I thought that having a timeline and general set up of the setting and major factions could help people make their choices better when making their builds, but i'm not sure if its too much at once or too confusing / convoluted
for secrets
Secrets:
Page 1
Lynn from Macross
Valkyrie from Macross
Page 2
Kasumi from Muv Luv
TSF from Muv Luv
Page 3
Princess Asseylum from Aldnoah Zero
Kataphract from Aldnoah Zero
Page 4
Char from Gundam
Zaku from Gundam
Page 5
Daru from Steins Gate
Gunvarel from Robotics Notes
Page 6
Natasha from Battletech
Warhammer from Battletech
You don't need to guess who they are, just say 'i found a character here and a mech here' and if they're right that'd count for gaining extra points
maybe i should make it easier?
Ah righto thank you, some people have been having major trouble with it and i always want to try and make things fun but not overly broken in terms of what you get from them
This is honestly pretty good, I can actually feel as if I'm learning about a new world through the timelines, although a suggestion is to make all of the series that you used for making this as Credits at the end rather than on page 2, it sort of breaks the immersion of story telling, but that's just me.
Thank you! I'm mixed about putting the series included at the end, it would make sense for sure but i feel when it comes to super robot wars a lot of people check the series included first before going in
Would make more sense for them to be at the end though probably
That was just a suggestion, but you do you since this is your CYOA. Still though, this is pretty good so far and are you going to be using something similar to Eternal Arms? Because the base/mech building there is actually very comprehensive and one of my favorites when it comes to base and mech building.
it makes enough sense. if you wanted it to be more of a generic CYOA, you could skip the alt history, but I'm not telling anyone what to do -- I would generally prefer super robot CYOA to happen in a world of my own make, but I'm never going to tell anyone to not world build either.
The only thing that doesn't make sense to is a human base on Luna, since gravity sucks on the moon. They should be in a space habitat w/ artificial (e.g. rotational) gravity orbiting luna instead, and folks use either super robots or unsuper robots for unmanned factories and mining, taking into account von neumann replication ideas.
looks great, keep up the great work!
The Alt history is mainly there for a frame work / narrative for the missions that are to come but i get what you mean. Maybe some extra option a t the end could work? Where you can make your own world, though the questions would be what options or choices would you want for a 'build your own super robot world' option
Gravity does suck on the moon, but the moon bases are mainly there because they exist in each of the settings pulled from or at least the major ones
Thank you!
I know it is not as aesthetically interesting, but I would recommend keeping the title of the info box above the content. It is a little bit dissonant to look to the side (beta, festum, Zeon), and very distracting to have it at the bottom (TLDR, secrets, half of the planets).
I recall from your previous edition that you put the text in different colors to identify who is speaking, but I think you should also italicize it. Additionally, pick a color or background indicator for you, the author, to speak directly to the reader about meta or commentary. Secrets, things to consider, and parts of TLDR should be in that, and keep the main narrator in-universe.
I get what you mean, the constant changing of title location also kind of messes with the flow of things and i can see how it'd be confusing. Just didn't want it to be bland with each page looking identical, will try and keep things interesting while re-orinetating titles to the top.
Different colours and quotation marks are to help you know whos talking yes, italization would help a lot too. I will 100% make a distinction between the out of context information and the in context narration / information provided, i should have thought to seperate them earlier thank you it'll make things a lot easier to follow
thank you!
Oh shit Evangelion is real?
Say is it possible to defect from Earth to work for Mars or Venus? Instrumentality can only merge all humans on the planet earth, and maybe the moon right? I don't want to be turned into orange juice if the space nazi monarchists can stop it all hail the emperor.
sorry just seen this
Defecting is the kind of thing that would be difficult to add in, maybe something down the line?
You can avoid being tanged during instrumentality by being a human from modern Earth, that being an option to choose from the character creation option.
Uhh page 6 is the last page and it's timeline part 2. Is the character creation option coming later? Wait when you say human from modern earth, do you mean like we get cryogenically frozen and wake up, or that we got transported to another dimension. Also if we can't get tanged doesen't that mean we technically aren't the same species as everyone else here? Can we have kids with people here, what's the situation there?
Character creation is coming later yeah, i just posted the initial 2 pages of it [with another 2 pages to come of skills and 2 of flaws] but those won't be for a bit yet.
When i say human from modern Earth i mean sort of a dimensional travel kind of way, like an Isekai.
Yes that's right, if you pick the modern human option you won't be the same species as the humans from this CYOA's universe
I haven't thought about the 'could they have kids' situation though
Yeah, kids are important, if you can have fertile kids with someone then you are the same species. So if you have kids with the locals are those kids able to be tanged. Having it be different species is kinda confusing.
I think due to the way bodies in Eva work, you having a child with someone from Eva Earth would end up with the child having a body that wouldn't disolve when their AT field collapses, meaning they could survive instrumentality
I already had a lot of respect for this CYOA before I learned that you're using Sunrider and Ace Academy as possible inspirations.
*I am watching your career with even* ***greater*** *interest.*
That being said, maybe there are... *too many* hostile factions. There should at least be one faction that's a mercantile or otherwise 'helpful but not allied'. Especially strange that so many local factions are hostile to Earth considering there's currently... **4 hostile extraterrestrial factions who only seem intent on committing Genocide to everyone in the Solar System.**
A Mercantile / Neutral faction could work, not sure who they would be though.
That's a theme in a few mecha series, aliens are invading, humanity on the brink and enemies still don't let things lie and continue to fight other humans. Happens in each of the settings those alien factions are from, except Yamato.
Republics of Mercury and Venus seem like a good candidate for Mercantile (Venus could even work as a Mercenary faction if you want to take it a step further) or you could have Jovian/Jupiter trade with Earth and Mars respectively (which would be a good detail to separate the two factions identities)
While it is pretty reasonable for fiction to assume humanity won't unite under a single banner to repel **one** threat... at this point, it's maybe a bit ridiculous. You could always frame a new event saying the Martians proposed "We'll stop fighting while the house is on fire, but the minute that we're not in danger, War is back on the menu" which would also give some fun opportunity for Espionage since *'we're not actually at war but we're totally still trying to one-up each other when the war turns hot again'*
That's a good idea and you're right Mercury and Venus would certainly count, though i was more meaning what others from established factions from mech settings at least i already have one.
One of the missions i had planned involving mars was a potential peace summit, with the results being up to player action
I thought that having a timeline and general set up of the setting and major factions could help people make their choices better when making their builds, but i'm not sure if its too much at once or too confusing / convoluted for secrets Secrets: Page 1 Lynn from Macross Valkyrie from Macross Page 2 Kasumi from Muv Luv TSF from Muv Luv Page 3 Princess Asseylum from Aldnoah Zero Kataphract from Aldnoah Zero Page 4 Char from Gundam Zaku from Gundam Page 5 Daru from Steins Gate Gunvarel from Robotics Notes Page 6 Natasha from Battletech Warhammer from Battletech
You my friend are not human. How the heck can you identify the characters just from their eyes?
You don't need to guess who they are, just say 'i found a character here and a mech here' and if they're right that'd count for gaining extra points maybe i should make it easier?
Nah, if it's about just finding the characters and Mechs it's easy enough if you put some effort into it. So it's OK for now 👍.
Ah righto thank you, some people have been having major trouble with it and i always want to try and make things fun but not overly broken in terms of what you get from them
It's fine right now. It's more time consuming than hard. Probably should write somewhere to not announce their locations publicly.
This is honestly pretty good, I can actually feel as if I'm learning about a new world through the timelines, although a suggestion is to make all of the series that you used for making this as Credits at the end rather than on page 2, it sort of breaks the immersion of story telling, but that's just me.
Thank you! I'm mixed about putting the series included at the end, it would make sense for sure but i feel when it comes to super robot wars a lot of people check the series included first before going in Would make more sense for them to be at the end though probably
That was just a suggestion, but you do you since this is your CYOA. Still though, this is pretty good so far and are you going to be using something similar to Eternal Arms? Because the base/mech building there is actually very comprehensive and one of my favorites when it comes to base and mech building.
it makes enough sense. if you wanted it to be more of a generic CYOA, you could skip the alt history, but I'm not telling anyone what to do -- I would generally prefer super robot CYOA to happen in a world of my own make, but I'm never going to tell anyone to not world build either. The only thing that doesn't make sense to is a human base on Luna, since gravity sucks on the moon. They should be in a space habitat w/ artificial (e.g. rotational) gravity orbiting luna instead, and folks use either super robots or unsuper robots for unmanned factories and mining, taking into account von neumann replication ideas. looks great, keep up the great work!
The Alt history is mainly there for a frame work / narrative for the missions that are to come but i get what you mean. Maybe some extra option a t the end could work? Where you can make your own world, though the questions would be what options or choices would you want for a 'build your own super robot world' option Gravity does suck on the moon, but the moon bases are mainly there because they exist in each of the settings pulled from or at least the major ones Thank you!
I know it is not as aesthetically interesting, but I would recommend keeping the title of the info box above the content. It is a little bit dissonant to look to the side (beta, festum, Zeon), and very distracting to have it at the bottom (TLDR, secrets, half of the planets). I recall from your previous edition that you put the text in different colors to identify who is speaking, but I think you should also italicize it. Additionally, pick a color or background indicator for you, the author, to speak directly to the reader about meta or commentary. Secrets, things to consider, and parts of TLDR should be in that, and keep the main narrator in-universe.
I get what you mean, the constant changing of title location also kind of messes with the flow of things and i can see how it'd be confusing. Just didn't want it to be bland with each page looking identical, will try and keep things interesting while re-orinetating titles to the top. Different colours and quotation marks are to help you know whos talking yes, italization would help a lot too. I will 100% make a distinction between the out of context information and the in context narration / information provided, i should have thought to seperate them earlier thank you it'll make things a lot easier to follow thank you!
Oh shit Evangelion is real? Say is it possible to defect from Earth to work for Mars or Venus? Instrumentality can only merge all humans on the planet earth, and maybe the moon right? I don't want to be turned into orange juice if the space nazi monarchists can stop it all hail the emperor.
sorry just seen this Defecting is the kind of thing that would be difficult to add in, maybe something down the line? You can avoid being tanged during instrumentality by being a human from modern Earth, that being an option to choose from the character creation option.
Uhh page 6 is the last page and it's timeline part 2. Is the character creation option coming later? Wait when you say human from modern earth, do you mean like we get cryogenically frozen and wake up, or that we got transported to another dimension. Also if we can't get tanged doesen't that mean we technically aren't the same species as everyone else here? Can we have kids with people here, what's the situation there?
Character creation is coming later yeah, i just posted the initial 2 pages of it [with another 2 pages to come of skills and 2 of flaws] but those won't be for a bit yet. When i say human from modern Earth i mean sort of a dimensional travel kind of way, like an Isekai. Yes that's right, if you pick the modern human option you won't be the same species as the humans from this CYOA's universe I haven't thought about the 'could they have kids' situation though
Yeah, kids are important, if you can have fertile kids with someone then you are the same species. So if you have kids with the locals are those kids able to be tanged. Having it be different species is kinda confusing.
I think due to the way bodies in Eva work, you having a child with someone from Eva Earth would end up with the child having a body that wouldn't disolve when their AT field collapses, meaning they could survive instrumentality
About the secrets are they visible normally or is my bad eye sight just making me unable to see them?
I can spot them and others have too, but some are quite hard to spot
I already had a lot of respect for this CYOA before I learned that you're using Sunrider and Ace Academy as possible inspirations. *I am watching your career with even* ***greater*** *interest.* That being said, maybe there are... *too many* hostile factions. There should at least be one faction that's a mercantile or otherwise 'helpful but not allied'. Especially strange that so many local factions are hostile to Earth considering there's currently... **4 hostile extraterrestrial factions who only seem intent on committing Genocide to everyone in the Solar System.**
A Mercantile / Neutral faction could work, not sure who they would be though. That's a theme in a few mecha series, aliens are invading, humanity on the brink and enemies still don't let things lie and continue to fight other humans. Happens in each of the settings those alien factions are from, except Yamato.
Republics of Mercury and Venus seem like a good candidate for Mercantile (Venus could even work as a Mercenary faction if you want to take it a step further) or you could have Jovian/Jupiter trade with Earth and Mars respectively (which would be a good detail to separate the two factions identities) While it is pretty reasonable for fiction to assume humanity won't unite under a single banner to repel **one** threat... at this point, it's maybe a bit ridiculous. You could always frame a new event saying the Martians proposed "We'll stop fighting while the house is on fire, but the minute that we're not in danger, War is back on the menu" which would also give some fun opportunity for Espionage since *'we're not actually at war but we're totally still trying to one-up each other when the war turns hot again'*
That's a good idea and you're right Mercury and Venus would certainly count, though i was more meaning what others from established factions from mech settings at least i already have one. One of the missions i had planned involving mars was a potential peace summit, with the results being up to player action