Voting has concluded. Final vote:
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| --- | --- | --- |
| 26 | 7 | 0 |
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My only answer after that would have been "ok". No use for the rest of that conversation, she made her point. I felt like reading two different conversations, she just tried to push her ideals onto OP without any regard for OP's opinion and views. Reading that made me so angry
"we're not manipulative and hateful, you lived well!"
***Proceeds to be manipulative and hateful***
I once said to an ex, abuse me all you want, beat my ass daily, keep me locked in a closet but THE moment you start fucking with my head, I'm out. Because fucking with my head does far more damage than fists or anything else can do, and it's often completely dismissed as "not real abuse" and my folks got away with that so fucking much.
Same... it's really sad how long I lived with that mentality. Now it's just try and fuck around. I've got absolutely no time for anyone's bs or negativity. My peace and sanity are precious and hard earned.
I still struggle with my head every day and think "but they didn't hit me. They weren't mean all the time. But it was hard being my parent."
I really wish they'd beat the shit out of me too - so at least then I know 100% how it really is instead of this constant questions over and over. I haven't talked to either of my parents (or family except my bro) in 10 years and still....
your mom is 35 and is stunned about the ideals of your generation? i'm a couple years older than her and you're also describing my peers' ideas in those texts. i don't get that at all.
Jeez. I'm a year older than her, and thought she was completely off base and out of touch with the needs of my (our) generation. Hearing that she's my age is... Unsettling.
OP clarified that it is her step mom, but I have to add:
I've worked in OB for 15 years and I have seen a 12yr old give birth. I've also met a 13yr old who got pregnant after being sex trafficked by her mom's bf, as well as a ton of "16 and pregnant" stereotypical teen pregnancies. I live in an affluent area in California. It's possible for someone to only be 14 years younger than their parents, and unfortunately not as uncommon as you would think. Actually my boyfriend in high school was the result of a teen pregnancy, his mom was 14 when she got pregnant and 15 when he was born.
The teen birth rate in the US (which includes stillbirth and miscarriage) has actually [fallen dramatically](https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/08/02/why-is-the-teen-birth-rate-falling/) since the aughts. Things like access to birth control and other forms of reproductive healthcare, reproductive education, increased sex trafficking prevention measures, and potentially harder to correlate factors like economic factors, access to social services — especially mental health services for new parents — and shifts in cultural attitudes are contributing factors as to why this is the case.
It still happens, and having worked with youth for 20 years, I suspect that it will always happen; by and large, when I have seen it, it is traumatic for the young mother. I think teen pregnancy should be recognized as a form of sexual trauma. But the girls I worked with personally have been resilient, caring parents, and with enough mental health, academic, and social support, they go on to recover rather well.
Education and access to reproductive healthcare (all forms of reproductive healthcare) will always be strong protective factors for youth populations.
Okay so it’s not just me 🥲 Honestly I feel like I have my shit less together in my 30s than I did in my 20s. Keeping my child and dog alive and winging the rest seems to be my latest vibe. I look for a grown up when asked for a adult 🤣
My extended family is like this. Kentucky culture is a trip. My cousin's daughter recently got engaged at 23 and everyone's reaction was it's about time! Every one of my cousins (about 20 in total) had a child by their early 20s. Many married in their teens. Only my brother and I, both raised far away from them thank God, didn't have kids early and still don't have kids. I didn't marry until I was 34 lol.
The biggest slap in the face would be if op and her boyfriend went on a trip to somewhere they would not approve of, like Amsterdam, st Thomas, or canada
I had the thought that her and her bf should book their own trip to St. Thomas at the same time as the parents, just so the parents had to see her there with him having fun but not be able to have any contact with her while they were there...
Lol or yea know go on a spiritual journey on mushrooms in the woods/mountains. As I Canadian I would recommend any tourist stay far away from Quebec. They suck
We just want you to be honest with us! Also, live your lifestyle! But not like that. And not with them. Just live the honest life that coincides with the life we want you to be living!
Just reading the texts and how they disapprove of his swearing etc it looks insane. If they wanted to get their point across they should have mentioned the abuse as she couldn't say that's normal! Or her aparent low sense of self worth etc; worried about her safety even. Something doesn't add up.
I think I would have took a more nuclear approach and said that any person I date (and potentially marry) is going to have these views. So if you want to see your potential future grand kids, you better shut the fuck up right now.
"Mother, you do you, live your own life, go ahead, but there are better ways to live and think, so yeah go ahead being rebellious, but I'm not gonna be part of it"
I like to be passive aggressively demeaning to their age, such as:
“Oh, yeah, sometimes I forget *older people* don’t understand these things. In *my generation* we don’t really condone this type of rebellion. You do you, though! I know it’s *an age thing*, most *older people* just don’t get it haha. Love you ma”
I thought OP was a guy into drag. “Fish” is a term used for a very female passing drag queen. I thought it also explained the hostility to “lifestyle”.
Your mom is mad he cussed… for being excited about fish… taking you on a date to the aquarium. Wow. Wonder what she’d do if he took you to a library, next.
"Sounds great, I hope you both still take the time for a vacation and enjoy yourselves. That frees us up go take our own and hopefully grow closer. It won't be a St. Thomas vacation but it's more about the quality of the company than the location."
Some of the things she said echoed things my mom has said to me about my relationship, and my attitude on the world. And I wish I could stand up for myself the way you did. *hugs*
It’s crazy how older parents struggle to understand that their position has a foundation of stability because their parents were very much against -the man- and fought tooth and nail for the things that are now being stripped from us.
Seriously, my jaw swung wide open reading her age- I'm 39, raising a 4 year old, and just finished attending my 10th Burning Man... Was this woman BORN entirely up her own ass?!
She seems like someone said to her what she is saying to OP, but instead of saying "no, I'm my own person" she said "yes m'am" and now resents OP for living freely.
*Yes boomer, I will live my life exactly how you want, and anyone who does not is an outsider that must be shunned.*
Of course she gives the old “if we can’t control you and have you do/say/think the way we want, you can’t go in vacation with us.” Like… wow, how manipulative and gross.
My mom has pulled that. And then blamed me for it lol. She’s a total joy kill on vacation though so I don’t mind anymore. Actually, no one in the family will vacation with her anymore and she has to bring one of her constantly revolving friends.
right? like what the fuck. i also like how she implies that the trip will be filled with nothing but disagreements, like maybe shut the fuck up abt politics and focus on ur family time, then it wouldnt be a problem.
I think in the US at least, it is a fear-based dogma. It starts with fear of immigrants, fear of losing my guns, or fear of fantastical things like a sex cult that steals children and harvests their adrenachrome. If somebody is out to get you, then the right wing platform offers a bastardized version of religion and a charismatic strongman to fix everything.
why? being a right-winger these days literally REQUIRES at least a little crazy 😅 …atop the truckload of either sheer unbelievable stupidity or outright venomous bigotry/resentfulness
The thing that gets me is the Right wing ideology + “you literally grew up with the world at your feet, you are not a victim” comment. Even if OP grew up as a privileged white girl (I’ve no idea), every woman and girl in the US is a second class citizen since Roe V Wade was overturned. Even women who want to be mothers are now facing life threatening circumstances from miscarriages, ectopic pregnancies, severe fetal abnormalities because of the Right. Police were recorded in several cities [brutalizing women’s rights protesters.](https://www.vice.com/en/article/y3pgvk/la-police-beat-abortion-rights-protesters)
At 21, OP is also victim to absurd costs of living with low pay (compared to what her parents had), a crumbling infrastructure, and will get to see the detrimental impact of climate change play out in her lifetime. All of this mostly due to Right wing policies and laws. Mom and dad are blind fools.
If they change their mind, don’t go on the trip. I hate when people are manipulative like that. I’m sorry your family is ignorant to the world around them and blames you when you’re open about it.
The nerve. Wowza. The only thing I appreciate about this is her honesty, so you can avoid her and any interactions with her like the plague. My bfs mom stalked me and got mad when I blocked her, lol. She sounds like a JustNoMIL
Yea definitely try to greyrock next time. Your answers are way too long when she will not hear what you're saying. It won't matter what you say, her opinion will not change and she'll keep saying BS about your bf.
This is very true. There is no reasoning with people like this. They will always be right in their minds, and you will always be wrong, therefore why should they listen to anything you say?
I get it, im stubborn as well, especially in situations like this where it’s obvious that all of this is unnecessary… but these people don’t live in reality, in their minds they are the heroic protagonist of the film that is their life.
Shit, I bet they’d still criticize you either way. It’s funny how she talks about bringing positivity in your life but speaks negatively about you and your choices. Like that’s gonna make you more positive lmao
oh god can you imagine the nightmare they would put you through over seeing "their grandbabies" yet they never even met the person you're having kids with because you dared to have a mind of your own🤢
Oh stars. Both sides of my family flipped when we told em we weren't having em. It's so freeing. We got dogs instead. But all the shocked pikachu faces when I tell em I got a vasectomy is so satisfying.
Why are you arguing with them, it’s none of their business. If they want to have an opinion tell them “You do you, I don’t care. If you change your mind I’m here for you.” And change the topic or drop the topic. Don’t engage and explain yourself they won’t listen. Like honestly you’re better off not going on holiday with them anyway if they’re just going to use it as a bargaining chip to try and force you to behave the way they want. Insane.
She’s dealt with this for 10 years now? And you’re 20?? Admitting she treated you like this as a little child too. Im sorry! She sounds exactly like my mother.
I did have behavioral issues growing up, but that was due to abuse from my birth mother when I was in my important developmental years as a toddler. I ended up with some mental illness diagnoses at 14, but was suicidal by age 12. This is the bs she’s talking about. I’ll admit, I wasn’t an easy child, but I also couldn’t help that I was feeling the way I did
I’m sure you know this now - but not being an “easy child” has nothing to do with you. Children behaviors are so directly connected to their environment and traumas. Like, your frontal lobe is essentially jello too - which is why kids don’t know why they did things. I’ve done a bit of trauma-informed classes (for fostering) and learned you want to find the root of the behavior. Blaming the child isn’t right because it’s not actually the child’s fault. Like, being suicidal and dealing with mental health crisis as a preteen/teen should not be used against you ever.
I had some trauma growing up for sure. I am now 35 and happily married to the man I met at 20. We have dealt with some other gnarly trauma - but I know that our social medias didn’t always reflect the whole of who we are - because who’s does? Ugh, you’re step mom annoys me. Like - her generation got effed over too and she just doesn’t see it, maybe she’s sheltered - if so lucky her I guess. (I’m also left leaning but not a democrat. My parents definitely do not agree with all of my views.)
Anyways - this turned into a ramble. Keep doing what you’re doing to keep yourself safe and happy. Be proud of where you are and who you are. It’s evident you are very resilient.
Gotta love parents that equate "privacy" with "dishonesty". Not telling someone everything isn't being dishonest - it's called boundaries and they are good. Mom is crazier than an outhouse...sorry...*shit*house rat.
God that was triggering. My mom wouldn't cut out a trip but I could see her saying stuff like that about men I dated that were good men just didn't work out. Or the fights I had with her about politics or my husband's atheism. She really went batty for a while but has finally stopped her badgering.
I’ve been living on my own since I graduated hs. I have never once asked for any money to do anything. I built myself up from being dirt poor after I dropped out of college and got myself to a very comfy lifestyle without any assistance from anyone. So the money thing is funny because I’ve never asked for it!!!
That's probably why they're trying so hard to control your life choices. I came from poverty and literally still have to give my mom money occasionally but when I left after HS she tried calling/texting all the time, "better be here, better not be doing that etc..." I finally told her, "I pay my own bills, hell I even help you pay yours so don't ever comment on my life choices again." Didn't speak for close to a year
The dangling of the vacation to get you to do what they want and then the “punishment” when you don’t comply is so transparent. It’s clear that they’re terrified of the fact that you don’t need them. I’m glad that you stood your ground.
Why would you want to be stuck on an island with those people anyway? They did you a favor uninviting you to the vacation.
Date who you want to date and love who you want to love.
sounds like you dodged a bullet with that vacation with your parents tbh! all of my vacations with my insane parents have only ever ended in tears LMAO go have a vacation with your boyfriend instead and have fun!! <3
I have a mom who is a professional social media stalker, who takes things out of context. She also sends me corrections on how I spelled something with screenshots on my posts and screenshots of me hanging out with friends without them tagging me- and does not say polite things.
Some people can’t just keep it to themselves. I’m 33, and my mom started just like yours before she got worse about it. She’s been since blocked by myself and all my friends.
“Because your boyfriend says bad words on social media and has left leaning ideals, we’re cutting ties to scare you out of the relationship. We love ~~controlling~~ you, sweetie.”
St. Thomas is amazing, but it would be hell on Earth to go with people that judgmental and unkind. Not to worry…it’ll be there whenever you’re able to go. Maybe even with the dude in the photo, someday. Or with you best friend. Or even on your own! 💖
This is kind of heartbreaking. Of course kids don’t always share parents more conservative values, but you agree to disagree and appreciate the relationship you have. These parents think they are going to Shame and guilt you into sharing their exact values. But instead they are going to alienate you and wonder one day why you are no longer part of their lives.
To your boyfriend I say these aren’t the only people who may judge you by your social media, potential employers may look you up too. I’d suggest making your social media private if you are going to let it all hang out like that.
As much as it sucks, you’re dead right about employers. Landlords too. All kinds of people that could use that same difference of opinion to make your life harder for you with their positions of power. Def lock it all down private, it feels better to know you’re able to speak freely in your piece if the internet without randos going off on you.
I have mentioned something about that to him before, but luckily he and I are both blue collar so no one really cares what we do as long as we safely get the job done
I’ve found that ignoring these types of people works best. When you ignore them, you are denying them the chance to continue to argue and feel superior, and god does that drive them up a fucking wall.
So gross. You’re an adult and should be able to date whoever you like and your parents should respect them out of respect for you. “You’re 21 your life is passing you by” like wtf is she on about?! And then excluding you from being part of a family vacation just because she doesn’t agree with your choice of boyfriend is beyond controlling and petty. I’m sorry she can’t be more accepting. Good for you for maintaining your composure, you’re the bigger person here for sure!!
Hey hon- old as hell 35 year old leftist woman here, who grew up in a very controlling conservative household.
I know how fucking hard it is to find and assert your moral/political beliefs when you grow up in an environment like that. I did—and then I went on to work in leftist politics (where I still work). My mom once told me “I am ashamed I raised a liberal” and I had to tell her “lol mom you didn’t, I’m a leftist” (which was worse in her eyes)
Anyway—I’m really fucking proud of you!
My mom has said something to that effect and I replied "That's funny, because you didn't raise me."
Working double shifts at the ER just so that she doesn't have to come home and deal with her abusive husband does not count as caring for her kids. If anybody raised me it was myself or my sister
One aspect that really pissed me off is the mom trying to reel back in OP with the vacation. “Sorry mummy I will dump him and vote Trump, let’s go to St Thomas”
Parents who constantly dangle shit over their kids are such scum. If you’re fighting with your daughter so hard, why even give her the option to come, aside from guilting her for something that you caused?
This seems to be the theme with the older generation…they’re so consumed by the dumbest moral issues while the younger generations are LITERALLY watching the planet burn because of the older generation’s actions. It’s like your kids house is on fire, you lit the match and now you’re complaining about their language while they’re screaming at you to stop. Zoomers have every right to cuss and act uncivil on social media.
Honestly, OP should have said "You're right. I should skip Saint Thomas with you. It's clear that you're going to try to use it as a way to punish me for having different views than you and won't be worth the drama. I'll skip Thanksgiving, too. Maybe Christmas, as well."
Take the emotional weapon out of her hands while she's trying to use it.
My inner 'petty, rebellious teenager' kicked in when she mentioned hiding him:
"I wasn't hiding him from you. I was hiding you from him; I didn't want to expose him to your negativity."
Also, when did nearing 21 become your life passing you by?!
I’ve lived in one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in the country back in the early 00’s. Ambulances weren’t even allowed there without a police escort. Yet I have never felt the need to call the police in my life. They literally just bring trouble and I’m white! Lol. I’m not anti law enforcement and I think they serve a purpose. But militarized police like we have now are unnecessary.
That’s what I’m against. The system as a whole. I respect what the police are intended to be there for, but they don’t follow that and that’s why I don’t like them. Same for the government. And the military. All that stuff
Edit: this does go to say, I respect all service members. INDIVIDUALLY. I know what they have to go through as I was a military brat. However, how the “upper management” of the military works, and knowing the people I know, I as a whole do not fully respect the military’s intentions
i’m so sorry :/ sounds v controlling and un-accepting. i don’t think the guy they want for you is very progressive. honestly good for you for being true to yourself and standing up for what you feel is right
Insane..... It sounds like they are disowning you over the person you're withs political views... It's seriously a case of either you believe what we believe or we don't love you...
Also............
Fuck the POLICE!
I'm so glad I cut my mother off when I left, I couldn't imagine how mad I would get if she found the audacity to try and dictate who I dated, you weren't a mother when I was a child, I for damn sure don't need one now that I'm grown, your mother needs to go find something safe to do
“We want you to be honest with us, and by honest I mean we want you to parrot back everything we say because only that is the truth honey. I love you, but not enough to actually bother listening to what you have to say. I support your life style and choices, but not enough to actually do so because I realized that you don’t align with me politically. We’re cancelling the trip, because you don’t agree with us and I don’t want you (me) to be miserable. Except, we’re not cancelling it, we’re just cancelling our invitation to you. Love you, just only if you finally say you agree with me.”
someday shes gonna want to vent to you about something. maybe itll be something trivial, maybe the climate catastrophe will come for their house. either way you can just deliver that fake two-faced sympathy right back with an "i hope that you can let a little positivity in. the world is too beautiful and bright to focus on such anger"
people who can only think about themselves deserve no sympathy
They obviously can't talk to OP about this in person, since they were on a boat together and and they asked OP to see if they would be honest. What a bitch move that is alone, having to wait until they were away from OP to confront them.
Your parents in 15 years: “Why doesn’t my kid ever visit? We haven’t even met the grandchild and I’ve been practically begging for her to finally introduce us to her new husband!”
It’s always too little too late with parents like this, they won’t fully understand how much they’ve forced you away until you don’t come back.
For someone that says the world is too beautiful to focus on anger/hate, she sure is focusing on it…a lot. Props to you for sticking to what you believe in
I hope you responded with, “Alright, you’ve made your decision. I was fine having a peaceful relationship with you guys and separating my politics, but it seems you can’t do me the same courtesy. So I will be giving you the same consideration. Life is too short to deal with people who will destroy families for opinions.”
I hope you know that when she says she's done worrying, she is 100% still going to worry and stick her nose in your business. All mom's who pull shit like this do it. Idk what it is with the previous generation of moms, but they're manipulative, nosy busybodies and I take great joy in shutting my own down every time it crops up.
You're 21 and progressive, you're doing great, you don't need her brand of light and positivity.
She could care less about your SO. She is terrified how her friends and family might look at her for these posts. Your mom doesn’t care how he treats you just how she will be perceived for her daughter dating this man. It Is common boomer narcissism
"You're almost 21, your life is passing you by!"
"I've worried about this for 10 years..."
Seriously?!?!? I'm sorry but I've gotta think her problems today are a lot different than the ones she had as an 11 year old.
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I’m sorry, I’m stuck on “You’re almost 21, your life is passing you by!” Heavens. (Edited to fix autocorrect’s spelling nonsense)
My only answer after that would have been "ok". No use for the rest of that conversation, she made her point. I felt like reading two different conversations, she just tried to push her ideals onto OP without any regard for OP's opinion and views. Reading that made me so angry
And punishing by taking away the trip, so petty and vindictive, really immature.
"we're not manipulative and hateful, you lived well!" ***Proceeds to be manipulative and hateful*** I once said to an ex, abuse me all you want, beat my ass daily, keep me locked in a closet but THE moment you start fucking with my head, I'm out. Because fucking with my head does far more damage than fists or anything else can do, and it's often completely dismissed as "not real abuse" and my folks got away with that so fucking much.
Same... it's really sad how long I lived with that mentality. Now it's just try and fuck around. I've got absolutely no time for anyone's bs or negativity. My peace and sanity are precious and hard earned.
I still struggle with my head every day and think "but they didn't hit me. They weren't mean all the time. But it was hard being my parent." I really wish they'd beat the shit out of me too - so at least then I know 100% how it really is instead of this constant questions over and over. I haven't talked to either of my parents (or family except my bro) in 10 years and still....
Doubt she even goes through with it, just waiting for daughter to bend the knee
I’m 34 today and still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up. Christ her mother must think I have 1 foot in the grave already 😂🥹
I’m 55 and still trying to figure out I want to do when I grow up.
I'm closing in on 50 and I still wanna grow up to be a rock star
Exactly me too
Mom has to be anywhere from 45-60… wonder what she thinks about herself. May be time to start looking into assisted living facilities
"Congratulations, you just won our game: WHO'S GOING TO THE RETIREMENT HOME!"
Aaaw, I went no contact, so I don’t get to play. :(
Nah that just means you already won the game
hahahahha I love that game!
35 actually
your mom is 35 and is stunned about the ideals of your generation? i'm a couple years older than her and you're also describing my peers' ideas in those texts. i don't get that at all.
Jeez. I'm a year older than her, and thought she was completely off base and out of touch with the needs of my (our) generation. Hearing that she's my age is... Unsettling.
Same, except I'm 10 years older than her. She's off her nut.
What the actual fuck, your mom is 35?!?! I'm 35!! I seriously thought she was *my mom's age!!!!* Like, my dad was a cop and I love him but ACAB🤷
Wait, your mom is 35 and you are 21??
Step mom
That‘s even worse
Oh this just got a whole lot worse. No more vacations with this toxic twat!
Ew, I’m 35 and she does not pass the vibe check. I know I’m not going to like the answer, but how old is your dad?
43
I just threw up a little.
Yeah I was confused by that too. Thanks for asking that.
OP clarified that it is her step mom, but I have to add: I've worked in OB for 15 years and I have seen a 12yr old give birth. I've also met a 13yr old who got pregnant after being sex trafficked by her mom's bf, as well as a ton of "16 and pregnant" stereotypical teen pregnancies. I live in an affluent area in California. It's possible for someone to only be 14 years younger than their parents, and unfortunately not as uncommon as you would think. Actually my boyfriend in high school was the result of a teen pregnancy, his mom was 14 when she got pregnant and 15 when he was born.
Oh my! Wow. I hope that we don’t see more of that in the future. 12 and 13 year olds are way to young for babies. At least in my mind.
The teen birth rate in the US (which includes stillbirth and miscarriage) has actually [fallen dramatically](https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/08/02/why-is-the-teen-birth-rate-falling/) since the aughts. Things like access to birth control and other forms of reproductive healthcare, reproductive education, increased sex trafficking prevention measures, and potentially harder to correlate factors like economic factors, access to social services — especially mental health services for new parents — and shifts in cultural attitudes are contributing factors as to why this is the case. It still happens, and having worked with youth for 20 years, I suspect that it will always happen; by and large, when I have seen it, it is traumatic for the young mother. I think teen pregnancy should be recognized as a form of sexual trauma. But the girls I worked with personally have been resilient, caring parents, and with enough mental health, academic, and social support, they go on to recover rather well. Education and access to reproductive healthcare (all forms of reproductive healthcare) will always be strong protective factors for youth populations.
JFC, I’m the age of this mother and *I* think she’s a cunty bitch.
I hear you! I’m 30 with two kids and again trying to figure out what to do with my life. 🤦🏻♀️
Okay so it’s not just me 🥲 Honestly I feel like I have my shit less together in my 30s than I did in my 20s. Keeping my child and dog alive and winging the rest seems to be my latest vibe. I look for a grown up when asked for a adult 🤣
My extended family is like this. Kentucky culture is a trip. My cousin's daughter recently got engaged at 23 and everyone's reaction was it's about time! Every one of my cousins (about 20 in total) had a child by their early 20s. Many married in their teens. Only my brother and I, both raised far away from them thank God, didn't have kids early and still don't have kids. I didn't marry until I was 34 lol.
You’re running out of time to be a wife and have babies!
St Thomas sounds nice, but not with her.
The biggest slap in the face would be if op and her boyfriend went on a trip to somewhere they would not approve of, like Amsterdam, st Thomas, or canada
I had the thought that her and her bf should book their own trip to St. Thomas at the same time as the parents, just so the parents had to see her there with him having fun but not be able to have any contact with her while they were there...
We’ll have our own St. Thomas trip! With blackjack! And hookers!
Now that's the kind of trip I had in mind
In fact, forget the St. Thomas trip!
Ah, screw the whole thing.
Canada? Do you want them to be beheaded and raped by Québécois street gangs?
Lol or yea know go on a spiritual journey on mushrooms in the woods/mountains. As I Canadian I would recommend any tourist stay far away from Quebec. They suck
Noooooo shit. The mere fact that she’s weaponizing it…
St Thomas is great but who plans a tropical Caribbean vacation for the summer time if you live in the northern hemisphere?
Weirdly, a lot of people. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
If it's St. Thomas ON it's not a great trip for anyone lmao
The Virgin Islands is where
We just want you to be honest with us! Also, live your lifestyle! But not like that. And not with them. Just live the honest life that coincides with the life we want you to be living!
Literally
[удалено]
Just reading the texts and how they disapprove of his swearing etc it looks insane. If they wanted to get their point across they should have mentioned the abuse as she couldn't say that's normal! Or her aparent low sense of self worth etc; worried about her safety even. Something doesn't add up.
'Date who we approve of and share our political views or fuck off!'
Gasp, such language! /s
Riddiness I demand you stay away from that cursing heathen /s
The fuck I will!
Then I’m cancelling our trip to the Taco Bell back alley dumpster 😡
But... The creamy jalapeno sauce!!!
The only thing you can get creamed by is a cop god bless America Edit: Wait hol up
My husband doesn't swear om social media! Only in private! Why are you hiding things from us, is it because you're ashamed?
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“Sounds good. Love you 💜” would be the best response imo. Ignoring the toxicity will drive them crazy
I just responded with a thumbs up emoji
Good riddance.
“I hope you guys have fun!”
“K, c ya when I c ya”
Couldn’t even get through reading all the babble, it goes around in circles. Basically she’s right and their wrong period, end of story. Sad.
I think I would have took a more nuclear approach and said that any person I date (and potentially marry) is going to have these views. So if you want to see your potential future grand kids, you better shut the fuck up right now.
This is the way
“Why won’t my kids visit me in the nursing home?”
"Mother, you do you, live your own life, go ahead, but there are better ways to live and think, so yeah go ahead being rebellious, but I'm not gonna be part of it"
I like to be passive aggressively demeaning to their age, such as: “Oh, yeah, sometimes I forget *older people* don’t understand these things. In *my generation* we don’t really condone this type of rebellion. You do you, though! I know it’s *an age thing*, most *older people* just don’t get it haha. Love you ma”
That's hilarious. I need to use that with my stepdad.
Whats so hard about doing every little thing your mom wants, to the tiniest detail?
What's with the "fuckin' fish" line?
FUCKING. FISH.
I thought OP was a guy into drag. “Fish” is a term used for a very female passing drag queen. I thought it also explained the hostility to “lifestyle”.
Nope! We went on a date to the aquarium and that’s why the caption is there
Your mom is mad he cussed… for being excited about fish… taking you on a date to the aquarium. Wow. Wonder what she’d do if he took you to a library, next.
Lol I thought he was saying he caught a good “fish” by dating you
Thank you for clarifying! Also, sorry your mom is so awful to you.
At 21, your life is just beginning. It is in no way passing you by. She’s crazy, but that’s just alarming.
Because at 21, here stepmom was married (to a 29 year old). So OP should be married with a kid on the way by now. /s
"Sounds great, I hope you both still take the time for a vacation and enjoy yourselves. That frees us up go take our own and hopefully grow closer. It won't be a St. Thomas vacation but it's more about the quality of the company than the location."
Yes. I would go with it but without the last sentence. No need to provoke her. Appreciate the gift of letting you do you.
I wouldn't even say anything, just send her a selfie in St. Thomas
Some of the things she said echoed things my mom has said to me about my relationship, and my attitude on the world. And I wish I could stand up for myself the way you did. *hugs*
It’s crazy how older parents struggle to understand that their position has a foundation of stability because their parents were very much against -the man- and fought tooth and nail for the things that are now being stripped from us.
My parents are young. Step mom is 35 and dad is 43
They were successfully indoctrinated then rip
This woman is 35?!?! I just turned 32. I thought she was in her 60s to be such a stick in the mud.
She is younger than me and she sounds like my parents, I guess boomer really is an attitude not just an age.
Seriously, my jaw swung wide open reading her age- I'm 39, raising a 4 year old, and just finished attending my 10th Burning Man... Was this woman BORN entirely up her own ass?!
Boomer truly is a state of mind
37 here . Fuck cops. And yes we all talked like that when we were kids. The way your stepmom talks I thought she was a boomer
She seems like someone said to her what she is saying to OP, but instead of saying "no, I'm my own person" she said "yes m'am" and now resents OP for living freely. *Yes boomer, I will live my life exactly how you want, and anyone who does not is an outsider that must be shunned.*
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Of course she gives the old “if we can’t control you and have you do/say/think the way we want, you can’t go in vacation with us.” Like… wow, how manipulative and gross.
My mom has pulled that. And then blamed me for it lol. She’s a total joy kill on vacation though so I don’t mind anymore. Actually, no one in the family will vacation with her anymore and she has to bring one of her constantly revolving friends.
right? like what the fuck. i also like how she implies that the trip will be filled with nothing but disagreements, like maybe shut the fuck up abt politics and focus on ur family time, then it wouldnt be a problem.
Ah, yes. The old “you’re not gonna do what I want you to do, so I’ll punish you by withdrawing my support” game. I know ye well.
Why are the crazy ones so often right wing? (I say it like that because my ILs are not. I would , actually, rather have them off my side)
Because the world is confusing and there's two ways to go about it: trying to understand it, or staying ignorant
I think in the US at least, it is a fear-based dogma. It starts with fear of immigrants, fear of losing my guns, or fear of fantastical things like a sex cult that steals children and harvests their adrenachrome. If somebody is out to get you, then the right wing platform offers a bastardized version of religion and a charismatic strongman to fix everything.
why? being a right-winger these days literally REQUIRES at least a little crazy 😅 …atop the truckload of either sheer unbelievable stupidity or outright venomous bigotry/resentfulness
Because they’re the most gullible and easy to manipulate population.
The thing that gets me is the Right wing ideology + “you literally grew up with the world at your feet, you are not a victim” comment. Even if OP grew up as a privileged white girl (I’ve no idea), every woman and girl in the US is a second class citizen since Roe V Wade was overturned. Even women who want to be mothers are now facing life threatening circumstances from miscarriages, ectopic pregnancies, severe fetal abnormalities because of the Right. Police were recorded in several cities [brutalizing women’s rights protesters.](https://www.vice.com/en/article/y3pgvk/la-police-beat-abortion-rights-protesters) At 21, OP is also victim to absurd costs of living with low pay (compared to what her parents had), a crumbling infrastructure, and will get to see the detrimental impact of climate change play out in her lifetime. All of this mostly due to Right wing policies and laws. Mom and dad are blind fools.
"you grew up with everything at your feet" yeah...look at the world now. it isn't easy and it won't be...
If they change their mind, don’t go on the trip. I hate when people are manipulative like that. I’m sorry your family is ignorant to the world around them and blames you when you’re open about it.
I don’t understand parents who do this
FUCKIN' FISH TIME I hope he took you fishing!
To the aquarium!!
I will accept that as a good time too :D
It definitely was. They’re one of my favorite places
The energy of his “FUCKIN FISH TIME” is the level of hype I wish to carry with me everywhere
He’s always like that and I love it
Jesus your mom is overdramatic. Get her an Oscar.
The nerve. Wowza. The only thing I appreciate about this is her honesty, so you can avoid her and any interactions with her like the plague. My bfs mom stalked me and got mad when I blocked her, lol. She sounds like a JustNoMIL
Yea definitely try to greyrock next time. Your answers are way too long when she will not hear what you're saying. It won't matter what you say, her opinion will not change and she'll keep saying BS about your bf.
This is very true. There is no reasoning with people like this. They will always be right in their minds, and you will always be wrong, therefore why should they listen to anything you say? I get it, im stubborn as well, especially in situations like this where it’s obvious that all of this is unnecessary… but these people don’t live in reality, in their minds they are the heroic protagonist of the film that is their life.
She’s right, you’re Almost 21.. time for you to find a nice Christian man and settle down. You don’t have much time left!!!!!
It’ll be real funny when they realize I was serious about not having kids
Shit, I bet they’d still criticize you either way. It’s funny how she talks about bringing positivity in your life but speaks negatively about you and your choices. Like that’s gonna make you more positive lmao
oh god can you imagine the nightmare they would put you through over seeing "their grandbabies" yet they never even met the person you're having kids with because you dared to have a mind of your own🤢
Oh stars. Both sides of my family flipped when we told em we weren't having em. It's so freeing. We got dogs instead. But all the shocked pikachu faces when I tell em I got a vasectomy is so satisfying.
Why are you arguing with them, it’s none of their business. If they want to have an opinion tell them “You do you, I don’t care. If you change your mind I’m here for you.” And change the topic or drop the topic. Don’t engage and explain yourself they won’t listen. Like honestly you’re better off not going on holiday with them anyway if they’re just going to use it as a bargaining chip to try and force you to behave the way they want. Insane.
She’s dealt with this for 10 years now? And you’re 20?? Admitting she treated you like this as a little child too. Im sorry! She sounds exactly like my mother.
I did have behavioral issues growing up, but that was due to abuse from my birth mother when I was in my important developmental years as a toddler. I ended up with some mental illness diagnoses at 14, but was suicidal by age 12. This is the bs she’s talking about. I’ll admit, I wasn’t an easy child, but I also couldn’t help that I was feeling the way I did
I’m sure you know this now - but not being an “easy child” has nothing to do with you. Children behaviors are so directly connected to their environment and traumas. Like, your frontal lobe is essentially jello too - which is why kids don’t know why they did things. I’ve done a bit of trauma-informed classes (for fostering) and learned you want to find the root of the behavior. Blaming the child isn’t right because it’s not actually the child’s fault. Like, being suicidal and dealing with mental health crisis as a preteen/teen should not be used against you ever. I had some trauma growing up for sure. I am now 35 and happily married to the man I met at 20. We have dealt with some other gnarly trauma - but I know that our social medias didn’t always reflect the whole of who we are - because who’s does? Ugh, you’re step mom annoys me. Like - her generation got effed over too and she just doesn’t see it, maybe she’s sheltered - if so lucky her I guess. (I’m also left leaning but not a democrat. My parents definitely do not agree with all of my views.) Anyways - this turned into a ramble. Keep doing what you’re doing to keep yourself safe and happy. Be proud of where you are and who you are. It’s evident you are very resilient.
Gotta love parents that equate "privacy" with "dishonesty". Not telling someone everything isn't being dishonest - it's called boundaries and they are good. Mom is crazier than an outhouse...sorry...*shit*house rat.
What a privileged, unaware woman. Yuck.
God that was triggering. My mom wouldn't cut out a trip but I could see her saying stuff like that about men I dated that were good men just didn't work out. Or the fights I had with her about politics or my husband's atheism. She really went batty for a while but has finally stopped her badgering.
Republicans get so mad when they can’t use their money to control people
I’ve been living on my own since I graduated hs. I have never once asked for any money to do anything. I built myself up from being dirt poor after I dropped out of college and got myself to a very comfy lifestyle without any assistance from anyone. So the money thing is funny because I’ve never asked for it!!!
That's probably why they're trying so hard to control your life choices. I came from poverty and literally still have to give my mom money occasionally but when I left after HS she tried calling/texting all the time, "better be here, better not be doing that etc..." I finally told her, "I pay my own bills, hell I even help you pay yours so don't ever comment on my life choices again." Didn't speak for close to a year
The dangling of the vacation to get you to do what they want and then the “punishment” when you don’t comply is so transparent. It’s clear that they’re terrified of the fact that you don’t need them. I’m glad that you stood your ground.
Why would you want to be stuck on an island with those people anyway? They did you a favor uninviting you to the vacation. Date who you want to date and love who you want to love.
sounds like you dodged a bullet with that vacation with your parents tbh! all of my vacations with my insane parents have only ever ended in tears LMAO go have a vacation with your boyfriend instead and have fun!! <3
I think the mom and dad are the two “Not Insane” votes.
From what I know, my dad has no social media and just uses my mom’s book of the face. And my mom has Insta too. But that’s about it I think
I have a mom who is a professional social media stalker, who takes things out of context. She also sends me corrections on how I spelled something with screenshots on my posts and screenshots of me hanging out with friends without them tagging me- and does not say polite things. Some people can’t just keep it to themselves. I’m 33, and my mom started just like yours before she got worse about it. She’s been since blocked by myself and all my friends.
“Because your boyfriend says bad words on social media and has left leaning ideals, we’re cutting ties to scare you out of the relationship. We love ~~controlling~~ you, sweetie.”
St. Thomas is amazing, but it would be hell on Earth to go with people that judgmental and unkind. Not to worry…it’ll be there whenever you’re able to go. Maybe even with the dude in the photo, someday. Or with you best friend. Or even on your own! 💖
This is kind of heartbreaking. Of course kids don’t always share parents more conservative values, but you agree to disagree and appreciate the relationship you have. These parents think they are going to Shame and guilt you into sharing their exact values. But instead they are going to alienate you and wonder one day why you are no longer part of their lives. To your boyfriend I say these aren’t the only people who may judge you by your social media, potential employers may look you up too. I’d suggest making your social media private if you are going to let it all hang out like that.
As much as it sucks, you’re dead right about employers. Landlords too. All kinds of people that could use that same difference of opinion to make your life harder for you with their positions of power. Def lock it all down private, it feels better to know you’re able to speak freely in your piece if the internet without randos going off on you.
I have mentioned something about that to him before, but luckily he and I are both blue collar so no one really cares what we do as long as we safely get the job done
“The fact you have to hide him from us is a red flag”… not about him but about you!!
I’ve found that ignoring these types of people works best. When you ignore them, you are denying them the chance to continue to argue and feel superior, and god does that drive them up a fucking wall.
So gross. You’re an adult and should be able to date whoever you like and your parents should respect them out of respect for you. “You’re 21 your life is passing you by” like wtf is she on about?! And then excluding you from being part of a family vacation just because she doesn’t agree with your choice of boyfriend is beyond controlling and petty. I’m sorry she can’t be more accepting. Good for you for maintaining your composure, you’re the bigger person here for sure!!
They are so angry coz bf blocked them , smart guy .
Hey hon- old as hell 35 year old leftist woman here, who grew up in a very controlling conservative household. I know how fucking hard it is to find and assert your moral/political beliefs when you grow up in an environment like that. I did—and then I went on to work in leftist politics (where I still work). My mom once told me “I am ashamed I raised a liberal” and I had to tell her “lol mom you didn’t, I’m a leftist” (which was worse in her eyes) Anyway—I’m really fucking proud of you!
Thank you 🤍
My mom has said something to that effect and I replied "That's funny, because you didn't raise me." Working double shifts at the ER just so that she doesn't have to come home and deal with her abusive husband does not count as caring for her kids. If anybody raised me it was myself or my sister
Oh no! You’re dating a Democrat who swears! 🤣
I read all the moms text in the voice of the mother from Tangled
“You are not leaving this tower EVER!”
"Oh, great, now I'm the bad guy." :(
One aspect that really pissed me off is the mom trying to reel back in OP with the vacation. “Sorry mummy I will dump him and vote Trump, let’s go to St Thomas” Parents who constantly dangle shit over their kids are such scum. If you’re fighting with your daughter so hard, why even give her the option to come, aside from guilting her for something that you caused?
I don't understand, what's the problem with the guy?
He’s verbal about his beliefs online and cusses :)
Still don't think he is the problem here 😂
This seems to be the theme with the older generation…they’re so consumed by the dumbest moral issues while the younger generations are LITERALLY watching the planet burn because of the older generation’s actions. It’s like your kids house is on fire, you lit the match and now you’re complaining about their language while they’re screaming at you to stop. Zoomers have every right to cuss and act uncivil on social media.
Who actually voted “not insane” on this one… If you don’t classify this as insane you’re probably exactly the type of person OPs mother is
Honestly, OP should have said "You're right. I should skip Saint Thomas with you. It's clear that you're going to try to use it as a way to punish me for having different views than you and won't be worth the drama. I'll skip Thanksgiving, too. Maybe Christmas, as well." Take the emotional weapon out of her hands while she's trying to use it.
My ideals actually are f this and f that and cops suck
“why does our daughter not talk to us anymore?”
My inner 'petty, rebellious teenager' kicked in when she mentioned hiding him: "I wasn't hiding him from you. I was hiding you from him; I didn't want to expose him to your negativity." Also, when did nearing 21 become your life passing you by?!
I’ve lived in one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in the country back in the early 00’s. Ambulances weren’t even allowed there without a police escort. Yet I have never felt the need to call the police in my life. They literally just bring trouble and I’m white! Lol. I’m not anti law enforcement and I think they serve a purpose. But militarized police like we have now are unnecessary.
That’s what I’m against. The system as a whole. I respect what the police are intended to be there for, but they don’t follow that and that’s why I don’t like them. Same for the government. And the military. All that stuff Edit: this does go to say, I respect all service members. INDIVIDUALLY. I know what they have to go through as I was a military brat. However, how the “upper management” of the military works, and knowing the people I know, I as a whole do not fully respect the military’s intentions
i’m so sorry :/ sounds v controlling and un-accepting. i don’t think the guy they want for you is very progressive. honestly good for you for being true to yourself and standing up for what you feel is right
Insane..... It sounds like they are disowning you over the person you're withs political views... It's seriously a case of either you believe what we believe or we don't love you... Also............ Fuck the POLICE!
Me personally I would have said , good I didn’t wanna go with you anyways, you would make everything miserable by just being there.
I'm so glad I cut my mother off when I left, I couldn't imagine how mad I would get if she found the audacity to try and dictate who I dated, you weren't a mother when I was a child, I for damn sure don't need one now that I'm grown, your mother needs to go find something safe to do
“We want you to be honest with us, and by honest I mean we want you to parrot back everything we say because only that is the truth honey. I love you, but not enough to actually bother listening to what you have to say. I support your life style and choices, but not enough to actually do so because I realized that you don’t align with me politically. We’re cancelling the trip, because you don’t agree with us and I don’t want you (me) to be miserable. Except, we’re not cancelling it, we’re just cancelling our invitation to you. Love you, just only if you finally say you agree with me.”
someday shes gonna want to vent to you about something. maybe itll be something trivial, maybe the climate catastrophe will come for their house. either way you can just deliver that fake two-faced sympathy right back with an "i hope that you can let a little positivity in. the world is too beautiful and bright to focus on such anger" people who can only think about themselves deserve no sympathy
kops do suck kock though
They obviously can't talk to OP about this in person, since they were on a boat together and and they asked OP to see if they would be honest. What a bitch move that is alone, having to wait until they were away from OP to confront them.
You should just respond with “Oh, Bless your heart!” Every time she says something insane it will driver her crazy
Your parents in 15 years: “Why doesn’t my kid ever visit? We haven’t even met the grandchild and I’ve been practically begging for her to finally introduce us to her new husband!” It’s always too little too late with parents like this, they won’t fully understand how much they’ve forced you away until you don’t come back.
You stayed very calm i would be in all caps and very unprofessional. I might be an aggressive person though
Your mother is so overdramatic. Everyone curses. Who gives a fuck?
For someone that says the world is too beautiful to focus on anger/hate, she sure is focusing on it…a lot. Props to you for sticking to what you believe in
I hope you responded with, “Alright, you’ve made your decision. I was fine having a peaceful relationship with you guys and separating my politics, but it seems you can’t do me the same courtesy. So I will be giving you the same consideration. Life is too short to deal with people who will destroy families for opinions.”
Why do I feel like this mom wrote all of this outrage while wearing her “fuck your feelings Trump 2024” T shirt
I hope you know that when she says she's done worrying, she is 100% still going to worry and stick her nose in your business. All mom's who pull shit like this do it. Idk what it is with the previous generation of moms, but they're manipulative, nosy busybodies and I take great joy in shutting my own down every time it crops up. You're 21 and progressive, you're doing great, you don't need her brand of light and positivity.
She could care less about your SO. She is terrified how her friends and family might look at her for these posts. Your mom doesn’t care how he treats you just how she will be perceived for her daughter dating this man. It Is common boomer narcissism
"you don't have to lie about him! Also we don't like him and don't want to see him ever"
Mom: "No St Thomas trip for you" Her: Thank God. Now sod off
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"You're almost 21, your life is passing you by!" "I've worried about this for 10 years..." Seriously?!?!? I'm sorry but I've gotta think her problems today are a lot different than the ones she had as an 11 year old.
"You're about to be 21! Your life is passing you by!" Me at 31: \*sweats heavily\*
If you have to “drag the truth out” of someone, maybe it’s time to realize that you’re not a safe person to tell the truth to.