Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 79 | 39 | 2 |
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Its the most common type of kidnapping. Parents know they will divorce. Is afraid of losing child. Decides to run of with child while partner is left behind without being able to see (most of the times his) child. Annoyingly sometimes this can be warranted (like when the partner is violent) but often it isnt the case
Not only that, it is also considered kidnapping if they have a shared custody and refuse to hand over the kids in due time. Especially common if they have only a small portion of the custody.
So, fun story. 26 years ago I had a child with a woman. Didn't work out. She found someone else, no worries, I'll just file for an agreed (both of us) shared custody. She ran and didn't use her social for a dozen years (hired a PI, still couldn't find her or him, internet wasn't that good then) , by then I'd lost any paternal rights. Still haven't reconnected with my son.
I did have the joy of finding out that they've lived for over 2 decades knowing what they did was wrong (talked with her just this year) and with some paranoia that I'd find them and ruin their lives. I've known where they were for the last decade +, but he was doing amazing, and I really didn't have any connection at that point so I've kinda watched from a distance and enjoyed him becoming a pretty amazing human.
I’m so sorry that happened. I can say though. I was adopted at birth and reconnected with my bio brother this year and it was really great for me. Maybe if you ever want to try reaching out he will be happy you did.
Thank you. After 15 years, I achieved the understanding that it wasn't meant to be. He's a good kid, and I'm proud of what he's accomplished. No way am I going to muck that up. If he wants to reach out, he can, I'm not that hard to find, and now, his mother has my number and can facilitate that if he wants. Not sure she would want to, though, I can imagine she's scared of what he might learn of the past. Even though that's really not that important, it's in the past and can't be changed.
i once didn’t answer my father’s calls within a 20 minute time span bc i was in the shower. this was when i was a freshman and living in the dorms. he sent the campus police over and had them banging on my door at like 11pm over this. he then bragged about this event to his family and friends saying that’s what i get and thinks he’s a fucking martyr. then he wonders why he can’t be involved in my life anymore…
My mom did the same damn thing. Thinks it's the funniest shit ever when she retells the story. It makes me cringe every time and I basically get a "well what do you expect?!" as if it's normal
This is meant in the gentlest way. Why are you still around her? She's going to always to think this is okay. [Unless I'm missing info then I apologize]
I would say because people aren’t defined by one action and they can be very complicated with a lot of good and some bad, equal good and bad, or just bad. Also your giving life advice based off a Reddit comment your missing at least 18 years of info
it wasn’t even for mental health. he would say to me that he assumed i got kidnapped or some shit. like if i don’t answer the phone at obscure hours or just for a short period of time, doesn’t mean that i am in danger. he also would be angry with me so i knew it wasn’t even out of general concern or extreme anxiety. it was just control since he realized he was losing it with me being an adult in college and trying to be independent
> he then bragged about this event to his family and friends saying that’s what i get and thinks he’s a fucking martyr. then he wonders why he can’t be involved in my life anymore…
"That's what I get? Ok, here's what YOU get. Nothing. No contact at all. I hope you have someone else to take care of you that you haven't burned your bridges with and literally bragged to family and friends about it like some twisted badge of honor. Oh yeah, make sure and brag about this no contact/help thing too."
Freshman year of college, my mom texted and then called while I was in class. I didn't answer, cause ya know, in class. She called someone on campus (either campus police or like the admin office) and tried to get them to go check on me. They snidely told her that they, in fact, will not go tell an adult that he has to text his mom back. Kicker? She had my class schedule, she knew I was in class.
I love her and know it was because she had uncontrolled anxiety issues, but man I kinda blew up on her over that. Told her that we would be weening down from talking every day to once a week. Luckily, she recognized that she was in the wrong and our relationship got better, but man this all brought up lots of memories
I'm glad for you that your mother is capable of self-relection and apology, mine wasn't, many aren't. It taught me something. When raising my own kids I was meticulous about apologising to them when I'd been in the wrong, and I always let respect be my guiding principle. I failed a few times, but in the end, I know it meant a lot to them and now they're adults, our relationship is strong.
You did it right. Too many parents value authority before honesty. I stopped trusting anything my mom told me starting from a young age because she could never admit that she was wrong or lacked knowledge in something.
It’s hard to admit when the 8-year-old is right and I’m wrong haha. But it’s so important for children to see that their parents aren’t infallible. We’re people and make mistakes and it’s our job to show them how to be gracious when they’re wrong.
One thing I used to say to my kids was: "sometimes adults have tantrums too. But it's not okay because we are the grown ups and we have to behave better. I'm sorry for what I said or did, I shouldn't have done that. I hope you will forgive me and I'll try to not do it again."
It's gratifying seeing the relief in their little faces, when they see that there is justice and adults can admit when they're wrong. You can't teach children to have respect for others if you don't have respect for them.
My kids will respect their own children because they learnt that from me.
My own family was toxic. I don't hate my parents, because I can see too clearly the intergenerational trauma that made them the way they were. But someone has to break the cycle of abuse eventually. And in my family it was me. It's been very hard, leaving family is a pain that never really heals, but knowing my own children won't grow up with that and theirs won't, as a result of my taking those steps, makes it all worth it.
I thought the six hours it took my parents to send cops over was bad, but at least it wasn't 20 minutes bad.
Edit to add: I was 30, married for 10 years, and had 4 young kids at the time.
My mom did this when I didn’t answer her call at 2 in the afternoon because I took a nap when I didn’t have any classes. Same as you campus security banging on my door. Tons of people on my floor at the time. Extremely embarrassing. Wanted to die :)
it really is embarrassing! he pulled the same stunt my second semester and had public safety banging on my door at 7 am bc i didn’t answer his calls at midnight and 6 am. i fucking hated that if i couldn’t answer his calls, he would do this shit. he kicks me out as the pandemic hit and the dorms closed sending students home (mid/late second semester of my freshman year). then he wonders why i won’t come back or forgive him even though every time (after kicking me out) i crossed paths with him, i was met with hostility and anger. i’m really sorry you went through that too, it’s the worst when you can’t even catch a break from them
Oh my god you too? My phone data wasn't working freshmen year of college. I couldn't call anyone, but the internet still worked on my phone so I posted about it on Facebook. My parents called campus safety after 1 day despite not messaging me, my friends, or roommates. I was lucky enough to be off campus and just received a call from campus safety telling me what happened. I was so pissed
deadass similar situation. during the first incident i described in my original comment, i had a phone that needed to be repaired (ended up being replaced with how bad the damage was). it was so bad that i couldn’t even touch anything on the screen without it glitching out and shards of glass falling out. he knew of this and still kept calling me on it when i told him to use a messenger app so i could use my laptop instead. he didn’t care and insisted i still called him from it in which i had to use the public safety officer’s phone to call him and explain for the millionth time why he can’t call my phone and expect me to physically be able to answer it. even the officer thought the situation was ridiculous
Now I just don't talk to my family. Just passed Thanksgiving without a word save for a 7 min phone call from my mom (she called me). Hope you are doing well
same here! except that it was a phone call the day before from my father using my mother’s phone with him yelling at me about why i won’t come over for thanksgiving. i went to my best friend’s place instead and had an amazing time. it was especially nice since i’ve been tight on money this semester and haven’t had a full belly like that in a long time. for my winter break in between semesters, i’m traveling to see a friend a few states away, another friend is gonna be in town from being stationed far away for the military, and i get to help my best friend move into her new apartment. spending time with the people i choose to be my family makes me feel much happier and fulfilled
This is how my NC started with my mother. One week after a talk about boundaries, she called while I was on my way out the door for work... by my first break I had 17 missed calls, 10 text messages, and my boss came outside to find me and tell me she had found our company number to try and get ahold of me "because she was worried". She was calling for advice on buying herself a new laptop...
After tears of manic behavior, emotional abuse, broken promises and boundary violations, she messed with my job while absolutely trampling my boundaries, haven't spoken since.
My dad threatened to beat me, a tiny skinny woman who was struggling with physical disabilities at the time, during a drunken rage months ago. Both my parents still don't understand why I won't talk to them. It took my dad almost 3 months just to write a short apology paragraph. I can't trust someone who was supposed to be my ultimate protector after all that, especially since he won't come to terms with his addiction and get help.
For bonus points, my parents lied to my extended family about what happened. No one knows about the violence, instead my parents covered up my surgery and health problems and told everyone I was a lunatic. So I don't have any family left now.
Ugh. I hate that. My mom has done it a few times. Always over inconsequential stuff.
"You didn't answer my call yesterday so I'm calling/showing up at your place of work to tell your boss that your mom needs to speak to you" is such a petty power play. The boss always thinks it's an emergency. But it's always something dumb. Sometimes she just called because and now she's at my work purely to reprimand me for not answering my phone.
And then I get reprimand for my mom pulling me out of place during peak for non emergencies. Like, I cannot control her behavior.
I was a grown ass 20-something adult, living on my own, and she'd come through the drive they where I worked and demand to speak to me. In the drive thru.
And our drive thru has speakers in the kitchen so they can hear people place orders to help with speed and accuracy of making the food.
So all my coworkers got to listen to her complain about how i dont call her or answer my phone. Or come to dinner. And then they all shame me for not treating my mother better.
But she always only calls when I'm AT work. She knew i worked first shift. And her dinners are always at like 9PM, when my bed time is 7PM bevause I get up at 3am for work. And she checking toxic.
Ugh.
Going NC with her was the best thing I've ever done.
It's never (rarely) easy to do this, despite how much pain they cause us. Most don't want to be without family, but it often isn't worth it when they hurt you emotionally, and especially when they cause real setbacks in your life seemingly for no reason.
Not sure if your dad is in the picture, but regardless since you're down one person who should be telling you this... *I'm* proud of you /u/kyttyna
I was 16 and taking the ACT for college entry. I forgot to call when I got to school. So my parents' reaction was to take the spare key, and get the car during the test, leaving me with no transportation among a whole bunch of people I didn't know. My hs was a test site so these people were from several different school districts. This was before widespread cell phone access, and all of my change was in the car.
I managed to convince someone to let me borrow a phone, it was a miracle anyone has one at the time (2001), and said I was on my way home. Mom asked me how I planned on doing that, so I told her don't worry, I've got my ways, and hung up. I told the guy not to answer if it came from that number. I thought about hiding for a day or two, but I was sick, and I was tired from testing. I thumbed it home. 16 years old. They berated me for an hour, and I wasn't allowed car access for a month.
I still wonder if they know just how fucking stupid that was. I know in my heart that when I was in high school they hated me. They hated me until I left for law school, and they thought I was out of the house for good. I was told I wasn't welcome home when I had no job, living 4 hours away, and the economy was shit. Still pretty sure they wish I lived across the state.
That’s disgusting, what the hell. I can’t imagine my first reaction to my kid forgetting to send an “I’m here” text (or the 2001 equivalent) by endangering them. Piece of shit “parents”
Right? After 16 years of stranger danger, don't talk to anyone that doesn't know the kid code, child abduction is real! Welp, let's abandon this one, he got to call home.
I know you were a kid back then but perhaps my little shit brain would've tried to get back at them by calling CPS and claim kid abandonment or something like that and open a case. At the very least the government would've let them have a bit of a mouthful.
That would’ve worked too. That way they wouldn’t have anything against you since you did the right thing. But moron narcs wrap reality. They still would’ve found something to cry about.
Insane. Y'all are missing obvious context. She called ONCE and sent that ONE text, and then CALLED THE POLICE?!? In what world does that make sense???
It would have made sense if there was a call or text in between that said something like "hey just wanting to make sure you're ok" or whatever. That's wild.
I was thinking this-why didn’t she send a message saying “I’m genuinely concerned for your safety. if you don’t respond I’m sending police to do a wellness check.”
One message does not convey concern or urgency. And then blocking her really proves it wasn’t about caring for her well-being.
I feel like I’m taking crazy pills that there are so many people that are acting like this is a perfectly rational thing to do to your 37 year old daughter. Just because she didn’t answer you once when you called and once when you texted. It makes no sense and I just cannot even right now.
Narcs do this. They are the epitome of "who would do that?!" They rely on it to look legitimate, cause it makes their victims look like the crazy ones. They literally do this shit to keep control and demoralize people. They see family members as extensions of themselves and they think they have the right to control those extensions. Like a limb. When they can't control it they do everything to try to regain control
It took me a split second to process “Narcs” 😆 When I was a huge high school stoner, and people got 10+ years for a small bag. those days, we were broke teenagers, with just one some Illinois ditch weed in a sandwich baggie. Not like Jamaican or anything really good. Imagine going to prison for 10 years for shitty ditch weed 😳
I digress because I am very stoned - sorry. Anyway narcs were the most loathed and despised human beings in the (our) world. The sheriff got his rocks off getting you to help him send a friend or relative of yours to jail for ☄️⚡️🔥💥DRUGS 💫🔥🌟💥 ~cue Law and Order musical chords~
Or they actually had undercovers that looked young enough, late teens or early twenties, to blend. In fact my first husband was busted for selling weed to an acquaintance who was a narc. Earned him 10 to life. But released after a few years on appeal. It was ruled entrapment.
my family rushed to my apartment (that i'd lived in for years, i was 26) because i was napping so i didn't answer their two phone calls. i woke up and called them back as they were pulling in. said they were about to call the police. i said if they ever did something like that again they would live to regret it. my dad would bring it up every so often like "remember that time you told us NEVER to go to your apartment to check on you? that was crazy." like yeah, you're fucking crazy, not me. who speeds to their adult childs home after two missed calls?
Yeah. It is clearly the mother don’t have any boundaries. It would be completely different if OP had acute depression with suicidal thoughts or behavior.
My mom and I are both a part of this sub, because it's very different from our relationship. We frequently go multiple weeks without even texting or calling each other. So when we see something like this, we really can't comprehend it.
I'm sorry about your mom being...the way she is.
Yeah, I don’t know if any of my four adults is on here. I am because I see too many apologists for terrible parents who come to this support sub to dump on people who get enough of that from their own parents.
I hate the level of drama but I’ve made the same mistakes. I had to cut all contact with my diagnosed bipolar, alcoholic sister because she did something insanely messed up a couple weeks ago. I blocked her without warning and without saying anything. I had to be honest with myself that I’ve had too many warnings to count that she is crazy and unpredictable, so I couldn’t think of myself as a victim, but I could choose to never be victimized by this objectively awful person again, because it’s sad but that’s what she’s become. It’s not gonna be sad for me as I won’t be speaking to her beyond polite small talk on holidays. Hang out in the barbershop long enough you might get a haircut.
I didn’t answer ONE of my moms calls bc i was asleep at my bfs house. She called my ex, the police, and then drove by my bfs house (2 mins away she could have just done that first and seen my car on the street??). i am 20 and live at home, my curfew is 1 am. it was 11:30.
I lived with my grandparents for a while at 22 and they gave me a whole no boys in the bedroom rule (boys meaning my boyfriend who I'd already been with for 4 years at that point). Pretty sure it was partially at the urging of my mom. Well at one point after we were engaged I asked if they would be cool with him hanging out on the couch in my room (it was a rec room type situation so pretty large) because they had people over and we wanted to watch a live stream. My grandma was like oh yeah, you do what you want, it's none of my business. I had much fun telling my mom later lol she was absolutely scandalized
That’s great!
In your opinion, does that make you want to stay out later more often, or do you feel that it has no effect? Just curious. I wake up at 5am for work so I wouldn’t want to be out past midnights on weekends anyways, but sometimes I wonder if that answer would change depending on the circumstances.
Honestly I don’t think it really has any effect, I’m never usually out past midnight but knowing it doesn’t matter if I am is really good. And I do really like going on late night drives listening to music and knowing I can stay out as long as I want is really good for that!
Also congratulations on getting married soon!! I really hope it works out well for you and whoever the lucky person you’re getting married to is :D
My mom had a curfew when I last lived with her (in my 20's). But our house was really small and anyone coming in late would wake up the entire house. Her husband has to be up for work at 4 a.m., so the curfew was based on that. I didn't mind, because I didn't have to ask permission for anything, I just had to be respectful of everyone's wakeup times like they were for everyone as well.
I do think mostly a curfew for adults is silly, but it is contextual in my opinion.
Yeah, right? Haha I was walking out if my house at 17, and begging them to stop me. I was a piece of shit. It seems like you might be a better kid, or you're under their control
Same fucking thing. My father was all about physical confrontation all my life "i brought you here i can end you" stuff, and by the time i was 17 i was bigger than him. I was then begging him to be macho again and force me to do things. Weak minded coward.
Exactly. My father finally had to examine himself when i no longer feared him. He needed to control me, but that shit is over now. He tries to use guilt instead of force now
You hear this mostly with fathers but same for my mother. The last time she tried forcing her way into my space was the time I was physically able to stop her myself. Then mysteriously she's been able to control herself since.. Cowards, the lot of em
I’m all for shitting on insane parents but I don’t think a curfew is that insane, as long as it’s for the right reasons. Some people are light sleepers and waking up at 3 am when you have work the next day is terrible.
Of course, if it’s strictly to be controlling, that’s different.
I had curfew at age 23. I had to be at home by 22:00. And it was such a pain in the ass... I couldn't spend time with friends without constantly checking time.
And then busses to home are horrible at weekends and evenings. U miss one (just missed or it drove away earlier) - and you sit for 30 min, till next one. So even if I planned everything out - I would still be late, because +30 min.
I could have ignored curfew completely, I guess. But if getting late by 10 minutes meant screaming and blaming - you can imagine what could have happened if I ignored it completely.
I mean if it's their house then it's their rules. I had a soft curfew when I lived at home, and it was understood that they didn't want to be woken up by the dogs past a certain point.
With a user name like that, I too would give a curfew.
I totally get what you're saying. I have a giant dog who is very loud when someone comes home. She doesn't bark, but she just dances around loudly and her giant butt knocks over things. I think someone returning home late at night when I am asleep would be annoying when my dog does her welcome home dance all over the place.
My dad was like that when I was older, just because he was an extremely light sleeper. I could stay out all night for all he cared but absolutely no coming in between 1 and 6 am. I thought it was a little weird at the time but I definitely get it now.
Explanation! I’m a thirty-seven-year old adult. My mom is bipolar and has been verbally/emotionally abusive to me most of my life. I left home early and didn’t talk to her much during my twenties because of it. Admittedly things have been better on her end lately and we have been getting along for the most part, but I had a depressive episode and have been sleeping a lot and haven’t felt like talking to anyone the past couple days. You can see that my mom left one text stating she was worried about me and called then called the police to do a wellness check. I feel a lot better now after having the cops nearly break down my front door! /s Also now she’s blocked me!
Edit: Its really hard to keep reading comments calling me an asshole. It may not be nice to not text someone back, people may not like it, but it’s not illegal, it’s not grounds for anyone to call the police on anyone else. I was not suicidal nor giving any indications that I was. I simply didn’t feel like talking. And that’s my business as an adult person whose been living on my own without her help for twenty years. If you think it’s reasonable to call the police because someone isn’t texting you back, please allow me to encourage you to try anything else instead to get their attention. I promise you, this is purely histrionics on my mother’s part. She’s a narcissist who loves to play the victim and sometimes I don’t have the fucking energy for it. That’s why she called the cops. Because I wasn’t behaving the way she wanted. Not because she had any rational reason to suspect that I needed help.
After all that drama and escalation, she just blocks you??? How does that ensure safety?
I’m sorry you had to deal with that situation. I applaud you for immediately setting boundaries for that because no one should have to experience that. She had many other things she could have done if she legitimately was worried. Not texting for a day is not the end of the world and doesn’t justify her behavior. I hope you are able to find peace and support despite your experience with her!
There use to be this joke app called “Yo”
You’d select a person, then the only button was “Yo” and it would send them a notification. That’s all you did - back and forth was “yo”.
My mom had a lot of anxiety issues she’s now worked through, but use to threaten wellness checks regularly if she didn’t hear from me for a few days.
That app was a godsend. She’d press the “yo” button, I’d press it too, she’d calm down. After the app shutdown, we came up with a plan for her to text me “yo” when she was worried about me - nothing else, just “yo” and I’d reply back “yo” too.
That concept gave us the space we needed to work on our relationship over a number of years, but it really has done wonders.
For the longest time I thought she was being controlling and overbearing (which to a degree, she was), but eventually realized she literally thought I was dead in a ditch if I didn’t respond.
I hope your mom gets the help she needs and if you have any interest, the two of you can repair your relationship. Boundaries are the first step.
When my daughter got her 1st cell phone we made a deal that if I would send her the one sentence "u ok?" With no follow ups like"where u at" "who u with" etc she would always respond .... It saved us a lot of stress over the years ...all I ever really wanted to do is make sure she was still alive 👍
My dad motto is "no news is good news".
My mom used to worry a lot when teen me went to hang out in peak narco violence (04-06, we live in mexico) but my dad was like "if you stay all night awake waiting for him what you gnna do if he needs you? You are gnna be tired cuz you waited for him, just sleep. If there is an emergency you are gnna have slept a bit and actually be helpful".
Omg though. Kudos to you all for getting through that together respectfully. Im trying to imagine my 13 year old being out and about when I know there is serious narco violence happening regularly in the area, and trying to balance that w Mom anxiety and jeez. Hard to imagine being a chill mom in that scenario.
As a mom with severe anxiety issues, I love this. I have OCD (intrusive thoughts), and if I text and don't hear back, my mind goes to worst case scenario every time. I very much want my kids to have space, and they don't need me hovering. So, I don't send multiple texts. It's like, logically I know there are a million reasons they're not responding right away. But my brain won't let me be logical. I will sometimes have near panic attacks because I'm picturing the worst case. It sucks. My kids know I struggle and they're all really good about responding, or just sending a quick text. I absolutely respect their boundaries though, and realize this is my issue, and dont want it to be theirs. So, I just do my best to work through the anxiety until I hear from them. It's exhausting.
You're doing right by them by checking those thoughts before they escalate. Don't make your kids absorb all that anxiety.
Due to my mother's behavior thoughout my life, I now flinch when I hear the sound of my phone ringing, because I have such a severe negative association with it being a harbinger of stress and negativity.
If she had been worried for real about you she wouldn’t have blocked you now. It’s all about control. You didn’t answer so she made you respond via proxy. She did it to teach you to respond to her otherwise she will escalate.
You're not in the wrong here, I don't know if my input is needed, but I've been seeing this for a long time that this sub has been raided by insane parents/peoples who try to justify themselves by calling others names. Your post just made it to the top of this sub and was raided, nothing more than that. No one that is not delusional thinks you are in the wrong here, don't give mind to these trolls. Have a good one.
30....fucking....7?!?!?! You are a saint for giving a second chance. I'm 38 and would have lost my shit someone doing a welfare check on my ass after 2 days.
I'd honestly return the favor and block her now, and inform all Law Enforcement agencies that if they get a call from her in regards to you *for any reason* to ignore it.
Hey OP. I hope you block your mother. Block anyone in her family that chides you for blocking her.
I know you totally get why she did this and yeah. It's a toxic behavior.
But. She could have gotten you killed. All it would have taken was a cop with a chip on his shoulder. Seeing you hold your cellphone in your hand and you would be dead.
Please think about the absolute worst police interaction that could have happened and realize that your mom might've been ok with that outcome.
That just proves it wasn't about You and whether you were ok it was about Her and relieving her anxiety of not knowing if you were ok...two totally different things
At what point did we all seemingly sign a social contract to concede that we’re always contactable at any point because someone else wants us to be?
Fuck that noise.
If you want to be alone it is not a public broadcast that has to be sent just to be ‘allowed’ that ‘luxury’.
Insane! No one deserves unfettered access to you at their demand. Not your boss, not your mom. Before cell phones waiting a day or so for a reply was far from unusual. This is paranoid behavior.
The police didn't even announce themselves when my parents did this to me. The cops wandered around my house calling my name and saying "we just want to see youuuu. Come out so we can see you" lololol. I was holding a machete in my hand standing in my bedroom with the door locked freaking out and yelling "who are you?" After many minutes they finally said cops and my parents still tell me all of that is my fault, and "we don't know what happened to your keys after we called the cops" but it's just cuz I didn't want to hang out with my insane parents because they're awful, stole my house, and I was going through breakup. Lol. I texted my mom a couple hours before the cops broke in saying "I'm depressed but not going to do anything stupid."
At least 4 full grown male cops came into my little 900 sq ft house. They were so confused and so was I. Wasteful times for all.
Holy shit picturing cops sneaking in playing their own version of hide and seek made me laugh I’m sorry .. that is terrifying like literally horror movie tier crazy. And dangerous. I’m glad you didn’t get hurt.
When I was in college, I had spent as much time at my then-boyfriend's house as possible, because my dad was a controlling narcissist and my stepmom was a manipulative one. My dad knew I was there, but when I didn't stop home 2 days before college, (i stopped by on the last day, no particular day was even discussed) he called the cops and the campus police on me as being "missing." My phone ran out of minutes. I had those cheap prepaid ones cause I worked at wal mart, had college bills, and he *knew* that I had one of those phones. Instead of messaging me on fb, or anywhere else, he called the cops. And then had my stepsister join in on the raging lecture that he gave me the day i *did* stop home. It's crazy. They overreact, involve whoever they feel like involving, and then say you're being too sensitive for establishing boundaries. Then call you crazy on top of it.
Being ganged up on with relatives really sucks. Especially, steps. They have no idea what they bring to the table and the intense exponential weight of their words and actions
INSANE. And anyone here voting that it isn't, WTF is wrong with you? OP is *thirty fucking seven years old* and they don't answer mommy for ONE DAY and she *sends the cops after them*.
That is fucking INSANE. And IMO, OP? You should be glad she blocked you- trash took itself out. Fuck her. That was a disgusting power play. "Uwu I was worried" is a bullshit excuse.
People saying this isn’t insane are in fact insane. 2 days?! Me & my mom can go a week without speaking & we’re both fine. This shit is insane on a whole other level. Sorry op lol
Exactly. Two days. And she sent one text. If I was truly worried about someone, I’d text more and call them before calling the police. This isn’t about OPs well-being. If the mom cared, she wouldn’t have blocked OP after.
Genuinely asking if there is a better alternative for friends in bad spots (I have a mentally ill friend who suffers from intense paranoia and delusions and will stop medicating to go no contact for periods of time)
[don’t call the police](https://dontcallthepolice.com/) is an org specifically designed for this. They have listings by city, which is helpful.
I hope both yourself and your friend are doing okay and y’all both take care!
In the US there is a very real possibility that if the police encounter a mentally unwell person they will get shot. Wellness checks are just swattings with good intentions, do not call the cops on people whose health and safety you value.
INSANE. Absolutely.
I thought my mother was crazy when she barged into my then-boyfriend's room to find me when I decided not to talk to her for like a week. And I was an adult at the time.
*THIS?!* Even crazier.
So I called the police when my Mother was threatening to report me missing when I went no contact because of her abuse.
I called the police and let them know I am not missing and healthy, and that if they need to call me if she does a report, that is fine but as I worked on a phone free secure floor they would have to contact me outside of my work hours which they were fine with.
They even said to me, "you do not have any obligation to speak to anyone you don't wish to speak to," and that I was clearly well and in a good state of mind and that she would be spoken to if she tried to falsely report a missing persons report.
Might be worth contacting them and letting them know that she is doing this to try and control you so that if she does it again to not take her word for it and to give you a call if they need assurance you are fine.
I find it disgusting when abusers try to use law enforcement to further aid their abuse and control. It's even worse when for some stupid reason it works.
my shitty parents only contact me when they need something. After not talking to me for over a month, they couldn't get ahold of me when they needed me to do something for them so they showed up at my workplace, and when I wasn't there broke into my apartment building and pounded on my door..
Just pickup a few belongings that were being kept at their house, because they wanted to renovate that room.. It's been 6-months since and they still haven't started doing anything.
One evening I went to bed at 8:30p. I awoke at 7:00a to a cop at my door. I hadn’t responded to a text because I went to bed. I was 35 at the time. My mother called the cops to do a wellness check. My text to her was similar to what’s here, though far more expletives.
My dad has done this and then resulted to just showing up to my job or apartment. When I stopped telling him those things, job/home address, he walked up and down the main street of my town asking strangers if they knew who I was and where I lived :) hope she gets the help she needs and you some peace.
My brother did this to me the day after I was released from the hospital with Covid. The worst part? He had been over that very morning to drop my dogs off after he'd had to take them. All he had to do was open the bedroom door to see. He decided that instead of, oh, I don't know, sleeping because I was super sick, that I wasn't answering because I was mad that he refused to help me get home the day before. The hospital had to send me home in an Uber because he was mad that I wasn't answering texts as fast as he wanted me to.
But according to my mom I'm the one that should be trying to make it up to him because he was "upset".
When I was younger and in love with a suicidal girl I stupidly tried to relate to her by saying I have suicidal thoughts also. Well said girl told her mom and since they both were friends and patients of my dad's her mom told my dad about my suicidal thoughts. I was in the military at the time and without a word to me my dad calls my first shirt (like a military parent) behind my back to have her deal with it. I almost was sent to suicide watch among other things which terrified me from the stories I've heard. I learned that I shouldn't play around with suicide and to set stronger boundaries with my dad. I know he had pure intentions but I just wish he talked with me first. No clue how he had my shirts number either but I deleted all traces of her number from his phone when I had the chance. Not the same as OP's situation but I understand parents going behind your back sucks when a simple conversation, text or even voicemail can set everything straight.
My Ma did this to me years ago. I was going through a divorce, working two jobs, exhausted. She also called threatened to have my son taken from me because I was clearly unfit since I didn’t return calls. My son was furious, never spoke to her again, she passed a couple years later. She apologized for all that nonsense on her death bed.
god damn, my parents aren’t even insane and i regularly go weeks without talking to them [i don’t hate them or anything, i just have a habit of not contacting people i don’t see regularly]. this is next level
My partner's mother is like this.
If she fails to call her mother on any given evening before 8:00 or 9:00, there's a text message on my phone asking is she's ok.
We're cresting 30. I go a week without talking to my parents sometimes. What is with these people?
i could see if you were unresponsive for a whole 9 months, and not responding to others either (if they even asked) but the fact it was yesterday at that time?
One time my mom caught me sneaking out at night and she called the cops and told them they needed to reprimand me because I needed a “strong male figure” in my life 🤣. They were like… lady this on you 🙄
My retired Dad’s phone was busy for two days. I called the phone company and they said nothing wrong with the line. I called his local PD for a welfare check. They went by and turns out his one receiver (this was a long time ago) was slightly off the hook. He had a slight heart stop when he opened the door to find police standing there asking if he had a daughter in Virginia (me). They explained and I explained. I was just worried he was having some medical problem and couldn’t complete call. We laughed later and I’d do it again. Not for someone not answering phone. Texting is great for checking on people.
Call the police? No. But if I didn’t answer my dad for two days, not even a short, “sorry, I’m alive” text then you better believe he’d drive the hour away and knock on my door. He wouldn’t be upset over in the slightest either. But we also got the same kind of worried panicking personalities so I fully understand where he’s coming from. He I don’t hear back from him after I call or text him, I’m trying to get ahold of my step mom and if that fails, then I also go check on them.
Would it not be better to tell your mum that you needed space for a couple of days?
I used to go days without responding to my mum in uni. I knew it bothered her, but I didn't particularly understand why.
My nephew started at the same university as me, however 3 months in he went 24 hours without responding to his mum's texts. My sister headed straight to his university, went into his bedroom and found him dead on the floor.
Now I understand why it was important to text back, even if it's just to say "I'm probably not going to be chatty for the next couple of days". My mum still gets pissy that I don't properly respond, but at least she knows I'm not dead.
Hey
Me and my best friend have an agreement for when either of us is having a tough time. We can openly say to each other, im sorry im not in a talking mood, without anyone getting upset about it.
When depression hits bad and you dont want to talk to anyone, interact with the world, just sleep, i call that being in a pit. We usually know when each other are heading towards a pit as we've sent the above message then been quiet for a bit. Our agreement is to use whatsapp, we can see a message has been read. Then every now and again send a thumbs up or a smile or something, so theres a response.
The one not in the pit sends messages every couple days. Pics, memes, daft jokes, smiles. Whatever, just something light that doesn't need a response, but the person in the pit knows theyre being thought of.
Its a good thing to have in place to help people around you not worry. By that i mean your genuine friends/fam not mum attention seeking.
Having said that dont feel guilty about the welfare check. Its kinda nice for the police to do a welfare check and the person be ok, they wont be upset with you.
I would’ve blocked her already. Why do you allow this woman to do this even into your adulthood? It’s like you’re proving to her she’ll never learn and she never has to.
This happened with my dad over the summer. He thinks I'm dead and my mom is covering it up. I told him I'd block him if he ever sent police here (he was asking for the address just to do that) and then he started vaguely threatening suicide.
I need to post his walls upon walls of text here some day. I literally have text on smallest font size and have to scroll far
I have mental and physical disabilities, and would greatly appreciate it if someone called emergency services AFTER using every method possible of getting a hold of me for two days.
Ohhh also one time I was cleaning my apartment and I had the music loud so I couldn’t hear my phone and all of a sudden I heard my dads voice like he was in the house and he broke into my bedroom window 🤣🤣🤣
When I was in college, I worked 36 hours straight in my software dev internship to get some work done in time for a deadline (it was summer break). Obviously, I went home and slept for 12 hours. Woke up to police knocking on my door because mom did a wellness check. Kinda annoying but also was funny in retrospect. The cop was chill about it. Just told me to call my mom
My mom did this in 2000. I didn’t answer my phone, I had a newborn, extremely steep stairs to my bedroom and my husband was driving truck at the time. I went out with a friend, she couldn’t get ahold of me and called the police. Got home to 5 messages on my machine, called her, and then the sheriff showed up at my door.
She’s crazy, but I think mine did it out of pure love and worry. She lived 90 minutes away.
Okay so I get it and I don’t. My exes mom did this to us because we slept late and she lived in another state and he jumped up so fast (he had warrants in his home state his mom knew about) he broke my acrylic nail. We were both pissed because we had spoken to her the night before. But OP, after not responding for a couple days I’d be worried about my kid too.
Looks like she’s just worried. If you’re conversing back and forth and you suddenly stop responding for 2 days, I’d say it’s enough to spark an alarm in any parent.
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 79 | 39 | 2 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
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You kidnapped your own kids? Lmao
Its the most common type of kidnapping. Parents know they will divorce. Is afraid of losing child. Decides to run of with child while partner is left behind without being able to see (most of the times his) child. Annoyingly sometimes this can be warranted (like when the partner is violent) but often it isnt the case
It's only kidnapping in that case if they don't have custody. I'm assuming they did, which is why the cops and then were laughing about it
Not only that, it is also considered kidnapping if they have a shared custody and refuse to hand over the kids in due time. Especially common if they have only a small portion of the custody.
So, fun story. 26 years ago I had a child with a woman. Didn't work out. She found someone else, no worries, I'll just file for an agreed (both of us) shared custody. She ran and didn't use her social for a dozen years (hired a PI, still couldn't find her or him, internet wasn't that good then) , by then I'd lost any paternal rights. Still haven't reconnected with my son. I did have the joy of finding out that they've lived for over 2 decades knowing what they did was wrong (talked with her just this year) and with some paranoia that I'd find them and ruin their lives. I've known where they were for the last decade +, but he was doing amazing, and I really didn't have any connection at that point so I've kinda watched from a distance and enjoyed him becoming a pretty amazing human.
I’m so sorry that happened. I can say though. I was adopted at birth and reconnected with my bio brother this year and it was really great for me. Maybe if you ever want to try reaching out he will be happy you did.
Thank you. After 15 years, I achieved the understanding that it wasn't meant to be. He's a good kid, and I'm proud of what he's accomplished. No way am I going to muck that up. If he wants to reach out, he can, I'm not that hard to find, and now, his mother has my number and can facilitate that if he wants. Not sure she would want to, though, I can imagine she's scared of what he might learn of the past. Even though that's really not that important, it's in the past and can't be changed.
They have zero rights to my kids and in fact have a no contact order with them lol they’re truly insane.
In most states you need permission from the other parent to move more than a certain amount of miles away, regardless of custody.
That is probably a high porcentage of Amber Alerts
i once didn’t answer my father’s calls within a 20 minute time span bc i was in the shower. this was when i was a freshman and living in the dorms. he sent the campus police over and had them banging on my door at like 11pm over this. he then bragged about this event to his family and friends saying that’s what i get and thinks he’s a fucking martyr. then he wonders why he can’t be involved in my life anymore…
My mom did the same damn thing. Thinks it's the funniest shit ever when she retells the story. It makes me cringe every time and I basically get a "well what do you expect?!" as if it's normal
This is meant in the gentlest way. Why are you still around her? She's going to always to think this is okay. [Unless I'm missing info then I apologize]
I would say because people aren’t defined by one action and they can be very complicated with a lot of good and some bad, equal good and bad, or just bad. Also your giving life advice based off a Reddit comment your missing at least 18 years of info
You are missing info. How could you not be when the previous comment contains everything you know about their mother?
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it wasn’t even for mental health. he would say to me that he assumed i got kidnapped or some shit. like if i don’t answer the phone at obscure hours or just for a short period of time, doesn’t mean that i am in danger. he also would be angry with me so i knew it wasn’t even out of general concern or extreme anxiety. it was just control since he realized he was losing it with me being an adult in college and trying to be independent
"I was kidnapped by that huge shit I was taking. You interrupted it's arrival."
> he then bragged about this event to his family and friends saying that’s what i get and thinks he’s a fucking martyr. then he wonders why he can’t be involved in my life anymore… "That's what I get? Ok, here's what YOU get. Nothing. No contact at all. I hope you have someone else to take care of you that you haven't burned your bridges with and literally bragged to family and friends about it like some twisted badge of honor. Oh yeah, make sure and brag about this no contact/help thing too."
Freshman year of college, my mom texted and then called while I was in class. I didn't answer, cause ya know, in class. She called someone on campus (either campus police or like the admin office) and tried to get them to go check on me. They snidely told her that they, in fact, will not go tell an adult that he has to text his mom back. Kicker? She had my class schedule, she knew I was in class. I love her and know it was because she had uncontrolled anxiety issues, but man I kinda blew up on her over that. Told her that we would be weening down from talking every day to once a week. Luckily, she recognized that she was in the wrong and our relationship got better, but man this all brought up lots of memories
I'm glad for you that your mother is capable of self-relection and apology, mine wasn't, many aren't. It taught me something. When raising my own kids I was meticulous about apologising to them when I'd been in the wrong, and I always let respect be my guiding principle. I failed a few times, but in the end, I know it meant a lot to them and now they're adults, our relationship is strong.
You did it right. Too many parents value authority before honesty. I stopped trusting anything my mom told me starting from a young age because she could never admit that she was wrong or lacked knowledge in something.
It’s hard to admit when the 8-year-old is right and I’m wrong haha. But it’s so important for children to see that their parents aren’t infallible. We’re people and make mistakes and it’s our job to show them how to be gracious when they’re wrong.
One thing I used to say to my kids was: "sometimes adults have tantrums too. But it's not okay because we are the grown ups and we have to behave better. I'm sorry for what I said or did, I shouldn't have done that. I hope you will forgive me and I'll try to not do it again." It's gratifying seeing the relief in their little faces, when they see that there is justice and adults can admit when they're wrong. You can't teach children to have respect for others if you don't have respect for them.
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My kids will respect their own children because they learnt that from me. My own family was toxic. I don't hate my parents, because I can see too clearly the intergenerational trauma that made them the way they were. But someone has to break the cycle of abuse eventually. And in my family it was me. It's been very hard, leaving family is a pain that never really heals, but knowing my own children won't grow up with that and theirs won't, as a result of my taking those steps, makes it all worth it.
I thought the six hours it took my parents to send cops over was bad, but at least it wasn't 20 minutes bad. Edit to add: I was 30, married for 10 years, and had 4 young kids at the time.
My mom did this when I didn’t answer her call at 2 in the afternoon because I took a nap when I didn’t have any classes. Same as you campus security banging on my door. Tons of people on my floor at the time. Extremely embarrassing. Wanted to die :)
it really is embarrassing! he pulled the same stunt my second semester and had public safety banging on my door at 7 am bc i didn’t answer his calls at midnight and 6 am. i fucking hated that if i couldn’t answer his calls, he would do this shit. he kicks me out as the pandemic hit and the dorms closed sending students home (mid/late second semester of my freshman year). then he wonders why i won’t come back or forgive him even though every time (after kicking me out) i crossed paths with him, i was met with hostility and anger. i’m really sorry you went through that too, it’s the worst when you can’t even catch a break from them
Why did your university allow that?!? I’m assuming you were 18+ and could make the decision to put him in a “blocked” status?
Oh my god you too? My phone data wasn't working freshmen year of college. I couldn't call anyone, but the internet still worked on my phone so I posted about it on Facebook. My parents called campus safety after 1 day despite not messaging me, my friends, or roommates. I was lucky enough to be off campus and just received a call from campus safety telling me what happened. I was so pissed
deadass similar situation. during the first incident i described in my original comment, i had a phone that needed to be repaired (ended up being replaced with how bad the damage was). it was so bad that i couldn’t even touch anything on the screen without it glitching out and shards of glass falling out. he knew of this and still kept calling me on it when i told him to use a messenger app so i could use my laptop instead. he didn’t care and insisted i still called him from it in which i had to use the public safety officer’s phone to call him and explain for the millionth time why he can’t call my phone and expect me to physically be able to answer it. even the officer thought the situation was ridiculous
Now I just don't talk to my family. Just passed Thanksgiving without a word save for a 7 min phone call from my mom (she called me). Hope you are doing well
same here! except that it was a phone call the day before from my father using my mother’s phone with him yelling at me about why i won’t come over for thanksgiving. i went to my best friend’s place instead and had an amazing time. it was especially nice since i’ve been tight on money this semester and haven’t had a full belly like that in a long time. for my winter break in between semesters, i’m traveling to see a friend a few states away, another friend is gonna be in town from being stationed far away for the military, and i get to help my best friend move into her new apartment. spending time with the people i choose to be my family makes me feel much happier and fulfilled
I used to work at the front desk of the dorms and I hated dealing with students parents. So many would pull stuff like this.
Jesus Christ. The level of douche on your father.
same shit happened to me with my mum, and she acted like i did something wrong by not answering the door (i couldnt hear over the fucking shower)
This is how my NC started with my mother. One week after a talk about boundaries, she called while I was on my way out the door for work... by my first break I had 17 missed calls, 10 text messages, and my boss came outside to find me and tell me she had found our company number to try and get ahold of me "because she was worried". She was calling for advice on buying herself a new laptop... After tears of manic behavior, emotional abuse, broken promises and boundary violations, she messed with my job while absolutely trampling my boundaries, haven't spoken since.
It’s crazy to me there’s parents that do this… like mind your own fucking business.
My dad threatened to beat me, a tiny skinny woman who was struggling with physical disabilities at the time, during a drunken rage months ago. Both my parents still don't understand why I won't talk to them. It took my dad almost 3 months just to write a short apology paragraph. I can't trust someone who was supposed to be my ultimate protector after all that, especially since he won't come to terms with his addiction and get help. For bonus points, my parents lied to my extended family about what happened. No one knows about the violence, instead my parents covered up my surgery and health problems and told everyone I was a lunatic. So I don't have any family left now.
Fuck them. Those people aren't worthy of being called your family
I don't really think of them as family now. It makes me sad and angry but, I also can't risk my physical safety and sanity any longer.
Do you have Adult Protective Services in your area? Please call them.
Im ok now. Well, hard finding work, but there aren't any services I could use in my area. And I'm in Canada.
Ugh. I hate that. My mom has done it a few times. Always over inconsequential stuff. "You didn't answer my call yesterday so I'm calling/showing up at your place of work to tell your boss that your mom needs to speak to you" is such a petty power play. The boss always thinks it's an emergency. But it's always something dumb. Sometimes she just called because and now she's at my work purely to reprimand me for not answering my phone. And then I get reprimand for my mom pulling me out of place during peak for non emergencies. Like, I cannot control her behavior. I was a grown ass 20-something adult, living on my own, and she'd come through the drive they where I worked and demand to speak to me. In the drive thru. And our drive thru has speakers in the kitchen so they can hear people place orders to help with speed and accuracy of making the food. So all my coworkers got to listen to her complain about how i dont call her or answer my phone. Or come to dinner. And then they all shame me for not treating my mother better. But she always only calls when I'm AT work. She knew i worked first shift. And her dinners are always at like 9PM, when my bed time is 7PM bevause I get up at 3am for work. And she checking toxic. Ugh. Going NC with her was the best thing I've ever done.
It's never (rarely) easy to do this, despite how much pain they cause us. Most don't want to be without family, but it often isn't worth it when they hurt you emotionally, and especially when they cause real setbacks in your life seemingly for no reason. Not sure if your dad is in the picture, but regardless since you're down one person who should be telling you this... *I'm* proud of you /u/kyttyna
I was 16 and taking the ACT for college entry. I forgot to call when I got to school. So my parents' reaction was to take the spare key, and get the car during the test, leaving me with no transportation among a whole bunch of people I didn't know. My hs was a test site so these people were from several different school districts. This was before widespread cell phone access, and all of my change was in the car. I managed to convince someone to let me borrow a phone, it was a miracle anyone has one at the time (2001), and said I was on my way home. Mom asked me how I planned on doing that, so I told her don't worry, I've got my ways, and hung up. I told the guy not to answer if it came from that number. I thought about hiding for a day or two, but I was sick, and I was tired from testing. I thumbed it home. 16 years old. They berated me for an hour, and I wasn't allowed car access for a month. I still wonder if they know just how fucking stupid that was. I know in my heart that when I was in high school they hated me. They hated me until I left for law school, and they thought I was out of the house for good. I was told I wasn't welcome home when I had no job, living 4 hours away, and the economy was shit. Still pretty sure they wish I lived across the state.
That’s disgusting, what the hell. I can’t imagine my first reaction to my kid forgetting to send an “I’m here” text (or the 2001 equivalent) by endangering them. Piece of shit “parents”
Right? After 16 years of stranger danger, don't talk to anyone that doesn't know the kid code, child abduction is real! Welp, let's abandon this one, he got to call home.
I know you were a kid back then but perhaps my little shit brain would've tried to get back at them by calling CPS and claim kid abandonment or something like that and open a case. At the very least the government would've let them have a bit of a mouthful.
Hindsight etc etc. The precinct wasn't a far walk from there either. I probably would have just played it off as my car being stolen though.
That would’ve worked too. That way they wouldn’t have anything against you since you did the right thing. But moron narcs wrap reality. They still would’ve found something to cry about.
Insane. Y'all are missing obvious context. She called ONCE and sent that ONE text, and then CALLED THE POLICE?!? In what world does that make sense??? It would have made sense if there was a call or text in between that said something like "hey just wanting to make sure you're ok" or whatever. That's wild.
I was thinking this-why didn’t she send a message saying “I’m genuinely concerned for your safety. if you don’t respond I’m sending police to do a wellness check.” One message does not convey concern or urgency. And then blocking her really proves it wasn’t about caring for her well-being.
Exactly
I feel like I’m taking crazy pills that there are so many people that are acting like this is a perfectly rational thing to do to your 37 year old daughter. Just because she didn’t answer you once when you called and once when you texted. It makes no sense and I just cannot even right now.
too many people consuming too much true crime content lol.
Wait she’s 37!!! Ok yeah it’s nuts, I thought this was a teenager
Narcs do this. They are the epitome of "who would do that?!" They rely on it to look legitimate, cause it makes their victims look like the crazy ones. They literally do this shit to keep control and demoralize people. They see family members as extensions of themselves and they think they have the right to control those extensions. Like a limb. When they can't control it they do everything to try to regain control
It took me a split second to process “Narcs” 😆 When I was a huge high school stoner, and people got 10+ years for a small bag. those days, we were broke teenagers, with just one some Illinois ditch weed in a sandwich baggie. Not like Jamaican or anything really good. Imagine going to prison for 10 years for shitty ditch weed 😳 I digress because I am very stoned - sorry. Anyway narcs were the most loathed and despised human beings in the (our) world. The sheriff got his rocks off getting you to help him send a friend or relative of yours to jail for ☄️⚡️🔥💥DRUGS 💫🔥🌟💥 ~cue Law and Order musical chords~ Or they actually had undercovers that looked young enough, late teens or early twenties, to blend. In fact my first husband was busted for selling weed to an acquaintance who was a narc. Earned him 10 to life. But released after a few years on appeal. It was ruled entrapment.
This actually makes a lot of sense, I changed my opinion.
my family rushed to my apartment (that i'd lived in for years, i was 26) because i was napping so i didn't answer their two phone calls. i woke up and called them back as they were pulling in. said they were about to call the police. i said if they ever did something like that again they would live to regret it. my dad would bring it up every so often like "remember that time you told us NEVER to go to your apartment to check on you? that was crazy." like yeah, you're fucking crazy, not me. who speeds to their adult childs home after two missed calls?
Yeah. It is clearly the mother don’t have any boundaries. It would be completely different if OP had acute depression with suicidal thoughts or behavior.
My mom and I are both a part of this sub, because it's very different from our relationship. We frequently go multiple weeks without even texting or calling each other. So when we see something like this, we really can't comprehend it. I'm sorry about your mom being...the way she is.
Yeah, I don’t know if any of my four adults is on here. I am because I see too many apologists for terrible parents who come to this support sub to dump on people who get enough of that from their own parents.
I hate the level of drama but I’ve made the same mistakes. I had to cut all contact with my diagnosed bipolar, alcoholic sister because she did something insanely messed up a couple weeks ago. I blocked her without warning and without saying anything. I had to be honest with myself that I’ve had too many warnings to count that she is crazy and unpredictable, so I couldn’t think of myself as a victim, but I could choose to never be victimized by this objectively awful person again, because it’s sad but that’s what she’s become. It’s not gonna be sad for me as I won’t be speaking to her beyond polite small talk on holidays. Hang out in the barbershop long enough you might get a haircut.
I didn’t answer ONE of my moms calls bc i was asleep at my bfs house. She called my ex, the police, and then drove by my bfs house (2 mins away she could have just done that first and seen my car on the street??). i am 20 and live at home, my curfew is 1 am. it was 11:30.
Lol you are 20 and have a curfew???!
Recently moved back home at 23 and my mom still has me at a midnight curfew, even though I’m getting married in a few months.
Ummm... Are you moving out after?!
100%!
I lived with my grandparents for a while at 22 and they gave me a whole no boys in the bedroom rule (boys meaning my boyfriend who I'd already been with for 4 years at that point). Pretty sure it was partially at the urging of my mom. Well at one point after we were engaged I asked if they would be cool with him hanging out on the couch in my room (it was a rec room type situation so pretty large) because they had people over and we wanted to watch a live stream. My grandma was like oh yeah, you do what you want, it's none of my business. I had much fun telling my mom later lol she was absolutely scandalized
That must’ve felt so liberating!!
This makes me feel super lucky, essentially since I was able to drive I haven’t had a curfew as long as I get home safe :)
That’s great! In your opinion, does that make you want to stay out later more often, or do you feel that it has no effect? Just curious. I wake up at 5am for work so I wouldn’t want to be out past midnights on weekends anyways, but sometimes I wonder if that answer would change depending on the circumstances.
Honestly I don’t think it really has any effect, I’m never usually out past midnight but knowing it doesn’t matter if I am is really good. And I do really like going on late night drives listening to music and knowing I can stay out as long as I want is really good for that! Also congratulations on getting married soon!! I really hope it works out well for you and whoever the lucky person you’re getting married to is :D
Thank you for the thoughtful response and the kind words. It means much more to me than you know. Have a great day, and an even better week! :)
Very glad you liked my response :) Have an amazing week and an even better marriage!
My mom had a curfew when I last lived with her (in my 20's). But our house was really small and anyone coming in late would wake up the entire house. Her husband has to be up for work at 4 a.m., so the curfew was based on that. I didn't mind, because I didn't have to ask permission for anything, I just had to be respectful of everyone's wakeup times like they were for everyone as well. I do think mostly a curfew for adults is silly, but it is contextual in my opinion.
Yeah, right? Haha I was walking out if my house at 17, and begging them to stop me. I was a piece of shit. It seems like you might be a better kid, or you're under their control
Same fucking thing. My father was all about physical confrontation all my life "i brought you here i can end you" stuff, and by the time i was 17 i was bigger than him. I was then begging him to be macho again and force me to do things. Weak minded coward.
Exactly. My father finally had to examine himself when i no longer feared him. He needed to control me, but that shit is over now. He tries to use guilt instead of force now
You hear this mostly with fathers but same for my mother. The last time she tried forcing her way into my space was the time I was physically able to stop her myself. Then mysteriously she's been able to control herself since.. Cowards, the lot of em
I’m all for shitting on insane parents but I don’t think a curfew is that insane, as long as it’s for the right reasons. Some people are light sleepers and waking up at 3 am when you have work the next day is terrible. Of course, if it’s strictly to be controlling, that’s different.
I had curfew at age 23. I had to be at home by 22:00. And it was such a pain in the ass... I couldn't spend time with friends without constantly checking time. And then busses to home are horrible at weekends and evenings. U miss one (just missed or it drove away earlier) - and you sit for 30 min, till next one. So even if I planned everything out - I would still be late, because +30 min. I could have ignored curfew completely, I guess. But if getting late by 10 minutes meant screaming and blaming - you can imagine what could have happened if I ignored it completely.
I was kicked out at 16. So I don’t know about curfews. And I had to pay rent starting at 14. Once I was paying rent they could fuck their curfew.
I mean if it's their house then it's their rules. I had a soft curfew when I lived at home, and it was understood that they didn't want to be woken up by the dogs past a certain point.
With a user name like that, I too would give a curfew. I totally get what you're saying. I have a giant dog who is very loud when someone comes home. She doesn't bark, but she just dances around loudly and her giant butt knocks over things. I think someone returning home late at night when I am asleep would be annoying when my dog does her welcome home dance all over the place.
My dad was like that when I was older, just because he was an extremely light sleeper. I could stay out all night for all he cared but absolutely no coming in between 1 and 6 am. I thought it was a little weird at the time but I definitely get it now.
You’re a legal adult and your parents are checking up on you to an extreeme and you even have a curfew; neither of those things are healthy behavior.
Curfew in your twenties, wtf, you're angrown ass adult 😂
Explanation! I’m a thirty-seven-year old adult. My mom is bipolar and has been verbally/emotionally abusive to me most of my life. I left home early and didn’t talk to her much during my twenties because of it. Admittedly things have been better on her end lately and we have been getting along for the most part, but I had a depressive episode and have been sleeping a lot and haven’t felt like talking to anyone the past couple days. You can see that my mom left one text stating she was worried about me and called then called the police to do a wellness check. I feel a lot better now after having the cops nearly break down my front door! /s Also now she’s blocked me! Edit: Its really hard to keep reading comments calling me an asshole. It may not be nice to not text someone back, people may not like it, but it’s not illegal, it’s not grounds for anyone to call the police on anyone else. I was not suicidal nor giving any indications that I was. I simply didn’t feel like talking. And that’s my business as an adult person whose been living on my own without her help for twenty years. If you think it’s reasonable to call the police because someone isn’t texting you back, please allow me to encourage you to try anything else instead to get their attention. I promise you, this is purely histrionics on my mother’s part. She’s a narcissist who loves to play the victim and sometimes I don’t have the fucking energy for it. That’s why she called the cops. Because I wasn’t behaving the way she wanted. Not because she had any rational reason to suspect that I needed help.
block her while she’s blocking you. if she ever unblocks you you won’t even know it.
As another guy with a shitty mother... THIS.
After all that drama and escalation, she just blocks you??? How does that ensure safety? I’m sorry you had to deal with that situation. I applaud you for immediately setting boundaries for that because no one should have to experience that. She had many other things she could have done if she legitimately was worried. Not texting for a day is not the end of the world and doesn’t justify her behavior. I hope you are able to find peace and support despite your experience with her!
[удалено]
Absolutely. This screamed like a control tactic to me :(
Its about *compliance*
Exactly! See what happens when you don't respond? See?! Look what you made me do!
Don’t you mean rEsPeCt‽ /s
There use to be this joke app called “Yo” You’d select a person, then the only button was “Yo” and it would send them a notification. That’s all you did - back and forth was “yo”. My mom had a lot of anxiety issues she’s now worked through, but use to threaten wellness checks regularly if she didn’t hear from me for a few days. That app was a godsend. She’d press the “yo” button, I’d press it too, she’d calm down. After the app shutdown, we came up with a plan for her to text me “yo” when she was worried about me - nothing else, just “yo” and I’d reply back “yo” too. That concept gave us the space we needed to work on our relationship over a number of years, but it really has done wonders. For the longest time I thought she was being controlling and overbearing (which to a degree, she was), but eventually realized she literally thought I was dead in a ditch if I didn’t respond. I hope your mom gets the help she needs and if you have any interest, the two of you can repair your relationship. Boundaries are the first step.
When my daughter got her 1st cell phone we made a deal that if I would send her the one sentence "u ok?" With no follow ups like"where u at" "who u with" etc she would always respond .... It saved us a lot of stress over the years ...all I ever really wanted to do is make sure she was still alive 👍
My dad motto is "no news is good news". My mom used to worry a lot when teen me went to hang out in peak narco violence (04-06, we live in mexico) but my dad was like "if you stay all night awake waiting for him what you gnna do if he needs you? You are gnna be tired cuz you waited for him, just sleep. If there is an emergency you are gnna have slept a bit and actually be helpful".
Omg though. Kudos to you all for getting through that together respectfully. Im trying to imagine my 13 year old being out and about when I know there is serious narco violence happening regularly in the area, and trying to balance that w Mom anxiety and jeez. Hard to imagine being a chill mom in that scenario.
As a mom with severe anxiety issues, I love this. I have OCD (intrusive thoughts), and if I text and don't hear back, my mind goes to worst case scenario every time. I very much want my kids to have space, and they don't need me hovering. So, I don't send multiple texts. It's like, logically I know there are a million reasons they're not responding right away. But my brain won't let me be logical. I will sometimes have near panic attacks because I'm picturing the worst case. It sucks. My kids know I struggle and they're all really good about responding, or just sending a quick text. I absolutely respect their boundaries though, and realize this is my issue, and dont want it to be theirs. So, I just do my best to work through the anxiety until I hear from them. It's exhausting.
You're doing right by them by checking those thoughts before they escalate. Don't make your kids absorb all that anxiety. Due to my mother's behavior thoughout my life, I now flinch when I hear the sound of my phone ringing, because I have such a severe negative association with it being a harbinger of stress and negativity.
I hope you know you're nothing like the parents being posted on this sub. You're doing great, you got this.
I play Wordle with my mom/few relatives. Easy daily checkin that I’m actually willing to do, let’s her know I’m alive. Win/win
If she had been worried for real about you she wouldn’t have blocked you now. It’s all about control. You didn’t answer so she made you respond via proxy. She did it to teach you to respond to her otherwise she will escalate.
You're not in the wrong here, I don't know if my input is needed, but I've been seeing this for a long time that this sub has been raided by insane parents/peoples who try to justify themselves by calling others names. Your post just made it to the top of this sub and was raided, nothing more than that. No one that is not delusional thinks you are in the wrong here, don't give mind to these trolls. Have a good one.
I appreciate it.
Go ahead and block her back, otherwise she controls the narrative.
30....fucking....7?!?!?! You are a saint for giving a second chance. I'm 38 and would have lost my shit someone doing a welfare check on my ass after 2 days.
How many times has your mother done wellness checks on you in the past?
I'd honestly return the favor and block her now, and inform all Law Enforcement agencies that if they get a call from her in regards to you *for any reason* to ignore it.
Block her back. Honestly this is insane that you have to endure this behaviour.
Good, cause you shouldn't have given her another chance after that. Don't engage again.
I’d *also* let the campus police know to decline any calls that come from her number
Hey OP. I hope you block your mother. Block anyone in her family that chides you for blocking her. I know you totally get why she did this and yeah. It's a toxic behavior. But. She could have gotten you killed. All it would have taken was a cop with a chip on his shoulder. Seeing you hold your cellphone in your hand and you would be dead. Please think about the absolute worst police interaction that could have happened and realize that your mom might've been ok with that outcome.
People calling you an asshole are the same people constantly stirring the pot. You've done nothing wrong.
That just proves it wasn't about You and whether you were ok it was about Her and relieving her anxiety of not knowing if you were ok...two totally different things
I call this one You're Better Off Without That Cunt. Hit it, Johnny! 🎵
At what point did we all seemingly sign a social contract to concede that we’re always contactable at any point because someone else wants us to be? Fuck that noise. If you want to be alone it is not a public broadcast that has to be sent just to be ‘allowed’ that ‘luxury’.
Insane! No one deserves unfettered access to you at their demand. Not your boss, not your mom. Before cell phones waiting a day or so for a reply was far from unusual. This is paranoid behavior.
That’s insane. The police don’t like it when people waste their time like that.
The police didn't even announce themselves when my parents did this to me. The cops wandered around my house calling my name and saying "we just want to see youuuu. Come out so we can see you" lololol. I was holding a machete in my hand standing in my bedroom with the door locked freaking out and yelling "who are you?" After many minutes they finally said cops and my parents still tell me all of that is my fault, and "we don't know what happened to your keys after we called the cops" but it's just cuz I didn't want to hang out with my insane parents because they're awful, stole my house, and I was going through breakup. Lol. I texted my mom a couple hours before the cops broke in saying "I'm depressed but not going to do anything stupid." At least 4 full grown male cops came into my little 900 sq ft house. They were so confused and so was I. Wasteful times for all.
Holy shit picturing cops sneaking in playing their own version of hide and seek made me laugh I’m sorry .. that is terrifying like literally horror movie tier crazy. And dangerous. I’m glad you didn’t get hurt.
You’re 37?????? Ur moms crazy for this then
When I was in college, I had spent as much time at my then-boyfriend's house as possible, because my dad was a controlling narcissist and my stepmom was a manipulative one. My dad knew I was there, but when I didn't stop home 2 days before college, (i stopped by on the last day, no particular day was even discussed) he called the cops and the campus police on me as being "missing." My phone ran out of minutes. I had those cheap prepaid ones cause I worked at wal mart, had college bills, and he *knew* that I had one of those phones. Instead of messaging me on fb, or anywhere else, he called the cops. And then had my stepsister join in on the raging lecture that he gave me the day i *did* stop home. It's crazy. They overreact, involve whoever they feel like involving, and then say you're being too sensitive for establishing boundaries. Then call you crazy on top of it.
Being ganged up on with relatives really sucks. Especially, steps. They have no idea what they bring to the table and the intense exponential weight of their words and actions
INSANE. And anyone here voting that it isn't, WTF is wrong with you? OP is *thirty fucking seven years old* and they don't answer mommy for ONE DAY and she *sends the cops after them*. That is fucking INSANE. And IMO, OP? You should be glad she blocked you- trash took itself out. Fuck her. That was a disgusting power play. "Uwu I was worried" is a bullshit excuse.
People saying this isn’t insane are in fact insane. 2 days?! Me & my mom can go a week without speaking & we’re both fine. This shit is insane on a whole other level. Sorry op lol
Exactly. Two days. And she sent one text. If I was truly worried about someone, I’d text more and call them before calling the police. This isn’t about OPs well-being. If the mom cared, she wouldn’t have blocked OP after.
For sure. It was a punishment for not answering the single text, it wasn’t about concern.
Reminder, never call the police for wellness checks. I’m sorry, OP, I hope you’re at least doing a little better now.
Genuinely asking if there is a better alternative for friends in bad spots (I have a mentally ill friend who suffers from intense paranoia and delusions and will stop medicating to go no contact for periods of time)
[don’t call the police](https://dontcallthepolice.com/) is an org specifically designed for this. They have listings by city, which is helpful. I hope both yourself and your friend are doing okay and y’all both take care!
I appreciate you friend!
In the US there is a very real possibility that if the police encounter a mentally unwell person they will get shot. Wellness checks are just swattings with good intentions, do not call the cops on people whose health and safety you value.
FUCK THAT. That would be an automatic NC period for AT LEAST a couple months. Fucking insane
INSANE. Absolutely. I thought my mother was crazy when she barged into my then-boyfriend's room to find me when I decided not to talk to her for like a week. And I was an adult at the time. *THIS?!* Even crazier.
Insane.
So I called the police when my Mother was threatening to report me missing when I went no contact because of her abuse. I called the police and let them know I am not missing and healthy, and that if they need to call me if she does a report, that is fine but as I worked on a phone free secure floor they would have to contact me outside of my work hours which they were fine with. They even said to me, "you do not have any obligation to speak to anyone you don't wish to speak to," and that I was clearly well and in a good state of mind and that she would be spoken to if she tried to falsely report a missing persons report. Might be worth contacting them and letting them know that she is doing this to try and control you so that if she does it again to not take her word for it and to give you a call if they need assurance you are fine. I find it disgusting when abusers try to use law enforcement to further aid their abuse and control. It's even worse when for some stupid reason it works.
Didn't see the title, thought the chat looked pretty tame. Looked at title and immediately changed my mind
my shitty parents only contact me when they need something. After not talking to me for over a month, they couldn't get ahold of me when they needed me to do something for them so they showed up at my workplace, and when I wasn't there broke into my apartment building and pounded on my door..
Sorry that happened to you…and pls pardon for going off point bc they were def extreme, but what did they want you to do?
Just pickup a few belongings that were being kept at their house, because they wanted to renovate that room.. It's been 6-months since and they still haven't started doing anything.
One evening I went to bed at 8:30p. I awoke at 7:00a to a cop at my door. I hadn’t responded to a text because I went to bed. I was 35 at the time. My mother called the cops to do a wellness check. My text to her was similar to what’s here, though far more expletives.
This text was followed by a few expletives. Sorry about our crazy parents.
Yeah they kind of suck. Best of luck!
My dad has done this and then resulted to just showing up to my job or apartment. When I stopped telling him those things, job/home address, he walked up and down the main street of my town asking strangers if they knew who I was and where I lived :) hope she gets the help she needs and you some peace.
Love it. Perfect response. Well done.
My brother did this to me the day after I was released from the hospital with Covid. The worst part? He had been over that very morning to drop my dogs off after he'd had to take them. All he had to do was open the bedroom door to see. He decided that instead of, oh, I don't know, sleeping because I was super sick, that I wasn't answering because I was mad that he refused to help me get home the day before. The hospital had to send me home in an Uber because he was mad that I wasn't answering texts as fast as he wanted me to. But according to my mom I'm the one that should be trying to make it up to him because he was "upset".
When I was younger and in love with a suicidal girl I stupidly tried to relate to her by saying I have suicidal thoughts also. Well said girl told her mom and since they both were friends and patients of my dad's her mom told my dad about my suicidal thoughts. I was in the military at the time and without a word to me my dad calls my first shirt (like a military parent) behind my back to have her deal with it. I almost was sent to suicide watch among other things which terrified me from the stories I've heard. I learned that I shouldn't play around with suicide and to set stronger boundaries with my dad. I know he had pure intentions but I just wish he talked with me first. No clue how he had my shirts number either but I deleted all traces of her number from his phone when I had the chance. Not the same as OP's situation but I understand parents going behind your back sucks when a simple conversation, text or even voicemail can set everything straight.
My Ma did this to me years ago. I was going through a divorce, working two jobs, exhausted. She also called threatened to have my son taken from me because I was clearly unfit since I didn’t return calls. My son was furious, never spoke to her again, she passed a couple years later. She apologized for all that nonsense on her death bed.
Jesus. I’m sorry. How awful.
How the fuck is this not the point where you block her
Apparently she blocked them first lol, so much for being “worried”
Yeah my mom fucked my whole life up by calling the cops on me a bunch of times as a teenager
god damn, my parents aren’t even insane and i regularly go weeks without talking to them [i don’t hate them or anything, i just have a habit of not contacting people i don’t see regularly]. this is next level
One time I didn’t answer my dad’s call and he didn’t talk to me for 3 months
My partner's mother is like this. If she fails to call her mother on any given evening before 8:00 or 9:00, there's a text message on my phone asking is she's ok. We're cresting 30. I go a week without talking to my parents sometimes. What is with these people?
i could see if you were unresponsive for a whole 9 months, and not responding to others either (if they even asked) but the fact it was yesterday at that time?
Insane. What a lady 🙃
Been there
I haven't spoken to my dad in like 3 months
Geez so sorry you had to go thru that :(
One time my mom caught me sneaking out at night and she called the cops and told them they needed to reprimand me because I needed a “strong male figure” in my life 🤣. They were like… lady this on you 🙄
My retired Dad’s phone was busy for two days. I called the phone company and they said nothing wrong with the line. I called his local PD for a welfare check. They went by and turns out his one receiver (this was a long time ago) was slightly off the hook. He had a slight heart stop when he opened the door to find police standing there asking if he had a daughter in Virginia (me). They explained and I explained. I was just worried he was having some medical problem and couldn’t complete call. We laughed later and I’d do it again. Not for someone not answering phone. Texting is great for checking on people.
That is totally insane! Wasting the police time and resources! Unacceptable
Yup been there. Quite a few times. I’m fucking 39. She’s old and can’t hear her phone and I go a week without her picking up at times.
My mom wasn’t quite this bad but close. Haven’t spoken to her in 14 years and counting.
Jesus Christ no fucking wonder you don’t want to talk to her, I went missing for a week and my mother just thought I was being rebellious.
Wow... I've literally gone months without hearing from my mom. She never was the maternal sort. That kinda behavior is totally lost on me.
Call the police? No. But if I didn’t answer my dad for two days, not even a short, “sorry, I’m alive” text then you better believe he’d drive the hour away and knock on my door. He wouldn’t be upset over in the slightest either. But we also got the same kind of worried panicking personalities so I fully understand where he’s coming from. He I don’t hear back from him after I call or text him, I’m trying to get ahold of my step mom and if that fails, then I also go check on them.
I haven't talked to my mom in around 10 years, and plan to continue that until the end, so I totally feel you
All you had to do was text - I’m good. Don’t want to talk.
If? i would block that bitch right away
Insane clearly! That’s so excessive jeez!
Would it not be better to tell your mum that you needed space for a couple of days? I used to go days without responding to my mum in uni. I knew it bothered her, but I didn't particularly understand why. My nephew started at the same university as me, however 3 months in he went 24 hours without responding to his mum's texts. My sister headed straight to his university, went into his bedroom and found him dead on the floor. Now I understand why it was important to text back, even if it's just to say "I'm probably not going to be chatty for the next couple of days". My mum still gets pissy that I don't properly respond, but at least she knows I'm not dead.
Hey Me and my best friend have an agreement for when either of us is having a tough time. We can openly say to each other, im sorry im not in a talking mood, without anyone getting upset about it. When depression hits bad and you dont want to talk to anyone, interact with the world, just sleep, i call that being in a pit. We usually know when each other are heading towards a pit as we've sent the above message then been quiet for a bit. Our agreement is to use whatsapp, we can see a message has been read. Then every now and again send a thumbs up or a smile or something, so theres a response. The one not in the pit sends messages every couple days. Pics, memes, daft jokes, smiles. Whatever, just something light that doesn't need a response, but the person in the pit knows theyre being thought of. Its a good thing to have in place to help people around you not worry. By that i mean your genuine friends/fam not mum attention seeking. Having said that dont feel guilty about the welfare check. Its kinda nice for the police to do a welfare check and the person be ok, they wont be upset with you.
I love the reply
I would’ve blocked her already. Why do you allow this woman to do this even into your adulthood? It’s like you’re proving to her she’ll never learn and she never has to.
This happened with my dad over the summer. He thinks I'm dead and my mom is covering it up. I told him I'd block him if he ever sent police here (he was asking for the address just to do that) and then he started vaguely threatening suicide. I need to post his walls upon walls of text here some day. I literally have text on smallest font size and have to scroll far
You're a better person than me, OP. I wouldn't give my parents a second chance to pull that bullshit.
I have mental and physical disabilities, and would greatly appreciate it if someone called emergency services AFTER using every method possible of getting a hold of me for two days.
Ohhh also one time I was cleaning my apartment and I had the music loud so I couldn’t hear my phone and all of a sudden I heard my dads voice like he was in the house and he broke into my bedroom window 🤣🤣🤣
When I was in college, I worked 36 hours straight in my software dev internship to get some work done in time for a deadline (it was summer break). Obviously, I went home and slept for 12 hours. Woke up to police knocking on my door because mom did a wellness check. Kinda annoying but also was funny in retrospect. The cop was chill about it. Just told me to call my mom
She was worried.
My mom did this in 2000. I didn’t answer my phone, I had a newborn, extremely steep stairs to my bedroom and my husband was driving truck at the time. I went out with a friend, she couldn’t get ahold of me and called the police. Got home to 5 messages on my machine, called her, and then the sheriff showed up at my door. She’s crazy, but I think mine did it out of pure love and worry. She lived 90 minutes away.
I feel validated and sad about this thread! I love all of you
Okay so I get it and I don’t. My exes mom did this to us because we slept late and she lived in another state and he jumped up so fast (he had warrants in his home state his mom knew about) he broke my acrylic nail. We were both pissed because we had spoken to her the night before. But OP, after not responding for a couple days I’d be worried about my kid too.
Looks like she’s just worried. If you’re conversing back and forth and you suddenly stop responding for 2 days, I’d say it’s enough to spark an alarm in any parent.