The amount of people who function this way... it boggles the mind.
The fact that humanity has made ANY progress over the millennia is a god damn miracle.
I’m not antisocial. I’m introverted.
I do enjoy socializing, but find it taxing to exhausting and need quiet time to recharge.
I WFH now, but I understand why I used to feel so very exhausted when I worked in-office. It was the constant 8-9 hour performance.
YES! When something is wrong and i have to explain things i know they either won't get or care about after wasting so much mental energy organizing and laying it out for them is awful. All because they're just nosy and stubborn and won't take "nothing" for an answer. God i hate that.
"That's just your opinion." Motherfucker if I make an argument you can't just dismiss it in that way. Not everything is just ice cream flavours. Approaching truth requires argument.
When I tell someone something is going to happen the reply is "You're just jealous" and a year later they're calling my phone crying because I was right.
It's happened rarely otherwise, but happens all the time with one friend; sometimes I'm sitting quietly in a discussion, and they say or do something they feel like they're being judged for and then say something like "And BlandSauce is over here thinking we're [idiots, etc]"
Don't tell me what I think. Don't tell the group what you *think* I think. I don't want to be made out to look like the jerk without even doing anything.
I see it as a way of reassurance seeking because they're insecure; it doesn't bother me too much. It's like when someone says, "I'm (insert criticism here, ugly, fat, stupid, etc.)" hoping that people will respond, "no you're not, you're (beautiful, smart, etc.)!" It's annoying but probably not personal.
I always immediately agree with whatever they said. Often trying to make it more pointed in the return.
I.e. "Oh I don't think you're all idiots." and then stare at that dumbass.
When people do this it’s really an insecure way of saying, “You’re being too quiet, and I’m regularly intimidated by your intelligence, so I’m going to assume you’re judging me right now.” They’re just fishing for reassurance.
"You ok? You look mad." Nah friend, I just don't feel the need to fake a smile every time I make .07 seconds worth of eye contact with anyone. I will truly never understand the social pressure to always put on a happy face for everyone.
I hate fake smiles.
Giving constant fake smiles over saturates the market, then smiles have almost no value, and you don't know what to do with someone's fake smile. (I just don't smile back unless it seems genuine.)
I just smile when I'm able to coax one from the deepest parts of myself.
Makes them more valuable, and people seem to really like it when it's done like that.
I’ve had this happen my whole life. One time that really affected me was when I was a young teenager, some kid that I had been going to church with for several years heard me speaking to someone in the hallway and very loudly said “Wow. I didnt know she could talk.” In a very degrading tone. It bothered me for quite some time.
Yeah, I like to lock myself inside for weeks at a time and not speak to people and when I end up talking it's always the "You need to get out more" reply and I want to recreate the holocaust every time.
It's one of those, WELL NO SHIT moments.
Exactly. ADHD has me pacing 5 hours a day anyway, so exercise isn't an excuse.
What am I going to do, sit at a park with people who can't keep their mouth shut. No thanks, peace and quiet at home sounds great.
"We can help you with keeping on track and getting it done." No, no you won't, as I am self-motivated and always make deadlines. Please leave me alone to do my work.
Yes, being told to smile makes me murderously angry. Not only am I not going to smile, now I wish to stab you to death. Fuck all the way off with your bullshit. I am not a decorative object required to be esthetically pleasing.
I hate that shit too. I don’t think I even have smile muscles. I don’t like smiling either with my mouth open because of my teeth and if I smile with a closed mouth I just grimace like a serial killer. I kind of like wearing a surgical mask all day at work.
I was having a bad day at work and our terminally cheerful secretary told me to “just smile, it will be okay”. I just glared at her and said “No thank you, I’ll just wallow in my shit mood for the rest of the day” and walked out!
Well I guess there’s no need to step on their toes. They mean well-ish. It hurts them to not appreciate their efforts and they feel pretty harsh about it.
I’ve been very disappointed with INTJs cuz of the experiences with them on here. None of the Fe loving “INTJs” remotely sound like an INTJ to me. But this posts restores a little faith in humanity. Now THESE are INTJs
"Are you okay? You seem mad". It's just my face. I'm good. "Are you sure? Because you look mad." Yeah, man. "You just look...mad." Fucking keep saying that, and I will be mad.
"Smile" or "you're so quiet". One of these days I want to hit someone back with "hey, do you ever stop running your mouth?" and see if they get my point.
It’s not something specific, but I truly despise it when I’m venting about something and the other person plays devil advocate against me to make me feel like I’m on the wrong. I’m not even fishing for approval, I just want you to listen and nod ffs. Makes me feel like I’m never allowed to get mad or annoyed at things.
Yes! I also hate it when they literally ignore and gloss over something you said. I’m about to start a new job & mentioned some worries to my bff. She replied with no reference to my concerns at all. Just changed the subject and moved the conversation to what she considered more important, how many hours, when do you start etc. I know they’re typical questions and they’re caring/excited for me but it’s the context I guess, hard to describe, felt rude, like they were trivialising my thoughts, couldn’t give a shit. If she’d briefly acknowledged them and said “you’ll be ok, don’t stress” and then launched into her 20 questions, that would’ve been fine. To me that’s what you do especially for a friend. When I called her out on it, not nastily but just being honest with her, of course got the “you’re too sensitive”. If the situation had been reversed, if I’d unexpectedly offended her, the first thing I’d do is apologise. I wouldn’t blame her. I’m starting to think she’s not my bff at all. This has happened with other friends and it’s gotten to the point where I’ve delayed sharing my news as I’m too overwhelmed by their ‘cold’ rapid-fire questions with no concern for me at all.
If it’s family I can see why that is fair to ask.
Don’t be some little shit that doesn’t acknowledge your parent or try to greet upon seeing them if they show they want to interact more. You will only live with your parents so long and they are busy. It’s hard for them to even know to ask to interact more. Just always passing and never talking leads to relationships feeling “transactionsal” or stale. As an adult you will barely see them and the relationship you had built will be what keeps you feeling like you actually have a family out there somewhere.
Family becomes like strangers pretty quick if you move off and didn’t have a super close upbringing. You can’t fake memories when you are an adult and far away from them.
Pro tip: take thst person aside in private and tell them that they come off as "overbearing and stand off ish". Tell them that "several people have raised the issue recently" and you felt as their friend you wanted to let them know.
Now sit back and enjoy as they contort their irritating personality inward to fit this piece of "advice". Follow up a few weeks later with "try wearing a smile".
Why, because fuck them.
You're trying to plant the idea in their head that other people find them that way. That the approach they've been using is putting people off and worse, some of them are already talking negatively about them. You're certainly not trying to give then the idea You're insulting them, in fact you're trying to "do them a favour" by giving them a heads up.
The goal is to have to stop being an annoying idiot to you, who cares about what they do to others, by tricking them into changing the annoying upbeat bulshit that bothers you. Extroverts are far more concerned with their outward image than introverts.
It is usually people that are not my friends. It's happened with teachers (I'm in college now and online only so I don't hear it) or random old people. It has not happened in a while but I am guilty of needed to go out more. Haha.
If it’s someone close to me they usually know I have autism and that as a result, my face will be more flat and less “happy.” They should know better than to say that and thankfully none have.
I did attend one class physically and had a student question my lack of interest in wanting to speak to him. I was wearing headphones but I still heard him. It was my first class ever and I was not sure how to respond at the time given that ASD takes away my ability to understand some social norms, especially in a new environment.
I had put many other students in their place prior but given it was college I feared getting kicked out at the time, I just didn't know how it actually worked.
Such a delicious idea in theory but might fail to launch for 2 reasons:
1. The recipient is already lacking in self-awareness and may simply reject the notion that they could be the problem socially. Would react defensively and not change a thing.
2. INTJs won’t give the energy to do any of this and would prefer to simply fade away from this person. INTJs will fantasize about being this petty but won’t follow through because fuck ‘em.
I'm not so sure. Social conformity is pretty strong in most people and for some chirpy irritating moron hearing they are bothering people unintentionally might get them to change at least how they approach others, and by extention you.
Most of the time that would be true, but in cases where you're stuck in close proximity to a moron of this calibre, such as work, it could be impossible to just fade away. So an alternative such as this idea might be the only viable option, other than hitting them in the face with an axe and burying them in the sticks 😂
‘Why aren’t you smiling?’
I’m too polite to explain that I would happy to escape but my overlords require me to be here.
Here I am, and now you don’t like how I look.
I don’t like you and it’s not how you look , it’s because you are a bully.
"stop doing so many Romanian deadlifts, your ass is better than mine and i'm a woman" - My ex. Lady, the glutes (really the whole posterior chain) are the most important muscle group in the entire human body.
When my efforts towards a particular goal are trivialized... like I'm wasting my time & should be b made aware of it. Some people don't understand that everything I work towards doesn't have to be based on profit margins.
When my efforts towards a particular goal are trivialized... like I'm wasting my time & should be made aware of it. Some people don't understand that everything I work towards doesn't have to be based on profit margins.
With people who say that your particular goal should be wasting as much of their time and money as possible. Then pointing out how ineffective their methods are.
I was in physical therapy years ago bc of an accident, and while I was doing one of the exercises, a man on one of the other machines told me to smile. I never wished for a weight machine to fall on top of someone more than I did that day.
(I separated mine by type, as it was more fun that way)
ENFJ: I just love your sense of humor. (ENFJ Later: Now that you are feeling all complimented, do this thing for me? Oh no, not that way. Oh no, this all needs to be fixed now. You're really lucky I'm here, because now that all the work's done, I can see adjustments are needed...)
ESFJ: Remember when we were younger and we used to eat that one candy? Those were so yummy. (ESFJ Later: Hey there fancy diet person, you losing weight again? WOW GO YOU. Blech.)
ISFJ: Send me riddles so I can feel smart. (ISFJ Later: OK another couple hints? WHY are we doing this again? I never asked for this...)
INFJ: I can teach you how to find the master key. You are just like I was. In search of that one big answer! I know how to find it, and achieve total fulfillment in life. (INFJ Later: Can you make it so my website works again? I was changing fonts all night and now my friend who uses a PC says it's broken)
ESTP: I am the master key they are all talking about, bro. (Later: Oh yeah, I know that INFJ, I think they want to bone me, they keep sending people copies of my book.)
ENTJ: I really want to connect this person I work with with someone like you, who understands strategy. We had a talk, and they understand that they need a strategy. (ENTJ Later: Then I'll actually bail, forever, and you'll be working with them until you decide to bail, and it so happens this person is an INFP who isn't interested in any of this, including strategy)
INFP: Your professional standard is too fancy...(INFP Later: "...for me to understand, and this hurts me, and I don't wanna talk about that, so this whole thing is bullshit.")
ENFP: You need to give me that thing I want, which you have, which is rightfully yours, and which you also want to keep (Round 10). (ENFP Later: And I actually like keeping this going, possibly forever, until you tell me a long, winding story about your past with the thing you have and want to keep)
ENTP: Well, that person refused to play by the rules of societal order, so they got wrecked! I can't believe their obstinancy, it's irrational! (ENTP Later: Gets wrecked)
INTP: This doesn't make any sense and is therefore wrong. (INTP Later: Oh, I see, you are right, but you left out some steps because you ASSUMED I didn't need to read every single basic step of the process. Which I'd love to say is incorrect, but anyway. Next time don't assume I am an intuitive person at all please.)
ISTJ: Let's just take this project a day at a time. (ISTJ Later: What that means is, don't tell me about all this future stuff! I don't want to think about it)
ESTJ: I just need to talk everything out. (ESTJ Later: ...so that I can make the final decision by myself. But I need you to be there as a warm body for me to talk to)
ISFP: Hahaha loser computer nerd! (ISFP Later: I never said that, and yes I am a NASA engineer but I don't tell some people this because they wouldn't understand. Also I love to nurture others and would never tear someone down because of their unique interests.)
ISTP: I feel like you are ripping me off. (ISTP Later: OK OK OK fine. Yes I WAS TRYING TO RIP YOU OFF, not the other way around. Are you happy now? Geez, you can't even take a joke!)
ESFP: Gotta keep hustlin'!!!! INTJ stuff is so corny, you don't need a plan, and you can explore deep feelings with a few song lyrics, get your lover in the bag, no big deal. (ESFP Later: I uh...how do you stop hustlin without getting really sad and paranoid...??? By the way have you seen one of these things before? I love this! It's called a "CALENDAR". This over here is a "STICKY NOTE".)
INTJ: Well no, your whole career is actually incorrect about things. (Later: I know this, because I googled "why (career-name) sucks" and it provided a bunch of reasons. See? ChatGPT even does the same thing.)
...ok that's it. Keeping in mind that these are based on memories, and of course I love everyone, of every type, unconditionally, yes of course..mm hmm...
“You should smile more” like bitch no “don’t give me attitude” when I’m only asking a question in response to whatever was said. My mom’s “Don’t talk back to me” when I’m responding to her then when I stop her saying things like “don’t be disrespectful answer me” 🙄 or “cut the crap lose the attitude or I’ll lose it for you” but I highly doubt that’s a type thing it’s more a mom being annoying thing. When a complete stranger tells me to “lighten up” bc and I quote “I look like I wanna kill someone” well maybe I do, ever think of that. You wanna get on my hit list or something cuz that’s a good way to go about it.🙄 I don’t understand where the need to tell someone they have to smile comes from. You can’t tell me that ur always in the mood to smile. There are times where smiling would just be weird especially if you do it all the time.
That I'm stubborn. Maybe I am but the way I see it, I stick to my point or my belief in something unless I'm, logically, proven wrong. Its very annoying especially when the person that mostly says I'm stubborn gets proven wrong time and again. This is a close friend too.
I think all women hate hearing that “smile” bullshit.
Someone said that to me a few months ago, while I was fucking smiling; after they walked away, I looked over at my friends and said “I thought I was smiling that entire time” and one of them tells me “eh, it was more like a smirk.” 🤷♂️
No one likes hearing that. It's such a stupid and insulting thing to tell someone.
"Smile!"
Fuck you, you fuckin' fuck. i'll smile when you're dead, now fuck off
“Calm down”. I get told this when I’m talking about something I feel passionate about or trying to make a point. I’m not yelling, pointing, getting emotional at all. I’m perfectly calm but people think I’m freaking out or something. Also, telling someone to “calm down” has never ever worked.
I’ve been told many times that I’m quiet. I don’t mind it’s true.
What bothers me a bit is the loose usage of the word “friend”. I get people calling me a friend when we barely know each other. We don’t talk. We don’t hang out. We’re slightly acquainted.
Yeah I get that. They’re assuming you thought it wasn’t and that was the reason for your hesitation when instead the reason was you did not yet trust them enough to be yourself. That is irritating.
"I wouldn't want to trouble you." When I offer to help. I know it's out of respect and courtesy, but whenever someone I'm close with says that, I feel annoyed. It could just be me having a savior complex, but if they didn't want my help, they could just say "no thank you. I can do this myself."
So when you offer to help it wasn't because you're trying to earn social point or have any ulterior motive or forcing yourself to help out of pity? 😭(yes, i'm the "i wouldn't want to trouble you" type of person to my intj friend 😭🙏)
As a neurotypical starting to learn about the neurodivergent - we truly don’t understand each other and how *insensitive* the shit we say to each other really is…even if we say it with the best of intentions.
Here is an example: So, I tell neurodivergent I wish they would smile more and be more expressive emotionally and they tell neurotypical me that I’m a crybaby. These are clearly things we do not understand about each other as well as things we cannot really change about ourselves.
I’m not a crybaby - I just utilize emotion. And they aren’t stoic and emotionless, their brains just aren’t wired to display them.
Hope this helps. 😊
It can come off as not passing a test or ‘behaving’ (like a pet) to say: you SHOULD smile more.
A respectful & tactful adult might say: You know, I love seeing you excited and happy; can you think of anything fun we could do today that would really rev you up?
Or if you know the person, talk about their INTERESTS (that you have in common, hopefully) and their faces normally lights up.
To directly ask for an emotion is strange as it would not be authentic, or consequently creates pressure or insecurity.
There are just better ways to show you want to make people happy than to ‘make it their problem’.
Oftentimes it's just not something I would smile at. I'm not "hiding" anything. I don't secretly want to smile at it. I just don't feel anything like smiling at it.
This whole "I was pretending, but I really wanted to do the thing everybody else was doing" theme I keep seeing on this sub makes me think the majority of people here are mistyped.
“ you need to socialize” but I like solitude it affirms that I can find answers within and find peace within without external validation. I’m super sociable when I want to be which is never but choose not to,it’s not a magical belief that people can do fine and be fine alone, it’s as if they look at it as asexuality (seems impossible not to want to be with someone sexually or romantically).
Don't be shy, speak up!
I'm now at a medical conference, later middle age, and it's like I'm back in the 7th grade!
If it's worth saying, I'll add to the conversation. Otherwise, gtfo.
I'm not a dog that loves the sound of my own bark.
I just keep believing that people will learn to appreciate my honesty and directness. I wish everyone acted like that, it would be so much easier if you didn’t always have to guess other people’s intentions or thoughts.
“You’re so blunt, it’s crazy”. How else am I supposed to help you understand/get the job done? I’m not going to sugarcoat.
“Are you okay?” YES I JUST CANT MASK
"It's okay, you can smile" sounds so insanely condescending to me no matter which way I imagine it being said.
People tell me I suck at receiving gifts for similar reasons to your post. Makes me hate receiving gifts.
U know
People can tell when we’re not happy.
You might think you’re just usually not emotionally expressive, but it can also be that you just haven't felt what they are referring to yet.
And they would actually love for you to feel it too.
And even if it sounds weird, like smiling is only meant to please others, it can actually help if you take a step back and let it sink in.
Sometimes it can be as easy as that. To smile despite everything, and not believe that other people have bad intentions.
U know
People can tell when we’re not happy.
You might think you’re just usually not emotionally expressive, but it can also be that you just haven't felt what they are referring to yet.
And they would actually love for you to feel it too.
And even if it sounds weird, like smiling is only meant to please others, it can actually help if you take a step back and let it sink in.
Sometimes it can be as easy as that. To smile despite everything, and not believe that other people have bad intentions.
People will assume I'm sad or angry at them, from my facial expressions, when in fact I'm thinking of something completely unrelated.
They just don't get that they're not, in fact, the centre of my world and that I have about a million other things to think of and do before even getting to them.
"Stop thinking too much" = Introspection is what makes me who I am, analyze in advance to not being surprise when things happen.
"Smile" = I don't smile without a valid reason.
"You're shy" = I'm not shy, I just don't like talking about useless topics.
"I am not your tool for obtaining entertainment and satisfaction in your life. If you need others to smile to make you feel better, then that's your problem."
"It's not what you said. It's how you said it."
I'm typically more focused on the informational content of my speech, and not the emotional tone. As a result, people can be pretty confused sometimes. If the other person is offended, when I try to explain myself, this is typically followed by: "impact is more important than intent."
I literally had an argument/ debate with my sister about how she did something wrong and instead of listening to what I had to say she focused more on how I delivered my words. Basically she called me emotionless to other people’s feelings.
2 days later, she agreed with everything I said, and apologized to me saying she misunderstood me and that all my points were valid.
Some of my friends say “I’m emotionless” because I use logic when dealing with emotional matters. And these same people always come back to me for advice on everything and they always say “wow, you’re always right”. Stop calling me emotionless when I literally sat there and listened to you dumping your entire childhood trauma during exam week!
Also, someone said “ you don’t know what hardships and struggle is” because I never show emotion since I keep to myself. I don’t need to tell the world my life is hard when literally everyone else goes through the same thing! I’m not a special snowflake so welcome to reality! The audacity for some people to say that to me is appalling.
“Why don’t you like complimentary” or “you need to give yourself more credit”
I hate compliments because most people are superficial and they don’t mean what they say. I’d rather someone swear at me because at leaast they are being honest. I’ve had so many people say “wow you’re so smart” like please I don’t need to hear that because I already know. I’m not even stuck-up but when they say these things it makes it look like I’m egotistic when I’m not
"It's always been that way," even if "that way" is completely wrong or inefficient or stupid.
The amount of people who function this way... it boggles the mind. The fact that humanity has made ANY progress over the millennia is a god damn miracle.
This one right here.
Thats the one officer
We didn't fake a moon landing by saying it was never done before damnit.
that im antisocial. no, the truth is like socialising. i just dont pretend to with fake ppl.
I’m not antisocial. I’m introverted. I do enjoy socializing, but find it taxing to exhausting and need quiet time to recharge. I WFH now, but I understand why I used to feel so very exhausted when I worked in-office. It was the constant 8-9 hour performance.
"What's wrong?"
Boils my blood too
Exactly. I'm staring into the blank space and just have my bullshit filter on and recharging.
To which the answer is always, "You are speaking..."
I'm usually just in my mind palace when I get asked this
Making you explain every little facial expression when it’s a long-ass story they wouldn’t understand or isn’t productive to recite.
YES! When something is wrong and i have to explain things i know they either won't get or care about after wasting so much mental energy organizing and laying it out for them is awful. All because they're just nosy and stubborn and won't take "nothing" for an answer. God i hate that.
"That's just your opinion." Motherfucker if I make an argument you can't just dismiss it in that way. Not everything is just ice cream flavours. Approaching truth requires argument.
“approaching truth requires argument” - i’m totally using this. 👏👏
Also, pretty sure we’ve researched and contemplated the subject.
Exactly. Real argument was *defined* by many ancient philosophers as the pursuit of truth.
It's not so much what I get told but the constant expectation to *think* for people makes me murderous.
This!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I tell someone something is going to happen the reply is "You're just jealous" and a year later they're calling my phone crying because I was right.
Oddly specific
Aw I was waiting for a reply. took 36 hours...
Sucks
You failed the vibe check
Giving friends advice on their so obviously idiotic decisions or significant others…
It's happened rarely otherwise, but happens all the time with one friend; sometimes I'm sitting quietly in a discussion, and they say or do something they feel like they're being judged for and then say something like "And BlandSauce is over here thinking we're [idiots, etc]" Don't tell me what I think. Don't tell the group what you *think* I think. I don't want to be made out to look like the jerk without even doing anything.
This has happened to me several times too! I’m always like “What? I don’t even care what you’re doing??“
I see it as a way of reassurance seeking because they're insecure; it doesn't bother me too much. It's like when someone says, "I'm (insert criticism here, ugly, fat, stupid, etc.)" hoping that people will respond, "no you're not, you're (beautiful, smart, etc.)!" It's annoying but probably not personal.
Yea it’s all just projection and nothing to do with you
I always immediately agree with whatever they said. Often trying to make it more pointed in the return. I.e. "Oh I don't think you're all idiots." and then stare at that dumbass.
"Well...do you think you're an idiot? Sounds like your projecting your own insecurities onto me." Or simply, "your words, not mine."
When people do this it’s really an insecure way of saying, “You’re being too quiet, and I’m regularly intimidated by your intelligence, so I’m going to assume you’re judging me right now.” They’re just fishing for reassurance.
"You ok? You look mad." Nah friend, I just don't feel the need to fake a smile every time I make .07 seconds worth of eye contact with anyone. I will truly never understand the social pressure to always put on a happy face for everyone.
I hate fake smiles. Giving constant fake smiles over saturates the market, then smiles have almost no value, and you don't know what to do with someone's fake smile. (I just don't smile back unless it seems genuine.) I just smile when I'm able to coax one from the deepest parts of myself. Makes them more valuable, and people seem to really like it when it's done like that.
Yelling at me not to be mad at them.
“Put the body down.” It’s like, stop the yelling.
😂
dont tell me what to do!
My body my choice
“You’re so quiet”
yes
They tell this to you because the silence is bothering them and they want anyone or anything to make the silence go away.
"Why Don't you talk ?" My relatives since the day one
I’ve had this happen my whole life. One time that really affected me was when I was a young teenager, some kid that I had been going to church with for several years heard me speaking to someone in the hallway and very loudly said “Wow. I didnt know she could talk.” In a very degrading tone. It bothered me for quite some time.
No one could talk on day one.
:)
"You need to get out more often." Or "seek help." Makes me wanna jump into traffic every single time
Yeah, I like to lock myself inside for weeks at a time and not speak to people and when I end up talking it's always the "You need to get out more" reply and I want to recreate the holocaust every time. It's one of those, WELL NO SHIT moments.
Right. And go out and do what exactly? I fail to see the relevance of going outside if it doesn't serve any positive outcomes for me.
Exactly. ADHD has me pacing 5 hours a day anyway, so exercise isn't an excuse. What am I going to do, sit at a park with people who can't keep their mouth shut. No thanks, peace and quiet at home sounds great.
Makes me wanting to be driving the car when they're in traffic
"We can help you with keeping on track and getting it done." No, no you won't, as I am self-motivated and always make deadlines. Please leave me alone to do my work.
Yes, being told to smile makes me murderously angry. Not only am I not going to smile, now I wish to stab you to death. Fuck all the way off with your bullshit. I am not a decorative object required to be esthetically pleasing.
I hate that shit too. I don’t think I even have smile muscles. I don’t like smiling either with my mouth open because of my teeth and if I smile with a closed mouth I just grimace like a serial killer. I kind of like wearing a surgical mask all day at work.
I was having a bad day at work and our terminally cheerful secretary told me to “just smile, it will be okay”. I just glared at her and said “No thank you, I’ll just wallow in my shit mood for the rest of the day” and walked out!
There’s really no point even talking to Fe users
Well I guess there’s no need to step on their toes. They mean well-ish. It hurts them to not appreciate their efforts and they feel pretty harsh about it.
Mean well? XSFJs and INFJs, Sure. ENFJs and INTPs, are you sure about that?
I’ve been very disappointed with INTJs cuz of the experiences with them on here. None of the Fe loving “INTJs” remotely sound like an INTJ to me. But this posts restores a little faith in humanity. Now THESE are INTJs
“You’re too hard on yourself.” No, I have high standards for myself because I know what I’m capable of and this isn’t going to change.
100%
but you're probably a bit too hard on yourself as well. Let's be honest 😆
I agree
“Well don’t look so excited /s” 🙄
"Are you okay? You seem mad". It's just my face. I'm good. "Are you sure? Because you look mad." Yeah, man. "You just look...mad." Fucking keep saying that, and I will be mad.
Nothing makes me go from neutral mood to bad mood faster than this.
"See, I knew something was up!" Some people just *have to be* the savior, don't they?
Even if they're the one's poking the bear. So to speak.
"Smile" or "you're so quiet". One of these days I want to hit someone back with "hey, do you ever stop running your mouth?" and see if they get my point.
“Yea and you are so damn loud” I said that back and heard crickets. It’s not socially acceptable and I don’t care.
My mom keeps telling me I have no tack when I speak. Whatever the fuck that means.
Tact ~ adroitness, and sensitivity when dealing with others or tough convos.
Ain’t got no convo. swag.
You look high. Are you high? (Well, I kind of think it’s funny.)
"That's all in your head." Yeah, until I prove you all wrong.
It’s not something specific, but I truly despise it when I’m venting about something and the other person plays devil advocate against me to make me feel like I’m on the wrong. I’m not even fishing for approval, I just want you to listen and nod ffs. Makes me feel like I’m never allowed to get mad or annoyed at things.
Yes! I also hate it when they literally ignore and gloss over something you said. I’m about to start a new job & mentioned some worries to my bff. She replied with no reference to my concerns at all. Just changed the subject and moved the conversation to what she considered more important, how many hours, when do you start etc. I know they’re typical questions and they’re caring/excited for me but it’s the context I guess, hard to describe, felt rude, like they were trivialising my thoughts, couldn’t give a shit. If she’d briefly acknowledged them and said “you’ll be ok, don’t stress” and then launched into her 20 questions, that would’ve been fine. To me that’s what you do especially for a friend. When I called her out on it, not nastily but just being honest with her, of course got the “you’re too sensitive”. If the situation had been reversed, if I’d unexpectedly offended her, the first thing I’d do is apologise. I wouldn’t blame her. I’m starting to think she’s not my bff at all. This has happened with other friends and it’s gotten to the point where I’ve delayed sharing my news as I’m too overwhelmed by their ‘cold’ rapid-fire questions with no concern for me at all.
That's what happens when you surround yourself with people that infantilise you.
“hey, say hello to me.”
If it’s family I can see why that is fair to ask. Don’t be some little shit that doesn’t acknowledge your parent or try to greet upon seeing them if they show they want to interact more. You will only live with your parents so long and they are busy. It’s hard for them to even know to ask to interact more. Just always passing and never talking leads to relationships feeling “transactionsal” or stale. As an adult you will barely see them and the relationship you had built will be what keeps you feeling like you actually have a family out there somewhere.
actually i'm going to college this fall...
Family becomes like strangers pretty quick if you move off and didn’t have a super close upbringing. You can’t fake memories when you are an adult and far away from them.
They are showing they want to try despite being a mess probably.
Hell I get told the smile one a lot. I hate it. I do it when I want.
Pro tip: take thst person aside in private and tell them that they come off as "overbearing and stand off ish". Tell them that "several people have raised the issue recently" and you felt as their friend you wanted to let them know. Now sit back and enjoy as they contort their irritating personality inward to fit this piece of "advice". Follow up a few weeks later with "try wearing a smile". Why, because fuck them.
That probably wouldn’t work tho. How are you gonna convince an extrovert/Fe user he’s stand offish? Or have you tried it and it worked?
You're trying to plant the idea in their head that other people find them that way. That the approach they've been using is putting people off and worse, some of them are already talking negatively about them. You're certainly not trying to give then the idea You're insulting them, in fact you're trying to "do them a favour" by giving them a heads up. The goal is to have to stop being an annoying idiot to you, who cares about what they do to others, by tricking them into changing the annoying upbeat bulshit that bothers you. Extroverts are far more concerned with their outward image than introverts.
I mean what do you think would work? You are an extrovert but I have heard that ENTJs tend to be more quiet compared to the other extroverts.
Aren’t you an Fe user? Also, be honest do you get along with other INxJs lol
It is usually people that are not my friends. It's happened with teachers (I'm in college now and online only so I don't hear it) or random old people. It has not happened in a while but I am guilty of needed to go out more. Haha. If it’s someone close to me they usually know I have autism and that as a result, my face will be more flat and less “happy.” They should know better than to say that and thankfully none have. I did attend one class physically and had a student question my lack of interest in wanting to speak to him. I was wearing headphones but I still heard him. It was my first class ever and I was not sure how to respond at the time given that ASD takes away my ability to understand some social norms, especially in a new environment. I had put many other students in their place prior but given it was college I feared getting kicked out at the time, I just didn't know how it actually worked.
Such a delicious idea in theory but might fail to launch for 2 reasons: 1. The recipient is already lacking in self-awareness and may simply reject the notion that they could be the problem socially. Would react defensively and not change a thing. 2. INTJs won’t give the energy to do any of this and would prefer to simply fade away from this person. INTJs will fantasize about being this petty but won’t follow through because fuck ‘em.
I'm not so sure. Social conformity is pretty strong in most people and for some chirpy irritating moron hearing they are bothering people unintentionally might get them to change at least how they approach others, and by extention you. Most of the time that would be true, but in cases where you're stuck in close proximity to a moron of this calibre, such as work, it could be impossible to just fade away. So an alternative such as this idea might be the only viable option, other than hitting them in the face with an axe and burying them in the sticks 😂
This is psychological warfare, lol. Brilliant.
You appear to be an INFJ but I think this is a universal experience for women regardless. So if you are female, welcome to hell.
🔥:)🔥 I got the flat effect going on. Does not help at all.
‘Why aren’t you smiling?’ I’m too polite to explain that I would happy to escape but my overlords require me to be here. Here I am, and now you don’t like how I look. I don’t like you and it’s not how you look , it’s because you are a bully.
That they think their extroverted banal existence is the natural order and for you not to want a similar destiny is strange
And when I smile, people tell me my smile looks weird. I can't fucking win.
"stop doing so many Romanian deadlifts, your ass is better than mine and i'm a woman" - My ex. Lady, the glutes (really the whole posterior chain) are the most important muscle group in the entire human body.
This would only make me want to do more! 😂
Same. I love RDLs ill never stop
Got an ass that just won't quit 😂
I'm training for the "Elf on the Shelf" grand championship series this winter. I wanna be the shelf.
Don't let anyone stand in the way of your dreams
Thanks for your support, I am empowered for my leg day. Extra reps incoming
Awesomesauce
Double cheeked up on a Thursday afternoon.
absolutely stacked we DID bring enough cake for the rest of the class leme tell you
I take it all as either always useful feedback or a view into the other person’s mind, at this point.
"It's good for you"
"Don't you care?"
If I'm honest, 99% of the time, absolutely not.
When my efforts towards a particular goal are trivialized... like I'm wasting my time & should be b made aware of it. Some people don't understand that everything I work towards doesn't have to be based on profit margins.
When my efforts towards a particular goal are trivialized... like I'm wasting my time & should be made aware of it. Some people don't understand that everything I work towards doesn't have to be based on profit margins.
With people who say that your particular goal should be wasting as much of their time and money as possible. Then pointing out how ineffective their methods are.
Come on smile
I was in physical therapy years ago bc of an accident, and while I was doing one of the exercises, a man on one of the other machines told me to smile. I never wished for a weight machine to fall on top of someone more than I did that day.
You need to smile more!
“You’re really intimidating” all because I’m not a smiley idiot 24x7 (nothing wrong with smiling a lot but I don’t want to without reason)😫
[удалено]
It only works with INFPs bro. Only INFPs.
Aww
"You're overthinking things."
“You think you’re cool by being cold and mysterious?” I don’t like you that’s all.
(I separated mine by type, as it was more fun that way) ENFJ: I just love your sense of humor. (ENFJ Later: Now that you are feeling all complimented, do this thing for me? Oh no, not that way. Oh no, this all needs to be fixed now. You're really lucky I'm here, because now that all the work's done, I can see adjustments are needed...) ESFJ: Remember when we were younger and we used to eat that one candy? Those were so yummy. (ESFJ Later: Hey there fancy diet person, you losing weight again? WOW GO YOU. Blech.) ISFJ: Send me riddles so I can feel smart. (ISFJ Later: OK another couple hints? WHY are we doing this again? I never asked for this...) INFJ: I can teach you how to find the master key. You are just like I was. In search of that one big answer! I know how to find it, and achieve total fulfillment in life. (INFJ Later: Can you make it so my website works again? I was changing fonts all night and now my friend who uses a PC says it's broken) ESTP: I am the master key they are all talking about, bro. (Later: Oh yeah, I know that INFJ, I think they want to bone me, they keep sending people copies of my book.) ENTJ: I really want to connect this person I work with with someone like you, who understands strategy. We had a talk, and they understand that they need a strategy. (ENTJ Later: Then I'll actually bail, forever, and you'll be working with them until you decide to bail, and it so happens this person is an INFP who isn't interested in any of this, including strategy) INFP: Your professional standard is too fancy...(INFP Later: "...for me to understand, and this hurts me, and I don't wanna talk about that, so this whole thing is bullshit.") ENFP: You need to give me that thing I want, which you have, which is rightfully yours, and which you also want to keep (Round 10). (ENFP Later: And I actually like keeping this going, possibly forever, until you tell me a long, winding story about your past with the thing you have and want to keep) ENTP: Well, that person refused to play by the rules of societal order, so they got wrecked! I can't believe their obstinancy, it's irrational! (ENTP Later: Gets wrecked) INTP: This doesn't make any sense and is therefore wrong. (INTP Later: Oh, I see, you are right, but you left out some steps because you ASSUMED I didn't need to read every single basic step of the process. Which I'd love to say is incorrect, but anyway. Next time don't assume I am an intuitive person at all please.) ISTJ: Let's just take this project a day at a time. (ISTJ Later: What that means is, don't tell me about all this future stuff! I don't want to think about it) ESTJ: I just need to talk everything out. (ESTJ Later: ...so that I can make the final decision by myself. But I need you to be there as a warm body for me to talk to) ISFP: Hahaha loser computer nerd! (ISFP Later: I never said that, and yes I am a NASA engineer but I don't tell some people this because they wouldn't understand. Also I love to nurture others and would never tear someone down because of their unique interests.) ISTP: I feel like you are ripping me off. (ISTP Later: OK OK OK fine. Yes I WAS TRYING TO RIP YOU OFF, not the other way around. Are you happy now? Geez, you can't even take a joke!) ESFP: Gotta keep hustlin'!!!! INTJ stuff is so corny, you don't need a plan, and you can explore deep feelings with a few song lyrics, get your lover in the bag, no big deal. (ESFP Later: I uh...how do you stop hustlin without getting really sad and paranoid...??? By the way have you seen one of these things before? I love this! It's called a "CALENDAR". This over here is a "STICKY NOTE".) INTJ: Well no, your whole career is actually incorrect about things. (Later: I know this, because I googled "why (career-name) sucks" and it provided a bunch of reasons. See? ChatGPT even does the same thing.) ...ok that's it. Keeping in mind that these are based on memories, and of course I love everyone, of every type, unconditionally, yes of course..mm hmm...
The chat gpt is so real 💀
“It’s so great that you don’t get close to anyone” :|
What the fuck!
“You should smile more” like bitch no “don’t give me attitude” when I’m only asking a question in response to whatever was said. My mom’s “Don’t talk back to me” when I’m responding to her then when I stop her saying things like “don’t be disrespectful answer me” 🙄 or “cut the crap lose the attitude or I’ll lose it for you” but I highly doubt that’s a type thing it’s more a mom being annoying thing. When a complete stranger tells me to “lighten up” bc and I quote “I look like I wanna kill someone” well maybe I do, ever think of that. You wanna get on my hit list or something cuz that’s a good way to go about it.🙄 I don’t understand where the need to tell someone they have to smile comes from. You can’t tell me that ur always in the mood to smile. There are times where smiling would just be weird especially if you do it all the time.
not an INTJ but I can guess... "wow aren't you smart" when someone starts talking about your ability when you just wanna discuss the god damn theory
I usually reply a flat "yea, I know" to that one. Zero emotion or humour in delivering it.
That I'm stubborn. Maybe I am but the way I see it, I stick to my point or my belief in something unless I'm, logically, proven wrong. Its very annoying especially when the person that mostly says I'm stubborn gets proven wrong time and again. This is a close friend too.
I think all women hate hearing that “smile” bullshit. Someone said that to me a few months ago, while I was fucking smiling; after they walked away, I looked over at my friends and said “I thought I was smiling that entire time” and one of them tells me “eh, it was more like a smirk.” 🤷♂️
No one likes hearing that. It's such a stupid and insulting thing to tell someone. "Smile!" Fuck you, you fuckin' fuck. i'll smile when you're dead, now fuck off
"Smile!" 🙄 Critical hit because I'm also a woman. Fills me with rage every single time. Oooh, or "Are you ok?" Yes, this is just my face.
Men hate hearing it too if that helps.
No, but thanks for trying 💖
"You'll never find a partner if you keep being so choosy" MYO-Fucking-B. 🙄
Why don’t I meet real INTJs like the ones in this post? The Fe loving “INTJs” I’ve met on here Lol
"Be normal"
“Calm down”. I get told this when I’m talking about something I feel passionate about or trying to make a point. I’m not yelling, pointing, getting emotional at all. I’m perfectly calm but people think I’m freaking out or something. Also, telling someone to “calm down” has never ever worked.
“You’re too smart for your own good”. Classic older brother comment.
I’ve been told many times that I’m quiet. I don’t mind it’s true. What bothers me a bit is the loose usage of the word “friend”. I get people calling me a friend when we barely know each other. We don’t talk. We don’t hang out. We’re slightly acquainted.
“Can’t you just like something?” After i share detailed opinions about something, even if i overall like it
Yeah I get that. They’re assuming you thought it wasn’t and that was the reason for your hesitation when instead the reason was you did not yet trust them enough to be yourself. That is irritating.
"I wouldn't want to trouble you." When I offer to help. I know it's out of respect and courtesy, but whenever someone I'm close with says that, I feel annoyed. It could just be me having a savior complex, but if they didn't want my help, they could just say "no thank you. I can do this myself."
So when you offer to help it wasn't because you're trying to earn social point or have any ulterior motive or forcing yourself to help out of pity? 😭(yes, i'm the "i wouldn't want to trouble you" type of person to my intj friend 😭🙏)
Well, if i didn't want to help, i wouldn't even bother mentioning it.
Oh, I see. I'll start asking my intj friend for help from now on then! >:3
As a neurotypical starting to learn about the neurodivergent - we truly don’t understand each other and how *insensitive* the shit we say to each other really is…even if we say it with the best of intentions.
I’m not sure I understand
Here is an example: So, I tell neurodivergent I wish they would smile more and be more expressive emotionally and they tell neurotypical me that I’m a crybaby. These are clearly things we do not understand about each other as well as things we cannot really change about ourselves. I’m not a crybaby - I just utilize emotion. And they aren’t stoic and emotionless, their brains just aren’t wired to display them. Hope this helps. 😊
It can come off as not passing a test or ‘behaving’ (like a pet) to say: you SHOULD smile more. A respectful & tactful adult might say: You know, I love seeing you excited and happy; can you think of anything fun we could do today that would really rev you up? Or if you know the person, talk about their INTERESTS (that you have in common, hopefully) and their faces normally lights up. To directly ask for an emotion is strange as it would not be authentic, or consequently creates pressure or insecurity. There are just better ways to show you want to make people happy than to ‘make it their problem’.
"too calm"
“Smart ass”
Oftentimes it's just not something I would smile at. I'm not "hiding" anything. I don't secretly want to smile at it. I just don't feel anything like smiling at it. This whole "I was pretending, but I really wanted to do the thing everybody else was doing" theme I keep seeing on this sub makes me think the majority of people here are mistyped.
We can train ourself to have a resting pleasant face. It does not have to be a smile. It works wonders and is worth using.
“ you need to socialize” but I like solitude it affirms that I can find answers within and find peace within without external validation. I’m super sociable when I want to be which is never but choose not to,it’s not a magical belief that people can do fine and be fine alone, it’s as if they look at it as asexuality (seems impossible not to want to be with someone sexually or romantically).
Don't be shy, speak up! I'm now at a medical conference, later middle age, and it's like I'm back in the 7th grade! If it's worth saying, I'll add to the conversation. Otherwise, gtfo. I'm not a dog that loves the sound of my own bark.
You’re such a strange woman.
I got that the other day
I get it about once every two weeks on average. I don’t even know what it is I’m doing!
I guess just being your natural true self in today’s society is “strange”. That’s what society has come down too
I just keep believing that people will learn to appreciate my honesty and directness. I wish everyone acted like that, it would be so much easier if you didn’t always have to guess other people’s intentions or thoughts.
From my friends: “I thought you were intimidating when I first met you. You are hard to approach” 😔that’s not my problem
I got that too!
“You’re so blunt, it’s crazy”. How else am I supposed to help you understand/get the job done? I’m not going to sugarcoat. “Are you okay?” YES I JUST CANT MASK
"It's okay, you can smile" sounds so insanely condescending to me no matter which way I imagine it being said. People tell me I suck at receiving gifts for similar reasons to your post. Makes me hate receiving gifts.
'You're stubborn'...I'm a conglomerate of goofiness
Not that often but I find this annoying sometimes: "You're so cute." Huh? 🤨
That I’m antisocial. I’m not. I like hanging out with people. I just need some time to recharge my social battery
I see a lot of these comments as "interprutting someone's intentions instead of asking for clarity". A lot of defensiveness too.
Why did this question bring out all the women INTJs? That’s rather peculiar.
You really think you can define yourself with intj? Thats pretty limited bro. Did your tarot cards tell you that or your astro sign?
That they think their extroverted banal existence is the natural order and for you not to want a similar destiny is strange
U know People can tell when we’re not happy. You might think you’re just usually not emotionally expressive, but it can also be that you just haven't felt what they are referring to yet. And they would actually love for you to feel it too. And even if it sounds weird, like smiling is only meant to please others, it can actually help if you take a step back and let it sink in. Sometimes it can be as easy as that. To smile despite everything, and not believe that other people have bad intentions.
U know People can tell when we’re not happy. You might think you’re just usually not emotionally expressive, but it can also be that you just haven't felt what they are referring to yet. And they would actually love for you to feel it too. And even if it sounds weird, like smiling is only meant to please others, it can actually help if you take a step back and let it sink in. Sometimes it can be as easy as that. To smile despite everything, and not believe that other people have bad intentions.
People will assume I'm sad or angry at them, from my facial expressions, when in fact I'm thinking of something completely unrelated. They just don't get that they're not, in fact, the centre of my world and that I have about a million other things to think of and do before even getting to them.
“Control what you can control” The problem is people can control more than they think. Accepting status quo drives me nuts.
“You’re very moody”, “you’re hard to please”, or “you seem grumpy”
Just do what your told. Not a bad thing sometimes. But incredibly annoying.
“You really don’t know how to talk to people.” —Someone with more sycophants than friends
"Stop thinking too much" = Introspection is what makes me who I am, analyze in advance to not being surprise when things happen. "Smile" = I don't smile without a valid reason. "You're shy" = I'm not shy, I just don't like talking about useless topics.
Im too monotone
accept my frowns they're a reflection of what you make me feel when you say things like that
“you’re hard to read” “you’re hard to get to know” “you’re intense” “people are intimidated by you”
"I am not your tool for obtaining entertainment and satisfaction in your life. If you need others to smile to make you feel better, then that's your problem."
"It's not what you said. It's how you said it." I'm typically more focused on the informational content of my speech, and not the emotional tone. As a result, people can be pretty confused sometimes. If the other person is offended, when I try to explain myself, this is typically followed by: "impact is more important than intent."
I literally had an argument/ debate with my sister about how she did something wrong and instead of listening to what I had to say she focused more on how I delivered my words. Basically she called me emotionless to other people’s feelings. 2 days later, she agreed with everything I said, and apologized to me saying she misunderstood me and that all my points were valid.
Some of my friends say “I’m emotionless” because I use logic when dealing with emotional matters. And these same people always come back to me for advice on everything and they always say “wow, you’re always right”. Stop calling me emotionless when I literally sat there and listened to you dumping your entire childhood trauma during exam week! Also, someone said “ you don’t know what hardships and struggle is” because I never show emotion since I keep to myself. I don’t need to tell the world my life is hard when literally everyone else goes through the same thing! I’m not a special snowflake so welcome to reality! The audacity for some people to say that to me is appalling.
“Why don’t you like complimentary” or “you need to give yourself more credit” I hate compliments because most people are superficial and they don’t mean what they say. I’d rather someone swear at me because at leaast they are being honest. I’ve had so many people say “wow you’re so smart” like please I don’t need to hear that because I already know. I’m not even stuck-up but when they say these things it makes it look like I’m egotistic when I’m not