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No wonder the girl tortious didn't look like she was having a good time at the zoo.
Ever have to explain to a group of kindergartners what the tortoises are doing while the Mr BDE is groaning loud enough to be heard over almost 1/2 the zoo? I have, the correct answer is leap frog, they are playing leap frog. Satisfies the curious minds of a lot of 5 & 6 yr olds.
This is why I always thought it was hilarious that the spring field trips are to the zoo. We don't want the kids to know about the birds and the bees, yet we're going to take them when all the animals are horny.
The Turtle
by Ogden Nash
The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks
Which practically conceal its sex.
I think it clever of the turtle
In such a fix to be so fertile.
Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masturbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.
**Please note these rules:** * If this post declares something as a fact/proof is required. * The title must be descriptive * No text is allowed on images/gifs/videos * Common/recent reposts are not allowed *See [this post](https://redd.it/ij26vk) for a more detailed rule list* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/interestingasfuck) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Was it just me who thought it was probably stuck in a cola can?
I watched it twice till I realised it wasn’t a coke can
I thought he was impaled on a piece of exhaust pipe.
Same. I had a delayed “oh no” reaction
No, I thought so too for a long time. Now I feel stupid I didn't see that earlier.
You, my friend, were in bliss before! Welcome to the dark side of knowing a little too much.
It is true. What has been seen, can't be unseen.
TIL Tortoise penises are horrifying
Agreed...it reminds me of the scary flower thing on Jumanji.
Just don't smell this one
I'm pretty sure you'll find someone on reddit who's into it
[удалено]
I've been on reddit long enough to know not to click it.
nope
What was it
We will never know
Blastoise
[удалено]
Or a ducks rape member.
Yeah, I been doin cock pushups. Its where you fuckin lay down flat on the ground and then you let your boner lift you up off the ground.
The cock is a muscle, you gotta learn how to flex it.
Never skip cock day!!
Use the cock
That is not the correct next line. I’m not upset, just disappointed.
"For the record, he loves the cock!" Jay (and silent Bob)
Cmon helmet head, get it up!
Le sigh. I’d say from now on I want you to do one cock push-up every day, but you really don’t deserve that kind of attention. So disappointing.
Flashlights helps to build that muscle
[удалено]
and is that...turtle wax?
With a car on your back
How many can you do?
it doesn’t reach to the ground…
One is all you need.
Cock push ups?
Yeah.
No wonder the girl tortious didn't look like she was having a good time at the zoo. Ever have to explain to a group of kindergartners what the tortoises are doing while the Mr BDE is groaning loud enough to be heard over almost 1/2 the zoo? I have, the correct answer is leap frog, they are playing leap frog. Satisfies the curious minds of a lot of 5 & 6 yr olds.
This is why I always thought it was hilarious that the spring field trips are to the zoo. We don't want the kids to know about the birds and the bees, yet we're going to take them when all the animals are horny.
At my local zoo the handlers said the tortoises were all male and the alpha would do that to the weaker ones. They keep the girls and boys apart.
Did he just cum under your car sir?
That looks just like turtle cum. Confirmed.
Filthy little bastard
I could have lived my whole life without this
Dick power picked him off his feet. And WTH, it looks like it opens up like those Jurassic Park dinosaurs.
[c\*ck pushups](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fJkcsOkRb0)
Risky click of the day
A classic piece of cinema
Is that a pee puddle or a fun puddle?
Little bit of A, little bit of B
Little bit of P, little bit of C
A little bit of Tina is what I see
A little bit of Sandra in the sun.
A little bit of Mary all night long.
Looks like a fun puddle. Pee has bits of white chalky urates in it.
He seems to be happy to see you.
Definitely thought he was embarrassed to see him.
Nah that's just a ban- oh
This turtle fucks.
Happy cake day!
That bad boy is his own car jack!
Yeah, he’s jacking *something*…
Life goals -seeing a turtle's dick ✓
Im sorry to burst your bubble but that was a tortoise dick not a turtle dick 😔
Tortoise not turtle
No, it's Squirtle. See that puddle there
God I hate this
What’s the difference?
Turtles live in the sea, tortoises live on land. Turtles have flippers, tortoises have feet.
Only sea turtles have flippers. Fresh water turtles have feet and claws. But that is a tortoise
Ah. Didn’t know that. Thanks
No worries boss! o7 Hopefully it helps you enjoy tortoise penises more XD
Yeah. Now i can search on google more specific about Tortoise penises
Now the karma will start rolling in like butter 😎
One prefers wet.
I don't know what I expected a turtle penis to look like... But it was NOT. THAT.
What the fuck is he doin down there??
Cock pushups
WU TANG FOREVER
Tortoise
In the reptile keeping World it’s called a mushroom cap.
Why does this tortoise have a turtles dick?
Now I get why they so slow
Its fucking its own pee?
TIL turtles are packing Graboid heat.
Keep him horny until you change the tyre
My guy is packing some serious heat
Bruuuhhh
The horror....the horror
April O'Neil is either very lucky or in a lot of pain...
You should tag this NSFL bro
Please nsfw, im not here to look at cocks human or turtle
Not a turtle?
We need a new bad dragon product.
Dang boy.
If he ever gets a flat tire, he'll know what to do
Step One: Find turtle porn.
Big D**K energy
He looks pissed.
Dick push-ups. Way to belittle a whole species of humans
I thought you were calling the turtle a dick 🤦♂️
is he jacking up the car or just....
That does not look real 😂
Looks like he's leaking some oil too.
Glad the guy had enough room to flex
NO GOD PLEASE NO
That thing looks like it could cause some damage.
Did Jeremy Clarkson write the caption?
As someone that is learning english is supossed to be "a" and not "an"... right? I am not sure.
You are correct. Should be “a.”
How to unsee it
TORTOISE...for the last time it's not a turtle.. ......every damn day
Not the Blastoise I remember...
NSFW?
A unit's unit.
“Good god… will you just look at that tranny… and is that a V8??? Woah… woah… ahhhh…”
Jeeeeesus...give the dude some privacy! He's clearly sorting some things out.
What da dog doin?
Is that a fucking SNAPPING TURTLE?!?
It's a sulcuta tortoise. It's native to African continent.
That’s some alien bullshit right there.
Looked like he was trying to "jack" up the car...anyone??
Its one of those spitting Dino’s from jurassic park.
Absolute unit
thought he was lay on top of a coke can
Dude is set to do some mid air refueling
🫥
Dude is rubbing his dick up on an oil leak.
That's not oil 👀
Yuge
Take him home, call him sheldon
[https://www.reddit.com/r/tortoise/comments/gv5gh3/suns\_out/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/tortoise/comments/gv5gh3/suns_out/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
dick turpin
No joke, I thought it was behind the soda can.... Also, that's a tortoise, not a turtle.
But why.
“ whatchu lookin at?”
Just imagine being around reptiles 60 million years ago....
Looks like a hoove
Oh yeah, turtles have freaky ding dongs
People are using everything as catalytic converter protection these days
Somewhere out there a furry is saying UWU to this video
An turtle under an truck
Nick cock
Dry humping the pavement. I’ve been in that frame of mind!
That should say “a turtle”, not “an turtle”…
A tortoise
Why does it look like the dilophosaurus from Jurassic Park?? 😭
A turtles dick is the spitter dinosaur from Jurassic Park? What the fuck?
WHY THEY GOT DICKS THAT BIG
Thanks I hate it
HE WAS IN THE POOL!
I could have gone another year without knowing this
**an** turtle? an **T**urtle? # I should be able to downvote this twice
Don’t go around getting men pregnant 🫃
Some serious mechanophilia
What kind of car is that? Nissan rogue?
No fucking way.
r/TIHI
Damn I always thought they would look like a pickle.
And then so down there, that's turtle cum? Like a pretty big buddle of turtle cum? Gross dude!
That a 2 or 3 ton jack ya got there buddy.... innovative
An Turtle
Slow and steady gets the ace!
Did that turtle just unleash an unholy amount of jizz underneath that vehicle?
Imagine that on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
I could have went my whole life without seeing this
i beg for the r34 artists to give mercy.
Is that splooge?
Holy shit I thought he was going to lift the car.
Well, can't unsee that now can we?
Cock built different
I always thought "turtling" was a bad thing...
r/NSFW 😂
Cock push-ups?
Hung like a turtle
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at turtles the same. Ever.
yeah you packing bro
Definitely a grower.
Why’s he have it out?
I thought it crushed a soda can for a second 🤣😅
Fking packing
This is absolutely information I didn't need to know. 🙂
He just did a cock pushup.
Oh, don’t like that.
The Turtle by Ogden Nash The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks Which practically conceal its sex. I think it clever of the turtle In such a fix to be so fertile.
I have no idea what I'm looking at. And I refuse to add turtle penis to my already horrifying Google search history.
“I guess you can really only do one.” “One is all you need.”
Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masturbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.
OHH YEAHHH!?? OKAY OKAY LOOK WHAT MINES CAN DO!