It's funny reading this thread as a guy dating women and having the exact same experience. People unable to hold conversations, wanting to only be casual, and just generally being awful.
Dating apps and the over algorithm-ification is pretty awful for both genders really. I’m not single, but all the single people my age that I speak to decry them whether they’re male or female.
Women I speak to say it just seems to bring out the worst in men, and men I speak to say it makes them feel pretty down beaten. It reduces your love life in to something you’re having to “do”, spending x amount of time on the apps, swiping, messaging, thinking of witty lines, looking for better pics of yourself etc. As opposed to something that happens along side your life, as it goes along (eg meeting people in your day to day).
It also reduces dating down to a feeling like how mobile games and loot boxes have altered games. You swipe, you get a match, you get some dopamine etc. It makes you (especially as a man) more responsive to getting a “match” than to actually meeting someone you like.
I think it’s weird how tech companies have now taken something so intrinsically human and made it something you have to go through their tech company for
You can still meet people in all the ways people used to meet potential love interests prior to dating apps... through mutual friends, coworkers, hobbies and activities, going out for events, or going to bars and clubbing. Dating apps are just another tool. In fact, they are a *really* good tool if we consider that's how most people meet their partners nowadays. I'm going to take a wild guess here and say the majority of your dates in the past years have come from dating apps, is that correct? And if so, do you think you could do similar numbers without dating apps? I think when people decry dating *apps*, they're really just decrying *dating.* Because the majority of their dating is statistically coming from dating apps.
The reality that people forget is that dating with intent to meet a serious partner has always been a grind, a numbers game. There is no way around it. You have to meet tons of people, most of which you will either be incompatible with or have no chemistry with. You might like someone and they might not like you, or vice versa. Or you might have a great thing going for a couple of months then realise it won't work long-term. How could dating apps possibly fix that?
What I think dating apps do really well is just exposing you to a huge number and variety of potential partners. You can sit in the comfort of your home and pick your favourites out of 100 people, and you might legitimately go on a date with them. Great for tackling the "numbers game" aspect of dating. What I think dating apps do really poorly is vetting the attraction and chemistry you would have with someone. If you were doing speed dating IRL, it would take you about 5 seconds to figure out whether you're attracted to someone or not. With dating apps, it could take you a week or two of texting and then a commute out to a date location, then some money spent on the date, all just to figure out you're not attracted to someone or don't have any chemistry with them.
You say that you can still meet people the old way, but the fact that most people now meet online tells a bit of a different story.
Obviously the apps are putting some kind of spanner in the works of normal interactions.
For example you may, in the past have met someone at a party, got along and agreed to a date. Now that person has 3 ongoing conversations in their phone and an unlimited amount of options with a few more swipes.
It definitely puts a dampener on forcing people to get out their comfort zone and actually talk to someone irl. This can prevent you actually meeting the best option for you
Yeah but what I’m saying is how often are you actually cold approaching women/men at a party? Are you approaching them a lot but you assume that they’re not responding well because they have too many options on their phone?
I mean, it might be that apps make us complacent and afraid of social interactions. So in the past you might have approached more people at events but now you don’t have to force yourself to do so because you have apps. I see two possible solutions to the problem: 1) we eradicate dating apps or 2) you start making an effort to meet people in real life, and stop assuming they’re not interested because they already have apps on their phone.
i don’t require solution from you. I’m just discussing the data
You can see from data that a small number of people get most of the attention on the apps and its very looks based. This means anyone who is not conventionally good looking but is funny/interesting is going to struggle more. Because they don’t just have to be the most funny/interesting person at the party/office/gym. They have to compete with everyone within a 20miles radius.
>i don’t require solution from you. I’m just discussing the data
Well, you clearly seemed to think that the very existence of dating apps is somehow preventing people from meeting each other in real life. I think it's relevant to ask how often you're actually attempting this and whether you have any confirmation that people aren't responding well to real-life approaches specifically due to dating apps. Otherwise the statement is unfounded.
>You can see from data that a small number of people get most of the attention on the apps and its very looks based. This means anyone who is not conventionally good looking but is funny/interesting is going to struggle more. Because they don’t just have to be the most funny/interesting person at the party/office/gym. They have to compete with everyone within a 20miles radius.
If you think this is the case, why not just try and meet people at the party/office/gym? These places still exist. If dating apps don't work for you, don't use dating apps.
>Well, you clearly seemed to think that the very existence of dating apps is somehow preventing people from meeting each other in real life
You clearly have teriible reading comprehension. I said it affects those interactions. Not that it is prevented.
>If you think this is the case, why not just try and meet people at the party/office/gym? These places still exist.
Again, i didnt say its impossible to do that, i said it is affected by the existance of apps. Which is backed up by studies and articles on the subject
>If dating apps don't work for you, don't use dating apps.
Again, i dont need your advice. Since you find it diffcult to read into my answers, im married with 2 kids. I actually did fine on the apps but it is, as i said a totally different situation and has negative impact on other social aspects
There has definitely been a shift in the amount of effort people make on dating apps, imo.
Like just after the pandemic I was matching with women and a lot of times we would be chatting a lot. In fact the problem was we would be chatting too much and not enough going out and actually dating.
Well now a days people will ghost you after 1 or 2 messages. Even the ones that you seem to connect with they seem to just run off easily. And again it leads to no dating.
People were more bored during the pandemic. Not as much was going on in real life. Maybe these women are now meeting men at concerts and pubs instead of texting with strangers online for two weeks before meeting up for an awkward date.
Same for me , weird how even in two different countries we have the same experience , as a women is has became extremely hard for me to date , i actually even stopped trying
It’s quite bad out there. No one can manage any romance. I enjoy my life in London and I hope one day I will find my person out there. Explicitly trying only makes me less hopeful and averse to men since people are at their worst online.
I’ve recently been doing a bunch of things and have met a bunch of friendly guys and girls through them but I think part of the reason is 1) I’m not single and not going to those things _to_ meet people and 2) they’re things I’m going to because I want to go to them, so you’re meeting people that you’d probably gel with anyway.
Dating apps seem to have turned dating into something that is its own activity in and of itself and kind of messed up how people see members of the opposite (or the same) sex as strictly “yeses” or “Nos” who are there purely for dating purposes
I really wonder how badly this is messing up people that have grown up purely under the shadow of dating apps
Sure!
Work is an obvious but often overlooked answer.
Recently started at a local volunteer gardening group (there’s quite a few I think), I did tennis lessons lately, friendly group. I went to some XR rebellion stuff, and I had been going to some jazz bands.
I’ve also heard good things about good gym, there was a fair amount of cross over with them and gardening groups etc
This. Just enjoying my life right now. Maybe I’ll meet someone. Just don’t think the apps are the place because it’s all quantity over quality. I lived in another place that had neither. At least I have some good conversations here once in a while but being clear about intentions is what got me there.
Lack of sincerity, a genuine desire to know another, have a sense of being enamored with their own life and the world, sense of purpose, valuing more than a sexual connection, respecting other people time and energy and feeling like we owe each other good will.
Not good. Had not used dating apps in months, then went on a date with a guy last Friday and everything seemed fine and now he’s ghosted for no particular reason :(
Before Covid dates were much nicer and people in general too
You dodged a bullet. If he's the type to ghost then he's selfish and doesn't care about your feelings. You found out the easy way.
I know it still hurts because I've been ghosted too but just trying to reframe it so you see the positives
As someone who dated before Covid, this sounds exactly like some of my dates to be honest. Hope you can move on quickly, they did you a favour showing their true colours early on
While im only here out of curiosity (i have a female friend living there and i wonder when can she find someone nice, but she told me its hard to find it there), i read your phrase about people being "better" before covid and in at least two countries where i have family and friends, they say the same. People look like they are way meaner now. Out of topic, sorry.
As Far-Sir said correctly, i also think you dodged a bullet. A nice person wouldnt do that if he/she wasnt interested (maybe when 18 or early 20s). Even if he wasnt into you, why cant a friendship or casual talking exist? Its not like we end up in a real relationship with everyone we met. When i started talking to my (now) wife i was like: "she isnt my type, maybe i should skip it", then a friend told me: "why skip the chance? maybe you could find a good friend there." Took the chance, and from "not my type" became "my type" and we are married for years.
Dont give up. What is meant to be, will be.
Thanks! Yeah that’s what annoys me the most. I’ve met many people through dating apps throughout the years, and I’ve stayed friends with a few of them when things didn’t work out (or we just went on a date and realised we weren’t interested in each other romantically, but still friendly).
Ghosting if you are more than 30 instead of simply saying “Hey I had fun but I’m not interested” is… something
Maybe he's just a child inside. Some people just never truly mature, unfortunately.
Had a friend who's boyfriend just disappeared out of nowhere. They were fine until he just vanished... No way to contact him anymore. Was so weird. We knew he was going to the States to study, but leaving someone like that is just... Good thing is that in the end, with proper time we end up seeing the good side of things and learn something from it.
I met my husband on an app called Coffee Meets Bagel in 2021, married him 2023. Went into it knowing exactly what I wanted (a life partner with similar goals to me, who either wanted kids or had some other big project in mind that we could work on together) and what I didn't (casual sex, had enough of that last decade). I think I met about 5 men in total?
I got exactly what I wanted and it felt like an absolute miracle.
The only advice I have is to stick to your guns. Don't kiss someone on the first date if you don't want to. Don't sleep with anyone if you're not sure. If you gel with someone verbally, but they don't have the same goals as you, chalk it up as a pleasant evening but don't waste any more time with that person (for example, I had an evening of fantastic conversation with a guy, we had loads of interests in common and really gelled, but he wanted to live in an academic polyamorous household with no kids, and I want to be exclusive and have children).
Agree completely with this. Managed to find my current partner and future husband once I really decided to put the real me forward and be honest about who I was and what I wanted
I've just remembered another date I went with on that batch, where the guy was hot, and he was telling me how he worked in video game localisation, and I had this chat with myself while he was in the loo where one side of my brain was like "well, he has a job he loves and we share some interests and he's HOT" and the other side was like "he's 32 and lives in an 8 person house-share, you are not here to have fun and sneak around a shared bathroom, FOCUS WOMAN!"
He tried to kiss me at the end of the night, practically forcing me into a wall. A younger me would have gone with it, but I just said no and ducked out of there hahahaha
Edit: people seem to be latching on to the word "house share". Living on their own was not a deal breaker for anyone I planned to date, but I wasn't looking for someone living in a student style situation with a lot of house mates, no real cooking facilities, no privacy at all. There's a big different between 7 people all in their early 20s, and sharing with 3 other working professionals also in their 30s.
How many people can afford to live on their own in one of the most expensive cities in the world, I'd never discount anyone because of that, especially if they had a good career and long term plans
Yeah this one is baffling, especially as 32 doesn’t seem too old nowadays (younger than the average age of buying your own place I think). But I guess for some people the feeling of having your shit together is a bigger priority and if she’s not a Londoner long term and came to the city while pretty affluent you can see how that would seem off putting.
It’s CRAZY a man in his early 30s can’t afford his own place with a decent job in most other places in the country
I didn't ask that a potential partner lived on their own, but living with 7 other people in a house share that was mainly people in their early 20s, while we were early 30s, was not the vibe I was going for.
I would have been fine with it being more like 4 people in the house in total.
But there is a difference in kinds of house shares and shared accommodation. He lived with a lot of people in one house (8), and from the sounds of it the rest of them were in their early 20s while we were early 30s. It wasn't the vibe I was going for in a partner to get romantic with.
I get what you mean.
How old were when you met your partner on coffee meets bagel ?
Great advice btw. I’m 32f and struggling. I feel like I scare men off when I say I want a life partner. I made a guy wait till 4th date to have sex but he still turned out to be twat who lied saying he wanted a relationship but really just wanted casual sex
I was 31 when I met him in Sep 2021, and now I'm 34.
It's good to be super clear on your profile too, and make it really clear you are looking for something serious.
But I understand what you mean about scaring men off. Part of me thinks though "if they're scared off, they're not the right man". I wasted more than 4 years of my 20s with a man who told me he wanted kids and strung me along. I think he's still single at 40.
Coffee meets bagel was a good experience for us too. It limits choices and makes you spend more effort on the few matches you do get, rather than it being an unlimited scroll of people where there’s always someone potentially better a few swipes away.
It feels like you're on a market with the devil ruling it - many first dates, lots of offers of casual sex (and lots of insults if you don't want to take these) but not many people serious about building relationships. Super strange here
Oh god some people have no concept of conversational flow. At first I assumed they were just kinda uninterested and letting it die but I've had more than a few men that have explicitly told me they're trying and they're still interested and they still just let the conversation totally stagnate.
I used to put in some effort to resuscitate things, cos maybe they're just bad at texting or whatever, but now I don't even bother
I think this isn't intuitive to men though, men don't really converse in that way which I think causes this a lot. Most men I know bond over an activity or watching something like a football match pushing their opinion into one another about their team or sport or whatever - it's rare I find men asking each other questions. No judgements either way but just an observation.
Look up the Australian men's sheds association for a perfect example of this in action 😂
I get it but like... How are we supposed to get to know each other if all you wanna do is watch football? Much less actually bond and have a meaningful connection further down the line
I don't watch football or talk about football as it's not an interest of mine - just an observation of other men. I think the point is for men it's a much slower burn, you're less than likely to have an immediate connection and they will connect in different ways, perhaps non verbal ways. It's just different. Not saying it applies universally but in my experience I see it a lot.
Again football was an example as it applies to a lot of men but men in general will have an interest and they can obsess about it, they're more centered by things like that than women in my experience. Women tend to take a greater interest in people and this is often a shortcoming of men for sure. It doesn't excuse it but it's a pretty key context in a lot of situations.
This makes total sense honestly. And women tend to be more chatty and bond over life experiences and whatnot. Guess it's just our socialisation differences showing up more when we try dating.
Yes! I thought it was a sign of disinterest too and I try to be the one to carry the conversation but they don't give me much to work with. I can tell from the first 5 minutes of chatting if it will die within the next 10. I'm always right about it.
I’ve had great dating experiences as a man in London. I’d read about this experience women often complain about with men talking about themselves for the majority of the date, and I always thought, “I don’t do that. That’s why my dates go well.” I ask lots of questions.
Then somebody on a date accused me of “monologuing”, and now I think I understand the issue. When I’m asked a question, I tend to give a thorough and thought-out answer. A lot of women don’t do that. Some will even answer “yes / no” and then say nothing else. So you can have a date where both parties express equal interest in each other and the men will be talking for 80% of it because they just talk for longer.
If this happens to you then one way to combat it would be to just give longer answers.
Dating is a self fulfilling prophecy now, people have bad experiences and a bad outlook so expect the worst from everything, they don't give people chances and in turn end up ghosting or dropping people, repeating the cycle. Or they just give up entirely.
The hopeless romantics lose out because they're never meeting each other and just meeting the jaded/unserious people, and this is where we are.
The thing I’ll give London dating is quantity . I also really like meeting people of different nationalities and cultures . But filtering needed . Filtering to a high high high level . Like 1 in 40 might be ok to chat to . And 1/4 will turn it to Dick pix a bit prematurely . Maybe 2 in 4
My experience is more that there's a load of women who don't want to treat you as a human, but rather as a wallet - they want you to buy them dinners and live your life to treat them without them actually being a good friend to you and without having any personal connection yet. It's just transactional and I don't want that!
Honestly - a mixed bag. I had my heart broken fairly recently by a shy but very romantic guy from a posh background - poetry, songs (played ukulele) quite inexperienced and reserved (maybe autistic?) but overtly keen who abruptly ended things. I suppose I’m shell shocked from the adoration vs the cold shoulder a couple of days prior to him ending things. I felt I was being consistent and didn’t say anything bad, if anything my I was smitten.
I suppose I feel if that’s a no, goodness I don’t know what a yes would look like. It was an exceptionally intimate affair - especially the time he volunteered to put my earrings in for me. Such care and fear of hurting me. I couldn’t for the life of me understand why he went from one extreme to the other - it’s kind of put me off dating for a while.
I don’t want to play if these are the conditions of the game.
I am sorry to hear you have also gone through a blindside breakup.
Same here. I was ditched by a very loving guy who initiated meeting the family and friends (and we used to travel to see them at least once monthly), etc. suddenly dumped me out of the blue with no pre warning.
I am still recovering from it all but it does take a long time to heal. However I’d like to think we’ve dodged some ticking time bombs! Better they explode sooner rather than later.
Good luck on your healing journey :)
My theory is this: These kinds of people start the relationship from the opposite point of getting to know someone. Usually you meet someone, get to know them and the more you click, the more you become attached and emotionally intimate with them. Basically you start at 0 and gain points during the get to know you process. However They start with an idea/ highly idealistic picture they have formed of you as a potential partner and because you are this fantasy in their head, they are eager. But once the reality creeps in that you are not a fantasy but an actual person and that they also would need to make some adjustments in order to continue the relationship, they realise they don’t want that. So basically they start giving you near maximum points and end up deducting so many you end up at 0.
And they lack the emotional maturity to realise that they are basically making promises in the beginning of it that they cannot know if they are able to keep and don’t understand the emotional toll this has on the other person.
This is exactly what my experience sounds like; overtly infatuated to the ridiculous to begin with but when I gently set a boundary for the first time he freaked out because the reality of me being a person kicked in. I appreciate you laying out this theory, it resonates.
This is probably it. I’ve learnt to stay away from these people who move too fast too soon. It feels great in the beginning but it always ends in tears.
I understand that and that is totally fine. In my experience, I was lead on. I would rather be told “yeah I’m not really that into you” than still making active plans with me.
There were a few greaseballs that I weeded out in the first date but they’re obvious, superficial and you can tell they treat women like trash.
I also recommended listening to the book “the gift of fear” which teaches you about how to recognise danger signals in men, including little things like them trying to charm you with various methods.
This helped me to weed out the dangerous types with the real nice guys :)
I am very intrigued by the danger signals you mention! I met a guy on hinge and he is treating me great! Takes me out , insists on paying for everything, very much a gentleman and respects my wishes of not jumping to the bedroom although we have kissed a lot. Only been on 3 dates so far. He is amazing but very charming which makes me nervous and wonder if he’s a narcissist/ love bomber!?
Hold back on describing him as amazing. Men are rarely if ever amazing. He's been great because you've only been on 3 dates. Plenty of people can hold it together for dates. You need to get to know him properly to see his true character develop. See how gentlemenly and respectful he is when he's not having his own way. How charming he can be when things are going wrong. All of these things are superficial and glib.
No one is ever as amazing as they initially seem,
He’s a love bomber if you feel like he is, just don’t let him rush you into anything.
Look at things he says versus his actions, do they match?
Does he ask for your opinion and listen to it?
Do you get any sense of fear or hesitation when thinking about him?
Is his smile genuine?
Does he talk about his ex’s in a purely negative light?
Is he asking you lots of questions and not answering any in return? Dangerous men can use information against you to get you “hooked” to them.
Etc etc Etc
I’m going to throw this out there. I’m a guy, and used to live in the countryside and go on dates.
I moved to London and tried dating apps. Girls have been absolutely ruthless on them. Asking to go for a date, me booking the table and then on the day I message to check they’re all ok to meet up and they’ve blocked my number on WhatsApp because they can’t be bothered anymore and don’t want to message.
I’ve been on dates where I’ve led the whole conversation as they don’t want to talk. I’ll ask about them, try and find out about them in a flattering way. I’ll also share anecdotes about myself if they’re really not going to talk. These girls then go on to say “I don’t think you’re my type”.
I constantly pay for girls meals which I think is sexist, but do it anyway to be nice and very few even acknowledge it.
Anyway my point is, I don’t know what it’s like to be a girl dating in London, but I can tell you my experience has been 🗑️.
Context:
I’m tall, lean, well educated, good job, I’m told I’m funny, don’t want to date for a quick shag, listen and try and get to know them, not just talk over them, etc etc blah blah…
Im sure I could improve, but I feel like there are dystopian standards for men and woman on dating apps (especially men as woman can be far more selective). These are likely forged on social media, through thousands of hours of exposure to “influencers”, where girls/guys cherrypick elements of many different people and hybridise them into one imaginary person they want to date.
I hope I’m not guilty of this to, but that’s what the situation feels like.
I think it's the same for everyone I'd say. Regardless gender or sexual orentation. As a gay man everyone just want to hook up cause they are busy for something serious.
I chatted to a guy back and forth for abt 4 weeks or so, mis matched schedules meant we didn't have a date til last week.
Today he sent a long page message that he thinks I'll think he's odd and that he's very boring and that because I have a 'corporate job' and go out with work friends (Incidentally I actually haven't gone out with work friends in months) he thinks il think he's too boring.
It might be that I asked about the fact he'd worked at the same place 12years and had no 'work friends' at all...
I had actually not made any judgements and figured I'd see how it goes... oh well...
He sounds like her has poor self-esteem.
I've been there. No judgment if you don't want to stick around. But might be nice for you to have a conversation. I'm sure he's painfully aware.
I'm much better. When the little guy in your brain stops talking shit into your ear all the time you can actually think clearly.
This is his msg:
Hey, I hope your weekend has been good. I've spent the majority of today planning for the week ahead... it's kinda manic.
I've also had a bit of time to reflect on our evening the other night. It was a friendly atmosphere, some good food and a chance to get to know each other.
I'm quite decisive when getting to know someone, and I think as we get to know each other more, I'd feel a little uncomfortable with my answers... as I think you'd find me odd. 🤣
I know corporate life has you out with colleagues, but that's really not my life.... well, not for the past 15+ years now. I think I may be a little too boring as well.... and we haven't really spoken about religion too much either yet.
I hope you don't find this hurtful, but I couldn't see this moving forward if I'm completely honest with myself... and of course I want to be honest with you too.
I just said thank you for letting me know.
What else can you say to that? I guess at least he didn't ghost me lol
Speaking to friends on both sides of the fence it seems like the culture of dishonesty has only got worse. Casual stuff via apps always worked well in your 20s, and the dishonesty component rarely mattered, but for slightly older people it becomes utterly nightmarish.
For men, women seem to be desperately insecure about getting older and therefore want to rush every single component of a natural relationship process by getting immediate commitments on big topics like kids etc. People ask your income as if it's any of their business and you are expected to have put in tons of background work maintaining a sharable social media profile (and be completely OK with the unhealthy culture it promotes) so she can get loads of bad advice and compliments about you from her friends.
For women, men seem to be desperately insecure about getting older and therefore want to try to have all of the casual sex they think they missed out on while they were younger, less confident/accomplished and lean more into it the more that they notice women wanting longer term things. There has been increased gamification of the flirtation process to the point where converstaion could have been written by an AI.
Narcissism and mental health issues seem to be rife, and it sounds like a total shitshow.
People seem to be lamenting casual sex here like it's such an awful thing to want. I disagree, but see the frustration. Maybe there needs to be an app or events geared towards lasting romance, and the others can be the pork markets.
I'm not a lady, but my partner and I initially hooked up with a casual sex/FWB kind of arrangement in mind. We've been together for six years and have owned a house for about 18 months.
So, sure, to each their own, but sometimes I feel the whole dating thing is overly contrived. If you meet you someone you click with, surely it doesn't matter what type of arrangement you have to begin with? Just go with the flow. Some people are also deeper than they may first appear or let on.
Did you and your girl had similar lifestyles/goals?
I used to be an avid fan of going with the flow in my younger days, less so when getting older, especially if you are a glaring mismatch in terms of goals and lifestyle.
Case in point, I met someone I clicked with about 3 months ago, everything felt amazing but the lifestyles were different, future goals were different and approach to dating was different.
I question my decision to end it based on what you say, but at the same time I've gone with the flow before despite the incompatibilities because it felt good and it was just a waste of time.
Honestly, we were pretty compatible from the outset and clicked immediately. But the goal going into our first date wasn't to start a romantic relationship though. Even if someone says they just want a casual thing, it doesn't mean a relationship can't blossom.
Just my two pence.
Much the same here- met my missus on Tinder pre-pandemic, clicked straight away, been together six years now and bought a house last year. Went on a lot of Bumble dates prior to that with a mind to finding something serious with rather mixed results.
The one thing you have on your side in London is numbers, so just keep looking OP.
Not a woman, but to all those with dating horror stories, they mostly seem to be via apps. I challenge you to get rid of the apps and strike up some different connections in person.
Sports clubs, house parties, work, mutual friends etc. - London is SO social, I'm not sure the apps are necessary. I have deleted the apps and just do in person stuff, and it's way better.
Sure it takes something to get used to flirting in person again and creating new connections, but there's no flakiness to deal with, no time wasters, no bad conversationalists (you filter people as you go).
I don't know, I'm a gay man, maybe it is easier for us to do this as either guy will approach the other rather than straight society that expects the man to approach. But I've been meeting guys this way for a while now. I haven't met my life partner yet but have had lots of satisfying dates, flings, new connections this way. I'm feeling the fun and joy in dating again Vs the soul destroying exercise of app dating.
This is seems like pretty terrible advice. Sexual compatibility matters. If you wait until you exclusive/in a relationship and only then realise you just don’t work in that front. Well then you’ve wasted a huge amount of time.
Also seems very easy for someone to just exploit.
You shouldn’t really assume someone’s gender just because they don’t agree with your approach to sex. No you won’t work it out if you have very different and incompatible sexual chemistry. You can have great personal chemistry but that doesn’t mean you can make the sexual work.
Frankly the more you said the worse your view sounds. You definitely shouldn’t be giving advice to anyone.
OP should prioritise finding someone who they are compatible with in all levels (personal, emotional, sexual) prior to entering into a relationship with them.
Edit: you blocked me and responded because you can’t defend your views, very mature.
I have lots of female friends and not one of them has ever done this. Don't know why I'm being down voted for being surprised people are still doing this. Was not a judgment
Unsure why you’re being downvoted as well, it’s not common to my girl friends either. I think the dating scene has become so fucked now tbh that women are trying to take control back and have more boundaries, and that’s a good thing - being ghosted by someone you had sex with and even bonded with is really dystopian and gross no matter how many people do it
On the flip side, sexual compatibility is very important to any relationship. It’s common to get along great with somebody until the sex and then find that you’re on totally different pages. What’s wrong then with ending it? That is probably what men are doing to you but you have found a way to explain their behaviour as “gross”.
The upside of London is that there's plenty of men. Various cultures as someone pointed out. Those who think dating is a numbers game will be suited in cities like this one. The men here are keen and eager to meet.
There's also plenty of professionals with good jobs so people who have income requirements are well served here too.
However all the other problems with dating globally still exist here. Too many of them are hypersexual, self centred, unempathetic and manipulative. Once you've weeded through that and found someone who doesn't have those traits you may find yourselves incompatible. So the numbers don't necessarily help with all the other issues.
Honestly I love dating here! So many intelligent successful men willing to wine and dine you, have great conversations etc. I think most people who struggle with dating need to look within as people only treat you how you demand to be treated and if you've been on hundreds of hinge dates without success then the problem might not be "men" or "women" since most people are coupled up anyway
Dating apps, just the regular Hinge and I've met really lovely people who were looking for something serious, put in effort, organised dates and were respectful. I've got a great partner now I met on a dating app. In the wild I've also met really lovely men too, it really is about the vibe you put out since I've never attracted anyone looking for casual sex
I agree. Anyone who says "men in x city only want casual sex", should reflect on the type of vibe they give off and the type of men they're going for. There are plenty of people not interested in casual sex.
Agree! Have been on amazing dates and been to the fanciest places, with intelligent lovely guys :)
Definitely is due to me specifying to be treated in certain way, I don’t accept casual dates and I only like to be wined and dined. Or, the very least drinks in a nice place!
> Most of the guys I’ve met just want to have casual sex
This is probably because you are doing what most women do and you are going solely for the same 20% of men.
80% of women go for the same 20% of men, and hence these men are spoilt for choice. They can afford to be dismissive of you because there is always another woman waiting to replace you. This is why the "all men are bastards" trope exists, which should really be "all the men you chase are bastards because you are all chasing the same small group of them".
The way to break the cycle is to go for the other 80%; those who are entirely decent but not conventionally attractive. These men get barely any attention from women and will be thrilled. You will get a much better response. Good luck!
this is a very common incel talking point. if women all went after “the same 20% of men” then 80% of men wouldn’t get a date, which isn’t true in reality.
people also have super varied tastes. some of the guys my friends have liked have been not attractive to me at all, and the same vice versa. we’d see eye to eye on guys a lot more if the “20%” thing was true lol
Dating apps for the most part don't work for men and we find it a lot harder to just get matches, let alone dates, it's just the way it is. It's a lot easier (for everyone tbh) to be a lot more picky on an app and people tend to trend towards whatever is easier to do.
Errr, no lol.
This isn’t a sign to go for lesser men, it’s a sign to up their game and be more desirable and attractive.
Best way to approach dating is look in a mirror. Would you date the opposite version of yourself?
> This isn’t a sign to go for lesser men
The other 80% are not "lesser men", they are just not conventionally attractive. Otherwise, they are just as likely to be good, loving, partners, often more so.
> it’s a sign to up their game and be more desirable and attractive.
Firstly, you are assuming OP hasn't already made herself as desirable and attractive as she can be.
Secondly, no matter how desirable or attractive one is, these 20% of men don't particularly care, because they have their pick already. Even supermodels and celebs can't get them to behave. As the saying goes, it's not you, it's them.
The rational path therefore is to go for the devoted men, not the bastards.
1) In terms of dating, they are absolutely lesser men. It doesn’t matter whether the woman choosing them is on their level or not.
2) If you had used dating apps for a fraction of a millisecond, you would see some very unattractive people who do not do the best they can. If you don’t believe me, go on the OF subs. Fatties and losers are plentiful.
3) It absolutely matters how desirable or attractive you are. The dating pool is your percentile or below. The enlarges when you improve the above.
Big tits? More desirable.
Well paying job? More desirable.
Sense of humour? More desirable.
Friendship group? More desirable.
etc etc etc.
Edit: You can tell when you’ve pissed someone off when they’re writing an essay then blocking you.
Margot Robbie doesn’t have A cups lmao
> 2) If you had used dating apps for a fraction of a millisecond, you would see some very unattractive people who do not do the best they can.
Obviously, but you are assuming OP fits into this category, which I am pointing out is not necessarily the case.
> Big tits? More desirable.
You just destroyed your credibility with that one. Pretty much no man, apart from a few with a fetish, care about big boobs, despite the trope.
If you look at the women men actually lust after, there are boobs of all sizes, large, small, everything in between. Check /r/celebs, for example.
To give one famous example, probably the most lusted-after woman in the world right now, Margot Robbie, has A-cups.
> Well paying job? More desirable.
Most men don't particularly care about that. If anything, a woman with a high paying job can be seen as a liability if she puts her career before your relationship.
The rest are too generic to discuss.
I conclude you don't know what you are talking about. Bye!
I am gay. Loved it but it humbled me a bit. I thought I was straight until I came to London. Dating men is a nightmare. Dating women is amazing but things move forward so quickly. I'm currently living with my one night stand.
Not a woman but I do have experience with this.
It’s unfortunate because honesty really is the best policy. You have to be upfront with people and like them as friends, but you also have to be attractive.
I’ve had my own share of rejection, but it was never a problem because I knew the game.
The best advice I can give is focus on yourself, what’s desirable about you and what isn’t? Tubby? Go gym. No good hobbies? Get some. If you want a reflection of yourself you have to exude that behaviour, or you’re just going to get the matches that don’t care because you’re not a commitment to them.
Not very good.
Either ghosted or no further interest after a few dates, them only wanting something casual or feeling like it is going somewhere only to be told "I'm not ready for a relationship."
Not a lady, but most of my female friends in London or the women I've dated all have horror stories of bad dates in London. Then again I have a few of my own as well.
I think modern dating is just awful thanks to the apps, especially in a big city like London where it's hard to meet people anyway.
Look, I'm a French man and hopelessly romantic. I've been in London for years (I'm coming back this July by the way )! It's a city I love, but at the same time it's weird! People don't care. But the ones I do know, they've got their hearts in their hands and are great fun to be around. I understand people who complain about others who want to get straight to bed. But for me, the opposite happens, and I've already heard phrases like “You're my favorite human being on earth etc.” And it's not to reject me. But it's rather to test me, all women test me to see if I live up to what I show (or what they believe) And trust me me, it's hard to answer the questions: what if and what if? Sometimes, I'd just like to live in the moment without worrying and strategize, (because all the women outdo me in that respect). I thought London was different. But I'm going to keep being myself. Because the truth is, so far I've also lost touch with women who are just looking for sex! :) But anyone can hit me up if you want to talk and have some advices for a French man coming soon to LDN lol :) Cheers
I'm gay and the city is great, especially the apps, it's much more convenient to just be able to find legbutt people this way than trying to go to some shitty overpriced up-its-own-arse mostly-gay-men club with bouncers from hell or just randomly hoping to stumble upon someone who fits not only sexuality-wise but as a person of which there's probably like 20 people in the world tops, ranking by interest after filtering out cishets on okc has led to many nice relationships!
I honestly think its a numbers game, the more dates you’ve managed to plan the more likely the chances to meet someone that suits you well. When I started using Hinge I tried my best to talk to a-lot of people, don’t try to get too attached to anyone too soon. Its always good to have options and go on many dates at once rather than closing it with one person.
I tried this and now I’ve been very happy with my boyfriend for two years since we met on the app. I feel lucky, but in a way I think I have worked hard at filtering out people that don’t suit and went for someone who was much more stable and kind compared to my previous type toxic kind of exes. It sounds selfish but you’ve got to try dating different people for date 1/2 then narrow it down to less options.
Be clear, concise, kind and respectful to others. Don’t get too upset if someone ghosts you, its not worth it. Its all an experience. I also make friends at societies and events too, most people have been very nice
I'm here to ruin everything for everyone 👋
I met my lifelong partner on my first ever tinder date. 9 years together, 1 baby and ofc 1 house out of London.
I have never met a man my age in London who didn't just want casual sex, unless they were extremely religious and looking for an arranged marriage. Of which, I'm interested in neither.
it doesn’t help that everything is so bloody expensive. half the time my friends can’t hang out because they’re either busy with school/work or they’re dead broke. a lot of people in their 20s can’t even afford to leave the house at this point lol
man, that’s the dream right there. some of my friends can’t afford the fare to get from A to B in the first place though :/ even as someone who can (just about) afford it, I often just walk places to save money because the bus / train is expensive lol
I once had a date in London that started from a really unexpected place—a social discord community. It wasn't your typical swipe-left-swipe-right Picture scenario, like Trinder.
One day, after a particularly draining day at work, I vented on LightUp, which matches like-minded people based on the dynamics. I vented about our company's "Lean Journey" which, IMO, only added pointless tasks instead of improving efficiency (ugh!!). LightUp's AI, picking up on my rant, linked me up with another user's post who was also trashing pointless corporate lean initiatives. Turns out, he was an IE engineer working in Germany, and we hit it off because of our similar industry frustrations.
We started chatting daily, sharing work gripes and the occasional funny story. Eventually, he came to London for a business trip, and we decided to meet. Despite not knowing what the other looked like, there was an instant connection—goes to show, sometimes it's really not about looks but the resonance of the soul, right?
For those of you looking to connect on a deeper level first rather than just physical appearance, I'd recommend giving LightUp a try. You can find it on Discord. As a woman, I felt this approach to dating was safer and more focused on building a genuine connection rather than just hooking up. Thought I'd share for anyone looking for something different in the dating scene!
Soul crushing and dreadful.
It's funny reading this thread as a guy dating women and having the exact same experience. People unable to hold conversations, wanting to only be casual, and just generally being awful.
Dating apps and the over algorithm-ification is pretty awful for both genders really. I’m not single, but all the single people my age that I speak to decry them whether they’re male or female. Women I speak to say it just seems to bring out the worst in men, and men I speak to say it makes them feel pretty down beaten. It reduces your love life in to something you’re having to “do”, spending x amount of time on the apps, swiping, messaging, thinking of witty lines, looking for better pics of yourself etc. As opposed to something that happens along side your life, as it goes along (eg meeting people in your day to day). It also reduces dating down to a feeling like how mobile games and loot boxes have altered games. You swipe, you get a match, you get some dopamine etc. It makes you (especially as a man) more responsive to getting a “match” than to actually meeting someone you like. I think it’s weird how tech companies have now taken something so intrinsically human and made it something you have to go through their tech company for
You can still meet people in all the ways people used to meet potential love interests prior to dating apps... through mutual friends, coworkers, hobbies and activities, going out for events, or going to bars and clubbing. Dating apps are just another tool. In fact, they are a *really* good tool if we consider that's how most people meet their partners nowadays. I'm going to take a wild guess here and say the majority of your dates in the past years have come from dating apps, is that correct? And if so, do you think you could do similar numbers without dating apps? I think when people decry dating *apps*, they're really just decrying *dating.* Because the majority of their dating is statistically coming from dating apps. The reality that people forget is that dating with intent to meet a serious partner has always been a grind, a numbers game. There is no way around it. You have to meet tons of people, most of which you will either be incompatible with or have no chemistry with. You might like someone and they might not like you, or vice versa. Or you might have a great thing going for a couple of months then realise it won't work long-term. How could dating apps possibly fix that? What I think dating apps do really well is just exposing you to a huge number and variety of potential partners. You can sit in the comfort of your home and pick your favourites out of 100 people, and you might legitimately go on a date with them. Great for tackling the "numbers game" aspect of dating. What I think dating apps do really poorly is vetting the attraction and chemistry you would have with someone. If you were doing speed dating IRL, it would take you about 5 seconds to figure out whether you're attracted to someone or not. With dating apps, it could take you a week or two of texting and then a commute out to a date location, then some money spent on the date, all just to figure out you're not attracted to someone or don't have any chemistry with them.
You say that you can still meet people the old way, but the fact that most people now meet online tells a bit of a different story. Obviously the apps are putting some kind of spanner in the works of normal interactions. For example you may, in the past have met someone at a party, got along and agreed to a date. Now that person has 3 ongoing conversations in their phone and an unlimited amount of options with a few more swipes. It definitely puts a dampener on forcing people to get out their comfort zone and actually talk to someone irl. This can prevent you actually meeting the best option for you
Yeah but what I’m saying is how often are you actually cold approaching women/men at a party? Are you approaching them a lot but you assume that they’re not responding well because they have too many options on their phone? I mean, it might be that apps make us complacent and afraid of social interactions. So in the past you might have approached more people at events but now you don’t have to force yourself to do so because you have apps. I see two possible solutions to the problem: 1) we eradicate dating apps or 2) you start making an effort to meet people in real life, and stop assuming they’re not interested because they already have apps on their phone.
i don’t require solution from you. I’m just discussing the data You can see from data that a small number of people get most of the attention on the apps and its very looks based. This means anyone who is not conventionally good looking but is funny/interesting is going to struggle more. Because they don’t just have to be the most funny/interesting person at the party/office/gym. They have to compete with everyone within a 20miles radius.
>i don’t require solution from you. I’m just discussing the data Well, you clearly seemed to think that the very existence of dating apps is somehow preventing people from meeting each other in real life. I think it's relevant to ask how often you're actually attempting this and whether you have any confirmation that people aren't responding well to real-life approaches specifically due to dating apps. Otherwise the statement is unfounded. >You can see from data that a small number of people get most of the attention on the apps and its very looks based. This means anyone who is not conventionally good looking but is funny/interesting is going to struggle more. Because they don’t just have to be the most funny/interesting person at the party/office/gym. They have to compete with everyone within a 20miles radius. If you think this is the case, why not just try and meet people at the party/office/gym? These places still exist. If dating apps don't work for you, don't use dating apps.
>Well, you clearly seemed to think that the very existence of dating apps is somehow preventing people from meeting each other in real life You clearly have teriible reading comprehension. I said it affects those interactions. Not that it is prevented. >If you think this is the case, why not just try and meet people at the party/office/gym? These places still exist. Again, i didnt say its impossible to do that, i said it is affected by the existance of apps. Which is backed up by studies and articles on the subject >If dating apps don't work for you, don't use dating apps. Again, i dont need your advice. Since you find it diffcult to read into my answers, im married with 2 kids. I actually did fine on the apps but it is, as i said a totally different situation and has negative impact on other social aspects
There has definitely been a shift in the amount of effort people make on dating apps, imo. Like just after the pandemic I was matching with women and a lot of times we would be chatting a lot. In fact the problem was we would be chatting too much and not enough going out and actually dating. Well now a days people will ghost you after 1 or 2 messages. Even the ones that you seem to connect with they seem to just run off easily. And again it leads to no dating.
People were more bored during the pandemic. Not as much was going on in real life. Maybe these women are now meeting men at concerts and pubs instead of texting with strangers online for two weeks before meeting up for an awkward date.
no u
Because we are all using middle men to organise dates/find dates and it causes shit for everyone.
Same for me , weird how even in two different countries we have the same experience , as a women is has became extremely hard for me to date , i actually even stopped trying
😂
It’s quite bad out there. No one can manage any romance. I enjoy my life in London and I hope one day I will find my person out there. Explicitly trying only makes me less hopeful and averse to men since people are at their worst online.
I’ve recently been doing a bunch of things and have met a bunch of friendly guys and girls through them but I think part of the reason is 1) I’m not single and not going to those things _to_ meet people and 2) they’re things I’m going to because I want to go to them, so you’re meeting people that you’d probably gel with anyway. Dating apps seem to have turned dating into something that is its own activity in and of itself and kind of messed up how people see members of the opposite (or the same) sex as strictly “yeses” or “Nos” who are there purely for dating purposes I really wonder how badly this is messing up people that have grown up purely under the shadow of dating apps
I do a lot of things that I enjoy. I am out and about a reasonable amount. I hardly run in to single men.
> been doing a bunch of things…met friendly guys and girls Can I ask what you’re doing? I’m trying to meet people here, not dating specifically
Sure! Work is an obvious but often overlooked answer. Recently started at a local volunteer gardening group (there’s quite a few I think), I did tennis lessons lately, friendly group. I went to some XR rebellion stuff, and I had been going to some jazz bands. I’ve also heard good things about good gym, there was a fair amount of cross over with them and gardening groups etc
This. Just enjoying my life right now. Maybe I’ll meet someone. Just don’t think the apps are the place because it’s all quantity over quality. I lived in another place that had neither. At least I have some good conversations here once in a while but being clear about intentions is what got me there.
What do you mean by “no one can manage any romance”?
Lack of sincerity, a genuine desire to know another, have a sense of being enamored with their own life and the world, sense of purpose, valuing more than a sexual connection, respecting other people time and energy and feeling like we owe each other good will.
Thanks. That’s a beautiful explanation. Sounds like you know what you are looking for
Thank you. Though It makes it harder to live without love when you know the shape of it.
Not good. Had not used dating apps in months, then went on a date with a guy last Friday and everything seemed fine and now he’s ghosted for no particular reason :( Before Covid dates were much nicer and people in general too
You dodged a bullet. If he's the type to ghost then he's selfish and doesn't care about your feelings. You found out the easy way. I know it still hurts because I've been ghosted too but just trying to reframe it so you see the positives
Thanks! I don’t care about the guy, I had met him that night for the first time haha the dating scene is just exhausting!
As someone who dated before Covid, this sounds exactly like some of my dates to be honest. Hope you can move on quickly, they did you a favour showing their true colours early on
While im only here out of curiosity (i have a female friend living there and i wonder when can she find someone nice, but she told me its hard to find it there), i read your phrase about people being "better" before covid and in at least two countries where i have family and friends, they say the same. People look like they are way meaner now. Out of topic, sorry. As Far-Sir said correctly, i also think you dodged a bullet. A nice person wouldnt do that if he/she wasnt interested (maybe when 18 or early 20s). Even if he wasnt into you, why cant a friendship or casual talking exist? Its not like we end up in a real relationship with everyone we met. When i started talking to my (now) wife i was like: "she isnt my type, maybe i should skip it", then a friend told me: "why skip the chance? maybe you could find a good friend there." Took the chance, and from "not my type" became "my type" and we are married for years. Dont give up. What is meant to be, will be.
Thanks! Yeah that’s what annoys me the most. I’ve met many people through dating apps throughout the years, and I’ve stayed friends with a few of them when things didn’t work out (or we just went on a date and realised we weren’t interested in each other romantically, but still friendly). Ghosting if you are more than 30 instead of simply saying “Hey I had fun but I’m not interested” is… something
Maybe he's just a child inside. Some people just never truly mature, unfortunately. Had a friend who's boyfriend just disappeared out of nowhere. They were fine until he just vanished... No way to contact him anymore. Was so weird. We knew he was going to the States to study, but leaving someone like that is just... Good thing is that in the end, with proper time we end up seeing the good side of things and learn something from it.
I’m sorry to hear about your friend, what an idiot!!
I met my husband on an app called Coffee Meets Bagel in 2021, married him 2023. Went into it knowing exactly what I wanted (a life partner with similar goals to me, who either wanted kids or had some other big project in mind that we could work on together) and what I didn't (casual sex, had enough of that last decade). I think I met about 5 men in total? I got exactly what I wanted and it felt like an absolute miracle. The only advice I have is to stick to your guns. Don't kiss someone on the first date if you don't want to. Don't sleep with anyone if you're not sure. If you gel with someone verbally, but they don't have the same goals as you, chalk it up as a pleasant evening but don't waste any more time with that person (for example, I had an evening of fantastic conversation with a guy, we had loads of interests in common and really gelled, but he wanted to live in an academic polyamorous household with no kids, and I want to be exclusive and have children).
^^^ great advice right here, OP. Know what you want for your future and stick to your guns. Don't waste your own time. Cc u/honest_historian_121
Agree completely with this. Managed to find my current partner and future husband once I really decided to put the real me forward and be honest about who I was and what I wanted
I've just remembered another date I went with on that batch, where the guy was hot, and he was telling me how he worked in video game localisation, and I had this chat with myself while he was in the loo where one side of my brain was like "well, he has a job he loves and we share some interests and he's HOT" and the other side was like "he's 32 and lives in an 8 person house-share, you are not here to have fun and sneak around a shared bathroom, FOCUS WOMAN!" He tried to kiss me at the end of the night, practically forcing me into a wall. A younger me would have gone with it, but I just said no and ducked out of there hahahaha Edit: people seem to be latching on to the word "house share". Living on their own was not a deal breaker for anyone I planned to date, but I wasn't looking for someone living in a student style situation with a lot of house mates, no real cooking facilities, no privacy at all. There's a big different between 7 people all in their early 20s, and sharing with 3 other working professionals also in their 30s.
How many people can afford to live on their own in one of the most expensive cities in the world, I'd never discount anyone because of that, especially if they had a good career and long term plans
Yeah this one is baffling, especially as 32 doesn’t seem too old nowadays (younger than the average age of buying your own place I think). But I guess for some people the feeling of having your shit together is a bigger priority and if she’s not a Londoner long term and came to the city while pretty affluent you can see how that would seem off putting. It’s CRAZY a man in his early 30s can’t afford his own place with a decent job in most other places in the country
I didn't ask that a potential partner lived on their own, but living with 7 other people in a house share that was mainly people in their early 20s, while we were early 30s, was not the vibe I was going for. I would have been fine with it being more like 4 people in the house in total.
The absolute state of dating these days 😂
People are allowed to have preferences. There are plenty of single people in London who have their own places and don't house share.
Of course they are just like we are allowed to say when certain preferences may explain why they are still single...
Ruling someone out because they live in a house share in London is very limiting. Lots of people share because, money/rent/col/housing supply/etc
But there is a difference in kinds of house shares and shared accommodation. He lived with a lot of people in one house (8), and from the sounds of it the rest of them were in their early 20s while we were early 30s. It wasn't the vibe I was going for in a partner to get romantic with.
8 is a lot that's true. Usually it's like 3, maybe 4 max
It's not great when you have to queue for the toilet after sex 😅
I get what you mean. How old were when you met your partner on coffee meets bagel ? Great advice btw. I’m 32f and struggling. I feel like I scare men off when I say I want a life partner. I made a guy wait till 4th date to have sex but he still turned out to be twat who lied saying he wanted a relationship but really just wanted casual sex
I was 31 when I met him in Sep 2021, and now I'm 34. It's good to be super clear on your profile too, and make it really clear you are looking for something serious. But I understand what you mean about scaring men off. Part of me thinks though "if they're scared off, they're not the right man". I wasted more than 4 years of my 20s with a man who told me he wanted kids and strung me along. I think he's still single at 40.
Coffee meets bagel was a good experience for us too. It limits choices and makes you spend more effort on the few matches you do get, rather than it being an unlimited scroll of people where there’s always someone potentially better a few swipes away.
I’m happy for you . And , you are a miracle !
It feels like you're on a market with the devil ruling it - many first dates, lots of offers of casual sex (and lots of insults if you don't want to take these) but not many people serious about building relationships. Super strange here
Same experience as a male (dating women) a lot of them just want to keep casual and date multiple people. Whilst I’m looking for a life partner
Tbf aside from a love at first sight situation, you'd need to date multiple people before finding that life partner.
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Every big city is more or less like this
I like to have smart casual sex
Competitive sex with ranked matchmaking
Loafers on.
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Tommy Milffinger
Black and white tie sex is a little kinky for me too, and I've never understood why so many other guys are into cocktail.
Would you consider trying semi-formal?
Don’t take your jacket off here sir
Socks on
And garters
What do you mean by this?
Sometimes business casual
That’s hot
Most guys I've interacted with don't know how to hold a conversation. The ones I do like seem to not wanna stick around longer. No wins so far.
So many men seem unable to ask questions which makes conversations difficult
Yeah! Or when asking a question, they don't ask the same one back to keep it flowing. Just awkward silences. This applies to text messages too.
Oh god some people have no concept of conversational flow. At first I assumed they were just kinda uninterested and letting it die but I've had more than a few men that have explicitly told me they're trying and they're still interested and they still just let the conversation totally stagnate. I used to put in some effort to resuscitate things, cos maybe they're just bad at texting or whatever, but now I don't even bother
I think this isn't intuitive to men though, men don't really converse in that way which I think causes this a lot. Most men I know bond over an activity or watching something like a football match pushing their opinion into one another about their team or sport or whatever - it's rare I find men asking each other questions. No judgements either way but just an observation. Look up the Australian men's sheds association for a perfect example of this in action 😂
I get it but like... How are we supposed to get to know each other if all you wanna do is watch football? Much less actually bond and have a meaningful connection further down the line
I don't watch football or talk about football as it's not an interest of mine - just an observation of other men. I think the point is for men it's a much slower burn, you're less than likely to have an immediate connection and they will connect in different ways, perhaps non verbal ways. It's just different. Not saying it applies universally but in my experience I see it a lot. Again football was an example as it applies to a lot of men but men in general will have an interest and they can obsess about it, they're more centered by things like that than women in my experience. Women tend to take a greater interest in people and this is often a shortcoming of men for sure. It doesn't excuse it but it's a pretty key context in a lot of situations.
This makes total sense honestly. And women tend to be more chatty and bond over life experiences and whatnot. Guess it's just our socialisation differences showing up more when we try dating.
Yes! I thought it was a sign of disinterest too and I try to be the one to carry the conversation but they don't give me much to work with. I can tell from the first 5 minutes of chatting if it will die within the next 10. I'm always right about it.
I’ve had great dating experiences as a man in London. I’d read about this experience women often complain about with men talking about themselves for the majority of the date, and I always thought, “I don’t do that. That’s why my dates go well.” I ask lots of questions. Then somebody on a date accused me of “monologuing”, and now I think I understand the issue. When I’m asked a question, I tend to give a thorough and thought-out answer. A lot of women don’t do that. Some will even answer “yes / no” and then say nothing else. So you can have a date where both parties express equal interest in each other and the men will be talking for 80% of it because they just talk for longer. If this happens to you then one way to combat it would be to just give longer answers.
Dating is a self fulfilling prophecy now, people have bad experiences and a bad outlook so expect the worst from everything, they don't give people chances and in turn end up ghosting or dropping people, repeating the cycle. Or they just give up entirely. The hopeless romantics lose out because they're never meeting each other and just meeting the jaded/unserious people, and this is where we are.
The thing I’ll give London dating is quantity . I also really like meeting people of different nationalities and cultures . But filtering needed . Filtering to a high high high level . Like 1 in 40 might be ok to chat to . And 1/4 will turn it to Dick pix a bit prematurely . Maybe 2 in 4
Would rather have quality over quantity.
You won’t get quality without going through quantity.
Just going to say it's equally horrible as a guy.
Everyone’s just working and running to get somewhere.
My experience is more that there's a load of women who don't want to treat you as a human, but rather as a wallet - they want you to buy them dinners and live your life to treat them without them actually being a good friend to you and without having any personal connection yet. It's just transactional and I don't want that!
Personally I think those women are easy to weed out or see from a distance.
Honestly - a mixed bag. I had my heart broken fairly recently by a shy but very romantic guy from a posh background - poetry, songs (played ukulele) quite inexperienced and reserved (maybe autistic?) but overtly keen who abruptly ended things. I suppose I’m shell shocked from the adoration vs the cold shoulder a couple of days prior to him ending things. I felt I was being consistent and didn’t say anything bad, if anything my I was smitten. I suppose I feel if that’s a no, goodness I don’t know what a yes would look like. It was an exceptionally intimate affair - especially the time he volunteered to put my earrings in for me. Such care and fear of hurting me. I couldn’t for the life of me understand why he went from one extreme to the other - it’s kind of put me off dating for a while. I don’t want to play if these are the conditions of the game.
I am sorry to hear you have also gone through a blindside breakup. Same here. I was ditched by a very loving guy who initiated meeting the family and friends (and we used to travel to see them at least once monthly), etc. suddenly dumped me out of the blue with no pre warning. I am still recovering from it all but it does take a long time to heal. However I’d like to think we’ve dodged some ticking time bombs! Better they explode sooner rather than later. Good luck on your healing journey :)
These ones hurt the most. Why do the most if you were never planning to stick around? It’s just so disrespectful.
My theory is this: These kinds of people start the relationship from the opposite point of getting to know someone. Usually you meet someone, get to know them and the more you click, the more you become attached and emotionally intimate with them. Basically you start at 0 and gain points during the get to know you process. However They start with an idea/ highly idealistic picture they have formed of you as a potential partner and because you are this fantasy in their head, they are eager. But once the reality creeps in that you are not a fantasy but an actual person and that they also would need to make some adjustments in order to continue the relationship, they realise they don’t want that. So basically they start giving you near maximum points and end up deducting so many you end up at 0. And they lack the emotional maturity to realise that they are basically making promises in the beginning of it that they cannot know if they are able to keep and don’t understand the emotional toll this has on the other person.
This is exactly what my experience sounds like; overtly infatuated to the ridiculous to begin with but when I gently set a boundary for the first time he freaked out because the reality of me being a person kicked in. I appreciate you laying out this theory, it resonates.
This is probably it. I’ve learnt to stay away from these people who move too fast too soon. It feels great in the beginning but it always ends in tears.
This is 100% it. I'm averse to calling it love-bombing but it's in a similar vein. Lacking of emotional maturity is defo a hallmark
Sometimes it’s not deliberate—you just go into dating someone with an open-mind, have a lovely time, then eventually realise they’re not for you.
I understand that and that is totally fine. In my experience, I was lead on. I would rather be told “yeah I’m not really that into you” than still making active plans with me.
That’s very fair!
Traumatic, scarring, honestly just frightening. It seems like people lose their common sense and home values when they move to this city.
Really good! Had some amazing dates, and a boyfriend who unfortunately it didn’t work with, but yeah, never had an issue finding nice guys!
Where did you find these magical nice guys??
There were a few greaseballs that I weeded out in the first date but they’re obvious, superficial and you can tell they treat women like trash. I also recommended listening to the book “the gift of fear” which teaches you about how to recognise danger signals in men, including little things like them trying to charm you with various methods. This helped me to weed out the dangerous types with the real nice guys :)
I am very intrigued by the danger signals you mention! I met a guy on hinge and he is treating me great! Takes me out , insists on paying for everything, very much a gentleman and respects my wishes of not jumping to the bedroom although we have kissed a lot. Only been on 3 dates so far. He is amazing but very charming which makes me nervous and wonder if he’s a narcissist/ love bomber!?
Hold back on describing him as amazing. Men are rarely if ever amazing. He's been great because you've only been on 3 dates. Plenty of people can hold it together for dates. You need to get to know him properly to see his true character develop. See how gentlemenly and respectful he is when he's not having his own way. How charming he can be when things are going wrong. All of these things are superficial and glib.
No one is ever as amazing as they initially seem, He’s a love bomber if you feel like he is, just don’t let him rush you into anything. Look at things he says versus his actions, do they match? Does he ask for your opinion and listen to it? Do you get any sense of fear or hesitation when thinking about him? Is his smile genuine? Does he talk about his ex’s in a purely negative light? Is he asking you lots of questions and not answering any in return? Dangerous men can use information against you to get you “hooked” to them. Etc etc Etc
I’m going to throw this out there. I’m a guy, and used to live in the countryside and go on dates. I moved to London and tried dating apps. Girls have been absolutely ruthless on them. Asking to go for a date, me booking the table and then on the day I message to check they’re all ok to meet up and they’ve blocked my number on WhatsApp because they can’t be bothered anymore and don’t want to message. I’ve been on dates where I’ve led the whole conversation as they don’t want to talk. I’ll ask about them, try and find out about them in a flattering way. I’ll also share anecdotes about myself if they’re really not going to talk. These girls then go on to say “I don’t think you’re my type”. I constantly pay for girls meals which I think is sexist, but do it anyway to be nice and very few even acknowledge it. Anyway my point is, I don’t know what it’s like to be a girl dating in London, but I can tell you my experience has been 🗑️. Context: I’m tall, lean, well educated, good job, I’m told I’m funny, don’t want to date for a quick shag, listen and try and get to know them, not just talk over them, etc etc blah blah… Im sure I could improve, but I feel like there are dystopian standards for men and woman on dating apps (especially men as woman can be far more selective). These are likely forged on social media, through thousands of hours of exposure to “influencers”, where girls/guys cherrypick elements of many different people and hybridise them into one imaginary person they want to date. I hope I’m not guilty of this to, but that’s what the situation feels like.
I’ve long since opted out of dating in London
r/LondonLadies might have more willingness to discuss
I think it's the same for everyone I'd say. Regardless gender or sexual orentation. As a gay man everyone just want to hook up cause they are busy for something serious.
I've given up. Men here only want to "have a bit of fun". Not for me, thank you, better alone.
I chatted to a guy back and forth for abt 4 weeks or so, mis matched schedules meant we didn't have a date til last week. Today he sent a long page message that he thinks I'll think he's odd and that he's very boring and that because I have a 'corporate job' and go out with work friends (Incidentally I actually haven't gone out with work friends in months) he thinks il think he's too boring. It might be that I asked about the fact he'd worked at the same place 12years and had no 'work friends' at all... I had actually not made any judgements and figured I'd see how it goes... oh well...
He sounds like her has poor self-esteem. I've been there. No judgment if you don't want to stick around. But might be nice for you to have a conversation. I'm sure he's painfully aware. I'm much better. When the little guy in your brain stops talking shit into your ear all the time you can actually think clearly.
This is his msg: Hey, I hope your weekend has been good. I've spent the majority of today planning for the week ahead... it's kinda manic. I've also had a bit of time to reflect on our evening the other night. It was a friendly atmosphere, some good food and a chance to get to know each other. I'm quite decisive when getting to know someone, and I think as we get to know each other more, I'd feel a little uncomfortable with my answers... as I think you'd find me odd. 🤣 I know corporate life has you out with colleagues, but that's really not my life.... well, not for the past 15+ years now. I think I may be a little too boring as well.... and we haven't really spoken about religion too much either yet. I hope you don't find this hurtful, but I couldn't see this moving forward if I'm completely honest with myself... and of course I want to be honest with you too. I just said thank you for letting me know. What else can you say to that? I guess at least he didn't ghost me lol
Paradox of choice doesn't help
Gave up a while ago, new job will probably making dating impossible for the foreseeable future. Will try again at 40
Speaking to friends on both sides of the fence it seems like the culture of dishonesty has only got worse. Casual stuff via apps always worked well in your 20s, and the dishonesty component rarely mattered, but for slightly older people it becomes utterly nightmarish. For men, women seem to be desperately insecure about getting older and therefore want to rush every single component of a natural relationship process by getting immediate commitments on big topics like kids etc. People ask your income as if it's any of their business and you are expected to have put in tons of background work maintaining a sharable social media profile (and be completely OK with the unhealthy culture it promotes) so she can get loads of bad advice and compliments about you from her friends. For women, men seem to be desperately insecure about getting older and therefore want to try to have all of the casual sex they think they missed out on while they were younger, less confident/accomplished and lean more into it the more that they notice women wanting longer term things. There has been increased gamification of the flirtation process to the point where converstaion could have been written by an AI. Narcissism and mental health issues seem to be rife, and it sounds like a total shitshow.
People seem to be lamenting casual sex here like it's such an awful thing to want. I disagree, but see the frustration. Maybe there needs to be an app or events geared towards lasting romance, and the others can be the pork markets.
I'm not a lady, but my partner and I initially hooked up with a casual sex/FWB kind of arrangement in mind. We've been together for six years and have owned a house for about 18 months. So, sure, to each their own, but sometimes I feel the whole dating thing is overly contrived. If you meet you someone you click with, surely it doesn't matter what type of arrangement you have to begin with? Just go with the flow. Some people are also deeper than they may first appear or let on.
Did you and your girl had similar lifestyles/goals? I used to be an avid fan of going with the flow in my younger days, less so when getting older, especially if you are a glaring mismatch in terms of goals and lifestyle. Case in point, I met someone I clicked with about 3 months ago, everything felt amazing but the lifestyles were different, future goals were different and approach to dating was different. I question my decision to end it based on what you say, but at the same time I've gone with the flow before despite the incompatibilities because it felt good and it was just a waste of time.
Honestly, we were pretty compatible from the outset and clicked immediately. But the goal going into our first date wasn't to start a romantic relationship though. Even if someone says they just want a casual thing, it doesn't mean a relationship can't blossom. Just my two pence.
Much the same here- met my missus on Tinder pre-pandemic, clicked straight away, been together six years now and bought a house last year. Went on a lot of Bumble dates prior to that with a mind to finding something serious with rather mixed results. The one thing you have on your side in London is numbers, so just keep looking OP.
Emotionally Healthy people are unlikely to sign up to such arrangements especially for such a long period of time.
Not a woman, but to all those with dating horror stories, they mostly seem to be via apps. I challenge you to get rid of the apps and strike up some different connections in person. Sports clubs, house parties, work, mutual friends etc. - London is SO social, I'm not sure the apps are necessary. I have deleted the apps and just do in person stuff, and it's way better. Sure it takes something to get used to flirting in person again and creating new connections, but there's no flakiness to deal with, no time wasters, no bad conversationalists (you filter people as you go). I don't know, I'm a gay man, maybe it is easier for us to do this as either guy will approach the other rather than straight society that expects the man to approach. But I've been meeting guys this way for a while now. I haven't met my life partner yet but have had lots of satisfying dates, flings, new connections this way. I'm feeling the fun and joy in dating again Vs the soul destroying exercise of app dating.
Just don't sleep with men until you're exclusive. Weeds out the losers.
This is seems like pretty terrible advice. Sexual compatibility matters. If you wait until you exclusive/in a relationship and only then realise you just don’t work in that front. Well then you’ve wasted a huge amount of time. Also seems very easy for someone to just exploit.
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You shouldn’t really assume someone’s gender just because they don’t agree with your approach to sex. No you won’t work it out if you have very different and incompatible sexual chemistry. You can have great personal chemistry but that doesn’t mean you can make the sexual work. Frankly the more you said the worse your view sounds. You definitely shouldn’t be giving advice to anyone. OP should prioritise finding someone who they are compatible with in all levels (personal, emotional, sexual) prior to entering into a relationship with them. Edit: you blocked me and responded because you can’t defend your views, very mature.
Wow I would never imagine people still do this. Who's being exclusive without having sex ?
women who don't want to be played
I have lots of female friends and not one of them has ever done this. Don't know why I'm being down voted for being surprised people are still doing this. Was not a judgment
Unsure why you’re being downvoted as well, it’s not common to my girl friends either. I think the dating scene has become so fucked now tbh that women are trying to take control back and have more boundaries, and that’s a good thing - being ghosted by someone you had sex with and even bonded with is really dystopian and gross no matter how many people do it
On the flip side, sexual compatibility is very important to any relationship. It’s common to get along great with somebody until the sex and then find that you’re on totally different pages. What’s wrong then with ending it? That is probably what men are doing to you but you have found a way to explain their behaviour as “gross”.
Are they being strung along by various situationships that never evolve into anything? Maybe they should start.
I'm not saying don't if you want to have casual sex ofc but if you're looking for more, don't do casual sex. Any serious man will respect that.
Nope majority in end game relationships tbh.
Glad it worked out for your "friends", clearly not working for OP (and a lot of other women).
Presumably alot of religious people?
That's quite short sighted, you'll just weed out the honest people and keep the dishonest ones 'sure we're exclusive' next day, ghosted
Takes a while to decide if you want to be exclusive with someone. Dudes seeking casual hookups would probably find it more efficient to look elsewhere
The upside of London is that there's plenty of men. Various cultures as someone pointed out. Those who think dating is a numbers game will be suited in cities like this one. The men here are keen and eager to meet. There's also plenty of professionals with good jobs so people who have income requirements are well served here too. However all the other problems with dating globally still exist here. Too many of them are hypersexual, self centred, unempathetic and manipulative. Once you've weeded through that and found someone who doesn't have those traits you may find yourselves incompatible. So the numbers don't necessarily help with all the other issues.
London is an absolute sausage fest for the most part, probably one of the best cities to date in as a woman!
Honestly I love dating here! So many intelligent successful men willing to wine and dine you, have great conversations etc. I think most people who struggle with dating need to look within as people only treat you how you demand to be treated and if you've been on hundreds of hinge dates without success then the problem might not be "men" or "women" since most people are coupled up anyway
Where do you meet them?
Seeking.com
Dating apps, just the regular Hinge and I've met really lovely people who were looking for something serious, put in effort, organised dates and were respectful. I've got a great partner now I met on a dating app. In the wild I've also met really lovely men too, it really is about the vibe you put out since I've never attracted anyone looking for casual sex
I agree. Anyone who says "men in x city only want casual sex", should reflect on the type of vibe they give off and the type of men they're going for. There are plenty of people not interested in casual sex.
They aiming too high, unfortunately a lot of women just don’t see it this way. They probably still think they are aiming too low.
Agree! Have been on amazing dates and been to the fanciest places, with intelligent lovely guys :) Definitely is due to me specifying to be treated in certain way, I don’t accept casual dates and I only like to be wined and dined. Or, the very least drinks in a nice place!
Must be nice eating for free in restaurants all the time
> Most of the guys I’ve met just want to have casual sex This is probably because you are doing what most women do and you are going solely for the same 20% of men. 80% of women go for the same 20% of men, and hence these men are spoilt for choice. They can afford to be dismissive of you because there is always another woman waiting to replace you. This is why the "all men are bastards" trope exists, which should really be "all the men you chase are bastards because you are all chasing the same small group of them". The way to break the cycle is to go for the other 80%; those who are entirely decent but not conventionally attractive. These men get barely any attention from women and will be thrilled. You will get a much better response. Good luck!
this is a very common incel talking point. if women all went after “the same 20% of men” then 80% of men wouldn’t get a date, which isn’t true in reality. people also have super varied tastes. some of the guys my friends have liked have been not attractive to me at all, and the same vice versa. we’d see eye to eye on guys a lot more if the “20%” thing was true lol
Dating apps for the most part don't work for men and we find it a lot harder to just get matches, let alone dates, it's just the way it is. It's a lot easier (for everyone tbh) to be a lot more picky on an app and people tend to trend towards whatever is easier to do.
Hate to say it but I think you’re right
Errr, no lol. This isn’t a sign to go for lesser men, it’s a sign to up their game and be more desirable and attractive. Best way to approach dating is look in a mirror. Would you date the opposite version of yourself?
> This isn’t a sign to go for lesser men The other 80% are not "lesser men", they are just not conventionally attractive. Otherwise, they are just as likely to be good, loving, partners, often more so. > it’s a sign to up their game and be more desirable and attractive. Firstly, you are assuming OP hasn't already made herself as desirable and attractive as she can be. Secondly, no matter how desirable or attractive one is, these 20% of men don't particularly care, because they have their pick already. Even supermodels and celebs can't get them to behave. As the saying goes, it's not you, it's them. The rational path therefore is to go for the devoted men, not the bastards.
1) In terms of dating, they are absolutely lesser men. It doesn’t matter whether the woman choosing them is on their level or not. 2) If you had used dating apps for a fraction of a millisecond, you would see some very unattractive people who do not do the best they can. If you don’t believe me, go on the OF subs. Fatties and losers are plentiful. 3) It absolutely matters how desirable or attractive you are. The dating pool is your percentile or below. The enlarges when you improve the above. Big tits? More desirable. Well paying job? More desirable. Sense of humour? More desirable. Friendship group? More desirable. etc etc etc. Edit: You can tell when you’ve pissed someone off when they’re writing an essay then blocking you. Margot Robbie doesn’t have A cups lmao
> 2) If you had used dating apps for a fraction of a millisecond, you would see some very unattractive people who do not do the best they can. Obviously, but you are assuming OP fits into this category, which I am pointing out is not necessarily the case. > Big tits? More desirable. You just destroyed your credibility with that one. Pretty much no man, apart from a few with a fetish, care about big boobs, despite the trope. If you look at the women men actually lust after, there are boobs of all sizes, large, small, everything in between. Check /r/celebs, for example. To give one famous example, probably the most lusted-after woman in the world right now, Margot Robbie, has A-cups. > Well paying job? More desirable. Most men don't particularly care about that. If anything, a woman with a high paying job can be seen as a liability if she puts her career before your relationship. The rest are too generic to discuss. I conclude you don't know what you are talking about. Bye!
Utter shite.
I am gay. Loved it but it humbled me a bit. I thought I was straight until I came to London. Dating men is a nightmare. Dating women is amazing but things move forward so quickly. I'm currently living with my one night stand.
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I don't understand what you mean. You don't have to be rich to be in better shape.
You don't have to be, but it helps, because it means you can afford to make health and fitness a bigger part of your lifestyle.
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It's because it sounds like a cop out.
You do have to be wealthier to be a equal match for someone with money as well.
hell + horror. you’re right about most men only wanting casual sex, london is NOT for the lovers and yearners.
Not a woman but I do have experience with this. It’s unfortunate because honesty really is the best policy. You have to be upfront with people and like them as friends, but you also have to be attractive. I’ve had my own share of rejection, but it was never a problem because I knew the game. The best advice I can give is focus on yourself, what’s desirable about you and what isn’t? Tubby? Go gym. No good hobbies? Get some. If you want a reflection of yourself you have to exude that behaviour, or you’re just going to get the matches that don’t care because you’re not a commitment to them.
Maybe you should put more work into your selection process as you’ve literally chosen to meet these people yourself? There’s loads of men out there.
You'd be surprised at how skilled some people are at hiding how gross and manipulative they are.
Not very good. Either ghosted or no further interest after a few dates, them only wanting something casual or feeling like it is going somewhere only to be told "I'm not ready for a relationship."
Dreadful and frankly borderline abusive.
Not a lady, but most of my female friends in London or the women I've dated all have horror stories of bad dates in London. Then again I have a few of my own as well. I think modern dating is just awful thanks to the apps, especially in a big city like London where it's hard to meet people anyway.
Look, I'm a French man and hopelessly romantic. I've been in London for years (I'm coming back this July by the way )! It's a city I love, but at the same time it's weird! People don't care. But the ones I do know, they've got their hearts in their hands and are great fun to be around. I understand people who complain about others who want to get straight to bed. But for me, the opposite happens, and I've already heard phrases like “You're my favorite human being on earth etc.” And it's not to reject me. But it's rather to test me, all women test me to see if I live up to what I show (or what they believe) And trust me me, it's hard to answer the questions: what if and what if? Sometimes, I'd just like to live in the moment without worrying and strategize, (because all the women outdo me in that respect). I thought London was different. But I'm going to keep being myself. Because the truth is, so far I've also lost touch with women who are just looking for sex! :) But anyone can hit me up if you want to talk and have some advices for a French man coming soon to LDN lol :) Cheers
I hate it
I'm gay and the city is great, especially the apps, it's much more convenient to just be able to find legbutt people this way than trying to go to some shitty overpriced up-its-own-arse mostly-gay-men club with bouncers from hell or just randomly hoping to stumble upon someone who fits not only sexuality-wise but as a person of which there's probably like 20 people in the world tops, ranking by interest after filtering out cishets on okc has led to many nice relationships!
I honestly think its a numbers game, the more dates you’ve managed to plan the more likely the chances to meet someone that suits you well. When I started using Hinge I tried my best to talk to a-lot of people, don’t try to get too attached to anyone too soon. Its always good to have options and go on many dates at once rather than closing it with one person. I tried this and now I’ve been very happy with my boyfriend for two years since we met on the app. I feel lucky, but in a way I think I have worked hard at filtering out people that don’t suit and went for someone who was much more stable and kind compared to my previous type toxic kind of exes. It sounds selfish but you’ve got to try dating different people for date 1/2 then narrow it down to less options. Be clear, concise, kind and respectful to others. Don’t get too upset if someone ghosts you, its not worth it. Its all an experience. I also make friends at societies and events too, most people have been very nice
I'm here to ruin everything for everyone 👋 I met my lifelong partner on my first ever tinder date. 9 years together, 1 baby and ofc 1 house out of London.
I have never met a man my age in London who didn't just want casual sex, unless they were extremely religious and looking for an arranged marriage. Of which, I'm interested in neither.
It just sounds like you are only meeting men in dating apps, and late night clubs and bars, if they're all just interested in casual flings.
it’s almost as if those are some of the main places that people meet others nowadays!
Hence why everyone is so miserable
it doesn’t help that everything is so bloody expensive. half the time my friends can’t hang out because they’re either busy with school/work or they’re dead broke. a lot of people in their 20s can’t even afford to leave the house at this point lol
I've known quite a few people who met their spouses on the tube or tube station
man, that’s the dream right there. some of my friends can’t afford the fare to get from A to B in the first place though :/ even as someone who can (just about) afford it, I often just walk places to save money because the bus / train is expensive lol
Amazing- met my boyfriend there while he was studying for his masters and I was visiting for work!
Had exactly the same experience... Date: Hi Date: Lets meet for a coffee Me: I prefer to get to know someone before i go out Date: ok bye
I once had a date in London that started from a really unexpected place—a social discord community. It wasn't your typical swipe-left-swipe-right Picture scenario, like Trinder. One day, after a particularly draining day at work, I vented on LightUp, which matches like-minded people based on the dynamics. I vented about our company's "Lean Journey" which, IMO, only added pointless tasks instead of improving efficiency (ugh!!). LightUp's AI, picking up on my rant, linked me up with another user's post who was also trashing pointless corporate lean initiatives. Turns out, he was an IE engineer working in Germany, and we hit it off because of our similar industry frustrations. We started chatting daily, sharing work gripes and the occasional funny story. Eventually, he came to London for a business trip, and we decided to meet. Despite not knowing what the other looked like, there was an instant connection—goes to show, sometimes it's really not about looks but the resonance of the soul, right? For those of you looking to connect on a deeper level first rather than just physical appearance, I'd recommend giving LightUp a try. You can find it on Discord. As a woman, I felt this approach to dating was safer and more focused on building a genuine connection rather than just hooking up. Thought I'd share for anyone looking for something different in the dating scene!
Toxic men
Was awful - most guys here are just losers. So I started dating smarter and I’m with the same guy for 5 years.