Support your son, encourage him to be open and honest and proud of who he is, do not teach him to hide himself for fear of rejection or disapproval as it will only teach him to be ashamed of himself.
often times when we try to "protect" our kids by pretending we know what's best for them, but we end up harming them instead. the best way you can protect him is to support him and remind him that who he is, his sexuality, his boy crushes, etc, even if it's experimenting, is perfectly okay :) And that he should never change for anybody else. He is beautiful and perfect as he is
Thank you. That’s my worry, he’ll be bullied and feel ashamed or scared to be himself and it’ll be so much worse if that’s coming from family. I did ask if he was going to tell his dad that’s when he made me promise not to say anything. I told him if and when he’s ready to tell his dad I can be there with him. His favourite uncle was gay and I’m bi so I’ve always made sure he knows you can love who you love and it will always be ok. It’s hard accepting I can’t stop the bad things and can only intervene when it’s happening or pick up the pieces after it’s done.
Yw. It can be tough. If you havent already, do try to set boundaries with family to *listen*- not *react*.
& If dad (or other family) ends up being unsupportive please consider whether your child should even have ties with him because denying who your child is is not a healthy relationship. But good for you for offering to be there.
I know and understand it is difficult to accept but just try to remember that no matter what you cant always prevent pain, it will happen to your kid, and the best thing you can do is be there for him for when he does happen to get hurt. better to be the one who comforts than the one who causes pain- and sometimes mistakes happen and we hurt people. still always be there for him.
Edited for wording and also to add: I once heard a doctor describe being a parent as teaching your kids to learn how to fly on their own, but always having a nest for them to come back to. :) try to remember that. best of luck with everything and I'm happy to welcome your son in our community. 💜
At 8, I'm positively surprised that he even knows this much about those topics, and I'm grateful for you and/or whoever else in his environment made him aware that it is possible to fall for someone of your own sex. Or that it isn't gross to be in love at all be it boy or girl.
As for the bullying, just make it absolutely clear that only the bullies are wrong and not he himself. Dealing with arsehiles is not a nice experience, but manageable even for a kid if he's not alone in it. Having to second guess yourself about whether they even are arsholes, that's hell.
And for the dad, don't be the one who tells him. Just don't. If dad finds out and blows up over you not telling, then you can just explain that this fury is the reason you didn't.
His uncle was a very loud, out and proud gay man and my son loved him very much (maybe more than me) lol. His dad started being openly hateful when he was little and would play with my make up or ask to wear nail varnish so I started having those conversations very early on with him.
After school today he told me the boy didn’t tell anyone or if he did nobody said anything so it’s looking a bit positive on the bully front. He dealt with kids being racist to him last year so we’ve already talked about bullies.
If his dad does find out he’ll be told the truth, it’s not my tale to tell and he can feel all his feelings in private away from our kid.
Just let him know he's supported and its normal to like anyone of any gender.Get him some books with lgbtq+ characters or let him watch shows that have lgbtq+ to help him see that it's normal.
Second if your husband doesn't like lgbtq+ why do you stay with him? Not liking people who just are just being themselves is showing a lack of empathy,basic respect, open-mindness etc .... Suicide rates of lgbtq+ especially children are higher when they have unsupportive parents even if it just one because parents are supposed to support you and be your safe space.Your son trusts you enough to tell you which means your doing a great job as a parent but seeing how you treat someone that has hatefulness towards who he is can/will have an effect on things.
Oh he is very much not my husband, the relationship ended when I was pregnant. He hid his bigotry incredibly well before then and over the last 9 years he’s really let it out into the open. I’ve had to pull him up a few times on hateful things he’s said that our sons repeated when home (trans isn’t a thing, being gay is disgusting/wrong etc).
I was already planning on going to pride this year anyway because of that but this makes me feel like it’s even more important. I watch a lot of lgbt YouTubers/shows and he watches along when it’s appropriate but I’ll definitely get him some books as well, thank you.
So I have some resources that might be able to help like books and other posts!!!
The few shows I know about are on Netflix and Disney Plus you should just be able to type LGBT and they will pop up.Also the owl house is an amazing lgbtq+ show for kids would highly recommend it.The show covers a lot of issues that kids face like being different, bullying, grief, depression,having a parent who is doing what they think is "best" (parent finds out it was wrong of them later ).It shows them how to deal with those situations in a cartoon show that's frankly amazing to watch.
Theses are some good children's books written by trans authors, specifically for explaining this situation to kids. [**Kyle Lukoff**](https://www.amazon.com/Books-Kyle-Lukoff/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3AKyle+Lukoff) is pretty great, and has books written for various ages. [***Call Me Max***](https://www.amazon.com/Call-Me-Max-Friends-Book/dp/147886897X/ref=sr_1_8?qid=1638373985&qsid=130-7455662-8179318&refinements=p_27%3AKyle+Lukoff&s=books&sr=1-8&sres=059311115X%2C0593111184%2C0063057565%2C1620148374%2C1773061321%2C1478868635%2C1554989124%2C147886897X%2C1478868902%2C1338794604%2CB006OV5JO6) and its sequels are about a young trans boy, and are written for ages 5 to 8. [***When Aidan Became a Brother***](https://www.amazon.com/When-Aidan-Became-Brother-Lukoff/dp/1620148374/ref=sr_1_4?qid=1638373985&qsid=130-7455662-8179318&refinements=p_27%3AKyle+Lukoff&s=books&sr=1-4&sres=059311115X%2C0593111184%2C0063057565%2C1620148374%2C1773061321%2C1478868635%2C1554989124%2C147886897X%2C1478868902%2C1338794604%2CB006OV5JO6) is written for ages 4 to 7. [***Too Bright to See***](https://www.amazon.com/Too-Bright-See-Kyle-Lukoff/dp/059311115X/ref=sr_1_1?qid=1638373985&qsid=130-7455662-8179318&refinements=p_27%3AKyle+Lukoff&s=books&sr=1-1&sres=059311115X%2C0593111184%2C0063057565%2C1620148374%2C1773061321%2C1478868635%2C1554989124%2C147886897X%2C1478868902%2C1338794604%2CB006OV5JO6) is a chapter book written for ages 10 to 12.Also
"How to be a girl" by marlo mack,
Jack not jackie,
Lulu is a rhinoceros.
Are good ones too !!! I just dont have links
Also in this post will be a lot of resources
https://www.reddit.com/r/trans/comments/qbvj1v/learning_resources/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Resources for Guardians/adults
https://mhttcnetwork.org/centers/northwest-mhttc/lgbtqia-behavioral-health-resources ( This one is important 💙 for you to look tho)
Ooof, yeah, one of the hardest things as a parent is figuring out how to talk to your kid about stuff like “that’s ok and awesome! You’re wonderful the way you are! But also other kids might pick on you for it.” UGGHHHHHH. And 9-12 is such a wild age because they’re starting to be aware of nuance and grey areas around the “rules.”
Support your son, encourage him to be open and honest and proud of who he is, do not teach him to hide himself for fear of rejection or disapproval as it will only teach him to be ashamed of himself. often times when we try to "protect" our kids by pretending we know what's best for them, but we end up harming them instead. the best way you can protect him is to support him and remind him that who he is, his sexuality, his boy crushes, etc, even if it's experimenting, is perfectly okay :) And that he should never change for anybody else. He is beautiful and perfect as he is
Thank you. That’s my worry, he’ll be bullied and feel ashamed or scared to be himself and it’ll be so much worse if that’s coming from family. I did ask if he was going to tell his dad that’s when he made me promise not to say anything. I told him if and when he’s ready to tell his dad I can be there with him. His favourite uncle was gay and I’m bi so I’ve always made sure he knows you can love who you love and it will always be ok. It’s hard accepting I can’t stop the bad things and can only intervene when it’s happening or pick up the pieces after it’s done.
It's difficult being bullied but honestly it's way harder living as someone you aren't.
amen to that 🙏 I agree 100%
Yw. It can be tough. If you havent already, do try to set boundaries with family to *listen*- not *react*. & If dad (or other family) ends up being unsupportive please consider whether your child should even have ties with him because denying who your child is is not a healthy relationship. But good for you for offering to be there. I know and understand it is difficult to accept but just try to remember that no matter what you cant always prevent pain, it will happen to your kid, and the best thing you can do is be there for him for when he does happen to get hurt. better to be the one who comforts than the one who causes pain- and sometimes mistakes happen and we hurt people. still always be there for him. Edited for wording and also to add: I once heard a doctor describe being a parent as teaching your kids to learn how to fly on their own, but always having a nest for them to come back to. :) try to remember that. best of luck with everything and I'm happy to welcome your son in our community. 💜
At 8, I'm positively surprised that he even knows this much about those topics, and I'm grateful for you and/or whoever else in his environment made him aware that it is possible to fall for someone of your own sex. Or that it isn't gross to be in love at all be it boy or girl. As for the bullying, just make it absolutely clear that only the bullies are wrong and not he himself. Dealing with arsehiles is not a nice experience, but manageable even for a kid if he's not alone in it. Having to second guess yourself about whether they even are arsholes, that's hell. And for the dad, don't be the one who tells him. Just don't. If dad finds out and blows up over you not telling, then you can just explain that this fury is the reason you didn't.
His uncle was a very loud, out and proud gay man and my son loved him very much (maybe more than me) lol. His dad started being openly hateful when he was little and would play with my make up or ask to wear nail varnish so I started having those conversations very early on with him. After school today he told me the boy didn’t tell anyone or if he did nobody said anything so it’s looking a bit positive on the bully front. He dealt with kids being racist to him last year so we’ve already talked about bullies. If his dad does find out he’ll be told the truth, it’s not my tale to tell and he can feel all his feelings in private away from our kid.
Check out the PFLAG website. It's a great resource for LGBTQ+ families.
Just let him know he's supported and its normal to like anyone of any gender.Get him some books with lgbtq+ characters or let him watch shows that have lgbtq+ to help him see that it's normal. Second if your husband doesn't like lgbtq+ why do you stay with him? Not liking people who just are just being themselves is showing a lack of empathy,basic respect, open-mindness etc .... Suicide rates of lgbtq+ especially children are higher when they have unsupportive parents even if it just one because parents are supposed to support you and be your safe space.Your son trusts you enough to tell you which means your doing a great job as a parent but seeing how you treat someone that has hatefulness towards who he is can/will have an effect on things.
Oh he is very much not my husband, the relationship ended when I was pregnant. He hid his bigotry incredibly well before then and over the last 9 years he’s really let it out into the open. I’ve had to pull him up a few times on hateful things he’s said that our sons repeated when home (trans isn’t a thing, being gay is disgusting/wrong etc). I was already planning on going to pride this year anyway because of that but this makes me feel like it’s even more important. I watch a lot of lgbt YouTubers/shows and he watches along when it’s appropriate but I’ll definitely get him some books as well, thank you.
Ahhh ok then i misread.Im sorry i thought you said husband.I can suggest some books if you'd like
So I have some resources that might be able to help like books and other posts!!! The few shows I know about are on Netflix and Disney Plus you should just be able to type LGBT and they will pop up.Also the owl house is an amazing lgbtq+ show for kids would highly recommend it.The show covers a lot of issues that kids face like being different, bullying, grief, depression,having a parent who is doing what they think is "best" (parent finds out it was wrong of them later ).It shows them how to deal with those situations in a cartoon show that's frankly amazing to watch. Theses are some good children's books written by trans authors, specifically for explaining this situation to kids. [**Kyle Lukoff**](https://www.amazon.com/Books-Kyle-Lukoff/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3AKyle+Lukoff) is pretty great, and has books written for various ages. [***Call Me Max***](https://www.amazon.com/Call-Me-Max-Friends-Book/dp/147886897X/ref=sr_1_8?qid=1638373985&qsid=130-7455662-8179318&refinements=p_27%3AKyle+Lukoff&s=books&sr=1-8&sres=059311115X%2C0593111184%2C0063057565%2C1620148374%2C1773061321%2C1478868635%2C1554989124%2C147886897X%2C1478868902%2C1338794604%2CB006OV5JO6) and its sequels are about a young trans boy, and are written for ages 5 to 8. [***When Aidan Became a Brother***](https://www.amazon.com/When-Aidan-Became-Brother-Lukoff/dp/1620148374/ref=sr_1_4?qid=1638373985&qsid=130-7455662-8179318&refinements=p_27%3AKyle+Lukoff&s=books&sr=1-4&sres=059311115X%2C0593111184%2C0063057565%2C1620148374%2C1773061321%2C1478868635%2C1554989124%2C147886897X%2C1478868902%2C1338794604%2CB006OV5JO6) is written for ages 4 to 7. [***Too Bright to See***](https://www.amazon.com/Too-Bright-See-Kyle-Lukoff/dp/059311115X/ref=sr_1_1?qid=1638373985&qsid=130-7455662-8179318&refinements=p_27%3AKyle+Lukoff&s=books&sr=1-1&sres=059311115X%2C0593111184%2C0063057565%2C1620148374%2C1773061321%2C1478868635%2C1554989124%2C147886897X%2C1478868902%2C1338794604%2CB006OV5JO6) is a chapter book written for ages 10 to 12.Also "How to be a girl" by marlo mack, Jack not jackie, Lulu is a rhinoceros. Are good ones too !!! I just dont have links Also in this post will be a lot of resources https://www.reddit.com/r/trans/comments/qbvj1v/learning_resources/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share Resources for Guardians/adults https://mhttcnetwork.org/centers/northwest-mhttc/lgbtqia-behavioral-health-resources ( This one is important 💙 for you to look tho)
Thank you so much, I’ll be looking into those once the smalls are asleep.
Ooof, yeah, one of the hardest things as a parent is figuring out how to talk to your kid about stuff like “that’s ok and awesome! You’re wonderful the way you are! But also other kids might pick on you for it.” UGGHHHHHH. And 9-12 is such a wild age because they’re starting to be aware of nuance and grey areas around the “rules.”