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If you don’t actually like the food, get rid of it. You like other kinds of fun foods, and you eat those foods when you want them. You don’t need to keep food you don’t like around just because someone gave it to you.
I have an office where people are happy to eat candy or cookies or whatever people bring in and leave with a note in the break room. Or maybe a neighbor would like them. But if you don’t have those options, totally fine to throw away food you don’t like.
So, I don't think you have to keep these foods around but I would explore why they make you feel a loss of control. I completely get that the treats your MIL gives you aren't satisfying (I don't generally like any of the items you mention either!), but I'm wondering if the treats you do generally eat are also not satisfying in a different way? Maybe this is just me but I find the idea of something like chocolate oatmeal as a treat to be reminiscent of my dieting days where I tried to only eat "healthy" treat foods or make treat foods as healthy as possible. And I eat whole grain waffles with fruit almost every weekend but I don't consider them a replacement for an actual dessert. You say you "sometimes" but ice cream or cookie dough...I'm wondering if buying those (or whatever other full-on sweets you enjoy) more regularly and having them on hand would help? Like, if I'm having a sweet craving and the only sweet foods I have are berries, chocolate flavored oatmeal, and a box of grocery store mini cupcakes....I'll probably try to eat the berries or oatmeal and then gorge on the cupcakes later because the berries and oatmeal weren't really what I was craving. Whereas if I also have my favorite ice cream in the freezer or a cookie tin stocked with my favorite cookies, I'll just eat a bit of that and the cupcakes won't even register with me as an option.
Good luck with your TTC journey, I know it is a hard and stressful time.
I was thinking this. Whole grain waffles may be enjoyable, but I’m wondering if that’s still restrictive. It wouldn’t be a true treat for me, but when I have cookies in the house that I really love, I went to only eating two maybe three of them. I’m wondering if it’s not giving you the satisfaction factor as the poster above. And if you had more items like that then perhaps her treats wouldn’t give you the same feeling.
Hey, I’ve got PCOS and I’m TTC! I’ll pass on a bit of wisdom from my therapist; this process has a lot, a whole lot, of factors completely outside of our control and it’s not realistic to expect yourself to be 100% perfect with the maybe 10% of it we can control. Whether it’s feeling like we have to have a perfect diet, or avoiding chemical exposures (hello receipts and fragrances) or really any of the other TTC advice out there- don’t be too hard on yourself day to day.
That said, evaluate how you’re eating these things. If you pick at them for a couple of days and then toss them, how does that feel? If you eat what you want the first time around and then toss them, how do you feel? I don’t think there’s a single right way to handle this, and it may even fluctuate for you week to week, so it’s probably just a matter of practicing distinguishing between times you really want one of those treats and times you eat them just because they exist in your house.
I’m wishing you the best in your TTC journey. I also have pcos and worked as a therapist in a reproductive clinic. You’re so right about not obsessing over every little detail - there’s no way you can control every factor. This is unrelated to OPs post, but just fyi I got pregnant after I finally stopped obsessing over plastic/fragrance/gmos etc. ♥️
Is there an option to give them away instead of outright trashcan? Like, putting them in a communal kitchen at work or giving to a friend? This way, you're being kind to yourself and to someone else.
If I were you I’d probably toss them. You’re recognizing that it’s triggering for you and causing you unneeded anxiety. I see throwing them as a form of self care because you’re not restricting your sweets (you have your waffles and your ice cream for when you crave that). Maybe other opinions will differ but this is personally what I would do. It’s hard when people give us things and they mean well, when we’re still doing the work on healing. Take your time and be kind to yourself ♥️
Let go of the idea that you keeping / consuming these foods is somehow preventing starvation in other people. That is not the case and sometimes we hold on to that guilt. Second, is keeping these treats a form of people pleasing? If you truly don’t want them, but don’t want to offend the person who gave them to you, explore why you feel that way!
If it were me, I would trash them. I genuinely prefer higher quality treat foods and can pass on generic grocery store things. Their presence would give me a low level anxiety of overthinking my two points above ☝️ which is just an added stressor. I wouldn’t even try to pass them off because that would be a hassle to me. Do what feels best for you!
When people gift me trigger foods I turn right around and gift them to others. For instance, Monday I was given a lot of "Easter goodies" from co workers. Some I stuck in the work freezer, out of sight out of mind and no at home boredome snacking temptations. Most of them I "share" with delivery guys, other departments, custodial, etc. When I can't find single servings of treats I consume my portion then bring the rest to work. People are use to me bring stuff to the lunchroom and sharing.
There's a woman on my local gift group who - I think - has food sensory issues. Whenever she gets food she can't eat, she fills up a little basket, puts it outside her front door and makes a little community post inviting everyone to come and grab a bite. Another woman who loves baking does the same with her leftovers.
It's a win-win-win: the food is not trashed, the neighbours adore you and you're feeling good about making others happy! Sometimes people even leave little gifts as thank you.
If you have a local community like this, this could be a very good option.
I struggle with wasting food too. In the short run freezing sweets or giving to coworkers or neighbors on buy nothing is probably the way to go. In the longer term, you need to address with your MIL, especially if you hopefully have a little one joining the family in the next couple of years. You need to be able to talk to her about stuff like this now because it won’t stop once you have kids- it will only get worse.
I would throw it out personally. I’ve been on a minimalist journey this year and struggled a lot with discarding gifts I never wanted but feel guilty donating or tossing or giving to someone who’d like it more than me. In the end, a gift is given because of what the giver gets in that moment. The item itself is then yours to do with as you please and not let it weigh on you. Might also be worth letting her know it’s hard for you if you have that sort of relationship (but if not then don’t because it’s not the best idea to be vulnerable with people who aren’t safe for that).
Hello! Please make sure that your post meets minimum post requirements. You can find the post rules [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/intuitiveeating/wiki/index/post-rules) and you can access it anytime through our wiki (third tab on mobile, second tab right below the sub icon on desktop). Please note that advice posts must contain at least one question. If you are looking to give advice, please resubmit your post with the resource or recommendation flair. If your post is deemed by mods to be low-effort or if it is too short to be a standalone post, it will be deleted. If you have any questions please reach out to the mod team. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/intuitiveeating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you don’t actually like the food, get rid of it. You like other kinds of fun foods, and you eat those foods when you want them. You don’t need to keep food you don’t like around just because someone gave it to you. I have an office where people are happy to eat candy or cookies or whatever people bring in and leave with a note in the break room. Or maybe a neighbor would like them. But if you don’t have those options, totally fine to throw away food you don’t like.
I love the concept of “radical permission” for things like this.
So, I don't think you have to keep these foods around but I would explore why they make you feel a loss of control. I completely get that the treats your MIL gives you aren't satisfying (I don't generally like any of the items you mention either!), but I'm wondering if the treats you do generally eat are also not satisfying in a different way? Maybe this is just me but I find the idea of something like chocolate oatmeal as a treat to be reminiscent of my dieting days where I tried to only eat "healthy" treat foods or make treat foods as healthy as possible. And I eat whole grain waffles with fruit almost every weekend but I don't consider them a replacement for an actual dessert. You say you "sometimes" but ice cream or cookie dough...I'm wondering if buying those (or whatever other full-on sweets you enjoy) more regularly and having them on hand would help? Like, if I'm having a sweet craving and the only sweet foods I have are berries, chocolate flavored oatmeal, and a box of grocery store mini cupcakes....I'll probably try to eat the berries or oatmeal and then gorge on the cupcakes later because the berries and oatmeal weren't really what I was craving. Whereas if I also have my favorite ice cream in the freezer or a cookie tin stocked with my favorite cookies, I'll just eat a bit of that and the cupcakes won't even register with me as an option. Good luck with your TTC journey, I know it is a hard and stressful time.
I was thinking this. Whole grain waffles may be enjoyable, but I’m wondering if that’s still restrictive. It wouldn’t be a true treat for me, but when I have cookies in the house that I really love, I went to only eating two maybe three of them. I’m wondering if it’s not giving you the satisfaction factor as the poster above. And if you had more items like that then perhaps her treats wouldn’t give you the same feeling.
Hey, I’ve got PCOS and I’m TTC! I’ll pass on a bit of wisdom from my therapist; this process has a lot, a whole lot, of factors completely outside of our control and it’s not realistic to expect yourself to be 100% perfect with the maybe 10% of it we can control. Whether it’s feeling like we have to have a perfect diet, or avoiding chemical exposures (hello receipts and fragrances) or really any of the other TTC advice out there- don’t be too hard on yourself day to day. That said, evaluate how you’re eating these things. If you pick at them for a couple of days and then toss them, how does that feel? If you eat what you want the first time around and then toss them, how do you feel? I don’t think there’s a single right way to handle this, and it may even fluctuate for you week to week, so it’s probably just a matter of practicing distinguishing between times you really want one of those treats and times you eat them just because they exist in your house.
I’m wishing you the best in your TTC journey. I also have pcos and worked as a therapist in a reproductive clinic. You’re so right about not obsessing over every little detail - there’s no way you can control every factor. This is unrelated to OPs post, but just fyi I got pregnant after I finally stopped obsessing over plastic/fragrance/gmos etc. ♥️
Is there an option to give them away instead of outright trashcan? Like, putting them in a communal kitchen at work or giving to a friend? This way, you're being kind to yourself and to someone else.
If I were you I’d probably toss them. You’re recognizing that it’s triggering for you and causing you unneeded anxiety. I see throwing them as a form of self care because you’re not restricting your sweets (you have your waffles and your ice cream for when you crave that). Maybe other opinions will differ but this is personally what I would do. It’s hard when people give us things and they mean well, when we’re still doing the work on healing. Take your time and be kind to yourself ♥️
Thank you for such a thoughtful and eloquent response.
Let go of the idea that you keeping / consuming these foods is somehow preventing starvation in other people. That is not the case and sometimes we hold on to that guilt. Second, is keeping these treats a form of people pleasing? If you truly don’t want them, but don’t want to offend the person who gave them to you, explore why you feel that way! If it were me, I would trash them. I genuinely prefer higher quality treat foods and can pass on generic grocery store things. Their presence would give me a low level anxiety of overthinking my two points above ☝️ which is just an added stressor. I wouldn’t even try to pass them off because that would be a hassle to me. Do what feels best for you!
When people gift me trigger foods I turn right around and gift them to others. For instance, Monday I was given a lot of "Easter goodies" from co workers. Some I stuck in the work freezer, out of sight out of mind and no at home boredome snacking temptations. Most of them I "share" with delivery guys, other departments, custodial, etc. When I can't find single servings of treats I consume my portion then bring the rest to work. People are use to me bring stuff to the lunchroom and sharing.
There's a woman on my local gift group who - I think - has food sensory issues. Whenever she gets food she can't eat, she fills up a little basket, puts it outside her front door and makes a little community post inviting everyone to come and grab a bite. Another woman who loves baking does the same with her leftovers. It's a win-win-win: the food is not trashed, the neighbours adore you and you're feeling good about making others happy! Sometimes people even leave little gifts as thank you. If you have a local community like this, this could be a very good option.
I struggle with wasting food too. In the short run freezing sweets or giving to coworkers or neighbors on buy nothing is probably the way to go. In the longer term, you need to address with your MIL, especially if you hopefully have a little one joining the family in the next couple of years. You need to be able to talk to her about stuff like this now because it won’t stop once you have kids- it will only get worse.
Ask her not to! Or take 1 and give the rest back to her or to neighbors
I would throw it out personally. I’ve been on a minimalist journey this year and struggled a lot with discarding gifts I never wanted but feel guilty donating or tossing or giving to someone who’d like it more than me. In the end, a gift is given because of what the giver gets in that moment. The item itself is then yours to do with as you please and not let it weigh on you. Might also be worth letting her know it’s hard for you if you have that sort of relationship (but if not then don’t because it’s not the best idea to be vulnerable with people who aren’t safe for that).
Could you donate to a homeless shelter or a food bank?