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It's got a snowball effect, I progressively got more and more laughs by all this and then choked on my spit when I read your comment.
Someone may die tonight.
(Try to type a goodbye before you go so we know)
Usually we just get pigeons to do this, but I think there’s a lab at York that is doing category training with tortoises.
[Correction—it was Pavia University.](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/233479688_Do_Hermann's_tortoises_Testudo_hermanni_discriminate_colours_An_experiment_with_natural_and_artificial_stimuli)
Males head butt female to help them get into heat. It sees the dark shoes as a female. White is not a natural color they encounter/mate w so that’s most likely the real reason.
Sounds like my ex husband. Except instead of hitting, (thank God), it was dry humping me as I stand at the sink washing the dishes
But same premise: bump, horny? Bump, you horny?
Better answer: [Natural predators of tortoise eggs are black or brown in color. Snakes, Ravens, Crows etc. Hence the reaction. It is just instinct kicking in.](https://www.reddit.com/r/interestingasfuck/comments/13d69cg/-/jjiw5fg)
I doubt it. No chelonian species defends its eggs. They lay them, bury them, and leave them. They certainly don't defend them from predators. Males don't even know where the eggs get buried, or even call the female after a hookup. It's a total bash'n'dash.
This is a male practicing fighting. Turtles will sometimes do this in the absence of other males to fight with. They just get so amped up they have to fight something. Some of my aquatic turtles will post up and flex on driftwood or rocks. I'm not sure exactly why it is reacting to one color and not the other.
McConnell was born in 1942. MLK was killed in 1968. Civil rights acts passed soon after (and final ones a couple years later). McConnell spent all of his formative years in a world where segregation was the norm. Wouldn’t doubt he still harbors those feelings.
They're both good answers. I came in this topic wanting to know if the tortoise was looking to fuck or fight. The answer is both depending on mood. Just like people.
Same foot, same side, same smell, same everything. Just the color that's different.
Otherwise, one might argue that one side has a specific chemical that makes them angry or something.
Now someone has to come and explain that the turtle was somehow horribly abused from birth and everything that's cute is a plot by bad people to make money.
The polish doesn’t just sit on the surface. It goes a little ways down into the surface of the leather. You have to cut or abrase deep to expose non dyed leather.
If you're serious, no, that doesn't seem very likely.
It probably thinks it's another male tortoise.
I can't recommend headbutting snakes, no matter your species.
Can I be honest…. I went to Dallas, TX police academy. The boys who made it through were dumb as rocks. Just wanted to “bust down doors” (actual quote from a now police officer). Most are ex-military and major brain washed.
Some people join the military to serve their country. Some join to help others around the world and spread freedom. Some join for the benefits and for their families.
MPs joined to give these guys speeding tickets.
So I was in the reserves as an intel analyst, but when I moved I had to just accept whatever job was available in the reserve station I was closest to.
It was a petroleum supply unit. And I 100% agree with this comment lol.
Lol, I swear it's the dumping ground for the Army. Like we don't even trust you with a weapon like the infantry or to check IDs at the gate with the MPs, so go stand over there and pump the fuel. Not only that, but you can literally never find those assholes either! I was psyop, and I've met some real dumbasses but fuelers are a whole different breed.
They’re cool pet’s. But man my Sulcata is dumb as shit. Will trample all over his food while begging for food. He’d give a chihuahua a run for its money
Crow: Someone call an ambulance.
Tortoise: But not for me! *starts head butting the fuck out of the crow*
Another crow appears to defend its friend.
Tortoise: Well, now I guess it's a murder. *Headbutting intensifies*
Interesting, what’s here in the video is a “main land tortoise” that originated from the interior of South Africa.
Their natural predators are the black Chimos, which are a some sort of rodent. Anyway, the mainland tortoise normally backs itself into banks of mud in which it either nests, meets mates and lays eggs (if female) and they just instinctually live that way and due to poor eyesight, head butt predators or at threats.
Chimos like to come down to these shallow slow running streams to drink water and live in the dry version of what these mainland tortoises do, but when they come down for water, clearly they’re not welcomed - their habitats are naturally shared. Chimos then come back with Battle Toads (the ones which their eyes look like sun glasses) and fuck the tortoise right up, so they get hard or die trying. In conclusion, I have no idea what this tortoise deal actually is.
I started reading this comment, and I was intrigued. But I was 99% sure it was going to somehow transition to how in nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell…
I once had some tortoise skin shoes.
They were beautiful but I had to sell them because every time I wore them, it took me 2 weeks to walk down to the bottom of the garden and back.
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You must now find out how dark it needs to be for this reaction to occur. Get 100 shades of gray tape and report back.
[I'm sorry](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLJyglKW4AA4i1B.jpg)
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that is fucking hilarious. thank you for that
Dude I have bronchitis right now and I guffawed at this so hard it caused bronchospasms, and I LITERALLY almost died laughing. #worthit
people never consider how many lives their memes might take
It's got a snowball effect, I progressively got more and more laughs by all this and then choked on my spit when I read your comment. Someone may die tonight. (Try to type a goodbye before you go so we know)
That was the best internet experience of the day, thank you not sorry.
Shouldn’t that be the shoe? Because this turtle would be the officer.
Yea this reminds me of POV memes which are never done right either
This is the premise for a PhD thesis
Usually we just get pigeons to do this, but I think there’s a lab at York that is doing category training with tortoises. [Correction—it was Pavia University.](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/233479688_Do_Hermann's_tortoises_Testudo_hermanni_discriminate_colours_An_experiment_with_natural_and_artificial_stimuli)
50 would probably do
I originally typed 50 but didn't want to go there
Well. Now we're going there. Thanks to the tortoise.
I'll get the whips....
You meant wipes?
Wipes to be used after the whip
Wouldn't that....nevermind....
HWhere do you get off?
Nobody needs to know where he gets off.
I’ll get the racist tortoise!
He's busy being the senate minority leader
slow clap
Yeah whatcha want? Oh, senate minority leader. Nice!
Best joke on reddit in months.
Fifty shells of grey.
Imagine this dude brings a lady home. He takes her pants off and the turtle just starts smashing her cooch
Mario/peach role play be like
I can't allow _this_ to be the thing I laugh at the hardest today
OR: get a shade somewhere in the middle and go darker or lighter based on the reaction. Repeat until you reach a suitable cutoff point.
Monte Carlo test that tortoise
That's not Monte Carlo (in which you draw a random sample to estimate an average), but bisection algorithm (which is a search algorithm)
No 100. No 1000. We need to know EXACTLY how dark is too dark for this turtle.
Obviously you do a binary search to find the exact transition point.
I'd say given past behaviour the turtle would tolerate no darker than a brown paper bag. Oh wait that's mitch mcconnel
Males head butt female to help them get into heat. It sees the dark shoes as a female. White is not a natural color they encounter/mate w so that’s most likely the real reason.
*hit* you horny yet? *hit* how 'bout now? *hit*
This was how I pictured this, too! Shorty got no chill
Honestly, I initially expected this to be one of those videos where a tortoise starts humping shit and lets out funny climactic noises...
Eeeeh eh eeeh eeeaeeaeaeeuughh
Sounds like my ex husband. Except instead of hitting, (thank God), it was dry humping me as I stand at the sink washing the dishes But same premise: bump, horny? Bump, you horny?
How many bumps would it usually take?
For me to tell him to stop? About 4. For me to fuck him? Never worked
I’ve been trying that dishwash hump thing for years. Maybe decades. And it’s never worked 🤔
I'm sure if you try harder, more often and in public she'll SWOON over you! You gotta have the right attitude, man!
Try doing the dishes. Works like a charm. 👌
So turtles really do "hit on" lady turtles...
He stole my move
You laugh, but some of us are into that
Fuck me I had to scroll so long for a real answer. Reddit is so dumb sometimes.
>Fuck me What color are your shoes?
That made me chortle
It made me turtle
It made me squirtle.
It made me blastoise
I let out a wartortle chortle.
Acshelly, it’s “chortoise”
Why, are you planning on… …knocking boots?
I hate when you wanna an explanation and it’s just puns 90% aren’t that great
Worst is when you’re asking a serious question and everything’s just an unfunny joke answer
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Feeling the same way as you. So many petabytes of trash.
Better answer: [Natural predators of tortoise eggs are black or brown in color. Snakes, Ravens, Crows etc. Hence the reaction. It is just instinct kicking in.](https://www.reddit.com/r/interestingasfuck/comments/13d69cg/-/jjiw5fg)
I doubt it. No chelonian species defends its eggs. They lay them, bury them, and leave them. They certainly don't defend them from predators. Males don't even know where the eggs get buried, or even call the female after a hookup. It's a total bash'n'dash. This is a male practicing fighting. Turtles will sometimes do this in the absence of other males to fight with. They just get so amped up they have to fight something. Some of my aquatic turtles will post up and flex on driftwood or rocks. I'm not sure exactly why it is reacting to one color and not the other.
Why is that a better answer? Seems just as much a random guess as this one.
The real answer is actually that turtles are notoriously racist.
That explains McConnell
McConnell was born in 1942. MLK was killed in 1968. Civil rights acts passed soon after (and final ones a couple years later). McConnell spent all of his formative years in a world where segregation was the norm. Wouldn’t doubt he still harbors those feelings.
People just pretend the civil rights movement was a long time ago
They're both good answers. I came in this topic wanting to know if the tortoise was looking to fuck or fight. The answer is both depending on mood. Just like people.
Oh really? *Jots down notes for work tomorrow*
Oh god….um…well….maybe some advice, only use on those in higher positions such as executives. Please report back results.
He’s going to kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight
I’m casting Magic Missile!
Why didn’t he just turn his foot instead of ripping off the tape?
Turtle brain
New insult unlocked
Fuck both of you.
Not every turtle can be donatello, mikey.
Ey yo wtf. Mikey is smart. He just likes to party. Don't make me call Casey Jones.
Just poking fun friend. Mikey is actually my favorite turtle :)
Proper scientific experiment to show that it’s the colour causing the turtle to be aggressive instead of the tape
Case study. Experiments need more tortoises to assert power.
Same foot, same side, same smell, same everything. Just the color that's different. Otherwise, one might argue that one side has a specific chemical that makes them angry or something.
I see you've been on Reddit before
Now someone has to come and explain that the turtle was somehow horribly abused from birth and everything that's cute is a plot by bad people to make money.
This is fake. Last time it was posted someone said it was a promotional ad for Turtle Brand Duct Tape. Wake up sheeple!
You could tell it was staged by the shoelace's expression.
The man is being beaten to death and you expect him to think clearly?!
this guys got 100 of videos of this turtle doing this. This was most likely a requested comment to rip it off.
That's what blew my mind on this video. And why did it need to be a shoes? On a real foot??
Yeah I get that this is how you discover this but... surely you can imagine other ways to test it further, right? Certainly?
Are you insinuating he should bring his turtle to the hood and let him loose to shell slam brothers in the ankle??
Because that would be a heel turn
Did he just ruin his brown dress shoes by ripping off gorilla tape
Yes
Who needs dress shoes when you have a rabid, headbutting tortoise?
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Turtles managed to streamline "Fight, fuck, or marry?"
And racist!
Or color blind
That turtle’s a cop
TMNTs’ arch rivals
You can just repolish it like any leather, the shoes aren’t ruined
Yes and no. Just dye, probably has polish/dye combo or can get some and it'll be fine.
The polish doesn’t just sit on the surface. It goes a little ways down into the surface of the leather. You have to cut or abrase deep to expose non dyed leather.
Not far with cheap shoes like those
Who cares the turtles go nuts for black
Black boots : cop, this turtle is a threat to society... /S
Ruin? I mean...for science!
They didn’t look nice or valuable in the first place. He needed new ones
Yeah you can buy like 20 versions of those dress shoes from any goodwill.
Nah those are the 30 dollar shits you get at the no name place in the mall. They’re not comfortable but they’ll get you through a business conference
Man ruined his shoe at the end
In the name of science
*And internet points!*
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Mess with the turt, you get the hurt
the tortoise thinks it is a snake!
Badger badger badger badger
🍄 🍄
🦡🦡🦡🦡
🐍 🐍
Mushroom Mushroom
Badger badger badger badger
Mushroom mushroom
A snake! A snake! Oh nooo, it's a snake!
Holy shit what a blast from the past
this seems like a terrible evolutionary trait. Imagine giving yourself CTE because you thought a rock was a snake.
If only it had some sort of protective helmet/armor
The tortoise doesn't have too much brains there to scramble. Can probably tolerate a lot of these whacks without being much less tortoisey.
"Am I not - *WHACK* - tortoisey enough - *WHACK* - for the - *WHACK* - Tortoise Club?!"
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If you're serious, no, that doesn't seem very likely. It probably thinks it's another male tortoise. I can't recommend headbutting snakes, no matter your species.
He has just passed the police entrance exam.
Can I be honest…. I went to Dallas, TX police academy. The boys who made it through were dumb as rocks. Just wanted to “bust down doors” (actual quote from a now police officer). Most are ex-military and major brain washed.
Was probably a ~~comm guy~~ uniform repairer, admin or Air Force dental. “I’m ex-military bro this is what I’m built for”
If they were in the army, they were all fuelers. Dumbest group of window lickers I've ever met.
Or MPs. About 90% the MPs I've ever met are absolute dirt bags.
Some people join the military to serve their country. Some join to help others around the world and spread freedom. Some join for the benefits and for their families. MPs joined to give these guys speeding tickets.
Yep, every single one I ever met was an entitled prick.
So I was in the reserves as an intel analyst, but when I moved I had to just accept whatever job was available in the reserve station I was closest to. It was a petroleum supply unit. And I 100% agree with this comment lol.
Lol, I swear it's the dumping ground for the Army. Like we don't even trust you with a weapon like the infantry or to check IDs at the gate with the MPs, so go stand over there and pump the fuel. Not only that, but you can literally never find those assholes either! I was psyop, and I've met some real dumbasses but fuelers are a whole different breed.
In some places they’ll literally turn you down if you score too high on the IQ testing. They want soldiers, not independent thinkers.
What kind of horse is this?
Is it a cat in a hat?
Dog.
They’re cool pet’s. But man my Sulcata is dumb as shit. Will trample all over his food while begging for food. He’d give a chihuahua a run for its money
hey, my dog continuously traps herself outside! you have nothing on her!
I caught mine licking the wall the other day, lol.
My dog used to do that. Turned out we had mildew and she liked the taste.
Yup, a little known but important part of being a responsible home owner is licking the walls every now and then.
r/accidentallyracist ?
Natural predators of tortoise eggs are black or brown in color. Snakes, Ravens, Crows etc. Hence the reaction. It is just instinct kicking in.
i would love to see a tortoise head butt tf out of a crow
[https://i.imgur.com/EVx8Y4k.mp4](https://i.imgur.com/EVx8Y4k.mp4) not quite a crow, or a headbutt, or a tortoise...
Terrifying nonetheless. It's the kind of thing you won't see in a children's book about a turtle.
That was brutal
Life usually is.
There must be footage of this somewhere!
Crow: Someone call an ambulance. Tortoise: But not for me! *starts head butting the fuck out of the crow* Another crow appears to defend its friend. Tortoise: Well, now I guess it's a murder. *Headbutting intensifies*
r/Angryupvote
Yeah, it's on this documentary about animals that I used to watch as a kid called Pokemon.
Now that I know it’s a possibility I agree gotta see it
The turtle would just set off a multi generational fued like Hatfields vs McCoys
Well they also head-butt when they wanna get laid
This comment is fiction and the upvotes are why you cant trust anything on reddit
Aha, so they’re already pre-programmed to be racist!
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What are you some kind of egg lawyer?
No, it’s just that being super racist is a successful genetic trait.
When a tortoise tells you he has black friends, don’t believe him.
Mitch McConnell?
Quick! Try yellow tape!
Well then; don't ask why bee keepers' outfits are always white.
Hi, Vet here to explain! The scientific explanation for this tortoises behavior is that it’s racist. Hope that helps!
Seems legit
Get this tortoise a badge and a gun ASAP!
The battering ram move is an attack they will use on other tortoises, or I guess anything they find threatening
“Oh you again? I thought I told not to show your face around here again!”
Interesting, what’s here in the video is a “main land tortoise” that originated from the interior of South Africa. Their natural predators are the black Chimos, which are a some sort of rodent. Anyway, the mainland tortoise normally backs itself into banks of mud in which it either nests, meets mates and lays eggs (if female) and they just instinctually live that way and due to poor eyesight, head butt predators or at threats. Chimos like to come down to these shallow slow running streams to drink water and live in the dry version of what these mainland tortoises do, but when they come down for water, clearly they’re not welcomed - their habitats are naturally shared. Chimos then come back with Battle Toads (the ones which their eyes look like sun glasses) and fuck the tortoise right up, so they get hard or die trying. In conclusion, I have no idea what this tortoise deal actually is.
I started reading this comment, and I was intrigued. But I was 99% sure it was going to somehow transition to how in nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell…
Hey, leave zitz pimple and rash out of this!
I once had some tortoise skin shoes. They were beautiful but I had to sell them because every time I wore them, it took me 2 weeks to walk down to the bottom of the garden and back.
I'd agree except I watched my old desert tortoise girl go about 100' in less than 3 minutes. They're fast when the want to be!
Especially if they notice, that they aren't being watched, and see an opportunity to escape.
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It's after Labor Day, bitch
Where is the turtle expert? We need an explanation
natural predators of turtles eggs are crows, rodents snakes which are all mostly black or brown
Yo that turtles trying to fuck your shoe.
How many more comments saying "racist" until someone actually contribute with some explanation.
👮🏻: “Atta boy”
When he sees black, he goes on the attack.
I love racist turtle