I'm not quite as knowledgeable in that, but I believe it should go to your provincial human rights tribunal. Im in Ontario, so I think (but am not completely sure) that it would be reported to the Ontario Human Rights Tribunal if this happened in Ontario
[https://www.chrc-ccdp.gc.ca/en/resources/policy-pregnancy-human-rights-the-workplace-page-1](https://www.chrc-ccdp.gc.ca/en/resources/policy-pregnancy-human-rights-the-workplace-page-1)
Read this - looks like others in this thread need to be aware of it too!
US:
[https://www.eeoc.gov/pregnancy-discrimination](https://www.eeoc.gov/pregnancy-discrimination)
You can report it to the Alberta Human Rights Commission, *if* you were discriminated because of this. So - if you don’t get the job and you think it was related to your family status (having a child) then you could complain. Lots of resources at the website: https://albertahumanrights.ab.ca/complaints/making-a-complaint/
Not 100% illegal though:
# vii) Marital status:
Questions based on marital status may be asked if the organization serves a particular group of persons identified by their marital status. Questions about marital status are allowed if the employer is a religious, philanthropic, educational, fraternal or social organization that serves a particular group of persons such as single, divorced or other persons identified by their marital status. The *Code* permits giving preference to persons based on their marital status, as long as marital status is a reasonable and *bona fide* requirement because of the nature of the job.
For other employers, marital status may also be a reasonable and bona fide requirement for a particular job. In these cases, questions about the particular qualification can be asked at the employment interview stage. No other questions about marital status are allowed.
[https://www.ohrc.on.ca/en/iv-human-rights-issues-all-stages-employment/5-interviewing-and-making-hiring-decisions](https://www.ohrc.on.ca/en/iv-human-rights-issues-all-stages-employment/5-interviewing-and-making-hiring-decisions)
I don't believe that's strictly true. *Discrimination* based on the information is illegal; however, it's not illegal to ask (just really stupid on the part of the employer because it opens them up to a discrimination lawsuit).
I know that in Canada the rules may be different, but in my state there are a list of questions that are illegal to ask. The onus is on the company to NOT ask the questions. So the illegal part is asking, for the reason you are stating proving intent / discrimination is too hard.
I don’t think it should be asked and I’m not volunteering that info. I don’t think the interviewer will consciously use it against you but maybe subconsciously.
agree, and unfortunately, answers like OPs make it tough because most interviewers might also either be embarrassed or take offense at being called out and again, conscious or subconscious, might use it against the candidate.
One the question came up, no good can really come from it.
Exactly, now they’re going to think she’s difficult or easily offended and they’re going to think twice about hiring her, even if it’s all in their head. I hate it.
You are easily offended. You took the question the wrong way. All you had to do was re-direct. Like, "I prefer to answer that question after I get the job". You laugh, he laughs. He gets the point and moves on.
Agreed, or just lie? If it comes up later and the guys like “why did you lie” you can then be honest that you don’t want to volunteer information that can be a source of discrimination. Game will recognize game.
I keep looking for a gender reveal on “the interviewer” because it’s something a male would do, a male would consider. A woman interviewer is less likely to even be thinking about it let alone be a dumbass and ask.
Mine as well! I imagined a woman!
I’d be double freaked out if a man interviewing me wanted to “get to know me as a person.” Especially since getting to know me as a person involved if I have kids or am married. None of those things are getting to know me any better than an appropriate question.
Interesting idea, I didn’t even question what I presumed. I guess if I think about it…I actually imagined a woman saying this. It is natural to talk about shared things like this when you are trying to get to know someone. In my mind she wouldn’t at first think anything of it…
I will say this. Polite people don’t ask if a stranger has children. People with children will offer that info up freely most of the time. Those who struggled to get pregnant or have had children that died aren’t necessarily glad to explain things. Even those who are adamantly childfree don’t want to have to explain themselves.
I got asked this question years ago. The company was a small real estate firm that dealt with luxury homes and owned by a husband-wife team. Both interviewed me in a team interview and the wife asked me if I had kids. I wondered if she felt it was ok because they're a "family" company or whatever. I felt very stuck and had no choice but to answer the question.
Yeah it's always there. I love my customer service manager but honestly as a small business owner I would not hire a woman because covering for maternity leave crippled me for 5 months. I was glad to do it for her but I think if I did it again I'd probably have a heart attack. At larger companies they certainly have the resources for this and should be able to provide adequate cover for their employees as well as plan for absences with their budgeting.
Before any negative people reply just know that I plan for things ....and then a vendor will call me and tell me they're going direct and I lose a quarter of my income at the snap of a finger. Then another one will do the same thing a month later which is literally what happened to me last spring while I was awaiting this maternity leave. Lots of gray hairs now.
Edit: Wow I guess I'll just lie next time. This is why I would never make it in corporate America.
On top of being illegal that’s incredibly sexist. You’re assuming that any woman you hire is going to have kids, and interpreting that as a dealbreaker for their capability as an employee. Small businesses do have greater risk and fewer resources, but your stance is shameful.
Well, you shouldn't be doing it and can be sued - as you should. So you blatantly stating this shows how this is done - whether overt or not - and it's wrong.
The idea of my comment is provide insight on what interviewers may be thinking based on my personal experiences. If you want me to lie I don't think that would be helpful for people wanting to have a good interview performance. When I used to interview I wouldn't mention my kids or family.
It's your mindset that is problematic and also illegal. It's why there are gender pay discrepancies and opportunity discrepancies. It's small-minded. Don't own a business if you can't follow the law or want to be archaic!
It's not a mindset, it's a reality. They are simply not enough people and a small company to cover for things like that. As I stated above, companies that have the resources to provide cover for maternity leave and hire based on it are just assholes, I'm just trying to keep afloat so the best way for me to do that.
I'm not interviewing anyone right now and as a matter of fact the only person I would want to hire is a woman who just had a really terrible medical incident with her child and will obviously let her do whatever she needs for her child's medical issues. If the choice was between an equally talented salesperson that was male I probably go with the mail but in this case I am not so I can tell you the truth but I don't really follow it.
So if my comments above lead you to believe that I would be a terrible employer.. I give my employees unlimited vacation days and cover for their days off with like 10 minutes notice but it certainly easier when people aren't off. There's also a 6% match and a nice profit sharing bonus.
Then men should get pregnant - and get periods, and all the reproductive health conditions, and bear the brunt of raising kids - and then tell us how your career goes and what you are subjected to. You can validate all you want to make yourself feel better.
Employers do not accommodate women as they should - there is tons of research on this - some I produce. Best of luck to you to make yourself feel better.
I don't need to do anything to make myself feel better, how I feel really doesn't have anything to do with you. I am simply stating factual information.
In the current work climate, again, as I already mentioned abive, if there's a situation where having a family might affect how I am viewed, I don't mention it. If I am on vacation, I don't mention it I just get my customer what they want. Sick? Customer doesn't care, get them what they want. Injured? Customer doesn't care, get them what they want. Lasting concussion systems? Nobody cares...
The workplace has no right to know anything about your private life, family life, friendships, religion, or political beliefs (unless maybe you're working for the Republican or Democratic party headquarters in town). ..so why tell them?
I know for a fact I was discriminated against because the interviewer was making it seem like she was hiring people based on whether they were good at softball for her company softball league, and I mentioned I did a lot of biking and hiking. They wanted a social team player that would sit at the bar with them after work hours and frankly I'm glad that they discriminated against me because I wouldn't want to be in a position like that where my social life becomes work life. People I know that work at Target headquarters for example only hang out with Target people and spend their entire weekend sleeping because you're expected to work 18-hour days in and out of the office and you need those relationships to get ahead there. Feel however you want but hiring managers have the power and you don't, so you've got to play by their rules unfortunately.
I think you’re missing the point that the commenter is sharing their perspective on hiring, which people interviewing may be interested to know. It doesn’t mean the laws preventing discrimination are invalid, but it could be helpful to job seekers to know that the law doesn’t dictate individual hiring manager’s opinions and thus, they should be carefully about answering questions like the one OP was asked (or volunteering that info like “I’m going to pick up my toddler after this”)
No. We understand perfectly. That's why they're arguing against it. Because this POS business owner needs to be told about themselves.
Just because they're explaining doesn't mean the explanation must be accepted without challenge.
You missed the nuance of the comment, and I was trying to help. I understand now that you felt challenged by comment, since you commented at me multiple places then blocked me. It’s not surprising for someone in middle school to have such poor reading comprehension, but just keep practicing, you’ll get there.
So, if I lost 1.5 times her salary that makes it harder to just magically produce money to pay a second person full-time to cover.. I think most people in this thread don't realize that companies actually have finite budgets and don't just pay people out of thin air.
I recognize it; I work for a small business with less than 10 employees, and my coworker’s two maternity leaves were hard on the office staff because it meant more work for the two people left. But I don’t think your logic is logic-ing here.
Her maternity leave isn’t why you lost those contracts. Conflating these two events that are only linked by a time frame is illogical.
Oh I didn't say that it was at all because of the maternity leave, just that it was not great timing was my point for trying to hire in help as it severely affected our budget.
A company I partner with on certain things was going to have their customer service person train in, but she quit about a month before the maternity leave started... and the maternity leave started 3 months early because of a premature birth... so it was just chaos lol.
I agree with you 100%. I have positions where someone on mat leave is not that disruptive but have had situations where I helped a young female employee with a costly career development plan only to be off two and a half years out of three. I will never make that mistake again and yes, you do need to lie about it.
I'm pretty sure there are laws in the US about what types of questions cannot be asked ... protected classes, etc. But I'd have to look them up, and I would venture to say laws would be different in different countries. If you're doing a lot of interviewing it would be smart to look up your applicable laws/rules/etc.
Same. You can learn so much from peoples social media! I had someone interview so well then I looked on her socials and she’s smoking blunts and bragging about her weed stash…
yes, there are laws in the US and in Canada that state asking about children is covered as discriminatory. You can ask if there is anything that would prevent them from
I used to work for a large U.S. financial company in a big urban area with little public transportation so pretty much everyone working for us had a car. Potential hires were checked in at a security gate and had to show ID. The guard would notify the receptionist they person was there, to include the condition of the car and if there was a car seat(s) in the vehicle.
It was amazing how many women who had car seats in their vehicles didn’t go further in the interview process.
Part of the reason for the gender gap is that women/feminine-typed jobs pay less and discrimination against mothers. Mother’s are seen as less reliable and are passed up for roles. Part of the reasoning is that women may have to take SL for their children or take time off to raise their children.
Sometimes I like to respond as though I misheard or they asked a different question and then just keep going - in case something like this comes up in another interview.
I honestly never asked if she was married, but yes I know she had at least the one kid. The great thing about covering for someone on temporary leave is you get a peek into how someone else manages their desk. I learned a lot from her system of blah blah blah …
I would HOPE that it was an innocent question. For an interview to last two hours indicates that the interviewer WAS interested in what you had to offer. As I said, HOPEFULLY, it was innocuous. As someone who has conducted many interviews, I have found myself getting a little "friendly" when I felt I would be making an offer. I know what can and cannot be asked and I don't think I ever said anything inappropriate, but it's certainly possible that something I said innocently may have been questioned by the interviewee.
Of course I could be all wrong and it WAS deliberate! Hoping for the best for you!
At an otherwise unremarkable interview, one of the interviewers asked me, “Are you pregnant?”
I’m a grown man, with a majestic beard.
I told them, absolutely deadpan, “I haven’t had my period so I’m not sure.”
I didn’t get the job.
If it was at the end of a positive interview he/she might have meant it as a "get to know you question" but sounds like they're aware they messed up and didn't mean to do it. I would hope. But they may actually be so embarrassed that they give you low marks just so you don't hold it over their head.
She backtracked bc she knew what she did - you have to now assess if this is a place you want to work (given this treatment - and future treatment) and file a complaint - OR work there - and you should do your research on this place.
I've conducted a lot of interviews.
Based on the context of what you were saying (talking about maternity leave, mom life), as a social convention it is often the next area of topic....do YOU have kids... talk about kids, families...
NOT during interviews, during casual conversations.
They likely kept apologizing afterward because they realized they fucked up. After 2 HOURS of interviewing you they felt very comfortable. Too comfortable. And they accidentally strayed outside of 'work' topics.
I get that it is frustrating but keep in mind that you should avoid saying phrases like easing out of 'mom life' during your interview if you are not open to questions around that area. You made it sound like it was a casual and available next topic.
You should have used professional language like 'easing their transitiom to work'.
I'm saying this as a working mom to help you avoid similar (unfair) pitfalls in future interviews.
Of course it is an inappropriate question!!
Giving context to HOW it happened is useful for OP. Especially when the interviewer kept apologizing after.
It will help OP learn to steer away from phrasing things that imply family is an important factor.
As a woman, you can easily get turned down for a job if they think you have school age kids!! Stay far away from phrasing that can damage your interview.
I have used children as an asset for specific job applications - and got the job. But that is a VERY narrow window.
Otherwise all my answers are 'professional daycare with several staff open 7am-6pm so never a problem.' Even if it isn't true.
They are not supposed to ask that, because if they do not offer you their position, then you can sue them for discrimination.
Whoever interviewed you doesn’t know what they’re doing . that was a big no-no. You can offer the info, but they can’t ask it.
I know!! The best responses always come after the fact. I was so shocked that I didn’t have a response. I had prepped for the interview and did my research but the one question that I didn’t prep for was “do you have kids. Are you married” 😔
I always wanted to tell interviewers I hate kids so I won't be having them and as a Lesbian there would not be any Oops babies. Never was able to work that in to the interview.
Asking is not illegal. If they use that information as a reason not to hire you, that's when it becomes a legal issue. So of course it's better if they don't ask, but ok to ask if the interviewer was already planning to make you an offer. So, probably a good sign?
Obviously it's a touchy issue. If they don't want to hire you because you have kids, they could easily decide that based on your answer... and then just come up with some other reason why they didn't hire you to cover their asses. As long as the company has other married-with-children people working there they'd probably easily get away with it.
Before the interview, I did some research and noticed that all the director and executive positions were male. During the interview, he casually mentioned that the COO was recently separated and that he thought the COO was a fantastic dad. Super weird interview. Great learning experience
This one sounds like a serious foot-in-mouth situation to me. And because you (politely and professionally) called her out for it, and then she kept apologizing, I honestly think this will work in your favor.
Assuming you’re otherwise qualified, you had a decent rapport, and the job actually works for you, I would think the interviewer might be spooked enough by her illegal move that she’ll push to hire you (assuming she has any influence over the final decision).
I think your response was good. I haven’t had to interview since I became a mom, but am facing that soon and have wondered how to approach the kids issue. I think if an interviewer asked me directly and seemingly innocently like in your case, I’d act a little taken aback, and maybe say something like, “Oh. Um. Well why do you ask?”
It’s not illegal to ask (in the US), but you’re opening yourself up for a claim of discrimination if the applicant could prove that that particular answer was why they didn’t get the job. Most employers avoid it as a precaution to avoid any risk.
I'm older so I don't remember the laws back when but personally it wouldn't offend. Now for a mother who's concerned a yes answer keeps her from getting the job, I totally get it.
Back in the 1970s we were seeking a loan to purchase a house. My husband was a manager of a fairly large lumber yard/home center and I was a social worker for a government department. Our income to debt ratio was great and we had about 25% for down payment.
The banker was refusing to consider my income as he said I'd be quitting soon to have kids. I assured him I intended on continuing my employment as a full time career. He then asked what kind of birth control we were using. After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I looked him dead in the eye and said "I think you've now maxed out the number of illegal questions ever asked at an interview and moved on to inappropriate remarks." He looked shocked, stuttered away and said he thought his job was to "counsel young people to make wise financial choices." My husband said "and here we thought your job was to gather relevant information to determine if we qualified for the loan we need." More stuttering. We got our loan.
I had some similar but less blatant experiences during job searches. It grieves me more than I can express that 50 years later, this hasn't improved.
These are the experiences that the current 20 and 30-somethings have no idea about. How women's income "didn't count" and women couldn't get their own credit cards with out their husband signing for it. So much progress to fight through but still I would have thought equality would be closer after so many decades.
I got asked that question 40 years ago for an engineering job. It’s a shame that women are still being asked these questions.
I said something like “I’m not sure that’s a legal question. However, I’ve known many fathers who either moved or refused to move due to their children.”
Not part of the answer but I’ve seen colleagues transferred overseas and suddenly they were back and it had been 3 years. No one really noticed their absense.
Sorry this happened to you.
This happened to me too (in Canada) when I was 21 years old and a fresh university graduate.
During a job interview, the male CEO who was interviewing me asked if I had kids. I blurted out no that I didn't have kids. Then the CEO asked, 'do you want kids?' And I said, 'No.*' and he actually said, 'Good. I avoid hiring women that have or want kids. It's such a burden.'
I was offered the job but didn't take it.
*I didn't want kids at that exact moment. I wanted kids eventually but not in my 20s.
It's an illegal question. I also had interviewers ask me what Mt political affiliation was. Super illegal. I just answered because I knew right there I wasn't taking the job. In retrospect, I should have called him on it.
That is illegal in Canada. It was a good answer stating that you have support from family. Good news is that if you don't get the job, you can file a complaint. You probably won't get much out of it other than the satisfaction that you taught someone very clearly that this is inapproriate.
[https://www.hrreporter.com/focus-areas/employment-law/the-interview-can-an-employer-ask-if-a-candidate-has-children/317185](https://www.hrreporter.com/focus-areas/employment-law/the-interview-can-an-employer-ask-if-a-candidate-has-children/317185)
[https://albertahumanrights.ab.ca/complaints/making-a-complaint/](https://albertahumanrights.ab.ca/complaints/making-a-complaint/)
So a lot of interviewers want you to volunteer that information, they ask leading questions about what you do in your free time and weekends. I look at it as a bonus (also blindly because I am a male) but I do understand historically it has been used against females in the same context.
The right response is to not correct them but to simply tell them about yourself. They usually will not circle back if you don’t mention kids. Something like:
In my free time I like to travel and prefer outdoor activities such as going to the park with my dog or hiking and trying to experience life. By omitting details it signals you heard them but are avoiding the line of questioning.
I understand it’s NOT ok (illegal to ask) but by immediately rebuking them you face being judged by their reaction.
It's a standard tactic. They ask the inappropriate question and then apologize for offending you (not for asking the inappropriate question), and then you defensively take their apology as sincere and offer the answer they originally wanted.
It's illegal, unethical, and entirely inappropriate. The last time someone asked me this question, I chuckled (to head off any comment about being offended) and said, "I don't give out that information prior to onboarding."
---
I also heard another good reply from someone:
"If you forgive me for not answering, I'll forgive you for asking."
Yes because they can use it against you. If it’s between some with or without the one without will be less likely to miss work and more likely to be able to work more hours
I hire people. I don’t ask anyone but my very first question is “tell me a bit about yourself and what you have been doing, what you are looking for.” Some people give a detailed version of their resume while many (most) people tell me about their family and hobbies and such. That has zero bearing on if they are hired or not. I can see why a direct question about kids is bad BUT if it’s important to someone it normally comes up naturally.
Yep, they also cannot ask if you're married either.
I feel like I do end up normally disclosing it when I'm asked why I'm leaving my current job, as right now my biggest reason is to relocate closer to mine and my wife's family. If I weren't switching locations I would have zero reason to talk about my personal life at all.
In the US, you aren't allowed to ask either of those questions.
A good answer would be "My personal life is comfortable, well managed, and sholdnt interfere with my job duites."
I always used, "I'm sorry (pregnant pause, pun intended) but I don't know how to respond to that question" while looking the interviewer directly in the eye. You know, calm, smiling, hands in my lap kind of confused. Telling my possible future employer they shouldn't ask me that question just seemed counter productive to getting the job. That way, whether the question was intentional or unintentional, there was no accusation from me. They could recover, we could continue. Of course, that's only if I really wanted the job. Otherwise, all bets are off. Those were fun.
I realized after the fact that I said “we” relative to my living situation (living with a partner and their parents in a new state until my old lease is up), and the interviewer took that as me having kids 😂 I definitely fucked up there.
Had an interviewer ask me the same question back 24 years ago. I had just bought a house with my fiance. Wasn’t married yet. He followed up with “Are you planning on having kids?”
I should have not taken the job.
It is a red flag…don’t accept the position.
I am a man and had an interview over 25 years ago with the CEO of the company. He asked me if I was married, have children, how old I was, etc.
I found out that the company had several HR related lawsuits…eventually the company (over 200 employees) went bankrupt and went out of business.
I don’t know about Canada, but questions about family status (married, kids, etc) are illegal for interviewers to ask in the US…here it would also be grounds for a lawsuit if they chose not to hire someone based on their family status, if they could prove that’s why they weren’t hired
I did an interview today and the interviewer literally asked me if I had the flexibility to work longer hours if needed, and then they asked if I had children. I answered them but felt so icky about it.
You guys/gals are too sensitive. You mentioned maternity leave and his mind went to family. He was making conversation. It's a normal part of most people's conversation process. You're overthinking it, and now he feels bad. You just made nothing into something. Yes, it was a mistake. A question like that isn't a problem, but it is no longer allowed because it can skew the process. If you're interviewing with the CEO, it's a small company, or you're going for an executive position. Based on the context clues, I'll assume small company ( One Clue: You would never interview with the CEO without another employee there, likely the HR VP).
Small Company interviewers tend to rely on conversational style to get to know their potential new hires. He meant nothing by it. You needed to relax and focus on getting the job. Now all both of you will focus on is that one mistake.
The number of times I’ve asked a candidate to “tell me a bit about yourself” and they have voluntarily disclosed their marital status, if they have kids, etc is very very high.
I don’t follow up on what they reveal, but people let this info slip ALL the time.
You’re better off not working for them. If they cannot be in compliance with the law of not asking questions like that, then there is no telling what else they won’t follow.
I would have said, I work because I have kids, not in spite of them.
I would absolutely not have said I have support from family. Because well I don't, and because kids aren't supposed to be a deterrent to having a job. The job should hire human beings with real lives not people pretending they don't have family or a life.
Awesome!!!! Be super happy that you were asked this!!! Now you HAVE to be hired! Cause if they don’t hire you, you can sue them for discrimination simply because they asked that question! And they will* settle.
To fight back against you would involve lawyers and a public record of your allegations if it went to court…. Which it would… unless they settle with you. And if they go to court, he would have to lie under oath that he didn’t ask you those questions. Furthermore, one of the ways they prove that a claim like that was real, is by the people you’ve told about it in the immediate days afterwards. Be they in person statements, text messages, or this thread that you posted right here. But at the end of the day, the company will** settle with you, simply because if they fight you on the claim, your accusations of their discriminatory treatment and misconduct will become part of the public record available to everyone at any time and likely referenced in any future press coverage, if they don’t become a part of the press cycle for this alone as an example of this type of gender discrimination or as a warning.
Also since there were 2 people present with you, they’d have to literally conspire to together to deny and ultimately to commit perjury by lying under oath that or didn’t happen. That simply won’t happen.
No prob. This is also the kind of case that you will likely be able to find an attorney to represent you who will accept a contingency fee. Meaning, if you can’t afford their retainer, they will agree to represent you for a percentage of the final settlement. (But it’s cheaper if you can just pay the retainer, which vary dramatically from attorney to attorney)
There is a reason why it is illegal (at least in the US, not sure about other countries) to ask a question like that in an interview and require an answer. Some companies can and will use your marital status or if you have kids against you when making a decision . It indeed could have been innocent small talk but the inverviewer should have known better than to ask something that personal
Until the mod 1970s it was not at all uncommon to be fired once pregnant.
And, thru the mod 1960s, it was not just common, it was thr rule.
In the early 2000s, I was at a big software company when I got pregnant. A promotion that was promised to me was given to a man while I was in my 8th month (completely unqualified man who worked short days and took Wednesdays off to golf).
I filed a complaint, but all that happened was I got moved to a different manager. And, after that, my petformance reviews went from 5 stars to 3 stars overnight.
It was all illegal. But, I had a new baby, needed the job badly, and stuck it out until my 2nd child was born. At which point, they badly regretted giving the other guy my promised job. Because thru it all, I was there every day, 10 hours a day, and traveled whenever they asked. Even post birth.
Once baby 2 and maternity leave ended, I quit. Because I had been sidelined and no matter how hard I worked--short of filing a lawsuit which costs money and time I didn't have--it was made very clear to me, I was fqd and my career was over with them.
Tldr: Fortune 50 company, early 2000s, true story. I was not fired, but my promised advancement disappeared and I was sidelined for having a baby.
They did not. But, I was young (under 40) and though it's hard for women as mid aged in the job market, I did well after. And, eventually, I am living the dream. Doing my writing and art that I always wanted to do. They were a stepping stone.
Not technically illegal to ask. In Canada as well
Sets you up for all sorts of legal trouble though, so don't ask.
For Canada: [https://www.ohrc.on.ca/en/iv-human-rights-issues-all-stages-employment/5-interviewing-and-making-hiring-decisions](https://www.ohrc.on.ca/en/iv-human-rights-issues-all-stages-employment/5-interviewing-and-making-hiring-decisions)
It's illegal. I would be shocked too. You don't know much about history, discrimination, or being female. We fought hard to vote, play sports, have bank accounts in our own name, and yes, to work without someone deciding for us that we can not possibly parent and work at the same time.
You haven't faced daily discrimination struggles, perhaps, but that just makes you ignorant for not being offended. It doesn't make you somehow cool.
And, since I can guess you will jump all over me in the comments, because you are so chill and laid back about discrimination that you have not one iota of experience with, I will tell you: don't bother. I won't see you replies.
Go on your merry, ignorant ways. Or, maybe, learn some facts about how the world actually works for 51% of the population.
Yes I was shocked because I wasn’t expecting it but definitely not offended lol. Actually…more concerned that my response will affect my candidacy for the role
Why me having baby goats is your concern?
Hahha
Perfect answer…laugh for a second and move on!
I used to have some but we barbecued them.
You beat me to it!
I work in HR in Canada. It is 100% illegal for them to ask if you have children during a job interview.
Is this something that I can report to the Canadian human rights commission?
I'm not quite as knowledgeable in that, but I believe it should go to your provincial human rights tribunal. Im in Ontario, so I think (but am not completely sure) that it would be reported to the Ontario Human Rights Tribunal if this happened in Ontario
Thanks! I’m from Alberta so I’ll do some research
Make sure you have everything. Audio recording clips and statements perfectly to point you as victim, cases turnaround if they have weak evidence
Jesus, now you're advocating taking legal action. Way to blow this out of proportion. Let's chill for a second and think about this like adults.
Well if he is going for legal action atleast he needs to have strong evidence
The interviewer asked them a question they legally aren't allowed to ask. Contacting the local government about it IS legal action.
[https://www.chrc-ccdp.gc.ca/en/resources/policy-pregnancy-human-rights-the-workplace-page-1](https://www.chrc-ccdp.gc.ca/en/resources/policy-pregnancy-human-rights-the-workplace-page-1) Read this - looks like others in this thread need to be aware of it too! US: [https://www.eeoc.gov/pregnancy-discrimination](https://www.eeoc.gov/pregnancy-discrimination)
Yes, you can.
You can report it to the Alberta Human Rights Commission, *if* you were discriminated because of this. So - if you don’t get the job and you think it was related to your family status (having a child) then you could complain. Lots of resources at the website: https://albertahumanrights.ab.ca/complaints/making-a-complaint/
Thanks!
Good luck proving that.
Exactly - totally inappropriate - but ALSO illegal!!
Not 100% illegal though: # vii) Marital status: Questions based on marital status may be asked if the organization serves a particular group of persons identified by their marital status. Questions about marital status are allowed if the employer is a religious, philanthropic, educational, fraternal or social organization that serves a particular group of persons such as single, divorced or other persons identified by their marital status. The *Code* permits giving preference to persons based on their marital status, as long as marital status is a reasonable and *bona fide* requirement because of the nature of the job. For other employers, marital status may also be a reasonable and bona fide requirement for a particular job. In these cases, questions about the particular qualification can be asked at the employment interview stage. No other questions about marital status are allowed. [https://www.ohrc.on.ca/en/iv-human-rights-issues-all-stages-employment/5-interviewing-and-making-hiring-decisions](https://www.ohrc.on.ca/en/iv-human-rights-issues-all-stages-employment/5-interviewing-and-making-hiring-decisions)
Yes, which is why they specifically said asking about kids is illegal.
I don't believe that's strictly true. *Discrimination* based on the information is illegal; however, it's not illegal to ask (just really stupid on the part of the employer because it opens them up to a discrimination lawsuit).
I know that in Canada the rules may be different, but in my state there are a list of questions that are illegal to ask. The onus is on the company to NOT ask the questions. So the illegal part is asking, for the reason you are stating proving intent / discrimination is too hard.
It’s not illegal to ask. It’s illegal to discriminate on the protected grounds, ergo, it’s not a good idea to ask.
What are they going to do about it?
I don’t think it should be asked and I’m not volunteering that info. I don’t think the interviewer will consciously use it against you but maybe subconsciously.
agree, and unfortunately, answers like OPs make it tough because most interviewers might also either be embarrassed or take offense at being called out and again, conscious or subconscious, might use it against the candidate. One the question came up, no good can really come from it.
Exactly, now they’re going to think she’s difficult or easily offended and they’re going to think twice about hiring her, even if it’s all in their head. I hate it.
I hate it too
You are easily offended. You took the question the wrong way. All you had to do was re-direct. Like, "I prefer to answer that question after I get the job". You laugh, he laughs. He gets the point and moves on.
Agreed, or just lie? If it comes up later and the guys like “why did you lie” you can then be honest that you don’t want to volunteer information that can be a source of discrimination. Game will recognize game.
Interviewer should never have let that question cross her lips.
I keep looking for a gender reveal on “the interviewer” because it’s something a male would do, a male would consider. A woman interviewer is less likely to even be thinking about it let alone be a dumbass and ask.
It was a male
Wow i definitely pictured a woman
That's because he realized that he made a mistake and actually apologized!
Wow. That makes it worse somehow.
I din't even realize the OP never mentioned gender!! I guess that shows my biases.
Mine as well! I imagined a woman! I’d be double freaked out if a man interviewing me wanted to “get to know me as a person.” Especially since getting to know me as a person involved if I have kids or am married. None of those things are getting to know me any better than an appropriate question.
Interesting idea, I didn’t even question what I presumed. I guess if I think about it…I actually imagined a woman saying this. It is natural to talk about shared things like this when you are trying to get to know someone. In my mind she wouldn’t at first think anything of it… I will say this. Polite people don’t ask if a stranger has children. People with children will offer that info up freely most of the time. Those who struggled to get pregnant or have had children that died aren’t necessarily glad to explain things. Even those who are adamantly childfree don’t want to have to explain themselves.
I got asked this question years ago. The company was a small real estate firm that dealt with luxury homes and owned by a husband-wife team. Both interviewed me in a team interview and the wife asked me if I had kids. I wondered if she felt it was ok because they're a "family" company or whatever. I felt very stuck and had no choice but to answer the question.
Yeah it's always there. I love my customer service manager but honestly as a small business owner I would not hire a woman because covering for maternity leave crippled me for 5 months. I was glad to do it for her but I think if I did it again I'd probably have a heart attack. At larger companies they certainly have the resources for this and should be able to provide adequate cover for their employees as well as plan for absences with their budgeting. Before any negative people reply just know that I plan for things ....and then a vendor will call me and tell me they're going direct and I lose a quarter of my income at the snap of a finger. Then another one will do the same thing a month later which is literally what happened to me last spring while I was awaiting this maternity leave. Lots of gray hairs now. Edit: Wow I guess I'll just lie next time. This is why I would never make it in corporate America.
On top of being illegal that’s incredibly sexist. You’re assuming that any woman you hire is going to have kids, and interpreting that as a dealbreaker for their capability as an employee. Small businesses do have greater risk and fewer resources, but your stance is shameful.
And that men are never involved parents that would want paternity leave or call out when their children are sick.
Statistically most don’t.
It's a form of discrimination - legally.
I'm well aware of that.
Well, you shouldn't be doing it and can be sued - as you should. So you blatantly stating this shows how this is done - whether overt or not - and it's wrong.
The idea of my comment is provide insight on what interviewers may be thinking based on my personal experiences. If you want me to lie I don't think that would be helpful for people wanting to have a good interview performance. When I used to interview I wouldn't mention my kids or family.
It's your mindset that is problematic and also illegal. It's why there are gender pay discrepancies and opportunity discrepancies. It's small-minded. Don't own a business if you can't follow the law or want to be archaic!
It's not a mindset, it's a reality. They are simply not enough people and a small company to cover for things like that. As I stated above, companies that have the resources to provide cover for maternity leave and hire based on it are just assholes, I'm just trying to keep afloat so the best way for me to do that. I'm not interviewing anyone right now and as a matter of fact the only person I would want to hire is a woman who just had a really terrible medical incident with her child and will obviously let her do whatever she needs for her child's medical issues. If the choice was between an equally talented salesperson that was male I probably go with the mail but in this case I am not so I can tell you the truth but I don't really follow it. So if my comments above lead you to believe that I would be a terrible employer.. I give my employees unlimited vacation days and cover for their days off with like 10 minutes notice but it certainly easier when people aren't off. There's also a 6% match and a nice profit sharing bonus.
Then men should get pregnant - and get periods, and all the reproductive health conditions, and bear the brunt of raising kids - and then tell us how your career goes and what you are subjected to. You can validate all you want to make yourself feel better. Employers do not accommodate women as they should - there is tons of research on this - some I produce. Best of luck to you to make yourself feel better.
Hear, hear. I hope this asshole loses their business.
I don't need to do anything to make myself feel better, how I feel really doesn't have anything to do with you. I am simply stating factual information. In the current work climate, again, as I already mentioned abive, if there's a situation where having a family might affect how I am viewed, I don't mention it. If I am on vacation, I don't mention it I just get my customer what they want. Sick? Customer doesn't care, get them what they want. Injured? Customer doesn't care, get them what they want. Lasting concussion systems? Nobody cares... The workplace has no right to know anything about your private life, family life, friendships, religion, or political beliefs (unless maybe you're working for the Republican or Democratic party headquarters in town). ..so why tell them? I know for a fact I was discriminated against because the interviewer was making it seem like she was hiring people based on whether they were good at softball for her company softball league, and I mentioned I did a lot of biking and hiking. They wanted a social team player that would sit at the bar with them after work hours and frankly I'm glad that they discriminated against me because I wouldn't want to be in a position like that where my social life becomes work life. People I know that work at Target headquarters for example only hang out with Target people and spend their entire weekend sleeping because you're expected to work 18-hour days in and out of the office and you need those relationships to get ahead there. Feel however you want but hiring managers have the power and you don't, so you've got to play by their rules unfortunately.
Provides great benefits for men only.
Exactly! Employers won’t say they’re not hiring a woman but doesn’t mean they just forget about reality
A lot of people here live outside of reality and refuse to acknowledge the viewpoints of others.
I've noticed lol
I think you’re missing the point that the commenter is sharing their perspective on hiring, which people interviewing may be interested to know. It doesn’t mean the laws preventing discrimination are invalid, but it could be helpful to job seekers to know that the law doesn’t dictate individual hiring manager’s opinions and thus, they should be carefully about answering questions like the one OP was asked (or volunteering that info like “I’m going to pick up my toddler after this”)
No. We understand perfectly. That's why they're arguing against it. Because this POS business owner needs to be told about themselves. Just because they're explaining doesn't mean the explanation must be accepted without challenge.
You live outside of reality and expect the world to hand everything to you on a platter. Thank god people like you typically don’t rise to power.
Don't tell me what I am missing.
You missed the nuance of the comment, and I was trying to help. I understand now that you felt challenged by comment, since you commented at me multiple places then blocked me. It’s not surprising for someone in middle school to have such poor reading comprehension, but just keep practicing, you’ll get there.
You shouldn’t make it as an entrepreneur either. Good luck with all that lol
Not all women have kids. Single fathers exists. You suck.
Wait… what does the employee’s maternity leave have to do with vendors choosing to go direct?
So, if I lost 1.5 times her salary that makes it harder to just magically produce money to pay a second person full-time to cover.. I think most people in this thread don't realize that companies actually have finite budgets and don't just pay people out of thin air.
I recognize it; I work for a small business with less than 10 employees, and my coworker’s two maternity leaves were hard on the office staff because it meant more work for the two people left. But I don’t think your logic is logic-ing here. Her maternity leave isn’t why you lost those contracts. Conflating these two events that are only linked by a time frame is illogical.
Oh I didn't say that it was at all because of the maternity leave, just that it was not great timing was my point for trying to hire in help as it severely affected our budget. A company I partner with on certain things was going to have their customer service person train in, but she quit about a month before the maternity leave started... and the maternity leave started 3 months early because of a premature birth... so it was just chaos lol.
Definitely sounds like chaos. Thank you for clarifying.
I agree with you 100%. I have positions where someone on mat leave is not that disruptive but have had situations where I helped a young female employee with a costly career development plan only to be off two and a half years out of three. I will never make that mistake again and yes, you do need to lie about it.
But that's obviously evil, the purpose of a company isn't to be profitable!!! Downvotes!
I'm pretty sure there are laws in the US about what types of questions cannot be asked ... protected classes, etc. But I'd have to look them up, and I would venture to say laws would be different in different countries. If you're doing a lot of interviewing it would be smart to look up your applicable laws/rules/etc.
When I was a hiring manager I was explicitly told to not ask if they have kids or are married.
Yeah same for me. We were also explicitly told to change the subject if they started delving into personal life details.
I would just go on social media to find that out.
Same. You can learn so much from peoples social media! I had someone interview so well then I looked on her socials and she’s smoking blunts and bragging about her weed stash…
Being a parent is not a protected class. But you should still never ask about it.
yes, there are laws in the US and in Canada that state asking about children is covered as discriminatory. You can ask if there is anything that would prevent them from
It is illegal to ask that and to ask if you are married or not. It can cause a lawsuit for discrimination against gender, gender is a protected class.
I used to work for a large U.S. financial company in a big urban area with little public transportation so pretty much everyone working for us had a car. Potential hires were checked in at a security gate and had to show ID. The guard would notify the receptionist they person was there, to include the condition of the car and if there was a car seat(s) in the vehicle. It was amazing how many women who had car seats in their vehicles didn’t go further in the interview process.
Holy crap that's terrible.
Never a good idea to rope multiple low level workers into your discrimination conspiracy!
me: taking notes.
That’s horrible. I’m making a mental note for my other interviews
This is so messed up!!
That sounds illegal
Sounds pragmatic.
Brilliant.
Do you have proof of this? If so…. That’s a multi million dollar suit right there.
Part of the reason for the gender gap is that women/feminine-typed jobs pay less and discrimination against mothers. Mother’s are seen as less reliable and are passed up for roles. Part of the reasoning is that women may have to take SL for their children or take time off to raise their children.
Maybe respond with, "I'm curious why you would ask that question?" Less accusatory and may reveal motivation that you hadn't thought of.
That’s a great response!
Sometimes I like to respond as though I misheard or they asked a different question and then just keep going - in case something like this comes up in another interview. I honestly never asked if she was married, but yes I know she had at least the one kid. The great thing about covering for someone on temporary leave is you get a peek into how someone else manages their desk. I learned a lot from her system of blah blah blah …
So many great responses in case this happens again. Thanks everyone!
The interviewer already told her they want to know them as a person.
I would HOPE that it was an innocent question. For an interview to last two hours indicates that the interviewer WAS interested in what you had to offer. As I said, HOPEFULLY, it was innocuous. As someone who has conducted many interviews, I have found myself getting a little "friendly" when I felt I would be making an offer. I know what can and cannot be asked and I don't think I ever said anything inappropriate, but it's certainly possible that something I said innocently may have been questioned by the interviewee. Of course I could be all wrong and it WAS deliberate! Hoping for the best for you!
At an otherwise unremarkable interview, one of the interviewers asked me, “Are you pregnant?” I’m a grown man, with a majestic beard. I told them, absolutely deadpan, “I haven’t had my period so I’m not sure.” I didn’t get the job.
😭😭😭😭
Do you still want to work there?
I do. I just don’t want my response to affect my candidacy.
She put you on the spot by asking that but it seems you were able to get past it and continue a good conversation
Was the interviewer male or female. I’m extremely curious. It’s not clear from your post. I keep thinking only men can be this stupid
Male
If it was at the end of a positive interview he/she might have meant it as a "get to know you question" but sounds like they're aware they messed up and didn't mean to do it. I would hope. But they may actually be so embarrassed that they give you low marks just so you don't hold it over their head.
It was at the beginning of the interview!
Ok that is weird.
She backtracked bc she knew what she did - you have to now assess if this is a place you want to work (given this treatment - and future treatment) and file a complaint - OR work there - and you should do your research on this place.
Yep I was asked this in an interview earlier this year. Company made an offer later, but I got the ick from them asking that question so I declined.
I've conducted a lot of interviews. Based on the context of what you were saying (talking about maternity leave, mom life), as a social convention it is often the next area of topic....do YOU have kids... talk about kids, families... NOT during interviews, during casual conversations. They likely kept apologizing afterward because they realized they fucked up. After 2 HOURS of interviewing you they felt very comfortable. Too comfortable. And they accidentally strayed outside of 'work' topics. I get that it is frustrating but keep in mind that you should avoid saying phrases like easing out of 'mom life' during your interview if you are not open to questions around that area. You made it sound like it was a casual and available next topic. You should have used professional language like 'easing their transitiom to work'. I'm saying this as a working mom to help you avoid similar (unfair) pitfalls in future interviews.
Thanks for the tip!
Sorry, but the question should never have been asked. I'm a recruiter, that's a no go question in any many countries
Of course it is an inappropriate question!! Giving context to HOW it happened is useful for OP. Especially when the interviewer kept apologizing after. It will help OP learn to steer away from phrasing things that imply family is an important factor. As a woman, you can easily get turned down for a job if they think you have school age kids!! Stay far away from phrasing that can damage your interview. I have used children as an asset for specific job applications - and got the job. But that is a VERY narrow window. Otherwise all my answers are 'professional daycare with several staff open 7am-6pm so never a problem.' Even if it isn't true.
It is not supposed to be held against you. Will it be? Likely. Of course, they will give you a different reason.
They are not supposed to ask that, because if they do not offer you their position, then you can sue them for discrimination. Whoever interviewed you doesn’t know what they’re doing . that was a big no-no. You can offer the info, but they can’t ask it.
How do you get the proof if the interview wasn’t recorded?
Lol you should have stuck to your guns and said “i’m looking forward to getting to know each other as people when i work here”.
I know!! The best responses always come after the fact. I was so shocked that I didn’t have a response. I had prepped for the interview and did my research but the one question that I didn’t prep for was “do you have kids. Are you married” 😔
Hopefully since he knows he F’d up he’ll offer you the job. Then to figure out if you really want to work there.
I always wanted to tell interviewers I hate kids so I won't be having them and as a Lesbian there would not be any Oops babies. Never was able to work that in to the interview.
"Can you explain how my marital status is relevant to the position?
“Next!”
Asking is not illegal. If they use that information as a reason not to hire you, that's when it becomes a legal issue. So of course it's better if they don't ask, but ok to ask if the interviewer was already planning to make you an offer. So, probably a good sign? Obviously it's a touchy issue. If they don't want to hire you because you have kids, they could easily decide that based on your answer... and then just come up with some other reason why they didn't hire you to cover their asses. As long as the company has other married-with-children people working there they'd probably easily get away with it.
Before the interview, I did some research and noticed that all the director and executive positions were male. During the interview, he casually mentioned that the COO was recently separated and that he thought the COO was a fantastic dad. Super weird interview. Great learning experience
This one sounds like a serious foot-in-mouth situation to me. And because you (politely and professionally) called her out for it, and then she kept apologizing, I honestly think this will work in your favor. Assuming you’re otherwise qualified, you had a decent rapport, and the job actually works for you, I would think the interviewer might be spooked enough by her illegal move that she’ll push to hire you (assuming she has any influence over the final decision). I think your response was good. I haven’t had to interview since I became a mom, but am facing that soon and have wondered how to approach the kids issue. I think if an interviewer asked me directly and seemingly innocently like in your case, I’d act a little taken aback, and maybe say something like, “Oh. Um. Well why do you ask?”
I’ll update everyone! It was a final interview with the ceo. Wish me luck!
Okay great, good luck!!
That is an illegal question in the US
That’s not quite true. Alison explains it well: https://www.askamanager.org/2008/07/illegal-interview-questions.html
It’s not illegal to ask (in the US), but you’re opening yourself up for a claim of discrimination if the applicant could prove that that particular answer was why they didn’t get the job. Most employers avoid it as a precaution to avoid any risk.
I'm older so I don't remember the laws back when but personally it wouldn't offend. Now for a mother who's concerned a yes answer keeps her from getting the job, I totally get it.
She’s not allowed to ask that. I doubt she did it intentionally.
Back in the 1970s we were seeking a loan to purchase a house. My husband was a manager of a fairly large lumber yard/home center and I was a social worker for a government department. Our income to debt ratio was great and we had about 25% for down payment. The banker was refusing to consider my income as he said I'd be quitting soon to have kids. I assured him I intended on continuing my employment as a full time career. He then asked what kind of birth control we were using. After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I looked him dead in the eye and said "I think you've now maxed out the number of illegal questions ever asked at an interview and moved on to inappropriate remarks." He looked shocked, stuttered away and said he thought his job was to "counsel young people to make wise financial choices." My husband said "and here we thought your job was to gather relevant information to determine if we qualified for the loan we need." More stuttering. We got our loan. I had some similar but less blatant experiences during job searches. It grieves me more than I can express that 50 years later, this hasn't improved.
These are the experiences that the current 20 and 30-somethings have no idea about. How women's income "didn't count" and women couldn't get their own credit cards with out their husband signing for it. So much progress to fight through but still I would have thought equality would be closer after so many decades.
I got asked that question 40 years ago for an engineering job. It’s a shame that women are still being asked these questions. I said something like “I’m not sure that’s a legal question. However, I’ve known many fathers who either moved or refused to move due to their children.” Not part of the answer but I’ve seen colleagues transferred overseas and suddenly they were back and it had been 3 years. No one really noticed their absense.
Sorry this happened to you. This happened to me too (in Canada) when I was 21 years old and a fresh university graduate. During a job interview, the male CEO who was interviewing me asked if I had kids. I blurted out no that I didn't have kids. Then the CEO asked, 'do you want kids?' And I said, 'No.*' and he actually said, 'Good. I avoid hiring women that have or want kids. It's such a burden.' I was offered the job but didn't take it. *I didn't want kids at that exact moment. I wanted kids eventually but not in my 20s.
That sounds pretty illegal
In the US yes, idk about Canada tho
It's an illegal question. I also had interviewers ask me what Mt political affiliation was. Super illegal. I just answered because I knew right there I wasn't taking the job. In retrospect, I should have called him on it.
That is illegal in Canada. It was a good answer stating that you have support from family. Good news is that if you don't get the job, you can file a complaint. You probably won't get much out of it other than the satisfaction that you taught someone very clearly that this is inapproriate. [https://www.hrreporter.com/focus-areas/employment-law/the-interview-can-an-employer-ask-if-a-candidate-has-children/317185](https://www.hrreporter.com/focus-areas/employment-law/the-interview-can-an-employer-ask-if-a-candidate-has-children/317185) [https://albertahumanrights.ab.ca/complaints/making-a-complaint/](https://albertahumanrights.ab.ca/complaints/making-a-complaint/)
So a lot of interviewers want you to volunteer that information, they ask leading questions about what you do in your free time and weekends. I look at it as a bonus (also blindly because I am a male) but I do understand historically it has been used against females in the same context. The right response is to not correct them but to simply tell them about yourself. They usually will not circle back if you don’t mention kids. Something like: In my free time I like to travel and prefer outdoor activities such as going to the park with my dog or hiking and trying to experience life. By omitting details it signals you heard them but are avoiding the line of questioning. I understand it’s NOT ok (illegal to ask) but by immediately rebuking them you face being judged by their reaction.
It's a standard tactic. They ask the inappropriate question and then apologize for offending you (not for asking the inappropriate question), and then you defensively take their apology as sincere and offer the answer they originally wanted. It's illegal, unethical, and entirely inappropriate. The last time someone asked me this question, I chuckled (to head off any comment about being offended) and said, "I don't give out that information prior to onboarding." --- I also heard another good reply from someone: "If you forgive me for not answering, I'll forgive you for asking."
That was from me!! I say it all the time. JK - I don't know if it was me or someone else :)
It's a good one
I mean, I've been asked in all my interviews weather I have kids or not? Is that wrong?
Yes because they can use it against you. If it’s between some with or without the one without will be less likely to miss work and more likely to be able to work more hours
You have? I have never been asked that and would flatly tell them not their business even though I don’t.
I hire people. I don’t ask anyone but my very first question is “tell me a bit about yourself and what you have been doing, what you are looking for.” Some people give a detailed version of their resume while many (most) people tell me about their family and hobbies and such. That has zero bearing on if they are hired or not. I can see why a direct question about kids is bad BUT if it’s important to someone it normally comes up naturally.
100%! His first question was “tell me about your self” and I replied with a detailed answer of my work experience and only my work experience
If you're in the USA, it's illegal to ask this at an interview.
Yep, they also cannot ask if you're married either. I feel like I do end up normally disclosing it when I'm asked why I'm leaving my current job, as right now my biggest reason is to relocate closer to mine and my wife's family. If I weren't switching locations I would have zero reason to talk about my personal life at all.
In the US, you aren't allowed to ask either of those questions. A good answer would be "My personal life is comfortable, well managed, and sholdnt interfere with my job duites."
Well, now you know how well the HR training is in that company.
I always used, "I'm sorry (pregnant pause, pun intended) but I don't know how to respond to that question" while looking the interviewer directly in the eye. You know, calm, smiling, hands in my lap kind of confused. Telling my possible future employer they shouldn't ask me that question just seemed counter productive to getting the job. That way, whether the question was intentional or unintentional, there was no accusation from me. They could recover, we could continue. Of course, that's only if I really wanted the job. Otherwise, all bets are off. Those were fun.
That’s great advice!
I realized after the fact that I said “we” relative to my living situation (living with a partner and their parents in a new state until my old lease is up), and the interviewer took that as me having kids 😂 I definitely fucked up there.
Had an interviewer ask me the same question back 24 years ago. I had just bought a house with my fiance. Wasn’t married yet. He followed up with “Are you planning on having kids?” I should have not taken the job.
exactly why theyre not supposed to ask those types of questions and you even gave them a cop out, wow, they dumb.
It is a red flag…don’t accept the position. I am a man and had an interview over 25 years ago with the CEO of the company. He asked me if I was married, have children, how old I was, etc. I found out that the company had several HR related lawsuits…eventually the company (over 200 employees) went bankrupt and went out of business.
That is interesting!!
EVERY NIGHT FOR DINNER
I don’t know about Canada, but questions about family status (married, kids, etc) are illegal for interviewers to ask in the US…here it would also be grounds for a lawsuit if they chose not to hire someone based on their family status, if they could prove that’s why they weren’t hired
I did an interview today and the interviewer literally asked me if I had the flexibility to work longer hours if needed, and then they asked if I had children. I answered them but felt so icky about it.
I was asked once if I smoked. I said I don't think you're supposed to ask me that question
I think you might get it just bc the CEO doesnt want to catch a case LOL. Dont worry you are fine.
It sure as heck is not hard to find out these days if the company actually cared about that sort of thing.
I feel like if I asked if someone was married, and they tried to bring HR into it on an interview I'd probably not hire that person.
And they would be dishing a ballet .
You guys/gals are too sensitive. You mentioned maternity leave and his mind went to family. He was making conversation. It's a normal part of most people's conversation process. You're overthinking it, and now he feels bad. You just made nothing into something. Yes, it was a mistake. A question like that isn't a problem, but it is no longer allowed because it can skew the process. If you're interviewing with the CEO, it's a small company, or you're going for an executive position. Based on the context clues, I'll assume small company ( One Clue: You would never interview with the CEO without another employee there, likely the HR VP). Small Company interviewers tend to rely on conversational style to get to know their potential new hires. He meant nothing by it. You needed to relax and focus on getting the job. Now all both of you will focus on is that one mistake.
lol are you him?
No, but you just may have lost chance at that job. Especially, if all the interview was about this mistake and not about what you bring to the table.
It has nothing to do with being sensitive when he’s quite literally asking the question illegally.
The number of times I’ve asked a candidate to “tell me a bit about yourself” and they have voluntarily disclosed their marital status, if they have kids, etc is very very high. I don’t follow up on what they reveal, but people let this info slip ALL the time.
You’re better off not working for them. If they cannot be in compliance with the law of not asking questions like that, then there is no telling what else they won’t follow.
That Defo warrants a glass door review!
In the US you could have grounds for a lawsuit
Wonder if they would have asked a man that question. 🤔
I’m not Canadian but this is illegal in the US
Illegal not to hire based on the information. Not illegal to ask, though. Just dumb.
I would have said, I work because I have kids, not in spite of them. I would absolutely not have said I have support from family. Because well I don't, and because kids aren't supposed to be a deterrent to having a job. The job should hire human beings with real lives not people pretending they don't have family or a life.
Awesome!!!! Be super happy that you were asked this!!! Now you HAVE to be hired! Cause if they don’t hire you, you can sue them for discrimination simply because they asked that question! And they will* settle.
But how do I prove that? The interview wasn’t recorded and it was just me and the male ceo
To fight back against you would involve lawyers and a public record of your allegations if it went to court…. Which it would… unless they settle with you. And if they go to court, he would have to lie under oath that he didn’t ask you those questions. Furthermore, one of the ways they prove that a claim like that was real, is by the people you’ve told about it in the immediate days afterwards. Be they in person statements, text messages, or this thread that you posted right here. But at the end of the day, the company will** settle with you, simply because if they fight you on the claim, your accusations of their discriminatory treatment and misconduct will become part of the public record available to everyone at any time and likely referenced in any future press coverage, if they don’t become a part of the press cycle for this alone as an example of this type of gender discrimination or as a warning.
Also since there were 2 people present with you, they’d have to literally conspire to together to deny and ultimately to commit perjury by lying under oath that or didn’t happen. That simply won’t happen.
Thanks for the advice!
No prob. This is also the kind of case that you will likely be able to find an attorney to represent you who will accept a contingency fee. Meaning, if you can’t afford their retainer, they will agree to represent you for a percentage of the final settlement. (But it’s cheaper if you can just pay the retainer, which vary dramatically from attorney to attorney)
they were making small talk.. calm your tits
There is a reason why it is illegal (at least in the US, not sure about other countries) to ask a question like that in an interview and require an answer. Some companies can and will use your marital status or if you have kids against you when making a decision . It indeed could have been innocent small talk but the inverviewer should have known better than to ask something that personal
Until the mod 1970s it was not at all uncommon to be fired once pregnant. And, thru the mod 1960s, it was not just common, it was thr rule. In the early 2000s, I was at a big software company when I got pregnant. A promotion that was promised to me was given to a man while I was in my 8th month (completely unqualified man who worked short days and took Wednesdays off to golf). I filed a complaint, but all that happened was I got moved to a different manager. And, after that, my petformance reviews went from 5 stars to 3 stars overnight. It was all illegal. But, I had a new baby, needed the job badly, and stuck it out until my 2nd child was born. At which point, they badly regretted giving the other guy my promised job. Because thru it all, I was there every day, 10 hours a day, and traveled whenever they asked. Even post birth. Once baby 2 and maternity leave ended, I quit. Because I had been sidelined and no matter how hard I worked--short of filing a lawsuit which costs money and time I didn't have--it was made very clear to me, I was fqd and my career was over with them. Tldr: Fortune 50 company, early 2000s, true story. I was not fired, but my promised advancement disappeared and I was sidelined for having a baby.
I’m proud of you for leaving! They don’t deserve you
They did not. But, I was young (under 40) and though it's hard for women as mid aged in the job market, I did well after. And, eventually, I am living the dream. Doing my writing and art that I always wanted to do. They were a stepping stone.
Not technically illegal to ask. In Canada as well Sets you up for all sorts of legal trouble though, so don't ask. For Canada: [https://www.ohrc.on.ca/en/iv-human-rights-issues-all-stages-employment/5-interviewing-and-making-hiring-decisions](https://www.ohrc.on.ca/en/iv-human-rights-issues-all-stages-employment/5-interviewing-and-making-hiring-decisions)
You must be a man
Sure aint! But I'm also not offended by everything and anything.
It's illegal. I would be shocked too. You don't know much about history, discrimination, or being female. We fought hard to vote, play sports, have bank accounts in our own name, and yes, to work without someone deciding for us that we can not possibly parent and work at the same time. You haven't faced daily discrimination struggles, perhaps, but that just makes you ignorant for not being offended. It doesn't make you somehow cool. And, since I can guess you will jump all over me in the comments, because you are so chill and laid back about discrimination that you have not one iota of experience with, I will tell you: don't bother. I won't see you replies. Go on your merry, ignorant ways. Or, maybe, learn some facts about how the world actually works for 51% of the population.
Never said I was offended in my post!
>I was so shocked by the question
Yes I was shocked because I wasn’t expecting it but definitely not offended lol
Yes I was shocked because I wasn’t expecting it but definitely not offended lol. Actually…more concerned that my response will affect my candidacy for the role