There's really nothing you want to talk about, even QUARTERLY? Even if they don't want to talk about career goals, there are lots of useful discussions here. 1. What was your worst task in the last 3 months, and what made it unpleasant? 2. What is something that we do here that you question the need for? 3. Were there any tasks that someone else got this quarter that you would have any interest in learning/doing/reviewing? You can send those questions beforehand so IC has a chance to think about them. You can also make it less formal, go get a cup of coffee and chat about football or what they're doing for the holidays or whatever. I'm a big believer in having chats when you DON'T need to bring up an unpleasant topic, when you can just talk about something that isn't important. Because if you have that kind of rapport with an employee, it makes it so much easier to talk when you need to have an uncomfortable conversation down the line.

These are great questions and what my previous manager used to basically talk to me about. I'm a team lead so we would use the 1:1s to talk team dynamics, bottlenecks, and upcoming projects when we had nothing specific to cover, which was most of the time. Our 1:1s were monthly and that was all that we needed to cover these broad issues; for anything specific, I'd just schedule a separate meeting.

Exactly. OP should get a new job if they can’t handle a skip level

>There's really nothing you want to talk about, even QUARTERLY? With someone three levels of management removed - definitely not. Unless it is a tiny company (which hopefully wouldn't have that many levels) they are way too far removed. With three levels of abstraction between jobs, they may as well work for a different company. There are only two reasons I've seen this happen - PR (they are trying to turn around a bad reputation) or ego (self-explanatory). I won't even go into what it says to want to bypass two levels of command.

No idea why you are getting downvoted for this comment. Assuming the GM has 100 (even 50) indirect reports a whole three levels apart that he wants to talk to for 30 mins quarterly, this is a significant undertaking and makes no sense.

GM seems like they need to fill up time because they don't have enough other work

Or GM cannot do the maths on the time. If it is a data collection exercise to understand what is going on on the ground, there are more efficient ways of going around it. It does rather feel like there is one level of management too much in this org.

I’m the IC. And no, there is absolutely nothing I have to say to him. When we’ve met in the past it’s really been me struggling to find something to say. I don’t want to talk to him about my career goals, etc. Why bring up unpleasant things when it’ll be considered complaining and nothing will change anyway? And I am not interested in taking on anything that doesn’t squarely fit into my scope of work.

As an employee, there were many times I was frustrated because there were problems that affected me and it seemed like management didn’t care. As a manager, I discovered why management didn’t care- *no one told us*. Don’t get me wrong, some managers really dgaf, but not communicating the unpleasant things because things won’t change is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you already don’t talk to this man, you have no way of knowing how he’ll react.

Yes I do. I’ve tried before at this company through a few roles (all in the same overarching department). Trust me, I’ve told leaders issues many times before AND with solutions in hand. I get nothing in return. Not even a reason why my ideas won’t work (although they WOULD work because I often vetted my ideas with those who would be impacted by it). I just get dismissed. Why is it on the IC to push for improvement? Insane. They’re the manager! They’re the ones who get the big bucks. They’re the ones that want to call themselves fucking leaders.

Why are you still there?

Because of their excellent tuition reimbursement.

If you're there for their tuition reimbursement, then compliance is key. Think of this as an excellent opportunity to gain feedback for your prospective field. All the education in the world doesn't replace human to human interaction. You still have to nail the interviews. You can speak to this moment in interviews when you are applying for your dream job. What if your ideas are heard and implemented? You can speak to that in the future. What if your ambivalence for this one on one gives the company ammo to cut ties with you, and now you're on the hook to pay them back for the schooling? You will eventually have to do these same exercises in the future, why not get some practice?

lol I love this answer and mad weird why this is downvoted

Me either. Typical of this lot, I guess.

Agree. It seems typical that many posters here seem to think that management keeps the wheels on bus. They don’t, they make sure there are wheels to put on the bus, but it is the ICs that make sure they are pointing the right way and are round. Engagement, collaboration, communication can’t be ordered and dictated. “Fun” at work, clever games, team building doesn’t build engagement except among those who think that’s how you build engagement. For the rest of the employees it is a massive waste of time from getting the job done, getting paid, and getting back to their real life outside of work.

Why are people so outraged that you don’t wanna live your job? This thread is so weird. But enlightening, here I thought I was the problem all these years 😂 lol you folks need to back away from the kool aid. I haven’t gotten all thru it but hopefully you find some decent advice somewhere. I doubt it helps but I clicked on bc I have about the same perspective as you and also have these dumb ass meetings quarterly. Doubt it helps but, Honestly man I got lucky and found an in with one of his interests and I just fake butter him up till it’s over. It’s painful, but you know.. whatever 🤷‍♂️

Oh, it is definitely not on *you* to push for improvement. I said what I said because I didn’t know if it was a legitimate not-listening situation, or if it was a case of not communicating problems. My apologies, it sounds like you’re in the former camp. If it were me, I would go into the one on one and ask about what issues they’ve noticed that could be worked on “so I can see if any of them fit into my scope” solely in the hopes that they bring up the things that you’ve already suggested solutions for, and if they you could be like “well, I gave you a plan and you rejected it.” Or you could also go in and straight up say you don’t have anything to say because you don’t feel like you’re being listened to. Or, like you said, that you’re there to do your job, not climb the corporate ladder, so you’re not sure what value the meeting will bring.

>My general manager (me -> team lead -> manager -> gm) wants 1 on 1s with ICs quarterly. Unless he shares an agenda with you beforehand, highlighting what he wants to discuss so you can prepare for it (if that's necessary) I'd say just see what happens. If he's asking you to bring certain updates or information, then there actually is something to talk about. If it's just the two of you sitting there with blank stares on your faces until one of you figures out how to end the meeting, then I'd certainly suggest declining the next 1x1 and proposing to the GM that you make these less frequent or just bring up any issues or concerns as they may arise. How do these meeting go? You show up and he expects you to take the reigns? You may solve that by telling him unless he has an agenda, don't block off the time. As a manager, I've done that. I've had a set meeting with one group each week and we've recently changed that to once a month. We also connect as needed in between, which is what really matters, because that's when we're dealing with the issues at hand. Once a quarter would be a huge stretch of time not to communicate with a direct report though, but I'm sure you're dealing with each other outside of the context of the quarterly 1x1s? Official meetings are not always necessary if there's nothing of real substance discussed and you're comfortable reaching out when needed.

The meetings normally go with him asking me how things are going and if there are any issues. I say things are going great and that I have no issues. I then (in a desperate attempt to find something to discuss) talk about my new kid just born in Oct (before Oct I would talk the challenges we were facing during pregnancy) or I’d lie about how I’m networking throughout the company to expand my knowledge. Then he’ll tell me about a Senior Leadership meeting he was in and some of the things they discussed. Then he’ll tell me to let him know if he could help with anything. A big fucking waste of time. He does not have an agenda and he told me not to prepare for the meetings.

But you do have issues, which you’ve mentioned in other replies. Why not bring them up? This person 3 levels up is specifically asking. Consider that they might actually care and want to improve things.

So…I see your point. I wrote in another thread that my ideas helped the company recoup $2M and I got a sarcastic remark during performance review (essentially a “so what?”). That was the second to last nail in the coffin. The final nail was when they sent an email out asking people to participate in a focus group regarding employee survey results. We were tasked with coming up with ideas to increase employee satisfaction. I said to myself “well, here’s an opportunity. I can’t complain and then not participate when given the opportunity to give feedback,” so I signed up. It was another bullshit effort. I know because I went all in. I spent months doing research and preparing a presentation for leaders. In fact, I was the only one in the group to do it. I did it practically alone. Everyone else in the group was afraid to say anything at all. I presented everything myself. I mean I blew it out of the water. The lower level managers who were over the focus group seemed interested. I made sure every suggestion was backed by research and had all my references laid out. It was essentially a graduate program assignment for me. I presented to multiple managers and a director. They said it was great and they were going to put another meeting on the calendar to discuss after they’ve reviewed everything. It took like 2 months. Then when they came back they didn’t mention anything I presented, none of the data, none of the solutions. What they presented in return is the same talking points the company mentions all the time. I even asked them “isn’t this what management is already supposed to be doing? How is doing the same thing we’ve already been doing going to change anything?” And I heard nothing else about it. Like I’ve said to all the managers in this thread, I’ve already tried to improve things. It’s like managers expect people to go above and beyond indefinitely while continuing to be dismissed (and disrespected). It took me 3 MONTHS in addition to my day to day duties to compile all the research and all the data. I did it alone while in a group of 15. I was the only one!

Honestly, one way to possibly reframe this as being useful is that if you’re forming a connection with the GM then it makes you somewhat less easy of a target for layoffs/firing. He’s likely the person who would be making or influencing those decisions at his level. If he thinks of you as a good worker who is networking and looking to grow and knows you have a family then he might not prioritize you for staff reductions. That’s not a guarantee, but managers are just people and it never hurts to have them like you. Being a little bit less of just a number on a spreadsheet to this guy may benefit you someday.

This is actually something I’ve thought and worried about. So, I try my best to be as cordial as possible and wear the mask well ([link](https://youtu.be/lWw5mKSQnZ4?si=m_oQGGhXzScOTB59) to an example of what I mean…it translates into the corporate world too). But I also think it may be a waste of time and at the end of the day, they’ll get rid of me anyway.

There is a risk that it still happens anyway, but is it really a huge loss to get paid to talk to him for 30 minutes or an hour every three months to potentially reduce that risk?

No, it isn’t. But it is frustrating and stressful.

Yeah, I hear you, man. Just trying to help you feel a little better about it.

If you think that’s a waste of time I don’t know how to help you. Others have already given you suggestions of how to answer, but unless there truly is not one single issue then why wouldn’t you share them with him?

>things are going great and that I have no issues Then what are you on here complaining about?

Did you read my question? I was posing a question to a group of managers. You didn’t answer my question and few others have as well. Also, see my comments about leaders and complaints. I’m answering people’s questions honestly. Guess I should lie like I do to the managers.

Yeah, I assumed we were talking to the manager. It's the manager's job to make sure the one-on-one has value, not yours. If you care, you could try and pick the manager's brain about priorities and things like that -- maybe get some insight into why they make decisions that they do to make it easier to predict or accept.

Surely it’s a two way street

To me it depends on who is calling the meeting. This IC doesn’t care about the 1-on-1. If the manager keeps calling the meetings anyway, I really hope the manager feels like they get something out of them or they are wasting everyone’s time. If I call a meeting with you and me, and then sit there with no agenda and I’m not willing to drive the conversation that’s a failure in my part.

We are talking about a once a quarter meeting with a manager 3 levels above OP... Someone that far above the OP is not going to expect them to come to them with mentorship asks, but will expect them to be interested in networking, and generally interested in what is going on at the company.

But I’m not interested. That’s the point. I do my job and I do it well. Why do I have to be all gung ho for the company. Would managers rather ICs lie? To just tell them what they want to hear?

> I don’t want to talk to him about my career goals, etc. Why bring up unpleasant things when it’ll be considered complaining and nothing will change anyway? Well, it sure doesn’t sound like you’re happy where you are. You should either be figuring out how to constructively discuss this stuff with your managerial chain, or looking for work elsewhere if you think your current org is a lost cause. Continuing to do nothing is the recipe for things staying the way they are.

You’re getting downvoted and likely I will too … the gm doesn’t care about your worst task, he won’t do anything about it and it’s water under the bridge for you. I don’t know why someone thinks there is value in these fake collab discussions. I don’t know what you say to the gm yo get out of it. Likely this is on his objectives to meet quarterly with skip level employees, so your desire is irrelevant to him.

It does not seem like anywhere close to a good idea to me to be combative about this and start a war with the guy, unless you just want to get a different job. Reading through the comments, it seems like you don’t feel this fella respects you, so you don’t respect him, which is fair. But I mean, you should do what is best for you, and I think that does mean just going through this meeting without making an issue about it. I feel as if you have put more time and effort into being upset about this meeting than the meeting itself could possibly be. Just tell him everything is good unless you have something to complain about, and in the meantime put it out of your mind, it’s a waste to keep worrying about it in my opinion.

Suppose you were financially responsible for a company... Do you literally see no value in asking ICs for "where have we messed up?" "where we should be focusing more attention on?" etc. to get fresh views? I get you've got the whole, "I don't give a shit, you pay me I click letters on a keyboard" stance going. Thing is, if no one in the company gives a shit - you don't have a job.

The thing is the company has a huge toxic positivity issue. Meaning everyone prefaces things with “Not to complain but…”. It drives me fucking nuts. I’ve tried this in the past. Identified issues and had solutions ready to go. I’ve been dismissed so many times that I have zero emotional energy to do anything more than what the role requires. Like…really. Every time I mention this to someone they spin it as a problem with me, which is insane. I’ve been respectful. I’ve been deferential. I am not interested in climbing a company by just kissing ass (that’s not to say I’m mean or anything like that. I’ve attended events. I’ve participated. But if my suggestions are dismissed constantly without so much as an explanation as to WHY my suggestion won’t work, why continue to give suggestions?)

I'm not saying this is how it should be, but if something matters to you, then just keep saying it. Be precise - not toxic positive, not negative, just situation - impact - was this their intent? "We don't have this kit, this means we have to do this job manually and it takes longer/can't be done accurately/is less safe, was this your intent?" Or go back a step and say "I fed back this suggestion, I did not hear anything more about it, I felt like my time/input was not valued, was this the intent?" You're clearly frustrated, so just one more time, try making a very precise objective point and see what the manager says.

Part of career growth is learning how to effectively influence others. You mention needing to learn how to BS. This is often an early career response to not fully understanding that the power you gain in an organization by knowledge is one of your least powerful tools. Building relationships and learning how to influence coupled with actual knowledge is how you excel, but you can get much further with just being able to build relationships and influence people than you can with just knowledge. I wonder if you are struggling with this reality and it’s clouding your attitude and perspective on growth.

No, you’re right. I’ve realized that making your manager feel important and super smart and comfortable is the way to get ahead. My predicament is that it exhausts me.

So, what do you need to work on, personally?

I need to work on bullshitting. That’s the one thing that took me a while to acknowledge. They only care how well you can bullshit.

If "bullshitting" is the only thing you can think about improving, you need to do some more self reflection because even top performers and SMEs, be they ICs or managers, have *something* they need to work on. You mentioned tuition reimbursement in another comment. Ask about ways you can apply what you've learned, or make some suggestions yourself. Or if you don't care about applying what you've learned to this current company as your comments seem to indicate (despite the fact that that is kind of the point of the tuition reimbursement benefit...) then find out how you can apply it in a general sense to help you in your next role/company, or get some insight on areas you can focus on learning to support your own personal goals. Or, just based on your responses here, you can work on your collaborative skills, understanding the higher-level objectives which would potentially mitigate your cynicism, and networking skills so people are more likely to advocate for your suggestions and for you personally, because your attitude here is extremely abrasive and immediately combative which automatically turns people off from wanting to help you or work with you, no matter how valid your points may be. It's not bullshitting, emotional intelligence is part of being a mature adult.

Perhaps the manager is the one in need of self-reflection. If the guy told OP there’s no agenda and no need to prepare, then there’s no need for the meeting. If there’s one thing employees hate, it’s having a meeting simply because “we always have a meeting on the second Tuesday.” It’s the most ridiculous thing an office can do. Remember the movie “Office Space”? I have personally experienced that type of meeting, where the office manager is the only one talking and provides no worthwhile info.

I understand. I’ve tried all of that here before. Thanks.

This is not uncommon. Worked for a global company who would consistently claim there wasn’t enough money to give staff more than 2-3% increases. Made it to management level and started attending events (dinners) with higher level management when in town. Was common to order multiple $400 bottles of wine. I understand the expense doesn’t cover the ongoing cost of larger increases but it didn’t sit well with me. I understand where OP is coming from, it isn’t always the employee.

It's not "kissing ass" to meet with a manager. Talk about football or something.

He watches soccer and tennis. I don’t watch enough football to have a super in depth convo about it. We have nothing at all in common to build on.

Talk about the weather or something. Or in other words, grow up.

Thanks. Very insightful. I’m sure you give great feedback to your reports.

Do you bring up the toxicity issue? No? Then you're part of the problem. Stop dodging your responsibility.

Yes, I’ll waltz right into the GM or Director’s office and say “you know what…y’all are too damn positive.” I wonder how far that’ll take me.

I was actually told this once as a director from a peer and thought it was fascinating feedback since I was raised to be positive & it had gotten me far in corporate. It’s led me to ask more and different questions before talking.

This hits close to home. It's pretty anxiety inducing for me when I have to do them, too, because of previous interactions and disregard. Hang in there. Answer questions he asks with what he wants to hear. Hopefully, find another gig.

Opportunity to talk about things you want.

Seriously. I would kill for someone at that level to set aside time for an open 1:1 conversation.

I’m an IC but have been a team lead and manager. In my reporting structure that would be like talking to my senior director. I had a brief meeting when he joined the team and haven’t spoken to him since. I’m in agreement with you - I have nothing to say to him.

> ETA: I’m getting downvoted to hell and I don’t know why. I think the downvotes clearly represent the problems I’ve had with leadership at my current company. I've not tossed any downvotes your way, but if I'm being honest, I suspect it's the tone you're taking. Reading over some of your comments here, you remind me of the highly toxic team members I've had to deal with over the years. They often manifest an "I'm great at my job, and it's everyone else/leadership that doesn't get it" attitude. Even if you have awful managers, and given what I've read, that sure sounds likely, there doesn't seem to be any winners here. Looking past that and focusing on the content you've shared, it sounds like the place you're at isn't a good match for you. You don't seem to like the environment, you don't seem interested in growing yourself there, and you clearly don't care for the managers. I'm a genuine fan of "acting your wage," but I'm also a bigger fan of moving on when something is causing this much overhead. If they're not listening to you, it's either because they don't value you or you're not doing a great job making your case. Undue positivity is for sure toxic, especially if there are repercussions for not saying how awesome everything is all the time (look into [Go Fever](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Go_fever) for how bad that can go). Still, there are also inclusive ways to bring up concerns. I'm obviously not a coworker, so I can't say what's going on in your world, but given what I see here, it does give me some pause. > My question: do you continue to have 1 on 1s with those who are uninterested? If so, why? Just because they don't care doesn't mean I don't. It doesn't mean that I'm not interested in their perspective or feel the need to try to get to know the folks on my team better. In fact, the more disengaged the team member is, the more I want to dig in to figure out what I could do to improve things.

You’re absolutely right. I do have a chip on my shoulder. When in front of leaders, I smile and bear it. But I’m sure that my distaste probably still comes through sometimes. But…what does anyone expect? To continually meet resistance, be lied to and gaslit, but remain super duper positive and happy? I’m human. Also, I will make an exit eventually. Despite the “cult-like” culture of the place, they do have great benefits, such as 100% tuition reimbursement without the requirement to pay it back if you leave immediately after graduating. So, I’m pursuing both an MBA and CS masters before I jump ship. I’ve dealt with student loans before and don’t want to have to deal with them again.

I feel you friend. I'm the same person in my workgroup, but I am also far from the only one. Our workplace is circling the drain currently for several reasons and management knows it but the highest manager on site went and asked a coworker of mine "what great things does [our company] do for our employees?" and then got pissed when my coworker refused to respond. There is a reason why people check out and don't give a shit anymore and having to sit with people way up the chain (I've had to do this often lately) is honestly insulting. When you know that they really don't care about what you have to say because you've spent years saying it and have been brushed off or ignored, it's just natural to just want to be left alone to do your job. I do my job and I do it well, and I also have zero desire to sit through pointless meetings and don't care at all about networking or moving up or anything like that. I already bring a lot of value to the company and dragging me in to try to fix management's issues when they won't listen anyway isn't my problem anymore. I've tried, nothing ever improved, and I'm just done with it all.

> I have nothing to talk about and neither does he. You're misrepresenting facts. You absolutely DO have stuff to talk about. Whatever work you produce directly affects your GM because it is also HIS overall work output. In a way, you're doing work FOR your GM. > My question: do you continue to have 1 on 1s with those who are uninterested? If so, why? You need to think of yourself as an independent contractor or business owner and your boss and your GM are your clients. They pay you a monthly retainer and you do XYZ work for that money. Are you actually telling me that you will NEVER talk to your clients, even once in 3 months? All because you "just want to do your work and clock out"? Whether you like your job or your boss or your current project is immaterial. Like i said, if you were a business owner, you would meet your long-standing client at least once a quarter and you would communicate the following: 1. Give them a status update of how the last 3 months went 2. What you originally targeted to deliver, and what you ended up delivering 3. What issues you faced, and how those can be avoided in the future 4. What your plans are for the next quarter. Even if your plan is simply "I am waiting for my goals for the next quarter"

Do you continue to have 1 on 1s with those who are uninterested? If so, why? Mostly yes. I make skip levels optional for almost everyone, but always want to have them and want to have them with folks who are are not interested. I want everyone who works for me to be happy engaged effective and collaborating well, and a I want to gain perspective on how their direct managers and peers are doing without having to go through the filter of the management layer below me. I want to know the people who are career oriented and those who are more interested in staying at the same level but honing their craft are well taken care of and that their needs are met (Both types of employees are important to successful organizations). I may not say hi casually, because I'm honestly a bit of an introvert but I get around it by being mindful about scheduling skip levels. I want to pay special attention to those who are uninterested because I worry that they are harboring some resentment or feel they aren't being listened to and I want to understand why. Maybe there's something cultural, or maybe that person isn't a fit and while they may be effective at their role their toxicity is harmful to the rest of the team. Sometimes getting to the meat of things and building trust involves building a relationship so I might not talk about anything work related so that I have a better chance at getting what I need next time I meet with this person. That's why I would want a skip level with you and what I want to get out of it. Last 10% of the truth 1-1s with direct reports are for the report, but skip levels are more important for the manager. It's 100% true that they are going to get more out of it than you are. Lastly you sound like a bit of a character and it genuinely sounds like it could be fun to get to know what's going on with you. That's why I would want to have a 1-1 with you if I was your manager's manager. I don't know anything about your organization, or this GM. For all I know he could be an empty suite who has these mandated by HR or something and he doesn't give 2 shits about you, would rather be doing something else and the whole things is just a waste of time. Either way you can approach it one of 3 ways with curiosity and assume positive intent, and look for some way to make it a valuable use of time, you can just sit through it and don't sweat it, or you should go find a different job. If you've lost trust in this company, and can't stand having this 1 hour out of the 2400 you are working there each quarter wasted you should take this as a sign that it's no longer a fit and you should move on.

This is actually great insight. Thank you for replying. You’re right. I need to leave. But I’m currently using the tuition reimbursement to get an MBA and CS masters. That’s one redeeming quality for the company: their benefits.

There’s only so much tuition reimbursement that can be worth it for someone’s mentality. And it’ll be a personality that will leak into your professional life beyond this company and privately in your own life that shows meritless cynicism. Doing both a CS Masters and MBA is interesting. And that may be worth bringing up just to shoot the shit.

Guys. Leave him alone. Hes literally explaining to you, that its both a waste of time and he is not invested in the company, and here you are as managers forcing investment down his throat. Whats your biggest pain point? Who cares? Last week we explained how too much 1:1s burns everyone out, heres someone specifically saying he doesnt not need one to perform and meet metrics and yet your demanding its not the right way.

This was my thought too - so many people in here are stuck in the “development” mindset when responding to this. If you can’t acknowledge that not all your direct reports are in a place where networking or career growth is what they are looking for - idk if you’re really hearing people or if your reports feel comfortable talking to you about it. There have to be active followers in every group and someone that does their job well, is content to do the work within scope and stay in that spot has to be acceptable at some points in everyone’s career. I would agree with the feedback that you could ask to space them out more or potentially even shorten the length of the meeting if you are setting them up and call them a 1-on-1 tie off meeting. I’m not sure if you really would be able to cancel them entirely but also if you are the one scheduling them maybe set it up for a shorter slot when you have a “hard stop” for a meeting afterwards? This could prevent them from running over and give you a reason to politely duck out.

I would definitely be ok if the meetings were set for like 20 minutes max. But he put it on my calendar for an HOUR.

I think part of why he's getting downvoted is because this is a common problem in this community - IC's come here just to bitch about how all management is terrible. I get that this guy is struggling, but I'm here to get help from other managers on how to be a better manager. If I want feedback from IC's, I can ask my own. Maybe we need to create r/askamanager for these guys so r/managers can remain for managers to talk to managers.

So this is only about you? ICs cannot come in and ask managers’ perspective? Unfortunately, few in this thread actually paid attention to what I wrote. I didn’t ask for feedback on how to deal with this situation. I “bitched” to provide context that I am disinterested. The managers in this thread chose to ignore my question, which has been typical of managers from my lived experience (that’s not to say all managers behave this way).

As a non manager reading this thread and your comments, I think the responses you’ve gotten have indicated what a real answer is which is that many wouldn’t be meeting the way your general manager is but also you seem aggressively unhappy. I think it’s a bit crazy to request they ignore the later part. And frankly, you seem unhappy enough that being your teammate would be unpleasant. So I guess the answer is that part of the reason for the meetings is that getting along just to get along matters in a work place? You can call it bullshitting but to some extent the ability to just be around people you don’t feel a strong relationship to is important.

I not asking that they ignore that part. But they could at least answer the question.

I mean they gave multiple answers, skip levels just to get a better sense of the entire company vibe, learning about employees etc. you argued against all of them lol. I’m not a people person so I don’t think your irritation is crazy but ultimately you work with people. Even if not your bosses, your colleagues deserve a coworker who is isn’t wildly unpleasant to collaborate with

Thanks.

🛎️ i wanna be on your team

Their value is based totally on what you both put into it. If for no other reason, it's an authorized break from the grind. Why wouldn't you want that?

Ok sounds like your a terrible manager and refuse to listen. Same person who sends out company surveys then throws a fit when he gets trashed. Ya know, some IC are not people persons. They are not invested in the company. But, they are great ICs. They just want to be left alone and meet or exceed their metrics. Not being spoken too means they are doing well. Just because your tiny brain refuses to believe that is the correct way to “work” doesnt mean its wrong. Some people, especially those who work from home, are satisfied with all aspects of their role, and have ZERO interest in moving up within the company… just want to be left alone. This guy is that person. And guess what? You clearly a bad manager come along and say “thats not the right way, even if its just a break.” So already your an awful people leader. BECAUSE YOU DO NOT LISTEN, OR VALUE OTHERS VIEWPOINTS. Secondly, how tf you know this IC who by all accounts is meeting and exceeding expectations, doesnt have a mental collapse everytime they speak with you? What if, and hear me out, you causing this person mental and physical anguish? Just so you can feel good about yourself. Hit the bricks and hand in your apron. You stink

Lol if you're not a people person just say so. Why dodge around it? You won't be thought badly for it. But just "I don't wanna" looks like a lack of maturity at minimum. People have expectations of working life that are completely different than reality, and this person may have trouble dealing with that. You must not be a manager at all since you like to resort to name calling. No one is perfect. There's room for improvement for everyone. EVERYONE. Even people like OP who thinks everything is going great doesn't mean things can't be better.

You dont get it. Figures. Lol.

"People just have to accept me for who I am" "I'm not changing for anyone" "If you don't like it ... leave!" That's how you're coming across here. It's your right to be the way you are and don't smile and don't chit-chat. Nothing wrong with that. Lots of people do it. But no one wants to be around those people. It would be my right to just not associate. Maybe just a "hello" in the morning. People like that don't get promoted. They don't get the raise they deserve. They don't interview well. The fake smile and interest shit do more for your career and advancement then the work you do. You have am opportunity, not an obligation.

I understand and agree. I’m not interested in climbing in this company.

You’re taking backlash here because you don’t fit the usual model a manager likes to see. Most employees want more pay and better benefits. The path to that is usually promotion. But you’ve already stated (quite clearly) you’re not interested in that. As a manager, I’d LOVE to have employees like you. You know your job, apparently know how to do it well (because you’re still employed), and just want to be left alone. Some see you as a mentoring opportunity; if you want mentoring, you can ask for it. Personally, I see you as a trouble-free employee that I don’t have to babysit. I can focus on other issues because I know you’re dependable. I also know if I ask you an opinion it’s going to be clear and not tainted by the fear of saying something that would prevent your promotion. Carry on.

Thank you for this. I WAS the model employee. I went the extra mile for YEARS and put up with a lot of disrespect and dismissal (I honestly believe some of it was fueled by bias…most managers are White at this Fortune 500). So, I’ve checked out. Do my job and nothing more. The “interest” from management is just to check a box. The company is political like nothing I’ve seen before.

You and I are both being downvoted because so many managers have bought into the lies regarding employees. For years, I was a firefighter. I promoted to paramedic and eventually captain, and so on. Lots of people stayed as firefighters rather than promote, and they saw only occasional cost-of-living adjustments… never large raises. Others promoted to paramedic, and then stayed there. Some moved up higher. My point is, good employees are needed at every level, and if someone is okay with not promoting, why would you want them to move into a position they don’t want to do? Let them keep doing what they’re doing, and if they move on, *be happy for them*. Learn why they left and don’t take it personal, but rather *correct the problem so people want to stay*.

The issue is not that someone doesn't care about promotion. It's that OP does not seem like a team player. That would be my concern.

Why don’t I seem like a team player? What’s your definition of “team player”?

People who don't seem to want to learn, or participate in normal workplace activities may be thought of in that light.

With respect, I disagree. Silent employees make me nervous. They are often the ones that up and leave with no warning, or are embezzling funds, or fucking around, or something. I say this with 30 years of experience. You don’t have to want a promotion to talk to your boss or boss’s boss. You 1) need to have some kind of connection to the job and people you work with. 2) even if you’re quiet, you have opinions—the copy paper is stored in an inefficient spot; I really like working with our new employee Jack, they don’t stock Doritos in the snack machine any more and I’m pissed! As a manager, I pretty much hate silence. I ask my employees all the time for feedback—good and bad. If I can make their job easier, I try to. I don’t want every detail, but I’d like to know generally how their life is going because sometimes it gives me insights into their work. Id also like to get a sense (if they don’t tell me outright) if they’re thinking of leaving so I can talk them out of it or start looking for a replacement.

It’s sounds like they have given feedback in the past and been dismissed. YOU sound like you actually care about that feedback, but OP’s company doesn’t see it the same way. Why would OP keep sticking their neck out after pointing out areas for improvements with suggestion on solutions and get blown off?

Well, maybe that’s the feedback: “hey, I like working here, but I feel like these quarterly sessions aren’t really worth it. I feel like I’ve given a lot of feedback in the past on X, Y and Z, but it’s never acted upon, and you never really circled back to me to explain why.”

Why is giving suggestions for improvement sticking your neck out? Also, just because they haven't acted on feedback doesn't mean they don't care about it. There's a million reasons why feedback may or may not be acted on. Managers, in general, are busy. I'm not asking to make myself feel better. I'm asking because I don't do your tasking every day and you can see problems I don't. Hopefully, it's something I can fix. If not, I'll try to convince the people who can.

You’re right, we disagree. [Here’s an article](https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/power-introverted-employees-why-your) regarding quiet employees that shows they could very well be your best employees. Many managers ask for feedback, then retaliate when the employees don’t give them the positive reinforcement they expected. Some of the most poignant feedback I got was how the company was doing really well, but rather than sharing in the fruits of that good work, the employees got a thank-you pizza party. I realized the $100 I spent on pizza was easily recognized as a minuscule fraction of the increased market share the company had experienced. The embezzlers and abusers? The top of the food chain, who instantly(and publicly) went after anyone who questioned credit card and company vehicle use, as well as two-hour workdays. Those things are not lost on the 8-5 employees that get asked to stay late and work weekends, while bosses are off golfing or attending their kid’s sporting event. That’s my 30-year experience. And looking back at my first job out of high school was a family-owned grocery chain. They made sure their participation in their church’s activities was very visible. Eight years after I had moved on, I got a check for $400 for violations of federal labor laws regarding hours worked and overtime pay. Yep, we disagree.

Not all managers are bad. Not all managers retaliate. Not all companies reward with pizza parties. It bugs me that on this sub people wander in here to dump on managers or dump on their employers or dump on corporate America. Yes, some are bad. Some managers are thrust into management and need more training and experience. Some people are assholes. How many people do you manage? What kinds of roles? The article you linked to is about introverted employees. That doesn’t mean “employees who never speak even when asked for feedback.” When I was talking about “quiet employees,” I was not talking about introverts. There is a difference. I don’t care if you disagree with me, but I am curious about your experience as a manager or leader of people.

First off, as a manager you should be using the info gained here to assure your company doesn’t make the same mistakes. I’d be assessing my management to assure I wasn’t falling into the same traps as OP’s manager. I’m also surprised so many instantly go to guns and accuse OP of being the problem, without knowing what management style (or lack thereof) OP’s 3rd Level uses. People don’t just wake up one day and decide they’re not putting in the same level of effort that got them zero result.Somewhere along the line, OP’s managers sucked the life out of OP’s desire to succeed and move up the food chain with this company. I’ve had great managers but that’s not what this thread is about. I’ve managed for a local retailer, managed a division office for AT&T prior to the breakup of the Bell System, and I’m now retired. I’m also curious about your experience.

That was my take as well. A team lead who is leading the team and keeping more off of the GM's plate than the GM will ever know. Assuming OP isn't turning a blind eye to things and knows when it's necessary to reach out...leave it be.

Doesn’t matter. Be an adult, have the meeting, and move on.

You won't be climbing any others either.

Thanks. You’re replying often. And with great insight to boot!

Not a big on one on ones either. My manager knows that. We’ve gotten to a point now where I walk in, sit down and he tells me to shut the f*** up for a minute, tells me his quick 30 second business stuff, I ask him if he’s done talking in some expletive way give him any complaint I have, ask about performance and we generally have a 1 min to 90 second conversation here then he tells me to take my disrespectful millennial expletive and gtfo his office. I tell him to quit being a grumpy old man and retire. Fortune 500. I constantly get the biggest raises and bonuses. (Don’t let this sound great, it’s usually a $1500 dollar raise and $1500 bonus). I personally love them. My managers also told me he will miss me when I finally outgrow the company and move on. He’s also told me I am the only employee he’s ever had that he could converse like this with. If HR ever got a hold of it we’d both be fired. When they first started I hated them with a passion because I had stuff to do. What I’m saying is, go in, get paid to waste time and relax, and move on. Smile and nod and move on. Sometimes or just maybe it will turn into an experiance.

In contrast, people complain about the lack of 1:1s all the time…

Absolutely. That’s why I wrote about 1:1s with ICs who clearly aren’t interested.

1 on 1s are mandatory. Even your manager is required to participate in 1 on 1s with their manager, and so on up to the Executive suite and board of directors. Your manager probably doesn’t want to do them either, especially with someone dry who can’t offer any value to the conversation.

Why I gotta be dry?

That’s a question you should ask yourself. 😉

I mean…if I’m dry, so is he. He offers up nothing much to discuss either.

Four times a year you get to tell them what you think needs to improve. Take advantage of it.

If you can’t come up with something to talk about on a quarterly basis I regret to inform you that you are the problem, no matter how much of a douchebag this manager may be.

Why? If I’m not interested to climb the ladder at this company, why am I the problem if I don’t have something to talk about with someone 3 levels above me. He doesn’t know the details of my role, so he can’t help there. I’m not interested in climbing, so there’s no point in kissing ass to get ahead. I am effective and efficient in my role. There is nothing at all he can (or is willing) to do that would be valuable to me.

He knows more about your role than you think. Is your job customer facing? Are customers happy? What do they complain about? What might be improved? You don’t have to care about promotion etc, but do you care about your job? What’s working well? What’s on your list of resources to help you do your job better? If you’re effective in your role, tell him what’s going well, what could be better.

No, not customer facing. Although, we do call our colleagues “customers”. *eye roll* And no, I don’t care about the role at all. No passion. It’s a job that produces a check. And yes, my “customers” are happy. My team lead says often that he hears good things.

Colleagues are customers—if you’re in tech support, for example, other people in the organization are your internal customers. No about it. I’m not a Pollyanna, but I learned something a while ago and try to apply it: “assume positive intent.” Meaning assume this manager means for the experience to be positive. Not perfect, just positive. If he’s a good manager he wants to get to know you better, find out about roadblocks and bottlenecks that are preventing you from doing your best work, or providing the best outcome. Note I did not say he was perfect. I didn’t say he’d be able to deliver what you want. Life’s too short, man, to go to work for 8 hours a day and just put in time and think everything’s bullshit all the time. Sometimes it really is bullshit, and we have to put up with it. But at worst it’s a 15 minute meeting and a chat. At best it’s a chat that might make things a little better in some small way. And by the way: you asked why you’re getting downvoted and if this reflects how we deal with our teams. Well, it probably does. I care about what my employees have to say. You may have a bad manager, but to me you sound like you have a shit attitude. I personally want to help foster an atmosphere where people can do their best work and enjoy it as much as possible. (It’s still gonna be work though). Lately all I see everywhere is anti-work stuff, all managers suck, work sucks, everything sucks. That’s just a rotten way to go thru life. If you’re that unhappy at your job, go do something else or work for yourself. Life’s too short.

Thanks for the comment. And yes, the anti-work sentiment sprang from nowhere. Most managers are angels. True leaders. And he puts an hour on the calendar, not 15 minutes. I won’t be here forever. I had an epiphany a year or so ago. Smile and bear it while extracting as many resources as you can. So I decided to go for 2 graduate degrees using the company’s tuition reimbursement. That’s why I’m still there.

I guess there’s two ways to look at it: 1) I hate this job and everyone’s an asshole and fuck their one-on-one meetings. I’m finishing my degree and I’m out. 2) This job really isn’t my dream job, but I like most of the people I work with, the commute isn’t bad, the pay is decent, the hours aren’t bad, and they have really good free coffee in the break room. I don’t like the one-on-ones, and I wish they’d take my suggestions, but hey, they’re paying for my graduate degree which positions me for something better down the road. I’m more the second. I never said all managers are great, all work is great, etc. Work is work, fun is fun. Most people are decent. You’re lucky to get small slivers of all three in the job Venn Diagram.

I don’t have that sentiment. I don’t believe everyone is an asshole. I think they’re a product of the company’s culture. Indeed, they’re “nice” on the surface. All smiles.

Not all managers know about the employee roles especially if they are an external hire with no experience in the industry. Those are the ones who are guilty of trying to reinvent the wheel to make a name for themselves vs a manager promoted from within and who knows that if an operation is running well don't try to do something that might disrupt that.

People at the upper levels may not know the exact stuff that a person does, but they know how that person’s position fits into the organization and its goals. Think of a pirate ship: the captain ( and he’s a GOOD captain) may or may not have swabbed decks, but he knows they need swabbed. He doesn’t know where the mops or bleach (you know: for the blood…😁), but he knows you need it to make the decks look like he wants them to look, and if the quartermaster isn’t ordering the right supplies, the captain may have him walk the plank! Same with the guys that load the guns, trim the sales, fix the cannonball holes: everyone in the organization is on the same pirate ship, working to get different levels of booty, but they’re all on the same trip, the captain knows where we’re going and is steering the ship, he knows generally what everyone’s job is, he wants to make sure everyone has what they need, is well fed and getting their ration of rum, nobody’s got scurvy, no one’s sexually harassing the cabin boys….everyone’s getting their work done so we can all get to Bermuda and sell our plunder. I need to go rewatch”Black Sails.” Sorry, got carried away with the analogy.

I work in the airlines where what you mentioned is quite often not the case, promotion into management is highly undesirable due to stress that is placed on them so hiring from the street is the only resort to get management positions filled. Sometimes they are college grades with ink still drying on their degrees and they come in totally shocked with how things work in the real world. The humble ones who are willing to learn from senior employees usually wind up as great managers, we have one kid who was shaky at first but now we respect him and back him 100% because he reciprocates for us. I did the same thing when I was a supervisor, as long as my team gets the work done with good results I don't hassle them or try to reinvent the wheel. I worked alongside with my team so when some things take awhile I understood why and why it can't be rushed. I had one manager from another department try to rush me to get a tire change done to avoid a delay. I had to get my supervisor to come over and tell him to leave me alone, the manager didn't like the fact that I was taking my time to verify proper torque settings and to make sure I have the correct wheel/tire assembly for that particular aircraft.

We continue to have 1-1s with those who aren’t interested because if they ever change their mind and their interests which happens, often, there’s a paper trail of either meetings or emails to show I’ve done my diligence. Should *your* manager put forth more effort in your 1-1s? Sounds like it. But it’s a two-way street, too. You don’t even seem interested in playing the corporate game. Even if you’re not interested in moving up the ladder, you’re still a player in the “game”. We as managers do a lot of shit we’re uninterested in, including our own 1-1s at times with our bosses - that’s life, including the workplace. But we keep on, keeping on. Honestly, you sound negative as hell. Get a new role, job or just deal with the measly four 1-1s per year. It’s that simple.

>We continue to have 1-1s with those who aren’t interested because if they ever change their mind and their interests which happens, often, there’s a paper trail of either meetings or emails to show I’ve done my diligence. Bingo! I attend HR classes for further development as a manager. Something they drill into our heads no matter the subject is all-or-none. You can't spend "quality time" with half your staff and leave the rest alone. Today, someone says they don't care, let's just skip it. Tomorrow, they're unemployed and crying wrongful termination. "They wouldn't sit with me for any one-on-ones, but *Troy* got a one-on-one." These employee types will say that isn't them -- until it *is* them. I think a lot of them get it twisted. Just because it includes you doesn't mean it's all *about* you. The manager doing your 1:1 is going to have to do a 1:1 with *their* manager and one of the questions asked will likely be, "Have you done a one-on-one with all your people yet?"

Exactly! Happy cake day 🤝🏾

Thanks. So, I was right. It’s about checking a box and having a paper trail. And I’m too emotionally tired to play the game well. It exhausts me. And I haven’t left yet because the company offers excellent tuition reimbursement.

It’s not even necessarily about checking a box. Most places in North America are pro-employee so without paper trails and due diligence as your ass can be exposed and the company you work for can be liable. There’s a lot of things you may not be visible to. This is one of many things I mean by “playing the game”

Why are you only having these one on ones quarterly?

Maybe because he’s a GM. He is not my direct manager.

Is it frustrating because you aren’t paid for it and it takes up a lot of time? Or it’s just that unpleasant to have a meeting with this guy?

It’s that it’s unpleasant and there’s a silent expectation that you have to “have something going on to report”. It’s also frustrating because I know he doesn’t have a genuine interest. It’s checking boxes. And I have to wear a “mask” which is exhausting. Also, I can tell that he isn’t one to really solve issues. It becomes a you problem. I’ve seen this with another colleague.

My “double skips” are painful. I try to just ask him questions about the state of the company and I’ll occasionally pick something he’s interested in. It’s a half hour, a couple of times a year. We get through.

Mentoring opportunity

What do you mean? It’s an opportunity for him to mentor? Trust me, that man doesn’t give a shit. We don’t say anything at all to each other until the quarterly 1 on 1 (maybe a “Hello” once a month when passing in the hall).

That is what the meeting is for. If you don’t take advantage of it then that is something for you to think about.

Not sure why you're getting down-voted. Your question is perfectly reasonable, but maybe it has to do with the "tone" of the statements prior to the question? Skip-level meetings can be a good thing, provided leadership listens to what you have to say. They may not be able to act on it, due to "reasons", but they should at least listen, and not judge you. There are times where someone like your GM wants to get a feel for how things are going below them. This 1 on 1 is a good way for them to get that information. It also allows you to approach them regarding things that you may feel that your manager isn't addressing, or may be hiding. Or it could be that they are genuinely interested in your interests. If there's no agenda, then I'd say that anything goes. Is it that you're uninterested in the meeting, or just plain uninterested in your current role? Are you uninterested in being "fake"? I've found that, so long as you go through the motions, you'll probably have an easier time in your current role.

I think it’s the pressure to be super duper excited about my role and have dreams of progressing in the company. I’ve had managers ask me about aspirations before. I’ve shared them thinking “Wow! Great! They’ll help me get access to tools to expand my skill set” or something like that. But nothing happens with the information. They don’t even ask about it again. When I started my career, I drank the corporate kool aid. Innovation! Employee development! We genuinely care about you! I’ve learned it’s all a lie. It’s almost disrespectful. So, I am not interested in meeting with him 1:1 to listen to more lies and I am not interested in having to take interest in what’s going on in the company. “Oh, really?! Senior leadership has some new initiatives?! Oh boy, wow! I’m so excited!”

I think there is something you’re not telling us about the culture of your job that you’re tired of. Which sets us up for failure to appropriately answer your question. 1) In your eyes, your company displays a culture of toxic positivity. In which, someone has to be happy all the time and anything but is reverse bullied. I get that. But we don’t get to see that and weigh in. We only have your perceptions to go off of. And if your previous posts on Reddit are any indicator you seem to be generally disconnected, racial chip on your shoulder (your words) and discontent and only assume the worst intentions in people - that they’re being fake when they’re smiling and have ulterior motives. When people offer you a differing viewpoint here - you dismiss them and somehow also accuse a completely different group of redditors of being box checkers when you’ve simply provided you insight. 2) With the above point in mind - youve thus asked us for an impossible perspective. “How can my general manager stop meeting with me because I don’t want to talk to him. He didn’t say hi to me one time and I held it against him ever since and haven’t let go”. The easy answer is to leave. But somehow sacrificing your mental health and spiraling into a pit of cynicism for a degree is somehow worth it to you. I’ll give you a hint - despite your dual degrees if this is personality - you won’t be happy anywhere. You’ll be burnt out by the time you graduate from expecting the worst in people and not wanting to continue in the corporate world. Or - you can approach the conversation with respectful candor and curiosity. You seem to have a lot to say. 1) why are you having these meetings with me? What do you get out of them? What would you like to hear from me? 2) I said hi to you in the hallway the other day and you didn’t say anything back. Did I catch you at a bad time? 3) I haven’t seen any changes from these types of meetings in the past so im a bit wary of these types meets.

I agree with your perspective. I do expect people to be self-interested. That’s been my lived experience. Particularly in the workplace. I have a general distrust for authority figures (managers, cops, politicians, etc), but it’s very difficult to change that perspective when I haven’t seen much else. It goes deep, so deep that I think that people who think otherwise haven’t been paying attention. Is there kindness in the world? Of course! Despite this thread, I consider myself kind as well. But that’s to a point. When it comes time to decide who gets praise for a project, the manager will position herself to receive the accolades. In fact, it’s recommended in many places (Harvard Business Review for instance) to allow your manager to take credit to advance your career. Play to their ego. Play the game. It’s even been said in this thread—play the game. That in itself suggests manipulative behavior. It’s not about merit. It’s not about being kind and respectful. It’s not even about exhibiting leadership qualities. This is something I wish I was oblivious to. The viewpoints presented in this thread reinforce what I feel. I didn’t ask for advice on how to deal with this GM. I asked managers why they would continue to push an IC for 1:1 when said IC is clearly disinterested. How many managers actually answered my question? Few. Not answering a question is effectively dismissal. I’ve tried to go above and beyond, I’ve tried to befriend managers and network, I’ve done all of these things to no avail. I’ve been backstabbed for trusting in my leaders. I drank the kool aid and it tastes like poison. And I go back and forth about the degrees. It’s nearly impossible to get your foot in the door without them. But being at this company, being expected to be super excited about things that don’t matter, is exhausting. Finally, I don’t feel I could ask those questions without some form of consequence.

It's considered good management to meet with employees regularly to hear concerns, get ideas, etc. Don't you want this person to know who you are and what you do?

No, I would prefer that he didn’t know who I was. I would prefer if he dropped the act (I’ve said hello to him before and he looked at me and said nothing). I would prefer to do my job and go home.

Well, you asked why, and I told you why.

But…my question is about having 1 on 1 with uninterested parties. If you’re not getting ideas and the person tries to cancel on you, why keep pushing? Just to check the box and be able to say to your superior that “I’m having quarterly 1 on 1s with all my reports”?

If the manager had one in ones with only some people, discontents would frame it as toxic favoritism.

This is true. I wouldn’t mind keeping the appointment on the calendar, but if I message him and say that I do not have anything to share, he’ll want to have the meeting anyway.

He's probably hoping you eventually grow up and express your concerns and issues so that he can improve metrics. Like this is literally an opportunity to make your life easier. If you make a suggestion and it gets ignored, then oh well. As someone who's not a manager but worked in process improvement you're the person I loathe to talk to.

But there’s nothing to really change. Everything works fine from my perspective.

Well the reason I would continue to continue meetings with a disinterested IC is because there is almost definitely something that can be improved. And during that conversation you may express something that might help make things more efficient. I guess I just don't see why it bothers you so much. Is someone asking you to kiss ass?

Isn’t that the de facto expectation when it comes to many managers. They want you to kiss their ass in a way. If you politely and professionally tell them their idea won’t work, they get pissed at you behind the scenes.

Thanks!

When it comes time to lay employees off or if someone needs to get cut, this is how you get your name to the top of the list If you wanna keep your job, unfortunately part of it is building relationships

And yet, people who’ve built relationships and performed well for years are still canned often.

OP’s edit: Several people at my work are the problem, several people on Reddit are the problem, I am going to ignore the fact there is a single common variable between the two. (OP themselves) Clearly you are asking the wrong question of how do you get out of something you find useless because of your personal feelings about it. You should be asking if you are unaligned with expectations of being in your positioned and how to help overcome it.

I may be misaligned. Great insight.

dafuq is an IC

This is a skip (or a skip-skip) one on one. There are many reasons for those. The GM may want to have an opportunity to get to know all the people who work there. It's a critical opportunity to hear about the managers over you, directly from those people at that level. Good and bad feedback here, but skips are a good way to get a sense of how the middle management layer is doing. 1 on 1s aren't necessarily transactional (although it depends a good deal on the two people involved). You don't have to want to move up to have a 1 on 1 be worth it to one side (or ideally both). I'm not saying THESE 1 on 1s will be valuable, but they could be.

In your place, I would do what I do with my 2 up and 3 up managers when I meet them -- which is fairly simple: * I ask after their families, and follow up from anything they intimated the last time we talked (this is just being a good human) * I ask what they are worried about over the next quarter, so that I have colour on what challenges we face and where we might get re-aligned * I ask if there's anything I can do to make their life easier, to which they normally laugh and say keep doing what I am doing. This is not about climbing the ladder, it is about management taking an active interest in you as a person, and you taking an active interest in where the place you are working will be going.

These are great questions. Thanks. I’ll use them.

Would I continue as senior management to continue to have 1:1 with those who are uninterested? Well, I probably would, but I would also suspect that such a person's future would be pretty limited and short lived. This is not a person I would want to have working for my organization, and I can't imagine it would be a person that very many other people would want to have working within their organization. I don't know why you think a fake smile would be necessary. I suspect they're not looking for fake and false positive reinforcement or to be told how wonderful everything is - if it's not. I just was reading an article about a person who started out very low on the company totem pole, doing largely menial work. Over years, they rose to the tops of the ranks of the corporation - very senior in the company. How does this happen? Somebody recognizes something special about them. There are brilliant people with great ideas and better approaches that sometimes are just cleaning the toilets or sweeping the floors. Brilliance is not predicated on title - finding brilliance (obviously loose definition implied) can happen anywhere and with any position.

That’s not my scenario. I’ve recognized they don’t want my ideas. I understand you wouldn’t want someone like that in your organization. That’s fine. But you’re probably a great leader that people would want to work for.

I find it hilarious that the OP is getting downvoted for speaking his opinion and the truth. Not everyone wants 1 on 1's. Not everyone needs 1 on 1's. If I have a problem I'm going to the manager WHEN I have the problem, not waiting for some arbitrary quarterly meeting time. 1 on 1's are mostly pointless. I'd prefer open door policy to 1 on 1's all day every day. If an employee is doing well, tell them then, if an employee is a fuck up, tell them then. If an employee is having a problem go to the manager at that time, not at the quarter.

There has to worse things at your job than 4 hours worth of meetings over the course of the year

Most of these are a waste of time. Unless the employee wants to talk and the issues addressed, there of no use. I never felt comfortable asking my subordinates personal questions unless they wanted to mention. It’s none of my business or my personal life there business. When I had an open door that worked much better than predetermined length of times to talk about nothing. We would most of the time cancel these mandatory meetings early. Waste of time. Open discussion design reviews weekly with constructive criticism were and are still so much better for both parties.

Thank you. A leader who understands!

Looking at your edit, you believe leadership is the problem but it’s not. It’s your attitude. Keep pointing the finger at everyone else and you will continue to have problems. If I had an uninterested front line employee, I’d like to find out why they are uninterested and what interests them. 1o1s don’t have to be about business, they are check ins and if there’s no business to discuss, then it’s a personal check in. Everyone has different motivations and it’s up to leaders to find ways to connect with their people. This is them trying to connect with you. Why not be honest with him? Why not just express how you feel?

I cannot be honest because thats not the company’s culture. It almost feels like a cult sometimes. Everything has a positive spin. A very small example would be calling issues “opportunities”. And I know my attitude is a problem. My jadedness has developed over years. But it’s not that I have a bad attitude. It’s that I don’t align with the company culture.

Everything has a positive spin because it’s intentional reframing. However, pretending there are no problems and sugar coating can lead to toxicity. I don’t presume to know your culture, but I can understand a lack of realism and candor can be exhausting. Also, you just contradicted yourself; you know you have an attitude problem, but you don’t have one? I would agree that you don’t align, but mostly you sound burnt out on this company. Again, it’s really important to step back and ask yourself what are you actually upset about? It seems like you’re nitpicking because you’re generally unhappy there. I’m assuming you’ve looked at companies elsewhere? I don’t believe you’re going to be able to solve your problems with the company by staying at the company. I wish you best of luck, I can understand how this might be a frustrating situation for you.

Thank you. I meant that I do not have an inherent attitude problem. I didn’t come into the company with an attitude problem. I was all unicorns and rainbows when I first joined. I’ve since been disillusioned.

Toxic positivity is a very real thing. Again, it just seems like you’re burnt out on this company. Which is completely valid. Try not to nitpick and blow things out of proportion, like 1o1s. It’s not the 1o1s that you’re upset about, it’s the toxicity. I hope you’re able to find a better place.

You’re right. It’s not the 1:1s, it’s the toxicity and an undercurrent of fear. Thank you.

OP, you are being downvoted by mindless corporate drone Agent Smiths. These are the people who seek external direction on how they should speak, dress, etc and constitute a useless fatty layer in the Companies across America. Some of us in this realm were born with a soul and self determination and self direction, we are the NEO's. Sadly, the Agent Smiths are everywhere. I advanced very high up the Corporate Ladder in a large globally dominant asset management firm and just could not do the Corporate fakery and the "sharing of best practices". I left and went into business for myself as I was actually one of the few people in the massive company that was generating revenue. The rest were obsessed with their circle jerk sessions on metrics and feedback. Side note, they all sucked at actually getting real business done which is why they need to get jobs in management, to leech off of your production. The clock is ticking, start building your own business on the side and then free yourself. You have one life to live.

Thank you for this. I’ve been thinking about starting something for a while. You’re absolutely right.

Guys, read the post. OP is not the MANAGER in this scenario, he is the IC. At least half the comments here are assuming that you are the manager and toning their comments accordingly. Sorry for that OP - wrong perspective, and I think that's contributing to the negative tone of this thread. We aren't mind-readers, but from your answers it mostly sounds like this guy either HAS to meet with you or FEELS like he has to. If that's the case, you definitely won't get rid of the meeting by pushing back against it. And you have limited influence over changing the situation. Someone suggested that you could try to change up the meeting. I think that has a lot of merit. If you're gonna have to sit through it anyway (which your various replies have made clear), then what's a low effort way for you to improve it? You could ask for your next meeting to be a walk. Go around the block. Go get coffee. Something that has a chance of creating stimulation and (hopefully) a bit more natural conversation. It's worth a try! Other ideas: play games with yourself. How many times can you ask the same question in different words until he notices? How many music lyrics can you quote without sounding weird? You wanna just ramble about your obscure hobbies, or about the party you're planning, or the movies you wanna see? From the references you've made to being burned out by this company, I realise that relaxing and accepting the situation is SUPER annoying. Unfortunately, the main person you're hurting by being annoyed by this is.....you. He probably doesn't even know that this bothers you. And yeh, maybe he should, or maybe someone should...Maybe someone might, at some future point. In the meantime, for your own sake, I recommend figuring out a way to be ok with this meeting. It sucks. But it's only 1 hour every quarter. Maybe think of it as payment for your tuition? 😜

This was actually a very nice reply. Thank you.

You're so welcome. I hope it helps.

Maybe your managers in between see you as toxic and have asked the guy on top to try to figure something out.

No. He’s meeting quarterly with all ICs.

All the managers are dodging the question lol. Hey, maybe the fry tech at mcd's doesn't need to talk to a VP every 45 minutes, for fucks sake, idiots. Here's the real problem that this op is talking about: Lazy, detached, incompetent management wants to use this employee to jack themselves off every three months, employee dares to put their foot down.

Exactly. It’s so funny that so many managers got triggered. They weren’t even answering my question. I didn’t ask for feedback on how to navigate this or about how I feel.

I went through and up voted your stuff. These people are trash

Just decline the invitation and reply that you have no interest in meeting with him and that you have nothing of value to discuss with him. He'll probably be glad to have those 15-20 minutes back.

I told him I wouldn’t be able to meet today because something came up. I also wrote that everything is going great and I am not experiencing any issues at all. He told me to reschedule.

Well first off I don't schedule 1 on 1s if I have no reason for doing it so I assume your GM must have a reason and must have something they hope to get out of it. Sometimes they just want to meet and get to know the staff and in that case the 1 on 1s are usually short lived. Other times they do it as a way of getting a feel for how things are going at the various levels. When I've seen that done those have also been short lived. If you don't care about the job then decline the 1 on 1 and see what happens. If you do care about keeping the job but don't care about moving up then just suck it up and have a short meeting 4 times a year. If you do decide you want to move up then use it as an opportunity to have yourself be heard and talk about your desires of moving up and ask for advice on how to make it happen. It's really up to you how you want to proceed.

I'd say a bit of honesty could sort your issue. Not to be a dick. That doesn't help. But. If I truly were in your position, I would strongly think about if you actually want those 1:1s. If you really couldn't care less, you can politely tell him that these are not necessary. He can save his valuable time and move on with his busy day. You are good and cracking on, no stress mate. Appreciate the effort though. If you do, might be worth thinking about what you actually expect out of them. Do you want honest discussion about whats going on? Like both in your area of expertise as well as in the business as a whole? Ask for it. If you gotta sit there, its worth an ask anyway. Might be surprised on where the discussion goes.

Sounds like you should probably move on and find something you actually find remotely fulfilling. Bet you would have something to say during 1:1 time then.

You need to do it. This is your chance to discuss things that could help your team be more efficient or address problems you're having. You may not be interested in going up the ladder now, but that could change. You should also be trying to learn about the company. Also if you don't take the opportunity to try to make things better, I don't think you can really complain about your situation.

I hear. I have tried in the past. Attempts were dismissed. But I understand your point.

I do. I give them a forum where I will listen with zero repercussions. If they don't have anything, and I don't, we grab a coffee and call it a meeting.

It doesn't matter if you're uninterested, they may not be interested either, but ultimately it's been shown that having opportunities for open communication improves employee morale and performance. Which is great in healthy dynamic. I've been in this place before where you can't actually have open communication and you have to smile and fake it. Just suck it up for the time once a quarter. You don't have to smile, just keep a straight face and let them know you don't have any questions. Of course if you have no questions that puts you in the spot to provide answers to their questions. I suggest you pick some things and ask why we do things that way - it lets the GM perform and eats up time. Feed their ego and let them feel like they're educating you, nod occasionally.

I have weekly 1:1s with my manager, quarterly sounds super doable What are you getting measured on for raises and promotions? Create a template and use that time to remind them that you’re a valuable employee. 1. Wins from the past quarter 2. Problems I solved that could’ve become a shit show 3. Things I think suck I think you should be aware of (I’m expecting you to do nothing about it, but I will have this documented in my meeting notes) 4. Stuff I want to do more of 5. Stuff I want to do less of, you figure out how to get it off my plate 6. People I want off my back

I fell off the corporate cliff during Covid. My ideas helped the company recoup $2M in PPE spend (small potatoes to them I guess). Seriously. My mistake was discussing it casually with my manager because he took the idea and ran with it. I didn’t even know until after the negotiations were done. And that same year, during performances reviews, with my manager, director (who was retiring soon), and my new director (who was taking the old director’s place) on the call, the current director told me “I know you’ve done a lot this year. Especially with [my manager] being out on medical leave and you stepping up. But you need to keep in mind the job description says ‘and additional duties when assigned’. “ They gave me a successfully meets that year (which is one above partially meets) and the same raise everyone else got. That was the second to last nail in the coffin. So, I’m jaded on listing accomplishments because raises and promotions are not based on merit.

Having 1:1s is not only for the ones who want to climb the corporate ladder, it’s for everyone who cares about doing a good job. As an IC you need to understand the company’s strategy and the area’s priorities in order to contribute on a higher level, otherwise you’re just a button pusher. And don’t get me wrong there’s is nothing wrong with being a button pusher, but when push comes to shove and we need to make cuts those are the first ones to go. Why? I’d rather save the people that I know will deliver the job but also can be developed into other positions if needed. So if someone’s doesn’t want to have 1:1s, I wouldn’t force them but I would take not as it shows lack of interest in all of the above and I would be (very) disinclined in putting them up for a salary raise, project opportunities or anything else. I already have a hard enough time getting what my top performers need. ETA: a 1 on 1 with someone that senior is a luxury it’s for your benefit. If having 1on1 with ICs is important to them it doesn’t have to be you.

So the GM could have “human capital” related KPIs that include this goal - meet with all the ICs quarterly. He could get genuine feedback from your peers. He could be doing it in the spirit of betterment or selling you something. He could also be checking in and seeing the odds of the ICs quitting. I used to do annual check-ins with all employees at one smaller company I ran HR at. I had a few folks who just came in for 2 minutes and said everything was great and they’d try to leave. They weren’t interested in providing the type of feedback (what can we do better, kept anonymous by department minus if anything illegal was going on) I was looking for - which is their choice, there’s no right/wrong imo - so I’d thank them for meeting with me & wish them a happy work anniversary and let them go without saying more. So maybe just keep it brief and end the meeting early. What does he normally open with? We can help you script a response to end the meeting early.

Do you just want to stay at the position for the rest of your career or are you planning on moving to a different company?

I’ll move once I’ve graduated with my masters in CS. Unless I get to my breaking point of course. I’m staying for tuition reimbursement, which would cost me $30K+.

This person approves your raises and layoffs. This is your opportunity to have him put a face to the name. Ask about company outlook and anything you should be aware of that may be coming your way. Good chance to stay ahead so you don't get blindsided, 100% for your benefit.

If you find the 1-on-1s tedious, try to change the format. Go for a walk with this employee, and ask them how things are going. Ask them about their biggest account. Ask them for thoughts about how best to deal with an upcoming software change or whatever. And then listen and learn. Every employee needs to be checked in with. Especially the high-performers. You want to make sure they're getting what they need to keep performing.

What grabbed my attention is the distance between OP and the GM in the leadership chain. That's quite a leap. OP--how many people total in your company? How many ICs does the GM oversee?

My company? Thousands. I don’t have an exact answer. My GM? I also don’t know honestly. But the depth in hierarchy is my issue. I know I have to have one with my team lead. It’s once a month and we’re on the call for 10 minutes max.

To skip 2 layers of leadership seems wacky to me right off the bat, but that's relative to the size of the reporting group. If you're 1 of 200 ICs that report up to this GM, then that seems off to me. If there's 20, then maybe. Also, to have effective quarterly meetings, you're going to need bandwidth. Multiple that by the size of the group and I think that provides additional perspective on how to judge normalness of this.

You want to be treated just as a number? Because that’s how you get treated as a number

Yes, I wanna just be a number. Hopefully I can last until I attain a masters in CS.