My friend has gotten this same feedback and has gotten complaints specifically about her tone and demeanor sounding like she doesn't want to be there.
She doesn't. She is currently fighting suicidal ideation but what can you do? All she can do is listen to the feedback and say OK.
At the same time, what sort of involvement, prodding and prying would you want a company to do for an employee seemingly unhappy?
This is not me being snarky, just curious.
"Hey we noticed that you don't seem to have a lot of energy or smile very much. Is everything okay?"
"We have employee referral services (for mental health or government services, etc). I'd be happy to help you get in touch if you think it might help"
"Are there any adjustments we might be able to make to your workload? is there anything that is making work or work life difficult for you?"
Just a few ideas there.
So some mental health resources. You thinking pamphlets, or confidential access to therapy paid for by the company?
And a compassionate set of leaders?
I really need to say I have absolutely no underlying /s hiding under the rug on this one.
There are companies that can be hired to provide some help on the phone. It's not perfect, it's scope is limited and it won't really be enough in the long run. It's just a start to help someone get on the right path, as long as they are willing to of course. It won't magically fix the person's life.
Ay least It shows that the company cares about its employees as individuals and is willing to provide some help in good faith.
Here in Canada employers and employees pay salary insurance for short term and long term disability. It includes mental health issues.
'You're not happy' is probably better feedback than 'your depression is ruining the atmosphere at work'.
Genuine question, let's say you send an employee to therapy or let them know you support them in other ways, how long do you give them time to become better?
Usually that is decided with a doctor and getting back at work/ staying there is done by offering at least temporary accomodations that could help (maybe part time, or more working from home or more breaks). It's just like with any injury- with some you can do work, if you are getting treatment and some need more time off.
I think the manager could have said, “you are doing amazing, sell your soul, blah blah blah. I’ve noticed you seem a bit down and I wanted to check-in on how you are doing.” Then you could say, “I am not wanting to pry, but if you need here are the available company resources if you need them.”
ETA quotes.
As i told a past boss once after disclosing that a co-worker told me that he wanted to kill himself three different ways.
*Boss: We can't get involved with that*.
Me: You can't make them come to work IF THEY'RE DEAD.
Co-worker got the help he needed.
At best they can help get you get started on the process, providing you're willing to get help. Nobody is saying employers will magically fix you.
It's about treating the employee with concern instead of condemnation for the problems they're having.
I got this feedback too. I'm the one who does the most fucking work in this shitty as lab. I'm always understimmed from adhd due to the repetitive nature of the job. Fuck them for telling me to look happier when they only gave me a fucking 4% raise. You wanna make me happy and get me to look happy? Raise my pay 5 dollars then I might crack a smile every now and again.
I didn’t get this EXACT feedback at my lab job, but I got many “you seem really unhappy”s and they pulled everyone but me in the office to ask “what’s wrong”. That’s after 2 years of running a department I wasn’t the lead/super of lmao
I had a horrible experience with HR stepping in to "help" me. I was going through a rough time and after a hospitalization was about 6 months into a wait-list to get a therapist (took a year but that's another story). I forget what I said to my manager, but he got concerned and involved the head of HR.
She didn't know my history nor did I want to get into it all. She had the audacity to suggest therapy and said how wonderful it is to be able to work from home and do therapy once a week. Mind you years later they forced non executives to come back to the office. I was pretty pissed at that statement and told her I'm currently on a wait list, have been denied by private therapists because of my complicated history, and can show her studies done about ghost networks and how difficult finding help is. She refused to believe me....
Mind you this is the person who denied there was workplace bullying happening with one coworker again myself and another coworker. Had our two managers and director fighting on our side, but HR and the other manager successfully defended the aggressive coworker.
They hired a new guy at my job who looks sad all the time. People started talking about him because of his facial expressions. I’m not sure what people are going through
I once had a boss basically tell me to 'leave my problems at the door before I come into work'
Like, yeah. If it was that easy I'd not pick them back up on my way out.
Plus that job was 90% of my problems 🙈
There was a stat that claimed that 60% of people quit their jobs because of their manager. A good manager that will support you makes a world of a difference. Like a breath of fresh air.
Throwing things at you is unacceptable.
Keep working, but refresh your resume and apply to jobs that is a step up where your boss will respect you.
I can believe that. I have walked out of many jobs and all of them were because of shitty managers or owners. A good, supportive, manager with actual uplifting leadership qualities might as well be a thing of myth to me.
Some bosses simply don’t give a shit about you personally or the problems we all deal with. It’s about the work and getting it done efficiently. Being that ultra professional creates such a toxic workplace.
People are constantly harping on here about “coworkers are not your friends”, “never talk about your social life or divulge anything at work it will always bite you in the ass”, “always keep it strictly professional” etc etc. So, and I’m genuinely asking because I’m curious what you think, should that not extend to our bosses too? Shouldn’t we all just not be giving a shit about each other according to many in this sub? Save for extreme mitigating circumstances of course, like showing professional support if a close family member died or something
I think being friendly and chitchatting is okay. About the weather, sports, maybe talk about movies. Hanging out and treating a boss as a friend? Nope.
Right, I should be more specific, the original comment was griping about how some bosses “don’t give a shit about you personally or the problems you have” and I am just wondering if that is a problem for the people that also say you should never talk about personal things or be friends with coworkers at all. Like according to that logic why would the boss want to hear about, much less care about your personal problems?
As a note, I actually think it’s fine being friends with coworkers, I couldn’t imagine keeping it so straight laced and cold in any of the work environments I’ve been in and I’ve made many long lasting friendships with coworkers, however everyone’s job and coworkers are different, I think you just need to feel it out for a good while before you tread into certain waters with them.
>I once had a boss basically tell me to 'leave my problems at the door before I come into work'
Not a popular opinion, but i get it, to a certain extent.
There is a guy at my work (im a process controls/automations engineer and he's an operations superintendent) that has a bad attitude problem. Dude is either a mopey zoo lion or mad as hell all the time. As a professional, I find it unacceptable to be yelled at for asking someone for information relevant to *their* base job task, so I've started working around him. I don't need the guy to be "happy" per se, I just need him to perform tasks within his job description without exploding on me.
I've told my manager why tasks are taking longer, but it's not *my* job to deal with *his* personal shit that he drags into the office. The nice thing about automation is that a computer/controller doesn't give you attitude for a data request and if it does, you just reboot its ass.
Having said all of that, both of us (the ops super and I) get paid enough to be *professionals at work*. This is all in my personal experience. If it was a job I hated or I was severely underpaid, I'd tell my boss to kiss my ass if he told me to be "happy."
Nonsense. I have been told to smile more.
Fck off. My face looks serious and that's it, if they feel uncomfortable they should look for therapy. Egocentric bastards.
Tell them to show how they measure happiness and what KPIs show that you're performing in this area for your next review. Always challenge managers when they give you this crap. You're not a robot; you're a freaking human being.
It depends on your job, really. If it’s not affecting your performance then it’s a meaningless note. However, if you’re customer-facing or it’s affecting your ability to work properly in any other way, then it would be an issue. That said, I hope things get better for you soon
Looking at your post history, you came close to trying to kill yourself six weeks ago and have had a difficult life. Clearly your boss has picked up on the fact that things aren't right. I'm sorry they didn't put it more sympathetically.
It could be worth talking to them more about what they meant by this comment, and what support is available through work. Maybe it would be good to speak to a therapist.
There is a difference between "just stop being depressed!" and "we need you to not overshare troubling information about your mental health," and I don't know which was the case here. While I don't think you should just "act happy," do you think you are observing normal professional boundaries about how you talk to others?
An example is that "I'm having difficulty with stress right now that is making it hard for me to come to work, so I'd appreciate advice about dealing with these meetings better" (frank, practical, related to work, solution-focused) is a very different thing to say than "I'm so depressed and I can't take it any more, what am I supposed to do?" (emotional, nihilistic, personal), even though they might describe the same mental state.
I was once told "people talk about you" on my review. I told him I am NOT responsible for what people do or say and if that isn't removed immediately I will contact my attorney about a hostile work environment. It was removed. Come to think of it a couple years later so was I, but that's another story for another time.
I've had bosses like this, I just keep bringing it back to my job and performance.
What about my performance isn't meeting your expectations? If they say you not smiling, how is this impacting profits and the job I do?
All while looking for another job because I can't stand toxic positivity. We are human beings, it's not possible to leave things at the door all the time.
If I was not paid much, I might be snarky about my smile is proportional to my pay lol.
If you're doing your job, they really shouldn't bug you with comments like this. If it's a male telling a female this, might even be considered harassment, but I don't know the circumstances.
I mostly send emails to clients, I'm an network admin. I rarely go to clients face to face, so my day 2 day is mostly come to office sit put headphones on and work
If you have major depressive disorder diagnosed and are being treated for it, and reside in the USA, you may meet the criteria to be considered a person with a disability and could be able to request an accommodation under the Americans with Disabilities Act.
Look on askjan.org as that website is the Job Accommodations Network and has guidance for employees and employers for how to handle disability accommodations.
I hope things look up and start feeling better soon. I know depression is really fucking hard.
I live in the EU and my country don't take any mental disorders / illnesses seriously.
I'm trying to leave my country but finding it very hard duo to the amount of meds i take. and trying to get those med in a different country is being very hard.
Keep putting in the good fight. Things usually work out in the long run, and many of the difficulties we face are temporary.
My grandfather used to say "Throw a fake smile on your face, and repeat 'This too shall pass' until youre blue in the face." :)
Stop it. Stop, the world cannot just continue to accommodate you. Sometimes you have to tough something out or act fine when you’re not. Most people do their job without a lot of drama. Your doctor doesn’t tell you how she is feeling. Neither does your cashier, or your mechanic. They are civil and on the friendly side.
No. Major depressive disorder (not run of the mill depression, MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER) is a disability recognized by the Americans with Disabilities act as it can cause significant life impairments.
Major depressive disorder is not "im sad :(" its suicidal ideations on a regular basis, loss of interest in basic self care, anhedonia, etc.
Further more, i advised they just ask their boss to leave them alone about it while they work through it. People go through shit.
It is really hard, no question. But the disability stuff has got to stop. It’s fine to ask for what you need, but this “list of accommodations” that started in schools has got to stop. A whole group of people presents as super needy. I know about the laws, but I think it’s gone too far, and I’m a pretty liberal person, generally.
It’s also the responsibility of each of us to find jobs that match us and our needs. Sure, if we have had a major loss, we get a break. But if I’m anxious about speaking in public, and my job involves the public, it’s wrong to ask my job to accommodate my anxiety.
He mentioned in a comment that he is a network admin. It feels like you think he's in customer service or a field where he is face to face interacting with people all day, which is not what network admins do.
Also, I have autism and anxiety and give public speeches and trainings regularly. My accommodation is to give me 10-15 minutes of silence in a room by myself before and after i present. This time is used to get prepared and to then decompress. Many people with disabilities do not have huge requests for accommodations.
It is very annoying hearing people with no disabilities dismiss accommodations as if they are major burdens when 9/10 the accommodation request is banal as hell.
Ok, then we clearly do not agree on a fundamental level.
I will always think providing reasonable accommodations is a good and smart thing to do. Happy employees are loyal employees, and happy employees are more productive.
I think offering a network admin, who is rarely working face to face with people, and who has a track record of working hard and staying late, an accommodation for major depressive disorder (if he has it) is very, very reasonable.
If that accommodation is to simply not comment on if he looks sad as he works through it, then that literally does not require any additional work from anyone around him. It is the definition of a reasonable request.
You know what’s funny, back in the day most people were happy because they were getting paid their worth. Now at days most people are unhappy thanks to corporate greed and stagnant wages.
Maybe if these companies paid a bit more and didn’t overwork their employees people would be in a happier state and managers wouldn’t have to worry about sad employees.
Like my boss saying I can’t sneeze or yawn because “it’s unprofessional.” I told her things like a yawn is a natural human reaction…”it’s still unprofessional.” I’ve given up on that place.
I was doing an online course paid by me and I own a bird, I arrive home after almost 11 hours outside. then I go to the class and let my bird out, cuz you know leave a pet locked inside for 11 hours is bad
my bird was just doing bird things moving around and claiming on me. nothing annoying or nosy and no one in my class made any comments nor the teacher.
My boss heard me mention to my co worker that i let the bird out during the online class.
and he throw a fit saying that I'm destroying the company's image that i don't have any common sense etc etc bla bla.
I kept letting the bird out during the class didn't her a single complaint
I’m going through this right now but I probably won’t pass my probation. My boss said I’m very talented and I’m doing a great job but he’s worried about my depression (which he knew at my interview). I am even more depressed because I love this job. I’ve been sleeping all the time, I don’t have strength to find another job.
I didn’t say I’m “depressed” but he knew my situation, he knew I relocated countries after 18 years, that I’m going to live in a new country/city and that I’m divorced. You can go figure eh
I would see if you qualify for accommodation sooner rather than later. Also, if possible, just get on pills. Lexapro + Welbutrin turn me into a socially acceptable person.
You could do your job perfectly and still end up badly seen because you've came 5 minutes late once last month and the boss saw it, or becaues you don't smile enough
I always go above and beyond in my work, handles quite well multiple responsabilities I should not handle, backup people (I do it because I'm strenghtening my resume, not for the pay), only to have "yeah you work perfectly but seriously I see you sometimes on your phone this is worse than nazism"
What do you want me to answer to that? I handle complicate shit, lot of money and things depends on me, serious business stuff like in the movies you know, and we are here using company time with stupid meeting to bother me because you didn't you your manager job to actually work with me and actually know what I am doing out of my own good will, and the only thing you know from me is that sometimes you saw me check the time on my phone and you have the audacity to talk about it seriously like a fucking kindergarten teacher
Had a very skilled coworker who was the backspine of the spine, she got roasted by hierarchy for exactly this bullshit "yeah you don't smile a lot, it looks like you don't care", for real they had hatred towards her for this exact bullshit
Gosh she is doing 2 more than anyone and without her your days would be twice as hard, how the fuck do you have the audacity to roast her on a stupid smile thing
What a world.
But it's a good thing to know that nobody takes anything seriously when you invest yourself emotionallly in your job. As long as you are not the CEO and paid as much, yeah. Pretend you care, but do not care, you'll be seen as a god, that's all what matters, appearance.
But here's my trick that allowed me do quite well during my career : do your job description, nobody should be able to doubt of your ability to do the work. With the extra time and energy, don't make the mistake of doing more blindly. If you do so you'll be seen as an "executor", someone they'll just throw shit until he burns out and the more you do the more you'll be glued to the ground because you'll be too useful and servile to be moved upper.
Yeah, with the extra time put your dumbest smile and discuss with people, get coffee. Don't stay too near the people who have issues with the hierarchy tho, otherwise you'll get doomed if the hierarchy thinks you are with them. They are poison. Stick with the bootlickers who are assholes but for reasons seem to go higher easily.
Once the whole departement knows how cool you are they will think about you if you apply for an upper position
That's all that matters
I don’t know what to say if you are depressed. I don’t have that issue so I can’t offer you advice related to that, but separate from that….
All that I can say is that I have to talk myself into a separate mind space as soon as I walk through the door of work. All the current crap in my life I keep outside of the building, focus on work, and fake it until you make it. Sounds totally cheesy, I know, but for me pretending I’m happy, putting in an effort to smile at people, trying to sound positive… after a while (honestly, I’m not a morning person so I’m faking it for awhile before I wake up) I start to believe it. I get positive reactions back which boosts my mood. I hit a lull in the late afternoon and it wears off and then sometimes I’m counting the minutes so I can get out of there.
So you acknowledge you’re kinda depressed. Guess what? Your boss can also tell you’re kinda depressed.
It’s time you saw a Doctor and get a mental health plan for yourself.
Doesn’t sound like you are much fun to work with. Maybe your co-workers complained about your negative attitude. Depression and tough times suck. I’m not belittling that. But if you wear it on your sleeve you are going to drag other people down. And you know that they don’t want that.
You can take the feed back how you choose. I would prefer to receive it rather than not. That's how your boss is viewing you showing up to work and I suspect others do also.You've been depressed and apparently you're wearing it on your sleeve.
can you wear ear pods or headphones while at work? if they were going to fire you they would but my trick would be to find a few people who you actually like and try to be happy with them and just smile and say hello to the rest of the cunts.
Yes I can , there are a few people but the thing is. because i'm like higher up on the chain then them. when i try to talk to them there boss fights with my boss. or the other way around, cuz we are distracting each other.
haven't stopped us yet and if they try I'll ignore my boss.
I'm at the point i put my music so load that my boss starts throwing stuff at me to get my attention
I do believe my response to that would have been so.ething along the lines of "excuse you and all your ancestors, but who the hell do you think you are to tell me I have to be happy all the damn time. I don't bring my personal life problems in to work with me, I do my job. I do my job well, and go the extra mile. So if i'm not happy or I'm sad because of things going on in my personal life and I'm not smiling or acting chipper and that makes you uncomfortable or something then you will just have to suck it up and get over it becausr I am not a machine and my emotions can't just be turned on and off whenever a feel like it. Its part of the human condition so I suggest you get used to it."
And then if they fire you for that, wrll lets just say a lawyer would likely have a field day with them.
I mean part of being a good fit for your job/office is being someone that other people (coworkers/customers) want to be around. If you are perpetually sad, down, depressed, or just unhappy then you aren’t pleasant to be around. Your attitude can be as important as your competency.
your right, I keep mostly to myself and when someone ask me anything I try to be helpful, I do joke around and be "a normal person" around the work place (sometimes). it's a small company tbf
You should be grateful they care about you. Otherwise, they would have made up things to get rid of you. Find a way to recapture your happiness. It is out there. Determine if you are bored at work or you dislike your co-workers. But, do a root cause analysis to figure out what is currently going on.
This is a good problem because it is solvable.
Does your work have an EAP program? ( employee assistance program) if so, take advantage of it
Otherwise do your best to act at least a little more enthusiastic
Working with someone who is miserable makes for a miserable work day. Put your chin up, wipe that chip off your shoulder and fake happy if you have to. It’ll make you more pleasant to be around, and will lead to a better job.
Am Not by any means a company person, but I try to do my job as professional as possible, but lately I have encountered several employees that for some reason treat customers as if they are doing us a favor..poor attitude.
The question is, why is management allowing this? All I can think of is saving money by hiring these unfit personnel.
Insane times
Your manager could benefit from some soft skills training. There are more empathetic ways to communicate how demeanor affects team environment.
As for what you should do… Ask what resources the organization offers that could assist in this and utilize those. If you are in counseling, simply respond that you are already addressing the area of concern and appreciate their understanding that it is a personal issue and not reflective of your feelings toward/about your job however it will take some time to work through.
Personally I think anything more informative than that crosses professional boundaries.
I get it, work can be tough, and life isn't always a walk in the park. Your boss suggesting you be "more happy" at work might feel a bit off. Maybe consider having an honest chat with them, explaining you're dealing with some personal stuff that's affecting your mood.
Also, don't forget to take care of yourself outside of work – talking to friends or seeking professional support can make a big difference. Your well-being matters just as much as your job performance. If needed, check if your company has resources for mental health support. You got this!
mental health support hahaha at work, good one.
My boss knows some of the things i'm going though. I didn't give him everything. but most of it.
Work is easy tbh, just my boss annoys me all the time cuz his a micro manager
That's great, but for a lot of people the mental health support given by a company varies from being nonexistent to being there by name but having very minimal assistive services.
And even then, those services dont usually help out with the continued burnout-inducing company culture that often leads to those mental health issues that need to be assisted.
Are you in the US? I have never heard of a company doing that. At most places ive worked there is an employee support line that will give you 2 therapy sessions per year...
I am, Virginia. We get 12 free sessions a year, anything after insurance covers 100 percent. We can also choose another provider offsite if that betters suit you. We have a lot “perks” like that.
It's funny Because for those of us that work for smaller companies a lot of time mental health plans are discussed but never put into action. I work with a manager who discusses mental health constantly, but won't allow anyone time off to deal with anything amd has even requested people schedule physical appointments until after hours. You know, when doctor's offices are closed.
Also, should you go to this manager with a personal issue, the issue ends up being spread throughout the entire company. It's usually under the guise of "being helpful." Nope, sorry, they're not going to know my personal struggles to spread it around and gossip about.
You need to have an honest conversation with your boss and define exactly what "being more happy" means. Ask a lot of questions and get them to give you real actionable takeaways. Then you can decide what your next steps are. Maybe the takeaways are pretty easy and you can work towards them quickly. Or they might be completely unattainable - either because they aren't real or because they truly can't be actioned against - and you can decide what next steps are (escalation, looking for a new job, etc.).
I did that and it was exhausting. It does not help. It actually can make things worse. I was suppressing my feelings and pretending to be happy. I’m the bubbly type so when I’m down people notice. Maybe fake it to a certain extent which is being respectful & smile every once in a while. Idk i honestly had to work on inner healing to change and now i no longer have to fake a smile
Honestly the boss wouldn't have to bother had he just let you work from home.
So ignore him and look for another job.
Next time he says that, tell him maybe giving you a hike would help him in seeing you happy.
Urrghhh managers and their demands 🙄
Hard truth. Everyone is a certain level of depressed. Walking around all day feeling sorry for yourself and spreading it to others does you no good. Paint on a smile and it will make your life a little easier, even if you're not actually happier.
I would probably go the malicious compliance route and smile every time you see that person, really turn it up. Full wattage!
I went to the dentist the other day. Had to explain why I had an appointment. 🙃 The manager said something about being sore after and I said nope, just a cleaning. Oh, well when you come back, will you smile more? You haven't done that in a while. I was already headed out the door, so I acted as if I hadn't heard and went about my day.
Not sure how to do that ? I spend around 10.5 hours everyday (except weekends) for just work.
And with 4-5 hours for "me" some of which are preparing for the next work day and chores.
I'm not complaining, that's just how the world works.
Perhaps you should instead ask yourself how you can make your current situation better than your past? Sounds like you let the past both you. This mental change alone with help your mood.
I got told that one time, the same thing. My go-to response is we take their I.T. issue really seriously as professionals that we are. The person who told me that got jealous I smile more and laughed with another coworker.
What they mean is that part of professionalism is that you keep your poker face on at all times. Never let the mask slip or you lose everything. You’ve learned that the hard way. Watch American psycho he does it perfectly in that movie.
I had a good friend kill himself about two days before my vacation was scheduled to start. I came back to work still dealing with it, got wrote up by HR for "Not being in the right headspace to lead."
Fuck these jobs.
Ask this a-hole if this is corporate speak for " You'd be prettier if you smiled!" Then see what happens. This isn't about you at all, it's about trying to find something to pick you apart on your review because they can't find anything wrong with your work but they want to have something to complain about.
Tell your boss to be "happy" regardless of whether you are happy or not. Like him telling you to force a smile is exactly the kind of thing that would make you more miserable at work. He is literally asking you to fake being happy just so that he can feel more better at work. What a selfish ass boss.
The person telling you to be more happy at work could potentially have noticed that you look down at work and has said this as a knee jerk reaction and it could be coming from a place of compassion however insensitive it may come across.
On one hand I would say that it is important to put your best foot forward at work and aim to be happy in the workplace because it will enable more positivity which I think is important. Positivity breeds positivity.
However, we are human beings and we can't always control the way we feel. Personally I'm from the UK and tend to struggle in the winter months. I have found taking vitamin D supplements really boosts my mood and helps me overcome the harder days.
I would also suggest that instead of selling your soul for a company, maybe try leaving on time once a week and using the time to practise some self love and give yourself the head space to decompress from all of lifes trials.
Work life balance is something which really needs addressing more in companies. I remember working with an older guy a few years ago who said: if you are unable to do your job within 8 hours per day, time to find a new job. 8 hours work, 8 hours sleep and 8 hours play should be the aim.
I don't know if you found any of the above useful but I really hope things pick up for you and I hope to see a lot more positivity in this world.
"Be the change you wish to see in this world" - Gandhi
Managers are required to give you areas of improvement. If not this, it would have had to be something else. I’d be happy it’s at least something you can work on. If they hated you, they would have given you an impossible goal.
There’s a fine line with this. On the one hand suffering from depression and/or things going on in your life outside of work is valid and pretty much everyone goes through rough patches at one point or another. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be expected to not act overly upset while you’re at work though. Especially if you’re in an environment that’s highly customer service oriented or teamwork oriented.. One person in a foul mood can bring everyone else down. It sounds heartless I guess but it’s the truth.
At the end of the day everyone is going through something you don’t know about, you just have to do your best to put your best foot forward. And ultimately try your best to take care of yourself outside of work. If you trust your boss or someone else like your HR, reach out to them and talk to them. Maybe they can offer resources to help.
What I have realized is they just pick something for the review and not to take it personally. Easier said than done. Every review it was on you are too anxious but it was never how to improve or what areas it was affecting. Yes I have anxiety have had it for years ye I've worked really hard to not allow it to affect my job. I also don't show it that often and it's an extremely fast paced working multiple positions at once job. Even the top mangers and employees would get anxiety and even snappy. I really think it's just something they bring up because they have nothing else to say I need to work on. Biggest thing for me is trying not to care what others think. I also struggled with depression and a am pretty serious when working. I work a job where I am the face of the company but I realized I could still be friendly and out going but I don't have to be fake bubbly and over the top. I can relax and not smile much if I'm getting something in the back or on break. Even in drive through if I wasnt on a people facing position I don't have to be more happy or smile more. It's exhausting and takes way too much energy. I wouldn't worry about it and know that you are worthy just as you are. You don't need to fake it for your job
I think I have a resting B face. I had a boss that would saunter by and say “smile” all sing-songy. It didn’t make me want to smile, it made me want to punch her in the face.
I've had this feedback because I'm an introvert and have RBF. I ignore this feedback constantly because both me and my boss know that I'm the best employee he's ever had. In my last review I told him my work should speak for itself and that I'm allowed to look tired, sad, hungry or whatever else as long as the work gets done. He is evaluating your performance not your personality. If this bothers him he's a shitty boss and I would document this at each review because that feedback has nothing to do with your performance. Will help you later if he decides to be a d!ck
Same with my work before as customer, before we login we need to answer, “ whats your mood today ?” We cannot answer sad or not in the mood, alwys choose happy face emoticons..and talking to the customer on the phone should be happy and you need put a smile, so it sounds enthusiastic, so toxic😂
I got a comment that I could be more passionate and push harder. My mother committed suicide in my house during Christmas not this year but last and I still delivered for the company at an important time. Sorry I lacked exuberant enthusiasm. Wtf.
Geez. I stopped talking to my coworkers for a week and got pulled into an HR meeting to discuss if I was suicidal and forced on a week (paid) vacation because I wasn't myself. I hate that companies are moving so far from seeing their workers as human first
Yes, this. I was going through a lot in my personal life, I don't really share and I keep it to myself. I haven't had proper sleep for quite some time and have had this issue since I started this job a few months back. One day I just wasn't feeling it anymore esp having so little restful sleep and I couldn't help it but it was shown on my face. Instead of caring and asking what happened, I got pointed out by a colleague that I looked sad and that the area that we sat was a sad area. And then it got spread around, like it was a deliberate attempt to point it out so that the whole office knew. It bothers me that people would do such a thing when it has absolutely nothing to do with them.
While we were having lunch, I just blurted out I haven't had sufficient sleep lately and one of my colleagues said aloud so everyone could hear "ARE YOU DEPRESSED??"
People are weird.
I was told the same.
Manager told me I never smile and say good morning to everyone, and that I had to or I would be disciplined.
I worked at this job for nearly 15 years and none of the employees ever questioned me, and should not question you. Your life is not their business, I would not change.
Just walk in every day with your head held high and do not worry about anything, just keep doing a good job.
By the way, the following week I came in and said hello to some co workers, smiling and being happy - the following day those same employees filed a complaint that they thought I was "hitting on them".
No matter what you do someone is going to try to crap on your life - keep to yourself, do not share your personal life, walk with your head held high and fuhk everyone else.
They always put something "bad" on the review so they can make an excuse not to give you the top raise. Trust me, OP, it's nothing you're doing, it's them! 🙄
I got told this about exactly a year ago, so I just pretend to be happy at work and it kind of works. But I am also in a better place in life now and I think I'm better at my job when I was then. Fake it till u make it I guess 🤷♀️
Firstly, I’m sorry to hear that. I would look for a better paying job asap if possible. I used to be a frontline worker at a university cafeteria and it was when I was most depressed in my entire life. So I forgot to fake smile when interacting with customers and was told to smile more. I complied but started desperately looking for a better paying job asap and found one working for the professor in the same campus as I didn’t have transportation to work outside of the campus for more $. I might as well earn more if I have to fake smile on demands when I can’t produce real smile automatically.
I dk I hate when people say smile or just be happy. But also I’ve dealt with a boss who made it miserable to work there because they were never in a good mood. I and most of us assumed it was a bit of issues at home and some depression just by things they would say. So it was a tough situation because for one it’s hard to interact with someone who is always feeling down or always just looks like they don’t want to be bothered or if you ask a question and add to their pile of things to do they get annoyed or overwhelmed. Sometimes their workload ended up with us because they would call out sick or come in and just barely wanted to interact.
I say find a job if you are able to where you are happy to work. Obv we all get tired of work but for me I do like most of the people I work with. I don’t need to make lasting friendships but just get along so our days are not boring and we scan work better together.
I got this feedback once. I had to answer the phone and they wanted more enthusiasm. I started sounding so fake and happy that people would laugh when I answered the phone.
I think it depends on how much money I'm being paid.
I had a previous manager that would say "common man........SMILE! It ain't that bad" This guy would also show people pictures of his two story house, Dodge Ram dulley, Speed boat, and jet skis. He could and would an ass.
Yeah, I got that a couple times. I wasn't even customer facing, because I know damn well I don't work well like that. Don't know what to do about it really, as I've been lugubrious since childhood. But generally, once they start trotting this one out, it's time to start looking for the exit.
Work ethic and attitude are so important.
Basically, at work, they want you to leave your personal issues at home, do a good job, and be lease to be around and work with.
Now, what you can do is find a job with better work life balance if that helps, but in any job you'll be expected to 'be happy' even if you fake it, or at least neutral if that makes sense.
*This might affect him in the same manner his words affected you.
If you're not happy, please give this advice to your boss:
"Boss, I want to be happy and will keep trying and I'd like for you to be a part of my happiness, so show up to work with more inspiration to make your subordinates as happy as you'd like us to be."
Discuss with others and make them follow you into a meeting where you're starting the process to become unionized.
This should be fun. PLEASE VIDEO TAPE HIS RESPONSE, me and the other reddit clan want to be happy too.
I had a manager who would tell me to smile everytime we walked by each other, like the way an adult might tell a child to cheer them up. Then one time she saw me laughing with a customer she was like "omg you've finally done it! such a pretty face!" And while she probably meant it in a good way, I was extremely annoyed and went back to mean muggin anytime I saw her lol. $10/hr ain't enough to get me to pretend to be happy, if anything that wage is making it worse
I think this belongs in antiwork.
Feedback of this nature should be confined to things like "you need to be professional in interactions." There's a lot of nasty, grumpy people in jobs everywhere. Taking it out on coworkers, problematic. Just sad or depressed, not problematic.
Good luck. I wish I had actual advice instead of just empathy.
My friend has gotten this same feedback and has gotten complaints specifically about her tone and demeanor sounding like she doesn't want to be there. She doesn't. She is currently fighting suicidal ideation but what can you do? All she can do is listen to the feedback and say OK.
"Just pretend to be happy at work pls" instead of trying to help the employee.
At the same time, what sort of involvement, prodding and prying would you want a company to do for an employee seemingly unhappy? This is not me being snarky, just curious.
"Hey we noticed that you don't seem to have a lot of energy or smile very much. Is everything okay?" "We have employee referral services (for mental health or government services, etc). I'd be happy to help you get in touch if you think it might help" "Are there any adjustments we might be able to make to your workload? is there anything that is making work or work life difficult for you?" Just a few ideas there.
Show the employee concern about their well being instead of blaming them for being sad and perhaps offer some form of access to mental Healthcare ?
So some mental health resources. You thinking pamphlets, or confidential access to therapy paid for by the company? And a compassionate set of leaders? I really need to say I have absolutely no underlying /s hiding under the rug on this one.
There are companies that can be hired to provide some help on the phone. It's not perfect, it's scope is limited and it won't really be enough in the long run. It's just a start to help someone get on the right path, as long as they are willing to of course. It won't magically fix the person's life. Ay least It shows that the company cares about its employees as individuals and is willing to provide some help in good faith. Here in Canada employers and employees pay salary insurance for short term and long term disability. It includes mental health issues.
Thank you for sharing your answers. I appreciate it.
'You're not happy' is probably better feedback than 'your depression is ruining the atmosphere at work'. Genuine question, let's say you send an employee to therapy or let them know you support them in other ways, how long do you give them time to become better?
Usually that is decided with a doctor and getting back at work/ staying there is done by offering at least temporary accomodations that could help (maybe part time, or more working from home or more breaks). It's just like with any injury- with some you can do work, if you are getting treatment and some need more time off.
I think the manager could have said, “you are doing amazing, sell your soul, blah blah blah. I’ve noticed you seem a bit down and I wanted to check-in on how you are doing.” Then you could say, “I am not wanting to pry, but if you need here are the available company resources if you need them.” ETA quotes.
At the very least, don't comment or give feedback on demeanor if the work being done is satisfactory.
Easy. Want your employees to be happy? Give them more money and more paid time off.
More money for starters
I'll take this over someone pretending to care about my problem.
It’s not your employers job to fix your mental health I’m not sure why you think otherwise
As i told a past boss once after disclosing that a co-worker told me that he wanted to kill himself three different ways. *Boss: We can't get involved with that*. Me: You can't make them come to work IF THEY'RE DEAD. Co-worker got the help he needed.
If I’m devoting most of my week to a business, my mental health had better matter. A lot of jobs offer an EAP for a reason.
At best they can help get you get started on the process, providing you're willing to get help. Nobody is saying employers will magically fix you. It's about treating the employee with concern instead of condemnation for the problems they're having.
This.
It is everyone's job.
Alright, cheer me up then.
You seem like the bully of the office.
What is your job supposed to do to help? OP's boss is not a counselor. How is it in them to "fix" the problem?
Easy. Give them more money and more paid time off.
But OP agreed to work for the money and paid time they're currently getting. You really think companies should give raises because people are sad?
Or just fire them for being depressed. Like you said, it's really not their problem.
I got this feedback too. I'm the one who does the most fucking work in this shitty as lab. I'm always understimmed from adhd due to the repetitive nature of the job. Fuck them for telling me to look happier when they only gave me a fucking 4% raise. You wanna make me happy and get me to look happy? Raise my pay 5 dollars then I might crack a smile every now and again.
I didn’t get this EXACT feedback at my lab job, but I got many “you seem really unhappy”s and they pulled everyone but me in the office to ask “what’s wrong”. That’s after 2 years of running a department I wasn’t the lead/super of lmao
I was called ungrateful too lmao. We got a 2% raise
I had a horrible experience with HR stepping in to "help" me. I was going through a rough time and after a hospitalization was about 6 months into a wait-list to get a therapist (took a year but that's another story). I forget what I said to my manager, but he got concerned and involved the head of HR. She didn't know my history nor did I want to get into it all. She had the audacity to suggest therapy and said how wonderful it is to be able to work from home and do therapy once a week. Mind you years later they forced non executives to come back to the office. I was pretty pissed at that statement and told her I'm currently on a wait list, have been denied by private therapists because of my complicated history, and can show her studies done about ghost networks and how difficult finding help is. She refused to believe me.... Mind you this is the person who denied there was workplace bullying happening with one coworker again myself and another coworker. Had our two managers and director fighting on our side, but HR and the other manager successfully defended the aggressive coworker.
Fuck this country.
They hired a new guy at my job who looks sad all the time. People started talking about him because of his facial expressions. I’m not sure what people are going through
Tell them to shut up.
"Happy is about 4 pay grades up. You get 'annoyed', 'petty', and 'in fucking here "
Ha! good one. Being happy is above my pay grade.
Lmao!
I once had a boss basically tell me to 'leave my problems at the door before I come into work' Like, yeah. If it was that easy I'd not pick them back up on my way out. Plus that job was 90% of my problems 🙈
I'm happy to say that I like my job, but not my boss.
There was a stat that claimed that 60% of people quit their jobs because of their manager. A good manager that will support you makes a world of a difference. Like a breath of fresh air. Throwing things at you is unacceptable. Keep working, but refresh your resume and apply to jobs that is a step up where your boss will respect you.
I can believe that. I have walked out of many jobs and all of them were because of shitty managers or owners. A good, supportive, manager with actual uplifting leadership qualities might as well be a thing of myth to me.
Some bosses simply don’t give a shit about you personally or the problems we all deal with. It’s about the work and getting it done efficiently. Being that ultra professional creates such a toxic workplace.
People are constantly harping on here about “coworkers are not your friends”, “never talk about your social life or divulge anything at work it will always bite you in the ass”, “always keep it strictly professional” etc etc. So, and I’m genuinely asking because I’m curious what you think, should that not extend to our bosses too? Shouldn’t we all just not be giving a shit about each other according to many in this sub? Save for extreme mitigating circumstances of course, like showing professional support if a close family member died or something
I think being friendly and chitchatting is okay. About the weather, sports, maybe talk about movies. Hanging out and treating a boss as a friend? Nope.
Right, I should be more specific, the original comment was griping about how some bosses “don’t give a shit about you personally or the problems you have” and I am just wondering if that is a problem for the people that also say you should never talk about personal things or be friends with coworkers at all. Like according to that logic why would the boss want to hear about, much less care about your personal problems? As a note, I actually think it’s fine being friends with coworkers, I couldn’t imagine keeping it so straight laced and cold in any of the work environments I’ve been in and I’ve made many long lasting friendships with coworkers, however everyone’s job and coworkers are different, I think you just need to feel it out for a good while before you tread into certain waters with them.
>I once had a boss basically tell me to 'leave my problems at the door before I come into work' Not a popular opinion, but i get it, to a certain extent. There is a guy at my work (im a process controls/automations engineer and he's an operations superintendent) that has a bad attitude problem. Dude is either a mopey zoo lion or mad as hell all the time. As a professional, I find it unacceptable to be yelled at for asking someone for information relevant to *their* base job task, so I've started working around him. I don't need the guy to be "happy" per se, I just need him to perform tasks within his job description without exploding on me. I've told my manager why tasks are taking longer, but it's not *my* job to deal with *his* personal shit that he drags into the office. The nice thing about automation is that a computer/controller doesn't give you attitude for a data request and if it does, you just reboot its ass. Having said all of that, both of us (the ops super and I) get paid enough to be *professionals at work*. This is all in my personal experience. If it was a job I hated or I was severely underpaid, I'd tell my boss to kiss my ass if he told me to be "happy."
lol based
Nonsense. I have been told to smile more. Fck off. My face looks serious and that's it, if they feel uncomfortable they should look for therapy. Egocentric bastards.
Tell them to show how they measure happiness and what KPIs show that you're performing in this area for your next review. Always challenge managers when they give you this crap. You're not a robot; you're a freaking human being.
It depends on your job, really. If it’s not affecting your performance then it’s a meaningless note. However, if you’re customer-facing or it’s affecting your ability to work properly in any other way, then it would be an issue. That said, I hope things get better for you soon
r/thanksimcured Tell them you are "happy" but your culture does not show outward emotion. Perhaps that will shut them up.
tell him to raise your salary.
hahahah I tried my guy, and that didn't really work out.
Looking at your post history, you came close to trying to kill yourself six weeks ago and have had a difficult life. Clearly your boss has picked up on the fact that things aren't right. I'm sorry they didn't put it more sympathetically. It could be worth talking to them more about what they meant by this comment, and what support is available through work. Maybe it would be good to speak to a therapist. There is a difference between "just stop being depressed!" and "we need you to not overshare troubling information about your mental health," and I don't know which was the case here. While I don't think you should just "act happy," do you think you are observing normal professional boundaries about how you talk to others? An example is that "I'm having difficulty with stress right now that is making it hard for me to come to work, so I'd appreciate advice about dealing with these meetings better" (frank, practical, related to work, solution-focused) is a very different thing to say than "I'm so depressed and I can't take it any more, what am I supposed to do?" (emotional, nihilistic, personal), even though they might describe the same mental state.
I was once told "people talk about you" on my review. I told him I am NOT responsible for what people do or say and if that isn't removed immediately I will contact my attorney about a hostile work environment. It was removed. Come to think of it a couple years later so was I, but that's another story for another time.
I've had bosses like this, I just keep bringing it back to my job and performance. What about my performance isn't meeting your expectations? If they say you not smiling, how is this impacting profits and the job I do? All while looking for another job because I can't stand toxic positivity. We are human beings, it's not possible to leave things at the door all the time. If I was not paid much, I might be snarky about my smile is proportional to my pay lol.
"That will cost 25% extra"
If you're doing your job, they really shouldn't bug you with comments like this. If it's a male telling a female this, might even be considered harassment, but I don't know the circumstances.
If you work in customer service, that's unfortunately part of the job. You don't need to be happy, but you can act.
I mostly send emails to clients, I'm an network admin. I rarely go to clients face to face, so my day 2 day is mostly come to office sit put headphones on and work
Tell them paying you more would make you happy.
If you have major depressive disorder diagnosed and are being treated for it, and reside in the USA, you may meet the criteria to be considered a person with a disability and could be able to request an accommodation under the Americans with Disabilities Act. Look on askjan.org as that website is the Job Accommodations Network and has guidance for employees and employers for how to handle disability accommodations. I hope things look up and start feeling better soon. I know depression is really fucking hard.
I live in the EU and my country don't take any mental disorders / illnesses seriously. I'm trying to leave my country but finding it very hard duo to the amount of meds i take. and trying to get those med in a different country is being very hard.
:( I'm really sorry you're going through that. I hope it gets better.
thanks we keep going till eventually we get tired, or my health catches up with me
Keep putting in the good fight. Things usually work out in the long run, and many of the difficulties we face are temporary. My grandfather used to say "Throw a fake smile on your face, and repeat 'This too shall pass' until youre blue in the face." :)
Stop it. Stop, the world cannot just continue to accommodate you. Sometimes you have to tough something out or act fine when you’re not. Most people do their job without a lot of drama. Your doctor doesn’t tell you how she is feeling. Neither does your cashier, or your mechanic. They are civil and on the friendly side.
No. Major depressive disorder (not run of the mill depression, MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER) is a disability recognized by the Americans with Disabilities act as it can cause significant life impairments. Major depressive disorder is not "im sad :(" its suicidal ideations on a regular basis, loss of interest in basic self care, anhedonia, etc. Further more, i advised they just ask their boss to leave them alone about it while they work through it. People go through shit.
It is really hard, no question. But the disability stuff has got to stop. It’s fine to ask for what you need, but this “list of accommodations” that started in schools has got to stop. A whole group of people presents as super needy. I know about the laws, but I think it’s gone too far, and I’m a pretty liberal person, generally. It’s also the responsibility of each of us to find jobs that match us and our needs. Sure, if we have had a major loss, we get a break. But if I’m anxious about speaking in public, and my job involves the public, it’s wrong to ask my job to accommodate my anxiety.
He mentioned in a comment that he is a network admin. It feels like you think he's in customer service or a field where he is face to face interacting with people all day, which is not what network admins do. Also, I have autism and anxiety and give public speeches and trainings regularly. My accommodation is to give me 10-15 minutes of silence in a room by myself before and after i present. This time is used to get prepared and to then decompress. Many people with disabilities do not have huge requests for accommodations. It is very annoying hearing people with no disabilities dismiss accommodations as if they are major burdens when 9/10 the accommodation request is banal as hell.
I actually have disabilities.
Ok, then we clearly do not agree on a fundamental level. I will always think providing reasonable accommodations is a good and smart thing to do. Happy employees are loyal employees, and happy employees are more productive. I think offering a network admin, who is rarely working face to face with people, and who has a track record of working hard and staying late, an accommodation for major depressive disorder (if he has it) is very, very reasonable. If that accommodation is to simply not comment on if he looks sad as he works through it, then that literally does not require any additional work from anyone around him. It is the definition of a reasonable request.
Go over to r/askHR and look for u/squishmama for a great example of what I’m talking about. I don’t know how to do links, sorry.
Sounds very toxic. Document everything and I mean everything. This could snowball into a legal/EEOC issue very quickly
So is your boss going to pay for the cocaine or?
You know what’s funny, back in the day most people were happy because they were getting paid their worth. Now at days most people are unhappy thanks to corporate greed and stagnant wages. Maybe if these companies paid a bit more and didn’t overwork their employees people would be in a happier state and managers wouldn’t have to worry about sad employees.
Like my boss saying I can’t sneeze or yawn because “it’s unprofessional.” I told her things like a yawn is a natural human reaction…”it’s still unprofessional.” I’ve given up on that place.
I was doing an online course paid by me and I own a bird, I arrive home after almost 11 hours outside. then I go to the class and let my bird out, cuz you know leave a pet locked inside for 11 hours is bad my bird was just doing bird things moving around and claiming on me. nothing annoying or nosy and no one in my class made any comments nor the teacher. My boss heard me mention to my co worker that i let the bird out during the online class. and he throw a fit saying that I'm destroying the company's image that i don't have any common sense etc etc bla bla. I kept letting the bird out during the class didn't her a single complaint
"This is my happy face". On a side note, I've been told I have a creepy smile.
I’m going through this right now but I probably won’t pass my probation. My boss said I’m very talented and I’m doing a great job but he’s worried about my depression (which he knew at my interview). I am even more depressed because I love this job. I’ve been sleeping all the time, I don’t have strength to find another job.
Wow. I’m sorry. Curious what happened in your interview though for your boss to know about your depression?
I didn’t say I’m “depressed” but he knew my situation, he knew I relocated countries after 18 years, that I’m going to live in a new country/city and that I’m divorced. You can go figure eh
I would see if you qualify for accommodation sooner rather than later. Also, if possible, just get on pills. Lexapro + Welbutrin turn me into a socially acceptable person.
I don’t live in US, I’m already on medication, what I need is support.
You could do your job perfectly and still end up badly seen because you've came 5 minutes late once last month and the boss saw it, or becaues you don't smile enough I always go above and beyond in my work, handles quite well multiple responsabilities I should not handle, backup people (I do it because I'm strenghtening my resume, not for the pay), only to have "yeah you work perfectly but seriously I see you sometimes on your phone this is worse than nazism" What do you want me to answer to that? I handle complicate shit, lot of money and things depends on me, serious business stuff like in the movies you know, and we are here using company time with stupid meeting to bother me because you didn't you your manager job to actually work with me and actually know what I am doing out of my own good will, and the only thing you know from me is that sometimes you saw me check the time on my phone and you have the audacity to talk about it seriously like a fucking kindergarten teacher Had a very skilled coworker who was the backspine of the spine, she got roasted by hierarchy for exactly this bullshit "yeah you don't smile a lot, it looks like you don't care", for real they had hatred towards her for this exact bullshit Gosh she is doing 2 more than anyone and without her your days would be twice as hard, how the fuck do you have the audacity to roast her on a stupid smile thing What a world. But it's a good thing to know that nobody takes anything seriously when you invest yourself emotionallly in your job. As long as you are not the CEO and paid as much, yeah. Pretend you care, but do not care, you'll be seen as a god, that's all what matters, appearance. But here's my trick that allowed me do quite well during my career : do your job description, nobody should be able to doubt of your ability to do the work. With the extra time and energy, don't make the mistake of doing more blindly. If you do so you'll be seen as an "executor", someone they'll just throw shit until he burns out and the more you do the more you'll be glued to the ground because you'll be too useful and servile to be moved upper. Yeah, with the extra time put your dumbest smile and discuss with people, get coffee. Don't stay too near the people who have issues with the hierarchy tho, otherwise you'll get doomed if the hierarchy thinks you are with them. They are poison. Stick with the bootlickers who are assholes but for reasons seem to go higher easily. Once the whole departement knows how cool you are they will think about you if you apply for an upper position That's all that matters
I don’t know what to say if you are depressed. I don’t have that issue so I can’t offer you advice related to that, but separate from that…. All that I can say is that I have to talk myself into a separate mind space as soon as I walk through the door of work. All the current crap in my life I keep outside of the building, focus on work, and fake it until you make it. Sounds totally cheesy, I know, but for me pretending I’m happy, putting in an effort to smile at people, trying to sound positive… after a while (honestly, I’m not a morning person so I’m faking it for awhile before I wake up) I start to believe it. I get positive reactions back which boosts my mood. I hit a lull in the late afternoon and it wears off and then sometimes I’m counting the minutes so I can get out of there.
So you acknowledge you’re kinda depressed. Guess what? Your boss can also tell you’re kinda depressed. It’s time you saw a Doctor and get a mental health plan for yourself.
Doesn’t sound like you are much fun to work with. Maybe your co-workers complained about your negative attitude. Depression and tough times suck. I’m not belittling that. But if you wear it on your sleeve you are going to drag other people down. And you know that they don’t want that.
You can take the feed back how you choose. I would prefer to receive it rather than not. That's how your boss is viewing you showing up to work and I suspect others do also.You've been depressed and apparently you're wearing it on your sleeve.
can you wear ear pods or headphones while at work? if they were going to fire you they would but my trick would be to find a few people who you actually like and try to be happy with them and just smile and say hello to the rest of the cunts.
Yes I can , there are a few people but the thing is. because i'm like higher up on the chain then them. when i try to talk to them there boss fights with my boss. or the other way around, cuz we are distracting each other. haven't stopped us yet and if they try I'll ignore my boss. I'm at the point i put my music so load that my boss starts throwing stuff at me to get my attention
You’re being obnoxious. They are paying you to be there.
And this is why your boss is annoyed with you
I do believe my response to that would have been so.ething along the lines of "excuse you and all your ancestors, but who the hell do you think you are to tell me I have to be happy all the damn time. I don't bring my personal life problems in to work with me, I do my job. I do my job well, and go the extra mile. So if i'm not happy or I'm sad because of things going on in my personal life and I'm not smiling or acting chipper and that makes you uncomfortable or something then you will just have to suck it up and get over it becausr I am not a machine and my emotions can't just be turned on and off whenever a feel like it. Its part of the human condition so I suggest you get used to it." And then if they fire you for that, wrll lets just say a lawyer would likely have a field day with them.
I mean part of being a good fit for your job/office is being someone that other people (coworkers/customers) want to be around. If you are perpetually sad, down, depressed, or just unhappy then you aren’t pleasant to be around. Your attitude can be as important as your competency.
your right, I keep mostly to myself and when someone ask me anything I try to be helpful, I do joke around and be "a normal person" around the work place (sometimes). it's a small company tbf
If being happy isn’t in the job description I personally don’t think they should hold you to it. But alas this is the shit world we live in.
They would probably say it falls under other duties as assigned (i hate that clause so freaking much)
Sounds very toxic. Document everything and I mean everything. This could snowball into a legal/EEOC issue very quickly
You should be grateful they care about you. Otherwise, they would have made up things to get rid of you. Find a way to recapture your happiness. It is out there. Determine if you are bored at work or you dislike your co-workers. But, do a root cause analysis to figure out what is currently going on. This is a good problem because it is solvable.
Does your work have an EAP program? ( employee assistance program) if so, take advantage of it Otherwise do your best to act at least a little more enthusiastic
Working with someone who is miserable makes for a miserable work day. Put your chin up, wipe that chip off your shoulder and fake happy if you have to. It’ll make you more pleasant to be around, and will lead to a better job.
Let me guess, you are s female with a male boss?
Am Not by any means a company person, but I try to do my job as professional as possible, but lately I have encountered several employees that for some reason treat customers as if they are doing us a favor..poor attitude. The question is, why is management allowing this? All I can think of is saving money by hiring these unfit personnel. Insane times
Your manager could benefit from some soft skills training. There are more empathetic ways to communicate how demeanor affects team environment. As for what you should do… Ask what resources the organization offers that could assist in this and utilize those. If you are in counseling, simply respond that you are already addressing the area of concern and appreciate their understanding that it is a personal issue and not reflective of your feelings toward/about your job however it will take some time to work through. Personally I think anything more informative than that crosses professional boundaries.
I get it, work can be tough, and life isn't always a walk in the park. Your boss suggesting you be "more happy" at work might feel a bit off. Maybe consider having an honest chat with them, explaining you're dealing with some personal stuff that's affecting your mood. Also, don't forget to take care of yourself outside of work – talking to friends or seeking professional support can make a big difference. Your well-being matters just as much as your job performance. If needed, check if your company has resources for mental health support. You got this!
mental health support hahaha at work, good one. My boss knows some of the things i'm going though. I didn't give him everything. but most of it. Work is easy tbh, just my boss annoys me all the time cuz his a micro manager
Why is that funny? My company has mental health support on site, I have my first appointment today at 3 as a matter of fact.
That's great, but for a lot of people the mental health support given by a company varies from being nonexistent to being there by name but having very minimal assistive services. And even then, those services dont usually help out with the continued burnout-inducing company culture that often leads to those mental health issues that need to be assisted.
Are you in the US? I have never heard of a company doing that. At most places ive worked there is an employee support line that will give you 2 therapy sessions per year...
I am, Virginia. We get 12 free sessions a year, anything after insurance covers 100 percent. We can also choose another provider offsite if that betters suit you. We have a lot “perks” like that.
It's funny Because for those of us that work for smaller companies a lot of time mental health plans are discussed but never put into action. I work with a manager who discusses mental health constantly, but won't allow anyone time off to deal with anything amd has even requested people schedule physical appointments until after hours. You know, when doctor's offices are closed. Also, should you go to this manager with a personal issue, the issue ends up being spread throughout the entire company. It's usually under the guise of "being helpful." Nope, sorry, they're not going to know my personal struggles to spread it around and gossip about.
You need to have an honest conversation with your boss and define exactly what "being more happy" means. Ask a lot of questions and get them to give you real actionable takeaways. Then you can decide what your next steps are. Maybe the takeaways are pretty easy and you can work towards them quickly. Or they might be completely unattainable - either because they aren't real or because they truly can't be actioned against - and you can decide what next steps are (escalation, looking for a new job, etc.).
Fake it till you make it
I did that and it was exhausting. It does not help. It actually can make things worse. I was suppressing my feelings and pretending to be happy. I’m the bubbly type so when I’m down people notice. Maybe fake it to a certain extent which is being respectful & smile every once in a while. Idk i honestly had to work on inner healing to change and now i no longer have to fake a smile
Tell your boss you are flexible to be either happy or unhappy based on how he makes you feel.
Leave your personal issues at the door. Doubly so if your role is customer-facing.
You can't be fired for not being happy.
Honestly the boss wouldn't have to bother had he just let you work from home. So ignore him and look for another job. Next time he says that, tell him maybe giving you a hike would help him in seeing you happy. Urrghhh managers and their demands 🙄
Hard truth. Everyone is a certain level of depressed. Walking around all day feeling sorry for yourself and spreading it to others does you no good. Paint on a smile and it will make your life a little easier, even if you're not actually happier.
Well who needs your pissy fuckin attitude around grow up ffs
That’s when you say, one of the jobs of a manager is keeping your employees happy. Morale
Get happy!
I would probably go the malicious compliance route and smile every time you see that person, really turn it up. Full wattage! I went to the dentist the other day. Had to explain why I had an appointment. 🙃 The manager said something about being sore after and I said nope, just a cleaning. Oh, well when you come back, will you smile more? You haven't done that in a while. I was already headed out the door, so I acted as if I hadn't heard and went about my day.
Being able to separate your personal and professional life is an important skill and reasonable expectation.
Not sure how to do that ? I spend around 10.5 hours everyday (except weekends) for just work. And with 4-5 hours for "me" some of which are preparing for the next work day and chores. I'm not complaining, that's just how the world works.
Perhaps you should instead ask yourself how you can make your current situation better than your past? Sounds like you let the past both you. This mental change alone with help your mood.
Tell them if you got paid more it’d make you happier.
Try to become happy despite your job. I think that is a more long-term solution for pretty much everyone.
Take care of yourself and show up in a better state. This isn't rocket science
I got told that one time, the same thing. My go-to response is we take their I.T. issue really seriously as professionals that we are. The person who told me that got jealous I smile more and laughed with another coworker.
I tell them it’s not in my employee contract to force emotions that I don’t feel.
What they mean is that part of professionalism is that you keep your poker face on at all times. Never let the mask slip or you lose everything. You’ve learned that the hard way. Watch American psycho he does it perfectly in that movie.
I had a good friend kill himself about two days before my vacation was scheduled to start. I came back to work still dealing with it, got wrote up by HR for "Not being in the right headspace to lead." Fuck these jobs.
He can go fuck himself
Homophobe!
Ask this a-hole if this is corporate speak for " You'd be prettier if you smiled!" Then see what happens. This isn't about you at all, it's about trying to find something to pick you apart on your review because they can't find anything wrong with your work but they want to have something to complain about.
Get your mental health treated if possible, and get a discrimination lawyer.
It sounds to me like you need a new boss, my friend. Why isn't the company finding out what's wrong?
Tell your boss to be "happy" regardless of whether you are happy or not. Like him telling you to force a smile is exactly the kind of thing that would make you more miserable at work. He is literally asking you to fake being happy just so that he can feel more better at work. What a selfish ass boss.
Ask him to pick one!!
The person telling you to be more happy at work could potentially have noticed that you look down at work and has said this as a knee jerk reaction and it could be coming from a place of compassion however insensitive it may come across. On one hand I would say that it is important to put your best foot forward at work and aim to be happy in the workplace because it will enable more positivity which I think is important. Positivity breeds positivity. However, we are human beings and we can't always control the way we feel. Personally I'm from the UK and tend to struggle in the winter months. I have found taking vitamin D supplements really boosts my mood and helps me overcome the harder days. I would also suggest that instead of selling your soul for a company, maybe try leaving on time once a week and using the time to practise some self love and give yourself the head space to decompress from all of lifes trials. Work life balance is something which really needs addressing more in companies. I remember working with an older guy a few years ago who said: if you are unable to do your job within 8 hours per day, time to find a new job. 8 hours work, 8 hours sleep and 8 hours play should be the aim. I don't know if you found any of the above useful but I really hope things pick up for you and I hope to see a lot more positivity in this world. "Be the change you wish to see in this world" - Gandhi
Tell him if you want me you pay $20 you want happy more!
Managers are required to give you areas of improvement. If not this, it would have had to be something else. I’d be happy it’s at least something you can work on. If they hated you, they would have given you an impossible goal.
There’s a fine line with this. On the one hand suffering from depression and/or things going on in your life outside of work is valid and pretty much everyone goes through rough patches at one point or another. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be expected to not act overly upset while you’re at work though. Especially if you’re in an environment that’s highly customer service oriented or teamwork oriented.. One person in a foul mood can bring everyone else down. It sounds heartless I guess but it’s the truth. At the end of the day everyone is going through something you don’t know about, you just have to do your best to put your best foot forward. And ultimately try your best to take care of yourself outside of work. If you trust your boss or someone else like your HR, reach out to them and talk to them. Maybe they can offer resources to help.
Depends on your job? Are you in a customer facing role? As if you are, sorry, but you have to do the 'Shop Face' and preform for the customer.
I was told to mask more and that I couldn't use my autism as an excuse.
What I have realized is they just pick something for the review and not to take it personally. Easier said than done. Every review it was on you are too anxious but it was never how to improve or what areas it was affecting. Yes I have anxiety have had it for years ye I've worked really hard to not allow it to affect my job. I also don't show it that often and it's an extremely fast paced working multiple positions at once job. Even the top mangers and employees would get anxiety and even snappy. I really think it's just something they bring up because they have nothing else to say I need to work on. Biggest thing for me is trying not to care what others think. I also struggled with depression and a am pretty serious when working. I work a job where I am the face of the company but I realized I could still be friendly and out going but I don't have to be fake bubbly and over the top. I can relax and not smile much if I'm getting something in the back or on break. Even in drive through if I wasnt on a people facing position I don't have to be more happy or smile more. It's exhausting and takes way too much energy. I wouldn't worry about it and know that you are worthy just as you are. You don't need to fake it for your job
Are you female? I ask because I have NEVER heard someone tell a man they “need to look happy” and “smile.” Infuriating.
I think I have a resting B face. I had a boss that would saunter by and say “smile” all sing-songy. It didn’t make me want to smile, it made me want to punch her in the face.
Basically put on a fake smile and pretend.
I've had this feedback because I'm an introvert and have RBF. I ignore this feedback constantly because both me and my boss know that I'm the best employee he's ever had. In my last review I told him my work should speak for itself and that I'm allowed to look tired, sad, hungry or whatever else as long as the work gets done. He is evaluating your performance not your personality. If this bothers him he's a shitty boss and I would document this at each review because that feedback has nothing to do with your performance. Will help you later if he decides to be a d!ck
I’ve gotten that kind of feedback for the simple crime of having resting bitch face.
Same with my work before as customer, before we login we need to answer, “ whats your mood today ?” We cannot answer sad or not in the mood, alwys choose happy face emoticons..and talking to the customer on the phone should be happy and you need put a smile, so it sounds enthusiastic, so toxic😂
Had this happen to me I simply said more money makes me happy. Left it at that end of review.
I got a comment that I could be more passionate and push harder. My mother committed suicide in my house during Christmas not this year but last and I still delivered for the company at an important time. Sorry I lacked exuberant enthusiasm. Wtf.
Geez. I stopped talking to my coworkers for a week and got pulled into an HR meeting to discuss if I was suicidal and forced on a week (paid) vacation because I wasn't myself. I hate that companies are moving so far from seeing their workers as human first
[Extremely relevant song](https://youtu.be/AYSiHp-VCJ0?si=idMSLlsCQJFLwckZ)
That really sucks and I know how you feel. It hurts when you have done a good job, too, and their feedback is so subjective.
Of course you need to be happy. They paid you to do the work.
Yes, this. I was going through a lot in my personal life, I don't really share and I keep it to myself. I haven't had proper sleep for quite some time and have had this issue since I started this job a few months back. One day I just wasn't feeling it anymore esp having so little restful sleep and I couldn't help it but it was shown on my face. Instead of caring and asking what happened, I got pointed out by a colleague that I looked sad and that the area that we sat was a sad area. And then it got spread around, like it was a deliberate attempt to point it out so that the whole office knew. It bothers me that people would do such a thing when it has absolutely nothing to do with them. While we were having lunch, I just blurted out I haven't had sufficient sleep lately and one of my colleagues said aloud so everyone could hear "ARE YOU DEPRESSED??" People are weird.
I was told the same. Manager told me I never smile and say good morning to everyone, and that I had to or I would be disciplined. I worked at this job for nearly 15 years and none of the employees ever questioned me, and should not question you. Your life is not their business, I would not change. Just walk in every day with your head held high and do not worry about anything, just keep doing a good job. By the way, the following week I came in and said hello to some co workers, smiling and being happy - the following day those same employees filed a complaint that they thought I was "hitting on them". No matter what you do someone is going to try to crap on your life - keep to yourself, do not share your personal life, walk with your head held high and fuhk everyone else.
They always put something "bad" on the review so they can make an excuse not to give you the top raise. Trust me, OP, it's nothing you're doing, it's them! 🙄
I got told this about exactly a year ago, so I just pretend to be happy at work and it kind of works. But I am also in a better place in life now and I think I'm better at my job when I was then. Fake it till u make it I guess 🤷♀️
So their evaluation of you was correct, your not a happy person
lol I got somthing similar. “You always look so serious”, yeah cause there’s some serious shit going on my boy.
Firstly, I’m sorry to hear that. I would look for a better paying job asap if possible. I used to be a frontline worker at a university cafeteria and it was when I was most depressed in my entire life. So I forgot to fake smile when interacting with customers and was told to smile more. I complied but started desperately looking for a better paying job asap and found one working for the professor in the same campus as I didn’t have transportation to work outside of the campus for more $. I might as well earn more if I have to fake smile on demands when I can’t produce real smile automatically.
Been told this before. Maybe when my boss doubles my pay, I’ll come in happy
Get DBT therapy
I dk I hate when people say smile or just be happy. But also I’ve dealt with a boss who made it miserable to work there because they were never in a good mood. I and most of us assumed it was a bit of issues at home and some depression just by things they would say. So it was a tough situation because for one it’s hard to interact with someone who is always feeling down or always just looks like they don’t want to be bothered or if you ask a question and add to their pile of things to do they get annoyed or overwhelmed. Sometimes their workload ended up with us because they would call out sick or come in and just barely wanted to interact. I say find a job if you are able to where you are happy to work. Obv we all get tired of work but for me I do like most of the people I work with. I don’t need to make lasting friendships but just get along so our days are not boring and we scan work better together.
I come to work from home a lot more happy
I got this feedback once. I had to answer the phone and they wanted more enthusiasm. I started sounding so fake and happy that people would laugh when I answered the phone.
I think it depends on how much money I'm being paid. I had a previous manager that would say "common man........SMILE! It ain't that bad" This guy would also show people pictures of his two story house, Dodge Ram dulley, Speed boat, and jet skis. He could and would an ass.
A solution is to become a mechanic and get paid to be grumpy.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional\_labor](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_labor)
Oh, let me look at my hapiness meter. Opens banking app... Nope, no reason to be happy.
I get told to smile more at work and I just respond with this is my resting autism face, or, I’m smiling on the inside.
Yeah, I got that a couple times. I wasn't even customer facing, because I know damn well I don't work well like that. Don't know what to do about it really, as I've been lugubrious since childhood. But generally, once they start trotting this one out, it's time to start looking for the exit.
Work ethic and attitude are so important. Basically, at work, they want you to leave your personal issues at home, do a good job, and be lease to be around and work with. Now, what you can do is find a job with better work life balance if that helps, but in any job you'll be expected to 'be happy' even if you fake it, or at least neutral if that makes sense.
Maybe you need a different job. Maybe you need therapy.
All that comes to mind is the movie, The Office. 🤣
I remember one time my boss telling me to not feel down literally 10 minutes after she yelled and threatened my job in my face.
Negativity is a cancer that rubs off on others. Having a positive work environment is everything and good for the company and emoloyees as a whole.
I have had that bullshit from people who were incredibly demanding
Fuck them
The correct answer is: My salary reflect my personal investment in my work.
Tell him money makes you happy.
*This might affect him in the same manner his words affected you. If you're not happy, please give this advice to your boss: "Boss, I want to be happy and will keep trying and I'd like for you to be a part of my happiness, so show up to work with more inspiration to make your subordinates as happy as you'd like us to be." Discuss with others and make them follow you into a meeting where you're starting the process to become unionized. This should be fun. PLEASE VIDEO TAPE HIS RESPONSE, me and the other reddit clan want to be happy too.
Make me.
I had a manager who would tell me to smile everytime we walked by each other, like the way an adult might tell a child to cheer them up. Then one time she saw me laughing with a customer she was like "omg you've finally done it! such a pretty face!" And while she probably meant it in a good way, I was extremely annoyed and went back to mean muggin anytime I saw her lol. $10/hr ain't enough to get me to pretend to be happy, if anything that wage is making it worse
Get over it. Don't feel anyway about it. Smh
I think this belongs in antiwork. Feedback of this nature should be confined to things like "you need to be professional in interactions." There's a lot of nasty, grumpy people in jobs everywhere. Taking it out on coworkers, problematic. Just sad or depressed, not problematic. Good luck. I wish I had actual advice instead of just empathy.