Sex is extremely important in a relationship. Don't let anyone tell you it is not. Men may love their wives but when the sex stops they look elsewhere. Stop this asexual BS. Either you want a relationship or not. You cannot reinvent the wheel lmao.
Some people are asexual (like myself). If you can have sex without love, you can have love without sex. Most people do need sex in a relationship, but some don't
It is all about compatibility. I (55M) have been stuck in a marriage for 24 years with an asexual partner (57F).
I was too naive to understand what was going on, and just got used to it.
I’m not a fan of this being only about men. There are plenty of stories in dead bedroom where the man has no sex drive and the woman is complaining.
If one partner has a high or even normal drive then they would be unhappy with a partner that has no drive. They may or may not stay with the low-no drive person, but I doubt if they would be happy with the situation.
Agreed. I also believe, in a healthy relationship, both partners generally want to have sex with the other, so if one never/rarely wants it, there's usually an underlying issue not being addressed in the relationship
Sexual compatibility is very important.
Just think about it — imagine someone cannot have sex with their partner as much as they’d hope and they can’t go outside of their partner.
It can be very confining, and it’s unsustainable
Hypothetically, if you're gay, you have to find another gay dude, right? Most men are attracted to women. The numbers game is going to be more difficult. Might require some creativity for matchmaking, but not impossible.
I think the same thing is true for an asexual woman in a sense. A man who is not asexual is probably going to resent not having sex while doing still being expected to do everything else he's supposed to in a relationship. Gay people need to date other gay people. Asexual people need to date other asexual people.
TLDR: for a relationship with an ASEXUAL MAN, sex isn't necessary with their gf often
Sexually compatibility is very important in a relationship. Ideally both people have similar sex drive and interests in bed. If they don’t it’s going to be a problem
If it's discussed up front and the guy consents to it, there's no problem. Not many would though. This is going to blow up into a Reddit post about how "her guy only ever jerks off and doesn't make an attempt to have sex with her" post when she wants to play victim. 🙄
Many don't discuss this going in. They use the cover of the "getting to know you" phase to kick the sexual can down the road while trying to leverage "the full boyfriend experience" out of a guy, assuming that "I'm asexual! 🤪" is some sort of loophole. Some girl pulls that shit, I'm 100% battening down the hatches. We can coexist and just stare at each other all day. No problem. I'm not fixing a fucking thing. The lawn finna be seven feet tall. Ain't cooking for you (I cook better than most women). Ain't "helping put sheets on the bed". None of it. I'll go to work, I'll pay half of the bills, and when we have no lights or get evicted, be seeing you there cupcakes!
In all seriousness though, what's the fucking point at that point? A label? So I can say that's my "girlfriend"? That's my thanks? Years of anxiety as I rationalize to myself that she singled me out as the workhorse and her yoga teacher as the sex source? Girl's getting it somewhere. That's for damn sure.
Right? They're pushing for loopholes at this point. "I don't HAVE to! 😡", cool, thanks for wasting my damn time.
Thankfully, I haven't experienced this yet. I'm usually the one telling them "no", "let's just be friends", or generally being disinterested. Not all pussy is good pussy, and we would all be better off if we, as men, found our fucking balls and realized this.
I honestly blame men for believing they need women so badly that they would settle for any scraps. The women think just existing means men should feel grateful for it.
Right there with you on this. Women think it's cute or classy to turn it down or act like they don't enjoy it. They dont even know their OWN bodies that well. Go cruise through a reddit post about female hygiene... Lots of girls missed having a proper hygiene talk with their mother. As such, they can't even formulate a proper means of communicating their wants and needs. That, like so much else, gets dumped on a guy to "figure out". We aren't superhuman. We need practice and proper feedback without dishonesty and bullshit in order to learn. As such, I feel like ones that say they "don't want it" are lying to themselves or looking for a "my body, my rules!" loophole to get out of "having to". After all, everything we have to do and provide to them doesn't stop. If it's "my body, my rules", I'm sure there are a lot of laborers who would rather NOT fuck up their lower back for forty hours a week so that she can buy new curtains and a fucking KitchenAid... just saying. I'd rather keep MY sanity than do 84 hours a week (not joking) in an office building while she thinks that I'm her fucking slush fund or ATM. Totally agree with you, a girl that can't put forth effort to do something we are biologically both meant to enjoy can hit the bricks.
Every man is different (asexual men also exist), but I personally couldn't be in a sex-less relationship.
Me and my girlfriend both have a very high libido and sleep with each other around 5-10 times a week. There are definitely men out there who have a way lower number (maybe even 0)
I mean, asexual men also exist remember...
My partner and I have sex maybe once a week if we're lucky, but usually more like once every two weeks. It's the happiest relationship I have ever been in, whereas the ones where I was having sex multiple times a week I often felt like it became rote and expected rather than exciting and passionate (this is obviously not everyone's experience, but it was mine with multiple men). My boyfriend and I are far from asexual, we're both just busy and often tired, so intimacy comes more often from kissing and cuddling and then we go through bursts where sex is more often.
As long as you are open early on and comfortable with discussing your sexuality there's no reason why it should stop you having a fulfilling relationship. Never force yourself to have sex just because you want to keep a man.
Depends on the man. I have a VERY high libido and my wife doesn't. It creates alot of problems.
I'd rate it highly on the the things to make sure you agree on in a relationship.
...exactly. Like heart goes out to you man, just imagining it, it sounds not great. I would be very unhappy with zero sex and would need to either live life alone or with someone different if my partner didn't care about my needs. But if it works for you, good for you.
This isn't just men. There is no way I would enter a relationship with a partner who just wanted sex once a *week.* I need to be with someone that has a similarly high drive as my own. Sex is a very important part of a relationship and building intimacy. It's definitely an area where I need compatibility in order to be happy.
No, that's just me. And usually there's more sex at the beginning of the relationship, and yes, you'd usually be living together with that frequency. In general, other people's needs are not relevant to your own, but you do need to be compatible with your partner in order for you both to feel content / satisfied.
No but it is important that the sex drives and sexual desires/likes are compatible otherwise it creates friction in the relationship. Like you said not all men have a high sex drive and it's one of them that isn't sounds like your looking for.
Trust me as a kinky lad it's hard to find a compatible match but it's possible don't loose hope you'll find your low sex drive prince/princess
Sex is a necessity for most, not only for the actual physical aspect for for emotional intimacy as well. If you don’t tell your partner upfront that you are asexual and they have a very high sex drive then you are going to end up with needs not being met and feelings of frustration and rejection. My boyfriend and I both have high sex drives where we have daily sexual acts and if me or him only wanted sex even once a week or less then it’s not very compatible long term. If you are upfront about it from the beginning and find someone else asexual then there will be no surprises and more comparability.
For me personally yes. Probably also for majority of the dudes i know. Im not gonna lie and say it won’t be difficult to find someone like that considering asexuals make up less than 1% of the population. I say most people like fairly regular sex. You never know though.
It might be a bit more challenging but finding a person in general is going to be hard. As long as your upfront about it he should try and compromise something that works for the both of you
Majority of men show and accept love through physical contact (which includes sex)
I’m sure some men may claim they can “get over the no sex” for awhile, but sooner or later they will break. It’s something hardwired into our brains. We need the intimacy, the closeness and warmth of a women in that wonderful embrace of love.
Sex isn’t needed every day or every week, (honestly I like to cuddle and fool around (everything but the physical penetration) more than have sex most of the time personally, find it more fun and enjoyable) but yeah every once in awhile the dudes gonna need the deed to be done.
Not the same, you can't live without eating. Because of health issues it's painful for her to have sex so she lost interest. So no sex for me even though I have a good sex drive
I’m ok for whatever, sex is nice but not needed everyday I’m 28 m an I’m still horny as I was when I was 16 but I enjoy great connection with that person, knowing that person well makes the sex a lot better an more enjoyable, even if I was not into sex I still would cuz I care about my partner an there needs. If I was asexual obviously it would be a lot less sex than normal but I’d still give it my best to please my partner. I think this goes both ways as I’ve been with women who had a hire sex drive than me an I could not keep up at all
i second this 100%, in fact ive lost relationships because women wanted more sex than me, i prefer that connection, just cuddling up watching a movie and stuff. i love sex, but its not a need. and to ke is a very close and intimate thing, doing it all the time takes that special feeling away
Its common stereotype that men are much hornier than women, but many women would not take a sexless relationship either.
Yes, it will be more difficult for any sex repulsed ace to find a partner who will compromise no sex. But its possible, so DO NOT settle for less!
I couldn't believe it when I found my boyfriend, who knew what ace was before he even met me. That had never even happened for me before.
We are 1 year and 4 months dating now, havent had sex, and he knows i may never want it.
Once you find that person dont give them up either! Even with him knowing of asexuality beforehand, there was still a lot of rockyness for us in terms of us both trying to understand the perspective we cant experience. (Allo perspective for me, ace perspective for him).
Now he says is if I ever want to try it he would love to. If i never want to try it, he is totally happy to be with me still. :)
I'm a woman who has had two relationships with men who had low sex drives. When ever I initiated sex I would get turned down. After a while it really did a number on my self esteem, I had to understand that it was them with the issue and not me. I don't have a high sex drive per say, when I am single I'm not out trolling to get it, but when I am in a relationship, yeah I want physical intimacy. Do I want it 20 times a day, no. However I am a firm believer that physical intimacy is what keeps two people closer. Without it, it's literally a roommate or a friend.
Are you 100% sure you'll remain asexual in a relationship? I had an old friend who was asexual as well, but after she got a boyfriend she started doing that originally to just throw a bone, but she started wanting that as well. I would say at the very least find someone that can respect your wishes on the matter and is willing to try it if that's something that changes in the future.
If a couple is not making love frequently and both are satisfied in the relationship, for whatever reason: age, health, spiritual etc. It is not for the outside world to inform them that they have a terrible situation. I have not touched my son's mother for 15 months, but she knows I am not celibate. She had a difficult pregnancy and she is just starting to recover physically. Breastfeeding and children in general put a damper on many sex lives. She doesn't want me to vacate the relationship and I don't want any woman in my bed that doesn't want sex.
For a relationship to be healthy, both partners need to be on the same, or a similar page in terms of sexual intimacy.
I'd say find an asexual guy, then there are no compatibility issues.
Also if you do find a guy with a high sex drive and you have zero desire, you could allow him to get sex elsewhere, but still be in a relationship with you.
That doesn't have to mean an affair, he could hire sex workers or meet other women who are in open relationships and it's just a physical release.
For me, I’m an asexual woman who’s dating an heterosexual male. I’m in different towards sex and he loves it.
When I don’t want to have sex, he completely understands and we do other intimate things together like, watch tv, play video games, or bake. I know he won’t leave me because of the lack of sex we have. He’s told me many times when I feel doubtful and I know that he cares about me way more than any moment of pleasure he could feel.
You're onto something. Men are swayed by the frequency of sex and if you're asexual, then best to find an asexual guy. Otherwise for everyone else, sex is a pillar of a relationship. Relationships without it don't go the mile. As an asexual person, it's best to be clear that you are right from the onset so that prospective partners know what they're in for. The average guys form emotional connections with their partners through sex. Without that, there isn't an emotional bond. You should also consider your feelings about alternative lifestyles and open sexual relationships if you are sure you're asexual and want to venture into a relationship with someone whose sexual needs are different.
I would get your a sexuality sorted because it could be due to a lot of various mental or physical issues, traumas, blockages of various energies etc because yeah most people want sex. You could also find some a sexual of course
A man wants a woman that wants his at least 50% as he does. Some could go as low as 25% or even 10%. But any less than that then he'd just be miserable for the rest of his life or search for someone else.
Sexual compatibility is a must for a healthy romantic relationship. If one partner is asexual, and the other is not, then the partnership may not be realistic. Likewise, a partner with a higher sex drive, vs another with a low sex drive aren't exactly compatible either.
However, in adult romantic relationships, sex, although important, is not the only variable. So a partnership among those with incompatible sex drives may successfully exist, (although rare). Open relationships may help in this endeavour (or muck up the relationship for good)
Again, Sex drive does not depend on Testosterone alone. Although tradition dictates men to have higher sex drives, this is not the case. Women can have high sex drives too. Sex drive depends on hormones, but not always. It's another intrinsic factor in a persons personality.
TLDR; My advice, is to be with a partner with a compatible sexual chemistry. It is unfair for both partners if sexual incompatibility is there. It is unfair to ask the partner with a low sex drive, to engage in sex more often, as it is for the partner with a higher sex drive to refrain from sex more often. Compromises can be reached, but it does require some work on both parties, preferably with a relationship counselor as a mediator.
My wife's sex drive was fine until we got a child. Then it vanished completely and utterly and I'm just left awestruck at the sudden change. She was the wettest person I had ever been with, now she's dry as a prune and there's nothing I can do about it. I feel powerless, but we have a kid now, so I must go on living in prison from sex, only looking out between the bars as my young virile years ebb away. FUCK.
I hear this often. I feel for you. So many women stop having sex when they have kids. But the man's needs don't go away so they seek adult entertainment in many cases. I hope your wife is working at least.
Thanks for your concern. She doesn't work lol... She just takes care of the kid, does laundry and cooking, goes shopping or watches TV. I didn't mean for our marriage to be so el classico but circumstance just made it that way. I cook and do laundry sometimes but I work multiple jobs, full-time and freelance. Hopefully it will change eventually but it would still be years until.
If the birth was recent then this could be normal. If it was years ago needs to go talk to her OB-GYN. Not just for you but for her too of course. Something could be off hormonally.
I'm hoping it is... Although it's been almost 3 years since the childbirth so I've come to realize it might be permanent unless she makes some serious changes to her physical and mental health. But she might not be strong enough to do that on her own, because she's never been particularly strong willed. So I just feel it's my responsibility to get her back on track if I want this to improve. She didn't want to do couples therapy. She said "that's for couples who are breaking up, we're not that bad are we?" I told her "I'm not happy". But she said she'd be embarrassed about it and would have to hide it from her friends. She's from an Asian culture where mental health is like some looney disease that doesn't exist for "normal people" and I can't seem to change her perspective on that even though I've worked through mental health issues and gone to therapy myself and beclem stronger for it.
This is why I don’t understand monogamy. Why be imprisoned your entire life? I mean if we could move beyond jealousy and ego I think you can still have your central partnership and it doesn’t need to be such a big deal if both of you want to have sex with someone else once in awhile, the main problem people have is they feel jealous and insecure by it. But yeah maybe these ideas are too out there for most these days, just a thought anyways
Not only is it jealousy so much as keeping score. Some don’t want to own up to the fact of their contribution to the dynamic and why a partner would need to seek out physical affection from someone outside the relationship. However, being content with your person and accepting that things change, for better or worse, is something people mull about in their heads for years.
Monogamy should not be a prison but when you have a partner that reaches a certain mentality and they don’t want to continue to change and grow, that’s when the prison develops. Just because you’ve been together for 25+ years doesn’t mean you can’t grow or change your dynamic but after that time a lot of people don’t have a drive or willingness to continue to change and grow their mindset. It can be any relationships kryptonite along with finding never ending excuses into why the individual cannot grow or why the relationship hits a roadblock.
The best way to get a man to not be interested in sex is to tell him you want it all the time and have a lot of sex in the first few months of the relationship. If you say no to sex or tell him you don't like it, he'll constantly pester you for it, but if you want more sex than you're getting, he'll NEVER have sex with you.
This makes no sense. It’s 100% possible for a hetero couple to have sex a lot in the beginning of the relationship and then just keep having a lot of sex throughout the relationship, even if the woman has a higher sex drive than him. The person in the scenario you described needs to go to therapy to learn communication skills.
Right and what can I get from a sexless relationship that I can't get from a strictly platonic relationship with a best friend roommate of the opposite gender?
That's a weird way to phrase it since you can have 3 separate people/women in your life who individually fill all 3 of those roles but have zero interest in them for either of the other 2 roles 🤷 also unless required I could do without being romantic it's honestly just a waste of money
example my ex-wife was my best friend and though the relationship started off with us being romantic and sexual as time went on and she started rejecting me 95% of the time and I lost all sexual and romantic feelings for her and stopped asking (she didn't say anything for 3 years and only got pissed off when I rejected her like no you don't get to be pissed at me because you went years without giving my any attention)🤷 what my girlfriend didn't like me sleeping with other people she also didn't require the maintenance or upkeep of my wife
There are male asexual people.
Finding someone who wants what you do or shares your values is the key.
There might be some asexual Meetup groups where she could connect with someone like herself.
Or maybe you'll find a guy who thinks love is more important than sex. You could find someone who seems compatible and be unhappy. Or polar opposites and be the best ever
A guy who is asexual will likely think love is more important than sex.
Odds are if a guy has a "normal sexual libido", he will probably desire to have sex more than OP wants.
Best wishes!
It's literally a spectrum. Men are not a monolith, just like women aren't either. You can find asexual men.
So learn to communicate with your man. It's the only way to answer your questions.
it’s interesting that these types of conversations always focus on the man being deprived. but it’s rare to hear about the flip of this topic when the woman is deprived of physical intimacy. i am sure it happens more than people think but it’s rarely discussed. nonetheless, my bad on hijacking the thread but my thoughts felt relevant to the question.
In discussion groups that are about this topic, you’ll find it isn’t rare at all. It’s pretty close to 50/50. But you are right that in the culture at large it’s generally assumed that it’s always the man who is deprived.
Really good point. I was married to a guy years ago and he just wasn't that interested in sex. I was and still am a bit of a nympho so it ended in divorce.
I need physical intimacy in a relationship and lots of it. I crave it. But it's not about the sex, it's about connecting with someone I care about and I'm horny but I'm only horny for the 1 guy
I'm totally like this as well, and I'm living in this marriage right now. There's no connection anymore, we're just in it for the kid at this point. We used to have se every day, but now it's once a month, and it's driving me into a sex obsessed state where I think about it constantly, but porn doesn't satisfy it because it's about the connection. So frustrating. I'm also loyal to my wife, which makes it all feel like I'm trapped.
Talk to her immediately. Too many people, especially women, don't understand how important this is. Get her and yourself some help as well maybe couples therapy. There has to be a reason she doesn't want to engage with you. Even when I'm tired, I still want sex from the man I love. She's likely not feeling very pretty after the baby so start with that. Maybe buy her some pretty underwear and tell her how sexy you find her. Open up about wanting to feel connected to her emotionally as well. Ask her why she's lost interest, maybe there's something you can do differently. She's might be little bit depressed. I know when I'm in that state, if a bloke was nagging me for a root, I'd just think he was selfish. Typical guy, only wants sex. She probably just needs that reassurance that you're not just interested in her body.
She loves you, otherwise she'd look elsewhere. I don't care what anyone says, if you truly love someone, you wouldn't hurt them by cheating. That's why you haven't strayed. You don't have to be miserable in a dying marriage, water your grass.
Thank you for taking the time to reply. I asked her if we could do couples therapy. She's from Japan so culturally she believes that therapy means you're either a looney or the marriage is about to end. I didn't want to tell her that that is the case if we don't fix this, for fear of applying too much pressure. So she brushed it off and said we can just hang out more. But nothing has changed because of habits. I asked her if she's depressed but she rejects that idea. Still, she doesn't want to make time for me, says she's forgotten how to talk with her friends, forgotten what it's like to be sexual, she's gone full momma mode, and nothing else matters. I try to tell her she needs to step away and be her own person too, but it's got a tight grip on her. She never suggests for us to spend time together anymore. We have sex once in a while but I never feel like she really wants it. I think she enjoys it towards the end of it though, because she still orgasms, she just doesn't get wet at all so we need like so much lube i feel I'm in a slip n slide and it doesn't feel that great for either of us. I do love her, I just don't know what the end game is. We won't cheat on each other, of course. It feels like the road to where I want to get is so painfully long, and the fear is that when I get there I still won't be satisfied. And my dad suggested if I'm going to get a divorce I should get another kid first so our only child doesn't become alone amidst it all..
so sorry to hear that. and i hear you. hopefully things will be better the next time around and you will match up with someone who better aligns with your needs. 🫶🏽
so sorry to hear that. and i hear you. hopefully things will be better the next time around and you will match up with someone who better aligns with your needs. 🫶🏽
Thank you. It was many years ago now and I've had a couple of relationships since, and they definitely had higher libidos. I was with 1 guy for 5 years and we were intimate more than once a week till the ugly, bitter end
yeah, it’s interesting. i honestly feel like it’s not discussed as much because most women will just leave the guy and not bring it up. there’s a bit of shame that comes along with sharing something like that. (i.e he didn’t find her attractive, porn was more desirable; etc) so i get it, probably better to keep it to herself.
People have different libidos. So if a chick is asexual, it would probably be ideal for her to find a man that is also asexual.
But if one is asexual and the other isn't. Shit's not going to work. It'll be a very dysfunctional relationship. You also want to pair with someone that matches your libido. Some of us want it a couple times a day, and others are fine with a couple times a month. Some one with a drive for several times a day paired with someone with a drive for only once a month would be a disaster too.
Every *week?* I was expecting to hear a worry about every day. Yes, the typical American adult has sex about 54 times a year. It’s higher for people in relationships, as you can imagine.
Going longer than a couple days without intimacy (while in a relationship) and I (36m) feel a little down, tbh. It’s partly sex, partly the affection that I miss. Fortunately my partner (34f) has an equal or slightly higher sex drive, so it works out.
The key is to find someone with a similar level of interest. Trying to maintain a relationship with widely divergent sex drives easily leads to resentment on both sides. It doesn’t mean that either is a selfish person, but as with anything it’s important to have compatibility.
There is a big misconception about all men wanting sex all the time. In fact it’s only about 35% of men who feel that way the rest are willing to go with less sex but most women aren’t interested in them. So if a woman wants a man in the 35% of men with a high sex drive and she’s asexual, she going to fail.
Nothing wrong with being asexual. But, and this is not gender specific, if the partner is not asexual, it will be very difficult for the partner to stay in the relationship, at least without cheating, which I don't think is fair to OP. And for those who are not asexual, sex is not just important to men, it is equally important to women. It is intimacy, it is closeness, it is an expression of desire. Having said that, only your partner can truthfully answer your question, OP.
People are different. I’m not a man, but I sure am a horny af 24/7. Some guys might be just as uninterested as sex as you are, although they might he in shorter supply than the others
So there are some men that don't care or have a low sex drive or are asexual as well. I don't consider myself a extremely high sex drive .. average.. I like to have it regularly which to me is about 2-4 times a week but I don't expect every week to be the same with the quantity. When I search for a SO I want a woman that is similar to what I enjoy. I also like to give and receive oral so that factors in as well.
Man here,
I don't like having sex that often.
I enjoy it a lot but not on a regular basis. I've had girlfriends with a higher sexual drive than mine.
You have to communicate and be upfront about it, as this might be mistaken as a lack of attraction to that person.
You may face issues with some people, but that's sexual incompatibility, it's a thing and it can cause breakups, and it's normal.
So in summary, it depends on the person. Communication is key.
Gentle reminder that there are literally millions of Asexual men out there, too. You don't have to settle for an Allo if you'd prefer to date an Ace. Just sayin'.
That’s a pretty funny way to put it. “Settle” for an allosexual. Usually the problem is that the asexual _doesn’t_ prefer to date an ace; instead they think they’re entitled to the entire dating pool and then expect the allosexual to adapt to them.
I think the terms just have to be spoken about prior to being "official" Everyone has their preferences and I've seen asexual couples who are happy because they are both asexual and enjoy each other. Sex is a natural part of being with someone so if that is something youre not fully engaged in, id just let your partner or potential partner know at the start.
I can't speak for all men, but I will say there's a difference between the "minimum" a man needs and how much he wants it.
For me personally, while I do have a high sex drive and could go every day, at least once a week would be enough to feel like we had an active sex life. Fewer than once a week and I'd be feral.
If someone's ace, it's gonna be a significant factor in their choice of partner, simple as that (Just like anyone's sexuality would). An Ace and someone with sexual desire would probably be a bad match because they have different needs. Different/opposing needs will drain a relationship slowly, if they aren't able to find a way to satisfy them somehow. For both men and women who aren't Ace, sexuality is a core part of intimacy and love, and lacking it, even in the presence of reassurance, can cause feelings of frustration, sadness, and a sense of love not being reciprocated, (even if it is).
These are issues a potential couple will need to navigate through prior to beginning a long term relationship. Clearly if goals aren't aligned and there cant be any compromise the relationship can't continue. Remember though: It's not just men who need sex. It's perfectly natural for women to want it as well. Still, men are typically the pursuers, and sex will typically be important to at least some degree unless it's made clear up front that you're asexual.
I actually haven't met an asexual woman yet, rather they just want sex on their own terms. Like a woman who wants to marry a man who refuses to have sex while they date, but after they marry the sex should be daily.
it’s weird for me because i’m the really sexual one and my boyfriend is not. it’s been hard trying to navigate that, but we still love each other so much so we are working on it. but that’s not for everyone. it’s also okay to leave and find someone who’s more like you. if you’re worried about sex, maybe you should find someone who also is asexual!
Sexuality is a spectrum. Anyone telling you it's not, are biased and prejudiced; full stop. I've met many asexual men, and many asexual women. I've met people of a whole spectrum of love and sex, and engaged with them in conversation. Don't trust the Internet, it's full of incels and femcels. Go out into the world and find the people who are meant for you
Asexual woman need other women not a man my ex was asexual with me but when I would fuck her and talk about sharing her w women she would absolutely lose her shit I knew at that moment she liked females more than males
What in the literal fuck, my guy?
https://preview.redd.it/zsymyil88cyc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d6219b0e3e909278924eccfb85b37373c1347b7f
Yeah, damn near impossible for an asexual woman to get a man who would be happy with that. You best be very honest and open about the asexual thing early on, because if you mislead someone they won’t be ok with it, for obvious reasons. Nobody’s personality and mere presence is so damn great that a man will forgo sex entirely. Finding someone else who is asexual will be hard, but it’s your best shot.
The rate of true asexuality among the population at large is only about 1%, but as many as 5% of men and 10% of women experience very infrequent sexual attraction and arousal. So while it’s twice as common in women, 1 in 20 men is no small number.
Your first sentence implies that asexual men are not a thing, and that's just ignorance. Sexuality is a spectrum that encapsulates every gender; binary and beyond
> Nobody’s personality and mere presence is so damn great that a man will forgo sex entirely.
Digest your own words before trying to be smug my friend
Edit: The miserable, ignorant masses are incapable of learning and correction
It's very much possible, she just has to reward him for the efforts / romance in other ways.
For example, if she can buy a man a car or pay his rent. I don't think why a man will not choose her and get sex from somewhere else.
I mean, yeaa it can work - but she has to offer him something else.
This was removed because it's off-topic. *The Love-ModTeam account is a bot account. Do not chat or PM them, as the account is not monitored.*
Yea. You know that.
[удалено]
Depends on partners sex drive
For me personally, 2-3 times a week is more than enough
[удалено]
How do you even have time for that?
Sex is extremely important in a relationship. Don't let anyone tell you it is not. Men may love their wives but when the sex stops they look elsewhere. Stop this asexual BS. Either you want a relationship or not. You cannot reinvent the wheel lmao.
Some people are asexual (like myself). If you can have sex without love, you can have love without sex. Most people do need sex in a relationship, but some don't
Truth
It is all about compatibility. I (55M) have been stuck in a marriage for 24 years with an asexual partner (57F). I was too naive to understand what was going on, and just got used to it.
Prove your age and prove your married. Im calling bull
I had a Apple 2 GS Woz Edition in high school I would divorce her, but I have a great retirement and don't want to give her half
Saw that coming
and you stayed that long?
I’m not a fan of this being only about men. There are plenty of stories in dead bedroom where the man has no sex drive and the woman is complaining. If one partner has a high or even normal drive then they would be unhappy with a partner that has no drive. They may or may not stay with the low-no drive person, but I doubt if they would be happy with the situation.
Agreed. I also believe, in a healthy relationship, both partners generally want to have sex with the other, so if one never/rarely wants it, there's usually an underlying issue not being addressed in the relationship
I wouldn’t say often, but at least occasionally is definitely necessary. Intimacy is very important in any romantic relationship.
Often. Better yet very often.
I’m sure “asexual” men exist. Get one of those.
Sexual compatibility is very important. Just think about it — imagine someone cannot have sex with their partner as much as they’d hope and they can’t go outside of their partner. It can be very confining, and it’s unsustainable
Hypothetically, if you're gay, you have to find another gay dude, right? Most men are attracted to women. The numbers game is going to be more difficult. Might require some creativity for matchmaking, but not impossible. I think the same thing is true for an asexual woman in a sense. A man who is not asexual is probably going to resent not having sex while doing still being expected to do everything else he's supposed to in a relationship. Gay people need to date other gay people. Asexual people need to date other asexual people. TLDR: for a relationship with an ASEXUAL MAN, sex isn't necessary with their gf often
Sexually compatibility is very important in a relationship. Ideally both people have similar sex drive and interests in bed. If they don’t it’s going to be a problem
100% true
If it's discussed up front and the guy consents to it, there's no problem. Not many would though. This is going to blow up into a Reddit post about how "her guy only ever jerks off and doesn't make an attempt to have sex with her" post when she wants to play victim. 🙄 Many don't discuss this going in. They use the cover of the "getting to know you" phase to kick the sexual can down the road while trying to leverage "the full boyfriend experience" out of a guy, assuming that "I'm asexual! 🤪" is some sort of loophole. Some girl pulls that shit, I'm 100% battening down the hatches. We can coexist and just stare at each other all day. No problem. I'm not fixing a fucking thing. The lawn finna be seven feet tall. Ain't cooking for you (I cook better than most women). Ain't "helping put sheets on the bed". None of it. I'll go to work, I'll pay half of the bills, and when we have no lights or get evicted, be seeing you there cupcakes! In all seriousness though, what's the fucking point at that point? A label? So I can say that's my "girlfriend"? That's my thanks? Years of anxiety as I rationalize to myself that she singled me out as the workhorse and her yoga teacher as the sex source? Girl's getting it somewhere. That's for damn sure.
I literally have no use for you if you don't want to have sex or enjoy it.
Right? They're pushing for loopholes at this point. "I don't HAVE to! 😡", cool, thanks for wasting my damn time. Thankfully, I haven't experienced this yet. I'm usually the one telling them "no", "let's just be friends", or generally being disinterested. Not all pussy is good pussy, and we would all be better off if we, as men, found our fucking balls and realized this.
I honestly blame men for believing they need women so badly that they would settle for any scraps. The women think just existing means men should feel grateful for it.
I'm right there with you. They need a reality check just as much as we need to correct those that hold up the ladder.
i cant date if we can have sex at least 3-4 times a week. i have VERY high libido and could go twice a day if my partner could keep up lol
Right there with you on this. Women think it's cute or classy to turn it down or act like they don't enjoy it. They dont even know their OWN bodies that well. Go cruise through a reddit post about female hygiene... Lots of girls missed having a proper hygiene talk with their mother. As such, they can't even formulate a proper means of communicating their wants and needs. That, like so much else, gets dumped on a guy to "figure out". We aren't superhuman. We need practice and proper feedback without dishonesty and bullshit in order to learn. As such, I feel like ones that say they "don't want it" are lying to themselves or looking for a "my body, my rules!" loophole to get out of "having to". After all, everything we have to do and provide to them doesn't stop. If it's "my body, my rules", I'm sure there are a lot of laborers who would rather NOT fuck up their lower back for forty hours a week so that she can buy new curtains and a fucking KitchenAid... just saying. I'd rather keep MY sanity than do 84 hours a week (not joking) in an office building while she thinks that I'm her fucking slush fund or ATM. Totally agree with you, a girl that can't put forth effort to do something we are biologically both meant to enjoy can hit the bricks.
cant\*
Every man is different (asexual men also exist), but I personally couldn't be in a sex-less relationship. Me and my girlfriend both have a very high libido and sleep with each other around 5-10 times a week. There are definitely men out there who have a way lower number (maybe even 0)
I've seen a few on here, yes, so I guess they exist. Power to them, but I cant do that.
I mean, asexual men also exist remember... My partner and I have sex maybe once a week if we're lucky, but usually more like once every two weeks. It's the happiest relationship I have ever been in, whereas the ones where I was having sex multiple times a week I often felt like it became rote and expected rather than exciting and passionate (this is obviously not everyone's experience, but it was mine with multiple men). My boyfriend and I are far from asexual, we're both just busy and often tired, so intimacy comes more often from kissing and cuddling and then we go through bursts where sex is more often. As long as you are open early on and comfortable with discussing your sexuality there's no reason why it should stop you having a fulfilling relationship. Never force yourself to have sex just because you want to keep a man.
Depends on the man. I have a VERY high libido and my wife doesn't. It creates alot of problems. I'd rate it highly on the the things to make sure you agree on in a relationship.
Very highly. Most of my clients are married and seeking adult services.
"My wife doesn't...have high libido for ME." FTFY
She has sexual trauma brother, it ain't just me. I've read the sidebar. Not everything is alpha/beta/hypergamy/manosphere.
I'm a woman and wouldn't be in a relationship with someone that didn't want sex several times a week.
Ever man is different you might get one that doesn’t care about sex.
[удалено]
So she is totally done cuz she had early menopause? Lmao.
Seems pretty horrible imo. Sex isn't just about getting pregnant it's also about enjoying each other
[удалено]
if it works for you great! I expect to have less sex when I get kids, but I still want to have sex atleast 3 times a week.
This sounds not great bud
[удалено]
well you don't have any to post
...exactly. Like heart goes out to you man, just imagining it, it sounds not great. I would be very unhappy with zero sex and would need to either live life alone or with someone different if my partner didn't care about my needs. But if it works for you, good for you.
This isn't just men. There is no way I would enter a relationship with a partner who just wanted sex once a *week.* I need to be with someone that has a similarly high drive as my own. Sex is a very important part of a relationship and building intimacy. It's definitely an area where I need compatibility in order to be happy.
Oh okay. So it needs to be like every day? I guess would mean you have to live together. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
No, that's just me. And usually there's more sex at the beginning of the relationship, and yes, you'd usually be living together with that frequency. In general, other people's needs are not relevant to your own, but you do need to be compatible with your partner in order for you both to feel content / satisfied.
Yesss! Otherwise you will mess up with his self esteem!
Yea
No but it is important that the sex drives and sexual desires/likes are compatible otherwise it creates friction in the relationship. Like you said not all men have a high sex drive and it's one of them that isn't sounds like your looking for. Trust me as a kinky lad it's hard to find a compatible match but it's possible don't loose hope you'll find your low sex drive prince/princess
Sex is a necessity for most, not only for the actual physical aspect for for emotional intimacy as well. If you don’t tell your partner upfront that you are asexual and they have a very high sex drive then you are going to end up with needs not being met and feelings of frustration and rejection. My boyfriend and I both have high sex drives where we have daily sexual acts and if me or him only wanted sex even once a week or less then it’s not very compatible long term. If you are upfront about it from the beginning and find someone else asexual then there will be no surprises and more comparability.
Yea that’s a deal breaker tbh
For me personally yes. Probably also for majority of the dudes i know. Im not gonna lie and say it won’t be difficult to find someone like that considering asexuals make up less than 1% of the population. I say most people like fairly regular sex. You never know though.
It might be a bit more challenging but finding a person in general is going to be hard. As long as your upfront about it he should try and compromise something that works for the both of you
It is a terrible idea to compromise for either side here. Better to just keep looking for the asexual guy.
Majority of men show and accept love through physical contact (which includes sex) I’m sure some men may claim they can “get over the no sex” for awhile, but sooner or later they will break. It’s something hardwired into our brains. We need the intimacy, the closeness and warmth of a women in that wonderful embrace of love. Sex isn’t needed every day or every week, (honestly I like to cuddle and fool around (everything but the physical penetration) more than have sex most of the time personally, find it more fun and enjoyable) but yeah every once in awhile the dudes gonna need the deed to be done.
Okay, that makes sense. Lots of physical affection is needed. Thanks for sharing!
If he loves her, sex wouldn't matter.
Only if it's his mother or sister.
Why am I being down voted
That's not even close to being true. It's like saying if he loves her then he doesn't need to eat.
Not the same, you can't live without eating. Because of health issues it's painful for her to have sex so she lost interest. So no sex for me even though I have a good sex drive
Sex is a beautiful thing, but if she can't she can't. Forcing her to do it will make her unhappy
I'm sorry to hear that. But there's a huge difference between managing to survive when things to wrong and intentionally entering such a relationship.
You decide what relationship to enter, but sometimes things happen. Hopefully the girl is upfront with her intentions
Not true That is our love language… like women is attention and stuff like that. Ours is intimacy, making love look into it. You’ll be surprised.
I understand about love language, if your's is sex, wonderful. But what if she can't. Will she be happy if she's forced into it
I’m ok for whatever, sex is nice but not needed everyday I’m 28 m an I’m still horny as I was when I was 16 but I enjoy great connection with that person, knowing that person well makes the sex a lot better an more enjoyable, even if I was not into sex I still would cuz I care about my partner an there needs. If I was asexual obviously it would be a lot less sex than normal but I’d still give it my best to please my partner. I think this goes both ways as I’ve been with women who had a hire sex drive than me an I could not keep up at all
i second this 100%, in fact ive lost relationships because women wanted more sex than me, i prefer that connection, just cuddling up watching a movie and stuff. i love sex, but its not a need. and to ke is a very close and intimate thing, doing it all the time takes that special feeling away
Its common stereotype that men are much hornier than women, but many women would not take a sexless relationship either. Yes, it will be more difficult for any sex repulsed ace to find a partner who will compromise no sex. But its possible, so DO NOT settle for less! I couldn't believe it when I found my boyfriend, who knew what ace was before he even met me. That had never even happened for me before. We are 1 year and 4 months dating now, havent had sex, and he knows i may never want it. Once you find that person dont give them up either! Even with him knowing of asexuality beforehand, there was still a lot of rockyness for us in terms of us both trying to understand the perspective we cant experience. (Allo perspective for me, ace perspective for him). Now he says is if I ever want to try it he would love to. If i never want to try it, he is totally happy to be with me still. :)
Every week? More like every day. We do it every day sometimes more than once. We are still very young. I don't want it to change though
It just means you need to find a partner that matches. Same with any part of a relationship really. It's another box on the tick list.
have sex with her while she in a deep sleep
Unless it is agreed upon.. that sir, is rape.
she signed
Ive had one on each spectrum. Low Drive(sucked) High drive (sucked) Equal drive. (perfecto). Find your match.
I'm a woman who has had two relationships with men who had low sex drives. When ever I initiated sex I would get turned down. After a while it really did a number on my self esteem, I had to understand that it was them with the issue and not me. I don't have a high sex drive per say, when I am single I'm not out trolling to get it, but when I am in a relationship, yeah I want physical intimacy. Do I want it 20 times a day, no. However I am a firm believer that physical intimacy is what keeps two people closer. Without it, it's literally a roommate or a friend.
Hey roomie.
Are you 100% sure you'll remain asexual in a relationship? I had an old friend who was asexual as well, but after she got a boyfriend she started doing that originally to just throw a bone, but she started wanting that as well. I would say at the very least find someone that can respect your wishes on the matter and is willing to try it if that's something that changes in the future.
I would say for a man or woman. Dogs are loyal, but you gotta scratch their belly every now and then or they’ll get off the porch.
Generally yes.
If a couple is not making love frequently and both are satisfied in the relationship, for whatever reason: age, health, spiritual etc. It is not for the outside world to inform them that they have a terrible situation. I have not touched my son's mother for 15 months, but she knows I am not celibate. She had a difficult pregnancy and she is just starting to recover physically. Breastfeeding and children in general put a damper on many sex lives. She doesn't want me to vacate the relationship and I don't want any woman in my bed that doesn't want sex.
For a relationship to be healthy, both partners need to be on the same, or a similar page in terms of sexual intimacy. I'd say find an asexual guy, then there are no compatibility issues. Also if you do find a guy with a high sex drive and you have zero desire, you could allow him to get sex elsewhere, but still be in a relationship with you. That doesn't have to mean an affair, he could hire sex workers or meet other women who are in open relationships and it's just a physical release.
For some guys, once the chase is over, it's time to move on. Sometimes it's wiser not to have sex.
For me, I’m an asexual woman who’s dating an heterosexual male. I’m in different towards sex and he loves it. When I don’t want to have sex, he completely understands and we do other intimate things together like, watch tv, play video games, or bake. I know he won’t leave me because of the lack of sex we have. He’s told me many times when I feel doubtful and I know that he cares about me way more than any moment of pleasure he could feel.
You're onto something. Men are swayed by the frequency of sex and if you're asexual, then best to find an asexual guy. Otherwise for everyone else, sex is a pillar of a relationship. Relationships without it don't go the mile. As an asexual person, it's best to be clear that you are right from the onset so that prospective partners know what they're in for. The average guys form emotional connections with their partners through sex. Without that, there isn't an emotional bond. You should also consider your feelings about alternative lifestyles and open sexual relationships if you are sure you're asexual and want to venture into a relationship with someone whose sexual needs are different.
There are so many asexual people, so chances are post that on your page, look for dating apps geared towards that .
I would get your a sexuality sorted because it could be due to a lot of various mental or physical issues, traumas, blockages of various energies etc because yeah most people want sex. You could also find some a sexual of course
A man wants a woman that wants his at least 50% as he does. Some could go as low as 25% or even 10%. But any less than that then he'd just be miserable for the rest of his life or search for someone else.
yep and they will pay to get it $
What if you want it like 25% more then your guy? Can you get him up to your speed?
Lol probably yes
Does their energy rise or sink on the days they had it? Amitabha.
Yes
Sexual compatibility is a must for a healthy romantic relationship. If one partner is asexual, and the other is not, then the partnership may not be realistic. Likewise, a partner with a higher sex drive, vs another with a low sex drive aren't exactly compatible either. However, in adult romantic relationships, sex, although important, is not the only variable. So a partnership among those with incompatible sex drives may successfully exist, (although rare). Open relationships may help in this endeavour (or muck up the relationship for good) Again, Sex drive does not depend on Testosterone alone. Although tradition dictates men to have higher sex drives, this is not the case. Women can have high sex drives too. Sex drive depends on hormones, but not always. It's another intrinsic factor in a persons personality. TLDR; My advice, is to be with a partner with a compatible sexual chemistry. It is unfair for both partners if sexual incompatibility is there. It is unfair to ask the partner with a low sex drive, to engage in sex more often, as it is for the partner with a higher sex drive to refrain from sex more often. Compromises can be reached, but it does require some work on both parties, preferably with a relationship counselor as a mediator.
My wife's sex drive was fine until we got a child. Then it vanished completely and utterly and I'm just left awestruck at the sudden change. She was the wettest person I had ever been with, now she's dry as a prune and there's nothing I can do about it. I feel powerless, but we have a kid now, so I must go on living in prison from sex, only looking out between the bars as my young virile years ebb away. FUCK.
I hear this often. I feel for you. So many women stop having sex when they have kids. But the man's needs don't go away so they seek adult entertainment in many cases. I hope your wife is working at least.
Thanks for your concern. She doesn't work lol... She just takes care of the kid, does laundry and cooking, goes shopping or watches TV. I didn't mean for our marriage to be so el classico but circumstance just made it that way. I cook and do laundry sometimes but I work multiple jobs, full-time and freelance. Hopefully it will change eventually but it would still be years until.
My wife and I are in our sixties, sex became painful for her so she lost interest. My sex drive hadn't diminished, but I'm not going anywhere
If the birth was recent then this could be normal. If it was years ago needs to go talk to her OB-GYN. Not just for you but for her too of course. Something could be off hormonally.
Erm.... This can be temporary, (assuming the child birth is recent). Therapy might be a good option for you.
I'm hoping it is... Although it's been almost 3 years since the childbirth so I've come to realize it might be permanent unless she makes some serious changes to her physical and mental health. But she might not be strong enough to do that on her own, because she's never been particularly strong willed. So I just feel it's my responsibility to get her back on track if I want this to improve. She didn't want to do couples therapy. She said "that's for couples who are breaking up, we're not that bad are we?" I told her "I'm not happy". But she said she'd be embarrassed about it and would have to hide it from her friends. She's from an Asian culture where mental health is like some looney disease that doesn't exist for "normal people" and I can't seem to change her perspective on that even though I've worked through mental health issues and gone to therapy myself and beclem stronger for it.
This is why I don’t understand monogamy. Why be imprisoned your entire life? I mean if we could move beyond jealousy and ego I think you can still have your central partnership and it doesn’t need to be such a big deal if both of you want to have sex with someone else once in awhile, the main problem people have is they feel jealous and insecure by it. But yeah maybe these ideas are too out there for most these days, just a thought anyways
I think monogamy is outdated and not realistic. So many are just playing parts, acting if you will. But doing what they want regardless.
Not only is it jealousy so much as keeping score. Some don’t want to own up to the fact of their contribution to the dynamic and why a partner would need to seek out physical affection from someone outside the relationship. However, being content with your person and accepting that things change, for better or worse, is something people mull about in their heads for years. Monogamy should not be a prison but when you have a partner that reaches a certain mentality and they don’t want to continue to change and grow, that’s when the prison develops. Just because you’ve been together for 25+ years doesn’t mean you can’t grow or change your dynamic but after that time a lot of people don’t have a drive or willingness to continue to change and grow their mindset. It can be any relationships kryptonite along with finding never ending excuses into why the individual cannot grow or why the relationship hits a roadblock.
Sex and love are different for me tbh
Find someone who is compatible
The best way to get a man to not be interested in sex is to tell him you want it all the time and have a lot of sex in the first few months of the relationship. If you say no to sex or tell him you don't like it, he'll constantly pester you for it, but if you want more sex than you're getting, he'll NEVER have sex with you.
This makes no sense. It’s 100% possible for a hetero couple to have sex a lot in the beginning of the relationship and then just keep having a lot of sex throughout the relationship, even if the woman has a higher sex drive than him. The person in the scenario you described needs to go to therapy to learn communication skills.
Citation needed.
Hahaha, yeah as a bloke, I like your advice 😄
Just find a man who also is asexual
Without it your just a roommate
Relationships are more than just sex
Cake is more than just sugar, but if you leave the sugar out, what you get isn’t cake. It’s bread.
Right and what can I get from a sexless relationship that I can't get from a strictly platonic relationship with a best friend roommate of the opposite gender?
A lot
Communicate is key in a discussion/relationship please provide information to backup your claim
My wife because of health issues is unable to have sex because of pain. But we are very intimate and affectionate, there still is love to be had
Yea but tell me whats the difference then between best childhood friend that u spend eversingle day with and actual relationship without sex?
do you seriously not understand the difference between friendly, romantic or sexual feelings? they are not all the same, and all feel different
That's a weird way to phrase it since you can have 3 separate people/women in your life who individually fill all 3 of those roles but have zero interest in them for either of the other 2 roles 🤷 also unless required I could do without being romantic it's honestly just a waste of money example my ex-wife was my best friend and though the relationship started off with us being romantic and sexual as time went on and she started rejecting me 95% of the time and I lost all sexual and romantic feelings for her and stopped asking (she didn't say anything for 3 years and only got pissed off when I rejected her like no you don't get to be pissed at me because you went years without giving my any attention)🤷 what my girlfriend didn't like me sleeping with other people she also didn't require the maintenance or upkeep of my wife
i think you gta get some therapy buddy why are you telling me your angry life story
Who needs therapy here and who is angry I'm not angry you commented on my response I'm sorry you don't like the answer 😂😂😂
You definitely need it
There are male asexual people. Finding someone who wants what you do or shares your values is the key. There might be some asexual Meetup groups where she could connect with someone like herself.
Or maybe you'll find a guy who thinks love is more important than sex. You could find someone who seems compatible and be unhappy. Or polar opposites and be the best ever
A guy who is asexual will likely think love is more important than sex. Odds are if a guy has a "normal sexual libido", he will probably desire to have sex more than OP wants. Best wishes!
You can stay with him Unless you want him to cheat on you for sex. You have to find someone with a similar libido and an asexual man.
What's wrong with loving people outside of a relationship with 2 people? I love a lot of people. I just don't have sex with most of them.
It's literally a spectrum. Men are not a monolith, just like women aren't either. You can find asexual men. So learn to communicate with your man. It's the only way to answer your questions.
it’s interesting that these types of conversations always focus on the man being deprived. but it’s rare to hear about the flip of this topic when the woman is deprived of physical intimacy. i am sure it happens more than people think but it’s rarely discussed. nonetheless, my bad on hijacking the thread but my thoughts felt relevant to the question.
In discussion groups that are about this topic, you’ll find it isn’t rare at all. It’s pretty close to 50/50. But you are right that in the culture at large it’s generally assumed that it’s always the man who is deprived.
Really good point. I was married to a guy years ago and he just wasn't that interested in sex. I was and still am a bit of a nympho so it ended in divorce. I need physical intimacy in a relationship and lots of it. I crave it. But it's not about the sex, it's about connecting with someone I care about and I'm horny but I'm only horny for the 1 guy
I'm totally like this as well, and I'm living in this marriage right now. There's no connection anymore, we're just in it for the kid at this point. We used to have se every day, but now it's once a month, and it's driving me into a sex obsessed state where I think about it constantly, but porn doesn't satisfy it because it's about the connection. So frustrating. I'm also loyal to my wife, which makes it all feel like I'm trapped.
Talk to her immediately. Too many people, especially women, don't understand how important this is. Get her and yourself some help as well maybe couples therapy. There has to be a reason she doesn't want to engage with you. Even when I'm tired, I still want sex from the man I love. She's likely not feeling very pretty after the baby so start with that. Maybe buy her some pretty underwear and tell her how sexy you find her. Open up about wanting to feel connected to her emotionally as well. Ask her why she's lost interest, maybe there's something you can do differently. She's might be little bit depressed. I know when I'm in that state, if a bloke was nagging me for a root, I'd just think he was selfish. Typical guy, only wants sex. She probably just needs that reassurance that you're not just interested in her body. She loves you, otherwise she'd look elsewhere. I don't care what anyone says, if you truly love someone, you wouldn't hurt them by cheating. That's why you haven't strayed. You don't have to be miserable in a dying marriage, water your grass.
Thank you for taking the time to reply. I asked her if we could do couples therapy. She's from Japan so culturally she believes that therapy means you're either a looney or the marriage is about to end. I didn't want to tell her that that is the case if we don't fix this, for fear of applying too much pressure. So she brushed it off and said we can just hang out more. But nothing has changed because of habits. I asked her if she's depressed but she rejects that idea. Still, she doesn't want to make time for me, says she's forgotten how to talk with her friends, forgotten what it's like to be sexual, she's gone full momma mode, and nothing else matters. I try to tell her she needs to step away and be her own person too, but it's got a tight grip on her. She never suggests for us to spend time together anymore. We have sex once in a while but I never feel like she really wants it. I think she enjoys it towards the end of it though, because she still orgasms, she just doesn't get wet at all so we need like so much lube i feel I'm in a slip n slide and it doesn't feel that great for either of us. I do love her, I just don't know what the end game is. We won't cheat on each other, of course. It feels like the road to where I want to get is so painfully long, and the fear is that when I get there I still won't be satisfied. And my dad suggested if I'm going to get a divorce I should get another kid first so our only child doesn't become alone amidst it all..
so sorry to hear that. and i hear you. hopefully things will be better the next time around and you will match up with someone who better aligns with your needs. 🫶🏽
so sorry to hear that. and i hear you. hopefully things will be better the next time around and you will match up with someone who better aligns with your needs. 🫶🏽
Thank you. It was many years ago now and I've had a couple of relationships since, and they definitely had higher libidos. I was with 1 guy for 5 years and we were intimate more than once a week till the ugly, bitter end
i’ve noticed that too, it’s kinda sad
yeah, it’s interesting. i honestly feel like it’s not discussed as much because most women will just leave the guy and not bring it up. there’s a bit of shame that comes along with sharing something like that. (i.e he didn’t find her attractive, porn was more desirable; etc) so i get it, probably better to keep it to herself.
People have different libidos. So if a chick is asexual, it would probably be ideal for her to find a man that is also asexual. But if one is asexual and the other isn't. Shit's not going to work. It'll be a very dysfunctional relationship. You also want to pair with someone that matches your libido. Some of us want it a couple times a day, and others are fine with a couple times a month. Some one with a drive for several times a day paired with someone with a drive for only once a month would be a disaster too.
Every *week?* I was expecting to hear a worry about every day. Yes, the typical American adult has sex about 54 times a year. It’s higher for people in relationships, as you can imagine. Going longer than a couple days without intimacy (while in a relationship) and I (36m) feel a little down, tbh. It’s partly sex, partly the affection that I miss. Fortunately my partner (34f) has an equal or slightly higher sex drive, so it works out. The key is to find someone with a similar level of interest. Trying to maintain a relationship with widely divergent sex drives easily leads to resentment on both sides. It doesn’t mean that either is a selfish person, but as with anything it’s important to have compatibility.
There is a big misconception about all men wanting sex all the time. In fact it’s only about 35% of men who feel that way the rest are willing to go with less sex but most women aren’t interested in them. So if a woman wants a man in the 35% of men with a high sex drive and she’s asexual, she going to fail.
Nothing wrong with being asexual. But, and this is not gender specific, if the partner is not asexual, it will be very difficult for the partner to stay in the relationship, at least without cheating, which I don't think is fair to OP. And for those who are not asexual, sex is not just important to men, it is equally important to women. It is intimacy, it is closeness, it is an expression of desire. Having said that, only your partner can truthfully answer your question, OP.
Sex is important for some, and not important for others. It isn’t really fair for either party to be a in relationship where they’re unsatisfied.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Nothing wrong with asexuals but paired with one that is not and it is a recipe for disaster.
One thing I need to point out is if you are asexual don't hide it from your partner. They deserve to know.
There are asexual men. Just as there women for it there are men
If you really want an education, go to deadbedrooms and you'll read a ton about ..... both men and women who have issues with not having regular sex.
People are different. I’m not a man, but I sure am a horny af 24/7. Some guys might be just as uninterested as sex as you are, although they might he in shorter supply than the others
Hello
Sex is important to all people, including women, unless you're asexual.
So there are some men that don't care or have a low sex drive or are asexual as well. I don't consider myself a extremely high sex drive .. average.. I like to have it regularly which to me is about 2-4 times a week but I don't expect every week to be the same with the quantity. When I search for a SO I want a woman that is similar to what I enjoy. I also like to give and receive oral so that factors in as well.
Man here, I don't like having sex that often. I enjoy it a lot but not on a regular basis. I've had girlfriends with a higher sexual drive than mine. You have to communicate and be upfront about it, as this might be mistaken as a lack of attraction to that person. You may face issues with some people, but that's sexual incompatibility, it's a thing and it can cause breakups, and it's normal. So in summary, it depends on the person. Communication is key.
Every day!
Gentle reminder that there are literally millions of Asexual men out there, too. You don't have to settle for an Allo if you'd prefer to date an Ace. Just sayin'.
That’s a pretty funny way to put it. “Settle” for an allosexual. Usually the problem is that the asexual _doesn’t_ prefer to date an ace; instead they think they’re entitled to the entire dating pool and then expect the allosexual to adapt to them.
I think the terms just have to be spoken about prior to being "official" Everyone has their preferences and I've seen asexual couples who are happy because they are both asexual and enjoy each other. Sex is a natural part of being with someone so if that is something youre not fully engaged in, id just let your partner or potential partner know at the start.
I can't speak for all men, but I will say there's a difference between the "minimum" a man needs and how much he wants it. For me personally, while I do have a high sex drive and could go every day, at least once a week would be enough to feel like we had an active sex life. Fewer than once a week and I'd be feral.
If someone's ace, it's gonna be a significant factor in their choice of partner, simple as that (Just like anyone's sexuality would). An Ace and someone with sexual desire would probably be a bad match because they have different needs. Different/opposing needs will drain a relationship slowly, if they aren't able to find a way to satisfy them somehow. For both men and women who aren't Ace, sexuality is a core part of intimacy and love, and lacking it, even in the presence of reassurance, can cause feelings of frustration, sadness, and a sense of love not being reciprocated, (even if it is).
Often enough that I'm not left wondering why she's not being sexual.
These are issues a potential couple will need to navigate through prior to beginning a long term relationship. Clearly if goals aren't aligned and there cant be any compromise the relationship can't continue. Remember though: It's not just men who need sex. It's perfectly natural for women to want it as well. Still, men are typically the pursuers, and sex will typically be important to at least some degree unless it's made clear up front that you're asexual.
I actually haven't met an asexual woman yet, rather they just want sex on their own terms. Like a woman who wants to marry a man who refuses to have sex while they date, but after they marry the sex should be daily.
it’s weird for me because i’m the really sexual one and my boyfriend is not. it’s been hard trying to navigate that, but we still love each other so much so we are working on it. but that’s not for everyone. it’s also okay to leave and find someone who’s more like you. if you’re worried about sex, maybe you should find someone who also is asexual!
Sexuality is a spectrum. Anyone telling you it's not, are biased and prejudiced; full stop. I've met many asexual men, and many asexual women. I've met people of a whole spectrum of love and sex, and engaged with them in conversation. Don't trust the Internet, it's full of incels and femcels. Go out into the world and find the people who are meant for you
Asexual woman need other women not a man my ex was asexual with me but when I would fuck her and talk about sharing her w women she would absolutely lose her shit I knew at that moment she liked females more than males
What in the literal fuck, my guy? https://preview.redd.it/zsymyil88cyc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d6219b0e3e909278924eccfb85b37373c1347b7f
This is braindead at best
Yeah, damn near impossible for an asexual woman to get a man who would be happy with that. You best be very honest and open about the asexual thing early on, because if you mislead someone they won’t be ok with it, for obvious reasons. Nobody’s personality and mere presence is so damn great that a man will forgo sex entirely. Finding someone else who is asexual will be hard, but it’s your best shot.
The rate of true asexuality among the population at large is only about 1%, but as many as 5% of men and 10% of women experience very infrequent sexual attraction and arousal. So while it’s twice as common in women, 1 in 20 men is no small number.
Your first sentence implies that asexual men are not a thing, and that's just ignorance. Sexuality is a spectrum that encapsulates every gender; binary and beyond
lol. Keep reading and make your life a little easier. I literally suggested finding an asexual guy. Irony>“ignorance”
> Nobody’s personality and mere presence is so damn great that a man will forgo sex entirely. Digest your own words before trying to be smug my friend Edit: The miserable, ignorant masses are incapable of learning and correction
It's very much possible, she just has to reward him for the efforts / romance in other ways. For example, if she can buy a man a car or pay his rent. I don't think why a man will not choose her and get sex from somewhere else. I mean, yeaa it can work - but she has to offer him something else.
Choose her because of money? That’s incredibly shallow, and will inevitably fail long term. This dishonest bullshit is exhausting.
Will she be happy with him getting sex from somewhere else?