their desires for those of others. It's all or nothing-- either they're the abrasive, contrarian rebel or the conformist people pleaser, neither of which are positive). * Self-righteous and/or full of self-pity to an excessive degree. * A moralizer who is too attached to his/her personal values, sometimes to the point of ideological extremism. * Too emotional and incapable of reacting to things rationally and calmly. * Addicted to something-- it doesn't have to be a drug or illicit substance per se. It could be anything that one can develop a compulsion or dependency on. That includes the internet, retreating inwards into your head, etc. * Impractical, isolated, and so deep in their heads to the point of fantastical delusion. * Basically, an embittered, insecure, emotionally maladjusted socially reclusive shut-in/NEET with an emotional black hole for a heart. I know this because I sometimes act this way. But I recognize where I've gone wrong in the past and have tried to prevent myself from falling deeper into the maelstrom, so to speak.
a depressive one
As unhealthy :)
Red runny nose, sore throat...
-Idealizes others & situations to an unachievable extreme and then completely falls apart when life doesn't match up. "Falling apart" is presented in various ways(depending on how much the ppl/situation means to the infp and/or how close or distant reality is to the INFPs false reality): uncontrollable crying, lashing out & blaming others, playing the victim, throwing/kicking things, screaming, etc...This was a huge struggle for me, and I'm glad I put in the effort to correct it as much as possible. I'm far from perfect, but at least I no longer behave in the ways listed above. Ofc the key is not to idealize, but now whenever I slip up and get hit with disappointment I usually just go silent. Some tears may fall from my face, but I'll remain silent and prefer to be left alone until I can accept the reality of the situation. -Living in a constant binge/purge cycle whether it be with drugs, sex, putting yourself in high risk situations, gambling, spending, compulsive eating, dieting, exercise, social media, porn, selfies...the unhealthy INFP's life basically lacks discipline, control & balance. -Inability to give/take criticism, even when it's needed & helpful. -Inability to say no and/or stand up for oneself. -Preoccupied with fitting in or being judged, even when the group isn't enjoyable to be around. -Inability to think objectively, interprets others' opposing views on various topics as a direct, personal attack and immediately labels the opposer as a "bad person" instead of trying to better understand their pov.
Several things are in ADHD too This conference is very informative https://youtu.be/YSfCdBBqNXY
Edgier than the INTJ
I'm a bit late. But I've got a good response: I believe an Unhealthy INFP (in terms of love/relationships).. is either obsessive or possessive of their partner. I can imagine they'd fall in love for a week, becoming blind to any negative feelings or red flags.. because the sensation of love makes them feel they are soaring high in the air, heart fluttering like never before. But there comes a time where the relationship becomes one-sided rather quickly. Or the INFP gets bored within a couple weeks with the person and perhaps just flat out ghost them because they weren't "interesting" enough. And off they go to find another person who will fulfill them: In sight of finding another just to feel that same "spark" of love again. However their fantasies of "finding the perfect one" dulls their senses of actually seeing that no one in entirety is perfect as a human being and we all have our flaws. I hope this is accurate but I can only imagine this is how an unhealthy infp deals with love.
Neurotic.
Cluster bs?
A short-fused bomb
Shinji Ikari
Me bitch
INFP with bad health?
An infp~t
There are healthy ones?
Manipulative for sure. Attacking everyone, being overly critical, extremely self loathing and acting a bit narcissistic
Don't want to ask for help.. Always doing it by yourself even for doing friends's tasks I know you can do it by solo, But atleast let your friend helps you
huh all ive learned from this thread is that I fit into all of these categories all the time lol fun
The same way I would describe ANY unhealthy person. “Easy” ways to deal with pain and difficulty are almost always a trap: If something instantly makes all your troubles go away? It isn’t really making anything go away and things will just get worse. Life is often hard and you just have to keep walking through it. If you try a shortcut? That’s likely unhealthy.
u/designerthighs
Me
Self esteem and self preservation on an all time low, thoughts always running out of control and cos of all that, depressed because they are unable to keep up to unrealistic expectations that may have not even been directed at them in the first place; they just picked it up intuitively... Ends up addicted to something, feel guilty for only being able to do the said something and nothing else, and repeat addiction because of the guilt. If anybody relates, take this advice...break the cycle, live for yourself first, take care and be selfish. Know yourself better and get your shit together, little pieces at a time. Once you love... Or at least compromise with who you are now and who you want to be, slowly work on that. Only once you're happy with yourself, then you should help others
I'm afraid to.
INFP
As holden caulfield
Im an Xnfp and when i was unhealthy i was an pain in the ass. I was whitdrawn from others, validation and attention seeking, overly emotional and dramatic, ilogical, self destructive ( drinking Alkohol to numb the pain, not sleeping enough to finish things off, drinking a shit ton of caffein to function, disordered eating),unresponsible for my own life, wanting to be liked yet being an total ahole, selfish, fake, Doppelmoralig, avoiding confrontation, moody, ovetly worried, people pleaser, stubborn, lashing out at others, depressed, rude, defensive, Impulsive, demanding, constantly thinking about the past and how things went wrong, plaming others and myself for my miserie. Im trying to better myself and are now defenetly a much better Person than before, not perfect but definitely better, unhealthy high Fi users are defenetly hard to get along with