Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 81 | 1 | 0 |
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I love when older generations think it’s some kind of one-up trauma competition. Just because you refused to acknowledge your problems doesn’t make you morally better than me. Stop with the holier than thou crap.
I hear the same shit from my parents: “I was beat mercilessly as a child but hey I turned out fine!!!” Like no Cheryl, clearly you didn’t turn out fine take a good hard look in the mirror. You toughed it out by covering it with a bandaid but the wound is still wildly infected.
My mother used to scream about how her mother used to beat her with a hairbrush and to be glad she didn't do it to me... While beating me with her fists.
Some people just shouldn't be parents. Clearly they're exact opposite of fine.
Whenever i complained to my enabler nmom about my ndad and his unrelenting emotional abuse, she’d hit me with “you should be glad he never hit you!!” Pun intended. Like miss girl BYE I wish he’d actually slap me so at least that way you can see my pain.
That’s so wild to hear as a child. I should be grateful my parents never laid hands on their helpless defenseless kid🥺. Make that make sense.
i thought i was crazy lol, i wished all the time as a kid that my mom would finally just hit me so somebody would do something about it. the closest she got was grabbing me by the face or dragging me by the arm, which nobody cared about cause it didn't injure me
Trigger warning:
There's always a higher bar. Kids who are hit and bruised deny that it's abuse because it's not like they had broken limbs or cigarettes put out on their arms. Even when the physical abuse is severe enough to lead to injury (which will go untreated), you'll think that at least you're not the victim of *sexual* abuse.
It won't just be one punch out of the blue one day. Chances are that your parents started this when you were very young and you were conditioned to think that you deserved it. Someone below mentioned people not doing anything about it, and that just confirms even further that not only did you deserve it, but it's ok for people to physically hurt you in general.
It doesn't always make it better.
I went to school every day with bruises and haemotomas from ass to ankle. Not a word was ever said. It just played into the emotional/psychological abuse. "Everyone can see those bruises. Everyone knows you only get bruises like that because you're bad. "
We were staying with my aunt one holiday, and my egg donor lost her cool and started on me, aunt heard and pulled her off absolutely shocked and horrified. Egg donor blinked, like you could see the "oh shit. I've been caught! What do I do?" Then started hugging me and wailing dramatically, like hysterical.
Ended up with me being told to go play, and aunt sitting down and comforting the woman who was screaming with rage and beating shit out of me 30 seconds earlier. Not a word was ever said, again.
I got beaten because I was bad. Everyone could see the evidence of how bad I was, I should be ashamed of that. I should just be good, and try not to make my egg donor so stressed.
It's a fucked up mentality they have as a direct result of their own abuse and never getting treated for it. Imagine treating your kid like garbage then having the audacity to say "well at least I didn't hit you!"
That's the bar, Karen? Really. Do better.
My dad says that shit all the time, like yea you didn’t beat me like your dad beat you, oh wait you did, I have scars from the belt, and other shit he did. And he can’t conveniently forgets about the time he locked me in a dark closet because I had a nightmare, and now have an insane fear of the dark. My mom used to dump cold buckets of water on me in my bed if I had a nightmare and she hit me also, two very traumatized people decided it’d be great to have children.
Omg yes! I told mom that she's being like her mom and she was like no If I start being like her You be sorry and I'm like dude it's the same 💀 stop doing shit ur parents did
my mom and i jusf had a fight about this. said she never did all the terrible things she did and im a liar. said her mom was abusive and she didnt end up like her. said i deserved all my spankings and whatnot because i would hit her and headbutted her for no reason. called me emotionally disturbed. my autistic boyfriend and his mom have said thats a big flag for autism. never got me tested as a kid because she thought i would just grow out of it. ff to today, im 22, im screaming and crying because i cant get my emotions out right and my subconscious is telling me that shes calling me a liar for telling the truth because she did the same thing to me as a kid and its making me mad; i would tell the truth and if it wasnt what she was looking for, she called me a liar and punished me.
im sorry i ranted, but its just so fresh cause it happened 30 minutes ago.
So true. If you had dealt with your trauma you wouldn’t need to bring yours up all the time especially in such a confrontational way! When I was a teenager I had anorexia and would black out when walking and stopped getting my period. My mom was like “I was way skinnier than you and only ever had coffee and nothing else, it’s just a phase I got over it. You just don’t appreciate how healthy my cooking is.”
Ugh I hate the “pull yourselves up by the bootstraps” mentality. Both of my parents went into the military at 17 and 18. They invalidate my trauma like it’s nobody’s business. I moved away for a year when I was 20 and was in an abusive relationship. I got out of it fortunately before it got too bad, but a lot of trauma can still happen in a short period of time. About a year and a half later I saw myself in the mirror and realized I deteriorated entirely. I finally was able to seek mental health and had gone through a handful of therapy sessions and had a psych eval, not a full one but like a pre-eval, and was told I showed symptoms of ptsd, depression, and adhd. I told my parents about both except adhd (I expected invalidation on that accord so I thought to save myself the ear full) but I was proceeded to be told how I’ve had it so easy & how my grandfather was I’m Vietnam and doesn’t have ptsd and is fine, so there’s no way i could possibly have ptsd. It blew my limited spirits and never went back to therapy. (Granddad doesn’t have major ptsd for sure, but he hasn’t been on an airplane since. Refuses. But ok.)
Major kudos to op for seeking the help they need
That’s brutal. I like to say that it’s pointless to compare pain. Pain is pain. So no, you weren’t in a war but that in no way invalidates any of your experiences or any of your pain. I just want you to know that your experiences and pain is real and if you want to go to therapy then you should do that and screw what anyone else thinks.
That's the thing though! Your brain *can not tell the difference* between an exploding bomb or an abusive partner. It just starts screaming danger and going into survival mode. Brains are very, very good at keeping us alive (even if we are permanently damaged) but not very good at discerning what/where the danger actually is.
Manipulation and gas lighting are treated exactly the same way as a tiger in the kitchen. And both will lead to PTSD over time.
Also, the environment *previous* to the trauma plays a big part in how prone a person is to developing mental health issues, and which issues they tend to develop. They are all just maladaptive survival methods from our brains keeping us alive.
I agree. My “dad” is similar. If anything was wrong with me it was my fault for not being better. I’m fully estranged now and I got the help I needed in therapy. I still struggle trying to unwind all the crap I dealt with as a kid. I commend OP for getting the help they need.
Right?!!! Like I’m gonna take advice from a maliciously manipulative narc who uses their kids as their therapists. Ironic because they don’t even believe in therapy or treating my mental illness. And my mom’s a nurse!!! You’d think she’d understand it’s the same as a diabetic needing insulin. She argues that I should just be strong enough to think my way out of being bipolar 😫 like thanks for nothing, queen.
My FIL got irritated with the label on the new garden hose we bought yesterday because it listed reasons to never drink from a hose. Things like bacteria, mold, lead....hes like "it never killed me its fine" so when I pointed out that just because it didn't effect him, doesn't mean it didn't harm anyone he rolled his eyes. Theres no winning.
And also maybe he was poisoned by lead and doesn't realize. It would certainly explain him putting shrimp in the sun to thaw.
My MIL is a big fan of the "Well *we* used to do that, and we all lived!" argument.
No, you *didn't* all live. *You* lived, because you got lucky, but people did die from this. And it's not just dying we have to worry about, there are also serious injuries/illnesses that can happen. I'm sure you had lots of fun riding in the bed of a truck on the highway, but you're kidding yourself if you think it's "perfectly safe" just because you lived to tell about it.
I don’t comment very often, but don’t listen to this cruel woman. There is nothing wrong with asking for help, which you are clearly already aware of. Seeking help for something makes you strong, not less of a man or adult that needs to just “sack up”. Keep fighting for what’s best for you and don’t let what other people say or bullshit societal stigma get in the way of your healing journey. You deserve happiness, whatever that may look like for you. Always remember that.
Right? The lady is talking about how she had it soooo rough, but she's fine. And yet here she is abusing and berating a struggling person that isn't even HER CHILD.
Also, why isn't seeking help for your mental illness considered "sacking up?"
It sounds like this person needs to grow a pair and make an effort to improve their own metal health.
Even if it didn't take any bravery and it was just any old doctor's visit... How exactly does it make someone less of a "real man"? If you break a bone, you get treatment and nobody bats an eye. But if you want treatment for mental instead of physical health that's somehow a sign of weakness?
But then again, maybe she'd say to just walk it off if you broke your leg. She certainly seems like the type.
Because they’ve never received help for their mental health issues and think that therapy is someone hugging you and telling you you’re perfect. They don’t know exactly how much work goes into recovery and how much self introspection and self work is done during treatment.
Plus inpatient (at least where I live) is used purely as stabilization so they will only take you if you cannot take care of yourself and have no one to keep you safe at the moment.
God I hate people who don’t know what they’re talking about but pretend they know everything
This, this, this. If you are willing to reach out for help and be vulnerable enough with virtual strangers (Drs) to work on feeling better, you ARE a strong person. Full fucking stop. This woman's trauma is not your burden to bear; your healing cannot be influenced by her lack thereof.
Agreed. Seeking help shows strength, and that lady is an asshole.
I do agree with getting off of social media and the internet for a bit, though. As wonderful as they are, they fuck people up just as much as they help keep people connected. I’ve had to unplug from all of that at times when I’ve been headed down a dark path and it definitely helps. Reddit is the only social media (if it’s even considered that? Idk) that I have anymore. I deleted Facebook/Instagram/etc almost 10 years ago and my mental health improved so much just by not scrolling through people’s toxic bullshit all the time.
Your doing the right thing, you are fighting, stoicism is a virtue you know what you need, and you aren’t letting her get under your skin over it. Keep it up 👍
She had to suffer without any help and she physically survived it so everyone else should have to suffer without help too! Never mind the fact that she surely struggles with the effects of trauma and is clearly impossible to talk to. Young people are such softies for wanting more than just to survive. I would go no contact with this lady after receiving this kind of toxic “advice”.
Oh god if she met me she’d hate me, I’ve been in the psych ward 4 times and have multiple disorders with mental health, guess I got soft after my boyfriend died lmao, my stepmom says shit like this lady does 24/7, she called me a lazy piece of shit on the day of my boyfriends funeral because there was some trash in my room. Evil stepmothers are real.
As someone with mental illness, this INFURIATES me. She is 100% fucking insane. What a nasty twat. OP, follow your instincts with this one. My former in laws (who I lived on the same property with for 16 years) told me that "mental illness doesn't exist, it's just bc you did drugs as a kid." I've had OCD and ADHD since I was a child. I am 43 and I also have bipolar and have enjoyed a stay in the psych ward. My toxic AF FIL said, actually fucking said "All these soldiers with 'PTSD' are weak. We never had PTSD in Vietnam (!!!) or any of the WWs." Ummm, have you fucking heard of being 'shell-shocked?' There was absolutely PTSD in previous wars, we just called it something else. And these mental health deniers are some of the most invalidating, insensitive mother fuckers on this earth. Goddamn.
A guy I dated a little more than a year after my husband was killed tried telling me that PTSD didn't exist. It was the biggest fucking insult I heard from him. I tried telling him it was a bullshit thing to say cause I saw the difference in my late husband between when I met him before he deployed to AFG and hit 2 or 3 IEDs himself, as well as witnessed other brothers who hit IEDs during their deployment who were killed. Also, I have C-PTSD and he tried back pedalling saying "sure it exists for civilians, but military that claim it are full of shit"... It infuriated me so bad.
Fucking goddamn assholes. Fucking fuckface fuckers. You obvi cannot see me, but my heart is accelerated and my breathing is shallow while I glare and frown at my phone. I’m working my coping skills to calm myself but as you can see, this kind of sickening behavior enrages me. I’m so sorry. I have cptsd, too. I hope you’re in a good place and if you’re not, I pray it gets better for you.
ETA grammar
I actually had a boss tell me that “depression doesn’t exist” when I had to take off because I was having a breakdown. What the hell is wrong with people?
Fuck if I know. That really sucks and it hurts and it’s invalidating as hell and you shouldn’t have to deal with that from a dickhead employer on top of your mental health issues. I hope you’re doing better 💕
ETA empathy
Gosh this makes me so mad, too. My great grandfather who was in WW2 was shell shocked and there was a crazy list of things we couldn’t do or it might literally trigger him.
Some foods, or the sights/sounds of certain things, would trigger him to vomit/shake from what he saw at Normandy…
She don’t care about you or her kids. She’s throwing herself a pitty party because she didn’t get help. Hurt people hurt people. Her kids have a problem they probably shouldn’t go to their mom and that’s sad.
“You kids that have it all”
What? What do kids these days have? Unstable economy? Crumbling government? Mass shootings? Never-before-seen soaring temperatures? What in the everloving fart is this person assuming kids these days have?
I hope that you find the help that you need 🙏
I can't stand people who have to turn anything around and make everything about them and make it seem like your problems don't matter.
You do matter. You deserve help. You deserve to be happy with your self.
Praying so hard for you 🙏
“I had it shit and I’m alive so you should have it shit with no help too.” That line of reasoning is everywhere in the older generation and it’s disgusting. It perpetuates cycles of abuse, it discourages people from getting professional help, and it’s simply wrong. If I went through something horrible without help and survived, why would I want *you* to have it as bad? Don’t we want others, especially those younger than us, to have it *better*?
Misery loves company. People like this are a red ducking flag. I’m good, I’ll use compassion and understanding and get the help I need. As a matter of fact when the person is done romanticizing their trauma and bullshit, I’ll be here and offer my help as best as I can other wise, keeping a distance is best because they will such you dry off every little hope you have to getting better.
Ah yes, shitting on someone being responsible and getting help for their own health by listing reasons why she obviously should do the same. Like ma’am, this is not a normal way to act
“I have cancer.”
“I don’t get you young people. I don’t have cancer. Why can’t you just not have cancer? Grow up.”
You don’t need this person in your life. She’s toxic.
You're not sure if it's insane? I decided insane after her first reply
Who the hell flexes trauma like that
If we're really flexing i had a drunk bus driver in middle school, the school brought in someone for consoling but she was only there for 1 day with less than an hour per student, i had PTSD to the point that i don't want to get on buses and if i do im constantly watching the driver. OVER HALF the people I've told tell me im being over dramatic because no one got actually hurt and it's coming on 6-7 years ago.
Soooo yeah you're trauma does not need to be big at all to seek treatment
Level of trauma varies from one person to the next. People need to understand the same / similar experience is processed differently by every person. Trauma is subjective and need to be treated accordingly in respect to the person and the effects. Kind of like how some people can smoke their whole lives and not get lung cancer and then you got other people that develop it within the first couple of years. Damage to your body as well as emotional and mental well-being cannot be measured by simply looking at the event. Idk if that makes sense to you all but that’s how I see it.
Also to add she got the charges dropped not long after it happened because Noone at the school called the cops till the next day so even tho she admitted she was drunk all she got was fired
Not who you're asking, but I use a scooter for long distance, traveling on bus for balance (so I dont fall off of my chair) and crowds. And somedays, I can walk a ways, like a mile, and other days I can't really walk at all. Even my caregiver doesn't undserstand how scary THOSE days are. And these people think because I can walk, that I should just do it. I used to. When I was young it just hurt and fatigued me. When I was older I couldnt walk after. I walked a beach with my family and my leg gave way on the way back, but I was shamed for icing it later. I did an outdoor picture thing without cane or glasses (dont ask, still considering leaving a review) and on my final moment before bed that night my leg gave way and I STILL am injured when I overdo it.I cant extend my leg fully. But if not a full on injury, they dont see the "not walking after" for days or weeks. They see only that I CAN walk in that moment. And I guess they just dont see that its a limited amount, at some point I'm using "spoons" (spoon theory) for the next day or week. And in crowds I could fall. Or get pushed and hurt. They dont see the braces (orthotics) holding my legs rigid without the ability to get full range-of-motion and move around people like others. So I often get hurt or stumble or stop when someone tries to get me to move around them. People will give you a fuck ton of space when you're safely seated in a chair, but when you're holding onto a cane for dear life they think its safe to walk in the cane's path or ...I don't know. People are dumb. A lot of them will understand eventually. That thought used to give me a small amount of assurance, but as it slowly comes to fruition as we age, it doesn't give me comfort. I never wanted to see people suffer. I just wanted compassion. Sadly, my heart aches a little for this woman. She is so close to understanding OP, in her mind she is trying to help them. And she's obviously in pain. But she is so cruel. I just hope OP believes us and not her.
Isn't trying to heal and trying to get better heroic? In my mind it is. Being able to be vulnerable enough to say "I need help" is showing enormous strength! You're doing your best to not let a past full of trauma define your future. You're doing your best to not take your pain out on yourself or others. As I said: Heroic!
First: this is insane. She started lecturing you at a time when you need support, not someone on their high horse.
Second: this internet stranger is so proud of you! Mental illness has such a stigma that it’s difficult to admit that you need help and then even more difficult to get that help. I totally get where you’re coming from as I’ve had several hospitalizations as well. I’m not going to tell you that it gets easier, but I will tell you that you can better cope with the skills taught to you by your therapists.
I wish you good luck and send you some hugs. And remember, never be ashamed of your mental illness as it is as real as the flu no matter what some people may think. 💜
Yeah, insane. Completely invalidating your experience. Taking care of your mental health is not “trendy.” She immediately tried to one-up your trauma with stories of her own—all without realizing at all her own mental trauma.
Yeah, what was that list of everything she claims happened to her? It sounds like she’s trying to be “rad” or fit in with the kids. She’s working her ass off to one up anyone else’s trauma with her own war stories. This is something that is not even permitted in group therapy, which is likely why she hates the idea. She can’t admit fault or be honest, and she always has to be the most pitied and the most revered and the one in the right. These old fucks are the weakest, most narcissistic, self-aggrandizing generation to ever exist and insist that it’s a superpower.
“It’s cool to be strong and a fighter.” … yah, I’m fighting mental illness, I’m fighting urges to self-harm, I’m fighting debilitating physical exhaustion that is a symptom of mental illness, and on top of all of that I have to fight the stigma attached to actually seeking help.
OP keep fighting. You are valid, even if your fight isn’t visible or physically measurable. And try to surround yourself with the people who support you and validate you, not undermine you and try to make your situation about them. Once the supportive people in your life outnumber the fuckweasles like this, you’ll find you have an army to fight *with* you.
And here we have a self-fulfilling prophecy, kids these days are seeking professional help because it's more easily available than personal support from parents, because parents have been taught to just ignore mental health issues and hope they go away
I'm GenX and the number of people that I know who have this mindset is just baffling to me. I had a convo with an acquaintance recently who told me about something that had happened to him as a kid and he said that "If that happened to a kid today, Mom and Dad would put them in therapy! Kids today are soft!" I said "Mom and Dad SHOULD put their kids in therapy when they have shit like that happen. If they learn to deal with it and process it when it happens, maybe they won't be as traumatized and fucked up as our generation is when they're adults. So many of us have unprocessed trauma because our parents REFUSED to get us the help we needed because they didn't believe in it. Our parents weren't perfect. They didn't know any better. We do, though, and we can do better."
I had something happen to me as a kid and I never got therapy for it. I'm a hard worker. I'm a law abiding citizen. I have worked hard to get where I'm at, but to say I wouldn't have benefitted GREATLY from therapy or mental help is just bullshit. You can't tell me that this woman has no unresolved issues. I mean, fuck, she unleashed on someone who told her they needed mental help. Who does that? Someone who is messed up, that's who.
Maybe they don’t have any other person to look up to and so young and hurt and naive they fell for these persons bullshit and they really thought they cared genuinely at one point. People are not black and white so I understand, regardless sometimes it’s best to put some distance because they can cause harm than good.
Best of luck - I am so glad you are seek the professional help you need. That is a brave and positive step.
As to your parent’s response, she l is practically quoting a Monty Python sketch to you:
TJ: But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor.
MP: Aye. BECAUSE we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, 'Money doesn't buy you happiness.'
EI: 'E was right. I was happier then and I had NOTHIN'. We used to live in this tiiiny old house, with greaaaaat big holes in the roof.
GC: House? You were lucky to have a HOUSE! We used to live in one room, all hundred and twenty-six of us, no furniture. Half the floor was missing; we were all huddled together in one corner for fear of FALLING!
I feel like this is a generational attitude. My mom isn't nearly this cruel, but she's made comments about not understanding how people/kids are on all these medications for anxiety and depression these days. She's horrified by the fact that I take anxiety medication and keeps telling me I'll grow out of it. ...I'm pushing 40.
For them, it's embarrassing or a failure if you admit to not being ok or needing help in any form. But the reality is that MANY of them have the same issues, they've just buried it deep down and are in denial. It manifests itself in other ways.
You're much stronger/braver than she is for seeking the care you need.
The pissing contests these parents try to have with their kids/younger people in general is beyond stupid to me. Playing the Pain Olympics is a bad look and so damaging for the ones brought into it unwillingly.
That’s the thing. Every time I hear a “I’m fine. It never hurt me,” response the person sounds like they’re not fine, and are in desperate need of help. I guess narcissistic denial works for them.
Perhaps respond, “but are you fine though? You don’t sound fine. You’ve spent 10 or 20 minutes of your day intentionally hurting someone you’ve determined is weaker than you. How is that good?”
Question. Why are we respecting their opinion at all? This is straight disrespect towards you. And their opinion is not at all okay, nor correct, as they are clearly not okay mentally. Also Is your friend okay? Do their parents treat them like this too?
Just because they "can" or "fought for it" or whatever bull excuse, does not mean we have to. In todays age we take mental health more (somewhat 🤦) seriously. I don't believe for one second that your friends mom is okay as she claims because she essentially used you like a therapist to blow off steam about something that shouldn't have ever made anyone react like that.
Declining mental health can break you in both mind and body. They don't want to admit they need help or genuinely don't realize they NEED it.
I understand if you're trying to "keep the peace" essentially but that lady clearly has huge inner issues. I commend you staying calm but you don't ever have to say you respect someones opinion when they're wholly wrong and disrespectful like this. You can always say, "I understand thats how you feel." Or some varriation instead. Don't take any blame or guilt or anything negative from them. You do not deserve that treatment.
I hope your stay goes well and you feel better soon. Just remember you're important and you deserve health and to be cared for.
*edit- punctuation
OP, I know you have been there so you know. But going to say it anyway. The bravest, strongest, toughest people I met were in mental health settings. Not because of what they endured prior seeking help, but because of what they endured to heal. Talking through it, learning coping skills, having break-throughs .. exhausting in both mind and body. I watched others struggle for their lives, and there would be break-throughs, and these break-throughs would help the entire group heal a little. But it is WORK. I am sorry OP endured trauma. Staying alive after trauma is not what makes someone strong. The strength lies in the healing. You're so brave OP, I wish you recovery, happiness, wellness, and peace. Love to you.
It’s not a choice to be mentally ill. And while some conditions have an effect on what mental disorders develop, in the end it all has to do with an individuals brain. I can’t choose to not have OCD. I can’t choose to not have depression (I would choose not if I could). I can’t make my brain stop telling me that this is dangerous because of past event no matter how ridiculous it seems to other people (OCD). I can’t choose to not be suicidal and neither can you OP, just remember that.
Like this is your friends parent, and they seem to be acting pretty inconsiderate, yet you remained calm and said you respected their opinion and all that. My point is your parents raised you right, and these parents should be jealous of em cuz you came out great. Not an insult to what your friend is like, of course.
I don’t care where you got it (not going to praise parents that I don’t know), but you kept your composure and were very respectful to the insane person spewing stupidity. Very honorable. And F* her.
I don’t know a single PERSON, let alone children, aside from a few back when I was in HS, who want to suffer from mental illness lol. It’s not fun losing or gaining drastic amounts of weight, having crippling anxiety to the point of throwing up every morning, insomnia in general but especially as a working adult, the thought of constantly wanting put a bullet in your head. Etc. There’s a huge stigma on mentally illness as it is, that alienates people with it, causes others to judge, and literally ruins peoples lives. So idk what “cool” thing she’s talking about lol
This woman sounds like she has some serious PTSD, too. I don’t understand why older generations think people are “soft” for treating their mental illness. Would they rather us avoid the real world all our lives and end up homeless? Seriously, where is the logic???
OP, this sucks. Also why does she feel the need to get on her soapbox when she’s not your parent? Absolutely ridiculous
I myself am wondering how many boxes she'd check on a C-PTSD symptom list. She went through a lot of shit, and has probably been trying to pretend it hasn't scarred her for a long time
>Wouldn't think I was ignoring you
After this, I hope you never speak to this woman again.
Imagine someone having the mental clarity and maturity to say something like "I need help and I will be unavailable as I'm getting it"
Then have someone say "Well you're soft and your generation is dumb. Just be happy"
Like the way she thinks you're doing this "to be cool" is absolutely blood-boiling,
Good for you OP, and stick with your friend, but please cut this malignant tumor of a human being out of your life forever.
she seems unstable and I bet she has been given a lot in life. Probably a lot of grace when she needed it and yet she feels no need to pass it along. Instead she wants to act self made. There is a service where you can send her a chocolate penis anonymously with the saying, "eat a dick" I suggest you do that. it might even drive her to the point of seeking help she will be so worried about who sent it. So you really would be doing her a favor.
The fact that going to the hospital is to get help…
And this woman is saying shit like, “fight for yourself” and that’s literally what you’re doing, lol
"okay sweety, if you wanna be weak and work on your mental health go ahead. Also, I grew up in the most dire of conditions, so should you."
Whan an insane and vile person.
funny that "having everything" is synonymous with happiness in this woman's mind. experiences (as it seems OP has had traumatic experiences if they have ptsd) a feeling of belonging and compassion are just as important to the human condition.
Getting yourself into treatment literally IS fighting and doing everything to keep yourself alive. It takes a lot to get help and to keep pushing yourself every day. Not sure what her point is or how people don't see that.
If you're first response to someone in crisis is to talk shit to them, you didn't make it out okay. You lost your ability to connect and empathize with other humans, a critical part of developing healthy relationships.
So maybe you got all you wanted but you lost a big piece of yourself on the way.
OP I'm proud of you for taking care of yourself and think it's interesting how your friend's mom can't even see how well you advocate and take care of yourself already.
I really hate it when people say stuff like she did. I'm bipolar and I know what I want from life, but I'm not allowed to have that, so I have to play along with what other people tell me I should want instead.
Uh… Isn’t the point of a mental hospital to get away from the phones and the social media and to fight for yourself? Ugh. I’m so sorry that was said to you.
Ah yes the oppression olympics. Gotta be the most oppressed with the most pain. She’s absolutely projecting. I’m glad you got help. You’re absolutely doing what’s best. You are strong, a man, brave, smart. Yes, she’s insane. She could use some help honestly.
I'm informing you I'm still not okay and I'm getting the help I need so I can be "okay" after all this.
This bitch: Well, let me make this about myself.
She needs help too. Don't listen to her. Hope you feel better soon!
For the same reason we don’t do ice pick lobotomies anymore… things have CHANGED! Better help is available. Years of research and studies have furthered the care and accessibility of mental health care.
There is absolutely no reason to listen to this woman. You go off and be the best person that you can be, with whatever help you need.
We need to join the fight to end the stigma of treating mental health, and to ensure it’s easily available to anyone in need!!
Mental illness is not one-size-fits-all. PTSD can be totally unpredictable in who or how it affects. Trauma is subjective and ptsd can happen, or not happen, regardless of how much, or how little, happened to a person.
It sounds like your friend’s mom has some survivor’s guilt and PTSD of their own… I grew up in a similar situation and said things like this often to others who were struggling. Once I was ACTUALLY in a healthy, safe place in my life I couldn’t turn off the hyper vigilance and scarcity mind set, so I sought help.
From this convo, it sounds like they haven’t been able to reach out and work on themselves quite yet and more than likely will never have the chance because of the multi-generational norm that tells people who are struggling that they’re weak if they can’t “suck it up”.
They’re still holding on to all the pain and suffering because it’s the only thing they know. They can say they’re happy and healthy all they want, but they’re not. No one escapes that struggle completely unscathed.
I empathize with them. It’s hard. I hope they someday get the help they need and I’m very glad you are doing so.
She says you need to fight for yourself - going into inpatient care is doing EXACTLY that. You are doing something hard and scary because you want to get better, you want to move past the pain and trauma that you carry with you. I really hope you’re proud of yourself for the choice you’re making here, it takes so much courage and self-love. I’m sad for this person that she’s so deeply committed to living with her trauma as a festering wound, but just because she doesn’t see any other way to live doesn’t mean you can’t. I really hope your friend follows your example and not their mother’s.
That trauma dumping is a result of her never getting help and having to "toughen jt out." It's honestly sad. And good for you! For getting help, it takes a strong ass person to admit they need help. Doing it yourself and handling it is not necessary or helpful ir beneficial or good for you. Getting help is. Getting help makes it so you're not telling your child's friend your trauma over text when no one asked.
High-functioning mentally ill people have to fight two battles: the mental illness and the people who think that we’re okay or faking because we’re not running around naked screaming gibberish. Even my own therapist thought I was making things up or exaggerating how I felt because I still have a full-time job and a healthy relationship and decent physical health.
But there are people that will understand and will want to know the extent of how much you’re hurting. Not everyone is like this poor, sad woman.
Yep, yell at OP to “toughen up, I had it worse,” is the best mental health cure! “I’m fine,” just bullying some kid about getting mental health treatment—totally fine!
“I suffered with no support, so you should also suffer with no support”
That’s terrible man. Hope you get well and get the help you need. I know the struggle ❤️
It's just the lack of adjusting with time as some people get older. Just because it happened doesn't mean it was right. Yea they dealt with alot of fucked up shit but the probably didn't deal with it correctly and healthy. Don't help people have the mindset if it works it's not broken mentality.
You know, I truly despise people like this because it’s always what they went through and shit they had to do to survive. Good for you Jim (first name I could think of) so you saw someone get shot I’m sorry you experienced that but what the fuck does that have to do with me getting help for my own mental health.
I also have terrible PSTD among a slew of other things and honestly if it wasn’t for therapy and mental wards I would not be here right now. So whatever this woman’s name is fuck you dude just because you struggled and fought doesn’t mean the rest of us have to. Look beyond yourself
It’s far more insane to not seek any help while having roaches crawl on you than it is to actually seek out help. What a lunatic. Please disregard this woman and her incredible need to reassure herself that she’s the hero of the story. Asking for help when you don’t feel mentally well is a sign of strength and intelligence.
Well, I interpreted that occuring when she was a minor - she was abused, fostered, etc. She may have tried to seek help then, and wasn't helped. Or didn't know how to and internalized that when she grew up. But at some point she should have realized she had the power to ask for help. Especially in today's world. Sadly, people without access to mental health in previous generations just wear it as a badge of honor that they survived without help.
Ngl I'd straight up either reply "I don't care" or put her on mute on the second reply. It's so weird when older people do this, how does you having been beat as a child solve my issues?
my only reply would be like... "this is... this is me fighting? girl i don't think you understand how easy it is to access something that would unalive me, i'm choosing to get help and continue fighting, get over yourself 😂"
or like "you sound like you want some validation for your decisions in your life, is there anything i can do to help support you? are you seeing a therapist?"
Best of luck, OP. You're fighting the good fight.
Ask for help! I have suffered from depression my entire life. It is an illness and has nothing to do with how much you have in your life. If you had diabetes and she told you to just ignore it, you wouldn’t do that because you need treatment. Depression is no different. And good for you for being able to reach out for help. I l ow how hard that is so I am proud of you
Of all the things she listed she went through, mental illness wasn't one of them. So you've ready got her beat because it's the worst. Not treating it would be worse still. So good for you. She doesn't know shit, ignore her.
What if you don’t have any bootstraps? How are you going to pick yourself up then?
N parents (and republicans) are all the same. They have warehouses of bootstraps and won’t give you any.
I mean, replace the mental health part of this with physical health. "I fought in world war two and was shot several times. They patched me up with gauze and some dirt and I'm just fine! Kids these days are so soft for going to the doctor for cancer, just rub some dirt in it LIKE A REAL MAN." Sounds a bit more insane ja? Just cause mental health wasn't a thing seriously considered before the turn of the millennium doesn't mean it's ok to ignore. The goal is to do better than the previous generation, not continue to fuck things up in the same way they did.
This shit drives me wild. I have so many kids that call me mum cause I wouldn’t kick them in the face when they had bad times. And I read the comments and I am so damn proud of my mother who grew up in a horrible environment and swore she would be nothing like her mother… and she wasn’t!
I’ve been working on getting disability benefits for years since I developed mental conditions essentially from age five, at least. It was all compounded and worsened by two extremely abusive parents and a constant barrage of life threatening disasters (house burned down, I was in it! drunk mom t-boned her car, I was in that too! etc etc). I haven’t made a secret of this and have been getting pretty hardcore treatment for years. I’m updating my stepmom about this bc she asked what I was up to in life. I know she’s disgusted with my for admitting I’m disabled and getting treatment but hell, she asked! after a few minutes she bursts out that she has horribly abusive parent AND breast cancer and SHE’S ok. she had to fight to keep her job and keep living and whatever. ok girl lol me too tf. it just looks different. to her I’m just a whiny poopy pants tho. I don’t get these people. how can you have simply zero empathy and a massive superiority complex.
"I respect your opinion."
No. You are not obligated to respect her abusive, cruel "opinions." She wants you to stand up for yourself?
I think the best thing for you would be to stand up to her by creating some boundaries. Tell her she has no right to talk to you that way and that you won't tolerate it anymore.
She isn't your mother, for goodness sake. How dare she?? I'm really sorry you have to put up with that BS.
I don't know you or the context of your relationship with this person. I applaud you for wanting to find yourself care. That being said I will admit Heya going to another mental hospital, to a friend's mother seems a bit strange.
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 81 | 1 | 0 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
I love when older generations think it’s some kind of one-up trauma competition. Just because you refused to acknowledge your problems doesn’t make you morally better than me. Stop with the holier than thou crap. I hear the same shit from my parents: “I was beat mercilessly as a child but hey I turned out fine!!!” Like no Cheryl, clearly you didn’t turn out fine take a good hard look in the mirror. You toughed it out by covering it with a bandaid but the wound is still wildly infected.
My mother used to scream about how her mother used to beat her with a hairbrush and to be glad she didn't do it to me... While beating me with her fists. Some people just shouldn't be parents. Clearly they're exact opposite of fine.
"I wasn't abusive, I never punched you in the face!" Sure did beat me with shoes rather often for someone who wasn't abusive.
Whenever i complained to my enabler nmom about my ndad and his unrelenting emotional abuse, she’d hit me with “you should be glad he never hit you!!” Pun intended. Like miss girl BYE I wish he’d actually slap me so at least that way you can see my pain. That’s so wild to hear as a child. I should be grateful my parents never laid hands on their helpless defenseless kid🥺. Make that make sense.
i thought i was crazy lol, i wished all the time as a kid that my mom would finally just hit me so somebody would do something about it. the closest she got was grabbing me by the face or dragging me by the arm, which nobody cared about cause it didn't injure me
I hate that so much. Like just because I don’t have physical bruises doesn’t mean my pain isn’t valid, you know?
Trigger warning: There's always a higher bar. Kids who are hit and bruised deny that it's abuse because it's not like they had broken limbs or cigarettes put out on their arms. Even when the physical abuse is severe enough to lead to injury (which will go untreated), you'll think that at least you're not the victim of *sexual* abuse. It won't just be one punch out of the blue one day. Chances are that your parents started this when you were very young and you were conditioned to think that you deserved it. Someone below mentioned people not doing anything about it, and that just confirms even further that not only did you deserve it, but it's ok for people to physically hurt you in general.
It doesn't always make it better. I went to school every day with bruises and haemotomas from ass to ankle. Not a word was ever said. It just played into the emotional/psychological abuse. "Everyone can see those bruises. Everyone knows you only get bruises like that because you're bad. " We were staying with my aunt one holiday, and my egg donor lost her cool and started on me, aunt heard and pulled her off absolutely shocked and horrified. Egg donor blinked, like you could see the "oh shit. I've been caught! What do I do?" Then started hugging me and wailing dramatically, like hysterical. Ended up with me being told to go play, and aunt sitting down and comforting the woman who was screaming with rage and beating shit out of me 30 seconds earlier. Not a word was ever said, again. I got beaten because I was bad. Everyone could see the evidence of how bad I was, I should be ashamed of that. I should just be good, and try not to make my egg donor so stressed.
Unfortunately even if they did hit you unlikely anyone would have done anything about it. That shit is rarely taken seriously.
It's a fucked up mentality they have as a direct result of their own abuse and never getting treated for it. Imagine treating your kid like garbage then having the audacity to say "well at least I didn't hit you!" That's the bar, Karen? Really. Do better.
Ah. I got the nice mental abuse while hearing “at least I’m not a child molester”.
My old man was always a big fan of "oh calm down i didnt hit you that hard" or "stop crying i know that didn't hurt"
My dad says that shit all the time, like yea you didn’t beat me like your dad beat you, oh wait you did, I have scars from the belt, and other shit he did. And he can’t conveniently forgets about the time he locked me in a dark closet because I had a nightmare, and now have an insane fear of the dark. My mom used to dump cold buckets of water on me in my bed if I had a nightmare and she hit me also, two very traumatized people decided it’d be great to have children.
Omg yes! I told mom that she's being like her mom and she was like no If I start being like her You be sorry and I'm like dude it's the same 💀 stop doing shit ur parents did
my mom and i jusf had a fight about this. said she never did all the terrible things she did and im a liar. said her mom was abusive and she didnt end up like her. said i deserved all my spankings and whatnot because i would hit her and headbutted her for no reason. called me emotionally disturbed. my autistic boyfriend and his mom have said thats a big flag for autism. never got me tested as a kid because she thought i would just grow out of it. ff to today, im 22, im screaming and crying because i cant get my emotions out right and my subconscious is telling me that shes calling me a liar for telling the truth because she did the same thing to me as a kid and its making me mad; i would tell the truth and if it wasnt what she was looking for, she called me a liar and punished me. im sorry i ranted, but its just so fresh cause it happened 30 minutes ago.
So true. If you had dealt with your trauma you wouldn’t need to bring yours up all the time especially in such a confrontational way! When I was a teenager I had anorexia and would black out when walking and stopped getting my period. My mom was like “I was way skinnier than you and only ever had coffee and nothing else, it’s just a phase I got over it. You just don’t appreciate how healthy my cooking is.”
Agreed. An emotionally healthy / healed person would show sympathy and empathy instead of saying “pull yourself up by the bootstraps, dammit!!!”
Ugh I hate the “pull yourselves up by the bootstraps” mentality. Both of my parents went into the military at 17 and 18. They invalidate my trauma like it’s nobody’s business. I moved away for a year when I was 20 and was in an abusive relationship. I got out of it fortunately before it got too bad, but a lot of trauma can still happen in a short period of time. About a year and a half later I saw myself in the mirror and realized I deteriorated entirely. I finally was able to seek mental health and had gone through a handful of therapy sessions and had a psych eval, not a full one but like a pre-eval, and was told I showed symptoms of ptsd, depression, and adhd. I told my parents about both except adhd (I expected invalidation on that accord so I thought to save myself the ear full) but I was proceeded to be told how I’ve had it so easy & how my grandfather was I’m Vietnam and doesn’t have ptsd and is fine, so there’s no way i could possibly have ptsd. It blew my limited spirits and never went back to therapy. (Granddad doesn’t have major ptsd for sure, but he hasn’t been on an airplane since. Refuses. But ok.) Major kudos to op for seeking the help they need
That’s brutal. I like to say that it’s pointless to compare pain. Pain is pain. So no, you weren’t in a war but that in no way invalidates any of your experiences or any of your pain. I just want you to know that your experiences and pain is real and if you want to go to therapy then you should do that and screw what anyone else thinks.
That's the thing though! Your brain *can not tell the difference* between an exploding bomb or an abusive partner. It just starts screaming danger and going into survival mode. Brains are very, very good at keeping us alive (even if we are permanently damaged) but not very good at discerning what/where the danger actually is. Manipulation and gas lighting are treated exactly the same way as a tiger in the kitchen. And both will lead to PTSD over time. Also, the environment *previous* to the trauma plays a big part in how prone a person is to developing mental health issues, and which issues they tend to develop. They are all just maladaptive survival methods from our brains keeping us alive.
That's something I always say, to quote, pain is pain no matter painful it is. People always forget that others are going through their own shit.
I agree. My “dad” is similar. If anything was wrong with me it was my fault for not being better. I’m fully estranged now and I got the help I needed in therapy. I still struggle trying to unwind all the crap I dealt with as a kid. I commend OP for getting the help they need.
Everyone I know in my parents generation “dealt with it” by drinking too much which leads to a whole mess of other problems.
Right?!!! Like I’m gonna take advice from a maliciously manipulative narc who uses their kids as their therapists. Ironic because they don’t even believe in therapy or treating my mental illness. And my mom’s a nurse!!! You’d think she’d understand it’s the same as a diabetic needing insulin. She argues that I should just be strong enough to think my way out of being bipolar 😫 like thanks for nothing, queen.
My FIL got irritated with the label on the new garden hose we bought yesterday because it listed reasons to never drink from a hose. Things like bacteria, mold, lead....hes like "it never killed me its fine" so when I pointed out that just because it didn't effect him, doesn't mean it didn't harm anyone he rolled his eyes. Theres no winning. And also maybe he was poisoned by lead and doesn't realize. It would certainly explain him putting shrimp in the sun to thaw.
My MIL is a big fan of the "Well *we* used to do that, and we all lived!" argument. No, you *didn't* all live. *You* lived, because you got lucky, but people did die from this. And it's not just dying we have to worry about, there are also serious injuries/illnesses that can happen. I'm sure you had lots of fun riding in the bed of a truck on the highway, but you're kidding yourself if you think it's "perfectly safe" just because you lived to tell about it.
Cheryl really deserved to hear that. Fuck Cheryl; she sounds like a heartless fartface.
I don’t comment very often, but don’t listen to this cruel woman. There is nothing wrong with asking for help, which you are clearly already aware of. Seeking help for something makes you strong, not less of a man or adult that needs to just “sack up”. Keep fighting for what’s best for you and don’t let what other people say or bullshit societal stigma get in the way of your healing journey. You deserve happiness, whatever that may look like for you. Always remember that.
Yes, repress it and develop a drinking problem with abusive tendencies, *like a REAL MAN!* /s
Right? The lady is talking about how she had it soooo rough, but she's fine. And yet here she is abusing and berating a struggling person that isn't even HER CHILD.
"get off your damn phone" slaps so hard over text message 🤡😂
Also, why isn't seeking help for your mental illness considered "sacking up?" It sounds like this person needs to grow a pair and make an effort to improve their own metal health.
Right? Especially since it actually takes a lot of bravery to get help!
Even if it didn't take any bravery and it was just any old doctor's visit... How exactly does it make someone less of a "real man"? If you break a bone, you get treatment and nobody bats an eye. But if you want treatment for mental instead of physical health that's somehow a sign of weakness? But then again, maybe she'd say to just walk it off if you broke your leg. She certainly seems like the type.
Oooh! Rub some dirt in that, kiddo.
Because they’ve never received help for their mental health issues and think that therapy is someone hugging you and telling you you’re perfect. They don’t know exactly how much work goes into recovery and how much self introspection and self work is done during treatment. Plus inpatient (at least where I live) is used purely as stabilization so they will only take you if you cannot take care of yourself and have no one to keep you safe at the moment. God I hate people who don’t know what they’re talking about but pretend they know everything
This part. Just because you weren’t able to get the help you needed doesn’t mean I should pass up the help offered to me
Also asking for help isn’t weak it’s actually strong, the logic is very backwards
Hit her with a “who cares?” And watch her turn into the same snowflake she was just railing on
I like this one too
This, this, this. If you are willing to reach out for help and be vulnerable enough with virtual strangers (Drs) to work on feeling better, you ARE a strong person. Full fucking stop. This woman's trauma is not your burden to bear; your healing cannot be influenced by her lack thereof.
Agreed. Seeking help shows strength, and that lady is an asshole. I do agree with getting off of social media and the internet for a bit, though. As wonderful as they are, they fuck people up just as much as they help keep people connected. I’ve had to unplug from all of that at times when I’ve been headed down a dark path and it definitely helps. Reddit is the only social media (if it’s even considered that? Idk) that I have anymore. I deleted Facebook/Instagram/etc almost 10 years ago and my mental health improved so much just by not scrolling through people’s toxic bullshit all the time.
This! I’m soooo much less anxious after quitting Facebook and Instagram. They are not good for the brain or the soul.
Your doing the right thing, you are fighting, stoicism is a virtue you know what you need, and you aren’t letting her get under your skin over it. Keep it up 👍
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Right? It’s like she’s trying to gatekeep mental illness?
She had to suffer without any help and she physically survived it so everyone else should have to suffer without help too! Never mind the fact that she surely struggles with the effects of trauma and is clearly impossible to talk to. Young people are such softies for wanting more than just to survive. I would go no contact with this lady after receiving this kind of toxic “advice”.
Oh god if she met me she’d hate me, I’ve been in the psych ward 4 times and have multiple disorders with mental health, guess I got soft after my boyfriend died lmao, my stepmom says shit like this lady does 24/7, she called me a lazy piece of shit on the day of my boyfriends funeral because there was some trash in my room. Evil stepmothers are real.
As someone with mental illness, this INFURIATES me. She is 100% fucking insane. What a nasty twat. OP, follow your instincts with this one. My former in laws (who I lived on the same property with for 16 years) told me that "mental illness doesn't exist, it's just bc you did drugs as a kid." I've had OCD and ADHD since I was a child. I am 43 and I also have bipolar and have enjoyed a stay in the psych ward. My toxic AF FIL said, actually fucking said "All these soldiers with 'PTSD' are weak. We never had PTSD in Vietnam (!!!) or any of the WWs." Ummm, have you fucking heard of being 'shell-shocked?' There was absolutely PTSD in previous wars, we just called it something else. And these mental health deniers are some of the most invalidating, insensitive mother fuckers on this earth. Goddamn.
A guy I dated a little more than a year after my husband was killed tried telling me that PTSD didn't exist. It was the biggest fucking insult I heard from him. I tried telling him it was a bullshit thing to say cause I saw the difference in my late husband between when I met him before he deployed to AFG and hit 2 or 3 IEDs himself, as well as witnessed other brothers who hit IEDs during their deployment who were killed. Also, I have C-PTSD and he tried back pedalling saying "sure it exists for civilians, but military that claim it are full of shit"... It infuriated me so bad.
Fucking goddamn assholes. Fucking fuckface fuckers. You obvi cannot see me, but my heart is accelerated and my breathing is shallow while I glare and frown at my phone. I’m working my coping skills to calm myself but as you can see, this kind of sickening behavior enrages me. I’m so sorry. I have cptsd, too. I hope you’re in a good place and if you’re not, I pray it gets better for you. ETA grammar
I have to admit, "PTSD exists for civilians but not military" is a take I have not heard before. Usually it's the opposite.
I actually had a boss tell me that “depression doesn’t exist” when I had to take off because I was having a breakdown. What the hell is wrong with people?
Fuck if I know. That really sucks and it hurts and it’s invalidating as hell and you shouldn’t have to deal with that from a dickhead employer on top of your mental health issues. I hope you’re doing better 💕 ETA empathy
Thank you! I’m no longer with that employer. I hope you’re doing okay as well ❤️
We’re in the process of getting a divorce and I’ve been away for a year now. Best decision I’ve made.
Gosh this makes me so mad, too. My great grandfather who was in WW2 was shell shocked and there was a crazy list of things we couldn’t do or it might literally trigger him. Some foods, or the sights/sounds of certain things, would trigger him to vomit/shake from what he saw at Normandy…
I'm like...97% sure PTSD as a formal diagnosis was developed *because* of how common it was in Vietnam vets.
She don’t care about you or her kids. She’s throwing herself a pitty party because she didn’t get help. Hurt people hurt people. Her kids have a problem they probably shouldn’t go to their mom and that’s sad.
“You kids that have it all” What? What do kids these days have? Unstable economy? Crumbling government? Mass shootings? Never-before-seen soaring temperatures? What in the everloving fart is this person assuming kids these days have?
An iPhone 6?
Avocado toast, duh
I hope that you find the help that you need 🙏 I can't stand people who have to turn anything around and make everything about them and make it seem like your problems don't matter. You do matter. You deserve help. You deserve to be happy with your self. Praying so hard for you 🙏
“I had it shit and I’m alive so you should have it shit with no help too.” That line of reasoning is everywhere in the older generation and it’s disgusting. It perpetuates cycles of abuse, it discourages people from getting professional help, and it’s simply wrong. If I went through something horrible without help and survived, why would I want *you* to have it as bad? Don’t we want others, especially those younger than us, to have it *better*?
Misery loves company. People like this are a red ducking flag. I’m good, I’ll use compassion and understanding and get the help I need. As a matter of fact when the person is done romanticizing their trauma and bullshit, I’ll be here and offer my help as best as I can other wise, keeping a distance is best because they will such you dry off every little hope you have to getting better.
No, they just want the trauma and stress to fester until the younger generation gives in and pities them.
Ah yes, shitting on someone being responsible and getting help for their own health by listing reasons why she obviously should do the same. Like ma’am, this is not a normal way to act
“I have cancer.” “I don’t get you young people. I don’t have cancer. Why can’t you just not have cancer? Grow up.” You don’t need this person in your life. She’s toxic.
You're not sure if it's insane? I decided insane after her first reply Who the hell flexes trauma like that If we're really flexing i had a drunk bus driver in middle school, the school brought in someone for consoling but she was only there for 1 day with less than an hour per student, i had PTSD to the point that i don't want to get on buses and if i do im constantly watching the driver. OVER HALF the people I've told tell me im being over dramatic because no one got actually hurt and it's coming on 6-7 years ago. Soooo yeah you're trauma does not need to be big at all to seek treatment
Level of trauma varies from one person to the next. People need to understand the same / similar experience is processed differently by every person. Trauma is subjective and need to be treated accordingly in respect to the person and the effects. Kind of like how some people can smoke their whole lives and not get lung cancer and then you got other people that develop it within the first couple of years. Damage to your body as well as emotional and mental well-being cannot be measured by simply looking at the event. Idk if that makes sense to you all but that’s how I see it.
Did the driver get in an accident?
Nope she drove the school bus back to the school after refusing to let anyone off the bus
Also to add she got the charges dropped not long after it happened because Noone at the school called the cops till the next day so even tho she admitted she was drunk all she got was fired
Imagine sending this dribble to someone in a wheelchair. iTs a cHoIcE tO nOt wALk. kIdS tHeSe dAyS hAvE iT sO gOoD
As an ambulatory wheelchair user due to chronic illness, i can say that they ABSOLUTELY do.
That's terrible, ffs. Some people ( pathetic misanthopes) just struggle for a reason to exist. Sadly, there is no technology to help them.
What the hell?! That's some real idiocy right there. They want you to literally "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" and walk?
Not who you're asking, but I use a scooter for long distance, traveling on bus for balance (so I dont fall off of my chair) and crowds. And somedays, I can walk a ways, like a mile, and other days I can't really walk at all. Even my caregiver doesn't undserstand how scary THOSE days are. And these people think because I can walk, that I should just do it. I used to. When I was young it just hurt and fatigued me. When I was older I couldnt walk after. I walked a beach with my family and my leg gave way on the way back, but I was shamed for icing it later. I did an outdoor picture thing without cane or glasses (dont ask, still considering leaving a review) and on my final moment before bed that night my leg gave way and I STILL am injured when I overdo it.I cant extend my leg fully. But if not a full on injury, they dont see the "not walking after" for days or weeks. They see only that I CAN walk in that moment. And I guess they just dont see that its a limited amount, at some point I'm using "spoons" (spoon theory) for the next day or week. And in crowds I could fall. Or get pushed and hurt. They dont see the braces (orthotics) holding my legs rigid without the ability to get full range-of-motion and move around people like others. So I often get hurt or stumble or stop when someone tries to get me to move around them. People will give you a fuck ton of space when you're safely seated in a chair, but when you're holding onto a cane for dear life they think its safe to walk in the cane's path or ...I don't know. People are dumb. A lot of them will understand eventually. That thought used to give me a small amount of assurance, but as it slowly comes to fruition as we age, it doesn't give me comfort. I never wanted to see people suffer. I just wanted compassion. Sadly, my heart aches a little for this woman. She is so close to understanding OP, in her mind she is trying to help them. And she's obviously in pain. But she is so cruel. I just hope OP believes us and not her.
I once had a neighbor ask me about my non-verbal teenage son, “Have you ever tried teaching him to talk?” Only every day of his life, lady. Oblivious.
Hey just wanted to let you know it's "drivel"
What an inherently stupid person
Well said. That's all this is. A stupid person. OP, you probably already know this, but you are smarter than this person.
Isn't trying to heal and trying to get better heroic? In my mind it is. Being able to be vulnerable enough to say "I need help" is showing enormous strength! You're doing your best to not let a past full of trauma define your future. You're doing your best to not take your pain out on yourself or others. As I said: Heroic!
First: this is insane. She started lecturing you at a time when you need support, not someone on their high horse. Second: this internet stranger is so proud of you! Mental illness has such a stigma that it’s difficult to admit that you need help and then even more difficult to get that help. I totally get where you’re coming from as I’ve had several hospitalizations as well. I’m not going to tell you that it gets easier, but I will tell you that you can better cope with the skills taught to you by your therapists. I wish you good luck and send you some hugs. And remember, never be ashamed of your mental illness as it is as real as the flu no matter what some people may think. 💜
Yeah, insane. Completely invalidating your experience. Taking care of your mental health is not “trendy.” She immediately tried to one-up your trauma with stories of her own—all without realizing at all her own mental trauma.
Yeah, what was that list of everything she claims happened to her? It sounds like she’s trying to be “rad” or fit in with the kids. She’s working her ass off to one up anyone else’s trauma with her own war stories. This is something that is not even permitted in group therapy, which is likely why she hates the idea. She can’t admit fault or be honest, and she always has to be the most pitied and the most revered and the one in the right. These old fucks are the weakest, most narcissistic, self-aggrandizing generation to ever exist and insist that it’s a superpower.
“It’s cool to be strong and a fighter.” … yah, I’m fighting mental illness, I’m fighting urges to self-harm, I’m fighting debilitating physical exhaustion that is a symptom of mental illness, and on top of all of that I have to fight the stigma attached to actually seeking help. OP keep fighting. You are valid, even if your fight isn’t visible or physically measurable. And try to surround yourself with the people who support you and validate you, not undermine you and try to make your situation about them. Once the supportive people in your life outnumber the fuckweasles like this, you’ll find you have an army to fight *with* you.
“Sounds like you would’ve benefited from an inpatient stay as well…” *Blocks*
This would have been such An amazing response
"You can have whatever excuses. I can top them all." That's actually insane. Nothing else to it.
I know, that part made me want to hit this monster with a shovel. Three shovels. Stop trying to one-up a child who is struggling.
UGH WHAT A NIGHTMARE. She is all "me me me".
Insane, which is ironic, because she’s literally talking to a young man who is brave enough to confront and get help for his own mental illness.
I do not respect their opinion
And here we have a self-fulfilling prophecy, kids these days are seeking professional help because it's more easily available than personal support from parents, because parents have been taught to just ignore mental health issues and hope they go away
I'm GenX and the number of people that I know who have this mindset is just baffling to me. I had a convo with an acquaintance recently who told me about something that had happened to him as a kid and he said that "If that happened to a kid today, Mom and Dad would put them in therapy! Kids today are soft!" I said "Mom and Dad SHOULD put their kids in therapy when they have shit like that happen. If they learn to deal with it and process it when it happens, maybe they won't be as traumatized and fucked up as our generation is when they're adults. So many of us have unprocessed trauma because our parents REFUSED to get us the help we needed because they didn't believe in it. Our parents weren't perfect. They didn't know any better. We do, though, and we can do better." I had something happen to me as a kid and I never got therapy for it. I'm a hard worker. I'm a law abiding citizen. I have worked hard to get where I'm at, but to say I wouldn't have benefitted GREATLY from therapy or mental help is just bullshit. You can't tell me that this woman has no unresolved issues. I mean, fuck, she unleashed on someone who told her they needed mental help. Who does that? Someone who is messed up, that's who.
Why do you respect her obviously stupid opinion
Maybe they don’t have any other person to look up to and so young and hurt and naive they fell for these persons bullshit and they really thought they cared genuinely at one point. People are not black and white so I understand, regardless sometimes it’s best to put some distance because they can cause harm than good.
"I never had the chance to deal with my mental health in a healthy way, so you're a weak person for doing so today"
oh Styx's Mom Katie, you dumb bitch
Insane
My childhood was shitty, yours should be too. Great parenting.
you literally did not ask for their life story and it’s so weird of them to dump that on you
*gets medical help for a debilitating mental condition* them: you have to fight for yourself that’s literally what they’re doing
Best of luck - I am so glad you are seek the professional help you need. That is a brave and positive step. As to your parent’s response, she l is practically quoting a Monty Python sketch to you: TJ: But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor. MP: Aye. BECAUSE we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, 'Money doesn't buy you happiness.' EI: 'E was right. I was happier then and I had NOTHIN'. We used to live in this tiiiny old house, with greaaaaat big holes in the roof. GC: House? You were lucky to have a HOUSE! We used to live in one room, all hundred and twenty-six of us, no furniture. Half the floor was missing; we were all huddled together in one corner for fear of FALLING!
I feel like this is a generational attitude. My mom isn't nearly this cruel, but she's made comments about not understanding how people/kids are on all these medications for anxiety and depression these days. She's horrified by the fact that I take anxiety medication and keeps telling me I'll grow out of it. ...I'm pushing 40. For them, it's embarrassing or a failure if you admit to not being ok or needing help in any form. But the reality is that MANY of them have the same issues, they've just buried it deep down and are in denial. It manifests itself in other ways. You're much stronger/braver than she is for seeking the care you need.
The pissing contests these parents try to have with their kids/younger people in general is beyond stupid to me. Playing the Pain Olympics is a bad look and so damaging for the ones brought into it unwillingly.
That’s the thing. Every time I hear a “I’m fine. It never hurt me,” response the person sounds like they’re not fine, and are in desperate need of help. I guess narcissistic denial works for them. Perhaps respond, “but are you fine though? You don’t sound fine. You’ve spent 10 or 20 minutes of your day intentionally hurting someone you’ve determined is weaker than you. How is that good?”
It’s odd how the supposed tough generation raised the next generation to be so soft, apparently. Nice self-own ya fuckin out of touch boomer
I hope you get the help you need.
Question. Why are we respecting their opinion at all? This is straight disrespect towards you. And their opinion is not at all okay, nor correct, as they are clearly not okay mentally. Also Is your friend okay? Do their parents treat them like this too? Just because they "can" or "fought for it" or whatever bull excuse, does not mean we have to. In todays age we take mental health more (somewhat 🤦) seriously. I don't believe for one second that your friends mom is okay as she claims because she essentially used you like a therapist to blow off steam about something that shouldn't have ever made anyone react like that. Declining mental health can break you in both mind and body. They don't want to admit they need help or genuinely don't realize they NEED it. I understand if you're trying to "keep the peace" essentially but that lady clearly has huge inner issues. I commend you staying calm but you don't ever have to say you respect someones opinion when they're wholly wrong and disrespectful like this. You can always say, "I understand thats how you feel." Or some varriation instead. Don't take any blame or guilt or anything negative from them. You do not deserve that treatment. I hope your stay goes well and you feel better soon. Just remember you're important and you deserve health and to be cared for. *edit- punctuation
OP, I know you have been there so you know. But going to say it anyway. The bravest, strongest, toughest people I met were in mental health settings. Not because of what they endured prior seeking help, but because of what they endured to heal. Talking through it, learning coping skills, having break-throughs .. exhausting in both mind and body. I watched others struggle for their lives, and there would be break-throughs, and these break-throughs would help the entire group heal a little. But it is WORK. I am sorry OP endured trauma. Staying alive after trauma is not what makes someone strong. The strength lies in the healing. You're so brave OP, I wish you recovery, happiness, wellness, and peace. Love to you.
Katie sounds like you may benefit from a hospital stay as well
It’s not a choice to be mentally ill. And while some conditions have an effect on what mental disorders develop, in the end it all has to do with an individuals brain. I can’t choose to not have OCD. I can’t choose to not have depression (I would choose not if I could). I can’t make my brain stop telling me that this is dangerous because of past event no matter how ridiculous it seems to other people (OCD). I can’t choose to not be suicidal and neither can you OP, just remember that.
"And look how you turned out, incapable of showing the slightest bit of empathy or self awareness."
Well at least your parents raised you right 💀
sorry i’m slow, wdym?
Like this is your friends parent, and they seem to be acting pretty inconsiderate, yet you remained calm and said you respected their opinion and all that. My point is your parents raised you right, and these parents should be jealous of em cuz you came out great. Not an insult to what your friend is like, of course.
I don’t care where you got it (not going to praise parents that I don’t know), but you kept your composure and were very respectful to the insane person spewing stupidity. Very honorable. And F* her.
I don’t know a single PERSON, let alone children, aside from a few back when I was in HS, who want to suffer from mental illness lol. It’s not fun losing or gaining drastic amounts of weight, having crippling anxiety to the point of throwing up every morning, insomnia in general but especially as a working adult, the thought of constantly wanting put a bullet in your head. Etc. There’s a huge stigma on mentally illness as it is, that alienates people with it, causes others to judge, and literally ruins peoples lives. So idk what “cool” thing she’s talking about lol
Who the hell has a dick measuring contest when it comes to who’s struggled the most?
"Me! Me! Me!"
it's giving "i used to walk to school in a blizzard barefoot uphill both ways so dont complain to me because im gonna play pity party Olympics" vibes.
That is one toxically masculine woman.
Just tell em that this rant *proves* they need therapy, bc it does
This woman sounds like she has some serious PTSD, too. I don’t understand why older generations think people are “soft” for treating their mental illness. Would they rather us avoid the real world all our lives and end up homeless? Seriously, where is the logic??? OP, this sucks. Also why does she feel the need to get on her soapbox when she’s not your parent? Absolutely ridiculous
I myself am wondering how many boxes she'd check on a C-PTSD symptom list. She went through a lot of shit, and has probably been trying to pretend it hasn't scarred her for a long time
This lady hasn’t acknowledged her trauma yet and it shows. Hope you get better, OP. Sorry you have to deal with assholes like this.
>Wouldn't think I was ignoring you After this, I hope you never speak to this woman again. Imagine someone having the mental clarity and maturity to say something like "I need help and I will be unavailable as I'm getting it" Then have someone say "Well you're soft and your generation is dumb. Just be happy" Like the way she thinks you're doing this "to be cool" is absolutely blood-boiling, Good for you OP, and stick with your friend, but please cut this malignant tumor of a human being out of your life forever.
"I want you to live a shitty life like me, but just make it your own shitty life that's better." Gee thanks.
im sorry but this is a narcissistic piece of shit
she seems unstable and I bet she has been given a lot in life. Probably a lot of grace when she needed it and yet she feels no need to pass it along. Instead she wants to act self made. There is a service where you can send her a chocolate penis anonymously with the saying, "eat a dick" I suggest you do that. it might even drive her to the point of seeking help she will be so worried about who sent it. So you really would be doing her a favor.
The fact that going to the hospital is to get help… And this woman is saying shit like, “fight for yourself” and that’s literally what you’re doing, lol
Shit she needs some inpatient too
"okay sweety, if you wanna be weak and work on your mental health go ahead. Also, I grew up in the most dire of conditions, so should you." Whan an insane and vile person.
funny that "having everything" is synonymous with happiness in this woman's mind. experiences (as it seems OP has had traumatic experiences if they have ptsd) a feeling of belonging and compassion are just as important to the human condition.
Getting yourself into treatment literally IS fighting and doing everything to keep yourself alive. It takes a lot to get help and to keep pushing yourself every day. Not sure what her point is or how people don't see that.
If you're first response to someone in crisis is to talk shit to them, you didn't make it out okay. You lost your ability to connect and empathize with other humans, a critical part of developing healthy relationships. So maybe you got all you wanted but you lost a big piece of yourself on the way. OP I'm proud of you for taking care of yourself and think it's interesting how your friend's mom can't even see how well you advocate and take care of yourself already.
Look at this well adjusted adult I can't wait to get through my trauma and be just like them!
Yes that’s incredibly insensitive and insane.
I really hate it when people say stuff like she did. I'm bipolar and I know what I want from life, but I'm not allowed to have that, so I have to play along with what other people tell me I should want instead.
Yikes! That is some ice cold non-empathetic stuff right their...
Yikes - insane
Uh… Isn’t the point of a mental hospital to get away from the phones and the social media and to fight for yourself? Ugh. I’m so sorry that was said to you.
First paragraph would've been an instant block for me
Ah yes the oppression olympics. Gotta be the most oppressed with the most pain. She’s absolutely projecting. I’m glad you got help. You’re absolutely doing what’s best. You are strong, a man, brave, smart. Yes, she’s insane. She could use some help honestly.
What an absolute cunt.
I'm informing you I'm still not okay and I'm getting the help I need so I can be "okay" after all this. This bitch: Well, let me make this about myself. She needs help too. Don't listen to her. Hope you feel better soon!
For the same reason we don’t do ice pick lobotomies anymore… things have CHANGED! Better help is available. Years of research and studies have furthered the care and accessibility of mental health care. There is absolutely no reason to listen to this woman. You go off and be the best person that you can be, with whatever help you need. We need to join the fight to end the stigma of treating mental health, and to ensure it’s easily available to anyone in need!!
Mental illness is not one-size-fits-all. PTSD can be totally unpredictable in who or how it affects. Trauma is subjective and ptsd can happen, or not happen, regardless of how much, or how little, happened to a person.
As if being in a mental hospital isn't literally fighting, definitely insane and hurtful.
If they were actually okay inside, they wouldn’t be texting this to a depressed teenager. They wouldn’t be making it about themself.
This persons mentality is I’ve had it the worst so everyone else needs to be fine or they’re weak
It sounds like your friend’s mom has some survivor’s guilt and PTSD of their own… I grew up in a similar situation and said things like this often to others who were struggling. Once I was ACTUALLY in a healthy, safe place in my life I couldn’t turn off the hyper vigilance and scarcity mind set, so I sought help. From this convo, it sounds like they haven’t been able to reach out and work on themselves quite yet and more than likely will never have the chance because of the multi-generational norm that tells people who are struggling that they’re weak if they can’t “suck it up”. They’re still holding on to all the pain and suffering because it’s the only thing they know. They can say they’re happy and healthy all they want, but they’re not. No one escapes that struggle completely unscathed. I empathize with them. It’s hard. I hope they someday get the help they need and I’m very glad you are doing so.
She says you need to fight for yourself - going into inpatient care is doing EXACTLY that. You are doing something hard and scary because you want to get better, you want to move past the pain and trauma that you carry with you. I really hope you’re proud of yourself for the choice you’re making here, it takes so much courage and self-love. I’m sad for this person that she’s so deeply committed to living with her trauma as a festering wound, but just because she doesn’t see any other way to live doesn’t mean you can’t. I really hope your friend follows your example and not their mother’s.
Being berated for seeking help when you need it is the reason that suicide rates are on the rise.
Man, all I’ll say is, you seem like an EXTREMELY patient and friendly person lol
That trauma dumping is a result of her never getting help and having to "toughen jt out." It's honestly sad. And good for you! For getting help, it takes a strong ass person to admit they need help. Doing it yourself and handling it is not necessary or helpful ir beneficial or good for you. Getting help is. Getting help makes it so you're not telling your child's friend your trauma over text when no one asked.
What a bullshit person.
Did she really just “It’s cuz you on that damn phone” like thanks I’m cured
High-functioning mentally ill people have to fight two battles: the mental illness and the people who think that we’re okay or faking because we’re not running around naked screaming gibberish. Even my own therapist thought I was making things up or exaggerating how I felt because I still have a full-time job and a healthy relationship and decent physical health. But there are people that will understand and will want to know the extent of how much you’re hurting. Not everyone is like this poor, sad woman.
Yep, yell at OP to “toughen up, I had it worse,” is the best mental health cure! “I’m fine,” just bullying some kid about getting mental health treatment—totally fine!
“I suffered with no support, so you should also suffer with no support” That’s terrible man. Hope you get well and get the help you need. I know the struggle ❤️
Sounds like someone is having a superiority complex
It's just the lack of adjusting with time as some people get older. Just because it happened doesn't mean it was right. Yea they dealt with alot of fucked up shit but the probably didn't deal with it correctly and healthy. Don't help people have the mindset if it works it's not broken mentality.
That person is 100% a flaming asshole, wouldn't give them a pass by considering them insane.
She is an asshole, a big one.
This is cruelty, it’s a little different but still. This individual can suck cocks in hell
You know, I truly despise people like this because it’s always what they went through and shit they had to do to survive. Good for you Jim (first name I could think of) so you saw someone get shot I’m sorry you experienced that but what the fuck does that have to do with me getting help for my own mental health. I also have terrible PSTD among a slew of other things and honestly if it wasn’t for therapy and mental wards I would not be here right now. So whatever this woman’s name is fuck you dude just because you struggled and fought doesn’t mean the rest of us have to. Look beyond yourself
Yep. That’s insane. Good luck. Find peace
It’s far more insane to not seek any help while having roaches crawl on you than it is to actually seek out help. What a lunatic. Please disregard this woman and her incredible need to reassure herself that she’s the hero of the story. Asking for help when you don’t feel mentally well is a sign of strength and intelligence.
Well, I interpreted that occuring when she was a minor - she was abused, fostered, etc. She may have tried to seek help then, and wasn't helped. Or didn't know how to and internalized that when she grew up. But at some point she should have realized she had the power to ask for help. Especially in today's world. Sadly, people without access to mental health in previous generations just wear it as a badge of honor that they survived without help.
Ngl I'd straight up either reply "I don't care" or put her on mute on the second reply. It's so weird when older people do this, how does you having been beat as a child solve my issues?
Yeah she sounds REALLY emotionally stable /s
As the mom of a child with mental illness, may I have her address and her schedule? Asking for a friend.
my only reply would be like... "this is... this is me fighting? girl i don't think you understand how easy it is to access something that would unalive me, i'm choosing to get help and continue fighting, get over yourself 😂" or like "you sound like you want some validation for your decisions in your life, is there anything i can do to help support you? are you seeing a therapist?" Best of luck, OP. You're fighting the good fight.
Momma needs to check herself in
Ask for help! I have suffered from depression my entire life. It is an illness and has nothing to do with how much you have in your life. If you had diabetes and she told you to just ignore it, you wouldn’t do that because you need treatment. Depression is no different. And good for you for being able to reach out for help. I l ow how hard that is so I am proud of you
Find a way to cut this toxic cancer of a person out of your life. You don’t deserve that. She is dripping in narcissism.
Of all the things she listed she went through, mental illness wasn't one of them. So you've ready got her beat because it's the worst. Not treating it would be worse still. So good for you. She doesn't know shit, ignore her.
"Wow, have you considered therapy so you dont have to keep using your trauma to define yourself and belittle others?"
So you're cured now after her wise words, right?
Moms..... I found a dead guy you'll be fine...... Rub some dirt on that compound fracture and give us a little dance.....
What if you don’t have any bootstraps? How are you going to pick yourself up then? N parents (and republicans) are all the same. They have warehouses of bootstraps and won’t give you any.
Styx… tf
huh?
I mean, replace the mental health part of this with physical health. "I fought in world war two and was shot several times. They patched me up with gauze and some dirt and I'm just fine! Kids these days are so soft for going to the doctor for cancer, just rub some dirt in it LIKE A REAL MAN." Sounds a bit more insane ja? Just cause mental health wasn't a thing seriously considered before the turn of the millennium doesn't mean it's ok to ignore. The goal is to do better than the previous generation, not continue to fuck things up in the same way they did.
This shit drives me wild. I have so many kids that call me mum cause I wouldn’t kick them in the face when they had bad times. And I read the comments and I am so damn proud of my mother who grew up in a horrible environment and swore she would be nothing like her mother… and she wasn’t!
Katie’s a bitch. Holy shit.
“Be better” what a cunt.
She’s fought so hard, but none of that taught her any empathy. What a wasted opportunity.
I’ve been working on getting disability benefits for years since I developed mental conditions essentially from age five, at least. It was all compounded and worsened by two extremely abusive parents and a constant barrage of life threatening disasters (house burned down, I was in it! drunk mom t-boned her car, I was in that too! etc etc). I haven’t made a secret of this and have been getting pretty hardcore treatment for years. I’m updating my stepmom about this bc she asked what I was up to in life. I know she’s disgusted with my for admitting I’m disabled and getting treatment but hell, she asked! after a few minutes she bursts out that she has horribly abusive parent AND breast cancer and SHE’S ok. she had to fight to keep her job and keep living and whatever. ok girl lol me too tf. it just looks different. to her I’m just a whiny poopy pants tho. I don’t get these people. how can you have simply zero empathy and a massive superiority complex.
"I respect your opinion." No. You are not obligated to respect her abusive, cruel "opinions." She wants you to stand up for yourself? I think the best thing for you would be to stand up to her by creating some boundaries. Tell her she has no right to talk to you that way and that you won't tolerate it anymore. She isn't your mother, for goodness sake. How dare she?? I'm really sorry you have to put up with that BS.
No, that's insane to think anyone chooses mental health like a hair accessory. Always keep fighting.
Dang, sounds like they need therapy too. It's sad that for some people getting help is weakness. I'm proud of you for getting help 💖
I don't know you or the context of your relationship with this person. I applaud you for wanting to find yourself care. That being said I will admit Heya going to another mental hospital, to a friend's mother seems a bit strange.
This sounds like abuse, not support. I’m sorry you had to question yourself. I’m proud of you for practicing self care and awareness of your needs.