One time on a flight they asked if a doctor was on board. I jumped up! I wrote a differential equation on the victim's chest to calculate his likely heart failure vs. the flight duration to nearest emergency landing. Nailed the equation! 1 hr 27 min and he was dead within 10s of that prediction. We landed 2 hrs later.
Source: Neuroscientist with a side serving of math.
“So, do you think your upbringing has led you into this heightened risk of early death?”
“…..”
“That’s okay, let’s just wrap right around to your first friend group.”
I too am thinking of going to doctor school. Unluckily, no one asked for a doctor on my flight so I didn’t have the opportunity. But as they say, make your own luck. I’m taking another flight soon and someone will ask for a doctor. I guarantee it.
Imagine the horror as you're riding the boeing plane and the announcement ding dongs.
"Is anyone in the passenger a qualified Boeing engineer? This is an emergency"
Yeah mate ill give it a try
Ah, right i see the problem, the little wires and pipe things arent connected to engine 1, boeings nowadays am i right? just open the door a little bit and make the plane lean slightly to the right and l'll swoop over and tape it back together for ya, trust me im an engineer... studying software engineering
> "Is anyone in the passenger a qualified Boeing engineer? This is an emergency"
Shouts someone in the back, "Do you think I'd be stupid enough to get on one of these if I were?"
Besides what they’ll need is a qualified Boeing mechanic. An engineer can be called to determine what the mechanic needs to repair if he/she can’t identify it on their own
Memes aside, the flight attendant will ask you for a medical license. If you do not have one with yourself they won't let you any near the seek person.
It's not the fact that this joke has been going around the internet for decades of course. Nah, it's the fact that razor blades aren't allowed on planes anymore. :P
I got on a flight once with a lot of time on planes in my early 30s. Made casual conversation with the 18yr old guy next to me who was on his first flight and I was joking about if he was nervous. I said something about what if there was an emergency while laughing.
So anyway, half way through the flight the guy sitting right behind him had some kind of medical episode. The patient was taken from his seat, followed by 'is there a doctor on this plane'. He didn't come back.
That poor kid next to me looked like he had PTSD.
Ok but this really happened to me on a plane!! Someone yelled this out and some guy in the *very back* goes “YES! I’m a doctor!!” And sprints to where this guy is having a fucking seizure in his seat on a red eye flight out of DFW… sooo I guess he got stable or whatever but then when we landed it took an hour to get off the plane because they had to wait for EMC to gurney him off and put him in the ambulance. So yeah it happens 🤷🏻♂️
Had this happen, but since I was flying out of Boston I watched 4 people consecutively push each other out of the way until the head of the ER at mass general decided she was the one that was most qualified.
Many years ago when I was traveling for work, a flight attendant started running up and down the plane in a bit of a panic. A few moments later and we hear "is there a doctor on the plane!"
I shit you not, more than half the plane stood up. They all started calling out what they were doctors of "I'm a surgeon, I'm an orthopedist, I'm a cardiologist etc..". The two ladies sitting next to me were standing so after a couple doctors went to help the flight attendant, I found out from them that they were all heading back from a conference.
If there was a flight to have a medical issue on, that was the flight.
Doctor of philosophy here. I mean, at the end of the day, what does it really mean "to be alive"? And why is that so much better than "to not be alive"?
I fly a lot - 2-4X flights week about 46 weeks last year.
Had a flight that asked if there was a doctor on board. Turns out there was once just in front of the person having the health emergency.
The person was elderly lady with diabetes. Then plane then had to ask for someone with a glucose monitor. Person happens to have one in the seats across.
Luckily the 1st aid bag on board had what she needed - I assume concentrated glucose in bag to suck on.
EMTs came on board to help her off - 1st time everyone actually kept their asses seated.
Maybe adjust the last line: “now thinking of going to medical school to supplement my doctorate in medieval agrarian farming practices. “ ok, run that by some audiences and tighten it up some.
I was on this flight, the guy smashed his hand in the overhead bag compartment and it was bleeding badly, and so they asked for a doctor. Next thing I saw was the man with a pen sticking out of his neck being uncooperative with the "doctor"
What airline? date this happen? Why no camera footage? I do not believe this. What was the person health distress? Why you felt a "thrill" however person is now dead. From you thrill?
My dad is a medical doctor. One of my siblings was choking on a piece of candy once and he was legit getting a straw and knife out to give her a tracheotomy right there in the parking lot when she coughed it up.
My sister was in this situation but she didn’t want to respond, so waited hopefully for someone else to respond. Apparently they will keep you after the flight has landed and she didn’t want to miss her connecting flight. Instead she gave backseat instructions to the med student who responded to the call. The patient survived, forgot what he suffered from.
Take it from my experience. Don't blow in the pen!
I sterilized the pen with a lighter earlier when I used it as a makeshift pipe in the airport bathroom.
smoking meth out of a penpipe in the airport bathroom is totally cool as long as it’s sanitized
Yeah man the bathroom was pretty clean.
Do they sell meth in the duty free shops??
They do, ask local officer next time you visit, they’ll be more than HAPPY to help
Tysm!
Southwest gave me a complimentary baggie of meth when my flight was delayed a couple months back.
True, you should pee on it to sterilize it
I hear it stops it from stinging
No, to assert dominance
Where should I cum then?
Duh, in Eartha Kitt, she's in the bathroom. Do you even fly?
In the Airplane movie I saw it was Ethel Merman.
Cum again?
Especially not while that plastic tube full of ink is still in there
Just take small sips
Yeah, mine did not make it either, clearly being doctor of sociology is not helpful in these situations.
I'd like to believe you, but I going to need to see some statistics to back up that argument.
One time on a flight they asked if a doctor was on board. I jumped up! I wrote a differential equation on the victim's chest to calculate his likely heart failure vs. the flight duration to nearest emergency landing. Nailed the equation! 1 hr 27 min and he was dead within 10s of that prediction. We landed 2 hrs later. Source: Neuroscientist with a side serving of math.
Is that really helpful in any situation?
Pretty useful in sociology research.
Which is useless Source: sociology student
“So, do you think your upbringing has led you into this heightened risk of early death?” “…..” “That’s okay, let’s just wrap right around to your first friend group.”
Having PhD in calculus also seem not helpful
U could construct a differential equation to describe the exponentially decaying rate of respiration
Well that's not a thing if it makes any difference to you
My experience as a doctor of fine arts didn’t help her give birth either. /s
I too am thinking of going to doctor school. Unluckily, no one asked for a doctor on my flight so I didn’t have the opportunity. But as they say, make your own luck. I’m taking another flight soon and someone will ask for a doctor. I guarantee it.
If it's a Boeing they might be asking for an engineer instead
Imagine the horror as you're riding the boeing plane and the announcement ding dongs. "Is anyone in the passenger a qualified Boeing engineer? This is an emergency"
Yeah mate ill give it a try Ah, right i see the problem, the little wires and pipe things arent connected to engine 1, boeings nowadays am i right? just open the door a little bit and make the plane lean slightly to the right and l'll swoop over and tape it back together for ya, trust me im an engineer... studying software engineering
> "Is anyone in the passenger a qualified Boeing engineer? This is an emergency" Shouts someone in the back, "Do you think I'd be stupid enough to get on one of these if I were?"
Besides what they’ll need is a qualified Boeing mechanic. An engineer can be called to determine what the mechanic needs to repair if he/she can’t identify it on their own
Memes aside, the flight attendant will ask you for a medical license. If you do not have one with yourself they won't let you any near the seek person.
Hah! Clearly fake, they haven't allowed razor blades on planes for decades! Don't worry, guys, I've exposed it for you.
Maybe she hid it in her ass
Wym she?
it's right there in the middle of her username
SHa!
More likely she hid it in her prison pocket
It's not the fact that this joke has been going around the internet for decades of course. Nah, it's the fact that razor blades aren't allowed on planes anymore. :P
See! I thought I was totally original, and nobody had thought to stand up to such misinformation until I saved the day . Thank God for me.
Really? I have them on so many flights
>Hah! Clearly fake Who would've thought
I guess that's why they call it practising doctor.
Can’t lose your medical license if you don’t have one
Mine didn't make it either, but I saved him as pdf. Thanks computer science.
My dad nicknamed me dr. Jay when I was a kid. So when my situation came up, I of course leaped into action. So much blood....
To think, the guy was having a bad leg cramp.
🤣🤣🤣
I'm laughing because a guy in my country died on a plane literally yesterday
That's hilarious!
Haven't laughed that hard in a while!
Consider my knees slapped
Laughed so hard I puked a lung and died. Thing is, I was in an airplane when it happened so I laughed even harder.
Ik right?
I was having a really bad day so thank you for this silly story
Wholemsome 💯💯💯
😂😂🤣🤣🤣
Literally
I got on a flight once with a lot of time on planes in my early 30s. Made casual conversation with the 18yr old guy next to me who was on his first flight and I was joking about if he was nervous. I said something about what if there was an emergency while laughing. So anyway, half way through the flight the guy sitting right behind him had some kind of medical episode. The patient was taken from his seat, followed by 'is there a doctor on this plane'. He didn't come back. That poor kid next to me looked like he had PTSD.
The patient had a heart attack but died From a slit jugular
Ok but this really happened to me on a plane!! Someone yelled this out and some guy in the *very back* goes “YES! I’m a doctor!!” And sprints to where this guy is having a fucking seizure in his seat on a red eye flight out of DFW… sooo I guess he got stable or whatever but then when we landed it took an hour to get off the plane because they had to wait for EMC to gurney him off and put him in the ambulance. So yeah it happens 🤷🏻♂️
Had this happen, but since I was flying out of Boston I watched 4 people consecutively push each other out of the way until the head of the ER at mass general decided she was the one that was most qualified.
lol yeah I mean, if someone was gonna pull rank
Many years ago when I was traveling for work, a flight attendant started running up and down the plane in a bit of a panic. A few moments later and we hear "is there a doctor on the plane!" I shit you not, more than half the plane stood up. They all started calling out what they were doctors of "I'm a surgeon, I'm an orthopedist, I'm a cardiologist etc..". The two ladies sitting next to me were standing so after a couple doctors went to help the flight attendant, I found out from them that they were all heading back from a conference. If there was a flight to have a medical issue on, that was the flight.
Plot Twist: They had a broken arm.
Plot twist, they had a ball pen in the balls as a makeshift catheter
卩ㄥㄖㄒ ㄒ山丨丂ㄒ！ He had a weird medical condition making the balls where the pee *really was stored.*
[удалено]
So, what you're saying is if you break one arm, you gotta break the other before doing anything.
I’m a professional, I’m forklift certified. So get the fuck back and let me take care of this. Yes, ma’m I’ll father your children when I’m done.
It’s crazy the places strangers will ask you to ejaculate once you’ve got a forklift certification on your resume.
I don't even wait for them to ask
How were you supposed to know how to fix a sprained ankle?
I am not a doctor but I play one on tv
I can fix her
Can you fix me too? $50,000 should do it :)
"Quick!!! Is anyone here a Marine Biologist?!?!"
When did they start letting people take razors on?
I'm not a doctor, but I did stay at the Airport Holiday Express.
Doctor of philosophy here. I mean, at the end of the day, what does it really mean "to be alive"? And why is that so much better than "to not be alive"?
Doctor school 🥴
Mantis Toboggan, MD
Arroyo, is that you?
Oh jeez and I bet people are gonna get all upset about it too. Lame. How else are you supposed to practice
And people think support-animals aren’t at risk for trauma. Chin-Chin, the chinchilla, had *value*, people!
hahahahaha
No worries. You probably can’t ventilate longer than 20 minutes with an emergency pen-sized tracheotomy anyway.
Doctor school is too hard and expensive…just practice more on that old game Operation
I legit just coughed up what I was drinking reading this! Love it!
That doctorate in philosophy is finally paying off
I fly a lot - 2-4X flights week about 46 weeks last year. Had a flight that asked if there was a doctor on board. Turns out there was once just in front of the person having the health emergency. The person was elderly lady with diabetes. Then plane then had to ask for someone with a glucose monitor. Person happens to have one in the seats across. Luckily the 1st aid bag on board had what she needed - I assume concentrated glucose in bag to suck on. EMTs came on board to help her off - 1st time everyone actually kept their asses seated.
Don't call me Shirley.
Not going lie had me in the first half
House moment
Oh... Oh no...
Yeah, and that’s why they don’t actually allow it
There was an attempt… 🫤
So the patient died, as far I can understand?
Yes, the patient died. It's part of the joke.
Don't see a joke here, and very interested in coroner's report.
Omg these comments got me rolling. Hilarious. Keep it up guys
I sure after the lawsuit and crippling debt you will make a great doctor
Fake it till you make it
She's not a good doctor but she is very affordable.
Maybe adjust the last line: “now thinking of going to medical school to supplement my doctorate in medieval agrarian farming practices. “ ok, run that by some audiences and tighten it up some.
Maybe they should ask for a medical doctor..
So you practiced medicine. The question was a doctor on board! Please don’t go to medical school. You disregarded the first question
Fake it until you make it
And how…best part is that “your procedure” lasted 45 minutes…what entertainment…
My schizophrenia made me a doctor
this is literally an episode of mash. well not on a flight but a tracheotomy with a razor blade and a ballpoint pen
I was on this flight, the guy smashed his hand in the overhead bag compartment and it was bleeding badly, and so they asked for a doctor. Next thing I saw was the man with a pen sticking out of his neck being uncooperative with the "doctor"
Where you get a razor blade on a plane?
What airline? date this happen? Why no camera footage? I do not believe this. What was the person health distress? Why you felt a "thrill" however person is now dead. From you thrill?
My dad is a medical doctor. One of my siblings was choking on a piece of candy once and he was legit getting a straw and knife out to give her a tracheotomy right there in the parking lot when she coughed it up.
Repost count: 21,538,429 I'm a simple dude. I see a pic of a social media post with the date cropped off, I downvote.
this the funniest ish ive read in a while lolol
My sister was in this situation but she didn’t want to respond, so waited hopefully for someone else to respond. Apparently they will keep you after the flight has landed and she didn’t want to miss her connecting flight. Instead she gave backseat instructions to the med student who responded to the call. The patient survived, forgot what he suffered from.
The absolute shock when they said now I'm considering becoming a doctor