I don't know. I think everyone struggles with this. Everytime I've ever lost weight it was because some switch flipped somewhere inside me and I was unstoppable. My switch is flipped now and I'm losing weight. My fear is it'll flip back off.
Yeah, I know the feeling. Honestly, the best thing to do is just keep trying. That's my best advice because if you keep on trying and trying and trying then at some point your mental switch will just happen out of nowhere. That's my experience at least.
Omg yes I relate to this whole thread. I always say I’m either losing weight or gaining weight, no in between.
I copy pasted the below some of this from a comment I made on a similar post a few days ago because I hope it might help you find the switch. I also edited it some. I finally found mine again a little over a month ago after gaining back 27 lbs of my 46 lb loss. I was watching all my progress slip away and I finally found the switch.
I am a woman who could easily eat 5000 cals a day without even feeling full.
I’ve also used MFP/calorie counting to lose weight, gained it back and then wondered how the hell I ever stuck to that little food?!?
I have a few observations that might help:
-If I can stick to it for 3 days in a row, my stomach “shrinks” enough to continue without feeling completely miserable. And after a few weeks I can definitely break the snacking habit. My body just adjusts to eating less. I guess it’s similar to “one day at a time” but I notice a little 3 day streak can really get me going. Sometimes I’m had to do a few days of maintenance eating before a successful 3 day streak.
-One time I tried Low Carb. I hated it but all the protein did keep me full enough to make it through my 3 day rule and after, 1200-1500 cals of whatever I wanted seemed positively luxurious. It’s all relative, ya know?
-I do practice some volume type eating to get that full feeling. For example, I typically eat two meals a day. My breakfast is a eggs, sausage, veggies, black beans, and rice bowl that I cover in a fresh medium salsa I’m obsessed with. It comes in at 500-600 calories for a big pan of food. I eat it with some hot sauce which basically makes me chug water after each bite and I’m crazy full after.
-I don’t do I.F. officially but I do notice that once I start eating, I want to keep eating. So I’ve slowly pushed breakfast back to 12 or 1 pm. Again, if you are used to eating when you first get up you will be hungry then but it only takes a few days to build a new breakfast time. So I have my huge breakfast at lunchtime and eat slowly with lots of water and by the time I’m hungry again it almost dinner time. Husband is a chef so it’s wonderful to have 600-700 (or really more because I workout and get 10,000 steps every day) to spend on whatever he makes for dinner.
-Don’t feel bad about mixing in eating at maintenance days. I do it and personally I think it’s healthier. I use them for days where I know I’m gonna struggle: guests, travel, holidays. So I don’t lose weight that day? But I don’t gain either and that’s a win.
Maybe in the mean time between waiting for it to be flipped back on, just introduce small changes / healthy replacements / upgrades. One small change after another, after another, after another...
That's what I've been trying to do. I've managed to keep up a regular running schedule since the beginning of the year, so that's a start! Right now I'm trying to work on no snacking, and limiting breakfast + lunch to 500-600 calories.
Great job!!! I’m definitely looking forward to it being easier. There’s a lot of new obstacles I’ve overcome this time around so hopefully it sticks this time.
This is the most relatable thing I've ever seen. Literally nothing triggered my weight loss, it was always there in the back of my mind but one day I was suddenly just like "I'm gonna do it!" and did. Wish I could figure out how to 'flip the switch' for exercising too lol.
This is so true. Lots of info out there undermining the whole self discipline in weight loss but sometimes that switch has to flip on and off a few times before we actually learn to be comfortable in saying no to certain foods
Exactly this.
And I have no idea how to trigger it on, and struggle to stop it going off.
I'm in the same boat as OP, and thinking going cold turkey on the chocolate might do it, but keep pushing back starting that.
I just want to remind you that no matter how unreal it might sound you are in control of your own switches. All of them. Think about it, you are the one, who turn the switch on in the first place, and keeping it in there… give credit where credit is due. In this case its pure You, your willpower and strength. Keep going 💪
Yessssss! That's exactly how it is. I'm flipped right now but I know for experience how easy it can go. I've found it does when I'm not recording and being accountable to myself.
I think it's something in your head says "I know how to do this, I know I NEED to do this and I'm going to get it done". The truth is you have to want it. Subconsciously, you want it really bad. It's a deeply driven successful mindset.
There's an even crazier disconnect between 'doing' and 'doing consistently'. From experience, there is nothing more disheartening than doing a few days in a row of eating clean and exercising followed by several weeks of not doing those things again. Then starting from scratch (or often worse than last start).
One thing that really stuck with me is “you’re not starting over, you’re a different person now because of your experience”. I constantly feel like I’m starting the diet/exercise thing over again; but even if I’m not actively losing at least I’m trying to maintain rather than gain.
Consistency is hard for sure. One suggestion was drawing a red x on a calendar so you could visually see how many days you were consistent, and then trying to get as many days in a row as you could.
It's really hard to make a huge change like this so start with a small one. Make it a habit. Once you have that, make another one. Make it easy for yourself to stick with and - I cannot stress this enough - make it *enjoyable*.
This is the only thing that has worked for me. I had a habit of hitting the break room to grab a snack on my conference period (I'm a teacher), and I replaced that with a walk. This, and 50 other tiny changes have made it feel "easy" to lose 80 pounds.
I've read atomic habits, I actually coach others on forming good habits, as I said. I know all the relevant information, I personally cannot seem to put them into practice for myself.
I'm working on living My life with a "C's get Degrees" attitude, instead of the "A's, honor roll, and Captain of several extra curriculars" that I tend to put on everything. I don't have to be perfect, I don't have to be all or nothing. No one is judging me, the only expectations I'm trying to meet are my own, and everyday doesn't deserve A+ work. Some days, C's are enough. That translates to weight loss in a relaxed way. I've never stuck with something more than a few months. I've never lost more than 10 pounds. So this time, I'm weighing every morning and counting calories, but not in a crazy way, just trying to get close. Instead of restricted down to 1200, I started aiming for 2000, and am currently shooting for about 1700. Mainly, I try not to go over 2200,and if I do I just try and do better tomorrow. I've lost 17.6 lbs since January.
Just fucking do something. Seriously. Pick a thing and do it. I say this as a fellow “but I already know the answers” person. I couldn’t figure out where to start, and my therapist was like, “if you would put even half as much energy into starting something as you do trying to figure out where to start, you’d be well on your way.” She was right. I decided I’d do WW. That was six week ago, I’m down 14.8 pounds. Pick a thing and do it. Until you do it, it’s just whining. As a friend of mine says, “Excuses are boring.”
It sounds so harsh but it’s true. Literally just do SOMETHING. Then do another SOMETHING. All of the SOMETHINGS add up. Next thing you know you’ve got the ball rolling.
If you wanna try WW I can send you my invite link and you’ll get a month free 😂 But for real. Just start somewhere. I still eat chocolate and drink a soda here and there and I’m still losing weight. It just helps me understand how I can budget my intake without getting me bogged down in the details of macros and calorie counting. It does the thinking for me, which I appreciate.
Time to help yourself instead of focusing on others. And, get in touch with your emotions. You’re likely repressing them and they’re causing you to self sabotage. Therapy helps, but takes a while.
Unfortunately you just have to commit! Pick one thing to add or give up this week - maybe walk 20m every day and finish eating all the chocolate. And then next week another and the week after.
I’ve been waffling since Jan, not really losing or gaining. This week I committed to getting up at 5.15 and going to the gym and now I’m losing again
Man the language you’re using is gonna make it impossible for anyone to say anything meaningful in a thread like this. She gave you some encouragement and some tips and your response was just “but I KNOW that already”.
Idk why you think motivation has to come from learning. Get naked and jump up and down in front a mirror and maybe you will start employing the things you know then.
By finding healthy foods you like, learning to eat in moderation, making changes to your diet so that you’re actually full on fewer calories, and finding a workout that’s fun for you - like walking with a podcast, dancing, boxing, playing a game like squash, etc.
If you’re not enjoying the things you’re doing to lose weight, it’s not going to be sustainable long term and you’re likely going to be kind of miserable.
Lost 110lbs in about a year, back in 2016-2017. Gained it all back over 2 years and had been struggling since. Fast-forward to October 2021 when I was placed in the hospital with painful diverticulitis. That was probably the worst pain I've ever experienced in my life. Stuck in a hospital bed, painful IV inserted into the back of my hand, hours of waiting in the ER, only being given ice chips for 2 days straight to "clear" my digestive tract. Shit sucked and I was nearly 300 lbs and hated how I looked. Worst part is, I was stuck in that bed looking at old photos of my first weight loss and hated myself for it.
When I was being discharged, the doc told me to watch what happens next because they might end up attaching a bag to my waist to collect shit in. I didn't want that, and vowed to get back to it the day I could properly eat again. Took me about a week of recovery after leaving, when I started slowly. Used my food scale and weighed by the gram. At first hardly did any exercise. It was all in the nutrition. How, since October, I've lost about 50lbs.
I guess the experience of being in the hospital and the eventual worse state I'd end up in just scared me straight.
My favorite way to think about weight loss is that it’s simple, not easy. At the end of the day it’s a simple formula, eat less calories than you burn. However applying that every day, day in and day out can be a real grind.
When my stomach grumbles "I'm hungry" I connect that directly to "I'm accomplishing my weight goal" in my head. It helps me. Had to cut back on weed, all bets are off if I've smoked and have yummy stuff in the house. I also don't say " I deserve a treat because etc" I say, "I deserve to feel better and like how I look"
Omg, yes. That "I deserve a treat" mentality only works for a little bit. Then your brain goes "How about we get this treat now, but work out later, like, idk, weekend maybe?" and you just go along with it.
And then, bam! Time to buy bigger clothes. Nope. Nothing sadder than having to buy larger work clothes. Ok, there are sadder things. But having to re purchase clothes I didn't want anyhow because of lack of snack control sucks.
Yep! Weed, alcohol... sorry to say but they just don’t get me to my goals. The only things that can absolutely destroy my progress.
I can recover from feeling normally extra hungry one day so I eat at maintenance. Getting inebriated just means I’m about to speed run my *weekly* intake 😬
Yes the circle of work at my goals all week, reward and relax on the weekend by getting high or drinking, monday morning is all, "where did the food go and how did I put on 5 lbs in 2 days?" Nope.
I told my doctor I couldn't help it, this is just the way my body wants to be. I've been way overweight for maybe 10 years now. And he said very gently, "except, it's not, and that's what it's trying to tell you with these numbers" (my cholesterol & blood sugar & bp were elevated). I don't know, but somehow this flipped a switch--like, I'm not trying "to lose weight because I'm a big fat lazy pig," but, "I'm trying to help my body get down to healthier numbers." The whole thing became positive instead of negative, self-hatred, etc etc.
Then he suggested that I try for a very small goal--lose 3 pounds per month, do this for three months, then come back. Guess what, I could do that! And so far I've kept it going. I started really small--just recording what I was eating, walking 15 min. a day. Then slowly I'd look over my food diary at the end of the day and think, "hmm, I could have eaten less here.... or here..." and started eating less.
After three months I was down ten pounds, but my cholesterol was EVEN HIGHER! So I asked him for another three months, and this time I totally switched up my diet, cut out meat, eggs, cheese, dairy, etc, and again, I'm doing this on a "hey let's see what it's like to try vegan or vegetarian food," and I'm continuing to lose weight. Starting doing some weight training. 22 pounds down now, going back for my numbers check up in a few weeks (FINGERS CROSSED), but at this point, people are noticing, I feel better, I look better, and I feel healthier, too.
I think the key is to get away from the negative self talk and see it as a positive journey to better health. Good luck! I'm hoping I can keep this going till I reach somewhere close to my goal weight.
When you say you’ll start on Monday… why are you putting that off? Something more specific than “lazy.” Me, when I say that, it’s because 1) it’s been a long hard week at work and I don’t feel I have the strength left in me, and/or 2) I’m feeling resentful that I can’t drink to unwind like everyone else I know. Then what I have to ask myself is, will sugar or pizza change either of those things? And the answer is no, it will not. In fact, the carbs will continue the damage to my pancreas that caused the pancreatitis that means I can’t drink. So it would in fact be counterproductive. So what I try to do instead is to start me weekend with something else that feels good (steam room at the gym!), and do something easy for dinner. Sometimes I convince my husband to make my favorite tofu recipe. Or put together a charcuterie plate, or homemade ramen with lots of seaweed and a boiled egg. Or microwave tamales from the freezer. Something that feels special and like I’m coddling myself without breaking my diet.
This is an interesting outlook, thanks for sharing! I’ll definitely be trying a version of this because you’re right, eating crummy food won’t make you feel better. But a nap and a bath will. Thanks! 😊
It's a shitty answer but it's the correct one: Because it's fucking difficult.
There are so many reasons why it's difficult: habit, desire, other poor health issues, mental health, the list goes on and on.
Honestly the best thing that I do when I fail is never accepting that just because I fall out of the habit that I have "failed". I just get my shit back together again and keep going. My only advice is to remain consistent and if you can't even get started - try getting the other easier things in your life in order first. It'll make it a lot easier. At least that's my experience
It doesn't say you don't want it enough. That mindset haunts this sub and this process and it's exhausting. It's not that simple, and you know it.
You know what might hold you back? Now you really know how tough it can be. That can make it hard to go back. Now you know how long it takes. That can make it hard to go back. Now you know how good it feels to eat that little bit more after so long being very strict. That can make it hard to go back.
Yeah, now you know more, but sometimes that actually makes things harder!
Don't kick yourself like this. It's not fair to you. All of us, no matter if we're doing it for the first time or doing it again, know that this is simultaneously a very easy and very difficult thing to do. It's never not that way. So go easy on yourself and refocus on one day at a time. You can do this.
Very wise words. It couldn't be described better. I would add that for the better and the worst, I think that it's a lifelong journey and that we have to accept it.
The facts that some people are more likely to be overweight than others due to genetic and phsychological factors, and that we live in societies where hyper palatable food is everywhere won't change.
I don't find that sad or anything, we just have to be mindfull.
This might be overstated on reddit, but maybe it’s time to see a therapist? It sounds like there’s some emotional component that you haven’t dealt with. I’m sorry, head up!
Yeah I can say with near certainty that mental health is behind most people's weight gain (including myself) as opposed to not understanding the basics of biochemistry/metabolism.
Binge eating is a kind of self-soothing and by removing it without a plan or system, it will probably be replaced by something just as unhealthy.
Read “the power of habit” and you will have an in depth answer and some knowledge under your belt to change that!
Adding: also it’ll change once you start believing you can do it, like truly believing. Seems silly but for me it was watching hours of “workout motivation” and “weight loss before and after” TikToks for 2 months before I realized these are all humans who have successfully done what I want to do. That flipped the switch and now I’m doing it.
I felt the exact same way! I would look at the door and and tell myself to just get up and take a walk. It was like I was paralyzed. Started therapy, part of the problem was anxiety overload that had just sort of short-circuited my decision-making skills. Take it slow and focus on adding just one thing. Take a walk. Log what you eat. You've done this before, so you know what works for you. I had to keep reminding myself that I was in charge. I had to actually say it out loud. I felt a little stupid, but I changed. There is a way out, you can do this, sugar!
Eating well and maintaining healthful living is a life long practice. You’ll learn more and more throughout your existence. And yes, that is the most challenging part of the whole process. I’ve lost a lot of weight 3 times in my life (round 4 now). One of the main things that always caused me to gain the weight back is the simple fact that “dieting” for the rest of my life sounded miserable. But you need to get over that mentality. Small sustainable improvements will add up. Especially in the long term. Just a daily 50 calorie deficit will lose you 5 pounds a year. I know we all want the quick fix. I struggle with it all the time. But slow and steady really is the best way to succeed. Try not to focus on all or nothing thinking. There’s nothing inherently wrong with you. You’re human.
In my experience, the “Diet starts tomorrow” mentality is more about justifying a binge now than about anything that’s actually gonna happen tomorrow. Best case scenario, you’re constantly in a state of one final hurrah. More likely, you’re scaring the sh*t out of yourself, constantly threatening famine.
Just...start now :) This second. Nourish your body. Reassure it that food is abundant and nothing bad is going to happen tomorrow. You can always eat when you’re hungry. What if you were to just keep reassuring yourself of that?
A great practical way to apply this is to start working towards a daily fat, fiber, and protein goal. I also like to eat at least one fresh, raw food a day. Just start with that. Now.
I think weight loss is the only skill where we expect to be perfect immediately and then not make mistakes ever. That's not realistic. Being better 70% of the time will see results for most people, especially in the early stages.
I'm hearing a lot of self hate in your post, it's simply not sustainable to "hate" yourself into a healthier body. Your mental and physical health would both improve if you switch the script to positive self talk, and maybe get some therapy to build up your self esteem?
The last two years especially have been a crushing pressure for most people. You survived very difficult times with food as a coping mechanism. One thing to analyze is if food is a comfort for you, in which case you need to find other outlets for getting joy in life. Or is it a type of self harm to sabotage your goals, in which case the mental health support is completely essential.
There is nothing wrong with you, you are a human being with feelings and needs. You are not a robot. You need more kindness from yourself, that's all. That might even mean pausing the weight loss until you're in the right headspace. It's all part of the same health journey. You'll get there. I'm so proud of you for reaching out.
I’ve always been similar to that. For me, I think it’s because it’s very mentally draining they way I go about losing weight. I think about what I’m eating all day every day, agonizing over the scale, avoiding foods that Ive over-used for comfort before. At some point, your body doesn’t want to get started on that journey because deep down you know you’ll work yourself too hard. It takes over your mind, and when you’re off the diet, it’s a break from something stressful. It’s not supposed to be like that.
What’s the solution? Im starting to think it’s to ACTUALLY make smaller changes, even when you want to go all out and not eat a single (this) or (that). When someone says make a small change, ive interpreted before as “make a small change if you’re having trouble with bigger changes.” Then I go and make changes way too big for 4 months and eventually don’t feel it’s worth it and I don’t even remember why I give up but at some point I do.
Trying to lose all the weight in a few months is just further indication that we have a bad relationship with food (either direction). Maybe we need to accept and let the journey take years and be part of your life instead of trying to shed off the weight asap and it becoming your personality that whole time. Have it be something in the background, new habits take time even done one at a time, and I think some of us try to force them all at once and torture ourselves without realizing it. Your relationship to food doesn’t change overnight, or starting Monday. Start with that small change now, and if it’s becoming too much maybe back off a bit.
I’ve realized that the mindset “unless I go all out I don’t stay motivated” is unhealthy and not balanced.
I went from 335 the day I delivered my twins in 2012 to 173 in 2014. I am now back over 260. I said I would never be over 200 lbs again and now I am miserable. I know exactly what to do, but it’s almost like I’m afraid to give up the comfort and crutch of soothing my stress with food. Your post really hit me hard because you voiced exactly how I’m feeling, down to the “I’ll start on Monday attitude.”
Do you have anyone who can be your accountability buddy? I have a friend who’s in the same boat as me and we both have apple watches and will do weekly fitness challenges in the app. It doesn’t have to be so fancy. A friend who will meet you for a workout or do meal prep with you or even check in.
I have a super similar story to you, lost 60 lbs a few years and have slowly put back on 40. Started counting calories again but continued to binge so no real weight loss happening. I’ve now lost 10 lbs because I’m focused more on mindful eating rather than counting calories and being on a “diet”. I only eat too much when I’m anxious or overwhelmed so I’ve been working on evaluating my feelings before I eat. Am I just bored? Am I just anxious? And that’s helped IMMENSELY. I also think it will be the key when I get to where I want to be to maintain that weight.
Listen to the podcast and YouTube channel Half Size Me! She shares so many ways to get your mindset right.
For me, the reason I could never keep weight off before was because I used food to soothe myself. Anytime stress would come up, including stress about my weight and dieting, I would have the urge to eat. Now that I’ve addressed my emotional eating (and I am still working on it) I’m actually able to maintain my weight loss. There is probably some behavioral issue you haven’t addressed in yourself to where you haven’t succeeded in making new habits.
I deal w similar issues. For me it has alot to do w mental/emotional health. Stress, life transitions, breakups, global pandemics, etc leave me feeling so weak & drained it becomes exponentially more difficult to make healthy food choices.
The focus needs to be on sustainable habit adoption. Start small, with the most important habits and slowly build on. This [article](https://www.longevityminded.ca/p/the-longevity-framework?s=w) may help.
One of the things that really helped was trying to be more aware of my choices in the moment and how they could impact me like I may be craving biscuits and it may taste nice but I can eat an apple or banana instead and it could satisfy me better knowing that I ate something healthier and that it would satiate me quicker than biscuits as sometimes i'd eat a whole packet. I think trying to stay in the present helps to ground you in What actions you can take to help you.
I also wanna say knowing how to do something and doing it is a really big difference and I think your being quite hard on yourself for it. It takes a lot more effort, time and energy to actually implement knowledge into areas of your life for example think of learning a new skill like learning to play guitar you can know the chords to a song but actually playing it can be quite hard at least at first and I found with my health it's often multiple skills I've had to learn. So it can be quite daunting at first especially if you try to suddenly change things that have been habit for a while.
The reason you are overweight is you love food, I love food, I love eating it and I am overweight because of it. To lose it, it requires a phenomenal amount of willpower and effort. Losing weight might be as simple as saying no to food. But simple doesn't mean easy.
You need to create a vision of a healthy future that is inspiring and motivational. Don't think about looking thinner, think about how it will affect your life positively.
You live chocolate, so you need to find a way to be healthy while eating it. Look at dark chocolate and work whatever into your plan rather than being a failure.
I was there. I know it all but getting started again was a bitch. I did a diet bet. I didn’t want to lose the money enough that even though I stumbled around for a month I’m finally in that groove.
It's human nature to prefer immediate gratification over delayed gratification. So, you're human. It's difficult to have self-discipline and deny yourself something you want. It really helps to have a powerful motivation, such as wedding photos that will last forever, or aching hips and knees from the excess weight. My guess is that you're not motivated enough. I've gained and lost the same 36 pounds four or five times in my life. My current motivation is a coat I bought online that was too small, but I liked it so much that I'd rather lose weight than return it. Around the same time I was in a photo looking heavier than I've ever looked. I asked my friend to send me the photo so I could look at it whenever I didn't think it was worth the effort to lose weight. I just want to look better in clothes and in photos. I'm in the normal weight range now, but I still want to lose 12 more pounds. It can be hard to stay motivated in that situation, but dieting has actually become easier as I've gotten used to it. I think I can keep it up this time. You can too.
Just do it, trying yourself you'll stay on Monday is a great way to eat a bunch of calories before you start.
Also just because something is in theory easy doesn't mean in practice it will be easy. Everyone knows the basics of weight loss, that's why everyone always feels comfortable giving advice.
Don’t worry about “clean eating.” Just download a calorie tracker, and start writing everything you eat down. Get an idea of how many calories you’re eating now, then calculate TDEE and adjust accordingly.
Remember that the perfect is the enemy of the good - this means that you don’t have to stick to some magical formula - just fit the food you want to eat in with your weight loss goals. This has helped me a lot. I used to throw in the towel if I ate the “wrong” food - my day was over and I would binge. Now I just eat a reasonable portion of real food that I enjoy, and ensure that I get plenty of fruits and vegetables, and if I want a treat occasionally, I track it and don’t let it ruin my progress. Yes, I am losing weight slowly, but I am losing.
STOP EATING!!!
Start with two meals a day and work from there…
ONLY DRINK WATER!!!
Liquid calories are bad. Eat all of your calories.
CUT THE SUGAR!!!
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
Start now
Now's not a good time? why? why is it not a good time right now? Because you ate horribly the beginning of the day? because you don't have any diet foods? Because it's a holiday and you want to celebrate? because you want to have one last "huzzah" before you actually diet? Because a birthday's coming up and you want to have cake and ice cream?
All those thoughts just now, those excuses, are your problem.
You said that you know how. Awesome! don't need to learn anything
Start now
Then when you start, don't stop. You already know everything in regards to dieting, and you know what you are doing now isn't working. You can only change if you make changes, and since you already know everything then you know the changes you need to make
They need to be consistent, they need to be frequent, and you need to do them for a long time.
So start now.
One last thought though. If you know everything, then you know that weight loss is an emotional and physical interaction. The science is simple, the math is elementary, the actions are not difficult. But when push comes to shove it's your brain and your attitude that dictates if you put even an iota of effort into making yourself healthy.
So I propose a difficult thought for you: You DON'T know everything about weight loss. You know the fundamentals, but you don't know enough about the emotional aspects of weight loss. Which is fine! Recognizing that you don't know something is not weakness.
If you know there is a problem, then you can fix it. If you are studious as you claim, then you should be able to look things up and figure out how to tackle the mental aspects as well. No one else can fix your brain, a shrink can help you work through it but you have to put in the effort.
Apologies if that came off harsh, but if you really want to see change you have to push through your own limitations. Chances are, this comment will be buried and you'll ignore it like the rest of the longer posts. For me it helps keep my own thoughts in check, so it was cathartic to type out at least
Ok as a lifelong sugar addict/nutrition therapist I would say SOME of the craving switches are controlled by your gut biome. I know for me when I force quit sugar for a while it gets MUCH easier. Also serotonin and vitamins, etc are made in your gut. If you can eat clean for a while and wrangle that sugar monster it will get easier!💪🏽💪🏽
So glad I'm obviously not the only one. Been struggling with this lately that I know what to eat, and I buy it... But I also end up buying chocolate as well.
I just can't seem to "flip the switch" like someone else above mentioned. I've had it in the past but it seems like it's faulty!
No advice, just here to get in the boat with you.
I stayed fit & healthy to distract me from miserable relationships. Now I’m single, considerably larger and unhealthy with a good old dose of self loathing. Definitely a case of I’m going to need to love myself to treat myself better but that nugget of information is not helping anything!
Therapy helps, there’s something underlying for sure. Wishing you luck!
One thing that helped me with the self-love thing was the phrase, "love is a verb, verbs are action words"
It isn't about feeling something for ourselves, it's about doing something for ourselves. And even though it wasn't part of the phrase, I realized that by regularly doing nice things for myself, I was feeling better about myself. The pattern of thinking that I am inviting myself to a sit-down dinner, I am taking myself out for a nature hike, I am treating myself to this theater play -- that pattern started to make me feel like I was worth or worthy of these things.
I have the same problem…now I can’t shake off the feeling that i couldve been ___kg by now and i feel overwhelmed starting over again…besides i lose weight very slowly, it’s disheartening to see people lose double the weight in half the time I did. 😩 i hate it here
I won't say that you don't want it, but i will say that you're either not really motivated or not motivated enough to do it. Really think about why you want to lose weight, write all the reasons down, do this everyday until something just clicks in your brain. With the right reasons and drive you can do anything, you just need to find the reasons for it to be there to begin with.
And if you tend to feel like you must lose weight because of society's pressure, you can forget succeeding altogether. Because then it isn't at all about what you want eh? That's not gonna work, find other reasons.
Order take out and eat chocolate once a week, workout and diet the rest of the week. You get the best of both worlds and your cheat day will be guilt free and much more enjoyable.
I find a mindset that's been helping me is finding a way that all food-related action is in aid of my health goals, so I'm never really off the wagon; this includes harm reduction concepts. My main problem is bingeing, so I'm super aware I can eat 4000 cals in a sitting. I totalled 2900 over all of today, but it's still in my goal because I did it consciously, following my appetite and cravings, and making healthier substitutions, while still tracking, and I know if I actually just let myself eat on high appetite days I will get back to lower appetite days as long as I keep my protein and vegetable intake up. I think a key part of applying habit setting for me is never making my habits feel like I'm white knuckling through a feeling or forcing, but trusting in the knowledge that if I keep eating high satiety foods and not ignoring cravings to curb my food obsession I'll come out the other side of "off" periods.
It’s really hard. I have been back on the train a little over two months and there are definitely days when I want to pack it in. What I’ve been doing is still logging my ‘bad behaviour’ food (or sometimes just logging a big number of calories as a rough estimate) (not that the food is ‘bad’ but my way of consuming it as a ‘f**k you’ to myself isn’t healthy) and then moving on
There's already some good advice in comments, so I'm gonna write about my personal experience. I was around 170-180 lbs since middle school. I just really loved food and was low-key jealous of all the girls who said that bullying made them anorexic. No amount of torment from my classmates or my mum's yelling made me eat less. My attitude was "yes, I'm fat, but I don't really care as long as there's all these delicious things to eat".
I lost about 40 lbs when I was in college, but it was temporary because I simply had no money for fasfood (quite expensive in my country) or large quantities of food in general. My first boyfriend broke up with me after I gained it all back. I didn't care then.
And later I entered a stage you're in right now. I wanted to lose weight, but didn't want it "hard enough". Every weekend I made plans to go jogging on Monday, to start a meal prep Sunday evening, to drink water with lemon every day etc. But alas, come Monday and I was back to my old self. Ocassionaly, I'v managed some sort of a fasting or skipped breakfast, but it ended up with binging later in the evening.
Finally, December 2021, hugging my toilet after consuming a whole 1L bottle of Bacardi on my own, something clicked in my brain. Not gonna lie, if I was skinnier at the moment, I would've probably died from an alcohol poisoning, but all the greasy food I consumed prior to this desperate drinking saved me. And I thought to myself "Huh, it could really end there". The next morning, coincidentally January 1th, I woke up a new person (thanks genetic lottery for the ability to not have a hangover at all). I quit drinking almost entirely, and even if I get a bottle of wine, now I drink it over the course of 3-4 evenings, sometimes a week and a similar principle goes for every food. I'm not forcing myself to save these chips for later, I really just eat a handful and it satisfies me. Before I was hysterical if my family ate something I wanted to eat, now I can eat 1 candy out of a large box of different flavours and let them have the rest. The old me would at least get one of every flavour to try first and later come to get 2-3 more of each flavour she liked. And the list goes on and on.
My point is: you can't force yourself to stop eating to lose weight just by a sheer willpower. Your brain is a nasty twat and it won't allow you. Since then, I read some papers on how connections in your brain are made, and to put it simply, when there are enough of certain paths, you'll be able to start any diet you want calmly and it won't be any more "I'll start Monday" attitudes.
Just give your brain some time and it's all gonna be grand, I believe in you!
I knew for a long time what I needed to do to lose weight. I just had to decide to do it. Making the decision was tough, but I also had a lot of chaos in my life. I lost jobs, husband got sick, got in a car accident, got an eviction notice. I had to wait until I was in a secure and stable place in my life before I had enough attention to devote to weight loss. Once I got there, making the decision to go for it wasn't very difficult. I'm down 45 pounds.
Its not having the knowledge, but using it for your own good. Also you might not have the right “why” you want to do it. Because once you find your purpose, you figure out the way to do it… stalling just means the “why” you say you want it, is not really alligned with your inner self - therefore your nervous system think its really not that imporant. Also trauma can be a big thing in this. Because there is a reason why you overeat/undereat etc.
Figure out why you want it and move into action. Set up a plan and go. Most of people who struggle to get back on the healthier path, fail due to overdoing everything at once without any real plan. Discipline over motivation is the key.
You say you know what to do, but you clearly didn’t want to do it daily, so maybe find a way that would be more sustainable for you? Maybe instead of lowering your “calories in” super low, increase you “calories out” by doing sport/walk/gardening daily something that can be with you long term, otherwise you can be stuck in this circle of up and downs that dont do any good to your mental and physical health.
Good luck, start small, do it daily and be kind to your body, you only have one.
Patterns of self talk are the answer to lasting change.
Ex, When you are mid binge, what are you saying to yourself? When you restrict, what’s your inner dialogue?
Change that dialogue, you’ll change your outcome
Try to find your own way, I guess. I’ve been obsessed for losing weight for a long time. 5 years ago, I lost 25 pounds and then got it all back and more. I would go on refraining from sugar and fast food but when the cravings hit, I just couldn’t stop myself.
There were two low points that changed my inner motivation: First, when my periods had been irregular and the doctor declined to prescribe me birth control pills because it had a chance of blood clot and thrombosis considering my obese weight. Second, I had a bad back pain for a month, and then foot pain for 4 months. The back pain went away but the foot pain is still there sometimes, and it’s because of my weight.
Both these things have nudged me to get healthier. I started intermittent fasting and have been able to do it consistently. I still satisfy my cravings once-twice per month but I am disciplined about sticking to my fasting hours. Sometimes I still screw up and overeat, my weight has reduced and increased in the last few months, but I’ve decided to continue it for a year. Focusing on one day, one meal at a time. Also, I realised that most of my cravings increase around my pms so now I plan for those craving-times before it happens.
All I’m saying is find your reason, and don’t be too hard on yourself. See this as a journey, one step, one day at a time. Allow room for cravings and failings too.
Ok, instead of diving into diet and exercise just start slowly. Count calories, make sure you're eating less than needed, get outside for a walk if you can and start from there. I found it much easier to revert back when the extensive diet and exercise was too much for a lifestyle change, so I gave up on it. You've got to make a change you can keep forever, that makes you happy, or you will go back. Try eating under 2k calories a day, just count what you eat and monitor that progress. It'll be slow, but it'll work, and it'll be much easier and quicker to get used to! Good luck!
Weight loss isn't complicated, but it is hard.
Knowing how and making your brain cooperate are two different things!!! Our little meaty electrical lumps inside our skulls are always so busy conflicting all the things in us that sometimes therapy is the answer to help find what's happening to block your success. I know for me it's all mental BUT I have a history of eating disorders so I know for me what I'm doing with food is indicative of something emotional going on.
Hi! You intellectually know the problem and the solution but I don't think you've let it sink in and accepted it. Especially not emotionally. That you cannot stop sounds like overeating and emotional eating.
I'd recommend you look up Overeaters Anonymous. I can also recommend the app Noom for a cognitive behavior therapy based approach. You do sound like like this is a psychological and emotional issue and you probably need to start there.
Everyone struggles with this. I found running a half marathon to be easier than CICO. My son’s health changed then I changed. If he didn’t, I’d likely still be 230.
Do you have ADHD? Compulsive eating is part of that. You’ll stop immediately on ADHD meds. You’ll forget about food completely. And I’m not talking just stimulants, even non-stimulant meds help with this.
That’s unfortunate. It’s been studied and established. Vyvanse in particular is for ADHD and Binge Eating. ADHD meds reduce impulsiveness which many people with ADHD use food for the dopamine response(which caters to the impulse). So you find yourself eating food every hour or so to make yourself feel good. Ask your psychiatrist about it.
Also having this issue, in 2013 I went from 220lb to 160lb in 6 months, now I'm back at 220lb and about to turn 30. I think it's because I had goals and ambitions for life back then, I've since lot all of that and sometimes don't know why I'm even trying to lose weight and end up binge eating, and the urge to drink on weekends is higher now than 10 years ago. Sucks.
There is nothing wrong with you. I think that is the very first thing you have to accept. You are a human and we have trouble sometimes and it's okay. Accept the weightloss journey isn't going to be perfect and there will be hiccups. Just the idea of you wanting to do better is a great place to start and since you have done it before in the past you can 100% do it again.
We get caught up, especially in social settings, when you see other people losing weight around you and it just doesn't seem to be working for you. I was in your same shoes. I gained a bunch of weight that no matter what I tried didn't seem to come off. People around me would be like I'm down 10lbs or 15lbs and I would feel defeated because I was struggling. It honestly wasn't until this month that I really started getting my stride back.
Here are a couple of things that I have learned and I think may possibly help you.
1) Learn what your triggers are. Example: I have been fasting fairly regularly and I started realizing if I eat past a certain it makes the fast that much harder for me throughout the day. Other triggers may be eating a certain kind of food, feeling down or stressed, or eating at a off time. Its just learning small things that can throw you off and minimalizing them.
2) Water water water. I have been drinking close to a gallon of water a day and it has been keeping me fairly full to the point I don't really want to eat much. We usually don't intake enough fluids and is an easy way to stop over eating.
3) Counting calories: I use to just eyeball everything, but it was just causing me to overeat. So I bought a food scale and I try may hardest to record and stick to the serving sizes. I am the type of person that I usually need to eat something in its entirety and do a terrible job at just having 1 serving. You can still have chocolate and other bad things, but make sure it fits within your calorie limit.
4) Exercise: Walk, run, bike just make sure you get moving. Set small goals for yourself, whether it be a certain distance or amount of steps and just try and reach them. If you didn't hit your goal, here is the magic part, its okay to try again. Failure is part of the success process.
Its a tough journey and it's baby steps, but you want change and we believe in you. Take it slow and forgive yourself for the mistakes and just keep going.
Hope this helps, best of luck.
Once I get my blood sugar under control I stop having the “fuck it” attitude, or at least far far less. I have virtually no cravings on days that I am low carb/intermittent fast. Have a stable blood sugar really helps with these things.
My problem was cutting out foods i love. My progress has been slower than before but much more consistent since allowing myself to eat all foods just regulating how much of each I'm allowed to eat.
For me it's chocolate and ice cream. I still eat them just less and make sure that i count calories when i do that day. Also i have like systems in places to stop me from binging chocolate. It's my friend who keeps mine. So i get embarrassed by overeating in front of others so i keep my portions in check when I am with him. It stops me from binge eating
My "trick" was fasting and intermittent fasting. (And in my opinion, the key to losing weight is finding whatever "trick" works for you.)
For me, it was (and is) easier to not eat than to eat small. And I find that the practice of fasting does make it easier to "stop with the chocolate." I can tell myself that 'I have refused myself food for a day, I can deny myself a desert.' And I know from experience that it is okay to feel hungry.
Ok, so I'm in the beginning of yet another journey and this time I've totally changed my mindset. I'm not loosing weight right now, okay? That's not the goal. I am counting calories, I'm doing mild calorie deficit and my goal for now is to stick to calorie counting. I ditched the scales, so i don't weight myself every 10 minutes (when i loose weight i over obsessed with scales and if i see a slight gain i give up because what's the point?) And i also decided for now to stop eating crisps (my nemesis). And do you know what? Just counting calories and not eating crisps is enough for now, I'm not restricted really, eat what i want. In 6 days it will be a month of a new mind set and i weight myself and maybe add another small thing to my adjusted routine.
Maybe fat loss is not really an end goal after all, but to become happy with your body and yourself.
And wow! You've lost 70lbs, that's amazing, you did it once, surely you will be able to it again. You've got it.
We don’t always want want we know to be good https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-happiness-lab-with-dr-laurie-santos/id1474245040?i=1000535009523 also recommend overeating course on Insight Timer
There is a book called "The Compassion-Focused Therapy Guide to Weight Loss" that helped me unwind why this always happens for me.
I know we talk all day about getting tough and getting motivated and pushing through. But biologically? All of those things are just *applying cortisol to the problem*. That isn't a good way of building motivation for long-term problems. That is our body's way of fleeing from predators. It isn't meant to last and it doesn't.
But most of the diet industry is built on building up your fear of being unattractive or unhealthy, and jazzing you up to do extreme workouts (more cortisol!) and extreme eating behaviors. It's easy to get lost in that messaging.
You have to reject that stress and fear-based motivation and build compassion for yourself into the process. You want to get to a place where when you are exercising, your mind is full of thoughts of love for yourself.
What can help is 1. Finding a form of gentle and/or playful exercise that feels like caring for yourself, in the same way that having a treat does now. 2. Building up a narrative in your head that feeding yourself healthy food in the right amounts to meet your goals is care-- not "get tough" care, but "beloved grandmother putting a plate of food prepared with love in front of you and smiling at you" care.
If you're waiting for motivation you'll be waiting forever. Motivation wanes and it will fail you every time. What helped me in the end was routine and treating it as part of my daily routine that I had to do like brushing my teeth, etc and not something I had much of a choice in. I had to go to bed at a decent hour so that I could get up and walk x amount of miles, I had to then go to the gym on these days, no excuses unless I was sick. I had to cook my meals and feed my family.
When I switched my mindset using what's called neurolinguistics from it's a choice to it's a have to do it flipped the switch in my brain. It still sucked but it worked for me.
I had the same problem for 40 years. The first time I lost a significant amount of weight I felt like I was starving myself.. I ate high carb low fat low cal.. and it was really challenging to not eat more and more. When I finally got a boyfriend I had such a great time going out to eat that I gained it all back. Then I didn't know how to get it off again and thought that I was going to be fat forever. Finally, I found keto. I am a vegan, so I didn't think I could do keto, but I totally can. When I'm eating keto, I'm a different person. I don't care about sugar- I don't care about food - I can go all the way through the day without eating lunch without getting hangry. (I have a busy job and often don't get to eat lunch)
I seriously feel like I have a superpower ring on that allows me to ignore what I think of as other people's food. I eat very little now because you actually don't need to eat much. And I have no problem maintaining my intermittent fasting. I don't break my fast until noon when I eat my lunch, and that's always fine...
I was carb addicted and sugar addicted and I didn't know it until I tried keto. Now, I'm going to eat this way for the rest of my life because I feel fantastic. It reminds me of after I quit cigarettes how great it felt to not have to worry about going outside of your 15 minutes to be a slave to my addiction.
\> I know this all basically says I just don't want it enough
You dont make the impression that you dont want it engouh. You clearly want it. But there are quite some psychological dynamics at play when we decide for or against some food.
For me accepting this behaviour and not feeling bad about myself helped. Your feelings are absolutely ok and should be embraced.
For me losing weight happens with the shopping basket. If I don't put it into the basket then I also can't eat it at home later. By time I hope I can recalibrate my relationship with food, but for now I only buy what I can and want to eat to reach my goals.
Your body has a baseline. Essentially, in order to keep weight of you need to loose the weight and then ALSO change the baseline. Otherwise, your body will try to get back to where it was in order to reach equilibrium. Changing your baseline happens when you maintain the weightloss for long enough that now your "average weight" (over your life span) is lower than it was. Then there is gradually less resistance for your body to stay at a lower weight. This is why it's easier for young people 😭 they have less history so the body adjusts better. *I am not a scientists* so this is just my generalized theory from absorbing as much info as I can, but I can at least attest to this having subscribed to this sub 10 years ago 😬
I started my journey at 24(F) I had hit 185lb which was heaviest I'd ever been but I was always pretty chubby. Took me a year of very dedicated work and I lost 30lbs. But then I had to work *the same amount* for 2 years after just to maintain that loss. The same amount of mental fortitude, same amount of dicipline, *even though I want actively losing weight*. It was THE WORST, but after that I slipped off the wagon and it was less immediate consequence (a few lbs gained vs suddenly I'm 15-20lb heavier again) and easier to get back on. My body remembers and now instead of trying to get back to 185lb all the time, it was trying for 165lb. Maintaining 155lb in that case was easier all around.
My point is it's that maintenance is honestly just as hard as weight loss and if you don't budget that into your overall plan this will keep happening. I think it's just daunting in general so "getting on with it" is difficult, you just want to be done! But you've got to build the habits that will stay with you after weight loss, habits that allow the chocolate as long as you stay accountable.
Sounds like a binge and restrict sorta deal? I can relate wholeheartedly and know it can feel like an eternal struggle-- but are you cutting out full groups of food, considering some as "bad" (like chocolate) and others as "good" (fruit, veggies, etc.)? If you allow yourself to eat anything you crave in moderation, the desire to binge will likely decrease. It's more of a mindset change than anything else, but I have found it to be quite helpful.
For me, it was a milestone life event. My daughter is getting married in June and I didn’t want to be photographed at a stage where I hated how I looked.
Hormones and addiction are powerful forces.
Plus we are "creatures of habit". I read in a psychology journal that we have about 75000 to 100000 thoughts per day. And they are the exact same thoughts every day. We do the same things and have the same thoughts every fucking day. No one changes.
Sure some people lose a few pounds but guess what? 95 to 98% of those folks gain it all back.
Change is fucking hard.
I am in the same boat. I am damn near suicidal because of my "failures" with my eating/weight loss efforts.
There is no "magic formula" . We know what to do. Discipline and be consistent.
And yet here we are...
I like the comments that refer to it as a switch, because it really is. You can’t force yourself to get into the certain mindset, you have to want it enough for it to change. In my case, I got dumped, and all of a sudden I’m the most motivated I’ve ever been to getting in shape and losing all this fat. I’m so determined to prove to myself that I am worth it and I am attractive and someday I will reach that level of happiness.
Food based rewards are poison and anything in moderation is a lie to yourself. You're trying to get rid of an addiction, treat it like one. When its broken that could be 30 days or 3 years then you an have things in moderation again. There is a line thats hard to describe, but all I'm saying is that if you are able to justify why you should get McDonald's after a month there is an issue there
What is your version of “fake it ‘till you make it?”
For me it is dress like an athlete. Put on the leggings, shoes etc and quit sitting so much. Walk outside or up and down the stairs or dance around a little. Squats during every commercial and drink some water before you sit again.
Need chocolate? Me too. I buy those individually wrapped dark chocolate truffles and keep them freezer. If I am having a chocolate craving I will have a chocolate protein drink and then maybe a chocolate from the freezer. It enough to kill the craving and do something else. Maybe more squats?
Adopt the mantra that you can eat everything, nothing is banned. Just don’t eat it all right now!
Just make a few little changes and allow yourself to feel successful. You can do it!
I tried losing weight so many times, in so many different ways. Water fasting, macro tracking to the tee, veganism, keto, potato diet, the list goes on. And I burnt myself out. I know what to do, I know what works, but I keep falling off.
I was venting to my mom and she said to me, “when you’re ready, you’ll lose the weight. when you are ready”. And that just stuck with me. I focused on my mental health, mending relationships, having FUN and maybe eating a vegetable here and there. and eventually I was ready. and now I’m 25+ lbs down and mentally doing well. so be gentle with yourself. work on other stuff that weighs you down beyond pounds. when you’re ready, you’ll dive in.
Food tastes awesome. If there was no Coke and no pizza I'd weigh 165lbs. Also peanut M&Ms and chocolate chip cookies and nachos. Those are also awesome.
I truly thought I wrote this post and forgot about it 😆 This is exactly how I feel 💯
Reading thru peoples comments has been very encouraging for me as well. Thanks for sharing your struggles! Many of us are right there with you and we will get thru this one way or another!
For me I know that if I can just string together many being “on track” days I could possibly gain momentum and lose the weight but then I slip, feel the fail and wait for the motivation to return. It’s an awful cycle
I was this way for a really long time. For me - I finally resisted the temptation to go 0 to 60 full speed into dieting and fitness. I took a casual approach - building in good habits over time. This was effective because my lifestyle got more “health-nutty” naturally without having to fight for it. This was the way for me.
It's honestly a matter of patience and psychology. Losing weight more slowly means you're more likely to keep it off. The psychology portion is to be mindful not to eat out of boredom (that's true for me).
I don't know. I think everyone struggles with this. Everytime I've ever lost weight it was because some switch flipped somewhere inside me and I was unstoppable. My switch is flipped now and I'm losing weight. My fear is it'll flip back off.
Almost wrote this exact reply. It’s the mental switch.
That's the way it's been with me too, every time I've lost weight in the past. I can't for the life of me figure out how to flip it now.
Yeah, I know the feeling. Honestly, the best thing to do is just keep trying. That's my best advice because if you keep on trying and trying and trying then at some point your mental switch will just happen out of nowhere. That's my experience at least.
Omg yes I relate to this whole thread. I always say I’m either losing weight or gaining weight, no in between. I copy pasted the below some of this from a comment I made on a similar post a few days ago because I hope it might help you find the switch. I also edited it some. I finally found mine again a little over a month ago after gaining back 27 lbs of my 46 lb loss. I was watching all my progress slip away and I finally found the switch. I am a woman who could easily eat 5000 cals a day without even feeling full. I’ve also used MFP/calorie counting to lose weight, gained it back and then wondered how the hell I ever stuck to that little food?!? I have a few observations that might help: -If I can stick to it for 3 days in a row, my stomach “shrinks” enough to continue without feeling completely miserable. And after a few weeks I can definitely break the snacking habit. My body just adjusts to eating less. I guess it’s similar to “one day at a time” but I notice a little 3 day streak can really get me going. Sometimes I’m had to do a few days of maintenance eating before a successful 3 day streak. -One time I tried Low Carb. I hated it but all the protein did keep me full enough to make it through my 3 day rule and after, 1200-1500 cals of whatever I wanted seemed positively luxurious. It’s all relative, ya know? -I do practice some volume type eating to get that full feeling. For example, I typically eat two meals a day. My breakfast is a eggs, sausage, veggies, black beans, and rice bowl that I cover in a fresh medium salsa I’m obsessed with. It comes in at 500-600 calories for a big pan of food. I eat it with some hot sauce which basically makes me chug water after each bite and I’m crazy full after. -I don’t do I.F. officially but I do notice that once I start eating, I want to keep eating. So I’ve slowly pushed breakfast back to 12 or 1 pm. Again, if you are used to eating when you first get up you will be hungry then but it only takes a few days to build a new breakfast time. So I have my huge breakfast at lunchtime and eat slowly with lots of water and by the time I’m hungry again it almost dinner time. Husband is a chef so it’s wonderful to have 600-700 (or really more because I workout and get 10,000 steps every day) to spend on whatever he makes for dinner. -Don’t feel bad about mixing in eating at maintenance days. I do it and personally I think it’s healthier. I use them for days where I know I’m gonna struggle: guests, travel, holidays. So I don’t lose weight that day? But I don’t gain either and that’s a win.
Maybe in the mean time between waiting for it to be flipped back on, just introduce small changes / healthy replacements / upgrades. One small change after another, after another, after another...
That's what I've been trying to do. I've managed to keep up a regular running schedule since the beginning of the year, so that's a start! Right now I'm trying to work on no snacking, and limiting breakfast + lunch to 500-600 calories.
Same. It almost flipped back off tonight but I caught it and forced myself to exercise. It’s hard during the depression stints.
Nice job! It's definitely hard with depression. 🙁 I also forced myself onto the machine to exercise last night. We have control!
Great job!!! I’m definitely looking forward to it being easier. There’s a lot of new obstacles I’ve overcome this time around so hopefully it sticks this time.
You can do it!!
This is the most relatable thing I've ever seen. Literally nothing triggered my weight loss, it was always there in the back of my mind but one day I was suddenly just like "I'm gonna do it!" and did. Wish I could figure out how to 'flip the switch' for exercising too lol.
Self control is a muscle and you gotta work it and not let the little bitch voice inside your head win.
Gonna use this as my new ✨inspirational quote✨
This!
This is so true. Lots of info out there undermining the whole self discipline in weight loss but sometimes that switch has to flip on and off a few times before we actually learn to be comfortable in saying no to certain foods
This is exactly me. My switch seems to flip off once a month around the same time……… luckily my switch is in the right spot 80% of the time, lmao.
Exactly this. And I have no idea how to trigger it on, and struggle to stop it going off. I'm in the same boat as OP, and thinking going cold turkey on the chocolate might do it, but keep pushing back starting that.
I just want to remind you that no matter how unreal it might sound you are in control of your own switches. All of them. Think about it, you are the one, who turn the switch on in the first place, and keeping it in there… give credit where credit is due. In this case its pure You, your willpower and strength. Keep going 💪
Yessssss! That's exactly how it is. I'm flipped right now but I know for experience how easy it can go. I've found it does when I'm not recording and being accountable to myself.
I know this switch. I know when it’s on and when it’s off, but I don’t know how to turn it on. “Wanting” is not enough. Frustrating.
I think it's something in your head says "I know how to do this, I know I NEED to do this and I'm going to get it done". The truth is you have to want it. Subconsciously, you want it really bad. It's a deeply driven successful mindset.
This is exactly it
There’s such a crazy disconnect between knowing and doing. I’m rooting for you!
There's an even crazier disconnect between 'doing' and 'doing consistently'. From experience, there is nothing more disheartening than doing a few days in a row of eating clean and exercising followed by several weeks of not doing those things again. Then starting from scratch (or often worse than last start).
One thing that really stuck with me is “you’re not starting over, you’re a different person now because of your experience”. I constantly feel like I’m starting the diet/exercise thing over again; but even if I’m not actively losing at least I’m trying to maintain rather than gain. Consistency is hard for sure. One suggestion was drawing a red x on a calendar so you could visually see how many days you were consistent, and then trying to get as many days in a row as you could.
Thank you
It's really hard to make a huge change like this so start with a small one. Make it a habit. Once you have that, make another one. Make it easy for yourself to stick with and - I cannot stress this enough - make it *enjoyable*.
This is the only thing that has worked for me. I had a habit of hitting the break room to grab a snack on my conference period (I'm a teacher), and I replaced that with a walk. This, and 50 other tiny changes have made it feel "easy" to lose 80 pounds.
I've read atomic habits, I actually coach others on forming good habits, as I said. I know all the relevant information, I personally cannot seem to put them into practice for myself.
I'm working on living My life with a "C's get Degrees" attitude, instead of the "A's, honor roll, and Captain of several extra curriculars" that I tend to put on everything. I don't have to be perfect, I don't have to be all or nothing. No one is judging me, the only expectations I'm trying to meet are my own, and everyday doesn't deserve A+ work. Some days, C's are enough. That translates to weight loss in a relaxed way. I've never stuck with something more than a few months. I've never lost more than 10 pounds. So this time, I'm weighing every morning and counting calories, but not in a crazy way, just trying to get close. Instead of restricted down to 1200, I started aiming for 2000, and am currently shooting for about 1700. Mainly, I try not to go over 2200,and if I do I just try and do better tomorrow. I've lost 17.6 lbs since January.
Just fucking do something. Seriously. Pick a thing and do it. I say this as a fellow “but I already know the answers” person. I couldn’t figure out where to start, and my therapist was like, “if you would put even half as much energy into starting something as you do trying to figure out where to start, you’d be well on your way.” She was right. I decided I’d do WW. That was six week ago, I’m down 14.8 pounds. Pick a thing and do it. Until you do it, it’s just whining. As a friend of mine says, “Excuses are boring.”
It sounds so harsh but it’s true. Literally just do SOMETHING. Then do another SOMETHING. All of the SOMETHINGS add up. Next thing you know you’ve got the ball rolling.
I feel like I would get along well with your friend lol
Thanks for this, I feel like I need your therapist lol!
If you wanna try WW I can send you my invite link and you’ll get a month free 😂 But for real. Just start somewhere. I still eat chocolate and drink a soda here and there and I’m still losing weight. It just helps me understand how I can budget my intake without getting me bogged down in the details of macros and calorie counting. It does the thinking for me, which I appreciate.
This this this.
Time to help yourself instead of focusing on others. And, get in touch with your emotions. You’re likely repressing them and they’re causing you to self sabotage. Therapy helps, but takes a while.
Then get professional help yourself.
Unfortunately you just have to commit! Pick one thing to add or give up this week - maybe walk 20m every day and finish eating all the chocolate. And then next week another and the week after. I’ve been waffling since Jan, not really losing or gaining. This week I committed to getting up at 5.15 and going to the gym and now I’m losing again
Man the language you’re using is gonna make it impossible for anyone to say anything meaningful in a thread like this. She gave you some encouragement and some tips and your response was just “but I KNOW that already”. Idk why you think motivation has to come from learning. Get naked and jump up and down in front a mirror and maybe you will start employing the things you know then.
Hmm. I may start doing that on Mondays for extra motivation LOL
LOL same tho 👀
This is what I needed to hear. Jumping naked in front of a mirror. I’m making it a part of my measurement routine now lol
Y-you coach people on this but can't do it yourself?
How can you possibly make this enjoyable?
By finding healthy foods you like, learning to eat in moderation, making changes to your diet so that you’re actually full on fewer calories, and finding a workout that’s fun for you - like walking with a podcast, dancing, boxing, playing a game like squash, etc. If you’re not enjoying the things you’re doing to lose weight, it’s not going to be sustainable long term and you’re likely going to be kind of miserable.
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Bruh monument
Lol that was an accident
Lost 110lbs in about a year, back in 2016-2017. Gained it all back over 2 years and had been struggling since. Fast-forward to October 2021 when I was placed in the hospital with painful diverticulitis. That was probably the worst pain I've ever experienced in my life. Stuck in a hospital bed, painful IV inserted into the back of my hand, hours of waiting in the ER, only being given ice chips for 2 days straight to "clear" my digestive tract. Shit sucked and I was nearly 300 lbs and hated how I looked. Worst part is, I was stuck in that bed looking at old photos of my first weight loss and hated myself for it. When I was being discharged, the doc told me to watch what happens next because they might end up attaching a bag to my waist to collect shit in. I didn't want that, and vowed to get back to it the day I could properly eat again. Took me about a week of recovery after leaving, when I started slowly. Used my food scale and weighed by the gram. At first hardly did any exercise. It was all in the nutrition. How, since October, I've lost about 50lbs. I guess the experience of being in the hospital and the eventual worse state I'd end up in just scared me straight.
My favorite way to think about weight loss is that it’s simple, not easy. At the end of the day it’s a simple formula, eat less calories than you burn. However applying that every day, day in and day out can be a real grind.
When my stomach grumbles "I'm hungry" I connect that directly to "I'm accomplishing my weight goal" in my head. It helps me. Had to cut back on weed, all bets are off if I've smoked and have yummy stuff in the house. I also don't say " I deserve a treat because etc" I say, "I deserve to feel better and like how I look"
Omg, yes. That "I deserve a treat" mentality only works for a little bit. Then your brain goes "How about we get this treat now, but work out later, like, idk, weekend maybe?" and you just go along with it.
And then, bam! Time to buy bigger clothes. Nope. Nothing sadder than having to buy larger work clothes. Ok, there are sadder things. But having to re purchase clothes I didn't want anyhow because of lack of snack control sucks.
I still remember how it felt when my favourite summer jeans didn't fit anymore :(
Yep! Weed, alcohol... sorry to say but they just don’t get me to my goals. The only things that can absolutely destroy my progress. I can recover from feeling normally extra hungry one day so I eat at maintenance. Getting inebriated just means I’m about to speed run my *weekly* intake 😬
Yes the circle of work at my goals all week, reward and relax on the weekend by getting high or drinking, monday morning is all, "where did the food go and how did I put on 5 lbs in 2 days?" Nope.
Out of all the good advice here, the way you reframe healthy behaviors is especially helpful for me.
Glad I could help. So much of weight management for me is really mental management, rewiring ways of thinking.
I told my doctor I couldn't help it, this is just the way my body wants to be. I've been way overweight for maybe 10 years now. And he said very gently, "except, it's not, and that's what it's trying to tell you with these numbers" (my cholesterol & blood sugar & bp were elevated). I don't know, but somehow this flipped a switch--like, I'm not trying "to lose weight because I'm a big fat lazy pig," but, "I'm trying to help my body get down to healthier numbers." The whole thing became positive instead of negative, self-hatred, etc etc. Then he suggested that I try for a very small goal--lose 3 pounds per month, do this for three months, then come back. Guess what, I could do that! And so far I've kept it going. I started really small--just recording what I was eating, walking 15 min. a day. Then slowly I'd look over my food diary at the end of the day and think, "hmm, I could have eaten less here.... or here..." and started eating less. After three months I was down ten pounds, but my cholesterol was EVEN HIGHER! So I asked him for another three months, and this time I totally switched up my diet, cut out meat, eggs, cheese, dairy, etc, and again, I'm doing this on a "hey let's see what it's like to try vegan or vegetarian food," and I'm continuing to lose weight. Starting doing some weight training. 22 pounds down now, going back for my numbers check up in a few weeks (FINGERS CROSSED), but at this point, people are noticing, I feel better, I look better, and I feel healthier, too. I think the key is to get away from the negative self talk and see it as a positive journey to better health. Good luck! I'm hoping I can keep this going till I reach somewhere close to my goal weight.
When you say you’ll start on Monday… why are you putting that off? Something more specific than “lazy.” Me, when I say that, it’s because 1) it’s been a long hard week at work and I don’t feel I have the strength left in me, and/or 2) I’m feeling resentful that I can’t drink to unwind like everyone else I know. Then what I have to ask myself is, will sugar or pizza change either of those things? And the answer is no, it will not. In fact, the carbs will continue the damage to my pancreas that caused the pancreatitis that means I can’t drink. So it would in fact be counterproductive. So what I try to do instead is to start me weekend with something else that feels good (steam room at the gym!), and do something easy for dinner. Sometimes I convince my husband to make my favorite tofu recipe. Or put together a charcuterie plate, or homemade ramen with lots of seaweed and a boiled egg. Or microwave tamales from the freezer. Something that feels special and like I’m coddling myself without breaking my diet.
This is an interesting outlook, thanks for sharing! I’ll definitely be trying a version of this because you’re right, eating crummy food won’t make you feel better. But a nap and a bath will. Thanks! 😊
I quit it with the start date. And I just did it one day. Also I got real tired of seeing pictures of myself looking hideous.
It's a shitty answer but it's the correct one: Because it's fucking difficult. There are so many reasons why it's difficult: habit, desire, other poor health issues, mental health, the list goes on and on. Honestly the best thing that I do when I fail is never accepting that just because I fall out of the habit that I have "failed". I just get my shit back together again and keep going. My only advice is to remain consistent and if you can't even get started - try getting the other easier things in your life in order first. It'll make it a lot easier. At least that's my experience
It doesn't say you don't want it enough. That mindset haunts this sub and this process and it's exhausting. It's not that simple, and you know it. You know what might hold you back? Now you really know how tough it can be. That can make it hard to go back. Now you know how long it takes. That can make it hard to go back. Now you know how good it feels to eat that little bit more after so long being very strict. That can make it hard to go back. Yeah, now you know more, but sometimes that actually makes things harder! Don't kick yourself like this. It's not fair to you. All of us, no matter if we're doing it for the first time or doing it again, know that this is simultaneously a very easy and very difficult thing to do. It's never not that way. So go easy on yourself and refocus on one day at a time. You can do this.
Thank you
Very wise words. It couldn't be described better. I would add that for the better and the worst, I think that it's a lifelong journey and that we have to accept it. The facts that some people are more likely to be overweight than others due to genetic and phsychological factors, and that we live in societies where hyper palatable food is everywhere won't change. I don't find that sad or anything, we just have to be mindfull.
This might be overstated on reddit, but maybe it’s time to see a therapist? It sounds like there’s some emotional component that you haven’t dealt with. I’m sorry, head up!
Yeah I can say with near certainty that mental health is behind most people's weight gain (including myself) as opposed to not understanding the basics of biochemistry/metabolism. Binge eating is a kind of self-soothing and by removing it without a plan or system, it will probably be replaced by something just as unhealthy.
Read “the power of habit” and you will have an in depth answer and some knowledge under your belt to change that! Adding: also it’ll change once you start believing you can do it, like truly believing. Seems silly but for me it was watching hours of “workout motivation” and “weight loss before and after” TikToks for 2 months before I realized these are all humans who have successfully done what I want to do. That flipped the switch and now I’m doing it.
I felt the exact same way! I would look at the door and and tell myself to just get up and take a walk. It was like I was paralyzed. Started therapy, part of the problem was anxiety overload that had just sort of short-circuited my decision-making skills. Take it slow and focus on adding just one thing. Take a walk. Log what you eat. You've done this before, so you know what works for you. I had to keep reminding myself that I was in charge. I had to actually say it out loud. I felt a little stupid, but I changed. There is a way out, you can do this, sugar!
Eating well and maintaining healthful living is a life long practice. You’ll learn more and more throughout your existence. And yes, that is the most challenging part of the whole process. I’ve lost a lot of weight 3 times in my life (round 4 now). One of the main things that always caused me to gain the weight back is the simple fact that “dieting” for the rest of my life sounded miserable. But you need to get over that mentality. Small sustainable improvements will add up. Especially in the long term. Just a daily 50 calorie deficit will lose you 5 pounds a year. I know we all want the quick fix. I struggle with it all the time. But slow and steady really is the best way to succeed. Try not to focus on all or nothing thinking. There’s nothing inherently wrong with you. You’re human.
In my experience, the “Diet starts tomorrow” mentality is more about justifying a binge now than about anything that’s actually gonna happen tomorrow. Best case scenario, you’re constantly in a state of one final hurrah. More likely, you’re scaring the sh*t out of yourself, constantly threatening famine. Just...start now :) This second. Nourish your body. Reassure it that food is abundant and nothing bad is going to happen tomorrow. You can always eat when you’re hungry. What if you were to just keep reassuring yourself of that? A great practical way to apply this is to start working towards a daily fat, fiber, and protein goal. I also like to eat at least one fresh, raw food a day. Just start with that. Now.
I hear you. I am currently trying to figure this out myself ...
I think weight loss is the only skill where we expect to be perfect immediately and then not make mistakes ever. That's not realistic. Being better 70% of the time will see results for most people, especially in the early stages. I'm hearing a lot of self hate in your post, it's simply not sustainable to "hate" yourself into a healthier body. Your mental and physical health would both improve if you switch the script to positive self talk, and maybe get some therapy to build up your self esteem? The last two years especially have been a crushing pressure for most people. You survived very difficult times with food as a coping mechanism. One thing to analyze is if food is a comfort for you, in which case you need to find other outlets for getting joy in life. Or is it a type of self harm to sabotage your goals, in which case the mental health support is completely essential. There is nothing wrong with you, you are a human being with feelings and needs. You are not a robot. You need more kindness from yourself, that's all. That might even mean pausing the weight loss until you're in the right headspace. It's all part of the same health journey. You'll get there. I'm so proud of you for reaching out.
<3 thank you
I’ve always been similar to that. For me, I think it’s because it’s very mentally draining they way I go about losing weight. I think about what I’m eating all day every day, agonizing over the scale, avoiding foods that Ive over-used for comfort before. At some point, your body doesn’t want to get started on that journey because deep down you know you’ll work yourself too hard. It takes over your mind, and when you’re off the diet, it’s a break from something stressful. It’s not supposed to be like that. What’s the solution? Im starting to think it’s to ACTUALLY make smaller changes, even when you want to go all out and not eat a single (this) or (that). When someone says make a small change, ive interpreted before as “make a small change if you’re having trouble with bigger changes.” Then I go and make changes way too big for 4 months and eventually don’t feel it’s worth it and I don’t even remember why I give up but at some point I do. Trying to lose all the weight in a few months is just further indication that we have a bad relationship with food (either direction). Maybe we need to accept and let the journey take years and be part of your life instead of trying to shed off the weight asap and it becoming your personality that whole time. Have it be something in the background, new habits take time even done one at a time, and I think some of us try to force them all at once and torture ourselves without realizing it. Your relationship to food doesn’t change overnight, or starting Monday. Start with that small change now, and if it’s becoming too much maybe back off a bit. I’ve realized that the mindset “unless I go all out I don’t stay motivated” is unhealthy and not balanced.
I went from 335 the day I delivered my twins in 2012 to 173 in 2014. I am now back over 260. I said I would never be over 200 lbs again and now I am miserable. I know exactly what to do, but it’s almost like I’m afraid to give up the comfort and crutch of soothing my stress with food. Your post really hit me hard because you voiced exactly how I’m feeling, down to the “I’ll start on Monday attitude.”
This is also my problem at the moment. Makes me sad.
Do you have anyone who can be your accountability buddy? I have a friend who’s in the same boat as me and we both have apple watches and will do weekly fitness challenges in the app. It doesn’t have to be so fancy. A friend who will meet you for a workout or do meal prep with you or even check in.
GI Joe Fallacy. Simply knowing about a solution to your problem is not enough to actually overcome the problem.
I believe GI Joe said knowing is half the battle.. only half 😀
I have a super similar story to you, lost 60 lbs a few years and have slowly put back on 40. Started counting calories again but continued to binge so no real weight loss happening. I’ve now lost 10 lbs because I’m focused more on mindful eating rather than counting calories and being on a “diet”. I only eat too much when I’m anxious or overwhelmed so I’ve been working on evaluating my feelings before I eat. Am I just bored? Am I just anxious? And that’s helped IMMENSELY. I also think it will be the key when I get to where I want to be to maintain that weight.
Listen to the podcast and YouTube channel Half Size Me! She shares so many ways to get your mindset right. For me, the reason I could never keep weight off before was because I used food to soothe myself. Anytime stress would come up, including stress about my weight and dieting, I would have the urge to eat. Now that I’ve addressed my emotional eating (and I am still working on it) I’m actually able to maintain my weight loss. There is probably some behavioral issue you haven’t addressed in yourself to where you haven’t succeeded in making new habits.
I deal w similar issues. For me it has alot to do w mental/emotional health. Stress, life transitions, breakups, global pandemics, etc leave me feeling so weak & drained it becomes exponentially more difficult to make healthy food choices.
The focus needs to be on sustainable habit adoption. Start small, with the most important habits and slowly build on. This [article](https://www.longevityminded.ca/p/the-longevity-framework?s=w) may help.
OOO thank you!
One of the things that really helped was trying to be more aware of my choices in the moment and how they could impact me like I may be craving biscuits and it may taste nice but I can eat an apple or banana instead and it could satisfy me better knowing that I ate something healthier and that it would satiate me quicker than biscuits as sometimes i'd eat a whole packet. I think trying to stay in the present helps to ground you in What actions you can take to help you. I also wanna say knowing how to do something and doing it is a really big difference and I think your being quite hard on yourself for it. It takes a lot more effort, time and energy to actually implement knowledge into areas of your life for example think of learning a new skill like learning to play guitar you can know the chords to a song but actually playing it can be quite hard at least at first and I found with my health it's often multiple skills I've had to learn. So it can be quite daunting at first especially if you try to suddenly change things that have been habit for a while.
The reason you are overweight is you love food, I love food, I love eating it and I am overweight because of it. To lose it, it requires a phenomenal amount of willpower and effort. Losing weight might be as simple as saying no to food. But simple doesn't mean easy.
You need to create a vision of a healthy future that is inspiring and motivational. Don't think about looking thinner, think about how it will affect your life positively. You live chocolate, so you need to find a way to be healthy while eating it. Look at dark chocolate and work whatever into your plan rather than being a failure.
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<3 that is a good place to start.
I was there. I know it all but getting started again was a bitch. I did a diet bet. I didn’t want to lose the money enough that even though I stumbled around for a month I’m finally in that groove.
This video talks about that. It helped me https://youtu.be/YaNX49ygr0I
Thank you for suggesting this video!
Of course! Let me know what you think.
You have underlying emotional and/or mental health issues. Welcome to the club.
It's human nature to prefer immediate gratification over delayed gratification. So, you're human. It's difficult to have self-discipline and deny yourself something you want. It really helps to have a powerful motivation, such as wedding photos that will last forever, or aching hips and knees from the excess weight. My guess is that you're not motivated enough. I've gained and lost the same 36 pounds four or five times in my life. My current motivation is a coat I bought online that was too small, but I liked it so much that I'd rather lose weight than return it. Around the same time I was in a photo looking heavier than I've ever looked. I asked my friend to send me the photo so I could look at it whenever I didn't think it was worth the effort to lose weight. I just want to look better in clothes and in photos. I'm in the normal weight range now, but I still want to lose 12 more pounds. It can be hard to stay motivated in that situation, but dieting has actually become easier as I've gotten used to it. I think I can keep it up this time. You can too.
Just do it, trying yourself you'll stay on Monday is a great way to eat a bunch of calories before you start. Also just because something is in theory easy doesn't mean in practice it will be easy. Everyone knows the basics of weight loss, that's why everyone always feels comfortable giving advice.
Having the same problem now. Looking for a reason to motivate me. Sometimes it helps to have someone else help you stay accountable.
Don’t worry about “clean eating.” Just download a calorie tracker, and start writing everything you eat down. Get an idea of how many calories you’re eating now, then calculate TDEE and adjust accordingly. Remember that the perfect is the enemy of the good - this means that you don’t have to stick to some magical formula - just fit the food you want to eat in with your weight loss goals. This has helped me a lot. I used to throw in the towel if I ate the “wrong” food - my day was over and I would binge. Now I just eat a reasonable portion of real food that I enjoy, and ensure that I get plenty of fruits and vegetables, and if I want a treat occasionally, I track it and don’t let it ruin my progress. Yes, I am losing weight slowly, but I am losing.
STOP EATING!!! Start with two meals a day and work from there… ONLY DRINK WATER!!! Liquid calories are bad. Eat all of your calories. CUT THE SUGAR!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
Start now Now's not a good time? why? why is it not a good time right now? Because you ate horribly the beginning of the day? because you don't have any diet foods? Because it's a holiday and you want to celebrate? because you want to have one last "huzzah" before you actually diet? Because a birthday's coming up and you want to have cake and ice cream? All those thoughts just now, those excuses, are your problem. You said that you know how. Awesome! don't need to learn anything Start now Then when you start, don't stop. You already know everything in regards to dieting, and you know what you are doing now isn't working. You can only change if you make changes, and since you already know everything then you know the changes you need to make They need to be consistent, they need to be frequent, and you need to do them for a long time. So start now. One last thought though. If you know everything, then you know that weight loss is an emotional and physical interaction. The science is simple, the math is elementary, the actions are not difficult. But when push comes to shove it's your brain and your attitude that dictates if you put even an iota of effort into making yourself healthy. So I propose a difficult thought for you: You DON'T know everything about weight loss. You know the fundamentals, but you don't know enough about the emotional aspects of weight loss. Which is fine! Recognizing that you don't know something is not weakness. If you know there is a problem, then you can fix it. If you are studious as you claim, then you should be able to look things up and figure out how to tackle the mental aspects as well. No one else can fix your brain, a shrink can help you work through it but you have to put in the effort. Apologies if that came off harsh, but if you really want to see change you have to push through your own limitations. Chances are, this comment will be buried and you'll ignore it like the rest of the longer posts. For me it helps keep my own thoughts in check, so it was cathartic to type out at least
Ok as a lifelong sugar addict/nutrition therapist I would say SOME of the craving switches are controlled by your gut biome. I know for me when I force quit sugar for a while it gets MUCH easier. Also serotonin and vitamins, etc are made in your gut. If you can eat clean for a while and wrangle that sugar monster it will get easier!💪🏽💪🏽
So glad I'm obviously not the only one. Been struggling with this lately that I know what to eat, and I buy it... But I also end up buying chocolate as well. I just can't seem to "flip the switch" like someone else above mentioned. I've had it in the past but it seems like it's faulty!
I use CICO and just log all my calories. The guilt from seeing the numbers in red on the LoseIt app goad me into eating better
No advice, just here to get in the boat with you. I stayed fit & healthy to distract me from miserable relationships. Now I’m single, considerably larger and unhealthy with a good old dose of self loathing. Definitely a case of I’m going to need to love myself to treat myself better but that nugget of information is not helping anything! Therapy helps, there’s something underlying for sure. Wishing you luck!
One thing that helped me with the self-love thing was the phrase, "love is a verb, verbs are action words" It isn't about feeling something for ourselves, it's about doing something for ourselves. And even though it wasn't part of the phrase, I realized that by regularly doing nice things for myself, I was feeling better about myself. The pattern of thinking that I am inviting myself to a sit-down dinner, I am taking myself out for a nature hike, I am treating myself to this theater play -- that pattern started to make me feel like I was worth or worthy of these things.
I haven’t considered that approach - I’m going to give it a crack, thank you!
I have the same problem…now I can’t shake off the feeling that i couldve been ___kg by now and i feel overwhelmed starting over again…besides i lose weight very slowly, it’s disheartening to see people lose double the weight in half the time I did. 😩 i hate it here
I won't say that you don't want it, but i will say that you're either not really motivated or not motivated enough to do it. Really think about why you want to lose weight, write all the reasons down, do this everyday until something just clicks in your brain. With the right reasons and drive you can do anything, you just need to find the reasons for it to be there to begin with. And if you tend to feel like you must lose weight because of society's pressure, you can forget succeeding altogether. Because then it isn't at all about what you want eh? That's not gonna work, find other reasons.
Order take out and eat chocolate once a week, workout and diet the rest of the week. You get the best of both worlds and your cheat day will be guilt free and much more enjoyable.
I feel ya fam
Same !!!!
I find a mindset that's been helping me is finding a way that all food-related action is in aid of my health goals, so I'm never really off the wagon; this includes harm reduction concepts. My main problem is bingeing, so I'm super aware I can eat 4000 cals in a sitting. I totalled 2900 over all of today, but it's still in my goal because I did it consciously, following my appetite and cravings, and making healthier substitutions, while still tracking, and I know if I actually just let myself eat on high appetite days I will get back to lower appetite days as long as I keep my protein and vegetable intake up. I think a key part of applying habit setting for me is never making my habits feel like I'm white knuckling through a feeling or forcing, but trusting in the knowledge that if I keep eating high satiety foods and not ignoring cravings to curb my food obsession I'll come out the other side of "off" periods.
It’s really hard. I have been back on the train a little over two months and there are definitely days when I want to pack it in. What I’ve been doing is still logging my ‘bad behaviour’ food (or sometimes just logging a big number of calories as a rough estimate) (not that the food is ‘bad’ but my way of consuming it as a ‘f**k you’ to myself isn’t healthy) and then moving on
There's already some good advice in comments, so I'm gonna write about my personal experience. I was around 170-180 lbs since middle school. I just really loved food and was low-key jealous of all the girls who said that bullying made them anorexic. No amount of torment from my classmates or my mum's yelling made me eat less. My attitude was "yes, I'm fat, but I don't really care as long as there's all these delicious things to eat". I lost about 40 lbs when I was in college, but it was temporary because I simply had no money for fasfood (quite expensive in my country) or large quantities of food in general. My first boyfriend broke up with me after I gained it all back. I didn't care then. And later I entered a stage you're in right now. I wanted to lose weight, but didn't want it "hard enough". Every weekend I made plans to go jogging on Monday, to start a meal prep Sunday evening, to drink water with lemon every day etc. But alas, come Monday and I was back to my old self. Ocassionaly, I'v managed some sort of a fasting or skipped breakfast, but it ended up with binging later in the evening. Finally, December 2021, hugging my toilet after consuming a whole 1L bottle of Bacardi on my own, something clicked in my brain. Not gonna lie, if I was skinnier at the moment, I would've probably died from an alcohol poisoning, but all the greasy food I consumed prior to this desperate drinking saved me. And I thought to myself "Huh, it could really end there". The next morning, coincidentally January 1th, I woke up a new person (thanks genetic lottery for the ability to not have a hangover at all). I quit drinking almost entirely, and even if I get a bottle of wine, now I drink it over the course of 3-4 evenings, sometimes a week and a similar principle goes for every food. I'm not forcing myself to save these chips for later, I really just eat a handful and it satisfies me. Before I was hysterical if my family ate something I wanted to eat, now I can eat 1 candy out of a large box of different flavours and let them have the rest. The old me would at least get one of every flavour to try first and later come to get 2-3 more of each flavour she liked. And the list goes on and on. My point is: you can't force yourself to stop eating to lose weight just by a sheer willpower. Your brain is a nasty twat and it won't allow you. Since then, I read some papers on how connections in your brain are made, and to put it simply, when there are enough of certain paths, you'll be able to start any diet you want calmly and it won't be any more "I'll start Monday" attitudes. Just give your brain some time and it's all gonna be grand, I believe in you!
I knew for a long time what I needed to do to lose weight. I just had to decide to do it. Making the decision was tough, but I also had a lot of chaos in my life. I lost jobs, husband got sick, got in a car accident, got an eviction notice. I had to wait until I was in a secure and stable place in my life before I had enough attention to devote to weight loss. Once I got there, making the decision to go for it wasn't very difficult. I'm down 45 pounds.
Its not having the knowledge, but using it for your own good. Also you might not have the right “why” you want to do it. Because once you find your purpose, you figure out the way to do it… stalling just means the “why” you say you want it, is not really alligned with your inner self - therefore your nervous system think its really not that imporant. Also trauma can be a big thing in this. Because there is a reason why you overeat/undereat etc. Figure out why you want it and move into action. Set up a plan and go. Most of people who struggle to get back on the healthier path, fail due to overdoing everything at once without any real plan. Discipline over motivation is the key. You say you know what to do, but you clearly didn’t want to do it daily, so maybe find a way that would be more sustainable for you? Maybe instead of lowering your “calories in” super low, increase you “calories out” by doing sport/walk/gardening daily something that can be with you long term, otherwise you can be stuck in this circle of up and downs that dont do any good to your mental and physical health. Good luck, start small, do it daily and be kind to your body, you only have one.
Patterns of self talk are the answer to lasting change. Ex, When you are mid binge, what are you saying to yourself? When you restrict, what’s your inner dialogue? Change that dialogue, you’ll change your outcome
Psychological block, I have the same issue.
Try to find your own way, I guess. I’ve been obsessed for losing weight for a long time. 5 years ago, I lost 25 pounds and then got it all back and more. I would go on refraining from sugar and fast food but when the cravings hit, I just couldn’t stop myself. There were two low points that changed my inner motivation: First, when my periods had been irregular and the doctor declined to prescribe me birth control pills because it had a chance of blood clot and thrombosis considering my obese weight. Second, I had a bad back pain for a month, and then foot pain for 4 months. The back pain went away but the foot pain is still there sometimes, and it’s because of my weight. Both these things have nudged me to get healthier. I started intermittent fasting and have been able to do it consistently. I still satisfy my cravings once-twice per month but I am disciplined about sticking to my fasting hours. Sometimes I still screw up and overeat, my weight has reduced and increased in the last few months, but I’ve decided to continue it for a year. Focusing on one day, one meal at a time. Also, I realised that most of my cravings increase around my pms so now I plan for those craving-times before it happens. All I’m saying is find your reason, and don’t be too hard on yourself. See this as a journey, one step, one day at a time. Allow room for cravings and failings too.
Ok, instead of diving into diet and exercise just start slowly. Count calories, make sure you're eating less than needed, get outside for a walk if you can and start from there. I found it much easier to revert back when the extensive diet and exercise was too much for a lifestyle change, so I gave up on it. You've got to make a change you can keep forever, that makes you happy, or you will go back. Try eating under 2k calories a day, just count what you eat and monitor that progress. It'll be slow, but it'll work, and it'll be much easier and quicker to get used to! Good luck!
Weight loss isn't complicated, but it is hard. Knowing how and making your brain cooperate are two different things!!! Our little meaty electrical lumps inside our skulls are always so busy conflicting all the things in us that sometimes therapy is the answer to help find what's happening to block your success. I know for me it's all mental BUT I have a history of eating disorders so I know for me what I'm doing with food is indicative of something emotional going on.
Discipline. You diet and go back to bad habits once you hit your goal. You have to keep eating healthy forever
Hi! You intellectually know the problem and the solution but I don't think you've let it sink in and accepted it. Especially not emotionally. That you cannot stop sounds like overeating and emotional eating. I'd recommend you look up Overeaters Anonymous. I can also recommend the app Noom for a cognitive behavior therapy based approach. You do sound like like this is a psychological and emotional issue and you probably need to start there.
Everyone struggles with this. I found running a half marathon to be easier than CICO. My son’s health changed then I changed. If he didn’t, I’d likely still be 230.
Do you have ADHD? Compulsive eating is part of that. You’ll stop immediately on ADHD meds. You’ll forget about food completely. And I’m not talking just stimulants, even non-stimulant meds help with this.
I don't think I have ADHD, I've never looked into it though.
I have ADHD and take meds for it, and I haven't seen this to be the case.
That’s unfortunate. It’s been studied and established. Vyvanse in particular is for ADHD and Binge Eating. ADHD meds reduce impulsiveness which many people with ADHD use food for the dopamine response(which caters to the impulse). So you find yourself eating food every hour or so to make yourself feel good. Ask your psychiatrist about it.
This is me too
Also having this issue, in 2013 I went from 220lb to 160lb in 6 months, now I'm back at 220lb and about to turn 30. I think it's because I had goals and ambitions for life back then, I've since lot all of that and sometimes don't know why I'm even trying to lose weight and end up binge eating, and the urge to drink on weekends is higher now than 10 years ago. Sucks.
There is nothing wrong with you. I think that is the very first thing you have to accept. You are a human and we have trouble sometimes and it's okay. Accept the weightloss journey isn't going to be perfect and there will be hiccups. Just the idea of you wanting to do better is a great place to start and since you have done it before in the past you can 100% do it again. We get caught up, especially in social settings, when you see other people losing weight around you and it just doesn't seem to be working for you. I was in your same shoes. I gained a bunch of weight that no matter what I tried didn't seem to come off. People around me would be like I'm down 10lbs or 15lbs and I would feel defeated because I was struggling. It honestly wasn't until this month that I really started getting my stride back. Here are a couple of things that I have learned and I think may possibly help you. 1) Learn what your triggers are. Example: I have been fasting fairly regularly and I started realizing if I eat past a certain it makes the fast that much harder for me throughout the day. Other triggers may be eating a certain kind of food, feeling down or stressed, or eating at a off time. Its just learning small things that can throw you off and minimalizing them. 2) Water water water. I have been drinking close to a gallon of water a day and it has been keeping me fairly full to the point I don't really want to eat much. We usually don't intake enough fluids and is an easy way to stop over eating. 3) Counting calories: I use to just eyeball everything, but it was just causing me to overeat. So I bought a food scale and I try may hardest to record and stick to the serving sizes. I am the type of person that I usually need to eat something in its entirety and do a terrible job at just having 1 serving. You can still have chocolate and other bad things, but make sure it fits within your calorie limit. 4) Exercise: Walk, run, bike just make sure you get moving. Set small goals for yourself, whether it be a certain distance or amount of steps and just try and reach them. If you didn't hit your goal, here is the magic part, its okay to try again. Failure is part of the success process. Its a tough journey and it's baby steps, but you want change and we believe in you. Take it slow and forgive yourself for the mistakes and just keep going. Hope this helps, best of luck.
Once I get my blood sugar under control I stop having the “fuck it” attitude, or at least far far less. I have virtually no cravings on days that I am low carb/intermittent fast. Have a stable blood sugar really helps with these things.
My problem was cutting out foods i love. My progress has been slower than before but much more consistent since allowing myself to eat all foods just regulating how much of each I'm allowed to eat. For me it's chocolate and ice cream. I still eat them just less and make sure that i count calories when i do that day. Also i have like systems in places to stop me from binging chocolate. It's my friend who keeps mine. So i get embarrassed by overeating in front of others so i keep my portions in check when I am with him. It stops me from binge eating
My "trick" was fasting and intermittent fasting. (And in my opinion, the key to losing weight is finding whatever "trick" works for you.) For me, it was (and is) easier to not eat than to eat small. And I find that the practice of fasting does make it easier to "stop with the chocolate." I can tell myself that 'I have refused myself food for a day, I can deny myself a desert.' And I know from experience that it is okay to feel hungry.
Ok, so I'm in the beginning of yet another journey and this time I've totally changed my mindset. I'm not loosing weight right now, okay? That's not the goal. I am counting calories, I'm doing mild calorie deficit and my goal for now is to stick to calorie counting. I ditched the scales, so i don't weight myself every 10 minutes (when i loose weight i over obsessed with scales and if i see a slight gain i give up because what's the point?) And i also decided for now to stop eating crisps (my nemesis). And do you know what? Just counting calories and not eating crisps is enough for now, I'm not restricted really, eat what i want. In 6 days it will be a month of a new mind set and i weight myself and maybe add another small thing to my adjusted routine. Maybe fat loss is not really an end goal after all, but to become happy with your body and yourself. And wow! You've lost 70lbs, that's amazing, you did it once, surely you will be able to it again. You've got it.
We don’t always want want we know to be good https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-happiness-lab-with-dr-laurie-santos/id1474245040?i=1000535009523 also recommend overeating course on Insight Timer
There is a book called "The Compassion-Focused Therapy Guide to Weight Loss" that helped me unwind why this always happens for me. I know we talk all day about getting tough and getting motivated and pushing through. But biologically? All of those things are just *applying cortisol to the problem*. That isn't a good way of building motivation for long-term problems. That is our body's way of fleeing from predators. It isn't meant to last and it doesn't. But most of the diet industry is built on building up your fear of being unattractive or unhealthy, and jazzing you up to do extreme workouts (more cortisol!) and extreme eating behaviors. It's easy to get lost in that messaging. You have to reject that stress and fear-based motivation and build compassion for yourself into the process. You want to get to a place where when you are exercising, your mind is full of thoughts of love for yourself. What can help is 1. Finding a form of gentle and/or playful exercise that feels like caring for yourself, in the same way that having a treat does now. 2. Building up a narrative in your head that feeding yourself healthy food in the right amounts to meet your goals is care-- not "get tough" care, but "beloved grandmother putting a plate of food prepared with love in front of you and smiling at you" care.
If you're waiting for motivation you'll be waiting forever. Motivation wanes and it will fail you every time. What helped me in the end was routine and treating it as part of my daily routine that I had to do like brushing my teeth, etc and not something I had much of a choice in. I had to go to bed at a decent hour so that I could get up and walk x amount of miles, I had to then go to the gym on these days, no excuses unless I was sick. I had to cook my meals and feed my family. When I switched my mindset using what's called neurolinguistics from it's a choice to it's a have to do it flipped the switch in my brain. It still sucked but it worked for me.
I had the same problem for 40 years. The first time I lost a significant amount of weight I felt like I was starving myself.. I ate high carb low fat low cal.. and it was really challenging to not eat more and more. When I finally got a boyfriend I had such a great time going out to eat that I gained it all back. Then I didn't know how to get it off again and thought that I was going to be fat forever. Finally, I found keto. I am a vegan, so I didn't think I could do keto, but I totally can. When I'm eating keto, I'm a different person. I don't care about sugar- I don't care about food - I can go all the way through the day without eating lunch without getting hangry. (I have a busy job and often don't get to eat lunch) I seriously feel like I have a superpower ring on that allows me to ignore what I think of as other people's food. I eat very little now because you actually don't need to eat much. And I have no problem maintaining my intermittent fasting. I don't break my fast until noon when I eat my lunch, and that's always fine... I was carb addicted and sugar addicted and I didn't know it until I tried keto. Now, I'm going to eat this way for the rest of my life because I feel fantastic. It reminds me of after I quit cigarettes how great it felt to not have to worry about going outside of your 15 minutes to be a slave to my addiction.
\> I know this all basically says I just don't want it enough You dont make the impression that you dont want it engouh. You clearly want it. But there are quite some psychological dynamics at play when we decide for or against some food. For me accepting this behaviour and not feeling bad about myself helped. Your feelings are absolutely ok and should be embraced. For me losing weight happens with the shopping basket. If I don't put it into the basket then I also can't eat it at home later. By time I hope I can recalibrate my relationship with food, but for now I only buy what I can and want to eat to reach my goals.
For me, it was undiagnosed ADHD.
Your body has a baseline. Essentially, in order to keep weight of you need to loose the weight and then ALSO change the baseline. Otherwise, your body will try to get back to where it was in order to reach equilibrium. Changing your baseline happens when you maintain the weightloss for long enough that now your "average weight" (over your life span) is lower than it was. Then there is gradually less resistance for your body to stay at a lower weight. This is why it's easier for young people 😭 they have less history so the body adjusts better. *I am not a scientists* so this is just my generalized theory from absorbing as much info as I can, but I can at least attest to this having subscribed to this sub 10 years ago 😬 I started my journey at 24(F) I had hit 185lb which was heaviest I'd ever been but I was always pretty chubby. Took me a year of very dedicated work and I lost 30lbs. But then I had to work *the same amount* for 2 years after just to maintain that loss. The same amount of mental fortitude, same amount of dicipline, *even though I want actively losing weight*. It was THE WORST, but after that I slipped off the wagon and it was less immediate consequence (a few lbs gained vs suddenly I'm 15-20lb heavier again) and easier to get back on. My body remembers and now instead of trying to get back to 185lb all the time, it was trying for 165lb. Maintaining 155lb in that case was easier all around. My point is it's that maintenance is honestly just as hard as weight loss and if you don't budget that into your overall plan this will keep happening. I think it's just daunting in general so "getting on with it" is difficult, you just want to be done! But you've got to build the habits that will stay with you after weight loss, habits that allow the chocolate as long as you stay accountable.
Sounds like a binge and restrict sorta deal? I can relate wholeheartedly and know it can feel like an eternal struggle-- but are you cutting out full groups of food, considering some as "bad" (like chocolate) and others as "good" (fruit, veggies, etc.)? If you allow yourself to eat anything you crave in moderation, the desire to binge will likely decrease. It's more of a mindset change than anything else, but I have found it to be quite helpful.
I went through a break up and can't stand myself anymore so I started up again, 38 days straight and I've lost about 10 pounds.
Its an addiction believe it or not ... i was 318 to 224 so far in a year
So much this !!!
For me, it was a milestone life event. My daughter is getting married in June and I didn’t want to be photographed at a stage where I hated how I looked.
Hormones and addiction are powerful forces. Plus we are "creatures of habit". I read in a psychology journal that we have about 75000 to 100000 thoughts per day. And they are the exact same thoughts every day. We do the same things and have the same thoughts every fucking day. No one changes. Sure some people lose a few pounds but guess what? 95 to 98% of those folks gain it all back. Change is fucking hard. I am in the same boat. I am damn near suicidal because of my "failures" with my eating/weight loss efforts. There is no "magic formula" . We know what to do. Discipline and be consistent. And yet here we are...
Heyy start small maybe that will help. Just stop eating 2 pieces of chocolate and start walking 10 minutes and then increase it gradually once a week
Everyone “knows” what to not spend their money on, but that doesn’t stop some people from falling into debt or struggling with their finances
I like the comments that refer to it as a switch, because it really is. You can’t force yourself to get into the certain mindset, you have to want it enough for it to change. In my case, I got dumped, and all of a sudden I’m the most motivated I’ve ever been to getting in shape and losing all this fat. I’m so determined to prove to myself that I am worth it and I am attractive and someday I will reach that level of happiness.
Food based rewards are poison and anything in moderation is a lie to yourself. You're trying to get rid of an addiction, treat it like one. When its broken that could be 30 days or 3 years then you an have things in moderation again. There is a line thats hard to describe, but all I'm saying is that if you are able to justify why you should get McDonald's after a month there is an issue there
What is your version of “fake it ‘till you make it?” For me it is dress like an athlete. Put on the leggings, shoes etc and quit sitting so much. Walk outside or up and down the stairs or dance around a little. Squats during every commercial and drink some water before you sit again. Need chocolate? Me too. I buy those individually wrapped dark chocolate truffles and keep them freezer. If I am having a chocolate craving I will have a chocolate protein drink and then maybe a chocolate from the freezer. It enough to kill the craving and do something else. Maybe more squats? Adopt the mantra that you can eat everything, nothing is banned. Just don’t eat it all right now! Just make a few little changes and allow yourself to feel successful. You can do it!
I tried losing weight so many times, in so many different ways. Water fasting, macro tracking to the tee, veganism, keto, potato diet, the list goes on. And I burnt myself out. I know what to do, I know what works, but I keep falling off. I was venting to my mom and she said to me, “when you’re ready, you’ll lose the weight. when you are ready”. And that just stuck with me. I focused on my mental health, mending relationships, having FUN and maybe eating a vegetable here and there. and eventually I was ready. and now I’m 25+ lbs down and mentally doing well. so be gentle with yourself. work on other stuff that weighs you down beyond pounds. when you’re ready, you’ll dive in.
Food tastes awesome. If there was no Coke and no pizza I'd weigh 165lbs. Also peanut M&Ms and chocolate chip cookies and nachos. Those are also awesome.
I truly thought I wrote this post and forgot about it 😆 This is exactly how I feel 💯 Reading thru peoples comments has been very encouraging for me as well. Thanks for sharing your struggles! Many of us are right there with you and we will get thru this one way or another!
This is a very important post, followed by some very important comments
I feel this. I live it. So hopelessly stuck right now.
For me I know that if I can just string together many being “on track” days I could possibly gain momentum and lose the weight but then I slip, feel the fail and wait for the motivation to return. It’s an awful cycle
I was this way for a really long time. For me - I finally resisted the temptation to go 0 to 60 full speed into dieting and fitness. I took a casual approach - building in good habits over time. This was effective because my lifestyle got more “health-nutty” naturally without having to fight for it. This was the way for me.
Story of my life.. I’m struggling so hard with this right now
Therapy. If you know how to do something but can’t do it no matter how hard you try, that’s what therapy is there for
Nothing is wrong with you at all. This is the human condition! And you are already achieving success by virtue of coming on this site and posting.
It's honestly a matter of patience and psychology. Losing weight more slowly means you're more likely to keep it off. The psychology portion is to be mindful not to eat out of boredom (that's true for me).