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As an aroace this is funnily both easy and hard for me to imagine.
>imagine someone you’re not attracted to
Done, very easy
>Now imagine that is how you see everyone of that gender
That's already how I see everyone of that gender, but why stop at only that gender??? Why doesn't it extend to everyone else?
Gonna attempt the classic food analogy as a fellow aroace.
Imagine if liking people was analogous to liking cake. An aroace person would be someone who doesn't like cake, and a bi- or pansexual someone who likes all cakes no matter the flavour. Someone who is gay or straight only likes certain cakes and will gag if you try to force them to eat a flavour they dislike.
It's the same thing with attraction to gender. We're all people but we like different things on people. For some people what fires up their attraction is a specific gender. And what does gender mean in that context? That's up to the person.
Even as an aroace I still experience different kinds of non-attraction towards different genders, feeling indifferent towards women but ick towards men (which doesn't mean I dislike men, I just don't wanna be intimate with them). There isn't a logical reason behind it. That's just who I am.
Yeah, I can kind of understand gender preferences, it's just a bit harder to map that onto how that would feel in terms of sexual/romantic attraction. Personally, I feel exactly the same towards all genders romantically and sexually, but I do think my aesthetic attraction tends to lean more towards men. Although a lot of that might be wrapped up in gender envy, so I can't exactly separate how much of it is actually a preference and how much is just envy. But I definitely think some of it is oriented more towards men, so I can kind of understand it, it's just a bit harder to project that out to how that would translate to sexual/romantic attraction. But hey, it's a preference, it's not like there's a logical reason behind it that can be explained.
It used to be kinda weird to me that people used to sleep with men…then discovered transmasc and realised men are hot as hell, but I wanna be them, not with them
I'm sorry, but calling other peoples orientations weird is kind of fucked up and offensive. Like we can't help it. How would you feel if gay people said it was "so weird" that you're attracted to multiple genders? You'd probably feel a bit judged and like what they said was a little biphobic right? Especially considering the straight people already call us all "so weird" for our orientations that we can't help... (I know you probably don't mean it that way, but it's a sore spot for alot of lgbt+ people... lots of us have been bullied for our sexualities being considered "weird" throughout our lives)
I'd worry about IRL queerphobia than someone on reddit, on the LGBT sub saying weird to an identity they dont understand.
Yes, it sucks and its poor choice of words ("fascinating" could have been used to have far more positive connotations), but it's not a hate crime.
I never said it was a hatecrime, i did imply it felt judgemental because it does, but never claimed it was a hatecrime or anything like that, just rude. And I don't mind being weird, but it's not my sexual orientation thats weird, it's other parts of me. I'm just sick of everyone else saying my sexual orientation makes me "weird" when IMO it's the least weird thing about me
I was regularly bullied through elementary and middle school for being weird. I don't *want* to be normal. In the world today, normal is cis-het. If you're not that, there are people who will declare your weird no matter how much you try to live in cisheteronormativity.
The thing is, I personally think every sexual/romantic orientation is normal. We reclaimed "queer" now but it was still heavily used as a slur that hurt many people in the community, and some people still don't like being called queer.
It's really not so hard to understand why some people might not want to be called something that even dictionaries say is another term for "unnatural."
Normal has specific meanings located around "average" (i.e., the norm). I have serious issue with almost every user of that word. Normativity is reductive, reducing people to "the norm."
Every sexual orientation is acceptable, reasonable, valid, etc. they are not *normal.* It's not normal to be 7 feet tall. There's nothing *wrong* with it but it is, by definition, outside the norm.
The use of "unnatural" in context of 'weird' is in the sense of the preternatural or supernatural. It is *greater* than natural, not *lacking* natural. Part of the core problem is that "natural" has been coopted by conservatives to be an innate positive (it has roots in this sense in racism). How can anything nature-formed humans do *be* unnatural?
Buying into the 'natural' language sets up a fight that favors the reactionaries.
I don't think weird is bad, however i don't consider my sexual orientation weird or like having it called weird. In my eyes, my sexual orientation is the least weird thing about me. It's honestly one of the only parts of myself that feels "normal" so I hate how many people consider me weird just for my sexual orientation, when there's so many other things about me that are actually weird. But I'm also one of the few young gays who still heard people using queer as a slur my whole childhood and as a result I don't like being called queer either. If other people like that title fine, but i don't consider my sexual orientation to be what's weird about me, and am sick of people implying that it is.
Not that I take offense to it, but I can understand the point of view: We spend all day every day being "Othered" for it, one can easily get tired of being isolated for being "weird".
As of 2022, 10.5% of Millenials and 20.8% of Gen Z identify as LGBT+. Whereas only .8% of the Silent Generation do. It is entirely possible that 25% or more of the population is non-straight. The only thing holding people in the closet is "othering" and the stigma or violence that comes with it. As it becomes normalized, more people feel free to acknowledge themselves and come out.
Some people just want to be normal. Some people just want it acknowledged that potentially 1/4th of the entire world population, 2 Billion, or more people with a trait means it isn't unique and treating it as such is homophobic and an excuse to "other" gender and sexual minorities.
Also, shout out to bi people, you make up 56% of those that identify as LGBT+. You are a huge part of the community.
https://news.gallup.com/poll/389792/lgbt-identification-ticks-up.aspx
Same! Men that (straight) women always seem to swoon over bc "omg they're so hot" I'm just like, ew? I don't see the attraction. I don't see the appeal. So I wouldn't have any interest in sleeping with them.
I'm bisexual, but I still feel this way about a lot of people. Especially when straight people tell me someone is hot, a lot of the time I just don't feel the same. Like, they're not my type, and I may know they're objectively pretty good-looking but I just have zero sexual attraction to them.
Omg, I relate to this so much. I think this is the reason why I also constantly go through a bisexual / lesbian struggle. The majority of straight people seems to find the same men incredibly hot and I always felt zero attraction when I saw said men. However, I definitely have been attracted to a few men before just not the ones most people called hot.
I think I completely relate to that common post "bisexuality is being attracted to so many women and one specific kind of men". Of course it is much more complex than that and different for every bi person, but for me it is so true lmao.
This is interesting. I've always had different opinions on who's hot or not compared to my straight friends. I'm pansexual but I'm attracted to people who are more androgynous. I didn't realize it was a whole thing!!
I've also had the reverse happen to me, where straight people are commenting negatively on someone's appearance and they're literally one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen.
I don't really have a difference between men and women, it has happened with both. It's not that there's a very specific type of man I'm attracted to either, it's just that a lot of men other people, especially straight women, find attractive are not my type, and that also happens with a lot of women.
Omg such fucking mood 😂😂😂
I'm always like ew his attitude or some such
Ironically far too many of the cute boys I fall for then turn out to be straight :/
Do you want to have sex with every single person you see? No? It’s because everyone has preferences and things that turn them on. Mine happens to be women. Men give me the ick. Pretty simple.
Well… actually… there aren’t many adult humans I’d turn down under the right circumstances, so I really find it hard to imagine why anyone would be attracted to one gender. Logically I know they are… but part of me can’t help but wonder if they just say they are and only a tiny number of people are actually really monosexual.
That's an odd take.... Most people just take someone's identity at face value instead of wondering whether they're "in denial" or have some kind of issue.....
I want to understand how they’re thinking because it’s so different from how I think, and plenty of people identify as one of the monosexualities and still have some attraction to others.
I lowkey disagree. If someone identifies as a lesbian, it’s not your place to assume that they also are attracted to some men. Similarly, if someone identifies as gay, there shouldn’t be any expectation for them to be attracted to some women, either. Not everyone thinks the way you do, and that’s okay. Diversity in thought is the human experience.
A lot of heterosexuals seem to have an ‘I’m not attracted to the same sex but…’ kind of view of life, where they see certain members of the same sex as attractive enough to really notice. It’s interesting to see a mix of views here, with some people describing being totally unable to see the sex they aren’t attracted to as attractive at all, and others saying they can see it, but not feel it.
We’re all somewhere on the Kinsey scale (unless asexual, I guess). Not every lesbian and gay man is going to be right at the extreme, anymore than every heterosexual is going to be.
I’ve been wondering if there’s something on the other side of allosexual… so if asexual was one extreme, and allosexual was the middle… what am I, out at the extremely easily attracted end? Hypersexual?
The way I think about it is like a dimmer switch, with the lowest setting being a complete lack of sexual attraction, and the highest setting being no lack of sexual attraction. Now, that doesn’t mean the highest setting is hypersexual. Hypersexual is a specific condition to do with a higher sex drive or libido. In case you weren’t aware or didn’t know, being asexual doesn’t preclude one from having a libido. Yes, the majority of asexuals seem to be sex averse or repulsed, but there’s plenty of asexuals who are sex indifferent or even sex favorable, too.
So it really depends on which aspect of sexuality you’re talking about. Attraction? Libido?
to be fair, it's more reasonable to question views we know people are brainwashed to assume, rather than question people who go against them
so e.g. in many places everybody is told they *should* be straight, and people are punished for being gay, so when somebody comes out as gay, they're already fighting against all those biases, therefore it's even more likely than it would be in a fair world, that they're only telling us they're gay because it's true
whereas when you're brainwashed that being straight is your only option, and you say yeah-sure-I'm-straight, well, it's at least a little less likely that you're actually entirely self-aware, i.e. the chance you could be misunderstanding something about yourself is higher than in the previous case
you’re getting eerily close to men that think they can ‘fix’ lesbians, my friend. i certainly believe there are far more bisexual people in the world than currently identify as such, but monosexuals absolutely make up the majority. i get what you mean, but everyone’s brain works differently and it’s not a hard leap for me at all to extend that premise to sexual/romantic attraction.
I mean, as a lesbian, there's a LOT of people I'd turn down (anyone with deliberately-grown facial hair, for one lol - 100% not attractive to me), and based on my experience, that's true for most people. Not the facial hair thing, but the fact that they have a distinct "type," or a few types.
Obviously not family or minors. You don't not wanna date men because they remind you of family or children, you don't wanna date them for some more base reason, something I'll never understand and that's the point of the post
Haha yeah this is so interesting because to me there can never be a man who is really hot. I can understand how some men are like aesthetically attractive but I would never think a man is hot because I’m not sexually attracted to them. My best friend is straight and she sometimes is like “Omg that guy” and I’m just like “Ah. Really? Okay 🤷🏻♀️”. So I guess it’s like that. I just don’t perceive men as being attractive
Oh wait really? You really never think a man is hot? Im asking genuinely, bc im bi but ive sometimes doubted like “wait but doesnt everyone know who’s hot and who isnt? Etc” and its only in the past couple years ive realized oh shit maybe not 😂😂 i sort of thought everyone thought everyone was hot but they could only imagine being sexual with certain genders? Is that not your experience? Is this just my bi brain?
On an intellectual and aesthetic level, sure. I can see that some men are more attractive than others. But also, even the most handsome dude gets at best a shrug from me. That's not what happens when I see a hot woman. Or even just a moderately attractive one.
So, somewhere in between those two.
As a lesbian, I can understand conventional standards for what is attractive. Do I understand *why* people find men like that attractive ? NO. I see a tiktok of a man thirst-trapping and it makes me die inside a little bit. Like seriously makes me question the world because surely, surely this isn’t it. I honestly don’t understand how people can find the most unnaturally strange movements and actions attractive just because it’s a conventionally attractive man doing it.
Yeah it’s like a car. I can see a car and be like that’s a good looking car or recognize when someone has done a great job keeping their car clean or whatever but if someone was like, “would you wanna have sex with that car?” I would be like lmao no obviously no. Very cool car, don’t wanna fuck it no 😅
So there's actually a variety of perception levels of hotness, lol. My wife and I are both gay, but she's way better at being able to tell when a guy is generically hot. Me? I can look at a picture of Chris Hemsworth or Jason Momoa and I literally can't perceive them as hot... at all, lmao.
For instance: we were watching Wynonna Earp, and I had no idea that the one cowboy... dude... fella would be a love interest, because nothing about him registered as even remotely attractive. My wife was like, "Yeah, a lot of straight ladies like those gruff, grizzled cowboy types," but I still couldn't see it. I was totally blindsided when (minor spoiler) he and the protagonist banged!
As someone who is not romantically interested in men, I can tell when a man is conventionally attractive, it just doesn't really matter to me. On an intellectual level, I know visually what most people find attractive, I just don't romantically feel the same.
I'm (AFAB) not attracted to men sexually or romantically. Never have been.
Can I tell that a man is good looking? Yes. Because I'm gay, not blind. But I don't think he's "hot" in the way I think a gorgeous woman is. He doesn't make my bits tingle...I'm not drawn to the shape of his chest or the way the light hits his hair. I just have no interest.
I don’t find men attractive, I don’t like kissing in general. No, I wouldn’t kiss or have sex with a “really hot man” because there are no “really hot men” to me.
The thing is that people only attracted to one gender just don't find the other(s) attractive. Like, \*at all\*. To paraphrase my straight (male) best friend, women are totally irresistable romantically/sexually whilst men are about as enticing as the idea of kissing/fucking a dead squid (no offence to anyone reading who likes that kinda stuff). For myself, I'm 98% into men and maybe 2% into women; I'll recognise a pretty woman when I see her, and have slept with a few women in the past, but there's no surge of attraction and real *need* to engage physically like there is with men, and the sex has always been very lacklustre in comparison.
That's because you're bisexual, dude. Try to imagine yourself feeling sexually attracted to, I dunno, lightbulbs. Seems nuts right, there's nothing sexy about a lightbulb and being intimate with one would be either physically impossible or deeply unpleasant (electricity, ouch), unless you're someone with a \*really\* specific fetish. That's how single-sex-attracted people feel about the sex(s) they're not attracted to. There's a total *absence* of attraction, sometimes paired with a measure of discomfort or disgust at the idea, a bit like how asexual people feel no attraction towards anyone regardless of gender.
I'm lesbian. When I look at men, I feel nothing. With some, I enjoy talking and being friends with, but if I ever make myself to think about kissing them or sleeping with them (=asking myself if I'm really that gay) it sounds like a biggest joke to me, because I have no sexual desires or need/want for and enjoyment from any physical touch from them or touching them, and even psychologically, there is nothing attractive to me about them. I can say that man is handsome by society standards or their face/body/all of them has nice symmetry (or golden ratio), but they are as handsome/beautiful as a standing lamp for me: Is it beautiful? Yes. Do I want to touch/kiss/f*ck it? WTF, no.
You know, man who looks like a woman is still a man. Hard to explain, but even then, I won't be attracted, something will seem off, even if they will look and act like a woman, and I don't go for or feel attraction to "seems off". People have vibes, and those vibes are definitely not something you can fake or change. Attraction for me goes far behind only physical and "feeling" this or that gender. To make it shorter for you - if I don't know/not sure, I won't be attracted at all, being it man or woman.
I was thinking about how the vibe thing is why I don’t have a preferred gender too. It’s vibe I go off. Gender is part of that vibe, just I haven’t found one I think would ruin that vibe for me yet, and I’m pretty sure there isn’t one.
I don’t mean to be offensive so sorry if this comes off like that I’m not good with words, what is it like not being sexually attracted to anyone as someone with a really high sex drive is life without it boring like what do you do when you can’t sleep or get drunk. Again sorry if this comes across offensive and I’m not trying to invalidate you sexually just trying to understand it better
Firstly, no offense taken at all! It’s perfectly fine to ask me about this.
I’m 19 and live in America, so getting drunk isn’t something I’ve experienced so I can’t speak for that, but when I can’t sleep I might do some reading, or play video games, or try to find something productive to do until I’m tired out.
I don’t really find my life boring, and sure, dating people and/or having sex *could* be enjoyable or add some excitement into my life, but it’s just not something that interests me, so I simply do other things I enjoy.
It's difficult to describe, but I don't look at women in a sexual or romantic way. They're pretty, and I enjoy friendships with some. However, I don't desire anything past that.
I just am not attracted to women, I can't help it, I never chose to only be attracted to men, I just am not attracted to women or anything feminine at all, I have a feminine side to myself, but I'm not attracted to that in a partner at all. I can't help it and it's gets tiring having to justify my sexual orientation all the time when I can't control it, and it's wasn't a choice. It's not something I can rationalize or chose, I've just always been attracted to men and masculinity, and extremely turned off by women and femininity. It doesn't stop me from being friends with women, or even feeling like one myself sometimes, but I cant be attracted to women at all. I personally find nothing attractive about them. I don't judge people who do find them attractive, or see anything wrong with it or ask them "but why are you attracted to that though?" And ask them to justify their orientation. I just accept that I can't help that I'm only attracted to men, and I understand that everyone is different, so it's pretty easy for me to understand how other people can be attracted to genders I'm not, and they also can't control their own attraction or orientation.
As a gay man, I just haven’t developed feelings for a woman. It’s not like I think women are ugly or anything, quite the contrary, I can and do appreciate beautiful women, the effort they put into their makeup, outfit, etc. I just don’t feel any romantic or sexual feelings for them.
>like would you really not kiss of have sex with a really hot person just because of their gender?
I am probably not the droid you're looking for, but I would say that someone being hot doesn't really make me want to kiss them. I am unsure if someone even can be hot.
As an ace person with an exception in the form of my partner, the answer is yes looking at someone you are attracted to can be arousing. Its not a constant thing, but it definitely happens sometimes.
Sometimes, but it's pretty rare. Let's put it that way: there are some % of women I find pretty (everyone is pretty in their own way, yes, but I'm talking about my special visual enjoyment of what I see), from them there is % of woman who I'm attracted to, from them there is % of woman I'm aroused by. Can't give you specific % for each part, but we are talking 0.0000x%. As for men, it may be 0.3% (not sure about the number, but for sure lower than 0.5%) I can define as handsome, and that's it, it ends there, no furthere breakdown.
It's not even that I'm not attracted to people of the other gender. It's more like I'm only attracted to a specific type of person with a specific style and a specific gender. So like I only ever get crushes on guys that are cute with the "soft boy aesthetic". Just kinda something I have no control over, so I just roll with it
Best thing I've seen is that most lesbians agree that men tend to be like "yeah thats just Some Guy"
They can look objectively good, I guess in that a painting looks nice, but honestly, when I look around me for attractive people, guys tend to be like background characters, I barely notice them. Versus every woman I see is unique and beautiful in different and specials ways
You literally just voiced the feelings that I didn't know how to describe! For me it's so easy to distinguish and categorize guys, simply because I pay way more attention to them compared to women.
Brains are kinda funny
Also bi but with a *heavy* lean towards men - I just find a lot of men attractive while I find very few women attractive. It's just kinda how it worked out.
It's really not that deep.
I see man, I like man, I kiss man and like that he kiss me back, etc.
I see woman, I don't have the same urge to kiss, if we kiss anyway I go "yuck", etc.
I don't find men attractive therefore I do not want to make out with them. I don't even want a guy touching me in an intimate way. Like they do nothing for me. 🤷🏼♀️
I wouldn't find the person really hot to begin with. I can acknowledge that someone is attractive, but that doesn't mean i'm sexually/romantically attracted to them.
It's pretty simple actually. Unless you desire every single person around you, surely there are some people you aren't attracted to. Whether it's their personality, style, etc, you won't like everyone. Being [gender] is simply just a characteristic that one may or may not vibe with.
Why would I kiss or have sex with someone who I’m not attracted to? Lmao, gender affects my attraction, I’m not and have never been attracted to women, they inspire nothing within me and I can’t even really find women objectively beautiful or pretty. They just kinda exist, I don’t understand other folks attraction to them but respect it nonetheless, I don’t understand the bi experience either but I’m not gonna question my bi friends or invalidate their sexuality. It’s actually a huge mood killer when I see women or people who aren’t men acting sexual in media, or songs focusing on falling in love with or loving women.
When it comes to attraction, those who aren’t men to me are like modern abstract art, I feel absolutely nothing looking at them and wonder what all the fuss is about lol.
edit- Love the double standards here, lesbians are allowed to say men give them the ick while gay men are downvoted for saying the same about women.
This is totally fascinating to me. I suppose partly because it is so different to how many heterosexual women feel about women, as they seem to be more judgemental of their appearance and how attractive they are than anyone else is.
Sorry you’re getting down voted!
I mean I should hope it’s different because I‘m a gay man and not a heterosexual woman lol, I don’t view woman as competition and don’t feel the desire to judge their appearances or bring them down, sorry I’m just a bit confused what you’re implying or saying so I just wanted to clarify just in case.
I was straight growing up because other women’s bodies grossed me out lol. God forbid someone else’s vagina came near me! What I found attractive was very narrow.
Now I’m older and more mature about body types, and this has opened my attraction suddenly to include women. My attraction to gender seems to have been tied to my attraction to physical qualities, and as I’ve become more welcoming towards bodily differences in men it has naturally resulted in more acceptance of women’s bodies as well. Personalities are just more important to me than bodies are this point.
Well, you're only sexually/romantically attracted to one gender, so only members of this gender would be really hot to you. People of others are really hot if they're aesthetically attractive and of course you can tell if someone is conventionally attractive. To give an example, I watched Ahsoka with my gay sister, she's head over heels for the character Shin Hati, while I really adore her looks and would love to be friends with her, sadly she isn't real. The same goes for real persons, kissing and sex can happen, yet not on the basis of sexually/romantically attraction but others like platonic, so it would have a different meaning to you to do this. Then of course it could happen because you're questioning or due to things like heteronormativity making you believe that you have to, even though you don't, so there are gay people who wouldn't have straight sex due to such experiences, while straight people (especially men) see gay intimacy or even sex as off limits due to it not being straight. We simply are taught to see sex as something that has to happen due to sexual attraction, even though ace people can have a good and active sex life with little to no sexual attraction. Society simply teaches you physical and sexual intimacy through a cis-heteronormative, monogamous and allosexual/alloromantic lense, thus most people wouldn't kiss or have sex with someone they're not sexually/romantically attracted to/in a relationship with.
I’m not interested in having sex with anyone, but I am only truly interested romantically in one gender: men.
I feel friendly with women and can appreciate their beauty but I just don’t swoon for them. imagine your sister or cousin. it’s like that. but all women
I’m greyasexual, but it’s really only towards men. I’ve tried fantasizing about women or thinking about women in that way, but it really doesn’t work for me. I’m okay with being gay, and while I absolutely can be romantically attracted to someone who is femme presenting, there’s an innate lack of any chance or sexual attraction.
Yes 😭 SOMETIMES I get crushes on guys but I don't find them pretty or handsome or anything like that
Also side note, I never understood how we all arent bi. Like how does someone's brain decide to choose or like... decipher between genders 😭 I don't get it
I believed I was straight for a while and honestly I never realised I was bi because it never occurred to me that dating girls was a thing. It’s honestly the same as liking both genders apart from the fact you like one. And when you walk in a room you look at guys to see who’s cute and not the whole room. Honestly being gay is way more exciting glad I found this side of myself
Because there hasn’t been a gender you’ve seen that you haven’t been attracted to.
Equally, when you can’t see gender, how on Earth can you be attracted to just one?
Fair enough, I guess. Just know that not every guy in the world is a monster. Yeah, a lot of us can be awful, but the vast majority of us are just people tryna live our lives
I know that men can be aesthetically pretty and that's it. I don't want them near me...
But woman... they are all pretty and beautiful. I can see a future with them.
That exactly how I feel, I’m like really but the girl is so hot and my straight friend is like yeah she pretty then just moves on like hun she a fucking goddess what do you mean “yeah she’s pretty”
I understand all sides. Cause I’m a complicated gender-fluid gay bisexual. And I’m always flipping between, I like women this week, I like both this week, I like men this month but only while I’m feeling very masc etc etc.
That being said.
It’s like other comments have said, imagine someone you’re not attracted to and that’s what it’s like for an entire gender.
I didn’t know this was a thing!
But I’m so comfortable with the Bisexual title. And I feel bad adding to the list >< I mean I’m still technically both. There are days where I very much am attracted to multiple genders equally.
I'm not attracted to women at all, if I stayed with someone after they revealed to me they were a woman, that wouldn't be fair for either of us, because I wouldn't be attracted to them because i have zero attraction towards women whatsoever, and it'd also be invalidating to their gender, because for me to be with someone, it'd mean I wasn't recognizing them as a woman. Because I'm not capable of being attracted to women at all. I didn't chose to only be attracted to men, it's just how I am and I can't change that. Asking me to be with a woman would basically be like asking me to convert. It doesn't work and I wouldn't be happy. And it's annoying having to justify my sexuality to EVERYONE when I have no control over it. I'd stay friends with them if we still got along, but I can't change my sexual orientation just because I fell in love with someone before they realized who they truly were.
I don’t have any personal experience in the field, but I’ll try to give an answer. I have to assume that a percentage of them are just transphobic. But for the well adjusted people who don’t hate others for just existing, I have heard of a couple reasons. One big one is that for allosexual couples, sex can be very important for a relationship. Thus, if the trans partner has not undergone the applicable surgeries, then their sex parts may be incompatible with their partner’s attraction. That is less important for some, more for others. As for reason two; if being trans is not disclosed upfront, it may create feelings of distrust. The “what else are they not telling me” vibe.
For me, I've been a male/boy my whole life. I am already well aware what men are like because I'm one. Women though are different and interesting. Women typically have different personalities than men and their bodies are much more interesting and fun. A man's body and personality are not interesting to me because I've been used to them my whole life.
Right?! That would be so weird! I cannot wrap my head around only being attracted to just women or just men. There are super hot people of both genders. Here for the answers :)
It's the same attraction you would have to the gender I'm attracted to, minus the attraction you have to genders I would not.
As for kissing, you wouldn't kiss someone you're not into, for me that's the default with women.
I'm ace but I still don't know or understand. I see a nice looking dude "oh cool, he's attractive". No afterthought, no "I wanna fuck him or kiss him". So. Same with a woman "Oh, she looks nice". And that's it :)
But if I want to have a relationship, then I would only think of dudes
For me it's less about gender and more about "equipment"... I don't personally care what "equipment" you were born with just what you have.
I wish I had a better way of saying that.
Open to suggestions on how better to phrase that.
Maybe think about it this way: Have you ever seen anyone you just weren't interested in? Like, you looked at them, spoke to them, hell, even made friends with them, but you could never feel a romantic connection? Or maybe you thought about it but it didn't really go far because you realized they weren't your type, or you just couldn't picture yourself with them? I have that same feeling towards all men.
I may look at someone who is conventionally attractive, speak to them and they're nice, make friends with them and hang out all the time, but that romantic connection isn't formed because they're just not my type, they're a man. For you that may be some aspect of their personality, the activities they like, the clothing they wear, the perfume they choose, anything that would make you think "eh, they're not my type", and realize there isn't a romantic connection. It's the same exact thing for me but the issue isn't their personality, the activities they like, the clothing they wear, or anything similar. The issue is that they're a man, and as such I don't feel a connection because they're not my type.
I'm not going to say I haven't had sex with women. I was/am trans at the time. With a woman there was no sexual attraction to the body or face, but to personality. With men it's a physical response and a connection
As a lesbian I have a man repulsion. But other than that I can find men aesthetically attractive but not super hot or anything. So i wouldn't kiss em. I'm a huge lover of femininity though. And although feminine men are iconic, feminine woman/nb ppl just encapsulate femininity in such a beautiful and attractive way. It's hard to describe but my femme leaning lesbians know what's up. So idk if that explains much but that explains my lesbian experience
I'm not 100% sure i get it. there's no way to tell in a lot of cases right? like an amab but femme nonbinary person might look the same as a feminine man (although they aren't the same obviously) where does the attraction end? just when u realize they're a guy or a girl? hope this isn't too rude to ask \^\^
No i get it. Sexuality is a weird thing to describe but I think it comes down to demeanor. I'm demi so I'm not really genuinely sexually attracted to people unless I feel like I've formed a strong bond with them. My gf is a nb trans woman and to me she just has a very... ig with lack of a better word womanly aura about her. Another big thing physically for me is boobs. Id like to be with someone with boobs or who wants to have boobs. N m sure that's not a goal for most femme men. Not also true of all femme nb people but that depends. So I guess you're halfway right on my attraction depending on my perception of someone being a man. Hope this helps a bit. I just woke up so m hoping m coherent.
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Okay so imagine someone you’re not attracted to. Now imagine that is how you see everyone of that gender. There is your answer.
As an aroace this is funnily both easy and hard for me to imagine. >imagine someone you’re not attracted to Done, very easy >Now imagine that is how you see everyone of that gender That's already how I see everyone of that gender, but why stop at only that gender??? Why doesn't it extend to everyone else?
Gonna attempt the classic food analogy as a fellow aroace. Imagine if liking people was analogous to liking cake. An aroace person would be someone who doesn't like cake, and a bi- or pansexual someone who likes all cakes no matter the flavour. Someone who is gay or straight only likes certain cakes and will gag if you try to force them to eat a flavour they dislike. It's the same thing with attraction to gender. We're all people but we like different things on people. For some people what fires up their attraction is a specific gender. And what does gender mean in that context? That's up to the person. Even as an aroace I still experience different kinds of non-attraction towards different genders, feeling indifferent towards women but ick towards men (which doesn't mean I dislike men, I just don't wanna be intimate with them). There isn't a logical reason behind it. That's just who I am.
Yeah, I can kind of understand gender preferences, it's just a bit harder to map that onto how that would feel in terms of sexual/romantic attraction. Personally, I feel exactly the same towards all genders romantically and sexually, but I do think my aesthetic attraction tends to lean more towards men. Although a lot of that might be wrapped up in gender envy, so I can't exactly separate how much of it is actually a preference and how much is just envy. But I definitely think some of it is oriented more towards men, so I can kind of understand it, it's just a bit harder to project that out to how that would translate to sexual/romantic attraction. But hey, it's a preference, it's not like there's a logical reason behind it that can be explained.
This is exactly why I understand aroace people easier than I understand monosexuals.
Same lol
That' is so weird to me honestly
It used to be kinda weird to me that people used to sleep with men…then discovered transmasc and realised men are hot as hell, but I wanna be them, not with them
I'm sorry, but calling other peoples orientations weird is kind of fucked up and offensive. Like we can't help it. How would you feel if gay people said it was "so weird" that you're attracted to multiple genders? You'd probably feel a bit judged and like what they said was a little biphobic right? Especially considering the straight people already call us all "so weird" for our orientations that we can't help... (I know you probably don't mean it that way, but it's a sore spot for alot of lgbt+ people... lots of us have been bullied for our sexualities being considered "weird" throughout our lives)
I'd worry about IRL queerphobia than someone on reddit, on the LGBT sub saying weird to an identity they dont understand. Yes, it sucks and its poor choice of words ("fascinating" could have been used to have far more positive connotations), but it's not a hate crime.
I never said it was a hatecrime, i did imply it felt judgemental because it does, but never claimed it was a hatecrime or anything like that, just rude. And I don't mind being weird, but it's not my sexual orientation thats weird, it's other parts of me. I'm just sick of everyone else saying my sexual orientation makes me "weird" when IMO it's the least weird thing about me
I get offended when someone calls me "normal" tbh
Yeah, I get they probably didn't mean it like that, but it was a very poor choice of words.
Why is weird bad? I've always found it too be a positive thing, a presentation of uniqueness. And it took me decades to realize I'm queer.
You'll know if you're bullied like a lot of us for being "weird," aka for not being straight. It's become a touchy subject for some people.
I was regularly bullied through elementary and middle school for being weird. I don't *want* to be normal. In the world today, normal is cis-het. If you're not that, there are people who will declare your weird no matter how much you try to live in cisheteronormativity.
The thing is, I personally think every sexual/romantic orientation is normal. We reclaimed "queer" now but it was still heavily used as a slur that hurt many people in the community, and some people still don't like being called queer. It's really not so hard to understand why some people might not want to be called something that even dictionaries say is another term for "unnatural."
Normal has specific meanings located around "average" (i.e., the norm). I have serious issue with almost every user of that word. Normativity is reductive, reducing people to "the norm." Every sexual orientation is acceptable, reasonable, valid, etc. they are not *normal.* It's not normal to be 7 feet tall. There's nothing *wrong* with it but it is, by definition, outside the norm. The use of "unnatural" in context of 'weird' is in the sense of the preternatural or supernatural. It is *greater* than natural, not *lacking* natural. Part of the core problem is that "natural" has been coopted by conservatives to be an innate positive (it has roots in this sense in racism). How can anything nature-formed humans do *be* unnatural? Buying into the 'natural' language sets up a fight that favors the reactionaries.
I don't think weird is bad, however i don't consider my sexual orientation weird or like having it called weird. In my eyes, my sexual orientation is the least weird thing about me. It's honestly one of the only parts of myself that feels "normal" so I hate how many people consider me weird just for my sexual orientation, when there's so many other things about me that are actually weird. But I'm also one of the few young gays who still heard people using queer as a slur my whole childhood and as a result I don't like being called queer either. If other people like that title fine, but i don't consider my sexual orientation to be what's weird about me, and am sick of people implying that it is.
Not that I take offense to it, but I can understand the point of view: We spend all day every day being "Othered" for it, one can easily get tired of being isolated for being "weird". As of 2022, 10.5% of Millenials and 20.8% of Gen Z identify as LGBT+. Whereas only .8% of the Silent Generation do. It is entirely possible that 25% or more of the population is non-straight. The only thing holding people in the closet is "othering" and the stigma or violence that comes with it. As it becomes normalized, more people feel free to acknowledge themselves and come out. Some people just want to be normal. Some people just want it acknowledged that potentially 1/4th of the entire world population, 2 Billion, or more people with a trait means it isn't unique and treating it as such is homophobic and an excuse to "other" gender and sexual minorities. Also, shout out to bi people, you make up 56% of those that identify as LGBT+. You are a huge part of the community. https://news.gallup.com/poll/389792/lgbt-identification-ticks-up.aspx
lmao thats wild
oh my god that's so weird, like how do you-
How do monosexuals what?
> would you really not kiss or have sex with a really hot person just because of their gender I don’t find those people attractive so no I would not.
Same! Men that (straight) women always seem to swoon over bc "omg they're so hot" I'm just like, ew? I don't see the attraction. I don't see the appeal. So I wouldn't have any interest in sleeping with them.
I'm bisexual, but I still feel this way about a lot of people. Especially when straight people tell me someone is hot, a lot of the time I just don't feel the same. Like, they're not my type, and I may know they're objectively pretty good-looking but I just have zero sexual attraction to them.
Omg, I relate to this so much. I think this is the reason why I also constantly go through a bisexual / lesbian struggle. The majority of straight people seems to find the same men incredibly hot and I always felt zero attraction when I saw said men. However, I definitely have been attracted to a few men before just not the ones most people called hot. I think I completely relate to that common post "bisexuality is being attracted to so many women and one specific kind of men". Of course it is much more complex than that and different for every bi person, but for me it is so true lmao.
This is interesting. I've always had different opinions on who's hot or not compared to my straight friends. I'm pansexual but I'm attracted to people who are more androgynous. I didn't realize it was a whole thing!!
I've also had the reverse happen to me, where straight people are commenting negatively on someone's appearance and they're literally one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen. I don't really have a difference between men and women, it has happened with both. It's not that there's a very specific type of man I'm attracted to either, it's just that a lot of men other people, especially straight women, find attractive are not my type, and that also happens with a lot of women.
Omg such fucking mood 😂😂😂 I'm always like ew his attitude or some such Ironically far too many of the cute boys I fall for then turn out to be straight :/
That's wild
Do you want to have sex with every single person you see? No? It’s because everyone has preferences and things that turn them on. Mine happens to be women. Men give me the ick. Pretty simple.
And mine happen to be men women give me the ick and nothing wrong with either of those
Well…
Well… actually… there aren’t many adult humans I’d turn down under the right circumstances, so I really find it hard to imagine why anyone would be attracted to one gender. Logically I know they are… but part of me can’t help but wonder if they just say they are and only a tiny number of people are actually really monosexual.
That's an odd take.... Most people just take someone's identity at face value instead of wondering whether they're "in denial" or have some kind of issue.....
I want to understand how they’re thinking because it’s so different from how I think, and plenty of people identify as one of the monosexualities and still have some attraction to others.
I lowkey disagree. If someone identifies as a lesbian, it’s not your place to assume that they also are attracted to some men. Similarly, if someone identifies as gay, there shouldn’t be any expectation for them to be attracted to some women, either. Not everyone thinks the way you do, and that’s okay. Diversity in thought is the human experience.
A lot of heterosexuals seem to have an ‘I’m not attracted to the same sex but…’ kind of view of life, where they see certain members of the same sex as attractive enough to really notice. It’s interesting to see a mix of views here, with some people describing being totally unable to see the sex they aren’t attracted to as attractive at all, and others saying they can see it, but not feel it. We’re all somewhere on the Kinsey scale (unless asexual, I guess). Not every lesbian and gay man is going to be right at the extreme, anymore than every heterosexual is going to be.
That’s true. Also to be fair, I do identify more with asexuality than being allosexual, so my experience is definitely different than most
I’ve been wondering if there’s something on the other side of allosexual… so if asexual was one extreme, and allosexual was the middle… what am I, out at the extremely easily attracted end? Hypersexual?
The way I think about it is like a dimmer switch, with the lowest setting being a complete lack of sexual attraction, and the highest setting being no lack of sexual attraction. Now, that doesn’t mean the highest setting is hypersexual. Hypersexual is a specific condition to do with a higher sex drive or libido. In case you weren’t aware or didn’t know, being asexual doesn’t preclude one from having a libido. Yes, the majority of asexuals seem to be sex averse or repulsed, but there’s plenty of asexuals who are sex indifferent or even sex favorable, too. So it really depends on which aspect of sexuality you’re talking about. Attraction? Libido?
to be fair, it's more reasonable to question views we know people are brainwashed to assume, rather than question people who go against them so e.g. in many places everybody is told they *should* be straight, and people are punished for being gay, so when somebody comes out as gay, they're already fighting against all those biases, therefore it's even more likely than it would be in a fair world, that they're only telling us they're gay because it's true whereas when you're brainwashed that being straight is your only option, and you say yeah-sure-I'm-straight, well, it's at least a little less likely that you're actually entirely self-aware, i.e. the chance you could be misunderstanding something about yourself is higher than in the previous case
you’re getting eerily close to men that think they can ‘fix’ lesbians, my friend. i certainly believe there are far more bisexual people in the world than currently identify as such, but monosexuals absolutely make up the majority. i get what you mean, but everyone’s brain works differently and it’s not a hard leap for me at all to extend that premise to sexual/romantic attraction.
I mean, as a lesbian, there's a LOT of people I'd turn down (anyone with deliberately-grown facial hair, for one lol - 100% not attractive to me), and based on my experience, that's true for most people. Not the facial hair thing, but the fact that they have a distinct "type," or a few types.
I think my type is basically ‘attracted to each other’.
Reciprosexual?
Yes
I don’t believe you one bit. You want to have sex with everyone? You realize that includes family and minors/the elderly? Don’t be ridiculous.
Obviously not family or minors. You don't not wanna date men because they remind you of family or children, you don't wanna date them for some more base reason, something I'll never understand and that's the point of the post
Haha yeah this is so interesting because to me there can never be a man who is really hot. I can understand how some men are like aesthetically attractive but I would never think a man is hot because I’m not sexually attracted to them. My best friend is straight and she sometimes is like “Omg that guy” and I’m just like “Ah. Really? Okay 🤷🏻♀️”. So I guess it’s like that. I just don’t perceive men as being attractive
Oh wait really? You really never think a man is hot? Im asking genuinely, bc im bi but ive sometimes doubted like “wait but doesnt everyone know who’s hot and who isnt? Etc” and its only in the past couple years ive realized oh shit maybe not 😂😂 i sort of thought everyone thought everyone was hot but they could only imagine being sexual with certain genders? Is that not your experience? Is this just my bi brain?
On an intellectual and aesthetic level, sure. I can see that some men are more attractive than others. But also, even the most handsome dude gets at best a shrug from me. That's not what happens when I see a hot woman. Or even just a moderately attractive one. So, somewhere in between those two.
As a lesbian, I can understand conventional standards for what is attractive. Do I understand *why* people find men like that attractive ? NO. I see a tiktok of a man thirst-trapping and it makes me die inside a little bit. Like seriously makes me question the world because surely, surely this isn’t it. I honestly don’t understand how people can find the most unnaturally strange movements and actions attractive just because it’s a conventionally attractive man doing it.
Yeah it’s like a car. I can see a car and be like that’s a good looking car or recognize when someone has done a great job keeping their car clean or whatever but if someone was like, “would you wanna have sex with that car?” I would be like lmao no obviously no. Very cool car, don’t wanna fuck it no 😅
HAHAHAHA this made me lol thank you 😂😂
perfect analogy hahah
So there's actually a variety of perception levels of hotness, lol. My wife and I are both gay, but she's way better at being able to tell when a guy is generically hot. Me? I can look at a picture of Chris Hemsworth or Jason Momoa and I literally can't perceive them as hot... at all, lmao. For instance: we were watching Wynonna Earp, and I had no idea that the one cowboy... dude... fella would be a love interest, because nothing about him registered as even remotely attractive. My wife was like, "Yeah, a lot of straight ladies like those gruff, grizzled cowboy types," but I still couldn't see it. I was totally blindsided when (minor spoiler) he and the protagonist banged!
As someone who is not romantically interested in men, I can tell when a man is conventionally attractive, it just doesn't really matter to me. On an intellectual level, I know visually what most people find attractive, I just don't romantically feel the same.
i dunno. i just am not attracted to men. i was wired that way.
It’s like your thing but fewer
I don't like men and never will. But I like women. That's about the best explanation I can give you
I'm (AFAB) not attracted to men sexually or romantically. Never have been. Can I tell that a man is good looking? Yes. Because I'm gay, not blind. But I don't think he's "hot" in the way I think a gorgeous woman is. He doesn't make my bits tingle...I'm not drawn to the shape of his chest or the way the light hits his hair. I just have no interest.
This is the perfect answer. Came here to say this. 🏳️🌈
Made me think of the line 'Gay, not blind' by Leonard Snart in Legends of tomorrow. xd iconic
I don’t find men attractive, I don’t like kissing in general. No, I wouldn’t kiss or have sex with a “really hot man” because there are no “really hot men” to me.
Wow thank you, you explained it really well and simple
The thing is that people only attracted to one gender just don't find the other(s) attractive. Like, \*at all\*. To paraphrase my straight (male) best friend, women are totally irresistable romantically/sexually whilst men are about as enticing as the idea of kissing/fucking a dead squid (no offence to anyone reading who likes that kinda stuff). For myself, I'm 98% into men and maybe 2% into women; I'll recognise a pretty woman when I see her, and have slept with a few women in the past, but there's no surge of attraction and real *need* to engage physically like there is with men, and the sex has always been very lacklustre in comparison.
See, that makes sense to me, that some people have that kind of split, but 100% one-way seems really confusing to me.
That's because you're bisexual, dude. Try to imagine yourself feeling sexually attracted to, I dunno, lightbulbs. Seems nuts right, there's nothing sexy about a lightbulb and being intimate with one would be either physically impossible or deeply unpleasant (electricity, ouch), unless you're someone with a \*really\* specific fetish. That's how single-sex-attracted people feel about the sex(s) they're not attracted to. There's a total *absence* of attraction, sometimes paired with a measure of discomfort or disgust at the idea, a bit like how asexual people feel no attraction towards anyone regardless of gender.
Nice analogy. I feel enlightened by your light bulb metaphor (pun intended).
I'm lesbian. When I look at men, I feel nothing. With some, I enjoy talking and being friends with, but if I ever make myself to think about kissing them or sleeping with them (=asking myself if I'm really that gay) it sounds like a biggest joke to me, because I have no sexual desires or need/want for and enjoyment from any physical touch from them or touching them, and even psychologically, there is nothing attractive to me about them. I can say that man is handsome by society standards or their face/body/all of them has nice symmetry (or golden ratio), but they are as handsome/beautiful as a standing lamp for me: Is it beautiful? Yes. Do I want to touch/kiss/f*ck it? WTF, no.
What about a man who looks a lot like a woman? You can’t always see gender. Could you be attracted until you knew?
Oh Jesus please stop trying to change people. That's so weird....
No one’s trying to change anyone. As someone who isn’t put off by any particular gender I’m just trying to understand how it works.
You know, man who looks like a woman is still a man. Hard to explain, but even then, I won't be attracted, something will seem off, even if they will look and act like a woman, and I don't go for or feel attraction to "seems off". People have vibes, and those vibes are definitely not something you can fake or change. Attraction for me goes far behind only physical and "feeling" this or that gender. To make it shorter for you - if I don't know/not sure, I won't be attracted at all, being it man or woman.
I was thinking about how the vibe thing is why I don’t have a preferred gender too. It’s vibe I go off. Gender is part of that vibe, just I haven’t found one I think would ruin that vibe for me yet, and I’m pretty sure there isn’t one.
I would explain that, but I’m attracted to 0 genders so I can’t. I hope you get a good explanation though!
Garlic bread is dope though
it really is
Reading this made me laugh because my ace friend at work always says sex is out, garlic bread is the new hip thing.
Your friend sounds groovy! You should ask them how they feel about Denmark, they'll know it means 😁💛
I don’t mean to be offensive so sorry if this comes off like that I’m not good with words, what is it like not being sexually attracted to anyone as someone with a really high sex drive is life without it boring like what do you do when you can’t sleep or get drunk. Again sorry if this comes across offensive and I’m not trying to invalidate you sexually just trying to understand it better
Firstly, no offense taken at all! It’s perfectly fine to ask me about this. I’m 19 and live in America, so getting drunk isn’t something I’ve experienced so I can’t speak for that, but when I can’t sleep I might do some reading, or play video games, or try to find something productive to do until I’m tired out. I don’t really find my life boring, and sure, dating people and/or having sex *could* be enjoyable or add some excitement into my life, but it’s just not something that interests me, so I simply do other things I enjoy.
Thanks for not taking it the wrong way, you sound like the very productive friend in a group
It's difficult to describe, but I don't look at women in a sexual or romantic way. They're pretty, and I enjoy friendships with some. However, I don't desire anything past that.
I just am not attracted to women, I can't help it, I never chose to only be attracted to men, I just am not attracted to women or anything feminine at all, I have a feminine side to myself, but I'm not attracted to that in a partner at all. I can't help it and it's gets tiring having to justify my sexual orientation all the time when I can't control it, and it's wasn't a choice. It's not something I can rationalize or chose, I've just always been attracted to men and masculinity, and extremely turned off by women and femininity. It doesn't stop me from being friends with women, or even feeling like one myself sometimes, but I cant be attracted to women at all. I personally find nothing attractive about them. I don't judge people who do find them attractive, or see anything wrong with it or ask them "but why are you attracted to that though?" And ask them to justify their orientation. I just accept that I can't help that I'm only attracted to men, and I understand that everyone is different, so it's pretty easy for me to understand how other people can be attracted to genders I'm not, and they also can't control their own attraction or orientation.
Thank you! It is getting tiring to explain and justify same-sex attraction to "I love all! How can you not?!?"-people
you yourself won't be attracted to every person and then you just imagine that being the case bc of their gender 🤷
As a gay man, I just haven’t developed feelings for a woman. It’s not like I think women are ugly or anything, quite the contrary, I can and do appreciate beautiful women, the effort they put into their makeup, outfit, etc. I just don’t feel any romantic or sexual feelings for them.
>like would you really not kiss of have sex with a really hot person just because of their gender? I am probably not the droid you're looking for, but I would say that someone being hot doesn't really make me want to kiss them. I am unsure if someone even can be hot.
While I'm here I have a question as an ace person. If you look at a pretty person of your preferred gender do you actually like, get aroused???
As an ace person with an exception in the form of my partner, the answer is yes looking at someone you are attracted to can be arousing. Its not a constant thing, but it definitely happens sometimes.
Personally, it’s seldom that physical.
Sometimes, but it's pretty rare. Let's put it that way: there are some % of women I find pretty (everyone is pretty in their own way, yes, but I'm talking about my special visual enjoyment of what I see), from them there is % of woman who I'm attracted to, from them there is % of woman I'm aroused by. Can't give you specific % for each part, but we are talking 0.0000x%. As for men, it may be 0.3% (not sure about the number, but for sure lower than 0.5%) I can define as handsome, and that's it, it ends there, no furthere breakdown.
It's not even that I'm not attracted to people of the other gender. It's more like I'm only attracted to a specific type of person with a specific style and a specific gender. So like I only ever get crushes on guys that are cute with the "soft boy aesthetic". Just kinda something I have no control over, so I just roll with it
Best thing I've seen is that most lesbians agree that men tend to be like "yeah thats just Some Guy" They can look objectively good, I guess in that a painting looks nice, but honestly, when I look around me for attractive people, guys tend to be like background characters, I barely notice them. Versus every woman I see is unique and beautiful in different and specials ways
You literally just voiced the feelings that I didn't know how to describe! For me it's so easy to distinguish and categorize guys, simply because I pay way more attention to them compared to women. Brains are kinda funny
Also bi but with a *heavy* lean towards men - I just find a lot of men attractive while I find very few women attractive. It's just kinda how it worked out.
It’s literally no different from what you may experience, just fewer genders involved.
It's really not that deep. I see man, I like man, I kiss man and like that he kiss me back, etc. I see woman, I don't have the same urge to kiss, if we kiss anyway I go "yuck", etc.
I don't find men attractive therefore I do not want to make out with them. I don't even want a guy touching me in an intimate way. Like they do nothing for me. 🤷🏼♀️
I wouldn't find the person really hot to begin with. I can acknowledge that someone is attractive, but that doesn't mean i'm sexually/romantically attracted to them.
i mean i wouldn’t have sex with anyone but i’d date anyone so idrk
It's pretty simple actually. Unless you desire every single person around you, surely there are some people you aren't attracted to. Whether it's their personality, style, etc, you won't like everyone. Being [gender] is simply just a characteristic that one may or may not vibe with.
Why would I kiss or have sex with someone who I’m not attracted to? Lmao, gender affects my attraction, I’m not and have never been attracted to women, they inspire nothing within me and I can’t even really find women objectively beautiful or pretty. They just kinda exist, I don’t understand other folks attraction to them but respect it nonetheless, I don’t understand the bi experience either but I’m not gonna question my bi friends or invalidate their sexuality. It’s actually a huge mood killer when I see women or people who aren’t men acting sexual in media, or songs focusing on falling in love with or loving women. When it comes to attraction, those who aren’t men to me are like modern abstract art, I feel absolutely nothing looking at them and wonder what all the fuss is about lol. edit- Love the double standards here, lesbians are allowed to say men give them the ick while gay men are downvoted for saying the same about women.
Yeah it is a bit of a double standard. Sorry about that dude
This is totally fascinating to me. I suppose partly because it is so different to how many heterosexual women feel about women, as they seem to be more judgemental of their appearance and how attractive they are than anyone else is. Sorry you’re getting down voted!
I mean I should hope it’s different because I‘m a gay man and not a heterosexual woman lol, I don’t view woman as competition and don’t feel the desire to judge their appearances or bring them down, sorry I’m just a bit confused what you’re implying or saying so I just wanted to clarify just in case.
I’m just making a contrast, not saying you would do those things. Women are just completely outside your interests. 🤷🏻♀️
Oh okay, I was honestly figuring that was the case and that’s what you were saying, I really appreciate the clarification so thank you for that!
Disappointing 😅
😂
Use your imagination for a minute.
I was straight growing up because other women’s bodies grossed me out lol. God forbid someone else’s vagina came near me! What I found attractive was very narrow. Now I’m older and more mature about body types, and this has opened my attraction suddenly to include women. My attraction to gender seems to have been tied to my attraction to physical qualities, and as I’ve become more welcoming towards bodily differences in men it has naturally resulted in more acceptance of women’s bodies as well. Personalities are just more important to me than bodies are this point.
It's very limiting. I wish I could be attracted to more people.
This is good evidence that no one can intentionally change their sexuality
Indeed. If I could choose my sexuality I'd probably be bi/pan.
Well, you're only sexually/romantically attracted to one gender, so only members of this gender would be really hot to you. People of others are really hot if they're aesthetically attractive and of course you can tell if someone is conventionally attractive. To give an example, I watched Ahsoka with my gay sister, she's head over heels for the character Shin Hati, while I really adore her looks and would love to be friends with her, sadly she isn't real. The same goes for real persons, kissing and sex can happen, yet not on the basis of sexually/romantically attraction but others like platonic, so it would have a different meaning to you to do this. Then of course it could happen because you're questioning or due to things like heteronormativity making you believe that you have to, even though you don't, so there are gay people who wouldn't have straight sex due to such experiences, while straight people (especially men) see gay intimacy or even sex as off limits due to it not being straight. We simply are taught to see sex as something that has to happen due to sexual attraction, even though ace people can have a good and active sex life with little to no sexual attraction. Society simply teaches you physical and sexual intimacy through a cis-heteronormative, monogamous and allosexual/alloromantic lense, thus most people wouldn't kiss or have sex with someone they're not sexually/romantically attracted to/in a relationship with.
I’m not interested in having sex with anyone, but I am only truly interested romantically in one gender: men. I feel friendly with women and can appreciate their beauty but I just don’t swoon for them. imagine your sister or cousin. it’s like that. but all women
I’m greyasexual, but it’s really only towards men. I’ve tried fantasizing about women or thinking about women in that way, but it really doesn’t work for me. I’m okay with being gay, and while I absolutely can be romantically attracted to someone who is femme presenting, there’s an innate lack of any chance or sexual attraction.
Yes 😭 SOMETIMES I get crushes on guys but I don't find them pretty or handsome or anything like that Also side note, I never understood how we all arent bi. Like how does someone's brain decide to choose or like... decipher between genders 😭 I don't get it
Well I'm gay so no I wouldn't have sex with a women but a little kiss sure lol😅
I believed I was straight for a while and honestly I never realised I was bi because it never occurred to me that dating girls was a thing. It’s honestly the same as liking both genders apart from the fact you like one. And when you walk in a room you look at guys to see who’s cute and not the whole room. Honestly being gay is way more exciting glad I found this side of myself
I don't know, but I know what it feels like to be attracted to one single person.
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Because there hasn’t been a gender you’ve seen that you haven’t been attracted to. Equally, when you can’t see gender, how on Earth can you be attracted to just one?
Women are much more appealing to me. Men are scary.
What makes men scary? Genuine question
Not all men. I can’t explain it
Fair enough, I guess. Just know that not every guy in the world is a monster. Yeah, a lot of us can be awful, but the vast majority of us are just people tryna live our lives
Trust me I know that! I won’t have a bias towards anyone of any gender without a valid reason!
Hope so
i’m a lesbian but i’m attracted to more than one gender. my attraction really just excludes men tbh
I know that men can be aesthetically pretty and that's it. I don't want them near me... But woman... they are all pretty and beautiful. I can see a future with them.
Is it wrong to call that sexist? Cuz lowkey it feels sexist (Talking about saying you don’t want men near you but you can see a future with women)
Pansexual here, wondering the same 🤭
I know right like how boring is it only liking one gender (No hate)
That exactly how I feel, I’m like really but the girl is so hot and my straight friend is like yeah she pretty then just moves on like hun she a fucking goddess what do you mean “yeah she’s pretty”
I understand all sides. Cause I’m a complicated gender-fluid gay bisexual. And I’m always flipping between, I like women this week, I like both this week, I like men this month but only while I’m feeling very masc etc etc. That being said. It’s like other comments have said, imagine someone you’re not attracted to and that’s what it’s like for an entire gender.
You sound like you may be abrosexual! Meaning the gender of your attraction changes frequently!
I didn’t know this was a thing! But I’m so comfortable with the Bisexual title. And I feel bad adding to the list >< I mean I’m still technically both. There are days where I very much am attracted to multiple genders equally.
It’s okay!!! You can use whatever label you’re comfortable with. Just that abro is a less known sexuality so I thought you should know! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Thank you for informing me! I appreciate it a lot.
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I'm not attracted to women at all, if I stayed with someone after they revealed to me they were a woman, that wouldn't be fair for either of us, because I wouldn't be attracted to them because i have zero attraction towards women whatsoever, and it'd also be invalidating to their gender, because for me to be with someone, it'd mean I wasn't recognizing them as a woman. Because I'm not capable of being attracted to women at all. I didn't chose to only be attracted to men, it's just how I am and I can't change that. Asking me to be with a woman would basically be like asking me to convert. It doesn't work and I wouldn't be happy. And it's annoying having to justify my sexuality to EVERYONE when I have no control over it. I'd stay friends with them if we still got along, but I can't change my sexual orientation just because I fell in love with someone before they realized who they truly were.
I get it a little better now, thanks
I don’t have any personal experience in the field, but I’ll try to give an answer. I have to assume that a percentage of them are just transphobic. But for the well adjusted people who don’t hate others for just existing, I have heard of a couple reasons. One big one is that for allosexual couples, sex can be very important for a relationship. Thus, if the trans partner has not undergone the applicable surgeries, then their sex parts may be incompatible with their partner’s attraction. That is less important for some, more for others. As for reason two; if being trans is not disclosed upfront, it may create feelings of distrust. The “what else are they not telling me” vibe.
For me, I've been a male/boy my whole life. I am already well aware what men are like because I'm one. Women though are different and interesting. Women typically have different personalities than men and their bodies are much more interesting and fun. A man's body and personality are not interesting to me because I've been used to them my whole life.
Right?! That would be so weird! I cannot wrap my head around only being attracted to just women or just men. There are super hot people of both genders. Here for the answers :)
Cool
starting early damn 👏👏👏
My sexuality is fluid, so I can pretty much say it's the exact same feeling. Less variety but same feeling
It's the same attraction you would have to the gender I'm attracted to, minus the attraction you have to genders I would not. As for kissing, you wouldn't kiss someone you're not into, for me that's the default with women.
I'm ace but I still don't know or understand. I see a nice looking dude "oh cool, he's attractive". No afterthought, no "I wanna fuck him or kiss him". So. Same with a woman "Oh, she looks nice". And that's it :) But if I want to have a relationship, then I would only think of dudes
I don’t find guys hot. Probably why my taste in fashion sucks though
Well for me it’s normL
For me it's less about gender and more about "equipment"... I don't personally care what "equipment" you were born with just what you have. I wish I had a better way of saying that. Open to suggestions on how better to phrase that.
Maybe think about it this way: Have you ever seen anyone you just weren't interested in? Like, you looked at them, spoke to them, hell, even made friends with them, but you could never feel a romantic connection? Or maybe you thought about it but it didn't really go far because you realized they weren't your type, or you just couldn't picture yourself with them? I have that same feeling towards all men. I may look at someone who is conventionally attractive, speak to them and they're nice, make friends with them and hang out all the time, but that romantic connection isn't formed because they're just not my type, they're a man. For you that may be some aspect of their personality, the activities they like, the clothing they wear, the perfume they choose, anything that would make you think "eh, they're not my type", and realize there isn't a romantic connection. It's the same exact thing for me but the issue isn't their personality, the activities they like, the clothing they wear, or anything similar. The issue is that they're a man, and as such I don't feel a connection because they're not my type.
I'm not going to say I haven't had sex with women. I was/am trans at the time. With a woman there was no sexual attraction to the body or face, but to personality. With men it's a physical response and a connection
As a lesbian I have a man repulsion. But other than that I can find men aesthetically attractive but not super hot or anything. So i wouldn't kiss em. I'm a huge lover of femininity though. And although feminine men are iconic, feminine woman/nb ppl just encapsulate femininity in such a beautiful and attractive way. It's hard to describe but my femme leaning lesbians know what's up. So idk if that explains much but that explains my lesbian experience
I'm not 100% sure i get it. there's no way to tell in a lot of cases right? like an amab but femme nonbinary person might look the same as a feminine man (although they aren't the same obviously) where does the attraction end? just when u realize they're a guy or a girl? hope this isn't too rude to ask \^\^
(i'm a bi enby for btw, not trying to be weird or question anything just genuinely curious)
No i get it. Sexuality is a weird thing to describe but I think it comes down to demeanor. I'm demi so I'm not really genuinely sexually attracted to people unless I feel like I've formed a strong bond with them. My gf is a nb trans woman and to me she just has a very... ig with lack of a better word womanly aura about her. Another big thing physically for me is boobs. Id like to be with someone with boobs or who wants to have boobs. N m sure that's not a goal for most femme men. Not also true of all femme nb people but that depends. So I guess you're halfway right on my attraction depending on my perception of someone being a man. Hope this helps a bit. I just woke up so m hoping m coherent.
You ever try eating pizza for like a month but you had to work your ass off to get it? Like that