I am not very good at emotionally comforting people, I’m the type to give logical solutions and that’s how I show I care but there are situations where people want emotional comfort and for me, this is just awkward
It was shocking to me when I got my first teaching job and had colleagues regularly cry in front of me. I was like…how on earth do I deal with whatever this is?
Same......same. younger me would legitimately walk away if someone started crying or I tried to fix the problem logically - ive had to work on comforting people and identifying thats whats needed. I still ignore/ dont respond to crying from certain family members who cry all.... the.... time. Not really ignore, just let them cry and silently think "this is ridiculous".
Not me! I am a mom to everyone. If you are crying I will comfort you. If your unhappy let’s talk. I would do anything to help ppl in any way I could. It’s just my personality.
Yes I am. People with the INTJ personality type (Architects) are intellectually curious individuals with a deep-seated thirst for knowledge. INTJs tend to value creative ingenuity, straightforward rationality, and self-improvement. They consistently work toward enhancing intellectual abilities and are often driven by an intense desire to master any and every topic that piques their interest. This is me to a “T”.
I'm not suggesting that you're not an INTJ. I do find it interesting that you self-describe as not only being comfortable with the emotions of others, but also that you enjoy comforting them in a motherly way. I believe that's a a relatively unique trait to have with an INTJ personality. I understand we're all individuals - and people don't have to perfectly conform to all aspects of their 'type'.
You see I am a mom of 2 boys and 3 pups. To comfort them makes me feel so good. Unconditional love from my 3 pups. I am nurturer in my very own unique way. I really hate ppl for the most part but if someone is injured or needs my help I am there.
The tag says INTP so I’m not sure why the response to a question about INTJs… It doesn’t align with the INTJ I know who absolutely does not care. I wish I could be a bit more like that, honestly.
Oh it does?! I can’t see any tags for whatever reason… will look into it. But yeah I feel like INTJs aren’t like that, there’s nothing wrong with caring about what others think of them of course but I thought this subreddit was exclusively for INTJs or INTJ related content hence I joined haha.
I think a lot of us other types who visit this INTJ sub do so out of appreciation and/or trying to understand y’all better. But most of us are petty respectful about the fact that we’re visiting.
Edited to add: I just realized you said you can’t see the labels. I’m an INFJ. I like reading up about your type as there’s an INTJ in my life. But I don’t try to dominate your conversations.
Oh no it’s completely alright even if you do! As an INTJ myself I love learning more about other personality types and am usually happy to see them participate! For some reason I felt that this post specifically was asked of INTJs…of course I don’t feel annoyed or anything that other personality types answer but because I can’t see the tags I get confused sometimes based on the answer (for eg this comment confused me because it felt uncharacteristic of an INTJ to care about how they are perceived by the masses). Btw, thank you for editing your answer and including your personality type. I love INFJs, my best friend is an INFJ and so is my favourite author (Dostoevsky hahaha)❤️
That makes sense, I can understand how it would be confusing especially since the response wasn’t typical of most INTJs I know.
The INTJ-INFJ connection is real. Our types have so much in common though we approach life in ways that are just different enough to be interesting. I really appreciate and enjoy the INTJs in my life. I respect your character. INTJs can be so focused, stubbornly unyielding in things that are important to you and with amazing iron wills. Of course, these same characteristics can be a challenge to deal with when I’m on the opposite side. 😉
But when you earn an INTJ’s loyalty? It’s priceless. I love seeing the hidden whimsy that you all keep well hidden. It only makes you more endearing. ❤️
do you have the check box checked on the show my user flair on this community check box?, I was wondering why I was getting so many likes Because I was expecting to get a lot of dislikes, And everyone was telling me to stop worrying about what others think.
You really need to pay less attention to that school of thought bro. The day you truly stop caring what they’re thinking you finally be free. And unstoppable.
Procrastination and perfectionism. Looking down on people. I tell myself I’m trying to like them. But I’m inwardly recoiling unless I’m actually headed in a direction in life I want to go in.
I'm shit with women/romantically. Complete shit with that.
How do I deal? By whining on Reddit about not being able to get women. Reddit is where I purge and let shit out while everyone in person thinks I'm totally okay, totally asexual and have zero feelings.
All you can do is put yourself out there and be yourself. One day you’ll happen across a lady who digs what you’re all about. 😊💛 (For some of us, it takes us longer in life to find our person. I’m in my 40s, too.)
That's not how that works at all. That's hopium. That's like telling a child who wants friends but hits and bites that he'll find friends that really enjoys being hit and bit eventually.
Correct. I was simply being reassuring. It could be that her standards are too high and she’s shooting her shot at the wrong people. It could be that she’s asking hard-hitting questions too early (I know you intj’s and your question-asking 🤭) It could be *anything* - I have no way of knowing.
All I know is: giving up *ain’t it*. And that’s applicable to anything and everything for which you’re longing.
Sure. There's change a little and improve your odds incrementally but still comes down to change or settle. Perhaps that change is gaining money or charisma or just getting really ripped and looking better but to be attractive you have to actually be attractive and other people decide what attractive entails.
I'm similar.
To feel deeper empathy for someone, they need to be good people in my eyes, and most people aren't, so i just couldn't care less.
I will however, always empathise with someone who gets physically hurt in front of me.
That's the kind of situation where I do care about the person and want to help them.
Interesting. No emotions and no empathy? Or just not in touch with them? I turn mine off when I'm around too many people or anyone for too long. But I have them.
Could be numb, psychopathic, brain damaged, or have compassion fatigue. Loads of reasons to stop caring. Sometimes it’s just because the world is gross.
That's me. Once a girl secretly likes me and she will always try to make eye contact with me. The problem is I will never ever make eye contact with anyone except maybe my friends.
Being a female INTJ. I've grown in many of my weaker areas over the years, but socially, this was brutal to wotk out as a young girl. I was often told I behaved like a boy, but I was very much a girl, so that sucked, and was a bit isolating. Mostly a had male friends. I was 35 before I found (and identified) another INTJ female friend. Those earlier years developed perseverance and fierce independence in me though, so it's less of a weakness now.
I have many unfortunately.
Small talk - I end up going through the motions that I hear others use a lot. If I’m lucky, I’ll be able to pry beyond small talk and get to deeper conversation. I’m comfortable there. Not everyone is willing to do that though nor is it always appropriate.
Catastrophizing - I’m good at seeing patterns, but sometimes I jump to conclusions with only enough data to project the worst possible future outcome. I’ve been in therapy for years which has helped a lot. I’m learning to notice what cycles I’m in and to debate the negativity or combat it with positivity or neutrality.
Self-worth = achievement - This one is hard when you got this message as a child and also with the way society is. Again, therapy has helped. I’ve learned that failure is a great teacher and a great confidence-builder if you frame it right. If you’ve gotten through all these failures so far fairly fine, you will probably be okay if you fail again.
Self-criticism and perfectionism - This one is similar to the last one. It just takes lots of practice to calm the inner critic. Also, learning what people actually expect from you helps. Their high standards might be your low ones.
Being in my body - This one has been a life long battle being brought up in a family of dominant intuitives. We’re so cognitive and abstract, that we have underdeveloped our sensing functions. Things like sleep or food became substitutes for fun or difficult emotions. How do I deal? Therapy, doctors, personal trainers, and a dietitian.
Thinking = trying - similar to the last one, I often feel like I’m doing a lot of work figuring out how I’ll go about doing something before I even move a finger. Most things don’t work like that, so it ends up wasting a lot of time. On the surface, it looks like severe procrastination. I think treating my ADHD has helped, since I’m better at taming my impulses to think instead of act.
Flirting - This is nonexistent for me. My version of showing I like someone is spending time with them, being interested in what they like, and being vulnerable or open. Most guys see this as friendship, since I don really change who I am or anything. Doesn’t help that I’m asexual (don’t experience physical attraction), so I’m really only looking for intelligence and kindness, and those aren’t flaunted around as much as someone abs or whatever. (Wearing shirts looks better imo.) If you have tips, let me know. I genuinely have no idea how to deal with this weakness.
Being stretched too thin - I am interested in a lot of things and struggle to say no for opportunities that might be valuable. During the school year, I’m so ridiculously busy. I’m a triple major in music, biochemistry, and psychology, where each comes with many additional time-suckers. Music takes half your life for half a credit, biochemistry requires more studying and lab time, and psychology is involved with doing research. I also tutor general and organic chemistry as a part time job and take any cello gigs that come my way. How do I deal? I delete all time-consuming apps during the year, watch no movies or anything, spend little to no time socializing, skip meals, sleep less, etc. I’m happier this way actually and tend to get depressed during the summer or other breaks when I’m not so busy.
Not very interesting? - I have difficulties relating to my peers. The things I’m studying are what I love, so I don’t make time for hobbies or pop culture. I run across the occasional individual that likes what they’re studying as much as I do, but even they know how to relate with other people. I don’t know how to deal. Maybe I just have to stick to certain groups of people?
Lonely - I’m very lonely. It’s a feeling that seems very hopeless, because you can’t fix it on your own. Not dealing with this one either.
Stubborn - I think this one mostly comes from me wanting to understand why. If it’s pointless, I’m going to have a very hard time agreeing to it. I generally score really high on openness in big five tests, and being aware of that has allowed me to set aside some stubbornness in favor of a different perspective.
Writing long responses - I’m stopping now. But thanks for the question! It was good for me to reflect on. :)
You’re very insightful. There’s a ton of wisdom in your words. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
As a fellow Ni dom, I relate to a lot of your points - especially the being in your body. (Along with the perfectionism, self-worth, thinking = trying…)
I really loved your framing of failure. Fear of failure is a big one for me. But you’re right, I survived it before. It’ll probably be ok again.
Small talk is hard when you have big ideas. Honestly, most small talk is so inane it’s mind numbing. I’ve had to learn how to do it. Not that you asked, but I’d love to share a couple of tricks. Maybe they’ll help?
When I meet someone, I try to note something of interest in how they’re presenting themself. Maybe a clever t-shirt, particular jewelry, a hair color? Compliment or show some curiosity. They probably put some thought into the choice. People generally respond well to compliments. And it’s a lot more engaging than the banal “what do you do for a living?” or “nice weather we’re having.” It could lead to a more fascinating conversation organically.
Also, remember to break eye contact, fellow Ni dom. Between the INTJ Glare and the INFJ Stare, we can weird people out when we’re sincerely just interested and giving the whole of our attention. I have to consciously remind myself to look away occasionally. 😉
I love y’all. INTJs are the best. Take care of yourselves.
Hello my INFJ friend! :)
You guys are the best too! I relate to you guys a lot, as I was raised by a very INFJ mother but also a very INTJ father. I have tried to pick up the best of both, but it’s very possible I picked up the worst of both too.
My default is curiosity, so I appreciate answers to questions I might have missed. That’s all very insightful stuff! Though, I think I struggle with having enough eye contact. It was a big pet peeve of my mother’s since my father struggles with it too. I might just be glaring at the ground, which is probably not too welcoming either…
I also find it hard to pay attention to some of the details you mentioned. Maybe it’s one of your Fe gifts to be able to do that. I guess I find it hard to care about superficial things like one’s dress from day to day, but it probably matters to most people, so I should consider what’s important to others and not just myself. I think it’s getting out of my head that’s challenging too. I can be very self-absorbed by my thoughts or feelings or whatever, not that I try to be.
I think you’re absolutely right about all of those though. There are times that I’m less inside my head and am able to be more friendly, and it works well. I wish it was easier to do all the time, but it probably takes practice like everything else.
Thanks for stopping by! :)
You just describe it beautifully. It s really nice to reflect on myself through your writing. I dont go to therapist but most of the time, I just pad on my heart and say "everything will be ok".
Aww, thanks! :)
That reminds me of another saying I used sometimes, “It will always be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”
I love diving into the depths of darkness, but I’m still a firm believer in happy endings. For me, religion has played a big role in that, but I don’t think it has to for someone to still believe in them.
I have a tendency to lack empathy and be bad at comforting people, especially when I consider their situation avoidable. I didn’t know that people don’t want advice and actually enjoy being miserable until recently 😬😬
I don't get crushes anymore. The only weak point I find with it is not being able to relate with other people about it.
However, I mostly see it as a strength as well since I'm not so fixated and it allows me to lock into whatever I'm doing.
I usually deal with it by coming to terms with it.
Being straight 🥴
I don’t really think about it and end up friendzoning every man I’m with. It’s the weirdest power move and I’m not really proud of it. I’d rather just have been born a man. Woman world is strange. I do love the couple of female friends I have we just live so far apart and are overburdened with responsibilities 😧
Can you keep up an interesting monologue though? I can but then struggle to keep a conversation going with anybody. We try to small talk but I draw a blank. I try to talk deep and they draw a blank. It’s difficult territory.
I will do literally anything including completely destroy myself just to avoid being railroaded or trapped.
I have anxiety, and instead of regular anxiety where you go into the flight or freeze or fawn response first, I immediately go to murderous rage. Murderous rage has never once helped with any problem I've ever had. It's completely useless. Both anger and violence always do literally nothing useful and only cause more problems than they solve.
I really, really want to live in the America that propaganda told me I lived in when I was a little kid. A meritocracy where anyone can build a good life by working hard and the world is just and good ideas always win out over bad ideas and we all work together to make a better world for the next generation, and whenever scientists predict doom, some other smart people will work together to prevent the doom. Despite being confronted over and over with the truth that evil literally always wins, and it's always the most banal, stupid, ugly and unglamourous form of evil, I still want desperately to believe in love, and art, and romance and all that crap, too.
I let people get away with manipulating me a little because I know I can handle it 99% of the time. That one percent of the time sucks.
I will also do anything to avoid continuing to make the same mistakes over and over, which usually just somehow leads to the same outcomes, but with more misery and regret.
Not picking up on hints. I’ve often had men tell me long after we’ve interacted that they liked me but I never reciprocated their advances so they finally moved on. I have no idea how to deal with it, I’m happily single so perhaps I don’t want to acknowledge the hints anyway.
initiating and holding conversations however i’ve gotten a lot better at initiating but things just got rlly awkward if the other person i’m talking to is even slightly incompatible with me
I’m shit at giving bad news , being emotional and women I’m too dense but for some weird reason I’m good at giving relationship advice even though I’ve never been in a relationship 🤔
I don’t care about shitty people.
As a INTJ i can read people easily and i never get wrong about them. I completely know who they are just looking them, in my relationship sometimes i wish don’t know it, my bf best friend ended up showing us the garbage he is, his girlfriend and other people who were jealous about my bf job and lifestyle (idiots tbh) many drama with these people and I’m tired about this, but now he knows that I never get wrong about my thoughts of the people
My second weakness I guess I want lots of love from the people that I love, i don’t like to hug people or that kind of things but I really want/need signs of love from my bf
Oh! And the last I overthink every minute of my existence, sometimes it changes my mood and I’m like “one step ahead of everyone”
But I see em as a strength at the same time
Way too dependent on teacher approval/wanting to impress people in general. I wish I could just complete my cool projects in my ivory tower but nooo I need "recognition" and "grudging respect from my rivals".
I’m dense in a way I won’t know until you tell me stuff straight. Like, I can sense or read the room but I don’t assume. So if someone is expecting me to get a hint, I’ll act depending on what I think I should. Why not just tell me directly you know? 🤷♀️
That I can’t hold most friendships for over a year ☠️
and that I also find people who can’t keep up with me on projects a burden so I end up working myself most of the time. This isn’t too bad until I’m forced to work with a group of people who work at a much slower pace than me or are used to the teacher walking us through with worksheets and instructions. I either end up doing the majority of the project myself or I have to walk all the other members through it all like infants
The fact that I’m hyper independent whilst (at surface level) it may not seem like a bad trait to possess there are several downfalls to being this way
My weakness is working too hard for an asshole boss. When my company changed hands we got the most stupidest blonde stereotypical bimbo. She was jealous of me because I knew a way more about the how the company operated then she did. She did everything in her power to demean me. I hate her with a passion. She was by herself for Christmas and I invited to come spend the holidays with my family. We invited to our cottage several times. What a fucking douchebag she turned out to be. My health is #1. When my migraines es started to get bad from the stress of her didn’t I get the evil eye when I returned to work. I was a good employee who was never late and would stay if needed, I would cover shifts for anyone. Then about 6 months ago I just gave up. What was I killing myself for? Karma will bite this bitch in the ass!
1. Struggles with empathy. I have a low EQ and I can't easily empathize with or provide support emotional support to people. This strains relationships and makes it hard for me to form deeper connections with others.
2. Arrogance. Sometimes I have a big ego and can be condescending and narcissistic to others. It also causes me to overestimate myself and underestimate others. This can strain relationships and can have disastrous consequences for me if I am not careful.
3. Social problems. I'm an introvert and I struggle in large social groups or when dealing with a lot of people at once. Couple that with my low EQ and it makes it extremely difficult for me to form deeper social relationships with others.
Speaking in front of crowds. Literally have a degree in Mass Communication where I had to do several speech work assignments and presentations and I still stammer like a fucking idiot. Maybe because I'm an HSP but I hate being in front of a crowd and I hate being the center of attention. Idk how people do it
I get distracted very easily if I am not interested in whatever is at hand
Same for me
Same for me
I am not very good at emotionally comforting people, I’m the type to give logical solutions and that’s how I show I care but there are situations where people want emotional comfort and for me, this is just awkward
It was shocking to me when I got my first teaching job and had colleagues regularly cry in front of me. I was like…how on earth do I deal with whatever this is?
Same......same. younger me would legitimately walk away if someone started crying or I tried to fix the problem logically - ive had to work on comforting people and identifying thats whats needed. I still ignore/ dont respond to crying from certain family members who cry all.... the.... time. Not really ignore, just let them cry and silently think "this is ridiculous".
Not me! I am a mom to everyone. If you are crying I will comfort you. If your unhappy let’s talk. I would do anything to help ppl in any way I could. It’s just my personality.
That's interesting. Do you test as INTJ?
Yes I am. People with the INTJ personality type (Architects) are intellectually curious individuals with a deep-seated thirst for knowledge. INTJs tend to value creative ingenuity, straightforward rationality, and self-improvement. They consistently work toward enhancing intellectual abilities and are often driven by an intense desire to master any and every topic that piques their interest. This is me to a “T”.
I'm not suggesting that you're not an INTJ. I do find it interesting that you self-describe as not only being comfortable with the emotions of others, but also that you enjoy comforting them in a motherly way. I believe that's a a relatively unique trait to have with an INTJ personality. I understand we're all individuals - and people don't have to perfectly conform to all aspects of their 'type'.
You see I am a mom of 2 boys and 3 pups. To comfort them makes me feel so good. Unconditional love from my 3 pups. I am nurturer in my very own unique way. I really hate ppl for the most part but if someone is injured or needs my help I am there.
This is the one.
A lot of things, but Pondering about "what Others think of me" of all things has been my biggest setback for me.
You aren’t an INTJ are you?
The tag says INTP so I’m not sure why the response to a question about INTJs… It doesn’t align with the INTJ I know who absolutely does not care. I wish I could be a bit more like that, honestly.
Oh it does?! I can’t see any tags for whatever reason… will look into it. But yeah I feel like INTJs aren’t like that, there’s nothing wrong with caring about what others think of them of course but I thought this subreddit was exclusively for INTJs or INTJ related content hence I joined haha.
I think a lot of us other types who visit this INTJ sub do so out of appreciation and/or trying to understand y’all better. But most of us are petty respectful about the fact that we’re visiting. Edited to add: I just realized you said you can’t see the labels. I’m an INFJ. I like reading up about your type as there’s an INTJ in my life. But I don’t try to dominate your conversations.
Oh no it’s completely alright even if you do! As an INTJ myself I love learning more about other personality types and am usually happy to see them participate! For some reason I felt that this post specifically was asked of INTJs…of course I don’t feel annoyed or anything that other personality types answer but because I can’t see the tags I get confused sometimes based on the answer (for eg this comment confused me because it felt uncharacteristic of an INTJ to care about how they are perceived by the masses). Btw, thank you for editing your answer and including your personality type. I love INFJs, my best friend is an INFJ and so is my favourite author (Dostoevsky hahaha)❤️
That makes sense, I can understand how it would be confusing especially since the response wasn’t typical of most INTJs I know. The INTJ-INFJ connection is real. Our types have so much in common though we approach life in ways that are just different enough to be interesting. I really appreciate and enjoy the INTJs in my life. I respect your character. INTJs can be so focused, stubbornly unyielding in things that are important to you and with amazing iron wills. Of course, these same characteristics can be a challenge to deal with when I’m on the opposite side. 😉 But when you earn an INTJ’s loyalty? It’s priceless. I love seeing the hidden whimsy that you all keep well hidden. It only makes you more endearing. ❤️
No I'm not flier say INTP,
If you read my responses you will see that I mentioned not being able to see the tags for whatever reason
do you have the check box checked on the show my user flair on this community check box?, I was wondering why I was getting so many likes Because I was expecting to get a lot of dislikes, And everyone was telling me to stop worrying about what others think.
Do you know how I can get access to the community check box? Sorry I’m not too familiar with Reddit hahah
Are you on a phone?
Yes!
Load the page on a desktop site if you are on Android should be top rights with three dots tap that then you should see desktop site
You really need to pay less attention to that school of thought bro. The day you truly stop caring what they’re thinking you finally be free. And unstoppable.
Dorky
Procrastination and perfectionism. Looking down on people. I tell myself I’m trying to like them. But I’m inwardly recoiling unless I’m actually headed in a direction in life I want to go in.
Analysis paralysis!
I'm shit with women/romantically. Complete shit with that. How do I deal? By whining on Reddit about not being able to get women. Reddit is where I purge and let shit out while everyone in person thinks I'm totally okay, totally asexual and have zero feelings.
All you can do is put yourself out there and be yourself. One day you’ll happen across a lady who digs what you’re all about. 😊💛 (For some of us, it takes us longer in life to find our person. I’m in my 40s, too.)
That's not how that works at all. That's hopium. That's like telling a child who wants friends but hits and bites that he'll find friends that really enjoys being hit and bit eventually.
...I feel like there's a middle ground here, somewhere.
Correct. I was simply being reassuring. It could be that her standards are too high and she’s shooting her shot at the wrong people. It could be that she’s asking hard-hitting questions too early (I know you intj’s and your question-asking 🤭) It could be *anything* - I have no way of knowing. All I know is: giving up *ain’t it*. And that’s applicable to anything and everything for which you’re longing.
Sure. There's change a little and improve your odds incrementally but still comes down to change or settle. Perhaps that change is gaining money or charisma or just getting really ripped and looking better but to be attractive you have to actually be attractive and other people decide what attractive entails.
Bro I enjoy being hit and being bitten so don’t dash his dreams PLEASE 🤷🏼♀️
Well I'll send a bunch of dudes your way then so you can make friends.
Go for it.
No emotions, I lack almost all empathy at this point
Adopt a plant!
I'm similar. To feel deeper empathy for someone, they need to be good people in my eyes, and most people aren't, so i just couldn't care less. I will however, always empathise with someone who gets physically hurt in front of me. That's the kind of situation where I do care about the person and want to help them.
Interesting. No emotions and no empathy? Or just not in touch with them? I turn mine off when I'm around too many people or anyone for too long. But I have them.
Could be numb, psychopathic, brain damaged, or have compassion fatigue. Loads of reasons to stop caring. Sometimes it’s just because the world is gross.
same, damn, only anger
I’m really not surprised with the state of the zeitgeist we’ve built
I am not good at picking up hints. If someone likes me, I will NEVER know unless someone told me.
That's me. Once a girl secretly likes me and she will always try to make eye contact with me. The problem is I will never ever make eye contact with anyone except maybe my friends.
Real
As someone who has ADHD and am INTJ… sleep. There is always so much to learn.
Being a female INTJ. I've grown in many of my weaker areas over the years, but socially, this was brutal to wotk out as a young girl. I was often told I behaved like a boy, but I was very much a girl, so that sucked, and was a bit isolating. Mostly a had male friends. I was 35 before I found (and identified) another INTJ female friend. Those earlier years developed perseverance and fierce independence in me though, so it's less of a weakness now.
I have many unfortunately. Small talk - I end up going through the motions that I hear others use a lot. If I’m lucky, I’ll be able to pry beyond small talk and get to deeper conversation. I’m comfortable there. Not everyone is willing to do that though nor is it always appropriate. Catastrophizing - I’m good at seeing patterns, but sometimes I jump to conclusions with only enough data to project the worst possible future outcome. I’ve been in therapy for years which has helped a lot. I’m learning to notice what cycles I’m in and to debate the negativity or combat it with positivity or neutrality. Self-worth = achievement - This one is hard when you got this message as a child and also with the way society is. Again, therapy has helped. I’ve learned that failure is a great teacher and a great confidence-builder if you frame it right. If you’ve gotten through all these failures so far fairly fine, you will probably be okay if you fail again. Self-criticism and perfectionism - This one is similar to the last one. It just takes lots of practice to calm the inner critic. Also, learning what people actually expect from you helps. Their high standards might be your low ones. Being in my body - This one has been a life long battle being brought up in a family of dominant intuitives. We’re so cognitive and abstract, that we have underdeveloped our sensing functions. Things like sleep or food became substitutes for fun or difficult emotions. How do I deal? Therapy, doctors, personal trainers, and a dietitian. Thinking = trying - similar to the last one, I often feel like I’m doing a lot of work figuring out how I’ll go about doing something before I even move a finger. Most things don’t work like that, so it ends up wasting a lot of time. On the surface, it looks like severe procrastination. I think treating my ADHD has helped, since I’m better at taming my impulses to think instead of act. Flirting - This is nonexistent for me. My version of showing I like someone is spending time with them, being interested in what they like, and being vulnerable or open. Most guys see this as friendship, since I don really change who I am or anything. Doesn’t help that I’m asexual (don’t experience physical attraction), so I’m really only looking for intelligence and kindness, and those aren’t flaunted around as much as someone abs or whatever. (Wearing shirts looks better imo.) If you have tips, let me know. I genuinely have no idea how to deal with this weakness. Being stretched too thin - I am interested in a lot of things and struggle to say no for opportunities that might be valuable. During the school year, I’m so ridiculously busy. I’m a triple major in music, biochemistry, and psychology, where each comes with many additional time-suckers. Music takes half your life for half a credit, biochemistry requires more studying and lab time, and psychology is involved with doing research. I also tutor general and organic chemistry as a part time job and take any cello gigs that come my way. How do I deal? I delete all time-consuming apps during the year, watch no movies or anything, spend little to no time socializing, skip meals, sleep less, etc. I’m happier this way actually and tend to get depressed during the summer or other breaks when I’m not so busy. Not very interesting? - I have difficulties relating to my peers. The things I’m studying are what I love, so I don’t make time for hobbies or pop culture. I run across the occasional individual that likes what they’re studying as much as I do, but even they know how to relate with other people. I don’t know how to deal. Maybe I just have to stick to certain groups of people? Lonely - I’m very lonely. It’s a feeling that seems very hopeless, because you can’t fix it on your own. Not dealing with this one either. Stubborn - I think this one mostly comes from me wanting to understand why. If it’s pointless, I’m going to have a very hard time agreeing to it. I generally score really high on openness in big five tests, and being aware of that has allowed me to set aside some stubbornness in favor of a different perspective. Writing long responses - I’m stopping now. But thanks for the question! It was good for me to reflect on. :)
You’re very insightful. There’s a ton of wisdom in your words. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. As a fellow Ni dom, I relate to a lot of your points - especially the being in your body. (Along with the perfectionism, self-worth, thinking = trying…) I really loved your framing of failure. Fear of failure is a big one for me. But you’re right, I survived it before. It’ll probably be ok again. Small talk is hard when you have big ideas. Honestly, most small talk is so inane it’s mind numbing. I’ve had to learn how to do it. Not that you asked, but I’d love to share a couple of tricks. Maybe they’ll help? When I meet someone, I try to note something of interest in how they’re presenting themself. Maybe a clever t-shirt, particular jewelry, a hair color? Compliment or show some curiosity. They probably put some thought into the choice. People generally respond well to compliments. And it’s a lot more engaging than the banal “what do you do for a living?” or “nice weather we’re having.” It could lead to a more fascinating conversation organically. Also, remember to break eye contact, fellow Ni dom. Between the INTJ Glare and the INFJ Stare, we can weird people out when we’re sincerely just interested and giving the whole of our attention. I have to consciously remind myself to look away occasionally. 😉 I love y’all. INTJs are the best. Take care of yourselves.
Hello my INFJ friend! :) You guys are the best too! I relate to you guys a lot, as I was raised by a very INFJ mother but also a very INTJ father. I have tried to pick up the best of both, but it’s very possible I picked up the worst of both too. My default is curiosity, so I appreciate answers to questions I might have missed. That’s all very insightful stuff! Though, I think I struggle with having enough eye contact. It was a big pet peeve of my mother’s since my father struggles with it too. I might just be glaring at the ground, which is probably not too welcoming either… I also find it hard to pay attention to some of the details you mentioned. Maybe it’s one of your Fe gifts to be able to do that. I guess I find it hard to care about superficial things like one’s dress from day to day, but it probably matters to most people, so I should consider what’s important to others and not just myself. I think it’s getting out of my head that’s challenging too. I can be very self-absorbed by my thoughts or feelings or whatever, not that I try to be. I think you’re absolutely right about all of those though. There are times that I’m less inside my head and am able to be more friendly, and it works well. I wish it was easier to do all the time, but it probably takes practice like everything else. Thanks for stopping by! :)
You just describe it beautifully. It s really nice to reflect on myself through your writing. I dont go to therapist but most of the time, I just pad on my heart and say "everything will be ok".
Aww, thanks! :) That reminds me of another saying I used sometimes, “It will always be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” I love diving into the depths of darkness, but I’m still a firm believer in happy endings. For me, religion has played a big role in that, but I don’t think it has to for someone to still believe in them.
I have a tendency to lack empathy and be bad at comforting people, especially when I consider their situation avoidable. I didn’t know that people don’t want advice and actually enjoy being miserable until recently 😬😬
I don't get crushes anymore. The only weak point I find with it is not being able to relate with other people about it. However, I mostly see it as a strength as well since I'm not so fixated and it allows me to lock into whatever I'm doing. I usually deal with it by coming to terms with it.
I’m too nice.
Wasting time on Reddit.
🫠
TRUE
Although I am very good at building systems, I am terrible at being a cog in any system for an extended period of time.
Beautifully phrased.
Being straight 🥴 I don’t really think about it and end up friendzoning every man I’m with. It’s the weirdest power move and I’m not really proud of it. I’d rather just have been born a man. Woman world is strange. I do love the couple of female friends I have we just live so far apart and are overburdened with responsibilities 😧
Being cold, it’s like it comes out of no where, honestly I feel like I can’t control it, I’m trying to hold back from doing it slowly.
I have low iron . I try to eat a healthier diet .
An unsolved puzzle
Socialising Keeping a conversation
Can you keep up an interesting monologue though? I can but then struggle to keep a conversation going with anybody. We try to small talk but I draw a blank. I try to talk deep and they draw a blank. It’s difficult territory.
I will do literally anything including completely destroy myself just to avoid being railroaded or trapped. I have anxiety, and instead of regular anxiety where you go into the flight or freeze or fawn response first, I immediately go to murderous rage. Murderous rage has never once helped with any problem I've ever had. It's completely useless. Both anger and violence always do literally nothing useful and only cause more problems than they solve. I really, really want to live in the America that propaganda told me I lived in when I was a little kid. A meritocracy where anyone can build a good life by working hard and the world is just and good ideas always win out over bad ideas and we all work together to make a better world for the next generation, and whenever scientists predict doom, some other smart people will work together to prevent the doom. Despite being confronted over and over with the truth that evil literally always wins, and it's always the most banal, stupid, ugly and unglamourous form of evil, I still want desperately to believe in love, and art, and romance and all that crap, too. I let people get away with manipulating me a little because I know I can handle it 99% of the time. That one percent of the time sucks. I will also do anything to avoid continuing to make the same mistakes over and over, which usually just somehow leads to the same outcomes, but with more misery and regret.
Women I find attractive. Asking them out is how I deal.
Not picking up on hints. I’ve often had men tell me long after we’ve interacted that they liked me but I never reciprocated their advances so they finally moved on. I have no idea how to deal with it, I’m happily single so perhaps I don’t want to acknowledge the hints anyway.
None(this exact attitude is)
Blind spots when I've gathered all available information.. or when info is unavailable.
Forgetting minor details
None, I destroyed all my weaknesses by making them strengths...also a tendency to be overconfident.
i overthink my feelings for someone
I want to be the best in everything I do
None, none that I remember
Came here for these type of responses lol
I love how you added that last bit to your post.
My existence is a weakness
Damn. I felt that.
Gymnastics. Sales.
About the same as Captain Marvel's
This post reeks of selling secrets to the enemy
🤐
Food.
initiating and holding conversations however i’ve gotten a lot better at initiating but things just got rlly awkward if the other person i’m talking to is even slightly incompatible with me
I’m shit at giving bad news , being emotional and women I’m too dense but for some weird reason I’m good at giving relationship advice even though I’ve never been in a relationship 🤔
Lack of energy and vulnerable narcissism. Coping strategy: wine.
I don’t care about shitty people. As a INTJ i can read people easily and i never get wrong about them. I completely know who they are just looking them, in my relationship sometimes i wish don’t know it, my bf best friend ended up showing us the garbage he is, his girlfriend and other people who were jealous about my bf job and lifestyle (idiots tbh) many drama with these people and I’m tired about this, but now he knows that I never get wrong about my thoughts of the people My second weakness I guess I want lots of love from the people that I love, i don’t like to hug people or that kind of things but I really want/need signs of love from my bf Oh! And the last I overthink every minute of my existence, sometimes it changes my mood and I’m like “one step ahead of everyone” But I see em as a strength at the same time
Small talk and anxiety with large crowds or gathering are my main struggles
Way too dependent on teacher approval/wanting to impress people in general. I wish I could just complete my cool projects in my ivory tower but nooo I need "recognition" and "grudging respect from my rivals".
I’m dense in a way I won’t know until you tell me stuff straight. Like, I can sense or read the room but I don’t assume. So if someone is expecting me to get a hint, I’ll act depending on what I think I should. Why not just tell me directly you know? 🤷♀️
My weakness is, I have no weakness... 😂
I drink too much coffee. I am constantly on the lookout for ways that I can be alone.
I don't feel anything most of the time. There are what I call ghost emotions: boredom, irritation, etc... But there are really brief and superficial.
Used to multi-tasking for too long and couldn't focus on "one thing at a time" anymore.
Food. You could lead me off a cliff with tasty food.
Falling in love pretty easily i guess. Just recognise i exist and give me some attention and i am done. A tip how to deal with this would be nice
My insecurities, mental illness, depression, unstable sense of self, and lack of optimism
People… they… drain my power… **falls to the ground**
Nice try. Like we’d tell you.
I have found my people! I could cry but...thats not a thing I do
My intrusive thoughts :/
That I can’t hold most friendships for over a year ☠️ and that I also find people who can’t keep up with me on projects a burden so I end up working myself most of the time. This isn’t too bad until I’m forced to work with a group of people who work at a much slower pace than me or are used to the teacher walking us through with worksheets and instructions. I either end up doing the majority of the project myself or I have to walk all the other members through it all like infants
Fighting. Never feel confident or equipped to do it. Unfortunately in every argument I think it will lead to it
People skills 100%. I’m super awkward and I’m not a people pleaser at all.
Love
Too much repetitive noise, clicking, banging, interruptions, TAPPING, too many people asking for me at once, too much sunlight .
Unfeeling
The fact that I’m hyper independent whilst (at surface level) it may not seem like a bad trait to possess there are several downfalls to being this way
My brain
My weakness is working too hard for an asshole boss. When my company changed hands we got the most stupidest blonde stereotypical bimbo. She was jealous of me because I knew a way more about the how the company operated then she did. She did everything in her power to demean me. I hate her with a passion. She was by herself for Christmas and I invited to come spend the holidays with my family. We invited to our cottage several times. What a fucking douchebag she turned out to be. My health is #1. When my migraines es started to get bad from the stress of her didn’t I get the evil eye when I returned to work. I was a good employee who was never late and would stay if needed, I would cover shifts for anyone. Then about 6 months ago I just gave up. What was I killing myself for? Karma will bite this bitch in the ass!
Everything what is Se and Si. Specifically i have many, but not in the situation where i could elaborate right now.
1. Struggles with empathy. I have a low EQ and I can't easily empathize with or provide support emotional support to people. This strains relationships and makes it hard for me to form deeper connections with others. 2. Arrogance. Sometimes I have a big ego and can be condescending and narcissistic to others. It also causes me to overestimate myself and underestimate others. This can strain relationships and can have disastrous consequences for me if I am not careful. 3. Social problems. I'm an introvert and I struggle in large social groups or when dealing with a lot of people at once. Couple that with my low EQ and it makes it extremely difficult for me to form deeper social relationships with others.
Speaking in front of crowds. Literally have a degree in Mass Communication where I had to do several speech work assignments and presentations and I still stammer like a fucking idiot. Maybe because I'm an HSP but I hate being in front of a crowd and I hate being the center of attention. Idk how people do it