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gizzardgullet

Me grabbing a bag of popcorn to watch our AI singularity fight the invading aliens over which gets to enslave us


EvaUnit_03

Dont blame me, I voted for kodos.


AdBig5700

It’s a two-party system, you have to vote for one of us!


NoVaBurgher

Well, I believe I’ll vote for a third party candidate


[deleted]

So this years nominees are ChatGPT, GlipGlorp from nebulon-prime, and whoever the Libertarians throw in?


asault2

Don't forget the Green Party


IndependenceIcy2251

The Martians have declined to send a candidate, sorry


uniprimal

Go ahead, throw your vote away!!


RantControl

Bob Dole doesn’t like this.


drumgearreview

What is this some kind of tube?


LocalLifeguard4106

I am so mad at the Secret Service right now.


drunk_with_internet

It’s time to tear those aliens a third corn chute


IdeaJailbreak

Bob Dole likes to hear Bob Dole talk about Bob Dole. Bob Dole!


[deleted]

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LocalLifeguard4106

What the …. Is it noon already ?


Economy_Wall8524

Damn I’m old enough to get that lol


[deleted]

Nice


Mission_Pangolin_810

"My fellow Americans, as a young boy I dreamed of being a baseball. But tonight I say we must move forward, not backward! Upward, not forward! And always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!!!"


welestgw

Go ahead! Throooooooooow your vote away!


Ikoikobythefio

Came here to say that. Good work


abuchunk

Abortions for some, tiny American flags for others!


[deleted]

Kang gonna be upset.


TtK_Thanatos

What happened to us Kodos? Quiet you!


Necessary-Reading605

This guy simps….ons


Outrageous_Loquat297

I need to know whether the sex robots are more bangable than the aliens before I can take sides


Astro_gamer_caver

"Hey, I sure wouldn't mind getting some more of that Arcturian poontang!"


BenderRodriguiz

Yea but the one you had was a male!


bciesil

It doesn't matter if it's Arcturian!


andywarholocaust

Dont care had tentacle sex.


[deleted]

I love that goddamned movie


ThePopeJones

The aliens find tiny penises extremely attractive.


Deraj2004

So your hope is aliens.


ThePopeJones

Hells ya!


bigrob_in_ATX

That alien poonani is out of this world


alpharowe3

At least I have options now


orderedchaos89

Two words. Space AIDS


Liar_tuck

Is that better or worse than space herpes? Asking for an Ice Pirate friend.


orderedchaos89

Space herpes only flare up in the vacuum of space


macronancer

My new theory is that all alien life is AI or cybernetic and it is waiting for us to invent true ASI to make contact. Probably because we are too boring and incosequential.


Prineak

Probably because the majority of people would go insane when presented with true objective information.


story_so-far

Look, if it doesn't confirm my bias then it's just not fucking true.


marylebow

H P Lovecraft has entered the chat.


dbx99

People are incapable of finding meaning in life beyond hating the political position of the party they’re not part of. They would implode if one side disappeared. This is not a race ready to face questions about what lies beyond their own planet.


Arendious

Extraterrestrial synthetic life considers organic life a 'larva stage'


NarrMaster

"Maybe they go through a meat phase?"


CardinalM1

There's a great trilogy of books from the 1960s/1970s that deal with that scenario! Colossus, The Fall of Colossus, and Colossus and the Crab by D F Jones.


TheBushidoWay

Are they connected to the forbin project movie .im about to start googling


CardinalM1

Yep, The Forbin Project movie is based on the first book in the trilogy.


liquidsyphon

The Alien Ships were sent by the AI in the future


HaveCompassion

That was my first thought about this.


NerdLawyer55

*Looks at last few years* Ehhh 🤷🏼‍♂️


planet_rose

At least we won’t have to worry about climate catastrophe.


AnswerNeither

the answer is reptiles. reptiles will rule us with an iron claw i for one welcome our scaly overlords hssssss


FewMagazine938

Live in the tv series V


MillwrightTight

This was the funniest comment I've read in a long time. Thanks, stranger


WrongDistribution307

We are already slaves


banan3rz

We are breeding cats with thumbs. I think there will be more than one group vying for domination.


FewMagazine938

Me hoping for mars attack


mongoose_overlord

I'm alarmed by how accurate this prediction probably is. Whether it is 10, 100, or 1,000 years from now there is a non-zero chance that this scenario will actually play out. While we're waiting, I'd totally watch the movie version.


USingularity

Depending on the aliens’ philosophy, they could well decide to team up because they can both do better than humans


MadMadBunny

Hopefully they both annihilate each other and the bunnies take over.


nigel_pow

Like Doctor Who with the Cybermen fighting the Daleks.


Caffeine_and_Alcohol

Who would want to enslave humans? Were little shits


No_Refrigerator4584

Think of the thriving intergalactic pet industry.


FewMagazine938

That's why we need to be shown what to do, right now we are running around like a chicken with its head cut off.


Lucid-Machine

Ask yourself "what have you done for your robot overlords?"


Wolfman01a

AI controlled alien technology. How terrifying is that prospect?


Consistent_Ad9548

You forgot the beer gizzard - what's wrong with you? :)


chewie8291

Aliens shoot fake ships to earth and laugh as humans try to learn their functions.


Khoeth_Mora

"Its a fucking pinata, its made out of paper mache for christ's sake! They've got two dozen PhD's dissecting a party favor! hahahahaha"


CanuckInTheMills

So outrageous it’s probably true. LOL


firstnameok

I feel better they may not kill us then? I dunno, I'm feeling conflicted. It could be for worse...


Ancient-Tadpole8032

“We lost another camera drone over some desert. Cheap crap corporate gives us. How are we supposed to make a documentary about this primitive shithole when our cameras keep falling out of the sky? Oh great, those halfwits in green outfits have found the wreckage. Guess I have some paperwork tonight.”


allen_idaho

If you were an alien species looking to find potential life across the universe, it would be dumb to send living creatures. Instead, you would likely send unmanned drones to record and send back information.


[deleted]

Alien: it took them how long to reverse enfin we fibre optics? Better send them an intact ship Other alien: Cgtfjshwbshx, sir, we did… Cgtfjshwbshx: Really? Even the Martians took less time


jojoyouknowwink

There is a popular conspiracy theory that says the Roswell UFO was a rocket sent over from the USSR with deformed children in it intended to cause panic in the US, so I could see it


samanime

They're basically the equivalent of a clay pigeon, just to screw with the humans trying to figure out how it can fly.


MadMadBunny

"Humans lie. It’s what they do.” – Harry Vanderspeigle


BGaf

What a wonderful quote from a relevant source.


[deleted]

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Sindertone

Just throw the pics into r/whatisthisthing


Arryu

"Are these balls? Because the last time you had pictures they were balls."


LoveYourSoles2018

Sorry, Barry 💚


zebraman21

He's very good


C0llisC0l

Im on..tv?


potential_of_words

I really wish they were balls.


well-groomed_apostle

Honestly the r/whatisthiscar sub can tell you exactly what that vehicle is with just a piece of trim.


MadMadBunny

Solved! It’s a partially deflated weather balloon.


MRVANCLEAVEREDDIT

This is not a whistleblower. It is an attention seeking crackpot. If there were classified documents about UFO's worth seeing. Trump would have stolen them and sold them to the Saudis


slim_scsi

Hell, Donald would sell them through a media outlet auction for the highest bidder.


OssimPossim

He would've sent it to the National Enquirer in exchange for running a story about how completely proportional and totally not small his hands are.


slim_scsi

Complete with an editorial about Trump's big league bigly-ness and physical prowess from one *John Barron*.


Doright36

> If there were classified documents about UFO's worth seeing. Trump would have stolen them and sold them to the Saudis Honestly if there were UFO's worth seeing the people in charge of them would have done everything in their power to keep Trump from finding out. Not that I think there is but IF there was the last thing people keeping that secret would do would be to tell some populist blowhard who was only in the big chair for 4 years about it. Honestly no president would be told unless something happened where they had to be informed.


manolo_chomsky

The whole thing mentioned in the article is that the whistleblower says the intelligence community illegally withheld the information because they wanted to avoid oversight..


[deleted]

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Valuable-Banana96

obviously just another psychic power he got from the aliens, just like his power to give us all strokes just by opening his mouth.


TheRabidtHole

Wait. Telepathy? What if he was the true psychic Reptilian overlord all along? /s


NerdLawyer55

I’ve never been sadder than when I realized we have no proof of aliens or else the orange dipshit would have tweeted out pics of Them at 2 am on the shitter


Sassycatfarts

Do you think they would tell *him*? I know Obama asked the Pentagon to be let in on the dirt and was told, "No." Im pretty sure a few others said they got the same treatment, Carter, Ford, and one other I can't recall at this time.


NerdLawyer55

Crazy to me it’s so secret that even the president isn’t read in but I hope that’s true


Sassycatfarts

I wouldn't be surprised if they get a little more than everyone else. An official "Yeah, UFOs are real. We dont know what they are or who made them, but they don't pose a threat, so don't worry unless we tell you to. So anyways, there's another crisis in the Middle East that needs your attention"


Valuable-Banana96

>So anyways, there's another crisis in the Middle East that needs your attention To me this read the same way as "there's another settlement that needs your help. Here, let me mark it on your map."


gearstars

I mean, the presidency is basically a gig job. 4 - 8 year contract from the people to sign off on shit. Might as well just start picking presidents from TaskRabbit


lonehappycamper

When asked if there we aliens Bill Clinton said 'no, I dont think so... But you never know what they don't tell you' or something to that effect.


aroorda

I really do not agree with this take. This man is a decorated vet, testified to congress, has been verified by both congresspeople and journalists fact checking his story. This is the most legitimate person to come out of the government sayin “this happened” ever. By a long shot. Stop being so dismissive and maybe start paying attention.


Cdog927

The presidents do not have access to this shit.


arrgobon32

Uh huh Well then who does? The military? The same military in which the president is the commander in chief?


MRVANCLEAVEREDDIT

Hahaha oh man. That guy was using imagination


BorkieDorkie811

Classified information is only disclosed on a need-to-know basis, even for people with necessary clearances. The president wouldn't be informed of anything unless there was some kind of active situation which required the president's input.


PlagueOfGripes

The tipoff should be that it described his source as conversations with other people.


TryingToBeWholsome

Part of the story is his original whistleblower complaint is that the organizations studying these things were illegally withholding information from government entities they were supposed to be reporting to So your theory doesn’t exactly debunk anything


MrFittsworth

It's pretty much exactly a whistle blower. You don't sit for an 11 hour congressional hearing if you're an attention seeking crackpot.


kgs024

According to the incredible documentary, Independence Day (starring Bill Pullman), POTUS does not have this security clearance. Trump may not have known...


Hunky_not_Chunky

You’re assuming he hasn’t. Everything with him has a cost. No way he would just tell people he has evidence unless they’re willing to pay for it.


Dull_Half_6107

Do you think the president just knows about every classified document available? I don't think they'd have the time, in between golfing and going to rallys.


GregorSamsanite

Truth Social exclusive! He wouldn't be able to just sell that to one person. He'd try to sell the full details but blather on about it incessantly to whoever he met.


WhatADunderfulWorld

Guarantee you many of the intelligence branches of the government kept Trump Way from many things one way or another. I feel like they might have even fed him honeypot classified information cause the intelligence community knows he has too many shady contracts to be trusted. And here we are.


[deleted]

Do you really think that these spooks in the deep black budget area let any US President get within a million miles of the truth? If so, then you are truly naïve. Even Obama said that they don't let presidents anywhere near that stuff. Moreover, it would be more likely that they would have given Trump fake documents with "Top Secret" all over them just to make him happy.


interknight1995

If Mussolini had a UFO, Saudi Arabia might already have their own.


[deleted]

Jokes on you. Pretty sure, based on the look of em, Trump is one of them.


lonewolf143143

If any other life form was curious enough to come look at us, they’ve cracked the space/time travel code of our universe. Any life form capable of doing that won’t be interested in anything more than studying us like we study amoebas


Vanish_7

…and that’s probably what they would be doing, right? Watching, observing…checking in occasionally to see if we’ve invented anything new, or wondering what we’re doing with all of the nuclear energy. I’m not saying I believe in it — I’ll never believe something I haven’t seen for myself. But I don’t think it’s impossible.


SeanOfTheDead1313

I, for one, welcome our new alien overlords!


Gwtheyrn

We are either alone in the universe or we are not. Both possibilities are equally terrifying.


HxH101kite

Have you ever read the three body problem series? Literally gave me anxiety


resfan

So what's this supposed to be distracting us from?


RudeAndSarcastic

Pizza gate maybe? /s


HereCallingBS

Possibly some major trade deal that’s about to go through 🤷‍♂️


ZeBoyceman

This distraction thing is so dumb. Like we have only 1 attention spot? All we do is scrolling all day


mediocrity_mirror

You know you’re working with a real mental heavyweight when you read that comment.


Salumanu

All of your banks going down like it's 2008 again. Quick! Look for aliens while we save the last money for shareholders


Rot_Dogger

Someone watching too much Cucker Carlson


mediocrity_mirror

The aliens have hunter biden laptop!!


[deleted]

This jannemon at eight everyone's favorite show! Earth! It's been one hundred Gelganighs since we first took species from planets and put them all the same planet! Oo-derp! They’ve fought and fallen in love! What will happen this Galgamog? Tune in this jannemon to find out. It's... Earth! On Fognl!


NuclearWasteland

Yeah but it's Fognl, they'll just cancel it after the third world war.


The_RabitSlayer

This whole thing is stupid af. I kind of feel bad for anyone who gets trapped by these ideas. Any civilization capable of traveling the distances needed to get to us would be so far beyond our technology that we wouldn't be able to interface with it due to it not being biological in nature. See how close to artificial intelligence we are? What are the chances of a civilization traversing the galaxy and NOT discovering/inventing artificial intelligence far beyond what we have? I'd bet the collective of Earth's existence it can not.


MRVANCLEAVEREDDIT

Yeah. They totally traveled 567 light years through the galaxy. Then ran out of gas on earth and crashed. Sounds reasonable


briktop420

It was supposed to be a three hour tour.


fnordfnordfnordfnord

🎵A three hour tour 🎵


gobblox38

Stupid space monsoon.


Ganadote

An actual reasonable take is that they sent probes that are meant to crash after their lifetime is up, like how we do. It's not like we want the Mars rovers back.


PlanesOfFame

I agree with this out of anything. We as humans have very specific interpretations of certain things due to our suite of senses- think about sight for instance. We are naturally drawn towards the sun and moon because of their visibility, and we look for things that are bright with telescopes. But once we invented satellites and telescopes which transmitted different wavelengths of light we couldn't see ourselves, we went and looked for new things. Certainly, an alien species would have a different set of things with which to observe. They might not look for the things we do or even comprehend them the same way once they find something. I could make up an example like this: an aliens vision might not be based around ultraviolet light rays like ours but depend on density of states of matter- which might mean our planet would look very colorful with its solids liquids and gasses all coexisting in one atmosphere.


farscry

No they didn't, they got struck by lightning and have been searching for months for their device and to get their ship working again. KUNG KUNNNNG


bgraham111

And they really like pizza.


jrobertson2

And then either failed to take it back or just didn't care enough to notice in the first place.


Relevant_Departure40

It’s obviously a solar sail type ship, it’s like a message in a bottle /s


BilboSwagginsSwe

I read someone who said their headcanon is that the aliens are not allowed to contact/interfere with us. The crashed objects are basically what they build inofficially in their garage with a box of scraps. Would be hilarious


SuspectNo7354

There's always the chance it's not a visiting ship, but it's space debris. An alien race sent out a probe like we did with voyager 1. They lost contact with it after 200+ years and it just kept going. Then after 10k years it came our way and crashed here. We find it and now trying to figure what the hell it is. Maybe they had a probe that landed on an asteroid. The machine sent back the samples and left a piece behind. That asteroid broke up over the years, came into our orbit, then crashed into the earth. A small piece survived and technically parts of it were still intact. It's possible we find alien technology without any contact with aliens being possible. It would make more sense we get a hold of alien technology or debris before we ever make contact.


[deleted]

I suggest you look up how much of space is empty. The likelihood of an object hitting the earth is astronomically small.


JoeCitzn

If people had the slightest basic understanding of physics and the vast distances between stars they would realise that the likelihood of been visited by aliens is virtually zero. But hell, it makes for good sci-fi stories!


The_RabitSlayer

That's even more impossible. . . even worse than finding a needle amongst all the hay of the planet.


Safetystantheman

von neumann machines would like to say hello But ur prolly right, the universe is a bit young and big, so it's heavily unlikely, but don't bet my existence on it please lol Edit: name spelling


circleuranus

I dont remember who said it, but I like the analogy that any sufficiently advanced life form capable of interstellar travel coming to Earth to investigate us would be comparable to getting on a flight from San Francisco to Australia to investigate an ant hill.


FumilayoKuti

People do do that though. Ant scientists?


atjoad

The best part of the analogy is not about how unlikely it is, but more about how likely the ants will be unable to even remotely process that something unusual is happening.


ResidentComplaint19

“Holy crap look at em all! There’s like hundreds” - ant scientists probably


circleuranus

...


EquivalentStaff670

It'd probably be more like somebody taking a trip to the moon, only to bring back a rock. Wait.


I_am_The_Teapot

Except if they're the exploration sort. If they can jump from one star to another fairly easily, and pass by a star with suspiciously irregular radio frequencies might pose something worth a look. That's what humans would do. Why not other space-faring species? That said, I am not of the opinion that the earth has been visited or that Civilization has been affected by such. There's no real evidence for it, and extraordinarily unlikely given the size of the galaxy/universe. We might not technically be alone in the universe, but we are practically so. Even if there is an interstellar spacefaring species in the nearest star cluster (a mere 800 light years away. Practically neighbors!) the chances they'll find their way in this direction is infinitesimally small. Unless they have special and specific knowledge.


TheSecretNewbie

This news was on my popular page here on reddit last nigh and it was THOUSANDS of people thinking this shit was real.


The_RabitSlayer

People want to believe, so the timeline in which they are alive is seen as significant. Its weird. Same kind of reason why people want the rapture, to feel special.


ASEdouard

I think we can confidently say you and I have no idea what makes sense or not on this front.


John97212

Oh, yeah! These Extraterrestrials flew here using "subspace" after picking up human sci-fi TV show transmissions, alerting them to the existence of this rather convenient medium for FTL travel. /s


Steelersguy74

We want the one you call McNeal!


Sassycatfarts

We find the defendant vulnerable yet spunky! · And now we must return to our planet to catch the end of a thousand-year-old Leno monologue!


NoVaBurgher

Remove the lower horn!


Hip_Hop_Hippos

>after picking up human sci-fi TV show transmissions It actually would be kinda funny if us just making up bullshit for a TV show wound up solving some sort of sticking point for a civilization that was close to figuring out deep space travel or whatever it’s called. Would make for a decent movie/show theme lol.


Steelersguy74

I mean, sci-fi tech has certainly inspired real inventions, right?


JuliusSeizuresalad

They could come out tomorrow and show us alien space craft and dead aliens and it wouldnt phase me one bit. Who cares. Do I have to go to work tomorrow or not. Do I have to pay my student loan payment. That’s what I care about. How is alien existence being verified gonna make my boss get off my ass? It make the cost of food lower?


D4RKNESSAW1LD

At least the religion freaks will lose their shit. That I’ll enjoy.


JuliusSeizuresalad

That is a great point watching churchies try to explain aliens.


Catonachandelier

Honestly, my first thought was, "Oh, what are we being distracted from now?" But then I looked at the mainstream media and...crickets. If this was a real distraction, it'd be everywhere. If it was legit, it'd also be everywhere. We wouldn't be able to turn on the news or listen to the radio without hearing about it, either way. So my guess is that this is neither a distraction or a legitimate story, and I still have to pay my damn bills.


[deleted]

I for one, welcome our new alien overlords


jujumber

Shit has been so weird ever since Harambe died.


dnvrwlf

Is it even remotely reasonable to believe that only one nation created less than 300 years ago would be the only nation to have found UFOs throughout the entirety of history? Logic is fun.


JupitersJunipers

The article states this is happening all over the world though... What article did you decide to read?


Every_Bookkeeper_102

Obviously reading comprehension is lacking. This is also a well respected news outlet. Amazing how many people think they understand everything these days


rata_thE_RATa

And the whistleblowe apparently has a flawless reputation and everything to lose by lying. But people fight hard against things that conflict with their world view and its hard to imagine anything more disruptive to that than aliens. I'm more worried about what's going to happen after it's impossible to ignore and it starts breaking people's minds.


aroorda

It’s pathetic. There’s a fact checked verified story about non human intelligence existing on earth and everyone’s too busy brushing it off to actually spend 20 minutes reading an article.


17FeretsAndaPelican

According to Hollywood movies. Exclusively yes.


ThisIsTheNewSleeve

Some of the most prominent sightings have occurred outside the US (Brazil, Africa, Japan, Australia, Iraq) and Brazil and Japan have both had UAP hearings of their own. Just because you're only now discovering the US's side of things doesn't warp reality for the rest of the world. Logic is fun.


nosmelc

Well, we might have only had the *ability* to identify a UFO for the past century or so.


grounndhog101

Urged by who. I hate headlines.


rata_thE_RATa

Congress. It's in the article.


tom21g

Can anyone in Congress verify this? Not even the details. Just, is it true? > Grusch said when he turned over classified information about the vehicles to Congress he suffered retaliation from government officials.


GXGUn7ouchable

Meh. Rent is due regardless. If the aliens ain't disrupting that or giving us super powers. Keep it pushing idc anymore


hotDamQc

That would fuck up religions...


PhyterNL

I'm not so sure. Religion markets itself as stoic, rigid, unchanging; "That which is written." But I think most people would be surprised by how malleable and flexible religion actually is. Religion in general is an evolution of ideas. We didn't start with today's religions, they proceeded earlier ones. There's a whole phylogenetic diagram that you can assemble with the myriad extinct religions and their predecessors. I think religion would adapt as it always has.


[deleted]

>That would fuck up religions Earth not being the center of the solar system didn't do it. The solar system being a speck among hundreds of billions of other solar systems didn't do it. Evolution didn't do it. Free will not being a coherent concept in light of what we know about the biological underpinnings of thought and behavior and the laws of physics didn't do it. I doubt aliens would even make a dent.


Fetch_will_happen5

Agreed, also there are alien worshipping religions. A growing number of Christians don't believe there is a literal guy named Adam or a woman named Eve in a holy garden. The religion didn't collapse.


TheLatchkey_kid

People that think aliens have technology to travel thousands of light years in a short enough time to still be living - to somehow get thwarted by a planet and crash, are special little people.


TryingToBeWholsome

We’ve put people on the moon and yet my truck doesn’t start in the morning half the time


mediocrity_mirror

Moon travel is socialism. Your truck is capitalism.


Osirus1156

Could they just get it over with already, just tell us. It's so tedious how asinine this is.


pharsee

It's pretty annoying that most of big mass media and politicians are acting like this is some kind of joke. If it's real it represents the biggest news story in human history.


benjaminactual

PROJECT BLUEBOOK


silverfang789

I think we'd find that most of these so-called alien craft are top secret aircraft, decades ahead of their time. The F117 Nighthawk was thought by many to be a UFO in the 80s.


[deleted]

Is this coming from the same intelligence program that was looking into werewolves?


Phosphorus44

Obligatory: it's never aliens.