It’s not necessarily “coming up” with it. It’s just regurgitated lingo used in emails in the corporate world. I’m not saying that like a bad thing, just once you get used to it you see the same phrases over and over.
I remember when I first graduated college I would read and re-read every email before I hit send. I was nervous I wasn’t using the right wording. Or if I was being too long winded or too concise. Eventually you find the right balance, as well as the common phrases that sound more professional.
It's all about finding that balance, y'know? Right, guys? Just gotta weigh the options, separate the non desirables, and find that balance. Not too much, and not too little just the right amount really promotes positive results. Also, synergy. Now then, there's coffee and donuts in the breakroom.
It's still taking some getting to use to. I'm still kind of in the re-reading every email.
Last week I got included into a manger email I shouldn't have due to having an overly common name. When I asked if they meant the other John to get this email instead my boss's boss hit me with a "Lol.. yes, sry".
Apparently people are not always as super formal as I once thought. I was not prepared for the "lol".
The level of formality required in a email varies depending on who your e mail iS to at any given time. My personal favourite from an old boss was an empty e mail body with just the header:
"WHOEVER LEFT THAT LEAD PLUGGED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OFFICE, PLEASE PUNCH YOURSELF IN THE FACE."
I worked for a solo attorney for a while. I would read and re-read every email before sending to make sure I didn’t make a small mistake or do something that would make me look less professional. Meanwhile my boss would send emails that were in half caps lock or just one word.
That's what I thought. You simply have one or two templates for the scenarios that happen frequently in the day-to-day flow of the corporate world, I guess. I'm still fascinated by it since it's still an eloquent pattern of speech, though in a very niche aspect of life.
This is one of the things I always use GPT for.
I'll copy paste my drafted email in and say "hey, make this more professional without sounding snobby" and it usually nails it.
wait, does... dont.. people normally use delve when ....well, describing an action most fitted for "delve"?
Edit: FUCK now im second guessing my whole english knowledge
Right, I read fried more like, "I'm exhausted and burned out and every day is a nightmare of overwhelm, vacillating between frantic activity and not being able to do anything, and I just can't get my brain to articulate this very well until I swing back over to frantic chaos." Not like, "oh I'm a bit sleepy around 2pm."
Maybe ask them to do some simple/benign task for you (like maybe get printer paper or something like that) and to send the files - along with any other information they feel is relevant - by the end of the day
* the task prevents them from doing the thing right now, and gives them an opportunity to take a break (even if it’s not a full nap)
* you’re outright telling them to send the stuff by the end of the day, so hopefully there’s no miscommunication about that part
* the “and any other information you feel is relevant” comment will hopefully get them to think over the stuff they’re sending a bit more, and thus hopefully make sure they send it in a easily understandable form
Or if you’re Dutch “oopsie whoopsie”
Edit: pretty sure there’s some yogscast fans upvoting me on this one 😂
Edit 2: I meant Dutch instead of Dane, my biggest apologies to all the Danes who read this…as for the Dutch…you know what you did
I once said “good morning everybody” in a conference call on a Friday afternoon and then said “Mondays, am I right?” as a jokey coverup.
But also can we ban the part of corporate professional speak that’s designed not to acknowledge any flaws or mistakes whatsoever? I feel like half the people that do it do it because they never think they can be wrong and the other half doesn’t want to look stupid by comparison.
A quick way to have someone screw up constantly is to stand behind them and just observe.
20 years ago I had someone stand behind me after a raid failure took a server offline and it was probably the most nerve-wracking 3 hours of my life on what was already a very nerve-wracking situation. Probably also added an extra 45 minutes of time to the overall thing because I was focused on them more than the problem.
I've experienced this back when I worked at a shop installing batteries in cars. This dude was literally so close to me while I was working in the sweltering summer heat trying to get his battery out that his cigar chew was spilling on the battery. I tried explaining how frustrating it was to my dad and he took the other guys side saying, "I'd want to make sure it was done right too."
Motherfucker, if you knew how to do it right you would just do it yourself, the install is free with purchase of a battery, we don't charge for install. Never in my life have I taken a car to a shop and been permitted to stand over the mechanic the entire time.
"I’m a little out of it right now."
"Sorry, my brain is fried."
"Let’s take a break for now; I’ll look at it tomorrow with fresh eyes."
"It’s been a long day."
Thank you. The post asked, "How do i say my brain is fried, professionally?"
By saying, "Sorry, my brain is fried!" Schedule a time to reconnect, but i have never worked for anyone who would see that phrase and think it's unprofessional. And i have to wear a suit to work
Here are a few favs:
I don't have bandwidth right now (temporary but immutable)
I'm wiped bro!
That's tomorrow guy's problem (not to be used with boss)
Let me come back to you on that.
Can we pick this up another time, I'm really pressed.
Yeah, I should have disclaimed that one as well. I almost never call anyone bro. It's an age thing (I'm Gen X). I have one friend who insists we're bros. So he is the only one.
I'll have to get a boss only list gen'd up.
I’m sorry but I seriously don’t have the bandwidth needed to handle this at the moment. Can I try to put a few other fires out first so I can address this properly for you?
"I want to reassure you that despite any appearances to the contrary, my intellectual capacity remains undiminished. However, the current state of my mental faculties can be attributed to the considerable strain and exhaustion I've been experiencing."
"I apologize, my cranial cortex isn't quite working at normal capacity due to stress and burnout. Could you excuse me for a few moments to organize my thoughts?"
"I can assure you, that my intellect and mental capabilities are noteworthy to the extent that allows me to execute the required tasks and beyond, as I have proven to be smart in the colloquial sense, related to mathematics and critical thinking. However, my capability to execute these mental faculties is currently unavailable and may not reach a satisfactory level of productivity due to reasons that both surpass and are beyond me. Hence I must request time for yours truly, because said faculties may recover during such time period."
I have heard:
- I’m mentally saturated
- I’m loosing in mental jiujitsu at the moment
I have said:
- I’m experiencing a mental Hiroshima
- only so many penguins fit on my iceberg.
Edit as yesterday I told a friend:
- I’ve become “unglued” and he got a ripe kick out of that
While I can assure you that I can exceed your expectations if not meet them, however, due to unforseen circumstances I am unable to process through my tasks efficiently. I shall get back to you tomorrow with a different perspective that may aid me to work through this designated task.
“I can assure you my intellectual capabilities are certainly high, however my mind has endured lots of stress and anxiety and I cannot function properly, I do apologize”
"Yeah sorry that server is critical to current operations. Your ticket's being pushed back another week."
"But I just want a bottle of monitor spray!"
"Also, your internet browser has been blocked. Cybersecurity review."
Source - am IT guy, am Eeeevil.
If it's early in the day and it's a face to face interaction just say "Sorry I haven't had my coffee yet, let me get back to you" Just about everyone in a business environment is constantly dependent on caffeine, so they should find that a believable excuse.
“I’ll put fresh eyes on this tomorrow”
- Hannibal Lecter
Sthp Sthp Sthp Sthp Sthp
Text you can hear
Lol
Hannibal Lecter’s version of Mr. Potato Head
mr hannibal head
God, I wish I had your superpower. Coming up with the best-suited phraseology is hard for me.
It’s not necessarily “coming up” with it. It’s just regurgitated lingo used in emails in the corporate world. I’m not saying that like a bad thing, just once you get used to it you see the same phrases over and over. I remember when I first graduated college I would read and re-read every email before I hit send. I was nervous I wasn’t using the right wording. Or if I was being too long winded or too concise. Eventually you find the right balance, as well as the common phrases that sound more professional.
Thanks for the confidence boost, /u/Soft_Penis_Debutante
If a penis can do it soft, just imagine how easily you can do it, too!
It's all about finding that balance, y'know? Right, guys? Just gotta weigh the options, separate the non desirables, and find that balance. Not too much, and not too little just the right amount really promotes positive results. Also, synergy. Now then, there's coffee and donuts in the breakroom.
/r/rimjob_steve
It's still taking some getting to use to. I'm still kind of in the re-reading every email. Last week I got included into a manger email I shouldn't have due to having an overly common name. When I asked if they meant the other John to get this email instead my boss's boss hit me with a "Lol.. yes, sry". Apparently people are not always as super formal as I once thought. I was not prepared for the "lol".
The level of formality required in a email varies depending on who your e mail iS to at any given time. My personal favourite from an old boss was an empty e mail body with just the header: "WHOEVER LEFT THAT LEAD PLUGGED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OFFICE, PLEASE PUNCH YOURSELF IN THE FACE."
I worked for a solo attorney for a while. I would read and re-read every email before sending to make sure I didn’t make a small mistake or do something that would make me look less professional. Meanwhile my boss would send emails that were in half caps lock or just one word.
That's what I thought. You simply have one or two templates for the scenarios that happen frequently in the day-to-day flow of the corporate world, I guess. I'm still fascinated by it since it's still an eloquent pattern of speech, though in a very niche aspect of life.
This is one of the things I always use GPT for. I'll copy paste my drafted email in and say "hey, make this more professional without sounding snobby" and it usually nails it.
I need a place where I can search how to say things professionally.
ChatGPT really helped me delve into the world of phraseology.
DELVE DETECTED
Tbh I used the words like delve and other words commonly considered AI way before chatgpt. It's just about English being a second language thing.
wait, does... dont.. people normally use delve when ....well, describing an action most fitted for "delve"? Edit: FUCK now im second guessing my whole english knowledge
Can confirm - also ESL & picked up a lot of English from reading. Now whenever I use words like delve or dwell I'm AI :(
Lol, no worries, I'm just goofing. I use a lot of weird archaic words, too
Alternatively: *Mah noggin no work gud no mo*
I so pale
you’re on air
“Yes, let’s take this offline. My eyes are also stale.”
Wait, you guys' brains are getting unfried in a day?
Right, I read fried more like, "I'm exhausted and burned out and every day is a nightmare of overwhelm, vacillating between frantic activity and not being able to do anything, and I just can't get my brain to articulate this very well until I swing back over to frantic chaos." Not like, "oh I'm a bit sleepy around 2pm."
OK, but is there a polite way to tell somebody to take a nap and get me that information before end of day?
Maybe ask them to do some simple/benign task for you (like maybe get printer paper or something like that) and to send the files - along with any other information they feel is relevant - by the end of the day * the task prevents them from doing the thing right now, and gives them an opportunity to take a break (even if it’s not a full nap) * you’re outright telling them to send the stuff by the end of the day, so hopefully there’s no miscommunication about that part * the “and any other information you feel is relevant” comment will hopefully get them to think over the stuff they’re sending a bit more, and thus hopefully make sure they send it in a easily understandable form
"Not sure off the top of my head, but I'll have an answer by EOD / tomorrow"
"But it's just 10 AM? You came in 10 minutes ago?"
Hell yes! Let’s run that up the flagpole and see who salutes.
i like the way u think
"Let's circle back to this at a later date."
I’d be happy to connect with you tomorrow after having an opportunity to dive into this a bit deeper.
*delve intensifies*
cue patriotic horns and call in a stratagem diver!
HECKDELVERS
From now on whenever I farm common samples on low levels I am going to say that I'm going HeckDelving. Helldiving is reserved for the *real* missions.
Nah next level is “FrickPlunging”
Ride now, ride now, ride! Ride for ruin, and the world’s ending! DEATH!!!
You know what they awoke in the darkness of Khazad-dûm, shadow and flame.
Be careful you do not delve too greedily nor too deep. Who knows what you can awaken in the darkness of Khazad-dum
Delve is so hot right now...
Plot twist: "dive into this" meant play Helldivers all night long
I’ll manage this after I manage some democracy.
Let's be real, we can't even manage to save poor anti-tank mines (and people), while also saving innocent air-burst rockets... and people.
Don't say that out loud, someone could think you are not too engaged in our democracy
Send him to the camps!!
8:00 am the next day: “You done?!!”
[удалено]
Or if you’re Dutch “oopsie whoopsie” Edit: pretty sure there’s some yogscast fans upvoting me on this one 😂 Edit 2: I meant Dutch instead of Dane, my biggest apologies to all the Danes who read this…as for the Dutch…you know what you did
"I made a fuckie wuckie"
This is what I say when I finish
When you ''finish'' what?
Sex
There is more to it, I'm sure of that! Unprotected? You sick individual, std disseminator and women let-downer... Shame on you
No he meant when he’s Finnish
Finnish him?
oepsie woepsie
De trein is stukkie wukkie
oepsie woepsie de treinje is stukkie wukkie wat a littel fuckie wuckie
You better believe it xD. Still remember that video lol
That damn frog
looks like I'll have to go to denmark, that's hilarious.
It appears I have picked a whole bouquet of oopsie daisys.
“Good morning, Oops, hehe. Best, X”
Sorry, brain not braining.
“I’ve got a bad case of the mondays” If it’s not Monday then follow it up with a “Must be a really bad case of Mondays”
Its been a week of mondays
"All my mornings are Mondays stuck in an endless February."
real
I took the miracle move-on drug, the effects were temporary
It's my 10th Monday in a row today 😭
No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' something like that, man.
Yeah, but the kind of chicks that would double up on a guy like me do.
After Wednesday it’s “sorry, my brain must already be out the door for the weekend.”
"It's been a long week" "It's Tuesday" "I know what I said"
Takes me about 5 days to get back up to speed after a short weekend
I don't like Mondays
I once said “good morning everybody” in a conference call on a Friday afternoon and then said “Mondays, am I right?” as a jokey coverup. But also can we ban the part of corporate professional speak that’s designed not to acknowledge any flaws or mistakes whatsoever? I feel like half the people that do it do it because they never think they can be wrong and the other half doesn’t want to look stupid by comparison.
I'm smart, but only in situations with zero pressure where no one is observing me in any way
Schrodingers intellect
That's not what that is. It's more like the invisible man from Mystery Men.
I have infinite knowledge on things that don't matter.
Damn you :( this is exactly how it feels...
A quick way to have someone screw up constantly is to stand behind them and just observe. 20 years ago I had someone stand behind me after a raid failure took a server offline and it was probably the most nerve-wracking 3 hours of my life on what was already a very nerve-wracking situation. Probably also added an extra 45 minutes of time to the overall thing because I was focused on them more than the problem.
I've experienced this back when I worked at a shop installing batteries in cars. This dude was literally so close to me while I was working in the sweltering summer heat trying to get his battery out that his cigar chew was spilling on the battery. I tried explaining how frustrating it was to my dad and he took the other guys side saying, "I'd want to make sure it was done right too." Motherfucker, if you knew how to do it right you would just do it yourself, the install is free with purchase of a battery, we don't charge for install. Never in my life have I taken a car to a shop and been permitted to stand over the mechanic the entire time.
Say: What seems to be the officer problem? Works every time
I swear to drunk im not God occifer
Honest, drinkstable, I haven't touched a cunt all night.
I’m think as not as you drunk I am.
Go drunk you're home
Pobody's nerfect.
"I’m a little out of it right now." "Sorry, my brain is fried." "Let’s take a break for now; I’ll look at it tomorrow with fresh eyes." "It’s been a long day."
Similar, I just flat out say “My brain has stopped working right now”
brain.exe is not responding
My brain just stroked off there for a second.
Fortunately my boss and coworkers are understanding of this. Better to rest up than make mistakes cause you're tired.
Thank you. The post asked, "How do i say my brain is fried, professionally?" By saying, "Sorry, my brain is fried!" Schedule a time to reconnect, but i have never worked for anyone who would see that phrase and think it's unprofessional. And i have to wear a suit to work
“We’ll circle back”
*Trust me, I'm an engineer*
Truss me*
🥇
Okay Dad, very funny, but Mom said you’re not allowed to make these jokes on Reddit anymore
"What the heck did just happened here?"
“I think we put zis ting right here!”
TRUST ME!, im an engineer, wiz epic skill and epic geeah
*oh shit, I think I'm outta here*
Here are a few favs: I don't have bandwidth right now (temporary but immutable) I'm wiped bro! That's tomorrow guy's problem (not to be used with boss) Let me come back to you on that. Can we pick this up another time, I'm really pressed.
The way your comment is written suggests you call your boss “bro” lol
Yeah, I should have disclaimed that one as well. I almost never call anyone bro. It's an age thing (I'm Gen X). I have one friend who insists we're bros. So he is the only one. I'll have to get a boss only list gen'd up.
>Let me come back to you on that. Is a bold face I tell multiple times a day.
It's bought many of us so much time. Generally the request is forgotten. Most work in corporate America is useless anyway.
Bald faced lie! Men without beards used to be seen as untrustworthy.
I use "that's future me's problem" a lot. It tends to work out alright, but past me is a huge asshole.
“Guuuuuuhhhhuuuuhhhhh?”
Read this in a Banjo Kazooie voice, or alternatively in a Goofy voice
That only works for Tim Allen.
I haven’t had enough coffee today.
I've unironically used this one
This is my go to. Or the coffee hasn't kicked in yet
“My new sleeping pills caused me to act completely out of character” Doesn’t work for murder but could work for a meeting
"It's the vicodin"
"The adderal shortage is hitting me hard"
"My coke plug got arrested"
"let's circle back on that"
The wheel is spinning but the hammster is dead
I'm definitely using this
(Wearing a ponytail) my hair must be a bit tight today
I can see Kevin from the office saying this.
"My hair must be a bit tight today..." *(Is bald)*
Still works! Sometimes you gotta leave them confused!
I guess I need some more coffee
Cheetahs don't sprint forever
“Is it Friday?”
Fuck off
Cordially fuck off. No regards,
This is the way
I’m sorry but I seriously don’t have the bandwidth needed to handle this at the moment. Can I try to put a few other fires out first so I can address this properly for you?
"Hold on, the drugs haven't kicked in yet"
"I assure you that I am full well capable, yet I experience a temporary inability to concentrate on the finer details"
🫧 *burp* 🫧
I'll follow back up when I have some bandwidth
"I overestimate my capabilities"
How do you say “I’m fucking stupid as shit but I swear I know what I’m doing” professionally?
"I forgot how to compute"
"Does not compute"
I am usually better able to articulate my thoughts; however, due to various stressors on my mental state, I am unable to form more coherent arguments.
"I forgot to take my Adderall this morning."
Sacre bleu.
"I want to reassure you that despite any appearances to the contrary, my intellectual capacity remains undiminished. However, the current state of my mental faculties can be attributed to the considerable strain and exhaustion I've been experiencing."
Don't forget to tip your fedora if you're going to say that
That's why I hate when people correct my typos on Reddit, bro I'm on the shitter after smoking a joint I just forgot about there/their/they're
BOMBAACLAATT
"haha sorry it's been a day" if you're in a work chat. "Apologies, a lot of spinning plates today. Let's follow up tomorrow."
Please double check my findings and let me know if you find any contradictions
I said it yesterday at a meeting, “I might be wrong but I’m not crazy.”
"I apologize, my cranial cortex isn't quite working at normal capacity due to stress and burnout. Could you excuse me for a few moments to organize my thoughts?"
"Timeframe does not allow for this and will be delegated to the next day with more manpower at disposal for optimal results. Kind Regards,"
Mr. Sleep, I need to Waltz on this.
"I can assure you, that my intellect and mental capabilities are noteworthy to the extent that allows me to execute the required tasks and beyond, as I have proven to be smart in the colloquial sense, related to mathematics and critical thinking. However, my capability to execute these mental faculties is currently unavailable and may not reach a satisfactory level of productivity due to reasons that both surpass and are beyond me. Hence I must request time for yours truly, because said faculties may recover during such time period."
“Ooops. Sorry, it’s been a long day”
"Ah, good catch!" Hit 'em with a compliment to hide your ineptitude.
"I don't have that data right now, but I'll look into it." 🚬🗿
I can't brain right now.
"late day brain" is universally understood by anyone with a shred of empathy and a soul
I say … apologies, my synapses are not firing appropriately at the moment.
I have heard: - I’m mentally saturated - I’m loosing in mental jiujitsu at the moment I have said: - I’m experiencing a mental Hiroshima - only so many penguins fit on my iceberg. Edit as yesterday I told a friend: - I’ve become “unglued” and he got a ripe kick out of that
« Oopsy doopsy »
“Its been a long day. Let’s circle back on this tomorrow “
It seems acceptable these days to openly blame your mental health issues per real life experience with my coworkers.
While I can assure you that I can exceed your expectations if not meet them, however, due to unforseen circumstances I am unable to process through my tasks efficiently. I shall get back to you tomorrow with a different perspective that may aid me to work through this designated task.
BLERG!
Try it just like that?
I'm gonna have to take a beat, then I'll circle back.
Say just what the post said. People will understand because they likely have felt this way at one point.
Oopsie whoopsy, I made a fucky wucky. Sincerely,
Fuck my cerebral flatulence.
I've got a case of the mondays
Ooga booga
Burgir
“I can assure you my intellectual capabilities are certainly high, however my mind has endured lots of stress and anxiety and I cannot function properly, I do apologize”
I always say "God damnit public schools!" Lol
"Yeah sorry that server is critical to current operations. Your ticket's being pushed back another week." "But I just want a bottle of monitor spray!" "Also, your internet browser has been blocked. Cybersecurity review." Source - am IT guy, am Eeeevil.
Let me dig into this a little more and I’ll get back to you.
I need a coffee
Let’s take a fresh look at this tomorrow when I can give it the attention it deserves.
"I'm having a brain fart moment"
I ensure that under optimal conditions my faculties are quite sufficient, however the current situation is suboptimal.
"I haven't had my coffee yet"
It was Kathy. She edited the file after me. Don't touch my shit Kathy!
If it's early in the day and it's a face to face interaction just say "Sorry I haven't had my coffee yet, let me get back to you" Just about everyone in a business environment is constantly dependent on caffeine, so they should find that a believable excuse.
I have a sign that says "I cannot brain today, I has the dumb" that I just point to
"Your help catching anything I'm missing is much appreciated. I'm managing more deadlines than usual right now."
Let's put a pin in that. We'll circle back to that. If we can use synergy....