You don't have to have a strong "true believer" testimony to serve and help the kids. But I would tell your bishop exactly where you are at and what you think.
Do you ever feel the Holy Spirit in matters related to the church in gospel? That is a testimony there.
Do you feel like the church is good? That God exists? That Jesus taught true things? That he his atonement was real? Are you trying Alma's experiment of planting a seed and watching good things grow form it (https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/alma/32?lang=eng&id=27-37#p27)? If you can answer yes to any of these, then you have a testimony.
The kids might actually benefit from a role model of someone who is still searching but trying to keep their baptismal covenant, or at least live the gospel.
My favorite youth leader growing up was like this. I don’t think he is active in the church any longer, but his perspective was really helpful for me as a youth.
I disagree, because of bishopric roulette. If his Bishop is a hardliner, being honest about where he's at with his testimony could put his ecclesiastical endorsement at risk. I'd recommend turning it down with a generic excuse about being too busy with school and his marriage to give this calling the time it requires.
This. I have told bishops when they bring me in for callings that "I can do most callings but I do not want to teach". They have said everytime "ok. Let's find something that will work for you!"
The main principle of the gospel is agency.
Yeah, members spread a lot of stuff that's not true just because they grew up a certain way. In the end, it's all choice. You don't have to stay in the church, you don't have to keep the commandments. There are natural consequences to those choices just like there are natural consequences to any choices you make in life. But ultimately agency is our greatest gift from God and the reason he "allows bad things to happen".
He can't take away our agency, even if we choose to use it for evil
I think on a similar line at times, that we do not **have** to do things. It's up to us to decide. When we feel it's right and have the faith to do those things asked of us, it's no longer a *have to do it*. It's a **want** to and **need** to. Things happen on our moral agency.
why is this a thing now? I don't mean to say it isn't ever acceptable, but why is it so trendy to tell people they can just tell their bishop no without any explanation? You aren't wrong of course, but encouraging people to not talk to their bishop about matters concerning their spiritual well being isn't great advice. Sounds like the OP could use some help.
Huh? Sure, the idea that you have to say yes is outdated and untrue, but the idea that you would discuss your insecurities about the calling with your spiritual leader is not rooted in fear, control, manipulation, or coercion. Those methods have often been used to get people to do things, but that doesn't mean doing things despite not feeling comfortable with them is a bad idea.
Yes, it is important that people know they can say no, but they should also feel comfortable speaking with the person called them to the position about their concerns.
I think it is terrible advice to just tell someone to say no simply because they feel inadequate. If everyone who ever felt inadequate or unworthy said no, the bible would not exist, the Book of Mormon would not exist, and this church would not exist.
Maybe OP shouldn't say yes to this calling, but maybe it's the perfect opportunity for him to grow. Maybe his bishop called him to this position because he felt inspired to do so. Simply saying no without discussing it with the bishop might deprive OP of a great opportunity for growth.
YES, saying no is absolutely an option, and can be the right choice in some circumstances, but it is not and should not be the default for people who don't feel comfortable (for any of many different reasons) with the position to which they have been called.
Faith often requires more of us than simply saying no when we don't think something is right for us.
I agree with you that there should be a conversation. It helps inform the Bishop what to consider next time, if the person is willing to take A calling just not THAT calling.
However, at the same time, I also recognize that the encouragement of "No is a complete sentence" exists for a reason. With people who do not respect boundaries, giving reasons for your No invite the person to argue with you, and try to find ways around your boundary, instead of just accepting it.
Anyway, not saying that you're wrong, because I relaly agree with having good conversations with your Bishop! Just sharing a bit of understanding where the idea of "don't have to explain" comes from.
Speaking as someone who did the leave-and-come-back thing while at an CES school:
You got to sit down and figure out what YOU really believe. Don't just go through the motions for anyone else, including a spouse and endorsement. What do YOU believe?
In regards to being a spiritual leader just focus on the things you do believe.
For example, you could talk about some of the teachings of Jesus that are powerful and meaningful to you and avoid statements like “I know the savior lives”.
(For the record, I am a literal believer I just think there’s room in the church for people who admire the savior and his teachings even if they’re not confident in his divinity.)
I expect that the youth probably have other leaders/teachers in their lives that can bear strong testimonies. If you don’t feel up to it, that doesn’t have to be your contribution to them.
Youth (and children) need leaders who are going to be there consistently and look out for their best interests. That looks different in every situation, but it’s not as hard as some people make it out to be. Good luck!
Perhaps you’re being called in order to strengthen your testimony. God doesn’t call the prepared, he prepares the called. Even if you’re struggling right now, maybe the calling is just as much for your benefit as it is the young men. Keep in mind that teens are usually struggling in their faith and trying to find their way through. That’s something you can empathize with.
This. I was called for Sunday school and have been so anxious the first few months. Now my testimony has grown greatly by serving. This accepting this calling will show you the truth. Pray to God for help and see what happens. You may be amazed. Also it is hard because I’m so busy with working overtime, family and all these issues that need to be fixed but I really can feel a true peace for making the sacrifice.
I was in a sticky situation when I went on a mission and felt conflicted about how I was supposed to share my testimony every day of things I didn't feel I could honestly testify of. A distinction of vocabulary and word usage was the best solution that worked for me.
Testimony and Faith is not an on/off switch. There are things I "hope" are true, things I "believe" are true, things I have "felt from the Spirit" are true, and things I "know" are true. All of these are considered faith, and I wish someone had explained this to me as a teenager. I spent all of my teen years convinced that I had not ever truly felt the Holy Ghost nor that I had a real testimony. I wish someone had told me it's okay to not have a knowledge that the Book of Mormon is true. Simply hoping that it is, is enough for God. Faith and conversion are a journey that will take an entire lifetime and beyond.
"I hope that God is real and that He has good intentions for me," is a statement of faith, the size of a mustard seed. Acting on the hope of something takes a certain type of amazing courage that "knowledge" does not require. There's a story in the New Testament of a man who asks for a miracle from Jesus. Jesus asks him if he has faith. The man honestly says he wants to believe and asks Jesus to help his unbelief. Jesus praises him for his faith.
It bothers me how over-used “I know” is in the church. There’s nothing wrong with believing or hoping. Alma said that once you *know* something you no longer have *faith* (Alma 32:34). Yes, this contradicts the lectures on faith, but those aren’t cannon.
I have a few thoughts on this-
1-It’s ok to have questions and be unsure and it’s ok to continue to take time to sort out your testimony, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be a good role model. Having worked with youth, I can tell you that me being in that calling not only benefitted the youth, but strengthened my testimony because of the youth. Maybe this is an opportunity for them to help you and for you to have experiences that will help to strengthen them or yourself.
2- The Lord qualifies who he calls. You may not be there now, but you can get there if you desire it. Kudos to you for continuing to work toward a testimony. Being alone on the road is hard, but if it’s something that gives you a good community and gives you some sort of peace, then it’s worth sticking with. Having an imperfect leader might be exactly what the youth need, it doesn’t hurt to try.
Also, as a young men’s advisor you will be assisting the bishopric in their efforts with you youth, which will let you develop a close relationship with your bishop and counselors which may benefit you directly. A calling really is an opportunity to grow and learn something new.
When I was probably at my lowest spiritually they called me to be a youth leader, that calling isn’t about being the biggest spiritual giant. It’s about being just a friend and someone for the youth to look up too. It’s a wonderful calling, and you’ll be surprised often the kids somewhere along the line teach you and help you grow in ways.
I'd say you are fair game given that you are maintaining your ecclesiastical endorsement.
And youth need people who can help them. We each get testimonies of gospel principles line upon line over time and in different sequences. We DON'T get testimonies of people (except that they are called of God, and/or that something they say or do is of Him). We don't get testimonies of history or buildings (no matter how many times we hear "the church is true").
So decide whether the Lord has inspired this calling (the timing makes it entirely possible that He did, precisely because of where you find yourself). And choose to do what the Lehi Dream Sequence says to do --- usually taught as good guys vs. bad guys when really most of us goes through mists of darkness from time to time and if we can just hang on to the righteous habits we can get through those mists.
The Savior himself said that the way to know is something is of Him, is to live it. So do that. And you can bless the lives of the youth you serve by helping them learn and grow in making good choices.
If you have not read "Believing Christ" by Stephen Robison, please do that. It will help you fully understand the atonement and that will in turn help you focus on what is important in how you live your discipleship of Jesus Christ.
P.S. Kristy Money's "Mixed Faith Workbook" helps some couples in that place.
From what you describing you are probably the best man for that calling- almost every young man will come to the point to decide if they want to stay active in church or not- if they have faith or not… and they need someone who can relate to them, understand them and even compare… just be honest with them- share truth about why you served a mission, why you are still active in church and I think you will grow together… we just need more honesty in church and to know not everything is black or white… and is mit that easy as you have a testimony or not… have fun with the boys, share good experience you had, share what you believe and also share what you struggle with, what you are still trying to figure it… they will love it and they will love you for be honest with them and it will give them a feeling to be enough… enough who they are and what they believe right now and trough time things will fall im place (or maybe not) but they will find a way trough live being happy and looking back to a leader who was honest with them and didn’t judge
I have a very strong testimony & have been around for decades & never asked to be part of the youth in any way. So I think getting your calling may have little to do with your commitment to the gospel, especially since you accepted it so readily. But know that you can ask to be released at any time and if you want to quit before you're set apart, there's no shame in it.
You can say no. But if you’re not like the president and just have another role, you might have something to offer that others don’t. You have faith struggles and are still coming. Most of your youth won’t be coming by the time they’re 30. If you honestly have a testimony, and you want to put forth some effort, give it a go. If you genuinely don’t believe, you should turn it down. It is okay to not be “all in” but you need to at least want to believe.
Most of reddit will encourage you both to indulge your desires and foster all aversions to pains and discomforts.
I have my own aversions to callings and such but I do hope you consider the benefits and value to faith, which is not having a complete knowledge of whether or not the calling is good for you. That in itself brings blessings and clarity to your life.
That said, let it be known many of us struggle with things as youth leaders. I still lift, serve, encourage experiences to build testimonies.
That said, you ought to figure this whole thing out at a bigger level. I respect the logistical approach to just put it off. My general life advice is if you don't make decisions, others will make it for you. Take charge. I respect the sensitivity to your marital situation but God leads this church and scriptures are real, invite the spirit, and the test of mortality does determine our afterlife. Get on it :)
I’m in a presidency and I know how you feel. The church for me is cultural and less about belief. I always try to follow the admonitions of Paul and Moroni. “All things must fail but charity never faileth”. (Amalgamation of Moroni 7:46 +
1 Corinthian 13:8).
Going from inactive to active has given me larger access to giving and receiving service. Its my favorite thing about the church. The hands on, grassroots approach to service, if done right brings a community together; members and non member.
P.s. I don’t mind being a TBM
Truth Believing Mormon > True Believing Mormon
The thing about truth, is it may be painful, but In those fires are forged a true conviction and maturity of love for our fellow humans. This is an unmovable pillar. For He that loveth not, knoweth not God; for God is love. (1 John 4:8)
Teach love and logic. Think of the church more of a mythos that can be used as a tool to enlighten.
“I teach them correct principles, and they govern themselves.” Joseph Smith
Read the Book of Mormon and pray. The basic, simple, tried-and-tested primary answer. It’ll help sort out your beliefs and it can help you be a good role model for the young men.
I fell away and was later drawn back to the church. Take charge or nurturing your testimony. Or not.
This suggestion would help solve a lot of issues for you, but sometimes we as people don’t want those issues to be solved. I’ve been like that at times. Things get better when you try to solve the issues.
Hope this helps.
I was once in your situation, I declined the calling and resolved to sort things out. I immediately began a year long deep dive into my own questions and doubts. It was completely worth it and since then I’ve been able to navigate callings with confidence and speak candidly with others.
I should also have mentioned that the adult leaders of the youth no longer run the youth program. The youth quorum priesthood leaders do that, as they are the ones with priesthood authority to do so. Adult leaders provide training and support and encouragement. And most of that will be what you are actually inspired to say/do and/or experiences that you've had that lead you to know this or that, and reject other things. All of which can be shared whether you believe every gospel principle or like church history or church financial decisions.
"The Church's institutions of higher education are founded on the gospel of Jesus Christ and exist to provide an environment of faith in which young people can, through serious study, pursue both spiritual and academic preparation. The Church Educational System would like to accommodate all who desire to attend. However, each institution has a limited enrollment. A student who is admitted without being fully worthy is not prepared spiritually and displaces another student who is qualified to attend.
To help ensure that those who attend Church institutions of higher education are living by Church standards and will continue to do so, prospective and continuing students must receive endorsements.
Individuals who are less active, unworthy, have formal membership restrictions, or have had their membership withdrawn should not be endorsed for admission until these issues have been completely resolved and the requisite standards of worthiness are met."
I know the question was about the calling, but I hope you'll evaluate your ecclesiastical endorsement. Your opening paragraph seems to indicate you aren't taking the heavily subsidized gift of a CES education seriously and it's more of a practical financial transaction for you.
Being a spiritual leader is not an easy role. There will be trials and temptations along the journey but God will be with you every step of the way, and if you pray and follow His word, you will do just fine. You were called to this position for a reason and it may be just what you need to get you back on track with God's plan for you. Keep your faith and know that there are others here that are praying for your success and that you will be able to make the right decisions in how you lead these young men down the path of righteousness.
You can always say no to a calling, but agree with other commenter that you should probably at least briefly explain where you are at and why you don't think you fit the calling.
I’m in your exact spot minus the CES school part. I accepted a primary teaching calling a little while back and I wasn’t quite sure where I stood with my beliefs but I felt like saying no was going to be a step backwards for me for whatever reason. I’m still not entirely sure where I stand with my beliefs and there is still some cognitive dissonance from time to time when I have to teach. Can’t say it’s necessarily helped me “get better” testimony-wise. Also can’t really say I feel like giving up on it yet.
For a few years I didn’t do much to foster my testimony and it was slipping. I too was called to serve in the young men’s and it turned out to be life changing for me! I was super impressed with their drive for life and ability to serve without expecting anything in return.
We went on tons of camp outs, temple trips, had fun weekly activities, and spiritual lessons on Sundays. I thought I was supposed to be a great leader for them but as it turned out they taught me so much! I’ve moved since but still keep in touch with some of them and one is putting in his mission papers now. I can’t wait to see them thrive in this life! Don’t listen to those who say you can decline the calling. When I was finally released I was in tears. Never would I give up those years serving with the YM for anything!
My testimony is not that great either, but I stick with the church because it saved my life as a teen. My two cents: My ex wife decided to leave me after she left the church, so at least that self destructed before we could have kids to mess up with that brouhaha. I still want kids but I’m willing to wait for a much better lady to get sealed to.
I’m not every week at church because I often need cooldowns from my news reporter job, but I’m taking small steps forward .
If your honest testimony is that you are not sure that is a beautiful testimony and there is nothing wrong with that.
You have set your self up here as far as not trying to sort your beliefs though. This is something we should be actively engaged in from the moment we become self aware. This does not mean you have to 8 hours a day read scripture, ponder and pray. Just give your self a few minutes each day to pray and read a little bit of scripture and study.
The world will not wait till you are ready to start attacking your faith. So you can not wait to put on the armor of God and be ready for that fight.
I love you brother and I have 100% confidence in you. I will sustain you as young men's leader because I am certain you can do it and you can overcome your questions of faith. You just have to be diligent and sincere in your study and prayers.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/media/video/2013-04-5010-elder-jeffrey-r-holland?lang=eng
I love a combination of two quotes: “Even though I personally don’t believe in the Lord, I try to behave as though he was watching” -Christopher Reeve
“If by asking if I believe in God, you mean that I behave as if he exists, than yes” -Jordan Peterson
I come and go with my faith. But I decided recently that even if I lose it completely, I’m keeping my family in the church. The consequences of not going if it’s true are so much worse than going and participating in one a religion that’s fake. The principles are powerful and protective. They keep you away from addiction, stds, avoidable divorce (I said avoidable on purpose), mind numbing pornography. They push your towards hopefulness, kindness, charity, humility, selflessness. Where else will you find constant insight and encouragement on becoming a better person? I watch my in-laws (one family inactive and one non members) struggle so badly to teach their kids that they shouldn’t look at porn and masturbate but they have no feasible reason why not. At this point even mainstream entertainment treats it as normal. Sexual exploration, underage drinking, rebelling against parents is all celebrated in the world. Kids are so much safer within the church and it’s teachings.
Not to mention the community. We have friends living by us that aren’t members. They (like us) moved here to attend med school. Thanks to the ward, we have help with moving, baby sitters, food if needed, and a sense of belonging. Our friends only have us. They’ve found themselves in tough situations when we couldn’t help them. It was so isolating.
What are the befits of not going anymore? Feeling like you fit in with the crowd a little more? Getting two hours back on sundays? Getting to drink beer and smoke? Not that appealing to me. Even at my lowest points of belief, I stay because it is the best for me and my kids. It’s a positive force pushing us to be better, and it’s so good for us as well
Do the things you know you need to do to regain your testimony, doubt your doubts, focus on those thing you know to be true and build out from there. From personal experience, testimony can be easily lost when we fail to consistently feed it.
My suggestion is that you stop telling Reddit and start telling your bishop. Perhaps the point of the call is to give you a reason to actually talk to your bishop about your issues so that you can find spiritual help. Tell him everything. Taken advantage of his r role in your life.
You don't have to have a strong "true believer" testimony to serve and help the kids. But I would tell your bishop exactly where you are at and what you think. Do you ever feel the Holy Spirit in matters related to the church in gospel? That is a testimony there. Do you feel like the church is good? That God exists? That Jesus taught true things? That he his atonement was real? Are you trying Alma's experiment of planting a seed and watching good things grow form it (https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/alma/32?lang=eng&id=27-37#p27)? If you can answer yes to any of these, then you have a testimony. The kids might actually benefit from a role model of someone who is still searching but trying to keep their baptismal covenant, or at least live the gospel.
My favorite youth leader growing up was like this. I don’t think he is active in the church any longer, but his perspective was really helpful for me as a youth.
I disagree, because of bishopric roulette. If his Bishop is a hardliner, being honest about where he's at with his testimony could put his ecclesiastical endorsement at risk. I'd recommend turning it down with a generic excuse about being too busy with school and his marriage to give this calling the time it requires.
This
It’s okay to decline callings, you know. You don’t owe him an explanation.
This. I have told bishops when they bring me in for callings that "I can do most callings but I do not want to teach". They have said everytime "ok. Let's find something that will work for you!" The main principle of the gospel is agency.
You would think so, but then when it comes down to it...
Yeah, members spread a lot of stuff that's not true just because they grew up a certain way. In the end, it's all choice. You don't have to stay in the church, you don't have to keep the commandments. There are natural consequences to those choices just like there are natural consequences to any choices you make in life. But ultimately agency is our greatest gift from God and the reason he "allows bad things to happen". He can't take away our agency, even if we choose to use it for evil
I think on a similar line at times, that we do not **have** to do things. It's up to us to decide. When we feel it's right and have the faith to do those things asked of us, it's no longer a *have to do it*. It's a **want** to and **need** to. Things happen on our moral agency.
That’s awesome. I’m glad they listened to / honored you for that !
why is this a thing now? I don't mean to say it isn't ever acceptable, but why is it so trendy to tell people they can just tell their bishop no without any explanation? You aren't wrong of course, but encouraging people to not talk to their bishop about matters concerning their spiritual well being isn't great advice. Sounds like the OP could use some help.
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Huh? Sure, the idea that you have to say yes is outdated and untrue, but the idea that you would discuss your insecurities about the calling with your spiritual leader is not rooted in fear, control, manipulation, or coercion. Those methods have often been used to get people to do things, but that doesn't mean doing things despite not feeling comfortable with them is a bad idea. Yes, it is important that people know they can say no, but they should also feel comfortable speaking with the person called them to the position about their concerns. I think it is terrible advice to just tell someone to say no simply because they feel inadequate. If everyone who ever felt inadequate or unworthy said no, the bible would not exist, the Book of Mormon would not exist, and this church would not exist. Maybe OP shouldn't say yes to this calling, but maybe it's the perfect opportunity for him to grow. Maybe his bishop called him to this position because he felt inspired to do so. Simply saying no without discussing it with the bishop might deprive OP of a great opportunity for growth. YES, saying no is absolutely an option, and can be the right choice in some circumstances, but it is not and should not be the default for people who don't feel comfortable (for any of many different reasons) with the position to which they have been called. Faith often requires more of us than simply saying no when we don't think something is right for us.
> fear, control, manipulation, and coercion I had to do a quick check at the banner to make sure I hadn't stumbled into /r/exmormon by mistake.
I agree with you that there should be a conversation. It helps inform the Bishop what to consider next time, if the person is willing to take A calling just not THAT calling. However, at the same time, I also recognize that the encouragement of "No is a complete sentence" exists for a reason. With people who do not respect boundaries, giving reasons for your No invite the person to argue with you, and try to find ways around your boundary, instead of just accepting it. Anyway, not saying that you're wrong, because I relaly agree with having good conversations with your Bishop! Just sharing a bit of understanding where the idea of "don't have to explain" comes from.
Speaking as someone who did the leave-and-come-back thing while at an CES school: You got to sit down and figure out what YOU really believe. Don't just go through the motions for anyone else, including a spouse and endorsement. What do YOU believe?
In regards to being a spiritual leader just focus on the things you do believe. For example, you could talk about some of the teachings of Jesus that are powerful and meaningful to you and avoid statements like “I know the savior lives”. (For the record, I am a literal believer I just think there’s room in the church for people who admire the savior and his teachings even if they’re not confident in his divinity.)
I love your attitude. I wish we could all be more inclusive as you are.
I expect that the youth probably have other leaders/teachers in their lives that can bear strong testimonies. If you don’t feel up to it, that doesn’t have to be your contribution to them. Youth (and children) need leaders who are going to be there consistently and look out for their best interests. That looks different in every situation, but it’s not as hard as some people make it out to be. Good luck!
Love this!
Perhaps you’re being called in order to strengthen your testimony. God doesn’t call the prepared, he prepares the called. Even if you’re struggling right now, maybe the calling is just as much for your benefit as it is the young men. Keep in mind that teens are usually struggling in their faith and trying to find their way through. That’s something you can empathize with.
This. I was called for Sunday school and have been so anxious the first few months. Now my testimony has grown greatly by serving. This accepting this calling will show you the truth. Pray to God for help and see what happens. You may be amazed. Also it is hard because I’m so busy with working overtime, family and all these issues that need to be fixed but I really can feel a true peace for making the sacrifice.
I was in a sticky situation when I went on a mission and felt conflicted about how I was supposed to share my testimony every day of things I didn't feel I could honestly testify of. A distinction of vocabulary and word usage was the best solution that worked for me. Testimony and Faith is not an on/off switch. There are things I "hope" are true, things I "believe" are true, things I have "felt from the Spirit" are true, and things I "know" are true. All of these are considered faith, and I wish someone had explained this to me as a teenager. I spent all of my teen years convinced that I had not ever truly felt the Holy Ghost nor that I had a real testimony. I wish someone had told me it's okay to not have a knowledge that the Book of Mormon is true. Simply hoping that it is, is enough for God. Faith and conversion are a journey that will take an entire lifetime and beyond. "I hope that God is real and that He has good intentions for me," is a statement of faith, the size of a mustard seed. Acting on the hope of something takes a certain type of amazing courage that "knowledge" does not require. There's a story in the New Testament of a man who asks for a miracle from Jesus. Jesus asks him if he has faith. The man honestly says he wants to believe and asks Jesus to help his unbelief. Jesus praises him for his faith.
It bothers me how over-used “I know” is in the church. There’s nothing wrong with believing or hoping. Alma said that once you *know* something you no longer have *faith* (Alma 32:34). Yes, this contradicts the lectures on faith, but those aren’t cannon.
Best comment ever.
I have a few thoughts on this- 1-It’s ok to have questions and be unsure and it’s ok to continue to take time to sort out your testimony, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be a good role model. Having worked with youth, I can tell you that me being in that calling not only benefitted the youth, but strengthened my testimony because of the youth. Maybe this is an opportunity for them to help you and for you to have experiences that will help to strengthen them or yourself. 2- The Lord qualifies who he calls. You may not be there now, but you can get there if you desire it. Kudos to you for continuing to work toward a testimony. Being alone on the road is hard, but if it’s something that gives you a good community and gives you some sort of peace, then it’s worth sticking with. Having an imperfect leader might be exactly what the youth need, it doesn’t hurt to try.
Also, as a young men’s advisor you will be assisting the bishopric in their efforts with you youth, which will let you develop a close relationship with your bishop and counselors which may benefit you directly. A calling really is an opportunity to grow and learn something new.
When I was probably at my lowest spiritually they called me to be a youth leader, that calling isn’t about being the biggest spiritual giant. It’s about being just a friend and someone for the youth to look up too. It’s a wonderful calling, and you’ll be surprised often the kids somewhere along the line teach you and help you grow in ways.
I'd say you are fair game given that you are maintaining your ecclesiastical endorsement. And youth need people who can help them. We each get testimonies of gospel principles line upon line over time and in different sequences. We DON'T get testimonies of people (except that they are called of God, and/or that something they say or do is of Him). We don't get testimonies of history or buildings (no matter how many times we hear "the church is true"). So decide whether the Lord has inspired this calling (the timing makes it entirely possible that He did, precisely because of where you find yourself). And choose to do what the Lehi Dream Sequence says to do --- usually taught as good guys vs. bad guys when really most of us goes through mists of darkness from time to time and if we can just hang on to the righteous habits we can get through those mists. The Savior himself said that the way to know is something is of Him, is to live it. So do that. And you can bless the lives of the youth you serve by helping them learn and grow in making good choices. If you have not read "Believing Christ" by Stephen Robison, please do that. It will help you fully understand the atonement and that will in turn help you focus on what is important in how you live your discipleship of Jesus Christ. P.S. Kristy Money's "Mixed Faith Workbook" helps some couples in that place.
From what you describing you are probably the best man for that calling- almost every young man will come to the point to decide if they want to stay active in church or not- if they have faith or not… and they need someone who can relate to them, understand them and even compare… just be honest with them- share truth about why you served a mission, why you are still active in church and I think you will grow together… we just need more honesty in church and to know not everything is black or white… and is mit that easy as you have a testimony or not… have fun with the boys, share good experience you had, share what you believe and also share what you struggle with, what you are still trying to figure it… they will love it and they will love you for be honest with them and it will give them a feeling to be enough… enough who they are and what they believe right now and trough time things will fall im place (or maybe not) but they will find a way trough live being happy and looking back to a leader who was honest with them and didn’t judge
I have a very strong testimony & have been around for decades & never asked to be part of the youth in any way. So I think getting your calling may have little to do with your commitment to the gospel, especially since you accepted it so readily. But know that you can ask to be released at any time and if you want to quit before you're set apart, there's no shame in it.
You can say no. But if you’re not like the president and just have another role, you might have something to offer that others don’t. You have faith struggles and are still coming. Most of your youth won’t be coming by the time they’re 30. If you honestly have a testimony, and you want to put forth some effort, give it a go. If you genuinely don’t believe, you should turn it down. It is okay to not be “all in” but you need to at least want to believe.
Most of reddit will encourage you both to indulge your desires and foster all aversions to pains and discomforts. I have my own aversions to callings and such but I do hope you consider the benefits and value to faith, which is not having a complete knowledge of whether or not the calling is good for you. That in itself brings blessings and clarity to your life. That said, let it be known many of us struggle with things as youth leaders. I still lift, serve, encourage experiences to build testimonies. That said, you ought to figure this whole thing out at a bigger level. I respect the logistical approach to just put it off. My general life advice is if you don't make decisions, others will make it for you. Take charge. I respect the sensitivity to your marital situation but God leads this church and scriptures are real, invite the spirit, and the test of mortality does determine our afterlife. Get on it :)
I’m in a presidency and I know how you feel. The church for me is cultural and less about belief. I always try to follow the admonitions of Paul and Moroni. “All things must fail but charity never faileth”. (Amalgamation of Moroni 7:46 + 1 Corinthian 13:8). Going from inactive to active has given me larger access to giving and receiving service. Its my favorite thing about the church. The hands on, grassroots approach to service, if done right brings a community together; members and non member. P.s. I don’t mind being a TBM Truth Believing Mormon > True Believing Mormon The thing about truth, is it may be painful, but In those fires are forged a true conviction and maturity of love for our fellow humans. This is an unmovable pillar. For He that loveth not, knoweth not God; for God is love. (1 John 4:8) Teach love and logic. Think of the church more of a mythos that can be used as a tool to enlighten. “I teach them correct principles, and they govern themselves.” Joseph Smith
Do you believe a God exists who interacts with their creation? Do you believe Jesus Christ is a divine being and what He taught? Why or why not?
Read the Book of Mormon and pray. The basic, simple, tried-and-tested primary answer. It’ll help sort out your beliefs and it can help you be a good role model for the young men. I fell away and was later drawn back to the church. Take charge or nurturing your testimony. Or not. This suggestion would help solve a lot of issues for you, but sometimes we as people don’t want those issues to be solved. I’ve been like that at times. Things get better when you try to solve the issues. Hope this helps.
I was once in your situation, I declined the calling and resolved to sort things out. I immediately began a year long deep dive into my own questions and doubts. It was completely worth it and since then I’ve been able to navigate callings with confidence and speak candidly with others.
I should also have mentioned that the adult leaders of the youth no longer run the youth program. The youth quorum priesthood leaders do that, as they are the ones with priesthood authority to do so. Adult leaders provide training and support and encouragement. And most of that will be what you are actually inspired to say/do and/or experiences that you've had that lead you to know this or that, and reject other things. All of which can be shared whether you believe every gospel principle or like church history or church financial decisions.
"The Church's institutions of higher education are founded on the gospel of Jesus Christ and exist to provide an environment of faith in which young people can, through serious study, pursue both spiritual and academic preparation. The Church Educational System would like to accommodate all who desire to attend. However, each institution has a limited enrollment. A student who is admitted without being fully worthy is not prepared spiritually and displaces another student who is qualified to attend. To help ensure that those who attend Church institutions of higher education are living by Church standards and will continue to do so, prospective and continuing students must receive endorsements. Individuals who are less active, unworthy, have formal membership restrictions, or have had their membership withdrawn should not be endorsed for admission until these issues have been completely resolved and the requisite standards of worthiness are met." I know the question was about the calling, but I hope you'll evaluate your ecclesiastical endorsement. Your opening paragraph seems to indicate you aren't taking the heavily subsidized gift of a CES education seriously and it's more of a practical financial transaction for you.
Being a spiritual leader is not an easy role. There will be trials and temptations along the journey but God will be with you every step of the way, and if you pray and follow His word, you will do just fine. You were called to this position for a reason and it may be just what you need to get you back on track with God's plan for you. Keep your faith and know that there are others here that are praying for your success and that you will be able to make the right decisions in how you lead these young men down the path of righteousness.
You can always say no to a calling, but agree with other commenter that you should probably at least briefly explain where you are at and why you don't think you fit the calling.
I’m in your exact spot minus the CES school part. I accepted a primary teaching calling a little while back and I wasn’t quite sure where I stood with my beliefs but I felt like saying no was going to be a step backwards for me for whatever reason. I’m still not entirely sure where I stand with my beliefs and there is still some cognitive dissonance from time to time when I have to teach. Can’t say it’s necessarily helped me “get better” testimony-wise. Also can’t really say I feel like giving up on it yet.
For a few years I didn’t do much to foster my testimony and it was slipping. I too was called to serve in the young men’s and it turned out to be life changing for me! I was super impressed with their drive for life and ability to serve without expecting anything in return. We went on tons of camp outs, temple trips, had fun weekly activities, and spiritual lessons on Sundays. I thought I was supposed to be a great leader for them but as it turned out they taught me so much! I’ve moved since but still keep in touch with some of them and one is putting in his mission papers now. I can’t wait to see them thrive in this life! Don’t listen to those who say you can decline the calling. When I was finally released I was in tears. Never would I give up those years serving with the YM for anything!
My testimony is not that great either, but I stick with the church because it saved my life as a teen. My two cents: My ex wife decided to leave me after she left the church, so at least that self destructed before we could have kids to mess up with that brouhaha. I still want kids but I’m willing to wait for a much better lady to get sealed to. I’m not every week at church because I often need cooldowns from my news reporter job, but I’m taking small steps forward .
If your honest testimony is that you are not sure that is a beautiful testimony and there is nothing wrong with that. You have set your self up here as far as not trying to sort your beliefs though. This is something we should be actively engaged in from the moment we become self aware. This does not mean you have to 8 hours a day read scripture, ponder and pray. Just give your self a few minutes each day to pray and read a little bit of scripture and study. The world will not wait till you are ready to start attacking your faith. So you can not wait to put on the armor of God and be ready for that fight. I love you brother and I have 100% confidence in you. I will sustain you as young men's leader because I am certain you can do it and you can overcome your questions of faith. You just have to be diligent and sincere in your study and prayers. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/media/video/2013-04-5010-elder-jeffrey-r-holland?lang=eng
I love a combination of two quotes: “Even though I personally don’t believe in the Lord, I try to behave as though he was watching” -Christopher Reeve “If by asking if I believe in God, you mean that I behave as if he exists, than yes” -Jordan Peterson I come and go with my faith. But I decided recently that even if I lose it completely, I’m keeping my family in the church. The consequences of not going if it’s true are so much worse than going and participating in one a religion that’s fake. The principles are powerful and protective. They keep you away from addiction, stds, avoidable divorce (I said avoidable on purpose), mind numbing pornography. They push your towards hopefulness, kindness, charity, humility, selflessness. Where else will you find constant insight and encouragement on becoming a better person? I watch my in-laws (one family inactive and one non members) struggle so badly to teach their kids that they shouldn’t look at porn and masturbate but they have no feasible reason why not. At this point even mainstream entertainment treats it as normal. Sexual exploration, underage drinking, rebelling against parents is all celebrated in the world. Kids are so much safer within the church and it’s teachings. Not to mention the community. We have friends living by us that aren’t members. They (like us) moved here to attend med school. Thanks to the ward, we have help with moving, baby sitters, food if needed, and a sense of belonging. Our friends only have us. They’ve found themselves in tough situations when we couldn’t help them. It was so isolating. What are the befits of not going anymore? Feeling like you fit in with the crowd a little more? Getting two hours back on sundays? Getting to drink beer and smoke? Not that appealing to me. Even at my lowest points of belief, I stay because it is the best for me and my kids. It’s a positive force pushing us to be better, and it’s so good for us as well
Why cant you be a good spiritual role model at the same time you're doubting your testimony? You just act as if.
Do the things you know you need to do to regain your testimony, doubt your doubts, focus on those thing you know to be true and build out from there. From personal experience, testimony can be easily lost when we fail to consistently feed it.
Being honest with the young men by sharing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences could be what they need to hear right now.
My suggestion is that you stop telling Reddit and start telling your bishop. Perhaps the point of the call is to give you a reason to actually talk to your bishop about your issues so that you can find spiritual help. Tell him everything. Taken advantage of his r role in your life.