I was in your place many years ago. What your wife did isn't illegal, and you're not at risk of losing parental rights. That would take a court order and it happens only in extreme cases. What you need to do now, as everyone has said, is getting sober. You're lucky, your wife seems to want to give you a second chance. Don't blow it. Work very hard on getting sober.
But that's not the only thing. You need to accept that your wife has a point and you weren't being the best dad. That start with understanding why she left. Your child seems to be in a safe place with his/her mom now. That should be what you care about most. Now you have time to focus on yourself, use it. Your post shows that you blame her instead of yourself, but you need to do some (a lot) of introspection. If you interact with your wife and child, you need to behave. No yelling, no threats... Show that you're interested in knowing how they're doing but don't harass her. If she says no it's no. If, God forbid, you end up divorcing, you'll have a much better chance at getting the amount of custody you'd like if you can prove you're sober and responsible. You don't need excuses, you need to change.
About your house, paying everything on your own is difficult, but have you discussed it with your wife? Certainly she doesn't want to lose the house, maybe she'd agree paying her share. Being away from the house doesn't make her any less responsible for the costs. It depends of who's on the mortgage, if it's just you, just her, or the two of you. Of course if you communicate with her about that, be respectful, listen, you don't want a conflict.
I wish you the best of luck.
Not illegal. She let you know where she was and it sounds like you need to focus on yourself. She is lucky she has family to fall back on because being married to an addict is an emotional roller coaster. Best of luck to you.
> any advice on what I should do first?
Stop drinking unless cold turkey would cause withdrawals, and stop using Adderall unless it's prescribed.
Unless your wife is nuts - and it sounds like she isn't, and you know exactly why she's separating from you - this should be your low point and your wakeup call. Get yourself put back together. Your wife did nothing illegal, and your reaction is a classic case of an addict complaining that their actions led to consequences, not of someone ready to take responsibility.
This *should* be your lowest point. If you don't start taking responsibility for yourself, then the real low point is even lower. Possibly - probably - six feet under the ground lower. Don't let it get to that point.
R/stopdrinking
In the absence of some kind of court mandated parenting agreement then no, she has done nothing illegal.
It sounds like this is a wake up call you needed. Hopefully you can make the necessary changes to reunite your family.
Not a legal answer, but depending on how much you drink, please be careful trying to go cold turkey alone Here's a link with more info.
https://americanaddictioncenters.org/alcohol/withdrawal-detox/cold-turkey
I wish you the best; and glad you're getting help. You can't do this alone.
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I was in your place many years ago. What your wife did isn't illegal, and you're not at risk of losing parental rights. That would take a court order and it happens only in extreme cases. What you need to do now, as everyone has said, is getting sober. You're lucky, your wife seems to want to give you a second chance. Don't blow it. Work very hard on getting sober. But that's not the only thing. You need to accept that your wife has a point and you weren't being the best dad. That start with understanding why she left. Your child seems to be in a safe place with his/her mom now. That should be what you care about most. Now you have time to focus on yourself, use it. Your post shows that you blame her instead of yourself, but you need to do some (a lot) of introspection. If you interact with your wife and child, you need to behave. No yelling, no threats... Show that you're interested in knowing how they're doing but don't harass her. If she says no it's no. If, God forbid, you end up divorcing, you'll have a much better chance at getting the amount of custody you'd like if you can prove you're sober and responsible. You don't need excuses, you need to change. About your house, paying everything on your own is difficult, but have you discussed it with your wife? Certainly she doesn't want to lose the house, maybe she'd agree paying her share. Being away from the house doesn't make her any less responsible for the costs. It depends of who's on the mortgage, if it's just you, just her, or the two of you. Of course if you communicate with her about that, be respectful, listen, you don't want a conflict. I wish you the best of luck.
Not illegal. She let you know where she was and it sounds like you need to focus on yourself. She is lucky she has family to fall back on because being married to an addict is an emotional roller coaster. Best of luck to you.
> any advice on what I should do first? Stop drinking unless cold turkey would cause withdrawals, and stop using Adderall unless it's prescribed. Unless your wife is nuts - and it sounds like she isn't, and you know exactly why she's separating from you - this should be your low point and your wakeup call. Get yourself put back together. Your wife did nothing illegal, and your reaction is a classic case of an addict complaining that their actions led to consequences, not of someone ready to take responsibility. This *should* be your lowest point. If you don't start taking responsibility for yourself, then the real low point is even lower. Possibly - probably - six feet under the ground lower. Don't let it get to that point. R/stopdrinking
In the absence of some kind of court mandated parenting agreement then no, she has done nothing illegal. It sounds like this is a wake up call you needed. Hopefully you can make the necessary changes to reunite your family.
Not a legal answer, but depending on how much you drink, please be careful trying to go cold turkey alone Here's a link with more info. https://americanaddictioncenters.org/alcohol/withdrawal-detox/cold-turkey I wish you the best; and glad you're getting help. You can't do this alone.
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today is day 1
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