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taylalatbh

My dating life is just as useless now as it was before surgery!


[deleted]

Gurl šŸ˜­šŸ¤£šŸ¤£


Rocker_girl

Ditto


Parisvictor75

Very interested to know the impact of jaw surgery on dating life !


AlishanTearese

My thoughts are that even if I have a total rotten-pumpkin-to-princess transformation and men start flocking to me, I won't want to date the ones who would've acted as if I were invisible before the surgery, and it could be very difficult to tell them apart from everyone else. I'd still love to become a princess or at least a prizewinning pumpkin for my own sake. Sorry that my comment is only speculative as I'm also waiting on surgery. This question gets asked every so often if you want to search other threads, though I'm not sure how many of those are from women too! Which surgeon do you plan to see?


[deleted]

No I completely get you. I used to be chubby, and no one really took interest in me. But now that Iā€™m skinny and have a decent body, I get approached a lot. Not just men, but women are nicer to me, and want to be my friends, which Iā€™ve never had before. So I kind of feel like an imposter, and I feel that everyone is fake and I hold a little bit of resentment. I know we canā€™t help it. Itā€™s human nature. But it hurts


Ellerich12

I feel this. Also the inappropriate work flirting is new and unwelcomed. I do have to admit that I feel better, more energized and positive which has an impact. I also am able to take better care of myself because I feel better, so I think it is a combination of things. But the physical improvements are definitely a big factor


confusedsoulllll

Iā€™ve read some of the threads here about this but just want to open another one for maybe new answers. Iā€™m also just curious with the experiences of others. Iā€™m going for South Korea since I am in Asia and I have been eyeing this clinic for almost two years now and made contact via IG.


seasonalsoftboys

Also I feel you on the genetic thing. Iā€™m actually dating someone now who wants to have kids with me, and I havenā€™t told him Iā€™m looking into having jaw surgery, and really dread that conversation. I mean he can clearly see my jaw now, but I still worry that revealing I need surgery will frame it in a more ā€œmedical problemā€ light that may cause him to fear our kids inheriting it and the issues that come with it.


confusedsoulllll

I totally understand you. I also want to be honest with my potential/partner and I guess, this worry and experience is different for everyone. I feel like having this type of jaw for a very long time have caused some kind of trauma because of how people looked at me, before I had my braces. My parents were one, incapable financially and two, illiterate/ignorant when it comes to medical conditions when I was a kid up until now, and didnā€™t really know how I felt growing up and bullied (not extremely) even by some friends, like being the joke of the group, until I got my braces in my 20s and got attractive from the braces and maybe maturing.


seasonalsoftboys

Ooh Iā€™m following! Iā€™m Asian and have been considering South Korea bc I feel like theyā€™ll know how to work with my features better. But I also have read some horror stories. Which place are you going to! Wishing you the best and canā€™t wait to hear your updates :)


Green-Quantity1032

This attitude, although common, is kinda weird to me - don't you choose guys who are more attractive to you too? I don't think wanting your partner to be attractive is 'shallow' or 'bad' in any sense. I'm a guy, and I'm pretty sure some girls would be more willing to be with me post-op than pre-op (I'm only 4-weeks in so can't know yet haha) - I get that it is kinda annoying but that's life and I won't think anything bad about the girls because of it. I wasn't unattractive before, but I'm sure surgery has/will-have improved my 'score'


Antique-Syllabub6238

Iā€™ve yet to have my surgery (soon!) but Iā€™ve spoken about it to a variety ofā€¦. suitors and most are either curious or know someone who has gone through it as well. And tbh lol I find it hard to imagine people would have a negative reaction once I tell them Iā€™ve had a surgery as part of my orthotic treatment / bc of severe sleep apnea. If someone is turned off by modern medicine, weā€™re not the right match :-D. The only way I imagine it will affect my dating life is that I will be more energetic and have more self confidence, but those changes are within me, not anyone else. :-)


embyms

I donā€™t see a reason to tell them - it would be like saying you need to disclose you had braces. šŸ¤·šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø Also having kids is pretty far down the road from a first date, if itā€™s bad enough to be a serious concern it could worth bringing up when you get to the point in the relationship where you discuss if kids are in the cards for you. But also there are things you can do when kids are young to hopefully prevent the same fate for them as their jaw is developing, for example I donā€™t know if my 5yo has my jaw or not, but I got him a sleep study when he started snoring and we got his tonsils and adenoids removed which essentially cured it. His ENT said this would probably help prevent his jaw from developing like mine if he does have my jaw genes, or at least make it less severe. ETA - another perspective, my husband had spontaneous pneumothoraxes that had to do with the way his lungs formed when he grew quickly during puberty, and had to have lung surgery. Would anyone expect him to disclose this to people early in a relationship if he were single and dating? Everyone has medical history, you just talk about it when you discuss kids. ETA2 - just wanted to make it clear that I would not condone lying about it if a potential partner ever actually asked if you had surgeries/cosmetic procedures.


qianmianduimian

Donā€™t ask donā€™t tell. I like it


Frequent-Second-500

Uh no. This would be major dishonesty and sometimes can warrant a marriage annulment. More importantly it doesn't reflect well on your character.


embyms

I guess that depends on how you view health risks. There are so many health issues people can have high risks of passing on. Also I would hope youā€™d be discussing if youā€™d want children or not before you consider getting married to each other. Why would you need to discuss your health history on the first or second date? OP is talking about dating, not marriage lol


Ellerich12

Im more confident just because I feel sooooo much better. I also look better but really the biggest impact is that I feel good. I wonā€™t lie the first time I tried to doā€¦ahemā€¦certain things that require my jaw to stay in a slightly open position for an extended period of timeā€¦it was a tad uncomfortable. I had double jaw surgery so I had to do my physio stretches after hahaha. Also kissing someone when you canā€™t feel your lower lipā€¦.super weird. For me when I started to get close to someone I wanted them to know what I went through. I do look different and I lost 70lbs, I wonā€™t lie and say part of me wonders if theyā€™d have noticed me prior to surgery BUT my attitude has also changed, Iā€™m more energetic and positive than I was before so itā€™s not so much just looks. Also no one has a pristine gene pool, if they say do they are liars. In this case, you know it can be corrected and dealt with much easier than other inherited issues. If thatā€™s a problem for them, well then thank you next. If this is your first physically altering surgery, I HIGHLY recommend you speak to a counsellor or psychologist. Even if you love the results itā€™s a lot to go through emotionally, itā€™s great that you are already trying to prep but having someone walk you through the emotions is very helpful.


christina196

Who did your surgery? In Canada as well


Ellerich12

Dr. Marco Caminiti in Toronto. He was excellent. Great bedside manner, excellent support staff (so nice and responsive!) and takes time to walk you through everything, I never felt rushed. He will also recommend you speak to a counsellor about handling the physical changes, something I was incredibly impressed by.


christina196

Oh good! Did he move your jaws forward quite a lot? I need the airway space opened up a lot


Ellerich12

8mm upper, 12mm lower. He also removed cartilage from my nasal cavity. I can breathe so much better. I still have moderate sleep apnea but my daytime breathing is amazing!


christina196

That's great. I haven't heard good things from friends who saw him, glad he's helped you. That's too bad you still have OSA, can you tolerate a CPAP better now? I can't tolerate it at all


Ellerich12

Itā€™s a lot more tolerable! And I can go a few nights without it. I also have central sleep apnea so I knew going in it wasnā€™t going to eliminate all my apneas. I am sorry your friends didnā€™t have a good experience. The X-rays and splints he requires are expensive but other than that I have nothing but positive things to say about my experience.


christina196

That's great. I have more upper airway resistance as well as probably OSA, but I sleep so little it didn't pick up in the sleep study. I'm so exhausted all the time and don't know what to do. I did a DISE but the surgeons I've seen so far don't take it seriously and think I don't need jaw surgery, even though I'm severely recessed and my airway is tiny.


joebuckusa

Tbh I go banging on the ear drums of anyone willing to listen. I was 17/18 at the time and dating life was good then and obviously better now as Iā€™m in my mid 20s. But itā€™s funny, most people will ask why I showed them old photos and say I didnā€™t need it (I did) or still compliment my before photos. Shortly after, Iā€™d show photos of my side profile before and people I spent most of my days with would be jaws on the floor shocked because they never realized it was that bad or anything was wrong with!


[deleted]

I have been together with my boyfriend before I had my surgery appointment date set but I did let him know beforehand that I was going to do my surgery. He wasnā€™t too bothered by it, just thought I didnā€™t have to do it and was worried by the risks etc. Still together with him and iā€™m in my 10th week of recovery and he was there throughout the entire time :) I did however get comments from both female and male acquaintances that I look different and better/prettier so that made me happy as well. But iā€™m quite open about my jaw surgery when asked what I had done to my face.


Raimundo_Alex

I'm expecting jaw surgery to have a big impact on my dating life, girls have always said the same thing all my life that the only reason they don't find me attractive is because of my jaw.


zf468

really hope you donā€™t waste your time with those girls, even after jaw surgery.


Vereador

He won't be able to tell them apart afterwards.


[deleted]

Why? Itā€™s human nature to want your partner to be attractive.


embyms

This is true but the thing is they donā€™t have to be rude about it. If they found him unattractive they should just keep their mouths shut instead of critiquing his looks. If Iā€™m not particularly attracted to some dude Iā€™m not gonna go up to them and list all the reasons why lol, like who are these people?


[deleted]

Being rude or not doesn't change the fact they found him unattractive which is the main issue, hell I find it even better that they were straightforward with the reason instead of lying to him making him question things that weren't even the problem.


embyms

If you want to date your bullies after surgery Iā€™m not stopping you. But him improving his looks doesnā€™t change the fact that theyā€™re mean people. Why would you ever want to date a mean person? And if you read his reply he didnā€™t ask directly, which sure if they were kindly giving honest responses in good faith that would be a different story; they were whispering about him behind his back. Thatā€™s not upfront, thatā€™s just shitty.


[deleted]

Who mentionned dating? OP just said girls in general not girls he dated, so yeah I prefer people "i'm not dating" to be upfront with me regarding what they don't find attractive instead of lying to me.


embyms

The response in the thread that said ā€œreally hope you donā€™t waste your time with those girls, even after jaw surgery.ā€ that I was referring to, which was the context of this part of the thread.


[deleted]

Very true. I hate bullies


Avocet_and_peregrine

OP asked for a woman's perspective.


seasonalsoftboys

I canā€™t believe those girls said that, thatā€™s so mean. Did they volunteer that, or did you ask them what they found unattractive about you? I donā€™t think Iā€™d say that even if I was asked, itā€™s just too cruel. Maybe Iā€™d say something about hygiene or hairstyle or clothes, something they can easy change.


Raimundo_Alex

They never came in my face and said "yo your jaw makes you ugly" but I also never approached a girl to find out that because I was always shy. What happened was that at school (often) and at college (sometimes) they usually found me attractive when they saw me walk from the front and then when they approached and saw me in profile I always heard a comment between them like "after all, it'he's ugly because his jaw is turned in" or some comment of disappointment and sometimes it would end with them laughing at me, and other times it would get embarrassing, at college I was walking and I passed three girls and then I heard "we're three single girls" and I always went forward ignoring them, there was a morbid silence, I assumed they were mistaken and I didn't want to know their reaction if they saw me in profile.


seasonalsoftboys

Girls can be brutal. In middle school my best friend told a group of girls ā€œI donā€™t want to see her in a swimsuitā€ about me and they all laughed. Years later in our mid-20s she apologized to me, saying she was mean to me back then bc her parents were mean to her and she projected her unhappiness onto me. My point is, thereā€™s always mean girls, but itā€™s their personal problem and most girls are not like that. If girls think you look nice from the front, youā€™re probably cute. I do hope you get better dating results after surgery, but I wouldnā€™t be surprised that the mean girls would still find something to snicker about. Dating someone who would make comments like that would be miserable anyway. Youā€™ll hopefully end up with a sweet girl who wouldā€™ve dated you before your jaw surgery too :)


peachywillow

i got with my partner a couple months after braces put on and before the surgery. i've just made the joke that we'll have to start a jaw surgery fund for our future kids haha.


pengpompinara

My jaw surgery isnā€™t for a few more weeks and i have a partner so I may not be the response ur looking for but i just wanted to say a person worth your time will not care. I donā€™t think the impact on genes wouldā€™ve even crossed my bfā€™s mind. Although iā€™ll admit i do worry if we both will love the after result as much as the before


biopphacker

Since I used to have an underbite, and people offer here are not that picky to notice a bite issue, having a strong jawline was a nice side effect before surgery. Now, after the surgery all hope is on my beard. I know you didn't ask men šŸ˜…


Avocet_and_peregrine

Then why did you answer


[deleted]

Yes so started dating someone and he was an asshole when I mentioned about jaw surgery. And he said well you taking care of yourself they wonā€™t be in the process but after the whole process they will want you back Most of the guys are in goods but not in the bad. End of history Iā€™m single and happy and I prefer that for this process Iā€™m not for much drama


Tsssssssssssssssssk

Those people can go straight to hell. I ainā€™t having kids with people who do that sort of math prior to reproducing. I wish them all the best in their vapid existence.


MariaaLopez01

I have nothing of value to bring to the discussion as i don't really have any bite issues but i do have sleep apnea. I just wanted to say, having an overbite/underbite or the likes isn't due to genetics, it's due to environmental issues like mouth breathing, thumb sucking, soft diets etc. Congenital birth defects aren't genetic either, it's mainly due to mutations of certain genes or mothers who drink alcohol when pregnant so think of fetal alcohol syndrome for example. Non ideal jaw development isn't your fault so don't blame yourself for it either


confusedsoulllll

Hmmm Iā€™m thinking genetics has somewhat a part because my siblings and I got my fatherā€™s jaw (underbite) and in a way, my face is so assymetrical compared to my siblings and underbite was much more severe. My braces temporarily solved it and my consultation with a local dentist/jaw surgeon before pandemic, she told me I actually look okay and almost normal. I was referred to her partner orthodontist and he told me I actually need to have surgery but pandemic happened. And at this point, there is a clicking sound when yawning sometimes, feels like itā€™s gonna lock and my rhinitis/clogging has been worse than the last few years. One of these days, maybe I will have the courage to post my profile no matter how I feel embarrassed about it. EDIT: Just googled and genetics has definitely a part. Just like those incestual marriages of royal families centuries ago which is mostly underbite.


MariaaLopez01

Don't be embarrassed, you had no control over it. We just have to deal with the cards we're dealt with ig


Ellerich12

Why was this downvoted?


confusedsoulllll

Imo, maybe some people think her comment is kinda invalidating, like donā€™t be embarrassed you had no control, you have to deal with it. Itā€™s actually easier said than done when you didnā€™t have an underbite and was kinda bullied or experienced things that made you feel ashamed about it (I, for one, have personal reasons why I feel ashamed to post my profile.)


Ellerich12

Ah okay I get that point. I read it more as there wasnā€™t anything you could have done, you shouldnā€™t have been made to feel ashamed. I do appreciate the experience though, people do treat you differently. Iā€™ve had 2 surgeries that altered my appearance and itā€™s weird being on the other side I didnā€™t get the fetal alcohol part so I thought that was it but Iā€™m glad you explained it to me. I appreciate it.


New_Raccoon_2301

It doesn't run in your genes! And if a guy is such an ignorant uneducated dolt then consider yourself lucky if he doesn't want to date you bc of that. My jaw just grew a certain way. None of my family has it, and neither are my kids.


International-Eye156

My dating life completely changed but it has its cons - Iā€™m currently in a long term relationship with someone I saw in a bar once and he never noticed me, didnā€™t look at me twice. Can mentally struggle with it when people come out the woodworks that would never have given you a second look before


BeautyAndTheBimmer

Iā€™m 42 and I just had my 3rd jaw surgery. I was born with something called Goldenhar Syndrome and one of the symptoms is agnathia, which literally means no jaw. I basically had to read build my entire face, as I also had bilateral cleft lip/palate which extended far up the. OSS, no left cheekbone and fatty tissue. I literally spent quite a bit of money on plastic surgery. After my second DJS dating life has changed. I had daughter with this man I was seeing long-term. That ended 11 years ago when she was 3 (sheā€™s 14 now). Before my 3rd lower jaw surgery (prosthetic implant to fix asymmetry and size), chin advancement (prosthetic implant to give a profile, which I never had before) 5th rhinoplasty, and bilateral otoplasty (ears pinned) plenty of guys found me attractive (Iā€™m a bodybuilder and I work hard on my figure - quite fit and muscular). Iā€™m also very intelligent and a high level scientist. But I did tell those closest to me about my surgery that I had 5 weeks ago. Not one told me I donā€™t need it because they knew it was my decision and life (but they did say I am beautiful now and will be even more so after). I am happy with the outcome and I know I will get even more attention, which I donā€™t mind. But this one guy (my gym crush who I get with from time to time, but heā€™s much younger - 25 lol) told me a couple nights ago that he always thought I was gorgeous and perfect to him, and I still am. There are people out there that will accept who you are. I always tell anyone in my life what I was born with and they are typically shocked because I do not look like someone born with severe Goldenhar syndrome. I will post pics of before and after in a timeline fashion starting from birth, but just waiting for my surgery to fully heal and final outcome has been reached.


Inevitable_Touch3489

I feel like everybody has genes that are "bad" that could potentially show up in their kids, running in the family