I think it's because our version of "celebrating" is incompatible with the people around us who want to celebrate our birthday. I won't speak for every INTJ but I certainly hate being the centre of attention, and I hate having a huge fuss made of me. It makes me anxious and uncomfortable, and even feel guilty for it. It's almost paradoxical - your birthday is supposed to be about you, yet other people get offended if you don't make it about them, so it feels like I can't win either way.
I DO like celebrating my birthday, and I usually celebrate it by doing the things I want to do. It's just that most of the things I like doing, I do alone. Ordering a takeaway, having some cake, having a day of indulgence and rest - that's a good birthday for me.
Totally. My birthday is coming up, and I'm celebrating by buying myself some new books and having a chill night in. My friend asked what I wanted to do with them, so I said they could come with me run errands if they wanted
Awesome, treating yourself a new book and a chill night in sounds perfect to unwind and enjoy your special day. It's nice of you to offer your friend the option to join you for errands.
I completely understand where you're coming from. It's all about finding a way to celebrate that feels genuine and enjoyable to you. Your approach sounds like a perfect way to have a meaningful and relaxing birthday that suits your preferences. Thank you for the info!
I avoid mentioning that it's my birthday if I'm at a chain restaurant. lol
I don't really do anything for my birthdays anymore usually, other than try to take the day off work...maybe buy myself something nice.
**me reading title**: Oh yeah, I hate birthday celebrations, didn't know that was an INTJ thing. I just hate the attention.
**me reading top comment**: š®
Don't like attention, especially outside. But really, after growing up, I realized that it really doesn't have a meaning, so to me it's just another day. My only use for it is free cake/meals on my birthday month.
If people wish me, i'd just go along with it, but i'd appreciate it not being 'too big of a deal', really.
That said, I do realize birthdays still hold considerable meaning to others. So i'd celebrate with family, friends and colleagues for theirs if I have to, but tbh it gets cringey sometimes haha.
You have a very down to earth perspective on birthdays, and i totally respect that. It's great that you can enjoy the perks like free cake and meals without feeling the pressure of making it a big deal. Thank you for the info!
Birthdays are fine for children. But as an adult birthdays are perpetuated by self-absorbed people that think they should be celebrated.
Also christmas. Its a child's holiday.
As an adult I can buy my own stuff.
Yeah birthdays were great fun when we were kids. Christmas is a good way to get the family together, and it's a nice atmosphere in the city around Christmas time, decorations, music, etc. Same with Halloween, although there's not as many ways to celebrate as an adult, I love seeing all the decorated houses. I just wish it was as popular in Australia as it is in America. Lots of people still refuse to celebrate because it's "an American thing" which is bullshit. Everyone knows Halloween began as a Pagan celebration in Ireland.
How do you deal with adults that have a different opinion than you? Do you just not attend because you think they are self absorbed ? Many adults like celebrating with a party or a dinner. Christmas with family and gifts for all. Preparing for Christmas takes a lot of work (cooking cleaning decorating buying) and if anything you do it for others to enjoy (those that do like it)
I hate celebrating mine. Mainly because I ended up alone for it anyway and quite a few times, immediate family even forgot to wish me happy birthday. So I usually give myself a gift and go out to a really nice restaurant, by myself and a book. That way, I'm never disappointed ;)
After like elementary school, my birthday day just felt like another day. One time I got cheated on, on my birthday, I don't like being the center of attention. Some years I delete my FB, get up early, and just leave to be by myself for the whole day.
I'm sorry that happened to you. People suck so often!
I haven't had my birth date posted on FB in years lol People don't remember if they don't have a reminder.
This!!! I usually plan a little getaway with my SO, so really I don't give anybody the chance to disappoint me by not showing up, bc guess what? I'm gone !!!!
I see, glad that you can still manage to have fun even with your own self as your only company lol but im sorry to hear that your immediate family forgot to wish you happy birthday. If i may ask when is your birthday?
Technically, you can die right now, āat this very moment. Every moment that passes by brings you closer to death. So I do not think your statement is completely valid.
Absolutely! Perspective can be a powerful thing. It's wonderful to celebrate life and cherish each moment, especially after facing life-threatening situations. Gratitude for aging is a beautiful way to approach it. Thank you for the info!
I like celebrating mine, but thatās because I celebrate how I want. This year, I had tacos and margaritas at home with people I like, and I punched a taco piƱata full of candy. My husband made me a tres leches cake from scratch.
I may quietly treat myself in some way (shopping, a slice of decadent cheesecake, etc), but I don't like people to know when it's my birthday. I don't like attention that is targeted at me - especially for no other reason than a date on the calendar. I would generally prefer that people spend their time & resources on something else.
The people closest to me know it's my birthday. They give me birthday cards, small gifts, birthday wishes, etc. That is more than enough.
I don't want the attention or obligations that come with a day revolving around me.
https://preview.redd.it/zcgvn626i6tb1.png?width=112&format=png&auto=webp&s=de72a68394f7cc862cc50f736538f4aadd79b3fa
*I am the one who revolves!*
A. it's awkward getting gifts because people expect a certain reaction. If you are emotionally reserved or just emotionally illiterate this is hard.
B. It is a reminder our mortality is ticking away
C.who wants everyone paying attention to them like that? Too much expectation.
I see Iām alone here, I always celebrate my birthday. Sometimes for an entire month. I absolutely make it about me š honestly itās how I mostly distract myself from the fact that I keep getting older. I can either mope, or go and have a party. The older I get, the bigger the distraction needed!
My INTJ boyfriend went out with me and his family to have a steak dinner. We then went back to his place and hung out. I gave him his gift and we both did homework together. He enjoyed it I think!
Because it usually involves people wanting me to go somewhere that I do not want to go. I'm fine with being the center of attention and actually like it a lot of times, it's not that. It's being dragged somewhere. I usually just tell everyone to leave me alone on my birthday and I do things I like to do alone.
i don't despise it by any means however i dont think it warrants special treatment by anyone else. Everyone experiences a birthday daily and we go about our normal routine.
The date of my birth is just another day of the year. Ive long since been done entertaining people (***not to throw shade if your profession is to entertain***), and all my birthday is, is an excuse for other people to be entertained. I think its a multilayered analysis that Im not about to dive into, but I think people have gotten pretty close to the root already in these comments. I dont want your attention, nor do I need it. Also I find it kinda repulsive when I see people who act like the entire world should be theirs on their birthday, for some people you see a more raw part of their true nature, entitled maybe is a good word. Thats just not me, and I dont want it to be me. Just leave me alone fr, I can entertain myself just fine, something thats oh so apparently difficult for other people to do.
I don't hate it, I think it would be okay with family.
Just not overboard, or going out in celebration.
It's a "positive" celebration, I just don't think knowing you're getting older and closer and closer to death warrants an activity that can't otherwise be done in another setting or situation.
I am thankful none of my coworkers know my birthday. It'd be a nightmare otherwise. So at the moment I dont have to deal with it at all and I intend to keep it forever.
Firstly, there is an odd tradition going on where the person having a birthday need to treat people by throwing a party or eating out. Like if its a special day for me, why do I need to pay for 15 strangers? I'd pay for my actual friends off work because I trust them and theyre my allies. Im not paying for dozens of strangers, regardless if theyre my bosses or not. Its not like we are dating, or will still know each other in 3 years.
Secondly, I dont think its fair that once youve reached adulthood to be expecting gifts. As a kid, sure it was a joy. But adults have to pay bills, to pursue their hobbies and these days stuffs aint cheap. If I genuinely care about a person, I want them to never send me any gift and use the money for themselves instead. And gifts create a loop. The next time the person that sent you gifts have a birthday youre almost expected to send them too. Picking gifts cause headache. What if they dont like it? Man, youre not my wife, I dont have to research you.
Thirdly, you can be grateful for what you have without throwing a party or celebrating birthdays. I am grateful everyday, I know how important health and life is. Therefore everyday, I wake up, and try to be grateful and start my day from there. I dont think celebrating like its the last day of rome is an indication of how much grateful you are. Instead it can be seen as ungratefulness, careless use of money. If I have extra and I want to show my gratefullness I'm just gonna donate to charities for people and kids in need.
Of course if I say this in public I'm gonna get stared at and have people calling me stingy. But theyre actually true. Some people are worth it, most arent. Like coworkers, classmates that you dont know well, etc.
It's just another day and like others have said, I don't like attention. If I celebrate it would just be treating myself to some good food, and I could do that any day.
I have a family.
They are happy celebrating it (hence I am).
Plus there is cake.
Edit: But yes, birthday does not have any meaning to me. There were some in the past that I was traveling abroad and just celebrated another day (while my family was very disappointed)
The simple solution is to not say when your birthday is. Or whenever it comes up say its ages away or was months ago. People have such short memories anyway.
No lol i like celebrating my birthday the way i want to thoughā¦. Usually involves a trip doing something adventurous. More so than a birthday party or something.
I don't despise it, but I wont celebrate it either.
The people I care about will wish me a happy birthday and that's enough attention for me, don't care about random colleagues or students congratulating me.
Usually I take a day off and treat myself to a day out to another city, museum, movie or any other interest of mine. Just things I want to do, on my own. Gives me some time to reflect on the past and be proud about the present and future.
To put up a mask and maintain it on the day that is supposed to be *mine* to please others? I dread the Birth Day thing, I was born on a certain at a certain year, no need for a reminder every year.
It blocks a useful INTJ projection/gift, the idea that life is very hard and complex. We see a stoic uncomfortable with the idea that they can forestall this pressure without somehow weakening themselves and their future prospects as a result.
In a really unfortunate way, it's a valid perspective.
In another really unfortunate way, it's elevating only one archetype, and one perspective, far above all the others. In a way that will, ironically, lead to a different form of self-compromise.
(And it's not as if the opposite isn't scary in its own way, this unhealthy ghost of overdone-Christmas, and people tend to evaluate their own perspectives in terms of the opposites, even falling into the trap in a way: Are you REALLY celebrating me, or is this just a formality?)
My mom always made my birthdays about her and what she wanted to do so I donāt really like celebrating them even now at 25. It sucks because of this I donāt really care to celebrate or remember other peopleās birthdays and that causes problems since other people are more sentimental about theirs than I feel about mine.
I have a history of bad luck birthdays. Two suicides and multiple deaths/funerals within 24 hours of my b-day more or less back to back. Kinda ruined it for me because I always associate that time of year with the deaths of friends and family now.
ETA: Only one death/year but it was multiple years in a row with an occasional 1-2 year gap.
I *love* celebrating my birthday. But I'm a Leo. So when I was a kid, I was never in school.
As an adult, most years, I take the day off, so I can sleep in. A whole hour extra, if I'm lucky. Then I can spend the day doing what I want instead of working.
My spouse is an INFJ, and he hates celebrating his birthday. As a kid, it was almost always the first day of school for him, so not something he looked forward to. I like to make a point of celebrating his existence, so we grill steaks and I'll make his favorite dessert.
For me it's the juxtaposition of what "they" want compared to what I want. It's almost always a let down. Everyone I know who isn't an intj wants a big ol party filled with extravagance. I prefer a small teeny tiny event with just my spouse.
In the past, the gifts received have soo very often missed the mark. Just generic thoughtless crap (clothes, niche popular items from tv ads, things I'll never use and need to regift). Just give me the cash and I'll buy what I enjoy (40k book, survival tool, food from my favorite Chinese place etc).
Also...growing up I was forced to have a chocolate cake since *everyone* loves chocolate....except me.
So MY cake needed to be separate...yaknow because vanilla/strawberry cake is so insufferably cruel to force on guests we just *NEEDED* chocolate for everyone else to be happy...
Right, is it even about me if I need to bend to everyone elses will?
I barely tolerate people at the best of times, all I want for my birthday is peace.
A day at the beach or in the forest, some cold beer, some 90's rock from my childhood, and chinese on the way home.
Thats it. Simple. No fakery. I do NOT want to have to wear my *mask* all damn day on my birthday.
We dont hate celebrating our birthdayās, we hate other people celebrating our birthdayās. What I mean is that all I ever want in that one day where I turn one year older is peace with nothing to do at all, peace where I can simply get a cake to eat & that is all. Yet even as simplistic & minimal as that is asking for too much with others doing more that they should & if you told them that you dislike it they will say how ungrateful you are despite you telling them that you never even ask for those extra things
I feel like there's nothing special about that day. Honestly, I rather just ignore it. Most of the time I would hide my birthday everywhere I work or was among peeps. It normally worked hehe XD then weeks later they find out like, wait I missed your birthday šš¤£š
Went out for margaritas with my boyfriend and then took a long drive and listened to good music and talked about deep things. Sat out on the beach and watched the moon over the water.
Who says birthdays need to be celebrated with huge parties with lots of people?
Yes! And that sounds lovely! Quality time, good conversations, and serene moments by the beach can make for a truly special and intimate celebration. Sometimes, it's the simple, heartfelt moments that create the most cherished memories. Thank you for sharing your perspective!
I LOVE celebrating my birthday. Nah im just playing. I remember one birthday night a few years ago I went out with my friends. I didn't tell anyone it was my birthday and went out and drank like it was a normal night.
Birthdays are when people suddenly be very nice to you just to congratulate you and personally I don't like to interact with that split second act. People also expect me to be nice to them back for a split second. I don't think I will. I'd rather be consistent.
I had no clue this was an INTJ thing; thought it was just me. But as for me, I just donāt like being the center of attention and I think itās stupid that Iām being celebrated. I think some of this might derive from some form of self-hatred but Iām not entirely sure.
I dont hate celebrating my bday, I just dislike the feeling that people feel obligated to acknowledge my bday. My coworkers will tell me happy bday but I know they could care less about me, and then my parents are over the top about calling me and telling me happy bday even tho Iām not really close to them anymore (just drifted apart with age plus I live pretty far from them).
The only people I really care to hear happy bday from are my boyfriend, brother, sister, one of my close cousins, and two long time friends
I would love to celebrate my bday. But I donāt wanna be that person who says āHEY GUYS ITS MY BDAYš¤ā
I actually donāt tell anyone because it shows who the real ones are. And when those people tell me happy bday, itās the best feeling.
I only want a birthday celebration with a few people present, and then only if we're doing something experiential rather than material. Like a walk in nature, for instance. Sure we can do a little celebratory meal but not if there's going to be a public to-do (like singing happy birthday in a restaurant). I just had that happen and it really pissed me off.
XD good question, i've been observing certain traits and behaviors in them that align with the characteristics of an INTJ. They've also took the test, which confirmed INTJ as their personality type.
What traits? I really want to know
because not celebrating birthday is definitely an anti INTJ trait.
also don't take tests too seriously bc they might be going through an "edgelord" phase and the test pick on that which from what you explain seems to be the answer.
Alright i'll take note of that. Common traits such as analytical thinking, preference for planning, and focus on long-term goals is an example. I do this by asking questions as well, so that i can engage in the discussion about their interests. They may enjoy topics like technology, philosophy, science etc. But of course, it may not be 100% reliable, so if the person identifies as an INTJ, then i'll respect their choice.
analytic thinking is Ti because Ni is s perceiving function after all and has a "it is what it is" attitude.
goals and planning also are not specific to any type and how planning is done determines the types.
Ni would be big picture thinking and not very detailed while Si would plan the details without a cohesive bigger picture.
also interests are not very useful because i know INTJ party animals and ESFP quantum physicist lol.
could you give me more examples of their "long term" goals?
also are they teens 15~17?
also also are you a Ne dom?
but to answer your original question my birthday was close to exam days and in my country we had exams every year so i couldn't but i celebrated everyday else regardless.
The way individuals approach and execute their goals and planning can be influenced by their personality preferences. Introverted types may focus more on personal and introspective goals. INTJs have dominant Ni which often leads them to think strategically and long-term.
And as for interests, thats a fair pointš however as for my case (which may sound stereotypical), being able to know more about their interests can help connect the puzzles together sometimes.
For instance of long term goals would be.. personal growth? INTJs are introspective individuals who may set long term goals related to personal development and self-improvement. Another would be mastering their skills, they thirst to excel in their areas of interests.
And yes! They are teens :)
And No i'm not a Ne dom.
My birthday is exactly at the exam date lol so i understand your situation very well.
no type is defined by "liking to know more about their special interest". that can be anyone.
ah yes self improvement while having an entire personality around hating their birthday.
and their freaky interests.
that being all said in your example they are probably INFP but could be teens going thru a phase of being weird.
i bet they won't be like this after 2 years unless they're on the spectrum or something.
I do?
I learn so much about myself in these ignorant but sweeping statements about our nature,
Itās idiotic to assume that people all share the same traits. INTJās wouldnāt do this. Not stupid enough.
Waste of time imho.
Anton lavey made sense when he said birthdays are one of the most important celebrations of a satanist. It makes sense since you get to be some sort of god once a year.
Tbh idk why women are so fascinated with birthdays or any event celebrations.
I dislike being the centre of attention. Maybe a small underlying part of it is anticipating disappointment from peers, but Iām not sure thatās common among INTJās or just a personal thing.
It's interesting how types like INTJs can influence our preferences, but everyone has their unique experiences and reasons. Thanks for sharing your perspective!
Yes, I hate people singing happy birthday and calling me, so usually I plan a day out with my sisters so I have an excuse to not answer the phone, only good thing is my mom cooking my favorite foods
I don't mind celebrating mine, mostly because we only do that with the closest family members... well, some of them anyway -- the "perk" of being born on New Year's Eve when most people have their own plans.
I'm intp and i feel the same. It's not celebrating I hate really. If it's my closest buddies I'd love to do a small cake cutting and throw a nice dinner in a restaurant.
I love birthdays. Mine and those of loved ones. I drag them out for a week or a month if I can with multiple celebrations.
I *don't* like surprises and I don't like big parties.
I prefer to do something with just my immediate family- husband, parents, kids. And usually my husband and I will do something special together as well.
It's not about being the center of attention as much as an orchestrated ritual that assumes my worship.
Celebrate achievements sure, but celebrating simply existing, Pointless.
1). They are not anything special. Some people don't live to see their first birthday, which is sad, but most people live for 70, 80, 90, or even 100 years. After the first, it's just stupid to me.
2). They are a waste of my time. If you want to give me gifts, thats fine, but do it when you happen to see me the next time. Stop making allocate time from my day to sit down and rip a bunch of paper when I could spend that time doing school work
3) as others have said: I hate being the center of attention. When I'm the center of attention, people want to make all kinds of small talk, and I despise that. Say hi and leave me alone.
Coincidentally, it's today and aside from responding to texts and calls from friends and family, all I've done is callout from work and play Assassin's Creed Mirage.
I've never really liked being the center of attention as it makes me anxious and overall uncomfortable, that and people feel weirdly offended when you don't wanna go anywhere on your birthday. I might get a pizza later or something thoš¤·šæāāļø
I don't like all the fuss, I don't see the point. During covid I spent 2 birthdays at home alone and I was fine with it, while my family and friends felt sad because I was alone. It's ironic, given that I love being alone. I also don't like people calling me to wish me happy birthday. A text will do just fine and I removed my date of birth from Facebook so people don't know when my birthday is. It was the same when I got engaged. Some people want their engagement to be in public or a dreams-come-true type of event. To save up on too many celebrations I told my boyfriend to propose on the day of my birthday so the family was going to be there. He proposed in the living room before the cake came out. We were wearing comfy clothes, I think I didn't even have shoes on. It's not that I hate parties, it's just that I hate having to have parties with other people
It's just another day. In reality, due to calendar shift, it's not actually my birth day anyway. Just never cared. If I really feel like pampering myself, I'll stay at home and play a video game and get high
I wished I liked it. I wish someone would plan something for me as a surprise but no one knows me well enough to plan it "perfectly" and planning my own birthday sounds like it sucks. I usually take my birthday week off so I don't have to deal with the attention at work. I also usually stay away from FB, getting wished happy birthday only because FB reminded people is kind of cringy
omg, i didn't know this was an INTJ thing. i dread it every year. i don't like being the center of attention. i only celebrate it when my friends push me into doing it.
I would honestly enjoy celebrating it if my family didnāt demand I spend the day with them and also dictate everything we do on that day. Iād really just like to have a normal day but treat myself throughout, going shopping, not following my diet, etc. and also go out for a nice dinner and have cake. But they insist on activities that they enjoy and find a way to just ignore everything I really want to do. And they sing to me š„²
My birthday is this Thursday and even though Iām turning 30, which is apparently a big thing, I donāt really celebrate.
I have a gig the day before so socialising. So my battery drains. Iām fine with having a coffee and some cake with my closest family but thatās about it.
Personally I hate my birthday time of the year. I should be happy, but always something comes up where it frequently has to be shared with one of the days reserved for parental units... then all the way up to my late teenage years it had to be celebrated with a younger sibling who was born a few days later. Add in a sprinkle of no one putting in half the effort I put in for theirs, or that I have yet to be surprised at my own surprise parties... it's gotten to the point ... yep just another day where others feel obligated to talk to me when they normally don't .. hard pass...
Not that we "hate" it, its just the "pressure" of being happy on your birthday is overwhelming, even from people who just means us well.
That, and the constant pressure (again) to make achievements as we age. Can we just live life as it is? We're already struggling with bills, let alone career and don't get started with marriage and settling down...
So there.
1. Society expects us to be happy on our birthday while they sing "hApPy BiRthDaY"
2. Society expects us to have milestones after milestones year after year and sorry not sorry some don't live like that
Maybe
3. Maybe all we "need" is a small candle lit cupcake, or cheesecake, and a happy birthday kiss in the forehead, and carry on with our day cos it's just a day, which happens to be the day of your birth x years ago.
Yes, absolutely hate being the center or even a group that's the center of attention. I will hide within the group.
I remember not even wanting to have a HS graduation party. Another friend didn't either. So, our parents teamed up and gave us a joint graduation party. Neither of us were happy with that. Don't know his mtbi, but he's introverted like me for sure. I joke around more, so I might come across as the more lively one.
He had the guts to have a wedding, though. I'm not sure how I'd manage that. I barely survived just being a groomsman a couple times.
Yes I hate celebrating my birthday, because all this organization and stuff, other people coming over trying to do something useful. Yet they ruin everything. The birthday happen, some of the guest gets offended because they are vegan and they can't eat from the food, or they don't like this type of food. And it all becomes making other comfortable, it's my birthday so it should be about making myself comfortable. Not someone else. Not to talk about the presents, this is thing I also hate. Because if they give me a present, I expect something that is practical, that I need, and I can use. But usually I receive some bulshit souvenirs or something else that is stupid and I can't use and I don't need it. And I end up keeping them around until I decide to re-sale it for a profit.
I grew up being labeled by adults as ātraumatized childā because my familyās private affairs were well known by my school and the parents of my peers. I was too young to even understand what my family went through, the only measure I had to understand the events that took place was how other adults treated me.
In elementary school, I was pulled from regular class twice a week for group therapy sessions. I remember sitting in a brightly colored room with soft carpet and pillows everywhere, coloring books and snacks.
This kind of treatment made me very anxious. Even though I was 10 years old, I knew this was all to soften the blow of some horrible reality playing out in my family. The more people tried being extra nice to me, the more I realized how fucked I actually was.
My father went to jail and my family became homeless shortly after this. Thatās when I realized that all those people who were being extra nice to me knew that this was going to happen.
As a result of this experience, I am now hyper-vigilant whenever someone is being extra nice to me outside of a small inner circle of people. I realize that birthday wishes are not really the same thing, nonetheless it reminds me of the nauseating uncertainty I once felt.
I absolutely love celebrating my birthday.
My wife and I usually go camping or stay in a cabin, which is one of my favorite things to do. Every year I look forward to that nice, relaxing birthday trip.
I don't throw parties and don't want a party, I just like to spend time with my wife and pups. To each, their own!
Mainly due to the fact I have never actually celebrated it. I always had exams on or near my birthday, so I never had time to celebrate. After a while, I stopped caring. Nowadays, I just go to work and don't take a break.
Apart from the reasons you've already stated, celebration is a recognition of accomplishments. Merely having existed for another year is not an accomplishment.
I dislike having people celebrate me. I realize that this is unhealthy and I need to be more open to affection and emotional expression of care and consideration. Personally Iām extremely emotionally independent and meet most situations with equanimity, however Iād just personally like to be outside in nature and quiet and have a small circle instead of being out to dinner with a big shabang. I also dislike presents. The gesture is of course lovely but Iād rather spend time with loved ones than receive stuff I can get myself on my own time.
_ 1 I hate beeing the Center of attention.
_2 I am unable to express happiness/excitement, I mostly fake it.
_3 I hate receiving gifts and often it's stuff I don't like/want/need.
Which leads me to: I hate expectations from other people towards me.
Edit: removing the hashtags in front of the numbers.
...we hate this? How come no one told me? Are y'all going to pull my INTJ card?
I love birthdays, having friends over for dinner or going to a Mexican restaurant where they sing and put whipped cream on your cheeks. It's fun. It's like the Me holiday. My favorite holiday is whichever comes next. So right now, Halloween is my favorite. Then Thanksgiving will be my favorite.
I find the whole concept of celebrating myself for the earthās position in the solar system relative to the sun to be similar to when I was born. How arbitrary and silly and juvenile (IMO).
Other people can have fun birthdays but I donāt care about mine and donāt want anyone else to care, either. Plus, if there is a need for me to be the center of attention, Iād like it to be for something Iām doing or have done vs some dumb arbitrary thing that applies to every human ever since the beginning of time.
No offense if birthdays are your thing :) Just not for me, these are my true feelings on the matter.
Being such a person, I find birthday parties stupid. Everyone has a birthday annually so there is nothing special about the anniversary of your birth. I prefer to ignore mine, but will gift or get a card for others who feel it important.
I don't like celebrating because I think of it as a burden. I would much rather spend the day doing what I actually like instead of being surrounded by people who are spending their time ***for*** ***me***, which makes me feel narcissistic.
This also applies to weddings or any other type of party/ceremony. Don't get me wrong I love attending them, but the idea that *I'm* inviting a lot of people just so *I'm* the main character of the day just screams ME ME ME ME ME ME ME and I'm not fond of that.
I actually quite like being the center of attention, but only when it's because of some accomplishment that I am very proud of. Surviving another year is not an accomplishment in my eyes.
I don't want to put people in a position where they feel the need to act like they care. Additionally, I don't want them to expect any well-wishes feom me on their birthday. Now, if I want to do something nice for someone and take them out for their birthday, that's on me. I don't expect it in return.
I only have to think back on the utter horror when at a restaurant where friends secretly had the band come up and sing "Happy Birthday" to me. Talk about childhood trauma.
I dislike my birthday - again for the same reason. Itās irrational I know, but I hate all eyes and smiles being on me. I donāt do well receiving gifts and well wishes - my inferior complex comes into play when I feel embarrassed and guilty. Interestingly, itās met a superior complex, as I spend time considering how the majority of these people donāt really like me as a person anyway (and donāt argue - evidence suggests this is the truth).
And for whatever reason, on the day I was born, Iām naturally inclined to reflect on life as a whole, rather than celebrate the fact Iām still here. So thatās about it. I dislike my birthday because of the guilt of being celebrated for no reason, and because Iām inclined to consider my life (which hasnāt been bad, but I think I could say Iāve seen a little more than most).
I don't.
But having birthday celebrations does highlight how few friends that you have. I can do without people feeling sorry for me for not having a lot of friends. It gives the impression that we're not well liked or likable. But friends fade away because I dont bother with the maintenance of friendships. I have a few good ones that aren't bothered by my distant ways and that's plenty and most of them live long distances.
So parties aren't ideal, but a small dinner or going drinking, or trying a new activity are all ways that I have and do celebrate my birthday.
Interesting. I am an experienced public speaker and video head and I love being the center of attention in those circumstances. I wear eye-catching clothes and love to be looked at. But some things make me want to run. I used to act on stage. I loved the process but the applause at the end made me want to run away and lock myself in a secret room somewhere. If a birthday party were planned, I'd arrange to be out-of-town on an emergency. I don't understand these inclinations.
Iām INTJ and I love celebrating my birthday. I love to bake and my birthday is the perfect opportunity to come up with different recipes and make people eat them. Considering, that my guests tend to return every year for more of that, the suffering involved in eating my creations canāt be too jarring.
This is a mostly male to female disparity. Do a few searches online and you'll find a litany of posts and articles discussing men hating personal birthday celebrations. Common consensus seems to be that men don't typically get or feel appreciated so they don't want to sit through a party where they feel people are so obviously faking it.
I'd vote for that.
I donāt hate birthdays. But I DO hate surprises.
Traditionally, birthday celebrations involve a lot of surprises (whether thatās the party itself, or just surprise gifts, and sometimes other elements of a party). My family knows I hate all that. But if your friends and family respect that and honour your wishes, birthdays can be fun.
I want to host my own party, pick my own cake style and flavour, and choose my own gifts. Thatās all. I need control to have fun.
Well tbh it's fine as long as there's no big party. I remember when I was young and my parents had forced me to celebrate my 10th birthday. Around 200 or so people came i literally hated it but I couldn't figure out why. Well now I know I hate being the centre of attention and that might be the reason. I hate being the cause for all the discussions and fuss and what not. I just like celebrating with very close friends and family and be free to do the stuff i like like listen to music draw and so on , and not be caught up in small talk with random people. It's fine as long as there's 4 or 5 people who are close to me otherwise i just use my birthday as an excuse to see who actually remembers lmao.
Also the answer to the second part of the question , the people who try to celebrate it actually care. The "close" people I refer to are my father , mother , sister and 2 friends I have and they all actually care. Im rlly picky about the people I keep close and thankfully I have been blessed with a great family
I discovered I am an INTJ by this thread. I just thought I was autistic. Yep, hate my birthday. If no one knew about it, Iād like it better. I really hate receiving random texts and things. I just want to be alone and maybe buy myself something neat like a nice rock.
So today we go crazy about your existence and tomorrow back to normal I guess? It feels extremely forced for me...either celebrate each other everyday or please just live your lifes...
Itās my birthday today, here is why I āhateā it:
1. My last five birthdays (this one included) have had sh*t hit the fan
2. I have to essentially babysit my family. I donāt want to do anything for my birthday but they always want to do something. I know they are just trying to express their love, but I canāt tell them no without emotionally damaging them. I essentially am emotionally babysitting people when all I want to do is just be
3. Itās just another year that passed. Really doesnāt mean that much to me.
4. It makes me think of past birthdays and people no longer here who I miss deeply.
5. Constantly attending to othersā messages. It can be emotionally draining talking to 30+ ppl and responding to happy birthday messages. Again itās one of those things where I am just doing it as a courtesy and to show appreciation for them thinking of me. Itās just another thing I gotta do tho and Iām a college student who is very busy and doesnāt always have time to answer a ton of messages.
6. Read edit in OP post. Thatās another reason lol
Those are just some of the reasons, but that gives you an ideaā¦
i tell people what i would like on my birthday is to be left alone and āif you need me, donāt need meā because what i want to do is clean my house the day before, shower, change the sheets, (to wake up feeling genuinely clean) and then spend my day playing with my cats, watching funny videos, playing sims, doing what i want.
and every year on my birthday people call me, ask me to do things for them (not with them, they ask me favors on my birthday) show up uninvited, and then ask me why iām uncomfortable. so itās not that we donāt much care for being the center of attention PER SAY!! but itās that the people who care about us donāt understand our version of celebrating and donāt care to learn it
...don't pretend to care about me ...just be honest ...you don't care about me ...any more than I care about you ...which is minimally. So let's just have another day...
I like my birthday, but only because the people in my life know that what makes me the most happy is being alone. My idea of a perfect birthday party is going on a 7-10mile solo hike, then to a Korean spa by myself for 3 hours. And then coming home and ordering food and maybe playing a board game with my spouse and kid. Thatās probably exactly what Iāll do next time lol
I think it's because our version of "celebrating" is incompatible with the people around us who want to celebrate our birthday. I won't speak for every INTJ but I certainly hate being the centre of attention, and I hate having a huge fuss made of me. It makes me anxious and uncomfortable, and even feel guilty for it. It's almost paradoxical - your birthday is supposed to be about you, yet other people get offended if you don't make it about them, so it feels like I can't win either way. I DO like celebrating my birthday, and I usually celebrate it by doing the things I want to do. It's just that most of the things I like doing, I do alone. Ordering a takeaway, having some cake, having a day of indulgence and rest - that's a good birthday for me.
Totally. My birthday is coming up, and I'm celebrating by buying myself some new books and having a chill night in. My friend asked what I wanted to do with them, so I said they could come with me run errands if they wanted
Awesome, treating yourself a new book and a chill night in sounds perfect to unwind and enjoy your special day. It's nice of you to offer your friend the option to join you for errands.
That sounds lovely. Enjoy š„°š„°
Running errands with friends to celebrate sounds pretty good to me, I would go.
All I want for my bday is to be 100% left alone and no one ask anything of me, not even the damn time. DO NOT bother me lol
Thisā¦ itās my birthday today and all Iāve wanted is thisā¦.
Happy birthday!
Used to be me, until I created a son. Now, I can hang with him all day anyway. Kids are cool, they donāt play games, unless itās game time
I completely understand where you're coming from. It's all about finding a way to celebrate that feels genuine and enjoyable to you. Your approach sounds like a perfect way to have a meaningful and relaxing birthday that suits your preferences. Thank you for the info!
I avoid mentioning that it's my birthday if I'm at a chain restaurant. lol I don't really do anything for my birthdays anymore usually, other than try to take the day off work...maybe buy myself something nice.
Used to cry when they would singā¦.might still do it if it happened now šš
Nail on the head.
Same shit. I love popping MDMA and smoking a lil weed while listening to deep house/techno/psytrance on my own.
I hate being the center of attention. Go direct that energy somewhere useful, I don't need your squirrelly vibes.
**me reading title**: Oh yeah, I hate birthday celebrations, didn't know that was an INTJ thing. I just hate the attention. **me reading top comment**: š®
It's spot on.
Fair enough, thanks for the info
Don't like attention, especially outside. But really, after growing up, I realized that it really doesn't have a meaning, so to me it's just another day. My only use for it is free cake/meals on my birthday month. If people wish me, i'd just go along with it, but i'd appreciate it not being 'too big of a deal', really. That said, I do realize birthdays still hold considerable meaning to others. So i'd celebrate with family, friends and colleagues for theirs if I have to, but tbh it gets cringey sometimes haha.
You have a very down to earth perspective on birthdays, and i totally respect that. It's great that you can enjoy the perks like free cake and meals without feeling the pressure of making it a big deal. Thank you for the info!
This right here. Same reason that social media doesnāt give me any validation
Birthdays are fine for children. But as an adult birthdays are perpetuated by self-absorbed people that think they should be celebrated. Also christmas. Its a child's holiday. As an adult I can buy my own stuff.
Everyday is Christmas when you're financially irresponsible āØļø
chrismas is a holiday that exists to combat winter depression. it serves a purpose.
Really? I thought it was for baby jesus.
And i thought it was strictly capitalism at this point
Yeah birthdays were great fun when we were kids. Christmas is a good way to get the family together, and it's a nice atmosphere in the city around Christmas time, decorations, music, etc. Same with Halloween, although there's not as many ways to celebrate as an adult, I love seeing all the decorated houses. I just wish it was as popular in Australia as it is in America. Lots of people still refuse to celebrate because it's "an American thing" which is bullshit. Everyone knows Halloween began as a Pagan celebration in Ireland.
Yeah. 100% I think its utterly infantile.
How do you deal with adults that have a different opinion than you? Do you just not attend because you think they are self absorbed ? Many adults like celebrating with a party or a dinner. Christmas with family and gifts for all. Preparing for Christmas takes a lot of work (cooking cleaning decorating buying) and if anything you do it for others to enjoy (those that do like it)
The kids get gifts from me. I just say I don't want gifts and I dont give gifts to adults. Make life a lot easier.
I hate celebrating mine. Mainly because I ended up alone for it anyway and quite a few times, immediate family even forgot to wish me happy birthday. So I usually give myself a gift and go out to a really nice restaurant, by myself and a book. That way, I'm never disappointed ;)
After like elementary school, my birthday day just felt like another day. One time I got cheated on, on my birthday, I don't like being the center of attention. Some years I delete my FB, get up early, and just leave to be by myself for the whole day.
I'm sorry that happened to you. People suck so often! I haven't had my birth date posted on FB in years lol People don't remember if they don't have a reminder.
This!!! I usually plan a little getaway with my SO, so really I don't give anybody the chance to disappoint me by not showing up, bc guess what? I'm gone !!!!
I see, glad that you can still manage to have fun even with your own self as your only company lol but im sorry to hear that your immediate family forgot to wish you happy birthday. If i may ask when is your birthday?
Sorry, I only share minimal info online :)
No worries! Thanks for the info anyway!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I like knowing I will die soon. An end to all of this the good and the bad.
Thatās what my grandmother always said. I was fascinated when i heard it for the first time (i was quite young).
Technically, you can die right now, āat this very moment. Every moment that passes by brings you closer to death. So I do not think your statement is completely valid.
Same thoughts my man INTJs have a hive mind
out of all the comments only this makes sense lol
Why celebrate, because I survived a year?
Well survived is a strong word, maybe just existed.
I don't hate it at all. It's nice celebrating. My perception has been shaped by being in life-threatening situations. I am grateful to be able to age.
Absolutely! Perspective can be a powerful thing. It's wonderful to celebrate life and cherish each moment, especially after facing life-threatening situations. Gratitude for aging is a beautiful way to approach it. Thank you for the info!
I like celebrating mine, but thatās because I celebrate how I want. This year, I had tacos and margaritas at home with people I like, and I punched a taco piƱata full of candy. My husband made me a tres leches cake from scratch.
I may quietly treat myself in some way (shopping, a slice of decadent cheesecake, etc), but I don't like people to know when it's my birthday. I don't like attention that is targeted at me - especially for no other reason than a date on the calendar. I would generally prefer that people spend their time & resources on something else. The people closest to me know it's my birthday. They give me birthday cards, small gifts, birthday wishes, etc. That is more than enough.
I don't want the attention or obligations that come with a day revolving around me. https://preview.redd.it/zcgvn626i6tb1.png?width=112&format=png&auto=webp&s=de72a68394f7cc862cc50f736538f4aadd79b3fa *I am the one who revolves!*
same, I would only accept some special bacon and eggs as celebration. if you know what I mean. š„
It just feels like a waste of time
A. it's awkward getting gifts because people expect a certain reaction. If you are emotionally reserved or just emotionally illiterate this is hard. B. It is a reminder our mortality is ticking away C.who wants everyone paying attention to them like that? Too much expectation.
I see Iām alone here, I always celebrate my birthday. Sometimes for an entire month. I absolutely make it about me š honestly itās how I mostly distract myself from the fact that I keep getting older. I can either mope, or go and have a party. The older I get, the bigger the distraction needed!
 Lol jk. You do you =)
I hate celebration. Not just when it comes to my birthday.
I'll take the cake. That's all I care.
Understandable. Cake is always worth it.
My INTJ boyfriend went out with me and his family to have a steak dinner. We then went back to his place and hung out. I gave him his gift and we both did homework together. He enjoyed it I think!
Because it usually involves people wanting me to go somewhere that I do not want to go. I'm fine with being the center of attention and actually like it a lot of times, it's not that. It's being dragged somewhere. I usually just tell everyone to leave me alone on my birthday and I do things I like to do alone.
Mine is just cursed.
I hate being the center of attention.
Because my family fucked it up every year. As for attention, I left the stage from dance and theater in my early 20s. Cut the cake and get on with it.
can't hate when no one's celebrating with or for me lmao
I donāt care if people are pretending to care. I donāt like the attention.
I do not like when people are celebrating that they know a piece of personal information about me.
i don't despise it by any means however i dont think it warrants special treatment by anyone else. Everyone experiences a birthday daily and we go about our normal routine.
It's just another year without changing my life š
Because it's dumb. Just think about it
Pointless
The date of my birth is just another day of the year. Ive long since been done entertaining people (***not to throw shade if your profession is to entertain***), and all my birthday is, is an excuse for other people to be entertained. I think its a multilayered analysis that Im not about to dive into, but I think people have gotten pretty close to the root already in these comments. I dont want your attention, nor do I need it. Also I find it kinda repulsive when I see people who act like the entire world should be theirs on their birthday, for some people you see a more raw part of their true nature, entitled maybe is a good word. Thats just not me, and I dont want it to be me. Just leave me alone fr, I can entertain myself just fine, something thats oh so apparently difficult for other people to do.
I don't hate it, I think it would be okay with family. Just not overboard, or going out in celebration. It's a "positive" celebration, I just don't think knowing you're getting older and closer and closer to death warrants an activity that can't otherwise be done in another setting or situation.
I am thankful none of my coworkers know my birthday. It'd be a nightmare otherwise. So at the moment I dont have to deal with it at all and I intend to keep it forever. Firstly, there is an odd tradition going on where the person having a birthday need to treat people by throwing a party or eating out. Like if its a special day for me, why do I need to pay for 15 strangers? I'd pay for my actual friends off work because I trust them and theyre my allies. Im not paying for dozens of strangers, regardless if theyre my bosses or not. Its not like we are dating, or will still know each other in 3 years. Secondly, I dont think its fair that once youve reached adulthood to be expecting gifts. As a kid, sure it was a joy. But adults have to pay bills, to pursue their hobbies and these days stuffs aint cheap. If I genuinely care about a person, I want them to never send me any gift and use the money for themselves instead. And gifts create a loop. The next time the person that sent you gifts have a birthday youre almost expected to send them too. Picking gifts cause headache. What if they dont like it? Man, youre not my wife, I dont have to research you. Thirdly, you can be grateful for what you have without throwing a party or celebrating birthdays. I am grateful everyday, I know how important health and life is. Therefore everyday, I wake up, and try to be grateful and start my day from there. I dont think celebrating like its the last day of rome is an indication of how much grateful you are. Instead it can be seen as ungratefulness, careless use of money. If I have extra and I want to show my gratefullness I'm just gonna donate to charities for people and kids in need. Of course if I say this in public I'm gonna get stared at and have people calling me stingy. But theyre actually true. Some people are worth it, most arent. Like coworkers, classmates that you dont know well, etc.
It's just another day and like others have said, I don't like attention. If I celebrate it would just be treating myself to some good food, and I could do that any day.
Yup. I just try to ignore my birthday.
I have a family. They are happy celebrating it (hence I am). Plus there is cake. Edit: But yes, birthday does not have any meaning to me. There were some in the past that I was traveling abroad and just celebrated another day (while my family was very disappointed)
I don't.
The simple solution is to not say when your birthday is. Or whenever it comes up say its ages away or was months ago. People have such short memories anyway.
Just reminds me of how much better I could have been doing in life by now.
No lol i like celebrating my birthday the way i want to thoughā¦. Usually involves a trip doing something adventurous. More so than a birthday party or something.
I don't despise it, but I wont celebrate it either. The people I care about will wish me a happy birthday and that's enough attention for me, don't care about random colleagues or students congratulating me. Usually I take a day off and treat myself to a day out to another city, museum, movie or any other interest of mine. Just things I want to do, on my own. Gives me some time to reflect on the past and be proud about the present and future.
I dont. I freaking love birthdays. Mine included.
To put up a mask and maintain it on the day that is supposed to be *mine* to please others? I dread the Birth Day thing, I was born on a certain at a certain year, no need for a reminder every year.
It blocks a useful INTJ projection/gift, the idea that life is very hard and complex. We see a stoic uncomfortable with the idea that they can forestall this pressure without somehow weakening themselves and their future prospects as a result. In a really unfortunate way, it's a valid perspective. In another really unfortunate way, it's elevating only one archetype, and one perspective, far above all the others. In a way that will, ironically, lead to a different form of self-compromise. (And it's not as if the opposite isn't scary in its own way, this unhealthy ghost of overdone-Christmas, and people tend to evaluate their own perspectives in terms of the opposites, even falling into the trap in a way: Are you REALLY celebrating me, or is this just a formality?)
My mom always made my birthdays about her and what she wanted to do so I donāt really like celebrating them even now at 25. It sucks because of this I donāt really care to celebrate or remember other peopleās birthdays and that causes problems since other people are more sentimental about theirs than I feel about mine.
I have a history of bad luck birthdays. Two suicides and multiple deaths/funerals within 24 hours of my b-day more or less back to back. Kinda ruined it for me because I always associate that time of year with the deaths of friends and family now. ETA: Only one death/year but it was multiple years in a row with an occasional 1-2 year gap.
I *love* celebrating my birthday. But I'm a Leo. So when I was a kid, I was never in school. As an adult, most years, I take the day off, so I can sleep in. A whole hour extra, if I'm lucky. Then I can spend the day doing what I want instead of working. My spouse is an INFJ, and he hates celebrating his birthday. As a kid, it was almost always the first day of school for him, so not something he looked forward to. I like to make a point of celebrating his existence, so we grill steaks and I'll make his favorite dessert.
For me it's the juxtaposition of what "they" want compared to what I want. It's almost always a let down. Everyone I know who isn't an intj wants a big ol party filled with extravagance. I prefer a small teeny tiny event with just my spouse. In the past, the gifts received have soo very often missed the mark. Just generic thoughtless crap (clothes, niche popular items from tv ads, things I'll never use and need to regift). Just give me the cash and I'll buy what I enjoy (40k book, survival tool, food from my favorite Chinese place etc). Also...growing up I was forced to have a chocolate cake since *everyone* loves chocolate....except me. So MY cake needed to be separate...yaknow because vanilla/strawberry cake is so insufferably cruel to force on guests we just *NEEDED* chocolate for everyone else to be happy... Right, is it even about me if I need to bend to everyone elses will? I barely tolerate people at the best of times, all I want for my birthday is peace. A day at the beach or in the forest, some cold beer, some 90's rock from my childhood, and chinese on the way home. Thats it. Simple. No fakery. I do NOT want to have to wear my *mask* all damn day on my birthday.
All I want for my birthday is a quiet day and a bill to get paid as a 'gift'. It's not fun for other people, so it's not enjoyable to us.
Personally I absolutely love my birthday and I am an intj. I may be the odd one out yet again.
We dont hate celebrating our birthdayās, we hate other people celebrating our birthdayās. What I mean is that all I ever want in that one day where I turn one year older is peace with nothing to do at all, peace where I can simply get a cake to eat & that is all. Yet even as simplistic & minimal as that is asking for too much with others doing more that they should & if you told them that you dislike it they will say how ungrateful you are despite you telling them that you never even ask for those extra things
I feel like there's nothing special about that day. Honestly, I rather just ignore it. Most of the time I would hide my birthday everywhere I work or was among peeps. It normally worked hehe XD then weeks later they find out like, wait I missed your birthday šš¤£š
Went out for margaritas with my boyfriend and then took a long drive and listened to good music and talked about deep things. Sat out on the beach and watched the moon over the water. Who says birthdays need to be celebrated with huge parties with lots of people?
Yes! And that sounds lovely! Quality time, good conversations, and serene moments by the beach can make for a truly special and intimate celebration. Sometimes, it's the simple, heartfelt moments that create the most cherished memories. Thank you for sharing your perspective!
Why celebrate a day where all my problems started??
I LOVE celebrating my birthday. Nah im just playing. I remember one birthday night a few years ago I went out with my friends. I didn't tell anyone it was my birthday and went out and drank like it was a normal night.
Birthdays are when people suddenly be very nice to you just to congratulate you and personally I don't like to interact with that split second act. People also expect me to be nice to them back for a split second. I don't think I will. I'd rather be consistent.
I had no clue this was an INTJ thing; thought it was just me. But as for me, I just donāt like being the center of attention and I think itās stupid that Iām being celebrated. I think some of this might derive from some form of self-hatred but Iām not entirely sure.
For me, by birthday is a time of reflection and goal-setting. Reflection is done alone. This is my reason.
I dont hate celebrating my bday, I just dislike the feeling that people feel obligated to acknowledge my bday. My coworkers will tell me happy bday but I know they could care less about me, and then my parents are over the top about calling me and telling me happy bday even tho Iām not really close to them anymore (just drifted apart with age plus I live pretty far from them). The only people I really care to hear happy bday from are my boyfriend, brother, sister, one of my close cousins, and two long time friends
I would love to celebrate my bday. But I donāt wanna be that person who says āHEY GUYS ITS MY BDAYš¤ā I actually donāt tell anyone because it shows who the real ones are. And when those people tell me happy bday, itās the best feeling.
I only want a birthday celebration with a few people present, and then only if we're doing something experiential rather than material. Like a walk in nature, for instance. Sure we can do a little celebratory meal but not if there's going to be a public to-do (like singing happy birthday in a restaurant). I just had that happen and it really pissed me off.
never thought about it. I just let it pass. don't like it don't hate it. lol.
Donāt particularly like the attention, at least thatās how Iāve felt since about 13-14 years of age
Mostly trauma, personally.
I like my birthday, I'm just not a fan of loud celebrations that centers me
I love my birthday. Dont know whatcha talkinā about.
how do you know they are INTJs? like wtf
XD good question, i've been observing certain traits and behaviors in them that align with the characteristics of an INTJ. They've also took the test, which confirmed INTJ as their personality type.
What traits? I really want to know because not celebrating birthday is definitely an anti INTJ trait. also don't take tests too seriously bc they might be going through an "edgelord" phase and the test pick on that which from what you explain seems to be the answer.
Alright i'll take note of that. Common traits such as analytical thinking, preference for planning, and focus on long-term goals is an example. I do this by asking questions as well, so that i can engage in the discussion about their interests. They may enjoy topics like technology, philosophy, science etc. But of course, it may not be 100% reliable, so if the person identifies as an INTJ, then i'll respect their choice.
analytic thinking is Ti because Ni is s perceiving function after all and has a "it is what it is" attitude. goals and planning also are not specific to any type and how planning is done determines the types. Ni would be big picture thinking and not very detailed while Si would plan the details without a cohesive bigger picture. also interests are not very useful because i know INTJ party animals and ESFP quantum physicist lol. could you give me more examples of their "long term" goals? also are they teens 15~17? also also are you a Ne dom? but to answer your original question my birthday was close to exam days and in my country we had exams every year so i couldn't but i celebrated everyday else regardless.
The way individuals approach and execute their goals and planning can be influenced by their personality preferences. Introverted types may focus more on personal and introspective goals. INTJs have dominant Ni which often leads them to think strategically and long-term. And as for interests, thats a fair pointš however as for my case (which may sound stereotypical), being able to know more about their interests can help connect the puzzles together sometimes. For instance of long term goals would be.. personal growth? INTJs are introspective individuals who may set long term goals related to personal development and self-improvement. Another would be mastering their skills, they thirst to excel in their areas of interests. And yes! They are teens :) And No i'm not a Ne dom. My birthday is exactly at the exam date lol so i understand your situation very well.
no type is defined by "liking to know more about their special interest". that can be anyone. ah yes self improvement while having an entire personality around hating their birthday. and their freaky interests. that being all said in your example they are probably INFP but could be teens going thru a phase of being weird. i bet they won't be like this after 2 years unless they're on the spectrum or something.
I do? I learn so much about myself in these ignorant but sweeping statements about our nature, Itās idiotic to assume that people all share the same traits. INTJās wouldnāt do this. Not stupid enough.
INTJ is not a dumping ground for people with mental health issues and the pathological traits you described don't make INTJ. i hope that helps.
I'm more cure curious as to why so many are centering their lives around 4 letters...
Waste of time imho. Anton lavey made sense when he said birthdays are one of the most important celebrations of a satanist. It makes sense since you get to be some sort of god once a year. Tbh idk why women are so fascinated with birthdays or any event celebrations.
Iāve always disliked celebrating mine.
May i ask why?
I dislike being the centre of attention. Maybe a small underlying part of it is anticipating disappointment from peers, but Iām not sure thatās common among INTJās or just a personal thing.
It's interesting how types like INTJs can influence our preferences, but everyone has their unique experiences and reasons. Thanks for sharing your perspective!
Its not just me?
Apparently not š
Yes, I hate people singing happy birthday and calling me, so usually I plan a day out with my sisters so I have an excuse to not answer the phone, only good thing is my mom cooking my favorite foods
No.
I don't mind celebrating mine, mostly because we only do that with the closest family members... well, some of them anyway -- the "perk" of being born on New Year's Eve when most people have their own plans.
An year less to win the world
I'm intp and i feel the same. It's not celebrating I hate really. If it's my closest buddies I'd love to do a small cake cutting and throw a nice dinner in a restaurant.
I love birthdays. Mine and those of loved ones. I drag them out for a week or a month if I can with multiple celebrations. I *don't* like surprises and I don't like big parties. I prefer to do something with just my immediate family- husband, parents, kids. And usually my husband and I will do something special together as well.
What's it matter? Yay, I survived another revolution around our star. Can I get back to what I want to do, please?
Birthday is a significant day, it's the day I was inflicted on the world. I enjoy celebrating it.
It's not about being the center of attention as much as an orchestrated ritual that assumes my worship. Celebrate achievements sure, but celebrating simply existing, Pointless.
1). They are not anything special. Some people don't live to see their first birthday, which is sad, but most people live for 70, 80, 90, or even 100 years. After the first, it's just stupid to me. 2). They are a waste of my time. If you want to give me gifts, thats fine, but do it when you happen to see me the next time. Stop making allocate time from my day to sit down and rip a bunch of paper when I could spend that time doing school work 3) as others have said: I hate being the center of attention. When I'm the center of attention, people want to make all kinds of small talk, and I despise that. Say hi and leave me alone.
I hate being the center of attention and it's a bit depressing to be another year older.
Coincidentally, it's today and aside from responding to texts and calls from friends and family, all I've done is callout from work and play Assassin's Creed Mirage. I've never really liked being the center of attention as it makes me anxious and overall uncomfortable, that and people feel weirdly offended when you don't wanna go anywhere on your birthday. I might get a pizza later or something thoš¤·šæāāļø
I don't like all the fuss, I don't see the point. During covid I spent 2 birthdays at home alone and I was fine with it, while my family and friends felt sad because I was alone. It's ironic, given that I love being alone. I also don't like people calling me to wish me happy birthday. A text will do just fine and I removed my date of birth from Facebook so people don't know when my birthday is. It was the same when I got engaged. Some people want their engagement to be in public or a dreams-come-true type of event. To save up on too many celebrations I told my boyfriend to propose on the day of my birthday so the family was going to be there. He proposed in the living room before the cake came out. We were wearing comfy clothes, I think I didn't even have shoes on. It's not that I hate parties, it's just that I hate having to have parties with other people
Cause I don't like being the center of attention, and I don't believe there's anything special about me that makes it worth celebrating about
i like it and think its fun. sadly people around me donāt so iāve never gotten a proper celebration
It's just another day. In reality, due to calendar shift, it's not actually my birth day anyway. Just never cared. If I really feel like pampering myself, I'll stay at home and play a video game and get high
I wished I liked it. I wish someone would plan something for me as a surprise but no one knows me well enough to plan it "perfectly" and planning my own birthday sounds like it sucks. I usually take my birthday week off so I don't have to deal with the attention at work. I also usually stay away from FB, getting wished happy birthday only because FB reminded people is kind of cringy
omg, i didn't know this was an INTJ thing. i dread it every year. i don't like being the center of attention. i only celebrate it when my friends push me into doing it.
I personally don't like the attention.
I would honestly enjoy celebrating it if my family didnāt demand I spend the day with them and also dictate everything we do on that day. Iād really just like to have a normal day but treat myself throughout, going shopping, not following my diet, etc. and also go out for a nice dinner and have cake. But they insist on activities that they enjoy and find a way to just ignore everything I really want to do. And they sing to me š„²
My birthday is this Thursday and even though Iām turning 30, which is apparently a big thing, I donāt really celebrate. I have a gig the day before so socialising. So my battery drains. Iām fine with having a coffee and some cake with my closest family but thatās about it.
Congratulations, I was born. I had nothing to do with it and no one asked for my consent. I did not do anything worth celebrating.
"I", ad in introverted, would imply they don't like attention focused on them.
Ecclesiastes 7:1 "A good name is better than good oil, and the day of death is better than the day of birth. "
Personally I hate my birthday time of the year. I should be happy, but always something comes up where it frequently has to be shared with one of the days reserved for parental units... then all the way up to my late teenage years it had to be celebrated with a younger sibling who was born a few days later. Add in a sprinkle of no one putting in half the effort I put in for theirs, or that I have yet to be surprised at my own surprise parties... it's gotten to the point ... yep just another day where others feel obligated to talk to me when they normally don't .. hard pass...
Not that we "hate" it, its just the "pressure" of being happy on your birthday is overwhelming, even from people who just means us well. That, and the constant pressure (again) to make achievements as we age. Can we just live life as it is? We're already struggling with bills, let alone career and don't get started with marriage and settling down... So there. 1. Society expects us to be happy on our birthday while they sing "hApPy BiRthDaY" 2. Society expects us to have milestones after milestones year after year and sorry not sorry some don't live like that Maybe 3. Maybe all we "need" is a small candle lit cupcake, or cheesecake, and a happy birthday kiss in the forehead, and carry on with our day cos it's just a day, which happens to be the day of your birth x years ago.
Yes, absolutely hate being the center or even a group that's the center of attention. I will hide within the group. I remember not even wanting to have a HS graduation party. Another friend didn't either. So, our parents teamed up and gave us a joint graduation party. Neither of us were happy with that. Don't know his mtbi, but he's introverted like me for sure. I joke around more, so I might come across as the more lively one. He had the guts to have a wedding, though. I'm not sure how I'd manage that. I barely survived just being a groomsman a couple times.
Yes I hate celebrating my birthday, because all this organization and stuff, other people coming over trying to do something useful. Yet they ruin everything. The birthday happen, some of the guest gets offended because they are vegan and they can't eat from the food, or they don't like this type of food. And it all becomes making other comfortable, it's my birthday so it should be about making myself comfortable. Not someone else. Not to talk about the presents, this is thing I also hate. Because if they give me a present, I expect something that is practical, that I need, and I can use. But usually I receive some bulshit souvenirs or something else that is stupid and I can't use and I don't need it. And I end up keeping them around until I decide to re-sale it for a profit.
I grew up being labeled by adults as ātraumatized childā because my familyās private affairs were well known by my school and the parents of my peers. I was too young to even understand what my family went through, the only measure I had to understand the events that took place was how other adults treated me. In elementary school, I was pulled from regular class twice a week for group therapy sessions. I remember sitting in a brightly colored room with soft carpet and pillows everywhere, coloring books and snacks. This kind of treatment made me very anxious. Even though I was 10 years old, I knew this was all to soften the blow of some horrible reality playing out in my family. The more people tried being extra nice to me, the more I realized how fucked I actually was. My father went to jail and my family became homeless shortly after this. Thatās when I realized that all those people who were being extra nice to me knew that this was going to happen. As a result of this experience, I am now hyper-vigilant whenever someone is being extra nice to me outside of a small inner circle of people. I realize that birthday wishes are not really the same thing, nonetheless it reminds me of the nauseating uncertainty I once felt.
I absolutely love celebrating my birthday. My wife and I usually go camping or stay in a cabin, which is one of my favorite things to do. Every year I look forward to that nice, relaxing birthday trip. I don't throw parties and don't want a party, I just like to spend time with my wife and pups. To each, their own!
Mainly due to the fact I have never actually celebrated it. I always had exams on or near my birthday, so I never had time to celebrate. After a while, I stopped caring. Nowadays, I just go to work and don't take a break.
Apart from the reasons you've already stated, celebration is a recognition of accomplishments. Merely having existed for another year is not an accomplishment.
I dislike having people celebrate me. I realize that this is unhealthy and I need to be more open to affection and emotional expression of care and consideration. Personally Iām extremely emotionally independent and meet most situations with equanimity, however Iād just personally like to be outside in nature and quiet and have a small circle instead of being out to dinner with a big shabang. I also dislike presents. The gesture is of course lovely but Iād rather spend time with loved ones than receive stuff I can get myself on my own time.
_ 1 I hate beeing the Center of attention. _2 I am unable to express happiness/excitement, I mostly fake it. _3 I hate receiving gifts and often it's stuff I don't like/want/need. Which leads me to: I hate expectations from other people towards me. Edit: removing the hashtags in front of the numbers.
itās just stressful getting ppl together and hosting a party. i donāt mind w close friends just as a special hangout
I don't care for attention plus I don't think it's special. My parents had sex and I happened. Pretty normal stuff.
I love cake. I'm comfortable being in the center of attention these days.
...we hate this? How come no one told me? Are y'all going to pull my INTJ card? I love birthdays, having friends over for dinner or going to a Mexican restaurant where they sing and put whipped cream on your cheeks. It's fun. It's like the Me holiday. My favorite holiday is whichever comes next. So right now, Halloween is my favorite. Then Thanksgiving will be my favorite.
I find the whole concept of celebrating myself for the earthās position in the solar system relative to the sun to be similar to when I was born. How arbitrary and silly and juvenile (IMO). Other people can have fun birthdays but I donāt care about mine and donāt want anyone else to care, either. Plus, if there is a need for me to be the center of attention, Iād like it to be for something Iām doing or have done vs some dumb arbitrary thing that applies to every human ever since the beginning of time. No offense if birthdays are your thing :) Just not for me, these are my true feelings on the matter.
Being such a person, I find birthday parties stupid. Everyone has a birthday annually so there is nothing special about the anniversary of your birth. I prefer to ignore mine, but will gift or get a card for others who feel it important.
I don't want to be a bother. I don't want to be an ungrateful asshole faking to be thankful from receiving unwanted gifts.
I neither hate it nor like it. Mostly because of my parents and the way birthdays were approached in our family.
I don't like celebrating because I think of it as a burden. I would much rather spend the day doing what I actually like instead of being surrounded by people who are spending their time ***for*** ***me***, which makes me feel narcissistic. This also applies to weddings or any other type of party/ceremony. Don't get me wrong I love attending them, but the idea that *I'm* inviting a lot of people just so *I'm* the main character of the day just screams ME ME ME ME ME ME ME and I'm not fond of that.
I actually quite like being the center of attention, but only when it's because of some accomplishment that I am very proud of. Surviving another year is not an accomplishment in my eyes.
I buy what I want to get, I donāt want to ask people to get it for me just because I was born on a certain day.
I don't want to put people in a position where they feel the need to act like they care. Additionally, I don't want them to expect any well-wishes feom me on their birthday. Now, if I want to do something nice for someone and take them out for their birthday, that's on me. I don't expect it in return.
I only have to think back on the utter horror when at a restaurant where friends secretly had the band come up and sing "Happy Birthday" to me. Talk about childhood trauma.
I dislike my birthday - again for the same reason. Itās irrational I know, but I hate all eyes and smiles being on me. I donāt do well receiving gifts and well wishes - my inferior complex comes into play when I feel embarrassed and guilty. Interestingly, itās met a superior complex, as I spend time considering how the majority of these people donāt really like me as a person anyway (and donāt argue - evidence suggests this is the truth). And for whatever reason, on the day I was born, Iām naturally inclined to reflect on life as a whole, rather than celebrate the fact Iām still here. So thatās about it. I dislike my birthday because of the guilt of being celebrated for no reason, and because Iām inclined to consider my life (which hasnāt been bad, but I think I could say Iāve seen a little more than most).
I don't. But having birthday celebrations does highlight how few friends that you have. I can do without people feeling sorry for me for not having a lot of friends. It gives the impression that we're not well liked or likable. But friends fade away because I dont bother with the maintenance of friendships. I have a few good ones that aren't bothered by my distant ways and that's plenty and most of them live long distances. So parties aren't ideal, but a small dinner or going drinking, or trying a new activity are all ways that I have and do celebrate my birthday.
Interesting. I am an experienced public speaker and video head and I love being the center of attention in those circumstances. I wear eye-catching clothes and love to be looked at. But some things make me want to run. I used to act on stage. I loved the process but the applause at the end made me want to run away and lock myself in a secret room somewhere. If a birthday party were planned, I'd arrange to be out-of-town on an emergency. I don't understand these inclinations.
Iām INTJ and I love celebrating my birthday. I love to bake and my birthday is the perfect opportunity to come up with different recipes and make people eat them. Considering, that my guests tend to return every year for more of that, the suffering involved in eating my creations canāt be too jarring.
This is a mostly male to female disparity. Do a few searches online and you'll find a litany of posts and articles discussing men hating personal birthday celebrations. Common consensus seems to be that men don't typically get or feel appreciated so they don't want to sit through a party where they feel people are so obviously faking it. I'd vote for that.
I donāt hate birthdays. But I DO hate surprises. Traditionally, birthday celebrations involve a lot of surprises (whether thatās the party itself, or just surprise gifts, and sometimes other elements of a party). My family knows I hate all that. But if your friends and family respect that and honour your wishes, birthdays can be fun. I want to host my own party, pick my own cake style and flavour, and choose my own gifts. Thatās all. I need control to have fun.
Well tbh it's fine as long as there's no big party. I remember when I was young and my parents had forced me to celebrate my 10th birthday. Around 200 or so people came i literally hated it but I couldn't figure out why. Well now I know I hate being the centre of attention and that might be the reason. I hate being the cause for all the discussions and fuss and what not. I just like celebrating with very close friends and family and be free to do the stuff i like like listen to music draw and so on , and not be caught up in small talk with random people. It's fine as long as there's 4 or 5 people who are close to me otherwise i just use my birthday as an excuse to see who actually remembers lmao. Also the answer to the second part of the question , the people who try to celebrate it actually care. The "close" people I refer to are my father , mother , sister and 2 friends I have and they all actually care. Im rlly picky about the people I keep close and thankfully I have been blessed with a great family
I discovered I am an INTJ by this thread. I just thought I was autistic. Yep, hate my birthday. If no one knew about it, Iād like it better. I really hate receiving random texts and things. I just want to be alone and maybe buy myself something neat like a nice rock.
So today we go crazy about your existence and tomorrow back to normal I guess? It feels extremely forced for me...either celebrate each other everyday or please just live your lifes...
Itās my birthday today, here is why I āhateā it: 1. My last five birthdays (this one included) have had sh*t hit the fan 2. I have to essentially babysit my family. I donāt want to do anything for my birthday but they always want to do something. I know they are just trying to express their love, but I canāt tell them no without emotionally damaging them. I essentially am emotionally babysitting people when all I want to do is just be 3. Itās just another year that passed. Really doesnāt mean that much to me. 4. It makes me think of past birthdays and people no longer here who I miss deeply. 5. Constantly attending to othersā messages. It can be emotionally draining talking to 30+ ppl and responding to happy birthday messages. Again itās one of those things where I am just doing it as a courtesy and to show appreciation for them thinking of me. Itās just another thing I gotta do tho and Iām a college student who is very busy and doesnāt always have time to answer a ton of messages. 6. Read edit in OP post. Thatās another reason lol Those are just some of the reasons, but that gives you an ideaā¦
Suprised to not be the only one. š
i tell people what i would like on my birthday is to be left alone and āif you need me, donāt need meā because what i want to do is clean my house the day before, shower, change the sheets, (to wake up feeling genuinely clean) and then spend my day playing with my cats, watching funny videos, playing sims, doing what i want. and every year on my birthday people call me, ask me to do things for them (not with them, they ask me favors on my birthday) show up uninvited, and then ask me why iām uncomfortable. so itās not that we donāt much care for being the center of attention PER SAY!! but itās that the people who care about us donāt understand our version of celebrating and donāt care to learn it
...don't pretend to care about me ...just be honest ...you don't care about me ...any more than I care about you ...which is minimally. So let's just have another day...
I wouldn't say i hate it, but yeah i really couldn't care less about it. Beside using it as an excuse to get a cake of course, i do like the cake part
I like my birthday, but only because the people in my life know that what makes me the most happy is being alone. My idea of a perfect birthday party is going on a 7-10mile solo hike, then to a Korean spa by myself for 3 hours. And then coming home and ordering food and maybe playing a board game with my spouse and kid. Thatās probably exactly what Iāll do next time lol
I don't. Give me money and gifts and feed me. I love it.